omg, omg, my nar-C tried to return about 3 days ago and I totally said no without hesitation!!! it was awesome! I said no, set strong boundaries, and felt nothing but relief and amazingly powerful. I am so happy!
Lucia Pou I just did the same thing I just texted her it's over after 18 years marriage and thanked her for helping me become better than ever.Im filing for divorce tomorrow and no contact order right after.It feels great.Hope things get better for you
Hi, Melanie. It's fascinating. Your video series don't amass anywhere near the number of VIEWS that other narcissism blogs do - the ones that talk about labelling the narcissist, sorting out and defining the narcissist, avoiding the narcissist, fighting the narcissist, getting away from the narcissist, getting back at the narcissist. The ones that rattle on about what the narcissist is doing, what the narcissist is thinking, what the narcisssist is really saying; why the narcissist does what he does, why the narcissist is the way he is, and on and on and on... And yet, yours is the ONLY video series that tells us what we can do about it. The ONLY one in the entire youtube universe that shows us how we can truly heal. Bless you for the wonderful work you do, and the gift of yourself you bring to the world. May many more be as fortunate as I was in finding you. Thank you.
Hi Arnel, its so true the "easy quick fix" is to blame, stay victimised and focus on narcissists .. and as you and I know dear one - the pain never ends that way. Thank you Arnel for being YOU, and being another Light in this world ... because we DO have work to do ... to push back against the victimised current and turn people around so that they CAN heal ... I feel so honoured and humbled to be able to have a voice and help do that ... and I know you do too! Bless you. xoxox
Not sure why you had to start your comment by comparing Melonie's number of views to anyone else. Maybe the other people have been doing these videos longer.
I love Melanie! There are many therapists and healers who have insights to share about narcissistic abuse but Melanie has the tools. Her NARP program and videos have helped me begin to heal after over 50 years of narcissistic abuse.
Mel, I love you so much. I love what you said " life can no longer go on as it did, after narcissistic abuse". I find this experince with the narcissist now, such a blessing. It's been 6 moths since break up, him discarding me, at the beginning I thought i am going to lose my mind, I couldn't get it. As i discovered this thing narcissism, and struggled to put the pieces together and grasp it, and working on myself, I'm doing so much better, I am stronger than I ever was. He tried to hoover me back, again, but I didn't replayed back, and I feel no need to be in contact with a toxic person. I value peace, and I see him for who he really is. His behaviour is so unhealthy and I don't want that in my life. Before him discarding me, I knew this relationship was very wrong but I couldn't break up with him, I was addicted to him, I didn't had the strenght to do it. But now...I am so much stronger. I know what I want for me, I deserve healthy relationships and healthy people, and if he has abdicated his responsibility of behaving decently, well I'm fine with him gone. I don't need toxic, disempowering people in my life.
Hi Irene, these experiences truly are an incredible blessing when we accept their for the soul purpose that they were intended ... how wonderful you have come into a more solid self-love and deservedness through this!! xox
KINTSUGI , a japanese art of mending broken pottery with gold. The idea is not to hide the cracks. The pieces after repair are more beautiful and valuable then before they were broken.
Thanks again for clarifying and validating the “aftershock” which I am now in. I was so preoccupied with the narcissist and the mental war zone I was in that it wasn’t until I left did I REALLY feel the implications of the relationship. I was so busy with moving out that I really hadn’t absorbed all the repercussions of what had happened. Now it’s all sinking in. What I was doing trying to cope, fit in, repair, beg, bargain, etc. Now that has all lifted and I am bombarded with the pain and reality nod just what had happened. It’s really painful to say the least to realize how sick I was and how much I need to repair inside. Thanks again for your videos they help ENORMOUSLY in that they pull me back to the truth and not some romantic charade I have made up in my mind.
Thanks for pointing me to this one. My wife would call the police on me after she gaslit me in situations. I was shocked to find out that this occurred 40 times. Bullied by police made me nervous. I did not leave, because of the Love Bombing. Eventually the police started telling me to get away from her. I just kept hoping she would just stop the behavior. I would forgive her each time. During the final discard back in August 2018, she had our daughter call the police on me for telling my daughter to leave my master bedroom. This incident forced me to finally fully wake up. My daughter told the police that I “touched” her, implying something sexual. I could not believe what she told them. That was wrong. The police realized what was going on, fortunately. Amazing. This was just wrong in every way. My daughter being used to manipulate her father. I finally understand now. It was shocking. This was a painful wake up. My daughter devastated my trust. I realized at that point I totally overstayed my time. This last police incident backfired on my wife, they had her leave and she has not been back since that time. However, she has conducted a very effective and explicit smear campaign against me. Who did I marry?!!! Why did I not see her from the start? I know..the Love Bombing. LOL!!! There were red flags everywhere that I ignored. Wow! I overworked myself to the point of exhaustion to keep from coming home and facing my wife and my triangulated family. Wow!!! I hit a level of emotional dysregulation that is driving me crazy. Restructuring and healing finally...step by step. Your channel has helped me greatly....Thanks!!!!👍🏾
D. Kirk it’s so hard when our own kids mimic the Narc parent. I’ve experienced that & have decided that it’s no contact until they figure it out. I love me & can’t heal if I let their negative behavior continues the cycle of abuse
@@daynad8470 thank you for sharing that. I can't believe that his very painful abuse to me and the children that I had to feel and watch and I went on to bend over backwards and try to make up far all the trauma the father caused and yet now the children treat me like the father did. I love what you said about no contact until they figure it out. That's where I'm at and there is no contact. As painful as it is, I've grown. I refuse to be treated bad anymore and it be okay. I wish you the best!
Little Iodine it sure must be the pattern because mine have been conditioned by learned behavior. I proudly share that I’m in therapy & realize that healing takes time, you don’t need to defend nor repeat yourself. So stop. We are not doormats or scapegoats. It’s not easy. I have my days. End any conversation that’s belittling you. Mine aren’t allowed to live with me because of the very things you’ve mentioned. I pray you find peace...be gentle with yourself but consistent with them.
OMG to hear that "it's worse when you get out" absolutely how I feel, in was bad enough in but out its like my body went "right you ...you have had me on high alert for 12 years now it's my turn" and turn on me my body mind has.
I relate to the part where your told your going to be fine, quite the opposite, traumatic experiences don't go away lightly. Even thru therapy I feel my therapist hasn't worked on the depth of my emotions and traumatized past.
I am 40 on August 13th and I am sure, that even after his smear campaign, the slandering at court and after I was innocently convicted, there will be a better life some day. When you reach rock bottom, the only way to go is up. The angels are with us and they take record of what has been done to us.
I came to the same conclusions myself, and see my narc as a 'divine gift', sent to me from who knows where. It took that enormous amount of constant hammering by her, for me to finally get serious about my Self, to stop avoiding the work that I must do to finally get to the Heart of the matter, that being finding my Sacred Wounds and then re-writing the codes to allow authentic wholeness to occur. Self partnering is a term I'd never heard before starting this work, but I resonate with it deeply and completely as it describes perfectly what must occur for complete freedom to arise. I find it very helpful to contemplate the bigger picture as well, seeing the 'grand play' zoomed out to include multiple incarnations, all leading to this point in time and space, each actor doing his or her job with absolute precision. Feelings of gratitude come easily now for her, for you and the support of this community and others. It's a truly amazing time to be on Earth right now, and an honor to be one of the awakened warriors that the world is such need of in this crazy time. Thank you Melanie for your very deep insights and especially for the generosity of sharing what you know.
5:36 "Nothing prepares us for that, it really doesn't" Melanie, YOU DO! By watching this you are saving thousands of people from going through more trauma and understanding why they are even going through with it. You are SUCH a beautiful soul and deserve the world to show your sweetness back to you in LOVE. I thought the same thing, no one ever told me about this hurt, or what I was about to embark on or experience. I would blame not having a Mom, I would STILL be processing traumas in childhood at age 26 (now)...you're right...no one can ever explain the hardship a person is in or about to endure when they enter a situation of narc abuse. My whole life I wondered why I was a walking target. Thanks to your videos, e-mails and radio blogs I am standing up to my bullies day by day and MUTING THEM! They literally wonder how I got the strength to set boundaries? This will save the world. You are remarkable! - Latte & Miele
This is my 1st video Ive watched. Answered many questions that I have about moving forward. I was successful in life and enjoyed everything I did full force. Now I find I am stuck, self hate, denial, and everything else that is coming along with the abuse. I have no confidence in myself anymore. Im hoping that with the knowledge I hope to learn from your experiences that I can move forward once again and become stronger. Thank you so much for being there and having such strength to help us all that are lost. Much love to you as your are a beautiful soul.
Hi Toni, I am so pleased this material is resonating with you. I'd love you to join me in my Webinar Group www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar because it would help you so much ... you are so welcome and much love back to you xoxo
+Melanie Tonia Evans I did sign up and Look forward to out. By signing up is how I found this channel. Its been since Feb since I left him and Im slowly getting there. I have my confused mind beginning to return finally and I am able to finally start finishing my conversations instead of going completely blank mid thought. Thank you for offering all this to its where we have the hope and tools to learn and become better then we were before. I am starting to feel my wings growing, lots more work ahead and ready to begin.
Melanie, Im suffering from chronic pain of debilitating osteoarthritis....I was brought to your web video here by the angels!!! the one with the young lady and chronic healing...I did the healing with you guys and it was powerful for me! thank you so much ....u wouldnt believe my horror story of narc abuse ...my own mother was my narc and then two husbands immediately after now twenty seven years later i still struggle to heal finding that my hurt has settled into my knees and both hips literally crippling me in a wheel chair but I will walk again Im a bowl of light! light is free! so im free, i lov u god bless u too
Before I really understood Narcissism, I did that constantly too, tried to force him to be a decant person, cried, yelled, screamed, refused to accept massive disrespect, and he would placate me temporarily, and then we'd go right back I to the same sickening patterns.
Melanie no one has ever described in such detail the damage a narcissist does. I are speaking my life, my feelings, my struggles, and the feeling of hopelessness. You have been a true blessing to me. Thank you and may God bless you today and always.
I totally felt like a race car...*)! During the time the narc was stalking me and I wanted to get rid off him, I always felt like a car which was too heavily loaded by him being a huge weight stopping me from moving on. It was like stop and go. Stop and go. Stop and go.... This period lasted over two years. When I finally could throw him out of my car for good, I thought I am free to move on as fast as I want. But then the real work began, because I noticed all the damage on my car!!! I felt like a race car all my life. And my car was often damaged, but I could always repair it very fast. This time it went much deeper, because it was not only my car which was damaged, but also my knight's armor. The whole right side of my knight's armor was completely damaged. It took years to repair it.
Melanie Tonia Evans It's not only an analogy and when you've mentioned the race car, I thought you were referring to the race car I am talking about. On the astral plane we are 'cars'. Our astral body is a vehicle which is very similar to a car. In fact every invention humans make already exist on the astral plane. We 'just' materialize what is already there. The invention of a car is an extension of the vehicles we use on the astral plane. And as a 3 dimensional car can be damaged, through having accidents for example, our vehicles on the astral plane can have accidents too. Here is a picture which is a representation of our 'car' on the astral plane: de.pinterest.com/pin/290834088415624452/
Not sure if I understand perfectly, but if it's the same thing I feel I call it swimming in concrete shoes... That's how I feel, I can barely move forward and breathe...
Perfect timing on this. After a year & a half of NO CONTACT, leaving my abuser, and regaining myself, I starting to date again and seem to be attracted to "chaos" and have to put the breaks on... what's different now is that I am giving myself permission to RUN at the first red flags. But I still have work to do on false beliefs, searching for false sources/ co-dependent searching for "comfort"...listening to this, I know I need to do MORE work from the inside out...
Dearest Melanie, thanks again and again and again xxx I have to agree with Arnel and it's been pressing on me for the last couple of weeks. Although other forums, authors, experts, survivors etc have so much valuable info they don't prescribe to your system of taking the focus off the N, going inside and healing the traumas. In fact they seem to discourage any for of personal responsibility. I have to admit its caused me sooo much confusion because these experts have ALOT of letter attached to their names. I've been conditioned to believe that people with 'letters' know everything. How then am I left high and dry after listening to them when listening to you I feel the power rising like a phoenix lol!!?? I'm going to listen to my body and continue whole heartedly with your wonderful program xxx
Leearna Moloney I totally agree, Melanie js a genius!... She is truly an angel sent to help all people with this healing message she has of healing and doing God's work
Another master video. I put my entire self worth into being successful. Feeding my ego. Always in fear. Who on earth might see though all this. Money was my God. A great topic about resetting inside priorities. Great Mel
Melanie - you are such an inspiration. Thank you for sharing your life story and your phenomenal work with us. It is truly wonderful. Sending you love and gratitude.
Your insights are accurate. I have overcome so much emotional abuse as many others forms .I was raised in a total negative environment and that's putting it milding, I'm still the blacksheep to my sick family as I once was. Truth set me free from myself and narcissistic personality disorders and know in Truth God's savings grace is what saved me in more than one way .I must confess that I love all people and that I feel so sad for sick people because I understand that pain they live in and how they lost a life of normalcy if their such a reality these people have no identity, no self ,how sad to live life so destructive and lost ,I feel deep and understand deep lets pray for them as we all need love and understanding ,how many dreams have been lost to insanity how very sad .🙏💒
Hi Mel ,your words rang true to me , I was emotionaly, physically and spiritually broken I've never focused on me far too busy fixing everyone else now it's my time to heal now ,thank you .
Melanie, I moved from a cold climate to a hot one many years ago and have never adjusted, I still miss the crisp and invigorating air and snow, too. I am sure you'll manage soon enough this is spot on , word for word.You have an amazing capacity for depicting the true, accurate feelings, I too have described them as aftershocks and am still numbed everything in my life seems to have blown up and backfired on me, at 58 am struggling to understand why I enabled so much of it though all through it I did not realize that was what i was doing. instead I was knocking myself out making endless efforts to be a good wife and mom. Now virtually a recluse I am vigilant not to anymore but not easy to command respect and understanding not to mention support or compassion after over ten years since divorce. yes nobody really wants to know,care or remotely understand how all encompassing this stuff is. Thanks so much for all your fine work..
Hi Anhpam, you are so welcome. Please do come into the next Webinar Group ... I would really love you to learn about and start actualising how to break free from how you have been feeling and get your life back (even better than it ever has been) ... because I promise you it is totally possible. Here is how to come into the Group www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar xox
Omg this was so awesome. I can fly again and Soar like Ive never done before? I cannot thank you enough. I've been married to a Narc for ten years. I've taken so many doctor prescribed medications and self medicated and therapy because she had me thinking I was a loser undeserving of love and respect.... Depression so bad, years of constant suicidal thoughts that recently decided I would soon act on. She called me a narcissist so I went on you tube to find out what that meant and Lo and behold I am convinced that I am a codependant victim of a NARC. I finally have hope and belief that I am not to blame and that my wings can mend....Melanie thank you so much for this information. I feel hope in my heart for the first time in years. I'm watching everything you have and soaking it in. Thank you thank you thank you thank you. Now that I know what I am not and what she is...
Hi Melanie. Thank you for this video. Your insights and your eloquence in expressing how one can overcome and thrive after narcissistic abuse are wonderful. As someone who grew up in a narcissistic household, your words ring true. In my quest for recovery, I tried in vain to gain fulfillment and self esteem from external sources which only served as a temporary band aid. The real work of building my self esteem from within took a long time but this is what has enabled me to not only live a good life but an empowered life. I have experienced the greatest joy of my life in recent years to the point that that person I used to be is someone I don't even recognize. Healing after narcissistic abuse is truly a blessing to experience.
This is amazing & resonates so much with me. I just had a full body massage & found out exactly how much stress, trauma and grief I was holding in my body. The therapist was astonished and concerned with how much knots and tension I was holding. I am committing right now to healing my life and being free from abuse.
My emotional life changed for the better within DAYS of watching these and learning this method. I was skeptical at first, as I always am regarding New Agey stuff, but listening beyond the jargon and doing a little translation in to my own faith paradigm, made it pop for me. Thx Mel
I have 9 months of no contact.I thought I was getting better, but now the pain feels like it did in the beginning. I dont want to go through this again
Oh my goodness. I am so very happy and relieved that I stumbled across this video and your beautiful face. For 15 agonizing years I've been struggling to overcome exactly what you described to no avail. I need my life back and I finally see a glimmer of hope. Perhaps maybe I'm NOT a lost cause after all. I want to learn to live again and to love myself one and for all. Thank you so much for these videos. They are life c changing🙏😇
Julie please do know you are so NOT a lost cause. All of us no matter what we have been through with n-abuse CAN heal and do deserve to. I'd love you to come into the free Webinar Group www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar because there you will learn how to heal from this for real ... You are so welcome Julie and I am so pleased my material is helping you xx
I feel broken,but after listening to you I Never thought that anyone could of ever felt how I feel, I am joining a mental health groups called freedom,I can't wait to be in control of my life and have a happy future x
You're a beautiful person, Melanie. Thank you so very much for making your articles and videos available; your wise and inspiring words made a world of difference for me, in my healing process. I am very grateful to you.
I really needed to see this today. Thank you so much for the work that you do, it has helped me on my journey tremendously. I am looking forward to diving in deeper in your program. Such an ah-ha moment for me watching this, was, in choosing a Narcissist to "achieve" it left me running along a track chasing a carrot that I could never get. Thus, keeping me in this loop of confusion, hurt, and frustration wondering why I haven't achieved it yet? Always tweaking my technique to achieve something outside myself, until I realized I had to tweak something inside myself.
Thanks Melanie! It's funny, your work came into view for me awhile back, but I was SO not in a place to receive it (it's also before I had done any inner work.) I excused it away, and decided that there was no way he was a narcissist. Funny what a difference some willingness and inner work makes :)
i love all of your positive words..wow youre the only one who puts me on the right track. everything you say resonates in a very positive way. because of your videos, im recovering from this living hell exceedingly fast. HUGE THANKYOU!
Hi Melanie, I love your talks. I've been on this journey for a while trying to understand me & come to that place of healing inside of me. Of course it doesn't all come at once but your videos & talks are being very helpful to me. This one I just listened to made me realize that a part of me from a young girl needs that deep inner healing because of how my father was.. causing me to keep repeating a cycle & being stuck. Because it was like I kept picking up where I left off from the hurt with my dad as a girl.. then both my marriages were so wrong & I was stuck not being able to move forward because I certainly wasn't going to get what I needed from the men who were like my father. So I help the little girl in me to heal & let go.. and all that old stuff & hurt that was clinging to me & holding me back. With my eyes closed I saw it fall away from me and drift away. It dies because I found my healing & there is nothing left to source that old dysfunctional stuff anymore that was sucking my life away from me.
I have had a fair amount of 1 on 1 therapy, and listened to LOTS of UA-cam video because the topic interests me, but I have never before heard that the after is harder than the during. In many ways it is! Thanks again. I need to listen to this jewel 4 more times.
I have listened to this more than 5x. What you are saying is very specific and very powerful. And right on the mark. Thank you, Melanie. I am not ready "to share" but I appreciate that you have.
Hi Melanie. thanks for another great video. I guess its often how you describe and in a way the most recent abusive relationship keeps a lid on all the previous and childhood stuff. My recovery came alongside 12th step programs that taught me what was and what wasn't my responsibility. I had to unlearn the idea that the way others treat me was a measure of my worth as a human being. I very slowly developed an internal locus. obviously narcs do not support this because it meant I didn't need external validation. I self medicated with work too until thankfully I was made redundant. I'm so grateful to be free of all that stress and anxiety. I accept that a lot of people DONT like me - but plenty do! I like me. I live in myv zone. my work helps others to find their own zone. I'm happy and I try to spread happiness and help people find their own power. I love it.
Hi Laura you are so welcome, and I am so pleased for you that you are free of the anxiety and stress. Great you are modelling empowerment for others too! xoxo
Recovery is a process... at first I logically could see the points you’re making but until now(6months no contact) am I ready to do the work. I’m less angry, sad and depressed-and now I’m seeking to grow and work on myself. But for a few months I felt i needed the validation of all the awful behavior...which matches what u said at the start- that once we step away the immensity of the deception and the magnitude of the pathology of our narcs becomes overwhelming. Takes some time to be ready to look within and see why we stayed too long and ignored intuition.(which I did from very early on) Thanks Melanie!
Hi Kate - Spot On Sweetheart and congratulations on now being ready to heal the wounds. There is a process to recover and everyone is at a different stage when they find MTE. My work tries to cover all bases but I know deep down that when the person is ready to 'hear/feel/see' then they will. Love and blessings to everyone recovering, surviving and thriving from narcissist abuse xoxox
True, I am a "doer", an "achiever" like you. Now I have to learn I am worthy and loved even though everything I have achieved is gone (job, money, home, car etc.) - I will do TRE (trauma release exercises) and 12 D shielding meditations against negative energies and every time the old thinking patterns return, I will do some tapping and re-programming / re-framing.
I highly recommend this programme for those planning to go no contact with a Narcissist. It will help immeasurably to keep yourself sane while you are getting away....... plus heal loads of stuff in your life that attracted you to the person in the first place. As well as help you to understand what is going on during the process of no contact. I would say it reduces aftershock considerably - this is guessing, still 5 days to go. It has given me the necessary energy to actually get away!
Black X thank you or the recommendation and I am so pleased the NARP Program has helped you so much! Wonderful you have been able to heal to the point of breaking away ... xox
Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge and insight. I have always felt I have no value without my work, my achievements and what I can do for others. Hope to feel worthy to be here with nothing to give
Amen...this has been me. I am a Christian who prayed so hard and so often when residing with my narc and once I got out and not in fight or flight mode...I found my passion for God wasn't so strong. I initially felt really bad and disconnected but through journaling and a guided meditation, I realized there is nothing with normalcy, calm, consistency, and contentment. It was also tough bc people don't understand so they can't help
I meant there is nothing wrong with consistency, calm etc...I was so busy praying everydat bc of her antics when I finally moved out I felt my bubble had burst and their was no passion until God showed me it's okay to be calm etc
A great thank you to you Melanie for opening my eye my mind and bring me on to the road of recovery . Your are a saint an Angel. You truly are a god save. My deepest respect to you. Plus you are absolutely gorgeous too xx
Hey beautiful soul Melanie, your words soothed my heart tonight, thanks for you, you being your recovered self, gave me hope and inspiration. You are a gem 💚💛🌞 a golden light, I'm so glad I found yr channel especially after the day I have had with narcisstic abuse.! 😁 Amazing 😊So absolutely incredible to experience the other side, ahh. The healing that goes on, the life that is enriched, I'm actually seeing that this narcisstic abuse experience will help me to 'up level' and live a more enriched life. More to tell as the healing unfolds... For now thank you beautiful soul xoxo
I'm going off grid, provide for myself the basic needs of living, dry panning for gold in NV, AZ. The system is narcissistic as well as those around me. You are right on with the healing process.
Love the analogies.....perfect! Doing all of this now, after almost 70 years! Better late than never, right?! Thanks again....wonderful videos! Peace, love and namaste~
You are actually the first person I've ever heard who teaches about this topic that has stated what I, too, have experienced in my two severe "dark night of the soul" aftermaths of narcissistic abuse, that this 'aftershock' is actually much worse than the time we spent going through it. Thank you so very much for this general acknowledgement, as well as for actually spelling out the individual consequences such as loss of our ability to perform the most simple tasks, loss of our support group and friends, attacks by others including authorities, loss of our children's loyalty and even loss of our ability to earn a living for ourselves. I hope it helps others as much as it did myself, as like you, I think that it must be common for others to think we are now okay, when we are actually in a state of worse overwhelm. Finally, natural optimism turns to pessimism and truly feeling totally decimated and disheartened. I think that perhaps the reason for this is because it is only then that we are in a state of feeling the accumulation of all of these past experiences, effectively making it a more cumulative post traumatic stress experience than only an acute experience that we know will end. I know that I can say I have felt more traumatized, with my coping strategies being exhausted, and yes, finally experiencing a real breakdown. Thank you for your affirmation of that and I am still listening, believing you that basically getting down to zero is the only way to actually be able to heal those original childhood wounds that have again been activated by the narcissist.
Hi Karen I am so pleased this has helped validate you. it is so true that we need to get down to "zero" because that is where our true healing takes place. Bless you Karen and sending you hugs and healing xoxo
Ty Mel, I love your positive healthy approach to your life and your use of metaphors is wonderful. I love things like water buffalo, race car garage and bird hospital! 💗
So so nice to see you Mel. You look amazing! As far as the cold weather in Australia goes, you are talking to a girl from Montreal, Canada. It can in the winter drop as low as -60 Burrrrr! Keep warm. :). I must share this small experience with you. There is a very close friend of mine who has the habit of criticizes all my black,grey and white pencil sketches, hates it when I wear black clothing and tells me to wear colors and that all my artwork should be in color only. My oil paintings are all in color by the way. Before NARP, it would get on my nerves when these boundaries were invaded. I didn't see her for awhile and she surprised me with a visit. She asked me if I did any new pieces of art as of late. This made me slightly apprehensive because I new what was coming. I was doing a beautiful drawing of a peacock which she noticed was not in colors and of course she asked what's up with the black. You know what I said to her? I said "stop" just like that. A firm full Stop. Yey to me because I felt really good by having asserted myself. Lots of love, Helen xxxox
Thank you Helen! Goodness me I don't know how you do temperatures like that! I can't even get my head around it! How wonderful you asserted yourself, and it felt good to do so! Yay to you indeed!! xoxox
I live near Terrebonne! Sounds familiar! I am in a period of finding myself and just feel like keeping to myself! A friend continues to insist that I need friends, I need to be social, I told her, because you need that does not mean I need that!! She has not called me in for a week! So I just decided, no contact for me, if she calls she can but I wont!
Hi Nancy! I have been living in Israel now for the past 35 years and love it. I was living in the Van Horne, Cote des Neige area for 18 years. Even good friends can impose their views on another being rather pushy. It is great that you stood your ground. I also felt much better when I took back my own power because that is the way it is supposed to be. Helen :)
+H Bruce I have learnt to enjoy my own company, I find there is more testosterone then estrogen floating around these days!! Isreal! wowzers! Thats very far! I was never one to be around competitive women anyways much prefer doing my own thing and I will stay that way!
Hi Mel, Thank you for the work that you do. I am a member of your community and I finally broke free from the narc after 20 years. I continue to work on myself so that I can go back and get my children and break this cycle of abuse. Would you please do a another show on our children. I think this is where the narc hits us the hardest because this is what hurts us the most. I was hopeful that maybe Zack would do a show with you and share his experiences. I think he could also help a lot of us You are a beautiful soul and I am so thankful that I found you All my best always Amy
Hi Amy ... you are very welcome... I am so pleased you are in the Community and getting its support. Are you working with NARP and in the NARP Forum Community? Because that is the most empowered way to turn this all around, for you and your children . I would love to do a show with Zac on this if he is willing - he is a little camera shy! But I know it will happen one day when the time is right ... hopefully soon. Awwww thank you for your lovely comment, and so much love and healing to you fellow dear soul Amy. xoxox
You have perfectly described my current situation. I have been out of my relationship with my narcissist for 3 months now, and I am really just beginning to feel the aftershocks. I’m dealing with a lot of hurt and pain, anger and resentment. I realize that I do need to do inner healing work on myself. How do I do this? What kind of work do I need to do exactly? What does it mean to go within to heal and self partner? How do I do it?
Thank you Melanie, I am trying to recover from Narcissistic abuse from my own parents as well as my ex husband and I am struggling to maintain a relationship with a man I have been seeing on and off for 4 years, He will not commit and I think I am basically in a cycle of a narcissistic relationship again. He is emotionally, mentally unavailable and has never been very supportive. I left my husband 7 years ago. I have 4 children 15, 11 and twins that are 7 (they were only 10 weeks old when my kids and I were taken out of the home for protection) - I always believed I was a strong person and I liked to think that I would "just get on with it" - however, I feel I am struggling terribly, and have been for some time, I do not want to go on anti - depressants as I do not believe in pharmaceuticals, however, I am finding I can no longer function. It worries me that I feel so low all of the time and I am finding it difficult to be a productive and functioning mother. Can I ask you what your thoughts are on antidepressants and did you find that you had to go on them during your time of healing?... Many thanks...
Hi Lisa, you are welcome. My thoughts on anti-d's are if necessary as a bridge - and to get out of a danger zone of hurting ourselves ... yes they have their purpose ... but they are not a substitute for self-partnering and doing the work inside our own Being in order to change our Life. Because that is the only TRUE place we ever break out of disappointing and painful patterns ...Lisa if you have had enough of the pain and if you are ready to self-partner to find relief and start getting empowered true solutions then please join me in my next Webinar Group www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar ... because THAT will be your turning point out the agony. xoxo
Firstly, Hello to Connected 72, really interesting questions you have asked me - and before I go any further, I was in my marriage for 10 years and wanted to leave sooner, in fact I did leave after my first child., but found no support, not even from my parents so I went back. The second time a friend who I decided to confide in literally and physically took us out of the home as my ex husband had hit me time and time over physically and abused me terribly, (my babies were only 10 weeks old) I felt such a burden to this kind family that all I wanted to do was return home, my own parents felt humiliated and wanted me to do something other than be an imposition to the family. Though my own parents were not willing to look after me, and my children and yet I have no idea why as I was always such a "good girl" in fact I attended church, helped on the street vans and worked hard to earn a living, even right up to nearly giving birth, I tried to be the best daughter, mother, wife sister friend. My self worth is at an all time low to say the least and now I am doing the work to heal. I have got to that all time low, I have been there many times and have even attempted suicide when I was in my early 20's - I understand more now that I am not a product of the past and that I can change it around and be the Liberating woman I know I can be, I just have to take that leap of faith and not care who I lose along the way. The only people I really care about in the world now is my children. And that is why I am trying to fight to stay alive and functioning is for my children other wise I would happily exit this world.
And thank you Melanie, I have decided to start the medication, for exactly the reason you suggest, as a bridge to keep me out of trouble and yes I have signed up for your webinar... thank you.
Absolutely. I didnt understand why my mind snapped in old traumas connecting it to it. I didnt expect that it would be so bad leaving, Ive been through worse, but it felt like a proper trauma breakdown like never before, and people dont get it, 'its only breakup grief' move on..., as much I have tried... my life is like it hit a brick wall...
My heart goes out to you Tricia. If you haven't seen this video yet, I would love you to watch it to help you further ua-cam.com/video/q0NOJeyYROM/v-deo.html and this blog may help too blog.melanietoniaevans.com/the-effects-of-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-after-narcissistic-abuse/ If you would like to experience some relief from the symptoms I would love you to join me in my free webinar so you can experience a Quanta Freedom Healing for yourself www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar You don't have to carry this shock forever. It's your time to heal sweetheart xoxoxo
In my case it was not someone that I knew personally. It was a neighbor who was breaking into my home and going through my personal things. She had previously attempted to buy my home and felt that the home belong to her. In her mind I was taking from her. She began a smear campaign and eventually tried to take my property. I never figured out what she was until after we were out of quart room and I won the case but the damage she did in every area of my life was incredible once more I state that the door was never open to her but she kept trying to push her way in. In accordance to the videos I had done everything right but it still didn’t stop her.
the narc abuse i suffered in most of my life only reinforced my toxic shame, how in the hell do i get rid of the toxic shame like " i make people miserable just by being around." "im just not right" "no body likes you" " stupid bitch" "ugly" 'dumb" "i embarrass people by association." how the hell do i get rid of it? i felt this way atleast by 2 if not earlier. im now 44. i cant just get free of it. self affirmation feels like lies. and i been saying to my self for months. nothing i do seems to come out right, i try to do stuff and it just ends up hurting myself cuz i cant even get a tiny success.
You'll be okay Joan take it one day at a time try EFT tapping, and reading about yourself remembering your own successes and surrounding yourself with visual, written and audio reminders of what a wonderful person you are and the things you now choose to believe about yourself. Don't stop until it becomes normal it will feel like lies initially but once you're surrounded its only some time until you focus on that message internally too. You're worthy and enough and wonderful and loveable just the way you are. Thank you Joan
joan baczek If you are in the middle of hell, keep going! Persevere. Every single day and night watch empowering (not self victimizing videos), meditate (the Insight Timer app is free and has guided meditations), if you can afford it, find a decent therapist who will guide you to your core issues holistically (body/mind/spirit). Walk. Journal. Breathe. Keep connecting with others. Do.not.give.up
Melanie, this is amazing content. Thank you so much! I am excited for your upcoming webinar, I CAN'T WAIT to learn how to do the healing work. Do you or any of your associates offer one on one coaching? Thanks again!
Juli, I am so pleased this resonates for you and I look forward to being with you in the Webinar! Unfortunately I don't do QFH one-on-one anymore - I do however do extensive coaching in the Webinar Group www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar and NARP Forum www.melanietoniaevans.com/member xoxo
Yes. It is the places that I used to go to that I can no longer utilize for my health and well-being that I resent the narcissists for taking away from me. This is especially irksome because of the reduced opportunities to go to other places during the pandemic.
Hello Melanie. Very helpful, thank you. What tools have you used and found helpful in your journey to help you partner with yourself and heal your inner self (other than therapy)? For example I am trying to use writing, walking and mindfulness meditation. Thanks again :)
Artistic Funk you are very welcome. As supplements ... anything that assists wellbeing is great. Its so important though to understand this regarding severe trauma ... I have met yogis - even instructors who eat organic do yoga every day and meditate whose rumination and traumas were still terrible ... the reason being the trauma was still in their Being. That why I believe releasing it and uplevelling it is key. Otherwise we are only attempting to manage the wounds and may not be actually healing from them xoxo
My thoughts is “when god mends your heart he mends it with color threads and ribbons and bows” I’m healing after 35 years of mental abuse and cheating by my husband thank you
This is like a Caterpillar going through metamorphosis. It gets rid of cells aren't needed,then it becomes a Butterfly 🦋 shinning. Thanks Tonia 😊😊🌹❤️🙏🙏💞💞💞
omg, omg, my nar-C tried to return about 3 days ago and I totally said no without hesitation!!! it was awesome! I said no, set strong boundaries, and felt nothing but relief and amazingly powerful. I am so happy!
Well done Lucia, power to you! xoxox
+Melanie Tonia Evans thank you!
I Did The Same Thing And It Was Easy! YAAAY! Congratulations wish you the best!
Lucia Pou I just did the same thing I just texted her it's over after 18 years marriage and thanked her for helping me become better than ever.Im filing for divorce tomorrow and no contact order right after.It feels great.Hope things get better for you
Lucia Pou congratulations! So proud of you!!
Hi, Melanie. It's fascinating. Your video series don't amass anywhere near the number of VIEWS that other narcissism blogs do - the ones that talk about labelling the narcissist, sorting out and defining the narcissist, avoiding the narcissist, fighting the narcissist, getting away from the narcissist, getting back at the narcissist. The ones that rattle on about what the narcissist is doing, what the narcissist is thinking, what the narcisssist is really saying; why the narcissist does what he does, why the narcissist is the way he is, and on and on and on...
And yet, yours is the ONLY video series that tells us what we can do about it. The ONLY one in the entire youtube universe that shows us how we can truly heal.
Bless you for the wonderful work you do, and the gift of yourself you bring to the world. May many more be as fortunate as I was in finding you.
Thank you.
Hi Arnel, its so true the "easy quick fix" is to blame, stay victimised and focus on narcissists .. and as you and I know dear one - the pain never ends that way. Thank you Arnel for being YOU, and being another Light in this world ... because we DO have work to do ... to push back against the victimised current and turn people around so that they CAN heal ... I feel so honoured and humbled to be able to have a voice and help do that ... and I know you do too! Bless you. xoxox
love you Mel
Arnel Nacino I agree with your assessment! Melania really helps!
Not sure why you had to start your comment by comparing Melonie's number of views to anyone else. Maybe the other people have been doing these videos longer.
I love Melanie! There are many therapists and healers who have insights to share about narcissistic abuse but Melanie has the tools. Her NARP program and videos have helped me begin to heal after over 50 years of narcissistic abuse.
Sheila that is wonderful that after this all this time you are making your way up and out! Bless you! xoxox
Mel, I love you so much. I love what you said " life can no longer go on as it did, after narcissistic abuse". I find this experince with the narcissist now, such a blessing. It's been 6 moths since break up, him discarding me, at the beginning I thought i am going to lose my mind, I couldn't get it. As i discovered this thing narcissism, and struggled to put the pieces together and grasp it, and working on myself, I'm doing so much better, I am stronger than I ever was. He tried to hoover me back, again, but I didn't replayed back, and I feel no need to be in contact with a toxic person. I value peace, and I see him for who he really is. His behaviour is so unhealthy and I don't want that in my life. Before him discarding me, I knew this relationship was very wrong but I couldn't break up with him, I was addicted to him, I didn't had the strenght to do it. But now...I am so much stronger. I know what I want for me, I deserve healthy relationships and healthy people, and if he has abdicated his responsibility of behaving decently, well I'm fine with him gone. I don't need toxic, disempowering people in my life.
Hi Irene, these experiences truly are an incredible blessing when we accept their for the soul purpose that they were intended ... how wonderful you have come into a more solid self-love and deservedness through this!! xox
KINTSUGI , a japanese art of mending broken pottery with gold. The idea is not to hide the cracks. The pieces after repair are more beautiful and valuable then before they were broken.
I love this Kintsugi! xx
Wow that was a great analogy and thought
Thanks again for clarifying and validating the “aftershock” which I am now in. I was so preoccupied with the narcissist and the mental war zone I was in that it wasn’t until I left did I REALLY feel the implications of the relationship. I was so busy with moving out that I really hadn’t absorbed all the repercussions of what had happened. Now it’s all sinking in. What I was doing trying to cope, fit in, repair, beg, bargain, etc. Now that has all lifted and I am bombarded with the pain and reality nod just what had happened. It’s really painful to say the least to realize how sick I was and how much I need to repair inside. Thanks again for your videos they help ENORMOUSLY in that they pull me back to the truth and not some romantic charade I have made up in my mind.
Thanks for pointing me to this one.
My wife would call the police on me after she gaslit me in situations. I was shocked to find out that this occurred 40 times. Bullied by police made me nervous.
I did not leave, because of the Love Bombing. Eventually the police started telling me to get away from her. I just kept hoping she would just stop the behavior. I would forgive her each time.
During the final discard back in August 2018, she had our daughter call the police on me for telling my daughter to leave my master bedroom. This incident forced me to finally fully wake up. My daughter told the police that I “touched” her, implying something sexual. I could not believe what she told them. That was wrong. The police realized what was going on, fortunately. Amazing. This was just wrong in every way.
My daughter being used to manipulate her father. I finally understand now. It was shocking.
This was a painful wake up. My daughter devastated my trust. I realized at that point I totally overstayed my time.
This last police incident backfired on my wife, they had her leave and she has not been back since that time. However, she has conducted a very effective and explicit smear campaign against me.
Who did I marry?!!! Why did I not see her from the start? I know..the Love Bombing. LOL!!! There were red flags everywhere that I ignored.
Wow! I overworked myself to the point of exhaustion to keep from coming home and facing my wife and my triangulated family. Wow!!! I hit a level of emotional dysregulation that is driving me crazy. Restructuring and healing finally...step by step.
Your channel has helped me greatly....Thanks!!!!👍🏾
D. Kirk it’s so hard when our own kids mimic the Narc parent. I’ve experienced that & have decided that it’s no contact until they figure it out. I love me & can’t heal if I let their negative behavior continues the cycle of abuse
@@daynad8470 thank you for sharing that. I can't believe that his very painful abuse to me and the children that I had to feel and watch and I went on to bend over backwards and try to make up far all the trauma the father caused and yet now the children treat me like the father did. I love what you said about no contact until they figure it out. That's where I'm at and there is no contact. As painful as it is, I've grown. I refuse to be treated bad anymore and it be okay. I wish you the best!
Little Iodine it sure must be the pattern because mine have been conditioned by learned behavior. I proudly share that I’m in therapy & realize that healing takes time, you don’t need to defend nor repeat yourself. So stop. We are not doormats or scapegoats. It’s not easy. I have my days. End any conversation that’s belittling you. Mine aren’t allowed to live with me because of the very things you’ve mentioned. I pray you find peace...be gentle with yourself but consistent with them.
OMG to hear that "it's worse when you get out" absolutely how I feel, in was bad enough in but out its like my body went "right you ...you have had me on high alert for 12 years now it's my turn" and turn on me my body mind has.
I relate to the part where your told your going to be fine, quite the opposite, traumatic experiences don't go away lightly. Even thru therapy I feel my therapist hasn't worked on the depth of my emotions and traumatized past.
I will be 49 August 1 and I just am realizing I can have a life without daily trauma.
45 same
I am 40 on August 13th and I am sure, that even after his smear campaign, the slandering at court and after I was innocently convicted, there will be a better life some day. When you reach rock bottom, the only way to go is up. The angels are with us and they take record of what has been done to us.
I came to the same conclusions myself, and see my narc as a 'divine gift', sent to me from who knows where. It took that enormous amount of constant hammering by her, for me to finally get serious about my Self, to stop avoiding the work that I must do to finally get to the Heart of the matter, that being finding my Sacred Wounds and then re-writing the codes to allow authentic wholeness to occur. Self partnering is a term I'd never heard before starting this work, but I resonate with it deeply and completely as it describes perfectly what must occur for complete freedom to arise. I find it very helpful to contemplate the bigger picture as well, seeing the 'grand play' zoomed out to include multiple incarnations, all leading to this point in time and space, each actor doing his or her job with absolute precision.
Feelings of gratitude come easily now for her, for you and the support of this community and others. It's a truly amazing time to be on Earth right now, and an honor to be one of the awakened warriors that the world is such need of in this crazy time.
Thank you Melanie for your very deep insights and especially for the generosity of sharing what you know.
5:36 "Nothing prepares us for that, it really doesn't" Melanie, YOU DO! By watching this you are saving thousands of people from going through more trauma and understanding why they are even going through with it. You are SUCH a beautiful soul and deserve the world to show your sweetness back to you in LOVE. I thought the same thing, no one ever told me about this hurt, or what I was about to embark on or experience. I would blame not having a Mom, I would STILL be processing traumas in childhood at age 26 (now)...you're right...no one can ever explain the hardship a person is in or about to endure when they enter a situation of narc abuse. My whole life I wondered why I was a walking target. Thanks to your videos, e-mails and radio blogs I am standing up to my bullies day by day and MUTING THEM! They literally wonder how I got the strength to set boundaries? This will save the world. You are remarkable! - Latte & Miele
Aww you are SO welcome and thank you so much for your kind words Latte & Miele. Keep thriving because there's nothing else to do xoxox
This is my 1st video Ive watched. Answered many questions that I have about moving forward. I was successful in life and enjoyed everything I did full force. Now I find I am stuck, self hate, denial, and everything else that is coming along with the abuse. I have no confidence in myself anymore. Im hoping that with the knowledge I hope to learn from your experiences that I can move forward once again and become stronger. Thank you so much for being there and having such strength to help us all that are lost. Much love to you as your are a beautiful soul.
Hi Toni, I am so pleased this material is resonating with you. I'd love you to join me in my Webinar Group www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar because it would help you so much ... you are so welcome and much love back to you xoxo
+Melanie Tonia Evans I did sign up and Look forward to out. By signing up is how I found this channel. Its been since Feb since I left him and Im slowly getting there. I have my confused mind beginning to return finally and I am able to finally start finishing my conversations instead of going completely blank mid thought. Thank you for offering all this to its where we have the hope and tools to learn and become better then we were before. I am starting to feel my wings growing, lots more work ahead and ready to begin.
Melanie, Im suffering from chronic pain of debilitating osteoarthritis....I was brought to your web video here by the angels!!! the one with the young lady and chronic healing...I did the healing with you guys and it was powerful for me! thank you so much ....u wouldnt believe my horror story of narc abuse ...my own mother was my narc and then two husbands immediately after now twenty seven years later i still struggle to heal finding that my hurt has settled into my knees and both hips literally crippling me in a wheel chair
but I will walk again Im a bowl of light! light is free! so im free, i lov u god bless u too
Before I really understood Narcissism, I did that constantly too, tried to force him to be a decant person, cried, yelled, screamed, refused to accept massive disrespect, and he would placate me temporarily, and then we'd go right back I to the same sickening patterns.
I watched this over and over, I'm starting to believe!!
Melanie no one has ever described in such detail the damage a narcissist does. I are speaking my life, my feelings, my struggles, and the feeling of hopelessness. You have been a true blessing to me. Thank you and may God bless you today and always.
You are speaking my life.
I totally felt like a race car...*)! During the time the narc was stalking me and I wanted to get rid off him, I always felt like a car which was too heavily loaded by him being a huge weight stopping me from moving on. It was like stop and go. Stop and go. Stop and go.... This period lasted over two years. When I finally could throw him out of my car for good, I thought I am free to move on as fast as I want. But then the real work began, because I noticed all the damage on my car!!!
I felt like a race car all my life. And my car was often damaged, but I could always repair it very fast. This time it went much deeper, because it was not only my car which was damaged, but also my knight's armor. The whole right side of my knight's armor was completely damaged. It took years to repair it.
Symbolsysteme that analogy with the car that you wrote about is SO true!! xoxo
Melanie Tonia Evans
It's not only an analogy and when you've mentioned the race car, I thought you were referring to the race car I am talking about. On the astral plane we are 'cars'. Our astral body is a vehicle which is very similar to a car. In fact every invention humans make already exist on the astral plane. We 'just' materialize what is already there. The invention of a car is an extension of the vehicles we use on the astral plane.
And as a 3 dimensional car can be damaged, through having accidents for example, our vehicles on the astral plane can have accidents too.
Here is a picture which is a representation of our 'car' on the astral plane: de.pinterest.com/pin/290834088415624452/
Not sure if I understand perfectly, but if it's the same thing I feel I call it swimming in concrete shoes... That's how I feel, I can barely move forward and breathe...
Since leaving a year ago I haven't found my self. I have been drifting about like a ghost. Finally, I get it. Thank you
Perfect timing on this. After a year & a half of NO CONTACT, leaving my abuser, and regaining myself, I starting to date again and seem to be attracted to "chaos" and have to put the breaks on... what's different now is that I am giving myself permission to RUN at the first red flags. But I still have work to do on false beliefs, searching for false sources/ co-dependent searching for "comfort"...listening to this, I know I need to do MORE work from the inside out...
Dearest Melanie, thanks again and again and again xxx
I have to agree with Arnel and it's been pressing on me for the last couple of weeks. Although other forums, authors, experts, survivors etc have so much valuable info they don't prescribe to your system of taking the focus off the N, going inside and healing the traumas. In fact they seem to discourage any for of personal responsibility. I have to admit its caused me sooo much confusion because these experts have ALOT of letter attached to their names. I've been conditioned to believe that people with 'letters' know everything. How then am I left high and dry after listening to them when listening to you I feel the power rising like a phoenix lol!!??
I'm going to listen to my body and continue whole heartedly with your wonderful program xxx
Leearna Moloney I totally agree, Melanie js a genius!... She is truly an angel sent to help all people with this healing message she has of healing and doing God's work
Another master video. I put my entire self worth into being successful. Feeding my ego.
Always in fear. Who on earth might see though all this. Money was my God. A great topic about resetting inside priorities. Great Mel
Melanie - you are such an inspiration. Thank you for sharing your life story and your phenomenal work with us. It is truly wonderful. Sending you love and gratitude.
Your insights are accurate. I have overcome so much emotional abuse as many others forms .I was raised in a total negative environment and that's putting it milding, I'm still the blacksheep to my sick family as I once was. Truth set me free from myself and narcissistic personality disorders and know in Truth God's savings grace is what saved me in more than one way .I must confess that I love all people and that I feel so sad for sick people because I understand that pain they live in and how they lost a life of normalcy if their such a reality these people have no identity, no self ,how sad to live life so destructive and lost ,I feel deep and understand deep lets pray for them as we all need love and understanding ,how many dreams have been lost to insanity how very sad .🙏💒
Hi Mel ,your words rang true to me , I was emotionaly, physically and spiritually broken I've never focused on me far too busy fixing everyone else now it's my time to heal now ,thank you .
It's my pleasure Avril and I'm so pleased this has helped xoxox
Melanie, I moved from a cold climate to a hot one many years ago and have never adjusted, I still miss the crisp and invigorating air and snow, too. I am sure you'll manage soon enough this is spot on , word for word.You have an amazing capacity for depicting the true, accurate feelings, I too have described them as aftershocks and am still numbed everything in my life seems to have blown up and backfired on me, at 58 am struggling to understand why I enabled so much of it though all through it I did not realize that was what i was doing. instead I was knocking myself out making endless efforts to be a good wife and mom. Now virtually a recluse I am vigilant not to anymore but not easy to command respect and understanding not to mention support or compassion after over ten years since divorce. yes nobody really wants to know,care or remotely understand how all encompassing this stuff is. Thanks so much for all your fine work..
Hi Anhpam, you are so welcome. Please do come into the next Webinar Group ... I would really love you to learn about and start actualising how to break free from how you have been feeling and get your life back (even better than it ever has been) ... because I promise you it is totally possible. Here is how to come into the Group www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar xox
Omg this was so awesome. I can fly again and Soar like Ive never done before? I cannot thank you enough. I've been married to a Narc for ten years. I've taken so many doctor prescribed medications and self medicated and therapy because she had me thinking I was a loser undeserving of love and respect.... Depression so bad, years of constant suicidal thoughts that recently decided I would soon act on. She called me a narcissist so I went on you tube to find out what that meant and Lo and behold I am convinced that I am a codependant victim of a NARC. I finally have hope and belief that I am not to blame and that my wings can mend....Melanie thank you so much for this information. I feel hope in my heart for the first time in years. I'm watching everything you have and soaking it in. Thank you thank you thank you thank you. Now that I know what I am not and what she is...
Hi Melanie. Thank you for this video. Your insights and your eloquence in expressing how one can overcome and thrive after narcissistic abuse are wonderful.
As someone who grew up in a narcissistic household, your words ring true. In my quest for recovery, I tried in vain to gain fulfillment and self esteem from external sources which only served as a temporary band aid. The real work of building my self esteem from within took a long time but this is what has enabled me to not only live a good life but an empowered life. I have experienced the greatest joy of my life in recent years to the point that that person I used to be is someone I don't even recognize. Healing after narcissistic abuse is truly a blessing to experience.
Owlet, it certainly is and how wonderful that you did take the journey within!! Bless you! xoxox
This is amazing & resonates so much with me. I just had a full body massage & found out exactly how much stress, trauma and grief I was holding in my body. The therapist was astonished and concerned with how much knots and tension I was holding. I am committing right now to healing my life and being free from abuse.
That is wonderful that you are Angela! Kudos to you! xoxo
My emotional life changed for the better within DAYS of watching these and learning this method. I was skeptical at first, as I always am regarding New Agey stuff, but listening beyond the jargon and doing a little translation in to my own faith paradigm, made it pop for me. Thx Mel
You are so welcome Owondr. I am so glad to help. Love and blessings xoxox
I have 9 months of no contact.I thought I was getting better, but now the pain feels like it did in the beginning. I dont want to go through this again
john garcia I hope your ok x I know how you feel x
I understand how you feel.
Oh my goodness. I am so very happy and relieved that I stumbled across this video and your beautiful face. For 15 agonizing years I've been struggling to overcome exactly what you described to no avail. I need my life back and I finally see a glimmer of hope. Perhaps maybe I'm NOT a lost cause after all. I want to learn to live again and to love myself one and for all. Thank you so much for these videos. They are life c changing🙏😇
Julie please do know you are so NOT a lost cause. All of us no matter what we have been through with n-abuse CAN heal and do deserve to. I'd love you to come into the free Webinar Group www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar because there you will learn how to heal from this for real ... You are so welcome Julie and I am so pleased my material is helping you xx
I feel broken,but after listening to you I Never thought that anyone could of ever felt how I feel, I am joining a mental health groups called freedom,I can't wait to be in control of my life and have a happy future x
You're a beautiful person, Melanie. Thank you so very much for making your articles and videos available; your wise and inspiring words made a world of difference for me, in my healing process. I am very grateful to you.
Hi Mike, it is my pleasure, and thank you for your lovely words ... I am so pleased I can help xoxox
What a fabulous video! Thank you! Your NARP program is helping me so much!!
Deborah I am so thrilled for you that it is!! xoxox
I really needed to see this today. Thank you so much for the work that you do, it has helped me on my journey tremendously. I am looking forward to diving in deeper in your program. Such an ah-ha moment for me watching this, was, in choosing a Narcissist to "achieve" it left me running along a track chasing a carrot that I could never get. Thus, keeping me in this loop of confusion, hurt, and frustration wondering why I haven't achieved it yet? Always tweaking my technique to achieve something outside myself, until I realized I had to tweak something inside myself.
Sarah, you are very welcome! Gorgeous that you are really getting this and are going to commit to the work within!! xoxox
Thanks Melanie! It's funny, your work came into view for me awhile back, but I was SO not in a place to receive it (it's also before I had done any inner work.) I excused it away, and decided that there was no way he was a narcissist. Funny what a difference some willingness and inner work makes :)
i love all of your positive words..wow youre the only one who puts me on the right track. everything you say resonates in a very positive way. because of your videos, im recovering from this living hell exceedingly fast. HUGE THANKYOU!
You're an Angel Melonie. Thank you so much, this vid is so spot on!
You are welcome NF-a ... I am so pleased it resonated with you xox
Hi again Melanie🙌,cold october here in Norway too.
Warm KINDLY sweet thanks for all your videos❤,you are such a GOOD soul-a real EMPATH🌹.
Thank you so much for saying this. I have not understood why it has taken me so much time to recover.
Hi Melanie, I love your talks. I've been on this journey for a while trying to understand me & come to that place of healing inside of me. Of course it doesn't all come at once but your videos & talks are being very helpful to me. This one I just listened to made me realize that a part of me from a young girl needs that deep inner healing because of how my father was.. causing me to keep repeating a cycle & being stuck. Because it was like I kept picking up where I left off from the hurt with my dad as a girl.. then both my marriages were so wrong & I was stuck not being able to move forward because I certainly wasn't going to get what I needed from the men who were like my father. So I help the little girl in me to heal & let go.. and all that old stuff & hurt that was clinging to me & holding me back. With my eyes closed I saw it fall away from me and drift away. It dies because I found my healing & there is nothing left to source that old dysfunctional stuff anymore that was sucking my life away from me.
Awesome Lisa!! xoxox
Thank you Mel!! I was having anxiety and I didn't understand why.
My pleasure Keri, and glad this could help. xx
I have had a fair amount of 1 on 1 therapy, and listened to LOTS of UA-cam video because the topic interests me, but I have never before heard that the after is harder than the during. In many ways it is! Thanks again. I need to listen to this jewel 4 more times.
This was amazing! Sooo needed!!! Love you Mel!
Red Lily I am glad you enjoyed it ... much love back to you! xoxo
I have listened to this more than 5x. What you are saying is very specific and very powerful. And right on the mark. Thank you, Melanie. I am not ready "to share" but I appreciate that you have.
Hi Melanie. thanks for another great video. I guess its often how you describe and in a way the most recent abusive relationship keeps a lid on all the previous and childhood stuff. My recovery came alongside 12th step programs that taught me what was and what wasn't my responsibility. I had to unlearn the idea that the way others treat me was a measure of my worth as a human being. I very slowly developed an internal locus. obviously narcs do not support this because it meant I didn't need external validation. I self medicated with work too until thankfully I was made redundant. I'm so grateful to be free of all that stress and anxiety. I accept that a lot of people DONT like me - but plenty do! I like me. I live in myv zone. my work helps others to find their own zone. I'm happy and I try to spread happiness and help people find their own power. I love it.
Hi Laura you are so welcome, and I am so pleased for you that you are free of the anxiety and stress. Great you are modelling empowerment for others too! xoxo
Recovery is a process... at first I logically could see the points you’re making but until now(6months no contact) am I ready to do the work. I’m less angry, sad and depressed-and now I’m seeking to grow and work on myself. But for a few months I felt i needed the validation of all the awful behavior...which matches what u said at the start- that once we step away the immensity of the deception and the magnitude of the pathology of our narcs becomes overwhelming. Takes some time to be ready to look within and see why we stayed too long and ignored intuition.(which I did from very early on)
Thanks Melanie!
Hi Kate - Spot On Sweetheart and congratulations on now being ready to heal the wounds. There is a process to recover and everyone is at a different stage when they find MTE. My work tries to cover all bases but I know deep down that when the person is ready to 'hear/feel/see' then they will. Love and blessings to everyone recovering, surviving and thriving from narcissist abuse xoxox
True, I am a "doer", an "achiever" like you. Now I have to learn I am worthy and loved even though everything I have achieved is gone (job, money, home, car etc.) - I will do TRE (trauma release exercises) and 12 D shielding meditations against negative energies and every time the old thinking patterns return, I will do some tapping and re-programming / re-framing.
I highly recommend this programme for those planning to go no contact with a Narcissist. It will help immeasurably to keep yourself sane while you are getting away....... plus heal loads of stuff in your life that attracted you to the person in the first place. As well as help you to understand what is going on during the process of no contact. I would say it reduces aftershock considerably - this is guessing, still 5 days to go. It has given me the necessary energy to actually get away!
Black X thank you or the recommendation and I am so pleased the NARP Program has helped you so much! Wonderful you have been able to heal to the point of breaking away ... xox
Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge and insight. I have always felt I have no value without my work, my achievements and what I can do for others. Hope to feel worthy to be here with nothing to give
Amen...this has been me. I am a Christian who prayed so hard and so often when residing with my narc and once I got out and not in fight or flight mode...I found my passion for God wasn't so strong. I initially felt really bad and disconnected but through journaling and a guided meditation, I realized there is nothing with normalcy, calm, consistency, and contentment. It was also tough bc people don't understand so they can't help
I meant there is nothing wrong with consistency, calm etc...I was so busy praying everydat bc of her antics when I finally moved out I felt my bubble had burst and their was no passion until God showed me it's okay to be calm etc
A great thank you to you Melanie for opening my eye my mind and bring me on to the road of recovery .
Your are a saint an Angel.
You truly are a god save.
My deepest respect to you.
Plus you are absolutely gorgeous too xx
Hey beautiful soul Melanie, your words soothed my heart tonight, thanks for you, you being your recovered self, gave me hope and inspiration. You are a gem 💚💛🌞 a golden light, I'm so glad I found yr channel especially after the day I have had with narcisstic abuse.! 😁 Amazing 😊So absolutely incredible to experience the other side, ahh. The healing that goes on, the life that is enriched, I'm actually seeing that this narcisstic abuse experience will help me to 'up level' and live a more enriched life. More to tell as the healing unfolds... For now thank you beautiful soul xoxo
I'm going off grid, provide for myself the basic needs of living, dry panning for gold in NV, AZ. The system is narcissistic as well as those around me. You are right on with the healing process.
I feel this message on so many levels, thank you Melanie!! You are such a shining example of transformation from the inside out.
Kristin, thank you for your lovely words, and I am so pleased this deeply resonated with you xoxo
Thank you, Melanie. You gave words to the aftershock and hope for the future! You're great!
Thank you so much. You understand so much. Cleared so much of confusion for me. I thought I was the only one. 🙏🏽💕🌟
Love the analogies.....perfect! Doing all of this now, after almost 70 years! Better late than never, right?! Thanks again....wonderful videos! Peace, love and namaste~
Never too late Dear Lady xoxox
You are actually the first person I've ever heard who teaches about this topic that has stated what I, too, have experienced in my two severe "dark night of the soul" aftermaths of narcissistic abuse, that this 'aftershock' is actually much worse than the time we spent going through it. Thank you so very much for this general acknowledgement, as well as for actually spelling out the individual consequences such as loss of our ability to perform the most simple tasks, loss of our support group and friends, attacks by others including authorities, loss of our children's loyalty and even loss of our ability to earn a living for ourselves. I hope it helps others as much as it did myself, as like you, I think that it must be common for others to think we are now okay, when we are actually in a state of worse overwhelm. Finally, natural optimism turns to pessimism and truly feeling totally decimated and disheartened. I think that perhaps the reason for this is because it is only then that we are in a state of feeling the accumulation of all of these past experiences, effectively making it a more cumulative post traumatic stress experience than only an acute experience that we know will end. I know that I can say I have felt more traumatized, with my coping strategies being exhausted, and yes, finally experiencing a real breakdown. Thank you for your affirmation of that and I am still listening, believing you that basically getting down to zero is the only way to actually be able to heal those original childhood wounds that have again been activated by the narcissist.
Hi Karen I am so pleased this has helped validate you. it is so true that we need to get down to "zero" because that is where our true healing takes place. Bless you Karen and sending you hugs and healing xoxo
Spot on it’s worse when you get out!!!
I experienced everything you mentioned. Glad to be reminded how far I've come. Thank you Melanie.
I am so thankful for you and your videos 😊 happy New Year
Ty Mel, I love your positive healthy approach to your life and your use of metaphors is wonderful. I love things like water buffalo, race car garage and bird hospital! 💗
So so nice to see you Mel. You look amazing! As far as the cold weather in Australia goes, you are talking to a girl from Montreal, Canada. It can in the winter drop as low as -60 Burrrrr! Keep warm. :). I must share this small experience with you. There is a very close friend of mine who has the habit of criticizes all my black,grey and white pencil sketches, hates it when I wear black clothing and tells me to wear colors and that all my artwork should be in color only. My oil paintings are all in color by the way. Before NARP, it would get on my nerves when these boundaries were invaded. I didn't see her for awhile and she surprised me with a visit. She asked me if I did any new pieces of art as of late. This made me slightly apprehensive because I new what was coming. I was doing a beautiful drawing of a peacock which she noticed was not in colors and of course she asked what's up with the black. You know what I said to her? I said "stop" just like that. A firm full Stop. Yey to me because I felt really good by having asserted myself. Lots of love, Helen xxxox
Thank you Helen! Goodness me I don't know how you do temperatures like that! I can't even get my head around it! How wonderful you asserted yourself, and it felt good to do so! Yay to you indeed!! xoxox
I live near Terrebonne! Sounds familiar! I am in a period of finding myself and just feel like keeping to myself! A friend continues to insist that I need friends, I need to be social, I told her, because you need that does not mean I need that!! She has not called me in for a week! So I just decided, no contact for me, if she calls she can but I wont!
Hi Nancy! I have been living in Israel now for the past 35 years and love it. I was living in the Van Horne, Cote des Neige area for 18 years. Even good friends can impose their views on another being rather pushy. It is great that you stood your ground. I also felt much better when I took back my own power because that is the way it is supposed to be. Helen :)
+H Bruce I have learnt to enjoy my own company, I find there is more testosterone then estrogen floating around these days!! Isreal! wowzers! Thats very far! I was never one to be around competitive women anyways much prefer doing my own thing and I will stay that way!
The only competition that really matters is with yourself, that each day will be a better version of yourself. I have gotten to enjoy my own company!
Your just amazing Melanie.
I don't think of be alive if it wasn't for your UA-cam channel. Thankyou
Thank you so much for the thoughtfulness and wisdom of the life I'm striving for!!! Your an Angel♡♡♡
Aww thank you Diane, you are so welcome sweetheart xoxox
I really need this. In that point. Realizing all and The Pain and truth .. Thanks for everything
This video is amazing...right on point...thank you soo much!
Hi Mel,
Thank you for the work that you do. I am a member of your community and I finally broke free from the narc after 20 years. I continue to work on myself so that I can go back and get my children and break this cycle of abuse. Would you please do a another show on our children. I think this is where the narc hits us the hardest because this is what hurts us the most. I was hopeful that maybe Zack would do a show with you and share his experiences. I think he could also help a lot of us
You are a beautiful soul and I am so thankful that I found you
All my best always
Amy
Hi Amy ... you are very welcome... I am so pleased you are in the Community and getting its support. Are you working with NARP and in the NARP Forum Community? Because that is the most empowered way to turn this all around, for you and your children . I would love to do a show with Zac on this if he is willing - he is a little camera shy! But I know it will happen one day when the time is right ... hopefully soon. Awwww thank you for your lovely comment, and so much love and healing to you fellow dear soul Amy. xoxox
Thank you so much for sharing these videos. Honestly I think you are saving my life literally if nothing else you’re saving me from myself! 🖤
Loved the video. Now learning to just be. Thanks Melonie
My pleasure Yvonne xoxo
You have perfectly described my current situation. I have been out of my relationship with my narcissist for 3 months now, and I am really just beginning to feel the aftershocks. I’m dealing with a lot of hurt and pain, anger and resentment. I realize that I do need to do inner healing work on myself. How do I do this? What kind of work do I need to do exactly? What does it mean to go within to heal and self partner? How do I do it?
Rene if you join my free newsletter www.melanietoniaevans.com/getstarted that will start the process for you! xoxo
That's incredible Tonia, I am healing, Thank you so much...
These are healing words. Wondrously well said. Thank you.
OMG...Thank You, Melanie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TruthSerum you are so welcome. Bless xoxox
Thank you Melanie, I am trying to recover from Narcissistic abuse from my own parents as well as my ex husband and I am struggling to maintain a relationship with a man I have been seeing on and off for 4 years, He will not commit and I think I am basically in a cycle of a narcissistic relationship again. He is emotionally, mentally unavailable and has never been very supportive. I left my husband 7 years ago. I have 4 children 15, 11 and twins that are 7 (they were only 10 weeks old when my kids and I were taken out of the home for protection) - I always believed I was a strong person and I liked to think that I would "just get on with it" - however, I feel I am struggling terribly, and have been for some time, I do not want to go on anti - depressants as I do not believe in pharmaceuticals, however, I am finding I can no longer function. It worries me that I feel so low all of the time and I am finding it difficult to be a productive and functioning mother. Can I ask you what your thoughts are on antidepressants and did you find that you had to go on them during your time of healing?... Many thanks...
Hi Lisa, you are welcome. My thoughts on anti-d's are if necessary as a bridge - and to get out of a danger zone of hurting ourselves ... yes they have their purpose ... but they are not a substitute for self-partnering and doing the work inside our own Being in order to change our Life. Because that is the only TRUE place we ever break out of disappointing and painful patterns ...Lisa if you have had enough of the pain and if you are ready to self-partner to find relief and start getting empowered true solutions then please join me in my next Webinar Group www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar ... because THAT will be your turning point out the agony. xoxo
Firstly, Hello to Connected 72, really interesting questions you have asked me - and before I go any further, I was in my marriage for 10 years and wanted to leave sooner, in fact I did leave after my first child., but found no support, not even from my parents so I went back. The second time a friend who I decided to confide in literally and physically took us out of the home as my ex husband had hit me time and time over physically and abused me terribly, (my babies were only 10 weeks old) I felt such a burden to this kind family that all I wanted to do was return home, my own parents felt humiliated and wanted me to do something other than be an imposition to the family. Though my own parents were not willing to look after me, and my children and yet I have no idea why as I was always such a "good girl" in fact I attended church, helped on the street vans and worked hard to earn a living, even right up to nearly giving birth, I tried to be the best daughter, mother, wife sister friend. My self worth is at an all time low to say the least and now I am doing the work to heal. I have got to that all time low, I have been there many times and have even attempted suicide when I was in my early 20's - I understand more now that I am not a product of the past and that I can change it around and be the Liberating woman I know I can be, I just have to take that leap of faith and not care who I lose along the way. The only people I really care about in the world now is my children. And that is why I am trying to fight to stay alive and functioning is for my children other wise I would happily exit this world.
And thank you Melanie, I have decided to start the medication, for exactly the reason you suggest, as a bridge to keep me out of trouble and yes I have signed up for your webinar... thank you.
love the methaphor of the bird hospital:))....And being adored just for existing resonated so much in me. Thank you, Melanie
My pleasure Kleank - I am glad you enjoyed it! xoxo
Absolutely. I didnt understand why my mind snapped in old traumas connecting it to it. I didnt expect that it would be so bad leaving, Ive been through worse, but it felt like a proper trauma breakdown like never before, and people dont get it, 'its only breakup grief' move on..., as much I have tried... my life is like it hit a brick wall...
That's Beautifull.
Within the cracks the light shines through.
Here's to soaring! Excellent, Melanie.
Hear hear Daphne! xoxo
Like always, thank you Melanie! very inspiring.
Yup going through Aftershock on top of PTSD
My heart goes out to you Tricia. If you haven't seen this video yet, I would love you to watch it to help you further ua-cam.com/video/q0NOJeyYROM/v-deo.html and this blog may help too blog.melanietoniaevans.com/the-effects-of-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-after-narcissistic-abuse/ If you would like to experience some relief from the symptoms I would love you to join me in my free webinar so you can experience a Quanta Freedom Healing for yourself
www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar You don't have to carry this shock forever. It's your time to heal sweetheart xoxoxo
In my case it was not someone that I knew personally. It was a neighbor who was breaking into my home and going through my personal things. She had previously attempted to buy my home and felt that the home belong to her. In her mind I was taking from her. She began a smear campaign and eventually tried to take my property. I never figured out what she was until after we were out of quart room and I won the case but the damage she did in every area of my life was incredible once more I state that the door was never open to her but she kept trying to push her way in. In accordance to the videos I had done everything right but it still didn’t stop her.
spot on again melanie!!..totally understand this..thank you x
My pleasure Kinnie, so pleased you enjoyed it! xox
the narc abuse i suffered in most of my life only reinforced my toxic shame, how in the hell do i get rid of the toxic shame like " i make people miserable just by being around." "im just not right" "no body likes you" " stupid bitch" "ugly" 'dumb" "i embarrass people by association." how the hell do i get rid of it? i felt this way atleast by 2 if not earlier. im now 44. i cant just get free of it. self affirmation feels like lies. and i been saying to my self for months. nothing i do seems to come out right, i try to do stuff and it just ends up hurting myself cuz i cant even get a tiny success.
You'll be okay Joan take it one day at a time try EFT tapping, and reading about yourself remembering your own successes and surrounding yourself with visual, written and audio reminders of what a wonderful person you are and the things you now choose to believe about yourself. Don't stop until it becomes normal it will feel like lies initially but once you're surrounded its only some time until you focus on that message internally too. You're worthy and enough and wonderful and loveable just the way you are. Thank you Joan
joan baczek If you are in the middle of hell, keep going! Persevere. Every single day and night watch empowering (not self victimizing videos), meditate (the Insight Timer app is free and has guided meditations), if you can afford it, find a decent therapist who will guide you to your core issues holistically (body/mind/spirit). Walk. Journal. Breathe. Keep connecting with others. Do.not.give.up
Simply because I exist, I will remember that!
Melanie, this is amazing content. Thank you so much! I am excited for your upcoming webinar, I CAN'T WAIT to learn how to do the healing work.
Do you or any of your associates offer one on one coaching? Thanks again!
Juli, I am so pleased this resonates for you and I look forward to being with you in the Webinar! Unfortunately I don't do QFH one-on-one anymore - I do however do extensive coaching in the Webinar Group www.melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar and NARP Forum www.melanietoniaevans.com/member xoxo
Yes. It is the places that I used to go to that I can no longer utilize for my health and well-being that I resent the narcissists for taking away from me. This is especially irksome because of the reduced opportunities to go to other places during the pandemic.
I love you to absurd leves, Narp has given me my life for the first time.
Hello Melanie. Very helpful, thank you. What tools have you used and found helpful in your journey to help you partner with yourself and heal your inner self (other than therapy)? For example I am trying to use writing, walking and mindfulness meditation. Thanks again :)
Artistic Funk you are very welcome. As supplements ... anything that assists wellbeing is great. Its so important though to understand this regarding severe trauma ... I have met yogis - even instructors who eat organic do yoga every day and meditate whose rumination and traumas were still terrible ... the reason being the trauma was still in their Being. That why I believe releasing it and uplevelling it is key. Otherwise we are only attempting to manage the wounds and may not be actually healing from them xoxo
Can you make some more videos about shifts happen? Thanks for all your hard work.
My thoughts is “when god mends your heart he mends it with color threads and ribbons and bows” I’m healing after 35 years of mental abuse and cheating by my husband thank you
Most amazing video
thank you, Melanie :-)
My pleasure Lucia. xx
love your sense of humor. thanks for helping us keep the ice cream off the poop.
When god mends your heart “he mends it with color threads ribbons and bows “ that’s the journey I’m on now after 35 years thank you
This is like a Caterpillar going through metamorphosis. It gets rid of cells aren't needed,then it becomes a Butterfly 🦋 shinning.
Thanks Tonia 😊😊🌹❤️🙏🙏💞💞💞
Brilliant. Gratitude
Abusers get away with the trauma of turning the children against the innocent person it should be a crime that is punished
10 degrees! Hahaha! Amazing what the human body gets used to. That is t-shirt weather in Canada. I am pretty sure that means that we would melt there.