Hello Subscribers: Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing. One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating. Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning! As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on UA-cam. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through. I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly. That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on UA-cam. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos. If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions ____ Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships. The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met. While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response. Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz ____ I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives. When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work. You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive. Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community ____ Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution. Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate ____ Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos. And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!” Best regards, Alan Robarge Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist www.alanrobarge.com/
Eye opening Videos, Stuck in relationship for 18 years and always had a gut feeling she is not for me, im not attracted to her but yet im still here stil struggling... On top i ve been unfaithful multiple times and being honest about it and wanted to leave telling her thats it, im not attracted to you anymore, i don't see it working anymore but yet im still here, she emotionally blackmailed me by telling me she ll kill her self and write a letter to all friends and family. Last 6 years im not happy but i dont know why i cant walk out of it.
Thank you so much Alan. Your insight has helped me more than you could EVER know. May God bless you and may the world bring you all that is good in life.
I spent years wanting to leave my toxic 25 year relationship, it was very complex situation with 4 children, no family/friend support, multiple debts, tax issues, etc. While still married, I made a plan which included getting a well paying job after being a stay at home mom, saving money for a couple of years and moving to a more affordable state. I was in a much better place to set up a home for me and my children. I finally felt confident enough to end the relationship. That was the hardest situation I have ever had to endure. I am now free and have a beautiful home in a safe lovely town. My children are happy and stable. My advise to anyone is don't let any partner control the finances, be very active in personal finance. When you allow someone to control the money, you give away your power to make your own choices.
My situation is very similar. I am still in the marriage and I am trying to finish graduate school. My marriage has been very difficult for 26 years. We had 7 kids because of religious beliefs. I can feel myself dying every day. I’m trying to figure out how to get out without hurting my children.
WOW. You just read my emotional email from the past 20 years of relationships. Living in perpetual torment of leaving. There is no glory in being the Superman for others. Thank you always.
You have been the most helpful in the fifty years of my life to explain to me you are truly the best you have explained everything so perfectly I never thought about it this way thank you so much God bless you
Powerful insights - Alan’s ability to distill down complex issues is unparalleled - some of the best content I have ever found regarding these very difficult , and obviously common challenges many of us face - Thanks !
Thanks for your feedback and valuing my work. Glad you see the effort I put into offering explanation. It's good to know this content is helpful for you. Please also share this video with others who may benefit.
I ended the relationship....but I also really crashed and burned and it was ugly....I certainly did not exit gracefully. I torched the bridge, that's for sure
I hear you. Empathy to you as you process the ending. These are sometimes challenging dynamics to navigate. Endings can create anxiety. We all have different ways that we show up when there is anxiety in relationships. You may want to check out The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz By understanding the different self-protective behaviors we can be proactive and plan out how we need to take care of ourselves in those situations.
Yay for best friends! Thank you for the kind words and watching the video. I'm glad that you find my content and information beneficial and helpful. If you'd like to support me so that I can continue to create valuable and accessible videos for people, please check out www.alanrobarge.com/donate However, I want to also direct you to my online Community, Improve Your Relationships. All of the members, including myself, discuss a lot of different topics that are similar to the one in this video. See for yourself: www.alanrobarge.com/community Another thing you might be interested in is my course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. This course goes in-depth about the four main responses we have to distress caused by attachment injuries and trauma. Take the quiz now to learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Charles, thanks for the supportive feedback. I'm glad this video spoke to you. If you'd like to learn how to engage more or support the continuation of my videos check out the options below: Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz Check out the Community, Improve Your Relationships www.alanrobarge.com/community Make a direct donation www.alanrobarge.com/donate Thanks again for letting me know the video was helpful.
Richard, many of us feel that way! I created an 8-week program of self-directed healing work to put healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives. When we look big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma got set up on our lives we are able to begin to see longing from a new perspective. We also gain access to inner resources that shift our relationship to the longing. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. If this is something that interests you, you are welcome to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Hello Subscribers:
Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing.
One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating.
Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning!
As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on UA-cam. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through.
I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly.
That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on UA-cam. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos.
If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions
____
Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses.
Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships.
The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met.
While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response.
Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
____
I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives.
When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work.
You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive.
Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community
____
Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution.
Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate
____
Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos.
And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!”
Best regards,
Alan Robarge
Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist
www.alanrobarge.com/
Wow Wow So Powerful! Keep Helping Me To Break These Glass Ceilings
Eye opening Videos, Stuck in relationship for 18 years and always had a gut feeling she is not for me, im not attracted to her but yet im still here stil struggling... On top i ve been unfaithful multiple times and being honest about it and wanted to leave telling her thats it, im not attracted to you anymore, i don't see it working anymore but yet im still here, she emotionally blackmailed me by telling me she ll kill her self and write a letter to all friends and family. Last 6 years im not happy but i dont know why i cant walk out of it.
Thank you so much Alan. Your insight has helped me more than you could EVER know. May God bless you and may the world bring you all that is good in life.
I spent years wanting to leave my toxic 25 year relationship, it was very complex situation with 4 children, no family/friend support, multiple debts, tax issues, etc. While still married, I made a plan which included getting a well paying job after being a stay at home mom, saving money for a couple of years and moving to a more affordable state. I was in a much better place to set up a home for me and my children. I finally felt confident enough to end the relationship. That was the hardest situation I have ever had to endure. I am now free and have a beautiful home in a safe lovely town. My children are happy and stable. My advise to anyone is don't let any partner control the finances, be very active in personal finance. When you allow someone to control the money, you give away your power to make your own choices.
My situation is very similar. I am still in the marriage and I am trying to finish graduate school. My marriage has been very difficult for 26 years. We had 7 kids because of religious beliefs. I can feel myself dying every day. I’m trying to figure out how to get out without hurting my children.
@@tonypro3007 thats rediculous, fix ur fkn marraige or leave lady, don't use your partner, fkn disgusting
Thanks Alan for these very helpful series! The way you break is down also helps to clarify the process involved. Much needed and appreciated.
WOW. You just read my emotional email from the past 20 years of relationships. Living in perpetual torment of leaving. There is no glory in being the Superman for others. Thank you always.
Brilliant: spot on!!! Thank you, Alan!
You have been the most helpful in the fifty years of my life to explain to me you are truly the best you have explained everything so perfectly I never thought about it this way thank you so much God bless you
I love these titles. Finally a name for what I've seen and heard for so many yrs.
Glad this content delivers helpful words. Thanks for valuing my efforts.
This so resignates in me. Building myself back from imploding from grief. Thanks for the direction.
Powerful insights - Alan’s ability to distill down complex issues is unparalleled - some of the best content I have ever found regarding these very difficult , and obviously common challenges many of us face - Thanks !
Thanks for your feedback and valuing my work. Glad you see the effort I put into offering explanation. It's good to know this content is helpful for you. Please also share this video with others who may benefit.
Don’t you think all relationships get stale? Maybe we should work on keeping things fresh.
I ended the relationship....but I also really crashed and burned and it was ugly....I certainly did not exit gracefully. I torched the bridge, that's for sure
I hear you. Empathy to you as you process the ending. These are sometimes challenging dynamics to navigate. Endings can create anxiety. We all have different ways that we show up when there is anxiety in relationships. You may want to check out The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz By understanding the different self-protective behaviors we can be proactive and plan out how we need to take care of ourselves in those situations.
No partner is perfect. When we get a new partner we get a new set of problems lol!
This man is my best friend this year. 🤩
Yay for best friends! Thank you for the kind words and watching the video. I'm glad that you find my content and information beneficial and helpful. If you'd like to support me so that I can continue to create valuable and accessible videos for people, please check out www.alanrobarge.com/donate
However, I want to also direct you to my online Community, Improve Your Relationships. All of the members, including myself, discuss a lot of different topics that are similar to the one in this video. See for yourself: www.alanrobarge.com/community
Another thing you might be interested in is my course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. This course goes in-depth about the four main responses we have to distress caused by attachment injuries and trauma. Take the quiz now to learn more: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
This is amazing!! Thank you
Thank you Alan.
Any ideas on how to get will (gas)? I'm running out, sooo tired
How do you get stronger inside?
thank you
Gold
Charles, thanks for the supportive feedback. I'm glad this video spoke to you. If you'd like to learn how to engage more or support the continuation of my videos check out the options below:
Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz
www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Check out the Community, Improve Your Relationships
www.alanrobarge.com/community
Make a direct donation
www.alanrobarge.com/donate
Thanks again for letting me know the video was helpful.
I need help
Richard, many of us feel that way! I created an 8-week program of self-directed healing work to put healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives. When we look big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma got set up on our lives we are able to begin to see longing from a new perspective. We also gain access to inner resources that shift our relationship to the longing. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. If this is something that interests you, you are welcome to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. www.alanrobarge.com/community
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