If you like this etiquette series, please give this video a thumbs up and share! :) I look forward to reading your responses in the comments below! For more, including news, your Instagram pics, and comment of the week, visit my blog dailyconnoisseur.blogspot.com/2019/02/we-respond-to-your-private-etiquette.html I'll see you soon! Love, Jennifer
the Daily Connoisseur I hope this will be a weekly or at least monthly series . I try to be nice but can’t say things nicely when ppl are taking advantage of me
As you know I'm older. I worked in private industry as an executive assistant 30 years. I would get in early every morning, make coffee and with respect greet all the employees with good morning. So many of them just just ignored me. I continued to say it day in and day out. I took a week off for vacation. When I returned, much to my surprise, everyone was so happy to see me and expressed how much they missed me and my good morning greetings. So I say , always be you 🙋🏻🙋🏻
I once said to a girl in collage as a newlywed-after she complimented my husband and told me how wonderful & handsome he was. -“I know, I married him.” It stoped her from flirting and such. 😉
My husband and I have some very good friends that have such good etiquette. They shared a story with us about inviting some friends for dinner and then forgot to add it to their calendar. The company arrived the day that was arranged with a salad in hand to contribute to the meal. Our friends had just finished eating their meal when they saw their visitors arriving. They went out to greet them and told them they had decided to take them out for a meal. They then went on to order and eat their second dinner. By the end of the evening their bellies were about to burst from eating two dinners. They enjoyed the company of their friends and their friends never found out the real truth.
I feel your pain on people who fail to acknowledge when I go to say hello. It's saddening but it really makes you appreciate the sweet and kind-hearted people even more! Thank you for creating videos like this, so informative and useful!
I'm guilty of trying to fill silences. I start jabbering. Oh my gosh, presenting the bill at the end of the visit is wild. I enjoyed this so much. xoxox, Melissa
Your comments on the “handsome husband” situation made me laugh! 😂 And I automatically thought of the Amory Ames books, too! So funny!! When a woman praises my husband, I usually join in or beam proudly! 😘 It either gets awkward for her immediately, or ends on a happy note, as the situation merits. 😜
Your husband has a levity of spirit that brings out the best in your personality, Jennifer! I love when he offers his wisdom alongside you! About the lady complimenting the other woman's husband excessively; I think a witty comment from her would do the trick. Something like " OH YES! ISN'T HE HANDSOME?! I'M SO GLAD HE'S ALL MINE! " would probably check the woman's exuberance.
I really enjoy this Q & A series. I do disagree with how to handle the question from the minimalist family about gift giving. I don't think it polite to keep accepting gifts that you don't want or need just so you can donate/declutter/discard them later. It doesn't seem honest and your loved ones are literally just throwing their money away. I would just approach the family members in question with gratitude and explain that you are trying to cut back, own less etc. If they insist on giving something offer different suggestions. Instead of buying Susie another doll maybe they'd like to take her to the movies or out for ice cream or donate towards her collage funds etc. Or buy her something she needs like a new pair of shoes, school supplies and so on. If you are friends/family you should be able to be open and lovingly honest with them.
I think it would be appropriate to say, no gifts please we are trying to cut back on the stuff we already have or suggest a charity donation to your kids school or etc. Like you said, if they insist or ask what you need, then it’s appropriate to maybe suggest something (keep it a low price tag!). I think to flat out request something, without any prompt is rude though
Wow you and Ben really show a nice level of class and etiquette. It's refreshing to see a good-looking couple that appears to be on the same playing field working together. I love it
This is why I prefer working from home! It keeps the contact to an "only and as needed basis" and you don't have to deal with the dumb stuff (appearances, small talk, politics/competition, etc).
I have noticed that people tend to not look at others in elevators and restrooms; I'm not sure why. I loved the story of the chamber pot. My best friend loves antiques and she wanted to show me her most recent find. On her kitchen counter was a chamber pot filled with fruit. I told her what the bowl was and we had a nice laugh over it. Having a great sense of humor she kept the fruit in it and I smile every time I see it.
The chamber pot story was very funny. When I was first married we didn't use our dining room much so it doubled as a laundry drying room, including the dryers that hung over the tops of radiators. The time came to get the room ready for dinner guests and I put the dryers under the table while I dusted. I forgot them. Our dinner guests sat politely all through dinner not saying a word about how their feet and legs were tangled in the wires of the dryers.
I love these videos! As the mom of 3 boys (14,10,9), my house can be very rowdy and etiquette is something my husband and I are pushing hard these days! We are having the boys watch the videos along with us. Thank you!
So much fun with you and Ben. Enjoy hearing his side of 'things'. Just a note on the problem with people at work not speaking - there are several people at my work that will not speak. I make a special point to speak to them. They don't speak back. I really feel sorry for them, that they are so socially awkward. So I just continue to be nice.
I remember reading something years ago, I think about someone famous, and it read that she made everyone feel like they were the most important person in the world when they talked with her because her attention never wavered for a second from them when she was with them. Anyone would understand when you don't acknowledge someone if you are that type of person. I would rather be thought of that way than any other. Wow! to have a respectful husband like that woman described is unusual. Thank God every time for that. He shines!
The last letter is hilarious! It reminds me of the story (urban myth?) of an Indian Mogul, the guest of honor, dining at Buckingham Palace with Queen Victoria. At the end of the asparagus entrée course, which is customarily eaten by hand, small bowls with lemon slices were put in front of all the guests. These were for the rinsing of fingers, before the next course. The Mogul, unaware of the proper protocol, assumed these were for drinking, and happily proceeded to guzzle down the contents! As he was doing so, all the guests looked panic-stricken towards the Queen. Cool as a cucumber, she lifted her own bowl, and drank the contents too. So of course, the whole dinner table had to do the same! The honored guest commented - How refreshing! And the dinner proceeded happily, and without further glitches. Now, that is poise, kindness, and etiquette all rolled into one! 😁
On the topic of presents: In my family it's common practice to ask people if there is anything in particular they would like for their birthday. We are also ok with someone saying "Hey my birthday is coming up, I'd really like X, if you would like to give a present, I'd really appreciate it if you could contribute however much you would like towards it". We also create wish lists, then people can pick what they want to buy. If one doesn't want a physical gift, suggest an experience based gift (I bought my parents tickets to a stage show for Mother's Day). My sister's who have kids include a note with party invitations if extended family (or less well known friends etc) are invited, politely asking people not to buy violence related toys, and then also suggesting what said kid is currently really into (e.g. Thomas the Tank). People unsure of what to buy typically just give money and/or chocolate, so that's ok. I did have a problem at one point with extended family members, mainly on my in-laws side, buying me bath gift sets. I learned to accept them graciously (most were sent to charity), and at other times throughout the year, when I had opportunity, I mentioned how I'm very picky on bath products and have a very simple routine. I haven't received bath products in years 😊. Hope these ideas help 😊.
Melissa Burnie I don’t have kids and would love for my nieces and nephews or anyone I am buying for have what they want. For holidays now the parents write a list of all things the kids want $1 to $100 on shared doc. The kids are happy as they are surprised to get whatever they want and it’s a less pain to all us to figure what’s a good gift . Often A few family members will contribute towards a higher ticket item . I get so many unwanted gifts I just donate them
I so enjoy these etiquette chats! Bringing your husband into it makes it even nicer! These chats have been very helpful, looking at these etiquette conundrums from different angles! Thank you! Please do more!!
I loved this video and I agreed with you on everything. I think so much of you. This is the first time I’ve seen your wonderful Ben. I am 62 years old and I wish that you were around when I was younger. I’m beginning to share your videos with my granddaughter, Hailey, a senior in high school. she is so very sweet, loving and kind. I believe that your videos can help her on her journey to become a young woman of virtue, grace, and style.
I love these videos Jennifer! You and Ben had me laughing so much of the time. My husband's family is Swiss, so I made many mistakes (and probably still do) when visiting his family. 😄
Great advice with the "too-attractive husband" question! I've had similar struggles, but joining the conversation will either make an overly attentive woman move on, or expand her focus to include me. Gently stepping into the conversation gives us the opportunity to clarify the 'other woman's' intentions as well as reminding everyone that we quite happy with each other - without embarrassing anyone or making me look jealous!
The colleague who does not say hello etc I find that its, because they are socially awkward and may have anxieties that they will not get a response so, they do not take the chance.
Your videos have helped me, along with other inspirations, that real beauty is chosen by how we respond and interact with others. If someone else is wearing an ugly outfit we wouldn't feel compelled to take our beautiful one off. Keep your "beautiful attitude on" no matter if someone else chooses to act unfriendly or rude or is absent minded. Just remember your beauty is yours, and you don't want someone else's nastiness spoil your garment of praise and beauty. I believe the beatitudes of the Bible in Matthew 5 teach this.
I love how you’re so appropriate but sometimes you laugh at thing I didn’t think you would find funny! You have such a sense of humor. And I commented before, I busted up laughing when I was watching and you guys started doing the floss 😭 Great personality!
Another fun video. I enjoyed hearing both of your comments. Some interesting dilemmas from your readers ! You are so right in that sometimes all we can do is ‘keep our side of the street clean’. We all have ‘off days’ where we might appear distracted or otherwise to others, I’m sure. I think it seems worse when it’s repeated behaviour(s) by a work colleague or family member or someone else we see regularly - whereas when it’s a one off, it’s easier to let it go. My husband often forgets people’s names and doesn’t introduce me so we came up with the strategy a few years ago where I just introduce myself ha ha. I loved Ben’s comment about the husband who gets a lot of attention from other women :) Best wishes from Australia xx
Hi Jennifer. Fun video. I have an idea for the person who wrote in about the old high school friend she no longer likes. I've been in this situation as well. If the person asks for a get together, invite another friend or make it a group event. It takes off the pressure of having to be one on one with the annoying person and I often find that this person is much more tolerable when others are around. As for the daughter, say that maybe she's not feeling well and just keep it a mom event.
Hi Jennifer and Ben! I have an answer for the question about gift giving. Our whole family, extended too, uses the wish list you can make public on Amazon. They can purchase right from your list or just get an idea of what you want. God bless you both. These videos are so much fun!
Good morning Jennifer! Oh no, the chamber pot! These are wonderful videos, I love them so much. Thank you both for doing these, it’s always nice to hear Ben’s take, he had me laughing with his response to the country club lady🌹
This was a great video! If you don't mind I would like to see both of you in a debt free video, how you worked at it together. Also any tips you may have. Thank you Jennifer and Ben!!
The French family keeping quiet about the pasta in the chamber pot was so kind and polite...but also fun to laugh about it together later. Sounds like the makings of a lovely marriage.
First of all Thank you for all the wonderful things you put out for us. I truly enjoy what you have to say. In regards to todays etiquette conundrums I feel like everyone in our society is so easily offended and it makes it hard to #1 stand up for yourself out of fear of offending and #2 realize what someone else is doing is not always about you. So if your in-laws repeatedly are a problem in the mornings be sure to tell them your schedule the night before. Let them know exactly what happens in the mornings. And then pleasantly stand firm the next day. "We can't do that now, but that will something to look forward to when you get home" "Coffee? Help yourself or I'll be happy to get it for you once I get them out the door." Etc. If someone doesn't say Good morning to you AND other people too, well maybe he/she is just not a morning person. Maybe they have had so much morning already and it's all they can do to get to work on time. Maybe their mornings are stressful and they need to get in and get their work day started. If they are only avoiding YOU, then ask if you have offended them. But if it is everyone just say a quiet and pleasant good morning or hello and let it go. Being overly chipper will only annoy them. IF your host is rude and giving you a bill or are making you pay for everything when you visit, then you need to ask yourself if they are truly a good friend/do you really need to go to their place/do they really even want you to come/do you visit too often or take advantage of their location? It's not right to give a bill. It is totally rude to do it, but if you are not willing to let go of that friend or of your feelings of being offended then you need to put up it. In *nearly* all things, I would rather speak up for myself gently and politely or even in gest (sometimes that goes over better) then spend my days feeling offended.
Hello, Yes, big thumbs up for more videos like these. You are the power team on You Tube on these subjects! :) This is so helpful. Wonderful videos! One of my favorite channels.
I love that your husband is British! Hello from a fellow Brit ❤ thank you for sharing your thoughts and advice, yet again, a lovely video full of thoughtful and inspiring ideas. Fantastic, thank you lovely lady 😘💋❤
These are so great. I feel like this is teaching me more about my etiquette. Maybe this is rude of me but to my close family and friends (brother, parents, best girl friends) I will ask questions about etiquette and see how they respond. Some people, I believe, really do not see how their actions could be viewed as rude or disrespectful. My brother was face-timing his wife and kids while we out to dinner one time and he was positively yelling into his phone to talk with them at the table. I was so embarrassed because there were people sitting next to us. I tried to tell him that he could at least lower his voice but his response was "they can't hear me unless I talk this loud!" and he didn't even think to go outside. I talked with him after the call about how it was rude and he just thought I was being a brat. I am the little sister after all. But how do people learn (or become aware) unless we have conversations with them (all in love, of course)?
The coworkers who don't say hello? I've had that same thing with apartment neighbors. I just kept on waving from across the parking lot, or saying ,"Good morning" or "Hello" and kept picking up the occasional piece of litter in the parking lot. I continued to cut my car lights off just before turning into our head in parking so as to not shine my beams into their living rooms, etc. Everyone's been so friendly these past two weeks, and I've received a sweet little note and a card thanking me for being a good neighbor! I'm shocked in a good way, actually! We really do teach by example.
Great Q&A. I've had a lot of the same experiences/questions and nice to know I'm not alone. I liked your take and feedback on how to handle uncomfortable situations.
wow Jennifer, the ‘awkward silence’ is hilarious and i bursted into laughter! Well, when i was younger, i was uncomfortable with this kind of awkward silence moments, but when i get older, i feel more comfortable with it now ..... sometimes, just enjoy some moments to breathe! Thanks for the video
HA! If my "friend" gave me a bill after I came to visit her and she was serious about it. (I don't travel often. And it's probably not a free trip for me.) That'd be my last visit. And I'd wait to get home and settled and comfortable and then I'd call her or message her to discuss the whole bill thing because it's so inappropriate. OR had I dealt with it at the same time she handed me a bill I might have also been inappropriate and told her to shove it and get lost 🤗.
I also thought that a bill could be handed to the “friend” too, in response to her bill. “Here’s your bill, for all the friendship induced fees…I guess we’re even now?” “For the future, if I want to pay for every bit of my stay, I’ll be booking a hotel”😬😂
Love your content. I have to say you are so easy to listen to and listen to your knoedge amd expertise on things. Some pthwr youtubers that have videos on their specialty knowledge are somewhat insulting and rude or offensive the way they come across and talk. Arrogance or just plain they don't realize. I have to say you certainly ate a nice and pleasant person and very relatable. So happy I found ypur channel and I hope some ypung people I know will find your channel. ..without me putting it out there for obvious reasons. I hope this teaches a lot to people that desperately need to rethink how they behave and dress. Thank you again
I was just wondering about those neighbors coming over for potluck and washing dishes, are they Filipino? haha! cause we do do that. It doesn't matter if I just met you today, or if we have been friends for a long time. If you invite us, we wash your dishes. That's because it's what we do for family and to Filipinos, everyone is family. My main point is that sometimes, it is cultural.
Yes there are cultural differences. I was in eastern Europe on vacation years ago and had a migraine. The people who owned the place we were renting brought me soup right to my bed. I was so embarrassed since o was in bed in pain and looked awful. There’s no sense or not the same sense of privacy. I was very thankful and not at all insulted it’s there culture.
Great tips...last story was too funny, but why would one keep a chamber pot in a kitchen sideboard/hutch? Is that really something that goes in the kitchen??? 😀😁😂
I love these sort of videos. I would like to add a little about comfortable silence. I work as a midwife in the U.K. and in my job I often have to impart sad news (not something one would associate with working as a midwife). I am a very talkative person and used to find silence uncomfortable. However, I have grown to get used to it as many couples wish to remain silent for a while to internalise the news or simply because they cannot speak due to shock. Since doing my job I have learned that sometimes silence is important and it does not always need to be filled.
When i give gifts to others, even to grandchildren, I give them permission to not keep it should they outgrow it or it no longer fits in to their lives. This takes pressure off both of us.
I am really glad you mentioned the woman in the bathroom who ignored you. Every. single. PTA meeting or school event I go to, the mothers seem to exist in another world. Am I invisible?? It makes me feel so defeated when I extend a smile or invitation to get to know one of them and I am met with a hair toss and a 30 yard stare right past me. In fact, at the last PTA meeting, I came home and told my husband he would have to go to the next one because I am DONE feeling bad about myself. So, selfishly, I am so glad to hear it happens to other people, too, and it's not because these women are looking at me and deciding I am not good enough to meet. Thank you for sharing that.
Just watched this for the first time today. I want to tell you I appreciate your gracious, kind and courteous recommendations to the people who wrote to you. It’s so important to rise above situations and do the right thing. You and your husband obviously have a very loving relationship and it shows every time he’s on there with you. I really appreciate that especially in a day when marriage is not honored.
Lol, mistake of using a chamber pot as a serving dish. The amazing Grace that family showed by not shunning her dinner. The story for future is priceless.
That was fun! In 1978, my 2 friends and I went to London on our Spring Break in high school. I’ll never forget walking into a hair salon and asking if someone was available to give me some bangs!!☺️🤭🙄
In reference to the “friend” billing her friends, immediately thought of the movie (Edit**it was “One Crazy Summer” not ) “Better Off Dead” and cracked up! There’s a scene where the grandmother serves the grandchildren and their friends a meal and presents them with the check afterwards!! Classic!
😂 A few days ago my son and I were visiting the historical home of one of the signers of the Declaration of Independence. I enjoyed studying the few pieces of original family china dinnerware in a glass cabinet. A while later I was surprised to see a chamber pot on the floor of one of the bedrooms that matched the china exactly! If it had been in the glass cabinet I would have assumed it was a soup tureen! 😂 I can absolutely see how that mix up can happen. But WHY keep a chamber pot with the dishes??? 🤦🏼♀️
I had an "awkward breaking into a conversation" situation happen. At some meetings I attended, there were a few people that I had communicated with online, but never met. I wanted to be sure to greet those people and make sure they felt welcome in our group. During a coffee break, I walked up to a couple of people to say hello. They kept talking, and I wasn't sure whether to keep standing there or walk away. Either option felt weird. They weren't talking about anything serious, just chatting about the meeting. The longer I stood there, the more awkward I felt, but at the same time it would have been awkward to just walk away. After what seemed like forever, but was probably 3-4 minutes, I apologized for interrupting, introduced myself and moved on. I still cringe when I think about it, but it's just one of those things that happen sometimes.
My favourite you tube couple! I am so glad to have found you. I am also Jennifer, and at risk of fawning awkwardly over your husband...his accent is delightful!
quick tip for the conversation conundrum, the person who knows both people can quickly acknowledge the person coming in and keep the conversation going white inviting the new person by putting an arm out as if they are going to introduce them and then the other person in the conversation will naturally tend to stop with the intent of maybe being introduced. The idea is that the person in common should be courteous and make the introduction if possible, again it depends on the situation but usually this is how it goes in a professional gathering or social event.
Good morning. I think doing the dishes at other people's houses is fine as long as they don't feel uncomfortable you doing them. When we have a gathering at both sides of the family, most of us take a job and clean up the kitchen and play area just before we leave so we leave the place the way we found it. I'm more cautious at friends' houses if they are uncomfortable with it.
We had relatives over, recently, and the husband was so kind to want to do the dishes. For some reason, he did them by hand and put them to the side to dry. They weren't really super clean, though, so after they left, I ran them through the dishwasher.
I had a woman tell me at a dinner party that she wanted my husband and intended to go after him. She had been drinking so I just smiled and told her I was aware. I made sure to sit beside her instead of my husband, but I trust him completely and when I told him about it later he told me she is jealous of me and doesn’t stand a chance. I have seen her a few times since that incident and she doesn’t seem to remember. She had said quite a few inappropriate things that night that needed to be ignored.
Your comment about the mother in the restroom ignoring you sparked something in me. My son was killed by a drunk driver a few years ago. I’ve noticed that many people who used to always say hello now go out of the way to avoid me. I’ve asked a few other women who’ve lost children and they have had the same thing happen. I understand that they don’t know what to say to me and are unsure if I will start crying. Still , I can’t help feeling that it’s rude.
I wanted to offer another perspective on the zoned out people in public who don't make eye contact and ignore your friendly smiles in the restroom. There is a good number of people who suffer from social anxiety. The notion of making all the right social calls when in public is not only overwhelming but crippling. A defense mechanism is often to not engage unnecessarily, keep energy in drawn and avoid eye contact. These people are not inherently unfriendly but dealing how they can with situations that are deeply uncomfortable. When in doubt assume this to be the case and know they likely appreciated your smile, even if they couldn't reciprocate at that time.
As the song goes "The Sounds of Silence...Hello Darkness My Old Friend....I Came to Talk to You Again...". This also gives one permission to walk through the periods when we are not particularly jolly or cheerful.....Sadness can be Cathartic, it's part of being Human....you appreciate having survived the periods of strife or difficulty....to have the Sun shining on your face again.
If you like this etiquette series, please give this video a thumbs up and share! :) I look forward to reading your responses in the comments below! For more, including news, your Instagram pics, and comment of the week, visit my blog dailyconnoisseur.blogspot.com/2019/02/we-respond-to-your-private-etiquette.html I'll see you soon! Love, Jennifer
the Daily Connoisseur I hope this will be a weekly or at least monthly series . I try to be nice but can’t say things nicely when ppl are taking advantage of me
As you know I'm older. I worked in private industry as an executive assistant 30 years. I would get in early every morning, make coffee and with respect greet all the employees with good morning. So many of them just just ignored me. I continued to say it day in and day out. I took a week off for vacation. When I returned, much to my surprise, everyone was so happy to see me and expressed how much they missed me and my good morning greetings. So I say , always be you 🙋🏻🙋🏻
Fabulous! It really does make a difference.
❤️ I love that. Good encouragement.
What a wonderful impression you made on those people at work and you didn’t even know it.
@@marydray6171 thank you Mary🤗🙋🏻♀️
So true - live life by your own personal standards and values
I love the "high expectations for yourself, grace for everyone else."
I once said to a girl in collage as a newlywed-after she complimented my husband and told me how wonderful & handsome he was. -“I know, I married him.” It stoped her from flirting and such. 😉
That’s perfect!
@@spinnyjb1 Totally, people don't like confrontation, smart to be upfront and draw your boundary line
"Keep your side of the street clean". Love that mindset!
My husband and I have some very good friends that have such good etiquette. They shared a story with us about inviting some friends for dinner and then forgot to add it to their calendar. The company arrived the day that was arranged with a salad in hand to contribute to the meal. Our friends had just finished eating their meal when they saw their visitors arriving. They went out to greet them and told them they had decided to take them out for a meal. They then went on to order and eat their second dinner. By the end of the evening their bellies were about to burst from eating two dinners. They enjoyed the company of their friends and their friends never found out the real truth.
Clever!
I feel your pain on people who fail to acknowledge when I go to say hello. It's saddening but it really makes you appreciate the sweet and kind-hearted people even more! Thank you for creating videos like this, so informative and useful!
Jenn and Ben please keep Q and A series going. I love seeing you together as a couple, and hearing answers both sides (male/female) perspective.
Thank you, Lise!
I'm guilty of trying to fill silences. I start jabbering. Oh my gosh, presenting the bill at the end of the visit is wild. I enjoyed this so much. xoxox, Melissa
Hi Melissa, I have to always work on the awkward silences too. haha! We are works in progress. Sending love xx
Oh me too. Especially when I am the host. As I don't want my guest to think they have to leave.
Your comments on the “handsome husband” situation made me laugh! 😂 And I automatically thought of the Amory Ames books, too! So funny!! When a woman praises my husband, I usually join in or beam proudly! 😘 It either gets awkward for her immediately, or ends on a happy note, as the situation merits. 😜
Agree!!! I would jump in a praise him as well.
That's a great tactic! I love the Milo/ Amory dynamic :)
As for forgetting names, I find honesty is the best policy...."so sorry I am so bad with names...."
You could also say where you remember them from, ie "didn't we meet at that party last month? you look so familiar!"
Your husband has a levity of spirit that brings out the best in your personality, Jennifer! I love when he offers his wisdom alongside you! About the lady complimenting the other woman's husband excessively; I think a witty comment from her would do the trick. Something like " OH YES! ISN'T HE HANDSOME?! I'M SO GLAD HE'S ALL MINE! " would probably check the woman's exuberance.
I would add a tip to the itemized bill and make a notation thanking her for her services. You are a darling couple.
Ha! I love that!
You cracked me up
🤣🤣
I really enjoy this Q & A series.
I do disagree with how to handle the question from the minimalist family about gift giving. I don't think it polite to keep accepting gifts that you don't want or need just so you can donate/declutter/discard them later. It doesn't seem honest and your loved ones are literally just throwing their money away. I would just approach the family members in question with gratitude and explain that you are trying to cut back, own less etc.
If they insist on giving something offer different suggestions.
Instead of buying Susie another doll maybe they'd like to take her to the movies or out for ice cream or donate towards her collage funds etc.
Or buy her something she needs like a new pair of shoes, school supplies and so on.
If you are friends/family you should be able to be open and lovingly honest with them.
I think it would be appropriate to say, no gifts please we are trying to cut back on the stuff we already have or suggest a charity donation to your kids school or etc. Like you said, if they insist or ask what you need, then it’s appropriate to maybe suggest something (keep it a low price tag!). I think to flat out request something, without any prompt is rude though
If we have enough of things I always ask for experience gift cards!
Finding humor in the situation really does help to ward off feeling hurt and offended by it...thank you!! I loved this!!!💝
Wow you and Ben really show a nice level of class and etiquette. It's refreshing to see a good-looking couple that appears to be on the same playing field working together. I love it
The workplace can be so nasty, gossipy, and petty! Like high school all over again! Ugh the hate is strong
This is why I prefer working from home! It keeps the contact to an "only and as needed basis" and you don't have to deal with the dumb stuff (appearances, small talk, politics/competition, etc).
this is so true!! couldn’t agree more
My mom’s retirement home was similar to middle school!
I have noticed that people tend to not look at others in elevators and restrooms; I'm not sure why.
I loved the story of the chamber pot. My best friend loves antiques and she wanted to show me her most recent find. On her kitchen counter was a chamber pot filled with fruit. I told her what the bowl was and we had a nice laugh over it. Having a great sense of humor she kept the fruit in it and I smile every time I see it.
The chamber pot story was very funny. When I was first married we didn't use our dining room much so it doubled as a laundry drying room, including the dryers that hung over the tops of radiators. The time came to get the room ready for dinner guests and I put the dryers under the table while I dusted. I forgot them. Our dinner guests sat politely all through dinner not saying a word about how their feet and legs were tangled in the wires of the dryers.
😹
Well...... I am late to this video, but you are both so gracious. So refreshing! Thank you.
I love these videos! As the mom of 3 boys (14,10,9), my house can be very rowdy and etiquette is something my husband and I are pushing hard these days! We are having the boys watch the videos along with us. Thank you!
So much fun with you and Ben. Enjoy hearing his side of 'things'. Just a note on the problem with people at work not speaking - there are several people at my work that will not speak. I make a special point to speak to them. They don't speak back. I really feel sorry for them, that they are so socially awkward. So I just continue to be nice.
I remember reading something years ago, I think about someone famous, and it read that she made everyone feel like they were the most important person in the world when they talked with her because her attention never wavered for a second from them when she was with them. Anyone would understand when you don't acknowledge someone if you are that type of person. I would rather be thought of that way than any other. Wow! to have a respectful husband like that woman described is unusual. Thank God every time for that. He shines!
The last letter is hilarious! It reminds me of the story (urban myth?) of an Indian Mogul, the guest of honor, dining at Buckingham Palace with Queen Victoria. At the end of the asparagus entrée course, which is customarily eaten by hand, small bowls with lemon slices were put in front of all the guests. These were for the rinsing of fingers, before the next course. The Mogul, unaware of the proper protocol, assumed these were for drinking, and happily proceeded to guzzle down the contents! As he was doing so, all the guests looked panic-stricken towards the Queen. Cool as a cucumber, she lifted her own bowl, and drank the contents too. So of course, the whole dinner table had to do the same! The honored guest commented - How refreshing! And the dinner proceeded happily, and without further glitches. Now, that is poise, kindness, and etiquette all rolled into one! 😁
I love that story! :)
On the topic of presents: In my family it's common practice to ask people if there is anything in particular they would like for their birthday. We are also ok with someone saying "Hey my birthday is coming up, I'd really like X, if you would like to give a present, I'd really appreciate it if you could contribute however much you would like towards it". We also create wish lists, then people can pick what they want to buy. If one doesn't want a physical gift, suggest an experience based gift (I bought my parents tickets to a stage show for Mother's Day). My sister's who have kids include a note with party invitations if extended family (or less well known friends etc) are invited, politely asking people not to buy violence related toys, and then also suggesting what said kid is currently really into (e.g. Thomas the Tank). People unsure of what to buy typically just give money and/or chocolate, so that's ok. I did have a problem at one point with extended family members, mainly on my in-laws side, buying me bath gift sets. I learned to accept them graciously (most were sent to charity), and at other times throughout the year, when I had opportunity, I mentioned how I'm very picky on bath products and have a very simple routine. I haven't received bath products in years 😊. Hope these ideas help 😊.
Melissa Burnie I don’t have kids and would love for my nieces and nephews or anyone I am buying for have what they want. For holidays now the parents write a list of all things the kids want $1 to $100 on shared doc. The kids are happy as they are surprised to get whatever they want and it’s a less pain to all us to figure what’s a good gift . Often A few family members will contribute towards a higher ticket item .
I get so many unwanted gifts I just donate them
I so enjoy these etiquette chats! Bringing your husband into it makes it even nicer! These chats have been very helpful, looking at these etiquette conundrums from different angles! Thank you! Please do more!!
I loved this video and I agreed with you on everything. I think so much of you. This is the first time I’ve seen your wonderful Ben.
I am 62 years old and I wish that you were around when I was younger. I’m beginning to share your videos with my granddaughter, Hailey, a senior in high school. she is so very sweet, loving and kind. I believe that your videos can help her on her journey to become a young woman of virtue, grace, and style.
You are a lovely couple and give such kind, wonderful advice. God's blessing to you and your family.
Thank you, Lynda!
I love these videos Jennifer! You and Ben had me laughing so much of the time. My husband's family is Swiss, so I made many mistakes (and probably still do) when visiting his family. 😄
Hi Robin! I would love to hear about your Swiss conundrums! :)
Great advice with the "too-attractive husband" question! I've had similar struggles, but joining the conversation will either make an overly attentive woman move on, or expand her focus to include me. Gently stepping into the conversation gives us the opportunity to clarify the 'other woman's' intentions as well as reminding everyone that we quite happy with each other - without embarrassing anyone or making me look jealous!
Wonderful advice! Thank you Jennifer and Ben! 😊
Thank you for watching!
The colleague who does not say hello etc I find that its, because they are socially awkward and may have anxieties that they will not get a response so, they do not take the chance.
Yes! That's so true. We must have compassion.
I really loved the silence part, so glad you spoke about this. I like silence too. Great questions you picked! Go Jennifer and Ben. 👏🏼🙋🏻
Your videos have helped me, along with other inspirations, that real beauty is chosen by how we respond and interact with others. If someone else is wearing an ugly outfit we wouldn't feel compelled to take our beautiful one off. Keep your "beautiful attitude on" no matter if someone else chooses to act unfriendly or rude or is absent minded. Just remember your beauty is yours, and you don't want someone else's nastiness spoil your garment of praise and beauty.
I believe the beatitudes of the Bible in Matthew 5 teach this.
I love how you’re so appropriate but sometimes you laugh at thing I didn’t think you would find funny! You have such a sense of humor. And I commented before, I busted up laughing when I was watching and you guys started doing the floss 😭 Great personality!
Another fun video. I enjoyed hearing both of your comments. Some interesting dilemmas from your readers ! You are so right in that sometimes all we can do is ‘keep our side of the street clean’. We all have ‘off days’ where we might appear distracted or otherwise to others, I’m sure. I think it seems worse when it’s repeated behaviour(s) by a work colleague or family member or someone else we see regularly - whereas when it’s a one off, it’s easier to let it go. My husband often forgets people’s names and doesn’t introduce me so we came up with the strategy a few years ago where I just introduce myself ha ha. I loved Ben’s comment about the husband who gets a lot of attention from other women :) Best wishes from Australia xx
Hi Jennifer. Fun video. I have an idea for the person who wrote in about the old high school friend she no longer likes. I've been in this situation as well. If the person asks for a get together, invite another friend or make it a group event. It takes off the pressure of having to be one on one with the annoying person and I often find that this person is much more tolerable when others are around. As for the daughter, say that maybe she's not feeling well and just keep it a mom event.
I have a couple 'friends' like that. I always invite another friend along. Much more fun. Yes, just meet while school's in or after dinner.
Hi Jennifer and Ben! I have an answer for the question about gift giving. Our whole family, extended too, uses the wish list you can make public on Amazon. They can purchase right from your list or just get an idea of what you want. God bless you both. These videos are so much fun!
I love these! The music is fabulous as well. Wonderful video Jennifer and Ben!
Thank you, Marisa!
The chamber pot... yes, very polite family. Love ❤️ these videos!
Good morning Jennifer! Oh no, the chamber pot! These are wonderful videos, I love them so much. Thank you both for doing these, it’s always nice to hear Ben’s take, he had me laughing with his response to the country club lady🌹
Thanks Nikki! I knew he was going to say that re: the country club conundrum. What a ham! :) Off to watch your video in a second. xx
I adore you for these lessons!! We should have been taught these things as children.
You, Connoisseur couple, have such a cute sense of humor! The video started my day well, thank you!
I recently found your chanel and I love everything. God bless you darling! You gave me so much inspiration... Thank you very much!
This was a great video! If you don't mind I would like to see both of you in a debt free video, how you worked at it together. Also any tips you may have. Thank you Jennifer and Ben!!
I LOVE these videos!! You guys are great at doing videos together!
I agree with your solutions to these sort of conundrums, I think we are on the same wavelength! You’re both my kind of people 😁😁
The French family keeping quiet about the pasta in the chamber pot was so kind and polite...but also fun to laugh about it together later. Sounds like the makings of a lovely marriage.
First of all Thank you for all the wonderful things you put out for us. I truly enjoy what you have to say. In regards to todays etiquette conundrums I feel like everyone in our society is so easily offended and it makes it hard to #1 stand up for yourself out of fear of offending and #2 realize what someone else is doing is not always about you. So if your in-laws repeatedly are a problem in the mornings be sure to tell them your schedule the night before. Let them know exactly what happens in the mornings. And then pleasantly stand firm the next day. "We can't do that now, but that will something to look forward to when you get home" "Coffee? Help yourself or I'll be happy to get it for you once I get them out the door." Etc. If someone doesn't say Good morning to you AND other people too, well maybe he/she is just not a morning person. Maybe they have had so much morning already and it's all they can do to get to work on time. Maybe their mornings are stressful and they need to get in and get their work day started. If they are only avoiding YOU, then ask if you have offended them. But if it is everyone just say a quiet and pleasant good morning or hello and let it go. Being overly chipper will only annoy them. IF your host is rude and giving you a bill or are making you pay for everything when you visit, then you need to ask yourself if they are truly a good friend/do you really need to go to their place/do they really even want you to come/do you visit too often or take advantage of their location? It's not right to give a bill. It is totally rude to do it, but if you are not willing to let go of that friend or of your feelings of being offended then you need to put up it. In *nearly* all things, I would rather speak up for myself gently and politely or even in gest (sometimes that goes over better) then spend my days feeling offended.
Practical. Get emotions out of the way. Great attitude
This is such a delightful channel. Thank you ❤😊
You two are adorable! Thanks for the good advice!
I can relate to the person that said good morning and no one responded. I typically continued to be me as you both suggested. It made me feel better.
Hello, Yes, big thumbs up for more videos like these. You are the power team on You Tube on these subjects! :) This is so helpful. Wonderful videos! One of my favorite channels.
This is my favorite video from the Daily Connoisseur. That story at the end was so funny.
I love that your husband is British! Hello from a fellow Brit ❤ thank you for sharing your thoughts and advice, yet again, a lovely video full of thoughtful and inspiring ideas. Fantastic, thank you lovely lady 😘💋❤
What a delightful couple. Thank you.
Love this series. So funny. You guys make me laugh every time.
These are so great. I feel like this is teaching me more about my etiquette. Maybe this is rude of me but to my close family and friends (brother, parents, best girl friends) I will ask questions about etiquette and see how they respond. Some people, I believe, really do not see how their actions could be viewed as rude or disrespectful. My brother was face-timing his wife and kids while we out to dinner one time and he was positively yelling into his phone to talk with them at the table. I was so embarrassed because there were people sitting next to us. I tried to tell him that he could at least lower his voice but his response was "they can't hear me unless I talk this loud!" and he didn't even think to go outside. I talked with him after the call about how it was rude and he just thought I was being a brat. I am the little sister after all. But how do people learn (or become aware) unless we have conversations with them (all in love, of course)?
I hear you. I've encountered this before too! xx
My friend was so loud at a restaurant. I wont eat out with her again.
The coworkers who don't say hello? I've had that same thing with apartment neighbors. I just kept on waving from across the parking lot, or saying ,"Good morning" or "Hello" and kept picking up the occasional piece of litter in the parking lot. I continued to cut my car lights off just before turning into our head in parking so as to not shine my beams into their living rooms, etc. Everyone's been so friendly these past two weeks, and I've received a sweet little note and a card thanking me for being a good neighbor! I'm shocked in a good way, actually! We really do teach by example.
I enjoyed this!!! Thank you for sharing.
Great Q&A. I've had a lot of the same experiences/questions and nice to know I'm not alone. I liked your take and feedback on how to handle uncomfortable situations.
wow Jennifer, the ‘awkward silence’ is hilarious and i bursted into laughter! Well, when i was younger, i was uncomfortable with this kind of awkward silence moments, but when i get older, i feel more comfortable with it now ..... sometimes, just enjoy some moments to breathe! Thanks for the video
HA! If my "friend" gave me a bill after I came to visit her and she was serious about it. (I don't travel often. And it's probably not a free trip for me.) That'd be my last visit. And I'd wait to get home and settled and comfortable and then I'd call her or message her to discuss the whole bill thing because it's so inappropriate. OR had I dealt with it at the same time she handed me a bill I might have also been inappropriate and told her to shove it and get lost 🤗.
Completely agree!
Pay the bill and then never see her again.
I also thought that a bill could be handed to the “friend” too, in response to her bill.
“Here’s your bill, for all the friendship induced fees…I guess we’re even now?” “For the future, if I want to pay for every bit of my stay, I’ll be booking a hotel”😬😂
Love your content. I have to say you are so easy to listen to and listen to your knoedge amd expertise on things. Some pthwr youtubers that have videos on their specialty knowledge are somewhat insulting and rude or offensive the way they come across and talk. Arrogance or just plain they don't realize. I have to say you certainly ate a nice and pleasant person and very relatable. So happy I found ypur channel and I hope some ypung people I know will find your channel. ..without me putting it out there for obvious reasons. I hope this teaches a lot to people that desperately need to rethink how they behave and dress. Thank you again
I so enjoy this new series and hope you continue doing it!
I love watching you and your husband interact. These videos are so entertaining, Jennifer! :):)
Loved this! I love talking etiquette, but don't have any friends who share the passion!
Thank you for another excellent etiquette video.
I was just wondering about those neighbors coming over for potluck and washing dishes, are they Filipino? haha! cause we do do that. It doesn't matter if I just met you today, or if we have been friends for a long time. If you invite us, we wash your dishes. That's because it's what we do for family and to Filipinos, everyone is family. My main point is that sometimes, it is cultural.
Yes there are cultural differences. I was in eastern Europe on vacation years ago and had a migraine. The people who owned the place we were renting brought me soup right to my bed. I was so embarrassed since o was in bed in pain and looked awful. There’s no sense or not the same sense of privacy. I was very thankful and not at all insulted it’s there culture.
Malaysians too😅
Yikes !! Chamber pot dining !
Super series. Thank you so much.
Great tips...last story was too funny, but why would one keep a chamber pot in a kitchen sideboard/hutch? Is that really something that goes in the kitchen??? 😀😁😂
I love these sort of videos. I would like to add a little about comfortable silence. I work as a midwife in the U.K. and in my job I often have to impart sad news (not something one would associate with working as a midwife). I am a very talkative person and used to find silence uncomfortable. However, I have grown to get used to it as many couples wish to remain silent for a while to internalise the news or simply because they cannot speak due to shock. Since doing my job I have learned that sometimes silence is important and it does not always need to be filled.
When i give gifts to others, even to grandchildren, I give them permission to not keep it should they outgrow it or it no longer fits in to their lives. This takes pressure off both of us.
Love this series. I have a hard time believing the itemized bill at the friends house but it takes all kinds to make the world go around I guess!
I am really glad you mentioned the woman in the bathroom who ignored you. Every. single. PTA meeting or school event I go to, the mothers seem to exist in another world. Am I invisible?? It makes me feel so defeated when I extend a smile or invitation to get to know one of them and I am met with a hair toss and a 30 yard stare right past me. In fact, at the last PTA meeting, I came home and told my husband he would have to go to the next one because I am DONE feeling bad about myself. So, selfishly, I am so glad to hear it happens to other people, too, and it's not because these women are looking at me and deciding I am not good enough to meet. Thank you for sharing that.
Just watched this for the first time today. I want to tell you I appreciate your gracious, kind and courteous recommendations to the people who wrote to you. It’s so important to rise above situations and do the right thing.
You and your husband obviously have a very loving relationship and it shows every time he’s on there with you. I really appreciate that especially in a day when marriage is not honored.
Thank you, Marcia!
Lol, mistake of using a chamber pot as a serving dish. The amazing Grace that family showed by not shunning her dinner. The story for future is priceless.
I loved when he said: “that sounds like small time; doesn’t it.” 🤣 🤣
Love when you and Ben do these. Please keep them going!
That was fun! In 1978, my 2 friends and I went to London on our Spring Break in high school. I’ll never forget walking into a hair salon and asking if someone was available to give me some bangs!!☺️🤭🙄
Great advice, you guys! I’m still laughing about the chamber pot! 🤣
In reference to the “friend” billing her friends, immediately thought of the movie (Edit**it was “One Crazy Summer” not ) “Better Off Dead” and cracked up! There’s a scene where the grandmother serves the grandchildren and their friends a meal and presents them with the check afterwards!! Classic!
Just started watching your videos & I find them refreshing, funny & helpful! 🤗😄
Well done. Thank you.
😂 A few days ago my son and I were visiting the historical home of one of the signers of the Declaration of Independence. I enjoyed studying the few pieces of original family china dinnerware in a glass cabinet. A while later I was surprised to see a chamber pot on the floor of one of the bedrooms that matched the china exactly! If it had been in the glass cabinet I would have assumed it was a soup tureen! 😂 I can absolutely see how that mix up can happen. But WHY keep a chamber pot with the dishes??? 🤦🏼♀️
I would love to take the kids on a field trip there!
I had an "awkward breaking into a conversation" situation happen. At some meetings I attended, there were a few people that I had communicated with online, but never met. I wanted to be sure to greet those people and make sure they felt welcome in our group. During a coffee break, I walked up to a couple of people to say hello. They kept talking, and I wasn't sure whether to keep standing there or walk away. Either option felt weird. They weren't talking about anything serious, just chatting about the meeting. The longer I stood there, the more awkward I felt, but at the same time it would have been awkward to just walk away. After what seemed like forever, but was probably 3-4 minutes, I apologized for interrupting, introduced myself and moved on. I still cringe when I think about it, but it's just one of those things that happen sometimes.
Not flirting,but your husband is so cool,and fun! It was good to see a husband helping his wife do this! And he had great answers!👍💕
I was once at a wedding where the bride and groom were both chewing gum during the ceremony!!
This was so fun and enjoyable!! Please do more!
My favourite you tube couple! I am so glad to have found you. I am also Jennifer, and at risk of fawning awkwardly over your husband...his accent is delightful!
quick tip for the conversation conundrum, the person who knows both people can quickly acknowledge the person coming in and keep the conversation going white inviting the new person by putting an arm out as if they are going to introduce them and then the other person in the conversation will naturally tend to stop with the intent of maybe being introduced. The idea is that the person in common should be courteous and make the introduction if possible, again it depends on the situation but usually this is how it goes in a professional gathering or social event.
Good morning. I think doing the dishes at other people's houses is fine as long as they don't feel uncomfortable you doing them. When we have a gathering at both sides of the family, most of us take a job and clean up the kitchen and play area just before we leave so we leave the place the way we found it. I'm more cautious at friends' houses if they are uncomfortable with it.
We had relatives over, recently, and the husband was so kind to want to do the dishes. For some reason, he did them by hand and put them to the side to dry. They weren't really super clean, though, so after they left, I ran them through the dishwasher.
I had a woman tell me at a dinner party that she wanted my husband and intended to go after him. She had been drinking so I just smiled and told her I was aware. I made sure to sit beside her instead of my husband, but I trust him completely and when I told him about it later he told me she is jealous of me and doesn’t stand a chance. I have seen her a few times since that incident and she doesn’t seem to remember. She had said quite a few inappropriate things that night that needed to be ignored.
You two make a charmingly lighthearted pair & lovely video as always. 🕊
Love the pasta in a chamber pot story. Thanks for the laugh!
Lovely! Your husband is as nice and polite like you. Beautiful couple!
Your comment about the mother in the restroom ignoring you sparked something in me. My son was killed by a drunk driver a few years ago. I’ve noticed that many people who used to always say hello now go out of the way to avoid me. I’ve asked a few other women who’ve lost children and they have had the same thing happen. I understand that they don’t know what to say to me and are unsure if I will start crying. Still , I can’t help feeling that it’s rude.
Thanks for this great video, Jennifer and Ben! It cheered me up while I convalesce with the flu.
I hope you feel better!
I wanted to offer another perspective on the zoned out people in public who don't make eye contact and ignore your friendly smiles in the restroom. There is a good number of people who suffer from social anxiety. The notion of making all the right social calls when in public is not only overwhelming but crippling. A defense mechanism is often to not engage unnecessarily, keep energy in drawn and avoid eye contact. These people are not inherently unfriendly but dealing how they can with situations that are deeply uncomfortable. When in doubt assume this to be the case and know they likely appreciated your smile, even if they couldn't reciprocate at that time.
As the song goes "The Sounds of Silence...Hello Darkness My Old Friend....I Came to Talk to You Again...". This also gives one permission to walk through the periods when we are not particularly jolly or cheerful.....Sadness can be Cathartic, it's part of being Human....you appreciate having survived the periods of strife or difficulty....to have the Sun shining on your face again.