How do you feel you started the setting boundaries process? I feel like everyone has something different and it's exhausting, different boundaries for different people if they notice at all
As I grow older, I’ve noticed that I have less patience and generally less empathy towards people and friends as a whole. My empathic side is far more focused towards specific individuals at specific points in time. I think I just got fed up and spent with the regular day-to-day people drama and would rather spend my time recharging & focusing my energy on what’s to come in the future rather than the fickleness of regular societal pleasantries. 🤷♀️
I agree with this ...I had to separate the two as well! I am a very kind and sweet person and HIGHLY empathetic but as my self-esteem and self confidence has grown tremendously in my 30s ...I am very selective of who gets that version of me ! Everybody used to get it but as time has gone by that has almost disappeared and I am very selective.
@@VannaWhiite good for you! Your presence is a gift...that's what I have learned myself/ if others can't grant me a fraction of the consideration that I have granted them ,then: peace out. I am out the door.
for real i feel it, we just gotta wait until the people on our levels come into our lives that can handle that level of maturity becaue the right person will respect us for letting them know out boundaries@@DonTrump-sv1si
As an INFJ I find the hardest thing to do is find people that want to try, learn and advance themselves/life. Even having a lot of ambition won't translate into inspiring others or sparking confidence in a person or group. As an INFJ we're fine on our own yet when it comes to truly thriving I'd only want to achieve it if friends were to be a part of it.
From a vending machine who they didn't have to to anything for to receive the goods, to two-way friendships relating/relations. Lots of "no, I like you the way you were." Shockingly, in hindsight, I realized those who dropped away were never "friends". They were ONLY around for what they could get from me INFJ-ing . I didn't realize this dynamic until I was no longer in it. All that Wenzes said is very true. YOU MATTER! and THAT'S job #1.
Two thoughts: 1. When i started choosing myself, the majority of people in my life reacted by being abusive and manipulative. They never processed the change and instead kept fighitng against it. I had to sever more tha half of the closest relationships in my life. 2. Listening to my favorite music in front of people literally sends me into fight or flight 😂 like a sweaty panic
#1 happened to me too. I was sad to realize how many people wouldn't give me the courtesy to put myself first for once. I was sad, but honestly, so relieved. I have felt better in the long run even though it was hard at first.
I think after my eldest daughter died (suicide), something inside me just broke & I realized that people don’t have empathy for those going through traumatic experiences. I was told I used her death as a crutch (less than the 1st year in), that I should just stop thinking about it, I was being overly dramatic, that I changed & I made everyone uncomfortable. No one, even my brothers, never asked, Are you ok? Do you need help, an ear, a shoulder, or just have empathy towards this soul crushing death. I lost my mother when I was 8. I think that was more significant than people could understand, that losing 2 of the most important people a person needs, made me shatter, like a Crystal glass vase. I felt like I had no past or future. I stopped being nice to others. Doors slammed so often, so hard, so final…so much more significant. At least to me it was. I didn’t GAF how others felt. I had no more left to pretend to be fake. I may be lonely now, I ended up developing systemic lupus (from C-PTSD). I was one of those who absolutely cannot have any UV or intense heat, so now I cannot go to a friends birthday during the day, a pool party, going shopping, just leaving my house was too much. The last 2 friends I had left deserted me after I couldn’t just go places without getting sick. I have focused one my youngest daughter, doing everything I can to prepare her & keep her mental health a priority. I have her, my husband, my ex. That’s my family who I can trust to understand when I break down, even 14yrs later. I’d rather have my small family than be around people who are superficial & narcissistic. I have no time to cater to others since her death. Shit got real & it changed me. Wouldn’t you stop being nice & playing games if you lost a child, too?
When I found out I was an infj you would have thought they thought I was a rapist. I took the test through a professional school at a university. I was upbeat about it, but the people were so unprofessional and judgmental. I recall the advisor told me she thought I should look into becoming a mortician. I like my solitude, but not with dead people. FTR, I have nothing against morticians. For the same reason I didn't want to become a nurse like my mom, I wouldn't want to become a mortician. I don't really like touching people, especially poking them with needles and such.
Woah what 😂. I always liked cemeteries and stuff but I wouldn't like to be a mortician 😂. I don't like touching people neither. Those folks were dumb. INFJ is just a label, we can use it to understand ourselves better or to limit ourselves.
When I found out my boyfriend said it wouldn’t work with me right in class among everyone. This was like 10 years ago and I have a new husband and kids and it still stings lol
I’m a very old ‘in years’ INFJ. Its like my brain is a sensor for other people’s emotions, I feel so bad if I see a child being yelled at, I feel their mental pain, people being mean to someone, bullying of any sort the same. I avoid people to stop soaking up all that. It’s difficult to know how to protect your own mental well being.
I understand exactly how you feel! The "downside" of being an Empath is feeling the real emotional pain felt by others. This is why I am so nice and considerate to others: who knows what they're going thru or have been thru? Maybe your genuine compliment or kind gesture is the brightest part of their day! But, yes, having this awareness tends to make us want to isolate because it can all feel like too much to take in
5 THINGS THAT HAPPEN WHEN THE INFJ STOPS PLAYING "NICE" 1. People around you will have an extreme reaction -> 2:01 2. People have to make a choice -> 4:19 3. You will have so much more energy -> 6:49 4. You start to built indestructible sense of self -> 8:06 5. You become oblivious to other people's judgments -> 9:48
I'm so glad I found this community! I'm going thru a situation where I feel like I've been a giving, considerate person to a friend who hasn't been giving back in-kind. I feel a bit used and unappreciated, like a second-class citizen or a servant somehow. This situation has highlighted my core belief that "I have to GIVE in order to be seen as WORTHY." Recently I set a boundary, and it felt awkward to state my needs -- it hurts when it this causes tension. However, I don't need to fall into my "story" of being unvalued, unseen and unappreciated This video helps me recognize that healthy boundary-setting is going to be uncomfortable - but ultimately very worth it.
As a (shall we say) very experienced infj, I enjoy the confirmation aspects of your videos. You accurately describe many of the things I went through when absolutely no one was talking about them. The entire concept is still new to much of the general populace. I wish you had been around in that time when all these confusing thoughts and emotions were swirling around in my head even as a very young child. Consequently, I had to figure all of this out on my own.
I've been happier putting myself first, seeing how much I had always put others first. Some times I have seen that I was accidentally enabling others because I was putting more effort into their life than they were able for themselves. I removed that support and was called selfish. Other times, the better friends, have understood that I am a better friend when I do choose to socialize because I am so much happier.!
I think the hardest part for me, is discerning what is "me being easy-going" or just that I genuinely don't give a bleep about most small things like food choice or music choice. To me, such things seem really small compared to more important issues in life, but that's also why I envy the other mids of the world.
I enjoy cooking, I would send prepared soups to those whom I am aware that are sick from COViD, various dishes just as gift, can to realize that they thanks is just "performative", so I still want to be empathic but will only mail get well cards and save my time and energy to enjoy my cooking not "give myself away" to those only willing to take.
@Mr-br9yl I am happy you are aware of this - We as INFJs also have to know - this unhealthy tendency is because we want to be seen and acknowledged as good or resourceful or caring - when "they" never asked for it - and then we feel resentful because we were not acknowledged or praised - Kudos to you for adjusting your approach -
I’m currently waiting to find out if I have cancer. I had surgical biopsies taken and now I wait. While I was still recovering from my biopsy surgery, I tried to tell someone that I couldn’t help them out right now (watching their child for several days so they can have a weekend break) because I’m seriously struggling emotionally, with my fear. This person became extremely angry and berated me, telling me I am lying to them and myself and that there are other people in the world who have it far worse than I do. Idk what to do anymore.
That's just an entitled, arrogant person. You're not obligated to babysit somebody's child. If someone reacts negatively to a boundary it shows why you needed the boundary in the 1st place. Don't remove your boundaries for someone who doesn't want you to have any.
@@janeofthejungle4our universe is perfect, the creator will not allow the good to fail, to be good also means to avoid bad people, each day when we avoid what is not good we get closer to God , once we get closer to him everything is resolved
Of 2 minds right now. On one hand, just want to thank you taking the time to produce and post these. I think you do a great service for both young and old INFJ's. I see them as helping to validate or affirm things we've either considered, come to know, or are trying to comprehend. I see you helping folks find words to articulate and understand the events, inner experiences, or simple things that can feel challenging in their lives. So, kudos to you. On the other hand, I'm tempted to share a real life story of my own that captures this topic well. Maybe it would be titled, how to stop being there for everyone else. But...... I don't know. I'll think about it some more. Seems indulgent. Hate to be seen like that. Anyhow - Again, thanks. Even at my age, being an old man, I can appreciate the discussion. (PS: For. context, I score in the 90th percentile on all four scales, so I do get this)
My needs? Like basic sleep & nutrition (if i remember) common kindness and reciprocation? Idk, I am not hard on myself anymore, heck, I am friends with myself now, but I don't feel like not INFJing it's just I exist to create happiness or curb misery, and this is the only thing that makes me genuinely happy. I don't want to test anyone, I have the capacity (barely, but I do) to let people in and let them show themselves. I'd rather be trying over and over, getting hurt and giving up than avoiding and overlooking those around me. If this world is too flawed - I want to know it.
I have done this and indeed my friendships have died off. At first, I found this quite distressing. The loss of friendships is very traumatic. I am now down to maybe two friends, one of whom is maintained on a shallow level by their choice. I think it has taken this sort of forced hermit like life to start to see just how different I am from other people and to beginning to appreciate it. I can't say this was calculated on my part, however. It I think was just a natural result of a lifetime of refusing to compromise my integrity. I will not hide my opinions, nor will I go along with falsehoods that let people deny what's really going on. I think if you are dedicated to maintaining a sense of integrity this will be the result in a society that seems to be an entire culture based on being Adult Children of Alcoholics.
Now that I all I'm older I don't have as much trouble with this as in the past. But it brought back a lot of memories of days when I tried to help people who actually did need it a lot. A lot of people appreciated it very much. But some of them knew that they needed it, but it didn't stop them from criticizing me - including the music I listened to on the radio! I learned the wisdom of making myself much less available to people like that. It was a process, and it was a time when I really learned how to put systematic assertiveness training into use. A lot of people were very surprised when I let it be known that I didn't appreciate this kind of treatment. it wasn't always emotionally easier, but it made a difference. A BIG difference .
The older I get I realized that my opinions and experience matters. I considered as a giving and helpful for the team. But sometimes you get tired and you said that is enough and I will take more time for myself. I am getting a massage.
No you're not doomed to be single forever. If you want to increase the likelihood of meeting a loving partner keep in mind that we (INFJ) are Cerebral beings, so if you start with visualizing (play up what you already do well- live in the internal world) how you wanna be treated in the mind... Think of what makes you feel adored and vvisualize that happening the way you desire it. Thus creating an energy within you that communicates this kind of behavior is what I actually accept and deserve. Then you will start to see yourself meeting people that match that. And most importantly seeing people who DONT, walk away. Making it crystal clear what is and isn't for you so you know where your boundaries actually exisit within you. Hope this helps.
Find yourself an INTJ. ❤ Hubby and I ended up together because we were both too intense for our previous partners. Communication takes work, but it's overall good. Online dating is a great tool for an INFJ because we have such specific needs.
I am arrogant, not a bad word, and an intelligent high-functioning, self-aware INFJ. You peaked my interest, so now I have been binge-watching your channel. You are awesome at this. ...And I am not arrogant enough to believe I have nothing to learn from you. You have already released the shackles I've had placed on myself for every human interaction till today. You rock, coach:)
Yes, the eternal loneliness is made better because my self is indestructible! EVERYONE LEFT ME! No worries, I made those choices on my own before your video. 😂😂
Regardless of personality type its up to the individual to control it also there's no personality type that gives any type of power or advantage if one doesn't have experience in life you could have the rarest personality traits and it would mean nothing
I know what burn out feels like from submerging myself for a significant other. Trauma associated with that persons eventual illness almost killed me. Now, on the other side of all of that, even though his illness (mental) has improved somewhat and he is more independent of me, I am able to be calm and kind whilst staying all day in my own room in our home doing art, reading, relaxing, sleeping and waking at my own timing and choice. We have a huge garden that I look after, being summer right now in Australia, and I have my own car so total freedom is my current way of being while looking after him as well. This way I can give my overflow to him quite happily and it helps him to be happier too.
Having studied the Meyers-Briggs personality assessment… I find myself as both INFP and INFJ, of which there are traits of both that apply… and traits of both that don’t apply. But have learned how to judge and control my emotions… and thus also perceive how to respond to almost any and every situation that I may encounter.
What is the difference between infj, codependents, HSP (highly sensitive people), empaths, people with cptsd, and victims of narcissistic abuse? There's a lot of overlap in the descriptions. The prescription, to set boundaries with others and take care of yourself, seems to be the same.
5 THINGS THAT HAPPEN WHEN THE INFJ STOPS PLAYING "NICE" (Rarest Personality Type) 1:56 #1 People around you will have an extreme reaction 4:17 #2 People have to make a coice 6:44 #3 You will have so much more energy 8:01 #4 You start building an indestructible sense of self 9:44 #5 You become oblivious to people's judgments
I like who I am, but also I like immersing myself in different things than I would normally choose to do if I totally ran the show and followed only my own preferences. For example, I recently visited a restaurant and sat down at the bar. I had business which meant an overnight hotel stay in the area, but all the places I used to visit in that area of town had closed. The music was super loud and more rap than I generally enjoy. I ordered a Chardonnay and "people watched"..Just realized that sentence could mean that people watched me drinking Chardonnay..LOL! So I added quotation marks, but I guess both are true. Soon I was actually enjoying the music, much of it was old songs remade to be more "rappy", and the interplay of the staff was fun to see. Many customers seemed to be regulars. I gave the bartender advice on a restaurant in a different part of town that she could visit with her kids (playground, coloring pages, etc.) but which was "parent friendly"...Relatively inexpensive food, easy view of playground, and "coffee shop" music in the background. I like having different experiences and personas at times plus have fun occasionally seeing the intermix of my various friend/acquaintance groups. I want to do something like that soon as it has been about a year since I have done so (organized a party including diverse friend groups). Of course much of it ends up being similar friend groups having a reunion almost. That is also cool as the party usually develops a life of its own quickly and I don't need to hover to make sure people are interacting.
I have been minimizing myself and interest due to a neighbor who copies everything I do. They seem to be an empty person. How do I continue to express my energy without worrying about their mimicking.
There is right and wrong and being kind and loving is right for our own well being and others well being , and God is Love.Correcting wrong behavior is good. Keeping away from abusers is good.
it was more like they got caught and tried to turn it on you by making you feel shame but i got a solution. you say, That is what a blank would say to me. Works every time.
That is awesome, you want to make others feel good in your space. I say people feel themselves around those who they can see genuinely are interested in them. So listening to others and being less judgemental is what I find helps people feel good to be in your space. I say that because the people who I feel most comfortable around give me that room to just be and I never feel judged, but seen and heard. And when they do rebuke me and correct me...I know it comes from love.
@@CandyCoated96 Thank you for the advice. I think I have some work to do around not making people feel uncomfortable or judged. I have a hard time relaxing, I'm always thinking about 2 or 3 projects I'm working on instead of the present moment, and get very uncomfortable around people just living in the moment enjoying themselves without an end goal. I usually either steer topics and activities to things I find more productive, or remove myself so people can just chill. If only I could learn to just chill with them, be in the moment.
@@maryolguin4372 At least you recognize this and want to be better. We all have areas in our life we need to work on. Having Introspection is the key. You will get there because your actively working on yourself. Take care. 💖
Actually, I faced the same question of myself a few years ago. To best know, ask yourself what is the normal or default mode between hard logical thinking or vivid intuition. Frankly, most INTJ types rarely feel nor rely on any intuitive or gut instinct and insist on hard logic as the facts of which society agrees. INFJ types are far more independent and intuitive (what some call "emotional intelligence" even though it is not intellectual whatsoever) even though can certainly deal with logical thinking.
You might want to look at enneagram test. Overlapping traits such as 5 make it to have a stronger thinking side for the Infj side. Its is based on nurture development rather to the nature side(mbti/jungian psychology) Else you, may want to have a look at the shadow aspect of the cognitive functions. Critical parent and blindspot are different for the infj and intj. Infj for critical parent a man component is self worth issue, feeling unworthy, inadequate, suicidal in worst cases and having a hard time to recognise own feelings/ emotions at time specially if there are a lot of people around. Intj critical parent is tied to their own thinking and being very self critical, becoming obsessive, compulsive, cross checking everything and can enhance their paranoia of trusting others thus making them prefer to work alone... In terms of thinking patterns an intj will always make reference to external source compare to an infj... And tend be more effective when its come to organisation of resources, time management and have a preference to operate within framework, system and mechanism to create flow Infj tend to be more social of the two in general (depending on irl situation), people focused, and socially humanitarian driven. They both can read people very well but infj are more likely to act on it be of their extraverted feeling and are aware how others feel/emotional state which can even stress them. They both have a similar interaction style(linda barren work) but are different in terms of temperament idealist for INFJ and rational for Intj(Keirsey) Psychology junkie, truity and personality hacker could be starting point to explore for precise/concise info on these topics
@@steevelapeuraite8262O eneatipo 1w9 nos INFJs também se parece com os INTJs, pois o E1w9 tende a ser um tanto parecido com o E5 na introspecção. Sem falar que o E1w9 também costuma ser um eneatipo muito comum nos INTJs depois do E5. Ambos os eneatipos se identificam mais com seu eu intelectual do que com seu eu emocional. Ambos são pessoas objetivas e orientadas para os fatos. Tanto os 5w6s quanto os 1w9s respeitam os limites das pessoas e tendem a ser cuidadosos e corteses uns com os outros.
@@GrafinVonHopper Use DeepL translate to understand, something might be lost in translation. I have encountered mostly 5 in INTJ...😮💨 and know a type 1 INTJ that can lookalike INFJ in certain ways in terms advocacies or willing to make things move. It is easy to communicate and exchange in a two way streak with Type 1 and they have a wealth to offer if people take the time, like all INTJ if people could better understand them Their Fi values are much more stronger 🤯and they move with purpose but in doing so the FE-blindspot show more and their unawareness' of social norms does not bother them at all if they feel its for the right cause. However, they tend to be on the healthier side once they align their values with purpose to meet their intellectual needs. INTJ are quite fascinating to talk with😁 specially when you share a common knowledge😉... the mutual in-depth understanding is there and noticing the different approach/perspective is quite a change of pace.😇
Oh I like to insult thier intelligance, but it takes a while. Some of those people have tried to kill me, in the past. Ive lived a very hard life. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if i was an addict to herion.
@@francisjudge It's all fun and games 🎯 feeding that facade. Once the truth surfaces and the truth be told those delusions are worthless. Then every little discrepancy comes to light in order to justify their behavior.
try being appoached by the devil to collect souls for he devil, and yet you are still an angel of light. Thats how it happened to me when i was trippn nuts, from withdrawls of psyche medicine i went cold turkey from.
@@MegaCyberleader That is interesting! Can you share further? How were you approached by the devil? And by no means am I mocking you, but asking out of a genuine curiousity
Kinda weird when I started to set boundaries and choose myself. I was able to perform better at work and sleep better. ❤
How do you feel you started the setting boundaries process? I feel like everyone has something different and it's exhausting, different boundaries for different people if they notice at all
As I grow older, I’ve noticed that I have less patience and generally less empathy towards people and friends as a whole. My empathic side is far more focused towards specific individuals at specific points in time. I think I just got fed up and spent with the regular day-to-day people drama and would rather spend my time recharging & focusing my energy on what’s to come in the future rather than the fickleness of regular societal pleasantries. 🤷♀️
I agree with this ...I had to separate the two as well! I am a very kind and sweet person and HIGHLY empathetic but as my self-esteem and self confidence has grown tremendously in my 30s ...I am very selective of who gets that version of me ! Everybody used to get it but as time has gone by that has almost disappeared and I am very selective.
A to the men!
@@VannaWhiite good for you! Your presence is a gift...that's what I have learned myself/ if others can't grant me a fraction of the consideration that I have granted them ,then: peace out. I am out the door.
A purposeful empathy vs being involved in people's drama!
Yeap
They back up and say whoa, what’s got into you and become defensive or avoid me like the plague!!! 😂
😂😂
Same.
Same
yep, thats why i cant have relationships. If i set boundaries, or speak my mind, people cant handle it.
for real i feel it, we just gotta wait until the people on our levels come into our lives that can handle that level of maturity becaue the right person will respect us for letting them know out boundaries@@DonTrump-sv1si
As an INFJ I find the hardest thing to do is find people that want to try, learn and advance themselves/life. Even having a lot of ambition won't translate into inspiring others or sparking confidence in a person or group. As an INFJ we're fine on our own yet when it comes to truly thriving I'd only want to achieve it if friends were to be a part of it.
I absolutely agree
agreed, it seems impossible to find friends who are ambitious and want something out of life
From a vending machine who they didn't have to to anything for to receive the goods, to two-way friendships relating/relations. Lots of "no, I like you the way you were." Shockingly, in hindsight, I realized those who dropped away were never "friends". They were ONLY around for what they could get from me INFJ-ing . I didn't realize this dynamic until I was no longer in it. All that Wenzes said is very true. YOU MATTER! and THAT'S job #1.
Two thoughts:
1. When i started choosing myself, the majority of people in my life reacted by being abusive and manipulative. They never processed the change and instead kept fighitng against it. I had to sever more tha half of the closest relationships in my life.
2. Listening to my favorite music in front of people literally sends me into fight or flight 😂 like a sweaty panic
I sometimes play my favorite music in front of people in the hopes that they'll like it, too. - Generally. ;)
#1 happened to me too. I was sad to realize how many people wouldn't give me the courtesy to put myself first for once. I was sad, but honestly, so relieved. I have felt better in the long run even though it was hard at first.
I think after my eldest daughter died (suicide), something inside me just broke & I realized that people don’t have empathy for those going through traumatic experiences. I was told I used her death as a crutch (less than the 1st year in), that I should just stop thinking about it, I was being overly dramatic, that I changed & I made everyone uncomfortable.
No one, even my brothers, never asked, Are you ok? Do you need help, an ear, a shoulder, or just have empathy towards this soul crushing death.
I lost my mother when I was 8. I think that was more significant than people could understand, that losing 2 of the most important people a person needs, made me shatter, like a Crystal glass vase.
I felt like I had no past or future.
I stopped being nice to others. Doors slammed so often, so hard, so final…so much more significant. At least to me it was. I didn’t GAF how others felt. I had no more left to pretend to be fake.
I may be lonely now, I ended up developing systemic lupus (from C-PTSD). I was one of those who absolutely cannot have any UV or intense heat, so now I cannot go to a friends birthday during the day, a pool party, going shopping, just leaving my house was too much. The last 2 friends I had left deserted me after I couldn’t just go places without getting sick.
I have focused one my youngest daughter, doing everything I can to prepare her & keep her mental health a priority.
I have her, my husband, my ex. That’s my family who I can trust to understand when I break down, even 14yrs later.
I’d rather have my small family than be around people who are superficial & narcissistic.
I have no time to cater to others since her death.
Shit got real & it changed me.
Wouldn’t you stop being nice & playing games if you lost a child, too?
When I found out I was an infj you would have thought they thought I was a rapist. I took the test through a professional school at a university. I was upbeat about it, but the people were so unprofessional and judgmental. I recall the advisor told me she thought I should look into becoming a mortician. I like my solitude, but not with dead people. FTR, I have nothing against morticians. For the same reason I didn't want to become a nurse like my mom, I wouldn't want to become a mortician. I don't really like touching people, especially poking them with needles and such.
Same
Woah what 😂. I always liked cemeteries and stuff but I wouldn't like to be a mortician 😂. I don't like touching people neither. Those folks were dumb. INFJ is just a label, we can use it to understand ourselves better or to limit ourselves.
When I found out my boyfriend said it wouldn’t work with me right in class among everyone. This was like 10 years ago and I have a new husband and kids and it still stings lol
I’m a very old ‘in years’ INFJ. Its like my brain is a sensor for other people’s emotions, I feel so bad if I see a child being yelled at, I feel their mental pain, people being mean to someone, bullying of any sort the same. I avoid people to stop soaking up all that.
It’s difficult to know how to protect your own mental well being.
I understand exactly how you feel! The "downside" of being an Empath is feeling the real emotional pain felt by others. This is why I am so nice and considerate to others: who knows what they're going thru or have been thru? Maybe your genuine compliment or kind gesture is the brightest part of their day! But, yes, having this awareness tends to make us want to isolate because it can all feel like too much to take in
Same
5 THINGS THAT HAPPEN WHEN THE INFJ STOPS PLAYING "NICE"
1. People around you will have an extreme reaction -> 2:01
2. People have to make a choice -> 4:19
3. You will have so much more energy -> 6:49
4. You start to built indestructible sense of self -> 8:06
5. You become oblivious to other people's judgments -> 9:48
Thank you...
I'm so glad I found this community! I'm going thru a situation where I feel like I've been a giving, considerate person to a friend who hasn't been giving back in-kind. I feel a bit used and unappreciated, like a second-class citizen or a servant somehow. This situation has highlighted my core belief that "I have to GIVE in order to be seen as WORTHY." Recently I set a boundary, and it felt awkward to state my needs -- it hurts when it this causes tension. However, I don't need to fall into my "story" of being unvalued, unseen and unappreciated This video helps me recognize that healthy boundary-setting is going to be uncomfortable - but ultimately very worth it.
As a (shall we say) very experienced infj, I enjoy the confirmation aspects of your videos. You accurately describe many of the things I went through when absolutely no one was talking about them. The entire concept is still new to much of the general populace. I wish you had been around in that time when all these confusing thoughts and emotions were swirling around in my head even as a very young child. Consequently, I had to figure all of this out on my own.
yes, me too. I had to figure so much out on my own...
What changes have you seen in you and in the people around you when you've had it with being "nice"?
People hate the truth
They start attacking u
What other people?
I've been happier putting myself first, seeing how much I had always put others first.
Some times I have seen that I was accidentally enabling others because I was putting more effort into their life than they were able for themselves. I removed that support and was called selfish.
Other times, the better friends, have understood that I am a better friend when I do choose to socialize because I am so much happier.!
They reacted just the way you predicted Wenzes
They pretend you aren't there. It gives you a strange form of invisibility. That's when you enter power mode.😁
I think the hardest part for me, is discerning what is "me being easy-going" or just that I genuinely don't give a bleep about most small things like food choice or music choice. To me, such things seem really small compared to more important issues in life, but that's also why I envy the other mids of the world.
I enjoy cooking, I would send prepared soups to those whom I am aware that are sick from COViD, various dishes just as gift, can to realize that they thanks is just "performative", so I still want to be empathic but will only mail get well cards and save my time and energy to enjoy my cooking not "give myself away" to those only willing to take.
but did you GET any soup? I think not.
@Mr-br9yl I am happy you are aware of this - We as INFJs also have to know - this unhealthy tendency is because we want to be seen and acknowledged as good or resourceful or caring - when "they" never asked for it - and then we feel resentful because we were not acknowledged or praised - Kudos to you for adjusting your approach -
Cook the best food for yourself and thank yourself for being a great cook 😀😊
I’m currently waiting to find out if I have cancer. I had surgical biopsies taken and now I wait. While I was still recovering from my biopsy surgery, I tried to tell someone that I couldn’t help them out right now (watching their child for several days so they can have a weekend break) because I’m seriously struggling emotionally, with my fear. This person became extremely angry and berated me, telling me I am lying to them and myself and that there are other people in the world who have it far worse than I do. Idk what to do anymore.
That's just an entitled, arrogant person. You're not obligated to babysit somebody's child. If someone reacts negatively to a boundary it shows why you needed the boundary in the 1st place. Don't remove your boundaries for someone who doesn't want you to have any.
@@TejubescDM thank you
@@natureglimses Thank you. I believe whatever is meant to be, will be.
@@janeofthejungle4our universe is perfect, the creator will not allow the good to fail,
to be good also means to avoid bad people, each day when we avoid what is not good we get closer to God , once we get closer to him everything is resolved
@@janeofthejungle4 get well soon
I'm not giving up on myself or on being myself, ever again ❤
I stopped associating after lots of reflection. You are very right. I have had a quality of life these last two years.
Of 2 minds right now. On one hand, just want to thank you taking the time to produce and post these. I think you do a great service for both young and old INFJ's. I see them as helping to validate or affirm things we've either considered, come to know, or are trying to comprehend. I see you helping folks find words to articulate and understand the events, inner experiences, or simple things that can feel challenging in their lives. So, kudos to you. On the other hand, I'm tempted to share a real life story of my own that captures this topic well. Maybe it would be titled, how to stop being there for everyone else. But...... I don't know. I'll think about it some more. Seems indulgent. Hate to be seen like that. Anyhow - Again, thanks. Even at my age, being an old man, I can appreciate the discussion. (PS: For. context, I score in the 90th percentile on all four scales, so I do get this)
I stopped associating after lots of reflection. You are very right. I got lots of life quality in these almost two years.
Wow! You’re right on again! Thank you Wenzes! You’re terrific! Your clear, understandable communication is much appreciated! 😊
My needs? Like basic sleep & nutrition (if i remember) common kindness and reciprocation? Idk, I am not hard on myself anymore, heck, I am friends with myself now, but I don't feel like not INFJing it's just I exist to create happiness or curb misery, and this is the only thing that makes me genuinely happy. I don't want to test anyone, I have the capacity (barely, but I do) to let people in and let them show themselves.
I'd rather be trying over and over, getting hurt and giving up than avoiding and overlooking those around me.
If this world is too flawed - I want to know it.
Your insights have tremendously helped me in understanding my own self and the world around me. You are simply awesome. Keep up the good work.❤
I have done this and indeed my friendships have died off. At first, I found this quite distressing. The loss of friendships is very traumatic. I am now down to maybe two friends, one of whom is maintained on a shallow level by their choice. I think it has taken this sort of forced hermit like life to start to see just how different I am from other people and to beginning to appreciate it. I can't say this was calculated on my part, however. It I think was just a natural result of a lifetime of refusing to compromise my integrity. I will not hide my opinions, nor will I go along with falsehoods that let people deny what's really going on. I think if you are dedicated to maintaining a sense of integrity this will be the result in a society that seems to be an entire culture based on being Adult Children of Alcoholics.
Now that I all I'm older I don't have as much trouble with this as in the past. But it brought back a lot of memories of days when I tried to help people who actually did need it a lot. A lot of people appreciated it very much.
But some of them knew that they needed it, but it didn't stop them from criticizing me - including the music I listened to on the radio!
I learned the wisdom of making myself much less available to people like that. It was a process, and it was a time when I really learned how to put systematic assertiveness training into use. A lot of people were very surprised when I let it be known that I didn't appreciate this kind of treatment.
it wasn't always emotionally easier, but it made a difference. A BIG difference .
An INFJ on this journey becomes a master emasulator.
The older I get I realized that my opinions and experience matters. I considered as a giving and helpful for the team. But sometimes you get tired and you said that is enough and I will take more time for myself. I am getting a massage.
Are INFJs doomed to be single? It’s so depressing. 😢
😢🥺
I have no issue with women. You are irresistible when you are in tune with yourself.
No you're not doomed to be single forever. If you want to increase the likelihood of meeting a loving partner keep in mind that we (INFJ) are Cerebral beings, so if you start with visualizing (play up what you already do well- live in the internal world) how you wanna be treated in the mind... Think of what makes you feel adored and vvisualize that happening the way you desire it. Thus creating an energy within you that communicates this kind of behavior is what I actually accept and deserve. Then you will start to see yourself meeting people that match that. And most importantly seeing people who DONT, walk away. Making it crystal clear what is and isn't for you so you know where your boundaries actually exisit within you. Hope this helps.
Find yourself an INTJ. ❤ Hubby and I ended up together because we were both too intense for our previous partners. Communication takes work, but it's overall good. Online dating is a great tool for an INFJ because we have such specific needs.
No. I am happily married....34 years. My husband is an ESFP.
I am arrogant, not a bad word, and an intelligent high-functioning, self-aware INFJ. You peaked my interest, so now I have been binge-watching your channel. You are awesome at this. ...And I am not arrogant enough to believe I have nothing to learn from you. You have already released the shackles I've had placed on myself for every human interaction till today. You rock, coach:)
As a infj sigma I have come to a point where I have very little patience for people
Yes, the eternal loneliness is made better because my self is indestructible! EVERYONE LEFT ME! No worries, I made those choices on my own before your video. 😂😂
Regardless of personality type its up to the individual to control it also there's no personality type that gives any type of power or advantage if one doesn't have experience in life you could have the rarest personality traits and it would mean nothing
I know what burn out feels like from submerging myself for a significant other. Trauma associated with that persons eventual illness almost killed me. Now, on the other side of all of that, even though his illness (mental) has improved somewhat and he is more independent of me, I am able to be calm and kind whilst staying all day in my own room in our home doing art, reading, relaxing, sleeping and waking at my own timing and choice. We have a huge garden that I look after, being summer right now in Australia, and I have my own car so total freedom is my current way of being while looking after him as well. This way I can give my overflow to him quite happily and it helps him to be happier too.
Having studied the Meyers-Briggs personality assessment…
I find myself as both INFP and INFJ, of which there are traits of both that apply… and traits of both that don’t apply.
But have learned how to judge and control my emotions… and thus also perceive how to respond to almost any and every situation that I may encounter.
Thank you for this one and you look terrific :). I´ve heard so many vids from you and feel understood so clearly
Same here; lovely comments. Appreciate the confirmation on what I’ve been trying to figure out about people’s (shize) behavior. Good day all ❤
Nice hair cut /style. ❤
INFJ perfectionism? My goal oriented approach freaks people out sometimes.
That's on them. Go you!🎉
Talvez você seja um INFJ E5
As an ENTJ, I can see INFJs as the sensitive version of me.
I really appreciate this content
Great video, always a pleasure Wenzes. 😊
Thank you for sharing your knowledge 💯😁 you've really helped me so much 😄💯🙏💚
I have been abandoned by my close sister because I stand up for my boundaries
I love this channel, thanks. I wanna ask is there a channel like this for Intj also? looking for my partner to help her also.
Thanks again for the support ♡
Im starting to think you right
There needs to be an INJF island where both male and female INJF people can meet up lol, we're too rare to find each other in the wild 😂.
I'm glad you have slowed down and started to speak more calmly again. Thank you!
Lucky her for meeting your criteria 😛
Thank you for this content 💛
This is super helpful! Thank you Wenze❤️
What is the difference between infj, codependents, HSP (highly sensitive people), empaths, people with cptsd, and victims of narcissistic abuse? There's a lot of overlap in the descriptions. The prescription, to set boundaries with others and take care of yourself, seems to be the same.
Great video!!!!!!!!!!!!!
5 THINGS THAT HAPPEN WHEN THE INFJ STOPS PLAYING "NICE" (Rarest Personality Type)
1:56
#1
People around you
will have an
extreme reaction
4:17
#2
People have
to make
a coice
6:44
#3
You will
have so
much more
energy
8:01
#4
You start
building an
indestructible
sense of self
9:44
#5
You become
oblivious
to people's
judgments
Looking forward to 3 and 5 again. Yessireee!🎉
underrated comment
@@themountainsandthesea4121 Indeed! 👍👍👍👍👍
Looking forward to this one.
Thank you so much! ❤❤❤
I like who I am, but also I like immersing myself in different things than I would normally choose to do if I totally ran the show and followed only my own preferences.
For example, I recently visited a restaurant and sat down at the bar. I had business which meant an overnight hotel stay in the area, but all the places I used to visit in that area of town had closed. The music was super loud and more rap than I generally enjoy. I ordered a Chardonnay and "people watched"..Just realized that sentence could mean that people watched me drinking Chardonnay..LOL! So I added quotation marks, but I guess both are true.
Soon I was actually enjoying the music, much of it was old songs remade to be more "rappy", and the interplay of the staff was fun to see. Many customers seemed to be regulars. I gave the bartender advice on a restaurant in a different part of town that she could visit with her kids (playground, coloring pages, etc.) but which was "parent friendly"...Relatively inexpensive food, easy view of playground, and "coffee shop" music in the background.
I like having different experiences and personas at times plus have fun occasionally seeing the intermix of my various friend/acquaintance groups. I want to do something like that soon as it has been about a year since I have done so (organized a party including diverse friend groups). Of course much of it ends up being similar friend groups having a reunion almost. That is also cool as the party usually develops a life of its own quickly and I don't need to hover to make sure people are interacting.
I love this video!! This helped so much!
Too Forthcoming. Yes that is for sure!!
I have been minimizing myself and interest due to a neighbor who copies everything I do. They seem to be an empty person. How do I continue to express my energy without worrying about their mimicking.
SUPER SAIYAN LEV, 9 10:02
Thank you
There is right and wrong and being kind and loving is right for our own well being and others well being , and God is Love.Correcting wrong behavior is good. Keeping away from abusers is good.
💓👍🕊
I found out that i am an INFJ
if you are not casting a reflection you are more likely a vampire. Congrats, if you consider a life time of loneliness a perk.
I appreciate you Soooo much. Thank you x x
Who told you there is no parameter for what is true and what is wrong
I was accused of being inappropriate because of my depth of questions....oh well...I asked if one thought sodomy wa wrong in marriage? She went off!😅
it was more like they got caught and tried to turn it on you by making you feel shame but i got a solution. you say, That is what a blank would say to me. Works every time.
what kind of depth is there in your comment apart from stupid depth?
@@alexadellastella5247kkkk... acho que é profundo porque muitas pessoas não param pra pensar sobre isso.
I’m not INFJ, but want to be the kind of person who others can feel relieved and happy being their authentic selves around. Any tips?
That is awesome, you want to make others feel good in your space. I say people feel themselves around those who they can see genuinely are interested in them. So listening to others and being less judgemental is what I find helps people feel good to be in your space. I say that because the people who I feel most comfortable around give me that room to just be and I never feel judged, but seen and heard. And when they do rebuke me and correct me...I know it comes from love.
@@CandyCoated96 Thank you for the advice. I think I have some work to do around not making people feel uncomfortable or judged. I have a hard time relaxing, I'm always thinking about 2 or 3 projects I'm working on instead of the present moment, and get very uncomfortable around people just living in the moment enjoying themselves without an end goal. I usually either steer topics and activities to things I find more productive, or remove myself so people can just chill. If only I could learn to just chill with them, be in the moment.
@@maryolguin4372 At least you recognize this and want to be better. We all have areas in our life we need to work on. Having Introspection is the key. You will get there because your actively working on yourself. Take care. 💖
Thanks!
Is wenzes part of starfleet now? I wanna join that federation.
11:11 pm xo nana nana boo boo
❤
Is there such a thing as a person with combined INFJ & INTJ personalities? I seem to be both after taking personality test.
Actually, I faced the same question of myself a few years ago. To best know, ask yourself what is the normal or default mode between hard logical thinking or vivid intuition. Frankly, most INTJ types rarely feel nor rely on any intuitive or gut instinct and insist on hard logic as the facts of which society agrees. INFJ types are far more independent and intuitive (what some call "emotional intelligence" even though it is not intellectual whatsoever) even though can certainly deal with logical thinking.
You might want to look at enneagram test. Overlapping traits such as 5 make it to have a stronger thinking side for the Infj side. Its is based on nurture development rather to the nature side(mbti/jungian psychology)
Else you, may want to have a look at the shadow aspect of the cognitive functions. Critical parent and blindspot are different for the infj and intj. Infj for critical parent a man component is self worth issue, feeling unworthy, inadequate, suicidal in worst cases and having a hard time to recognise own feelings/ emotions at time specially if there are a lot of people around.
Intj critical parent is tied to their own thinking and being very self critical, becoming obsessive, compulsive, cross checking everything and can enhance their paranoia of trusting others thus making them prefer to work alone...
In terms of thinking patterns an intj will always make reference to external source compare to an infj... And tend be more effective when its come to organisation of resources, time management and have a preference to operate within framework, system and mechanism to create flow
Infj tend to be more social of the two in general (depending on irl situation), people focused, and socially humanitarian driven. They both can read people very well but infj are more likely to act on it be of their extraverted feeling and are aware how others feel/emotional state which can even stress them.
They both have a similar interaction style(linda barren work) but are different in terms of temperament idealist for INFJ and rational for Intj(Keirsey)
Psychology junkie, truity and personality hacker could be starting point to explore for precise/concise info on these topics
@@steevelapeuraite8262O eneatipo 1w9 nos INFJs também se parece com os INTJs, pois o E1w9 tende a ser um tanto parecido com o E5 na introspecção.
Sem falar que o E1w9 também costuma ser um eneatipo muito comum nos INTJs depois do E5.
Ambos os eneatipos se identificam mais com seu eu intelectual do que com seu eu emocional. Ambos são pessoas objetivas e orientadas para os fatos. Tanto os 5w6s quanto os 1w9s respeitam os limites das pessoas e tendem a ser cuidadosos e corteses uns com os outros.
@@GrafinVonHopper Use DeepL translate to understand, something might be lost in translation.
I have encountered mostly 5 in INTJ...😮💨 and know a type 1 INTJ that can lookalike INFJ in certain ways in terms advocacies or willing to make things move. It is easy to communicate and exchange in a two way streak with Type 1 and they have a wealth to offer if people take the time, like all INTJ if people could better understand them
Their Fi values are much more stronger 🤯and they move with purpose but in doing so the FE-blindspot show more and their unawareness' of social norms does not bother them at all if they feel its for the right cause. However, they tend to be on the healthier side once they align their values with purpose to meet their intellectual needs.
INTJ are quite fascinating to talk with😁 specially when you share a common knowledge😉... the mutual in-depth understanding is there and noticing the different approach/perspective is quite a change of pace.😇
marry me.
Oh I like to insult thier intelligance, but it takes a while. Some of those people have tried to kill me, in the past. Ive lived a very hard life. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if i was an addict to herion.
You turn into the Devil himself.
HAHA that can happen
@@francisjudge It's all fun and games 🎯 feeding that facade. Once the truth surfaces and the truth be told those delusions are worthless. Then every little discrepancy comes to light in order to justify their behavior.
try being appoached by the devil to collect souls for he devil, and yet you are still an angel of light. Thats how it happened to me when i was trippn nuts, from withdrawls of psyche medicine i went cold turkey from.
@@jessmason2112 Too true
@@MegaCyberleader That is interesting! Can you share further? How were you approached by the devil? And by no means am I mocking you, but asking out of a genuine curiousity
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
🍯 gGREAT 🍦 HAIRCUT ✨💇🏻♀️ CUTE STYLE 👼🏻 LOOKS 🍀 USE🫒 LOOKS W/-\W🪨🪵🍃🌋 WIN WON 💃🪐 8:01