What to do when a narcissist turns people against you
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- Опубліковано 9 лют 2020
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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When someone starts a smear campaign, I sit back and watch who believes the lies. And then I’ll know who aren’t my real friends after all.
😆 great point!
What goes round comes around.
Oh yes. I don't bother any more.
Although it hurts at the time, they are doing you a favour, cutting out the dead wood.
@Crystal Pei yes, you are a long time dead and we are only here for a nano second, in the grand scheme of things. Don't waste your time.
When a narcissist can no longer control you, he begins trying to control how others see you
He or she 😳☕
Yeah, a narcissist can also be a female, it's not just males.
@@gorgess IKR?STATISTICALLY THE FEMALE NARCS GREATLY OUTNUMBER THE MALES.
It's so true, it must be approached with Grace . In my case I'm referring to my ex-husband, I did notice that other people treated me as well as badly as he did. It was unsettling and I didn't have words for it but now I have a name for it and I'm so thankful. Flying monkeys . He told everybody I was a big fat ugly slob would never amount to anything, and when they met me they were astonished that I was quite the opposite. So, they stopped associating with him
Well said excellent. It happened to me.
Evil always destroys itself. So just watch...
A narcissist will annihilate your families/close relationships like their life depends on it. This behavior dynamic acts like a filter for emotionally healthy people. Those who sign-up to be a narcissist's "flying monkey" usually lack critical thinking skills or are narcissistic themselves. Hurray for anyone in the group who sees through this.
It’s exactly what my sister did and then convinced others in the family that I was the problem! It broke our whole family up!
This is happening now with my narc sister @@donnahatchett3833
Flying monkeys are people of low moral character. They want to believe the juicy lies.
Good point. It is like a filter. Sad to see people you thought had good critical thinking skills and empathy be recruited as flying monkeys. The ones who are clearly narcissistic as well are easier for me to let go of...
@@donnahatchett3833 I'm going through this right now with my family and my sister. It's so hard and so shocking. I just can't believe that all of these people that have known me my entire life would suddenly turn on me. And the lies she's telling aren't even believable! My life is forever changed because of this. I will never have a relationship with my favorite aunt or my closest cousins ever again. It's all because my sister didn't get her way. She has to make me pay. And it's not just family members. It's literally anyone that will listen to her. She's so convincing! She's so good at what she does. She almost had me turn against my own self. I just want to stand up in front of everyone and shout it to the world but I don't think it would matter
I learned from my life experience to never defend myself in front of the flying monkeys. They already picked a side and will never believe my side of the story. I just walk a way.
I totally agree with you. It was hard for me to do so but now I've decided not to explain myself in front of other people even if they used to be my friends. The only way is to cease communication with such people.
100% facts💝
Since I ignored her.. she started to only insult me around other people to isolate me.
@@lalili1358 it's called smear campaign. I understand your feelings,I'm going through this now. At first it hurt me, a Narc tried to isolate my best friend from me but I had sent her a message via Twitter to explain what's going on and warned her that she shouldn't answer questions about our friendship, and my friend understood me. I've "lost" some mutual "friends" of course. One of them became flying monkey and tried to provocate me when she was my guest at my flat. I realized that only when she left and became less emotional with her- I'm not texting her first, when I'm online, I've muted her on Twitter, I don't call her first, not replying to her messages via social media at once as I did before, don't share something too personal, always say that I am doing well, repeating that I'm doing nothing special- reading books, learning Japanese, cooking and that's all. I also don't involve other mutual friend whom I know as loyal. This flying monkey tried to do the trick and said that I must be hurt that our mutual friend don't text to me much as it was before, I said something like : well,she works a lot ,she must be tired after work and smiled to my flying monkey like a fool 😂 It maybe a coincidence but this mutual friend texted me after a while and we had a nice talk about poetry and literature and were both happy to talk to each other again. We live in different places ,my town is not far away from her city but these days we can't leave our houses to see each other due to the quarantine rules,so we use internet to communicate. It may sound strange but this smear campaign against me helped me to see real people's attitude towards me,who are my friends and who are pretending to be ones,I became more understanding when my friend is not calling me back or texting me back at once, I've moved my focus from the world outside me to my innermost,all this quarantine time made me sit and reflect on this situation- I ceased or blocked all the contacts which are poisonous to me,I don't care what these people post about me via social media,I don't care about who unfollowed me on Twitter during the smear campaign, I'm more myself than I ever had been, realising that every day can be my last when I go shopping for food made me free,it made me more compassionate, loving, caring and sincere. When I want to say that I love someone or something on social media,I say so, and I don't care if these flying monkeys of a Narc will shit post a screenshot of my words to a Narc- they won't change and they are not my tribe, and I won't stop being sincere to the people I love because it's who I am. I stop being open-hearted to flying monkeys but it does me good and I become stronger every day. Don't be upset about the fact that someone left you because of a narcissist, they were never your tribe. I truly believe that when you move on, becoming stronger every day, you will attract healthy friends who will love you for who you are and won't believe any gossip about you, and won't involve in a smear campaign against you as a flying monkey of a Narc. I wish you much health, take care of yourself and stay home 🤗 warm hugs from Russia ☺️
you have to first even hear the story. the "skillset" of this guy to "adjust" the fabricated story was incredible. each person got a 'custom fit'. my uncle got a "vague" story as he knew me well, relatives once removed got a more specific story, other people who didn't know me at the time got a "full meal deal". Wow.
I went through this. Honestly, I don't even care anymore. If people can't be bothered to learn the truth and hear all sides of a situation, then those aren't the kind of people I want around me anyways.
100%
Knowledge is power
I totally agree with you after I experienced this with my sister whom I never suspected !!!!
Totally
Exactly. If they don't want to see the truth about the narcissist they will be sucked in by them forever
Never vent to a narcissist. Either about their BS or others... Oh my you will regret it. They love chaos.
Learned this the hard way. They find the weakness in the venting and use it against you.
They can take one thing and make a whole different story out of it and get people to believe it.
Like the time a beautiful red haired gang stalker invited me over, a very long drive for me, and met me at the door with a glass of fruit juice loaded with Prestone anti-freeze - then when I got such pain I thought I was going to die, really began to die and went into convulsions she had wild sex on me knowing the exertion would make the poison act faster? 'Chaos' would be a step up for that Heather.
@@gordonanderson3111omg I'm so sorry that happened....my sister thought I wouldn't believe that her ex husband poisoned her cat with what her vet said was antifreeze. I told her I absolutely believed it bc I have heard that same antifreeze poisoning story from others and worked as a veterinary technician seeing first hand the animal victims of narcissist/sociopath/psychopaths. There are a lot of sick people out there and everyone needs to protect themselves and loved ones.
@@user-mf1kv4lk2m Yes, i was told as a boy and young man "Don't bother trying to tell anyone what we are doing, no one will believe you." So now that these videos have helped me figure out what is going down, I say
'At the center of the word believe is the word lie'.
I would say more but it would not be allowed up to be seen - many, such as my 89 year old mother Shirley, have dissappeared and many in law enforcement and gov. have resigned (up to our senator Al Franken)- because - my new song about it all will be a HIT -
'Corporate funded gang stalkers rape & murder with impunity' is the woking title.
Act cold hearted and unfeeling and like you can not hear me, like your life depends on it - because...
Sing it with me - if yu dare 'CORPRATE FUNDED GANG STALKERS RAPE AND MURDER WITH TOTAL IMPUNITY!
Real friends push back on your behalf
I think you're oversimplifying the situation.
When a narc wants to destroy your relationships with other people, they do it secretly. The victim doesn't get to know what's going on. Everything is intangible. Things can't be addressed and resolved because there aren't descriptor words to articulate your suspicions.
The alienation of community and family groups happens over years. It's a long game. Things change by inches. By the time a victim begins to suspect people's attitudes have changed, there's solid groundwork that's been laid and built on over a long period of time.
And it's the way people treat you that contributes to your personality, so when it's the long game, the victim truly believes they are unloveable.
Narcissists are truly evil.
He turned my grown kids against me. They ignore me...they dont call, text or email me back when I send them an email. Now they're attacking me saying things about me that are not true! Its like they don't know me! I've been feeling so unloved but I got back into understanding narcissism after going to years of therapy when we first got divorced 25 years ago. I'm happy to see how the understanding of narcissists have evolved! I KNOW I'm a good person and deserve love. I'm probably going to go down to NC to live with my sister and her husband. I'm tired of the abuse. But I have grandchildren so I will miss them. But I'm afraid they will eventually turn them against me. I've put so much love and energy into my family...and now I dont have the love and support that I need in my golden years! Thank god I have my sister and her family!
I agree they plan their undermining over years the victim has no idea what's going on Its too late when you figure it out They are evil Shakespeare villains
Thank you Anna Leone for your comment. What you write is exactly how it is to tangle with a sociopath/narcissist. I feel fortunate to have gotten out of my situation with my life. My sister in law played the long game for 30 years smiling in my face while destroying every relationship she could detect I had. I went no contact, but she is a master of subtle destruction and still out there destroying the lives of others. Attractive, charismatic, and throughly rotten on the inside. Thank you for summing up what goes on.
@@jaydeecee1643 I am so infinitely sorry for what you are going through. How deeply sad that is. But we have to keep in mind that if people are that easily brainwashed and turned against their own mother or any friend then those people are not good for you to associate with. They are unhealthy companions. In order for us to heal we have to stick to healthy and supportive people only and nobody else. In work based relationships we have to discuss only the things that pertain to the profession and keep personal things to ourselves. There are not that many compassionate people in the world to begin with and it's always better to have fewer friends than deal with those who are cold. I have only one human friend in my life and I value him deeply. And All non human animals are my friends.
You are so right! It happened to me with my ex turning my three kids against me and my family. I have not heard or seeing my kids for 15 years. He did really turned them against me!!!
If a narcissist no longer has control over you, he/ she will convince people around you that you are the issue. Hold your head up high, carry yourself with grace. Eventually, things will fall into place
But what about when you try to warn people about the narcissist and no one believes you? Then it makes you look like you’re the narcissist who sells lies. I’m dealing with that and although I know I don’t have to fight to be right; that it’s not worth the effort, still. People should know this person is not to be trusted.
@bigsistahtips for them to find out. When I left I left everything nasty behind. Worked on myself. What others do is non of my business.
Thank YOU! 🙏🏽💐💐
That's what my husband is doing to me blames me for everything tells all his family and friends I'm a nutter but ill be the one who has the last laugh when I move away😮😮😢😢😢
😊😊
My mother had the WHOLE family against me. My father, siblings, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I was a very shy kid and had no idea how to combat this. My sister mimicked her and had the neighbors and classmates against me too. I was 54 years old before I realized that I was NOT a defective piece of trash. Now, 12 years later, I still isolate myself out of self-protection, but I am learning to be content. This channel is helping me.
66 and right there with you timing and all! Had to look and see if this was MY post! Hah! You think you are the only one in the world who had to go no-contact, and it's embarassing. Then you start reading all of these.
Mine was also my Mother. Did exactly what you’re saying. I just couldn’t believe what people were telling me she had said about me, still struggling with it. I went to a family wedding recently where nobody was allowed to talk to me, The Bride and Groom made a fuss of me but nobody else dare talk to me. I’ve never felt so hurt in my life. I’m a grown man but when I got home and shut the door I cried like a baby. I think this must be how a victim of bullying feels,
I do the same thing. I have been at the bottom of the totem poll most of my life, right where my parents wanted me. They didn’t like me because wasn’t the pretty daughter they dreamed. I feel like a grease stain on the pavement.
@@StephanieGrantham I hope you can cut ties with the people who mistreated you. Reject their hateful opinions.
You are worth loving. Accept and love yourself. Please don't criticize yourself. You need time to develop into the person you were meant to be. Abuse can slow that development so get free of it and get to know the real you. Clearly you are a strong survivor. Many people understand your situation and we support your efforts to have a happy life! Best wishes!
Not only am I happier now, I can really be myself and not waste time on someone not worthy. I am somewhat isolated too, but it's something I'm working on by learning more about what I like and what I enjoy spending my time with rather than what everyone else wants. Write it down to get it out of your head and create room for something new to take your attention!
This is the most insidious abuse they do. I feel so sorry for all of us that have had this done.
'Gang Stalkers' as we call them destroy everyone and everything, including themselves, in the End.
@@gordonanderson3111ugh I hate that word. It made me end up on a psych ward. Please cal it what it is, which is flying monkeys.
@@carly582 I too ended up in a psych ward, for 7 a/2 weeks - SO I was motivated to find out who worked with my family members to do the series of crimes that totally destroyed my life and al my hard work - a family with over 120 BILLION dollars - name rhymes with coke, Charles Coke, can hire an army of flying monkeys, with bat like wings, crazy eyes, long fangs, that swoop down to carry children off to be ... well you know, eaten alive while a wicked witch named Chuck laughs with sadistic glee! IS THAT BETTER THAN SAYING 'gang stalkers'? How about NSA "Disruption Operations" hired to destroy citizens?
When you cut ties with a narcissist you realize who your friends really are.
Yes, when i cut, my "friends" are gone too.
Yeah they triangulate your siblings , then your cousins .. then they come after your young kids … so sad
I am living it.
So true. And don't be afraid to let them go, they were not worth it.
@@DirkArnez my experience too.. 😘
I expect it from a narcissist. What really disappointed me was how easily others fell into their "flying monkey" roles. Leaves you disappointed in mankind as a whole.
They have been brainwashed, like we were 😬
Narcissists are VERY adept at picking the types of people that will believe their narrative and smear campaigns.
If a person has high empathy and weaker boundaries they are more likely to be swayed by the narcissist.
Matthew Tucker Most definitely.
Erika People sadly misuse religion too - some “religious leaders” are also Spiritual Narcissists. They are truly dangerous types - thankfully most are not that way, but far too many are. Be aware always.
The flying monkeys are weak minded individuals.
My narc tried to turn my friends of 20yrs against me. My friends told me later, We kept thinking it just didnt sound like you. So we showed him the door!!!❤❤real friends
Rule of life: If someone comes to you with terrible , salacious, and evil things about people ..... do not accept this as fact. Get a hold of the target and ask them questions and bring this up.
So here’s the exception, when you are faced with a moment where you have to tell the truth about the abuse you suffered at the hands of a narcissist.
And be gaslighted out of your mind? You’re not very experienced with pathological narcissists are you?
They're so successful in this because so many people are overly ready to hear & believe negative things
Well, psychologically speaking were wired to see negatives and pay attention more to them as a survival mechanism.
Amen
Yes, and you have to wonder why your family is so quick to believe the flyin monkey routine begs belief... Even after they have proved to be a liar you would think they would question the Narcs whole artificial facade and pack of carefully constructed lies. But most Narcs are very successful and take all the credit for the life you built together so when you divorce your family would rather keep them in the divorce than you.. Just sayin..
Plus there are so many with latent traits of narcissism so they're glad to not only believe but spread the negativity too
Don't remember the origin but There's a saying that "bad news travels twice as fast as good news." Majority of people have a crabs in a bucket mentality. They want to drag you down (because of jealousy, envious, etc).
The worst part of this , is that you know something is going on ( people all of a sudden avoiding you, being cold towards you , smirking at you behind your back etc. etc.) but you don't know what it is and you don't know , who it is ,that is doing this to you . Truly, evil and cowardly stuff done by people with a head full of messed up wiring.
Yep and trying to then deal with it becomes impossible without making you look unhinged, which is the narcs evil plan.
This was done to me by "trusted church" people
Totally nasty behaviour. I have a family member doing this me. It’s so distressing.
@@colleeninprayer1498 Once you can see that it is the narcissist that has the problem it will be less and less distressing.
@@psalm148.1 People are going to Hell
The key: know who you are.
Then you become untouchable.
Exactly. I know the truth. Why should I care about defending myself to the people who ate up the lies.
There's still times that I want to bring him down to how bad I felt and humiliate him by making him tell them all the truth.
But then I go back to no that's not me. I'm not mean and malicious as that and I would gain nothing from it. I know the truth and he will be exposed eventually.
Still working through the hurt and betrayal obviously.
You apparently didn't lose jobs and positions...@@emilychandler3160
Being an "untouchable" around Hindus is not a good thing.
The deeper issue is people's willingness to believe anything they're told. Without that naivity, there are no "flying monkeys".
It's rough when your mother's the one who turns your siblings against you. Rougher still, when your siblings buy into it.
Hey love, we're in the same boat. Stay focused and strong. ♥️♥️♥️
For me, it was the step dad that forced my mom to choose between him and me, and later the younger brother who survived the abuse by becoming a clone of the step dad. I still can't escape them three decades later
Yes. She passed but said before that she had arranged for this to continue after she left. She predicted that I would run out of money in a few years. Only child. Relied on me since she was diagnosed with lupus when I was 9. Leaned on me then abused me.
are you talking about my mother ?)
Cynthia, me too my father and older sister. 💜
Some one said, if people want to believe a narcissist when they know you, THEY DIDN'T LIKE YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE or they are WEAK MINDED or they DONT HAVE A BACK BONE.
Thank you cuz for the life of me I couldn't understand why people are so gullible about taking gossip at face value. 😔
@@sfr2107 WELCOME.
100% facts
@@williamivery1809 DEADASS.
So true.. and when you look at the people they all fit one of those if not all..
If you call them on their BS they will usually attempt to try to get out of it by saying you are being paranoid!
I have been going through this with a coworker. People believe what suits them, but eventually the narcissistic betray themselves and their supporters begin to see how childish and manipulative they are.
Same here. I’m probably going to have to transfer to another location because of him. There have been several complaints against him but miraculously nothing was ever done.
Same here. I filed an HR complaint.
I had a team leader who openly abused me, whenever I started to answer back she said HR will take my side. I challenged her and she said" you being rude". I said prove it. These self absorbed bs people have to be stood upto.
Are you sure, are people going to realize the games of the narcissist one day? This gives me hope.
@@ayseyilmaz3910 They will probably have to learn the hard way 😬
What to do when "friends" believe a smear campaign perpetuated by a narcissist: walk away and find better friends.
Truly.
And don’t give a fuxk!
Yes! Exactly what I have done!
But sometimes it’s kids who can be easily manipulated
When you reach a Point in this life with a narc....you can't be bothered about what other people will say ...just continue being you..its nothing to do with us. .
The betrayal is so painful, especially when it’s family members who believe the narc and turn against you.
Kathryn Sullivan He’s never held accountable for any actions or things he says. 😢. I’m blamed for everything, yet I’ve been the one over the years that has tried to work things out. He knows how to pout and say things like, “I really love her”, and “I really love your mother “.
Yes, absolutely right. Going through that now.
@@carolinesand9711 Excuses... it works for him for years.. why should he change his program now, when it works for Him?
In my situation my wife started an affair with a narcissist. I was amazed how many "friends" disappeared. What was clear to me was that the best thing as a target was distance. Clearly this narcissistic paramour was being supported by my now ex-wife at the time. Later she became the victim. Being outnumbered and available as a target was not a good situation for me. As explained in this video, for me this was a gift as I could see exactly who my wife was, the betrayal and many of the "friends" were not really friends. I moved countries for work and ...it took time before the narcissist was outed for the person he was. But it happened. Eventually the narcissist is often clearly exposed.
Extremely painful. I realize it now as an adult and lost many.
This is my experience. Growing up as the scapegoat in a narcissistic family, I was villainized so badly that I would go to a family function to see relatives not seen in years. Not a word was said to me but the looks and the stares received at the function were so incredibly dark, the situation became unbearable. Afterwards, I never attended any family function again.
Ridiculous
Same for me. I was recently invited to a family wedding, I spent most of the time sat on my own, the Bride and Groom made a fuss of me but not one other person would talk to me because of my controlling Mother. At one point everyone was in a massive room with myself sat alone on one side and everyone else on the other side. I’m a grown man but when I got home and shut the door I cried like a baby. I’ve done nothing wrong but feel like I’m being punished.
@@hardlines2635same, I’m a guy that’s going through this right now at the hands of my covert narc mum. She’s turned everyone against me and it kills to think about the shit everyone believes about me.
❤
That is so hard. I overheard my sister reversing our roles while talking to her boyfriend at the time. I couldn't believe it and then I kicked the ice chest on my porch and she looked down from her balcony, saw me, turned this insane color of gray and from then on she's been a worse devil lol. I thought it was creative or imaginative but she just literally says I act like her and she acts like me lmao!
The best advice I was ever given regarding that type of character assassination was to continue being my true self. The world isn't nearly as clueless as sometimes acts. Narcissists end up, exposing themselves to anyone who sticks around them long enough, and they kill their credibility. My ex went so far as to file a restraining order against me under false pretenses, and then went to a family reunion of mine and slandered me to anyone who would listen. I was beside myself until somebody gave me this advice. I relaxed, she's gone, and those who I care about knew me for who I am and have even applauded me from my decency and for not responding to her in kind.
My mother does this to me. I've been ostricised by the whole family.😢
I'm alone now..well..not really Jesus is with me. I'm clinging to him now.
Same story here😒
Same here
I'm so sorry.
Same for me as well
once you realise that jesus is everything yr life will be good. to have the almighty lord as a friend is the best way to live and he will NEVER hurt you.
The sad thing is that most of us only find out when the damage has already been done
True, but I believe that the red flags are there. We just happen to ignore them.
True
if someone is too eager to know you thery'e probably a narcissist,here's your first warning sign.
Here's a rallying cry: what other people think of me is none of my business.
This is so true. So many people can’t recognize or see through this type of thing either. That is why narcissistic people can so easily create division by creating in-groups and out-groups. The only people who can restore the environment are the people who can see through the lies and deceit. The people who value you and are genuine will eventually set themselves apart from those who lack the depth or conscience to reject the manipulation.
Seems everyone needs to be educated on NPD. It's opened my eyes. I can see now all the narcissistic people I have dealt with in the past that I didn't know at the time. Sadly, a lot of them in churches 😢 or family.
If these people believe the narcissist story then they are not worth energy trying to win them round. They are not intelligent enough to listen to both sides of the story, you do not need them in your life, they were never in your life !!!
True friends will always wait to hear your side of the story before believing the worst of you
I would have said the same thing 10 years ago don't always count on that to be the case these are Master manipulators as long as me and you have breathed as long as they have been breathing they have also been manipulating this is what they do for a living the only important thing in their entire universe as themselves no else that I mean no one no one no one else comes before then we Have No Boundaries No Limits and they will cut to the white meat we will not do that as an empathic person we have limits we don't hurt those that we love her care about or even strangers they don't mind doing all of the above I can billion times over if it gets them what they want and then include smearing your name and convincing others that care about you that you're not worth caring about please listen to me when I tell you don't always count on that
@@aprilpratt775 Despite clearly contradicting my first comment by saying this, I need to give you an example as to why what you're saying is right.How's this for master manipulation.I had a Police sergeant pull me over for a random license check in my car & he blew up at me like I was some sort of homicidal maniac when he realised who I was.His co-worker whom WAS what I thought to be a close family friend had been telling him that I hadn't been showing up to work & that he'd been having to take time off his work as a Policeman to fill in for me.The thing is that I've never not shown up for work ever, he was just using me as a scapegoat to not show up to work & blamed me for that to his sergeant.What a manipulative liar...& now he says to those in my social circle why he can't understand why I haven't wanted anything to do with him for the last 10 years
@@carpathianken one more thing my bad I absolutely cannot believe that I'm not been in more trouble for this by now up until this point I have done nothing but speak my messages instead of sight them so I'm not illiterate I promise I'm just the biggest ball of nerves all the time and I can't find time to sit down and breathe or even pee let alone type out messages :-) because grammatical errors drive me crazy but I had to clear that up LOL I'm wishing you luck and sending prayers your way keep your head up
I have lost a couple of friends thanks to my former boss who has done the gas lighting thing. I have reached out to them but they have chosen to not respond . It hurts but I will be okay :)
True!!! 💯
The worst is when this cruel,evil person turn your children against you! I do not think I will ever recover from that!
You are not alone. When your former spouse turns your child(ren) against you, it's called parental alienation. My ex husband did that as well as the family of my 2nd husband after he died. My daughter sided with this family even though she didn't really even know them. But it worked cuz of the parental alienation that worked prior to that so it was easy for them to convince her that I was the bad guy. Parental alienation is very common these days. I've had close friends who also suffered from this. It's horrific.
You are not alone. I have been going through this hell. My narcissist ex turned my teenager only child, my son, against me. He started doing this since my son's childhood.
You are not alone. At all. Keep loving them. No matter what. Tell God all your hurts and feelings. Keep telling Him out loud.
I'm sorry
@@mine1685Hallo for me IS the same,m'y daughter 22 Nevers talk to me nor answer the phone,m'y son 15en IS going the same way ,i tried everything possible i'm very ill and i should need help from them,i feel liké thé are waiting me to die i'm very sad and i dont knows what to do ,if you 've any suggestion should bé great i want to die in peace.already talk with psy
"With his mouth the hypocrite can ruin his neighbor,
but by knowledge the righteous are delivered." Prov. 11:9
My ex planned to divorce me for over 10 years. He waited until our youngest graduated high school. He worked on the kids for years. I don’t care about the employees, his family, business relationships…..they don’t matter. It’s the children. I was so clueless of what he was doing for years. I’ve done a lot of healing the past 4 years, but it will take many more years (if ever) before the children figure it out. I have to leave it in God’s hands. I really appreciate these videos. Thank you.
Stay strong and hopeful. My daughter finally began to see the truth when she got to be around high school age. Her father and I have been divorced for 17 years and she is finally getting therapy to help her heal from all the narcissistic abuse she experienced. I pray your kids will see the truth about what’s been going on. Remain the kind and loving parent that you are and they can’t help but see the difference between you and their dad.
😢❤star u. Move on
My prayers for you 😢
I am sorry! I am going through this too. I am at the point where I don’t ever see it changing. It is so devastating!
This is so incredibly sad. It’s one of my biggest fears. It’s what my mom specializes in.
Don't lose sleep over why narcs do what they do. Just know this: Narcs are playing a game, and the only purpose of the game is to win. Any threat to their 'winning' (i.e. you) must be annihilated. Don't play, just RUN!
Sounds like white supremacists i wish everyone would get it already and just love one another.
Which is why and how marathons were created!
@@lordraiden777 heaven on earth!
Nailed it
I say don't run. Destroy them by not playing, But going in for the kill. the only way to destroy an Opponent is to Effing Destroy them. This is war! YOU CAN'T RUN FOREVER.... if the whole world becomes narcissistic, where are you going to run to then?!?
It must've been nice to have someone who actually would've come forward and said something about it
I'm instead just stuck in purgatory with nobody coming forward and even asking my side of the story
Worst part is when those people are just members of your community that you don't know
If only I had known about Narcissism earlier in life, it would have explained a lot.
My favorite saying is
"They're not your Friend until they defend you in your Absense"
So that's how I look at everyone I know and meet now.
Same here if I had known that what narcissist do or the type of behaviour they have I would cut off them no clue narcissist exist what a drama and truma of life
A true friend will try to bring up any positive side of you in a malicious gossip to balance the situation behind your back. If they don’t then there is not a true and healthy friendship there to begin with. You better walk alone, as hard as this may seem, and wait for karma do its thing.
I've defended people in their absence and they turned around and betray me at the end of the day friendship is a two way street
I so get that.
Same Sam
When it's your family who is doing this, you just have to move away from these people.
Easier said then done if the narc manages to control the parents as well
Same with my situation except their are other people involved that use the situation she created by framing me
as a foothold to make their selves feel good and be able to get away with stuff too.
(Do not report this i will not get helped and my family will just make up a lie on me and I'll get locked up in a mental hospital
Which is worse than prison.)
I have been going through abuse my whole life and now i'm nearly 18.Now my parents can get away with it even more easily. cause my mom has false diagnoses all over me 11
That i know of but I am sure there's more.Which I didn't actually start getting diagnoses put on me till I moved in with my mom for the first time when I was 10 which I moved back and forth so when I was 12 that's when she started getting serious diagnoses put on me.my family takes advantage of those diagnoses so now when someone makes a DSS report or the police get involved my parents can just bring up the diagnoses and the social worker or police won't even talk to me or look at my video evidence going back to when I was 8 over 320
Videos.My parents just say I am "hallucinating,delusional,manipulative,lying" the list goes on with excuses they can make.here are the people that are calling me crazy
(THESE ARE THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE ME LABELED AS INSANE,VIOLENT AND MORE.)⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇
(MY MOM she is first cause she is the one who got all the diagnoses put on me mostly by her self but with the help of Steven when he eventually came along)
ua-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHxHdpwnsxPLoIc0ySGqo1t2.html
(MY DAD🌟)
ua-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHxRDG9ajRU5Np94Xhco5HXW.html
(MY MOM'S BOYFRIEND)
ua-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHxvOn_PGnjpgkW0cL5REW56.html
(MY SISTER although she is not the cause of the diagnoses and had no say so in it she does try to make it seem like I am the crazy one well plane out lying and that things aren't as bad as i think they are.#gaslighting)
ua-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHzG5KucsJdpwQPsJX4DckQl.html
(HERE IS THE CHANNEl OF DAILY VIDEO
EVIDENCE) going back to when I was 8
Of different types of abuse I go through.
ua-cam.com/channels/jkV9F3jkP3r-qVIHB3gwww.html.
⬆⬆has to be typed into google.here's a playlist VIDEOS IN CORRECT ORDER⬇⬇⬇⬇
ua-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHzaFRmkDx4pj9Fk0Kq5IVqr.html
There are a lot of playlist that put the different things that are happening in different categories so if you want you should look at all the different playlist.some of the categories are specific people do abusive stuff that they do.
here's one of the playlist from the channel.it has the videos in it that I think are the top craziest.
ua-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHwyMQxKOXNcGygBaEo7coSZ.html
So here is the channel focussed on what mental hospitals are like and how deadly antipsychotics are it's my story of side effects I had and how I almost died from the pills over an abuse cover up.
with proof of the stuff i say in the description and video.it also give people advice on the description
it really depends on what they know and believe.
ua-cam.com/channels/S9hlrcVz9SUw_anmcAXbIQ.html
Tell me who is really crazy me or them?
I already know I don't actually have the diagnoses everyone knows.
ua-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHyP-MtrqCI4RwnCQvOt_9FN.html
⬆⬆⬆⬆There's people admitting it or agreeing look at the first video.
people that have been around me and my parents have even told my parents this.Like girls my dad was around were questioning why I have diagnoses put on me that I obviously don't have and why I am taking pills that make my digestive system stop working, has me shaking with fevers,and makes me basically go into comas and lay in bed for 2 weeks straight
Amen ... 15 years NO CONTACT. ✌️
@@xahsinor4364 stay cool, if you react to their bad behavior, your the one who looks bad. The only way to help yourself is to stay cool headed.
@@betsy3075 I do at one point I got to my breaking point when I was 12 after getting abused and basically attacked once I moved in with my mom i no longer could take it.
Sometimes you never know someone did the smear contest. The ones who are suddenly cool towards you either come around or they dont.
If a person can be turned against you, then that is a person who is not worthy of your presence. Those who genuinely love and care for you will not believe negativity about you.
What about your own children being brainwashed, and walking away!?? You're telling me, my children are not worthy? They are barely legal adults...they know not what they do. I'll always love them and miss my babies. It's a horrible grief, too, to lose a child whom is alive.
@shannonyeung8491 My heartfelt compassion goes out to you experiencing such grief. Of course, your children are a different scenario. I hope the situation with your children turns for the better, sooner than later. 🙏🏾❤️🙏🏾
I cut them all off and smiled inwardly and waited...years later they came crawling back with their own horror stories about the narcissist they once held on a pedestal and I just kind of shrugged and told them "oh well."
experiencing this now, your story gives me hope. i will wait and one day they will learn
I won't accept them back into my life. You survived for years without them, so continue surviving with them.
I wont even give them the shrug, I rather keep quiet and ignore what they said.
Yes, this exactly
I haven't experienced the return but I am going to say, your healthy attitude is beautiful and shows grace and composure. Good for you!!!
Your first natural instinct when someone or people are making false accusations about you is to go on the defensive. It took me 33 years of my life to understand all the defensive strategies in the world won't change a toxic mind. It's also taken 33 years of my life to understand if I just step out of the way life takes care of itself. Be strong people the right people in your life won't ever go away.
Yes exactly. It works the best and other people will find out the truth eventually anyway about the narcissist.
@@Mondoshawn usually, they do, but narcissists move to the next Target and repeat the same process. They have no conscious about what they've done, and it's sad that others don't understand what they are doing. This happened to me with one of my neighbors, whom I helped out on many occasions. I didn't see the betrayal coming and found out after the damage was done. The narcissist would continue to speak and talk to me as though nothing was wrong. They are master's in different disguises, and most people do not detect their hidden agenda.
It took me 42 years.
@@escapingnarcissists1549 50 for me.
@@loris80 oh my, I thought my 33 years was tough. I have noticed that I have picked up some traits out of their playbook and it has worried me. However, I try to be loving towards myself, it's a long road. And look, at our age ,we are still learning
Just like you must go no contact with the narc- it is best to go no contact with the flying monkeys. My divorce turned into a total loss. Children, friends (except exactly 3), professional contacts, home, money- all went away. I started over at age 43. It was painful, which was the intent of my ex. Twenty years have passed. Some of those that turned against me eventually realized that my life is good. And my ex continues in turmoil. Sometimes all you can do is live it down. My son has started to come around in small steps. But you can never recover the damage done by a narc. Sadly, it is permanent.
its so much worse when there isn't that one decent person that approached you and tries to lift you out of the smearing process. or at least tries to check in with your side of the story. Usually a story that the narcissist makes to hurt your reputation, nothing more and often isnt even true. It is so hard to rebuild after that happens.
My mother had a great saying about these people....."You just go and be your own sweet self, and don't pay any attention to them."
In social and family relationships, that might be decent advice, but a smear campaign must be confronted in the professional arena as it can affect career, financial security, and even legal security. I know this from experience. My own life was set back by more than a decade by a narcissist’s smear campaign against me because I kept being the good person and going about my business, rather than confronting the rumors and simply asking people why attitudes toward me had changed. Just like melanoma, ignoring it won’t make it go away.
Sarah Kittelson, that is disastrous advice. These people are poisonous and cannot be allowed to lie without being shown up with the truth. Believe me from brutal personal experience.
I tried that and but for a miracle it would have cost my life.
@@monstermcboo7282 👍💟
@@bobtaylor170 ‼️👍💟
It’s amazing how a narcissist would remember every.single.mistake.you.make. Plus all the things HE thinks is a mIstake that you made. I’ve stopped defending myself to everyone. The truth is the truth is the truth.
I dont think i have to justify myself to everyone its so draining with their twisted minds sorry for the words. What everever I write is my issues of what I get from trolls.
And the Truth never dies. Never.
I think you have the best attitude to this situation. I had to hang on to the truth and trust that eventually it would be apparent to others. It’s terribly hard to have to do though and you have my sympathy!
Amen
@@allykatharvey awful
Withdrawing from everyone stops anyine being able to hurt you anymore. Its lonely but it shields you from ever being hurt again.
It sucks but I’ve flown solo in my own family to get away from my narcissist sister. I gained a lot back, but she’s reentered the equation again, and is already splitting the family up again. I keep my distance from all of them.
The narcissitisc spouse spent his time turning people against her and then wait for it, "defending" her!
The trouble is that normal, healthy people don't make up outright lies out of nowhere. So when such a person hears a narcissist make an accusation, they assume there HAS to be a least a LITTLE truth in it. Most people just aren't prepared for the level of cold cruelty and dishonesty that narcissists display as a matter of course. They think, "Who could, or would, make this kind of thing up?" A narcissist could, and a narcissist would!
If a piece of gossip seems to negate what you already know about a person (or believe about a person) then ask for hard evidence to back their assertions - no matter how carefully couched in concern it seems. Proof doesn't lie, opinions do.
phemyda94 exactly! I just posted something very similar to what you said. You said it much better! To understand a narcissist you either have to be one or have been a victim of one.
B G that's where the narcissist eventually gets tripped up, details that don't match up.
So sad and true it's really unexplainable for someone to begin to understand the depth and pain unless they've been in this type of situation
@@terrylemal5163 Hello there .. YESSSS .. their actions don't match their words and vice versa .. they are malignant, they have a Batchelor's degree in pathological lying and are soul-less spirits ..vapid and empty...
Handle with grace and remember "Those that know you, know better! Those that don't, don't matter!" 💯
Exactly
Like this one!
Good point. However, the people who should have known better, cause a lot of pain and disappointment by believing the worst and behave as if they don't care.
wow thanks!! 🙌🙌this mindset helped me re think my fear of rejection from their flying monkeys
No, then u missed the point of this whole video.... the ppl who know you are turned against you, even tho they know you. This is the pain and upset.. the truth is so easily ruined/tainted...
Right, some people are so quick to believe the lies and deception.
they spend a lot of time building a false image,but it isn't who they really are.
If someone is telling you bad things about another person, theyre definitely telling other's bad things about you.
People turned their back on you so easily means 1. They don't know you that well to defend you 2. They themselves might have some beef with you already (or secretly jealous of you on something) and that's just the right fuel for the fire.
Thank you was so lost as it happened but as I ponder I realize they’re just insecure
I think you are spot on with two.
3. They are fucking assholes who doesn't deserve you
@livefree so true. Great comment
When your mother is a raving narcissist:
1. They like patronizing and on this occasion they look down on you with e.g. "What a terrible daughter you are, I would never behave that way with my mother... Did you consider that she will be dead some day and how sorry you will be?"
2. Your mother always tells them the compliments they want to hear, so they feel in honor bound to defend her.
3. They are mothers / fathers themselves and feel that parents must stick together ("After all, childen are always ungrateful" etc.)
In any case: run for your life. Who is not interested in even hearing you out is not worth your time.
My mother had been lying about me for over 20 years and I had no clue. She lied to my own/her own family. They all sided with her because she always had her mask on. I blocked all those people in my life.
Me too..much love. .💜
@Rebecca Buschhorn I saw it too as a kid but I never knew it was a disorder either until 2 years ago.
Rebecca Buschhorn 😳 same for me too. As a child I knew there was something off about my mother, but I couldn’t pinpoint it myself. Of course being a 80s baby, the internet didn’t come into play for me until the late 90s and everyone about made it seem like she couldn’t and didn’t do anything wrong. smfh
I thought I was the only one going through this experience. I am dating a Narcissist right now. I have had so many conflicts with my own family members and friends over him. My own family members took his side over mine and I don't understand why that can happen to a person. I feel so alone and disbelief that your own blood can turn against you.
Rebecca Buschhorn I agree, little girls do need their mother and about the abundance of information at our fingertips. For those types of mothers to take advantage of that love is supremely cruel. Truly a shame. I put everything about my mother together within the last 4 years (bomb dropped when I turned 35) but even though my heart is broken behind her actions, I started going to therapy, which has helped tremendously and I just can’t wait to start the next chapter of my life. My God is not done with me yet; the best is yet to come. Thanks for sharing, what I’m sure is just a snippet of what you’ve had to endure. Much blessings to you!
The most heartbreaking soul murdering thing is when they turn your children into flying monkeys. I am broken that he was capable of doing this
My daughter, when she was younger, said to me one day, very profoundly, "mom, do you realize you and your sister aren't speaking because your mother is telling her what you allegedly said and telling you what she allegedly said, and neither one of you said what you are being accused of!?" Why don't you and your sister get together and discuss what is going on!? Best way to resolve this is to like you saidm, shed light on the dark places and they disappear, She kept this going because she wanted to be included in our lives, and this was her way of thinking she could keep control.
Covert narcs can be very subtle in how they turn people against you, very carefully planting seeds almost like they are so reluctant to share this information.
My covert narc sister precedes her awful comments/gossip by saying, "I'm worried about her" and blasts away with her toxic ideas. It makes me hate the people who believe her.
@@heathergraham652 That's the exact tactic that was used against me.
Heather Graham Me three? Damn, they all read from the same script.
Erika Wow! The predator admits it.
You are describing "Sheeba" a dental assist I had to work with for a while....very covert and very vendictive.
It is so emotionally painful when it's your parent turning family members against you, even the ones the narcissist doesn't like.
This is my story. My mother turned everyone against me. I’m an only child so now I have nothing.
No amount of feeling can describe their actions
My niece has just gone insane with her smear campaign
All my years I have never experienced such
FACTS
Dr ramani must have had a lot of narcissists in her life
@@messue428 Same but those people are ridiculous to listen to only one side of the story and judge everything by that. So good riddance.
I’m experiencing this at my workplace right now. I learned a few things. It’s important to keep a journal to record what happened, who was involved and when. It’s better to report harassment early. I made the mistake of trying to be patient with the narcissist and hoping they will change. If no real disciplinary action takes place even after you report the bullying, prepare to leave asap.
My sister told me all my personal business was being talked about and someone is adding lies to it all!😢
"How easily people can be manipulated" that blows my mind too, and social media makes it easier.
REMEMBER THIS; INTELLIGENT MINDS WANT THE FACTS AND BASE NOTHING ON HEARSAY..THEY KNOW THAT THE RUMOR SPREADER IS TRYING TO MESS UP A PERSONS LIFE..THIS TACTIC IS COMING FROM A JEALOUS ENVY PERSON..YOU HAVE WHAT THEY WILL NOT AND YOU ARE GIFTED IN WAYS THEY AREN'T..TO BAD AND I DON'T CARE.. MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WANT TO KNOW ME AND THE ONES THAT DO LOVE ME..I'M PRIVATE AND I SEE THROUGH THE SMOKE SCREEN..I JUST SEE THESE LOW LIFE LIARS AS DUST BEHIND ME...LIFE IS GOOD AND JOY SPEAKS LOUD...GOD BLESS EVERYONE..LIFE IS HARD AND THEY TRY AND MAKE IT HARDER AND I GUARANTEE YOU THAT YOU WILL WIN BY LETTING THE TRUTH OUT BY BEING WHO YOU ARE AWESOME...THEY WEAR A MASK AND ARE FAKE SCAMMERS ..WATCH THEM CRUMBLE..WITH THEIR CRONIES FULL OF B/S BALONEY..HEHE HE..THESE PEOPLE CAN'T GET WHAT THEY WANT IN LIFE..THEY CON IT...AND WANT YOU NOT TO MOVE ON AND STICK AROUND WITH THEIR DEMONIC PATHETIC AS8ES....YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THE ABUSE TAKE THEM TO TRIAL..WATCH THEM CRY...REPORT ALL STALKING,SET UPS AND SCAMS TO LAW ENFORCEMENT AND CHILD ABUSE..THEY ARE THE ONES THAT ABUSE THEIR KIDS AND HAVE THEM HATE AS WELL...
The Narc comes across with complete sincerity.
@@angelaparmelee9983 yes, I have a sister like that.
YES, THEY ARE EVIL NO DOUBT ABOUT IT AND THEY THINK IT WILL WORK..NOT COPS FIND OUT SOONER OR LATER THE TRUTH IS OUT.. THESE MENTALLY ILL PEOPLE KNOW IT'S WRONG AND WILL DO ANYTHING FOR ATTENTION..I'M SORRY YOU HAD THIS DEPRAVED ENCOUNTER..@@rjvasquez6385
@@rjvasquez6385 How do losers like that sleep at night? I mean, I could not even live with myself if I was such a loser.
I lost my entire family to my mother and sister. The pain was horrible. After years I got over it and I'LL never go back.
when my older son was born my sister wrote him a letter saying we will make him fat ? ,I kept that letter she is a jealous and evil and I didnt realize she was on a campaign to get him, she really wanted him and now he is older her husband walked out on her so she needs a son and has taken mine, she chose carefully which son she wanted, now she has a bunch of friends she can control , my son , my mother and has everyone I know on her side, but Im strong and have people I know that dont know her , Iv joined groups , I go to night school and I have another son who Im looking after carefully ..she tries to find out about us through my mother but I only tell my mother things that dont matter, Im onto the evil witch ..
same here
So sorry. I know how you feel.
It’s happening to me too❤️
Same here. I’m still trying to figure out how to heal.
Tell people you are jealous while flirting with others in your face
Sunlight is now being shone on these vampirish narcissist, who for an age have had their victims subjugated in isolation and in silence. And while it is so good to hear that I was not alone... it is even better to hear that so many survivors are emerging out of the fog, never more empowered, never more informed. It is very reassuring! Thank you.
If anyone comes to ‘talk to me about someone’ my first thought is “Why are they doing this?”
Envy evil intent
And that's how it should be!! Some people for whatever reason are easily influenced..
Sometimes they might be the Truthteller, too. Targets can look like Smear Campaigners when they tell the #Truth.
If the Narc senses Your suspect, They will attack You also. Spot it and lend support secretively
This only happened to me once where someone wanted to "talk to me" about someone. I was kind of young but even then thought it was odd that they were talking so much crap about someone they always hung out with. I never paid it any mind until many years later that it happened to me... where one of my "friends" turned everyone against me and lied about it whenever I confronted him.
My mother turned her 4 brothers, her husband, 3 of my siblings and eldest niece against me. She was caught in the act of trying to turn a cousin against me. It was easiest to walk away from my whole family. The last ten years have been my happiest and healthiest.
Wtfffff
My mother has gone though similar scenario in her family…. her aunt turned all her close ones against her…. Like my mother’s brothers and cousin sisters everyone stopped speaking to my mom like before and always sided my mom’s aunt…. Like she’s a angel to them ….. and the worst part was that my mother too believed that her aunt is an angel until I exposed her true face to my mom ….. now the damage is done and my mom feels lonely, but it’s ok she made many new friends and spends time with them
So sorry. I can't imagine. Stay strong
@@Blurufoodaz yes I think that’s the saddest when the victims don’t realise what the perpetrator is doing.
Good for you! My mom is going through the same thing. My late grandmother really did a number on my mom on multiple occasions. Put a bad taste in a lot of people’s mouth about my mom. A good family friend stuck with my mom and made her feel sane. Now that I’m old enough/mature enough to see the trauma my mom went through, she has yet another person in her corner (along with my siblings and some church friends). I can see her regaining health (she actually sent me this video 😂)!
You know a narcissist gotta be miserable when they try to recruit others to be against you as well... I'm so glad the lord showed me who people really are faster then fast itself I'm very thankful an greatful. Dealing with liars like narcissist it can traumatized you like it did me run faster then forest Gump when you see one they will go to the extreme praying on your downfall which is sick and weak hearted❤️🙏
that's what my mom did, turned part of family against me because I moved out and she could no longer control me. my best advice is just go on with your life, people around you will see who you really are and those ones which felt for rumors aren't worth your attention. some of these people she tried turn against me had their own brains to notice her toxic behaviour and didn't felt for it. Best you can do is leave it to the winds, bad energy narcissist lets out is not yours.
I had a narcissist “best friend”. She would tell people/mutual friends straight up lies about me to make me look bad. Even worse, the horrible things she told people were things she had done herself, not me! I’m pretty sure she is still spreading rumors. I really need to completely cut her off. Terrible idea to let her back in. NEVER RECONNECT WITH TOXIC PEOPLE OUT OF LONELINESS!
I had many "friends" like that. Including virtual people online...Total farce.
*No Contact* is the best decision a person can make. Good riddance!
And yes, never reconnect with toxic turds because you're lonely... Or when they come around "wanting to know what's up", say they've changed or missed you etc.
The best person to like is yourself. Don't look for validation in other people. Find it within..
😭 I have the same problem!! For years now, I regret it!!!! We became best friends not knowing who she was and I thought it would be a great idea to play Cupid and introduce her to my brother in law, 8 yrs later they are married and have children. It has been hell now sharing the same family 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Talk about losing my sanity throughout the years! I had my few bumps until I started doing research on what I was experiencing and little did I know this person was a narcissist the whole time made sense!
I made that mistake twice with two different narcissists
Right-projection. I just found out narc neighbor's son was a major alcoholic. Her husband used to beat her son. Her friend beats their dog. She called and reported other neighbor for beating his dogs and kids. She kept accusing me of being a drunk. It all makes sense!
It is better to be alone than to be lied on a day to day.
I've been on my own a very long time. The best way is to be your own support system. Then you can have true friends.
Like
Agreed
Currently hold this mindset. I see it to be true. On a journey of self-sufficiency and financial freedom
Exactly same in my case. It took years to figure out but now I know who is the next person she'll target to brainwash
@Tanya Brown Right! They weren’t real friends to begin with if they leave. You only need 1-2 true friends and family
The damage they do is completely destructive
The betrayal was unbelievable, I could not believe that people believed it.
It was terrible till I blocked the whole lot and left them to their own nonsense … now they fight with one another.
The damage was and still is unbelievable financial emotional it even put my rental property at risk as they even went to my Landlord … terrible
I’ve dealt with every stage of a narcissist all my life lol 😆
Ditto
People who are this manipulative in life, are completely immature. And so miserable with their own essence on this Earth. They just show how insecure they are.. Strong people sense this and ignore, ignore, ignore..
"What to do when the narcissist turns people against you
"
Answer: Let the people who believe in the narcissist continue to believe in her. Simply let those flying monkeys go. You cannot force anyone to like you or to acknowledge the truth. If there is one thing I know about the narcissist; it is that she will go to her grave denying the truth. She lives in the lie. I don't wast time anymore with people who are dedicated to misunderstanding me and not seeing me for who I truly am.
I've gotten to that point. Unfortunately ...I need to let go of my grown children and I wont be around for my precious grandbabies. But...I know they'll turn them against me eventually. Its heartbreaking!
I agree, BUT what if those FM"s have kids, your cousins and other contacts you want to keep in touch with/?
@@jaydeecee1643 Yes, same here. Incredibly sad.
@@LuketheFinn I have an update. After my narc daughter slammed me for whatever she thinks I did...She said "I still want you around"...I said OK...I've been to see her and my grandson and acted like nothing happened. My feeling is that I am done looking for validation or approval from my kids. I just don't care anymore. Let them think what they want. I'll continue to be nice and if they're shitty I'll just ignore it. The more I try to change their perception...the more ammo it gives them.
Him*
Husband’s father is a malignant narcissist and is out on a smear campaign and sadly some of my friends have fallen for his narrative. The pain of their betrayal is pretty raw. Feel this is going to cost me my marriage! So thankful to your kindness and wisdom Dr. Ramani
Noooooo,
They're not to be trusted anymore.Once they betrayed your trust,then trust is damaged forever!
Sometimes the "narcissist" is your family. I'm sorry that people keep representing this as something you stumble into. Often you're born into it.
Absolutely
You are absolutely right. I found out a few years ago when my oldest sister and I were at the hospital with my mom. She started talking about how much her life changed for the worst when I was born?
I couldn't believe my ears... She is almost 70 year's old. I am 8 year's younger, and all I could think was, seriously?
You've been holding onto this like 60 years?
The middle sister always helped in making me feel left out.
This all made sense to me.
I always felt left out and picked on, and now I know this is not anything I made up in my head.
Thank you for your knowledge.
@@NOSHITification Exact same but I could see it since I was little. My mom turned everyone against me and her utmost to destroy anything I wanted to do, even turning my fiance against me. Now I'm the only one of her 4 kids that will take care of her 😩 so your not alone and welcome to your freedom . Cyber hugs from UK. Stay positive and get stronger and more happier as it will really p her off 😚😚😎
Very true
Yes.
If someone is involving a lot of people in their conflicts, run.
Thats my narc mother to a T. When she has a fight with someone in the family she will act like a victim and involve the maximum people as possible as if it was a community project. She has so much rage inside that she would be yelling the same BS or the events of a fight for months. And then it becomes the topic of the moment until she jumps into another fight. Its so pathetic. I always say to her that I dont want to be involved in her toxic stories so she makes sure to talk loud so I can hear the crappy details. It pisses me off.
@@independenthoney1 Your mom is a complete loser. Why do you even have contact? Get away from that insanity. It is not healthy.
@@independenthoney1 Yeah get away from your mother. My mother destroyed every area of my life. I can't believe what she did to me, the sadistic abuse was mind boggling but it took me my whole life to work out how utterly hideous a person she really was and her legacy lives on. Get away from her. FAR away and NEVER go back.
This!!!!
My mother in law is the definition of a narcissist and I was her scapegoat for a long time. When I walked away, others finally started to see how she truly is as a person. It wasn’t long before the validated what I have been saying for years!
That's because without you around she has to find somebody else to pound on. But don't forget who those others have shown themselves to be.
Just ignore them. Those who believe them are naive and they are not your friends.
I became pretty immune to narcissism after figuring out what it was.... so my narc told everyone I "used and abused" her. The fact that people actually believed it really hurt, but the truth came out eventually.
@loveable rouge I am healing a day at a time. ❤️🙏🏼The defamation of my character was the hardest part but as all this time has passed nobody believes her anymore so the worst is definitely over. Thank you for the kind comment checking up on me!
Always does. I live next to one. Tried to turn me against neighbor other side of her. Found out she couldn't. So she enlisted a renter across the street, and her contractors. I wrote an email to renter's landlord because she threatenend me twice. As for all of us homeowners, everybody is against the narcissist, because yes-we all know the truth. As for renter, she will get discarded and nobody likes her because she has cussed all of us out. She will be alone. 🤷♀️
@@andreaberryman5354 that is sad.. :-(
Yes believing is seeing
@loveable rouge have you?
It's a disorienting experience.
I remember thinking I had entered the Twilight Zone.
Yes it is a case of, well all seemed to be going alright as far as I was concerned 😟, then comes the narc to point out that that's delusional on our part! 😞
@@joseenoel8093 ❤
It led me to ego death. I literally detached from my personality because I lost the fabric of my identity due to the level of emotional abuse, gaslighting and invalidation of my ‘truth.’ People can be absolutely terrible
🤦♀️.if only people around cud be empathetic.n help heal
It truly is sad how a narcissist can turn not just your family against you but also a community!
This just happened to me. Holy cow. I told myself they took his side because he could give them things that cost money. And me? I couldn't give them material things. Just my true self. But it still hurt. It still disoriented me greatly. Destabilized is a good description. They are gone, but my truest friends - all genuinely kind and respectful folks, stayed by my side. Divorcing the covert narcissist is truly, heinously awful.
".....if they were that easy to loose, were they worth keeping in the first place?" that part!
WOW. Thanks for saying it out loud. ☀️
Stay strong while forgiving and setting boundaries.
If you miss your abusers without a doubt you're suffering from helinski-syndrome or stolkholm-syndrome.
Michelle Mykel House I think it’s different if it’s your mom. Having littles, it would be helpful to have her around, but sadly for safety reasons due to her refusal I have gone no contact. It is her loss because she’s getting older and missing her kids and grandbabies but it’s still hard for me when friends of mine get along with their moms and have support for childcare pretty much anytime.
Totally nailed it.
Yes , THAT PART!!
My mother turned the WHOLE family against me with lies. And it was hard, as a 20 year old with no one else in the world I felt so alone. However, I knew that by leaving that toxic dynamic I was giving myself a chance to find real love. I hope everyone here gets the chance to experience real (NON narcissistic) love❤️
Amen
I understand, I had the same happen to me at about the same age. And it is hard being that young and being subjected to that. Sorry that happened to you ...
My mother started it when I was around 13-14 years- I was at her mercy and very much alone. She started programming my father and my two brothers. She painted the picture that she was ‘taming the shrew’ in me- she projected an image of me which was in reality not me. But the vicious cycle was that I began to rebel because my father and my brothers began to look at me and treat me with the warped up ideas in their heads that she fed them. I lost the love and support of my closest family growing up. I became an over achiever in school- thinking I could win my parents’ love and my brothers’ admiration if I topped it in academics and sports. But it didn’t- it sometimes backfired- kindling more jealousy, competitiveness and anger from my mother- she kept putting me down at every opportunity she got. She did a lot of gaslighting.
Later she spread her tentacles to my husband, my extended family, my sisters in law and colleagues at work (unfortunately I was forced to work with her in our family business- which I regret to this day) She curtailed opportunities that I got to go further in my education- she stopped me from taking on a scholarship to do my PhD in Chemistry in Scotland by informing my husband that I might run away from him and my kids if he allowed me to go. She just cooks up stories and talks like it’s real.
When it’s your parents it’s extremely difficult to distance yourself- and the world is very judgemental- especially the Asian society I live in. It’s a cardinal sin to cut ties with your aging parents. But a narcissist never changes. Now I’m 45 and still feeling that I was robbed of a happy life by a woman who actually needed therapy and an enabling father and brothers.
@@hasnaiflal5363 I'm so sorry this happened to you . My situation was similar. You have to think of yourself. You can't sacrifice your whole life because of tradition. Doing that you are playing along with some would call - MORE than toxic scenario. What is more important - not sacrificing a God given life or worrying about what others think ?? No one will reward you or think higher of you to go along with this nonsense and it will be all for naught. AND also you will kill the only avenue for change for your mother otherwise she will carry on till her death. If she doesn't take the chance at least one person can survive - you. PLEASE don't sacrifice your life anymore by someone who has let themselves be run by this darkness. I too thought you have to stay attached because their "family" - then I didn't. You can either leave completely or hold them at arms length with the least amount of contact And you MUST do that !!
Consider yourself lucky you figured it out so young. Now you have a whole life of being able to spot narcissists, avoid them, or deal with them in the right way (if you have work with them etc). It's like GOLD in the bank.
This happened to me from my Partner.
I was the one doing all the buying food, cooking the food, and planning all meals, even getting the takeout on weekends.
At the time I was nursing my Aunty for 10 years, driving back & forwards to her home daily, plus looking after my brother with intellectual disability.
When I realised that I had had enough & we were ending the whole relationship after more than a decade.
That Narcissist started bad mouthing me to everyone, her family, most of my long time friends & anyone.
In the end, I was abandoned by most of my friends.
This whole situation had me loose the beautiful home that we shared & renovated.
I had to move myself & my brother to a unit away from my social group.
No one would believe me & I was an ignored or gossiped about.
I have found some of my oldest friends online & they have reconnected with.
I still feel very embarrassed & distressed as I don’t know what was even said.
I doubt I will ever trust anyone ever again.
The universe is working for me and I will come out ahead.
I thought i would write this instead of complaining, to bring light in my life.
You have to watch your kids around narcs because they whisper hate against you in your children's ears and before you know it your own kids hate you!
Right..I'm going through this right now..the father is so mean and hostile towards me because he can't control me..he's trying to turn my own daughter against me..
Parental alienation is very real, it's the ultimate smear campaign, to have your own children turned against you and even join in on the abuse against their own parent!
Reba Miller Going through this right now.
@@iamnottheone9765 I'm so sorry for your loss. This is happening to me right now, and it is devastating. Exactly what the narc is after.
@@iamnottheone9765 thank you for your compassion. All we can do is adhere to our own core values and realize how much in life is not in our control. I wish for you civility, compassion, dignity, and respect.
I wish I had known this many years ago. She's right when she says they actually did me a favor when they pulled those stunts. I have better people in my life now.
Yes in a very twisted and perverse way but I pray no one ever goes through the same hell I did
@@articlight737 I wish the same, unfortunately it won't be reality!
Agreed.
I needed to hear this 36 years ago (before UA-cam) I wasn't the direct victim per se but was included in the narcissist's scheme, it happened to someone very near and dear to me and they almost died by the hands of someone who believed her made-up story. I won't go into detail - read Genesis chapter 39 for the story outline of Potifer's wife - similar story. It amazed me how many people believed her. The ones who said they didn't believe her, but told others they really did - talk about backstabbing with a smile. It was so painful to go through - it affected me deeply and was isolating. We've established new relationships since then but the closeness with the family is gone. I no longer trust the ones who believed her even though the fabricator is no longer around the family. We're civil, get together occasionally for family dinners but the trust is gone.
Just so you know: Those people that judge you and believe all that filth about you have dirty secrets and bad behaviors. That is why they choose to believe that crap about you. It simply makes them feel relief that someone out there is worse than them. I say go ghost and no contact them all. When "new" people start it up, do the same to them or grey rock the hell out of them. In the end, they mean nothing. DO you!!!!
The tragic part is when the person never realizes they were lied to before they die.
They will not. And they don't have to.
"If they were that easy to lose, were they really worth keeping in the first place?"
Drop... the... 🎤 Dr. R!!
Rightttt.. I would let bygones be bygones.
A valid idea, but my ex is doing a number on my daughters. One has separate relationships with each of us and we love each other. When I hear her relate his lies, I simply move on. The youngest (27) is starting to repeat his narrative. We all live in different towns, so she goes and stays with him. I feel her changing towards me, but it is what it is. The other daughter has withdrawn from me completely. Last words? "I'll pick you up on Sunday and we will go out for your birthday". She didn't come, call or explain. She has ghosted me. I tried for nearly three years to re-establish contact. Regular, simple messages. Nothing back. But she did go and stay with her father. He could heal whatever is going on. He dosen't. I love them, but it feels as though I'm sending it into a void. I won't stop. BUT IT IS HARD NOT TO HATE HIM.
Say that again
They are not worth keeping around
Well yes if they are your adult child and your ex is using years of parental alienation. It makes it even harder when you suffer Chronic illnesses and are bedbound, so the of course the narcissist now has more to offer them financially as well as physically.
When a person really cares about you no one seen or unseen can make them turn against you. It is not important who left you, just dont leave yourself. Do not defend your truth. It is a waste of time. I wish all of you here nothing but the best.
Your comment is so spot-on and quotable, especially the "It is not important who left you, just don't leave yourself." Thank you. You sound like you're really at peace.
@Vashti Jones 25% of people will like you and won't ever be swayed, 25% dislike you but can be swayed to like you, 25% like you and can be swayed the other way to not like you, usually by the 25% of people who will never like you no matter what. That last group usually has an agenda that you stand against or don't fit into and it's nothing really personal. That group will look for people who share the same ideology as them. The third group disengaging from you is the most hurtful. However, we don't see the other people who start to like us, group 2, because we're so concentrated on the people who left us. In the end we all have the same individual who will always stay with us. The one entity that every major religion in the world believes in, and that's God. No group of people can change his mind against you.
As a Christian who believes in Jesus Christ, He did not defend the truth when Pontius Pilate asked Him what is truth? Pontius Pilate was looking at Jesus Christ and knew that He was innocent, but still went along with the masses to have him crucified due to the smear campaign of the Sanhedrin (Jews elders) who hated the truth. He felt that truth was relative. Hold to the truth of who you are and stand strong. The truth will prevail.
They enter like a parasite
@@aharry31 Unfortunately some narcissists who call themselves Christians do the same thing. You confront them and ask for an explanation or the truth of what they have been doing and they 'become like Christ' and do not answer, saying that, like Christ, they are being persecuted. They then play the victim card and you look like the abuser....
Living with narcessist for 20yrs still living
My advice is not to be afraid of those people who believe in lies .never ever be worried about your image.if these are your kids work on your bond with them.
I've been facing so much anxiety and hurt when I noticed people are turning against me then I shut them all .not worried for my image.started focusing my wellness.
This almost brought me to tears. I've just recently gotten out of a long friendship and while beating myself up about it, I came across your videos only to realize I was in an emotionally abusive friendship this whole time. Everything you've said was exactly what I had to live through!
I’m crying as I’m listening to this because my sister did the same thing and I was so devastated when my other siblings were so indifferent towards me on my birthday especially. These people are so cruel and manipulative. They don’t care who they take with them as long as they get the upper hand.
Your not alone
Your story is familiar to me also.
I can't tell you the amount of times I've come away from a family gathering crying,now I know why.
Very sad experience
My ex
Then my siblings!
@@anni50ful same....it literally sucks, and so do they!!!!!!😐