Many Muslim cultures need this education. Boundaries are a foreign concept for many cultures, and enmeshment is thought of as being correct and religious.
Many other cultures and nationality have similar values, sometimes I think it is a stereotype against foreigners. We are not all the same. The values and traditions are built from birth, perhaps it is 100% of muslim people to behave in this way? Yet when I see from a foriegn lens this is not the truth. Please leave space for the foreigners that have been raised correctly and still share some same truths. Where we are not born into the Islamic world, does not mean that we are not close to the truth
Assalamu alaikum brother, my in-laws forcefully live with us very small house 2 bed room, 1 bathroom, 4 years and they keep MT their another house totally refurbished house next door, And also their other son and his wife and his three children live with us. First, my husband wants they need to go to another house, which is totally newly refurbished. Which is my husband gave money and did everything for them, especially for parents happiness, they can stay new built house with their other son, who is totally depending on parents benefit and my husband earning money. But my husband parents and siblings and relatives said it was sins if my husband didn't listen to parents. That is why my husband and I'm live with them, and not any privacy, they have key, any time they come, even midnight . Always like outside clothes wear because of them, not any single minute comfortable. And whole family bullying and attack personal matters.
Very well said Sheikh, unfortunately this is a big issue within our society. Any problems should be solved within the household between spouses, no need for family interference. Yes if its serious issue and its the last straw then its understandable. Must work together and resolve together ❤️
I have had extended family try to dictate what happens and how my kids are raised when me or my husband don’t even know them well or even those interfering with my nikah ceremony because i wanted it simple. In this day and age especially in some SE Asian families, you need to have firm boundaries or your marriage will fall apart. I have seen cousins whose wife and kids are treated badly by my cousins family like they are subordinate to them and cousin never stands up. Then they wonder why so many fights, disagreements in family. Its been 4 decades or more and the same thing happens over and over that they never learn. I’ve had immediate and extended family spread fitnah about me to others, even one tried to turn my husband against me (even my husband was shaking his head), i let it be. Allah swt knows whats in my heart and I’m at a point in my life where its enough that Allah swt and myself know the truth including those family members who stand by me. Don’t put up with toxic family members, you have a duty to protect your marriage and your family. Those same members that soread fitnah about me or my husband now almost a decade later want favours without even apologising for their behaviour
I’m not a Muslim …Muslims got this right… it is not wife’s responsibility to take care of in-laws … wife’s responsibility and priority is her husband and own kids.
Few 50 LIFE INSTRUCTIONS FROM THE QUR'AN 1. Do not be rude in speech (3:159) 2. Restrain Anger (3:134) 3. Be good to others (4:36) 4. Do not be arrogant (7:13) 5. Forgive others for their mistakes (7:199) 6. Speak to people mildly (20:44) 7. Lower your voice (31:19) 8. Do not ridicule others (49:11) 9. Be dutiful to parents(17:23) 10. Do not say a word of disrespect to parents(17:23) 11. Do not enter parents' private room without asking permission (24:58) 12. Write down the debt (2:282) 13. Do not follow anyone blindly (2:170) 14. Grant more time to repay if the debtor is in hard time (2:280) 15. Dont consume interest (2:275) 16. Do not engage in bribery (2:188) 17. Do not break the promise (2:177) 18. Keep the trust (2:283) 19. Do not mix the truth with falsehood (2:42) 20. Judge with justice between people (4:58) 21. Stand out firmly for justice (4:135) 22. Wealth of the dead should be distributed among his family members (4:7) 23. Women also have the right for inheritance (4:7) 24.Do not devour the property of orphans (4:10) 25. Protect orphans (2:220) 26. Do not consume one another's wealth unjustly(4:29) 27. Try for settlement between people (49:9) 28. Avoid suspicion (49:12) 29. Do not spy and backbite (2:283) 30. Do not spy or backbite (49:12) 31. Spend wealth in charity (57:7) 32. Encourage feeding the poor (107:3) 33. Help those in need by finding them (2:273) 34. Do not spend money extravagantly (17:29) 35. Do not invalidate charity with reminders (2:264) 36. Honor guests (51:26) 37. Order righteousness to people only after practicing it yourself(2:44) 38. Do not commit abuse on the earth (2:60) 39. Do not prevent people from houses of God (2:114) 40. Fight only with those who fight you(2:190) 41. Keep the etiquettes of war (2:191) 42. Do not turn back in front of an invading army(8:15) 43. No compulsion in religion (2:256) 44. Believe in all prophets (2:285) 45. Do not have sexual intercourse during menstrual period (2:222) 46. Breast feed your children for two complete years (2:233) 47. Do not even approach unlawful sexual intercourse (17:32) 48. Choose rulers by their merit (2:247) 49. Do not burden a person beyond his scope (2:286) 50. If it is difficult for someone to repay a debt, postpone it until a time of ease. And if you waive it as an act of charity, it will be better for you, if only you knew. (2:280) There are many moreee
As’salamualaikum,, This is number one important Advice to everyone b4 getting married everyone should listen to this , thank you for addressing this important matter
@@JewelsRoyaleright... very common problem nowadays...these women , i won't blame them completely. Men have their own mind and own abilities to make decisions. They do blindly follow these mom/sister/grandmother because of their own motives, weaknesses. These are male, not Men
If you're homeless, simple - just buy a house. Do you know houses are generally related to interest or difficult to buy due to the cost unless you were born with a silver spoon. I bet these comments are women. Why don't you independent women buy the house yourself, instead.
Husband's parents, brother ,sister all his responsibilities😂...then this guy should not get married bcz whole family ultimately is in search of a maid not their daughter in law... There should be clear conversation between would be husband and wife before marriage nowadays....
Thank you so much we need this kind of counseling where you are just adviced and not given judgment for the state we are in ..We are made to feel in guilt the whole time for the space we maintain to avoid clashes ...
Yes...... These words are so useful MASHALLAH he is Right..... Sometimes my husbands parents involves and interfere themselves in our marriage... What we do . If we should go out or not....
Jazakallhu khairan,,this video has lots of things to learn about relationships...unfortunately this days or past days no one understand or practice this rules of relationship.....our so called rootten culture making our religious beliefs more & more hard to live with, now days we can't make part in this 2....
I wish everybody would know that actually they know but still when they marry their son they expect the wife to do all the house work not only for the in-law’s but for the brother and sister too and if she wants to goes to her parent house without the permeation of the whole family she cant go and this is going on for decades
Too much interference of my in laws in my married life too.😢 His elder brother his wife his sister all of them are just interfering in our married life😢 😢 it's been 7 yrs now. I don't get why my husband is unable to convey such a simple message to them that do not put your nose in my family matters 😢😭
Yes we are not only marrying our spouse. We marry into our spouse's family. As we check out our potential spouses, also check out their existing relationship among themselves including their respective financial health and habits. Red flags if they are not comfortable about critical matters.
I’m dealing with this and in my case I feel so bad for my husband. I’m an only child and my mom pretty much imposed herself to living with me 1/2 of the year. It even stresses me out but she won’t hear it and now she wants to come live here permanently. She’s always saying she’s not a bother to anyone but just her presence can be stressful. I don’t know what to do.
I want my son to get married early so i can look after my son's babies because i am stll young and can look after my som's children so my son and his wufe can work and they can earn goid money and stay happy in their life. Even they live separate i dont mind . if they can afford to kive in own house because now a days its very difficult to afford renting house or buyung house without mortgage its almost impossible in Uk. I just want respect from my both sons and their wives thats it.
Maybe their wives will not want to work and want to raise their children on their own in their own home. You don’t get to decide if they are working or not. You have the right intention but need to realize your sons will be responsible for maintaining their wives and children. If their wives decide to work, it will be a matter decided between them.
Subhan Allah May Allah bless me with a understanding husband and loving and respectful in laws. Ya Allah make my future in laws and husband understand all this and grant me a peaceful home. Ya Allah help me to be obedient to my future husband and treat my in laws with respect and love. Ya Allah may i have a loving and beautiful bond with my in laws and my husband. Aameen
I dont post anything on social media.. ive even forgotten the passwords of fb and insta. In fact, not all my relatives can see my display pic on watsaap. Only those whose lifestyle is above mine can see it. Rest are blocked coz they kept asking where did u go, wat restaurant was it, wen did u go.. so i dont cast my pearls before swine.
Islam is so beautiful. But why dont people follow this. I am crying writing this, me and my husband had an argument today and he immediately involved my mother in law and she yelled at me said me so many bad things and blamed me for everything. Even my husband abused me a lot. There is no privacy between us. Wallahi i don't know how do i get over this i feel so much pain inside. I just cant stop crying by the words and action of my husband. He keeps threatening me that he will send me back to my parents house and he dont want me.
What if your wife doesn't know how to have a civil discussion and instead breaks out into screaming and insults and accusations? As a revert I find this to be a weakness in the Islamic way - because men and women come into marriages without prior relationship experience, they are literally at the emotional maturity level of a 12 year old. It's exhausting
My man forces me to talk to his family more than himself. What he wants is I shouldn't talk much to my parents but should take care of his parents. He is ready to compromise his time with me so that I and him can individually give time to his family.
Father in laws are the reasons for bad mother in-laws, treats his wife like garbage maid and sex slave So the sons are raised to be the husband this mother always wanted (metaphorically) Her son will take his mom shopping help in the kitchen take his mom on dates, and take her on perhaps vacations As soon as the son decides to get married The mother in laws automatically becomes angry abusive and resentful towards the daughter in Law How dare the DIL take her son Away from his mommy whom she had power manipulated to obey her needs Thus the mother in Laws gets blamed for the abusive trauma she suffered at the hands of her own husband Taking it out on the daughter in Laws
I'm pregnant and my mother in law demanding me to get her access to my newborn when she's not on good terms with me. She hates me and she threatened to take my newborn away from me. Please let me know if grandparents have the right to see grandchildren if they are not on good terms with their parents??😢
Actually, a father demanding the daughter in law to dress a certain way, or not she can't come in, if the father owns the house, is his business. It is his house and he makes the rule. The young couple should just decide not to ever come to the house owned by the father in law.
A big advice from me . Read surat al Baqara everyday if possible for 40 days see how things will flip out trust me it works just pray and be strong I can feel u
I also believe in privacy between husband and wife and i find this solution to happy life.... But the husband can't keep the wife privacy and must involve his parents in private life... So kindly give solution for this also
Then that is not a honorable or good husband. Privacy is obligatory. Spouses are not allowed to divulge things about their married life to others. It is part of married peoples Gheerah the problem is your husband. You clearly married a mummy's boy. Sit him down and make him understand. If he refused to change his ways then you can stay and suffer or you can leave.
My sons wife wanted a luxurious wedding. He gave her everything and beyond. He got into thousands of pounds in debt. He can't afford to live separately now because of this. But she continues to make it hard on him, lying about the in laws. We just put up and shut up. As an ill person i clean after her. In this case doesn't she have to help look after the house especially if she contributes in using kitchen or bathroom ???. I don't understand why the sheikhs don't explain that bit properly. THAT THEY MUST DO THEIR BIT IF THEY LIVE IN THE SAME HOUSE. SHE WON'T CLEAN UP AFTER HERSELF. We don't expect anything for us . She's not even having to cook or clean for her husband because she just doesn't want to. Plus hes realised she won't because OF a feminist mindset.
Its all about materialism in this day and age ,as long as someone is richer,they look down ,oppress those who are not par with them and that is understandably ok with rest of the family.lots of things leading to cognitive dissonance, trauma in spouses especially kids that lasts a life time,if not treated .
It’s impossible to have boundaries in Bengali families, especially when daughter in law has to live with them. Husbands mother and sisters get involved in everything as it’s their house.
It is not impossible. It just requires that the sisters of your community learn to stand up for themselves and for their parents learn to respect and support their daughters Instead of forging them to stay with such husbands at price. If you are not willing to stand for your rights and speak up and resist then tov can never change or improve your life. First, live separately and this should be demanded upfront for your people seeing as living with inlaws is so common. Once you seperate your home the interference and issues will become less common. You should look up Ova Nesa on YT. She is from your country and escaped an abusive marriage and lived with her inlaws too.
Just fed-up of this disgusting joined family system un educated life partner never understand this situation that one toilet one kitchen just hate live with them plz ya Allah help me i want to live with my kids They already have another house plz ya Allah get them there
It seems to be a personal opinion based on the life experiences of Sheikh. It would be better to explain the relationship between spouses and their in-laws in light of the Quran and Sunnah.
In the case of mother telling something to his son related to his wife, first her son should be wise enough to know what is right or wrong for him at that particular time and then if he thinks that he is agree with his mother then he should impose it on his wife by whatever means because his mother comes first and she is right also but if he finds that at that particular time it is not right to do whatever his mother is saying then he should adorably, respectfully tell his mother that mom this is not the right time for it, we will definitely do it in the right time.
Be good to your brothers and sisters in law... but be careful, you don't want that goodness to turn into attraction and sexual tension...that's incest...
As salaamu alaikum , plzz throw some light on step relations, the lack of guidance in these kind of matters lead to broken houses, as mine. I request you Sheikh to guide me regarding the issues . Jazaakallah
My inlaws made my life hell forced my husband to leave me iwas in join family they made me a servant who wash utensils and cook large meals with no food and clothes.
This is a very very big problem specially in India Pakistan and Bangladesh they all live in a house use one bathroom toilet kitchen drawing room and in laws always talk about namaz ramadam zakat ....does only namaz ramadam zakat will help u to get Jannah ...
How about Indian Mother In laws Literally Threatening the Daughter in law in front of the Husband, saying I need Grand Children and I'll wait for sometime more, If I don't get Grandchildren soon, I'll get my Son Re-Married as a Second Marriage to someone else who can Reproduce and give me Grand Children! And Discussing Infertility issues with all Her Extended family in an open forum to humiliate the Daughter in law! I personally know a Sister who's Mother in law actually got her Son Re-Married for the THIRD time, and got the Husband and Wife separated after Nikah within a Year as none of them Conceived! Allahu Akbar!😭 May Allah Save us all from Such Evil, Illiterate and UnIslamic Mothers in Law! Ameen🤲🏻
For me some advices sound very strange. We are Muslims but we have our own mentality too. Imams from my country were saying that our thoughts about family and relatives little bit different than other Islamic counties or other Muslims. Today I understood why we have it. Thank you for lecture but does not work to our mentality!
This scares me a lot......i agree that a husband and a wife have their own privacy.....taking care of the in laws is not obligation of the wife........but what should those old age d parents do at this tender age ....they should live alone?
@@tabassumfatimaahmad1251 what r u talking about? Islam tells us ... U can not sleep on same mattress with ur father .. Islam tells us age .. Same goes for father in law . Ur father has to provide u till ur marriage is solemnised Even if nikah is already done ...still ur father has to provide . Your father in law has no obligation to provide u before marriage or after the marriage. U have no obligation towards ur father in law . But u have obligation towards ur father. Ur logic does not work. Child born out of wed lock has a biological father . Children born out of wed lock get married (Nikah ) and their father in law becomes mahram for them But their biological fathers who refuse to take care of them and dont give them their names are not mahram for them. They can not be wali for their children . Explain things according to Islam Quran Hadeeth 4 schools of thought
I don’t agree to live not with in-laws. As I noticed the joint family system is better because two generations grow future generations. We living alone is very toxic for our personality. We forgetting slowly to share and bare each other. Believe me if we tolerate each other and not do jealousy joint family system is the best system.
Then you disagree with Ijma'ah and Fiqh because living with inlaws is not encouraged by islam. Muslims usually move out when they get married and start their own home and married life. In Islam marriage is not about tolerating and adjusting into somebody else's home and living according to their rules and interference. You prefer this way, because it benefits you. Why not also live with your wife's parents? Especially if she has only sisters or is an only child? Her parents also deserve this love, respect, kindness and joint family. Also your wife can't live with your brothers. The prophet said, the brother-in-law is death. Living separately with privacy and without interference is a wife's God given right in Islam. Also she is not responsible for serving your parents which is the real reason why husbands prefer their wife living with her inlaws. It's time to seperate Deen from culture, brother.
What if husband supports his mother .daughter in law is treated like servant working all day. She is cursed that because of you our business got closed .where as it is because they were doing malpractices. She is blamed of robbing things. She is blamed of doing black magic.where as she is not into any such thing.she is called beggars daughter .where as they have taken lot of thjngs as dowry.and husband says you have to listen to all what my mother says .she is not given money to take the child to the docter.does she still need to stay together with inlaws?
Many Muslim cultures need this education. Boundaries are a foreign concept for many cultures, and enmeshment is thought of as being correct and religious.
Many other cultures and nationality have similar values, sometimes I think it is a stereotype against foreigners. We are not all the same. The values and traditions are built from birth, perhaps it is 100% of muslim people to behave in this way? Yet when I see from a foriegn lens this is not the truth. Please leave space for the foreigners that have been raised correctly and still share some same truths. Where we are not born into the Islamic world, does not mean that we are not close to the truth
Assalamu alaikum brother, my in-laws forcefully live with us very small house 2 bed room, 1 bathroom, 4 years and they keep MT their another house totally refurbished house next door, And also their other son and his wife and his three children live with us. First, my husband wants they need to go to another house, which is totally newly refurbished. Which is my husband gave money and did everything for them, especially for parents happiness, they can stay new built house with their other son, who is totally depending on parents benefit and my husband earning money. But my husband parents and siblings and relatives said it was sins if my husband didn't listen to parents. That is why my husband and I'm live with them, and not any privacy, they have key, any time they come, even midnight . Always like outside clothes wear because of them, not any single minute comfortable. And whole family bullying and attack personal matters.
@@Syndi369You are absolutely right!
specially south- easteern country. including bangladesh, india, Pakistan
This is an important matter to learn of a husband and wives to be before their marriage...
Very well said Sheikh, unfortunately this is a big issue within our society. Any problems should be solved within the household between spouses, no need for family interference. Yes if its serious issue and its the last straw then its understandable. Must work together and resolve together ❤️
I have had extended family try to dictate what happens and how my kids are raised when me or my husband don’t even know them well or even those interfering with my nikah ceremony because i wanted it simple. In this day and age especially in some SE Asian families, you need to have firm boundaries or your marriage will fall apart.
I have seen cousins whose wife and kids are treated badly by my cousins family like they are subordinate to them and cousin never stands up.
Then they wonder why so many fights, disagreements in family. Its been 4 decades or more and the same thing happens over and over that they never learn.
I’ve had immediate and extended family spread fitnah about me to others, even one tried to turn my husband against me (even my husband was shaking his head), i let it be. Allah swt knows whats in my heart and I’m at a point in my life where its enough that Allah swt and myself know the truth including those family members who stand by me.
Don’t put up with toxic family members, you have a duty to protect your marriage and your family.
Those same members that soread fitnah about me or my husband now almost a decade later want favours without even apologising for their behaviour
I’m not a Muslim …Muslims got this right… it is not wife’s responsibility to take care of in-laws … wife’s responsibility and priority is her husband and own kids.
هداك الله
Few 50 LIFE INSTRUCTIONS FROM THE QUR'AN
1. Do not be rude in speech (3:159)
2. Restrain Anger (3:134)
3. Be good to others (4:36)
4. Do not be arrogant (7:13)
5. Forgive others for their mistakes (7:199)
6. Speak to people mildly (20:44)
7. Lower your voice (31:19)
8. Do not ridicule others (49:11)
9. Be dutiful to parents(17:23)
10. Do not say a word of disrespect to parents(17:23)
11. Do not enter parents' private room without asking permission (24:58)
12. Write down the debt (2:282)
13. Do not follow anyone blindly (2:170)
14. Grant more time to repay if the debtor is in hard time (2:280)
15. Dont consume interest (2:275)
16. Do not engage in bribery (2:188)
17. Do not break the promise (2:177)
18. Keep the trust (2:283)
19. Do not mix the truth with falsehood (2:42)
20. Judge with justice between people (4:58)
21. Stand out firmly for justice (4:135)
22. Wealth of the dead should be distributed
among his family members (4:7)
23. Women also have the right for inheritance (4:7)
24.Do not devour the property of orphans (4:10)
25. Protect orphans (2:220)
26. Do not consume one another's wealth unjustly(4:29)
27. Try for settlement between people (49:9)
28. Avoid suspicion (49:12)
29. Do not spy and backbite (2:283)
30. Do not spy or backbite (49:12)
31. Spend wealth in charity (57:7)
32. Encourage feeding the poor (107:3)
33. Help those in need by finding them (2:273)
34. Do not spend money extravagantly (17:29)
35. Do not invalidate charity with reminders (2:264)
36. Honor guests (51:26)
37. Order righteousness to people only after
practicing it yourself(2:44)
38. Do not commit abuse on the earth (2:60)
39. Do not prevent people from houses of God
(2:114)
40. Fight only with those who fight you(2:190)
41. Keep the etiquettes of war (2:191)
42. Do not turn back in front of an invading army(8:15)
43. No compulsion in religion (2:256)
44. Believe in all prophets (2:285)
45. Do not have sexual intercourse during
menstrual period (2:222)
46. Breast feed your children for two complete years (2:233)
47. Do not even approach unlawful sexual
intercourse (17:32)
48. Choose rulers by their merit (2:247)
49. Do not burden a person beyond his scope
(2:286)
50. If it is difficult for someone to repay a debt, postpone it until a time of ease. And if you waive it as an act of charity, it will be better for you, if only you knew. (2:280)
There are many moreee
Masha Allah, these words r so vivid and useful to all married couples, Allah barik for well said words
YES,I would absolutely love for you to Counsel my husband, he really needs your help. You are a wonderful speaker. Thank you
Masha Allah, very informative and point to point bayaan.
Most practical advice i have heard till now alhamdulillah
Mashaa Allah nice lecture. Many girls are struggling in marriage because of the interference of in laws. May Allah guide us all.
May Allah give this person Jannah al firdows!!!
Ameen
husband and wife is a Team.. 😊 So work together thru ups and downs.. Insyaallah happy till.jannah 🥰
As’salamualaikum,,
This is number one important Advice to everyone b4 getting married everyone should listen to this , thank you for addressing this important matter
Masha Allah . Great lecture. It was much needed . Jazak Allah khairan.
Beautifully delivered the message❤
All to be married couple ,should listen to this .
Spot on. Subhan Allah
Before getting married get your own house, it saves you so much problems with other jealous family members and in laws
On top of that if the husband is pure mama's boy....and the mama is toxic and control freak, o la la... catastrophe
@@JewelsRoyaleright... very common problem nowadays...these women , i won't blame them completely. Men have their own mind and own abilities to make decisions. They do blindly follow these mom/sister/grandmother because of their own motives, weaknesses. These are male, not Men
Then how do we take care of my parent who's old? Send her to nursing home? I can't do that, what else can I do??
If you're homeless, simple - just buy a house.
Do you know houses are generally related to interest or difficult to buy due to the cost unless you were born with a silver spoon.
I bet these comments are women. Why don't you independent women buy the house yourself, instead.
Husband's parents, brother ,sister all his responsibilities😂...then this guy should not get married bcz whole family ultimately is in search of a maid not their daughter in law...
There should be clear conversation between would be husband and wife before marriage nowadays....
Thank you so much we need this kind of counseling where you are just adviced and not given judgment for the state we are in ..We are made to feel in guilt the whole time for the space we maintain to avoid clashes ...
Thankew , at last someone talk about it. JazakAllah khairan kaseera
Yes...... These words are so useful MASHALLAH he is Right..... Sometimes my husbands parents involves and interfere themselves in our marriage... What we do . If we should go out or not....
I am much inspired . parents should also understand this as well as wife
Jazakallhu khairan,,this video has lots of things to learn about relationships...unfortunately this days or past days no one understand or practice this rules of relationship.....our so called rootten culture making our religious beliefs more & more hard to live with, now days we can't make part in this 2....
Boundaries much needed
I wish everybody would know that actually they know but still when they marry their son they expect the wife to do all the house work not only for the in-law’s but for the brother and sister too and if she wants to goes to her parent house without the permeation of the whole family she cant go and this is going on for decades
don't live with your in laws
Sometimes you don’t have a choice
@@seph9360 then work towards your own place.
1 bhk is better than living with in laws
Its not that easy to step out of a marriage when nobody is supporting you
This is beautiful....
Too much interference of my in laws in my married life too.😢
His elder brother his wife his sister all of them are just interfering in our married life😢 😢 it's been 7 yrs now. I don't get why my husband is unable to convey such a simple message to them that do not put your nose in my family matters 😢😭
SUBHANALLAHI WABIHAMDIHI MASHAALLAH ALHUMDULILLAH.
I always used to say this to myself as well "nowadays when we marry someone we not only marry them but we have also "married" their in-laws
Awesome, sir u hve made it so easy to understand, needed one
I love you so much brother Bilaal. May Allah bless you.
Yes we are not only marrying our spouse. We marry into our spouse's family. As we check out our potential spouses, also check out their existing relationship among themselves including their respective financial health and habits. Red flags if they are not comfortable about critical matters.
I agree with you 100%
Beautifully explained ❤
JazakaAllah kheiran.
I’m dealing with this and in my case I feel so bad for my husband. I’m an only child and my mom pretty much imposed herself to living with me 1/2 of the year. It even stresses me out but she won’t hear it and now she wants to come live here permanently. She’s always saying she’s not a bother to anyone but just her presence can be stressful. I don’t know what to do.
Sometimes you share things with the people in your middle circle but then those people share it with others.
I want my son to get married early so i can look after my son's babies because i am stll young and can look after my som's children so my son and his wufe can work and they can earn goid money and stay happy in their life. Even they live separate i dont mind . if they can afford to kive in own house because now a days its very difficult to afford renting house or buyung house without mortgage its almost impossible in Uk. I just want respect from my both sons and their wives thats it.
Maybe their wives will not want to work and want to raise their children on their own in their own home. You don’t get to decide if they are working or not. You have the right intention but need to realize your sons will be responsible for maintaining their wives and children. If their wives decide to work, it will be a matter decided between them.
SUBHAN ALLAH ALHUMDULILLAH ALLAH AKBAR.
Allah y barekfy my brother..
Subhan Allah
May Allah bless me with a understanding husband and loving and respectful in laws. Ya Allah make my future in laws and husband understand all this and grant me a peaceful home. Ya Allah help me to be obedient to my future husband and treat my in laws with respect and love. Ya Allah may i have a loving and beautiful bond with my in laws and my husband. Aameen
There would be no private life remains when husband publicly disclose all the affairs of his wife infront of inlaws.
I second you
I dont post anything on social media.. ive even forgotten the passwords of fb and insta. In fact, not all my relatives can see my display pic on watsaap. Only those whose lifestyle is above mine can see it. Rest are blocked coz they kept asking where did u go, wat restaurant was it, wen did u go.. so i dont cast my pearls before swine.
Beautiful ❤️
In India we marry husband on documents but hire n work for in laws . Even mother also says give initial 10 years to in laws
Islam is so beautiful. But why dont people follow this.
I am crying writing this, me and my husband had an argument today and he immediately involved my mother in law and she yelled at me said me so many bad things and blamed me for everything. Even my husband abused me a lot. There is no privacy between us. Wallahi i don't know how do i get over this i feel so much pain inside. I just cant stop crying by the words and action of my husband. He keeps threatening me that he will send me back to my parents house and he dont want me.
May Allah Changes his heart and Guide him to the right path. May Allah Ease it things for us. Aaaaaaamine
Masha Allah
What if your wife doesn't know how to have a civil discussion and instead breaks out into screaming and insults and accusations? As a revert I find this to be a weakness in the Islamic way - because men and women come into marriages without prior relationship experience, they are literally at the emotional maturity level of a 12 year old. It's exhausting
ua-cam.com/video/c9EMYUIZIJA/v-deo.htmlsi=BkDPsUCTYCKwAlcO
SubhanAllah.
My man forces me to talk to his family more than himself. What he wants is I shouldn't talk much to my parents but should take care of his parents. He is ready to compromise his time with me so that I and him can individually give time to his family.
My husband still after 17 years tell s them everything personally and seem to think they own my kids
Father in laws are the reasons for bad mother in-laws, treats his wife like garbage maid and sex slave
So the sons are raised to be the husband this mother always wanted
(metaphorically)
Her son will take his mom shopping help in the kitchen take his mom on dates, and take her on perhaps vacations
As soon as the son decides to get married
The mother in laws automatically becomes angry abusive and resentful towards the daughter in Law
How dare the DIL take her son Away from his mommy whom she had power manipulated to obey her needs
Thus the mother in Laws gets blamed for the abusive trauma she suffered at the hands of her own husband
Taking it out on the daughter in Laws
I'm pregnant and my mother in law demanding me to get her access to my newborn when she's not on good terms with me. She hates me and she threatened to take my newborn away from me. Please let me know if grandparents have the right to see grandchildren if they are not on good terms with their parents??😢
Actually, a father demanding the daughter in law to dress a certain way, or not she can't come in, if the father owns the house, is his business. It is his house and he makes the rule. The young couple should just decide not to ever come to the house owned by the father in law.
Can everyone please make Dua for me, my in-laws have destroyed my marriage, on verge of divorce and I’m mentally unstable now🙏🏻
May Allah Ease things for us. Aaaaaaamine
A big advice from me . Read surat al Baqara everyday if possible for 40 days see how things will flip out trust me it works just pray and be strong I can feel u
May Allah make things easy for you. Ameen
I also believe in privacy between husband and wife and i find this solution to happy life.... But the husband can't keep the wife privacy and must involve his parents in private life... So kindly give solution for this also
Then that is not a honorable or good husband. Privacy is obligatory. Spouses are not allowed to divulge things about their married life to others. It is part of married peoples Gheerah the problem is your husband. You clearly married a mummy's boy. Sit him down and make him understand. If he refused to change his ways then you can stay and suffer or you can leave.
MASHAALLAH ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉😊😊😊😊
My sons wife wanted a luxurious wedding. He gave her everything and beyond. He got into thousands of pounds in debt. He can't afford to live separately now because of this. But she continues to make it hard on him, lying about the in laws. We just put up and shut up. As an ill person i clean after her. In this case doesn't she have to help look after the house especially if she contributes in using kitchen or bathroom ???. I don't understand why the sheikhs don't explain that bit properly. THAT THEY MUST DO THEIR BIT IF THEY LIVE IN THE SAME HOUSE.
SHE WON'T CLEAN UP AFTER HERSELF. We don't expect anything for us . She's not even having to cook or clean for her husband because she just doesn't want to. Plus hes realised she won't because OF a feminist mindset.
Its all about materialism in this day and age ,as long as someone is richer,they look down ,oppress those who are not par with them and that is understandably ok with rest of the family.lots of things leading to cognitive dissonance, trauma in spouses especially kids that lasts a life time,if not treated .
Whenever I say salam to my mother in law ,she doesn't answer, I feel bad
It’s impossible to have boundaries in Bengali families, especially when daughter in law has to live with them. Husbands mother and sisters get involved in everything as it’s their house.
It is not impossible. It just requires that the sisters of your community learn to stand up for themselves and for their parents learn to respect and support their daughters Instead of forging them to stay with such husbands at price. If you are not willing to stand for your rights and speak up and resist then tov can never change or improve your life. First, live separately and this should be demanded upfront for your people seeing as living with inlaws is so common. Once you seperate your home the interference and issues will become less common. You should look up Ova Nesa on YT. She is from your country and escaped an abusive marriage and lived with her inlaws too.
This is a true and sad fact for srilankan muslim family 😭
@@Sas-rf9syit’s impossible for me, I have a child with complex needs so divorce isn’t an option.
Just fed-up of this disgusting joined family system un educated life partner never understand this situation that one toilet one kitchen just hate live with them plz ya Allah help me i want to live with my kids
They already have another house plz ya Allah get them there
It seems to be a personal opinion based on the life experiences of Sheikh. It would be better to explain the relationship between spouses and their in-laws in light of the Quran and Sunnah.
How about naming the child? Who has more right?
In the case of mother telling something to his son related to his wife, first her son should be wise enough to know what is right or wrong for him at that particular time and then if he thinks that he is agree with his mother then he should impose it on his wife by whatever means because his mother comes first and she is right also but if he finds that at that particular time it is not right to do whatever his mother is saying then he should adorably, respectfully tell his mother that mom this is not the right time for it, we will definitely do it in the right time.
Be good to your brothers and sisters in law... but be careful, you don't want that goodness to turn into attraction and sexual tension...that's incest...
As salaamu alaikum , plzz throw some light on step relations, the lack of guidance in these kind of matters lead to broken houses, as mine. I request you Sheikh to guide me regarding the issues . Jazaakallah
Is there a link to the full video
ua-cam.com/video/O3tGv4tAffM/v-deo.htmlsi=Z3NCHjs0rmJLifbl
My inlaws made my life hell forced my husband to leave me iwas in join family they made me a servant who wash utensils and cook large meals with no food and clothes.
What about in laws that want a divorce of husband and wife?
This is a very very big problem specially in India Pakistan and Bangladesh they all live in a house use one bathroom toilet kitchen drawing room and in laws always talk about namaz ramadam zakat ....does only namaz ramadam zakat will help u to get Jannah ...
❤❤
But who will take care of the parents if they have one son 😢
How about Indian Mother In laws Literally Threatening the Daughter in law in front of the Husband, saying I need Grand Children and I'll wait for sometime more, If I don't get Grandchildren soon, I'll get my Son Re-Married as a Second Marriage to someone else who can Reproduce and give me Grand Children! And Discussing Infertility issues with all Her Extended family in an open forum to humiliate the Daughter in law!
I personally know a Sister who's Mother in law actually got her Son Re-Married for the THIRD time, and got the Husband and Wife separated after Nikah within a Year as none of them Conceived! Allahu Akbar!😭 May Allah Save us all from Such Evil, Illiterate and UnIslamic Mothers in Law! Ameen🤲🏻
For me some advices sound very strange. We are Muslims but we have our own mentality too. Imams from my country were saying that our thoughts about family and relatives little bit different than other Islamic counties or other Muslims. Today I understood why we have it. Thank you for lecture but does not work to our mentality!
This scares me a lot......i agree that a husband and a wife have their own privacy.....taking care of the in laws is not obligation of the wife........but what should those old age d parents do at this tender age ....they should live alone?
What if the small circle even is not secured because of husband??
then he's an idiot
It wasn’t from any documents you said bro, literally what are you talking about😂😂
Ur explanation father in law Mahram?
Quran : Father in law is your permanent Mahram
Yes father in-law is permanent mahram but still keep boundry with them. He is not your biological father.
@@tabassumfatimaahmad1251 what r u talking about?
Islam tells us ...
U can not sleep on same mattress with ur father ..
Islam tells us age ..
Same goes for father in law .
Ur father has to provide u till ur marriage is solemnised
Even if nikah is already done ...still ur father has to provide .
Your father in law has no obligation to provide u before marriage or after the marriage.
U have no obligation towards ur father in law .
But u have obligation towards ur father.
Ur logic does not work.
Child born out of wed lock has a biological father .
Children born out of wed lock get married (Nikah ) and their father in law becomes mahram for them
But their biological fathers who refuse to take care of them and dont give them their names are not mahram for them.
They can not be wali for their children .
Explain things according to Islam Quran Hadeeth 4 schools of thought
@@naqashpashmina7130 a father in law IS a permanent mehram
@@razamughal9095 So true
I don’t agree to live not with in-laws.
As I noticed the joint family system is better because two generations grow future generations.
We living alone is very toxic for our personality.
We forgetting slowly to share and bare each other.
Believe me if we tolerate each other and not do jealousy joint family system is the best system.
Then you disagree with Ijma'ah and Fiqh because living with inlaws is not encouraged by islam. Muslims usually move out when they get married and start their own home and married life. In Islam marriage is not about tolerating and adjusting into somebody else's home and living according to their rules and interference. You prefer this way, because it benefits you. Why not also live with your wife's parents? Especially if she has only sisters or is an only child? Her parents also deserve this love, respect, kindness and joint family. Also your wife can't live with your brothers. The prophet said, the brother-in-law is death. Living separately with privacy and without interference is a wife's God given right in Islam. Also she is not responsible for serving your parents which is the real reason why husbands prefer their wife living with her inlaws. It's time to seperate Deen from culture, brother.
Can in laws ask wife to dress modestly?
can in laws ask husband to dress modestly
Did you not watch the video? He literally mentions that issue around 6:00-6:14.
What if husband supports his mother .daughter in law is treated like servant working all day. She is cursed that because of you our business got closed .where as it is because they were doing malpractices. She is blamed of robbing things. She is blamed of doing black magic.where as she is not into any such thing.she is called beggars daughter .where as they have taken lot of thjngs as dowry.and husband says you have to listen to all what my mother says .she is not given money to take the child to the docter.does she still need to stay together with inlaws?
Would you let your daughter live with people like this?
Women have made themselves worthless by preventing four marriages
What about in laws that want a divorce of husband and wife?