how i figured out my gender & how i used to identify
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- Опубліковано 27 чер 2018
- sorry if this is a bit rambly. keep an eye on the community tab for a q&a post!
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the comments on this are already so positive and lovely, and im so glad this could resonate with so many of you ✨💗🌈 I love all you nonbinary babes and I’m so glad this came across well !!
Ashton Daniel do you prefer being called they/them?
DammitOliver they and he are both fine!! But I don’t hear they as often so it can be a nice change :)
I love being called a babe and idk why it makes me feel floaty and nice
I remember unconsciously identifying as non-binary when I was eight. I even thought puberty was an optional thing to go through, like an optional tutorial. I relate to this hard core, my dude.
Ray i wish it was optional T.T i would turn it off rn if i could lol
keroppi Saaaame. I was an innocent bean
god I thought puberty was optional for so long too!! I really thought I could just decide to not ever have a period. If only.
[ If you consciously think about something then it is not unconscious. How are you conscious of unconscious things? If something becomes conscious then it is not unconscious. "I consciously thought of my unconscious thoughts". Unless you're using language dishonestly then it was a conscious process. You will never really know what goes on beyond your consciousness. Kind of like the tree falling in the woods when nobody is there. ]
I seriously thought I was the only one who thought puberty was optional?!!! In 5th grade I learned about what was going to happen to me and I was just like, no thanks, and thought it just wouldn't happen to me (cut to when it did happen, I was devastated, etc.)
This Is an anti-hate comment! You are great and valid. Have a nice day!
"I will protect you"
that is the greatest sentence I've heard all day ♡ you're such a lovely person
Gender didn't matter to me as a child. If I had to pinpoint what I was as a child it'd be genderless. I didn't think of myself as a girl I never even considered being a boy I just saw myself as a kid and used my imagination to be other things (a spy, a cowboy, a superhero, anything I wanted).
It wasn't till I encountered the idea of crushes (which I rarely rarely have myself) and esp puberty that I really started to get unhappy with how I was.
It wasn't til I got on tumblr that I started questioning who I was. I started with demigirl because (and I now know this isn't true now but bear with 15yr old lgbtphobic taught by my Christian conservative parents me), that because it was "still technically girl" I'd be OK and safe from going to hell.
I know that horrible but at the time I hadn't ever been given any view of any ideas outside of Christian conservativism before in my life. It was all I'd ever known but I hated myself so much I needed something other than girl to cling to and that was the best thing I could allow myself then.
I now understand that's not what demigirl is or should be and that there's demigirls out there who are trans and who are happy that way and I'm proud of them but again this was me taking baby steps towards helping and understanding myself.
OK so as I sorted through other labels I also slippied along towards finding labels that didn't scare me. I dont remember but here's some I identified as over the course of about 2-3 years of me just going from very confused and scared of what I was feeling and exploring to just trying to figure out what on earth I was inside:
Quoigender, virgender, virgirl, agender girl, virflux, agender alone, agenderflux, nonbinary lesbian/sapphic, lunarian, stellarian, Galactian, nonbinary alone, mascfluid, boyflux, nonbinary boy, agender boy.
I finally have kind of decided that, when I am safe and on my own that I want to come out as a transboy because I have realized I want to transition and will be much happier when I do so but to my friends and family close to me there's just multiple terms I feel align with my experience.
Virgender still stands out because I still do think that much of my gender identity is deeply rooted in my anxiety and mental illness but I dont feel like its the greatest part of my existence.
More than that I think it'd be agenderflux boy because agender feelings have always been there even before I knew what they were before dysphoria ever even touched me. And boy is how I ultimately want to present as and be seen as. If I have to be mistaken for a gender I want it to be masc.
Sorry this was so long I saw people sharing stories and thought I'd share mine and to wrap up I want to say I don't at all regret bouncing between do many identities and labels.
Doing so helped me understand just how many genders, presentations, and ways of being their really are in a way I dont think I could have other wise it helped me understand how many facets of myself were at play in my gender and other areas of my life. I really do feel I understand myself much better now am I'm far more ready to go out there and be myself someday.
"i didnt know wtf i was" thats so relatable omg discovering your gender is so confusing and crazy??? i identified with non binary in the beginning and know i see myself as just a boy, but seeing non binary people still makes me so happy omg i love my enby siblings 💛💜🖤
I identify as nonbinary and have come out to my parents. They were both super accepting. The only thing I'm struggling with is feeling isolated in who I am because nonbinary people make up such a small part of the world and I don't have anyone who I can relate to (in that way) in real life. I hope soon I can speak to a gender therapist just to get out my feelings (I am not seeking hormones or top surgery right now and I'm not sure if I will any time in the near future) and maybe join the local LGBT center near me. Idk I have gone pretty much my whole life feeling like I don't fit (and not understanding why I couldn't just relate) and now I just feel like I need to get out and make friends who can relate to how I feel and I can learn more about other people's experiences with gender. That is not to say that you have not helped me, Ashton. You are a very welcoming person, Ashton and since I have just started watching your videos it gives me a bit of peace to know there is someone out there who is welcoming and understanding.
Also, I totally understand you on the point of people saying that nonbinary people exist. I feel the same way you do.
I have no idea what the heck dizzle my gender is at the moment so this video really helped, thanks. I think its useful to hear the path that people take when figuring out who they are its not just a single step and a lot of questioning is involved (a least with you and certainly with me) thank you
i really am having a hard time figuring out my gender so i really appreciate you making videos talking about this stuff
quinn pursell same
You seem so chill and open-minded. I've been trying to find different trans youtubers to watch, but most of them make me feel uncomfortable because of their general hostility toward other trans individuals and tendency to gatekeep. It really puts me in a sour mood and makes me feel very insecure about my own identity, so it's very refreshing to hear you speak about these sort of topics with such compassion and understanding. Glad you shared this with us. We need more people like you in this community. ✨🌈
I identified as non-binary for about a year before coming out as ftm trans and so many people assume that I believe nb genders are invalid or that being nb is a 'stepping stone' to being binary trans, but that's definitely not the case. My experience was definitely positive, as you said yours was, and allowed me to see how I wanted to be percieved by the world by stripping away labels completely. Nb people are so so so valid and identifying as nb and then changing your label is also valid and my experiences have totally proved that. Anyhow, I loved this video and your perspective on the issue 💕
♥! I had exactly the same experience (I only called myself an androgyne because I didn't know the word non-binary). Now I am totally comfortable as a "binary" trans man, but can I even be binary if I don't believe that gender is a binary thing? :D Anyway, I never think of it as "I was wrong about my gender". I was completely right that time and it was literally just giving myself time to explore. A lot of love to all nb folks here!
stéphane vrablik That's very true! I believe no one is ever 'wrong' in that sense as, if your identity makes you happy, then it's really never a mistake and is simply another step in your life. I use the terms nb and binary trans as those are the only ones I'm familiar with, but I totally agree with that :) Awesome to hear from someone else with a similiar experience, I hope you have a great day!
I’m sorry but I feel the need to comment on how amazing your hair looks I just wanna floof it
ihavenolife feel free to floof my hair
I kind of procrastinated my own gender identity.... That being said : I relate to this video so much. I feel like the whole 'uwu but how can you want to transition if you don't fully identify as male?' has put stones in my way wayyy too much.
I think I experience gender in a very similar way to the way you do. 65% male 35% whatever feels a lot like me lol
I don't identify at all with the words man or male though since I'm AMAB and it feels kinda invalidating to me to be seen as a man. Guy, boy and bro are ok though, specially boy (demiboy is the term that I like the most)
Mikel Montoya i feel the liking boy better then like man or male
I definitely get that. I identify as a demiboy but saying man is t oo much but boy and guy are the good spot
itsjustkatie boy sounds super cute. And demiboy even more 😍
Mae Wlodarczyk demiboy team!! 😆😆
@@cody7857 Yes boy sounds less masculine
I loved this video! Thanks for talking about this. I'm non-binary (specifically genderfluid) and my gender stresses me out so much. I use they/he pronouns, too, and I can relate to some of the things you were saying. My story is a bit different, though. When I first discovered I wasn't a girl I identified as a trans guy because I didn't know nb people existed (I was 11-12; I'm almost 17 now). It wasn't even a big deal to me.. I just knew something was up. Not too long after I basically was gender-neutral.. I wasn't identifying as male anymore, but I still didn't feel comfortable viewing myself as a girl. I had no idea what I was. I remember having "all pronouns" in my Instagram bio. When I properly found all of the non-binary identities I was torn between genderfluid and pangender, but knew genderfluid would be the better label. I finally found out it was possible to be not completely a guy or a girl.. My feelings weren't so strange in that moment. Some other people felt the same way! So, yeah.. I used only they/them pronouns for a bit. I still prefer they/them over he/him, and yet I think they are both quite better than she/her. I am comfortable with gender-neutral and most masculine terms (person, significant other, sibling,, but also boy, guy, male, dude, boyfriend), although I'm not sure if I'll ever be comfortable with being called a "man". I am fluid in my identity and expression. I mostly present in an androgynous/masculine way, however (not always). I rarely get gendered correctly, unfortunately, despite me being open about my gender and what I'm comfortable with. Gender is extremely confusing, geez. I still doubt my identity all of the time, especially when I feel pressured to "pick a side". I've been trying for over five years to find the best name for myself.. I'm getting close! It will probably be Elijah, Kai, or Luka. Thoughts? Eh, it will most likely end up being Kai because it's gender-neutral. Again, thanks for making this video. I apologize for the unnecessary explanation of my gender journey. :P
You seem like a really cool person, Ashton. :) Your videos are awesome.
People at my school dont understand that identity isn't presentation. I wear makeup, pink, i can dress feminine only in cosplay, but i am a binary trans guy. Before i got my hair cut i hated all things feminine but now i can accept some feminine things but i cant be feminine as myself, only in cosplay. It annoys me when people say "why do you wear makeup if you think you're a boy" like i will FITE.
Thank you so much for making this video, I have mad respect for you. I’m nonbinary myself and I tell very few people in real life about it because of potential backlash. You seem to have such a solid sense of self (especially for someone your age) and I seriously admire you. I’m 22 and I’m still so scared to be open about my identity, especially with people I don’t know. I hope that someday nonbinary people are more widely accepted but your visibility is helping contribute to raising awareness of our existence, so thank you.
I live how open you are in this video! It was nice to hear you just chat about your journey and about how changing identities worked in your life.
This video is super cool. I’m questioning and hearing people talk about their experience can be super helpful! Also the natural lighting looks great!
I didn't know you were trans non-binary and I'm super happy to find another trans NB person it's always nice finding representation for what you identify as. I loved hearing your story. Have a great day☺️
I love this video, you are a great person for educating people on stuff like this and it is very helpful for people like me who are still kind of questioning but I know I am some sort of squiggle honestly thank you
I'm just so confused. Some days I have a lot of dysphoria, and some days I don't really feel any. But I never feel any connection to gender. I just don't feel like I have a gender, but I don't have super intense dysphoria so idk if I'm trans
I love you soooo much man, you give such a safe space for whoever wants to watch your videos. I’ve seen (as you mentioned) lots of trans you tubers who say their Chanel is a safe space, but then go and trash non binary people. You offer a space and community that is totally safe and full of amazing people. I’ve been watching you for a while( let’s just say you’ve gained over 11k subs since I’ve been here) and I can’t wait for what’s to come, I’ve loved seeing you grow into the person you are today and I’m so excited for your future.
Stay rad dude
LOVIN THE SHIRT ASHTON
I actually gasped when I got this notification. Not joking. I love your videos so much!
TYs House I'm glad that I'm not alone in that! (I've gasped multiple times over the notifications)
Thank you for posting this, it's helpful and calming in a sense, that you share your way of discovering your gender. I am myself someone who struggles to come to terms with their own identity, so your video is something I needed to see.
I actually love your videosss ♥
Maddie x Me too 💜
I remember when I was very young I had dreams where I was a boy and I would always cut my Barbie hair to look masculine
Some of what you discussed I relate to so hard/that was part of my journey & experience as well and I’m glad to see I wasn’t alone in that (I’m also nonbinary & trans) ! I’ve been binge watching your videos and I love your channel 🖤 keep being rad ! Love you xoxoxo (also where did you get your shirt from ?)
Hi Ashton. I think that I have chest dysphoria and I think that I am non binary. It is super confusing and the people that i've told either say "are you sure you're not just a boy?" Or "So your a girl but you just don't like having a big chest?" and sometimes I want to say "no" but since i'm still questioning and I don't want to be wrong. Sorry this probably got confusing oops. Love you Ashton!
Ellie Bellie Time don’t forget that it’s okay to question!! if you aren’t comfortable explaining stuff to people, then you aren’t obligated to. 💖
Thanks for replying you’re amazing!❤️
I can relate to that so much! The point where I realised that I'm not just doing myself as a cis girl but might actually be non binary was when a dear friend as mine came out as a trans woman and one of the first thoughts I had was how uncomfortable it would make me to actively choose to get "typical female features" especially breasts. I really am still not sure on how to lable myself beside non binary but that is ok. Every now and then I am also really scared that I might just be a confused and pretentious cis girl, that just doesn't like her breasts, but even if that was the case, that would still be ok. I wish you all the best with figuring stuff out and you are not alone :)
I knew guy who was afab but the he realized that he was actually a guy and after his transitioning he felt really good. He also didn't like to talk about it in the beginning and I respected that. You don't have to fit into a binary narrative , I wish more people would understand this.
BTW ( If that's okay and not rude) may I ask if you identify as non-binary?
@@IamThat00 I do currently. I think I’m more so gender fluid but gender is just weird and I think I’ll always feel somewhat in between
You look so great in natural lighting.
Thank you for this. It helped me.
Honestly, I am the exact same, I identify as a trans(demi)boy and I sit between Masculine and Androgynous. I feel super dysphoric when seen as female (I do believe that's Social Dysphoria? But I'm not quite sure.). This video made me feel valid so I thank you for that. :)
So I strongly feel similarly to you in terms of gender, and I feel comfortable with the term demiboy. Do you identify with any terms that you didn't mention in this video, or just the ones that you did mention? Have a great day! ❤
i went on a fucking Gender Adventure my dude
cis girl > demigirl (girl/genderless) > genderqueer/nb > demiboy (boy/genderless) > Full Boy tm > boyflux/demiboy again (i think) > agender/genderless
all of these were pretty short lengths of time iirc except demiboy and genderless
i changed my name around the Full Boy time and its kinda done a journey by itself lmao
birthname > eli > eliotte/eli > eliott > elyott/ely
im rly into elyott bc its a nice balance of masc and fem looking
i relate to this sm! this is exactly what happened to me its so weird we're like... twins...
❤️
Your looking so cute and adorable Ashton your hair really looks good And suit you :-)
Off topic but as soon as I heard your name, Ashton, I immediately thought
“Damn.. that’s a really cool name”
Boi your voice is so fricken deep and it's like WAT. Your so fricken masculine I can't even
ive always seen myself as cis but i really relate to the % squiggle.. research time!!
This person reads my fucking mind
In not sure I feel like im non binary I get mistaken as my opposite gender lots and honestly im fine with that . but I feel like if I came out as non binary nothing would change.
P.s where do you get your ear studs because I love your ear studs and spectrum piercing
I am now questioning I relate to you so much but I don't know if I'm nonbinary or demi-guy I need some help with that
When I identified as gender fluid only a few of my friends new and one of them asked my pronouns for that day and I said dude can't I just be a pice of trash and she screamed hey guys *insert my name here *s pronouns today is trash so call trash trash and now we're not friends anymore
Also I love that you said squiggle
haha im kinda in a weird boat right now. i started questioning my gender identity a little over a year ago in may. before then, i just always didnt think too much about gender; i mean, i terribly disliked having to wear dresses and my chest gave me discomfort. as well as once, when i was young, i very clearly remember sitting on the toilet, thinking "what if boys have the parts i do and girls have the other parts, and no ones telling me that im really a boy?" because i wanted to be a boy, and i thought i couldn't, because of my genitals. when i started questioning my gender, i labeled myself as a binary FtM guy. my dysphoria was terrible, to the point that id resort to very unhealthy coping mechanisms all the time. this lasted from may 2017 until november the same year. then i started questioning again, and labeled myself as a demiboy because my dysphoria lessened. now, i have no idea what i am because 1) i hate being called female 2) i feel like a guy(kinda? just more like what you said: 65% guy 35% squiggles) 3) i don't have as much dysphoria as i used to. like. i remember sitting on the toilet for about an hour or so because shark week had started, one or two times thatd happened. now i dread shark week and it causes dysphoria, just not as much as it did before. same goes for my chest. i couldn't bear to look at it before. id bind with sports bras daily for a majority of the 2017 year. now, i can go out in public without binding and be okay. actually, i usually dont bind. but I still feel dysphoria and bind sometimes. i don't feel as much bottom dysphoria, nor do i feel dysphoria about my hips or curves (though thats probably due to the fact that i don't pay attention to them, and i never go out without baggy jeans and a jacket/baggy t shirt) i just don't know what the fuck i am. does having my dysphoria lessened make me less of what i thought i was prior to this?
I love idkhbtfm!!!
I relate 100%,my dysphoria shifts too, and I'm nb, your dysphoria doesn't determine how trans you are or how male your gender is, it's just something a lot of us deal with because of our gender
Some labels you might like:
-nonbinary
-genderqueer
-demi(boy/girl/nonbinary/gender)
-tranmasculine
-ftx
Ashton I love your videos and you so much and your videos help me so much but I'm still questioning my gender and I cry almost every night because of that and I feel so lost and scared that I wish that it could all just end but I won't let that get to me because I will eventually figure myself out and I will always watch your videos I hope you read this but if you don't get the chance that's fine I will always love you no matter what .
The funny thing is I only say this kind of stuff about my gender and stuff online
Talk to you later maybe bye
Yurio cat, I was in the same boat as you for a very long time. It took me so long to figure out that I was transgender. And I cried every night too. You are not alone and there is nothing wrong with not knowing your gender. I promise things will get better. ❤️💛💚💙💜
If you do make a non-binary Q&A I have a question.... So I attempted to come out to my parents as trans masc, but because I'm not fully a trans male they think at 16 I'm too young to make a decision like that. Any advice on how to move forward from that?
I realize I’m not anywhere close to Ashton, but my parents did a similar thing when I came out to them as non binary, but with a lot of little subtle hinting, and I hope I can help. I sort of just realized that I know me better than they would, and that I had given it a lot more thought than their three second denial of who I am. So, yeah, this sucks, but you’re amazing and valid and you’re never too young to be you, no matter what anyone else says.
FYI, ignore the name thingy, I go by Yasiel but am having trouble changing it.
Whaaaat we talked about gender fluidity on the same day!
I think I am a nb trans guy also but I am scared about gatekeeping and ufffff. I mean I met a trans gay on pride day and he ask me about how I was with the hormones and It made me feel bad . Also I was fighting vs the idea of binding cos my top dysphoria just appeared when I started questioning my gender and I just ended up surrending to my dysphoria. I am so confused. Also I don't trust my feelings.
Srry for telling u all of this out of nowhere but I don't have anyone to tell this and I find myself on u.(Srry for my English I am Spanish) Also my name is Ashton too and I chosed it because it is gender neutral. Thanks for reading💙🏳️🌈
Ashton, you figured out what psychologists have been trying to explain for a while. Our gender and sexual orientation don't really change over time, only our understanding of them. They're hard-wired in the womb. It can be difficult to figure out when it's not immediately clear to you, so experimentation ensues. That evolving understanding of oneself is what people mistake for fluidity.
HOLY FUCK I LISTENED TO YOU BEFORE T AND THEN NOW AFTER T I CANT WAIT TO START TESTOSTERONE AAAAAAAAAAAA
So, recently I started thinking about whether I feel more comfortable about identifying as a demigirl or a butch cisfemale. But I'm still unsure. I'm comfortable with skirts and dresses occasionally as long as they're comfortable and they're not too girly, but I prefer to dress more androgynous. I'm okay with my chest, I wouldn't really change my body cuz I don't really pay too much attention to it. So I still feel like a girl, but if I were to use they/them pronouns or even ze/hir pronouns, I would be fine with that. I'm just confused and part of me is afraid that I'm questioning if I'm a demigirl just because I "want to be a special snowflake that doesn't adhere to the gender binary" or something. Does anyone maybe have any advice? This video was helpful to me though, and I hope that you got no hate comments. And happy Pride Month!
It's not about clothing
@@saragarofano9727 Hi! Yeah, I wrote this so long ago, and I was still new to the idea of really questioning my gender. Clothes are not what define someone's gender, since men can wear feminine things and women can wear masculine things, and anybody of any gender can wear what they please. I was mostly referring to clothing simply because I felt a strong connection with how I presented to how I felt as my gender at the time. But now I identify as simply nonbinary, and I know my clothes and presentation don't necessarily say anything about my gender. But I appreciate having this pointed out so others can see where I was incorrect before.
i feel like i have a very similar concept of my gender to what you described. still trying to figure myself out, though.
but hey!! thanks for making this video. i'm always super stoked when my favorite trans youtubers talk openly about non-binary identities. i hope the inevitable hate comments are at least funny to read :p
Um so can I just post this here
Not that anyone's going to read it
I keep putting on my bodysuit to make myself appear smaller (my size is 34DD) and I was wearing a tank top and looking in the mirror and I had recently cut my hair to shoulder length and I just felt like I want to be a boy but thing is I'm happy being a girl I just hate being big and I want shorter hair like a pixie.
So I was at the mirror and I was just like watching oitnb and I don't even know and I cut my hair to a short bob at like 1 am and I hate my voice cuz it's really squeaky a lot of the time and I'm just so sick of all this
I want to be able to just dress however I want and I want a pixie but I'm seriously religious and so is my whole community and there's really no understanding of where people are coming from it's just they're wrong well not everyone but a lot
So it's really hard to get help from someone in my religion which is what I want
And I just hate all this
K bye
do a nb q&a please!!☺️ ily ur my faveee
This is an old vid, but I’m not sure if I’m bigender or just A trans guy?
Lol mood. Hello, hi, im here, i exist!!!
itsjustkatie YESS
Lmao why are we literally the same person😂 like the order in the identities are THE SAME and I’m confused
dude i sometimes feel like a fish flopping on a deck being like "WHERE THE FUCK IS THE WATER" XD Have you heard of demiboy? I identified as it for a bit, but now I'm genderqueer :D They/Them, He/Him, She/Her, in the order of preference. I don't really feel gender dysphoria? Well, that's a lie. I think? I don't know I'm a confused bean ;-; Anyway, I feel more gender euphoria with things. Like, I'm fine how I am, but i feel happy when people call me other things or when i wear other things? Humans are so confusing help XD Too bad none of this is accepted at home for me ;-; you seem super chilllll. Like, I've always wanted to make youtube videos, but my usual teenage self-hatred gets in the way of that XD And i don't want people perceiving me as one thing just because i look and sound like something? I prefer the/them over he/him, and he/him over she/her, and I don't want people using she/her just because it's easier for them, even if I'm okay with it? I dont know XD helllpppp. As for the 70% 30% thing? I'm like 100% squiggly but then also i identify with other things like man i love glitter and nail polish sometimeessss XD Sorry for rambling, you're just really chilllll
Great video
MY GENDERFLUID ASS IS DeAD
I FUCKIN LOVE YOU DUDE
Nothing you do can make you more or less of who you are.
I had a Trans flag but....mom saw it and threw it out...eeerrrrrr !!
that sucks man. /srs
So sorry that happened
“Gender isn’t binary” I HATE that?!? I hear is so much?? For some it IS binary for some not ? why can’t you accept that gosh I’m so dysphoric about that.
No I’m not saying it isn’t binary for some people, i totally get that it is for some! It’s just that gender in itself, as a construct, isn’t binary.
Ashton Daniel i don’t understand what you mean jdjjekdhkejd I’m sorry I’m autistic and get so confused I’m sorry djkxjekdk
they don’t mean that gender can’t be binary, but more that gender isn’t binary (like solely male or female). being a binary gender is totally okay, but they mean that gender is more of a spectrum instead of one option or the other. you can identify as male or female, but there’s a whole gray area in between them.
Ryan Encher oh thank u
Are you ok lmao