Why Chasing Success Leads To Failure
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- Опубліковано 16 чер 2024
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Join me in today's discussion as we explore the paradox of how relentlessly chasing success can often result in failure and unhappiness. Many of us find ourselves caught in an endless pursuit of success, unknowingly trapped on a treadmill where the quest for achievement paradoxically leads to disappointment.
In this video, we'll unravel the complexities surrounding the relentless pursuit of success, shedding light on how this perpetual chase can sometimes lead to unintended outcomes. By diving into this paradox, we aim to understand how the pursuit of success, while seemingly promising, can ultimately result in unfulfillment and dissatisfaction.
▼ Timestamps ▼
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00:00 - Introduction
03:11 - Common shared pathway
04:57 - Treadmill concept
06:29 - The brain has evolved for survival
10:07 - Reflect on what you did well
12:10 - Aghori Baba
17:38 - Conclusion
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DISCLAIMER
Healthy Gamer is an online community and resource platform for gamers and their families. It does not provide medical services or professional counseling, and it is not a substitute for professional medical care. Our coaches are peer supporters, not professionally trained experts, and they cannot provide medical service. If you or a loved one are experiencing an emergency, please call your nation's emergency telephone number.
All guests of Healthy Gamer are informed of the public, non-medical nature of the content and have expressly agreed to share their story.
#healthygamergg #success #chasingsuccess
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Damn the more I watch your vid. the more I see the hotel owner on John Wick
I thoroughly enjoy your advice and videos, though timing the non-adsense to interrupt flow, rather than simply played at full at front/back/both of video, is disheartening and sours the rest of video :(
I'm chasing stability tbh. I don't care about being the wealthiest but not getting your priorities straight/walking with no direction or stability will screw you over more.
Imho that’s the difference between having ambitions and just being greedy.
Thats cool, but sadly stability doesnt exists
@@TheAlexDouglas New video... why chasing stability leads to failure.
Love the Lonerism profile picture
@@TheAlexDouglas That's why you want to have some money saved up and a few backup plans. That's all stability really is I think, getting your basic needs met, not having to worry too much about those needs suddenly not being met, a good balance of work and leisure, and plans/contingencies in place in case of bad luck. True you can't do much about something like being struck by lightning, caught in a natural disaster, or hit by a bus, but you can try to have things in place for something like your basement flooding and needing repairs or your car breaking down.
This hits different as someone who was seen as a failure and thought and still thinks of themselves as a failure. I study psychology now in university and Dr.K was one of the inspirations for doing it.
awesome
Welcome comrade! Glad to have you.
Hey I study psychology too and the same has happened to me
That's awesome 😍😍😍
Same dude, good luck
I've accepted that success can only exist while you're chasing it. This allows me to reflect more because I know i'm not chasing an end goal, but the next step forward. I'm successful because I chase my goals, not for achieving them. A negative side effect is that if i stop chasing a goal I feel unsatisfied in it regardless of how much i've accomplished.
The saying exists for this reason, money doesn't buy happiness. The goal isn't money or some other simple success it's fulfilment and experience which you get by being sensibly ambitious and chasing goals. Keep grinding, but stop and smell the roses sometimes.
The problem with this saying is that it is actually not true and it is just a low/middle class coping mechanism. Money drastically increases your chances at happiness and survival. Chasing money to the point it becomes an obsession and your life is devoid of everything else is the problem. There is an ancient Greek saying "παν μετρον αριστον" meaning everything is good in moderation. If you go overboard on anything, even if it is good and healthy for you initially, it beomes bad.
@@cspeitch3262you're completely right: it increases our chanses at being happy (ant it sure makes survival a lot easier), but doesn't make someone automatically happy. A depressed person will continue to be depressed even with a million dollar in their bank account. Like Jim Carrey said: "I wish everyone has money and fame, only to discover that isn't the answer"
My expirience fully confirms this
We are sold a lie that success will bring you happiness and euphoria. Then once you get there, you realize that the amount of happiness you get from it is very short lived and you're basically where you started... but with years of hard work that you now feel were almost wasted. I fell for this and feel like i wasted my 20s.
I’m a 20 year old kind of just getting started in life. What kind of life or success did you chase and did you get it? Would you say it was worth it or would you have been better off doing something else?
What did you Chase? Any advice
@@TheGreatWasian_ I personally think you should go back to your childhood and figure out what you liked doing and were good at. Finding things that are interesting to you and understanding how the world around you works. I'm turning 27 this year and I feel pretty decent about my life even though I'm not rich or anything.
@@ElijahMoore-Restfulnights hey man, this comment was only 9 months but my life has changed so drastically since then. I have a good job in corporate fintech, got in shape again, talking to a new girl, have healthy hobbies in my life, and an overall positive mindset in life. Most of all, I have developed resilience and a trust in that everything will be okay in the end. Hopefully I can keep this up in life
@@TheGreatWasian_ Nice man!
I actually had a realization about this a bit over a month ago after I finished going back to school for my undergraduate degree. I had built up the accomplishment in my head but shortly after walking across the stage I realized it wasn’t worth the 15 hour days between my full time job and being a part time student year-round for two years while also dual degree-ing (Most of my Masters is already done). I could have finished my MBA at the end of next spring but I pushed it to Fall ‘24 after doing some reflection on my life.
I realized that accomplishing things doesn’t really add any level of self-worth and I was looking for external validation from friends, family members, etc in a lot of areas in my life. I had already been doing a lot of work over the last couple years on some internal issues but this was a major milestone for me in that regard because despite having come back from literally being homeless at 19 to being a home owner, making a high income, etc by 27 I still couldn’t fill that void.
I feel more fulfilled now just taking time for myself and living my life. None of these things are really worth that endless treadmill feeling. Hope this helps somebody out there haha.
I hear ya brother, 19 years old I've been looking for a way to fill this void for as long as I can remember. I got high in extracurriculars, got into a good college, getting good grades and taking amazing classes. But it doesnt feel like enough. Then I see advice like this and reflect on all the good I've done and I feel much happier and content. My ambition is still here but it's much less controlling. And the mental clarity is amazing.
@@michaelbob937 yeah man. I’d say the #1 thing I’ve learned the last couple of years is that you can’t fix internal issues with external things. Once you start working on this you’ll be surprised what habits you have are fed by it lol. Never felt better.
Wow that is awesome, I think I lost a bit of what you meant on how you felt about school? Did you wish you didn't rush it and worked a little less hard?
I considering going back to school and working part-time with full time school to finish my degree in a couple years because I didn't finish it what I should've with everyone else and I keep waiting for some perfect path to come in. Foent of me idk even if engineering is what I want but at least it would get me somewhere? Idk maybe I should just be a barista and travel or something
@@maxvenker9714 Can't really speak to your situation, but for clarification I meant that I wish I hadn't rushed finishing my education. I was already well situated financially, so it did not really have an impact on my career. I was working on both my undergraduate business degree and my MBA at the same time (essentially dual degree due to this program I was in) year-round with no breaks and working full time. This was very taxing and wasn't really worth it. Could have spread it out a year. Even with spreading out my MBA, I'll still receive my masters right after I turn 29...whereas if I had spread out the undergraduate as well I'd get my MBA at 30. Not much of a difference and it would've helped to have more balance.
@@maxvenker9714 I would say to some extent you’d need to work towards a decent paying job to do what you want to do. Things cost money and nowadays cost of living is too high. Being a barista and nothing else is a setup for financial hardship or failure. Just don’t let that high paying job consume you.
I feel like people don’t pause to reflect on their successes and their motivations because they don’t want to truly face their feelings, desires, motivations and emotions. They want to keep things moving along because that’s a good way to be productive at the cost of inner growth and happiness. I’ve seen it happen. Very sad.
Street Fighter 6 taught me how to do this. Every time I play I don't think about trying to make my rank go up. I stick mostly to casual matches where I play longer sets rematching the same person and if I don't know how to deal with an interation I take the time to figure it out. By shifting my focus to solving one small interaction at a time, i have real accomplishments I can acknowledge and appreciate. I don't worry about what rank I am anymore because a number going up isn't a specific accomplishment I can feel good about. Rather I see it now as a passive form of confirmation that all the little things I've learned have added up significantly. It's no longer the goal, it's the reward. Being able to enjoy the process of getting better has been so good for me and by not worrying about the rank, ironically it has been going up higher and faster than my rank has ever gone in any fighting game I've player prior. Recently I even started a journal where every day I play I try to learn 1 new thing and them I write about what I learned, whether that be discovering how to beat something, or even discovering a new weakness I need to overcome. By recontextualizing my losses into discovering my weaknesses, I've become able to appreciate even the negative things I go through because even if something beats me, by acknowledging it i have still gained the awareness of the problem which I can work towards solving next time. Either way that gained awareness means I learned something and mentally I take that as a good thing. Using a journal to reflect on these small improvements has been super beneficial since if forces me to see all of the pages worth of progress I've made improving. It's about all the things I did good, not all the things i can't do yet or all the ranks above me that leave me feeling like a low rank scrub. I get excited about all the cool things I can do now, not "oh fuck but what if my rank go down tho?" It's especially useful because either can apply this philosophy to the rest of my life.
"Wow I really need to start reflecting and stop looking for the next thing immediately" **watches next video immediately**
I learned to be more content with my life. Gotta say, I lived a really long time villanized by other people. So much that I wanted to be ignored so badly. I got what I wanted. I was in peace. And then, a lot of people started showing appreciation towards me. Took me by surprise, but a welcoming one after all these years. I still suffer a lot, but my suffering is due to overload. As soon as my overload ends(university-related, either I pass or I flunk) I will come back to this great state of productivity. I think in my life, the best times were always when I was satisfies with my personal relationships. I am very reserved and talk with few people, but it only came to a pleasing number recently. I think my productivity and building of good habits only after this contentment found an all-time high. Nothing feels that burdening anymore(well, uni aside). So I wonder: are really those sigma grindset guys going to produce more than me now, given the same conditions? I don't think so. I think they are like a hare, while I'm the turtle. They run and get exhausted; I go slowly and never stop.
I do hope that everything does go well for you.
That’s the secret. You are consistent. They aren’t . Going too fast with out really learn/understanding things will lead to a cycle of mid poductivity n ultra low. Where as slowing down alittle to understand what it is you are even doing and taking breaks to digest it will lead to long more productive periods.
Did someone ever tell you your style of writing really sucks you in? I really liked the read, and i agree with ur point. Being fulfilled should still be, in my opinion, the priority.
Absolutely, the cultural focus on pursuing more and more happiness has been detrimental to obtaining lasting satisfaction. Learning to make choices that make you feel content tend to also be the wiser option. You may have heard of phrases such as "biting off more than one can chew", contentment also assists in safeguarding from regret.
@@amerstain No, never. Thank you, I am just a beginner at writing, though.
I'm the guy who has actually done best with wanting less. I feel lucky that I am able to ride my bike or run hills for cardio 6 days a week. I'm grateful that I feel appreciated at work. I feel so fortunate to be able to stand in the river a couple of times a week and catch smallmouth bass on my fly rod. I've been fortunate to be able to earn more than I need to survive from the markets. The obvious trade off is that wanting less makes you unattractive to most women. They seem to prefer strivers who want to chase big houses, fancy cars and world travel that they can throw in the faces of their friends, who are also pursuing the same kind of striving. I ended up here because I could never compete with that crowd but honestly believe I've come out better for it.
Women or dating in general is just another desire that causes suffering…a desire that must vanish.
You must have only met really shallow women. I know there are other women on the Healthy Gamer channel and in general who don’t chase superficiality. Think about all the billions of women who are in relationships right now; do you think they all are with ultra-rich millionaires? Do you know people in your life who aren’t super rich and still have partners? Desiring to be in a loving relationship is a very natural part of life.
Honestly? As a female, I would find the kind of guy you describe as quite attractive and admirable. What I look for in a partner is not someone who is affluent and has societal status, but rather someone who has dignity, respect, kindness, and is authentic to how he feels and what he wants in life. Wealth and status can be nice, but I think it's way less important than the memories, experiences, and connections we can acquire in this life. If I can feel that way, I'm sure you can find other women who does too! 😊 I think it's wonderful that you find joy and contentment in what you do and hope you'll continue to be blessed with it.
Perfect timing as always. I recently had to back out of a funding opportunity for my company. I realized it was making me very unhappy. I wasn't a good friend, I had no hobbies, no rest.
Post-viewing edit: I'm currently trying to decide if I should try seeking funding again, or if I just don't have the temperament to do it without MAKING it into a struggle in ways it doesn't need to be. I definitely have a lot of achievements in my life that I've enjoyed for too short a time. There ARE always new problems, because I'm trying to found a company as a low earner who prioritizes time for my company over earning at a day job. But I know that Dr K is right that reflecting would change so much of this. I have used the mindfulness practice of reflecting on how I felt before, during and after indulging in a habit, and it has helped me stop smoking, drinking and eating sweets (which I currently need to work on again). Surely it can work for achievements too.
I am a musician multi-instrumentalist composer. I pratice daily for a short time many times. I never force myself to pratice. I do it when I feel like it.
@@Skoopyghostthat sounds like an amazing life tbh
@@TheGreatWasian_ Thanks man.
@@dresdenvisage With progress comes sacrifice. Now, are you willing to make those sacrifices?
I am so happy with all the progress I’ve made as a person. Every year I change so much for the better and it’s a never ending journey that I find so much fulfillment in.
i normally do not comment under these videos, but this video suddenly made every puzzle piece suddenly fit together, regarding problems i'm facing in multiple stages of my life.
this mere reflection excersize (although i did self reflect in other ways countless times) caused me to spiral in a huge moment of revelation, in which i finally accepted that i have achieved a fair lot in my life, and thus am able to love myself and feel pride for it.
thanks, from the bottom of my heart, Dr. K.
your videos have helped me a lot to make progress in my psychological route (i've consumed a fair part of content outside of therapy sessions), and even inspired me to decide and take psychology next semester.
thanks for making tens if not hundreds of hours of this sort of golden content free to watch on youtube.
Thank you for this video. It really helped me to understand myself better. As an almost 19 year old male who has worked my entire life to get into my dream school and get countless accolades, I have never felt like I was enough. If I get 2nd place at something, then I would be sad instead of being content that I played my best and got second. I have felt like life so far has been a treadmill of goals, where I only have time to think of what’s ahead and how to improve instead of appreciating what I’ve done. Thank you Dr. K for your videos. I’m still learning how life works and your videos really help me to understand myself better and to improve my life. You’re such a positive force in the UA-cam community and I love what you’re doing.
New favorite Dr. K video! This really ties together a lot of concepts. It explains why I've had the most success and happiness after I started journaling and walking... Giving my brain space and time to reflect.
You are honestly one of my favourite channels out there. Your feedback and psychology is so beyond helpful to my life.
Legitimately, one earlier Dr K video mentioned to not binge watch these videos, but instead to go think about it, and it was a key turning point in me beginning to reflect instead of immediately go next. I have felt so much less under pressure slowly after that one recommendation.
Just wanted to drop in and say thanks for all your videos and what you are doing for mental health. I know you may not see this, but your videos have helped me so much. I actually have a diagnosis of OCD, Anxiety, Major Depression and ADHD (Mixed bag, i know). Due to my depression getting worse, i have had to take extended time off work, i usually see both a psychiatrist and a psychologist, but because of not having an income i can no longer afford to see the psychologist, this has lead me to have a lot of mixed emotions and thoughts that i can't talk to anyone about...your videos are like a psychiatrist, neurologist and psychologist all in one, i know as you say in your disclaimer that it should not be used as a substitute for medical care, but for someone like me that is just barely hanging by a thread, it means the world to me. Thankyou.
Wish you all the best.
Hi, idk if this would help but i find Star Jesse Taylor on yt helpful for helping with the diagnosis you have. I struggle with anxiety, depression with anhedonia and i have practiced what he suggested and it has helped me to pull me out of the rut i was in. His advice might seem offensive or controversial to the mental health community, but if you keep an open mind, it might help you. Best of luck and take care! :)
@@elene1166 Thanks so much for the suggestion! Will check it out
I think its really helpful that you emphasize and repeat the key phrase "pause and reflect".. that really helps me memorize it
Somehow the idea of increasing the space to reflect reminds me of Victor Frankl's "Between stimulus and response, there is a gap. Within that gap lies your freedom to choose your way."
The Aghori Babas reflecting on their negative experiences reminds me of the Stoic Premeditatio Malorum.
This is some pretty great advice. I tend to struggle sometimes with achieving great things and lacking that feeling of being content. I think this will help me the next time I deal with this issue.
So true. But I also think the reason ppl chase success is media.
And also you environment. When all people around you are super successful and rich. You can still be in 10% richest people but your friends are for example in 3%. You can have master degree but many your friends have Phd for example too so you can still feel like an outsider even though you did better than most people. Or you can go to best schools but be among the worst in class
This hits home for me so much. Ive been a lil hardstuck in life and blaming people that actually care about me alot, instead of reflecting on myself and my decisions. (up until like a month ago)
Incredibly insightful and powerful video. Thank you so much for sharing wisdom and experience that can truly change lives. Your awesome Dr. K and HG team! This video makes me want to do the opposite of watch a UA-cam short right after :)
Damn. Thanks again doc. I thought there was something wrong with me because not working towards a goal makes me feel super shitty, but reaching the goal only feels great for a few days or weeks before I start towards my next goal. I learn so damn much from your videos. They have really helped me climb out of the hole I was in for awhile.
Once again, these videos keep arriving right when I need to hear it ❤ Specifically this one.
amazing content as always. similar to what my coach in healthy gamer suggested. That being, to become more aware of my actions by stating out-loud what I am going to do before I do it with conviction even if it is non-productive. This could give me more awareness and possibly another choice in the actions I can take before I take them. Good luck to all those struggling out there. And shoutout to healthygamercoaching
The way you put things into words helps me understand how I feel.
Thank you for the videos!
I love how the first half of the video discusses the problem and the second half, the solution. It just shows how we need to fully understand and reflect on things before actually doing something to improve or solve them, because moving forward without reflecting just doesn't complete the cycle of resolution.
Brilliant 👏
joy is in the journey. when you just focus on collecting achievements like gym badges, you lose the point of the game: to have fun.
Exactly. I don’t understand people who play a game just to beat it. That would be like watching a movie and skipping right to the end. It’s about the journey that makes it worth doing.
Thank you for creating such a tangible guide to self-reflection. I genuinely wish someone had put it to me like this years and years ago. It- very ironically, I might add- feels that most guides on mindfulness very much put the cart before the horse when telling users how to accomplish self-reflection. I wonder if it's because the writers have been using it for so long that a lot is instinct, so they forget people don't have these instincts at first?
Also, your note that we don't often reflect on what went right when looking to improve really hits home. I'm an artist, and constructive criticism is something that is required for growth, but most schools don't teach to point out what went right. Looking at positives as well as negatives helps in deciding how to divide study times better than just the negatives, and it motivates you to still pursue what you're already good at, too!
I needed to hear this from you. Thank you.
Really connected with this one. Thanks for all the work you put into these!
This video explained so much about myself!!! I have always surprised people (and myself) because I am objectively quite successful now and I have a drive that scares some people, but I truned into who I am from a complete degenerate gamer almost overnight some years ago. This shows me why that was possible and what I actually am...
Congrats, man! That's great to hear
@@seventeen777 That's not really completely a good thing and it's kind of like swapping one addiction for another, but I now know what to look at at least.
@XuQifei I'm a bit confused here why is it bad? Sure you aren't content but if all us humans were content with our progress forever there would be no reason to keep doing things. It's why we didn't stop at the wheel and instead went to the moon.
I want to keep this short and simple.
I recently graduated with a B.S. in Computer Science and Minor in Cybersecurity earlier in May. I also have some I.T. experience, I have a cloud fundamental (Azure certification) and even then I am not able to find a job.
I reflected on your video and noticed that, yea I achieved a degree, a certification, but the end goal was a good job. I am struggling to find that contentment in between of this goal, because these achievements are meant to help me achieve the life long goal of getting a good job (which as Asian parents, you know.. you're brought up and reminded almost every time that college is a must and its important for good paying jobs *Only degrees get good paying jobs)
Not getting a good job with a lot of efforts to improving my interview skills, my knowledge and everything really stresses me every day and that stress.
Stress is the key term here.
Stress prevents me from enjoying anything accomplished.
Just wanted to share my 2¢
Thanks again for a great video!
Dude I resonate a lot with your comment. I graduated in 2019 and when I presented my thesis and was pronounced engineer... I felt nothing.
Nowadays I always reflect about what I do, mainly in the bus. I try to write what I feel about my daily activities and stuff like that.
I realized that:
You don't just want a high paying job, you have to fit into the culture of the job. I can tell you that if your mindset is all about the next thing you will fit into an organization that looks for that profile, leading to a VERY stressful life. I had 2 jobs of that kind and this year I took a break and then looked for a job with a new "storytelling" about myself. I decided that I no longer wanted to wear a mask 24/7 and wanted to enjoy the simple things. I'm happy at my new job which I found between april and may.
If you graduated in may and now we are in july that is a reasonable timeframe to get a job, don't get discouraged. Work on your story for the interviews, what is your value? What do you like about your career? What will you contribute to a team? Would you like to work with people like yourself? Try to work out "who you are" and present yourself genuinely. It's better to take a couple of months and even to reject positions than end up working in a toxic job.
I wish you the best, i hope the life advice of a 30 year old lady from a third world country helps you in some way.
Broo i graduated 2 years and half in the same field as computer engineer and haven’t find a job while all my my classmates i know got jobs ,
I’m trying to find a field among the technical fields that i can be an expert in it so i can get a job but i’m still lost and feel like i’m not doing enough
This is so true. Thank you for sharing this perspective because it’s important for people to hear it.
Love these videos. It's interesting how you can fit answers to deep problems in a shorthand way.
10:16 this also reminds me of how we never consider; just because we've accomplished something before doesn't mean it's still not an accomplishment. Like hiking to the peak of a mountain. Just because this is not your first time.. doesn't mean that you didn't accomplish something.
Obviously that can pertain to other things like making a painting or building something we're learning something new like a language.
You’re incredible. Best advice that I absolutely needed. About to start a masters degree in electrical engineering and I have been emotionally all over the place. Thank you for this.
❤ from a depressed Zimbabwean lady
As I pause to reflect on this video, I began to ask questions! And/But this time it brings down the addiction to clinging to stuff & teaches you to look inward for the source of that thing you've always look into the external world for!
What a perfect topic during tech layoff season, this shit hasn't been easy.
I can relate to the "same pathway" it was so easy to exchange my obsession with academics, into sports, into gaming. It was always disappointing whenever I achieved a goal.
Yup yup yup!!! Every weekend when I sit down to plan the upcoming week, I start with a review of the previous week. And i start that review by asking myself "what did I accomplish last week?" It takes conscious practice to do this, but it's changed my life for the better. I can have space to acknowledge the things I can improve upon, but I also need to give myself credit for the things I do well.
That bronze analogy was too funny man! Great video as always!
Absolutely love this idea of creating more space in our lives to let our experiences sink in. It makes me feel like I have permission to celebrate when things go well instead of trying to downplay accomplishments.
Wow it's such an insight for me. This approach and four questions can both help me to deal with things I want to achieve and with my eating disorder. Thank you so much!
This has to be THE BEST video on the topic that I have seen on YT.
Apart from the ability to make contentment stick, the advice also comes in handy to get rid of bad habits.
I hope/expect that "Pause & Reflect" will be beneficial to me in several ways. On one hand I love to eat, I enjoy food. I connect food consumption with socalizing. But I also need to eat less, work out more, be more healthy etc. A few weeks ago I reflected on the need to be more mindful in my eating; to focus more on enjoying the taste and texture of each bite and extract the pleasure of it all and end up eating less; rather than continuing to shovel too much of the same food in my mouth while watching a show or some other distraction. In the same way, week in-week out I have a fund routine schedule: Monday and Wednesday are gaming nights with different groups. Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday are date nights. Friday and Saturday is my personal alone time to recharge and adult. Weeks can go by in a blur. Taking this advice, by pausing and reflecting daily, I can better treasure the memories being made each day of the week as I spend time with the people in my life and take less for granted. Also, being more mindful of I play this other game or visit this other friend, I plan ahead with an invite and a date on the calendar for said game or said friend rather than just continue with wishful thinking.
Stumbled upon HG last night and bingeing through a lot of your videos today. Taking notes. Thank you.
I've been following a content creator whose advice is to "write things you're grateful for every day." I never really thought of doing that because in the back of my mind, I already know what I'm grateful for, why repeat them?
_I just realized this correlates with this video on reflecting, because despite knowing we achieved something, it is still different from actually recognizing, acknowledging, and repeating them. Just like habits, if you do things once, they seem unimportant, but the more you do things and repeat them, they basically become a routine and you can't live a day without doing it._
*So basically, like forming habits, if we do the 3Rs: reflect, recognize, and repeat, we actually see the essence or worth of the good things we did. Therefore, we obtain good results and feel accomplishment.*
Thank you so much for this video!
i totally can relate to the "chasing something" is more satisfying than actually getting it.
the story for that is my family was unable to pay for internet for around 6 months and is was horribly boring at home.
No Wifi at home means all media like Computer, Phone ,Tablet , TV ... all of that GONE espacially when i least expected it.
It might sounds weird but i really suffered during that phase and i feeled misarable every day.
It got better after 2 weeks, than my brain learned to adapt to the circumstances.
i feeled like i had a hardcore Internet/dopamin/media Detox.
after around 2 months of constant boredom AND A LOT OF FUCKING TIME WITH MYSELF (days feel like an eternity when you put away your phone and internet trust me)
I had the urge to go online again. SOMEHOW even for half an hour. The Craving for wifi , beeing online got worse and worse up to the point where i literally bought a daily ticket for the bus (you can drive around with that for the whole day any direction)
and searcht for open wifi around the city and other spots.
And at long last after 2-3 months of pure Online Detox i found a wifi in the city and without any payment shenanigans i was able to connect and finally i was online again.
I had a thousands of messages in the whatsapp classgroupchat , millions of updates for the apps and many online friends on discord asking what the fuck had happend to me.
yes the initial rush of emotion was unbelivably awsome! but suddenly....i feeled so empty inside.
my brain got overwhelmed with dopamin and the amazing feeling to be back online
but after that?
It was that weird underwhelming feeling like "that's it"? what the fuck did i crave for all this time , i missed nothing here"
and what do i want to do now?
i ended up downloading some offline games and Downloading some youtube videos from my favorite content creators to get some value out of that new discovered option for Wifi.
i was happy that day but honestly it wasn't as satisfying AS i expected it to be.
which is weird cause at home my brain was flooded with this convulsive thoughts to "go back online"
when i achived it it was underwhelming and i went home after around 2h standing outside in the city at a random ass Wifi spot.
After that experience my usage of media and internet in general got so much healthier.
Cause suddenly after school if i "really" craved for wifi , i could actually go to the city again and get my 5 minutes of a dopamin / fun / youtube entertainment.
but it would at least cost me the energy to go there in the first place.
but at least since i had that experience i could match my expectation and the reality.
To a point where i went there occasionally (like 1-2 times a week) for a maximum of 2h to enjoy my time online.
what i'm trying to say is if you crave or want something really damn badly and you can't controll yourself but thinking about achiving and getting whatever you want (either success or wifi or ANYTHING which you'd like to have)
than actually getting it after your brain hyped it up so much like you need that , YOU NEED IT NOW ,
is actually very disappointing and feels underwhelming , since it often can't meet the expactations about it. ( i can only share my personal experience here , don't want to generalize that)
and than i realised after reflecting it that those things aren't that worth craving for.
but it's still better this way , than craving something endlessly without ever getting or achiving it.
You don't want to be stuck craving for something which you never get/ can achive.
12:10 In project management the phase between tasks is called "transition phase". To use this phase to pause and reflect sounds really useful. I will have that in mind.
This was a very talented view from both educational stance and an entertainment / retention stance. Beautifully done!
Thank you, Dr. K. 🤲
This video really hit, ty dr k
You guys make absolutely exceptional videos, so helpful and thank you very much!
Im on the opposite, NOT wanting "success" made people see me as a "waste of potential" in a way, Not chasing success brought me unhappiness. Because people deemed me as "not ambitious enough"
WHich means you based your happiness on how others perceived you? Don't get me wrong, if this though came on your own, that's fine, but try not to let others determine your happiness.
I also experience this even though in my case, I was chasing success, and people literally see as "trying hard", "big (delusional) dreamer", and "worthless". I realized I really shouldn't rely on external _interpersonal_ validation, and Instead, I should reflect and do _intrapersonal_ self-evaluation. I'd suggest you try that too.
THIS! I've experienced the same
I was on a plane a few days ago, and I come to realize I enjoy being on airplanes. The reason why is similar to the lessons in this video. When I'm on a plane, I have no control over the flight route or the speed of the plane. There's also no internet or data to entertain me; all I have is what I brought with me and what I already downloaded on my devices. Getting rid of all these potential decisions helped me slow down and focus on one thing; sit still and wait until the plane lands. I actually LISTENED to the music on my phone; tried to understand the meaning behind the lyrics and how the melody, tempo, chorus, etc. influence that message. I had a crossword puzzle that I enveloped myself in, and the plane ride was over before I knew it.
This made me realize that, at least sometimes, having too much control over a situation is anxiety-inducing and never produces contentment. It's not until I'm on an airplane, where I have practically zero choice, when I can finally slow down and enjoy what I'm doing. I'm trying to make small changes in my life where I can feel like I'm on an airplane and I can enjoy all the things I can do and accomplish.
10:11 You know, that's so true. I don't think I ever really reflect on what I did well in certain cases in fact I think I'm even having difficulty listing what I did well. Most of the time I let the anxiety, paranoia and second guessing consume me and come out saying what do I do to get more?. Its problematic too because if you think everything's terrible you won't follow up properly on what you did well.
I always leave a Healthy Gamer video feeling like I learned something, what a great channel : )))))
I always appreciate how Dr. K can describe what is actually going on in my head with relevant examples and then HOW to action things
I feel called out... Always chasing more education to be more competent or smth....
It is the same with your video about conquering bad habits. Awareness gives us time to process & reflect on life which leads us to finding ourselves and adapting.
It is amazing how the pieces of the puzzle come together. Once seemed so complex but in reality almost the same if distilled to its core - just viewed through different lenses.
The questions are also there to make us aware or rahter focus us on what would be good for us in order to nurture the contentment within us. Awareness - Amazing
I love how in his own way Dr. K came to the same Mises realization that "the only difference between the stauch capitalist and [degenerate] hedonist is a matter of time prefence". It may have been a different Austrian economist who said this, but I remember the quote.
I did this when I finished the draft to my novel. I'll write my experience of it in relation to the 4 questions to ask yourself.
1. It took months to write this draft so I don't remember it all too well. Writing the final chapter though, that felt very exciting as if I was there with my characters on their adventure and trying to figure out how to end this.
2. Write when I finished I felt a sense of wellness, peace, happiness and a whole lot of pride. I was at work when I completed it so I had to find a place to hide where I could feel all these emotions well up in me. Even teared up a bit.
3.I planned a small celebration in two weeks afterwards with some friends. During that time I didn't work on any other writing project. The contentment waned after a couple of days, but maybe because I wasn't during any writing, the achievement of finishing my draft stayed in the background of my mind. Sorta like a temporary buff in which I could indulge in and feel pride.
Then when I celebrated with friends that was another peak in happiness because I got to share my struggles and accomplishments with them. They also got to be happy for me which was cool.
4. In total, it lasted for two weeks with peaks and valleys in between. Once I started work on another project though the achievement started to fade from my mind as other things occupied it.
Hey good luck with the novel
I'm proud of you malik! I'm working on my own book at the moment but it's still far from being finished. Writing is a dedication sport, finishing is the hardest part. Keep it up
@@edwardvalerie5284 Thanks for the luck internet person!
@@connorking984 You too! I hope you get to feel that pride too once you reach a milestone.
Also a writer myself, but got stuck big time. Working on one book for 9 years now, but it's inspiring to read your answers. Definitely hope to eventually feel like that as well!
Wonderfull video man, You legit helped me alot and probably will in the future, Best of luck.
Cheers.
Yep, this video was for me. I see my brain learning those lessons, and it's gratifying, it's like evidence that the "cycle" is at least partially voluntary.
Great share. Thank you!
Awe man, I love this guy. Makes learning and self improving a fun experience
I can confirm that this works similarly for me. for years I have reflecting on things, whether past, present, or future. It's a really powerful thing although I sometimes actually overthink things which can be a bad thing as well
The first time I watched this video my mind didn't quite get the idea. Now that I've watched it again my mind has blown up. I've just realized how important it is to reflect on our experiences, and how the urge for dopamine completely fucks up this process.
Thanks Dr. K 🙏
Wanting more is a natural part of success. Being content is the perfect way to fail. Obviously trhis all depends on the person
The best kind of doctor K video is the kind where I'm already doing the thing but just didn't know how to explain it yet.
Oh wow, I feel some of these things on a personal level, not even talking about success, but mainly how I interact with people. I don't think I'm fine so when I ask for feedback and its good I don't believe them because I do want to hear the bad news so I can improve. It's a vicious cycle that is manifesting now, but thankfully I'm getting help.
An interesting analogy to this video to help people understand how true this method is, is to go an learn something. Then pause after you have learned something, and pause every minute or two and don't do anything and you will give your brain time to process the thing that you were learning.
For example, I taught myself how to play the Halo 3 Warthog Run soundtrack on the piano. I have never learned to play piano before but with this I spent 2 and a hald months watching a UA-cam video of which keys to press and I copied the exact video. Every so often when I felt myself getting frustrated during practice I would literally stop and pause and stare at the keys and do nothing, not even move my eyes or fidget etc. I realised that what I was doing was allowing my brain time to digest the incessant load of information, a but like when you change gear in a car you have to come of the acceleration and then you can shift up a gear.
Try changing gear on your bike next time you ride, but keep pedalling without slowing momentarily on pressing the pedal. You will realise you can't do it. I suppose we all need gears in life, and now to this day I can still play the entire Halo 3 Warthog run song from start to fininsh and it remains the only song I know how to play on piano to date.
This was so helpful thank you so much
I have been avoiding this content for the longest time, and is exactly what i needed
Thanks!
This hit hard on my actual situation, sooo helpful
I own a flip phone without internet and no social media so I can reflect more and sit with my thoughts. I don't drive so it's an mp3 player with music only when I go for a walk or take public transportation. I have O.C.D, A.D.H.D. and anxiety and find it helps not to be distracted all the time. I have a laptop but I try to use it for a purpose only and not just to avoid being bored. What you're saying is so true, I'm a perfectionist and always feel things are never enough. I always focus on what didn't get done in a day instead of all the small accomplishments.
I chase creativity. That flow state of time passing and i am less lonely.
I literally always say that I struggle to remember what I've done in work because I do things, sometimes struggle, complete them, and then yeah, I'm like ,"okay, what's next". 🥴😭😭
This video is speaking straight facts man. Im going to go pause and reflect on it now…
What an amazing fucking video. Thank you. Gave me more to think about in such a great way.
The two extreme examples reminds me of the happiness paradox - working hard usually increases your level of life satisfaction but decreases your day-to-day wellbeing because you're stressed all the time. In the top 5 regrets of the dying I think its funny that some people say 'I regret that I never made anything of my life' and others are like 'I wish I'd spent more time with my kids' - it's always a trade-off when the really successful people at my work retire they always in the speech include an apology to their family for basically never seeing them. I feel like a balance of a bit of relaxing playing video games etc and a bit of striving for goals is optimal for me, with not too much of either one.
9:55 ......"I'm attached to them" ...... says a lot. Spot on tho...... attachment to ambition is conducive to success but not happiness and vice versa barring semantics. Being aware and objective about achievement and accomplishment is what I take the theme to be here.
17:15 - Questions to reflect on:
1. What was the build up to the event actually like?
2. How did you feel DURING you doing the thing?
3. How did you feel AFTER you did the thing?
4. How long did the contentment last?
Isn't it a brilliant solution in its directness and simplicity? If you want to feel more content, actually just go ahead and feel more content, or at least feel more.
exactly, the point is that it's not that you can't feel contentment, but that by not stopping and immediately going to the next task you don't LET yourself feel contentment
You're uploading literal fkn gold recently Dr. K!
Everytime Dr. K does his advertisments with his soft conversational voice, i get whiplash, cause i'm so use to his lecturing tone when he's explaining something. I think I should digest why...
I wish I could be content in life, but I realized long ago, money and success and are the two things that will give you control over your time and the power to make an impact.
As much as I'd love to to just lay on the beach and be content with having the minimum, I've got generational wealth to build because I'm trying to leave a legacy and give the next generation the things I didn't have growing up. Until then , I cannot rest.
I'm last year medical student and I keep struggling with my gamer side against my sucesses man, doctor and family example. Problaby this fight will last until my end days
What I get from this is the equivalent of savoring every bite of the food we eat, but for achievements and successes.
Also, the achievement/success/failure is not tied to one's self-worth. We are bad at doing something does not mean we are bad ourselves. Just like if we got a bad pair of shoes and it is hurting our feet, we don't immediately think we are bad person ourselves. We swap a better pair of shoes that works better for us.
Whahahaha @healthygamerGG Dr. K I always laugh so hard when you do your impressions xD GENIUS!
I used to say “if I only achieved this” or “if I could just sort that out, then I’ll be happy” and I wondered how many I had to bang out in order to “achieve happiness”. To my surprise, my attitude changed a few months ago, after I finally acquired what I needed to do my dream job, and I can’t believe how things like ankle twists seems so little now. Im just so happy. 😍
I can already see this working for so many things. Especially addiction.
I think people who are chasing after success are usually running away from something internal. This reflection window gives them access to their more tolerable emotions, so it may be the only time they got a chance to connect to their inner experience, which feels good for most humans.
Dr K knows what I’m going through… thankful for this episode ❤
My note
1. What was the build up to the event actually like?
2. How did you feel DURING you doing the thing?
3. How did you feel AFTER you did the thing?
4. How long did the contentment last?
Getting weird deja vu with this video, even the place I’m sitting and thoughts and memories comin’ back
So when you fail. Reflect on it. When you win, reflect on it.