Thank you for this. Especially the part about not talking about work but instead asking what they do in their free time! I almost always ask about what kind of jobs people do, I am genuinely interested to know that, but did not realize work for someone is just work and not something they care too much about.
The one about assuming people agree with you is such a good thing to mention. As a conservative in college I have been on the receiving end of that situation all the time and it can be uncomfortable.
I have an evangelistic gift/zeal, and I feel I recently broke some subtle rules of etiquette in an interesting social context. This video has me desiring to apologize to my bagpipe maker/friend. But I will see him again this fall for a weekend of piping, and plan on monthly lessons, so it isn’t over. 🙏
I think another video would be good on how to properly confront someone. Whether it would be with a friend who is in the wrong about something, or if someone needs to be "put in their place" when they might be rude.
I really appreciate these types of videos, it seems as if this kind of stuff is not taught and people are just expected to know it, but I see these rules being broken semi-frequently, and I have occasionally broken them myself so they need to be taught.
I loved this video! I didn’t realize you had other videos like this already posted so I’m excited to go and watch them all! This was very practical and educational, and found it to be quite refreshing as I seem to only watch theology and doctrine videos.
This is oddly timely. I was recently made aware that I exhibit many of the classic symptoms of autism and am in the process of getting appropriate assessment and assistance. Implicit social protocols have always been a source of consternation and anxiety for me. It has always seemed like I missed a set of memos on such protocols to which everyone around me was privy. While much of the protocol you lay out does seem arbitrary in some ways (though is sensible), the idea of making such a social protocol explicitly available and objectively defined is immensely appealing to me. Part of me wonders if the rise in autism diagnoses is in any direct way linked to the decline of more-or-less explicitly defined etiquette.
It is my hope that through learning some of these general principles, people like you won't feel so nervous in social situations. It's just a series of rituals, like anything else. We shouldn't expect people to just intuit such things.
I golf with a lot of older folks and most are pretty horrible with etiquette and conversation. I think it's an American thing. Maybe Canada too. We just need to practice more sympathy, more selflessness and stay away from empathy which is a myth. Check out Jordan Peterson and Paul Vanderklay for good stories.
Awesome video. I frequently chat with retirees while golfing and they always ask what I do. I'll tell them and then return the favor by asking, "What do you do?" Then they say, "I'm retired." And it's an awkward silence. This explains why.
I haven't heard the part about asking someone about their job or work. This is something I sometimes do but I probably will change as a result of this video.
The thing I struggle with the most is when long term friendships are very surface level for wayyyy too long. I get not talking about work or other topics initially, but here is an example. I have a sister-in law who hates talking about virtually everything from work, religion, politics, etc. It’s been that way for a decade. So at what point do I push those walls down and risk making things worse for the benefit of things?
I remember one time a person I was speaking with mentioned how underpaid they were in their job, and how they had such “little money”. Then they blurted out their salary and it was twice what I make. 😂
I've had people talk about my joining a gym and think they are cleverly telling me to lose weight without calling me fat. I know how much I weigh and am embarrassed by any reference, no matter how indirect, to my failure to lose weight. Taboo subject unless you actually have something new that might help.
It's all Greek to me. Well not really. I don't know any Greek. When I want to seem impressive I pull up my Google Scholar h-index. Again. Just kidding. My h-index is only 8. Lol
To piggyback the pregnancy question, you should never ask someone when they are going to have children. As someone who struggled with fertility, this was a question I was constantly asked. You do not know what someone might be dealing with and it’s really none of your business.
Me: ooo Jordan Cooper posted! I can't wait to learn more Lutheran theolog-
Jordan Cooper: FIX YOUR MANNERS!
Zoomer spotted
Big fan of your channel❤
OK, so my upcoming colonoscopy is off limits, got it! Thank you, Dr. Cooper!
A good colonoscopy discussion is a sure way to make friends.
Indeed. Save that topic just for first dates.
This topic comes up alot at our family gatherings actually😅
Thank you for this. Especially the part about not talking about work but instead asking what they do in their free time! I almost always ask about what kind of jobs people do, I am genuinely interested to know that, but did not realize work for someone is just work and not something they care too much about.
Love these etiquette videos! A theologian is the best person to speak on this subject.
Thank you, Dr. Cooper. The world needs more videos like this. Solid wisdom!
The one about assuming people agree with you is such a good thing to mention. As a conservative in college I have been on the receiving end of that situation all the time and it can be uncomfortable.
This is amazing. Probably very helpful for non-Americans and those raised without parental instruction.
What about etiquette regarding evangelism?
Would you also acknowledge that there are rules of engagement?
I have an evangelistic gift/zeal, and I feel I recently broke some subtle rules of etiquette in an interesting social context. This video has me desiring to apologize to my bagpipe maker/friend. But I will see him again this fall for a weekend of piping, and plan on monthly lessons, so it isn’t over. 🙏
I think another video would be good on how to properly confront someone. Whether it would be with a friend who is in the wrong about something, or if someone needs to be "put in their place" when they might be rude.
I really appreciate these types of videos, it seems as if this kind of stuff is not taught and people are just expected to know it, but I see these rules being broken semi-frequently, and I have occasionally broken them myself so they need to be taught.
"Is this the room for an argument?"
"I told you once..."
"No, you didn't..." (lol)
I really enjoy these etiquette videos, they are really eye opening in understanding how people will take things and percive you.
This was great. Thank you!
Much needed etiquette.
I loved this video! I didn’t realize you had other videos like this already posted so I’m excited to go and watch them all! This was very practical and educational, and found it to be quite refreshing as I seem to only watch theology and doctrine videos.
This is oddly timely. I was recently made aware that I exhibit many of the classic symptoms of autism and am in the process of getting appropriate assessment and assistance. Implicit social protocols have always been a source of consternation and anxiety for me. It has always seemed like I missed a set of memos on such protocols to which everyone around me was privy. While much of the protocol you lay out does seem arbitrary in some ways (though is sensible), the idea of making such a social protocol explicitly available and objectively defined is immensely appealing to me. Part of me wonders if the rise in autism diagnoses is in any direct way linked to the decline of more-or-less explicitly defined etiquette.
It is my hope that through learning some of these general principles, people like you won't feel so nervous in social situations. It's just a series of rituals, like anything else. We shouldn't expect people to just intuit such things.
I golf with a lot of older folks and most are pretty horrible with etiquette and conversation. I think it's an American thing. Maybe Canada too. We just need to practice more sympathy, more selflessness and stay away from empathy which is a myth. Check out Jordan Peterson and Paul Vanderklay for good stories.
@@lkae4 I don’t believe you succeeded in comprehending my original comment.
@@augustinian2018 I believe you're offended because I said empathy is a myth.
@@lkae4 Incorrect. I do actually enjoy much of Jordan Peterson’s content.
Keep the series Dr. Cooper. It helps me a lot 😀
Awesome video. I frequently chat with retirees while golfing and they always ask what I do. I'll tell them and then return the favor by asking, "What do you do?" Then they say, "I'm retired." And it's an awkward silence. This explains why.
I love your channel so much, thank you, from South America.
I haven't heard the part about asking someone about their job or work. This is something I sometimes do but I probably will change as a result of this video.
The thing I struggle with the most is when long term friendships are very surface level for wayyyy too long. I get not talking about work or other topics initially, but here is an example. I have a sister-in law who hates talking about virtually everything from work, religion, politics, etc. It’s been that way for a decade. So at what point do I push those walls down and risk making things worse for the benefit of things?
If that's the case, that person is most likely never going to be an actual friend.
When you're as autistic as me, you reallllly need stuff like this... thanks!
I remember one time a person I was speaking with mentioned how underpaid they were in their job, and how they had such “little money”. Then they blurted out their salary and it was twice what I make. 😂
Oh boy, that feels awkward.
Dr,the earliest Lutherans had apocrypha in their Bibles.If we read Apocrypha,what way should we appraoch them.Or should we just ignore them.Thank you.
Are there differences between different cultures?
I've had people talk about my joining a gym and think they are cleverly telling me to lose weight without calling me fat. I know how much I weigh and am embarrassed by any reference, no matter how indirect, to my failure to lose weight. Taboo subject unless you actually have something new that might help.
I almost asked if a woman was pregnant but I feared asking and months later I discovered that she wasn't😅
I'm glad I didn't ask.
Wait, theologians are humans? There might be some hope for me after all because I don’t feel like I belong in either category.
Lukewarmness is boring, brother!
i felt very excluded when you used that word @ 12:14 :(
So don’t use Zeitgeist or Weltanshung in normal conversations, Pastor? Ok. 😅
It's all Greek to me. Well not really. I don't know any Greek. When I want to seem impressive I pull up my Google Scholar h-index. Again. Just kidding. My h-index is only 8. Lol
To piggyback the pregnancy question, you should never ask someone when they are going to have children. As someone who struggled with fertility, this was a question I was constantly asked. You do not know what someone might be dealing with and it’s really none of your business.
Yes, great point. And there's often a lot of judgment implied in that question.