Hello Subscribers: Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing. One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating. Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning! As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on UA-cam. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through. I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly. That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on UA-cam. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos. If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions ____ Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships. The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met. While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response. Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz ____ I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives. When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work. You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive. Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community ____ Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution. Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate ____ Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos. And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!” Best regards, Alan Robarge Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist www.alanrobarge.com/
I ended a toxic friendship and it was a real struggle and even a year later, I had strong feelings of wanting to fix the situation. I stayed strong and now feel more peaceful about letting go.
I needed 2 years of al-anon before I could leave my marriage. When we are anxious & our partner is avoidant, leaving is a Herculean task. It’s very hard to do it without support from a healing community.
I finally cut it off with a hot and cold guy who said he loved me but ignored me, never made plans with me, never called or texted me. When I texted him this, because he never, ever wanted to talk, he was surprised. He just does not get it. Once I cut it off, my anxiety was lifted. It was the best thing I did. It was 4 months, with me ignoring him twice, and him chasing me. I ended it like you mentioned in one of your videos Dr. Robarge. Thank you for your wisdom.
Need to end my relationship with over eating and find a healthier way to get my emotional needs met. Now I realize I have been chasing that emotional void since childhood!
Alan you truly provide a next generation information about relationships...it is defintly an advanced version of knowledge which i feel is exctly wht i needed to hear..More Power to you!
Thank you for valuing my content. Good to know the videos and posts are helpful. I am glad you benefit from the effort and time investment it takes to offer quality content. Please consider joining us in the membership community to show your support and/or becoming a sustaining supporter with a donation. Making a contribution supports the continuation of more quality content. FYI/ www.alanrobarge.com/community and/or www.alanrobarge.com/donate
My ex was using me for money, a place to stay. to drive him around. But I do have attachment injuries. and I imposed my hurt on him so I guess I'm no Saint either
I appreciate the feedback. Glad you like this one. Thanks for valuing my work. If you like this content then you may also like the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Take the quiz to learn more. www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
I left a month ago. I was stuck in a on and off relationship with a Man who I knew didn't care for me. In fact it turns out he was using me for the whole relationship which was for a year and a half. my gut instinct warned me but I ignored it .
ExposingTruths ...yes, there is usually some mutual hook that keeps us in the dance. I was some what tenacious, but I was rather trapped, caring for my 100+ year old mother...being the other end of her inability to let me go. At least your were hooked only a short time, unlike me. Typically this type of relationship is called codependent. I did not get "released" until she died at 107 yrs. Did you learn anything from your "captivity"? There are many Users out there...but family dynamics seem to set the stage....according to Robarge...and my life is a perfect example. Best to you, Girl.
lol. Thanks for engaging in this content. Yes, rice and beans. Since this video sparked reflection, you may also like to take The Attachment Distress Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
I was a heavy smoker for 16 yrs. And one day i just quit because of the so many bad effects on me. I never smoked again. I have an all or nothing bhvr. Either i chain smoke or never smoke again. Unfortunately i can't apply that to addictive relationships...
Good awareness. You do a good job mapping your thoughts out and identifying the next step where you need to find more clarity. Interesting comparing patterns in smoking and relationships. Since you like this video, please share it with others who might also like it. Help me spread the word by sharing it via Instagram, Facebook, or twitter. It's important that we all keep talking about relationships.
Hello Subscribers:
Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing.
One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating.
Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning!
As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on UA-cam. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through.
I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly.
That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on UA-cam. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos.
If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions
____
Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses.
Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships.
The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met.
While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response.
Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
____
I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives.
When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work.
You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive.
Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community
____
Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution.
Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate
____
Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos.
And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!”
Best regards,
Alan Robarge
Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist
www.alanrobarge.com/
I ended a toxic friendship and it was a real struggle and even a year later, I had strong feelings of wanting to fix the situation. I stayed strong and now feel more peaceful about letting go.
I needed 2 years of al-anon before I could leave my marriage. When we are anxious & our partner is avoidant, leaving is a Herculean task. It’s very hard to do it without support from a healing community.
Meeting own needs rather than feel miserable on the daily. Perfect! 🌹🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
I finally cut it off with a hot and cold guy who said he loved me but ignored me, never made plans with me, never called or texted me. When I texted him this, because he never, ever wanted to talk, he was surprised. He just does not get it. Once I cut it off, my anxiety was lifted. It was the best thing I did. It was 4 months, with me ignoring him twice, and him chasing me. I ended it like you mentioned in one of your videos Dr. Robarge. Thank you for your wisdom.
Mine never ever chased me
Need to end my relationship with over eating and find a healthier way to get my emotional needs met. Now I realize I have been chasing that emotional void since childhood!
I'm right there with 'ya.
Alan you truly provide a next generation information about relationships...it is defintly an advanced version of knowledge which i feel is exctly wht i needed to hear..More Power to you!
Thank you for this message. You're helping me through the loss of a volatile, toxic 4-year relationship.
Wonderful ideas, I wish I had watched this prior to leaving my 25 year marriage...
I left twice and came back. I am now planning to leave and I am so scared.
This is where they say do it afraid I suppose?
Don’t waste 23-24 years. No.
I can relate
ALAN the timing of this video for me is a God send. You have helped save my future self. Thank you so much.
I do tend to project my abandonment issues on to my partner.
this is s helpfull for a borderliner
Thank you for this video. I go to counseling and don’t get all of this!
Thank you for valuing my content. Good to know the videos and posts are helpful. I am glad you benefit from the effort and time investment it takes to offer quality content. Please consider joining us in the membership community to show your support and/or becoming a sustaining supporter with a donation. Making a contribution supports the continuation of more quality content. FYI/ www.alanrobarge.com/community and/or www.alanrobarge.com/donate
@@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma your work is wonderful.
My ex was using me for money, a place to stay. to drive him around. But I do have attachment injuries. and I imposed my hurt on him so I guess I'm no Saint either
I am soooo glad I discovered this!😇🙏 Thank God!
Loved this and especially the question, what are you getting out of this!
I appreciate the feedback. Glad you like this one. Thanks for valuing my work.
If you like this content then you may also like the course, The Four Attachment Distress Responses. Take the quiz to learn more. www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
I appreciate your knowledge,
Thank you Alan
4:03 HEAD SHAKING!
I left a month ago. I was stuck in a on and off relationship with a Man who I knew didn't care for me. In fact it turns out he was using me for the whole relationship which was for a year and a half. my gut instinct warned me but I ignored it .
ExposingTruths ...yes, there is usually some mutual hook that keeps us in the dance. I was some what tenacious, but I was rather trapped, caring for my 100+ year old mother...being the other end of her inability to let me go. At least your were hooked only a short time, unlike me. Typically this type of relationship is called codependent. I did not get "released" until she died at 107 yrs. Did you learn anything from your "captivity"? There are many Users out there...but family dynamics seem to set the stage....according to Robarge...and my life is a perfect example. Best to you, Girl.
How long was you hooked for?
It’s horrid, stop it. Love self.
This sounds like by leaving I'm trading birthday cake and ice cream for beans and rice.
lol. Thanks for engaging in this content. Yes, rice and beans. Since this video sparked reflection, you may also like to take The Attachment Distress Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
My marriage is okay. I wish I could go back to college days.
My marriage is not okay.
Lisa Colorado how are you now?
This is very helpful
I was a heavy smoker for 16 yrs. And one day i just quit because of the so many bad effects on me. I never smoked again. I have an all or nothing bhvr. Either i chain smoke or never smoke again. Unfortunately i can't apply that to addictive relationships...
Good awareness. You do a good job mapping your thoughts out and identifying the next step where you need to find more clarity. Interesting comparing patterns in smoking and relationships. Since you like this video, please share it with others who might also like it. Help me spread the word by sharing it via Instagram, Facebook, or twitter. It's important that we all keep talking about relationships.
Is he saying I need to line up multiple dates to go on the week after I default this rship?
Yes. Sign up for a dating site.