Maybe you could write a pen to paper letter to Andrew instead of texting. Place it in an envelope ,date it and then place in a drawer. Then after some time (a month,6 months or even a year) you can open and see if you still feel the same. It’s a good way to get the feelings out,work through them and document them and later on depending on how things go and what you share sun the notes you could share the letters with Andrew as well.
I can't recommended this enough. It's a way to express all the stuff that's eating at you - minus the shame, embarrassment, and sometimes even the crossing of boundaries that may come when you send out a barrage of texts you know you probably shouldn't. A letter can always be shared later and, in some cases, it may even be appreciated as a more thoughtful medium. Write them with the intent of giving them to the person you're addressing. Maybe you'll end up giving it to them, or maybe not. Either way, you said what you felt you needed to and this way you have a chance to reevaluate if necessary. It's one of the healthiest coping methods I've developed for dealing with codependent relationships and general impulsivity.
Setbacks are a TOTALLY normal part of self-improvement - don't be hard on yourself. Mistakes don't discount all the successes you've accomplished! You'll figure this out. Sending healing vibes ✨️
I'm so sorry Cindy, as a therapist it's very frustrating to see how this colleague behaved. What you feel is completely valid, the most important thing in therapy is that you feel comfortable in that space, I hope your next experience is better, we love you 💕
With zero excuse too. It's different when you can get notified ahead of time and a new date/time can be scheduled. I hate prepping for something (that can't be changed) and then something effs it up. Job interviews, meetings, etc.
Its normal to feel abandoned by your therapist in that kind of a sittuation lol, they were supposed to give you help. Unless there was some important reason they didn't show up you have the full right to be disappointed and sad, to me at least, feeling mad and sad isn't anything abnormal
Cindy---back when you did your sims videos you helped me out of such a dark time. You made me feel like I had a friend and helped me out of my own head enough to seek some serious help and a literal life start over. I can't thank you enough and it's heartbreaking to see you struggle but warming to see you willing to be so vulnerable and work on yourself. Mistakes brought me to the best part of my life. I can only say that because those days are gone but they gifted me with desperation to change.
Also: i don't get why change of plans is so Hard for me either, i just brush it off as my GAD acting out, or my maybe-ADHD but if you have that as well it might "just be" the bpd. Know you're not alone :)
@@laurelgrasso2897 it doesn't have to mean you have bpd. It just means that you needed this as a coping mechanism and it just tries to protect you a little too much right now. Be gentle, you're not facing an enemy, you're facing an overprotective part of yourself
@@nicolemeyr2834 okay! I haven't been diagnosed with BPD. I have CPTSD and I get very upset when someone rejects me or I perceive that I might be rejected. Sometimes I feel like my world is crashing down around me. I feel like this is rooted in my childhood experiences.
No matter how much you wish you could, you simply cannot fix years and years of certain behavioural patterns overnight. If it was that easy, you wouldn’t be in this circumstance in the first place, would you? So remember to be kind and patient with yourself. And if Andrew choses to work on things, he will do the same.
Try to meet yourself where you're at! My parents tend to view my therapy like a freaking check list and are always asking me if it's helping or if I'm "improving" or "progressing" and stuff and it pisses me off. You don't need to constantly be better than the last day, and it's okay to have some bad days. Don't beat yourself up if you're not progressing at the speed you think you should be. I know that's easier said than done, but I think it's really helpful to acknowledge where you're at and not be upset with yourself if there's some things you're not able to do yet. You woke up today, little victories!
I would be so upset and angry if I’d paid for a therapist and they didn’t turn up! It can be really hard to find good therapy weather that be group or 1-2-1. But please don’t give up! You will find someone! And remember you can’t fix your marriage on your own. It’s up to Andrew just as much as you and you can’t control him, his actions, his thoughts and his feelings are his. You can’t control how you feel but you can control what you do with those feelings - but that takes work and time x
I don't have much advice with these things (because I am just as dysfunctional, if not more), but I guarantee that booking that therapy appointment is an excellent step. It saved my life. We love you Cindy and, know that you can do anything you set your mind to. x
two of my favorite “no fuss, no muss” plants are nerve plants & waffle plants! they are both very vocal about when they need water, they get droopy & look so sad, like they’re on the verge of death... but they cutely perk up very quickly after you give them a nice drink! 😍😍😍
You are amazing, and have SERIOUSLY inspired me. I have Bipolar Disorder and PTSD. I relate to literally everything you say about your mental health and relationship. I do everything you do. And look at you....exercising, hooping, eating, cleaning, making videos....WOW! It makes me feel like I can do those things too. And because of you I set up DBT again at the VA. THANK YOU. I am also VERY interested in your herbalism and witchcraft. I just think you are awesome. Keep fighting 💪
I think about you every day you don't upload and hope everything is alright. You have been one of my favorite people on UA-cam since I found you years ago from Sims. I've seen so much progress in you in so many ways. I just wish you wouldn't put yourself down
Your hair is looking so nice! Fire alarm scared me a bit for a second there lol. Better than ours though. If something burns even a tiny bit in our oven, our alarm near the kitchen triggers and it's a LOUD siren sound. Like not "beep beep beep", it's "RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR".
I don’t have BPD, but I have an ED so I understand how hard and stressful things can get emotionally. I’m struggling with heartbreak too, and the void that comes with it. Therapy helps. I’m so happy to hear you’re starting next week! ❤ you got this
You may know this already, but if you have Uber, Lyft and Curb in your area it can be good to put the journey into all the apps when you are looking to take your trip. The prices can vary a lot between the apps, so you could save a lot by take one app instead of another due to demand at the time.
Give yourself grace Cindy. You have to view your issues as a work in progress. Nothing will ever be fixed immediately, you have to accept that you have poor impulse control when you’re emotional and that is completely ok ❤️ it’s like a relapse into bad behaviour essentially. Starting therapy is essentially rewiring your brain and thinking. It’s literally changing the way your brain processes things in a stressful situation. You will not be fixed straight away as it takes time, it’s takes mistakes and learning from them and small changes each time. I’m sure your husband will be patient with you during this! You can do this Cindy. When you’re mind screams at you “What is wrong with you why can’t you be like everyone else” a lot of people have dealt with the exact same problem and it stems from a lack of taught emotional control from a parent during your childhood years. When you start spiralling try and step outside of yourself and look at your inner child. Treat yourself like a child and be that adult voice for yourself you can absolutely do it. Just be aware and prepared that relapses are normal and apart of your growth and healing process. You’re so strong and you can do this! Count the small wins my love because even if they’re small they’re wins. Yes, you had a moment again last night, but look at how quickly your turn around to that bad behaviour was! That’s a win my love. Small steps ❤❤❤
It's okay! You're human just like we all are, these "failures" are so relate able and human and nobody is blaming or judging you but yourself. I am rooting for you, all of us are! You are coping way better than I ever did in my 20s or 30s..... cigs and liquor and pills, NEVER cleaning or health or therapy. You are making progress everyday and I hope you see your own strength!
I have a lot of emotional regulation difficulties mine are mainly with getting really sad over small stupid things its definitely frustrating ! I’m so happy ur able to get help and that people have been able to donate I’m so thankful for the people who were able to donate!! Something about u just talking about ur day is very comforting and I’m glad that it helps u filming I can relate cause when I am able to distract myself it definitely makes my mood and day better I can definitely relate to not having the mental motivation to do things …your makeup looks amazing too! I’m glad ur able to do what u can and each day ur taking such amazing steps forward even if it feels like ur going backwards sometimes!
Healing takes so much time and effort, nobody has ever had a smooth ride during a healing process. It’s a rocky journey, but I assure you that you are making strides. Baby steps, Cindy! You’ve got this.
Hey Cindy, I wanted to tell you something I've found that really helps me. If you have personal things that you feel like you need to talk about but don't feel comfortable saying them to other people, you can make voice recordings. I have an audio diary that allows me to say whatever the hell I need to get off my chest without fear of judgment or someone else knowing. It's odd to talk out loud to yourself, but even with just a device it gives the illusion of someone listening. You can keep your audio files for reflection at a later time or delete them never to be heard again. Sometimes I just need the freedom to speak and say my feelings out loud to really work through them. It's similar to talking to a camera but way more private. If you try it, I hope it helps. Sending you peace and love.
I really hope you and Andrew can work this out. Sometimes you need to take separate roads to make your way back at the end of it all. I love how honest and transparent you are. You both seem like really good, decent people who belong together. I believe if you continue to give him the time to settle his own thoughts and breathe you’ll be ok. But guess what? If that doesn’t happen. You’ll have become more secure , more independent. More able to control your life and you’ll become stronger. Growth is a necessary investment in oneself. You’ll also be less afraid and girl!!! I can’t even begin to tell you how freeing that is for your mind, your spirit and your happiness. I wish you nothing but the best regardless and I see you coming out of this a much better person. 🌟🌹 hang in there. It’s true that this too shall pass darlin.
Remember that healing us not linear. You will have good days and bad days. And days when you slip into old habits. But you are doing so well being aware that you are slipping is huge! And being able to understand why you slipped is also huge. Therapy is about learning to recognise your patterns and being aware of them and finding healthy ways to feel your feelings.
I've had really bad experiences withh the mental and physical healthhcare system my whole life. Just now in my 30's have I finally found an amazing team of doctors and it is worthh all the BS in the process. You will find the righht people ! I'm sorry things are a little more bleak now. You've got this. You have been kicking ass even if you can't see it !
Hey Cindy! Just wanted to mention a few things about my used car buying experience as a woman with no car know-how, in case it's helpful. Personally, I found it best to pick a make/model first, then look only for that make/model. That way, researching the best car for you is one task, and finding a good deal on that kind of car is another task. Another benefit of looking for only one type of car is that you will get to know what's a good deal and what's not pretty quickly by comparison. Before you buy, absolutely 100% test drive the car. Test it at highway speeds and on hills, and listen closely while your driving. You may not know what you're hearing, but if the car is making weird sounds or unusually loud sounds, it's probably better to walk away. I know you don't want a car payment, but you might look into leasing a car for 3-6 months, just so you have something to drive during your search. Hope this was helpful! Proud of you, and thinking of you lots!
So sorry to hear about the group therapy letdown. But hey, I'm glad you're doing a morning session now! That sounds way better for you. And I hope your individual therapy also goes super well. Give yourself some grace. It'll all get there eventually. I believe in you.
Have you considered planting your own herb/kitchen garden? Gardening has become one of my favorite hobbies. Even though you’re going to be moving eventually, you can do a container garden! That’s what I do 😁
Backslides are a completely normal part of working on our BPD! It’s such a reflex to beat yourself up over them, but even with these pitfalls you’re still making more progress than you realize and I hope you can step back and give yourself some credit for it 💕
Your situation with the group therapist was exactly the same as mine with my therapists & psychiatrists. I always rejected the offer for group therapy, I've always had one-to-one sessions. I had gone through roughly 7 therapists and too many psychiatrists & each session there would be a new random person I would have to get used to all over again. Apparently they're supposed to read your notes/history... Well, they would often have me repeat myself entirely which was more damaging. I hope this new therapist in your area turns out to be much better and more reliable!
You don't understand how inspiring you are! I am not in your position, but seeing you face all of this head on, you make me want to take on the world & all of my problems. You are doing so much better then you think you are, and I just know I'm gonna see your videos in 6mths time & see so much progress! I have so much love & hope for you ❤️
What if you play the sims again just for yourself to take your mind off of the day to day. I have a friend that lost her husband suddenly to a heart attack. He was only 35 and they were newlyweds for 7 months. she was told to do something were she doesn't have to think so she started to play the sims and she said it helped some especially at night. You are doing great just trust the process.
Hi Cindy!! I think you’re on the right track! You’re watching yourself and seeing when you do well and when you don’t. Which is the first step of getting better!! Then you can take steps to do more of what works best for you! Like filming lots of videos, cleaning, etc. I have PTSD, MDD (major depression disorder) and severe anxiety. I’m now able to function semi “normally”. I really felt you when you were talking about not being good with change. I’ve struggled with that for YEARS. Keep up the good work😊 and I love your videos!!
Hey Cindy! Glad for a Cindy update! You could do an E-bike or vespa and they may be cheaper then a car and uber in the winter? As less expensive alternatives. Also some great videos: A comforting video for sleepless nights - Choki on UA-cam Friend ASMR: ASMR for when you're sad - ASMR Darling. ASMR friend comforts you after a bad day - Goodnight Moon.
Ah Cindy, we all do things we look back on and think whyyyyyyyyyy?! It's all part of the beautiful tapestry of life. What really counts is you reflected on how it made you feel, how it made others feel and you got back up today and focused on YOU. Keep going lady, you got this ❤️
I think your honesty in what areas you are not doing well in, and what upsets you is a really good step in the right direction, on top of everything else you're doing! Making some hiccups is natural and is going to happen sadly. But, it doesnt discredit all the great things youve done for yourself so far! I also want to say keeping a video diary is a great way to hold yourself accountable, we are here for you and rooting for your success!!
I'm glad making videos helps you because it really helps me too. Also don't beat yourself up. At least you're TRYING. This isn't an overnight process. Things will get easier.
Your makeup looks so beautiful!! There's a ton of professional therapist I love to watch. Even though you need individual therapy, they are super helpful and it's nice to always be able to grow. My favorites are Therapy in a nutshell and Psychology in Seattle 💕
Agreed, I love her makeup look. Very subtle and natural. Makes her look classy. Maybe she will feel comfortable enough to vlog while she does her makeup.
I know you don’t have a car yet but do you happen to have access to public transportation? Or maybe can get your hands on a bike? I feel like going to your local library might be fun and take your time off things. I only started watching recently so I don’t know much about you but reading is very nice distraction, even if you don’t care for novels, maybe searching for some gardening books might be fun.
I have ASD. ( Autism ) it crushes me when anything doesn’t turn out especially medical. It takes weeks for me to get use to the idea of going and when it doesn’t materialise it sends me into a melt down. How rude and unprofessional of them. Thank God you jumped back into it and sorted it. People just don’t get it and what it takes to go out of routine. Go out and walk round the garden in the fresh air, do your hoopla hoop, do your weights, take a nice bath or shower, Phone your friends, sister, just change your mind set it may help so stop you texting Andrew. Let him miss you. You are stronger than you think Cindy , 🇬🇧🤓💐
Nobody should expect 100% from anyone. Just look for getting through the moment toward reaching a peaceful place. As you are getting your chores done keep telling yourself this is a Win. Maybe even draw a star on your calendar! Not the bad stuff. Only the good stuff, everything, no matter how small. Before you go to bed look at all the stars and know your day was worth it. It's about focusing on the good, which can be Really hard!
A great exercise channel is Grow With Jo, the ones I’ve done from her are all at home, no equipment cardio type things. But she has a lot of lower impact ones that are great if you’re working up your tolerance to exercise (like me!) She has a whole beginner playlist that’s really great to take a look at and start with.
Hey Cindy make sure you have someone look at a car before you buy it that knows something about cars. Craigslist has a lot of lemons. I learned that the hard way! I enjoy your videos. Praying for you🙏
You have every right to feel betrayed by your former group therapist. That is so unprofessional and completely unethical! I would have felt the same (and sent a strongly worded email, too, lol). I also have a **tough time** with last-minute changes, so I feel you very hard there. Thinking of you! You've got this Cindy!
When the water isn't permeating the soil like that, you need to use a soil wetter. You dilute the wetter with water (you can get them with plant food in them too) and soak the plant. The wetter makes the soil able to soak up the water again.
Hang in there! There are going to be good days AND bad days. Don't expect everything to be smooth all of the time, and don't be hard on yourself when it's not. You have to have the bad with the good in order to grow and learn. I know that is easier said than done, but you can do this! I have followed your journey for a couple of years now (since you inspired me to play Sims 2 again). You are not your BPD. It's just a speed bump in your journey and I support you!
I’m proud of you for recognizing your mistakes, admitting them and wanting to do better. You are doing great! Be careful with in sense, the smoke is bad for pets! Wax melts are a much safer alternative and you can find wonderful spiritual ones on Etsy! I would maybe cover your shampoo bottle too, natural essential oils need to be kept in amber bottles so the oils stay good, maybe some duct tape? I gotta try that shampoo, I have the same thinning you do and your hair journey has been so inspiring! I use hair toppers to hide it-they are like mini clip on wigs-like hair extensions! They come in all kinds of colors, lengths and textures. I get mine on AliExpress (I’m disabled so very poor and can’t afford them otherwise) and I’ve been really happy with them! They are undetectable!
I think it's not for nothing that you haven't heard from the therapist. Now that this happened, you probably found a good woman because of this. I am very happy about that and think it is powerful of you that you have continued to search instead of waiting. So good of you! But omg, how very bad of the group therapist! This is really not possible. How bad! Anyway, hopefully that will work out for you and the fellow clients. And what about and about people telling or finding things about Andrew, let them chat. You and Andrew are the only two people who know exactly what's going on. Not these stupid people who already have an opinion or even want to push their beliefs down your throat, because I also read that a lot under your videos. Ridiculous! Girl, stay yourself, you're doing so well. I'm proud of you! 💜💜💜
I think it is wonderful that you are starting therapy. It will help you if you do the hard work. Start watching Dialectical behavioral therapy on you tube as well. Many therapists don't want to work with people with borderline because they don't always adhere to the homework and give their therapists a hard time. I have some borderline tendencies myself and am married to a man who suffers from it. I hate when someone abandons me and I get really angry, but then I do some breath work /meditation and get over it. A note on your phone will help."Don't text or call him". I wish that I had thought of that back when I was younger and broken hearted.
Don't be so hard on yourself! Allow yourself to feel without judging yourself. Being upset that the group therapist bailed on you after you've put so much effort to start therapy amidst the pain is so understanble! It's also probably a defense mechanism from childhood. I feel for you so much! Please, don't be so hard on yourself! NOBODY is perfect or 100% healthy mentally and physically. You're so resilient, strong and kind. Please be kind to yourself too! Also, saw somewhere that grief is two stages alternating all the time: mourning and rebuilding. You are not experiencing a setback, it's just how going through pain and loss works. Hope you can feel all of our support and love! Sending you LOTS OF LOVE and hugs!
Your doing great with the workouts. The letters thing is a good idea, when my 1st Husband left me for someone i wrote stuff down and did letters, even though i had no communication with him at all. Just theraputic to write down how you feel etc. Good luck with the therapy, so happy you are getting 1 to 1 as that is probably going to be better for you. Sending big hugs and love your way 🤗🫂💖
It's frustrating when therapists have poor communication. I think taking the initiative to find a new group w one on one therapists as well is a great coping mechanism. It can be hard to focus on the positives but you're gonna get through it. It's okay to not be okay don't beat yourself up too much. 🖤💪
It's perfectly safe to poke around in the soil with a wooden skewer/chopstick to break up soil if it's having trouble draining :) Sometimes it just gets too compacted, especially with mixes low on perlite and such
No one is expecting perfection, don't be sorry. You're taking steps in the right direction. Sometimes we take a step forward and two steps back. Progress is progress!!
Just like with any bad habit, we can't stop doing it immediately. We get very impacient to get it over with once we realize the issue, but it just doesn't work like that. Try to be forgiving on yourself when you fall back to those habits. It's all a part of getting better. We're here for you!
I know what you mean about timing and being thrown off. It almost paralyzes me. Like everything is thrown off and all i can do is sit. What i had already mentally “prepped” for is now not happening, so what the heck am i supposed to do?! Just sit and stare at the wall. Then i guilt myself because i know there are things i “could” do during that time but it’s like i physically can’t. It’s a mind trap. I relate to you in this and many other areas. Proud of you for finding a 1 on 1. I truly hope it goes well. Sending love to you.
I also hate last minute changes, but it gets easier to deal with them over time, i know what it's like to suddenly be left without the thing you were going to do and it being painful and disociating; I also think keeping busy is important to do things we love or need to do, and also sometimes we just need to feel the frustration, the "pain" , just being with those feelings and allowing them to pass (i know it is hard) does help you to get used to the feeling, and work through it. of course no disorder is something that can be overcome through only will power and if your therapist bailed it is definitely not your fault!!! they did something terrible and you're right to be upset, it is very irresponsible of them, considering what their clients need.
It's okay to have backslide moments and days where you mess up, just as long as you get back up and learn from your mistakes (which it's very clear you are doing!). You're not perfect and neither is anyone else on the internet or on this planet! Progress isn't linear ❤
I was just given an autism diagnosis. I knew I didn’t have all information when people told me I had learning disabilities. School pretty much recognized I needed accommodations but never looked into why. Taking the assessment actually made it super obvious that what I thought was great social interactions quickly broke down when the psychologist giving me the test gave me no non-verbal feedback and I didn’t know what to do when I finished my point. I also have an unending need to keep explaining things if people don’t let me know they understand.
Doing earlier sessions is going to be so much more fitting for you. As someone who literally blows up over unexpected change, you handled their mess up SO WELL. way to go having your top priority being to get your session all set up!
I am happy to see you are mostly getting by. I understand it must be very hard but I'm proud of you for pushing through. I have similar issues and understand how hard it is. You're inspiring me get my shit together, honestly. If vlogging helps you get by, don't hesitate to whip out the camera and unload everything. It seems like a good distraction for you and a bit of a stress reliever. I'm rooting for you! I've always been a fan of your sims videos and have been enjoying your vlogs as well!
I think it is valid to feel the way you feel about the grp season not working out. your life is spiraling and your trying so hard. Either to show Andrew that your doing something to "get better"... and doing this for yourself. It is not silly and i think your description of shaken foundation is valid. please do some shadow work on internalized abelism, and abelism in general so you can get some relief from self sabotage, and self hurt.
Hope your doing well i found you 2 years ago during lockdown with your sims stuff but I really enjoy your new stuff where you are showing your daily life with the ups and downs. It really wants me to better myself and do not procrastinate and maybe start working out. I hope you forget about andrew (not like hating him etc maybe you still find back together) and think about yourself because you seem happier now like with normal Stuff than your older videos
I am happy you are making progress and have a more convenient therapy schedule. By the way, you look so good in red and with that sparkly eye makeup. It’s definitely one of your colours.
Hey DBT is a lot of memorization of stuff (there's a lot of acronyms...like DEAR MAN, and I forget which other ones lol) and you could get a headstart on that and it's useful!! I don't have BPD but I used DBT techniques after a traumatic experience and went to a dbt skills group for fun
Hi! I love your channel. I have been watching your channel since Thanksgiving! I am so sorry for you guys separation. I truly believe you both will be able to work through your life and relationship problems, you will comeback stronger!! You look amazing. Stay positive. I admire how you are so willing to share with your subscribers. I don’t judge you or your husband. It definitely takes two people. I have been there. I also find therapy in cleaning my home. Positive thoughts and vibes sent your way!!
I can relate so much to feeling like you're overreacting when plans change. I think a lot of that stems from living in survival mode for so long. A plan equals security, and when those plans change, it can trigger that survival instinct all over again. And it's especially frustrating with therapy because you know you need it and are ready to get started and it sucks when you can't. Hang in there girl 🖤
They could’ve at last had someone else stand in if it was some sort of last minute emergency. They should take intO consideration how important this is for people that they attend meetings and help them.
Please have patience with yourself. Change is not easy and you will have moments when you backslide but that's okay. I had to learn that for myself and I had to learn that no matter how much progress I make, I am human and I will make mistakes. The important thing is that you keep trying. Hugs to you!
proud of you for continuing to get help for your mental health despite being let down ❤ thank you for posting these vlogs, i always look forward to them.
one thing about it though cindy, you say youve got to do it on your own. maybe this is corny, but we are in your (corn)er (no pun intended) you are allowed to have people to rely on and i love that for you. i love for you to have safe relationships you can depend on where you get helped out. its beautiful for you to get your needs met and just feel safe to be you.
WOW, these videos hit close to home. You're so much like me and it's crazy seeing it, I have bpd and holy shit I struggle with relationships, I've almost given up on the idea of it entirely, any TINY argument or smallest microaggresion and I'm inconsolable for the entire week. I don't know how to be loved and I relate to you so much, I've been in your place, waking up grabbing the phone checking for messages from him, every tiny notification is a mini panic attack and if it's not him then I felt even worse, I have to use an addiction app to stop myself from talking to my ex, sending him walls of text and apologises even though he cheated and emotionally abused me, and the relationship ended 2 YEARS AGO. I'm an obsessive person and clutch onto anyone who will give me any kind of love and I know what it's like to be so sensitive and emotional in a world that doesn't give a fuck about you, I just want you to know that I, and a lot of others know your pain and know how emotionally and mentally exhausting it is to live in a purgatory state of not knowing if he'll ever come back, it's fucking torture, minutes pass like hours and sometimes you just feel like you should cut it all off so you can finally breathe, but I know that if you've lived this long with this disorder you are STRONG and if I can do it so can you, it's fucking hard and it's painful when the person you love most in the world leaves, im trying day by day to love myself and appreciate being by myself but holy fuck is it lonely when all your friendships are surface level and you're always the one putting in the effort, sometimes it really does feel like no one could ever feel pain as hard as you do and that no one else has ever been on the edge of their bed crying for hours on end, begging yourself to stop and hating the way things get to you but you aren't, sorry for the rant but honestly I GET IT!! And your series has really helped me understand a lot more about my own condition and I've been trying to get help aswell because of you, so thank you for everything you've done for the community without even realising, we care about you so much more than you could know and I'm rooting for you ❤️❤️
You got this Cindy!! I believe in you so much! Getting better is a journey, and sometimes there's setbacks, but you will get better! You're such an inspiration to all of us 🥰
❤ Hello Beautiful Cindy🌹 I am so happy you found a therapist and for your new group therapy. Praying that you will be blessed, and filled by both ❤ I just want you to know I have been watching your videos for a while and my heart hurts when yours is hurting and Yes I pray for you and that God will comfort you through your trials (which we all go through) and I relate to your pain, including pushing everyone out of my life too. ❤ I love you Cindy and want nothing but good things for you in your Precious life ❤💪❤ Grace, Peace, Prayers, Big Tight HugS, and holy KisseS 😘😘
Girl I do that phone contact thing too, but I'll do you one better... I keep the text chains from things like bank alerts, website verifications, weather and amber alerts, spam...so that my messenger page isn't so barren when I open it to text the one real person I actually do text 🙃
I hate fast changing too and it stresses me. Especially when I started working at new place where I am in direct contact with new people new challenges problems every day. And I would say for a half year I was coping with it and crying from time to time because I thought I cannot make it but after every issue I was able to cope with another one more easily even when I did not notice it at first. But you will see it in long run. So don’t worry Cindy you have to take everything like learning experience. Only your self awareness proves that you are learning and moving forward.
Keep going Cindy youre doing great 💗 its normal to have bad moments as long as you get through them with a proper state of mind . I hope the new therapist is helpful for you!
Maybe you could write a pen to paper letter to Andrew instead of texting. Place it in an envelope ,date it and then place in a drawer. Then after some time (a month,6 months or even a year) you can open and see if you still feel the same. It’s a good way to get the feelings out,work through them and document them and later on depending on how things go and what you share sun the notes you could share the letters with Andrew as well.
I can't recommended this enough. It's a way to express all the stuff that's eating at you - minus the shame, embarrassment, and sometimes even the crossing of boundaries that may come when you send out a barrage of texts you know you probably shouldn't. A letter can always be shared later and, in some cases, it may even be appreciated as a more thoughtful medium. Write them with the intent of giving them to the person you're addressing. Maybe you'll end up giving it to them, or maybe not. Either way, you said what you felt you needed to and this way you have a chance to reevaluate if necessary. It's one of the healthiest coping methods I've developed for dealing with codependent relationships and general impulsivity.
I had the same idea!
What a great idea
I did this….and cringed at what I wrote when I read it 8 months later. It’s amazing
I can’t believe the therapist never turned up, that’s terrible. I’m glad you’re going 1 on 1, I think you’ll benefit more from that.
This has happened to me and I really needed to talk to them too. I emailed them and they haven't answered.
Just remember that progress isn't always linear! You can do this, Cindy!
As an autistic person, last minute changes being world shattering is something I relate to very deeply. You are not alone Cindy
I'm autistic too and I can relate too, very deeply! We are with you Cindy! ❤
I am also autistic and stuff changing at the last minute always upsets me and stresses me out.
lots of autistic women are misdiagnosed as BPD first, that's what happened to me
My thoughts exactly when I heard that (I am also autistic).
I heard this as well, I am autistic as well, I was diagnosed 5 years ago
Setbacks are a TOTALLY normal part of self-improvement - don't be hard on yourself. Mistakes don't discount all the successes you've accomplished! You'll figure this out. Sending healing vibes ✨️
I'm so sorry Cindy, as a therapist it's very frustrating to see how this colleague behaved. What you feel is completely valid, the most important thing in therapy is that you feel comfortable in that space, I hope your next experience is better, we love you 💕
It was so unprofessional of the therapist not to show up to the meeting. Hoping for better days for you, Cindy! ♡
With zero excuse too. It's different when you can get notified ahead of time and a new date/time can be scheduled. I hate prepping for something (that can't be changed) and then something effs it up. Job interviews, meetings, etc.
Be forgiving of yourself, Cindy! This is a process! ❤
It sounds like the vlogs provide you with an outlet 😊 as long as it's helping you, I'd love daily vlogs.
Its normal to feel abandoned by your therapist in that kind of a sittuation lol, they were supposed to give you help. Unless there was some important reason they didn't show up you have the full right to be disappointed and sad, to me at least, feeling mad and sad isn't anything abnormal
Cindy---back when you did your sims videos you helped me out of such a dark time. You made me feel like I had a friend and helped me out of my own head enough to seek some serious help and a literal life start over. I can't thank you enough and it's heartbreaking to see you struggle but warming to see you willing to be so vulnerable and work on yourself.
Mistakes brought me to the best part of my life. I can only say that because those days are gone but they gifted me with desperation to change.
Its called rejection Sensitivity. You don't have to get rejected for you to perceive a danger of it Happening
Also: i don't get why change of plans is so Hard for me either, i just brush it off as my GAD acting out, or my maybe-ADHD but if you have that as well it might "just be" the bpd. Know you're not alone :)
I think I have rejection sensitivity
@@laurelgrasso2897 it doesn't have to mean you have bpd. It just means that you needed this as a coping mechanism and it just tries to protect you a little too much right now. Be gentle, you're not facing an enemy, you're facing an overprotective part of yourself
@@nicolemeyr2834 okay! I haven't been diagnosed with BPD. I have CPTSD and I get very upset when someone rejects me or I perceive that I might be rejected. Sometimes I feel like my world is crashing down around me. I feel like this is rooted in my childhood experiences.
I've never heard of that, searched it up and damn that explains some things with how I am or can be. Thanks for mentioning Rejection Sensitivity.
No matter how much you wish you could, you simply cannot fix years and years of certain behavioural patterns overnight. If it was that easy, you wouldn’t be in this circumstance in the first place, would you? So remember to be kind and patient with yourself. And if Andrew choses to work on things, he will do the same.
Try to meet yourself where you're at! My parents tend to view my therapy like a freaking check list and are always asking me if it's helping or if I'm "improving" or "progressing" and stuff and it pisses me off. You don't need to constantly be better than the last day, and it's okay to have some bad days. Don't beat yourself up if you're not progressing at the speed you think you should be. I know that's easier said than done, but I think it's really helpful to acknowledge where you're at and not be upset with yourself if there's some things you're not able to do yet. You woke up today, little victories!
I would be so upset and angry if I’d paid for a therapist and they didn’t turn up!
It can be really hard to find good therapy weather that be group or 1-2-1. But please don’t give up! You will find someone!
And remember you can’t fix your marriage on your own. It’s up to Andrew just as much as you and you can’t control him, his actions, his thoughts and his feelings are his.
You can’t control how you feel but you can control what you do with those feelings - but that takes work and time x
I have Autism and having those sudden changes can ruin my whole day... Its very shitty of the therapist to just ghost a whole group...
I don't have much advice with these things (because I am just as dysfunctional, if not more), but I guarantee that booking that therapy appointment is an excellent step. It saved my life. We love you Cindy and, know that you can do anything you set your mind to. x
two of my favorite “no fuss, no muss” plants are nerve plants & waffle plants! they are both very vocal about when they need water, they get droopy & look so sad, like they’re on the verge of death... but they cutely perk up very quickly after you give them a nice drink!
😍😍😍
I love the red on you Cindy! You are looking extra beautiful!!
Red is definitely her color! Wowzers!
You are amazing, and have SERIOUSLY inspired me. I have Bipolar Disorder and PTSD. I relate to literally everything you say about your mental health and relationship. I do everything you do. And look at you....exercising, hooping, eating, cleaning, making videos....WOW! It makes me feel like I can do those things too. And because of you I set up DBT again at the VA. THANK YOU. I am also VERY interested in your herbalism and witchcraft. I just think you are awesome. Keep fighting 💪
I think about you every day you don't upload and hope everything is alright. You have been one of my favorite people on UA-cam since I found you years ago from Sims. I've seen so much progress in you in so many ways. I just wish you wouldn't put yourself down
Your hair is looking so nice! Fire alarm scared me a bit for a second there lol. Better than ours though. If something burns even a tiny bit in our oven, our alarm near the kitchen triggers and it's a LOUD siren sound. Like not "beep beep beep", it's "RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR".
I don’t have BPD, but I have an ED so I understand how hard and stressful things can get emotionally. I’m struggling with heartbreak too, and the void that comes with it. Therapy helps. I’m so happy to hear you’re starting next week! ❤ you got this
I hope you are okay🥺💜 sending you love
@@Robynslibrary Thank you 💛 I always count on myself to get through it, so I'll be okay 🤗
You may know this already, but if you have Uber, Lyft and Curb in your area it can be good to put the journey into all the apps when you are looking to take your trip. The prices can vary a lot between the apps, so you could save a lot by take one app instead of another due to demand at the time.
Give yourself grace Cindy. You have to view your issues as a work in progress. Nothing will ever be fixed immediately, you have to accept that you have poor impulse control when you’re emotional and that is completely ok ❤️ it’s like a relapse into bad behaviour essentially. Starting therapy is essentially rewiring your brain and thinking. It’s literally changing the way your brain processes things in a stressful situation. You will not be fixed straight away as it takes time, it’s takes mistakes and learning from them and small changes each time. I’m sure your husband will be patient with you during this! You can do this Cindy. When you’re mind screams at you “What is wrong with you why can’t you be like everyone else” a lot of people have dealt with the exact same problem and it stems from a lack of taught emotional control from a parent during your childhood years. When you start spiralling try and step outside of yourself and look at your inner child. Treat yourself like a child and be that adult voice for yourself you can absolutely do it. Just be aware and prepared that relapses are normal and apart of your growth and healing process. You’re so strong and you can do this! Count the small wins my love because even if they’re small they’re wins. Yes, you had a moment again last night, but look at how quickly your turn around to that bad behaviour was! That’s a win my love. Small steps ❤❤❤
It's okay! You're human just like we all are, these "failures" are so relate able and human and nobody is blaming or judging you but yourself. I am rooting for you, all of us are! You are coping way better than I ever did in my 20s or 30s..... cigs and liquor and pills, NEVER cleaning or health or therapy. You are making progress everyday and I hope you see your own strength!
I have a lot of emotional regulation difficulties mine are mainly with getting really sad over small stupid things its definitely frustrating ! I’m so happy ur able to get help and that people have been able to donate I’m so thankful for the people who were able to donate!! Something about u just talking about ur day is very comforting and I’m glad that it helps u filming I can relate cause when I am able to distract myself it definitely makes my mood and day better I can definitely relate to not having the mental motivation to do things …your makeup looks amazing too! I’m glad ur able to do what u can and each day ur taking such amazing steps forward even if it feels like ur going backwards sometimes!
Healing takes so much time and effort, nobody has ever had a smooth ride during a healing process. It’s a rocky journey, but I assure you that you are making strides. Baby steps, Cindy! You’ve got this.
Hey Cindy, I wanted to tell you something I've found that really helps me.
If you have personal things that you feel like you need to talk about but don't feel comfortable saying them to other people, you can make voice recordings. I have an audio diary that allows me to say whatever the hell I need to get off my chest without fear of judgment or someone else knowing. It's odd to talk out loud to yourself, but even with just a device it gives the illusion of someone listening. You can keep your audio files for reflection at a later time or delete them never to be heard again. Sometimes I just need the freedom to speak and say my feelings out loud to really work through them. It's similar to talking to a camera but way more private. If you try it, I hope it helps. Sending you peace and love.
I really hope you and Andrew can work this out. Sometimes you need to take separate roads to make your way back at the end of it all. I love how honest and transparent you are. You both seem like really good, decent people who belong together. I believe if you continue to give him the time to settle his own thoughts and breathe you’ll be ok. But guess what? If that doesn’t happen. You’ll have become more secure , more independent. More able to control your life and you’ll become stronger. Growth is a necessary investment in oneself. You’ll also be less afraid and girl!!! I can’t even begin to tell you how freeing that is for your mind, your spirit and your happiness. I wish you nothing but the best regardless and I see you coming out of this a much better person. 🌟🌹 hang in there. It’s true that this too shall pass darlin.
Remember that healing us not linear. You will have good days and bad days. And days when you slip into old habits. But you are doing so well being aware that you are slipping is huge! And being able to understand why you slipped is also huge. Therapy is about learning to recognise your patterns and being aware of them and finding healthy ways to feel your feelings.
I've had really bad experiences withh the mental and physical healthhcare system my whole life. Just now in my 30's have I finally found an amazing team of doctors and it is worthh all the BS in the process. You will find the righht people ! I'm sorry things are a little more bleak now. You've got this. You have been kicking ass even if you can't see it !
Hey Cindy! Just wanted to mention a few things about my used car buying experience as a woman with no car know-how, in case it's helpful. Personally, I found it best to pick a make/model first, then look only for that make/model. That way, researching the best car for you is one task, and finding a good deal on that kind of car is another task. Another benefit of looking for only one type of car is that you will get to know what's a good deal and what's not pretty quickly by comparison. Before you buy, absolutely 100% test drive the car. Test it at highway speeds and on hills, and listen closely while your driving. You may not know what you're hearing, but if the car is making weird sounds or unusually loud sounds, it's probably better to walk away. I know you don't want a car payment, but you might look into leasing a car for 3-6 months, just so you have something to drive during your search. Hope this was helpful! Proud of you, and thinking of you lots!
Everybody has bad days every now and again, I'm really glad you found a therapist finally, I really hope you and Andrew work things out
Cindy it makes my day when I get on UA-cam and see a new video! Thank you for your videos and your realness. Sending you lots of love and peace💕
So sorry to hear about the group therapy letdown. But hey, I'm glad you're doing a morning session now! That sounds way better for you. And I hope your individual therapy also goes super well. Give yourself some grace. It'll all get there eventually. I believe in you.
Have you considered planting your own herb/kitchen garden? Gardening has become one of my favorite hobbies.
Even though you’re going to be moving eventually, you can do a container garden! That’s what I do 😁
Backslides are a completely normal part of working on our BPD! It’s such a reflex to beat yourself up over them, but even with these pitfalls you’re still making more progress than you realize and I hope you can step back and give yourself some credit for it 💕
Your situation with the group therapist was exactly the same as mine with my therapists & psychiatrists. I always rejected the offer for group therapy, I've always had one-to-one sessions. I had gone through roughly 7 therapists and too many psychiatrists & each session there would be a new random person I would have to get used to all over again. Apparently they're supposed to read your notes/history... Well, they would often have me repeat myself entirely which was more damaging. I hope this new therapist in your area turns out to be much better and more reliable!
You don't understand how inspiring you are! I am not in your position, but seeing you face all of this head on, you make me want to take on the world & all of my problems.
You are doing so much better then you think you are, and I just know I'm gonna see your videos in 6mths time & see so much progress! I have so much love & hope for you ❤️
What if you play the sims again just for yourself to take your mind off of the day to day. I have a friend that lost her husband suddenly to a heart attack. He was only 35 and they were newlyweds for 7 months. she was told to do something were she doesn't have to think so she started to play the sims and she said it helped some especially at night. You are doing great just trust the process.
Hi Cindy!! I think you’re on the right track! You’re watching yourself and seeing when you do well and when you don’t. Which is the first step of getting better!! Then you can take steps to do more of what works best for you! Like filming lots of videos, cleaning, etc.
I have PTSD, MDD (major depression disorder) and severe anxiety. I’m now able to function semi “normally”.
I really felt you when you were talking about not being good with change. I’ve struggled with that for YEARS.
Keep up the good work😊 and I love your videos!!
Hey Cindy!
Glad for a Cindy update!
You could do an E-bike or vespa and they may be cheaper then a car and uber in the winter?
As less expensive alternatives.
Also some great videos:
A comforting video for sleepless nights - Choki on UA-cam
Friend ASMR:
ASMR for when you're sad - ASMR Darling.
ASMR friend comforts you after a bad day - Goodnight Moon.
1:1 Therapy sounds good! Bespoke to your situation and it might be more reassuring to share things with just a therapist.
Your feelings are valid. You can give yourself grace. You're working so hard and we see it. Sending love and strength.
Ah Cindy, we all do things we look back on and think whyyyyyyyyyy?! It's all part of the beautiful tapestry of life. What really counts is you reflected on how it made you feel, how it made others feel and you got back up today and focused on YOU. Keep going lady, you got this ❤️
Omg I'm surprised that the therapist ghosted everyone! That's wild.
I'm sorry to hear you had a rough and out of control day yesterday.
I think your honesty in what areas you are not doing well in, and what upsets you is a really good step in the right direction, on top of everything else you're doing! Making some hiccups is natural and is going to happen sadly. But, it doesnt discredit all the great things youve done for yourself so far!
I also want to say keeping a video diary is a great way to hold yourself accountable, we are here for you and rooting for your success!!
I'm glad making videos helps you because it really helps me too. Also don't beat yourself up. At least you're TRYING. This isn't an overnight process. Things will get easier.
Your makeup looks so beautiful!!
There's a ton of professional therapist I love to watch. Even though you need individual therapy, they are super helpful and it's nice to always be able to grow. My favorites are Therapy in a nutshell and Psychology in Seattle 💕
Agreed, I love her makeup look. Very subtle and natural. Makes her look classy. Maybe she will feel comfortable enough to vlog while she does her makeup.
I know you don’t have a car yet but do you happen to have access to public transportation? Or maybe can get your hands on a bike? I feel like going to your local library might be fun and take your time off things. I only started watching recently so I don’t know much about you but reading is very nice distraction, even if you don’t care for novels, maybe searching for some gardening books might be fun.
I have ASD. ( Autism ) it crushes me when anything doesn’t turn out especially medical. It takes weeks for me to get use to the idea of going and when it doesn’t materialise it sends me into a melt down. How rude and unprofessional of them. Thank God you jumped back into it and sorted it. People just don’t get it and what it takes to go out of routine. Go out and walk round the garden in the fresh air, do your hoopla hoop, do your weights, take a nice bath or shower, Phone your friends, sister, just change your mind set it may help so stop you texting Andrew. Let him miss you. You are stronger than you think Cindy , 🇬🇧🤓💐
Nobody should expect 100% from anyone. Just look for getting through the moment toward reaching a peaceful place. As you are getting your chores done keep telling yourself this is a Win. Maybe even draw a star on your calendar! Not the bad stuff. Only the good stuff, everything, no matter how small. Before you go to bed look at all the stars and know your day was worth it. It's about focusing on the good, which can be Really hard!
A great exercise channel is Grow With Jo, the ones I’ve done from her are all at home, no equipment cardio type things. But she has a lot of lower impact ones that are great if you’re working up your tolerance to exercise (like me!) She has a whole beginner playlist that’s really great to take a look at and start with.
Hey Cindy make sure you have someone look at a car before you buy it that knows something about cars. Craigslist has a lot of lemons. I learned that the hard way! I enjoy your videos. Praying for you🙏
You have every right to feel betrayed by your former group therapist. That is so unprofessional and completely unethical! I would have felt the same (and sent a strongly worded email, too, lol). I also have a **tough time** with last-minute changes, so I feel you very hard there. Thinking of you! You've got this Cindy!
When the water isn't permeating the soil like that, you need to use a soil wetter. You dilute the wetter with water (you can get them with plant food in them too) and soak the plant. The wetter makes the soil able to soak up the water again.
Hang in there! There are going to be good days AND bad days. Don't expect everything to be smooth all of the time, and don't be hard on yourself when it's not. You have to have the bad with the good in order to grow and learn. I know that is easier said than done, but you can do this! I have followed your journey for a couple of years now (since you inspired me to play Sims 2 again). You are not your BPD. It's just a speed bump in your journey and I support you!
I’m proud of you for recognizing your mistakes, admitting them and wanting to do better. You are doing great!
Be careful with in sense, the smoke is bad for pets! Wax melts are a much safer alternative and you can find wonderful spiritual ones on Etsy!
I would maybe cover your shampoo bottle too, natural essential oils need to be kept in amber bottles so the oils stay good, maybe some duct tape? I gotta try that shampoo, I have the same thinning you do and your hair journey has been so inspiring! I use hair toppers to hide it-they are like mini clip on wigs-like hair extensions! They come in all kinds of colors, lengths and textures. I get mine on AliExpress (I’m disabled so very poor and can’t afford them otherwise) and I’ve been really happy with them! They are undetectable!
Give yourself grace. I think you're doing really well and I am proud of you
I think it's not for nothing that you haven't heard from the therapist. Now that this happened, you probably found a good woman because of this. I am very happy about that and think it is powerful of you that you have continued to search instead of waiting. So good of you! But omg, how very bad of the group therapist! This is really not possible. How bad! Anyway, hopefully that will work out for you and the fellow clients.
And what about and about people telling or finding things about Andrew, let them chat. You and Andrew are the only two people who know exactly what's going on. Not these stupid people who already have an opinion or even want to push their beliefs down your throat, because I also read that a lot under your videos. Ridiculous! Girl, stay yourself, you're doing so well. I'm proud of you! 💜💜💜
I think it is wonderful that you are starting therapy. It will help you if you do the hard work. Start watching Dialectical behavioral therapy on you tube as well. Many therapists don't want to work with people with borderline because they don't always adhere to the homework and give their therapists a hard time. I have some borderline tendencies myself and am married to a man who suffers from it. I hate when someone abandons me and I get really angry, but then I do some breath work /meditation and get over it. A note on your phone will help."Don't text or call him". I wish that I had thought of that back when I was younger and broken hearted.
Don't be so hard on yourself! Allow yourself to feel without judging yourself. Being upset that the group therapist bailed on you after you've put so much effort to start therapy amidst the pain is so understanble! It's also probably a defense mechanism from childhood. I feel for you so much! Please, don't be so hard on yourself! NOBODY is perfect or 100% healthy mentally and physically. You're so resilient, strong and kind. Please be kind to yourself too! Also, saw somewhere that grief is two stages alternating all the time: mourning and rebuilding. You are not experiencing a setback, it's just how going through pain and loss works. Hope you can feel all of our support and love! Sending you LOTS OF LOVE and hugs!
Your doing great with the workouts. The letters thing is a good idea, when my 1st Husband left me for someone i wrote stuff down and did letters, even though i had no communication with him at all. Just theraputic to write down how you feel etc. Good luck with the therapy, so happy you are getting 1 to 1 as that is probably going to be better for you. Sending big hugs and love your way 🤗🫂💖
really glad for the therapist!! she sounds great! you are working hard cindy. you are doing so well. its going to be alright
It's frustrating when therapists have poor communication. I think taking the initiative to find a new group w one on one therapists as well is a great coping mechanism. It can be hard to focus on the positives but you're gonna get through it. It's okay to not be okay don't beat yourself up too much. 🖤💪
It's perfectly safe to poke around in the soil with a wooden skewer/chopstick to break up soil if it's having trouble draining :)
Sometimes it just gets too compacted, especially with mixes low on perlite and such
No one is expecting perfection, don't be sorry. You're taking steps in the right direction. Sometimes we take a step forward and two steps back. Progress is progress!!
absolutely nothing is wrong with you! BIG HUG! I'm glad to hear that you managed to find a therapist that appeals to you, this is a great start!
Just like with any bad habit, we can't stop doing it immediately. We get very impacient to get it over with once we realize the issue, but it just doesn't work like that. Try to be forgiving on yourself when you fall back to those habits. It's all a part of getting better.
We're here for you!
You are so articulate and bright. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability.
Proud of you Cindy. Set backs will happen but you’re doing better than you may think you are. 🙏🏿
I know what you mean about timing and being thrown off. It almost paralyzes me. Like everything is thrown off and all i can do is sit. What i had already mentally “prepped” for is now not happening, so what the heck am i supposed to do?! Just sit and stare at the wall. Then i guilt myself because i know there are things i “could” do during that time but it’s like i physically can’t. It’s a mind trap. I relate to you in this and many other areas. Proud of you for finding a 1 on 1. I truly hope it goes well. Sending love to you.
I also hate last minute changes, but it gets easier to deal with them over time, i know what it's like to suddenly be left without the thing you were going to do and it being painful and disociating; I also think keeping busy is important to do things we love or need to do, and also sometimes we just need to feel the frustration, the "pain" , just being with those feelings and allowing them to pass (i know it is hard) does help you to get used to the feeling, and work through it. of course no disorder is something that can be overcome through only will power and if your therapist bailed it is definitely not your fault!!! they did something terrible and you're right to be upset, it is very irresponsible of them, considering what their clients need.
It's okay to have backslide moments and days where you mess up, just as long as you get back up and learn from your mistakes (which it's very clear you are doing!). You're not perfect and neither is anyone else on the internet or on this planet! Progress isn't linear ❤
I was just given an autism diagnosis. I knew I didn’t have all information when people told me I had learning disabilities. School pretty much recognized I needed accommodations but never looked into why.
Taking the assessment actually made it super obvious that what I thought was great social interactions quickly broke down when the psychologist giving me the test gave me no non-verbal feedback and I didn’t know what to do when I finished my point.
I also have an unending need to keep explaining things if people don’t let me know they understand.
Doing earlier sessions is going to be so much more fitting for you. As someone who literally blows up over unexpected change, you handled their mess up SO WELL. way to go having your top priority being to get your session all set up!
I am happy to see you are mostly getting by. I understand it must be very hard but I'm proud of you for pushing through. I have similar issues and understand how hard it is.
You're inspiring me get my shit together, honestly. If vlogging helps you get by, don't hesitate to whip out the camera and unload everything. It seems like a good distraction for you and a bit of a stress reliever.
I'm rooting for you! I've always been a fan of your sims videos and have been enjoying your vlogs as well!
I think it is valid to feel the way you feel about the grp season not working out. your life is spiraling and your trying so hard. Either to show Andrew that your doing something to "get better"... and doing this for yourself. It is not silly and i think your description of shaken foundation is valid. please do some shadow work on internalized abelism, and abelism in general so you can get some relief from self sabotage, and self hurt.
Hope your doing well i found you 2 years ago during lockdown with your sims stuff but I really enjoy your new stuff where you are showing your daily life with the ups and downs. It really wants me to better myself and do not procrastinate and maybe start working out. I hope you forget about andrew (not like hating him etc maybe you still find back together) and think about yourself because you seem happier now like with normal
Stuff than your older videos
I am happy you are making progress and have a more convenient therapy schedule. By the way, you look so good in red and with that sparkly eye makeup. It’s definitely one of your colours.
Hey DBT is a lot of memorization of stuff (there's a lot of acronyms...like DEAR MAN, and I forget which other ones lol) and you could get a headstart on that and it's useful!! I don't have BPD but I used DBT techniques after a traumatic experience and went to a dbt skills group for fun
Cindy all the work your doing for you and your well beign and health is so great!!! Your are helping me too 💜🤗
Hi! I love your channel. I have been watching your channel since Thanksgiving! I am so sorry for you guys separation. I truly believe you both will be able to work through your life and relationship problems, you will comeback stronger!! You look amazing. Stay positive. I admire how you are so willing to share with your subscribers. I don’t judge you or your husband. It definitely takes two people. I have been there. I also find therapy in cleaning my home. Positive thoughts and vibes sent your way!!
I am just so proud of you. We're here for both your ups and downs. You are doing GREAT
I can relate so much to feeling like you're overreacting when plans change. I think a lot of that stems from living in survival mode for so long. A plan equals security, and when those plans change, it can trigger that survival instinct all over again. And it's especially frustrating with therapy because you know you need it and are ready to get started and it sucks when you can't. Hang in there girl 🖤
Your skin looks flawless. I’m jealous!!! You have such a fun and inviting attitude in your videos. I just started watching. Hello from Canada 🇨🇦
They could’ve at last had someone else stand in if it was some sort of last minute emergency. They should take intO consideration how important this is for people that they attend meetings and help them.
Please have patience with yourself. Change is not easy and you will have moments when you backslide but that's okay. I had to learn that for myself and I had to learn that no matter how much progress I make, I am human and I will make mistakes. The important thing is that you keep trying. Hugs to you!
proud of you for continuing to get help for your mental health despite being let down ❤ thank you for posting these vlogs, i always look forward to them.
one thing about it though cindy, you say youve got to do it on your own. maybe this is corny, but we are in your (corn)er (no pun intended) you are allowed to have people to rely on and i love that for you. i love for you to have safe relationships you can depend on where you get helped out. its beautiful for you to get your needs met and just feel safe to be you.
WOW, these videos hit close to home. You're so much like me and it's crazy seeing it, I have bpd and holy shit I struggle with relationships, I've almost given up on the idea of it entirely, any TINY argument or smallest microaggresion and I'm inconsolable for the entire week. I don't know how to be loved and I relate to you so much, I've been in your place, waking up grabbing the phone checking for messages from him, every tiny notification is a mini panic attack and if it's not him then I felt even worse, I have to use an addiction app to stop myself from talking to my ex, sending him walls of text and apologises even though he cheated and emotionally abused me, and the relationship ended 2 YEARS AGO. I'm an obsessive person and clutch onto anyone who will give me any kind of love and I know what it's like to be so sensitive and emotional in a world that doesn't give a fuck about you, I just want you to know that I, and a lot of others know your pain and know how emotionally and mentally exhausting it is to live in a purgatory state of not knowing if he'll ever come back, it's fucking torture, minutes pass like hours and sometimes you just feel like you should cut it all off so you can finally breathe, but I know that if you've lived this long with this disorder you are STRONG and if I can do it so can you, it's fucking hard and it's painful when the person you love most in the world leaves, im trying day by day to love myself and appreciate being by myself but holy fuck is it lonely when all your friendships are surface level and you're always the one putting in the effort, sometimes it really does feel like no one could ever feel pain as hard as you do and that no one else has ever been on the edge of their bed crying for hours on end, begging yourself to stop and hating the way things get to you but you aren't, sorry for the rant but honestly I GET IT!! And your series has really helped me understand a lot more about my own condition and I've been trying to get help aswell because of you, so thank you for everything you've done for the community without even realising, we care about you so much more than you could know and I'm rooting for you ❤️❤️
You got this Cindy!! I believe in you so much! Getting better is a journey, and sometimes there's setbacks, but you will get better! You're such an inspiration to all of us 🥰
❤ Hello Beautiful Cindy🌹 I am so happy you found a therapist and for your new group therapy. Praying that you will be blessed, and filled by both ❤ I just want you to know I have been watching your videos for a while and my heart hurts when yours is hurting and Yes I pray for you and that God will comfort you through your trials (which we all go through) and I relate to your pain, including pushing everyone out of my life too. ❤ I love you Cindy and want nothing but good things for you in your Precious life ❤💪❤ Grace, Peace, Prayers, Big Tight HugS, and holy KisseS 😘😘
That’s unprofessional of the therapist never showed without an explanation. But glad to hear you’ll be getting 1 to 1 therapy.
Girl I do that phone contact thing too, but I'll do you one better... I keep the text chains from things like bank alerts, website verifications, weather and amber alerts, spam...so that my messenger page isn't so barren when I open it to text the one real person I actually do text 🙃
I hate fast changing too and it stresses me. Especially when I started working at new place where I am in direct contact with new people new challenges problems every day. And I would say for a half year I was coping with it and crying from time to time because I thought I cannot make it but after every issue I was able to cope with another one more easily even when I did not notice it at first. But you will see it in long run. So don’t worry Cindy you have to take everything like learning experience. Only your self awareness proves that you are learning and moving forward.
And your make up looks great 😂 you’re getting better at it too
Always so proud of you, you’re doing amazing. Sending so much love and light to you Cindy. 💜
Good job on not giving up!!! You’re doing so amazing!! ❤
Keep going Cindy youre doing great 💗 its normal to have bad moments as long as you get through them with a proper state of mind . I hope the new therapist is helpful for you!