As an INFJ I tend to avoid closeness in relationships because of the fear of being a disappointment. I can see my own weaknesses clearly on so many levels like academics, social skills, physical looks etc and i fear that the person who loves me will one day find out about my weaknesses and will be disappointed in me. Moreover there is a certain expectation that people have from the person they are in a relationship with. If I sense that the expectations from me in a relationship are too much for me to handle then I find myself deliberately sabotaging that relationship like a self fulfilling prophecy. It's like in my head I already know that I'm not as good as they think I am and I go out to prove my point. It's very unhealthy at times.
I have to deal with that too. It's a really hard path to bring back the "standards" with which we value ourself, at the inside of ourselves. indeed, it's the very only way I could be happy in a relationship : through assuming what I want and communicating THAT, instead of trying to fit "a priori" with my partner's standards. I think the "disappointment" may be a projection of what WE think about ourself at a certain moment ; while your partner probably, at least possibly, thinks you're one of the most fabulous person on earth! :D
Getting close to an unstable caregiver leaves us high and dry like with parents who can't take care of themselves, you had to force yourself to be strong for them, the enmeshment trauma. There no balance of give and take.
How to make a living? I'm not clinically proven to be an INFJ, INTJ, etc. But I too exactly feel the same way. I do not subscribe to the social norms of working and climbing the corporate ladder. I don't work well in teams. I'm not a natural leader. I just want to stay alone.
This is an illusion that there are only extroverted jobs out there. There are lots of jobs for introverts, but you just have to dig a little deeper. I promise you, they are out there. Start searching and you will find them. This is just one examplel. www.tiktok.com/@lookoutformichelle/video/6932220013227085061?lang=en
I love this video so so much. It defines how i see relationships and why i dont want to get in any kind of relationship. I just WANNA be free and run away from everything and enjoy what i really want. I feel so stressed out with every feeling that i dont want any responsabilities anymore. I spent so much time taking care of other that i dont want that to happen anymore.
As an INTJ female in relationship with an INFJ male, the relationship is intense! He is intensely focused on me when we’re together. He thinks of me when I’m away. He buys me things as he’s wandering through a store just because it looks like something I might like. As a non-INFJ it’s easy to get hooked on that attention and crave it all the time! But understanding who he is I have to be very mindful and ensure that we maintain a balance. So, when he sets a boundary (I.e. I’m busy with a project so I can’t see you this weekend), I honor it. I even share what plans I have for myself so he won’t feel “guilty” for not being available. But I will admit, you INFJs are like a drug! It takes everything in my power sometimes to give him the space he asks for because I just want to be near him! But I do it to show him love and respect just like he shows me. I don’t want him to flee! As Boom said in a video a while ago, the best way to hold sand is with your hand open, not closed! 😍
That's so cool. I'm an INFJ and I really like INTJ's, I find them one of the most fascinating types of people. I think because we both lead with introverted intuition but yet we're different with the other functions, we share something special yet different and I think those 2 types together could be a lasting pair and have a special bond.
as a infj i am terrified of intensity, i feel like theres some expectation of me ( appearance grades, charisma ) that i cant fulfill and i just try to limit interactions with friends in general. relationships scare me alot
Yeah I know what you mean. But these expectations are a lot of times only in our heads, and not actually something someone else comes up with for us. :)
The problem with having a personality that is sensitive and empathic is you do tend to feel things much more than other people- it's a bit like having the volume turned up on all your senses , so dealing with other people can be a bit difficult to handle , it's sometimes all too much to deal with so it's easier not to put yourself in that position - but it doesn't mean you have to avoid relationships, just allow yourself some space now and again if they get a bit too much .
I think a relationship in general causes excessive, obsessive thinking and intensive feelings, whether or not there is drama. INFJs obsess over their thinking and this can drain and wear them down emotionally and physically.
I think this comes back to the nurture vs nature argument. INFJs dont typically come from good, loving, supportive, sane, giving nuclear families. Because the madness, and strife is overwhelming and not healthy for anyone. Esp. narcs... which is why I think we are born into these types of family units. the family unit itself is unbalanced, and we are the fixers IT needs, we are their answers. U are meant to leave it and come back with skills and lessons to fix, but if u follow that path, dont come back unless u are in your strength, because nature is trying to fix the broken too broke to even want to fix itself, and it will take everything u got. (tribal role theory, tribe as an evolutionary driver, collective identity, power dynamics, lineage work, etc., the narc as a symptom of a broken tribe, as is the INFJ)
Your avoidant personality is very much apparent in your videos. I'm fearful avoidant so really resonate with your feelings of needing alone time. Avoidants get a lot of flack for being cold, non-affectionate and sometimes even call us unfeeling. But really the points you make here about wanting to avoid people due to intensity/drama/fighting and extremely valid! I like that you point out that being too avoidant is not necessarily a good thing. I feel the same the older I get, I want to be able to have closeness and maintain it but it's not easy, we're kinda programmed the opposite.
Unfortunately this is just how I am. I tried being in relationships but it just makes me suffer even more, I think about breaking up every single day and it's hell. I feel tired and drained all the time and not wanting to do stuff together, it feels like I'm gonna die. So there's no other option, I either stay alone or live a miserable life with another person, it just doesn't work. I'm currently in a relationship and I'm struggling so hard, I planned my "escape" already and all I can feel is sorry for the other person, I should have known better and just not bothered them with my crazy personality.
Dear Rodrigo, I wonder if you have tried communicating your needs, wants and struggles to your partner, and see if she/he is willing to help create that safe and non-tiring space in the relationship with you? I think at the base a r/s does require "work" and "stepping out of the comfort zone", and in many instances change (most for the better!) - as it is 2 very different people learning how to love one another. However I do think that it's possible to make that experience enjoyable, comfortable and safe. If your partner loves you, I am sure she/he would love to hear your struggles and do their best to make it a better experience for you.
I am sharing this as I am on the other receiving end of this - my partner is an INFJ who I think feels exactly like you do :) Except, he doesn't tell me. He grew up being shown that it isn't safe to have "conflict" - which for him can mean it is hard even sharing his own wants. He struggles with telling anyone what he wants, and keeps everything inside. We saw a counsellor once and she said it is a big reason why he finds being in a r/s tiring, but that it is possible to still learn how to do so. As a partner, I genuinely want so much to make things better and more comfy for him! I know that he is torn between how good our r/s and being together is, and this other inner turmoil he has of wanting to be alone. But it is hard for me to know how to help, if he clamps up and does not let me know what he needs.
@@candicepoppylee Thank you so much for taking the time to share your experience, it's really meaninful. I'm glad you two are on the path to understand and care for each others needs, this is really special. I wish things would be different for me, but I tried communicating my needs to my girlfriend and even though she understands in a way, most of the time she just feels like I don't care, (maybe I don't, it's hard to define, even to myself). Honestly I can understand her, I have a very busy routine and my free time is limited, which makes things harder for both. I try to have a balance between what I want to do for myself and what's necessary for the couple, but in the end every option feels too much for me, I even feel guilty, thinking I'm selfish and mean, wanting all time for myself. We even broke up once and I just poured everything out and after we got back together it was better for a while, but then I started feeeling suffocated again. It's a cycle, happening in every relationship I have. When I'm dating I can't deal with anyone else, I just push everyone out of my life because I can't stand to have more people around other than a partner. I feel so drained I can't spare the time to talk to others and build different types of relashionships. This makes my world very small, making me lose all my interests as all my energy goes to keeping the relationship. I'm doing therapy, but the more I talk the more I feel like this is not gonna change, I'm almost 40 and it's still an issue I can't overcome. When I'm out of a romantic relationship I don't get isolated, because I choose when I see or talk to other people, this is what makes me come to this thought, that in order to live I need to be alone. Sorry for the long message and thank you once again, I genuinely wish you and your partner the best on your journey together.
I think INFJs as we grow older cannot tolerate bullshit and drama . We simply cannot , our empathy levels run low because we did it so much in our younger years and realised it does not help so we adopt a not my problem philosophy which makes us come off as selfish or uncaring to loved ones when in reality it’s them being selfish by not sorting out and handling their own shit …. Y must I care about my 25 year old brothers issues that he placed himself in ? Y must I be responsible for my mothers happiness simply because she brought me into this world that I never asked for …. Families can be batshit crazy and INFJs just do not have the energy or time
I think for a lot of us feel suffocated or suppressed in relationships, by the need to hide our very INFJ-ness less we get labeled 'abnormal'. You are also right about the conflict or drama. With my wife it was always some new minor habit of mine blown out of proportion. My Ex was always getting into arguments with me, over things that were not important. Their lives are a constant, self-destructive, soap-opera kind of disaster, while mine - left to its own devices - is relatively smooth and worry free (Hacuna-Matata). I never had issues with my kids though, probably because my INFJ characteristics seem to be dominant in them (much to my spouse's chagrin). We just kind of operate in synch, which pissed them off even more.
We are probably fearful avoidants, too. I think constantly being a social chameleon (feeling) and handling draining energy-sucking situations and suppressing our paradoxically high moral compass (judging) that we want to set for ourselves since we think about a peaceful future - these traits are mixed up - could be chaotic. So we live in a world we want to understand but we want our own little world to be understood, too. We were not accustomed to verbalizing it. To improve, we just really need to express what we need from our loved ones. Instead of avoiding relationships, we should learn to set boundaries for ourselves to be accepted for who we and understand how they also have a different programming in order to grow with our partner in a relationship. We have diff background, history, upbringing, and beliefs. We should find out if the person we are with can be as close to understanding these intricacies, and vice versa.
It is such an energy suck! I finally made friends with an ENFJ. She doesn’t invite me to anything we see each other at school pickup and that’s enough for me. This is another reason when I had kids I couldn’t handle working plus being a mom. I spend most of my time in the bedroom and my family doesn’t understand. I also have autoimmune issues that make me fatigued easily too. I don’t let this make me feel guilty I understand who I am now. I understand protecting our energy levels is very important. I am finally happy with the few people I interact with and I stopped putting the pressure on myself to be an extravert or have more friends. My sister was always passive aggressive towards me. My ex was abusive. I have plenty of reasons to keep my distance from people. If people don’t invite me to things I know it’s because they know I don’t want to go. My husband is ISTP and he will say they didn’t invite me and it’s because they know he wouldn’t enjoy it. It is so nice to know how different you are so you can make your life fit your needs and wants to live the best life that you can. Even if INFJs push themselves to be super extroverted you know they will crash eventually.
I love this video, and all the comments! I hope you don’t think my question is going to sound way out there, but I heard it today from a pastor. He was telling people something that he said the powers that be don’t want this to get out! He said, “For those of you who are feeling like, why am I having so many money problems when I shouldn’t have them.” “Why am I still not married when I really want to be, and should be.” You know, any of the “why not” questions. And, he said, “There are demons/entities/attachments we get, that are holding us back, and causing the things that keep happening against us.” And we need to get rid of them and our life will change! I didn’t think what he said was crazy at all, in fact, he may be very much in line with the truth. What is your opinion as to possible attachments like the above? I mean, it’s not like someone would be acting possessed per se, but could still have a blockage in one or many area’s of their life bcz of it. Or is it possible that we are carrying baggage from our childhood, or past that is causing blockages! I guess they could be called past demons or attachments that are holding us back from certain things! Thank you!
Absolutely agreed! There are definitely blockages that are holding us back. For example, if you grew up in a very scarcity mindset environment, even if you make a million dollars, you will still have a hard time spending that money because you are so stuck in that previous childhood mentality of yours. You will truly have to breakdown all those blocks before you can move forward. It’s important to pay attention to these blockages and remove them. :)
Yeah I agree that we run away when there are fights in the household. I like spending time alone to regain my peace. When in a drama, I tend to be the mediator, its draining and frustrating when people dont see each others point of view and we translate it to both parties so they reconcile. Well, close relationship is scary if it is negative, but if it positive, it brings us gold feelings, we love that, we hold on to that.
Wow, I knew that I was an INFJ, but YOU jogged my mind with something you said and now a pain I’ve locked away since I was a child, came flowing out. I think about it a lot but I would only allow part of the “issue” out to discuss it (with myself). You allowed me to look at it from a different angle and that little imp just hopped on out so now I will deal with her! I know this may sound confusing bcz I haven’t said what I’m really talking about, but I’ve just figured out something that has been suppressed most of my life and I need to accept it and move on first before I share it! Thank you, thank you! I am still an INFJ....Narcissistic Mother and brother. Drinker dad! And I am a survivor!
Amazing! I’m glad you were able to figure something big out through these videos. So happy to help out. And thanks for sharing this revelation with us. xx
Think looking up fearful avoidant attachment may be helpful for growth and being able to better relate and communicate in relationships. Think often fights and drama happen when we are unable to express our thoughts, feelings, and boundaries, and also from just plain misunderstandings when our family or friends communicate with us. 🤗❤
Yesss, I have looked into this for sure. And partly it's because of my fearful avoidant nature, but it's also because people are exhausting and I would rather stay away from most of them. :)
I have never been in a relationship. I was attracted to two people deeply but never wanted a relationship. Its too much to handle. I wasnt in great finances. Even if i was, i wouldnt want a relationship. I have never met my parents expectations, never put undue pressure on my head, never felt like changing jobs or attending interviews. I never work well in teams when the other person is expecting it out of me. According to vedic astrology, im in rahu moon mahadasha and have grahan yog. Im always confused to what i do but now i felt that i would never make a good career in the corporate world.
As long as you know yourself, I think you can find a way to make money. I could never fit into the corporate world and I ran away from it as soon as I could. I found the career that worked for my skills and I love what I do now. P.S. UA-cam doesn’t make me any money at all, so it’s just for fun that I do these videos. :)
INFJs are a MBTI personality type based on Carl Jung's data and insights. They are an intricate, complicated bunch and I have done over 1000 videos on how we think, behave, and come across in this world. :)
It's a form of cognition (1 of 16) which is different from behavior. Attachment styles are a good example of how experiences alter the presentation of people and in this case, an INFJ's behavior (how others see them vs who they actually are). Try seeking resources that explain the INFJ based on cognitive functions and avoid the ones that generalize behavior. Aside from Boom, I would recommend INFJ specific videos from Joyce Meng and Cognitive Personality Theory on UA-cam as they both are also INFJs and use their platforms to primarily discuss cognition instead of behavior.
Thank you for supporting me! Check out my blog articles, courses, and books on my website - themillionairehippie.com/
As an INFJ I tend to avoid closeness in relationships because of the fear of being a disappointment. I can see my own weaknesses clearly on so many levels like academics, social skills, physical looks etc and i fear that the person who loves me will one day find out about my weaknesses and will be disappointed in me. Moreover there is a certain expectation that people have from the person they are in a relationship with. If I sense that the expectations from me in a relationship are too much for me to handle then I find myself deliberately sabotaging that relationship like a self fulfilling prophecy. It's like in my head I already know that I'm not as good as they think I am and I go out to prove my point. It's very unhealthy at times.
I have to deal with that too. It's a really hard path to bring back the "standards" with which we value ourself, at the inside of ourselves. indeed, it's the very only way I could be happy in a relationship : through assuming what I want and communicating THAT, instead of trying to fit "a priori" with my partner's standards. I think the "disappointment" may be a projection of what WE think about ourself at a certain moment ; while your partner probably, at least possibly, thinks you're one of the most fabulous person on earth! :D
Getting close to an unstable caregiver leaves us high and dry like with parents who can't take care of themselves, you had to force yourself to be strong for them, the enmeshment trauma. There no balance of give and take.
Oh my god!! This thread... It makes me want to cry and also applaud you all for being so brilliantly self-aware. I love you all!! xx
How to make a living? I'm not clinically proven to be an INFJ, INTJ, etc. But I too exactly feel the same way. I do not subscribe to the social norms of working and climbing the corporate ladder. I don't work well in teams. I'm not a natural leader. I just want to stay alone.
This is an illusion that there are only extroverted jobs out there. There are lots of jobs for introverts, but you just have to dig a little deeper. I promise you, they are out there. Start searching and you will find them. This is just one examplel. www.tiktok.com/@lookoutformichelle/video/6932220013227085061?lang=en
I love this video so so much. It defines how i see relationships and why i dont want to get in any kind of relationship. I just WANNA be free and run away from everything and enjoy what i really want. I feel so stressed out with every feeling that i dont want any responsabilities anymore. I spent so much time taking care of other that i dont want that to happen anymore.
This is me too.
Oh my god!! I say this to others all the time: I just want to be free, alone, and happy. :P
I do it because I see when people eventually get sick of me or get annoyed to the point where they ghost me so I leave before that happens
Interesting... What if you waited and they didn't get annoyed or sick of you??? :)
As an INTJ female in relationship with an INFJ male, the relationship is intense! He is intensely focused on me when we’re together. He thinks of me when I’m away. He buys me things as he’s wandering through a store just because it looks like something I might like. As a non-INFJ it’s easy to get hooked on that attention and crave it all the time! But understanding who he is I have to be very mindful and ensure that we maintain a balance. So, when he sets a boundary (I.e. I’m busy with a project so I can’t see you this weekend), I honor it. I even share what plans I have for myself so he won’t feel “guilty” for not being available. But I will admit, you INFJs are like a drug! It takes everything in my power sometimes to give him the space he asks for because I just want to be near him! But I do it to show him love and respect just like he shows me. I don’t want him to flee! As Boom said in a video a while ago, the best way to hold sand is with your hand open, not closed! 😍
Hahahha!! INFJs are a drug. I love this. We should do a video on this. :)
@@BoomShikha Yes! That would be great!
That's so cool. I'm an INFJ and I really like INTJ's, I find them one of the most fascinating types of people. I think because we both lead with introverted intuition but yet we're different with the other functions, we share something special yet different and I think those 2 types together could be a lasting pair and have a special bond.
as a infj i am terrified of intensity, i feel like theres some expectation of me ( appearance grades, charisma ) that i cant fulfill and i just try to limit interactions with friends in general. relationships scare me alot
Yeah I know what you mean. But these expectations are a lot of times only in our heads, and not actually something someone else comes up with for us. :)
The problem with having a personality that is sensitive and empathic is you do tend to feel things much more than other people- it's a bit like having the volume turned up on all your senses , so dealing with other people can be a bit difficult to handle , it's sometimes all too much to deal with so it's easier not to put yourself in that position - but it doesn't mean you have to avoid relationships, just allow yourself some space now and again if they get a bit too much .
YESSS!!! I do love my space. :)
I think a relationship in general causes excessive, obsessive thinking and intensive feelings, whether or not there is drama. INFJs obsess over their thinking and this can drain and wear them down emotionally and physically.
YES!! Such a good point. :)
I think this comes back to the nurture vs nature argument. INFJs dont typically come from good, loving, supportive, sane, giving nuclear families. Because the madness, and strife is overwhelming and not healthy for anyone. Esp. narcs... which is why I think we are born into these types of family units. the family unit itself is unbalanced, and we are the fixers IT needs, we are their answers. U are meant to leave it and come back with skills and lessons to fix, but if u follow that path, dont come back unless u are in your strength, because nature is trying to fix the broken too broke to even want to fix itself, and it will take everything u got. (tribal role theory, tribe as an evolutionary driver, collective identity, power dynamics, lineage work, etc., the narc as a symptom of a broken tribe, as is the INFJ)
YES!!! It's definitely partly nurture, but there are lots of INFJs who message me who come from healthy happy families, and still behave like this. :P
Yes, yes, yes!!!
Your avoidant personality is very much apparent in your videos. I'm fearful avoidant so really resonate with your feelings of needing alone time. Avoidants get a lot of flack for being cold, non-affectionate and sometimes even call us unfeeling. But really the points you make here about wanting to avoid people due to intensity/drama/fighting and extremely valid! I like that you point out that being too avoidant is not necessarily a good thing. I feel the same the older I get, I want to be able to have closeness and maintain it but it's not easy, we're kinda programmed the opposite.
YES!!! You are so right! :S
Unfortunately this is just how I am. I tried being in relationships but it just makes me suffer even more, I think about breaking up every single day and it's hell. I feel tired and drained all the time and not wanting to do stuff together, it feels like I'm gonna die.
So there's no other option, I either stay alone or live a miserable life with another person, it just doesn't work.
I'm currently in a relationship and I'm struggling so hard, I planned my "escape" already and all I can feel is sorry for the other person, I should have known better and just not bothered them with my crazy personality.
Dear Rodrigo, I wonder if you have tried communicating your needs, wants and struggles to your partner, and see if she/he is willing to help create that safe and non-tiring space in the relationship with you?
I think at the base a r/s does require "work" and "stepping out of the comfort zone", and in many instances change (most for the better!) - as it is 2 very different people learning how to love one another.
However I do think that it's possible to make that experience enjoyable, comfortable and safe. If your partner loves you, I am sure she/he would love to hear your struggles and do their best to make it a better experience for you.
I am sharing this as I am on the other receiving end of this - my partner is an INFJ who I think feels exactly like you do :)
Except, he doesn't tell me. He grew up being shown that it isn't safe to have "conflict" - which for him can mean it is hard even sharing his own wants. He struggles with telling anyone what he wants, and keeps everything inside. We saw a counsellor once and she said it is a big reason why he finds being in a r/s tiring, but that it is possible to still learn how to do so.
As a partner, I genuinely want so much to make things better and more comfy for him! I know that he is torn between how good our r/s and being together is, and this other inner turmoil he has of wanting to be alone. But it is hard for me to know how to help, if he clamps up and does not let me know what he needs.
@@candicepoppylee Thank you so much for taking the time to share your experience, it's really meaninful.
I'm glad you two are on the path to understand and care for each others needs, this is really special.
I wish things would be different for me, but I tried communicating my needs to my girlfriend and even though she understands in a way, most of the time she just feels like I don't care, (maybe I don't, it's hard to define, even to myself).
Honestly I can understand her, I have a very busy routine and my free time is limited, which makes things harder for both. I try to have a balance between what I want to do for myself and what's necessary for the couple, but in the end every option feels too much for me, I even feel guilty, thinking I'm selfish and mean, wanting all time for myself.
We even broke up once and I just poured everything out and after we got back together it was better for a while, but then I started feeeling suffocated again. It's a cycle, happening in every relationship I have.
When I'm dating I can't deal with anyone else, I just push everyone out of my life because I can't stand to have more people around other than a partner. I feel so drained I can't spare the time to talk to others and build different types of relashionships. This makes my world very small, making me lose all my interests as all my energy goes to keeping the relationship.
I'm doing therapy, but the more I talk the more I feel like this is not gonna change, I'm almost 40 and it's still an issue I can't overcome. When I'm out of a romantic relationship I don't get isolated, because I choose when I see or talk to other people, this is what makes me come to this thought, that in order to live I need to be alone.
Sorry for the long message and thank you once again, I genuinely wish you and your partner the best on your journey together.
Wow, I love this thread. Thank you so much for sharing and being honest with us, both of you! xxx
@@BoomShikha Thank you for the inspiring video.
I think INFJs as we grow older cannot tolerate bullshit and drama . We simply cannot , our empathy levels run low because we did it so much in our younger years and realised it does not help so we adopt a not my problem philosophy which makes us come off as selfish or uncaring to loved ones when in reality it’s them being selfish by not sorting out and handling their own shit …. Y must I care about my 25 year old brothers issues that he placed himself in ? Y must I be responsible for my mothers happiness simply because she brought me into this world that I never asked for …. Families can be batshit crazy and INFJs just do not have the energy or time
Yes, I agree with you. Thanks for sharing. :)
I think for a lot of us feel suffocated or suppressed in relationships, by the need to hide our very INFJ-ness less we get labeled 'abnormal'. You are also right about the conflict or drama. With my wife it was always some new minor habit of mine blown out of proportion. My Ex was always getting into arguments with me, over things that were not important. Their lives are a constant, self-destructive, soap-opera kind of disaster, while mine - left to its own devices - is relatively smooth and worry free (Hacuna-Matata). I never had issues with my kids though, probably because my INFJ characteristics seem to be dominant in them (much to my spouse's chagrin). We just kind of operate in synch, which pissed them off even more.
This comment gives me some hope. I need another INFJ in my life. I'd love to leave them the f**** alone and get together to have fun
We are probably fearful avoidants, too. I think constantly being a social chameleon (feeling) and handling draining energy-sucking situations and suppressing our paradoxically high moral compass (judging) that we want to set for ourselves since we think about a peaceful future - these traits are mixed up - could be chaotic. So we live in a world we want to understand but we want our own little world to be understood, too. We were not accustomed to verbalizing it. To improve, we just really need to express what we need from our loved ones. Instead of avoiding relationships, we should learn to set boundaries for ourselves to be accepted for who we and understand how they also have a different programming in order to grow with our partner in a relationship. We have diff background, history, upbringing, and beliefs. We should find out if the person we are with can be as close to understanding these intricacies, and vice versa.
Love this thread!! Thank you all for sharing. :)
It is such an energy suck! I finally made friends with an ENFJ. She doesn’t invite me to anything we see each other at school pickup and that’s enough for me. This is another reason when I had kids I couldn’t handle working plus being a mom. I spend most of my time in the bedroom and my family doesn’t understand. I also have autoimmune issues that make me fatigued easily too. I don’t let this make me feel guilty I understand who I am now. I understand protecting our energy levels is very important. I am finally happy with the few people I interact with and I stopped putting the pressure on myself to be an extravert or have more friends. My sister was always passive aggressive towards me. My ex was abusive. I have plenty of reasons to keep my distance from people. If people don’t invite me to things I know it’s because they know I don’t want to go. My husband is ISTP and he will say they didn’t invite me and it’s because they know he wouldn’t enjoy it. It is so nice to know how different you are so you can make your life fit your needs and wants to live the best life that you can. Even if INFJs push themselves to be super extroverted you know they will crash eventually.
Thank you so much for sharing!!! xx
I love this video, and all the comments! I hope you don’t think my question is
going to sound way out there, but I heard it today from a pastor. He was telling
people something that he said the powers that be don’t want this to get out!
He said, “For those of you who are feeling like, why am I having so many money
problems when I shouldn’t have them.” “Why am I still not married when I really
want to be, and should be.” You know, any of the “why not” questions. And, he
said, “There are demons/entities/attachments we get, that are holding us back,
and causing the things that keep happening against us.” And we need to get rid of
them and our life will change! I didn’t think what he said was crazy at all, in fact,
he may be very much in line with the truth. What is your opinion as to possible
attachments like the above? I mean, it’s not like someone would be acting
possessed per se, but could still have a blockage in one or many area’s of their
life bcz of it. Or is it possible that we are carrying baggage from our childhood,
or past that is causing blockages! I guess they could be called past demons or
attachments that are holding us back from certain things! Thank you!
Absolutely agreed! There are definitely blockages that are holding us back. For example, if you grew up in a very scarcity mindset environment, even if you make a million dollars, you will still have a hard time spending that money because you are so stuck in that previous childhood mentality of yours. You will truly have to breakdown all those blocks before you can move forward. It’s important to pay attention to these blockages and remove them. :)
Yeah I agree that we run away when there are fights in the household. I like spending time alone to regain my peace. When in a drama, I tend to be the mediator, its draining and frustrating when people dont see each others point of view and we translate it to both parties so they reconcile.
Well, close relationship is scary if it is negative, but if it positive, it brings us gold feelings, we love that, we hold on to that.
Yes, I agree about the trauma bit. Thanks for sharing!!
Wow, I knew that I was an INFJ, but YOU jogged my mind with something
you said and now a pain I’ve locked away since I was a child, came flowing
out. I think about it a lot but I would only allow part of the “issue” out to
discuss it (with myself). You allowed me to look at it from a different angle
and that little imp just hopped on out so now I will deal with her! I know
this may sound confusing bcz I haven’t said what I’m really talking about,
but I’ve just figured out something that has been suppressed most of my
life and I need to accept it and move on first before I share it! Thank you,
thank you! I am still an INFJ....Narcissistic Mother and brother. Drinker dad!
And I am a survivor!
Amazing! I’m glad you were able to figure something big out through these videos. So happy to help out. And thanks for sharing this revelation with us. xx
Think looking up fearful avoidant attachment may be helpful for growth and being able to better relate and communicate in relationships. Think often fights and drama happen when we are unable to express our thoughts, feelings, and boundaries, and also from just plain misunderstandings when our family or friends communicate with us. 🤗❤
Yesss, I have looked into this for sure. And partly it's because of my fearful avoidant nature, but it's also because people are exhausting and I would rather stay away from most of them. :)
Wow. You described how I feel about arguments and anything intense.
Thanks for watching. :)
I have never been in a relationship. I was attracted to two people deeply but never wanted a relationship. Its too much to handle. I wasnt in great finances. Even if i was, i wouldnt want a relationship.
I have never met my parents expectations, never put undue pressure on my head, never felt like changing jobs or attending interviews. I never work well in teams when the other person is expecting it out of me.
According to vedic astrology, im in rahu moon mahadasha and have grahan yog. Im always confused to what i do but now i felt that i would never make a good career in the corporate world.
As long as you know yourself, I think you can find a way to make money. I could never fit into the corporate world and I ran away from it as soon as I could. I found the career that worked for my skills and I love what I do now. P.S. UA-cam doesn’t make me any money at all, so it’s just for fun that I do these videos. :)
This is me to the T. Very well put
Thanks for watching. :)
I just left bali after being there for two months! Its so nice to know you are based there. I will be back next year hopefully to stay longer.
Awesome!!! Msg me when you are here.
Sending love to all the INFJ's here like myself ♥️. Don't you change who you are for nobody
YESSS!!
i understAND, how can they be surounded by all those people. I need my space and aloun times
Oh my god, I know. :S
Can we succeed like this ?
We can focus on ourselves
And make big progress
But oue relationships not good enough
So what do you think?
No we can't succeed like this. It's what holds us back as INFJs. :)
Very true boom👍💐
Thanks for watching. :)
Why is it so damn hard for anyone to define INFJ. Tired of having to look it up
Because what she is describing sounds more like an avoidant attachment style.
This is an insightful piece of the puzzle!
INFJs are a MBTI personality type based on Carl Jung's data and insights. They are an intricate, complicated bunch and I have done over 1000 videos on how we think, behave, and come across in this world. :)
It's a form of cognition (1 of 16) which is different from behavior. Attachment styles are a good example of how experiences alter the presentation of people and in this case, an INFJ's behavior (how others see them vs who they actually are). Try seeking resources that explain the INFJ based on cognitive functions and avoid the ones that generalize behavior. Aside from Boom, I would recommend INFJ specific videos from Joyce Meng and Cognitive Personality Theory on UA-cam as they both are also INFJs and use their platforms to primarily discuss cognition instead of behavior.