Have you ever wondered why your woman seems to create unnecessary difficulties? Why is it that she can become so provocative, seemingly out of the blue? In this episode, I discuss the counterintuitive explanation for why many women pick fights with their partners. Though it might sound strange, anger is actually reassuring, as it demonstrates a person is still sufficiently emotionally invested to fight. Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: ua-cam.com/video/WrXBzQ2HDEQ/v-deo.html Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: ua-cam.com/channels/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXw.htmljoin Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #relationship #women
it's a shittest depending on how i feel i' ll call it out (what are you doing? why are you doing it? what is the best autcome from that action? what is the worst outcome to that action?) ill play (gamefy that shit) or crush (emotionaly) or ignore
The irony is that a woman don't realize, if a man is on the fence about her or the relationship, picking fights only reassures the man that she's isn't the one for him. Why would a man want to bring upon unnecessary drama and turmoil into his life?
@@jerryjessup9192 Yes, that is exactly what he is saying (the answer to your 2nd question) -- basically get out quick when the predetermined amount you are willing to risk as a loss (e.g., $400) is passed.
Honestly this is what destroyed my marriage. I had no idea why my wife was so determined to squabble about every little thing. And the thing in her case was if I did show any anger it immediately switched to "Now you're raising your voice" etc etc. My marriage seemed like one 15 year long shit test.
I hear you on this ! We don't actually raise our voice but they are so emotionally unstable and sensitive at the time they can't handle ANY negative feedback . They hear it as "yelling" .Then they talk about the " TONE " we are using . lol ! I'm learning to avoid arguing at all costs
It's just excuses to make you retroactively the bad guy. They started the fight and continued until you got upset, and because you got upset they were justified in starting the fight. Move on from that toxic type as fast as you can
I watched my Mom do this to my dad growing up. It taught me to be the complete opposite. I think this is a behavior that should not be tolerated more than a few times under any circumstance. Women like this need to be alone as not to create hell for their families.
I agree. It isn't about how women process or how they get past anxiety. It's childish. It's a woman who simply never grew the fuck up. This is why so many men are now giving the advice "treat women like children" and surprisingly it works. Unfortunately for most grown ass men like myself, I don't want a child to raise. I want a woman. They are very few in number apparently.
@@jbb8261 This has been my experience as well. In fact, even after +50 years of marriage my Dad is still being ravaged multiple times a day, on a daily basis. This traumatized me during childhood. Not sure if it’s because of that or not but I’d rather die alone than marry.
@@KeepingOnTheWatch I think your self awareness would help you pick a good spouse. Mine did. No need to let your mother’s hell dictate the way you spend the entirety of your life.
Had an ex who would do this - one day she even told me, "You're so cold and heartless - you don't feel anything." Meanwhile I was doing everything in my power to control my anger at the truly nasty and disrespectful way she would treat me. Then one night a drunk crashed into my car (we were sitting in her car across the road from my parked car and she was nagging and moaning as usual when it happened, so we were safe, but saw it all happen). When I did not get angry or throw a temper tantrum at the drunk, or the fact I remained calm at the loss of my car (complete write off), things changed completely. She saw that it was actually a strength not a weakness that I did not respond like a child, and everything changed after that, and she was much more attracted to me. Fortunately for me, I would eventually come to my senses and broke it off with her because I would not tolerate the constant nagging and disrespect.
Woman are more addicted to listening to psyop celebrities mk ultra slaves and singers who make their child psych even more childish. One time I had a girl assault me because I didn't want to be sexual with her on the 3rd date, she came from a black neighborhood and seemed like no one had told her no before. I dodged a nuke.
The more my ex- pushed me for a reaction, the less reaction she got. Then I was often told “you have no emotions”. No you dumbs**t, I just don’t want to unleash my frustrations on your stupidity.
Ok “so mature and wise one”. Which is why you were disrespected from the beginning because you couldn’t hold frame and she walked all over you nagging and moaning. A lot of you think your smart leaving women instead of understanding them and being the better player.
Two decades of this and one day I just said “I am moving the f out.” Since then my life has become completely epic. It was one of my finest moments. Never tolerate this behavior. Life it too short.
Two decades is quite a while but many people never leave that situation. I can genuinely say congratulations! Make the most out of life from where you presently are..
Another thing ive learned over the years. A woman will also start arguments when she is seeing another man on the side. If you and your woman havent fought for years and then out of nowhere, she starts petty arguments. Look into why and dont let it go unnoticed. Chance are she's talking to or seeing anothe man.
I experienced that one day when she was off to see her ex and told me she had appointments but she was extremely aggravated that morning. When I looked at her phone after getting the password I saw that that specific date coincided with her text to him that they were going to meet.
I watched this happen first hand. And it's cross-cultural. When I was a soldier stationed overseas in Germany, I met a girl working a food stand in the train station and she was really attractive and we hit it off. We met up that evening in my hotel room to go out drinking together that night. She sat on the side of the bed and used her phone to call her boyfriend and started picking a fight. By the end of it she said, "fine I'll just go out without you" and then hung up and she had achieved her goal, acted as if nothing happened, and we left together, got wasted, went back to the hotel for some fun, and the next morning we both left and never saw each other again.
Yes but she might be seeing another man because she isn’t feeling like you care about her. Sounds ridiculous and objectively you might not be doing anything wrong to make her feel that way. Some women are just very insecure and overthink everything. Her seeing other men is due to the same reasons that she is picking a fights. This is ultimately a test because ironically, the best thing to do is to get to the bottom of it but not react with anger. She is indirectly saying “SHOW ME YOU LOVE ME.” Men think that simply asking her what’s wrong is enough. No, women need more proof than that: they need you to get her to open up no matter how stubborn she is about it. If you ask and she says “nothing, I’m fine” and you leave it at that, she thinks to herself “see, he doesn’t really care…” and then she goes to the other guy to get that reinforcement. Sometimes nothing you do will help them feel more secure, and they’re going to feel that way no matter what. It’s a problem with them, not you, and you’ll never fix them. Those relationships are very toxic and full of fighting. Sometimes though it can be as simple as her wanting an excuse to talk to the other man. “My man doesn’t give me what I need, so I’m going to get it from this other guy.” Think we’ve all been there. When you see the warning signs of this, run. You’ll never change her.
My ex was like that and taught me a lot of bad habits over the years. I then started dating a much more sensible woman who picked up on it very quickly and told me these habits make it very difficult for her to deal with me. She had to re-teach me on how to communicate my emotions properly, never picked any unnecessary fights and gave me space to process. There are good, rational and mindful women out there. I hope everyone can find one.
I am suspicious that she TAUGHT you. That does not sound like an equal power dynamic. Out of curiosity, how long have you been with this wonderful, rational woman? Has it been a good 7+ years, sonit had time to go through the normal relationship cycle?
@@ilia2178 yes. I do know how expressions work. Not really sure what you meant to accomplish with that. My point is that all relationships go through a honeymoon period, statistically divorce tends to come after 5-7 years of marriage. I am wondering if you have cleared that hurdle or not.
I had an ex who tried to pick a fight with me in public TWICE. The first time, I let it slip and apologized, proceeded with the evening, and dropped her off at her house. The second time, I apologized, and dropped her off at her house. I then politely asked her via text to never see me again. Never again. A pretty face and a tight body is NOT worth it if she's crazy. No.
I couldn’t click on this video fast enough. This makes so much sense within my marriage! You earned a new subscriber today. Ironically, I’d show this to my wife, but it would start a fight.
Show it her. When she starts a fight, you can verbally tell her that you're withdrawing your emotions until she understands that you won't feed her with emotions.
This is why it's important to befriend your partners friends and family, especially when they know and understand you, they can help talk to the other person. Some things aren't ideal coming from your partner, especially when you're upset. You can talk to her when your both free and calm
This is the elephant in the room which is rarely acknowledged. Borderline, narcissist, sociopathic, psychopathic and other mentally ill behaviours are excused as "female nature".
Yep. Read Genesis 3 and you'll see it. Satan was the first to fall to 'self', thus I call him the father of narcissists since he was the first. Eve was persuaded by and became a liar and deceiver. Adam, not wanting to be along again because he knew full well what lie ahead, decided to go with her into disobedience than suffer being alone thinking God would have kicked her out, leaving him alone. Now, we'll never know what God would have done had Adam stuck to God's command and instead suffered her fate as God's hand. Instead we're all suffering the fall out and Jesus had to come to pay that price.
A lot of the psychology around women is trying to rationalize poor behavior. The main point seems to be not telling women the truth that they need to grow up into an adult
Another reason women feel better after picking at you until you explode, is that then they can be the VICTIM, and are absolved of all responsibility for what happens. If you don’t respond at all, they have to deal with the fact that THEY might be the problem, and that drives them crazy. Narcissists also use this tactic (of picking a fight) and are best dealt with by going “gray rock” (being as interesting and combative as a gray rock), because they cannot manipulate that to their advantage.
Excellent point. Whatever they can do to make someone else the bad guy, they will do. When women talk poorly of their exes, I just say 'I see', or something like that because I know they want me to react and be on their side. It's interesting to watch their turmoil when I don't react the way they want.
I just brought this up to my gf who was sitting beside me as I was watching this, and said "Hey that sounds familiar. Every time WE ever have gotten into an argument, by the end of it, I'll look over at you and recognize that you've become noticeably more at peace with yourself. Almost as though you enjoyed that whole experience. Then you sleep like a baby." She responds, "Fascinating" and goes back to reading her book. They know they're doing it. They just don't care if it negatively affects us. We're basically just glorified cat scratching posts to these people. Good to know I guess....
No wonder some guys go gay. I don't blame em, they just hangout with their buddy and have a nice day. They don't have to deal with women and all their nonsense
An old girlfriend once said to me "Every time we fight I feel a little bit closer" with a smile, as if it was a good thing. I replied truthfully "Every time we fight, I love you a little less."
Holy shit dude you went for the jugular on that 💀💀. I recently broke up w my girl of 1 year bc of a fight we had regarding her family. Long story short, I had a negative view on her family n she got super upset abt it (rightfully so I believe) and the whole time I’m like why tf did I say that and all that. 2 weeks later we broke up bc it was a turn off for me. There’s other underlying reasons, but that fight was a part of it. But I also felt that now after seeing this video, makes me think that she wanted me to rely on her a lot and not isolate myself. I thought the isolating was a personal thing, but apparently it’s a somewhat common
In the movie 'As good as it gets', Jack Nicholson plays the author or romance novels. He is at one point asked by a gushing female fan: 'How do you write women so well' - to which he answers, 'I think of a man, and take away reason and accountability'.
It is. 2023 is clown world. Women are empowered when they get their way, victims when they don't. When men act horribly in LTRs, they're monsters. When women act horribly in LTRs, they're just insecure & misunderstood bc they need more more more from men, who aren't manning up & satiating all her f'd up "needs".
It's mostly subconscious/instinctual when it's not malicious. Calling it abuse is akin to women calling men predatory for being more physically attracted to youthful women. Evolutionarily speaking: a female's entire survival strategy was securing the protection of her and her future children from a competent male. If that male turns out to be incompetent, then then you die and your lineage ends. I think this is the reason why it's traditionally been so important for women to get married, and why they would be arranged a lot of the times. A man not being able to keep his house in order when faced with his woman's emotions is not a great sign that he can protect her and the children from all the dangers of life. Maybe this is a bit controversial, but I could also see it serving as a test of how the man will react to and discipline their future children. Children are far more emotionally volatile, and test boundaries all the time. It's important to remember that a lot of our behaviors are informed by instincts that allowed our ancestors to survive. It makes far more sense to try to understand these instincts and proceed accordingly, than to simply condemn them as illogical and harmful.
@@whispr_2ME Very well said. Of course our ancestors didnt know about psychology and reasons behind these actions. Now that people can just read up on this both men and women can pretend to be someone theyre not. OR at least try to better themselves.
Marriage between lesbians is x3 more likely to end in divorce compared to gay men. 90% of divorces in heterosexual couples is initiated by women. As a man, you're entering the most important arrangement in your life with a very unreliable partner. It's NOT your fault that the marriage ended no matter what she says. Stay strong king
The last stats I saw were WAY worse for lesbians. In fact, their divorce rate was FIVE times that of gay men. From what I read, gay men have a 14% divorce rate while lesbians have a 72% divorce rate. Men are better at relationships because they play fewer games with each other. "Women understand women and they don't like each other".
@@MansaMusa-v5q You can actually do this with a lot of stats that, at first, appear to paint our rainbow friends in a negative light. Broke: _Ermahgerd lesbians are 3x more _ Woke: _Women are 3x more _
Great video! I had this exact problem with my ex-wife. When we argued I always needed to go for a walk and be alone. It drove her insane and that wasn’t my intention. All I wanted to do was calm down so I didn’t say anything I would regret and possibly make the argument worse.
I don't know the full story but just based on this. women only ignore people whom they don't like and want attention badly. maybe she misunderstood this one or took ego of that you make her feel wrong.
I did that one time and never came came back home true story. She always thinks we will get back together. Women although they are upset don’t want you to leave they want to be heard and then reassured and conflict resolved.
The answer is simple. Your behavior is avoidant and hers is anxious. She's afraid she's losing you when you go away. For her it feels like the problem isn't solved and you just go away and the problem will come up again and again. That hard to understand? 2 avoidant don't pair BTW. Why? They simpy avoid each other too much to build a connection
Have to fight the urge to say something smart. Trick is to tell them to FO sooner rather than later. Unfortunately some of us don't want to fight with women or point out their flaws. Selfish and egocentric a lot of the time.
Wow, you just described my wife and I. I met her 50 years ago, we’ve been married for 47 years. It’s taken me a long time to get to the point where I don’t say too much of the ‘wrong thing’ and cause an escalation once she starts, but I’m still often left wondering what just happened. Great to hear you say it all and have it hit the mark. Looking forward to your video about why women never apologize, that has mystified me.
Women are too insecure to admit they were wrong. It would literally destroy them to apologize. You just have to know that no man received a sincere apology ever.
I've punished a lot of women by walking away and not reacting, because I don't like useless drama. For 50 years women have lied to men, telling us to be nice and sensitive, and now they find that offensive.
I’ve been diving in learning about relationships the past 4 years after a hard breakup. I’ve seen so many channels on UA-cam that have helped me but this channel here is hands down , the best there is out there!
@@kaiserpuppydog7174Like most things in history, if you look into the origins, the movement to allow women to vote is not as described at all. Women go through life without needing to know things about the world like men do and just follow the MSM. It will never happen but we need to repeal the 19th. I also think àlot of men shouldn't be voting either and definitely not illegals
They kinda need to be a bit like children, because of the fact that they are the child bearers. You won't know what problems a baby has, if you aren't a single little bit like that tiny creature. So, this can be forgiven... There are cases, though, where they go a bit too far.
100% narcissists do indeed have a sadistic nature and enjoy getting an emotional response after they bait you. I think they feed off your energy , beware....
... Haha lived it. Or when they argue before a meal and can eat fine and you're now drained and lost your appetite. Or when they start a fight on Friday night after work, just as you were looking forward to plans you'd made together and a nice chilled weekend and they can carry on like nothing is even wrong in their world. I could go on and on, in the end - you can't reason with an unreasonable person.
So many women become more sexually active in conjunction with a dispute. Some even need that for any sex drive. Hence the term make-up-sex. It's weird but it's a real thing.
Extremely thought provoking. ‘I’m angry because I’m still emotionally involved a year after the break up’ once I’m no longer interested I’ll be at peace
He was incredibly accurate when he compared women to children. In fact, in my experience, treating women like children was a breakthrough for me. The problem for me was that I then saw women as children, mostly useless, constantly needy, and a drain on my resources and patience. Why in hell would I want that in my life?
@veiserexab1428 Humanity in general can act like children. Men and women. Depends on ability for emotion regulation...for male and female. For goodness sakes people simple psychology...an 8 does not end up with a 3. I'm speaking psychologically. So if men on this channel are complaining they are with female babies then they need to look at own baby selves. A real man owns it. Takes 2 Blaming gets nowhere. At all.
Men - at least me - don't like drama. That makes us boring. A bored woman is a problem waiting to happen. Your best defense is make the situation humorous. Women like to laugh - it's a good emotion. Hard to fight when you're laughing.
Imagine you’re James Bond and play it cool and playful…….rough sex and outside of sex playfully putting your arms arm her neck or playfully spanks will get that boredom out of her quick
or just pick the fights first,pre-emptive strikes😂 or command h€r to clean the kitchen n wash the windows then theres no strength to pick fights withu😂😂
I think you're right. Make light of it and don't get seriously upset. If you're too tired or uncomfortable to make jokes, let her know that you can't deal with it right now and get yourself some space. If it keeps happening too often, tell her you can't deal with it and if all else fails, leave. That's better than being emotionally manipulated. Don't give your personal power to another person. Male, female, friend, family or lover. Respect yourself.
That's a nice trick, thank you for sharing. Philosopher's stone is being able to turn something worthless into gold. Turning anger and fights into humor is a good example of a philosopher's stone.
@bigthangz5489 women will start arguments even if theyre tired or exhausted; they will argue to the detriment of their time, money, & health. A man walking/driving away from insignificant unnecessary arguement is power! Less arguments = less stress & more freedom & happiness & satisfaction & get more important sh×× done
I learned the hard way to never argue with a woman. When my late wife was trying to argue I would just tell her I was not going to argue and walk away. She learned quickly that I would talk about anything but never argue.
When a kid is in the picture and the woman is pushing some insane idea with respect to bringing up your kids, not arguing isn't an option and they know that.
@@docbailey3265for real because mine would follow me around and even unlock the bathroom door with a debit card or knife. And if I try to go outside she blocks the door then shit always escalates 😂
I did the same but by saying “When you are ready to have this discussion like an adult, you know where to find me. Then I’d calmly close the door and go back to what I was doing. Drove her bonkers….
I learned this long ago , take my advice , take advantage of it , go ahead and do what you want ESPECIALLY if she does not approve. You give her a reason to fulfill her need to be angry , but you gain the ability to at least control what she is angry about. That way you always know where you stand , so much better than being in the dark.😊
It's the men - the adults in the room, that have to put up with childish behaviour because these poor women are "victims" of their own emotions. I might excuse that kind of behaviour from 13 year old girls, but to excuse adult women of doing the same? NO WAY.
No, this guy is straight wrong, men create as many problems in relationships than women you’re just trying to reassure yourself cause you have inferiority complex
Ok let me see if I got this right . On top of the nagging, complaining, emasculation, drama and general disrespect. Now allowing her to pick a fight for her own warm and fuzzy should go on the list to a happy mutual relationship. Got it
This episode was spot on. Be a stoic as possible and by doing so you maintain your cool while inflicting as much psychological damage as possible to the perpetrator
This is what I did with wife at first. When she cross the line giving me no respect. I didnt lash out, I just cut her out of my life emotionally. I did this for a month, and the moment she realizes that I wont back down and this matter is important to me. She learns not to disrespect me again. I dont do this to hurt her. I am a self-sufficient contented guy. And without her, I'll be living my life peacefully and contented. If she adds value to my life I want to be with her. If she doesnt add to it, I rather be alone hence the indifference.
I don’t lose much anymore unless I truly was at fault. It is akin to the silent treatment but not to manipulate. It is a boundary. Women are unnerved when you disengage and they can no longer push your buttons. When she treats me with respect (as I treat her the same) then I re engage.
Long, LONG ago, I learned on my own that once the "need" to repeatedly fight, argue and bicker over the same things, or the passion for it to just "stay" with her, was gone, I knew it was finally over and came to the realization I had emotionally left the relationship -- for good.
Had a girl break up with me because she said I didn't care enough to hit her. I was 19 and that absolutely stunned me. I literally had no idea what to say in response to that.
Definitely some dysfunction there. Her dad probably hit her mom from time to time, and how our parents treat each other usually has a big impact on what we think is normal in a relationship. Physical violence is probably the grandest expression of anger a man can do to a woman, so she must've just thought your emotions weren't all that strong for her.
I wish I had access to this information 30 years ago. My wife was in the habit of picking a fight before bedtime- I assumed at the time it was to make sure I wasn't in a state of mind to think sex was on the cards ( and thus avoid having to outright reject my advances), now I see that it may have been an attempt to reasure herself of my continued interest in a way that preserved her self respect if it didn't pan out the way she wanted. My response at the time was evasion- stay a little longer reading a book or watching TV or leave a little earlier an be asleep when she went to bed. I responded to unavoidable fights by becoming icily distant and hyperrational. At the time I felt that it was not a bad relationship, but ultimately I thought it wasn't worth the effort of fixing, that it would lead to a life of misery. So I left. In the years after I have not found anyone I liked enough to tolerate this kind of shit from. All I can say is get a dog or a cat- they are much better companions.
Aw bro, been there with the fight before bed thing. 8 years of that crap, she would unload and literally passout midsentance, which stopped me from getting any sort of resolution, so i couldnt sleep. Just laying there, comforting our dog as she would shake some when my ex screamed, stareing at the ceiling in the dark. She slept like a log, I could not even wake her to reply. That one thing after 8 years was the big one in deciding to leave her. The first night after I moved out I slept 11 hours, drempt for the first time in years, it was the best nights sleep I had since before I met her. There was a study of some male priests that showed they had the same life expectency as women, I swear its the constate stress men have to deal with on top of stress both sexes have to deal with in relationships that does guys in earlier.
@@jayd6372 -- I wonder: what if you had told her: behave else get divorced. Women (unless they have other guys in mind) hate to be alone and they can change overnight at the fear of losing you.
@@starfeel6127 Yes, but getting angry when women pick unnecessary fights is rewarding bad behavior. You hold your emotions until she behaves correctly.
@@starfeel6127There are two internal responses I had to your response, so I might as well share. 1. You have a point. If she's your woman, and you care about her, it is sensible to want to help her navigate her anxiety. However, this can lead to exhaustion should it occur too often. 2. Her internal state is hers and hers alone, therefore, it is something she must to learn to resolve on her own. This is true of any individual, male or female, if personal growth is a desired outcome in life. Each must ask oneself, "am I in this relationship to needlessly add to another's burdens or to experience the harmonious interplay that may occur through mutual support and cooperative intent?"
Very well explained. I managed to convince my partner that when she feels anxious, the best course of action is to come immediately hug me. This works wonders ❤
he is a blessed man who has a wife like this, which understood this assignment to just come up and hug (or communicate like a grown adult in a suitable way other than picking a fight)
I'm Christian but I found interesting that the Mulslim Koran written in the 7th century AD mentions many times the childish irresponsible behavior and reactions of women. The Koran translation in English that "men are superior to women" is not enirely correct. In Arab language the actual meaning is that "men have to show responsibility for women and protect them", ... yes just like with children ! 😂
the koran says many things. it also contains a 4 step instruction on how to beat your woman and it tells you why you should fight against unbelievers and use violence to spread you faith.@@didierdenice7456
@@abigailcosta1716as a dude. i agree with you. its not about pointing out that either side is right or wrong but understanding that we handle situations differently. Communication and understanding about the latter is key to a successful cohabitation.
Yes. I experienced this with my narc ex-wife constantly. The last meaningful thing I told her was, "Yeah. It is all my fault." I am since divorced and couldn't be happier.
Just broke up with a girlfriend of 4 years... and she wanted to fight about everything it seemed... and only when she finally triggered me, and I started being angry about this stuff did she all of a sudden seem to back down.... but then the other side of her, which was never to accept blame or take responsibility, when I pointed out that I was now angry because she triggered me.... well you can see where we went from there... thanks again for another great insight.
Fascinating video. When a person truly gives up on someone, they don't feel anything anymore. And when the other person realizes this, it can be very distressing.
Sometimes a person doesn’t feel anything for the other person to begin with and when that other person realizes that THAT person truly is using them, that’s when they walk away. ( I had to do this with my second ex- husband. He lacked understanding for the kind of work that I did due to my age and minimal education and he always compared either me or my work with a former partner he once had. He became abusive at times and would apologize and ask for another chance. I asked,” a Chance for what?” And he would reply to “ make it better; c’mon let me make it up to you.” I eventually realized that he would never change and I was not going to do anything that would help him make up his mind to do anything any better than he was already doing and he was just getting by. I eventually divorced him and walked away. I never let him back into my life again. ) 👍👍🎱🦋✨✝️ 8:25
Of course the other sure way to end a relationship is to keep bringing emotional drama into it and escalating. How about finding someone who's emoptionally secure and doesn't need to constantly pick fights just to shit test you?
The world needs a podcast with you and Stirling Cooper! I feel like you guys would be the best dating couch duo in existence. You bring the psychological aspect, while Stirling brings the giant experience in the physical aspect through he's career.
I learned the hard way not to live with women after I split from current gf of 3 years I will NEVER EVER live with a woman again as a matter of fact im done with dating all together I don't have kids im 40 never been married .I plan to keep it that way its not worth it and I was happier when I was single
@@leejee88Same here. I have been alone for three years. I am feeling really happy now. I am so focused. It is the best way to live ones life nowadays.
@@mauricegiuliani3806 got a friend who literally said fuck it bought a van and now with his dog lives out of it hes never been happier im thinking on doing the same
Y’all fools sound like cowards….yes being single is peaceful but being a man and correcting your women and shaping her into the women u want her to be is even Better!!!
@@ezecskornfan there is such a huge spectrum of toxicity, and a lot of women are toxic and abusive - stay well away from these. There are some who are mildly toxic and you have to assess whether it's worth dealing with their crap. Usually not. And there are some rare women who have a mature outlook on life. These are rarer than unicorns.
@@argablarga Totally agree after having lots of experience in dating. Then the other thing is you have to feel actually attracted to those unicorns cuz believe me. I have met unicorns, I'm good looking, I train, only downside is my finance but I get a good share of attention if I put myself out there. Met great more traditional women, actually 3 in the last 5 years. I regret one, the other 2 I simply did not feel attracted too. Its difficult lol, my point is tho. They are still extremely rare and for sure they are not into the dating world, they bussy with other stuf and you lucky if you meet them.
@@ricardoh87 if that's the only type of woman you've had in your life, you're leading a sad life and you need to take a good, long, hard look at yourself and why that is your situation.
It’s a natural biological response from Two people being in a relationship. The male and female dynamic will hold true no matter which one you are with….. the female will almost always do this 99% of the time. Why do you think every married couple goes through the exact same thing every other married couple goes through. It’s biological, not a Conscious choice but rather an Unconscious one.
2:27 Honestly, hearing this from a man is so refreshing. I’ve heard similar from a woman’s perspective usually, so when you started saying: “whereas men…” I was fully expecting the typical “want to AVOID problems.” Very refreshing.
It's not if they don't realise why they are doing it and don't know the explicit difference between how they interact with their guy VS what can actually work OK with their female friends
It's not that simple. The female mind has child-bearing at its core, as it's an evolutionary feature against extinction. They need to be viscerally familiar with being self-centered and egotistical, for a baby is exactly that and it can't fend for itself. It's a blessing and a curse, but with this enlightenment comes freedom. The secret's out!
Some guys complain about this behavior from women. I used to as well. It’s better to accept it, understand it, and quite frankly use it to your advantage. It’s beyond amazing how powerful it works when she starts a fight & you can resist engaging that battle. You’ll never win, because it’s not about being right. You can have absolute irrefutable evidence that she can’t refute, and she’ll just change what she’s fighting with you about faster than you can keep up & will change all facts - even ones she previously agreed were true - to whatever suits her argument. The best weapon is to let her argue & fight with…. Herself. Let her mind & imagination work against herself. Whatever she comes up with will be far more powerful than anything we’ll actually say/do.
... That middle paragraph 👌👏💯👏 'Moving the goalposts' until she is somehow back to being the victim, even if every shred of logic and evidence shows her as the wrongdoer.
I am a logical, emotionally stable woman who doesn’t start fights to feel 'seen' or 'heard' because I had a great relationship with my Dad who was a fabulous, confident man that set the standard for me. I am calm, present sensible points, and have clear asks when someone's behaviours aren't acceptable. I walked out of a 20-year marriage because it was never a good time for my husband to listen, understand, and adapt. The relationship was an emotional vacuum. It’s not just women that need to accommodate a man's needs. Men also need to reciprocate and accommodate their women.
@@elizabethvega5768 everything in society, and certainly the modern society is completely centered around the woman and her happiness at the expense of men’s needs or wishes.
@jonebize13 Here's an honest answer. Intelligence, humour, charm, attractiveness, love of travel are great qualities at the beginning. However, early in the relationship when you're both young(ish), life hasn't yet put big challenges in your path for you to navigate together. When parents pass away, one of you loses their job, you lose a baby, etc, only then do you know the emotional safety and reliance that you can have on each other.
I love how he started to talk about women's emotions and then immediately compared them to children XD This is how you know that he knows what he's talking about.
You nailed it, twice. I don't like to make decisions or have important discussions while in an emotional state. I see that as a positive because I don't want to add any more drama or misunderstanding to an already volatile situation. I like to ponder things and make rational decisions. Suffice it to say, women do NOT like or understand that at all. How can you be so calm right now?! Somebody has to be. Also, ladies, men have emotions, feelings, thoughts, opinions, behaviors, moods, ideas, etc. THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. In fact most of those are NOT about you. Listen to the good doctor. When something appears wrong with your man, don't rush in and make him talk. Give him space. Most of the time, the next day he'll be fine. Dudes, don't let women know they can trigger you or upset you. They will use that against you time after time.
After 5 years and a kid later, Im finally free and shes moving out within the month. I do not tolerate shit tests anymore and will never settle ever again. If that means i die alone so be it. I deserve better.
Over time, it makes the man not love her, so it has the opposite effect of reassurance. It's rare to be with a woman and your love increases during the relationship as they do these sabotaging behaviours.
I overheard my coworker says that when she and her husband feel too comfortable with each other she will pick a fight with her husband. She says that she feel that there should always be a fight every now and then. I always thought that that was the most insane thing ever, but thanks to this vid I'm starting to understand. I still don't like it though.
Indifference is key. But you should have it before going into a relationship because a woman will sense whether or not you have it. If you have it, she's much less likely to try to provoke a reaction from you. If you don't have it, you're prey to her and when she feels the need to use her superpower of provoking a man's weakness, best believe she'll use it.
My brother sent me this and he felt it would benefit me for my couple sessions and this is super helpful ❤I will use some of these tips and implement them in the marital sessions so there’s a more clear understanding between spouses!
My ex wife used to do this all the time. I'd be calm while she kept picking and being really upset until I snapped and raving like a lunatic. She would IMMEDIATELY be fine and whatever the issue was and my calm response that didn't resolve it was suddenly accepted when i was angry and yelling 🙄
Most women wanna see that animal side of you…..some do it because they’re use to toxic relationships others because it’s fun for them Best way to give her that animal side is to have rough sex with her and I can ensure she won’t start an argument to see that side
And this it’s so hurtful to a relationship. We get angry about them picking fights and escalating it and eventually we just don’t want to argue. Which of course makes it worse for her and us. If it gets bad enough, eventually guys just don’t want to deal with it anymore. Not the life we want.
What he said, it is absolutely, positively, 100% true. I have explained this exact principle many times, in a different way, to various other men. And I have applied it successfully in my own life. Indifference is the best thing.
Excellent video! When I ended things with my ex-fiancée a dozen years ago, I told her she (and her kids) could stay in my home until they found another place to live. As it got closer to her move-out date, she began to escalate. I didn't want to add to the stress that was already present. Four days before her move-out, she told me she was going to do something she promised she wouldn't do shortly after we started dating. I reacted; she smiled, almost as if to say, "Gotcha." It turned into an argument, which ended when she uncharacteristically stepped up on me and got in my face. When she did that, I took a deep breath and calmly told her she needed to take two steps back. It was almost like she was daring me to do something. When she didn't move, I was livid, but my expression didn't change and I didn't move. I looked her straight in the eyes and told her again--slower--she needed to take two steps back. After a few moments, she did. She was a couple inches shorter than me (I'm 6'2"), but I outweighed her by at least 100 pounds. There's no way I come out of the situation clean if it goes the other way. That was the moment I was emotionally done with her, but she clearly wasn't done with me because she was still picking fights and inciting conflict almost a year later.
She wanted your house while you fought DV charges. The Bible and Islam were right about wahmen. 105 years ago, our simp grandfather's who weren't off to war got it wrong.
Comedian//Philosopher: Patrice O'Neal brought this to light in detail. I learned a great deal about relationships and women from his detailed breakdowns. Women need emotions like a drug addict.
THIS was truly informative! As an airline pilot, now retired, I was trained to put aside emotions and focus on the problem at hand. My poor wife has had her emotions met with my logic and problem solving nature. No wonder we are now struggling now that I’m home every day!
@joelzimmerman2462 Holy shit, I thought maybe I wrote your post. Same scenario…out on medical for back surgery, I’ve got 10 years till 65 and if I don’t go back to work soon, I’ll be out on medical and single. You can be my wingman any day, corny but true.
I let my wife push my buttons resulting in shouting matches which caused me to become nauseated. I would take a walk to get over the feeling and find that the spat was over when I returned. One day I told myself that I had enough of this nonsense and that I wasn't going to respond to these attacks anymore. Shortly after that, my wife left me for another man which brought me peace and serenity that I hadn't felt in years. Wish I had known about this psychological syndrome when I was dating her.
they act all cute, innocent, well behaving until you put the ring on it. then you're f'ed. get ready to put up with their crap and lose 50% of your net worth.
You do know that your wife BEEN cheating, long before she left you for another man, right? More than likely, she was cheating with multiple people, especially if she worked at a job with a lot of men in or around her workplace.
The problem with this behavior is that it is self destructive. Intentionally poking the bear for psychological reassurance is going to alienate the partner, and the partner will only tolerate that for so long.
at the age of 70 I can tell you that my past experience confirms what you are saying. Some women even said it openly, e.g. : "I am provoking you , and you are constantly ignoring my provocations. That makes me even angryer! "
I once asked a friend of mine how he tolerates juggling 3 women in his 50s. He revealed he would start drama on purpose about fun stuff and leave immediately if it was drama or blame coming his way. Apparently they like being toyed with to make them angry and then feel even better when the anger washes away and she feels good. I call it the emotional slap and tickle.
@@hyperteleXii its good and manageable, comes and goes. I’m also productive in my own self development and my spiritual and mental/emotional health, I have hobbies and friends so not completely isolated. It’s working out well.
True but look at it from a different viewpoint….her test is to help you gauge your true manhood A lot of guys walking around lying to their self but kids and women will prove how stoic you really are
A similar problem sometimes arises in a conflict between introvert and extrovert, regardless of the gender: introverts prefer to keep their emotions down and concentrate on finding a peaceful solution instead. Extroverts, however, might perceive such behaviour as a total lack of care, like "how can you be so calm when we are discussing such serious matters???". The irony is, introverts might be putting a lot of efforts to remain calm exactly because they do care, they just don't think that releasing emotions helps resolving the conflict.
I'm not convinced that "extraverts" and "introverts" even exist. It just seems like a lazy way to categorise people, and most people fluctuate between the two positions anyway.
@@malcolm_in_the_middleFalse and its not a lazy way to describe people. Also people usually dont switch between the two. What most people get wrong is seeing introverts as automatically shy. Total misconception.
@@malcolm_in_the_middleI don't think so. I'm a true introvert, I've just developed extroverted qualities to fit in better at work/socially, but it's still draining. I think the "where you get your energy from" distinction is the most accurate. Peace recharges me. Being around people drains my energy, especially when it's a lot of people.
@@malcolm_in_the_middle they do. Extroverts recharge energy with people, introverts recharge alone or away from people. Everyone has a battery, and for introverts social situations are draining and for extroverts it’s life giving. I can go to a party, talk to everyone, have a decent too amazing time, but each interaction takes something out of me and at a certain point I’m just done and need to be alone. Even if I love everyone, and love the connections.
I've known a few women who were in abusive relationships who became friends with me and we were kind of close. But eventually they created drama or got angry with me for ridiculous reasons, such as having a different opinion, a habit/quirk I had that could use some improvement or I didn't get what they were saying. Basically things not worth ending a friendship or relationship over. It didn't seem to matter that I treated them and loved a few of them better than their exes. I noticed they were quick to cut me off or not want to talk to me for a while when I didn't go along with their game or I put them in their place. And I have questioned why they were willing to put up with the abusive ex longer than they did with me.
This is exactly the same technique I use. I've been married 13 years and rarely ever fought with my wife. So it's great to hear a psychologist validate it. Having 3 sisters and my Dad's advice is what helped me navigate my relationships with women.
@savortooth basically, women can't think straight, so don't take them too seriously. This mental weakness means they are constantly struggling with their emotions, so be patient with them and show them you are in control. However, if your wife disrespects you or crosses a red line, give them the silent treatment and be ready to make it last days. This works on good women, but I don't know how it works with broken women.
@@JetBazooka21 once you understand they are mentally weak, it all makes sense. It's something you have to prepare for whenever any slightly difficult situation arises.
Man, I could fill a book with these situations. My ex was basically the only person who had methods to get to that point. Wears you down. I have a pretty big threshold before getting angry (which is good), I start showing warning signals, but once that line is crossed it twangs back full force like a big elastic band (which is not so good). So I learned to put up a boundary before they got to that point. With my current girlfriend, arguments basically never happen beyond some friction once in a while, and in the unlikely event that it does seem to go beyond we both apply the brakes.
All my life I've been wondering why so many other women like tension and fights. It's made girl talk awkward several times. The mystery has finally been solved! Thank you!
Actually it makes sense, even when I date a girl if she ever starts to pull away you notice by her being less emotional with you and that puts us into a panic because you can tell she’s losing feelings
This video hits hard. My ex always fought over the most childish things. She was very very insecure especially after she had our daughter and I gave her no reason not to trust me but that wasn't enough and one day I just couldn't do it anymore. I need a woman to be my peace not my misery
This makes so much sense. I work in a female dominated field (hospital) and they always seemed to be most upset when their outbursts are met with me seeming disinterested and thinking of a solution.
Ya they hate solutions they just wanna complain. But hey at least in that field and lots of empty beds things happen. Seems like every doctor has a harem of nurses.
I saw this many times at the dinner table when I was growing up. When a woman is complaining about her day at work, she doesn't want to hear your solutions: she just wants to vent. You let her vent and then say: "You had a hard day" and move on. It can be very effective.
Working with women completely destroyed my mental health. I literally developed health problems due to the constant stress of dealing with unpredictable nagging, gossiping and conniving. It propelled me to become self employed and start my own business, which now allows me to make ends meet. But at what cost…
Thank you for answering my question. Further, if a woman's strategic imperative is to get the man to commit to her, then emotional reinforcement is an effective way to achieve that. In other words, as long as he's engaged, then she experiences less anxiety related to his distance. This speaks to the advice of many male pickup artists. if you pay more attention to her friend or to another she moves toward him, not away from him and competes for his attention. If you ignore a woman, she often starts to compete for his attention. In this way ATTENTION IS THE CURRENCY. When the man decides when the tension is to be released through: sex, affection, listening, or chastising HE is in control. If she decides when the tension is to be released, the SHE is in control. Either way, if the man can't control the time and place of release, he becomes less dominant and possibly... less attractive. Some even say his value goes down equal to the amount of attention he gives her. Question: is she on your roller coaster? Or are you on hers?
Also, when they are feeling anxious, activating your stress response puts you on alert so they feel like you are on the "look out" so they are protected. I've noticed women are more contentious when they are out of their comfort zone, and appear more relaxed when their men are stressed.
This is my Mom. She has trauma issues, and she picks fight with anyone in my family old enough to have an opinion. Now, almost everyone shuts down, stone-walls her, and let's her do her usual routine. 1. Pick a fight over something insignificant. 2. Get upset that nothing is ever done right. (Her way.) 3. Individual stares blankly into her eyes. 4. She runs off because nobody 'respects' her. 5. Mad at everyone for a few days, just for the Cycle to hit No.1 again. I love my Mom, but after 20 years of her doing this, and doing my best to help her have a good relationship with her kids... I gave up... Now I too just ignore it.
Wow, you just described my mom exactly. Even down to the order in which the "cycle" happens. Have also come to the same conclusion as yourself in how to deal with it. This pattern must be quite common....
Have you ever wondered why your woman seems to create unnecessary difficulties? Why is it that she can become so provocative, seemingly out of the blue? In this episode, I discuss the counterintuitive explanation for why many women pick fights with their partners. Though it might sound strange, anger is actually reassuring, as it demonstrates a person is still sufficiently emotionally invested to fight.
Social Media
Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/
Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks
Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban
Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
Orion's Theme: ua-cam.com/video/WrXBzQ2HDEQ/v-deo.html
Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com.
GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993
Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community:
ua-cam.com/channels/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXw.htmljoin
Book a paid consultation:
oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations
Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com
Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #relationship #women
it's a shittest
depending on how i feel i' ll call it out (what are you doing? why are you doing it? what is the best autcome from that action? what is the worst outcome to that action?)
ill play (gamefy that shit)
or crush (emotionaly)
or ignore
@@kungfujoe2136 Chad and Tyron says: "Thank you, sir.".
Ha 😂😂 this is my very immature mother Mary Armstrong 😂😂😂
Before I watched this video, I'm assuming it's that passion beats apathy, like the way the audience is becoming apathetic to Disney-Marvel movies.
I look forward to the future topic:
“How to never argue with a woman”
Thank you for sharing this information!
The irony is that a woman don't realize, if a man is on the fence about her or the relationship, picking fights only reassures the man that she's isn't the one for him. Why would a man want to bring upon unnecessary drama and turmoil into his life?
Hey honey, would you like to move to a quiet neighborhood or a ghetto?
Ghetto please. If only she had the decency to be honest hey.
@@jerryjessup9192You do cut-loss when you pick a stock wrong. The same concept applies here.
@@jerryjessup9192 Yes, that is exactly what he is saying (the answer to your 2nd question) -- basically get out quick when the predetermined amount you are willing to risk as a loss (e.g., $400) is passed.
this happened in my last relationship, i eventually gave up and distanced myself from her.
Exactly. I don't need that shit. I want a peaceful life and if that means without her, so be it.
Honestly this is what destroyed my marriage. I had no idea why my wife was so determined to squabble about every little thing. And the thing in her case was if I did show any anger it immediately switched to "Now you're raising your voice" etc etc. My marriage seemed like one 15 year long shit test.
I hear you on this ! We don't actually raise our voice but they are so emotionally unstable and sensitive at the time they can't handle ANY negative feedback . They hear it as "yelling" .Then they talk about the " TONE " we are using . lol ! I'm learning to avoid arguing at all costs
Same here bro. 8 years of this shit.
It's just excuses to make you retroactively the bad guy. They started the fight and continued until you got upset, and because you got upset they were justified in starting the fight. Move on from that toxic type as fast as you can
You kept failing the test. You didn't even know what to do. Women only test men they don't trust their leadership. You were Beta
@@MrKanrabat I'm on year 5
I watched my Mom do this to my dad growing up. It taught me to be the complete opposite. I think this is a behavior that should not be tolerated more than a few times under any circumstance. Women like this need to be alone as not to create hell for their families.
I agree. It isn't about how women process or how they get past anxiety. It's childish. It's a woman who simply never grew the fuck up. This is why so many men are now giving the advice "treat women like children" and surprisingly it works. Unfortunately for most grown ass men like myself, I don't want a child to raise. I want a woman. They are very few in number apparently.
@@jbb8261 This has been my experience as well. In fact, even after +50 years of marriage my Dad is still being ravaged multiple times a day, on a daily basis. This traumatized me during childhood. Not sure if it’s because of that or not but I’d rather die alone than marry.
@@KeepingOnTheWatch I think your self awareness would help you pick a good spouse. Mine did. No need to let your mother’s hell dictate the way you spend the entirety of your life.
@@jbb8261 Thank you. However, “roses don’t bloom in the winter”. My life course is pretty well on auto-pilot from long ago until the end of my days.
We may have had the same mother! Mine was totally ruthless to my father and to me.
Had an ex who would do this - one day she even told me, "You're so cold and heartless - you don't feel anything." Meanwhile I was doing everything in my power to control my anger at the truly nasty and disrespectful way she would treat me. Then one night a drunk crashed into my car (we were sitting in her car across the road from my parked car and she was nagging and moaning as usual when it happened, so we were safe, but saw it all happen). When I did not get angry or throw a temper tantrum at the drunk, or the fact I remained calm at the loss of my car (complete write off), things changed completely. She saw that it was actually a strength not a weakness that I did not respond like a child, and everything changed after that, and she was much more attracted to me. Fortunately for me, I would eventually come to my senses and broke it off with her because I would not tolerate the constant nagging and disrespect.
Woman are more addicted to listening to psyop celebrities mk ultra slaves and singers who make their child psych even more childish. One time I had a girl assault me because I didn't want to be sexual with her on the 3rd date, she came from a black neighborhood and seemed like no one had told her no before. I dodged a nuke.
I don't like Gypsy crusader but can see why he got popular so fast
The more my ex- pushed me for a reaction, the less reaction she got. Then I was often told “you have no emotions”. No you dumbs**t, I just don’t want to unleash my frustrations on your stupidity.
Smart man
Ok “so mature and wise one”. Which is why you were disrespected from the beginning because you couldn’t hold frame and she walked all over you nagging and moaning.
A lot of you think your smart leaving women instead of understanding them and being the better player.
Two decades of this and one day I just said “I am moving the f out.” Since then my life has become completely epic. It was one of my finest moments. Never tolerate this behavior. Life it too short.
No offense brother but you should have checked that behavior years ago or left years ago…
@@MansaMusa-v5q It's more complicated than just upping and leaving after many years in. You have to untangle some things first.
Damn, that’s exactly what she was afraid of and why she picked all those fights. She was right about you all along.
Two decades of life wasted is extremely sad. Rip brother 😔
Two decades is quite a while but many people never leave that situation. I can genuinely say congratulations! Make the most out of life from where you presently are..
Another thing ive learned over the years. A woman will also start arguments when she is seeing another man on the side. If you and your woman havent fought for years and then out of nowhere, she starts petty arguments. Look into why and dont let it go unnoticed. Chance are she's talking to or seeing anothe man.
Bingo, me too. It was guilt reflected back on me which meant I got double the punishment.
I experienced that one day when she was off to see her ex and told me she had appointments but she was extremely aggravated that morning. When I looked at her phone after getting the password I saw that that specific date coincided with her text to him that they were going to meet.
I watched this happen first hand. And it's cross-cultural. When I was a soldier stationed overseas in Germany, I met a girl working a food stand in the train station and she was really attractive and we hit it off. We met up that evening in my hotel room to go out drinking together that night. She sat on the side of the bed and used her phone to call her boyfriend and started picking a fight. By the end of it she said, "fine I'll just go out without you" and then hung up and she had achieved her goal, acted as if nothing happened, and we left together, got wasted, went back to the hotel for some fun, and the next morning we both left and never saw each other again.
This is so true!!!
Yes but she might be seeing another man because she isn’t feeling like you care about her. Sounds ridiculous and objectively you might not be doing anything wrong to make her feel that way. Some women are just very insecure and overthink everything. Her seeing other men is due to the same reasons that she is picking a fights. This is ultimately a test because ironically, the best thing to do is to get to the bottom of it but not react with anger. She is indirectly saying “SHOW ME YOU LOVE ME.” Men think that simply asking her what’s wrong is enough. No, women need more proof than that: they need you to get her to open up no matter how stubborn she is about it. If you ask and she says “nothing, I’m fine” and you leave it at that, she thinks to herself “see, he doesn’t really care…” and then she goes to the other guy to get that reinforcement. Sometimes nothing you do will help them feel more secure, and they’re going to feel that way no matter what. It’s a problem with them, not you, and you’ll never fix them. Those relationships are very toxic and full of fighting.
Sometimes though it can be as simple as her wanting an excuse to talk to the other man. “My man doesn’t give me what I need, so I’m going to get it from this other guy.” Think we’ve all been there. When you see the warning signs of this, run. You’ll never change her.
My ex was like that and taught me a lot of bad habits over the years. I then started dating a much more sensible woman who picked up on it very quickly and told me these habits make it very difficult for her to deal with me. She had to re-teach me on how to communicate my emotions properly, never picked any unnecessary fights and gave me space to process. There are good, rational and mindful women out there. I hope everyone can find one.
what bad habbits and what did the new re teach exactly ??
Wonderful. So glad you found someone to turn "this" around. Everyone deserves peace.
I am suspicious that she TAUGHT you. That does not sound like an equal power dynamic. Out of curiosity, how long have you been with this wonderful, rational woman? Has it been a good 7+ years, sonit had time to go through the normal relationship cycle?
@@William-the-Guy It's an expression. She did not give me seminars.
@@ilia2178 yes. I do know how expressions work. Not really sure what you meant to accomplish with that. My point is that all relationships go through a honeymoon period, statistically divorce tends to come after 5-7 years of marriage. I am wondering if you have cleared that hurdle or not.
I had an ex who tried to pick a fight with me in public TWICE.
The first time, I let it slip and apologized, proceeded with the evening, and dropped her off at her house. The second time, I apologized, and dropped her off at her house. I then politely asked her via text to never see me again.
Never again. A pretty face and a tight body is NOT worth it if she's crazy. No.
How did she respond?
@@titoslounge1946 She still sends me random texts here and there after 8 months.
@@titoslounge1946who gives a crap? The minute you dump her she’s ancient history.
@@titoslounge1946That's the wrong question?
97% are crazy
I couldn’t click on this video fast enough. This makes so much sense within my marriage! You earned a new subscriber today. Ironically, I’d show this to my wife, but it would start a fight.
Show it her. When she starts a fight, you can verbally tell her that you're withdrawing your emotions until she understands that you won't feed her with emotions.
🤣😂 You are correct sir!! Well said!
Shared it with my gf. Started a fight and now she isn't talking 😢.
This is why it's important to befriend your partners friends and family, especially when they know and understand you, they can help talk to the other person. Some things aren't ideal coming from your partner, especially when you're upset. You can talk to her when your both free and calm
@@FreeSalesTips Then you tell her: if it happens again im gonna put it in the butt
A lot of these "women problems" seem to be narcissists problems.
This is the elephant in the room which is rarely acknowledged. Borderline, narcissist, sociopathic, psychopathic and other mentally ill behaviours are excused as "female nature".
Yep. Read Genesis 3 and you'll see it. Satan was the first to fall to 'self', thus I call him the father of narcissists since he was the first. Eve was persuaded by and became a liar and deceiver. Adam, not wanting to be along again because he knew full well what lie ahead, decided to go with her into disobedience than suffer being alone thinking God would have kicked her out, leaving him alone. Now, we'll never know what God would have done had Adam stuck to God's command and instead suffered her fate as God's hand. Instead we're all suffering the fall out and Jesus had to come to pay that price.
the other person is wrong that's why they get mad, not because they are narcissistic
Yup
@@ay-tj7pj Actually I think it’s because the other person is right, women hate it when they are wrong.
If she can't be a real queen, she can always be a drama queen.
Thats a good one, i’ll try to remember that one!
If you can't be a queen bee a wasp queen will do! 😉
Epic.
One problem is calling them queens.
But please don’t stop with the
“ BEE OR WASP “ 🐝 analogy !
( in a divorce- they sting ! ) 🥳
Comparing women to children was spot on!!!
No accountability
Children with the right to vote...
Children with the right to vote...
That’s not fair to kids !
It's amazing how misguided many women have caused themselves to be. Feminism could have been something loving.
A lot of the psychology around women is trying to rationalize poor behavior. The main point seems to be not telling women the truth that they need to grow up into an adult
Exactly!
True but even a old loyal dog will test you sometimes……it’s just in their nature lol
They cant.. they’re adult kids with breast
real pscyhology research is fairly based in its findings. That's because woke crap which is based on narcissism is unsustainable.
Damn bro!
Another reason women feel better after picking at you until you explode, is that then they can be the VICTIM, and are absolved of all responsibility for what happens. If you don’t respond at all, they have to deal with the fact that THEY might be the problem, and that drives them crazy. Narcissists also use this tactic (of picking a fight) and are best dealt with by going “gray rock” (being as interesting and combative as a gray rock), because they cannot manipulate that to their advantage.
Excellent point. Whatever they can do to make someone else the bad guy, they will do. When women talk poorly of their exes, I just say 'I see', or something like that because I know they want me to react and be on their side. It's interesting to watch their turmoil when I don't react the way they want.
My mum has done this since i was a child, i learned to ignore here and walk off.
It's FemiNarcissism
Well said.
All women are narcissists.
I just brought this up to my gf who was sitting beside me as I was watching this, and said "Hey that sounds familiar. Every time WE ever have gotten into an argument, by the end of it, I'll look over at you and recognize that you've become noticeably more at peace with yourself. Almost as though you enjoyed that whole experience. Then you sleep like a baby." She responds, "Fascinating" and goes back to reading her book. They know they're doing it. They just don't care if it negatively affects us. We're basically just glorified cat scratching posts to these people. Good to know I guess....
Everything is about them
All women are narcissists who know we'll put up with it.
Dump her
No wonder some guys go gay. I don't blame em, they just hangout with their buddy and have a nice day. They don't have to deal with women and all their nonsense
Are you still with this lady?
An old girlfriend once said to me "Every time we fight I feel a little bit closer" with a smile, as if it was a good thing. I replied truthfully "Every time we fight, I love you a little less."
Ouch! Same here
Holy shit dude you went for the jugular on that 💀💀. I recently broke up w my girl of 1 year bc of a fight we had regarding her family. Long story short, I had a negative view on her family n she got super upset abt it (rightfully so I believe) and the whole time I’m like why tf did I say that and all that. 2 weeks later we broke up bc it was a turn off for me. There’s other underlying reasons, but that fight was a part of it. But I also felt that now after seeing this video, makes me think that she wanted me to rely on her a lot and not isolate myself. I thought the isolating was a personal thing, but apparently it’s a somewhat common
God#@&$ you can’t make this stuff up! Female logic!
FACTS
my god sounds so evil
In the movie 'As good as it gets', Jack Nicholson plays the author or romance novels. He is at one point asked by a gushing female fan:
'How do you write women so well' - to which he answers, 'I think of a man, and take away reason and accountability'.
My favorite scene in that movie.
Great Great real line
I use this quote all the time
@@miknes12345 he forgot "morals"
That’s great.
How is this not considered emotional domestic abuse?
A test is once in a blue moon, abuse is a daily thing…..know the difference and know when to play along and know when to let that person go
It is. 2023 is clown world. Women are empowered when they get their way, victims when they don't. When men act horribly in LTRs, they're monsters. When women act horribly in LTRs, they're just insecure & misunderstood bc they need more more more from men, who aren't manning up & satiating all her f'd up "needs".
It's mostly subconscious/instinctual when it's not malicious.
Calling it abuse is akin to women calling men predatory for being more physically attracted to youthful women.
Evolutionarily speaking: a female's entire survival strategy was securing the protection of her and her future children from a competent male. If that male turns out to be incompetent, then then you die and your lineage ends. I think this is the reason why it's traditionally been so important for women to get married, and why they would be arranged a lot of the times.
A man not being able to keep his house in order when faced with his woman's emotions is not a great sign that he can protect her and the children from all the dangers of life. Maybe this is a bit controversial, but I could also see it serving as a test of how the man will react to and discipline their future children. Children are far more emotionally volatile, and test boundaries all the time.
It's important to remember that a lot of our behaviors are informed by instincts that allowed our ancestors to survive. It makes far more sense to try to understand these instincts and proceed accordingly, than to simply condemn them as illogical and harmful.
Because world leaders have wives that keep them under control by using these tactics already. It's like a cartel.
@@whispr_2ME Very well said. Of course our ancestors didnt know about psychology and reasons behind these actions. Now that people can just read up on this both men and women can pretend to be someone theyre not. OR at least try to better themselves.
A wise person once told me: “want to defeat someone completely. Act as if they were dead and ignore them 100%”
And in your thoughts too.
You are a Scorpio or at least that wise person is.
This distance not gon be reassuring at all
Oh my God that puts women in mental hospitals they go insane.
@@EazyD-EPisces can easily be this way too. Cross a Pisces and it’ll be as though you never existed.
As an attorney, this explains the events that happen during a divorce so much.
Marriage between lesbians is x3 more likely to end in divorce compared to gay men. 90% of divorces in heterosexual couples is initiated by women. As a man, you're entering the most important arrangement in your life with a very unreliable partner. It's NOT your fault that the marriage ended no matter what she says. Stay strong king
The last stats I saw were WAY worse for lesbians. In fact, their divorce rate was FIVE times that of gay men. From what I read, gay men have a 14% divorce rate while lesbians have a 72% divorce rate. Men are better at relationships because they play fewer games with each other. "Women understand women and they don't like each other".
Funny thing is I know lesbians and even they admit women are emotional 😂😂….I have to disagree some men did cause their relationship/marriage to end
Ever hung out with a lesbian? Not marriage material
lesbian women were more likely than gay men to report having been in an abusive same-sex relationship (41% and 28% respectively)
@@MansaMusa-v5q You can actually do this with a lot of stats that, at first, appear to paint our rainbow friends in a negative light.
Broke: _Ermahgerd lesbians are 3x more _
Woke: _Women are 3x more _
Great video! I had this exact problem with my ex-wife. When we argued I always needed to go for a walk and be alone. It drove her insane and that wasn’t my intention. All I wanted to do was calm down so I didn’t say anything I would regret and possibly make the argument worse.
She sounded toxic as hell.
I don't know the full story but just based on this.
women only ignore people whom they don't like and want attention badly.
maybe she misunderstood this one or took ego of that you make her feel wrong.
I did that one time and never came came back home true story. She always thinks we will get back together. Women although they are upset don’t want you to leave they want to be heard and then reassured and conflict resolved.
The answer is simple. Your behavior is avoidant and hers is anxious. She's afraid she's losing you when you go away. For her it feels like the problem isn't solved and you just go away and the problem will come up again and again. That hard to understand? 2 avoidant don't pair BTW. Why? They simpy avoid each other too much to build a connection
Have to fight the urge to say something smart. Trick is to tell them to FO sooner rather than later. Unfortunately some of us don't want to fight with women or point out their flaws. Selfish and egocentric a lot of the time.
Wow, you just described my wife and I. I met her 50 years ago, we’ve been married for 47 years. It’s taken me a long time to get to the point where I don’t say too much of the ‘wrong thing’ and cause an escalation once she starts, but I’m still often left wondering what just happened. Great to hear you say it all and have it hit the mark. Looking forward to your video about why women never apologize, that has mystified me.
Women are allergic to responsibility.
Women are too insecure to admit they were wrong. It would literally destroy them to apologize. You just have to know that no man received a sincere apology ever.
I've punished a lot of women by walking away and not reacting, because I don't like useless drama. For 50 years women have lied to men, telling us to be nice and sensitive, and now they find that offensive.
I married a woman who needed constant reassurance. It was such a relief when I got divorced.
I’ve been diving in learning about relationships the past 4 years after a hard breakup. I’ve seen so many channels on UA-cam that have helped me but this channel here is hands down , the best there is out there!
You constantly equate women with children....and its 100% accurate.
Even so, they are allowed to vote.
@@kaiserpuppydog7174Like most things in history, if you look into the origins, the movement to allow women to vote is not as described at all. Women go through life without needing to know things about the world like men do and just follow the MSM. It will never happen but we need to repeal the 19th. I also think àlot of men shouldn't be voting either and definitely not illegals
omg😂…. i so wish i could disagree with this comment
Because clearly your the role model adult in the room
They kinda need to be a bit like children, because of the fact that they are the child bearers. You won't know what problems a baby has, if you aren't a single little bit like that tiny creature. So, this can be forgiven... There are cases, though, where they go a bit too far.
Narcissists also feed on emotional responses and there is a sadistic aspect to this in both cases.
100% narcissists do indeed have a sadistic nature and enjoy getting an emotional response after they bait you. I think they feed off your energy , beware....
Going through these comments makes me feel less alone. I love you all. Stay strong brothers 💪🏾
Truth
Anyone who picks fights is introducing unnecessary drama and they’ve proven themselves incompatible with my life.
So have you decided to be gay then
Well said!!
EXACLY this is narcissist's behavior and not normal at all !!!
Something is fundamentally and seriously wrong with that gender.
I prefer the phrase, “proven themselves to be undeserving OF life.”
My ex loved the dopamine rush from a fight before bed. She would sleep like a baby and I would need at least another hour to unwind.
... Haha lived it.
Or when they argue before a meal and can eat fine and you're now drained and lost your appetite.
Or when they start a fight on Friday night after work, just as you were looking forward to plans you'd made together and a nice chilled weekend and they can carry on like nothing is even wrong in their world.
I could go on and on, in the end - you can't reason with an unreasonable person.
Annoying that they can basically dump their problems and make it our problem when it best suits them and it least suits us.
So many women become more sexually active in conjunction with a dispute. Some even need that for any sex drive. Hence the term make-up-sex. It's weird but it's a real thing.
@@franknada8235 that's so sad haha
Extremely thought provoking. ‘I’m angry because I’m still emotionally involved a year after the break up’ once I’m no longer interested I’ll be at peace
He was incredibly accurate when he compared women to children. In fact, in my experience, treating women like children was a breakthrough for me. The problem for me was that I then saw women as children, mostly useless, constantly needy, and a drain on my resources and patience.
Why in hell would I want that in my life?
The moment we realize when even kids are more mature than them lol, I guess it has something to do with their upbringing
@veiserexab1428 Humanity in general can act like children. Men and women.
Depends on ability for emotion regulation...for male and female.
For goodness sakes people simple psychology...an 8 does not end up with a 3. I'm speaking psychologically. So if men on this channel are complaining they are with female babies then they need to look at own baby selves. A real man owns it. Takes 2
Blaming gets nowhere. At all.
Men - at least me - don't like drama. That makes us boring. A bored woman is a problem waiting to happen. Your best defense is make the situation humorous. Women like to laugh - it's a good emotion. Hard to fight when you're laughing.
Imagine you’re James Bond and play it cool and playful…….rough sex and outside of sex playfully putting your arms arm her neck or playfully spanks will get that boredom out of her quick
or just pick the fights first,pre-emptive strikes😂
or command h€r to clean the kitchen n wash the windows
then theres no strength to pick fights withu😂😂
I think you're right. Make light of it and don't get seriously upset. If you're too tired or uncomfortable to make jokes, let her know that you can't deal with it right now and get yourself some space. If it keeps happening too often, tell her you can't deal with it and if all else fails, leave. That's better than being emotionally manipulated. Don't give your personal power to another person. Male, female, friend, family or lover. Respect yourself.
That's a nice trick, thank you for sharing. Philosopher's stone is being able to turn something worthless into gold. Turning anger and fights into humor is a good example of a philosopher's stone.
@bigthangz5489
women will start arguments even if theyre tired or exhausted; they will argue to the detriment of their time, money, & health. A man walking/driving away from insignificant unnecessary arguement is power!
Less arguments = less stress & more freedom & happiness & satisfaction & get more important sh×× done
I learned the hard way to never argue with a woman. When my late wife was trying to argue I would just tell her I was not going to argue and walk away. She learned quickly that I would talk about anything but never argue.
When a kid is in the picture and the woman is pushing some insane idea with respect to bringing up your kids, not arguing isn't an option and they know that.
You must have had a large house.
@@docbailey3265for real because mine would follow me around and even unlock the bathroom door with a debit card or knife. And if I try to go outside she blocks the door then shit always escalates 😂
She didn't follow you to continue her argument?! 😮
I did the same but by saying “When you are ready to have this discussion like an adult, you know where to find me. Then I’d calmly close the door and go back to what I was doing. Drove her bonkers….
I learned this long ago , take my advice , take advantage of it , go ahead and do what you want ESPECIALLY if she does not approve.
You give her a reason to fulfill her need to be angry , but you gain the ability to at least control what she is angry about.
That way you always know where you stand , so much better than being in the dark.😊
It's the men - the adults in the room, that have to put up with childish behaviour because these poor women are "victims" of their own emotions. I might excuse that kind of behaviour from 13 year old girls, but to excuse adult women of doing the same? NO WAY.
What a cute way to come out of the closet.. :D
@@andersnielsen6044 Who hurt you ?
No, this guy is straight wrong, men create as many problems in relationships than women you’re just trying to reassure yourself cause you have inferiority complex
@@andersnielsen6044😂 paedo vibes
Most of them are still 13 yos that now drink too much.
Ok let me see if I got this right . On top of the nagging, complaining, emasculation, drama and general disrespect. Now allowing her to pick a fight for her own warm and fuzzy should go on the list to a happy mutual relationship. Got it
That is the secure way to put your woman in the arms of Chad and Tyron.. ;)
LOL LOL LOL ROFLMBO 😆 🤣 😂 😅 😄
NOT
2 ways to stop the testing….
1. Hard rough sex
2. Play fighting
Yes. Society is designed to cater to women's insanity and there's no winning.
The karen were born...
This episode was spot on. Be a stoic as possible and by doing so you maintain your cool while inflicting as much psychological damage as possible to the perpetrator
This is what I did with wife at first. When she cross the line giving me no respect. I didnt lash out, I just cut her out of my life emotionally. I did this for a month, and the moment she realizes that I wont back down and this matter is important to me. She learns not to disrespect me again.
I dont do this to hurt her. I am a self-sufficient contented guy. And without her, I'll be living my life peacefully and contented. If she adds value to my life I want to be with her. If she doesnt add to it, I rather be alone hence the indifference.
You did good! Never reward bad behaviour with any attention or emotion. I also learned this from another man.
The problem is some women WANT fights. If you fight back, you lose. If you just walk away, you lose. The best solution is to…a new woman! 🦅
Why do you lose if you fight back?
@@friendlyanomaly6109 you've never been in a relationship before have you? 😝
I don’t lose much anymore unless I truly was at fault. It is akin to the silent treatment but not to manipulate.
It is a boundary. Women are unnerved when you disengage and they can no longer push your buttons.
When she treats me with respect (as I treat her the same) then I re engage.
New woman; new fights.
@@officersquareheadnew woman same moveset 😂
Long, LONG ago, I learned on my own that once the "need" to repeatedly fight, argue and bicker over the same things, or the passion for it to just "stay" with her, was gone, I knew it was finally over and came to the realization I had emotionally left the relationship -- for good.
Had a girl break up with me because she said I didn't care enough to hit her. I was 19 and that absolutely stunned me. I literally had no idea what to say in response to that.
Bro what
Definitely some dysfunction there. Her dad probably hit her mom from time to time, and how our parents treat each other usually has a big impact on what we think is normal in a relationship.
Physical violence is probably the grandest expression of anger a man can do to a woman, so she must've just thought your emotions weren't all that strong for her.
Don't believe in their explanation why they break up with you. 80% of the time it is gaslighting. Real reason was she found another guy to upgrade to.
That is really f'ed up! 😮. She needs therapy for that problem. Cripes!
Nothing to say but “Thank you”
I wish I had access to this information 30 years ago. My wife was in the habit of picking a fight before bedtime- I assumed at the time it was to make sure I wasn't in a state of mind to think sex was on the cards ( and thus avoid having to outright reject my advances), now I see that it may have been an attempt to reasure herself of my continued interest in a way that preserved her self respect if it didn't pan out the way she wanted. My response at the time was evasion- stay a little longer reading a book or watching TV or leave a little earlier an be asleep when she went to bed. I responded to unavoidable fights by becoming icily distant and hyperrational. At the time I felt that it was not a bad relationship, but ultimately I thought it wasn't worth the effort of fixing, that it would lead to a life of misery. So I left. In the years after I have not found anyone I liked enough to tolerate this kind of shit from. All I can say is get a dog or a cat- they are much better companions.
Aw bro, been there with the fight before bed thing. 8 years of that crap, she would unload and literally passout midsentance, which stopped me from getting any sort of resolution, so i couldnt sleep. Just laying there, comforting our dog as she would shake some when my ex screamed, stareing at the ceiling in the dark. She slept like a log, I could not even wake her to reply. That one thing after 8 years was the big one in deciding to leave her. The first night after I moved out I slept 11 hours, drempt for the first time in years, it was the best nights sleep I had since before I met her.
There was a study of some male priests that showed they had the same life expectency as women, I swear its the constate stress men have to deal with on top of stress both sexes have to deal with in relationships that does guys in earlier.
@@jayd6372 -- I wonder: what if you had told her: behave else get divorced.
Women (unless they have other guys in mind) hate to be alone and they can change overnight at the fear of losing you.
I love the way you compare women with children. It’s developmentally true.
Stoicism, fellas, it's you most powerful tool when dealing with both men and women.
He literally just told you that not reacting makes her anxious
@@starfeel6127 Yes, but getting angry when women pick unnecessary fights is rewarding bad behavior. You hold your emotions until she behaves correctly.
He also said that not responding with emotion is perceived as a punishment and the bad behavior stopped @1:45
@@starfeel6127There are two internal responses I had to your response, so I might as well share.
1. You have a point. If she's your woman, and you care about her, it is sensible to want to help her navigate her anxiety. However, this can lead to exhaustion should it occur too often.
2. Her internal state is hers and hers alone, therefore, it is something she must to learn to resolve on her own. This is true of any individual, male or female, if personal growth is a desired outcome in life.
Each must ask oneself, "am I in this relationship to needlessly add to another's burdens or to experience the harmonious interplay that may occur through mutual support and cooperative intent?"
Well said.
Very well explained. I managed to convince my partner that when she feels anxious, the best course of action is to come immediately hug me. This works wonders ❤
a man of culture
no seriously, i can not emphasize this enough of HOW GOOD of an advice this is
he is a blessed man who has a wife like this, which understood this assignment to just come up and hug (or communicate like a grown adult in a suitable way other than picking a fight)
@@sreal-iron5898anxious about what?
What if she always feels anxious? And then you never get a second's peace, but when you do she gets anxious and starts a fight?
I’m amazed reading all the comments…, that this happens to so many Men!
Thank you for rightly stating women act out just like children.
Exactly
I'm Christian but I found interesting that the Mulslim Koran written in the 7th century AD mentions many times the childish irresponsible behavior and reactions of women.
The Koran translation in English that "men are superior to women" is not enirely correct.
In Arab language the actual meaning is that "men have to show responsibility for women and protect them", ... yes just like with children ! 😂
the koran says many things. it also contains a 4 step instruction on how to beat your woman and it tells you why you should fight against unbelievers and use violence to spread you faith.@@didierdenice7456
It's fascinating how y'all struggle to understand why women can't stand you.
@@abigailcosta1716as a dude. i agree with you. its not about pointing out that either side is right or wrong but understanding that we handle situations differently. Communication and understanding about the latter is key to a successful cohabitation.
Yes. I experienced this with my narc ex-wife constantly. The last meaningful thing I told her was, "Yeah. It is all my fault." I am since divorced and couldn't be happier.
We gotta vet this women better before the ring
Just broke up with a girlfriend of 4 years... and she wanted to fight about everything it seemed... and only when she finally triggered me, and I started being angry about this stuff did she all of a sudden seem to back down.... but then the other side of her, which was never to accept blame or take responsibility, when I pointed out that I was now angry because she triggered me.... well you can see where we went from there... thanks again for another great insight.
Fascinating video. When a person truly gives up on someone, they don't feel anything anymore. And when the other person realizes this, it can be very distressing.
I always found her more attractive when she showed indifference. Able to be content is attractive.
Sometimes a person doesn’t feel anything for the other person to begin with and when that other person realizes that THAT person truly is using them, that’s when they walk away. ( I had to do this with my second ex- husband. He lacked understanding for the kind of work that I did due to my age and minimal education and he always compared either me or my work with a former partner he once had. He became abusive at times and would apologize and ask for another chance. I asked,” a Chance for what?” And he would reply to “ make it better; c’mon let me make it up to you.” I eventually realized that he would never change and I was not going to do anything that would help him make up his mind to do anything any better than he was already doing and he was just getting by. I eventually divorced him and walked away. I never let him back into my life again. ) 👍👍🎱🦋✨✝️ 8:25
Of course the other sure way to end a relationship is to keep bringing emotional drama into it and escalating. How about finding someone who's emoptionally secure and doesn't need to constantly pick fights just to shit test you?
@@mmmddd4366go see a shrink, my dude.
You were designed to be a helpmeet, not an adversary or a partner.
The world needs a podcast with you and Stirling Cooper! I feel like you guys would be the best dating couch duo in existence. You bring the psychological aspect, while Stirling brings the giant experience in the physical aspect through he's career.
Another reason I can't live with any woman again. I value my peace more than anyone.
Amen.
I learned the hard way not to live with women after I split from current gf of 3 years I will NEVER EVER live with a woman again as a matter of fact im done with dating all together I don't have kids im 40 never been married .I plan to keep it that way its not worth it and I was happier when I was single
@@leejee88Same here. I have been alone for three years. I am feeling really happy now. I am so focused.
It is the best way to live ones life nowadays.
@@mauricegiuliani3806 got a friend who literally said fuck it bought a van and now with his dog lives out of it hes never been happier im thinking on doing the same
Y’all fools sound like cowards….yes being single is peaceful but being a man and correcting your women and shaping her into the women u want her to be is even Better!!!
Definitely one of the most important relationship skills a man must know. This is in part why stoicism is gets a lot of attention.
Yes 👍🏽
so we have to not react to a woman breaking our balls?
@@ezecskornfan there is such a huge spectrum of toxicity, and a lot of women are toxic and abusive - stay well away from these. There are some who are mildly toxic and you have to assess whether it's worth dealing with their crap. Usually not. And there are some rare women who have a mature outlook on life. These are rarer than unicorns.
@@argablarga Totally agree after having lots of experience in dating. Then the other thing is you have to feel actually attracted to those unicorns cuz believe me. I have met unicorns, I'm good looking, I train, only downside is my finance but I get a good share of attention if I put myself out there. Met great more traditional women, actually 3 in the last 5 years.
I regret one, the other 2 I simply did not feel attracted too. Its difficult lol, my point is tho. They are still extremely rare and for sure they are not into the dating world, they bussy with other stuf and you lucky if you meet them.
@@ezecskornfanleave the next day
Women who pick fights to confirm their man's continued caring are pathetic. Stay away from women like that.
Agreed. The juice is not worth the squeeze.
So stay away from all women then?
@@ricardoh87 if that's the only type of woman you've had in your life, you're leading a sad life and you need to take a good, long, hard look at yourself and why that is your situation.
@@argablarga madonna-whore complex
It’s a natural biological response from Two people being in a relationship.
The male and female dynamic will hold true no matter which one you are with….. the female will almost always do this 99% of the time.
Why do you think every married couple goes through the exact same thing every other married couple goes through. It’s biological, not a Conscious choice but rather an Unconscious one.
2:27 Honestly, hearing this from a man is so refreshing. I’ve heard similar from a woman’s perspective usually, so when you started saying: “whereas men…” I was fully expecting the typical “want to AVOID problems.” Very refreshing.
This is solipsism at its core. Making you feel bad to make her feel better.
It's not if they don't realise why they are doing it and don't know the explicit difference between how they interact with their guy VS what can actually work OK with their female friends
@@etherspin it’s still solipsism wether they’re conscious of it or not.
I do agree. I prefer to argue if i see bad behavior.
It's not that simple. The female mind has child-bearing at its core, as it's an evolutionary feature against extinction. They need to be viscerally familiar with being self-centered and egotistical, for a baby is exactly that and it can't fend for itself. It's a blessing and a curse, but with this enlightenment comes freedom. The secret's out!
@@peripheralparadox4218 I don't think it's solipsism either way, actually
Some guys complain about this behavior from women. I used to as well.
It’s better to accept it, understand it, and quite frankly use it to your advantage. It’s beyond amazing how powerful it works when she starts a fight & you can resist engaging that battle.
You’ll never win, because it’s not about being right. You can have absolute irrefutable evidence that she can’t refute, and she’ll just change what she’s fighting with you about faster than you can keep up & will change all facts - even ones she previously agreed were true - to whatever suits her argument.
The best weapon is to let her argue & fight with…. Herself. Let her mind & imagination work against herself.
Whatever she comes up with will be far more powerful than anything we’ll actually say/do.
... That middle paragraph 👌👏💯👏
'Moving the goalposts' until she is somehow back to being the victim, even if every shred of logic and evidence shows her as the wrongdoer.
This is the way.
There is a much less stressful solution, tell her to her face that this argument is a waste of my time and walk away.
The end result
Now she wants a divorce
Nuts
@@Plans4YouJer2911 Thats going to happen anyway, the only question is do you preserve your self respect and sanity before it happens.
I am a logical, emotionally stable woman who doesn’t start fights to feel 'seen' or 'heard' because I had a great relationship with my Dad who was a fabulous, confident man that set the standard for me. I am calm, present sensible points, and have clear asks when someone's behaviours aren't acceptable. I walked out of a 20-year marriage because it was never a good time for my husband to listen, understand, and adapt. The relationship was an emotional vacuum. It’s not just women that need to accommodate a man's needs. Men also need to reciprocate and accommodate their women.
Honest question. What drew you to him in the first place?
@@elizabethvega5768 everything in society, and certainly the modern society is completely centered around the woman and her happiness at the expense of men’s needs or wishes.
@jonebize13 Here's an honest answer. Intelligence, humour, charm, attractiveness, love of travel are great qualities at the beginning. However, early in the relationship when you're both young(ish), life hasn't yet put big challenges in your path for you to navigate together. When parents pass away, one of you loses their job, you lose a baby, etc, only then do you know the emotional safety and reliance that you can have on each other.
@@TheBlueDogMan Really ?!?
I love how he started to talk about women's emotions and then immediately compared them to children XD
This is how you know that he knows what he's talking about.
👍🏽👍🏽
We allowed serial narcissism to grow unchecked in half of our population for 50 years. Time to course correct before things become unsalvageable.
You nailed it, twice. I don't like to make decisions or have important discussions while in an emotional state. I see that as a positive because I don't want to add any more drama or misunderstanding to an already volatile situation. I like to ponder things and make rational decisions. Suffice it to say, women do NOT like or understand that at all. How can you be so calm right now?! Somebody has to be.
Also, ladies, men have emotions, feelings, thoughts, opinions, behaviors, moods, ideas, etc. THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. In fact most of those are NOT about you. Listen to the good doctor. When something appears wrong with your man, don't rush in and make him talk. Give him space. Most of the time, the next day he'll be fine.
Dudes, don't let women know they can trigger you or upset you. They will use that against you time after time.
Damn homie she was 6' and 250 pounds ?
7:51 "so if its true of people, its gonna be true of women." Love it.
After 5 years and a kid later, Im finally free and shes moving out within the month. I do not tolerate shit tests anymore and will never settle ever again. If that means i die alone so be it. I deserve better.
We all die alone. And marriage also ever ends in death or divorce, so live a happy life.
You will never be completely free until dearh
Over time, it makes the man not love her, so it has the opposite effect of reassurance. It's rare to be with a woman and your love increases during the relationship as they do these sabotaging behaviours.
that remind me BPD traits
I had one gf break up with me and one of the things she was mad about, was the fact that she could not draw me into an argument.
I overheard my coworker says that when she and her husband feel too comfortable with each other she will pick a fight with her husband. She says that she feel that there should always be a fight every now and then. I always thought that that was the most insane thing ever, but thanks to this vid I'm starting to understand. I still don't like it though.
Worst fucking nightmare.
i also blame our current society not holding women accountable enough, and u see why most of them get away with domestic abuse and entitled behavior
In essence, indifference is the key...
Non-reactiveness to her etc is your greatest strength!!!
Indifference and stoicism is the best weapon and defense against women who like to pick fights. It enrages and frightens them.
Indifference is key. But you should have it before going into a relationship because a woman will sense whether or not you have it. If you have it, she's much less likely to try to provoke a reaction from you. If you don't have it, you're prey to her and when she feels the need to use her superpower of provoking a man's weakness, best believe she'll use it.
My brother sent me this and he felt it would benefit me for my couple sessions and this is super helpful ❤I will use some of these tips and implement them in the marital sessions so there’s a more clear understanding between spouses!
My ex wife used to do this all the time. I'd be calm while she kept picking and being really upset until I snapped and raving like a lunatic. She would IMMEDIATELY be fine and whatever the issue was and my calm response that didn't resolve it was suddenly accepted when i was angry and yelling 🙄
Sounds tiresome...
Most women wanna see that animal side of you…..some do it because they’re use to toxic relationships others because it’s fun for them
Best way to give her that animal side is to have rough sex with her and I can ensure she won’t start an argument to see that side
but unfortunatelly true, they need drama@@mauricegiuliani3806
@@mauricegiuliani3806 Tiresome?! Thats a f00k1n5 sociopath!
Yep. Every fucjin time
And this it’s so hurtful to a relationship. We get angry about them picking fights and escalating it and eventually we just don’t want to argue. Which of course makes it worse for her and us. If it gets bad enough, eventually guys just don’t want to deal with it anymore. Not the life we want.
What he said, it is absolutely, positively, 100% true. I have explained this exact principle many times, in a different way, to various other men. And I have applied it successfully in my own life. Indifference is the best thing.
Excellent video! When I ended things with my ex-fiancée a dozen years ago, I told her she (and her kids) could stay in my home until they found another place to live. As it got closer to her move-out date, she began to escalate. I didn't want to add to the stress that was already present. Four days before her move-out, she told me she was going to do something she promised she wouldn't do shortly after we started dating. I reacted; she smiled, almost as if to say, "Gotcha." It turned into an argument, which ended when she uncharacteristically stepped up on me and got in my face. When she did that, I took a deep breath and calmly told her she needed to take two steps back. It was almost like she was daring me to do something. When she didn't move, I was livid, but my expression didn't change and I didn't move. I looked her straight in the eyes and told her again--slower--she needed to take two steps back. After a few moments, she did. She was a couple inches shorter than me (I'm 6'2"), but I outweighed her by at least 100 pounds. There's no way I come out of the situation clean if it goes the other way. That was the moment I was emotionally done with her, but she clearly wasn't done with me because she was still picking fights and inciting conflict almost a year later.
I’m sure she’s still single and miserable any real women in that situation with 2 kids in your house would try their hardest to make it work
She wanted your house while you fought DV charges. The Bible and Islam were right about wahmen. 105 years ago, our simp grandfather's who weren't off to war got it wrong.
The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.
THIS
Thats what they get if they bring drama
Are you a fan of Stardusk aka the Thinking ape?
Comedian//Philosopher: Patrice O'Neal brought this to light in detail. I learned a great deal about relationships and women from his detailed breakdowns. Women need emotions like a drug addict.
THIS was truly informative! As an airline pilot, now retired, I was trained to put aside emotions and focus on the problem at hand. My poor wife has had her emotions met with my logic and problem solving nature. No wonder we are now struggling now that I’m home every day!
Logic, facts, evidence, science, and critical thinking are all non-sequitur to megalomaniacal narcissists. It is what it is.
Beware the side piece. She now has to hide her hypergamy tracks better.
@@PBVader the unfortunate reality of a blissfully ignorant man !!! well said.
@joelzimmerman2462 Holy shit, I thought maybe I wrote your post. Same scenario…out on medical for back surgery, I’ve got 10 years till 65 and if I don’t go back to work soon, I’ll be out on medical and single. You can be my wingman any day, corny but true.
Go back to work. Life will be better
I let my wife push my buttons resulting in shouting matches which caused me to become nauseated. I would take a walk to get over the feeling and find that the spat was over when I returned. One day I told myself that I had enough of this nonsense and that I wasn't going to respond to these attacks anymore. Shortly after that, my wife left me for another man which brought me peace and serenity that I hadn't felt in years. Wish I had known about this psychological syndrome when I was dating her.
they act all cute, innocent, well behaving until you put the ring on it. then you're f'ed. get ready to put up with their crap and lose 50% of your net worth.
The breakup was the goal for her... Sorry.
You do know that your wife BEEN cheating, long before she left you for another man, right?
More than likely, she was cheating with multiple people, especially if she worked at a job with a lot of men in or around her workplace.
The problem with this behavior is that it is self destructive. Intentionally poking the bear for psychological reassurance is going to alienate the partner, and the partner will only tolerate that for so long.
at the age of 70 I can tell you that my past experience confirms what you are saying. Some women even said it openly, e.g. : "I am provoking you , and you are constantly ignoring my provocations. That makes me even angryer! "
I once asked a friend of mine how he tolerates juggling 3 women in his 50s. He revealed he would start drama on purpose about fun stuff and leave immediately if it was drama or blame coming his way. Apparently they like being toyed with to make them angry and then feel even better when the anger washes away and she feels good. I call it the emotional slap and tickle.
Push & pull baby!
If youre not starting fights with your women, youre doing it wrong
😂😂
Life is too short to be playing stupid games. Sounds exhausting
It's nice to hear a coherent summary of The experience I have had repeatedly for the past 14 years with my wife.
The absence of a woman in one’s life is peace and tranquility.
Also existential loneliness.
@@hyperteleXii its good and manageable, comes and goes. I’m also productive in my own self development and my spiritual and mental/emotional health, I have hobbies and friends so not completely isolated. It’s working out well.
True but look at it from a different viewpoint….her test is to help you gauge your true manhood
A lot of guys walking around lying to their self but kids and women will prove how stoic you really are
@@MansaMusa-v5q stoicism is developed with or without women/kids in one’s life, part of being a man.
@@hyperteleXii Not at all.
A similar problem sometimes arises in a conflict between introvert and extrovert, regardless of the gender: introverts prefer to keep their emotions down and concentrate on finding a peaceful solution instead. Extroverts, however, might perceive such behaviour as a total lack of care, like "how can you be so calm when we are discussing such serious matters???". The irony is, introverts might be putting a lot of efforts to remain calm exactly because they do care, they just don't think that releasing emotions helps resolving the conflict.
I'm not convinced that "extraverts" and "introverts" even exist. It just seems like a lazy way to categorise people, and most people fluctuate between the two positions anyway.
@@malcolm_in_the_middleFalse and its not a lazy way to describe people. Also people usually dont switch between the two. What most people get wrong is seeing introverts as automatically shy. Total misconception.
As an introvert, I totally get this. I don't want to escalate a situation by becoming emotional and it is misunderstood EVERY time.
@@malcolm_in_the_middleI don't think so. I'm a true introvert, I've just developed extroverted qualities to fit in better at work/socially, but it's still draining. I think the "where you get your energy from" distinction is the most accurate. Peace recharges me. Being around people drains my energy, especially when it's a lot of people.
@@malcolm_in_the_middle they do. Extroverts recharge energy with people, introverts recharge alone or away from people. Everyone has a battery, and for introverts social situations are draining and for extroverts it’s life giving.
I can go to a party, talk to everyone, have a decent too amazing time, but each interaction takes something out of me and at a certain point I’m just done and need to be alone. Even if I love everyone, and love the connections.
I love this! I’m a highly trained EFT relationship expert and have sent this video to several of my couples. Thank you for all you do.
Incidentally, this is why women stay with abusive men. To them, the abuse means the man cares (is aware of) about her.
I've known a few women who were in abusive relationships who became friends with me and we were kind of close. But eventually they created drama or got angry with me for ridiculous reasons, such as having a different opinion, a habit/quirk I had that could use some improvement or I didn't get what they were saying. Basically things not worth ending a friendship or relationship over. It didn't seem to matter that I treated them and loved a few of them better than their exes. I noticed they were quick to cut me off or not want to talk to me for a while when I didn't go along with their game or I put them in their place. And I have questioned why they were willing to put up with the abusive ex longer than they did with me.
This is exactly the same technique I use. I've been married 13 years and rarely ever fought with my wife. So it's great to hear a psychologist validate it. Having 3 sisters and my Dad's advice is what helped me navigate my relationships with women.
what was the wisdom your Father departed with you??
@savortooth basically, women can't think straight, so don't take them too seriously. This mental weakness means they are constantly struggling with their emotions, so be patient with them and show them you are in control. However, if your wife disrespects you or crosses a red line, give them the silent treatment and be ready to make it last days. This works on good women, but I don't know how it works with broken women.
@@SandiegoRockstar for broken women, they end up having a identity crisis, believing they're a lesbian or something similar lmfao
Does that really work I’m 32 and no better at understand women then I’ll prolly ever be it’s an exhausting ordeal
@@JetBazooka21 once you understand they are mentally weak, it all makes sense. It's something you have to prepare for whenever any slightly difficult situation arises.
Perfect, I feel my pain. I just received hours of counseling without a copayment. Outstanding.
It's been happening to me A LOT more lately.
It's getting to the point of me kicking a lot of women out of my life.
It's getting awfully played out
Man, I could fill a book with these situations. My ex was basically the only person who had methods to get to that point. Wears you down. I have a pretty big threshold before getting angry (which is good), I start showing warning signals, but once that line is crossed it twangs back full force like a big elastic band (which is not so good). So I learned to put up a boundary before they got to that point. With my current girlfriend, arguments basically never happen beyond some friction once in a while, and in the unlikely event that it does seem to go beyond we both apply the brakes.
All my life I've been wondering why so many other women like tension and fights. It's made girl talk awkward several times. The mystery has finally been solved! Thank you!
"women have the same mental stability as a child" Dr Taliban 😂😂😂😂🔥🔥🔥🔥
Actually it makes sense, even when I date a girl if she ever starts to pull away you notice by her being less emotional with you and that puts us into a panic because you can tell she’s losing feelings
good point
True but don’t be fooled some women can emotionally still be there but still letting some other guy smash
lol panic mode
This video hits hard. My ex always fought over the most childish things. She was very very insecure especially after she had our daughter and I gave her no reason not to trust me but that wasn't enough and one day I just couldn't do it anymore. I need a woman to be my peace not my misery
You can either love women or understand women; it's VERY difficult to do both.
This makes so much sense. I work in a female dominated field (hospital) and they always seemed to be most upset when their outbursts are met with me seeming disinterested and thinking of a solution.
Ya they hate solutions they just wanna complain. But hey at least in that field and lots of empty beds things happen. Seems like every doctor has a harem of nurses.
They never want a solution. My wife hates it when I try to help
I saw this many times at the dinner table when I was growing up. When a woman is complaining about her day at work, she doesn't want to hear your solutions: she just wants to vent. You let her vent and then say: "You had a hard day" and move on. It can be very effective.
Working with women completely destroyed my mental health. I literally developed health problems due to the constant stress of dealing with unpredictable nagging, gossiping and conniving. It propelled me to become self employed and start my own business, which now allows me to make ends meet. But at what cost…
Thank you for answering my question. Further, if a woman's strategic imperative is to get the man to commit to her, then emotional reinforcement is an effective way to achieve that. In other words, as long as he's engaged, then she experiences less anxiety related to his distance.
This speaks to the advice of many male pickup artists. if you pay more attention to her friend or to another she moves toward him, not away from him and competes for his attention. If you ignore a woman, she often starts to compete for his attention. In this way ATTENTION IS THE CURRENCY.
When the man decides when the tension is to be released through: sex, affection, listening, or chastising HE is in control. If she decides when the tension is to be released, the SHE is in control. Either way, if the man can't control the time and place of release, he becomes less dominant and possibly... less attractive. Some even say his value goes down equal to the amount of attention he gives her. Question: is she on your roller coaster? Or are you on hers?
Also, when they are feeling anxious, activating your stress response puts you on alert so they feel like you are on the "look out" so they are protected. I've noticed women are more contentious when they are out of their comfort zone, and appear more relaxed when their men are stressed.
This is my Mom.
She has trauma issues, and she picks fight with anyone in my family old enough to have an opinion.
Now, almost everyone shuts down, stone-walls her, and let's her do her usual routine.
1. Pick a fight over something insignificant.
2. Get upset that nothing is ever done right. (Her way.)
3. Individual stares blankly into her eyes.
4. She runs off because nobody 'respects' her.
5. Mad at everyone for a few days, just for the Cycle to hit No.1 again.
I love my Mom, but after 20 years of her doing this, and doing my best to help her have a good relationship with her kids... I gave up... Now I too just ignore it.
Wow, you just described my mom exactly. Even down to the order in which the "cycle" happens. Have also come to the same conclusion as yourself in how to deal with it. This pattern must be quite common....
Your mom is a classic narcissist
It's funny that this video was the first to appear when I opened UA-cam, and is the one I needed to see!
Orion's videos help me understand many interpersonal problems that life never taught me. I love watching them and I appreciate every second of them.