I really do think this works. Attempting to physically discipline away the bad doesn't give you a mature child! Being calm and collected while punishing them has much more lasting affects. They copy how you deal with situations so being mature is the best way you can help them deal with their own emotions.
I am grateful for every spanking, kept my ass in line. I spank, and he knows who the boss is. long term negative effects? ha! I see kids were I work that could use a good old fashion swat. now sometime I just have to look at mine, of threaten to, and miraculously he obeys. I have had lots of talk with older parent that spanked and had their kids turn out quite nicely also.
If you show your kids a mature environment they will copy that behavior and eventually understand that it's the right way to be. Peaceful loving and compassionate. Give your children room to make mistakes without fearing harm. Why should your kids be scared of you or use being spanked as a reason to behave. They should WANT to because it makes them you and everyone else happy and joyful. Be a loving parent not a tyrant
If i told my mother that yelling and hitting me when i was a child (im a teenager now) was not the reason, she thinks i turned out fine but im onoy fine because i hide my emotions, i can’t show mistakes or else they will scream is what got in my brain im conscious about it now and im still gonna hide it because there’s nothing good coming out of being open to my parents, my mom or dad aren’t bad person i just think their parenting skills are bad, the only reason i never had behavioral issues is my fear of being reprimanded, same with my good grades and now turns out i have anger issues and resentment when they scream at me
Why is it a crime to hit another adult but OK to hit a small child that Adores you and gets their safe feelings from you. If hitting a child worked then adults would not get arrested for hitting other adults... Of course you can get a child to mind out of fear of pain But to get down to what to please you that is what smart do
I just commented on the comment before yours were she compared a man beating his wife to spanking your child. You can't. It's not the same when a man (or woman) beats another adult. Two very different things going on.
I was raised the old school way. What it taught me was to fear my mother and don't get caught. I was a headstrong child with ADHD, but my mother broke my spirit and as a results I had a very low self-esteem and allowed people to bully me. I know she raised me the best she knew how from her own upbringing and for the limited resources that they had back then on how to raise children and discipline the right way. But as a mother of two now, I reflect often on my past traumas when I feel my frustration rising at my 3 year old son who is high energy ADHD and I remind myself that I do not want my son to feel the way I felt when I was being disciplined. Children should ALWAYS FEEL SAFE with their parents and in their home. The problem with corporal punishment is that is VERY easy to strike in anger and lose control-- which is what we teach our children. Which is why I refuse to do it. I don't trust myself to stay in control if I start using corporal punishment. Corporal punishment teaches impatience. Hence, as a mother, I have had to train myself to have patience. Not trying to be a bible thumper, but it personally helped me tremendously when I let Jesus's example lead me. His loving patience for children and adults-- even when the adults were acting like children-- was an inspiration to me. That is why I constantly look for better ways to guide and discipline my 3 year old. It is very hard in a society that is sitting on the fence about how children should be disciplined. People have no patience, either because they have no children or because they were raised the old school way which taught them to be impatient too. I have made a promise that I refuse to hit my son for the sake of pleasing others. 1) My actions now will affect my son's future esteem. 2) I'm not going to risk losing custody of my son by using corporal punishment. 3) If I believe it is NOT ok for a husband to strike his wife when they have a disagreement, why would it be ok for a wife to strike her child??? Food for thought people! We lead our children by example and hitting them not only teaches them not to trust their safety in the hands of their parent, but it teaches them impatience and breaks their spirit. We don't want to spoil our children or let them walk all over us, but guide them and use stern loving discipline. This is how we will raise a better society who are not quick to anger, who are more tolerant, understanding, and patient towards each other. We have forgotten that it takes a village to raise a child. Many parents are feeling like they are stranded on a island alone with their child-- where have the helpful villagers gone? They have been replaced by the critics who have nothing valuable to offer with their intolerant judgments on parents who are trying-- struggling-- their best to do it better. Every once in a blue moon 1 villager will appear when I am trying to keep my son under control at the check-out line, and they will distract my son by talking to him and smiling at him-- thank God for them!-- which is all my son needed was a healthy distraction and little attention. ;-)
Are usually don't comment on UA-cam, but I truly felt compelled to say how much I couldn't agree more with everything you say. Very well said and thank you for reminding all of us the proper and effective way.
My dad hit me cussed and yelled my whole life and literally thats all i remember when i think back is chaos. I was born in iraq but at 1 year old i was in the middle of the gulf war and you see i was sent to a refugee camp till age 5 and then i was brought to America. The stuff i remember is never good and as bad as i try i have violent tendencies like when i get upset i hear my heart beating in my head because of how worked up i get. When it comes to my kids though, i know better than to hit them. The most i do is spank his wrist and i say "his" because i have two baby boys 1 and 3. The 3 year old speaks 3 languages already and is very very intelligent and witty. Great problem solver great at everything he does. I am saying all this because people need to wake up and realize that family comes first and if family is not right then your not right inside. Bottom line is if you hit your kid i get it your frustration and all but do u honestly believe that beating works?? History folks!
My mother when she gets mad at me, she's like crazy. One time she got the ceramic plate and hit me on the head, I was bleeding really hard. My brother just washed my head in the sink and thats it. Im 35 now with two kids and that happened when i was 10. When I remember it, my tears start to show. She is my mom, but i hate her with that.
that’s so bad, my mother yells at me which definitely emotionally scarred me, im a teenager im not a child but she still yells as a way to communicate instead of regulating emotions, everytime she yells i get anger issues and resentment, she isn’t a bad woman but if im being honest she has bad parenting skills, i got anger issues now which i struggle to control and struggle controlling emotions and also showing them i can’t be open to anybody because i have fear of being reprimanded like what my mother did to me
Getting whippings on the regular made me not want to hurt others growing up. I am 66 years, one month and 18 days as of my comments. I am not an alcoholic or drug addict. I knew when I was not obedient, but I was never given the opportunity to express myself. I learned how to sneak and keep secrets to be free of doing basic child things. I look back at my past and am thankful nobody else influenced me with detrimental actions that I did not first consider how negative it would be for myself. I am not a follower of not even my own 10 siblings. It is the best choice I ever made.
When it comes to parenting advises I prefer ones that come from parents and not so called experts. This was written by a mother of four and grandmother of six: "What works for one child when it comes to disciplinary measures doesn’t work for another" You can read her article here: parentsupporthub.com/discipline-what-works-for-one-child-wont-work-for-another/
so you prefer.... one random ass womans personal parenting experience to a.... certified psychologist who specifically studies children with behavioral disorders for a living. i mean,,, ig if you enjoy being wrong....
well it actually depends because their are some parents who never hit nor yell at their kids yet their kids have little to no respect just like kids who have been spanked and yelled at on a vary rare everyonce in a blue moon or at least got spanked once or twice or a couple times only on rare occasions and others on a daily basis and when they get to a certain age they reflect on their behavior and regret everything and in the end becomes better and more mature adults their are kids who got this kid of disciplined grew up to be way better more matured adults but again depending the personality your kids have will determined whether their going to grow up to be wonderful matured respectful adults or or not but yes when it comes to spanking or yelling should only be done as the most last thing you ever do on sever situations but as for me silence or stare or if caught holding a dangerous object that is only allows kids from grade 4 to adults can use discipline is using by telling demanding them to give it to me or lay it on the counter or put it away if refuse multiple times then use force by grabbing their hand and stripping it out of their hand but that would have to be the last thing on your list but the most part silence by clapping your hands together to get their attention or time out chair or sent to their room taking away their toys or just send them to their room without taking their toys or nose to the wall or corner and explaining them the reasons for disciplining them whether they want to hear it or not and or taking certain privileges like no allowances for so many days weeks or months and or no sleep overs nor friends over nor appropriate clean parties or staying indoors not allowed outside and also give them choirs to do clean house clean yard stuff like that as a means of discipline.... but yes some kids who get spanked and yelled at become vary hard to handle in public same goes for those who have never been yelled at nor spanked can become hard to handle in public and yes even some kids who get intense discipline and ones that don`t get yelled nor spank can become mature and respectful kids and adults just depends on the personality of your child and what kind of people they are influenced by and or from same for the music or movies or whatever they watch or listen to determands what kind of child you get.... but also use a firm stern voice don`t yell but have your voice raised to a point where you are serious but your not yelling and your voice is not soft and gentle but in the middle and other times you have to use a soft and gentle voice and explain to them the reasons why you disciplined them for what they did and remind them their is a better way to behave properly and so on but it depends on the situation and how serious the situation is and so on sometimes you don`t need to speak just be silenced and discipline them with your actions just depends on the personality of the child and their age and the situation and so on... also sometimes ignoring your children is the best discipline you can give them sometimes not always but sometimes...
Some people in the comments sound really stupid, your kids are not your punching bags. Kids that get abused like this can develop really bad anxiety disorders and will end up hating you, so shut up and stop being so defensive because you know you're doing something wrong!
to each there's own I grew up with spanking and I'm just fine all honesty know that I look back on it I'm GLAD I got them teaches me when u do bad shit in life there is a hell of a price to pay
I am a former 1st grade and special ed pre school teacher, now I own a daycare. My grandson is 4, EXTREMELY strong willed. He's also in my daycare. He throws tantrums for hrs all day long, throwing items, hitting himself, yelling, screaming, jumping on furniture throwing himself on floor, etc., doesnt follow directions..only if it involves food, he's a picky eater & is over weight too. I am a very calm person, I have 8 of my own children, 3 of them special needs, so I do have a wealth of knowledge in my arsenal but, I am LITERALLY at a loss and don't know what else to do. His father, my son, is the one who does everything, his mother just doesn't do anything when it comes to any type of his care. I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE DO!!! When I talk to my son he talks to him but it doesn't help, when I tell my son he should seek outside resources he gets upset, as most parents would..unfortunately, even when the dr says the child is over weight he gets defensive. Its his first child, my son is 32. HELP!!!!
spanking is not beating, their is a big difference. I got spanked and when I did my parents sat me down and explained y i was getting spanked and later hugged me and told me they love me and that's y I was being disciplined. i turned out great besides whatever happened to spare the rod spoil the child? Do people think they know better than God?
People look to deeply into it. To any reasonable parent who loves there kid and uses the punishment from the heart, It should be common sense from the heart. It seems to me that is what people have lost in parenting in todays silly busy little routine world. That and a backbone to let the kid know you mean what you are showing them when you teach them discipline with love and respect.
what do you do when your 10 year old just thinks your a joke .... my dad was hard on me I asked for water I got vinegar . I couldent read I got hit ecc ecc . I told my self I will do exactly what my dad did not do .... I feel my child is a brat who does not care or appreciate anything ..... what do I do ..
i'd put the kiddo in therapy. a kid with severe behavioral issues is most likely struggling in a way you as a parent cannot see. kids, like all people THRIVE on love and approval. most kids want their parents to be pleased with them. additionally, the ages from 10-16 are usually rough in general. your kiddo is just getting old enough where all they want is independence, and they're just starting their journey as a mini adult. be patient as they try to exercise newfound independence, and help them learn and establish boundaries. remember, your kiddo's prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain that handles emotional regulation and decision making) IS NOT DEVELOPED YET!! your kiddo WILL mess up, and when they do, make sure that you're the support they can rely on. above all, empathy first! I've found that the best childcare strategy is to imagine yourself in their shoes. you've learned how to regulate your feelings and how to communicate. your kiddo hasn't quite yet. empathize with what they're feeling, let them know they're being heard, but they need to respect you and your feelings as well. mirroring the behavior you WANT to see is the best way they can LEARN that behavior. remember, you're teaching them communication skills!!!! the way you speak to them is how they're gonna speak to you!
I am pretty desperate to find a way to change my pattern of feeling rage and spanking. In a perfect world you could have no stress and all the time and patience to wait out the tantrums but that’s just not reality. But I feel so much guilt not being better equipped.
see? this is the problem... .how many thousands of times do you have to tell a kid to not play with food... before HE WOULD WANT TO FOLLOW YOUR INSTRUCTIONS? its a matter of wills.... you have to force your way through the life of the child... the kid doesn't know better than you.... you are the parent, and you WOULD KNOW... its stupid to assume that children DO KNOW... they are inexperienced and immature little people who often times MAKE THE WORST DECISIONS FOR THEIR OWN VULNERABLE LIVES... therefore, you (THE PARENT) has to intervene and force him NOT TO PLAY WITH THE FOOD... AN YEI, IN MANY CASES, IT FREAKN REQUIRES PUNISHMENT... THEY MUST BE AFRAID OF YOU.... THERE IS REALLY NO OTHER REALISTIC WAY TO DO THIS.
Maybe Jesus didn't need to spank children because he set a good example for them to follow to start with. I do believe that some situations warrant spanking, but its not the only way of using the rod that religious people always talk about. The other method of discipline i like is to allow people to find things ourt the hard way, except in cases where the person/child would be in life-threatening danger. You won't do the same thing twice if you touch the stove when its on, trip over if theyre rushing, etc. Lucky i don't have kids I'd be jailed for sure.
You know why? Because you want your children like the way you are. That's why you can't educate them properly. You don't have to tell them, just take away those food from them, if they won't eat and play with it. That's the right way. What's the problem??? Why stress urself telling them thousands of time?? I just don't understand why so many ppl don't use their brain properly. How low is ur IQ???
"Mr. Phd" is a brain expert and understands the destructive impact spanking and yelling has on children. He's not advocating no discipline; His perspective is based on best practice research and works to build a cooperative healthy, happy child. NOT beat & scare children into submission so they have to visit therapists when they're adults. Parents often think just because they are a parent they instinctively know what they're doing - that's BS. Education for the job of parenting is essential!!!!
Physical force is bad for child development? If I did something I wasn't supposed to and KNEW I wasn't supposed to or if I had the nerve to talk back to my Adult parents when I was a child I got a spanking.. And I leaned how to be respectful to my elders. Time outs were nothing xD I sat in my room and read. I didn't get spanked for little stuff but I knew better than to over step my boundaries as a child.
I am 18 and been basically co raising my 5 y/o brother for the past 2 1/2 years. we have different fathers I dont speak to mine and his father isn't allowed contact with us because he is human trash, so just me and my mom. I am trying my best everyday to raise my brother but misbehaves alot and has so much energy that leads him to trouble. I try so hard not to get angry at him and to be as level headed as possible when teaching him right from wrong or when explaining to him about his actions but I get very fed up alot because it doesn't work and I resort to shouting and spanking. I don't want to do that and I dont want him to fear me to behave, but most of the time it works and when it doesn't nothing will make him stop. whenever I give him a talk or confrontation about his behavior in a regular voice and just take a privilege away.. he does not take it seriously and continues to misbehave. all I want to do is raise him without shouting or yelling and without putting my hands on him and him actually responding to this.
I got it as a kid...and it worked pretty darn good. I'm actually glad I got spanked/physical discipline. Every parent needs to do it (mother and father) and even extended authority figures--family members. But never do it in anger/nor yelling. It must be done in self-control. Then pray with them and have them ask God to forgive them for disobeying a verbal command. Your commands as a parent needs to align with the Holy Scriptures. You shouldn't spank a kid for disobeying a sinful command...like for stealing/lying or doing something bad that you wanted them to do. Never teach them to disobey God. They must obey God over you. God comes first, remember that. And teach them from the Bible so they learn to do good. Just don't tell them the proverbs below as that's for parents or people in authority over them...at least until they become adults. Proverbs 13:24 - Whoever spares the rod (belt) hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. Proverbs 22:15 - Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him. Proverbs 23:13 - Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. Proverbs 23:14 - If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol (Hell).
I'm 12 and nobody will tell me what to do and fuck control and discipline, and I'm proud! I will rebel against anyone i want! I just remember to respect, until i get treated wuth disrespect lol
djtarleton hell yea i was spanked when i was young with the belt and i have a good job, have owned 3 homes, have a hotrod , are heaps of other cool stuff so spanking dose work and we ues it as a last resort.
djtarleton right.. this type of behavior follows them throughout childhood, adolescence.... adulthood..... they then do not respect no one (police, judges, teachers, not even parents themselves). the bottom line is that this social behavioral approach doesn't work... it only produces liberal rebels with a smart-behind over their backs.... spanking has been used forever, and its the only way a child will fear authority... children don't know as children, and they tend to WANT TO DO IT THEIR WAY, DESPITE OF WHOEVER SAYS THE OPPOSITE.... nobody likes it, but children do need to get spank.
I'm with him I'm also 12 but your parents should tell you what to do they're the head of the house and another thing I agree about is discipline you shouldn't need to whoop beat or punish them for a long time like on punishment for 2 or 3 week I would only do 1 week if he does better I'll always subtract some days of for being good like cleaning the house etc. Oh and I hope he go's to school because he sound like a very bad kid if I caught him saying that on UA-cam I would put him on punishment for a week always start that number one and if he keep on being bad ill add one week every time. That kid should remember more than respect, I'm saying this because my dad does all what I said above I hate that there no need to be mad or angry for anything let's say that if my daughter stole money from me I wouldn't whoop or beat even though I'm angry as hell I will punish her for sure but I will never ever beat her if she does good for that one week I will take her punishment off so that my way of discipline.
Professor, how many children do you have? How many have you raised on a full-time bases? 30 minutes a week in your office does not qualify as hands-on experience.
@spongebob My god spongebob, you have been horribly mislead your entire life if you believe everything that you have just said. Look up the statistics, spanking is horrible for childrens' developement. But I can understand how you have grown to feel this way, our current society is terrible on children. Look up the term childism and read a little about it
SOOOOOOOOO what you are saying just tell them they did wrong and take something off them ? Try and do that to a 15 - 16yo it don't work may be we should just say that was wrong and then give them icecream and treats :P
CONNERJD~~~~~ wow abortion not called for if you have nothing nice to say don't say it at all. I BELIVE THAT THERE IS NO BAD KID JUST BAD PARENTING! parents should take the time to learn new parenting skills to help themselves aswell as the kids
Well, there are people that I can't anything nice about such as a child rapist spouse abuser, Hitler, Stalin. I don't feel the least bit bad by saying some people should have never been born.
I do not believe in that sort of thing. I feel nobody can tell you your parenting is wrong because its not their kid so its not their business if you see a kid getting smacked you leave it because it dont involve you
I really hope you don't think this way anymore. Spanking is not the only efficient way to punish and discipline a child. From my experience from working at a daycare and being a part-time babysitter, I've been able to find many ways on how to discipline/punish a child for their bad behavior, such as talking to/scolding them calmly yet assertively (yelling at them only makes things worse) and merely putting them in time-out (
Rhetorical question: Do parents forever supersede their children? Do they forever get to call the shots, no matter how old the children are? Answer: As long as the children are dependent on them, which means as long as it's THEIR home the children live in, and as long as it's THEIR money supporting the children, the answer is yes, they do, because those count as dependencies on them. As long as this is the case, they can do that.
Now seeing these parents letting their kids run wild and yell at them and basically tell them whose in charge... Shame. I won't knock what this Dr. is saying, but for those who say its ALWAYS the parents fault.. Let me tell you lol if I wanted to act out it was MY choice xD not always the smartest choice in hindsight
I really do think this works. Attempting to physically discipline away the bad doesn't give you a mature child! Being calm and collected while punishing them has much more lasting affects. They copy how you deal with situations so being mature is the best way you can help them deal with their own emotions.
I am grateful for every spanking, kept my ass in line. I spank, and he knows who the boss is. long term negative effects? ha! I see kids were I work that could use a good old fashion swat. now sometime I just have to look at mine, of threaten to, and miraculously he obeys. I have had lots of talk with older parent that spanked and had their kids turn out quite nicely also.
@@amc903 I agree with you
If you show your kids a mature environment they will copy that behavior and eventually understand that it's the right way to be. Peaceful loving and compassionate. Give your children room to make mistakes without fearing harm. Why should your kids be scared of you or use being spanked as a reason to behave. They should WANT to because it makes them you and everyone else happy and joyful. Be a loving parent not a tyrant
If i told my mother that yelling and hitting me when i was a child (im a teenager now) was not the reason, she thinks i turned out fine but im onoy fine because i hide my emotions, i can’t show mistakes or else they will scream is what got in my brain im conscious about it now and im still gonna hide it because there’s nothing good coming out of being open to my parents, my mom or dad aren’t bad person i just think their parenting skills are bad, the only reason i never had behavioral issues is my fear of being reprimanded, same with my good grades and now turns out i have anger issues and resentment when they scream at me
Why is it a crime to hit another adult but OK to hit a small child that Adores you and gets their safe feelings from you. If hitting a child worked then adults would not get arrested for hitting other adults... Of course you can get a child to mind out of fear of pain But to get down to what to please you that is what smart do
I just commented on the comment before yours were she compared a man beating his wife to spanking your child. You can't. It's not the same when a man (or woman) beats another adult. Two very different things going on.
Because the little cunts run rampant become disrespectful and need a ass whooping sometimes
@@DaneJiujitsu I agree
@@DaneJiujitsu sounds to me like you're a lazy parent
@@ceilingeyewow I wish I had it all figured out like you.
I was raised the old school way. What it taught me was to fear my mother and don't get caught. I was a headstrong child with ADHD, but my mother broke my spirit and as a results I had a very low self-esteem and allowed people to bully me. I know she raised me the best she knew how from her own upbringing and for the limited resources that they had back then on how to raise children and discipline the right way. But as a mother of two now, I reflect often on my past traumas when I feel my frustration rising at my 3 year old son who is high energy ADHD and I remind myself that I do not want my son to feel the way I felt when I was being disciplined. Children should ALWAYS FEEL SAFE with their parents and in their home. The problem with corporal punishment is that is VERY easy to strike in anger and lose control-- which is what we teach our children. Which is why I refuse to do it. I don't trust myself to stay in control if I start using corporal punishment. Corporal punishment teaches impatience. Hence, as a mother, I have had to train myself to have patience. Not trying to be a bible thumper, but it personally helped me tremendously when I let Jesus's example lead me. His loving patience for children and adults-- even when the adults were acting like children-- was an inspiration to me. That is why I constantly look for better ways to guide and discipline my 3 year old. It is very hard in a society that is sitting on the fence about how children should be disciplined. People have no patience, either because they have no children or because they were raised the old school way which taught them to be impatient too. I have made a promise that I refuse to hit my son for the sake of pleasing others. 1) My actions now will affect my son's future esteem. 2) I'm not going to risk losing custody of my son by using corporal punishment. 3) If I believe it is NOT ok for a husband to strike his wife when they have a disagreement, why would it be ok for a wife to strike her child??? Food for thought people! We lead our children by example and hitting them not only teaches them not to trust their safety in the hands of their parent, but it teaches them impatience and breaks their spirit. We don't want to spoil our children or let them walk all over us, but guide them and use stern loving discipline. This is how we will raise a better society who are not quick to anger, who are more tolerant, understanding, and patient towards each other. We have forgotten that it takes a village to raise a child. Many parents are feeling like they are stranded on a island alone with their child-- where have the helpful villagers gone? They have been replaced by the critics who have nothing valuable to offer with their intolerant judgments on parents who are trying-- struggling-- their best to do it better. Every once in a blue moon 1 villager will appear when I am trying to keep my son under control at the check-out line, and they will distract my son by talking to him and smiling at him-- thank God for them!-- which is all my son needed was a healthy distraction and little attention. ;-)
My old man crushed the confidence of all of us with his constant yelling, anger and quick temper. I'm trying to avoid the same mistake with my son.
Are usually don't comment on UA-cam, but I truly felt compelled to say how much I couldn't agree more with everything you say. Very well said and thank you for reminding all of us the proper and effective way.
Comparing a man beating his wife to spanking a child is ludicrous. Please never use that again as they are two completely different topics.
Gypsi Leydi how beautifully u have written!
Though mentioned YESHUA (JESUS), The BIBLE says, Spare the Rod and Spoil the Child. Its not What, but How...
My dad hit me cussed and yelled my whole life and literally thats all i remember when i think back is chaos. I was born in iraq but at 1 year old i was in the middle of the gulf war and you see i was sent to a refugee camp till age 5 and then i was brought to America. The stuff i remember is never good and as bad as i try i have violent tendencies like when i get upset i hear my heart beating in my head because of how worked up i get. When it comes to my kids though, i know better than to hit them. The most i do is spank his wrist and i say "his" because i have two baby boys 1 and 3. The 3 year old speaks 3 languages already and is very very intelligent and witty. Great problem solver great at everything he does. I am saying all this because people need to wake up and realize that family comes first and if family is not right then your not right inside. Bottom line is if you hit your kid i get it your frustration and all but do u honestly believe that beating works?? History folks!
My mother when she gets mad at me, she's like crazy. One time she got the ceramic plate and hit me on the head, I was bleeding really hard. My brother just washed my head in the sink and thats it. Im 35 now with two kids and that happened when i was 10. When I remember it, my tears start to show. She is my mom,
but i hate her with that.
*hugs* That was wrong of your mother and you did not deserve it.
that’s so bad, my mother yells at me which definitely emotionally scarred me, im a teenager im not a child but she still yells as a way to communicate instead of regulating emotions, everytime she yells i get anger issues and resentment, she isn’t a bad woman but if im being honest she has bad parenting skills, i got anger issues now which i struggle to control and struggle controlling emotions and also showing them i can’t be open to anybody because i have fear of being reprimanded like what my mother did to me
Great videos. I see some ignorant comments. Your advise is wonderful.
This gentleman works with some of the toughest kids! He knows what he’s talking about!
My parents used the 3rd method. Never yelled. Mom said hands are for hugging.
All the alcoholics and druggies i know were smacked when they were kids.
Getting whippings on the regular made me not want to hurt others growing up. I am 66 years, one month and 18 days as of my comments. I am not an alcoholic or drug addict. I knew when I was not obedient, but I was never given the opportunity to express myself. I learned how to sneak and keep secrets to be free of doing basic child things. I look back at my past and am thankful nobody else influenced me with detrimental actions that I did not first consider how negative it would be for myself. I am not a follower of not even my own 10 siblings. It is the best choice I ever made.
"We can get wonderful kids without beating them"
MIND BLOWN *_BOOOSH_*
When it comes to parenting advises I prefer ones that come from parents and not so called experts.
This was written by a mother of four and grandmother of six:
"What works for one child when it comes to disciplinary measures doesn’t work for another"
You can read her article here: parentsupporthub.com/discipline-what-works-for-one-child-wont-work-for-another/
Great article!
I agree with marko t
so you prefer.... one random ass womans personal parenting experience to a.... certified psychologist who specifically studies children with behavioral disorders for a living.
i mean,,, ig if you enjoy being wrong....
I wish this article was still up
Only In Some Situations You Should Yell At Your Child. Only In Very Intense Situations Should You Ever Even Think Of Hitting Your Child.
well it actually depends because their are some parents who never hit nor yell at their kids yet their kids have little to no respect just like kids who have been spanked and yelled at on a vary rare everyonce in a blue moon or at least got spanked once or twice or a couple times only on rare occasions and others on a daily basis and when they get to a certain age they reflect on their behavior and regret everything and in the end becomes better and more mature adults their are kids who got this kid of disciplined grew up to be way better more matured adults but again depending the personality your kids have will determined whether their going to grow up to be wonderful matured respectful adults or or not but yes when it comes to spanking or yelling should only be done as the most last thing you ever do on sever situations but as for me silence or stare or if caught holding a dangerous object that is only allows kids from grade 4 to adults can use discipline is using by telling demanding them to give it to me or lay it on the counter or put it away if refuse multiple times then use force by grabbing their hand and stripping it out of their hand but that would have to be the last thing on your list but the most part silence by clapping your hands together to get their attention or time out chair or sent to their room taking away their toys or just send them to their room without taking their toys or nose to the wall or corner and explaining them the reasons for disciplining them whether they want to hear it or not and or taking certain privileges like no allowances for so many days weeks or months and or no sleep overs nor friends over nor appropriate clean parties or staying indoors not allowed outside and also give them choirs to do clean house clean yard stuff like that as a means of discipline.... but yes some kids who get spanked and yelled at become vary hard to handle in public same goes for those who have never been yelled at nor spanked can become hard to handle in public and yes even some kids who get intense discipline and ones that don`t get yelled nor spank can become mature and respectful kids and adults just depends on the personality of your child and what kind of people they are influenced by and or from same for the music or movies or whatever they watch or listen to determands what kind of child you get.... but also use a firm stern voice don`t yell but have your voice raised to a point where you are serious but your not yelling and your voice is not soft and gentle but in the middle and other times you have to use a soft and gentle voice and explain to them the reasons why you disciplined them for what they did and remind them their is a better way to behave properly and so on but it depends on the situation and how serious the situation is and so on sometimes you don`t need to speak just be silenced and discipline them with your actions just depends on the personality of the child and their age and the situation and so on... also sometimes ignoring your children is the best discipline you can give them sometimes not always but sometimes...
Some people in the comments sound really stupid, your kids are not your punching bags. Kids that get abused like this can develop really bad anxiety disorders and will end up hating you, so shut up and stop being so defensive because you know you're doing something wrong!
to each there's own I grew up with spanking and I'm just fine all honesty know that I look back on it I'm GLAD I got them teaches me when u do bad shit in life there is a hell of a price to pay
I am a former 1st grade and special ed pre school teacher, now I own a daycare. My grandson is 4, EXTREMELY strong willed. He's also in my daycare. He throws tantrums for hrs all day long, throwing items, hitting himself, yelling, screaming, jumping on furniture throwing himself on floor, etc., doesnt follow directions..only if it involves food, he's a picky eater & is over weight too. I am a very calm person, I have 8 of my own children, 3 of them special needs, so I do have a wealth of knowledge in my arsenal but, I am LITERALLY at a loss and don't know what else to do. His father, my son, is the one who does everything, his mother just doesn't do anything when it comes to any type of his care. I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE DO!!! When I talk to my son he talks to him but it doesn't help, when I tell my son he should seek outside resources he gets upset, as most parents would..unfortunately, even when the dr says the child is over weight he gets defensive. Its his first child, my son is 32. HELP!!!!
Hello ma'am,
May inquire 6 years later about your story? Did your grandson ever get the help, guidance and correction he needed?
spanking is not beating, their is a big difference. I got spanked and when I did my parents sat me down and explained y i was getting spanked and later hugged me and told me they love me and that's y I was being disciplined. i turned out great besides whatever happened to spare the rod spoil the child? Do people think they know better than God?
People look to deeply into it. To any reasonable parent who loves there kid and uses the punishment from the heart, It should be common sense from the heart. It seems to me that is what people have lost in parenting in todays silly busy little routine world. That and a backbone to let the kid know you mean what you are showing them when you teach them discipline with love and respect.
Agreed but people like this person in the video undermines people that its not ok to spank witch he is wrong
Thank you, thank you so much.
In some situations one should yell at a kid. Just don't do it in a threatening way.
That makes no sense
@@cyou6843 no sense to your broken brain
@@cyou6843I think it does. I can think of lots of things that can be yelled that aren’t threatening, and things that are not. Anything can be yelled.
I don't think I'm healthy,, my childhood is fucked up!
Thank you Dr. Childress! This is fantastic and much appreciated.
Do you have any more videos ???? These are soooooooo helpful and wonderful videos. Thank you so much!
what do you do when your 10 year old just thinks your a joke .... my dad was hard on me I asked for water I got vinegar . I couldent read I got hit ecc ecc . I told my self I will do exactly what my dad did not do .... I feel my child is a brat who does not care or appreciate anything ..... what do I do ..
Spank his ass
i'd put the kiddo in therapy. a kid with severe behavioral issues is most likely struggling in a way you as a parent cannot see. kids, like all people THRIVE on love and approval. most kids want their parents to be pleased with them.
additionally, the ages from 10-16 are usually rough in general. your kiddo is just getting old enough where all they want is independence, and they're just starting their journey as a mini adult. be patient as they try to exercise newfound independence, and help them learn and establish boundaries. remember, your kiddo's prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain that handles emotional regulation and decision making) IS NOT DEVELOPED YET!! your kiddo WILL mess up, and when they do, make sure that you're the support they can rely on.
above all, empathy first! I've found that the best childcare strategy is to imagine yourself in their shoes. you've learned how to regulate your feelings and how to communicate. your kiddo hasn't quite yet. empathize with what they're feeling, let them know they're being heard, but they need to respect you and your feelings as well. mirroring the behavior you WANT to see is the best way they can LEARN that behavior. remember, you're teaching them communication skills!!!! the way you speak to them is how they're gonna speak to you!
I am pretty desperate to find a way to change my pattern of feeling rage and spanking. In a perfect world you could have no stress and all the time and patience to wait out the tantrums but that’s just not reality. But I feel so much guilt not being better equipped.
see? this is the problem... .how many thousands of times do you have to tell a kid to not play with food... before HE WOULD WANT TO FOLLOW YOUR INSTRUCTIONS? its a matter of wills.... you have to force your way through the life of the child... the kid doesn't know better than you.... you are the parent, and you WOULD KNOW... its stupid to assume that children DO KNOW... they are inexperienced and immature little people who often times MAKE THE WORST DECISIONS FOR THEIR OWN VULNERABLE LIVES... therefore, you (THE PARENT) has to intervene and force him NOT TO PLAY WITH THE FOOD... AN YEI, IN MANY CASES, IT FREAKN REQUIRES PUNISHMENT... THEY MUST BE AFRAID OF YOU.... THERE IS REALLY NO OTHER REALISTIC WAY TO DO THIS.
Maybe Jesus didn't need to spank children because he set a good example for them to follow to start with. I do believe that some situations warrant spanking, but its not the only way of using the rod that religious people always talk about. The other method of discipline i like is to allow people to find things ourt the hard way, except in cases where the person/child would be in life-threatening danger. You won't do the same thing twice if you touch the stove when its on, trip over if theyre rushing, etc. Lucky i don't have kids I'd be jailed for sure.
You know why? Because you want your children like the way you are. That's why you can't educate them properly. You don't have to tell them, just take away those food from them, if they won't eat and play with it. That's the right way. What's the problem??? Why stress urself telling them thousands of time?? I just don't understand why so many ppl don't use their brain properly. How low is ur IQ???
Well my question is does it work for all children and what is the home dynamic that apply to this. Also dose he have any kids of his own.
"Mr. Phd" is a brain expert and understands the destructive impact spanking and yelling has on children. He's not advocating no discipline; His perspective is based on best practice research and works to build a cooperative healthy, happy child. NOT beat & scare children into submission so they have to visit therapists when they're adults. Parents often think just because they are a parent they instinctively know what they're doing - that's BS. Education for the job of parenting is essential!!!!
Hes wrong
The parenting loop of love, frustration, anger, GUILT is awful.
Physical force is bad for child development? If I did something I wasn't supposed to and KNEW I wasn't supposed to or if I had the nerve to talk back to my Adult parents when I was a child I got a spanking.. And I leaned how to be respectful to my elders. Time outs were nothing xD I sat in my room and read. I didn't get spanked for little stuff but I knew better than to over step my boundaries as a child.
I am 18 and been basically co raising my 5 y/o brother for the past 2 1/2 years. we have different fathers I dont speak to mine and his father isn't allowed contact with us because he is human trash, so just me and my mom. I am trying my best everyday to raise my brother but misbehaves alot and has so much energy that leads him to trouble. I try so hard not to get angry at him and to be as level headed as possible when teaching him right from wrong or when explaining to him about his actions but I get very fed up alot because it doesn't work and I resort to shouting and spanking. I don't want to do that and I dont want him to fear me to behave, but most of the time it works and when it doesn't nothing will make him stop. whenever I give him a talk or confrontation about his behavior in a regular voice and just take a privilege away.. he does not take it seriously and continues to misbehave. all I want to do is raise him without shouting or yelling and without putting my hands on him and him actually responding to this.
Old post, but I understand.
This video provided no tools. 'Overview' or 'summary' should have been used in the title. No real help here.
Bias video made up by a bias dr
I got it as a kid...and it worked pretty darn good. I'm actually glad I got spanked/physical discipline. Every parent needs to do it (mother and father) and even extended authority figures--family members. But never do it in anger/nor yelling. It must be done in self-control. Then pray with them and have them ask God to forgive them for disobeying a verbal command. Your commands as a parent needs to align with the Holy Scriptures. You shouldn't spank a kid for disobeying a sinful command...like for stealing/lying or doing something bad that you wanted them to do. Never teach them to disobey God. They must obey God over you. God comes first, remember that. And teach them from the Bible so they learn to do good. Just don't tell them the proverbs below as that's for parents or people in authority over them...at least until they become adults.
Proverbs 13:24 - Whoever spares the rod (belt) hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
Proverbs 22:15 - Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.
Proverbs 23:13 - Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die.
Proverbs 23:14 - If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol (Hell).
I agree
Thank you ..
I'm 12 and nobody will tell me what to do and fuck control and discipline, and I'm proud! I will rebel against anyone i want! I just remember to respect, until i get treated wuth disrespect lol
See. Exactly why children should be whooped. Smh.
djtarleton hell yea i was spanked when i was young with the belt and i have a good job, have owned 3 homes, have a hotrod , are heaps of other cool stuff so spanking dose work and we ues it as a last resort.
djtarleton right.. this type of behavior follows them throughout childhood, adolescence.... adulthood..... they then do not respect no one (police, judges, teachers, not even parents themselves). the bottom line is that this social behavioral approach doesn't work... it only produces liberal rebels with a smart-behind over their backs.... spanking has been used forever, and its the only way a child will fear authority... children don't know as children, and they tend to WANT TO DO IT THEIR WAY, DESPITE OF WHOEVER SAYS THE OPPOSITE.... nobody likes it, but children do need to get spank.
I'm with him I'm also 12 but your parents should tell you what to do they're the head of the house and another thing I agree about is discipline you shouldn't need to whoop beat or punish them for a long time like on punishment for 2 or 3 week I would only do 1 week if he does better I'll always subtract some days of for being good like cleaning the house etc. Oh and I hope he go's to school because he sound like a very bad kid if I caught him saying that on UA-cam I would put him on punishment for a week always start that number one and if he keep on being bad ill add one week every time. That kid should remember more than respect, I'm saying this because my dad does all what I said above I hate that there no need to be mad or angry for anything let's say that if my daughter stole money from me I wouldn't whoop or beat even though I'm angry as hell I will punish her for sure but I will never ever beat her if she does good for that one week I will take her punishment off so that my way of discipline.
Wouldn't fucking work with me! I'd have you straightened out pretty fast.
This isn’t how I was raised, relearning parenting skills isn’t easy. “Ohana means family”
Thank you!
Why?
not all children are the same.
Neither are adults, we should reconsider public flogging. (thinking face)
Professor, how many children do you have? How many have you raised on a full-time bases? 30 minutes a week in your office does not qualify as hands-on experience.
This stuff works
@spongebob My god spongebob, you have been horribly mislead your entire life if you believe everything that you have just said. Look up the statistics, spanking is horrible for childrens' developement. But I can understand how you have grown to feel this way, our current society is terrible on children. Look up the term childism and read a little about it
Its not horrible statistic are wrong
I completely agree with your point of view
SOOOOOOOOO what you are saying just tell them they did wrong and take something off them ? Try and do that to a 15 - 16yo it don't work may be we should just say that was wrong and then give them icecream and treats :P
Give them cookies that'll fix them up
Play nice
CONNERJD~~~~~ wow abortion not called for if you have nothing nice to say don't say it at all. I BELIVE THAT THERE IS NO BAD KID JUST BAD PARENTING! parents should take the time to learn new parenting skills to help themselves aswell as the kids
Well, there are people that I can't anything nice about such as a child rapist spouse abuser, Hitler, Stalin. I don't feel the least bit bad by saying some people should have never been born.
really spanking solves nothing what ever this video is just to help parents who cant really discipline their children.
I wonder where he got that Stamina potion.
LOL nice one
I do not believe in that sort of thing.
I feel nobody can tell you your parenting is wrong because its not their kid so its not their business if you see a kid getting smacked you leave it because it dont involve you
I really hope you don't think this way anymore. Spanking is not the only efficient way to punish and discipline a child. From my experience from working at a daycare and being a part-time babysitter, I've been able to find many ways on how to discipline/punish a child for their bad behavior, such as talking to/scolding them calmly yet assertively (yelling at them only makes things worse) and merely putting them in time-out (
WTF
I just say send the child to military school. they will change for the best and thank you later when they grow up
What About if they are junkies
THEN YOU FAILED AS A PARENT SHAME ON YOU VERY SAD
Hey thanks but I dont need tips on parenting. Abuse is putting bruises on your kid not spanking their butt when they disobey their commands
yeah wow your self..
I always hated yelling.
Our goal for children should not be obedience to authority.
Rhetorical question: Do parents forever supersede their children? Do they forever get to call the shots, no matter how old the children are? Answer: As long as the children are dependent on them, which means as long as it's THEIR home the children live in, and as long as it's THEIR money supporting the children, the answer is yes, they do, because those count as dependencies on them. As long as this is the case, they can do that.
Now seeing these parents letting their kids run wild and yell at them and basically tell them whose in charge... Shame. I won't knock what this Dr. is saying, but for those who say its ALWAYS the parents fault.. Let me tell you lol if I wanted to act out it was MY choice xD not always the smartest choice in hindsight
This doctor is wrong