what is shame? why do I feel shame?
Вставка
- Опубліковано 21 лис 2021
- Shame is a word that gets thrown around a lot, and is a word that I personally used to throw around a lot. And I would ask myself "Why do I feel ashamed?" "Is shame the same as ashamed?" and so much more. I'm talking to you a little bit about my experience with shame and vulnerability. Shame is something that can have such great weight over us if we don't understand both the problem with shame or why we're feeling shameful, but also if we don't know the solution. What is your experience with shame or feeling shameful? Comment below.
I'm sure if you're watching my channel, you've seen Brené Brown's video about shame, which is another great resource: • Listening to shame | B...
#katimorton #therapist #therapy
My new book!
TRAUMATIZED - geni.us/Bfak0j
ONLINE THERAPY
I do not currently offer online therapy. My sponsor BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist, please visit: betterhelp.com/kati
PATREON
Are you interested in supporting the creation of mental health videos? If so, please visit: www.katimorton.com/kati-morto...
PODCASTS
Opinions That Don't Matter! & Ask Kati Anything!
video: / opinionsthatdontmatter
PLEASE READ
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.
kati morton MY BOOKS (in stores now)
Traumatized geni.us/Bfak0j
Are u ok? bit.ly/2s0mULy
ONLINE THERAPY
While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist, please visit: betterhelp.com/kati
Join this channel to get access to perks:
/ @katimorton
PATREON www.katimorton.com/kati-morto...
YOU CAN SUPPORT THE CHANNEL BY SHOPPING WITH OUR AFFILIATE LINKS
Instacart: www.instacart.oloiyb.net/y2j2GB
Amazon: www.amazon.com/shop/katimorton
PARTNERSHIP
Linnea Toney linnea@underscoretalent.com
PLEASE READ
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.
This is a very interesting topic and I'm so glad you showed up in my feed. Topics that occupy our minds, but rarely are discussed. My Mother was the true shame-master in our home. My sisters got the worst of it though, and they still deal with having been shamed as children. Thank you and Happy Thanksgiving. 2 out of three of them ended up having eating disorders.
I am so glad you enjoyed the video! Happy Thanksgiving to you as well :) xoxo
if you’re not vegan, then you’re a HORRIBLE PERSON
@@JoeBidenIsMyDaddy what does mental health has to do with being vegan?
@@JoeBidenIsMyDaddy what? Not a single vegan I know in real life has ever said that as a sweeping statement :(
Mom is gonna burn in hell if she doesn't REPENT
My anxiety and depression are deeply connected to shame. For example, in university, if I was barely 30 seconds late for class and actually watched the prof close the door, I would feel so much shame for being late that I wouldn’t even go in. The list goes on and on. It was a mix of religious parents with attachment issues of their own, who never built me up but were always there with a correction. I learned a lot of practical things in life but my self esteem didn’t start to grow until my 20’s.
That’s a hefty lesson.😧
I get the religious shame. 1000000%. It’s such a heavy weight.
I deeply appreciate how you're not 100% perfect in your videos. You tell us you have struggles, let us see you referring to your notes, leave in moments where you're laughing at flub. Others could and probably would cut around such 'imperfections' but to me, it makes you seem genuine and authentic. Thank you so, so much for that.
Shame stalks, haunts, paralyzes and imprison's me.
And now I know why and how. So validating! Thx, Katie.
I'm obsessed with this camera view, the chair, lighting- all of it makes me feel so calm, even the fact that you're slightly turned away from me - it helps me feel like this is more of an open conversation/chat and less like a "okay I have to reflect on this video asap," it feels like a relaxed retrospective conversation and less like a face on project. I love when you face the camera and talk, but this atmosphere is so relaxing and definitely appeals to my own communication style with others. I'd feel extremely comfortable sitting next to you discussing shame with you in this setting. 💜
yay! I am so glad you liked the different look. We have been trying different things to see what resonates most :) So thanks for the feedback!!! xoxo
I completely agree! This is such a cozy relaxed setting and it feels so authentic and real- it does really feel like you are “on the couch with Kati”.
That said… you can see a reflection walk by on the window (it’s probably Shawn) but it looks very eerie and it gave me a small heart attack! I had to go back and look at it again to make sure Kati is not being haunted by some ghost.
Also this topic is spot on and so needed!
@@Katimorton yes please, I really like how this video came out
@Maternal Mental Health w/Rachelle We're right there in the room, and the room is like a cozy, safe, distractionless therapist's office, where therapist Katy is giving it to us straight. I really like this set, presentation style, editing and camera angle as well.
Yes I agree!!! 👌🏿👌🏿
I am not a mental health professional but in my 55 years on this spinning rock has given me some insight and one of which is shame is so dangerous that most people who attempted and/or completed suicide had major shame issues/shame attacks.
Why do so many think using shame to manipulate and "teach one a lesson" is a good thing.
The antidote for shame is self compassion.
Shame and perfectionism is correlated and interconnected.
Kati, could you please talk about shame based anger? I don't think a lot of people realize that shame can lead to anger.
Nothing tarnishes the soul like shame. Just one drop can change the entire trajectory of someone's life.
Thanks for educating and spreading awareness Kati. 🙌
The root for my shame is definitely my family: I was not supposed to make mistake because I was either made fun of or punished so now I still have anxiety about making mistake and even the little ones bring me a lot of shame.
I am so sorry your family was so toxic.. and I hope with the right therapist you are able to heal :) xoxo
Sorry to hear about you're experience 🙏
@@rubin-healmysocialanxiety702 Thank you! I've now removed myself from that toxic environment so it's slowly but surely getting better! 🙂
Ill never forget the first time I was introduced to shame by my psychologist. She also introduced me to brene brown. So much made sense after I became aware. Brene Brown has been great at helping me identify and overcome shame.
Brene Brown is the best!! So glad she's been helpful for you in your healing process :) xoxo
What book in particular?
@@iiAngelic all her books are amazing. Rising strong and braving the wilderness are my favourite.
Who is brene brown?
@@Ashiryamills she is a person who has done a lot of research on shame. She has done a few red talks too.
I have a lot of respect for you. Thank you for everything you do for everyone.
Awww of course :) xoxo
Toxic self shamer here. Thanks for this video. So helpful.
Shame has various degrees depending on the situation sometimes it can haunt you for a very long period of time.
This is my first video, but serendipitously, the one I needed most. I'm struggling with addiction at the moment (this is the first time I've even let that out publicly) and the cycle of shame and self-loathing has been there for a long time. It began following being drugged by a woman and being raped, and it has perpetuated itself since then. I'm working on it, but it's a work in progress. There's a lot of unravelling to do, and working on other things like PTSD, Generalised Anxiety Disorder and Chronic Depression, so things are taking their time. I guess I just took step one, small as it is. Thank you. x
Sorry you experienced that brother. Thanks for sharing your story and it's good to hear you are tackling it head on 🙌
@Energy Healings & Intuitive Guidance w/ Rachelle Hope you got into AA (or whichever anonymous group applies to you) and/or psychodynamic group therapy. I do both and it is changing my life.
Hi! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. This episode is very timely for me - I am working on processing the shame my parents made me experience for my creative work as a child (music, paintings, and novels). They were embarrassing me, laughing at me, making nasty comments and criticizing my works even though as a beginner I obviously could not be a Picasso or Dostoyevsky right away.
This was very helpful, and it let me know that I've been heading in the right direction.
For me, the thing I had to do was forgive myself. Truly forgive myself. And then I had to change my behavior.
Inner child work around shame can really help build self-compassion for your current self too! Even expanding that inner child work to be inner-teen work can do wonders! Thinking back to a time where you really learned that shame and having internal conversations with that version of yourself is always a good idea 💛
So many sources of shame: feeling shame for a person being shamed; witnessing one person shaming another; feeling ashamed because of something I did or said that was morally wrong or deliberately hurtful; remembering a personal shaming experience; having a shaming experience. This is a good video to sort it out so we can process that emotion appropriately and move on. Sometimes I separate each part of the experience so I can understand what is happening. I often ask myself, what is the shame about? What other emotions am I/are you feeling? For example, I’m felt shame for my sister when my mom yelled at her for wetting the bed. I also feel angry, righteous indignation and sadness. Somehow, that helps me connect with the healthy emotional response and the destructive ones. Thank you.
Hi Kati! Great video! Though I think you kinda missed part of what makes shame such a powerful feeling in the first place. Shame is not quite just that little ''feeling that keeps us in line'' from time to time, it is the way of the brain/body to communicate to us/our mind about the risk of being abandoned, excluded from the group, which, in nature, means a certain death. In that sens, shame is so powerful because it is essential to survival. Someone absolutely shameless would probably engage in antisocial behaviors that would be detrimental to his chances of survival, hence why shame is a trait widely found across all human beings, regardless of culture. However, in that same sens, it is also poorly adapted to modern individualistic societies where being abandoned/rejected/excluded isn't quite as likely to lead to death as it is in the jungle. That's why shameless people are somewhat valued in those same modern societies. The power of shame also makes of it a perfect tool for social control, especially efficient in tight knit communities, societies or in the online world. Due to is proximity to survival, it is also closely linked with anxiety, where a lot (if not most) of it comes from the anticipation of shame.
Life saving work here
Thank you so much... I'm 69 and i still beat myself up about every mistake I've ever made... group does help... For a long time I would tell the memory to stop.. leave me alone.. out loud.. lol now I'm thanking God for helping me get through those stuff times.. and telling my self that I have come a long way from back then...
I'm in the process of letting go of trauma and the stain it left on me.
This video is right on time!
This video is exactly what I needed. I am currently stuck in an addiction shame cycle. I drink and do things I'm ashamed of then when I sober up and realize what I've done the shame is overwhelming to the point where I feel like I need to drink to forget, which just perpetuates the cycle. It doesn't help that I grew up in an emotionally abusive family that commonly used shaming as a form of discipline. I've pretty much turned into a very avoidant, fearful person who hides behind alcohol.
As I wrote another time: I appreciate that you include yourself and your problems and challenges in many of your videos. As for example in this video ... I therefore become curious as to whether in some of your previous videos you have touched on what in your past may have helped to create the things that have been difficult for you and build your toxic shame (or other difficult things)? It could give a huge hint about some of all that affects us at an early age and that we draw with us into our adulthood.
Kati, I find going into meditation and working with my inner child is really helpful. I get to see her running around, I see her joy and I see her sadness and together we reframe things.
I've worked with shameless people, in prison. Shameless people are a nightmare. The fact that you feel shame means that you've got at least a seed of humanity in you. Inaccurate or chronic shame is unhelpful, but shame can help you break cycles and steer away from trouble.
I wonder if some of those people in Prison who are percieved and acted shameless were also Without any hope left.. and resided to giving up.. there's a lot of complexities to prison culture.. Jessica Kent is Amazing in sharing her experiences and advocate. 💜
Your perception is based on the complex of shame experienced in prison, where grown adults are denied their autonomy in almost every way that is natural. Certain rules do not apply in prison as they would outside because of the drastic differences that shape prison culture and foundational circumstances. Not to mention how being in, or associated with prison is viewed almost universally as shameful by nature. (But that’s assuming you’re talking about US prisons or similar)
Guilt and shame are quite a bit different.
Regret and remorse are two different things. Only feeling regret that they were caught for a crime. Or feeling remorse and being sorry for the harm they did.
Guilt is a good thing. It helps us know right from wrong. It helps us not hurt others. Etc.
Shame is never a good thing. Shame is a darkness that encroaches our soul and spills out onto everything else in our life.
We don't ever want to "heal" from guilt. Like our body needs pain so we know when we have broken our leg.
We need to heal from shame. Walking on a broken leg makes us difficult people to live and make it hard for us to let others love us.
I know this for a fact. I lost the love of my life because I wouldn't let them love me.
For me, when I'm willing to dig deep enough, there is always shame under the poop. Heal your shame, find your light.
People without guilt are narcissists. People without shame, are healthy.
I think it also stems from how we believe others see us after they've seen or heard about something we're guilty of and feel embarased by, or having been treated badly and we feel/tell ourselves we deserved it. Deeply humiliating experiences put me into toxic shame for many years. I eventually determined I had to journal to get the negative self talk from my head to paper, and then talk it through with my therapist and sort out the origins and truth behind the self talk. I still struggle with it at times, but I have done some work on identifying family of origin issues, and reconnected with my internal child and worked on healing those old wounds. Keep up the good work Kati!
Girl you got a video for everything up on here. You be putting in that work! Whenever I type in a mental health concern your videos pop right up. You are a UA-cam celebrity
I caught my self getting into the shame while watching your video. Thank you!
This is so helpful I struggle so much with this. We all suffer from any kind of unhealthy rumination related to this topic🤗
Thanks for talking about it. A friend recently asked me why is it that I feel guilt or shame for what seems like the most simple things and I couldn’t explain it to her. Now I think I can because I understand it better myself.
My therapist LOVES to use the words "FACTS" and "PROOF". I thought he just used them a lot because he's a former Police Officer but I guess that's a Therapist thing? In my mind, I have all the proof and facts I need to believe that I'm a worthless person. Shame plays a very big role in that. Thanks for another really good video, Kati.
When I was 4 or 5 years old, I had a friend about the same age. She was a victim of sexual abuse, and shared details among the kids. We didn't know what it meant, or how to react. Interesting that a talk about shame (i general) would lead me to recall this!
Thank you! That really helped me tremendously! I understand now that it isn’t our fault when we are abused in childhood and shame is partly blaming ourselves for abuse when it had nothing to do with us anyway. I can now see that it wasn’t my fault and it was their abusive behavior because of them not me. Thank you Katie. Love you.
Kati I just wanna pop in to tell you how important you are and to thank you for everything you do :)
Take a break whever you need one! 😊
I'm going to school to become a therapist right now. I really look up to you. this was a great video!
Late comment here. Been having a bad day on New Year's Day. I've always felt ashamed of myself, and I hated myself after too many years of hearing my parents shaming us/ other people. Your speech is soothing for me, and I'm happy you speak about topics like these.
I have a lot of problems with Shame in my life and have for a while. What you described in this video happens to me a lot. I can definitely relate to this. Thanks for talking about this.
You are the Best!! Thank you for unpacking and breaking down origin of shame..
My inner dialog is so filled with deception towards myself. But I still believe my inner dialog because of repetition of it.
I was so ready to watch this today. Thank you for your beautiful genuine heart.
Always a good reminder of where it comes from, and the why we may be experiencing it. Equally beneficial was hearing some of your story which I do not remember you sharing in other videos. Appreciated.
The group therapy part really got me. 🥺🥺❤❤❤
Kati, I tend to think rather simply about shame. Its a fear. Fear of consequences. Its a fear of other peoples' opinions. Of explaining yourself. If you dont have shame then their opinion and want for an explanation doesnt matter so much so then I can explain/justify myself or tell them to buzz off.
Quote - if you care what others think of you, then they own you.
@@sixthsense8836 you know, thats the honest truth
I love your videos, because you can so vividly describe things, very openly. And it is amazing for me to confirm some of the observations that I also made with myself - that it is not what happened, what was told to us, the situation itself - but it is the self-judgment that we chain ourselves by. That is the most painful thing and if I look at my inner self as the inner child, imagine a child did a mistake or something wrong - the child can learn things even from mistakes in a healthy environment. What is worse is not the mistake, but the reaction, the judging of the mistake.
To share my story short - I have younger brother who currently has Aspergers and schizofrenia and my father died of cancer 4 years ago. All this "illness in our family" started when I was between 12-14 and I vividly remember telling myself: You cannot wish anything for Christmas now, you are not a child anymore, you don't deserve to be happy if others are suffering like this. Now, my family is and always was VERY loving and really good despite all the pain we went through. BUT, nobody had really time and space to look after me. I was a good girl, good grades, no problems, polite and friendly. I always helped with everything. But how come I found myself at 19 years old in a first relationship with an older manipulative man, very close to narcisst? How come I beated myself with food for ten years (eating and not eating cycles) and then feeling even ungrateful for what I have though I had everything.
I realized that I, since noone had really time and space for me, I made myself a parent. A very strict and a cruel parent. I realized I don't have any self - that I try to only fill the others. I realized that I don't even know what I want, because I never asked these questions to myself (till this day I struggle with anwering to "What do you want?" question - There is always "I don't know, can I?" in my mind.) I realized that many things that came from the depth of my heart were considered wrong from my mom (who has had horrible childhood and I love her very much) who also happens to need to be always right, otherwise her mind breaks down. So she was very manipulative and I didn't realize until few months ago, when I was preparing my own wedding and could see how much she tries to control everything to be according to her - but not in a visible way, just making me unsure of what I think, unsure of what I decided, just slightly judging with facial expression, not remembering what we agreed on and continuing with her own plan. It was really crazy for me to realize that this also lead me to fall in love with manipulative boyfriend 10 years ago. I am now 29 and happily married to someone else.
I don't even know why I am writing all this here, maybe it can help someone feel they are not crazy. One of the most painful observations was, that I have inherited many of that manipulative skills and might have been hurting people as well. This woke me up from the "victim circle" and made me more responsible for my life, thoughts and behaviour. I also tried to make myself not judge myself - like trying to stop it and it helps a lot. I know I need to go to the path of forgiveness, but I still need some time :)
Thank you again for this video.
Really appreciate your time and effort and know you're needed to me people then you'll ever know...
I really needed to hear this today! You have no idea! Just going through a rough time a break up and yeah I've been beating myself up basically shameful thoughts! Thank you so much!
I am so glad it was helpful and timely :) I am so sorry to hear about your breakup. xoxo
Thank you so much for this and talking about how thoughts aren’t real! Thank you for making a difference! You help more people than you know!
This is helpful, I've delt with MAJOR shame stuff for most of my life and it has shown itself in some unfortunate ways. Also, in videos like this one, adding something random like a dude dressed up like Spider Man running by in the background would be a great touch.
Kati, I just want to say thank you for doing this - for everyone. Your calm manner, your expertise, your hard work, everything.
I think I should bring up the concept of “shame” now once I begin my therapy sessions. There is religious shame associated with how I feel and how my anxiety and depression really affect my mental health and the ways that I view myself and my relationships.
One term comes to mind from how you are describing shame in this video: Self-fulfilling prophecy
This is a super important video and quite powerful to get closer to the root stuff and brighten the hope that things can and will become better maybe even more than we think hey!
Thank you for this! I definitely needed this!
Kati …. I’m new to your videos. I can relate to you at 1000%. I find myself constantly saying “I’m sorry” and wanting to make everyone and everything around me as smooth, happy and perfect as possible. I saw a meme that stated: I’m not controlling I’m aggressively helpful”! I told myself that’s me. I know my behavior of controlling comes from childhood trauma and I want to overcome that part of me. I wouldn’t want to be around someone who has my behaviors of constant take control and always saying I’m sorry. I don’t want to keep imposing this part of me on those around especially on my husband. Kati do you have a video of this out there that I haven’t seen?
PS Keep these wonderful, loving and insightful videos coming. You have a funny sense of humor and I enjoy watching your videos🌸🤩
Thanks for this! Love your channel!!
Thank you for encouraging us to always look within and work on ourselves!
I have been working on my core beliefs with my trauma therapist. Thanks for this video. It reminded me I need to work on my exercises before my session tomorrow lol
You’re so insightful. It inspires. Thanks for sharing.
I didn't even watch this video yet and the title + picture of you looking at me made me cry. Then I had to take a walk.. Alright, I'm ready to watch now I think. Your awesome Kati.
Thank you Katie. Good stuff
My t said to me once why I was sad over that event to know the source of my shame.. He thought it is based on a story I might be telling to myself. But when I said the reason which is a real reason he just said I understand and we were silent after all. Sometimes we are feeling like this for reasons that can’t be fixed but are key. The more I opened up the more I realised I can’t do anything with it. Like how you do about a past that happened to you and affects you every day and it isn’t story …
I find this format so helpful and informative. It’s like having a casual chat with a friend and working through something deep. Thank you Kati.
This video comes just in time for me. Thank you
This video is truly helpful. Thank you very much.
Thanks Kati! I love these talks and especially the realness that you share.❤️
I think it's just the right timing for me to watch this video right now as I am currently experiencing it. I extremely thank you for this. It makes me to be more self aware on situations. It really is hard when you have esteem issues and this itself manifest your thoughts everytime. I think is to be aware is the best thing to fix within yourself.
Of course!! So happy to help :) xoxo
Best video on shame ever
Great topic. A toxic mixture of shame and trauma bond kept me stuck in an abusive relationship and even after the break up it was really hard to establish a firm boundary with my abusive ex whom I still had to see at work at the time. He was very emotionally unstable and narcissistic but was super nice in the beginning so before I realized he was toxic I shared way too much personal information with him. I was sick with worry how he could use everything he knew against me, especially since he knew all of my coworkers (he wasn't employed and there was no reason he got to know everyone but he made sure he did anyway). I still feel a lot of shame about the relationship but I'm working on it in therapy and it has become a lot more manageable.
Very smart and well spoken. Thank you Katie
Thank you Kati and have a splendid thanksgiving veccation.
The ACE study would be a good topic.
I find your way of talking very comforting
love you kati happy thanksgiving have a great one and i am thankful for you and your videos
Thank you, Kati. ☺️
Thank you.
🙏
this is such a cozy set up i love it!
Love this video - thank you Kati!!!
amen brother 🙏 great video for sure
Thanks UA-cam for bringing Kati Morton back to me in my time need!!! 🙏
Love this video! As someone who is working through chronic guilt and shame, this was so helpful!💕
Thankyou for this Kati, i struggle a lot with shame and really resonated with this video. Thanks for your tips on how to deal with it.. Im going to try and put them into practice. 🙂
Thank you for sharing this. I really needed it today.
amen brother 🙏 great video for sure
Thank you for this Kati
this is so helpful and opened my eye about shame. thank you kati!!
Of course!! xoxo Happy to help :) xoxo
Your expressions really hit home with me. Thank you!
amen brother 🙏
Thank you, Kati. That dance metaphor is very on point. Also, love the new setting!
I am so glad I found your YT account! I have shame deeply rooted in me since I was around 15 years old, when I started to be myself and my parents didn't aproved that, and I didn't do anything crazy, anyway they also didn't gave me boundaries.. I was alowed to do almost anything and then I was punnished in that way they were telling me I should be ashamed. I also watched my older sister who has also been a little bit wilder than me and still has a problems now, because our parents didn't accepted her as who she was trying to become as an young adult.. anyway, shame is still my friend today in this way that I can't go out and face people without wearing foundation on my face that covers my blushed face, because I turn red all the time when I feel anxious and ashamed around other people. Thank you so much, I never thought about this issue in this way, I actually genually thought something must be wrong with me and I have to be ashamed.. my mother's words "you or he/she should be ashamed of yourself" are always on my mind and I now I think I can start to think differently.. I am just listening to you through this channel and I feel safer, so thank you so much for this! 💖
This video was very good timing to show up in my feed! I was driving home from work today and I found myself telling myself I should have been more productive and I didn’t do enough and why won’t I just be a better person already. But when you were talking about bridge statements, it reminded a little of the bible verse Romans 12:2 where it mentions the renewing of the mind. It says “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is-his Good, pleasing, and perfect will.”God has been showing me lately the importance of intentionally taking the negative thoughts that come through my mind, take them captive, and renew my mind by replacing them with the truth that comes from the Bible. It can be hard but according to Phillipians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Thank you for your videos Kati, they have helped me a lot through my therapy journey. 🙏❤️✝️😌
This video really helped me. I find myself feeling tremendous shame for cutting myself off from a toxic family system. I have recently been able to not allow myself to feed into the shame. It is still a struggle for me but I have been doing a much better job. Thanks for the great video!
Absolutely love your metaphore of "family dancing"
Most helpful one yet. Thanks Kati! Thinking about this feels terrifying but also incredibly important at the same time. Guess I'm gonna have to do some journaling lol. One other thing that's mentioned in the video is not negating your own actions when commending someone else for the exact same thing. Makes me think of an idea I just had - mutually assured self worth. I know that my best friend is one of the purest people on the planet. However, she thinks she's an awful person. I can assure you she's not. However, I know there's something wrong with me down to my very core, but she insists I'm a good person. So by that logic, either we're both terrible people (which I know for a fact she is not) or maybe we're both not as awful as we think we are. Hence, mutually assured self worth. Idk, sorry for the long comment. I just hope this can help someone else too.
I think shame feelings are the builders of the idea that I don't deserve to feel like I'm a good person and am worthy to be happy. I am trying bridge statements but some of those bridges seem really precarious, like they were built by a 5 year old. Actually, maybe they were. The 5 year old me.
The brain loves to be correct? Wow! That makes so much sense! It's something I never considered quite in that light but we can see that every day in the way conspiracy theory believers gobble up anything that 'proves' their beliefs. And if you feel like you did something that brings bad luck, your brain might spend all day logging every little bad thing that happened and for get the good things that also happened. Just to prove itself correct!
I know right?!?!? I know our brain looks for threats, and tries to find proof go along with what it's thinking or worried about.. but never thought about it in the context of it always wants to be right. Totally blew my mind too!! xoxo
I loved not only the topic but also the style of this video, it felt like sitting with Kati and having a deep conversation about this! Great N
Thank you so much for this video. After watching some of your videos I'm convinced I need therapy. I experience the peaks and valleys of the shame cycle. I go months at a time feeling super connected to myself, understanding my patterns and feeling well and balanced. Then these months are followed by more months where I feel totally disconnected from any feelings of self worth, reminiscing (almost uncontrollably) on everything I've ever done that was shameful.
I have been involved in personal development for over 20 years. It doesn't matter. I thought I had worked through my childhood traumas...that I had come out the other side, but the truth is that the emotional scars never go away. It's a constant working through them for me. When something major happens (like a major betrayal from a loved one for example, or discovering that I've been living with a narcissistic, sex addict for 8 years) all of my training and sustained work on my self esteem goes out the window and I'm back to square one, feeling the deep inadequacy of the unshakable feeling that there must be something wrong with me.
Thank you!
I have worked in Mental Health as a therapist for over 20yrs in the UK and what you say is so true.
I 90% of the time I am talking with clients / patients around environmental impact not the ozone layer of global warming but the environment in which they developed. Emotional intelligence is as important as intelligence for me. We bring so much from our childhood in adulthood, fear and shame leading to self criticism. Learning a new dance can be so helpful to self and also a challenge. If you are reading this and you feel you need to change your dance, you can!!! Give yourself permission to get back on the dance floor. Good luck.
Yup. Definitely stems from childhood, things said by mom & other kids. I've gotten better with it, I at least have moments of feeling almost pretty, but it's definitely work to tell yourself you might not be how they made you feel. Remind yourself that you aren't going to feel perfectly positive in one shot, like you said, be patient with yourself.
Idk about others but ur each video changes me into a better me...
I love u 💜 Thx for this channel 💜💜
My shame comes from my childhood. I remember being younger and having a low self-esteem. I got to my teen years and thought I was over it and once I got into my mid twenties it all came running back. I realized that I never really fit in with my friend groups and my romantic relationships never lasted. Because of this my shame became very prevalent in my life. I'm in therapy now but breaking a habit you have had basically your whole life is hard.
Great insights
Thank you
This is actually quite surprising to me - but I'm in therapy right now and I feel like a lot of the stuff which "drives" me deep underneath is shame. I feel like the main "tool" used by my close family to shape me as a child was shame. So I'm really glad your video popped up, it did explain some of the stuff I feel.
I'm not sure if this is the best place to post this question - but I was wondering if you could make a video about emotional detachment? This is a big problem of mine which we try to tackle during therapy as well - It looks like my "mind" is not fully processing what's going on with my "body" in terms of feelings. A lot of times I simply don't know how I feel, or if I have unpleasant feeling the only thing I notice is that I'm getting tense (I can already identify that that tensenes happens when I get anxious, as well as when I feel shame - although that last feeling is also connected with intense heat flowing into my face). I was wondering if maybe there are some techniques I could use to "connect" to and identify my emotions more? I tried meditation and the funny bit is - during meditation I usually feel nothing, which is very weird to me as I heard a lot of times that meditation should help me out somehow...