Does Silence Make the Dismissive Avoidant Miss You?
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- Опубліковано 30 чер 2024
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In today's video, Thais Gibson discusses whether or not giving the silent treatment will cause the avoidant attachment style (dismissive avoidant attachment style) to miss you. Watch now to find out, and learn more about silence as a tool versus silence as a manipulative tactic as Thais provides useful tips and guidance.
To learn more, explore the transformative course, "How to Repair Any Relationship", for powerful tools you can begin using immediately on your journey!
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00:00:00 - Intro
00:00:52 - Short Answer: Yes!
00:01:00 - Feeling Minus Fears
00:01:59 - Subconscious Comfort Zone
00:02:52 - Shame
00:03:51 - Bypassing Vulnerability
00:04:19 - No Contact
00:04:57 - Bootcamp Promo + How To Repair Any Relationship
00:05:57 - Silence as a Tool to Address Unmet Needs
00:07:59 - Silence as Manipulation
00:08:13 - Conclusion
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#PersonalDevelopmentSchool #ThaisGibson #PDS #AttachmentStyles #DismissiveAvoidant #DismissiveAvoidantAttachment #AvoidantAttachment #AvoidantAttachmentStyle #DismissiveAvoidantCourse #DatingDismissiveAvoidant #DismissiveAvoidantNeeds #UnmetNeeds #AvoidantDeactivating
It's been about 7 weeks since I've been ghosted by a DA. I'm still hurting, but in the time that we've had no contact at all, I've been able to get my head clear, and one of the things that I realized early on is that I'm not on pins and needles waiting for him to text me, since that was our only means of communication, as he refused to talk on the phone. I adored him so much, and when we were together I was so happy. He was an intelligent, charismatic, affectionate, and talented man. I still think of him every day. But I am happier and more at peace without him. I wish him the best.
not that intelligent, if he ghosted you
Same here..
Wish him happiness, but vow to move on. Own your own strength.
Loose him. If he can't even make time to talk on the phone. WOW
@@dothedirttmtbit’s not about making time. It’s about safety. Mine only messages too. 😢
Nope, been through it. Currently healing from it. I learned to let them go. Let them lose you. They didn't appreciate your presence, then let them appreciate your absence ❤
true. these behaviours appear on a very immature subconscious level that they arent aware of, even if they physically look like grown up people.
That should be on the bottom of a calendar! Welllll said!!!
Well said 💯
We are all wounded children walking around in adult bodies.
People are so complicated... 🙈 Let's heal our inner child ❤
She legit got me attached and then got distant. I can't believe this. I was so blindsided and thought she was secure all along. I just wish they didn't hurt others along the way, but I do have empathy for DA's. - Sincerely, FA
No empathy here. They may not choose the circumstances that led to be avoidant. But they choose to stay there. That's on them and I can't feel empathy for anyone that can continue to hurt others when it's completely in their power to change.
they are deeply traumatized people. with that in mind, its easier to let go with understanding and compassion
Its been almost 7 weeks since he didnt talk to me ,and i'm sure he will not ,i think its over and its time to move on ,i wish him all the best .
they are deeply traumatized people. with that in mind, its easier to let go with understanding and compassion
It’s strange that there are all these videos guessing and telling that avoidants come back 70-80 percent of the times. I cannot be more sure that that the avoidant I talked for a month will not get back in touch come what May.
Did your avoidant use words like “I am aloof as a person don’t take it personally ” , “I don’t develop feelings easily I will be honest” , “only if you were my gf you will hear from me when I am on a holiday and not when we are talking 12 by 7”
(He talked only on chat because he had strict rules around no calls until we meet. Who knows even after meeting he would have ever get on to calls)
@@sarikaraheja2203 absolutely right. mine is watching me from far and only talking now through social media posts, and even there in a very passive aggressive way. love just seems to be danger for them and they treat you like a threat, even if you have the most honest intentions
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to move on, I really loved her so much i can’t stop thinking about her and the memories we shared. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail. I’m frustrated, and i don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts, but i can’t. I don’t know why I’m saying this here, but i really miss her and i wish i could get her back.
I have been in such a situation. My relationship ended about three years ago, but i could not let her go. So i had to do all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back. We are back together, and i must say i am enjoying every moment.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach one?
Her name is Maurice Gleti, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
Don't let them screw you. Be careful. People can take advantage of your pain.
Very accurate video as always!!
Thais can you talk about avoidant and dooamine Vs oxytocin
I know he has fears just like I do. I will be strong, I will be brave. I will be ready when he comes back because he always does 💜
So you’re going to wait around for someone to come and go as they please?
@@SK-no2pp You either love someone enough, or you don't. We all make our own choices in this life for what we want...and we all choose what we hold onto, and what we let go. I have to live with myself, so I choose to be who I am no matter what. I'm not perfect either, so I'm thankful for whenever I receive another chance, too.
@@Jamy528 love is free and unconditional. You can love someone and not be in a relationship with them, you can also love someone who has passed away. However, adult romantic relationships are not unconditional. They require reciprocity, communication, respect, etc. we teach people how to treat us. Unconditional love doesn’t mean unconditional tolerance.
@@SK-no2pp I get one life. This is how I choose to live it. We all get to make that choice. I'm not giving up.
@jamy528 generally how long before comes back pls? We didn’t even break up, just an argument, but no communication either side in weeks. 😢
Thank you thais ❤
It’s sad that the DA has these fears from the past and puts them in the present on a person who is a trusted person not exhibiting untrusty behaviors which is like having an elephant in the room- making someone guilty without evidence
This channel has a really good vibe.
This video is contradictory. On the one hand you say after six weeks to three months, they move on. On the other hand, you say they start feeling their feelings. ❓🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
DA in a nutshell
i thought the same. and probably, both is true. because its the DAs ambivalente behaviour
They begin to “thaw” and process their feelings 6 weeks to 3 months after the break; however, that doesn’t mean they are coming back. They may repeat the cycle with their ex or they may repeat the cycle with someone completely new or even an ex from the past. DA’s rarely initiate contact after a break up, so in order for there to be a coming back together, it is going to have to be the other person who initiates. The problem with that is the DA is likely not healed or changed or ready for a committed relationship.
@@sshuteandrew ty. What about after an argument, not a breakup?
@sshuteandrew my Gielfriend and I had an episode in late December last year and she pretty much said that things between us are done and that we will never see each other again. I begged her to give me and us a chance but she was adamant and said the nastiest things to me which I know she doesn't mean but she said them. I spent the whole Christmas/ new years alone, was grieving the whole of January and also half of February before one random night I get a call from her asking me if I was free to come over as she was feeling unsafe due to a few incidents. I did go and the rest is history...at this point she is fully aware of her avoident tendencies and I have also explained to her my AP tendencies and how we both are in a good space to call each other out and give each other the support we need. There has been ups and downs that's for sure but we have been going pretty solid since.
Hmm...I disagree with the idea that several hours of no texting is an issue. If the person's working for example, a few hours of no contact would make sense. However, I do agree with the days and weeks on end... Although days can be arguable as well.
Of course she don’t mean like 2 hours 4 hours or so, who you know takes hours to reply unless traveling working sick ect , she means it’s a pattern of avoidance. Taking hours all
The time not to reply to a partner is unnatural and abnormal in these times !
@@ld921 that's a load of bull. I know PLENTY of people who take several hours to respond because they have LIVES outside of me. Furthermore, there's nothing abnormal about a few hours between texts. What IS abnormal is the ENTITLEMENT some people have to another person's time when it suits THEM. Stop trying to make dysfunction normal. There's nothing normal about being "on call" for conversation texts 24/7.
@@sifublack192 lol seriously. I sometimes go a couple of days without talking to a partner if I'm exhausted. Maybe a quick emoji response so they know I'm not ignoring them, but who cares? People need to stop dating people who don't share their communication style. Stop forcing what you want onto someone else.
@@SunshineAndSnowflakes exactly. We live in the coping/shaming era where if someone doesn't match your communication style that something is wrong with you. 🙄
I love my wife I need help to be comfortable not being close when. We are home together I'm smothering her and I clearly used to be a DA.....I literally need to ignore her space to create the safety she needs to be in this marriage ugh....please God givee the strength
My DA would keep making plans with me but 9/10 he would cancel them. I began to feel like I was being taken for granted. Last Monday he asked if we could get together Thursday, and like clockwork, when Thursday got here HE CANCELLED. This happened through text, so I replied back and told him that I don't have the mental strength or the emotional bandwidth to keep doing this with him, and that I wanted us to go back to being just friends. HE never responded back and immediately went into no contact. I haven't heard from him since. It's been 8 days. So now I'm confused lol
I didn't want him out of my life, I just thought it would be best to change our title, to take a step back to take the pressure off. HE went silent on me. What are the "no contact/ who should be reaching out to who" rules when it comes to something like this? He's DA and I'm FA
Also we've known each other for years and years.
Literally in the same situation as you…. As a FA I will say when we experienced this it took him about 2/3 weeks to respond. I am used to this pattern from
Him which is why I am not interested romantically, but as friends that distance works better for me. However feeling like my time isn’t being honored with the poor communication 9/10 consistent lack of follow through- from a friendship perspective I am currently figuring out if this friendship meets enough of my needs for us to continue being in each others lives.
Personally I allow him to respond in his time, I make that clear in our conversations “hey your needs and process matters to me too, take your time in responding” I can only say this bc I truly am not romantically attached to him any longer, and it’s the same grace I would give a friend.
That helps when he responds to let me know where he is at, but I can see the internal shame in his responses that he’s experiencing.
I would advise being direct whenever that time comes, speak from your heart, and know you can’t make someone do the work on themselves to be able to have conversations you need, you can only present them with the opportunity.
Personally I feel really okay and unaffected with this approach, as I know I am being honest, graceful, and prioritizing my needs, and can sleep easy knowing I kept my side of the street clean. I hope this helps ❤️
I would also advise once that time comes bc he will respond eventually lol, when I originally put up the friend boundary he took about 2 months to try and test the waters, but I made it clear hey with our transition to being just friends these are my boundaries: no liking/❤ing my stories, please don’t comment on my photos 😍 I was very direct and short with my boundaries, and that helped him understand & keep the friend boundary. So I would advise when that time comes to be super clear that helps draw the line & provide a clear blueprint for him to follow if being a true friend is a doable transition for you guys ❤ all the best! I’ve known this guy for 7 years so I feel your struggle. Keep doing a great job advocating your needs & desires in all relationships ❤
This helped so much. Thank you for taking the time to share your experience as well. It helps when you know others have gone through your exact situation (or even a situation very similar to it) I had to laugh to myself when you said "he will respond eventually lol" because you're right, he always does lol. And I'm also proud of you, that you've been able to grow & heal and move forward in a positive direction on your journey to becoming more securely attached. I love this for you ❤️
@daniellediaz2516 Yes, Thais never covers this, who should be reaching to whom.
@@daniellediaz2516 you are not alone! ❤️ they always respond, eventually 🤣🤣 thank you for recognizing my efforts. I want to recognize yours & celebrate you as well!!! I hope you have an amazing day ❤️
Did she say it's manipulation to use silence against the define avoidance but that's all they do is use manipulation to hurt you????
Unknowingly*
@@jlux4481I disagree these people are screwed up monsters
I frel guilty i think i did use silence a little bit to keep the connection but i didnt mean to 😢
I feel kinda bad. I just feel so much familiarity and comfort with him on the one hand but also just feel dysregulated a when talking to him. So :/ just confusion. I asked him not to call me via a voicemail i hope he gets it. I hate that i kept making it so confusing for both myself and him. But i guess he kinda did it too. But whahever. Anyway. Going to do the limerence course again. ❤
Went no contact with a DA for 5 weeks whom i was with for 4 months. She has 2 kids, so shes really busy. All i want is friendship, but she's still ignoring me.
Don't lie to urself, u don't want friendship
stop wasting ur time with emotionally unavailable single moms, you can do better trust me
@@eruidfhjcvbnhe’s begging for friendship when he really wants more & she knows it’s bs that’s why she not responding
So …. after the stated period of time, who reaches out to whom, Thais?? You never say whether a DA will reach out, or we should.
If you're waiting for them, it could take months.
@@SunshineAndSnowflakes hi Sunny. Even after an argument, not a breakup? He responded to a short text of mine right after the argument where I said something unrelated to the argument. I didn’t respond back. Then he commented on a Facebook post of mine. Nothing from either side ever since. It’s been almost 4 weeks.
@@SunshineAndSnowflakesalso I believe he is both FA and DA.
I don't see my other comment, but I was saying that if I were you, I'd stop fixating on this man and start focusing on yourself and healing your anxious attachment. Thais offers a free trial for PDS. You're going to drive yourself crazy waiting for him.
@@SunshineAndSnowflakes sure sounds like it doesn’t it lol. But I tested secure. Twice. But he does bring out some anxiety in me. I just want to do the right thing. For both of us. 🤷🏻♀️
She and I have talked for 6 months almost daily. She left for vacation for 6 days and we didn’t talk. She never reached out until I texted her and she texted back.
Doesn’t seem to miss me at all 😢
When I vacation, I like to vacation from the world and that includes loved ones. I wouldn't read too much into it. She's still responding.
My guy did that too. Definitely always responded, but didn’t reach out. It hurt my feelings a lot and when we talked about it, he said he was definitely thinking about me while he was gone. We had some other issues, so we broke up, but my theories about what he was thinking or not thinking apparently weren’t accurate and created (unnecessary) problems. My point… we never know what other people are thinking.
@@rachelatkinson525 Exactly. We only know whether we like the way we are loved or not. No need to fantasize about someone secretly loving us more than they show they are. Even if they do, if they make us feel worse, why bother?
It’s been 6 months since the breakup with my avoidant ex gf, and about 4 months of total NC and she hasn’t reached out. That means she’s moved on right? Otherwise that should be plenty of time for her “fears” to dissipate and “feelings” to grow
its always hard to tell. i met a woman for 5 weeks, she went NC for a year and after that we met. every situation and individual is different. i had a very short affair for 10 days, and even she reached out after 8 years. but how long do you want to wait? if your emotional connection was even slighty deep, you will hear from her at some point. but still, there is no guarantee, and you dont want to waste years of your life waiting, because there are other women who can give you the same feeling you are looking for.. and even better, if you learn to be totally independent from other people and learn to be sovereign, thats when people want to be with you.
@@aristark559 makes sense. I’m ready to move on. Was just curious what people thought. And wow she reached out after a YEAR? That’s surprising
@@13sprintuser time is not the issue. the emotional connection is more important. i had a 3 year relationship and i could let go in a week. - but i met someone for some weeks and i suffered for years. - the inner world has a different timescale.
If an avoidant doesn’t come back after a few weeks, it is likely they are on a permanent shut down, and even if you do manage to revive the connection, it will never be the same. It will likely be a casual relationship. Once trust is broken with a DA, they never fully come back. It is best that you move on. Even if you reach out and they respond, it doesn’t mean they’re ready to be in a committed relationship. It doesn’t mean anything has changed. I did this push/pull dance for 5 years with my ex DA. I should’ve left and never looked back at our break up at 6 months.
@@sshuteandrew sounds about right! I’m moving on.
We haven’t spoke now properly for a 2 I didn’t really realise how much trauma she has 😢 by the main thing is she is working on it she has been shut down for 2 years wonder if she misses me…
The very best
What does feelings minus fears mean?
If someone’s feelings for you are a nine out of 10, but their fears are seven out of 10, then you’re really getting a two out of 10 from them…
@@SK-no2pp thank you!
It means that their fears will win over their feelings. They'd rather avoid their feelings than face their fears towards intimacy.
Why does someone keep you phone number?
I listen to this ladies video about these people but I have a problem with her she defends every terrible hateful painful action these people do these people are monsters, they have absolutely no empathy or feelings for what they do to other people, and all she does is make excuses for their terrible horrendous behavior
All she does is justified the fearful avoidance behavior, after listening to this lady people who are fearful avoidant and stop dating they don't need to date people, fearful avoidance are too harmful they don't mean nobody no good, they don't have any empathy and this lady just sits here on videos and defends their behavior, leave your ex fearful avoidant alone let them suffer the rest of their lives with all of their bad decisions, it's not my problem or nobody else's problem what happened to them when they were a child.
She isn’t justifying it. The purpose of these videos is to make us understand why ppl do what they do. Not to shame them.
She breaks down the main causes of each attachment style in order for the partner to learn to understand how to handle it. She cannot change the person, neither can we... The change has to be made by that person with the issue with God’s help. ❤
@@zudie-anngrant8903 I apologize and you never going to see my point of view but other people shouldn't be punished for what happened to somebody else when they on the same continent.
Why does somebody else have to be punished for what happened to somebody in their childhood that person don't have anything to do with that, and if they want to punish you for something their parents did they should stop dating people, and figure out a way to fix themselves instead of harming and destroying other people's lives
No Audio on this Video..
It must be something on your end, then because it's certainly there.
That's definitely an issue with your phone 🤷🏾♀️. Everyone of us heard everything she said
Un-silent your phone and increase ur volume?