The Fastest Way To Make Friends
Вставка
- Опубліковано 1 лип 2024
- Join Over 17,000 Members At Charisma University:
bit.ly/CoC-Friendships
Subscribe to Charisma On Command’s UA-cam Account:
bit.ly/COC-Subscribe
We are in an epidemic of loneliness and it’s a real problem.
Roughly half of adults report feeling socially disconnected, and science is showing loneliness is associated with a greater risk of dementia, stroke, depression, anxiety, and even has a similar risk of premature death as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.
On the flip side, you’ve probably heard that you are an average of the five people you spend the most time with. That means with rare exceptions, your happiness and success are heavily dependent on who your friends are.
So in today’s video, you’ll learn how to improve in each of the four main phases for making incredible friendships.
⏰TIMESTAMPS⏰
0:00 - Intro
0:40 - #1: How To Meet New People
0:42 - Proximity
1:06 - Join A Flock
1:41 - Become A Beacon
2:10 - Say Yes To Invitations
2:20 - #2: How To Turn Them Into Friends
2:40 - Focus On The Process
3:22 - Bait For Shared Interests
4:13 - #3: How To Make Your Friendships World Class
4:36 - A Shared North Star
6:04 - Being A Lifeline
7:55 - Mutual Vulnerability
9:32 - #4: How To Maintain Them For Decades
9:37 - Constructive Conflict
11:37 - The 5 To 1 Rule
12:00 - Replace Jealousy With Joy
13:41 - Expect And Embrace Change
15:02 - Do you want great new friendships?
How To Be Happier For The Rest Of Your Life:
• A Simple Trick To Neve...
How To Make A Great Impression:
• How To Stop Being Bori...
• Hedonic Adaptation: Yo...
Connect with us further:
Website: www.charismaoncommand.com
Facebook: / charismaoncommand
Instagram: @CharismaOnCommand - Навчання та стиль
“You can make more friends in 2 months by becoming interested in other people than you can in 2 years by trying to get other people interested in you.” ~ Dale Carnegie
I just don't get this. Being "interested" in other people will just make you look like a people pleaser.
When no one is interested in you
@@conforzo then you have a very wrong understanding of what a people pleaser is. being honestly interested in people has nothing to do with people pleasing.
I get this quote but in my opinion we have lost the art of communication so much that no one really tries to get to know someone else
This is a good one, be interested as opposed to trying to he interesting.
One of my favorites to get people to open up and be comfortable is a simple “tell me more.”
Same
That is incredibly bland and I would encourage you to use specifics and not low effort replies like that and using someone's name.
Thank you!!
@@stevenswall It's not at all bland, used correctly. For many people, when sharing their passions, they're afraid they're overwhelming or boring the other person. If someone listening responds with a genuine 'tell me more,' it conveys interest and a desire for the other person to unpack and explain their passion all the more.
@@REDRAGON12345I agree with him tho, much better to ask a follow through question and get specific so they can elaborate on it and you genuily come off as interested. If someone said ”tell me more” to me I would be weirded out.
To find friends you first of all have to be a friend.
Not really. A simple invite by some co-worker is enough to make new connections. And if you are fun and social, you will make new acquaintances, and eventually those acquaintances become mates, then buddies and maybe later good friends. It's a snowball effect.
@@mr.nobody2244 take ur meds bro
@@mr.nobody2244 I don't think you will experience that snowball effect without first being a friend like the original comment said.
@@ric6611 There's a lot more types of relationships than just friendship. A surface level acquaintance is enough to get a foot in the door.
If you want a friend, first be a friend. What the hell does that even mean?
This is exactly what was needed, "friends aren't Pokemon you aren't supposed to have many but have a few meaningful ones". Absolutely agree with this
Speak for. Yourself! I would have to let them out of my pokéball! 🤣
Or maybe friends ARE like Pokémon, you just need to focus on “leveling up” a few of them
@@gamingimpossibl Or keep them imprisoned together in a cramped little ball you throw around? 🤔🤔🤣🤣🤣Maybe Pokeman analogies are limited!!
@@flashwashington2735 I have 253 people locked in my basement
What about red who caught it all ?? 🤣
Please do a video on How to make a strong relationship with your parents throughout the ages. Especially overcoming negative relationship cycles to avoid family arguments.
Just noticed this isnt talked about by most famous social experts
Underrated comment.
If you'll allow me to give my perspective on the matter. It's something I've actively dealt with and feel like I can share my two cents on.
There are multiple aspects to this matter.
1. Being vulnerable with family about your true feelings and getting them to understand your perspective without forcing it upon them. Share about how you felt with certain events in the past and how those made YOU feel. Don't impose anything on them or judge them. By opening up they will in turn also feel comfortable to do the same. To which you can then reply with comments of understanding.
2. Actively put time into setting up calls, or schedule fun activities with family. Even if they dont return the same effort. Take responsibility for the connection yourself. Food, activities all this stuff gets you to form a connection. Time is valuable and time spent together is creating a bond.
3. Really try to understand their situation and dont expect anything in return. If they dont reply to your message, if they dont put the same effort back. Your love should be unconditional, this doesn't mean they can push your boundaries but it's about emotionally not letting things escalate.
4. Avoid conflicts and arguments over tribal matters. Yes you might have radically different opinions on politics or the environment, lifestyle whatever. That doesn't mean you need to voice your opinion though. A wise person once told me. "Having an opinion doesn't equal voicing an opinion". Ask yourself what is the benefit of argument? What are you gaining and what are you losing. Unless the argument is about some important decision you're usually better off not having it. I learned this the hard way and have been in mad conflicts about trival things...
5. Keep cool and don't become heated emotionally, respect their options but still follow your own path, be attentive and interested in their lives.
Hope this helps, these were my key take aways from last 2 years dealing with the same issue. My family dynamic has shifted from feeling isolated and disconnected to having close relationships with my parents and siblings ❤
@@unknownmovementDEEP, well done, now name me ur top 3 books, but please dont say the Carnegie is one..
It could be the have a personality or other mental disorder. My mother is BPD, I never knew that until two years ago... it changes the HOW when dealing with a disorder, even narcissistic.
not seeing other men as competition is definitely a great tip because men are very competitive and will often put each other down
So much to take action on this. If you're feeling discouraged or overwhelmed, just take the first right step.
This video has a ton of value, thank you
At 30 I found new friends by going to jam band concerts. I feel like concerts are one of the easiest places to meet folks
Billy Strings?
@@milesproject4556 actually Grateful Dead cover bands but billy is my favorite for sure!!!
@@milesproject4556 I have also met great people at billy shows tho
Not if you life in Germany and you are going to blues/guitarr/soul concerts
All the people are 10 years younger or 40 years older than me 🤣.
Just stories from Germany
@@milesproject4556 he’s the best!
This video encompasses enormous lessons. Thanks for this educative content.
That moment I saw Iain De Caestecker's Leopold Fitz from Agents of SHIELD - absolutely love it! Especially when compounded with you guys' amazing, practical, down-to-earth tips :)
Hey, I don't think I've met you yet, I'm Tim. I love your content. Many blessings to all involved.
Life can get crazy, but your passion will always beckon your return. We all understand if you can't return to making content, but this community would love to see you come back.
This is top-quality information.
Wow!
One of the best videos I have watched recently!
Please, can you do a video dedicated to eye contact? I feel like this is one of the more important principles in charisma for socially ackward people like me
Amazing Video!
Love your amazing work❤
Very educative video!
Have learnt a lot from it!
I will most likely come back and watch this again in a couple days because it's a lot of information to digest in a single sitting. The timing of this video coming out feels a little like Google Assistant listening to my conversations and then reporting back to you guys (so that gave me a chuckle) but has me genuinely hooked into the video content.
Love your content! Ty
Great vid keep it up
Me "Hey I don't think I met you yet"
Them " we worked together for five years"
Just because famous people seem friendly does not mean they are besties.
They are Actors. ACTING
Pls make videos about "Conversations to make friends into Close Friends" pls 🙏🙏🙏
Worth content❤
This was a good video boss
he who hath friends must show himself friendly, and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother
It also helps to detach from oneself, from the ego. It's hard, but letting go of the ego's desires and attachments is attractive. Books like "30 Days to Reduce Anxiety" by Harper Daniels helped me take a step back and learn to be more mindful.
This video is definitely not for me! But since I've commented on it, I'm sure the algorithm will suggest more. LOL
I don't have ANY friends. I'm not lonely. I don't want to be around people. I like being alone.
People expect things from you. I give enough of myself at work. Going home, closing the front door and listening to the silence or a little night music, etc. is so wonderful!
I've always been a loner, and I like it that way.
People who act too cool for my warm and direct introduction have driven my confidence and conviction that it's a first-rate friendship filter
Can you please make a video on how to look quiet and smart at the same time
Lovely ❤
"Strangers are just friends we haven't met yet." --Peter Swanson
You don’t need more friends. You just need one great one.
I don't think you are able to tell me what I need 😅 each of us has more or less different needs. Besides, think about how each of one's friends has different personality traits which makes one connect with them; that could be enough reason for one to need / want more than one friend.
Debatable amd subjective and arbitrary, but either way that would constitute one needing more if you don't have that obviously.
@@SherrickDuncan It's actually none of the above. You don't need a million friends to be cool or anything. And besides how of those so-called friends are even real friends except for the one that's already there?
Quality over quantity
@@GalvatronStudiosIt's debatable, subjective and arbitrary still. Your counter-argument of "not needing a million friends to be cool or anything" has nothing to with the point. You may only need 1, that's fine. Some people (I'd even wager it's most people) would like to have a small friend group of like 4 other people, that preferably are mutual friends between them as well. The homies, if you will. Personally, I think just having one person to talk to may be overwhelming for the other person.
Ironically enough, the constructive conflict was the breaking point with my ex best friend for a decade. Because it was one sided. I happen to have been doing exactly what the video mentions all these 10 years of friendship, but she instead projected her insecurities on me and accused me like "you are trying to hurt me", because I told her that her "I have hard time processing the change of pace of communication" (with those exact words). And she had the audacity to block me after all these years and all I offered to her. So, yea...nothing is given. But I need to point out there was an extra factor...her boyfriend. I rooted for them, but she never let me meet the guy (btw no danger of stealing him, I am not into men), but ever since she was with him, she changed and the message I got before she blocked me was as if he wrote it, not her. So...even if you try hard for a friendship and it does last for decades, don't take it for granted. It depends on the other person too and the people they might involve with.
Most of friends starting days very good but after sometime he changed
Ben! I've missed you! I'm still sorry about the break up. What are you doing with your life these days?
1:06 this advice is how i realized i have OSDD
When he said become a beacon, I thought he said vegan. I was like whaaaat. 😂
I lost who I thought was a good friend because I hurt her somehow and she refused to discuss it with me, Except to say that I definitely did it on purpose. She claimed she had forgiven me but was going to keep me at arm's length so I didn't hurt her again.
It's a bit awkward now because I see her on a weekly basis. 🤷♀️
ReallySounz like she's using an excuse/ projecting to cover, so don't take personally. It's good thing to move on and maybe look why friendship was truly so one-sided.
Please let me know from which serie and what epizod from "Big Bang Theory" was that frame 3:09
As an introvert, none of this makes sense. Going out, meeting people, talking. :P
Stop labeling yourself and just do what you want to do. Labels just hold you back
Can you make one on Bassem Youssef?
8 billion people on the planet and were in a lack of friends epidemic. I blame tech
I blame society's structure.
With 8hrs + of work a day, and then family and house responsibilities, where are we supposed to have the time to foster the depth required.
Also where I live, it's culturally normal to go out to meet up with friends, which puts a financial constraint on existing friendships but more so meeting new people.
I think our social structure is more of the issue than tech, but I don't think that's helped either.
@@tmt9002 tech is part of the social structure, that's why it's called social media
Can you please make a video on Jason Statham's character from the movie "snatch".
I would gladly took advice how to stop making friends. I have not enough time and energy even for my oldest friends, but life keeps bringing amazing people and it’s now what usually people complain about.
Very nice but the cuts are way too frequent, dizzying to watch.
#3 I thought you said “become a vegan”🤣🤣
Im genuinely scared to get to know people. Ive been around way too many manipulative people in the past. What should I do?
It won't answer your question but I have the same issue and the only way I found is to give time to friendships. Some people were really friendly real quick so it made me feel great and I would get vulnerable and friendly with them back, only to realize that it was all fake. Now, even if someone gets friendly very quickly, I keep it at my path and I watch what happens. If the person is genuine then they understand and respect my slower path, if the person is actually manipulative, they usually get bored that I take it slowly and leave me alone at some point. It can be a bit hurtful to realize that someone was fake with you, but it's much better than getting vulnerable with the wrong person.
What happened to adult friends?
Non of the people I try to be friends with ask me about me.
Could you please analyze Jane Austen character's behavior
Truly innovative content; akin to a book that broke new ground with related concepts. "The Art of Meaningful Relationships in the 21st Century" by Author Name
1:45 Damn, I understood vegan
I sincerely value the videos y'all make so please understand this comes from a place of love. It makes me sad when you have a typo in the video. Please don't get get defensive. I just *WANT* to feel heard and understood.
First I heard "beacon" as "vegan." That's probably not a great way to make friends.
I need friends.
whats up guys
Hi
And then i just realised the only friend i hanged out with in recent months aren't going to allow me that xD
WE WANT CHARLIE
Everyone: "you're the combination of the 5 people you spend most time with."
90% of people: *spends their time with losers.*
Create your friend circle carefully.
Very beautiful 😍 ❤
thatnks for the adive i now get called a petite little boy
Pro trip: find people that care more about integrity and loyalty, not transaction and fame
For a second I thought he said try being a vegan. I was like I'm going to be lonely for the rest of my life! Lol
Friends?
Isn’t there a rule that you can have 10 real (and I mean REAL REAL friends and not buddies) at most in your life?
If you've got a handful of true friends you're lucky
‘A stranger is a friend you haven’t met yet’ - Ted Bundy
Killer quote!
Best Moments for me.
Every key point has a heading.
Hence, I can refer back to this video
[ square brackets are my own comments]
Replacement Habit
1:23 consider how things you are already doing can be done more socially [ your interest is already shared. You do not need to start a new hobby. You just add people]
This strategy is for all goals you have
2:50 Focus on process not outcome
Meaning
4:36 A shared north star
5:24 one of us would make enough money to help the other. We had a shared bank account.
Lifeline
6:03 be a lifeline for someone. [ reminds me of a quote = your true character is who you are when no one is watching]
Symmetry
08:35 Oprah and Gayle both say even if u don’t want to hear it [ what a wonderful moment]
How to complain well
10:19 make it about a specific behaviour, not about the identity
[ vital. You talk about this 1 moment. That is it. there is no good purpose to bring up the past]
10:48 never use absolute language. Never say always.
[never say you are always like this. Never say why do you do this all the time. This language is way too strong. Also it is a lie.]
[People use absolute language to make them feel better in the moment.]
Positive to Negative Display
11:40 This is 5 to 1 rule [Charisma have said this before in many videos. Why is this vital? People remember negative things. Brain pays attention to them. ]
Mudita = joy for others
12:20 Replace jealousy with joy [ do not display schadenfreude] Adam Sandler and Rob Schneider
Friends are not Pokémon
14:53 your goal is not to catch them all.
Thank you for this video!!
Hi guys, 3rd season of The Morning Show is out now. Please do Cory Elisson!
This video doesn't really explain anything about how to actually moment to moment handle a conversation with someone so as to become friends with them. I'm sorry, but there isn't a lot here that would help someone operationalize (think of concrete steps) making friends. Try watching Thomas Smithyman's videos on UA-cam about self disclosure and social curiosity. The one on flirting is pretty good too.
Do you have any advice on how to make friends if you have a dog as a head?
Sniff their butt when meeting. Do this every time. It's a non-negotiable.
@@twopintsofmilk I try but just get arrested
Watch „Daft Punk - Da Funk“
You have to join a flock. In this case, I think your flock is dogs. Give sniffing your neighborhood dogs' asses a try.
Imagine meeting people smh
I thought you said, “become a vegan” rather than “become a beacon.” 😂
I have the opposite problem, everybody I meet wants to be my friend 😢
You must be rich
up to "15 cigarets a day!!!" ahahahahhahaha maybe 40 at least? ahhaha
1:00 - the problem with that intro is some people don't share their name back.
Have lost count of the number of people who, when you introduce yourself DO NOT then tell you their name in some BS power play. 🙄
Hey everyone wanna be friends with me ?😊
I would rather be single than be friends with someone who does improv.
Well and then you get a chronic illness like ME/CFS and friendship after friendship dies off
I had ME for 10 years during the prime years for making friends (11-21), so it's been a real challenge to find and hang onto the small group of friends I've managed to find, although they live in various locations miles away from me, so we rarely see each other, but stay in contact in the virtual sense thanks to the internet.
Having a chronic condition doesn't mean it's all over, but it's a quick way to filter out the ones who are good for you, so the good ones are easier to spot when they eventually come along.
The problem isn't meeting new people and having acquaintances. The problem is getting to know people that are so inspiring that you keep enjoying their company for a long time and it never gets dull or boring. I've never met such a person (except myself lol). So, needless to say i don't have any friends. But i am my own best friends, so it's okay.
Doesn't sound like you're all that "inspiring" to others.
to quote me to a player just two days ago... if you are bored, you're boring.
@@elle-louise-selene I'm never bored when I am by myself...got tons of hobbies and stuff I'm interested in...the people I meet aren't interested in the things I am interested in..and I'm not interested in their things... so maybe i am not inspiring to them as the other dude said...the dullness of each others company must be mutual...it is what it is...🤷🏼♂️
@@nikoniko3483 yup...must be a mutual thing...
@@mr.nobody2244 you know what? I recant. I am alone most of the time and never bored either. I even moved to a foreign country two years ago, and have been some isolated, and I never am bored. But, when presented with some malignant character traits, I can feel a lack of energy to waste by engaging. I guess that counts as bored. Though to add, I do consciously analyze the behaviors to come to understanding, albeit from a distance
Only things i learnt from this video = "friend aren't Pokemon" you can't have as many as you want some friendships are meant to be end
That is so strong, Sam, ❤🙏🏽👏🏽with all I'm dealing with Thank you 🫂
Great to have more content on non sexual relationship charisma. Thank you
make a vid on THE ROCK(WWE SUPERSTAR)
how to make programmers your friends?)) There is no way, a part from working together )
👍👍👍👍
Absolutely love the comment but i would love it even more if the time format of the video would be closer to 9-10 mins
lol, clip from The Wire
Kinda ironic to post this considered the creators split up after having seemingly a friendship everyone would want.
Where'd you hear that
@@dcoy8666 They had a pod. Now just one of them is doing it. They weren't really open about it.
The only place to meet new people is the maternity ward.
0:51 wait a second, no. Co-Workers are not your friends. They points of networking but never your friends since you may elevate in your work place OR they’ll throw you under the bus to get a head. Video finished.
They're you Go Good Ears
@@reycesarcarino4653 Only for them to turn around a let out what is spoken to other ears. No one can be trusted at work.
SSDD
sui
First
8:35 this is staged and Oprah... ugh there is so much dirt she has done, bad example. Otherwise great video
Do the opposite and people will avoid you. Allot better that way
Most of these tips are centred around extroverts. None of them would be suitable for introverts who don't like to hang around with strangers making small talk.
I've been lucky enough to find an extremely small group of friends through experiences where we've spent lots of time together out of necessity, then I've filtered out those who didn't fit into my values.
After 44 years, I've got many very very casual acquaintances who I barely ever see, and barely a handful of close friends, most of whom I also hardly ever see, because we live far away from each other, but the friendship picks up instantly whenever and however we reconnect.