These 3 things are making things worse between you and your loved one with dementia

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  • Опубліковано 5 січ 2019
  • Welcome to the place where I share dementia tips, strategies, and information for family members caring for a loved one with any type of dementia (such as Alzheimer's disease, Lewy Body dementia, vascular dementia, frontotemporal dementia, etc.)
    In this video, I share 3 common things that dementia caregivers do to their loved ones with dementia. These are 3 simple things that you may be doing but are easy to stop doing. Are you doing any of these 3 things? Which one are you willing to stop?
    ______________
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    Connect with other Careblazers for information and support inside my Facebook group: / dementiacareblazers
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    CHECK OUT MY POPULAR PLAYLISTS
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    OTHER VIDEOS MENTIONED IN THIS VIDEO:
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    In case you haven’t met me, my name is Natali Edmonds and I am a board certified geropsychologist. That means that I am a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with older adults. One day, while hiking a trail, I came up with the idea for Careblazers and I decided to see if posting videos online could provide help to the many other Careblazers in the world who don’t get to have help come directly to them in their homes. I hope that this work helps you in some way on your caregiving journey.
    #careblazer #dementia #dementiacare

КОМЕНТАРІ • 130

  • @kathleenconnolly9021
    @kathleenconnolly9021 2 роки тому +11

    Not ONE single of my mother’s doctor’s has ever given me even single way to cope. THANK YOU for being there for us!

  • @thebreakofdawnzinaz2898
    @thebreakofdawnzinaz2898 3 роки тому +12

    1. Stop correcting them (except safety issues)
    2. Stop reminding them they have dementia
    3. Stop doing too much for them. Make them feel like they can contribute and they have value.

  • @susandraws
    @susandraws 4 роки тому +23

    This was terrific!! I’m so guilty of showing irritation once my stress has hit a limit. This was a valuable reminder that what I say will be forgotten, but not how I make him feel. That was a KEY point!! Thank you so much for this.

    • @tomgcooktown5019
      @tomgcooktown5019 3 роки тому +1

      You are correct. And even if you make a mistake, just as soon as you realize that, change it. Tell your loved one that you were wrong & ask if they thing doing it different will be better. Then thank & praise if it works or even if it just seems to. Their feelings can be hurt or stirred up & last long after they know what triggered the feelings if they ever even consciously knew. Non-professional opinion of someone, myself, who has been learning & making mistakes as I go with my wife who has digressed pretty far into dementia. TgT

    • @sueb6662
      @sueb6662 3 роки тому +1

      So true they do start to resent and tend not to forget how they feel around you however not easy not to show irritation when your tired.... worth the effort 👌

    • @video198712
      @video198712 2 роки тому

      That is me too. I'm quick to get irritated

    • @ruthr1093
      @ruthr1093 7 місяців тому

      This is excellent advice! I’m definitely going to change my ways. I’ve been so upset and angry with my husband for having this disease that I just want to point out his failings at almost every chance I can. Then I hate myself afterwards. I’m turning over a new leaf now, thanks to you!

  • @soniaannwillard8635
    @soniaannwillard8635 5 років тому +23

    I Thank God everyday He gave me the compassion he gave me !!, They Just want to Just to be themselves. EVERY PERSON DESERVES COMPASSION💖😇

  • @lucystraite325
    @lucystraite325 3 роки тому +7

    It is so hard to agree with my husband when he say he see people and or things that’s not there but after listening I’m going to put more effort into agreeing with him

  • @bevstaska5017
    @bevstaska5017 2 роки тому +2

    How is it that you know exactly what I am going through when your video comes up?? I am soooo THANKFUL for your insight to what caregivers go through as it helps us feel not so guilty as we blown it different situations!!

  • @joannpajunas9905
    @joannpajunas9905 5 років тому +17

    Thank you so much for all your videos Dr Natalie. I ask my mom to dry the dishes, I brought nice, plastic glasses in case one drops. I tell her we make a great team and that she dries cause she is great at it. I have her put groceries away too.
    If it's not perfect - so what.

  • @ShinobiEngineer
    @ShinobiEngineer 5 років тому +3

    Did those 3. Stopped. Now things are much better. Thank you! 🙏

  • @Lynchbricks
    @Lynchbricks 5 років тому +15

    I think your videos are fantastic. Essential for pointing me in the right direction.

  • @barbaracarr17
    @barbaracarr17 3 роки тому +4

    I needed this so much. I hope I can keep these tips in mind every day

  • @johngreene2497
    @johngreene2497 2 роки тому +2

    Your guidance is so relevant and so very right in so many aspects. My lady wife has serious physical disabilities on top of her advanced dementia. Much of what you advocate is hard to do but my experience is that your advice is absolutely spot-on. If you're struggling to cope you have to let go and follow the best guidance I had to learn by trial and error.

  • @emmachase8588
    @emmachase8588 5 років тому +4

    Stop having any Expectations and Stop being surprised, are the ones I find help most.

  • @cathybrodie5721
    @cathybrodie5721 3 роки тому +1

    I won’t be doing #2 any more - I thought I was helping Mum by, when she complained about how bad her memory was, explaining that she had dementia and that it wasn’t going to improve. I thought that it would stop her trying to find cures for it. I see now I just need to acknowledge that she has memory issues, let her know that we (the family) accept that, and that she’s on all the medications we can find to help her memory. And then highlight all the helpful things she’s still doing around the house (doing the washing, packing and unpacking the dishwasher)
    Thanks so much for the help - my brother and I are loving your videos 💕

  • @rhondastrickland4072
    @rhondastrickland4072 5 років тому +15

    I needed this so much! Thank you.

  • @katiefaith5381
    @katiefaith5381 Рік тому +2

    Something that occurred to me this morning in my quiet time is that everything that my mother says is coming from a dying brain ...all her actions and words are coming forth from a brain that is dying:( caring for her is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life... being with anyone 24/7 is NOT healthy and being with someone with DEMENTIA magnifies this issue I'm having to make adjustments in my life that I never thought I would ...all of my time is consumed and my life has been hijacked.. yet I tell myself this is where GOD has me right now and what are the lessons that I need to learn??

  • @itsmyworld43
    @itsmyworld43 4 роки тому +2

    Thank you so much for sharing this information and opening my eyes to things that I was not aware of. I'm sharing these videos with my family members and friends who are dealing with Dementia.
    Thank you, thank you, thank you!

  • @kathyowens890
    @kathyowens890 4 роки тому +5

    Thank You for such great (and helpful) videos ❤

  • @suz0000
    @suz0000 5 років тому +3

    Excellent advise.

  • @frankiefurbag9030
    @frankiefurbag9030 2 роки тому +1

    I say “ok” a lot. whenever something whacky comes up or happens. I just say, ok or its ok. I try to agree.

  • @dirtyrottenhikers4972
    @dirtyrottenhikers4972 5 років тому +2

    Thanks Dr. Natali! Happy New Year!

  • @Allergictocatstoo
    @Allergictocatstoo 3 роки тому +2

    Thank you again and again! I appreciate you and your knowledge, your sharing everything with us. God bless you.

  • @ronaldmccartney4267
    @ronaldmccartney4267 2 роки тому

    All three topics mentioned are terrific advice, I plan on following each one,thank you so much .As the old saying goes, what goes around comes around !

  • @stephenpowstinger733
    @stephenpowstinger733 2 роки тому +2

    I may be dealing with someone with mild dementia (not a spouse) which is why I'm watching. I'm 75 so some of us (friends, family) are very at risk.
    ...I can see that many old-timers are also failing physically therefore it's a dual problem.

  • @catherinebosley7539
    @catherinebosley7539 2 роки тому +2

    Helpful though this video is,I live 24 hours a day with my Husband,no outside help,no day centre's available,no break from Dementia,I want to scream every day.

  • @ConwayBob
    @ConwayBob 3 роки тому +5

    My loved one knows she has Alzheimer's. There is NO NEED to remind her of that fact, and the harm caused by reminding her would far outweigh any imaginable benefit. My goal is always to do whatever I can to enhance her sense of agency, to reinforce the feeling that she can still do things and is still fully human. The hardest thing for me is choosing not to correct her errors, so that has got to be my main focus right now -- avoiding contradicting what she says. One helpful tip I've learned from a pro is to respond to complaints about non-existent vexations with something like, "Oh my, we'll have to work on that." and/or "Thanks for letting me know!" and/or just nodding my head. The sufferer wants to be acknowledged, to feel that she is being heard and listened to, so hear her and listen to her!

    • @jelizabethpetrie6656
      @jelizabethpetrie6656 Рік тому +1

      I notice my 93yo mom’s self esteem & self worth confidence goes up greatly if reinforcing that their memory about something is accurate. She smiles if I respond ‘exactly!’. Or if they mistakenly think something had recently happened, I’ll find something closely connected that might have made them mistake that…She still lives on her own and I spend hours with her a day, such as bring groceries or fill bird feeders if too cold out. But daily activities keep her active. An owner to 3 assisted living facilities even reinforced to me the mindset that if they can live on their own and stay safe & active in their daily routines and you doing the minimal things like errands, driving or grocery delivering that helps. And find ways they can still feel like they too are giving like them making you coffee and staying to share a snack, a tv show or reviewing old photos and stories of family times. He even had until recently when his mothers eyesight became compromised, kept her living in her home with a caregiver part time.
      93 and my mom’s memory still amazes me in detail for things especially from 1940’s onward. But like myself, I remind her no one has a perfect memory for what they had for breakfast 3 days ago? Then she relaxes her thinking that everyone else has perfect recall and relaxes. And fear of judgement dissipates.

  • @timlonggone
    @timlonggone 5 років тому +3

    Definitely yes, great advice I’ve been trying to do exactly what you’re saying. It’s kind of common sense. Still it is difficult. Thank you and Guinness too.

  • @claudettebastille1973
    @claudettebastille1973 3 роки тому +3

    from quebec thank you for everything cc

  • @joannebeauregard9412
    @joannebeauregard9412 5 років тому +2

    I appreciate so much your advice😌. I met a woman 15 years ago, neighbor 85 at the time. She was lonely and had lost her older sister recently and was caring for another older sister in a nursing home. She visited this sister every day and brought food and comforts of home daily rain or shine. She and I became like mother and daughter. We shopped and went out to lunch and shared many stories of her life. She was very independent and headstrong and loving. Though we had a big age gap our friendship means the world to me. Over the last 4 years she lost her sister and her best friend. But her incredible strength and me and my husband's determination to get her through this sadness she thrived. Unfortunately her attorney stole all her money when she made the decision at age 89 to go into a nursing home and sell her house. I did my best to reassure her but within 4 months of her finding out she began to behave differently with me. Her nurses said she was fine so I couldn't understand why she was mistreating me when I was always there so I took a break from her after seeing her everyday for 12 years. I was contacted by a friend that my friend suffered a breakdown which was then diagnosed with dementia. My heart breaks everyday knowing I didn't recognize this sooner and possibly avoid her break down. She is now almost 96 and the illness has changed her but I will Always be there for her. She has moments of clarity and she will tell me she loves me but sleeps alot. I miss he so much. I bring her favorite foods and comforts of home much like she did for her sister. I still feel guilt and shame for not recognizing the dementia sooner. The loss of her pride in trusting her attorney was her breaking point. She asks me often about if she has her money back. All I can tell her is try not to worry and think about happy times and I redirect the conversation which you have taught me. She just seems so defeated. I wish I knew a way to give her some peace. My heart breaks for her. I am sorry I carried on so long...I just need some advice. Please😔

    • @barbieskates540
      @barbieskates540 3 роки тому

      If her dementia is bad enough.
      .Maybe say each time she asked about her money.. Say you'll check on it while sounding hopeful.
      My dad used to ask every day if his brother, nicknamed "Uncle Happy" was still alive.
      When told that he was dead and ALL the other relatives dead too..
      He would grieve like hearing it for the first time. They kept him in a constant state of grief. So cruel of them.
      Why not breing up good memories that create joy?

  • @yolandadorta8064
    @yolandadorta8064 5 років тому +4

    Thanks for your videos you keep me sane.

  • @BobSmithintuit
    @BobSmithintuit 5 років тому +4

    Hi Dr. Natali...I just recently found your channel...Thank You!!! My Mama has Vascular Demention and is still able to live on her own for now. I really appreciate the information in your videos and it has helped us already...for now it's me and Mama. She knows her diagnosis and we're working through it...once again...Thank You.

    • @DementiaCareblazers
      @DementiaCareblazers  5 років тому +1

      So glad you found this channel, Bob! Keep up the good work with your Mama!

  • @isabelboydcolhoun7420
    @isabelboydcolhoun7420 4 роки тому +1

    This is very helpful to know!

  • @judyhyland682
    @judyhyland682 3 роки тому

    Wonderful information!!!!! Thank you

  • @jannalynn1137
    @jannalynn1137 5 років тому +2

    I do sincerely appreciate your advice and will make a very, very big effort on the first two suggestions as I think they are extremely workable in my situation. The third, not so much. He has always been a procrastinator and this has been exacerbated to the extreme now. If there is something that I give him to do, for example folding socks, as you brought up. Those socks could sit there for several days. Just an example. He may take up one pair to put on eventually. Easier to just fold them all up myself as I am NO procrastinator.

  • @dovylovylovy9025
    @dovylovylovy9025 5 років тому +3

    V good insight.am so thankful i am learning increasingly from your video.Dr Natalie.you are a GREAT DOCTOR n excellent presenter.Tks

    • @azihd7698
      @azihd7698 4 роки тому

      Thanks for all video it's help me withe my dad

  • @Sunny1414100
    @Sunny1414100 Рік тому

    Thank you…I needed this 😊

  • @rayann4739
    @rayann4739 4 роки тому

    Love your videos-thank you ❤👵👴

  • @vistulacooper6802
    @vistulacooper6802 2 роки тому

    So glad for all of these videos!!!! Thanks!!!

    • @ellensstory4429
      @ellensstory4429 2 роки тому

      My Mom still makes her bed beautifully, dress herself ( doesn't match, but that doesn't matter) and do her own hair. She also sets the table and I have let her wash dishes from time to time.

  • @teresadeleon7099
    @teresadeleon7099 3 роки тому +2

    I'm going to find things my loved one can help out with.

  • @angelawright2911
    @angelawright2911 5 років тому +3

    Awesome Video Thank you ❗️❗️ I have my mom match socks and fold Towels. I also let her open the blinds in the house.. . My mom also like to sweep the floor. My mother also refuse to sleep in her night gown. so I stop asking her and l let sleep in jogging pants and top because I know it's not going to harm her..

  • @scrappytexan7
    @scrappytexan7 3 роки тому

    3rd one was most helpful. I do so much for LOWD that sometimes he plays stupid so I’ll do it. Lately I’ve quit helping so much and tell him he’s smart enough to do it himself

  • @julie4063
    @julie4063 5 років тому +2

    Ouch. Poor dad. I remind him how hard I work to make sure he gets the right doctors and care and his bills all paid. I let him know that is is making huge dents in my lifestyle ( when he keeps pushing my buttons and I snap, I get grouchy and "tell him off" ) . Oh, I feel sooooo bad !! I must stop... Your tips are fabulous, and push all the RIGHT buttons. Thank you. You are a Lifesaver !

    • @DementiaCareblazers
      @DementiaCareblazers  5 років тому

      You are just doing the best you can. Don't beat yourself up. It is HARD caring for a loved one with dementia and there probably wasn't anyone helping you with ways to handle those difficult situations. Be easy on yourself. You are caring for your dad, watching videos on dementia, you are doing great.

    • @oldauntzibby4395
      @oldauntzibby4395 2 роки тому

      Find someone else to rant to about the problems. I talk about it with people who have had parents with dementia and know, or with a sympathetic friend. Often we find humor about it. Then I'm able to go back and deal with the person I'm helping and not feel resentful or angry, but compassionate instead. I hope things are going as well with you and your dad as can be expected (2 years since your comment).

  • @scrappytexan7
    @scrappytexan7 3 роки тому +3

    I would love if others would appreciate me.

  • @nancyriley3929
    @nancyriley3929 4 роки тому +2

    Thanks for sharing such important information . You’re a life saver!

  • @maryracette1776
    @maryracette1776 4 роки тому

    Thanks

  • @tedbaker8291
    @tedbaker8291 5 років тому +1

    Good reminders. I only raise dementia when we are at my LO's doctor appointments, and only as necessary for them to tailor treatment plans. Mostly doing #1, still working on #3 because my LO is a fall risk, but rarely mention things I do in his stead because it makes him feel disabled, and resentful.

  • @aubreyshangrilatravels
    @aubreyshangrilatravels 2 роки тому +1

    I love your informational videos and listen to many of them often. I am a care giver and POA to my father in law that is in mid stages of dementia. We have recently moved him in, and I just wanted to know, how do you draw the line between letting them do things themselves, and keeping your sanity about how they are doing them. For instance my father in law will blow his nose, and then take the tissue and wipe the counter with it, and even worse take the sponge from the kitchen sink that we wash dishes with and wipe the toilet with it, even though I have left a sponge in the bathroom for them to use. What suggestions do you have for these type of situations? I go behind him and wipe it all again, but needless to say this adds more work again. Thank you for any tips!!!

  • @stacyheath9647
    @stacyheath9647 5 років тому +1

    I will work on not reminding my client he has dementia and not doing too much for him. I like Sonia commented thank God he gave me a love and compassion for working with seniors specifically those with dementia. I have two college certificates so far in my passion to pursue dementia studies.

  • @soniaannwillard8635
    @soniaannwillard8635 5 років тому +3

    💖👍✌🙌🙌🙌✌👍💖Thank You !!

  • @edwardb7811
    @edwardb7811 Рік тому

    All three sre good, but I haven't tried three very much. Instead, I jumped in and did it. I

  • @janelleyu9442
    @janelleyu9442 2 роки тому

    Thanks!

  • @kristinelinehan9417
    @kristinelinehan9417 Рік тому

    Off topic, but, I want you to know all your info helps me care for my husband who has bouts of hepatic encephalopathy. Thank you

  • @ShaelynSquid
    @ShaelynSquid 5 років тому +11

    What do you do for #3, when your loved one has absolutely no desire or interest in doing anything? My grandfather will not participate in any hobbies, activities, chores, basic tasks, etc. All he wants to do is watch tv in a closed off room. We have been told by doctors that he is capable of doing much more, but he simply will not. My grandmother is so overwhelmed. I feel like a schedule/routine that includes these things would be beneficial for the both of them, and for both his mind and body, but she can not enact a healthy routine when my grandfather is so unwilling to start. Do you let him do nothing? His lack of activity is causing movement issues and he will surely be immobile within the next couple years if something doesn't change. But how do you 'start'?
    I really like your videos and find you to be very approachable instead of lecturing, so thank you for that! I am sure you can't address our situation specifically but I would love to see a video on how to comfort and convince an unwilling family member to partake in positive activities/routines.

    • @echase416
      @echase416 4 роки тому

      Shaelyn Matherly ‘Apathy’ can be part of dementia.

    • @thebelatexan4649
      @thebelatexan4649 3 роки тому

      I am taking care of my mother in law and I do not ask her if she wants to do. I tell, mom, I need help to unload the dishwasher. If I ask if she wants to do it she will be goofing around. And she does not do a good job but after I clean after her and do not manching it.

  • @margaretbatten3930
    @margaretbatten3930 4 роки тому +2

    Easier said than done.

  • @The1mst
    @The1mst 4 роки тому +7

    My mom frequently ask me why she can’t remember things or why she can’t keep things straight in her head. I explain to her that it’s not her fault or something she can’t control because she has a brain disease. Then she relaxes a little. What would you suggest I do?

  • @CapitanFantasma1776
    @CapitanFantasma1776 4 роки тому

    OK, I'll stop making her bed in the morning. She does a great job. I make it up extra special at bed time anyway. Thanks!

  • @Treesarehappy
    @Treesarehappy 4 роки тому +2

    We are care givers for a person who isn't family, we are unpaid but there is a paid aide giver. She's refuses any activity and is going I to congested heart failure due to diet and inactive life style. I know by this weekend she will be in the hospital for the proplem. We are going to lose her aide and that means she can not come home because we can't provide her with 24 hour care. It's very sad.

    • @barbieskates540
      @barbieskates540 3 роки тому

      It's sad and hard to accept when they get very bad off.
      My mother couldn't and wouldn't accept it.

  • @dianagordon8012
    @dianagordon8012 2 роки тому

    My Mother is very critical of me

  • @denisetillock363
    @denisetillock363 4 роки тому

    my husband has always accomplished very good work with his hands and able to fix any problem.he will insist of doing anything manual and difficult and will not allow others to help or assist. he is no longer capable of doing things the way he was able to in the past.how do i handle this

  • @Friskyhorton
    @Friskyhorton 2 роки тому

    One thoughtless family demanded that we staff remind this woman everyday, that her husband was dead, and to show her an albums of his funeral photos. Eventually I talked them out of it, and their poor mother didn’t grieve her husband every single morning. We told her he was in the wood turning shed, and she was happy.

  • @maggiehumble7822
    @maggiehumble7822 3 роки тому

    I hate when there is family members argue with my dad,I've seen my dad cry and it hurts my heart when I can't stop them from doing that to dad..I explain to them but it doesn't help.

  • @larryjanson4011
    @larryjanson4011 3 роки тому +1

    what to do when your mom can no longer live alone and must go into a care home

  • @Pistolmike59
    @Pistolmike59 4 роки тому +2

    So I suspect my wife has Vascular Dementia but we are wAiting for appointment with a neurologist. I am praying he is honest with her and gives her an honest diagnosis. She currently handles all our bills and finances and is struggling with it. I’m not sure what to do... She is fiercely against giving up control of the finances but the time will soon come when I need to take them over. How do I approach this with her?

    • @DementiaCareblazers
      @DementiaCareblazers  4 роки тому

      Hi Mike, this is certainly a sensitive topic. I did some videos that may help you and I'll link some of them below. I'll also be hosting some free live Care Classes in October with live Q & A at the end so Careblazers can ask their questions and get a live response. If you are interested in joining for one of those sessions, you can enter your info here: careblazers.ck.page/d4d30b89f8
      Otherwise, here are some videos that may help you:
      ua-cam.com/video/xZNj9LW9_A0/v-deo.html
      ua-cam.com/video/x7bxCCK-gLk/v-deo.html
      ua-cam.com/video/YodSW2mkPMU/v-deo.html

  • @judyball8382
    @judyball8382 5 років тому +2

    Opinions on taking your loved one home on the weekends with dementia. Does that confuse them more?

    • @BoysLikeMeee
      @BoysLikeMeee 2 роки тому +1

      Judy Ball: if you can take them home on the weekends, by all means do so. Any confusion just deal with compassionately. Spending time with their families, loved ones and friends will keep their minds active and helps slow disease progression. Nothing advances Dementias like isolation and loneliness.

  • @laurahunter9916
    @laurahunter9916 5 років тому +3

    I feel I need to tell my mum she’s seeing things and what she sees isn’t real, it brings her back to the real world, if I agree with her that there’s two men tied up at the end of the bed then she begins to see more things and she lives in the dementia world....it’s best for us if we bring her back ,xxx

    • @bron9674
      @bron9674 5 років тому

      No

    • @Eric_Greene
      @Eric_Greene 5 років тому

      I'm sure it's different for each person, but in my mother's case, I never disagree with her. One day, she said her dresser drawers were full of water and all her clothes were soaking wet. I told her this was true, but that I had dried everything. I let her feel the dry clothes and the dry drawers, and she became calm.
      Agreeing, calming, and redirecting is the strategy I employ. So far, we haven't needed the "black box" antipsychotic medication that the psychiatrist prescribed.

    • @barbieskates540
      @barbieskates540 3 роки тому

      Making her feel safe is most important.
      Agreeing that there ARE MEN in the bedroom would would scare anyone.
      Letting her know it was just a shaddow, NO ONE is there seems smartest answer.

  • @terrysmith9017
    @terrysmith9017 Рік тому

    My mom is by independent. She wants to do all her meals but she really can’t… how can I get her to eat SMS like the food I prepare!

  • @sharonstone7171
    @sharonstone7171 5 років тому +1

    My mum takes soooo long doing things I have to help her along otherwise she doesn’t do it in time, like pulling trousers up, I don’t have the time to wait half an hour for her to do each task, I don’t live with her I go in each morning to help

    • @echase416
      @echase416 4 роки тому

      Sharon Stone Imagine how she feels…

    • @barbieskates540
      @barbieskates540 3 роки тому

      Why not switch to nice colored sweat pants. They make designer looking ones now days and affordable.
      Wear a pair yourself when visiting saying everyone wearing them we love them; better than the horrible clothes hard to put on.

    • @sharonstone7171
      @sharonstone7171 3 роки тому

      Barbie Skates this was over a year ago I commented, mum lives in a care home now as it all got too much for my dad, thanks x

  • @stevareno6995
    @stevareno6995 5 років тому +1

    Wife's demensia is worsening;. She refused to take regular meds -------blood pressue------ refuses to go doctor for anything; literally gets hysterical at the thought or suggestion of any doctor. Hysterical sobbing . Not sure how to proceed at least for evaluation of her demensia. So suggestions are fantastic but in her state of denial refusing doctor leaves me at loss how to handle

    • @Bobocalc
      @Bobocalc 5 років тому +2

      Doctor appointment - I have to ask others to tell my mom to go, and lie to make her go, it's always drama... Check other videos e. g. ua-cam.com/video/-bg1W1LDmTM/v-deo.html

    • @DementiaCareblazers
      @DementiaCareblazers  5 років тому +1

      Sorry to hear about your difficult situation. I hope this video can help: ua-cam.com/video/-bg1W1LDmTM/v-deo.html

  • @tyna1342
    @tyna1342 5 років тому +23

    I find it easier to live in their reality, then bring them over to mine.

    • @DementiaCareblazers
      @DementiaCareblazers  5 років тому +3

      Tyna good strategy!

    • @isabelboydcolhoun7420
      @isabelboydcolhoun7420 4 роки тому +2

      I feel sad about how my husband is becoming but I am relieved it hasn’t affected my deep love for him!

    • @isabelboydcolhoun7420
      @isabelboydcolhoun7420 4 роки тому +1

      I do try to understand where he is coming from and what he might be obsessing about and

    • @BHPaperstacks
      @BHPaperstacks 3 роки тому +1

      Bingo

    • @aldadiaz8313
      @aldadiaz8313 3 роки тому +1

      You made it so simple. Thank You.

  • @truthseekerchannel432
    @truthseekerchannel432 Рік тому

    Thank you. I have a question, my situation is my mother is in the moderate to severe stages and she is Bi-polar . she has never been diagnosed but through my childhood she was very unpredictable and would fly off the deep end for reasons unknown to us (family). she has always had explosive tempers slamming doors, cursing, yelling, and blaming was always a huge thing in our house with her. so when my dad started telling us 5 years ago that my mother was displaying these things in his home, i thought to myself " this is how i grew up with her actions, so it didn't seem much different to me. my father passed away at 83 this past Feb. and its sent my mother into a decline rapidly. thank you for all this amazing advice. i can see the things I've been doing wrong so far. my question to you, do you or is there different advice to handle someone with Dementia and bi-polar or schizophrenia. i am 53. my wife and i are her caregivers and we're doing our best to keep her calm and happy.

  • @RegisteredNurseL.A.
    @RegisteredNurseL.A. 5 років тому +5

    I ask my mom to bring her plate to the sink. She also brushes her own teeth (when I ask/remind), puts on her own shoes. I try to get her to help her help herself, if that makes sense.

    • @DementiaCareblazers
      @DementiaCareblazers  5 років тому

      missnurse makes total sense! Keep up the good work!!

    • @ashleyl4841
      @ashleyl4841 5 років тому

      It's great that you are helping her maintain independence where you can!

  • @susansimpson3395
    @susansimpson3395 2 роки тому

    No English captions???

  • @lauriemclean1131
    @lauriemclean1131 5 років тому

    Thank you for some great information. I think my worst mistake when taking care of my Grandma was not finding ways to let her help. Letting our loved ones "help" is risky and makes our tough job even harder, so it is just easier to go ahead and do things ourselves. She could start to fill the sink to help wash dishes, get distracted from the task and then let the sink overflow. What I should have done was just watch more carefully to help keep the task from ending badly. But it was so much faster and easier to do things like that myself. And even now as a caregiver-for-hire, I still have that unfortunate tendency to prefer just to do it all myself. My challenge is to find ways to help my charge do a few tasks for herself when I am there with her. As caregivers, there are always ways we can do our job better than we do.

    • @Eric_Greene
      @Eric_Greene 5 років тому

      I'm also guilty of doing too much for both of my elderly parents -- one with dementia and one without dementia.
      I now try to follow the sage advice, "Doing for them is doing too them."

  • @delaineshay37
    @delaineshay37 4 роки тому

    I have never told him that he has dementia.

  • @dicroft2158
    @dicroft2158 4 роки тому

    Hi everyone, do you have any tips on getting my mother (84 years ) to take her tablets. She says she's never taken tablets in her life, (which of course he has). I think Ive tried everything.....

  • @andybarry3435
    @andybarry3435 4 роки тому

    I've labelled the microwave with self explanatory notes and my father still won't apply himself to simply pressing a button.

  • @soreyanoonkleine3564
    @soreyanoonkleine3564 4 роки тому

    ❤❤

  • @digidamsel
    @digidamsel 5 років тому +3

    It has been suggested that it is counter productive to argue with a dementia patient about hallucinations. This is true. Recently I found a way to help my mother. When she tells me about the things she is seeing and it is obvious to us that what she is seeing is a delusion, I simply hold her hand and say, "that is interesting, and I know that's what you are seeing, but can I tell you what I am seeing from my perspective?"
    She was telling me that the portable potty chair was hooked up to a drain and that it was overflowing. I asked her permission to tell her what I was seeing. She said, "sure." I walked to where she was pointing and explained to her what I could see. Do this without judging your loved one. It is all in the perspective. It worked for me and she calmed down.

    • @CJ-im2uu
      @CJ-im2uu 5 років тому

      I try and change the physical environment: white noise, close/open the blinds, essential oils or vanilla, turn off TV, close the door so she cannot see people passing her room. This helped. I know it may not help all the time.

    • @barbieskates540
      @barbieskates540 3 роки тому

      Brilliant.. Asking permission to tell you what YOU are seeing.

  • @michellecolwell4364
    @michellecolwell4364 3 роки тому

    My mom only likes to interact in an argumentative way. She has always been this way, even before dementia. She doesn't "do" pleasant and she doesn't "do" relationships. My mother-in-law, on the other hand, has late stage Alzheimer's and it has always been helpful to communicate with her in the manner recommended in the videos. My mother has only ever wanted to provoke an argument. Because of being raised by her, I am the opposite, so communicating with her is always excruciating. If I walk in her room and she says she would like a coke immediately because she hasn't had one in a week and I see that there is a large cup with ice in front of her that obviously had a coke in it she has just finished, how do I respond? We limit her cokes because of frequent UTI's which are aggravated by caffeine, carbonation and acid found in cokes. She has always enjoyed arguing and I hate it, but the only kind of thing I know to say in this or similar instances is "Well, it looks like you've just had a large coke and you still have ice in your cup. I can't get you another coke, but I would be happy to get you a glass of ice water." There are many instances where you can't just go with what your LO is saying. (BTW - of course she responds by saying "I HAVE NOT just had a coke".) Are there suggestions for communicating with someone who naturally loves to argue?

    • @barbieskates540
      @barbieskates540 3 роки тому

      Pain meds and Prozac made my dad "nice & agreeable"
      However my mom didn't think he was in pain or seriously depressed so didn't give him the meds..
      Angry people who get demention NEED meds!!!

  • @williamwofford2503
    @williamwofford2503 2 роки тому

    i remember one time i was counting my loose change jar to take to the bank i had a stack of quarters mom rolled over in her transport chair and scooped up those quarters off the table holding them in a tight a fist as she could and said "MINE" it made me chuckle a bit and she stuck her tongue out at me i stuck mine out back at her and she smiled ....heck i don't care she could have all the quarters she wanted as far as i was concerned ,at that time it wasn't until she tried to put them in her mouth later that i got concerned ....that came later , of course Dad didn't think it was too funny when he did laundry the next day and forgot to check the pockets of moms pants and all those quarters ruined the washing machine OOPS !!! TBH it was time for a new one the old one was at least 28 yrs old .....

  • @janetfishwick8887
    @janetfishwick8887 4 роки тому

    My 92 year old mother has stage 4 Alzheimer's and lives on her own. She was diagnosed in 2014. We now have carers in for her every day but she refuses, ignores and forgets the advice given to help her through the day. Her stubbornness and pride will be her eventual downfall. Any suggestions given to mother to help and sustain her are completely obliterated by her mindset and determination to do as she pleases.

  • @jellicobooks2836
    @jellicobooks2836 5 років тому

    Rather than agree or disagree with the delusions, I find it is better to ignore. Just walk away. That way l dont paint myself into a corner when she insists l call the police to arrest the intruder in the attic or call the contractor to fix the non existant hole in the roof where the intruder gets in. If l ignore, she lets it drop. If l agree, she sees it as buy-in and escalates to the next level, such as calling the police or contractor. Better at this mid-stage of her disease to just walk away. She still does quite a bit around the house- l just follow up if course correction needed. Things like putting away the dishes or doing a load of laundry are still doable for her but the endtask maybe needs a bit of tweaking so we can actually find the bowls and spoons or washcloths when we next need them.

    • @DementiaCareblazers
      @DementiaCareblazers  5 років тому

      That's a wonderful way to respond, Jellico. Thank you for sharing and keep up the great work you are obviously doing!

  • @jerryhart1902
    @jerryhart1902 3 роки тому

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