I dealt with this a lot in my late teens and 20s. I think we're also fed this narrative from media that if we just hold out, the other person will see just how great we are and want to be with us (like Ross from Friends or Ted from How I Met Your Mother). I fell for that narrative HARD and it was really toxic. And even when I finally got the guy I was in limerence with for years, it was a super toxic dynamic because he (at least subconsciously) knew he had the upper hand emotionally, and it was clear he was just after the attention post-break up with his ex. And while this is not exclusively men, men are also especially taught to be entitled to a woman's attention, and that we can just convince someone they're wrong about us if we are just given the opportunity.
You can also miss out if you’re judging someone or their actions or choices ❤ I’ve been with someone who had learned this not putting on a pedestal thing. But he still had - especially very black and white - opinions on any choice I made for myself. Without telling me btw. The thing is - let’s try to learn having relationships without judgment, it’s possible. It has nothing to do with having no standards. If they don’t treat you right leave them. But if it has nothing to do with respectful behavior towards you then better refrain from judgement. Life is so complex and you don’t know better what’s good for someone than they do. Have a little patience and trust, instead of constantly asking yourself in your head: “Is this the person I want to marry?” at any little moment- especially if the other person or you both are still young ❤ Because if you’re constantly having an opinion you can easily end up with a very negative judgmental notion of someone. My boyfriend also eventually fell out of love with me, especially after I matured a lot in my mid twenties. And he had a very bad opinion about me in the end and was very sad that his ideas for my future turned out to have been only in his head. I didn’t stand a chance compared to his notion of my future self 😅
I have bad OCD from once extreme of course i get obsessed but CORRECTION i usually get obsessed over pple i know & were deeply involved in past lives .i had several guys giving me attention & VALIDATION but chosen the ones that i had the most turbulent bonds in pst lives .they ghosted me only after i put up strong boundaries ,,i wanna believe they wanted me without my boundaries to use me & i had issues recognizing &accepting why they rejected me as noone ever rejected me beside my blood members after i set boundaries with them too . They refused to accept my boundaries which is part of who i am & i refused see how dangerous they were .
I dealt with this a lot in my late teens and 20s. I think we're also fed this narrative from media that if we just hold out, the other person will see just how great we are and want to be with us (like Ross from Friends or Ted from How I Met Your Mother). I fell for that narrative HARD and it was really toxic. And even when I finally got the guy I was in limerence with for years, it was a super toxic dynamic because he (at least subconsciously) knew he had the upper hand emotionally, and it was clear he was just after the attention post-break up with his ex.
And while this is not exclusively men, men are also especially taught to be entitled to a woman's attention, and that we can just convince someone they're wrong about us if we are just given the opportunity.
God damn…I have been read to my core😳thank you for this
You’re welcome and also I’m sorry 🥲
This was awesome anyone you put on a pedestal will not be a healthy relationship so true
i am watching all of your videos at the moment and girl. YOU. ARE. TRULY. A. QUEEN. thank you for putting things so straight to the point!
Thank you, I'm learning
Now I got an explanation for "what the heck was wrong with me, why did I hang around that guy for so long?!"
it really helps to understand it's a psychological phenomenon and not a defect of some kind.
I genuinely hope u do more videos as i love this. Subscribed 😊
I appreciate you 🫶🏻 thank you for the support!
Wow I feel called out and seen! Love your content. Can you do another video about insecure attachment?
This, imo is the best explanation I have ever heard of limerance as it applies to the average person.
Thank you! 💯
omg thank you so much! I'm glad it was helpful! 🫶🏻
You can also miss out if you’re judging someone or their actions or choices ❤
I’ve been with someone who had learned this not putting on a pedestal thing. But he still had - especially very black and white - opinions on any choice I made for myself. Without telling me btw.
The thing is - let’s try to learn having relationships without judgment, it’s possible. It has nothing to do with having no standards. If they don’t treat you right leave them.
But if it has nothing to do with respectful behavior towards you then better refrain from judgement.
Life is so complex and you don’t know better what’s good for someone than they do.
Have a little patience and trust, instead of constantly asking yourself in your head: “Is this the person I want to marry?” at any little moment- especially if the other person or you both are still young ❤
Because if you’re constantly having an opinion you can easily end up with a very negative judgmental notion of someone.
My boyfriend also eventually fell out of love with me, especially after I matured a lot in my mid twenties.
And he had a very bad opinion about me in the end and was very sad that his ideas for my future turned out to have been only in his head. I didn’t stand a chance compared to his notion of my future self 😅
cool new word, but not a very cool feeling to work through
Yeah it’s so debilitating 😔
I have bad OCD from once extreme of course i get obsessed but CORRECTION i usually get obsessed over pple i know & were deeply involved in past lives .i had several guys giving me attention & VALIDATION but chosen the ones that i had the most turbulent bonds in pst lives .they ghosted me only after i put up strong boundaries ,,i wanna believe they wanted me without my boundaries to use me & i had issues recognizing &accepting why they rejected me as noone ever rejected me beside my blood members after i set boundaries with them too .
They refused to accept my boundaries which is part of who i am & i refused see how dangerous they were .
You ate with this explanation 🩵