4 Lessons From Therapy

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  • Опубліковано 29 вер 2024
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КОМЕНТАРІ • 937

  • @mani_stud
    @mani_stud 5 років тому +4876

    'We are more hurt by our own expectations of other people than by their actions"

  • @dindayangmanaya
    @dindayangmanaya 5 років тому +2

    I am genuinely wondering how #4 (the expectation) connects with #2 (talking about our valid feelings). Like the case with a friend not being there when you need them. Yes, perhaps our expectation of reciprocation is way too much. But our feeling is still hurt. Should we still tell them how we feel or should we realize that ultimately it's all our own fault for expecting too much? I feel like those two things are contradictory

  • @bougninefarah1150
    @bougninefarah1150 5 років тому

    you’re a blessing in my life

  • @helloiexist3333
    @helloiexist3333 5 років тому

    i watched this right after a breakdown and it really helped so thank you

  • @princesspat5239
    @princesspat5239 5 років тому

    Thank you 💖

  • @fynluka
    @fynluka 5 років тому

    Every time I watch your videos I'm like: "great content.... I NEED CATS NOW!"

  • @dearkaidi
    @dearkaidi 4 роки тому

    do you have a book or podcast and sth? you are gold!!

  • @ChronoGamerOne
    @ChronoGamerOne 5 років тому

    1. When you talk to yourself you're also listening to yourself. Be kind.

  • @HumansOfVR
    @HumansOfVR 5 років тому +3321

    Let's *_break_* the stigma on therapy. You shouldn't feel weak or ashamed for going to therapy.
    Thanks Anna

    • @Aaron-mj9ie
      @Aaron-mj9ie 5 років тому +18

      The stigma surrounding therapy isn't what it once was. Where as people used to be shunned or criticized for seeking therapy, now the shoe is on the other foot. Now it's that *everyone* is going to therapy, or that therapists are overeager to diagnose or keep someone in therapy for financial gain.
      Therapy is great! Everyone does need to see a therapist, sometimes. But a little bit of self-honesty and introspection is enough to solve most people's problems. We need to be able to talk with people about our problems and help each other out, and recognize when things are beyond normal intervention, when a therapist may be necessary.

    • @chrishart5265
      @chrishart5265 5 років тому +3

      @@Aaron-mj9ie I dunno mate I still have a substantial hatred and distrust for therapists.

    • @Aaron-mj9ie
      @Aaron-mj9ie 5 років тому +8

      @@chrishart5265 Well, that's certainly understandable. An important thing to keep in mind about therapists and psychiatrists is that they're just people too. Just as there are good people, bad people, and indifferent people, so too are there therapists. They aren't perfect.
      I understand why one might distrust them. You're putting all of your concerns and perspective into someone's hands, and you can never be wholely sure that they are going to be mindful of your needs.
      When I was a teenager I went to see a therapist and a child psychologist. I was having a rough time with my parents and typical teenager stuff. Well, the woman that I spoke to each week was very inconsiderate. She would hone in on bizarre aspects of our sessions and try to come up with really outlandish diagnosis(plural?). After seeing her for several weeks I went to a different person, and it was night and day. This second therapist was very careful before ever speaking or projecting her opinion, and she was able to get me on track with only a few short sessions.
      Therapists are like carpenters. You might get one that knows what he's doing, or you might get a shitty one that comes up with excuses to extend his work or do thing half-assed. The difference is, a carpenter does a bad job, you get a shitty deck... A therapist does a bad job, you get a shitty life.
      What do you not like about them?

    • @chrishart5265
      @chrishart5265 5 років тому +2

      @@Aaron-mj9ie short version is it's like taking medicine. If your sick you need them. If your not sick taking them will make things worse down the line
      effinetly agree with them just bring people at the end of the day. I'm kinda sick at the moment and I've had docs telling me that if I go therapist I'll get better but everyone I've met so far has been so far up there own arse it's ridiculous.
      Part of it is that I see them looking for something wrong with you. Like they'll try and find something outlandish thing in your childhood that explains away all your problems so they can pat themselves on the back for it. Sometimes there is sure but if there not they seem more willing to assign one for you just to seem like there doing there job.
      Everytime I've had to see one over the last 7 months has been "are you cutting yourself" "that must make you depressed" "I can't imagine what your going through" "it's okay to cry" "did you have a girlfriend as a child? Yes maybe it's because you didn't get laid at 14 and you secretly resent yourself for it and that's why your in constant pain"
      I also kinda buy into the "therapy is for weaklings" thing. If you need it then it's about helpful but most people go to it for the silliest things that they could deal with on there own. Everything you could possibly go through someone else has been there and they've had it worse.
      I think people forget that physically and psychological pain are 2 different beasts entirely. This is deffinetly just me but someone feeling bad about therebclose friend being in so much physically pain they can barely nice or sleep at night is not the same as actually dealing with that pain.
      I get you don't go into the job without wanting to help people but there's something about them I just can't accept or allow in. Like talking to strangers on the street is easier

    • @Meshelanium
      @Meshelanium 5 років тому +2

      @@chrishart5265 Chris Hart Chris Hart maybe you just haven't found the right therapist for yourself. I started going over a year ago and spent 8 months with one therapist who would cancel on me a lot, and got assigned to a different therapist that I'm working with way better now. I learned a lot from both, but I feel like I'm understanding more with the one I started seeing in January.
      The part you said about them looking for something wrong with you, I totally understood that. I felt that way with my former therapist, lshe was trying to label me with things o didn't agree with. I wasn't closed minded to what she thought I had, I took the tests and just told her it wasn't me and we moved on. Don't be afraid to tell your therapist they need to back off on something, or that you disagree with what they're saying.
      Therapy is definitely NOT for weaklings. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there and admit you need help with some aspect of your life. There are so many reasons to want to go to therapy, I don't think they are "silly" at all. For example, I started to go because of my depression/anger issues, and we discovered I had some other things I needed to work on as well, and it was super helpful! Those other skills that I need to work on, most people learned during childhood but I did not. That doesn't make it silly, it's just different than most people.
      Being skeptical is okay too, but I just wanted to say there are other possibilities and maybe don't give up just yet!

  • @KevinBuritica
    @KevinBuritica 5 років тому +3365

    1. How you talk to yourself can change your life. Self Talk
    2. You can't make emotional appointments. Take a step back and reflect.
    3. Boundaries are actually a blessing.
    4. We are more hurt by our own expectations of other people than by their actions.
    Need this for future reference.

    • @emmynoether9540
      @emmynoether9540 5 років тому +2

      +

    • @awarenessvillage
      @awarenessvillage 5 років тому

      Yes!

    • @vtr0104
      @vtr0104 5 років тому +22

      Here's some more:
      1. Don't talk to yourself. It's biased and pointless. Just analyze information and make a solid decision;
      2. Feelings are a fabrication of the brain and can't actually hurt you. Concussions, fractures, burns, lacerations or ballistic injuries can hurt you. Temperature variations, dehydration and malnutrion can hurt you over a length of time. So can radiation exposure. Feelings? No;
      3. Boundaries are in place for yours and others' protection and should always be enforced;
      4. Never expect anything from anyone. All people are blanks until you can gather information on them. Do so indirectly as much as possible before initial engagement. Check body language, potential vices or interests, attire/accessories, etc. Even then, postpone conclusions until at least a few conversations with them.

    • @dgamer2185
      @dgamer2185 5 років тому +17

      @@vtr0104 Feelings can harm you mentally if you dont listen to them and you will always have expectations when meeting someone new right?

    • @amytn
      @amytn 5 років тому

      TY! Going to need this for my future reference too haha

  • @hyunfloof
    @hyunfloof 5 років тому +2373

    well this is what i learned
    therapy: expensive
    anna akana: free

    • @the-bruh.cum5
      @the-bruh.cum5 5 років тому +2

      Lol

    • @WritingSch
      @WritingSch 5 років тому +35

      You can get free therapy at universities or training clinics. For free. Even if you aren’t a student. And you can talk to LPCs and see if they are willing to do free or discounted therapy depending on your income.

    • @vanilla7266
      @vanilla7266 5 років тому +7

      well, you might pay a small amount- since you pay for internet and all

    • @CAPTAIN_CORNETTO
      @CAPTAIN_CORNETTO 5 років тому +15

      Also... I had to meet several therapist, untill I found the one I can really feel connected with.

    • @rburns1182
      @rburns1182 5 років тому +5

      yes. and therapy in japan, not as socially accepted, super expensive, and english speaking therapists even more scarce..

  • @rboehm13
    @rboehm13 5 років тому +1287

    So do I Venmo you the $150 or do I just write out a personalized check?

    • @mikegriego3671
      @mikegriego3671 5 років тому +15

      How about an IOU?

    • @wildstyle04
      @wildstyle04 5 років тому +1

      Mike Griego Shieeet, I was thinking Cashapp smh

    • @mellowknee
      @mellowknee 5 років тому +9

      Do you take insurance?

    • @kittehgo
      @kittehgo 5 років тому +11

      Ana accepts tuna or catnip :)

    • @Set451
      @Set451 5 років тому +8

      As her personal accountant you can wire the money to my bank account.

  • @drewpimm6634
    @drewpimm6634 5 років тому +673

    I love your therapy talk with your cat that’s something I would actually do 😂😂

    • @awarenessvillage
      @awarenessvillage 5 років тому +5

      Me, too. My dog hears about everything!

    • @evas4396
      @evas4396 5 років тому +1

      Same here😆😂 fuckin love cats to death

  • @jaydeprincess2000
    @jaydeprincess2000 5 років тому +1660

    I'm really starting to think about going to therapy, i feel like it's so beneficial

    • @RimoltFreeGuy
      @RimoltFreeGuy 5 років тому +5

      Is Anna a certified therapist?

    • @7211_
      @7211_ 5 років тому +74

      Jayda D'Amico it is! you should! just don’t be afraid to look for a diffirent therapist if it doesn’t feel right. not every therapist is perfect for everybody, and therapy is for you, not your therapist!
      I’ve stayed with therapists for longer than I should’ve just because I felt bad for saying it wasn’t working for me. but they were always supportive when I eventually did tell them!

    • @adrianaa2767
      @adrianaa2767 5 років тому +22

      Jayda, go go go :) if you started to think about it it is a good indicative that you want to know yourself better and improve on some things -- and to also "fix" some others. Give it a try and dont be afraid to be honest with your therapist if you feel it's not working for you and may want to switch therapists. Best of lucks!

    • @vanilla7266
      @vanilla7266 5 років тому +15

      it is! but remember, a therapist cant change you for the better unless you want to change, and if you want to put in the work.

    • @7211_
      @7211_ 5 років тому +4

      RimoltFreeGuy no, not as far as I know.

  • @jessmith7324
    @jessmith7324 5 років тому +395

    Projecting your ideal image of people onto who the person actually is: always a classic

  • @brenda-xb2xz
    @brenda-xb2xz 5 років тому +430

    Ugh Anna, you’re such a self-aware queen! 👸 🐈

    • @aaronsilver-pell411
      @aaronsilver-pell411 5 років тому

      then why isn't she married yet?

    • @brenda-xb2xz
      @brenda-xb2xz 5 років тому +2

      Aaron Silver-Pell because she inherited the title from birth 😉

  • @josephmassaro
    @josephmassaro 5 років тому +150

    The evolution of what the world thinks when you're talking to yourself...
    2019: self therapy
    2000s: blu-tooth cellphone
    1990s: serial killer

    • @caramelo997
      @caramelo997 5 років тому +6

      2010-... : UA-camr

    • @BoMwarriorVlog
      @BoMwarriorVlog 5 років тому

      ​@@caramelo997, I tell myself that's still true. Helps me post my imperfect/real self easier. 🙄

  • @imjasmine8608
    @imjasmine8608 5 років тому +500

    *from someone who cannot afford therapy, I love living vicariously through you* Who else cannot afford therapy?!

    • @jasongates-
      @jasongates- 5 років тому +5

      I can't afford a bag of chips. So, the answer to your question is "Me."

    • @WritingSch
      @WritingSch 5 років тому +18

      *whispers* You can get free therapy at a university or training clinic. It’s especially easy if you’re a student or relative of a current student. If not, call and ask about free therapy (it’s free when offered by grad students in their practicum and internship).

    • @imjasmine8608
      @imjasmine8608 5 років тому

      @@jasongates- i can definitely relate to this! Eating ramen all day!

    • @imjasmine8608
      @imjasmine8608 5 років тому +4

      @@WritingSch this is so helpful, thanks for taking the time to write this :)

    • @WritingSch
      @WritingSch 5 років тому

      Jasmine Vo You’re so welcome! I hope it’s helpful. I want those who need it to know what resources are available to them. :)

  • @AnoopKumar-hz4uk
    @AnoopKumar-hz4uk 5 років тому +237

    Sometimes I just stare at Anna and my mind goes blank

    • @jasongates-
      @jasongates- 5 років тому +17

      Yeah, cause she's so pretty.

    • @chimmieeyelish255
      @chimmieeyelish255 5 років тому +4

      hahaha

    • @jasont8022
      @jasont8022 5 років тому +1

      because bewbs

    • @egissimo
      @egissimo 5 років тому +4

      it's like she's speaking in another language or something, somehow it's understandable but my mind doesn't accept it
      or i could be a bit high, though

  • @rinsitkeishing1662
    @rinsitkeishing1662 5 років тому +161

    "We are more hurt by our expectations than by their actions"
    Truth 101

  • @LukeAlexander
    @LukeAlexander 5 років тому +42

    This is so helpful wow

  • @KhoPhi
    @KhoPhi 5 років тому +96

    Last point. Gold!
    We disappoint our own selves by setting the bar of others too high.

    • @keirineverly9621
      @keirineverly9621 5 років тому

      KhoPhi yeah, and others are setting it for us. So its a neverending process.

    • @pd6805
      @pd6805 5 років тому +2

      I disappoint myself by setting my own bar too high

  • @fudgeycake
    @fudgeycake 5 років тому +76

    My mom recently told me this that changed my life now and forever
    She said: [heavy filipino accent]
    "Anak.
    N O ekspekktasions, N O dEEsapoynmentsz"
    me: but--
    "Shh shh. Its Dat simple"
    "NO expectations. NO disappointments"

    • @pxieblr
      @pxieblr 5 років тому

      Lol Filipino moms are the best! You're lucky to be born to one. :)

  • @TheGong00zler
    @TheGong00zler 5 років тому +41

    A few therapy resources for those who can’t afford it:
    •local hospital or mental health facilities, greatly discounted. Sometimes you can apply for an extra discount with the hospital/organization if you can’t afford it.
    •most colleges have free therapy if you attend the school
    •some churches offer free therapy or if your church partners with a place then u could get a big discount
    Not therapy: but your regular primary care doctor can prescribe you medications if you need them.

  • @rachelmcclain5367
    @rachelmcclain5367 4 роки тому +25

    "If you can't refrain from jumping on my boobs from the headboard"
    I live how comedy get blended in with a lesson

    • @Alresu
      @Alresu 2 роки тому

      Comedy? That was a serious appeal to Congress!

    • @nikkimiddlekillsday5161
      @nikkimiddlekillsday5161 Рік тому

      ​@@Alresu 😂

    • @nikkimiddlekillsday5161
      @nikkimiddlekillsday5161 Рік тому

      ​@@Alresu my sister had four cats and they would ANNOY THE HELL out of her when she was trying to sleep

  • @Mumra2K
    @Mumra2K 5 років тому +48

    "feelings are facts"... well, at least you put it in context. Them some dangerous words when out of context. :-)

    • @sorg3ns
      @sorg3ns 5 років тому +3

      Or else Ben Shapiro would've had a field day with her 😂😂😂

    • @ThatsJustLikeYourOpinionMan
      @ThatsJustLikeYourOpinionMan 4 роки тому +2

      I'm going to have to disagree with her there. I don't think feelings are facts. In fact, just because you feel something doesn't mean it's worthy of validation.

  • @reina4969
    @reina4969 5 років тому +26

    The expectations advice one is complicated. Having expectations is closely related to knowing what you want, and that helps you figure out that your not getting it. Lowering/removing expectation from someone DOES help you accept them, but that doesn't mean they SHOULD be accepted - like standards. If one's expectation are unrealiatic the improvement is to bring them closer to reality, not dispense with having them. Expectations and hopes/dreams are totally different animals. Yes, you feel shitty when your hopes are let down, but when you develop fairly unrealiatic/unwise/imprudent/biased "expecations" due to a personal need, it is the relentless drive to see those hopeful ghosts that needs to be understood/tempered.

  • @ryushizu17
    @ryushizu17 Рік тому +7

    1) 0:13 How you talk to yourself can transform your life
    2) 0:55 You can't make emotional appointments
    3) 1:48 Boundaries are a blessing
    4) 2:42 We are more hurt by our expectations of others than by their actions

  • @momoandcoke
    @momoandcoke 5 років тому +50

    Anna I love your videos. Can you please talk about "Change" and accepting chances?
    I am suffering and I really need help.

  • @Admirable-Enchantment
    @Admirable-Enchantment 5 років тому +48

    I have a my first theropy appointment tommorow

  • @amy_lee
    @amy_lee 5 років тому +18

    this was great

  • @rahaenayatshoar9271
    @rahaenayatshoar9271 5 років тому +13

    Your red outfit is beautiful and you made it perfect.
    If it's fine could you share where did you buy it please?

    • @marciavox8105
      @marciavox8105 4 роки тому +1

      Raha Enayatshoar and also what a good deal it was plz

  • @marythiry4387
    @marythiry4387 5 років тому +7

    With great expectations comes great disappointment.
    ~someone's uncle, probably

  • @marsroverr
    @marsroverr 5 років тому +98

    who needs to pay a crap ton of money for a therapist when you have anna akana

  • @Mu3azOsman
    @Mu3azOsman 5 років тому +13

    Thank you, needed this 😭💕

  • @monshosepu9229
    @monshosepu9229 5 років тому +75

    The 4th point tho. That felt like such a PERSONAL ATTACK. I'm just sayin'

    • @jasongates-
      @jasongates- 5 років тому

      I made a comment in response to her 4th point, where I cover how I think those "personal attacks" end up coming to us, in reference to her 4th point. I think it would help explain what you were feeling.

  • @CaptChrispy
    @CaptChrispy 5 років тому +8

    I have to remember "I'm going to honour you by being honest and up front with you and trusting that you can handle it." Because that's the problem, they can't handle it and are going to try to make me feel guilty about it and complain about me to others.

  • @rea8585
    @rea8585 5 років тому +74

    My mind LOVES to plan!!! I am going planning right now 😀😀😀

    • @mikegriego3671
      @mikegriego3671 5 років тому

      Uh oh, you must be Anna's twin...don't plan everything right away, save some planning for later...

  • @bladewolfvii6383
    @bladewolfvii6383 5 років тому +20

    "feelings are facts" oh mr. shapiro's reaction to this would be golden xD

  • @not.your.diarey
    @not.your.diarey 5 років тому +15

    $150? For 10 years of wisdom? WHAT A STEAL!!!

  • @ryukenjo
    @ryukenjo 4 роки тому +5

    "The idea that maybe it wasn't anyone else who is hurting me but myself" - Dearest lovely Anna, THANK YOU! Gosh I love you! Be my wifey already! :p

  • @ssn3289
    @ssn3289 3 роки тому +2

    This is very thought provoking. All your points make sense. However, I kept replaying the fourth point about expectations, and it just couldn't sit well with me so I thought hard about it. Yes, you're right when you said expectations hurt us more than the actual thing people did, BUT when you mentioned something about being in pain bc you expected your friend to be there for you during your hard times, I don't think the hurt you felt was due to YOUR expectation. Anybody in your shoes would get hurt whether there's any sort of expectation or not. I mean don't we all agree that a friend is someone who'll be there for you in your highs and lows (presuming they know about it and they're okay/stable/ not going through something at that time)? It's one thing to not be there bc you didn't know what was happening and/or you were also not okay and going through something; but another thing to know your friend was struggling and you were okay/stable but still choose not to be there just bc you could not care less. That's not him/her being 'just the way they are', that's indifference. But hey, I'm just basing this on my perspective on what a 'friend' is.
    Next is the part where you got disappointed bc the director changed his mind last minute. I don't think you're at fault for expecting a good outcome to happen. Whether or not anyone has an 'expectation' regarding the outcome, the director did wrong, he was unprofessional, and it's not your expectation that hurt you. Anyone who experienced the same thing would get affected by that whether or not they expected a good outcome.
    This makes me think about the concept of gaslighting oneself for reacting a certain way, for having 'feelings', or for feeling hurt then resorting to blaming oneself and telling oneself perhaps "you're too sensitive or emotional or was 'expecting'", but maybe that's just me. I do acknowledge that I only know very little, but I just want to share my thoughts.

  • @BlueTengu
    @BlueTengu 5 років тому +26

    "Feeish" is the new Groot.

  • @silentwhisp4r670
    @silentwhisp4r670 5 років тому +17

    Does watching these videos count as therapy? Because it is about all the therapy I can afford lol.

    • @itsDwats
      @itsDwats 5 років тому

      Crovax Windgrace same!

    • @avoicecallingout7487
      @avoicecallingout7487 4 роки тому

      Lol, I keep thinking about this. Therapy is really expensive, even if it is partly covered by insurance sometimes. Oh, btw. I am a Psychologist, training to become a Therapist saying this (The training costs for this are cosmic, btw, as well 😏🤦🏻‍♀️) This is why
      1. I hope that more and more people speak about their perspectives and their stories with mental health so that we can all learn from each other.
      2. I also started a UA-cam channel with the goal in mind to educate about mental health. I hope it also helps to alleviate a least a little bit of the overall burden of mental health

  • @MrKuronChan
    @MrKuronChan 5 років тому +9

    wow literally said "ok that was a mistake but now we have learned a valuble lesson yay" to myself yesterday when i did a error at my work on tuesday xD

  • @winterismyfavseason
    @winterismyfavseason 5 років тому +7

    I'm going to a therapist for the first time after 15 years and I feel nervous, idk what it's like to be at a therapist (I know that sounds kind of weird)

    • @dasherzchen
      @dasherzchen 4 роки тому

      I hope it worked out fine!❤

  • @youngmoneymahini
    @youngmoneymahini 4 роки тому +2

    "Feelings are facts"
    *Ben Shapiro combusts*

  • @PurpleSkykt
    @PurpleSkykt 5 років тому +5

    Your topics sometimes show up when I'm smack middle of a breakthrough 💪🏾. My therapists may never have told this to me but I did realize #4 on my own! Because I have such expectations of being a good friend to those I've grown to care about, I've expected the same in return. I end up disappointed. I am currently in the process of stepping back from a friend as I type this.....the process feels easier everyday 😁

  • @MissMadison97
    @MissMadison97 5 років тому +13

    Anytime anna post we click. I love your videos for like 6 years now. Your like threapy

  • @joshuamcdonald5850
    @joshuamcdonald5850 5 років тому +10

    im hurting myself with an expectation of an `stay awesome gothem'....

    • @shivani6383
      @shivani6383 5 років тому

      Josh Mc I almost got adjusted to videos without that , why did you have to remind me😭

  • @bittermelonleaf
    @bittermelonleaf 4 роки тому +1

    If you're a college student, take advantage of the FREE counseling resources at your school. I started going to therapy a few months ago to help get over a best friend breakup among a lot of other personal problems. Attending therapy has been one of the most emotional, yet insightful thing I could do for myself. I'll be graduating at the end of the year and will be losing this service so that makes me sad, but I now recommend it for everyone.

  • @tiffanypersaud3518
    @tiffanypersaud3518 5 років тому +5

    “Feyesh.” Lol!
    “I was fully expecting to go in and be a full on movie star.” With that, I get the expectations things now. Yes, of course without the obvious caveats of abuse.

  • @genevievedauphinais9774
    @genevievedauphinais9774 2 роки тому +1

    Wow. I just stumbled upon your channel last week. What a treasure you're psychology in a nutshell video's are. So insightful, so true and so funny all at the same time. Thank you.

  • @DailyDoseOfAgua
    @DailyDoseOfAgua 5 років тому +3

    This is my sixth and last year of therapy( i am 19y) i can't believe how much i have learned from life and myself, and how much it has helped me to grow emotional

  • @myvu4873
    @myvu4873 5 років тому +4

    I want an Anna podcast
    Love the vid btw Anna. Stay amazing and stay real girl

  • @josealmeida2842
    @josealmeida2842 2 роки тому +1

    But it is essential to talk to the person and not at the person. As the saying goes, “You can be right, but wrong at the top of your voice.”

  • @clarissadelrey208
    @clarissadelrey208 5 років тому +3

    the first one was something i learned in therapy too! it took a long time to put it into action and actually start treating myself right. it also took a long time for me to start standing up for myself and confronting people about my feelings and realized it was bc i hated myself and always set other people and their feelings above my own bc i had no sense of self worth. the expectations was also a really BIG epiphany that i wasn’t aware of until now! ANNA u multitalented queen these videos help so much. ive never been one to sit down and read/listen to self help books and i cant afford to go to therapy anymore but ive been working on introspection, self awareness, and healthy coping habits and these really do help me so much. i always learn something new and wholesome. i love u cant wait for ur next mv🙏

  • @curioscuro
    @curioscuro 5 років тому +1

    That last lesson really resonates with me. All I can do is be aware of it and know the difference between my fantasy and the reality in front of me. I think everyone should at least try therapy to learn about their own mind.

  • @natoninemilfirepower7996
    @natoninemilfirepower7996 5 років тому +6

    Feelings are real, they are not always true. They aren’t facts,

    • @drinaldah8770
      @drinaldah8770 5 років тому +1

      Your feelings can't be false. The way you feel is the way you feel and it's a fact that you feel that way

    • @MrThunder141
      @MrThunder141 5 років тому

      @@drinaldah8770 You're wrong. It is not a fact. More often then not we are wrong about what we want and what are feelings suggest.

    • @stephaniemiranda8545
      @stephaniemiranda8545 5 років тому +1

      ​@@MrThunder141 I think the correct term is valid. No one can tell you how not to feel about something. However, ultimately whether or not they are rational feelings depends on the situation. I believe that we have to accept that it's in our nature to be emotional, that what makes us human, therefore, negative emotions aren't necessarily wrong. However, it matters in the way we allow our emotions to dictate how we approach certain situations. I think it's important to be proactive instead of reactive so we don't let our emotions consume us and get the best of us. There's always a cause and effect and I think it's healthy to validate your own feelings so you can have a better understanding of yourself and as a result, be more understanding towards others.

  • @brianbeswick
    @brianbeswick 3 роки тому +1

    Is that a cardboard cutout of a cat in the background??? I’m so distracted by it.

  • @Romantigoth
    @Romantigoth 5 років тому +3

    It is part of my own nature to plan out EVERYTHING!! I guess as a UA-camr and a goal driven person that I can't seem to break that cycle, but being single for four years is not all that bad right? Depends on all how you look at it!

  • @sarahs8033
    @sarahs8033 4 роки тому +1

    I love your red floral top and pink bow top!! Where are they from? :)

  • @noworries7490
    @noworries7490 5 років тому +6

    You are the bigger sister I never had,love you ! 💕

  • @icravedeath.1200
    @icravedeath.1200 3 роки тому +1

    I'm an extreme perfectionist (and the autism doesn't help either).

  • @SiimKuusik
    @SiimKuusik 5 років тому +5

    I swear if Anna could probably be one of the BEST therapists out there! 👩🏻‍⚕️

  • @Mukta29ful
    @Mukta29ful 5 років тому +6

    You’re a blessing to this world! Sending you the best, most abundant vibes.💛✨

  • @minadelina
    @minadelina 5 років тому +4

    Her hair looks exactly like Bella Goth in the Sims 4

  • @7211_
    @7211_ 5 років тому +4

    Boundaries are so important! And if people get annoyed at you for having them, they’re not worth your time.

    • @kericwu
      @kericwu 5 років тому +1

      Yess! We need to respect the boundaries

  • @eskanderx1027
    @eskanderx1027 4 роки тому +1

    She can't be real...
    Too perfect...
    No way...

  • @Dreaded88
    @Dreaded88 5 років тому +5

    @Anna Akana:
    _"...We are more hurt by our own expectations than by their actions..."_
    Here's what I learned so long ago: *Always expect the worst of people; you'll never be disappointed!*

  • @alrockon
    @alrockon 5 років тому +1

    The last one is SO TRUE. Since I realised this, I’m acting very differently with my friends, cause I was obviously expecting them to put as much effort as I was putting in our friendships.

  • @VocaloidRules101
    @VocaloidRules101 5 років тому +3

    the last one is VERY true. I was like that with my ex, i put expectations up to them which was my fault and an unhealthy way of viewing them so I ended up being more hurt when my expectations were crushed.

    • @kericwu
      @kericwu 5 років тому

      I can relate. Something similar happened to me

  • @happybubblemanfan
    @happybubblemanfan 5 років тому +5

    OMG i'm early. I Love you Anna☺your such an inspiration

  • @theboringkaren
    @theboringkaren 5 років тому +2

    You're right. You're absolutely right. Everyday I'm learning about my reaction being my expectation of someone, especially if it affects me negatively, as opposed to the actual person. My next step is to uncover why I react the way I do to someone. It's a journey.

  • @drnephthys5769
    @drnephthys5769 5 років тому +3

    I’ve been watching your videos for a short while but they’ve really helped me thanks for spreading positivity

  • @Heightren
    @Heightren 5 років тому +1

    I wasn't expecting to pay for this session

  • @Thefitty
    @Thefitty 5 років тому +5

    *I love that you mentioned to feel your feelings becàus I often try to REASON myself to not feel the way I feel! And that's illogical.*

  • @flamedaze3373
    @flamedaze3373 5 років тому +2

    That fourth lesson hit home lol 😂 I’ve been trying to just really keep up with it but damn is it hard

  • @AngelsAndButterflies
    @AngelsAndButterflies 5 років тому +3

    I was just thinking about going to therapy to get a professional's point of view on my problems but then Anna uploaded 😍😍😍

  • @_aiko020
    @_aiko020 5 років тому +2

    Deadass that last lesson is so harddddd. I can never face the reality cuz my expectations are either too high or too low. Through therapy I've learned to find a middle ground in which I prepare myself by thinking that I'll try my best and if it doesnt work out it's ok. I have to learn that I could either fail or succeed and it's not one over the other. It's a balance.

  • @emilymanova
    @emilymanova 5 років тому +3

    What do we do to stop hurting ourselves with our own expectations? Is it fair to be asked to lower our expectations of others? Is it fair to distance ourselves from these people even if its us hurting ourselves and not them?

    • @alyssalakey
      @alyssalakey 5 років тому +1

      YESSS like, I’m really having trouble wrapping my mind around that one. I’ve thought it before, that there are definitely times when it’s your expectations more than anything, that get you hurt, but also: how do you know how much is okay to ask of people? How do you know if your expectations are too high or realistic? I kind of feel like your expectations are how you know HOW you want to be treated, and you learn to ask for it. Your standards. I guess if someone can’t give you that, if they can’t give as much as you’re giving, then maybe they aren’t someone you should be expending the energy to have in your life? But that seems excessive, cutting someone out over that. So... I’m really not sure what the solution is to that.

    • @emilymanova
      @emilymanova 5 років тому

      ​@@alyssalakey Exactly! I've had a couple partners tell me that my expectations/ standards are too high. But I'm already expect much less than what I am giving. Do I distance people for not reaching my expectations, or do I lower my expectations to where I am basically just settling?? There has to be a different way!

    • @alyssalakey
      @alyssalakey 5 років тому +1

      Emily Manova like, in an ideal world, I guess the answer would be to distance yourself and find someone more compatible, but also, if it’s a thing that happens over and over again you’re gonna feel like “okay, so apparently my standards are unreachable?” even if they aren’t. Because it starts to feel like what you want must not even exist, which is kind of ridiculous if you’re asking for like... decency and for someone to care and show it, which (in my experience) is where expectation stems from. We want to be treated well, and that shouldn’t be too much to ask. But yeah, there absolutely has to be a better way and I wish I knew what it was. Hahaha

  • @WoziduranJahemter
    @WoziduranJahemter 2 роки тому +1

    Feelings are not facts but important internal and orientational signals that shows the state of actual being that needs to be helped or adjusted in accordance to a more discerned path or way of living in order to be humble, more positive and at peace.

    • @WoziduranJahemter
      @WoziduranJahemter 2 роки тому +1

      Maybe feelings are more like personal internal expressed boundaries and feedback factors that show your current status of being. Depends.

  • @ruerose2218
    @ruerose2218 5 років тому +6

    That one strand of hair is really distracting lmao

  • @hassanmiah9617
    @hassanmiah9617 5 років тому +2

    $150 WUHHHHH!!! Because I love you okay I will give you $151 nice lil tip

  • @yousraahmedd
    @yousraahmedd 5 років тому +5

    "Feelings are facts" Ben Shapiro is triggered

  • @lenama1234567890
    @lenama1234567890 5 років тому +2

    IS ANNA AKANA USING A GREEN SCREEN?
    WHATS THAT WHITE LIGHT BEHIND HER ARMPITS EVERY TIME SHE LIFTS THEM?

    • @alisavandertang3165
      @alisavandertang3165 5 років тому +1

      Its her hair reflecting light! It took me a while to get it too

    • @lenama1234567890
      @lenama1234567890 5 років тому

      Alisa van der Tang oh that makes more sense lmao

  • @skay6719
    @skay6719 5 років тому +4

    tbh I think lesson four - expectations as a source of pain - is the source of my anxiety, too.
    thanks, Anna

  • @amyxyz2514
    @amyxyz2514 4 роки тому +1

    her videos make me feel better ^^

  • @WiWillemijn
    @WiWillemijn 5 років тому

    After 20 years I finally got therapy

  • @thesilentknight4554
    @thesilentknight4554 5 років тому +2

    "That will be $150!"
    This is why I don't take therapy!
    😌😂😂

  • @Raixor
    @Raixor 5 років тому

    I dated a girl for 2 years, who kept me at a "not too far" distance with certain things. Then she started ghosting me. She still lived at home, and talking to her Mom, she told me that she thought I was "too good to be true and that I must have hiding something". I was like, "If I was hiding something, don't you think you woulda figured it out after 2 friggin' years?". Thing is, every male in her life (family, step family, rxes) were drunks and/or abusive, and I didn't drink, wasn't abusive and her little sisters and Mom loved me, and she didn't know how to handle that. That made NO sense to me, but mental health wasn't a big talking point back then.

  • @CatherineLee0228
    @CatherineLee0228 5 років тому +1

    I love your red top or dress!!

  • @KatieoftheNight
    @KatieoftheNight 5 років тому

    We are more hurt by our own expectations than by their actions - this IS hard to wrap your head around but the first example that came to my mind is the idea of how like, i expect people to worship me and all swoop together to shower me with appreciation on my birthday but no one comes through, right? I just sit there expecting it and no one really acts. I mean who else cries on their birthday, lmk? lol. That's why this year I've decided the only person who can make my birthday GREAT, is ME.

  • @UnwrappingByMimiKoteng
    @UnwrappingByMimiKoteng 5 років тому +1

    Smoking hot woman

  • @cognocere
    @cognocere 5 років тому +1

    🍁
    ”you can
    *Avoid Me*,
    you can
    *Hate Me*,
    but you will
    _Never Lose Me_ "
    🌬

  • @unrealnews
    @unrealnews 3 місяці тому

    Hey wait. No. There's got to be more! The fourth thing needs addenda!
    Ok so if the plans get dashed against the rocks, what's the correct response?
    a) mourn the loss and get on with life, playing things by ear?
    b) confront the reason for problems emerging so that these problems don't happen in the future, then get back to planning phase?
    c) Take note of potential planning failures in the future and pre-emptively abandon all occasions where there may be a change you did not have control over?
    d) Cease attachment of emotions to expectations as expectations are a part of planning, but the emotions associated with them may be internally severed for smoother sailing?
    If you have a solition here, I would appreciate it. This is where 90% of my crashes come from.
    P.S. If you want to say some version of "yes and no to all of the options", I will assume that you are intentionally putting in the least amount of effort into the reply either because you see an opportunity to sound superior and provoke someone who's making themselves vulnerable because you are inexperienced and do not understand what is actually happening, or you're being a troll.)

  • @ameliarose47
    @ameliarose47 5 років тому +1

    This was something I really needed to head right now. Thank you Anna

  • @SocksWithSandals
    @SocksWithSandals 3 роки тому

    Wow! I have never put that much thought into anything, let along beating myself up with my own mind worrying about what others might be thinking.

  • @marieberter2609
    @marieberter2609 5 років тому +1

    I feel like therapy would really help me because of my disordered eating, but i hate talking about my problems sooo...

  • @lancelovecraft5913
    @lancelovecraft5913 5 років тому +1

    My expectations always get the best of me. I always distance myself when I find they don't meet them. It's unhealthy I know