*Timestamps:* 3:23 Emotional numbness and not being able to cry 14:58 Why do I constantly have suicidal thoughts? Whenever something happens my initial thought is always along the lines of "I want to kill myself." 22:16 Why can't I let myself see and accept that I am making progress in therapy? 29:01 I have never been a hugger and tend to go very still, pull back, and do a lot of “bro hugs.” It’s not a personal space issue, though, and I don’t ever feel threatened or uncomfortable in that way. I feel like I don’t want to give away the fact that I might need physical touch. I've internalized the fact that hugs are inappropriate/sexual. 36:28 How to stay calm during a task that makes you anxious 42:45 I’ve been feeling suicidal and extremely down lately however I've been convincing myself that I'm fine. I've also been clean from self-harm for a few months but these thoughts keep coming up. I’m currently in online therapy and have never met my therapist face to face. I’m scared to tell her that I’m feeling suicidal as I know this information has to be passed on to my mum 52:32 Blackout drunk at a party & sex 58:50 Emotional flashbacks: Why do we only have the feeling, but do not have a real memory of the traumatic event? And how can we cope with them? 1:03:14 Is it possible to unconsciously take on the symptoms of a disorder after having made loads of research about it? 1:09:29 Pursuing "perfection" (always being the best, being “thin”, getting good grades, ...) that ends up making me unhappy because it’s never enough 1:17:45 Sometimes when I'm having a good day/ week I feel like I've made up all the attacks, sadness, mood swings etc that come with depression. It makes me want something to trigger me into an episode just so I feel validated about what's going on. 1:23:38 How can we cope with being a slow, introverted, easily overstimulated person in this fast-paced world?
Kati, you have such a calming, reassuring, and honest way of talking through things. You speak things how they are, yet are also so kind and understanding. That's such a good balance and so helpful!
For the person in the Netherlands who was sexually assaulted, I also live in the Netherlands and I found this organization called ‘Blauwe Maan’. They are great, it’s free and you can choose to make an appointment or call or chat if it’s too threatening to talk about it face to face. They are specialized in dealing with sexual abuse and they helped me a great deal ♥️ Hope you’ll read this!
At 46:30 you were getting off on a tangent about narcissism and alcoholic parents and codependency... can you make a whole video about this? Maybe about healing codependency?? I was a single kid in a single mother household and I tried to commit suicide at 16. I have a huge long back story and after the attempt story... but I’d love to watch a video where you really go deep in on this subject. Love you and what you do!!! I’ve been watching since 2013!
I imagine she has already made videos about these topics, did you check her main channel? Or are you asking for a video that encompasses all the topics mentioned above?
As a psychiatrist, I disagree with the statement that those with alcohol use disorder also have narcissistic personality disorder. While it is common to have co-occurring personality disorders (not just NPD) with alcohol use disorder, this does NOT mean that all people who suffer from alcohol use disorder will have a personality disorder. Also, simply because someone has some NPD traits, this does NOT mean that they will have NPD. I love listening to this channel but statements like these can be very damaging and increases the stigma of mental illness. I realize you simply said what a colleague said to you, but Kati, please check your facts before making these statements.
For me when I’m struggling with numbness I try to “draw” what is happening in my brain or honestly just scribble on the paper and then I bring the drawing into my therapist and she analyzes it and it helps uncover emotion that I didn’t even know I was feeling it’s wack!
Hi Kati-- thank you so much for this. I wrote question #4 and was shocked by the idea that physical touch might be one of my love languages, but as I think about it, it really makes sense. You’re right, my family stopped with physical touch when I was around 6 or 7 and now that you mention it, I suddenly remember a LOT of pointed comments from my parents about being too old to hug them and how that was “what boyfriends are for.” That really unlocked a lot of memories, which I’m glad to be able to dig into now. This was wildly helpful-- I appreciate your care and attention. I’ve been watching your videos for a couple of years now and I just want to say that you radiate kindness and you've helped me a lot.
One of the ways I broke my automatic negative thought, mine was "I hate my life" or "my life sucks" I took some time to think about why, and how ridiculous it was that I did that every time something happened, like stubbing my toe....then shortly after I legitimately stubbed my toe by accident, had the automatic thought...and busted out laughing for it. I haven't had as much of an issue with it since
I went 6 1/2 years without crying. After moving states, starting grad school, and discovering a phobia, I broke the streak. I'm trying my best to not see emotional numbness as a goal / ideal, but it's tough when I have such poor stress tolerance. Now when I cry, it feels like a huge tidal wave crashing down. It lasts for HOURS. I'm re-learning how to recognize my emotions, feel them, and accept them without shame. I'll try using a creative outlet.
I’m having a hard time listening to this one today. Making me sad (prob bc I’m experiencing my monthly lady jam). Gotta watch it in pieces. Such good info just a lot to process all the help and resources.
@@kayleighdittemore8352 it is a packed one. I should take notes lol. The speed you go is the right speed. Piece by piece by piece is perfectly fine ;-)
First of all I want to say thank you for all the work you put into your podcasts and videos, I discovered them during the quarantine and they are a huge help! It's like you give all of us another person in our corner fighting for us. Second I just want to say that there is one thing I wish you would consider saying differently...when you yawn you always say, "That's from talking too much" and that sounds like a judging statement to me! (Something I learned from you!!!!) Sure maybe you are talking a lot and that causes you to yawn, but it is definitely not "too much" because honestly for your fans, you know it's never enough :)
I just can't quite get behind the "alcoholics are narcissists" idea. Alcohol is physically addictive, and alcoholism disproportionally affects some minority groups. It's a complicated mixture of historical trauma, personal trauma, and differing abilities to metabolize the substance. People behave selfishly when in the grips of addiction, but i don't think it necessarily says much about their true personality.
Oh. My. God. That statement about alcoholics being narcissists sums up my ex husband. Also, hi, I haven't been watching a lot recently but I used to comment a lot. I've been going through a separation and I'm learning a lot about narcissism
Hey Kati I ran into your videos I was very thankful for being a part of your videos. Your words of guidance and wisdom has helped me realign so that I can focus on a goal and stick to that one goal. You are most certainly a light for me. Thank you!
Spinner rings!!! Theres a whole bunch on amazon. They look cool, they don't look like toys, and they come in different colors and textures. I wear them to work & therapy ALL the time. They work really well
Thank you so much for this Podcast, it has been extremely helpful for me the last few weeks. I can relate to a lot of these questions, and often I don‘t even know I am struggling or asking myself the same thing until I hear you reading the questions out loud.
For the question about rape, about reporting. I just wanted to say that, I don't know if this is possible everywhere, but in my country it's possible to report things even if it's past the statute of limitations, meaning it's too late to take the case to court. I did that, and even though I knew nothing would happen to my perpetrator, it felt good to tell the police, and just to know that he would be notified about it. It was still a way to stand up for myself. Also, if others report him later, then my statement can support their case. And what we know is that people who rape or otherwise sexual assault someone, very very often do it more than once.
I'm just so glad that I found this podcast and that I can listen to so many episodes because, I just found out about it. I found the main channel in 2014/2015, but for a time I didn't really followed it. Makes me realize how important journaling is for me..so back to it. :) greetings from germany♥️
Hello kati just not long come onto this new podcast feels like the days just pass by quickly that its Thursday again no matter what I feel like or what I'm doing I always wait and get as relaxed as I can to watch and listen also you are looking beautiful sence being with your channel and following your podcast s I just can't miss watching these also I am feeling ok but still feel alone inside and out luckily iv had a friend to tell my problems too so that something anyway there loads of new questions this week and I'm here to listen to all the answers you share still wish you was my therapist😊
Goodness I wish I heard Katie’s answer to #7 sooner. Actually waited until I was 18 to get therapy and meds because I thought minors had no confidentiality
The part where it’s like all alcoholics are narcissistic hit me like a ton of bricks and everything to support that statement just back to be in a different light. Like how did I not see those tendencies and wrote them off. Idk what this means for my relationship with the person in mind but I think the best course of action is just leaving. Thank you very much to who ever asked that question and thank you Kati for helping me realise.
I really want to thank you Kati. I'm the one who sent the last question. And yeah, I'm currently pursuing an official adhd and autism diagnosis (but have suspisions from professionals). And I've really been feeling a lot like "Is this going to be my life?" "Do I have to be stressed all the time?". I used to put myself through a lot of stress but my body is not playing along any more. I loved how you explained how we can try to minimize the things that trigger the response of us being overwhelmed instead of like searching the perfect solution. I think I've kind of been feeling like there is just no space for me because there are overwhelming aspects in almost everything, if it's jobs or freetime activities etc., but when approaching it from the angle of ok let's find the main triggers and minimize that, well, the possibility of it working sounds kind of better.
Im exited about this week as it’s my birthday on Saturday and I’m going strawberry picking because it’s a birthday tradition and I’m getting some food from kfc (my favourite fast food) and going to primark to get some super cheep jeans and maybe a new jacket as well as my first Starbucks this year but I’m super exited
@Hamiltrash lol @Natasha I had an amazing day thank you and @Hamiltrash your name is amazing and don’t forget you will have a fully armed battalion arriving soon to remind you that your loved
@@copperrose4376 today my mum actually told me she loved me and I immediately had to think of your sweet reply 😊 No-one has told me something so nice in a really long time, so thank you!
Hamiltrash lol I’m a bit weird when being thanked but your reply made my day so thank you and I’m glad I decided to not use the killing your friends and family version of the comment I hope you have a nice day
Using art worked for me. Drawing out the structure of the body in different positions actually spurred on poems related to the actions of the figures I was drawing. These poems kind of teased out some of my feelings. Also, I would draw random lines and make something out if them. What resulted described a lot of oppression that I have always felt from those feeling the need to control me in my past.
Man I wanted to tear up when she was just talking about “distance.” Like that hit close and I always knew it was true but it hits different when someone else validates your thoughts. I’ve kinda been finding myself lately. Been doing worse but better, wish me luck.
Hi, kati. Well, this week was very hard for me. My emotions were all over the place as usual. I was very angry and emotionally exhausted, now I feel so content as of I'm high. I'm waiting to get an appointment from the psychiatrist in my area.
SOOTHERS!!! I have Body Dysmorphia Disorder and OCD (tendencies) which at times, can cause my relieving outlet to be picking at the skin on my face. It took me a while to find my own soothing tool and maybe this can work for *you* too. I use hand grippers, they came in a pack of two and it’s easy for me to carry around in a pants pocket or bag AND it also helps with carpal tunnel ;)
...well shit....idk what to think about how I feel about physical touch now. I grew up with it in my family, but I've had narcissistic friends/coworkers that would actually use getting in my space as a means of control...now that I've realized how narcissistic my family is...I don't trust physical touch at all 😳
ya! i do cheer and i’ve had an awful coach who would be really rough with us and use touch to control us when we had a mental block or didn’t want to do something.
crimsontuba1 ya it really did boarder line that. i’m getting help though. but ya i totally understand how you feel like being ok with physical touch but having something cause you to not like it anymore. your not alone!
@@kelsieskiles2412 thanks! I appreciate it, glad you're getting help now...I just don't know what to do with this info right now...and the pandemic doesn't make this realization any easier, because now we have another reason not to be touching or hugging other people...
Oh my goodness, I love these ! I'm new to this Kati and I'm not able to keep up with the new updates at the right time . Where would be the best place to ask questions ??
OSDD has 2 possiblities. 1A and 1B. 1A is a Dissociative Disorder with no amesia with less distinct alters. 1B is more distinct alters but also no amnesia.
My pufferfish spines have little happy faces on them lol. I have things going on at home, and one of my coping mechanisms is pretending to be happy, because not long after I start to pretend, I forget why I was pretending and I’m actually happy. I was scared to tell my friend because she’s kind of sensitive a lot of the time and she gets defensive and mad, and I didn’t want her to think I had just been wearing a mask the whole time we were friends because I wasn’t :/ I told her my big secret recently, and she honestly didn’t care. (Not in a bad way of course, as in she doesn’t mind i was using a mask part of the time). It’s not actually me being suicidal or having a mental disorder or anything, it was my sister. I was only in third grade when she attempted suicide, and it kind of scarred me. No one really knows what’s wrong with her, she’s just different ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ she was depressed for a while and it was a complete shock to me when she did it, so I still feel down sometimes but she’s a lot better now. Still don’t know why she’s different, she still has fights occasionally with my mum, but not nearly as bad or as often as before. So yeah thanks for letting me rant haha
I know I'd never make up a mental illness for attention, because I've had a depressive episode that got me attention, and getting that kind of attention is horrible. To this day, my emotions still get weirdly negative whenever a situation reminds me of the time I got attention for a mental illness. I'm going to get tested and possibly treated for trauma sometime, because that kind of lasting emotional reaction definitely isn't normal.
Get out your pens and books (Kati offers a great FUNctional black one). Its an ambush!! J-💣 dropping all over the place💥!! And we are still on Q#1 lol!!! I love the analogy of getting in a house a different way. It reminds me to seek out other ways to make it easier to let my therapist in 🤔😀
S M hello glad you are here hope your good and things are good I like your comment not been on the podcast long just watching now so meny new interesting questions this week and I'm listening to all the answers this is honestly my best part of my day and my week 🙂
@@SusieQ78 yes a lot of questions today I usually post a question on Hope's it will get seen and thumbs up sadly sence my question s didn't get chosen I stopped posting but I always watch and listen because just being here helps with my depression good to talk with you thanks for replying
@@nikkimckay860 I typically don't post questions here as I am able to ask them in Patreon. But I try to get the chance to go through and hit "like" on others that have gone through my head at some point lol. But if you have a question that isn't pertaining to the others, keep trying to post it. Sometimes she pulls other questions because they are different and interesting to her ;-)
It's so weird, when you said it's 4:25 where you are (I'm assuming LA), I just looked at my clock and it's 7:25 here! (I'm on the East coast). I was saying to myself "She's right, only she filmed this days ago!"
In reference to question 6 I was wondering if the narcissistic personality disorder of an addict changes when the person gets clean or if it can go away? asking because i am a recovering addict my last use was Feb 16 2007. thanks
I had this thought as well. I wonder if it is true narcissistic personality disorder, or if the adiction causes NPD like symptoms. Would they go away once the addiction is addressed??? Maybe it's kinda like some medications can cause a person to display symptoms of a disorder but as soon as the medication is withdrawn the symptoms disappear.
@@suzannep I don't think it's NPD. Addictions are selfish and are used to unhealthily cope and soothe. If the addiction is addressed, including the root of the issue that caused the addiction in the first place, the selfishness and NPD-like symptoms shouldn't be there still. A lot of recovered addicts act like almost completely different people when they've been sober/ "clean" for a while.
What do you do when--- A Family member dies. You were close. You feel sad but somehow, you can't seem to cry. This makes you feel guilty on top of sad. You go to the funeral. Again, you feel sad, probably horrible, but still no tears. Now, you feel sad, guilty for no tears and also now--anxiety & shame--that others at the funeral will see you not crying. You *do* care. You were close. You are sad, and the only explanation you can think of is: "(name of person) is just one more meaningful thing (in this case a person) that Life or "the Universe" has taken away from you. It's like you are a sponge that has been crushed and already wrung-out. You fear that "Life" has already taken your tears but it bothers you terribly that no one SEE's you crying. You're afraid people will think you dont care enough. You feel awful that more tears wont come. Any advice?
God I haven’t thought about that commercial in years. It was so annoying. “Head On - Apply directly to the forehead” “Head On - Apply directly to the forehead” “Head On - Apply directly to the forehead” I edited to fix my typo and it made me lose my like. Bummer.
Hi, it would be also helpful to hear how to cope with numbness when it comes to expressing joyful feelings. I had many years lot of painful feelings (envy and not accepting myself) and then consequently I had a burn out and lost ability to physically smile. With medication and therapy it has got better but there is still a block and it is difficult to express any joyful feelings and smile and to be authentic when being with people. Could you maybe talk about this and what could one practically do to become free from that?
Hi Kati, I wanted to ask that why is it that sometimes feeling loved by others and affection can make us feel really angry at being loved and angry at the person for caring about us?
I LOVED your response to #7 in every single way. F*%K that guy. Throat punch. So many throat punches. You made me laugh. So personal for me and helpful. Thank you.
I have a question, so you know how you were saying that people who are alcoholics and drug addicts are narcissists and I know that eating disorders are very similar to addictions like that dose that mean that people with eating disorders are also narcissists? I have an eating disorder and I don’t think I’m a narcissists???? Sorry if this is a dumb question
that’s the same thing i was thinking, i’m not sure though. i also have an ed in a way they are the same. i don’t feel like a narcissist though. i really care about other people and definitely don’t like or priorities my self.
Suzanne P ya it if it’s true it does make me feel really bad tho. like it’s hard enough that i’m hurting my self i don’t want to hurt anyone else on top of that yk?
I wish the numbness hadn't yote some good emotions through the window along with the bad ones. I think I'd be completely satisfied with my situation if I'd kept my good emotions and been numbed to some of my bad ones.
Your colleague's assertion may be correct for some alcoholics. All of my alcoholic behavior was with my husband. I drank probably only twice without him. My ED behavior was similar once I was married. I'm not saying the insight is incorrect, but it may not fit everyone.
Okay, this one may be a little weird, I think in my head as me as human mixed with a tiger, so I function like a human, and I look like both ( how i feel). I don't know what this is, but I don't feel like a female or male. I feel like both or none. I am confused. I have looked everywhere to get information, but I couldn't, and I like fictional characters, not humans. idk why. Can you help me plz 🙏
Im here because thats a very strange way to word, "guy had sex with me" instead of "I had sex with a guy." Guys dont have sex with you, you have sex with others, because you refer to YOU in your life. If a guy had raped you then you would say that. I feel that women who make this blurry line surrounding whats happening to them (victim) vs what they have gotten themselves into will likely suffer and are not being honest with themselves. Also a therapist who says throat punch and fuck and dirtbag and " rip that guys head off" isnt professional and needs some therapy of her own. Yes that sucks but it takes two and he is probably acting like a teenager not a man. Its common and she regrets getting drunk after flitting with him im sure and getting into that situation. Girls need to take responsibility too.
You can't "have sex with a guy" if you are UNCONSCIOUS! That's literally just rape. If I saw someone blackout drunk, I wouldn't sleep with them, because being a non rapist is very very easy.
Difficult subject. If she was drunk to an unconscious state, you would hope a man would not pursue her in that state. However drunk men do not make great decisions themselves, not any better than drunk women. We do not have all the details surrounding what states the two people were in. If she was drunk but still able to function (walking and talking) then she might have contributed to the sexual encounter happening by her impaired decision making. Once she wakes up sober she regrets the encounter but that does not necessarily means she did not willingly engage at some point the night before. We have incomplete information. the man's questionable expectation that she "owed" him one does not imply he originally raped her. To avoid this situation it is best to take personal responsibility for the act of getting drunk. the uncertainty that happens when we drink and get drunk enables all sort of bad outcomes based on bad decisions making in generally unhealthy environments. We willingly choose to impair our cognition and decision making capacity when we consume alcohol. If a person willingly impairs themselves to such a state they cannot navigate away from threats that would normally be easily avoidable then they may foreclose on the opportunity to easily and readily blame other actors who attain their goals through the perceived yet impaired cooperation of the drunk person. The other person is not necessarily malicious, even if they took advantage of a weakness, also they might be impaired themselves, hyperfocused on their goals and ignorant of the potential harm their efforts to reach their goals may be causing the other pyschologically once sober. The world is a competitive fight in many ways, for resources l, sexual opportunities, etc. weakening ones capacity in a competitive or life or death environment is ill advised and one should not be surprised when unpreferable outcomes befall them when they are impaired. Others have been trained to pursue their goals assertively, relentlessly and they may not be trained to temper their pursuit to accommodate the weakness of the other participants. Esp in a fun consensual drinking environment where the fun and attraction grows naturally, smoothly as the night progresses and the drinks are consumed. A man, esp a drunken man may feel he has implicit consent after a night of drinking and flirting with an obviously interested woman. Because he is becoming impair at a similar rate, he may not notice he impairment as being a moral issue, they are essentially impairing themselves together having fun, they are in this together. We do not have the complete story from both perspectives nor a third person objective view of the night. I think condemning the man as a rapist, commenting how you want to do violence and your other comments were not professional, or rational. It is good to empathize with the person who wrote you, but not potentially at the expense of the full truth, which none of us, even the writer (because she is but one person, and was drunk) fully knows.
"This video is marked by UA-cam as NOT ADVERTISER FRIENDLY due to the "sensitive nature" (their words not mine) of our mental health questions and answers. This means it is not eligible to earn ad revenue." This is ridiculous!!
What happens next to a minor when they tell their therapist about their parent/guardian's negative behavior? I mean what if the parent/caretaker don't want the minor anymore? What if the abuse gets worse? Just curious. I wanna learn more. Edit: Also, what if the parent/guardian (for lack of better words) would let their child flee from home and let them be on their own? Palayason in Cebuano. Layas being the root word.
I really think this would be a good question to try to ask for the next ask Kati eppisod. I hope you will be able to see her post on Monday under the community tab and try asking it.
Hm. Some people say you can't make anyone feel anything and if you feel hurt or offended, that's you choosing to feel that way. But you mentioned you can hurt someone's feelings. So you can make people feel something? Seems like conflicting ideas.
Kati, I actually found it really upsetting to hear your comments and viewpoints of alcoholism and narcissistic personality disorder. As a person in recovery, it really sounded like you were villainizing addicts. While yes, alcoholism is largely fueled by selfishness, but you very much made it sound like a choice. There is a psychic change in an alcoholic when they drink or use. I know personally, I was riddled with guilt the entire time I was using. There wasn’t a lack of empathy like NPD suggests. While there can be some crossover, making a blanket statement like all alcoholics have narcissistic personality disorder is careless. Additionally, in the DSM, it states for NPD, that the personality issues aren’t cause by substance use. I’m extremely hurt and disappointed by your take on this situation.
*Timestamps:*
3:23 Emotional numbness and not being able to cry
14:58 Why do I constantly have suicidal thoughts? Whenever something happens my initial thought is always along the lines of "I want to kill myself."
22:16 Why can't I let myself see and accept that I am making progress in therapy?
29:01 I have never been a hugger and tend to go very still, pull back, and do a lot of “bro hugs.” It’s not a personal space issue, though, and I don’t ever feel threatened or uncomfortable in that way. I feel like I don’t want to give away the fact that I might need physical touch. I've internalized the fact that hugs are inappropriate/sexual.
36:28 How to stay calm during a task that makes you anxious
42:45 I’ve been feeling suicidal and extremely down lately however I've been convincing myself that I'm fine. I've also been clean from self-harm for a few months but these thoughts keep coming up. I’m currently in online therapy and have never met my therapist face to face. I’m scared to tell her that I’m feeling suicidal as I know this information has to be passed on to my mum
52:32 Blackout drunk at a party & sex
58:50 Emotional flashbacks: Why do we only have the feeling, but do not have a real memory of the traumatic event? And how can we cope with them?
1:03:14 Is it possible to unconsciously take on the symptoms of a disorder after having made loads of research about it?
1:09:29 Pursuing "perfection" (always being the best, being “thin”, getting good grades, ...) that ends up making me unhappy because it’s never enough
1:17:45 Sometimes when I'm having a good day/ week I feel like I've made up all the attacks, sadness, mood swings etc that come with depression. It makes me want something to trigger me into an episode just so I feel validated about what's going on.
1:23:38 How can we cope with being a slow, introverted, easily overstimulated person in this fast-paced world?
Nisa thank you for all the questions time stamp
Thank you!
Kati, you have such a calming, reassuring, and honest way of talking through things. You speak things how they are, yet are also so kind and understanding. That's such a good balance and so helpful!
For the person in the Netherlands who was sexually assaulted, I also live in the Netherlands and I found this organization called ‘Blauwe Maan’. They are great, it’s free and you can choose to make an appointment or call or chat if it’s too threatening to talk about it face to face. They are specialized in dealing with sexual abuse and they helped me a great deal ♥️ Hope you’ll read this!
At 46:30 you were getting off on a tangent about narcissism and alcoholic parents and codependency... can you make a whole video about this? Maybe about healing codependency?? I was a single kid in a single mother household and I tried to commit suicide at 16. I have a huge long back story and after the attempt story... but I’d love to watch a video where you really go deep in on this subject. Love you and what you do!!! I’ve been watching since 2013!
I imagine she has already made videos about these topics, did you check her main channel? Or are you asking for a video that encompasses all the topics mentioned above?
As a psychiatrist, I disagree with the statement that those with alcohol use disorder also have narcissistic personality disorder. While it is common to have co-occurring personality disorders (not just NPD) with alcohol use disorder, this does NOT mean that all people who suffer from alcohol use disorder will have a personality disorder. Also, simply because someone has some NPD traits, this does NOT mean that they will have NPD.
I love listening to this channel but statements like these can be very damaging and increases the stigma of mental illness. I realize you simply said what a colleague said to you, but Kati, please check your facts before making these statements.
For me when I’m struggling with numbness I try to “draw” what is happening in my brain or honestly just scribble on the paper and then I bring the drawing into my therapist and she analyzes it and it helps uncover emotion that I didn’t even know I was feeling it’s wack!
Hi Kati-- thank you so much for this. I wrote question #4 and was shocked by the idea that physical touch might be one of my love languages, but as I think about it, it really makes sense. You’re right, my family stopped with physical touch when I was around 6 or 7 and now that you mention it, I suddenly remember a LOT of pointed comments from my parents about being too old to hug them and how that was “what boyfriends are for.” That really unlocked a lot of memories, which I’m glad to be able to dig into now. This was wildly helpful-- I appreciate your care and attention. I’ve been watching your videos for a couple of years now and I just want to say that you radiate kindness and you've helped me a lot.
One of the ways I broke my automatic negative thought, mine was "I hate my life" or "my life sucks"
I took some time to think about why, and how ridiculous it was that I did that every time something happened, like stubbing my toe....then shortly after I legitimately stubbed my toe by accident, had the automatic thought...and busted out laughing for it. I haven't had as much of an issue with it since
I went 6 1/2 years without crying. After moving states, starting grad school, and discovering a phobia, I broke the streak. I'm trying my best to not see emotional numbness as a goal / ideal, but it's tough when I have such poor stress tolerance. Now when I cry, it feels like a huge tidal wave crashing down. It lasts for HOURS. I'm re-learning how to recognize my emotions, feel them, and accept them without shame. I'll try using a creative outlet.
I got “old man” emotions and I love it. It’s carefree, solemn and logical and a finger up yours vibe but in a peaceful and quiet way.
I’m having a hard time listening to this one today. Making me sad (prob bc I’m experiencing my monthly lady jam). Gotta watch it in pieces. Such good info just a lot to process all the help and resources.
Just get your book and pin out ;-) Btw, never heard it called "lady jam". That made me laugh :)
S M I always take notes during these podcasts! Just some questions were a little too triggering to handle all at once ;) haha glad I made you giggle
@@kayleighdittemore8352 it is a packed one. I should take notes lol. The speed you go is the right speed. Piece by piece by piece is perfectly fine ;-)
Sorry but the “lady jam” made me laugh
Hi Kati
I had a bad today, thank you for uploading this early.
Negative thought : *comes*
Me: im not engaging
Negative thought: then why did you say something?
Me : im dis-engaging
😄
is this a Dr. Holly dance mom's reference? because that's what I immediately thought of 😂
@@tiff8969 yess😂😂
First of all I want to say thank you for all the work you put into your podcasts and videos, I discovered them during the quarantine and they are a huge help! It's like you give all of us another person in our corner fighting for us. Second I just want to say that there is one thing I wish you would consider saying differently...when you yawn you always say, "That's from talking too much" and that sounds like a judging statement to me! (Something I learned from you!!!!) Sure maybe you are talking a lot and that causes you to yawn, but it is definitely not "too much" because honestly for your fans, you know it's never enough :)
I just can't quite get behind the "alcoholics are narcissists" idea. Alcohol is physically addictive, and alcoholism disproportionally affects some minority groups. It's a complicated mixture of historical trauma, personal trauma, and differing abilities to metabolize the substance. People behave selfishly when in the grips of addiction, but i don't think it necessarily says much about their true personality.
Oh. My. God.
That statement about alcoholics being narcissists sums up my ex husband.
Also, hi, I haven't been watching a lot recently but I used to comment a lot. I've been going through a separation and I'm learning a lot about narcissism
Hey Kati I ran into your videos I was very thankful for being a part of your videos. Your words of guidance and wisdom has helped me realign so that I can focus on a goal and stick to that one goal. You are most certainly a light for me. Thank you!
Love you Kati!! Also, love the fact that C-3PO is in the background!!
12 really great questions and 12 great answers.
Spinner rings!!! Theres a whole bunch on amazon. They look cool, they don't look like toys, and they come in different colors and textures. I wear them to work & therapy ALL the time. They work really well
Kati, you’re so gd endearing. I’ve never found you annoying and I (1) am easily annoyed and (2) have been watching your vids for years
Thank you so much for this Podcast, it has been extremely helpful for me the last few weeks. I can relate to a lot of these questions, and often I don‘t even know I am struggling or asking myself the same thing until I hear you reading the questions out loud.
Love it Kati as always 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜
For the question about rape, about reporting. I just wanted to say that, I don't know if this is possible everywhere, but in my country it's possible to report things even if it's past the statute of limitations, meaning it's too late to take the case to court. I did that, and even though I knew nothing would happen to my perpetrator, it felt good to tell the police, and just to know that he would be notified about it. It was still a way to stand up for myself. Also, if others report him later, then my statement can support their case. And what we know is that people who rape or otherwise sexual assault someone, very very often do it more than once.
This comment is helpful, up louder ❤️✌️
I'm just so glad that I found this podcast and that I can listen to so many episodes because, I just found out about it.
I found the main channel in 2014/2015, but for a time I didn't really followed it. Makes me realize how important journaling is for me..so back to it. :) greetings from germany♥️
Hello kati just not long come onto this new podcast feels like the days just pass by quickly that its Thursday again no matter what I feel like or what I'm doing I always wait and get as relaxed as I can to watch and listen also you are looking beautiful sence being with your channel and following your podcast s I just can't miss watching these also I am feeling ok but still feel alone inside and out luckily iv had a friend to tell my problems too so that something anyway there loads of new questions this week and I'm here to listen to all the answers you share still wish you was my therapist😊
Thank you for answering my questions.
Sooo excited to listen 🥰
Looking forward to another podcast! 💜
Wow that's a lot of subjects I could have written... Thank you 🙏 I will listen to it when I'm in a better state of mind :) 👋 from France all!
Forgot today was Thursday, what a pleasant surprise!
fav part of the week! 💘💘
Goodness I wish I heard Katie’s answer to #7 sooner. Actually waited until I was 18 to get therapy and meds because I thought minors had no confidentiality
The part where it’s like all alcoholics are narcissistic hit me like a ton of bricks and everything to support that statement just back to be in a different light. Like how did I not see those tendencies and wrote them off. Idk what this means for my relationship with the person in mind but I think the best course of action is just leaving. Thank you very much to who ever asked that question and thank you Kati for helping me realise.
Excellent advice.thank you so much !
Love this 💛
Love you so much 💜💜💜
I really want to thank you Kati. I'm the one who sent the last question. And yeah, I'm currently pursuing an official adhd and autism diagnosis (but have suspisions from professionals). And I've really been feeling a lot like "Is this going to be my life?" "Do I have to be stressed all the time?". I used to put myself through a lot of stress but my body is not playing along any more. I loved how you explained how we can try to minimize the things that trigger the response of us being overwhelmed instead of like searching the perfect solution. I think I've kind of been feeling like there is just no space for me because there are overwhelming aspects in almost everything, if it's jobs or freetime activities etc., but when approaching it from the angle of ok let's find the main triggers and minimize that, well, the possibility of it working sounds kind of better.
Im exited about this week as it’s my birthday on Saturday and I’m going strawberry picking because it’s a birthday tradition and I’m getting some food from kfc (my favourite fast food) and going to primark to get some super cheep jeans and maybe a new jacket as well as my first Starbucks this year but I’m super exited
Happy birthday! I hope you have a fabulous day.
Happy Birthday! Hope you have a great time 😊
@Hamiltrash lol @Natasha I had an amazing day thank you and @Hamiltrash your name is amazing and don’t forget you will have a fully armed battalion arriving soon to remind you that your loved
@@copperrose4376 today my mum actually told me she loved me and I immediately had to think of your sweet reply 😊
No-one has told me something so nice in a really long time, so thank you!
Hamiltrash lol I’m a bit weird when being thanked but your reply made my day so thank you and I’m glad I decided to not use the killing your friends and family version of the comment I hope you have a nice day
Using art worked for me. Drawing out the structure of the body in different positions actually spurred on poems related to the actions of the figures I was drawing. These poems kind of teased out some of my feelings. Also, I would draw random lines and make something out if them. What resulted described a lot of oppression that I have always felt from those feeling the need to control me in my past.
Good morning katie 🌞
You have a perfect radio voice
Man I wanted to tear up when she was just talking about “distance.” Like that hit close and I always knew it was true but it hits different when someone else validates your thoughts. I’ve kinda been finding myself lately. Been doing worse but better, wish me luck.
Hi, kati. Well, this week was very hard for me. My emotions were all over the place as usual. I was very angry and emotionally exhausted, now I feel so content as of I'm high. I'm waiting to get an appointment from the psychiatrist in my area.
1st. So glad you got to collab with one of my favourite role models, Lewis Howes.
Love the intro
Pete Walker's books are an excellent resource for those suffering from Emotional Flashbacks, particularly Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving.
SOOTHERS!!!
I have Body Dysmorphia Disorder and OCD (tendencies) which at times, can cause my relieving outlet to be picking at the skin on my face. It took me a while to find my own soothing tool and maybe this can work for *you* too. I use hand grippers, they came in a pack of two and it’s easy for me to carry around in a pants pocket or bag AND it also helps with carpal tunnel ;)
SUP MY DUDES HAPPY THURSDAY!!!!!❤️
PLEASE DONT SCREAM AT ME, BUT HAPPY THURSDAY TO YOU TOO! ❤️
WHY ARE WE ALL SCREAMING LOL
I DONT KNOOOOOW!
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
I CAN SCREAM LOUDER! LOL
...well shit....idk what to think about how I feel about physical touch now. I grew up with it in my family, but I've had narcissistic friends/coworkers that would actually use getting in my space as a means of control...now that I've realized how narcissistic my family is...I don't trust physical touch at all 😳
ya! i do cheer and i’ve had an awful coach who would be really rough with us and use touch to control us when we had a mental block or didn’t want to do something.
@@kelsieskiles2412 that coach is a piece of trash, and if I were to witness it, I'd be obligated to call the hotline for child abuse
crimsontuba1 ya it really did boarder line that. i’m getting help though. but ya i totally understand how you feel like being ok with physical touch but having something cause you to not like it anymore. your not alone!
@@kelsieskiles2412 thanks! I appreciate it, glad you're getting help now...I just don't know what to do with this info right now...and the pandemic doesn't make this realization any easier, because now we have another reason not to be touching or hugging other people...
No. No I dont do that with my coffee...coffee time is sacred quiet morning time.
No coffee past noon will give one a more restful night's sleep.
I hate my life is like this- that I have to work hard on myself because of how messed up I am and how I affect loved ones.
Oh my goodness, I love these ! I'm new to this Kati and I'm not able to keep up with the new updates at the right time . Where would be the best place to ask questions ??
@ 30 minutes in: I love hugs too, Kati. 🥰
Nice and early!! Ah so excited 😆
OSDD has 2 possiblities. 1A and 1B. 1A is a Dissociative Disorder with no amesia with less distinct alters. 1B is more distinct alters but also no amnesia.
Not crying? My guess would be: 1. Getting distracted 2. Blocked by anxiety and worries 3. Wanting to cry too much, which makes me lose focus
Just found your channel I can relate with 1 and 12
My pufferfish spines have little happy faces on them lol. I have things going on at home, and one of my coping mechanisms is pretending to be happy, because not long after I start to pretend, I forget why I was pretending and I’m actually happy. I was scared to tell my friend because she’s kind of sensitive a lot of the time and she gets defensive and mad, and I didn’t want her to think I had just been wearing a mask the whole time we were friends because I wasn’t :/
I told her my big secret recently, and she honestly didn’t care. (Not in a bad way of course, as in she doesn’t mind i was using a mask part of the time). It’s not actually me being suicidal or having a mental disorder or anything, it was my sister. I was only in third grade when she attempted suicide, and it kind of scarred me. No one really knows what’s wrong with her, she’s just different ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ she was depressed for a while and it was a complete shock to me when she did it, so I still feel down sometimes but she’s a lot better now. Still don’t know why she’s different, she still has fights occasionally with my mum, but not nearly as bad or as often as before. So yeah thanks for letting me rant haha
I know I'd never make up a mental illness for attention, because I've had a depressive episode that got me attention, and getting that kind of attention is horrible. To this day, my emotions still get weirdly negative whenever a situation reminds me of the time I got attention for a mental illness. I'm going to get tested and possibly treated for trauma sometime, because that kind of lasting emotional reaction definitely isn't normal.
Get out your pens and books (Kati offers a great FUNctional black one). Its an ambush!! J-💣 dropping all over the place💥!! And we are still on Q#1 lol!!! I love the analogy of getting in a house a different way. It reminds me to seek out other ways to make it easier to let my therapist in 🤔😀
S M hello glad you are here hope your good and things are good I like your comment not been on the podcast long just watching now so meny new interesting questions this week and I'm listening to all the answers this is honestly my best part of my day and my week 🙂
@@nikkimckay860 it really is a good one! So many good questions asked this round! Hope you are doing well!
@@SusieQ78 yes a lot of questions today I usually post a question on Hope's it will get seen and thumbs up sadly sence my question s didn't get chosen I stopped posting but I always watch and listen because just being here helps with my depression good to talk with you thanks for replying
@@nikkimckay860 I typically don't post questions here as I am able to ask them in Patreon. But I try to get the chance to go through and hit "like" on others that have gone through my head at some point lol. But if you have a question that isn't pertaining to the others, keep trying to post it. Sometimes she pulls other questions because they are different and interesting to her ;-)
Does anyone know if one can have emotional flashbacks from little T traumas as well?
yep you can
It's so weird, when you said it's 4:25 where you are (I'm assuming LA), I just looked at my clock and it's 7:25 here! (I'm on the East coast). I was saying to myself "She's right, only she filmed this days ago!"
In reference to question 6 I was wondering if the narcissistic personality disorder of an addict changes when the person gets clean or if it can go away? asking because i am a recovering addict my last use was Feb 16 2007. thanks
I had this thought as well. I wonder if it is true narcissistic personality disorder, or if the adiction causes NPD like symptoms. Would they go away once the addiction is addressed???
Maybe it's kinda like some medications can cause a person to display symptoms of a disorder but as soon as the medication is withdrawn the symptoms disappear.
@@suzannep I don't think it's NPD. Addictions are selfish and are used to unhealthily cope and soothe. If the addiction is addressed, including the root of the issue that caused the addiction in the first place, the selfishness and NPD-like symptoms shouldn't be there still. A lot of recovered addicts act like almost completely different people when they've been sober/ "clean" for a while.
What do you do when---
A Family member dies. You were close. You feel sad but somehow, you can't seem to cry. This makes you feel guilty on top of sad. You go to the funeral. Again, you feel sad, probably horrible, but still no tears. Now, you feel sad, guilty for no tears and also now--anxiety & shame--that others at the funeral will see you not crying.
You *do* care. You were close. You are sad, and the only explanation you can think of is: "(name of person) is just one more meaningful thing (in this case a person) that Life or "the Universe" has taken away from you. It's like you are a sponge that has been crushed and already wrung-out. You fear that "Life" has already taken your tears but it bothers you terribly that no one SEE's you crying. You're afraid people will think you dont care enough. You feel awful that more tears wont come. Any advice?
God I haven’t thought about that commercial in years. It was so annoying.
“Head On - Apply directly to the forehead”
“Head On - Apply directly to the forehead”
“Head On - Apply directly to the forehead”
I edited to fix my typo and it made me lose my like. Bummer.
😂 those commercials were so annoying. The originals also didn't give any information about the product itself
crimsontuba1 and they’d play them three times in a row so you’d have to hear that line 9 times! 🤦♀️
@@ashley-8612 OMG, YES! Didn't they get sued for their commercials?
crimsontuba1 I hadn’t heard that! Was it over the legal limit of irritating? 😂
@@ashley-8612 I think they were sued for misleading advertisement
What if I don't have an inner monologue? I really seem to not have it...
Hi, it would be also helpful to hear how to cope with numbness when it comes to expressing joyful feelings. I had many years lot of painful feelings (envy and not accepting myself) and then consequently I had a burn out and lost ability to physically smile. With medication and therapy it has got better but there is still a block and it is difficult to express any joyful feelings and smile and to be authentic when being with people. Could you maybe talk about this and what could one practically do to become free from that?
Hi Kati, I wanted to ask that why is it that sometimes feeling loved by others and affection can make us feel really angry at being loved and angry at the person for caring about us?
I LOVED your response to #7 in every single way. F*%K that guy. Throat punch. So many throat punches. You made me laugh. So personal for me and helpful. Thank you.
I live in Washington, DC. We get helicopters flying over all the time. More recently I find the sounds a little scary!
I have a question, so you know how you were saying that people who are alcoholics and drug addicts are narcissists and I know that eating disorders are very similar to addictions like that dose that mean that people with eating disorders are also narcissists? I have an eating disorder and I don’t think I’m a narcissists???? Sorry if this is a dumb question
that’s the same thing i was thinking, i’m not sure though. i also have an ed in a way they are the same. i don’t feel like a narcissist though. i really care about other people and definitely don’t like or priorities my self.
Kelsie Skiles DUDE SAME!!!!!
I have addictions to some things (not drugs or alcohol) and I was wondering this too. I wonder if the types of addictions makes a difference.
Suzanne P ya it if it’s true it does make me feel really bad tho. like it’s hard enough that i’m hurting my self i don’t want to hurt anyone else on top of that yk?
Kelsie Skiles totally!!
I wish the numbness hadn't yote some good emotions through the window along with the bad ones. I think I'd be completely satisfied with my situation if I'd kept my good emotions and been numbed to some of my bad ones.
I think you could say CBT type therapy or something similar to avoid redundance.
For intrusive thoughts like suicide, each time you have one of those thoughts, play some new music. It really works!
17:36
Who says screen grab anymore Katie?
You have to sort by "Top Comments"
Kati Is there a way to ask you a question anonymously? I don’t want all of UA-cam to know what my issues are.
Your colleague's assertion may be correct for some alcoholics. All of my alcoholic behavior was with my husband. I drank probably only twice without him. My ED behavior was similar once I was married. I'm not saying the insight is incorrect, but it may not fit everyone.
Okay, this one may be a little weird, I think in my head as me as human mixed with a tiger, so I function like a human, and I look like both ( how i feel). I don't know what this is, but I don't feel like a female or male. I feel like both or none. I am confused. I have looked everywhere to get information, but I couldn't, and I like fictional characters, not humans. idk why. Can you help me plz 🙏
1:28:53 But mom! You don't have to explain me how should i talk to them, i can figure it out on my own!
... oh, flashbacks. haha.
Im here because thats a very strange way to word, "guy had sex with me" instead of "I had sex with a guy." Guys dont have sex with you, you have sex with others, because you refer to YOU in your life. If a guy had raped you then you would say that. I feel that women who make this blurry line surrounding whats happening to them (victim) vs what they have gotten themselves into will likely suffer and are not being honest with themselves. Also a therapist who says throat punch and fuck and dirtbag and " rip that guys head off" isnt professional and needs some therapy of her own. Yes that sucks but it takes two and he is probably acting like a teenager not a man. Its common and she regrets getting drunk after flitting with him im sure and getting into that situation. Girls need to take responsibility too.
You can't "have sex with a guy" if you are UNCONSCIOUS! That's literally just rape. If I saw someone blackout drunk, I wouldn't sleep with them, because being a non rapist is very very easy.
Difficult subject. If she was drunk to an unconscious state, you would hope a man would not pursue her in that state. However drunk men do not make great decisions themselves, not any better than drunk women. We do not have all the details surrounding what states the two people were in.
If she was drunk but still able to function (walking and talking) then she might have contributed to the sexual encounter happening by her impaired decision making. Once she wakes up sober she regrets the encounter but that does not necessarily means she did not willingly engage at some point the night before. We have incomplete information. the man's questionable expectation that she "owed" him one does not imply he originally raped her.
To avoid this situation it is best to take personal responsibility for the act of getting drunk. the uncertainty that happens when we drink and get drunk enables all sort of bad outcomes based on bad decisions making in generally unhealthy environments. We willingly choose to impair our cognition and decision making capacity when we consume alcohol. If a person willingly impairs themselves to such a state they cannot navigate away from threats that would normally be easily avoidable then they may foreclose on the opportunity to easily and readily blame other actors who attain their goals through the perceived yet impaired cooperation of the drunk person. The other person is not necessarily malicious, even if they took advantage of a weakness, also they might be impaired themselves, hyperfocused on their goals and ignorant of the potential harm their efforts to reach their goals may be causing the other pyschologically once sober.
The world is a competitive fight in many ways, for resources l, sexual opportunities, etc. weakening ones capacity in a competitive or life or death environment is ill advised and one should not be surprised when unpreferable outcomes befall them when they are impaired.
Others have been trained to pursue their goals assertively, relentlessly and they may not be trained to temper their pursuit to accommodate the weakness of the other participants. Esp in a fun consensual drinking environment where the fun and attraction grows naturally, smoothly as the night progresses and the drinks are consumed. A man, esp a drunken man may feel he has implicit consent after a night of drinking and flirting with an obviously interested woman. Because he is becoming impair at a similar rate, he may not notice he impairment as being a moral issue, they are essentially impairing themselves together having fun, they are in this together. We do not have the complete story from both perspectives nor a third person objective view of the night. I think condemning the man as a rapist, commenting how you want to do violence and your other comments were not professional, or rational. It is good to empathize with the person who wrote you, but not potentially at the expense of the full truth, which none of us, even the writer (because she is but one person, and was drunk) fully knows.
"This video is marked by UA-cam as NOT ADVERTISER FRIENDLY due to the "sensitive nature" (their words not mine) of our mental health questions and answers. This means it is not eligible to earn ad revenue." This is ridiculous!!
What happens next to a minor when they tell their therapist about their parent/guardian's negative behavior? I mean what if the parent/caretaker don't want the minor anymore? What if the abuse gets worse? Just curious. I wanna learn more.
Edit: Also, what if the parent/guardian (for lack of better words) would let their child flee from home and let them be on their own? Palayason in Cebuano. Layas being the root word.
I really think this would be a good question to try to ask for the next ask Kati eppisod. I hope you will be able to see her post on Monday under the community tab and try asking it.
ya i wonder that too i’ll be sure to like your comment if you leave it.
@@suzannep hello. Thank you for guiding me on where to post this question. It's really helpful.
@@kelsieskiles2412 thank you for encouraging me to post it!
55:15, video proof for court?
Alcoholics Anonymous should be a last resort. There are medication assisted methods of getting off alcohol that are significantly more effective.
#checkthefacts!!!
You definitely like to hug🤣.
😮
I have a question. Why are religious people happier and usually never need therapy? Why do they never become clinically depressed?
Hm. Some people say you can't make anyone feel anything and if you feel hurt or offended, that's you choosing to feel that way. But you mentioned you can hurt someone's feelings. So you can make people feel something? Seems like conflicting ideas.
Is that Oscar real?
Kati, I actually found it really upsetting to hear your comments and viewpoints of alcoholism and narcissistic personality disorder. As a person in recovery, it really sounded like you were villainizing addicts. While yes, alcoholism is largely fueled by selfishness, but you very much made it sound like a choice. There is a psychic change in an alcoholic when they drink or use. I know personally, I was riddled with guilt the entire time I was using. There wasn’t a lack of empathy like NPD suggests. While there can be some crossover, making a blanket statement like all alcoholics have narcissistic personality disorder is careless. Additionally, in the DSM, it states for NPD, that the personality issues aren’t cause by substance use. I’m extremely hurt and disappointed by your take on this situation.
Lot of swearing?ok in the bedroom but on the you tube.maybe I'm old fashioned .