My ISTP husband is the lowest maintenance person I know (and I love him for it). To make him feel loved just don't hassle him, don't play emotional games- say what you mean plainly and know that he'll do the same. And don't try to manipulate or you'll get major pushback. Water and feed daily for best results.
Definitely can relate, all I need is to be fed and pet regularly which I'd hope is clear and heard, I may further grow to fit the required shape... All in all, do something, experiences matter way much more to gain duo-XP...
@@lauramason5667 I can only speak from my experience with my husband, but I think it'll help. ISTPs are practical and they are fixers, both of those things can interfere with showing love at times. In the past when I would vent to my husband or explain how I was feeling he would offer a very practical and dispassionate solution. Here's the thing: I didn't need a solution, I needed someone to listen and show compassion. THAT in itself is the solution if I'm feeling down. Chances are I already know the solution, but I may still be struggling emotionally, or perhaps after I've dealt with the emotional side I'll be ready to hear the solution. He has learned this and things go much better now. I can't emphasize this enough: listen, don't try to "fix it" (unless someone asks you to) and show compassion. It's as easy as "I'm really sorry you're going through that. Is there anything I can do to help?" Sometimes people just need a hug and a shoulder to cry on.
As a female ISTP, I relate so much to the "don't force us to be emotional", it's not exactly because we're not good with Fe, it's because it's micro-managing, controlling and insincere. There seems to be highly-sociable types who seem to NEED everyone to APPEAR to be in the kind of mood they want. I'll give a hug and this type will complain that I haven't given it for long enough or didn't squeeze enough. I'll be texting and they'll complain that I should sound more caring or add "friendlier" emojis. They'll be annoyed that I'm not smiling as much as they want or acting in a bubbly way. This is even worse when you're a woman, there's just some people who take it as a personal insult if I'm not giggling and baking cookies for them. I'm caring and cheerful with people that have earned it, not when they demand it and act like a sad puppy or are passive-aggressive. Making people act a certain way is not going to make them actually feel that way.
Some years ago I was at a family thing for a weekend (my partner's family). I'd been with him for 2-3 years at that point and didn't know his extended family all that well. Really only knew his mother pretty much. Anyway, there were a lot of people and I'd reached my social limit. I quietly slipped away to our room to recharge, shortly after his aunt knocked on my door asking if I was okay. I said I was and she left. An hour or so later she came back again and asked the same thing, I said I just needed some downtime but I was otherwise fine. Next minute it became a whole thing, she's going off to the rest of the family about how I was unfairly being mean to her. It's been over 10 years since that happened and she's still beefing with me. Women tend to not like me I think, because I won't play host. I won't go out of my way to maintain the emotional atmosphere as they've been conditioned to do. I'm too "masculine" in my interests and demeanour. I wouldn't have it any other way though, I know who I am and I'm not changing for anyone. My loved ones get it, every gesture of affection, the acts of service are from a place of deep sincerity and care. I don't dish it out to just anyone. Like you said, it's earned.
@@HindBoukili It’s more like a Venn diagram, where people who have high Fe are often inclined to become insincere, if they can’t come up w/ another way to deal with or solve that situation. Some of us would feel too icky to EVER say or do anything that wasn’t sincere & authentic. I do love & appreciate Fe when it’s healthy, though! When it’s completely absent in a space, it feels COLD and inhumane, so in the right doses & right situations, it’s perfect! 🎯
I definitely need space, but I also feel more valued when loved ones actually really listen when I speak. Because I'm a great listener myself, and I don't speak just for the sake of speaking; it means I actually have something to say. - ISTP
As an INTJ, I concur. I don’t know how much good it’d do telling people who just say things disingenuously, or make noise/sounds/words, simply to fill up the quiet air space (because it makes THEM uncomfortable), but at least you’ve put it out there & said your piece.
"Don't force us in to meaningless social interactions" ISTP here I find this funny as to us all social interactions are meaningless but I also understand that there are types that have this as their primary function. What a dynamic.
whennn whennn you give your catt spaceeee but he don't neeed it wen wen wen you DO DO the top 10 things but you feeeeel bottommm when when when you knowwwwwwwww the someone BUT YOU KIDNAP THEM AnYWAY when when when when she saysssss she doesn't speak for all the istps but she she she speaks for all of them anywayyyyyyyy we are people people are people we exist 20000 therapists but but but weeee
In my experience (as an INTP)? Hand the ISTP a cold bottle of their preferred beer and don't crowd or pressure them. ISTPs are great (again, from this INTP's perspective). Their needs are few and simple. Treat them with honesty and respect and listen to what they have to say. One of the easiest types to get along with. EDIT: Seriously, ISTPs are just really easy to work with. They pick up hands-on skills and knowledge very quickly and generally start out ahead of the curve in those areas. Be clear with what you want done and the parameters you expect them to operate within, and as long as you treat them with honesty and fairness, they'll deliver. They're rarely demanding (although even ISTPs can have a bad day), and even when they are, they're usually just frustrated and need to feel like someone's actually listening to their point of view. It takes a lot to push an ISTP into a really unreasonable state. Some of the best people I ever worked with were ISTPs (with ESFJs being a very close second).
@Bella Shalom No worries. As for ESFJs... opposite letters, but the same functions, just reversed. We have more in common than not, but finding that common ground can take some time and patience. My father's an ESFJ (my mother's an ISFJ and my sister's an ESTJ), so I've had a lot of opportunities to get to know the SJ mindset. Things were quite rocky for a decade or two in my youth, but we've learned to appreciate what the other brings to the table now. ISTPs are what INTPs would look like if we lived more in the real world than in our imaginations and musings... so, while that makes us very different in what we do, we approach things from a very similar mindset.
Same here, ENFP female living with ISTP boyfriend. That's everything he needs and MBTI helped me so much in understanding/accepting this because I find it so weird... Also he likes me to organise cupboards in a way he'll be able to see properly all the items and choose the one he needs. He probably won't put it back in the right place though 😂.
Let me do my own things in my own time in nmy own space you need to give me room. I need my own space and privacy, show interest in what I'm doing but yes is respect and hated social battery isi draining more physical touch is king, hiking places I like places family home
I've found that ISTP's love when you make room for them. So spend a day with them doing what they enjoy, make them comfortable, listen to them, and engage. Once they are warmed up, they tend to be way more open. Also, they admire persons who are capable of communicating a lot of emotional depth and are emotionally vulnerable. They have a hard time doing that. They can learn, but it's may not be as smooth as those who are feeling dominant.
Yep! Definitely, I personally absolutely hate being interrupted whenever I try to say something to someone and if the person doesn’t seem interested in what I’m saying I’ll just give up on talking about it all together.
So if they encountered a person who knows how to communicate (feelings) they would accept it? Would they not be bothered by it? By people who shares their emotions with them?
For my ISTP husband, he LOVES being acknowledged/appreciated. UGH! As an INFJ, I have to literally force myself to constantly tell him, "I appreciate XYZ that you did." He loves that. I find it ridiculous, but I do it anyway. I mean.. something as little as "I appreciate that you took the trash out." or "Thank you for picking up the mail on your way inside." He loves being acknowledged. "Wow, that was a great sandwich, the best one yet." Etc. etc..He wants his employer to do the same, too, whenever he gets the highest sales quota for the month or even the day, he would love if someone came in and told him they appreciate him. He tries to do it to me, but I just don't need that much attention given to me when I do something so mundane, or even exciting for that matter. :) He also LOVES to come to the rescue. Anytime he is called upon to fix something, he obliges without complaint and especially likes when he is "acknowledged" for it afterwards. ;)
Wow…that’d be EXHAUSTING for me, and total dealbreaker for a relationship partner! Maybe a colleague is fine, but I wouldn’t wanna come HOME to that kind of neediness! 😅 - an INTJ
@@MoPoppins His love language seems to be words of affirmation. Nothing wrong with OP making sure he feels loved and acknowledged. Your comment sounds f-ed up, especially since OP is talking about their husband. Everyone has needs and you’re making his needs sound like a chore.
@@whateveridc2802 I was merely expressing my own preferences. Nothing wrong with people choosing their partner, based on what meets their needs. If this woman’s husband’s ways were a dealbreaker for her, then she could leave him. I view this comment section as an educational tool for us all to learn from one another. I think it would be valuable for someone to know that, at least for this INTJ, that kind of behavior would be unbearable, regardless of my relationship to them- I just can’t stand needy people. Codependency gets on my nerves, because people can work on themselves to meet their own needs, rather than always depending on external validation. It’s always a choice. I also realized after reading this woman’s various comments for this video, that her husband exhibits narcissistic traits. He may be an I STP, but sounds like a covert narcissist, and I did share that with her in another comment, and to look into it thru other UA-cam videos that discuss narcissism.
Suggestion for those who wanted to be around an ISTP: STOP BEATING AROUND THE BUSH AND TELL US CLEARLY WHAT YOU WANT. Im tired to be called dense lol. I actually not, but if they didnt ask me straight to do something i wont do anything either. It's not worth the efforts.
Рік тому+52
As an istp i would say, BEING IN THE MOMENT is the KEY thing for us. I've had some ex girlfriends who were always on their phones, or being too abstract and shut inside their own heads, like, sometimes moments you think are "CUTE" or "ROMANTIC" like admiring the sky, daydreaming, or stuff like that, can get really awkward really quickly when after you were on your phone you start looking at the sky and start daydreaming or just start thinking about theories or abstract concepts and just thinking outloud only to yourself (INTPS, worst relationship ever), that can get pretty awkward, boring and even disrespectful. Like, yeah i can "look at the sky" and have some deeper convo with you, for sure, but lets have an actual conversation, where we exchange ideas, instead of just weirdly mumbling stuff as im not even present, just an observer... thats... ugh. i've had other relationships with what i believe are ESFX girls, and they were just too much of the time on their phones, or talking 80% of their friends, or what their weekend plans are with their BIG group of friends, and then when we are together, still on the phone talking with her friends... ugh... its tiring. Worst situation, annoying and awkward for an istp is for us to be in a place or situation when we are not actually, physically, or purposely needed, like we could be literally doing whatever in another place and nobody would notice, thats just.. ugh, why am i even here wasting my time then?
ugh not denying ur feelings of when u just have to be an observer of ni/ne users deep-thinking i get that but for us it's rly nice just having someone listen to these random abstract thoughts like sharing them makes us feel like we r having such quality time. maybe that's why some ppl say n should date n but at the same time n dating n would be too much of reading each other
I’m really intrigued about the “weirdly mumbling stuff” can you elaborate how that can look like? Like how a conversation like that could go or something idk?
ISTPs are pretty much impossible for me to understand as an ENFP, so this content is super helpful! I can't wait to help my ISTP brother know he's loved and valued ❤ Also, it took my brother 22 years to open up to me about his emotions, so don't underestimate how long it might take your ISTP to be vulnerable with you.
My lil sister is ISTP as well (me an ENFP). All our lifes have been discussions because I want more honest words and feeling, and she is so... Idk, edgy? To my own point of view.... However, it's exhausted waiting for some conversation that I could enjoy, because for her, those topics are pretentious or meaningless. So my confessor suggested me to take space and just avoid situations that can hurt me. However, many times when I'm busy or careless, she approaches me and demands attention and cuddles... It's hard to follow the ISTP language. She is the person I love the most but it's gruesome try to understand her
@@fhageran They are exactly like cats, not everyone's type. I feel for you in this case. While they might not be meaning to make things harder for us, they definitely aren't making it easy, either.
@@fhageran Well, I haven't had good experiences with cats, either. While there are definitely some good cats, most I have seen so far were too individualistic. I don't like it when people expect us to fully adapt to them as if we have to revolve around them without them considering us in turn. It feels like we keep giving things to them and they only ever take. Their sense of being "low-maintenance" is directly not trying to do anything with us unless it is something they personally want to do. It feels like they don't "love" us but "tolerate" us and accept out presence. It doesn't feel like a relationship between equals. I don't want to be treated like something of secondary importance while I am trying best to keep them happy and content. Not being good feelings and stuff is not an excuse for not even "trying to try".
This is spot on for my ISTP hubby. Leave him alone. Definitely don't speak to him in the morning until he speaks first. Give him tons of space. Listen with complete attention when he does give any info. Warn him well in advance if you need him to do something, not that he will warn you more than 15 minutes. Ask for walks if you want time with him. Occasionally suggest something you see that might work nicely with his interests. He will immediately veto it but appreciates the effort. Don't give any advice. -ISFJ
I'm an INTP but I can relate to this. I need people to respect my need for freedom. I actually relate to everything that has been said in the beginning.
Yeah much of it applies to all Ti doms, especially the mandatory alone time (and the bad things that can happen if we don't get it) and being as direct as possible about boundaries, intentions etc
ISTP here - Before the video started I thought the answer "Give us plenty of alone time". Really glad to see I wasn't the only one. Every one of these was pretty spot on for me. Especially the food part. Good video
I really feel the one that says you shouldn't dig for deeper meanings behind our words. As an ISTP woman, I hate hearing men misinterpreting me because "well, you girls don't actually mean what you say, do you?" Even women would mistake me declining things as an act out of politeness. Point is, I rarely feel like I'm taken seriously. So, to make me feel loved, definitely listen to me, consider my advice, and don't make me feel like my resolutions are baseless. Lastly, please stop taking our quiet personality as a cue to trauma dump.
Sooo, the feelings thing... I go to a school with a super solid tight-knit community which is awesome! Buuuut, I have some days where I am asked, "How are you doing?" in a really genuine way five or six times! Once I responded to this question (from a girl I had known for only a few months), "I actually don't know how I'm feeling, I think I'm good." And she was a little freaked out. After that, she asked me if I think of myself as an emotional person, which I also had no answer for. The fact that people think we must have our emotions at the forefront of our consciousness is beyond frustrating for me. It isn't that I don't feel things deeply, it isn't that I hate people, it isn't that I don't want to communicate honestly. It's just that I don't have a good answer for this question unless I've dedicated a lot of time to figuring it out and even when I do have an answer to it I'm probably going to want to process my emotions on my own. So, can we please ask each other things like, "what have you been up to lately?" Even, "Is there anything difficult you're dealing with right now?" instead of about our feelings? Short answer is that we feel things (I think, bc statistically speaking it's likely), but it is a very rare occurance for these emotions to be in our consciousness, less likely for us to find a need to talk about it, and most unlikely for YOU (no personal offense here to anyone), to be the one we trust enough to talk to about them. Does that make sense? Now feed us.
I feel the same as a shy ESTJ (I was mistyped as an ISTP years ago). I got asked that question three times in an interview once by the same person, Idk if they forgot they asked me or what. I always just say I'm fine unless something really negative or positive just happened.
That's why I appreciate the common UK greeting. "You alright?/alright?" is just always accepted as "alright/yes". That way, it takes no mental effort to respond.
Same as an INTP, except I'm very rarely asked that (usually it's me asking others, but still rarely) and I've learned to have some idea of what I'm feeling - not only to have an answer, but to use my feelings to my advantage.
As a fellow Ti-user, I quite agree, even though I have tertiary Ti. I usually don’t know the answer to, ‘‘How are you feeling?’ unless I’ve spent a lot of time figuring it out. Even then, I most likely won’t share my answer with you.
Asking the types directly and getting answers from many different people with a common ground, prevents from making just assumptions based on your personal point of view on them. What I love about Dear Kristin is that she doesn't have a surface stereotypical approach of the types, but she brings actual evidence. I think the fact she is an extrovert has given her the chance to associate with people of each type and have experience of how they act in real life. And videos like these helps us all understand the others better and not assume their needs based on our own mentality. Thank you for that (ISFJ)
Almost every bit of this is accurate to my awesome ISTP mom! The only exceptions are the things about not wanting to talk a lot or listen to others talk -- she is a REAL chatterbox, and I am as well! I'm ISFP, so it's really funny to have two very outgoing introverts in the family. But we definitely are outgoing (friendly, chatty, un-shy), and we definitely are introverts (need lots of time alone for projects, reading, and just downtime in general). We confuse a lot of people. 🤪 But thanks to MBTI, at least now we have the proper terms to explain our innate traits and our idiosyncrasies! Our biggest bonding point is through projects and adventures!! Find us renovating each others' homes on the regular, followed by spontaneous breaks to hit the beach, hike a forest trail, or go shopping to find the perfect home decor, most efficient tools and gadgets, and most delicious foods! Another commonality between us that is possibly surprising: we absolutely love speaking with the perfect analogies and metaphors! That's probably a product of our tertiary Ni. We truly have fun with verbal imagery and comparisons! Anyway, that's all for now, but I hope this is interesting and sheds a light on the diversity available from each type! She and I definitely fall within the parameters of our respective types, but we have outlying traits that might be surprising. Tis humanity! ❤️
Sounds like a really fun mother-daughter dynamic! 😊 I bet if you both downloaded your birth charts, you’d see why you’re introverted, with extroverted tendencies. Your sun signs are probably earthy, and your rising signs are likely airy. When we’re “contradictions,” or have an undeniable innie-outie combo, it’s interesting to be able to parse it down to WHY we’re built/wired this way, thru astrology. I’m an INTJ, but have always been comfortable with strangers and unfamiliarity-in fact, I prefer it. I have an Aries moon, which is ESFP-ish, so I pretty much have the best of both worlds (i.e., introverted & extroverted).
Yeah I kind of disagreed with that one myself. I think it really depends, if I meet someone who's on the same wavelength as me I can prattle on for hours with them. Probably because the discussion is aiding in my never ending gathering of information, adding to, or giving me a fresh angle to explore. Idle chit chat, small talk is an absolute no no though. I can't get past the barrier of "what is the point of this?". Oh and also interrupting me when I'm in the process of figuring something out. More so if I'm not really needed in that moment. The SE in your comment is strong lol. You sound like a dynamic duo.
You both sound so cool!!! 🥹💕 I love that you both have this type of relationship and also know deeply about yourselves and each other. I hope I can meet wonderful people like you all in my life!!!
ISTP female, 21 Man, I can't believe I missed this quiz" for the ISTPs. (although I don't have an Instagram account, I could have found it on YT, only if I would have spent more time) This 10 minutes video it self makes me feel appreciated as an ISTP. Thank you, Khristine! Plus, I agree to all my fellows said. *Alone time is lime oxygen. *Taking me to fun physical stuff (fixing things, going in the nature, helping with something physical, whatever it is, going to fun places, even games and so on) is also very very much appreciated. That's why I keep an ENFP friend close to me. She does require a lot of attention and words of affirmation, but I compensate with thoughtful gestures and I sacrifice my alone time from time to time. So I could say phisycal activities hit harder than alone time - if they are worth it, I'm not gonna complain. *Showing interest in my activities.. If you are my partner, I might actually feel safe enough to share this with you, so yes. But even if you're not, if you know more things than me in the field, feel free to share it with me if you want, because I am open to it. *Giving me food. This one is a bit funny in my experience. I tend to refuse food when someone shares it just because they eat it near me or in a social gather if there is any posibility that anyone could be left without taking a piece of whatever it is. Not only that, but accepting food AND even eating it in front of you is a bit unconfortable for me (I did have a toxic relatioship with food in the past, probably that counts). I am not always prepared for that little social interaction we make Anyway, if I don't really like you and/or not really trust you, you don't get to feed me 😂. Also, I have an ISTP (f, ~21) roomate (we live in a 2 rooms apartment at the University and each room has 2 people living there, the beds are on top of the other and we don't have much space either. Anyway, I tried giving her food sometimes, but she would reject chocolate too. So, as an ISTP my self, I figured she just doesn't want to form that trust bond. No problem, I am no longer asking her if she wants. If I got mini chocolate cakes, I place them on a plate with a little spoon and then place the whole thing on her bed, beside her. If the food is wrapped or it's a tangerine, I place the food usually on her desk (sometimes on her bed), only of she's not around. Never had the food returned. I also only give her sweet food now so that contributes. She never says thank you after discovering but does get in a good mood so I take that as a "it doesn't annoy me". Edit: Don't touch me unless I touch you or I have a crush on you (which you might discover too late). We are pretty simple and yet pretty complicated.
I took notes so I can write a romance with an ISTP character if I want to. ISTP is the one I relate to least, so I have to study! Im an ENFP. Here are my notes: Let them be them and do what they feel like, don't try to change them or pressure them to do something you think will be good for them. Not even opening up emotionally. Encouragement is fine, but not pushing Do their interests with them Show interest in their interests and projects (but not so much that it distracts them from what they're doing) Don't ignore them often (or you won't get them to open up to you. Like Ferb) Say what you mean bluntly Don't try to find hidden meaning in their words. They mean what they literally mean. Explain your decisions with logic Ask them for help. Don't complain. Treat them like I treat my Dad (an ESTP). Se stuff -Walk -Adventure -Home improvement projects -Give them food
As an ISTP when you give us freedom to pursue our interests. Remember that you are one of our interests and we will show up in your lives. As you get closer to an ISTP and we're opening up it can start in small ways that may seem fairly innocuous or minor to see if we'll be heard and accepted. Having these brushed off as unimportant or not worth having an emotion about makes us more guarded about sharing rather than being enabled to share deeper parts of ourselves as we feel more comfortable.
"I've not yet subbitted an answer yet I Do Wholeheart-edly agree with most of why my fellows have said" fellows because I am not a determinate admonising istppppppp
"I've not yet subbbbbmitttteeedddddd annn answer because I needs feedback that is much more abundant before you get to see the smirk behind the grin. " discord isi good is* *is is*
As an ISTP… yeah, that’s… that’s pretty much it. But don’t try too hard, otherwise it won’t work. If I can tell that you know how to make me open up, then I won’t open up. Yes, gifts of food will absolutely make us happier and more comfortable, for me, especially sweets such a strawberry shortcake, muffins, etc. If you plan on going on a date with and ISTP, these are my personal ideal date ideas: • Arcade • Bowling • Interactive cafe (cat cafe, etc) (I might just really like cats) • beach or park date • walk around shop areas • roller/ice skating • Alcohol (or not) beverage tasting • Escape room • Very interactive art type (think pottery making, etc) • Museum (art, science, or both) • Ice-cream date • Mini-golf (I wouldn’t recommend this one as it’s either a hit or miss) • Something with an interactive shared interest -- Interactive dates are the way to our hearts, but also make sure to include dinner somewhere in the mix, as you can’t be physical without proper nutrition. :}
Hi, ISTP here. Missed the questionaire as I don't generally look for interacting with YT channels... :D Anyway, commenting on the points mentioned in the video: 1) Respecting boundaries, giving freedom. -> This is elemental. I would not say I feel loved when my freedom is given, rather that I will likely avoid relationships/interactions with people where I feel I'm forced to do things I did not agree upon / they actively trying to coerce/restrict/change me. In a broad sense, we can interpret this as "feel loved", but I'd rather say "treated adequately". This also works the other way around, I do not impose myself on people I actually like. You may interpret this as "I do not care", but on the contrary: I care enough to let you do what you want. 2) Physical activities -> Most definitively YES. I would change the expression to "spending quality time together", as this could include drinking tea in a nice bar, hugging while watching TV, etc., but I do like going to walks, visiting museums too... We value our freedom and time greatly, and if we are willing to spend it with you (or you are willing to spend it with us), it means a lot. Also, maybe it's just me, but getting "physical" with someone definitely needs time, for example I don't like getting hugged/touched by random people or people I just met, even if they are charming. 3) Straight talk -> Yes. I will say what I think, and I might not choose the most eloquent way to say it, if I can get to the point straight enough. If people accept this and even willing to reciprocate with straight talk, I feel understood and respected. 4) Feelings -> Yes, I will talk about them, when I feel our relationship is meaningful/deep enough. No, don't ask about them otherwise. I may not have spent enough time to articulate them even for myself, let alone spend extra energy to try and share it with you. 5) Food as present -> Also yes. I would extend it to "any present that is useful in the context". Food is always useful since we can eat it. For example if I like drinking tea but do not like houseplants, then I appreciate a nice mug or a teapot, but if someone gives me a vase to keep flowers in I'll likely gift it away as I don't see the point of having it.
Wish my wife could grasp this. Your istp just got off a 10-12 hour shift, the last thing he wants is to deal with your friends or a loud tv for the 2-3 hours he has before bedtime
I’m INFJ married 13 year to an ISTP. He needs space. He is impatient. He is loyal. He is direct. He is amazing at troubleshooting and fixing things. He needs intense exercise to feel good. He is the person you need if stranded on a desert island. While I’d be philosophizing about “what this means” and imagining rescue scenarios he would have built a shelter, found food and water, and made a plan to get off the island. I have awesome respect and love for him.
If you don’t mind me asking As family, what types of physical affection is ok with you? I’m afraid it would be awkward or not welcomed Also, what do you think of your girlfriend’s type? And what is something you find uncomfortable? Thanks in advance ✨
@R ed for family i give hugs to my female family members and to the guys we have handshakes or just fist bump. Her type is ok, the feeling part of her is foriegn to me haha but Definitely her being very clingy when we first started dating and complaining all the time for everything would be the most uncomfortable
Having been with an ISTP for 17 years, I can confirm these are very accurate. He wants to feel autonomous, competent and loves it when I join in on his hobbies. One of his biggest dislikes is having someone else making plans on his behalf, say if I were to promise our aid to someone without asking him first (I would never do that though 😅). -INTP
Yep, I have noticed that if its his (ISTP) idea, it is golden, but if I suggest the exact same thing first, it is hogwash. But picking a restaurant is his cryptonite, he hates making decisions that may have end in negative outcomes. :)
@@CandaceDesignedStore sometimes you just gotta help them figure out they like something themselves, even though you know it's gonna be right up their alley 😅
When it's written out like this. It's like the complete opposite of the passionate, self-righteous daydreaming, goofy hypocrite I am. - INFP. But the "I said so" thing, should frustrate any kid, because they're not learning anything
Really enjoyed this video. I’m an ISFJ and my brother is an ISTP. We rented an apartment together as young adults and I love the friendship we developed! We were raised by an overbearing and highly emotional parent so I found the biggest thing my brother needed was respect of his capabilities and his space. He also needed a listening ear that wasn’t judgmental or overly helpful but just listened when he was ready to talk. I love how straightforward he is, how willing he is to always fix things and his good common sense. I am incredibly proud of what he’s accomplished with his work and what an amazing husband and father he is turning out to be now. And I feel very honored that I get to see his deep emotions like when his daughter was born last year!
Hey youtube commenters! I just wanted to mention again that Kristin has a patreon goal that when she hits 500 patrons she's going to make "16 Personalities In A Musical." Let's make that happen! Even if you can't afford the lowest patreon tier, I'm sure a custom pledge of any size would help her achieve her goal of becoming a full time content creator. Even a dollar would help! So, if her content entertains you, or enriches your life in some way, please consider donating! (Disclaimer: Please donate responsibly. Don't give beyond your means.☺)
Give us food, we love food. don’t try to analyze what we say, we say what we want & we don’t insinuate. We don’t mind helping, so ask us for help and we would help. Space, and respect our boundaries. Don’t try to manipulate us or use us for your benefit, ask us and we would be probably willing to do it. Don’t “test” us (I hate that). Don’t assume that we’re planning sth against you, because we probably don’t really care and we usually don’t plan ahead… some of these things might be general and apply to most people but that’s me, an ISTP.
I might add that I am very moody, like I would do things depending on how my emotional state is. And that I am an introvert, so I might not be comfortable with everyone, especially if you possess a trait that I dislike (disrespect/no personal space/ no boundaries/etc.).
Generally agree with these. Freedom, acceptance (particularly as an ISTP woman, I tend to not fit societal expectations) and reciprocation occasionally, are pretty much all I need. I get a kick out of doing things for the ones I love to make their lives easier, more so than when they do for me. I guess it's something to do with that whole self sufficiency schtick and pig headedness, believing we ISTPs know how to do shit the best way lol. However, I still need it, just not very often. Sometimes I forget I exist, so it's nice to feel seen. Bonus points for kicking my ass out of the door and doing something fun SE wise, especially if competition is involved.
As an INTP I see myself in a lot in this (in terms of the desire for freedom and autonomy), but I have much less problems with being talked to compared to ISTPs, in fact one of the worst things you can do as far as I'm concerned is to stop communicating, because it will make me forget that you exist. The more information you give me the better, because if you leave me guessing your intentions and expectations, or if you dodge my questions, I will start seeing every interaction with you as a minefield, that I will then prefer staying out of. The more information you ask of me (if I'm not giving you enough), the safer I will feel talking to you, because I'll know our future interactions won't be burdened by misunderstandings or false expectations. I also share the ISTP trait of always meaning what I say and wanting to have my words taken at face value rather than seeing them as a mental game or as having a double meaning - I always try to be polite, but politeness will never make me say something I don't mean. My way of being polite mostly involves keeping some of my thoughts to myself rather than expressing feelings or thoughts that are not there or giving false assurances.
As an ISTP I can say that what I LOVE is quiet physical contact with those few that i care the most about, I usually want nothing more than to just even be in the same area as my loved ones, even if we are doing completely different things
I'm surprised that Acts of Service has not been mentioned, yes I like helping people, especially with practical things, but someone who says a lot of things but doesn't show it through actions will be fine as an acquaintance or a friend, but absolutely not as a partner or family member.
I am an INFP and I also dislike talking about my feelings but it is because there are not many people that react approprietly to them, mostly people ask out of politeness and they don’t really care
As a female ISTP, I do like to do things by myself but I really appreciate getting help from someone especially if they do know how to do it properly.. I don't mind getting a little physical interaction from the people I like but please understand that most of the time I don't know how to react from a sudden hug (I pushed my boy classmate when he suddenly hugged me after a school activity, he's my friend and I know that he's the clingy type but I was just shocked😅 he said he's just sorry for almost ruining the group activity). Also, it is true that it takes time before we open up to someone especially if it's about deep emotional stuff and we also know if you're really listening or not, and if you didn't really pay attention or just brushed me off after I open up that will be the last time. We really also do appreciate people who gives us space and people who takes interest in what we do, you can see it when we talk about it a lot and is willing to show it to you. We are also the type of person who'll just give you a soup and medicine rather than hug you and ask if you're okay ('coz you're obviously not).
haven't watched yet - saw the title, being an ISTP & thought, "this should be interesting . . ." let's see. haha, ok my first thought for an answer was "Leave us alone, we're good" haha 2:15 proved that! haha!! Ok, yes, yes, yes - the subtext thing, especially when being forced to talk about emotions & feelings with the assumption I'm hiding something or not sharing - makes me feel cornered, trapped, misunderstood, abused & frustrated. There is no subtext. I mean what I say, nothing under the surface. That whole subtext thing was a major factor in the destruction of my marriage.
Male INTP here. To make me feel worth something: The emotional side of our brains are (physically) damaged. So please help us deal with our Asperger's. Do your research on me. Ask questions. I love people willing to ask questions. Be honest. Let me understand you. I don't feel comfortable with strangers. Let me be nice to you. I don't feel comfortable having to be selfish. Force me to cater to my emotions. I'm my own greatest enemy. Listen to me without judgment or sensitivity. I need to be honest. Tolerate my fears. I do not trust easily, not even myself. Don't tell, but do SHOW me what it means to be "family". Trust me just as much as I trust you. Don't break it. Let me find ways to help you. Even if it's "trivial". But more than anything, please understand, and question everything, when I can't do it myself. We're not geniuses. We're analysts. We're introverts, but we need people.
This is easily one of the most insightful videos I've seen on Myers-Briggs. Thank you, Kristin. You've rescued an INTJ SX5 from analytical paralysis of a monstrous sort in a more hilarious way than I can tell you now.
Istp here, its mostly just undivided attention and being their main priority. when you ask for my advice and actually listen lol. Being dependent but whenever i ask for space, they oblige. Hugging, holding hands, and sleeping together. Not judging and being completely honest/open. If we have an argument, there needs to be communication without any yelling.
I have a doubt... I have an istp friend.i can't understand her she reads fast and studies and talking with me but I can't. So I missed marks and so much but she do these things casually is it in intention?it is confirmed she is istp Guys are u aware of things u r doing
Im an INFJ and I can kinda relate to all of this especially the personal space and boundaries and the plain talking and social interactions. The only thing I didnt relate to was the analyzing, I actually love analyzing things but I like things plain and blunt so I dont necessarily look for hidden meanings, I just love analyzing.
I am an INFJ married to an ISTP. We have been married for a year. We love each other dearly but because we are completely opposite our relationship is a complete struggle. INFJ and ISTP's have completely different emotional needs. Oftentimes he feels that I'm pushy and controlling because I have a need for planning and structure that gives me the feeling of security. I desire to learn his thoughts, opinions, and feelings on varying topics. This kind of communication makes me feel connected to him, unfortunately it is not natural for ISTP to communicate these things, thus he is feeling I am being intrusive. With all that said, we refuse to let our differences tear our marriage apart. We're trying to work on our own weaknesses. To put a positive spin on it, my weakness is his strength, and vice versa... If couples are aware of this, they can grow and learn from one another. I don't believe it can be one-sided. There have been a couple of positive comments left by people who are in this pairing. However it takes patience, work, and a lot of apologies. I completely understand why the above comment states the ISTP will see you as a red flag and thought you might need a little extra reasoning.
Let me do my own things (my own way, own time, own Space 😂. Understand that I need/really want to do this ❤😊 (1)Give unintruupt space when I focus(monotropism) (2)Show interest in but not too much especially in the thick of it. (3)Feel Free to say no (4)Be mindful of their energy (5)Let do stuff tgt(es. Physical) do with me > do for me (6.1)I said what I say (no hidden meaning) not get it ask to clarify (6.2)Tell us straight. Be Frank (7)Ask for our help If you are struggle and complaining as little as possible
As an ISTP, my most used behavior is "Alright let me try this, if it doesn't work I will NEVER do it again" which unfortunately extends to relationships. If we got hurt after doing something, we make sure it doesn't happen again. If we can't stop the same situation from happening, we proactively attack/dismantle the people involved and never even give them a chance to protect ourselves. ISTP is also an aristocratic type (Reinin's) which adds to this problem ex. "Oh, you are one of those types huh" or "They work in sales lol, I don't care if they have personal good qualities, stay away". Probably why ISTPs are very sharp when it comes to other people.
As an ISFP, I thought I might relate to more of this video, but I think that Thinking function being prioritized over the Feeling function is universally too much of a turn-off for me in any type, so I end up feeling very different from even ISTP. All of the things in this video are things that I would easily be able to respect and help the ISTP out with, but being treated like this sounds quite lonely and unexciting for me. I'm surprised how much difference one letter can make!
Ohhh yeah! Personal experience on T/F I have on that is: My twin younger sisters married IS--Ps. Good catches! My 1 sister's husband is an ISFP. Yes he has a painting workshop, so kind to his wife and baby and would fix delicious dinners (he needs inspiration and time). Cute of him, say I. Twin 2 is married to an ISTP. He is there if the tire needs changing, the fridge is not fine or if a home repair is needed or if the yard needs mowing. He likes us in acts of service but he doesn't like TALKING TO us. That never bothered me as an INFJ. So problem solver of him.
recently found your channel and also subscribed it thanks for all the field research and I agree with your conclusion full 80%(oh for clarification appreciate your work 100% ) 20% for individual differences (just want to be realistic) . having a younger ISTP brother I can definetly agree with u ,my brother he is very good kid by heart for sure but never display anything emotional by action if anyone(third person) see him interacting with us family members they will think he is rude or have no filter in his mouth but our whole family knows he care very much for us and even worry for us too within himself .I am his older sis. still he takes care for me every time as I usually am busy in my studies he always makes sure that i have all my stationary supplies with me if not he always bring them from shop without even telling him to do so. We are best friends to each other (I am INTJ) we always share our thoughts with each other and yes he absolutely hates it when he is being forced to socialise with others and he himself said it to us in our faces that he will not talk any of that topic to us that will make us all concern about him being not social enough well My mom who is an ISFP understand his point of view let him do what he wants except (telling him to study and do his homework) but my father(ISFJ) is very concerned for him but after listening to my mom he also let him be himself . GREAT VIDEO thanks dear kristin
I feel more valued when you let me be me. I'm not 'touchy feely,' but that doesn't mean I don't care or don't have your back. If I truly care for you, I'll always be the first to have your back. However, someone who claimed to be a friend cut me out of their life recently because I wasn't 'supportive enough' which was a bunch of bs. Then proceeded to act to everyone I cut them out. No. You do this, you're no longer in my circle. I cut my losses, because I don't have time for this behavior.
Thank for sharing. I have similar mindset : Love other, listen to them and let them be themselves. A lot of things are the same for me INTJ, that surely why we understand well each other. This is very interesting and important : ISTP *do things not for me but with me* Whereas the INTJ would be more *do thing for me, but not with me*
ISTPS are scary at first, I understand because I watched tons of videos and research about this personality before landing on the man I was interested in, and as an INFJ girl, All this information seemed to me like a tower with several barbed wires around it. Obviously I'm a very emotional girl, sometimes here and there he and I find ourselves in uncomfortable and awkward situations, but with a lot of dedication from me but MAINLY from him who is practically a black cat in human form, we both managed to develop a connection, and we complete each other, I have the sweetest part, and he has the most rational and unfriendly part, he learned to love my 'soft heart' (too much), and I learned to love his sullen soul (Ofc a joke)
Please understand that I will *never* feel good being asked "get to know you" questions Being asked repeated questions about myself has only ever felt interrogatory
I have yet to meet an ISTP and desperately wish to know one, because I feel like that contrast of personality in my life could be incredibly intriguing and beneficial (Also, they just seem so cool) I’ll save these for when the day finally comes ;) love your channel!
Some of the things mentioned were spot on for me (istp male), specially spending quality time, physical touch and specially being appreciated for my hobbies. I've very recently been praised for something that I enjoy doing and it really got to me.
I saw somewhere that ISTPs need their alone time, but also need to be pulled out to do stuff or hangout with friends, or at least invited from time to time. Although don't get offended if we say no, its almost certainly not personal, and we most likely feel good that you thought to invite us. I get the feeling this isn't true for all ISTPs but it certainly is for me.
good method, but it's also risky, cause I noticed that most people don't type themselfs properly. you should consider that and filter out the answers who seem misstyped.
My gosh, I felt the mild-panic adrenaline when she did that, and its a video. 5:59 Yeah, don't do it, cause if you ever do that, I won't ever talk to you about it. Ever.
I have always thought of myself as lighthearted and emotional. I guess I don't show it unless I'm very comfortable. I do pick out hidden context pretty well and tend to see subconscious manipulation really easily. It means what a lot of people seem to think are ok is really selfish and takes. I get people have needs and can be forgiving and giving. I just need people close to me to recognize the debt. I don't know how many others have boundaries about permission. I believe in equality and in some ways am somewhat feminist. While I am a person who steps up and who is willing to take the lead I feel being accretive without permission to not be ok. Its what I hate having done to me. I just need respect as a human and some time to be myself and I can meet anyone on their comfort zone. I'm not going to mind read and try to break down anyone's walls to be there for them. It minimum they need to tell me the door is unlocked. I don't want anything from anyone that isn't real. I'm 42 and I feel like a lot of the answers were from younger people who hadn't figured out the why and are still stuck in what.
ENTP female with male ISTP partner. He is, indeed, more quiet and needs space to his things. Meanwhile I like doing my things with someone near me even if in silence and doing nothing lol We met halfway - bc I’m an older and more quiet ENTP - due to my high need to alone time too And he does love when I give him food lol
Being an ISTP I feel loved when others (family or partner) care for me, example: I'm visiting my boyfriend after a long day of work and I'm tired, he gives me a kiss and tucks me in. Also when they show interest in my new projects, as a lot of other ISTPs said 😊
I'm an INFP with BPD. When seeing these things, it's extremely suffocating and painful for me. Just reading these comments makes me feel incredibly suffocated. I think I have developed feelings for someone I definitely shouldn't keep in contact with... I feel like I'm going hysterical. This feeling is like no matter how many times I explain my feelings, he can't understand me at all. It makes me feel like I'm back in a relationship of emotional neglect. I've been trying to salvage this relationship, but now I think no matter what I do, it's meaningless. ISTPs can't get along with BPDs, and what BPDs need isn't an ISTP either. So all in all, this is something that shouldn't have happened.This is too bad. I think the only way I can get along with him is not to have an exclusive relationship... But I think it's like a betrayal.
My dad's an ISTP and at this point he doesn't even need to ask I just know when he needs a hug even when he doesn't know it which is weird because I, as an INTJ, have no idea when I myself need a hug
ISFP here too and I don't know what others think but I almost think that ISTPs are our most similar type. It's strange to say that considering that we operate off of Fi and they off of Ti, making us quite different, but the result in how we live our lives seems to be so similar. I feel like an ISTP is more similar to me then compared to say an INFP or ESFP.
As an ISFP, I can relate to *a few* of the answers in this video, but I think ISTPs like to be left alone a lot more and are more introverted than ISFP. I'm way more fun-seeking than ISTPs seem to be, and I like people a lot more than ISTPs seem to. Maybe it's because I'm a more extroverted ISFP (I have been typed as ESFP on occasion but ISFP is my solid type) but this video especially made me feel like ISTP are like a "grumpy and lonely" alternative of ISFP lol
@@jijitters well, i can't say for other istp's but it's just, i think, we keep our emotions to ourself more often than not. Sorry if my English is bad, it's not my first language
Me, an ENFP: I'm so excited to find out how to absolutely _smother_ my ISTP brother with love in his own love language!! ISTPs: leave us alone. Let's not talk too much. Hugs should be short, quick, and without words. Me: I... How do I...? *HTTP ERROR 500. ENFP is currently unable to process this request.*
Hearken to me, all ye merry and colourful XNFXs, along with all else who simultaneously love ISTPs and theatrics, for I have hard-earned wisdom to impart! Lo, though we may read between the lines of even the ingredients list on our bag of Sun Chips, there doth exist sisters and brethren determined to excise all subtext from thine proclamations. Therefore, let us resolve to shelve our poetry, withhold our (figurative) tea, and speak clearly and directly in all future dealings with the ISTP guild. Thou may address thine feeling clansmen with all the heartfelt tenderness ye can muster, and weave thine tangled webs amongst the intuitive consortium with shameless abandon, excepting thou somewhat restrain thyself in the company of goodly and compleat ISTPs.
my friend has been hanging over the fact that me and my other friends are still hanging out with her ex (who was our mutual friend). it's been 4 years since they broke up and i had been siding with her the whole time ever since she just broke up (bcs the guy deserved it), but everyone is tired about being on eggshells about it and i just wanna be friends with anyone (bcs frankly, she's far from perfect either), but she fails to see it. i'm so frustrated on what to do.
I think thus far, everything fits with my usual approach to a significant other in that I'm in favor of sitting down with them over dinner and asking how their day was. For the ISTP, it would be an opportunity to show interest in their projects and any progress they've made. For the INFJs who wanted to talk about emotions, it would be an opening to talk about that. The question is very rote and predictable, but the answers would change every day.
INFJs answers were complete psychological analysis meanwhile ISTPs be just like "pls just don't bother us and sometimes hug" 💀💀
different types, different answers🤷🏿♀
FOR REAL
As an INFJ with an ISTP family member this is so accurate I can't even laugh 🌚
Bro fr i need hug
i dont want any hugs, just leave me alone
My ISTP husband is the lowest maintenance person I know (and I love him for it). To make him feel loved just don't hassle him, don't play emotional games- say what you mean plainly and know that he'll do the same. And don't try to manipulate or you'll get major pushback. Water and feed daily for best results.
Definitely can relate, all I need is to be fed and pet regularly which I'd hope is clear and heard, I may further grow to fit the required shape...
All in all, do something, experiences matter way much more to gain duo-XP...
So true lol like a cat
That water and feed daily 😭😭 thank you for taken care one of us (ISTPs) greatly
So the obvious question is how does an I STP show love to someone else?
@@lauramason5667 I can only speak from my experience with my husband, but I think it'll help. ISTPs are practical and they are fixers, both of those things can interfere with showing love at times. In the past when I would vent to my husband or explain how I was feeling he would offer a very practical and dispassionate solution. Here's the thing: I didn't need a solution, I needed someone to listen and show compassion. THAT in itself is the solution if I'm feeling down. Chances are I already know the solution, but I may still be struggling emotionally, or perhaps after I've dealt with the emotional side I'll be ready to hear the solution. He has learned this and things go much better now. I can't emphasize this enough: listen, don't try to "fix it" (unless someone asks you to) and show compassion. It's as easy as "I'm really sorry you're going through that. Is there anything I can do to help?" Sometimes people just need a hug and a shoulder to cry on.
As a female ISTP, I relate so much to the "don't force us to be emotional", it's not exactly because we're not good with Fe, it's because it's micro-managing, controlling and insincere. There seems to be highly-sociable types who seem to NEED everyone to APPEAR to be in the kind of mood they want. I'll give a hug and this type will complain that I haven't given it for long enough or didn't squeeze enough. I'll be texting and they'll complain that I should sound more caring or add "friendlier" emojis. They'll be annoyed that I'm not smiling as much as they want or acting in a bubbly way. This is even worse when you're a woman, there's just some people who take it as a personal insult if I'm not giggling and baking cookies for them. I'm caring and cheerful with people that have earned it, not when they demand it and act like a sad puppy or are passive-aggressive. Making people act a certain way is not going to make them actually feel that way.
💯
Fe isn't insincere, it's a harmful stereotype
@@HindBoukili True.
Some years ago I was at a family thing for a weekend (my partner's family). I'd been with him for 2-3 years at that point and didn't know his extended family all that well. Really only knew his mother pretty much. Anyway, there were a lot of people and I'd reached my social limit. I quietly slipped away to our room to recharge, shortly after his aunt knocked on my door asking if I was okay. I said I was and she left. An hour or so later she came back again and asked the same thing, I said I just needed some downtime but I was otherwise fine. Next minute it became a whole thing, she's going off to the rest of the family about how I was unfairly being mean to her. It's been over 10 years since that happened and she's still beefing with me.
Women tend to not like me I think, because I won't play host. I won't go out of my way to maintain the emotional atmosphere as they've been conditioned to do. I'm too "masculine" in my interests and demeanour. I wouldn't have it any other way though, I know who I am and I'm not changing for anyone. My loved ones get it, every gesture of affection, the acts of service are from a place of deep sincerity and care. I don't dish it out to just anyone. Like you said, it's earned.
@@HindBoukili It’s more like a Venn diagram, where people who have high Fe are often inclined to become insincere, if they can’t come up w/ another way to deal with or solve that situation. Some of us would feel too icky to EVER say or do anything that wasn’t sincere & authentic.
I do love & appreciate Fe when it’s healthy, though! When it’s completely absent in a space, it feels COLD and inhumane, so in the right doses & right situations, it’s perfect! 🎯
I definitely need space, but I also feel more valued when loved ones actually really listen when I speak. Because I'm a great listener myself, and I don't speak just for the sake of speaking; it means I actually have something to say. - ISTP
As an INTJ, I concur. I don’t know how much good it’d do telling people who just say things disingenuously, or make noise/sounds/words, simply to fill up the quiet air space (because it makes THEM uncomfortable), but at least you’ve put it out there & said your piece.
@@MoPoppins as an INFJ I agree
"Don't force us in to meaningless social interactions"
ISTP here
I find this funny as to us all social interactions are meaningless but I also understand that there are types that have this as their primary function.
What a dynamic.
As an ISTP woman, this is 100% spot on. Before you got to the first point, I was like "SPACE!!" and that was the top answer.
whennn whennn you give your catt spaceeee but he don't neeed it
wen wen wen you DO DO the top 10 things but you feeeeel bottommm
when when when you knowwwwwwwww the someone BUT YOU KIDNAP THEM AnYWAY
when when when when she saysssss she doesn't speak for all the istps but she she she speaks for all of them anywayyyyyyyy we are people people are people we exist 20000 therapists but but but weeee
In the Army, a leader is someone who provides purpose, direction, and motivation. I always admired the giving purpose part.
In my experience (as an INTP)? Hand the ISTP a cold bottle of their preferred beer and don't crowd or pressure them. ISTPs are great (again, from this INTP's perspective). Their needs are few and simple. Treat them with honesty and respect and listen to what they have to say. One of the easiest types to get along with.
EDIT: Seriously, ISTPs are just really easy to work with. They pick up hands-on skills and knowledge very quickly and generally start out ahead of the curve in those areas. Be clear with what you want done and the parameters you expect them to operate within, and as long as you treat them with honesty and fairness, they'll deliver. They're rarely demanding (although even ISTPs can have a bad day), and even when they are, they're usually just frustrated and need to feel like someone's actually listening to their point of view. It takes a lot to push an ISTP into a really unreasonable state. Some of the best people I ever worked with were ISTPs (with ESFJs being a very close second).
Thanks bud.
Also, I'm impressed that ESFJs are super easy for you to work with being your opposite type.
@Bella Shalom No worries.
As for ESFJs... opposite letters, but the same functions, just reversed. We have more in common than not, but finding that common ground can take some time and patience. My father's an ESFJ (my mother's an ISFJ and my sister's an ESTJ), so I've had a lot of opportunities to get to know the SJ mindset. Things were quite rocky for a decade or two in my youth, but we've learned to appreciate what the other brings to the table now.
ISTPs are what INTPs would look like if we lived more in the real world than in our imaginations and musings... so, while that makes us very different in what we do, we approach things from a very similar mindset.
This is exactly why i loves my INTP friends. They knew what i need and knew how to act around me. We simply not disturb and enjoy each other companies
whhhhhennnnnnnnnnnnnnn whennnnnn sheee does teh issstpppppppp videooooooo be4444444444444444sheeee doesss theeee enttpppppp oneeeeeeeeeeeee. It makessss meeeee feeeeeeeeeeeelll sadddddddddddddd
INTJ female here. My husband is an ISTP & all of these are spot on. Thank you for investing your time in doing and reporting your research! 😘
Same here, ENFP female living with ISTP boyfriend. That's everything he needs and MBTI helped me so much in understanding/accepting this because I find it so weird...
Also he likes me to organise cupboards in a way he'll be able to see properly all the items and choose the one he needs. He probably won't put it back in the right place though 😂.
@@Squirrel12.06 Snaps to you, if he puts it back AT ALL. LOL.
How is your relationship with your ISTP husband? I’m an INTJ female dating an ISTP
Let me do my own things in my own time in nmy own space you need to give me room. I need my own space and privacy, show interest in what I'm doing but yes is respect and hated social battery isi draining more physical touch is king, hiking places I like places family home
Interesting my girlfriend is an INTJ and I am ISTP.
I've found that ISTP's love when you make room for them. So spend a day with them doing what they enjoy, make them comfortable, listen to them, and engage. Once they are warmed up, they tend to be way more open.
Also, they admire persons who are capable of communicating a lot of emotional depth and are emotionally vulnerable. They have a hard time doing that. They can learn, but it's may not be as smooth as those who are feeling dominant.
Yep! Definitely, I personally absolutely hate being interrupted whenever I try to say something to someone and if the person doesn’t seem interested in what I’m saying I’ll just give up on talking about it all together.
So if they encountered a person who knows how to communicate (feelings) they would accept it? Would they not be bothered by it? By people who shares their emotions with them?
For my ISTP husband, he LOVES being acknowledged/appreciated. UGH! As an INFJ, I have to literally force myself to constantly tell him, "I appreciate XYZ that you did." He loves that. I find it ridiculous, but I do it anyway. I mean.. something as little as "I appreciate that you took the trash out." or "Thank you for picking up the mail on your way inside." He loves being acknowledged. "Wow, that was a great sandwich, the best one yet." Etc. etc..He wants his employer to do the same, too, whenever he gets the highest sales quota for the month or even the day, he would love if someone came in and told him they appreciate him. He tries to do it to me, but I just don't need that much attention given to me when I do something so mundane, or even exciting for that matter. :)
He also LOVES to come to the rescue. Anytime he is called upon to fix something, he obliges without complaint and especially likes when he is "acknowledged" for it afterwards. ;)
Wow…that’d be EXHAUSTING for me, and total dealbreaker for a relationship partner! Maybe a colleague is fine, but I wouldn’t wanna come HOME to that kind of neediness! 😅
- an INTJ
@@MoPoppins His love language seems to be words of affirmation. Nothing wrong with OP making sure he feels loved and acknowledged. Your comment sounds f-ed up, especially since OP is talking about their husband. Everyone has needs and you’re making his needs sound like a chore.
That's because you are a fellow Fe user. If you were Fi, it comes extremely easily. Keep doing it though! I am an ESTJ that is with an ISTP.
@@whateveridc2802 I was merely expressing my own preferences. Nothing wrong with people choosing their partner, based on what meets their needs. If this woman’s husband’s ways were a dealbreaker for her, then she could leave him.
I view this comment section as an educational tool for us all to learn from one another. I think it would be valuable for someone to know that, at least for this INTJ, that kind of behavior would be unbearable, regardless of my relationship to them- I just can’t stand needy people. Codependency gets on my nerves, because people can work on themselves to meet their own needs, rather than always depending on external validation. It’s always a choice.
I also realized after reading this woman’s various comments for this video, that her husband exhibits narcissistic traits. He may be an I STP, but sounds like a covert narcissist, and I did share that with her in another comment, and to look into it thru other UA-cam videos that discuss narcissism.
@@MoPoppins It exhausted me just reading it, cause I could never pull it off lol. Kudos to OP for having the energy to do it though.
Suggestion for those who wanted to be around an ISTP:
STOP BEATING AROUND THE BUSH AND TELL US CLEARLY WHAT YOU WANT.
Im tired to be called dense lol. I actually not, but if they didnt ask me straight to do something i wont do anything either. It's not worth the efforts.
As an istp i would say, BEING IN THE MOMENT is the KEY thing for us. I've had some ex girlfriends who were always on their phones, or being too abstract and shut inside their own heads, like, sometimes moments you think are "CUTE" or "ROMANTIC" like admiring the sky, daydreaming, or stuff like that, can get really awkward really quickly when after you were on your phone you start looking at the sky and start daydreaming or just start thinking about theories or abstract concepts and just thinking outloud only to yourself (INTPS, worst relationship ever), that can get pretty awkward, boring and even disrespectful. Like, yeah i can "look at the sky" and have some deeper convo with you, for sure, but lets have an actual conversation, where we exchange ideas, instead of just weirdly mumbling stuff as im not even present, just an observer... thats... ugh. i've had other relationships with what i believe are ESFX girls, and they were just too much of the time on their phones, or talking 80% of their friends, or what their weekend plans are with their BIG group of friends, and then when we are together, still on the phone talking with her friends... ugh... its tiring. Worst situation, annoying and awkward for an istp is for us to be in a place or situation when we are not actually, physically, or purposely needed, like we could be literally doing whatever in another place and nobody would notice, thats just.. ugh, why am i even here wasting my time then?
ugh not denying ur feelings of when u just have to be an observer of ni/ne users deep-thinking i get that but for us it's rly nice just having someone listen to these random abstract thoughts like sharing them makes us feel like we r having such quality time. maybe that's why some ppl say n should date n but at the same time n dating n would be too much of reading each other
Actually whatever mbti you dated, not present and engage when dating always on the phone, its bad sign! Runn boyss runnn!
@@mscharmingme absolutely. we all just want and deserver decent interactions. specially if we are short on time cause our studies or work.
I’m really intrigued about the “weirdly mumbling stuff” can you elaborate how that can look like? Like how a conversation like that could go or something idk?
ISTPs are pretty much impossible for me to understand as an ENFP, so this content is super helpful! I can't wait to help my ISTP brother know he's loved and valued ❤
Also, it took my brother 22 years to open up to me about his emotions, so don't underestimate how long it might take your ISTP to be vulnerable with you.
My lil sister is ISTP as well (me an ENFP).
All our lifes have been discussions because I want more honest words and feeling, and she is so... Idk, edgy? To my own point of view....
However, it's exhausted waiting for some conversation that I could enjoy, because for her, those topics are pretentious or meaningless. So my confessor suggested me to take space and just avoid situations that can hurt me.
However, many times when I'm busy or careless, she approaches me and demands attention and cuddles...
It's hard to follow the ISTP language.
She is the person I love the most but it's gruesome try to understand her
@@fhageran They are exactly like cats, not everyone's type. I feel for you in this case. While they might not be meaning to make things harder for us, they definitely aren't making it easy, either.
@@hopeinvoked1822 ty 🥺
Ik, and I'm not a cat person... I'm actually kind of a hater :'/
However, I'm not getting the mood for her, but I love her
@@fhageran Well, I haven't had good experiences with cats, either. While there are definitely some good cats, most I have seen so far were too individualistic. I don't like it when people expect us to fully adapt to them as if we have to revolve around them without them considering us in turn. It feels like we keep giving things to them and they only ever take. Their sense of being "low-maintenance" is directly not trying to do anything with us unless it is something they personally want to do. It feels like they don't "love" us but "tolerate" us and accept out presence. It doesn't feel like a relationship between equals. I don't want to be treated like something of secondary importance while I am trying best to keep them happy and content. Not being good feelings and stuff is not an excuse for not even "trying to try".
@@otterinaballgown3703 I thank you for your kind words and effort to help, but may I ask why you brought up "ulterior motives" in the explanation?
This is spot on for my ISTP hubby. Leave him alone. Definitely don't speak to him in the morning until he speaks first. Give him tons of space. Listen with complete attention when he does give any info. Warn him well in advance if you need him to do something, not that he will warn you more than 15 minutes. Ask for walks if you want time with him. Occasionally suggest something you see that might work nicely with his interests. He will immediately veto it but appreciates the effort. Don't give any advice. -ISFJ
Heads up it’ll take at least like 3yrs before we start to trust u and be positively impacted by ur actions
I'm an INTP but I can relate to this. I need people to respect my need for freedom. I actually relate to everything that has been said in the beginning.
Yeah much of it applies to all Ti doms, especially the mandatory alone time (and the bad things that can happen if we don't get it) and being as direct as possible about boundaries, intentions etc
I think INTPs enjoy having conversations more, and are less interested in doing stuff, than ISTPs. Otherwise they're probably quite similar.
ISTP here - Before the video started I thought the answer "Give us plenty of alone time". Really glad to see I wasn't the only one. Every one of these was pretty spot on for me. Especially the food part. Good video
I really feel the one that says you shouldn't dig for deeper meanings behind our words. As an ISTP woman, I hate hearing men misinterpreting me because "well, you girls don't actually mean what you say, do you?" Even women would mistake me declining things as an act out of politeness.
Point is, I rarely feel like I'm taken seriously. So, to make me feel loved, definitely listen to me, consider my advice, and don't make me feel like my resolutions are baseless.
Lastly, please stop taking our quiet personality as a cue to trauma dump.
Sooo, the feelings thing...
I go to a school with a super solid tight-knit community which is awesome! Buuuut, I have some days where I am asked, "How are you doing?" in a really genuine way five or six times! Once I responded to this question (from a girl I had known for only a few months), "I actually don't know how I'm feeling, I think I'm good." And she was a little freaked out. After that, she asked me if I think of myself as an emotional person, which I also had no answer for.
The fact that people think we must have our emotions at the forefront of our consciousness is beyond frustrating for me. It isn't that I don't feel things deeply, it isn't that I hate people, it isn't that I don't want to communicate honestly. It's just that I don't have a good answer for this question unless I've dedicated a lot of time to figuring it out and even when I do have an answer to it I'm probably going to want to process my emotions on my own. So, can we please ask each other things like, "what have you been up to lately?" Even, "Is there anything difficult you're dealing with right now?" instead of about our feelings?
Short answer is that we feel things (I think, bc statistically speaking it's likely), but it is a very rare occurance for these emotions to be in our consciousness, less likely for us to find a need to talk about it, and most unlikely for YOU (no personal offense here to anyone), to be the one we trust enough to talk to about them. Does that make sense? Now feed us.
I feel the same as a shy ESTJ (I was mistyped as an ISTP years ago). I got asked that question three times in an interview once by the same person, Idk if they forgot they asked me or what. I always just say I'm fine unless something really negative or positive just happened.
That's why I appreciate the common UK greeting. "You alright?/alright?" is just always accepted as "alright/yes". That way, it takes no mental effort to respond.
Same as an INTP, except I'm very rarely asked that (usually it's me asking others, but still rarely) and I've learned to have some idea of what I'm feeling - not only to have an answer, but to use my feelings to my advantage.
As a fellow Ti-user, I quite agree, even though I have tertiary Ti. I usually don’t know the answer to, ‘‘How are you feeling?’ unless I’ve spent a lot of time figuring it out. Even then, I most likely won’t share my answer with you.
Asking the types directly and getting answers from many different people with a common ground, prevents from making just assumptions based on your personal point of view on them. What I love about Dear Kristin is that she doesn't have a surface stereotypical approach of the types, but she brings actual evidence. I think the fact she is an extrovert has given her the chance to associate with people of each type and have experience of how they act in real life. And videos like these helps us all understand the others better and not assume their needs based on our own mentality.
Thank you for that (ISFJ)
From another ISTP, this video does a great job of describing my basic needs in a relationship, and from humanity in general.
Almost every bit of this is accurate to my awesome ISTP mom! The only exceptions are the things about not wanting to talk a lot or listen to others talk -- she is a REAL chatterbox, and I am as well! I'm ISFP, so it's really funny to have two very outgoing introverts in the family. But we definitely are outgoing (friendly, chatty, un-shy), and we definitely are introverts (need lots of time alone for projects, reading, and just downtime in general). We confuse a lot of people. 🤪 But thanks to MBTI, at least now we have the proper terms to explain our innate traits and our idiosyncrasies! Our biggest bonding point is through projects and adventures!! Find us renovating each others' homes on the regular, followed by spontaneous breaks to hit the beach, hike a forest trail, or go shopping to find the perfect home decor, most efficient tools and gadgets, and most delicious foods! Another commonality between us that is possibly surprising: we absolutely love speaking with the perfect analogies and metaphors! That's probably a product of our tertiary Ni. We truly have fun with verbal imagery and comparisons!
Anyway, that's all for now, but I hope this is interesting and sheds a light on the diversity available from each type! She and I definitely fall within the parameters of our respective types, but we have outlying traits that might be surprising. Tis humanity! ❤️
Sounds like a really fun mother-daughter dynamic! 😊
I bet if you both downloaded your birth charts, you’d see why you’re introverted, with extroverted tendencies. Your sun signs are probably earthy, and your rising signs are likely airy.
When we’re “contradictions,” or have an undeniable innie-outie combo, it’s interesting to be able to parse it down to WHY we’re built/wired this way, thru astrology.
I’m an INTJ, but have always been comfortable with strangers and unfamiliarity-in fact, I prefer it. I have an Aries moon, which is ESFP-ish, so I pretty much have the best of both worlds (i.e., introverted & extroverted).
Yeah I kind of disagreed with that one myself. I think it really depends, if I meet someone who's on the same wavelength as me I can prattle on for hours with them. Probably because the discussion is aiding in my never ending gathering of information, adding to, or giving me a fresh angle to explore. Idle chit chat, small talk is an absolute no no though. I can't get past the barrier of "what is the point of this?". Oh and also interrupting me when I'm in the process of figuring something out. More so if I'm not really needed in that moment.
The SE in your comment is strong lol. You sound like a dynamic duo.
You both sound so cool!!! 🥹💕 I love that you both have this type of relationship and also know deeply about yourselves and each other. I hope I can meet wonderful people like you all in my life!!!
thats cool , mbti from the same group ❤
ISTP female, 21
Man, I can't believe I missed this quiz" for the ISTPs. (although I don't have an Instagram account, I could have found it on YT, only if I would have spent more time)
This 10 minutes video it self makes me feel appreciated as an ISTP. Thank you, Khristine!
Plus, I agree to all my fellows said.
*Alone time is lime oxygen.
*Taking me to fun physical stuff (fixing things, going in the nature, helping with something physical, whatever it is, going to fun places, even games and so on) is also very very much appreciated. That's why I keep an ENFP friend close to me. She does require a lot of attention and words of affirmation, but I compensate with thoughtful gestures and I sacrifice my alone time from time to time. So I could say phisycal activities hit harder than alone time - if they are worth it, I'm not gonna complain.
*Showing interest in my activities.. If you are my partner, I might actually feel safe enough to share this with you, so yes. But even if you're not, if you know more things than me in the field, feel free to share it with me if you want, because I am open to it.
*Giving me food. This one is a bit funny in my experience. I tend to refuse food when someone shares it just because they eat it near me or in a social gather if there is any posibility that anyone could be left without taking a piece of whatever it is.
Not only that, but accepting food AND even eating it in front of you is a bit unconfortable for me (I did have a toxic relatioship with food in the past, probably that counts). I am not always prepared for that little social interaction we make
Anyway, if I don't really like you and/or not really trust you, you don't get to feed me 😂.
Also, I have an ISTP (f, ~21) roomate (we live in a 2 rooms apartment at the University and each room has 2 people living there, the beds are on top of the other and we don't have much space either.
Anyway, I tried giving her food sometimes, but she would reject chocolate too. So, as an ISTP my self, I figured she just doesn't want to form that trust bond. No problem, I am no longer asking her if she wants. If I got mini chocolate cakes, I place them on a plate with a little spoon and then place the whole thing on her bed, beside her. If the food is wrapped or it's a tangerine, I place the food usually on her desk (sometimes on her bed), only of she's not around.
Never had the food returned. I also only give her sweet food now so that contributes.
She never says thank you after discovering but does get in a good mood so I take that as a "it doesn't annoy me".
Edit: Don't touch me unless I touch you or I have a crush on you (which you might discover too late).
We are pretty simple and yet pretty complicated.
ISTP male, 25.
I also refuse food in social gatherings if I suspect there won't be enough.
I took notes so I can write a romance with an ISTP character if I want to. ISTP is the one I relate to least, so I have to study! Im an ENFP.
Here are my notes:
Let them be them and do what they feel like, don't try to change them or pressure them to do something you think will be good for them. Not even opening up emotionally.
Encouragement is fine, but not pushing
Do their interests with them
Show interest in their interests and projects (but not so much that it distracts them from what they're doing)
Don't ignore them often (or you won't get them to open up to you. Like Ferb)
Say what you mean bluntly
Don't try to find hidden meaning in their words. They mean what they literally mean.
Explain your decisions with logic
Ask them for help. Don't complain.
Treat them like I treat my Dad (an ESTP).
Se stuff
-Walk
-Adventure
-Home improvement projects
-Give them food
As an ISTP when you give us freedom to pursue our interests. Remember that you are one of our interests and we will show up in your lives.
As you get closer to an ISTP and we're opening up it can start in small ways that may seem fairly innocuous or minor to see if we'll be heard and accepted. Having these brushed off as unimportant or not worth having an emotion about makes us more guarded about sharing rather than being enabled to share deeper parts of ourselves as we feel more comfortable.
I don't think I submitted an answer but I do wholeheartedly agree with most of what my fellow ISTPs have said.
As it turns out I actually did submit an answer and just didn't remember it. Thanks Kristin, for calling me out on it. 😅
Was pretty chuffed to call you out on it. 😏
"I've not yet subbitted an answer yet I Do Wholeheart-edly agree with most of why my fellows have said" fellows because I am not a determinate admonising istppppppp
"I've not yet subbbbbmitttteeedddddd annn answer because I needs feedback that is much more abundant before you get to see the smirk behind the grin. " discord isi good is* *is is*
"I'M NOT A LONEEEEE WOLFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF"
As an ISTP… yeah, that’s… that’s pretty much it. But don’t try too hard, otherwise it won’t work. If I can tell that you know how to make me open up, then I won’t open up.
Yes, gifts of food will absolutely make us happier and more comfortable, for me, especially sweets such a strawberry shortcake, muffins, etc.
If you plan on going on a date with and ISTP, these are my personal ideal date ideas:
• Arcade
• Bowling
• Interactive cafe (cat cafe, etc) (I might just really like cats)
• beach or park date
• walk around shop areas
• roller/ice skating
• Alcohol (or not) beverage tasting
• Escape room
• Very interactive art type (think pottery making, etc)
• Museum (art, science, or both)
• Ice-cream date
• Mini-golf (I wouldn’t recommend this one as it’s either a hit or miss)
• Something with an interactive shared interest
-- Interactive dates are the way to our hearts, but also make sure to include dinner somewhere in the mix, as you can’t be physical without proper nutrition. :}
Hi, ISTP here. Missed the questionaire as I don't generally look for interacting with YT channels... :D Anyway, commenting on the points mentioned in the video:
1) Respecting boundaries, giving freedom. -> This is elemental. I would not say I feel loved when my freedom is given, rather that I will likely avoid relationships/interactions with people where I feel I'm forced to do things I did not agree upon / they actively trying to coerce/restrict/change me. In a broad sense, we can interpret this as "feel loved", but I'd rather say "treated adequately". This also works the other way around, I do not impose myself on people I actually like. You may interpret this as "I do not care", but on the contrary: I care enough to let you do what you want.
2) Physical activities -> Most definitively YES. I would change the expression to "spending quality time together", as this could include drinking tea in a nice bar, hugging while watching TV, etc., but I do like going to walks, visiting museums too... We value our freedom and time greatly, and if we are willing to spend it with you (or you are willing to spend it with us), it means a lot. Also, maybe it's just me, but getting "physical" with someone definitely needs time, for example I don't like getting hugged/touched by random people or people I just met, even if they are charming.
3) Straight talk -> Yes. I will say what I think, and I might not choose the most eloquent way to say it, if I can get to the point straight enough. If people accept this and even willing to reciprocate with straight talk, I feel understood and respected.
4) Feelings -> Yes, I will talk about them, when I feel our relationship is meaningful/deep enough. No, don't ask about them otherwise. I may not have spent enough time to articulate them even for myself, let alone spend extra energy to try and share it with you.
5) Food as present -> Also yes. I would extend it to "any present that is useful in the context". Food is always useful since we can eat it. For example if I like drinking tea but do not like houseplants, then I appreciate a nice mug or a teapot, but if someone gives me a vase to keep flowers in I'll likely gift it away as I don't see the point of having it.
Excellent list! 👍
Wish my wife could grasp this. Your istp just got off a 10-12 hour shift, the last thing he wants is to deal with your friends or a loud tv for the 2-3 hours he has before bedtime
I’m INFJ married 13 year to an ISTP. He needs space. He is impatient. He is loyal. He is direct. He is amazing at troubleshooting and fixing things. He needs intense exercise to feel good. He is the person you need if stranded on a desert island. While I’d be philosophizing about “what this means” and imagining rescue scenarios he would have built a shelter, found food and water, and made a plan to get off the island. I have awesome respect and love for him.
As an ISTP, this is spot on, sent this to my gf so she can understand me better, so thank you for this
What's her type, if you don't mind sharing?
@@suga3774 isfp
If you don’t mind me asking
As family, what types of physical affection is ok with you? I’m afraid it would be awkward or not welcomed
Also, what do you think of your girlfriend’s type? And what is something you find uncomfortable?
Thanks in advance ✨
@R ed for family i give hugs to my female family members and to the guys we have handshakes or just fist bump.
Her type is ok, the feeling part of her is foriegn to me haha but Definitely her being very clingy when we first started dating and complaining all the time for everything would be the most uncomfortable
Having been with an ISTP for 17 years, I can confirm these are very accurate. He wants to feel autonomous, competent and loves it when I join in on his hobbies.
One of his biggest dislikes is having someone else making plans on his behalf, say if I were to promise our aid to someone without asking him first (I would never do that though 😅).
-INTP
Yep, I have noticed that if its his (ISTP) idea, it is golden, but if I suggest the exact same thing first, it is hogwash. But picking a restaurant is his cryptonite, he hates making decisions that may have end in negative outcomes. :)
@@CandaceDesignedStore sometimes you just gotta help them figure out they like something themselves, even though you know it's gonna be right up their alley 😅
When it's written out like this. It's like the complete opposite of the passionate, self-righteous daydreaming, goofy hypocrite I am. - INFP. But the "I said so" thing, should frustrate any kid, because they're not learning anything
Really enjoyed this video. I’m an ISFJ and my brother is an ISTP. We rented an apartment together as young adults and I love the friendship we developed! We were raised by an overbearing and highly emotional parent so I found the biggest thing my brother needed was respect of his capabilities and his space. He also needed a listening ear that wasn’t judgmental or overly helpful but just listened when he was ready to talk. I love how straightforward he is, how willing he is to always fix things and his good common sense. I am incredibly proud of what he’s accomplished with his work and what an amazing husband and father he is turning out to be now. And I feel very honored that I get to see his deep emotions like when his daughter was born last year!
Hey youtube commenters! I just wanted to mention again that Kristin has a patreon goal that when she hits 500 patrons she's going to make "16 Personalities In A Musical." Let's make that happen!
Even if you can't afford the lowest patreon tier, I'm sure a custom pledge of any size would help her achieve her goal of becoming a full time content creator. Even a dollar would help! So, if her content entertains you, or enriches your life in some way, please consider donating!
(Disclaimer: Please donate responsibly. Don't give beyond your means.☺)
oooo new name and new message! :D
@@jashepoon Hey Jashe! Appreciate you noticing. 😁
Give us food, we love food. don’t try to analyze what we say, we say what we want & we don’t insinuate. We don’t mind helping, so ask us for help and we would help. Space, and respect our boundaries. Don’t try to manipulate us or use us for your benefit, ask us and we would be probably willing to do it. Don’t “test” us (I hate that). Don’t assume that we’re planning sth against you, because we probably don’t really care and we usually don’t plan ahead… some of these things might be general and apply to most people but that’s me, an ISTP.
I might add that I am very moody, like I would do things depending on how my emotional state is. And that I am an introvert, so I might not be comfortable with everyone, especially if you possess a trait that I dislike (disrespect/no personal space/ no boundaries/etc.).
YAAAAAAS THE SERIES CONTINUES THANK UUUU so excited to watch!
Generally agree with these.
Freedom, acceptance (particularly as an ISTP woman, I tend to not fit societal expectations) and reciprocation occasionally, are pretty much all I need. I get a kick out of doing things for the ones I love to make their lives easier, more so than when they do for me. I guess it's something to do with that whole self sufficiency schtick and pig headedness, believing we ISTPs know how to do shit the best way lol. However, I still need it, just not very often. Sometimes I forget I exist, so it's nice to feel seen. Bonus points for kicking my ass out of the door and doing something fun SE wise, especially if competition is involved.
As an INTP I see myself in a lot in this (in terms of the desire for freedom and autonomy), but I have much less problems with being talked to compared to ISTPs, in fact one of the worst things you can do as far as I'm concerned is to stop communicating, because it will make me forget that you exist. The more information you give me the better, because if you leave me guessing your intentions and expectations, or if you dodge my questions, I will start seeing every interaction with you as a minefield, that I will then prefer staying out of. The more information you ask of me (if I'm not giving you enough), the safer I will feel talking to you, because I'll know our future interactions won't be burdened by misunderstandings or false expectations.
I also share the ISTP trait of always meaning what I say and wanting to have my words taken at face value rather than seeing them as a mental game or as having a double meaning - I always try to be polite, but politeness will never make me say something I don't mean. My way of being polite mostly involves keeping some of my thoughts to myself rather than expressing feelings or thoughts that are not there or giving false assurances.
As an ISTP I can say that what I LOVE is quiet physical contact with those few that i care the most about, I usually want nothing more than to just even be in the same area as my loved ones, even if we are doing completely different things
I'm surprised that Acts of Service has not been mentioned, yes I like helping people, especially with practical things, but someone who says a lot of things but doesn't show it through actions will be fine as an acquaintance or a friend, but absolutely not as a partner or family member.
I am an INFP and I also dislike talking about my feelings but it is because there are not many people that react approprietly to them, mostly people ask out of politeness and they don’t really care
i agree! why ask in the first place if you’re not even going go listen?
@@kavtix exactly
@@kavtixsame
Spot on (especially the subtext part). I appreciate the fact you made this video :)
-ISTP
As a female ISTP, I do like to do things by myself but I really appreciate getting help from someone especially if they do know how to do it properly.. I don't mind getting a little physical interaction from the people I like but please understand that most of the time I don't know how to react from a sudden hug (I pushed my boy classmate when he suddenly hugged me after a school activity, he's my friend and I know that he's the clingy type but I was just shocked😅 he said he's just sorry for almost ruining the group activity). Also, it is true that it takes time before we open up to someone especially if it's about deep emotional stuff and we also know if you're really listening or not, and if you didn't really pay attention or just brushed me off after I open up that will be the last time.
We really also do appreciate people who gives us space and people who takes interest in what we do, you can see it when we talk about it a lot and is willing to show it to you. We are also the type of person who'll just give you a soup and medicine rather than hug you and ask if you're okay ('coz you're obviously not).
Acceptance, that's all there is to it. Oh, and occasional happy hugs from their loved one.
This is very accurate for me in particular as an ISTP
HAHA your was great. ISTP, the first thought that popped into my head was... How can someone make me feel loved? = Leave me alone 😂😂😂
haven't watched yet - saw the title, being an ISTP & thought, "this should be interesting . . ." let's see. haha, ok my first thought for an answer was "Leave us alone, we're good" haha 2:15 proved that! haha!! Ok, yes, yes, yes - the subtext thing, especially when being forced to talk about emotions & feelings with the assumption I'm hiding something or not sharing - makes me feel cornered, trapped, misunderstood, abused & frustrated. There is no subtext. I mean what I say, nothing under the surface. That whole subtext thing was a major factor in the destruction of my marriage.
Male INTP here.
To make me feel worth something:
The emotional side of our brains are (physically) damaged. So please help us deal with our Asperger's.
Do your research on me. Ask questions. I love people willing to ask questions.
Be honest. Let me understand you. I don't feel comfortable with strangers.
Let me be nice to you. I don't feel comfortable having to be selfish.
Force me to cater to my emotions. I'm my own greatest enemy.
Listen to me without judgment or sensitivity. I need to be honest.
Tolerate my fears. I do not trust easily, not even myself.
Don't tell, but do SHOW me what it means to be "family".
Trust me just as much as I trust you. Don't break it.
Let me find ways to help you. Even if it's "trivial".
But more than anything, please understand, and question everything, when I can't do it myself.
We're not geniuses. We're analysts.
We're introverts, but we need people.
This is easily one of the most insightful videos I've seen on Myers-Briggs. Thank you, Kristin. You've rescued an INTJ SX5 from analytical paralysis of a monstrous sort in a more hilarious way than I can tell you now.
Istp here, its mostly just undivided attention and being their main priority. when you ask for my advice and actually listen lol. Being dependent but whenever i ask for space, they oblige. Hugging, holding hands, and sleeping together. Not judging and being completely honest/open. If we have an argument, there needs to be communication without any yelling.
I have a doubt...
I have an istp friend.i can't understand her she reads fast and studies and talking with me but I can't. So I missed marks and so much but she do these things casually is it in intention?it is confirmed she is istp
Guys are u aware of things u r doing
Im an INFJ and I can kinda relate to all of this especially the personal space and boundaries and the plain talking and social interactions. The only thing I didnt relate to was the analyzing, I actually love analyzing things but I like things plain and blunt so I dont necessarily look for hidden meanings, I just love analyzing.
This video makes me wanna marry an ISTP cause I agree with a lot of these things!! Actually sounds like a dream relationship to me. (INFJ)
You will have conflict because you like to plan everything.
You're a red flag to an ISTP ✌
I am an INFJ married to an ISTP. We have been married for a year. We love each other dearly but because we are completely opposite our relationship is a complete struggle. INFJ and ISTP's have completely different emotional needs. Oftentimes he feels that I'm pushy and controlling because I have a need for planning and structure that gives me the feeling of security. I desire to learn his thoughts, opinions, and feelings on varying topics. This kind of communication makes me feel connected to him, unfortunately it is not natural for ISTP to communicate these things, thus he is feeling I am being intrusive. With all that said, we refuse to let our differences tear our marriage apart. We're trying to work on our own weaknesses. To put a positive spin on it, my weakness is his strength, and vice versa... If couples are aware of this, they can grow and learn from one another. I don't believe it can be one-sided. There have been a couple of positive comments left by people who are in this pairing. However it takes patience, work, and a lot of apologies. I completely understand why the above comment states the ISTP will see you as a red flag and thought you might need a little extra reasoning.
@@johnreyrdadivas i find this absolutely hilarious yet true as an ISTP with an INFJ mother
Let me do my own things (my own way, own time, own Space 😂. Understand that I need/really want to do this ❤😊
(1)Give unintruupt space when I focus(monotropism)
(2)Show interest in but not too much especially in the thick of it.
(3)Feel Free to say no
(4)Be mindful of their energy
(5)Let do stuff tgt(es. Physical) do with me > do for me
(6.1)I said what I say (no hidden meaning) not get it ask to clarify
(6.2)Tell us straight. Be Frank
(7)Ask for our help If you are struggle and complaining as little as possible
What you said is true. I really like people who make me free and do not put pressure on me. They are very comfortable
As an ISTP, my most used behavior is "Alright let me try this, if it doesn't work I will NEVER do it again" which unfortunately extends to relationships. If we got hurt after doing something, we make sure it doesn't happen again. If we can't stop the same situation from happening, we proactively attack/dismantle the people involved and never even give them a chance to protect ourselves. ISTP is also an aristocratic type (Reinin's) which adds to this problem ex. "Oh, you are one of those types huh" or "They work in sales lol, I don't care if they have personal good qualities, stay away". Probably why ISTPs are very sharp when it comes to other people.
As an ISFP, I thought I might relate to more of this video, but I think that Thinking function being prioritized over the Feeling function is universally too much of a turn-off for me in any type, so I end up feeling very different from even ISTP. All of the things in this video are things that I would easily be able to respect and help the ISTP out with, but being treated like this sounds quite lonely and unexciting for me. I'm surprised how much difference one letter can make!
Ohhh yeah! Personal experience on T/F I have on that is:
My twin younger sisters married IS--Ps. Good catches!
My 1 sister's husband is an ISFP. Yes he has a painting workshop, so kind to his wife and baby and would fix delicious dinners (he needs inspiration and time). Cute of him, say I.
Twin 2 is married to an ISTP. He is there if the tire needs changing, the fridge is not fine or if a home repair is needed or if the yard needs mowing. He likes us in acts of service but he doesn't like TALKING TO us. That never bothered me as an INFJ. So problem solver of him.
recently found your channel and also subscribed it thanks for all the field research and I agree with your conclusion full 80%(oh for clarification appreciate your work 100% ) 20% for individual differences (just want to be realistic) . having a younger ISTP brother I can definetly agree with u ,my brother he is very good kid by heart for sure but never display anything emotional by action if anyone(third person) see him interacting with us family members they will think he is rude or have no filter in his mouth but our whole family knows he care very much for us and even worry for us too within himself .I am his older sis. still he takes care for me every time as I usually am busy in my studies he always makes sure that i have all my stationary supplies with me if not he always bring them from shop without even telling him to do so. We are best friends to each other (I am INTJ) we always share our thoughts with each other and yes he absolutely hates it when he is being forced to socialise with others and he himself said it to us in our faces that he will not talk any of that topic to us that will make us all concern about him being not social enough well My mom who is an ISFP understand his point of view let him do what he wants except (telling him to study and do his homework) but my father(ISFJ) is very concerned for him but after listening to my mom he also let him be himself . GREAT VIDEO thanks dear kristin
I feel more valued when you let me be me. I'm not 'touchy feely,' but that doesn't mean I don't care or don't have your back. If I truly care for you, I'll always be the first to have your back.
However, someone who claimed to be a friend cut me out of their life recently because I wasn't 'supportive enough' which was a bunch of bs. Then proceeded to act to everyone I cut them out.
No. You do this, you're no longer in my circle. I cut my losses, because I don't have time for this behavior.
INFP with ISTP boyfriend - this is VERY accurate! I look forward to the INFP episode 😊
I can't focus on Kristin's words because the top shelf on the book rack is bowed. I fantasize about fixing it.
HA HA!! I saw that one too.."kept telling myself, look away, look away.."
Definitely an N.
Thank for sharing. I have similar mindset : Love other, listen to them and let them be themselves.
A lot of things are the same for me INTJ, that surely why we understand well each other.
This is very interesting and important : ISTP *do things not for me but with me*
Whereas the INTJ would be more *do thing for me, but not with me*
There are so many restrictions. How do you love people like that. Its like mind gaming.
ISTPS are scary at first, I understand because I watched tons of videos and research about this personality before landing on the man I was interested in, and as an INFJ girl, All this information seemed to me like a tower with several barbed wires around it. Obviously I'm a very emotional girl, sometimes here and there he and I find ourselves in uncomfortable and awkward situations, but with a lot of dedication from me but MAINLY from him who is practically a black cat in human form, we both managed to develop a connection, and we complete each other, I have the sweetest part, and he has the most rational and unfriendly part, he learned to love my 'soft heart' (too much), and I learned to love his sullen soul (Ofc a joke)
Can you do the rest in this series this is life changing ground breaking
Please understand that I will *never* feel good being asked "get to know you" questions
Being asked repeated questions about myself has only ever felt interrogatory
I have yet to meet an ISTP and desperately wish to know one, because I feel like that contrast of personality in my life could be incredibly intriguing and beneficial (Also, they just seem so cool) I’ll save these for when the day finally comes ;) love your channel!
We're everywhere y'all just don't pay attention 😶
@@oskymoron We also hide
Well, you're bound to find plenty of us in these comment sections
ok so apparently i knew like three of them i just mistyped all of them somehow 🤷♀ the more you know
Some of the things mentioned were spot on for me (istp male), specially spending quality time, physical touch and specially being appreciated for my hobbies. I've very recently been praised for something that I enjoy doing and it really got to me.
I saw somewhere that ISTPs need their alone time, but also need to be pulled out to do stuff or hangout with friends, or at least invited from time to time. Although don't get offended if we say no, its almost certainly not personal, and we most likely feel good that you thought to invite us. I get the feeling this isn't true for all ISTPs but it certainly is for me.
good method, but it's also risky, cause I noticed that most people don't type themselfs properly. you should consider that and filter out the answers who seem misstyped.
Agreed
My gosh, I felt the mild-panic adrenaline when she did that, and its a video. 5:59 Yeah, don't do it, cause if you ever do that, I won't ever talk to you about it. Ever.
Video starts at 2:08
Congratulations as ur videos are now being recommended to me. And i love informative videos like these. Waiting for more
I have always thought of myself as lighthearted and emotional. I guess I don't show it unless I'm very comfortable. I do pick out hidden context pretty well and tend to see subconscious manipulation really easily. It means what a lot of people seem to think are ok is really selfish and takes. I get people have needs and can be forgiving and giving. I just need people close to me to recognize the debt.
I don't know how many others have boundaries about permission. I believe in equality and in some ways am somewhat feminist. While I am a person who steps up and who is willing to take the lead I feel being accretive without permission to not be ok. Its what I hate having done to me. I just need respect as a human and some time to be myself and I can meet anyone on their comfort zone. I'm not going to mind read and try to break down anyone's walls to be there for them. It minimum they need to tell me the door is unlocked. I don't want anything from anyone that isn't real.
I'm 42 and I feel like a lot of the answers were from younger people who hadn't figured out the why and are still stuck in what.
ENTP female with male ISTP partner. He is, indeed, more quiet and needs space to his things. Meanwhile I like doing my things with someone near me even if in silence and doing nothing lol We met halfway - bc I’m an older and more quiet ENTP - due to my high need to alone time too
And he does love when I give him food lol
Being an ISTP I feel loved when others (family or partner) care for me, example: I'm visiting my boyfriend after a long day of work and I'm tired, he gives me a kiss and tucks me in. Also when they show interest in my new projects, as a lot of other ISTPs said 😊
I'm an INFP with BPD. When seeing these things, it's extremely suffocating and painful for me. Just reading these comments makes me feel incredibly suffocated. I think I have developed feelings for someone I definitely shouldn't keep in contact with... I feel like I'm going hysterical. This feeling is like no matter how many times I explain my feelings, he can't understand me at all. It makes me feel like I'm back in a relationship of emotional neglect. I've been trying to salvage this relationship, but now I think no matter what I do, it's meaningless. ISTPs can't get along with BPDs, and what BPDs need isn't an ISTP either. So all in all, this is something that shouldn't have happened.This is too bad. I think the only way I can get along with him is not to have an exclusive relationship... But I think it's like a betrayal.
I love this, it is a near perfect description. The only other thing I would add is to get me things I can build, like legos or something.
My dad's an ISTP and at this point he doesn't even need to ask I just know when he needs a hug even when he doesn't know it which is weird because I, as an INTJ, have no idea when I myself need a hug
I'm an ISFP and I can relate to a lot of these answers as well.
ISFP here too and I don't know what others think but I almost think that ISTPs are our most similar type. It's strange to say that considering that we operate off of Fi and they off of Ti, making us quite different, but the result in how we live our lives seems to be so similar. I feel like an ISTP is more similar to me then compared to say an INFP or ESFP.
Istp here, i think it because we share the same central fonctions.
Se Ni Si and Polr Ne
As an ISFP, I can relate to *a few* of the answers in this video, but I think ISTPs like to be left alone a lot more and are more introverted than ISFP. I'm way more fun-seeking than ISTPs seem to be, and I like people a lot more than ISTPs seem to. Maybe it's because I'm a more extroverted ISFP (I have been typed as ESFP on occasion but ISFP is my solid type) but this video especially made me feel like ISTP are like a "grumpy and lonely" alternative of ISFP lol
@@jijitters well, i can't say for other istp's but it's just, i think, we keep our emotions to ourself more often than not.
Sorry if my English is bad, it's not my first language
i'm an istp and when i saw the title of this vid, the first thing i thought of was food as well!
Me, an ENFP: I'm so excited to find out how to absolutely _smother_ my ISTP brother with love in his own love language!!
ISTPs: leave us alone. Let's not talk too much. Hugs should be short, quick, and without words.
Me: I... How do I...? *HTTP ERROR 500. ENFP is currently unable to process this request.*
lol, love this response. I smother my ISTP too (ESTJ). He brings out my feelings strangely. He is older and seems to appreciate it.
They're not the only ones like this either. ESTJs are usually more outgoing but we don't necessarily like to be smothered either.
@@sarahberkner Truth! I prefer most of the time to be left alone to my tasks.
Hearken to me, all ye merry and colourful XNFXs, along with all else who simultaneously love ISTPs and theatrics, for I have hard-earned wisdom to impart! Lo, though we may read between the lines of even the ingredients list on our bag of Sun Chips, there doth exist sisters and brethren determined to excise all subtext from thine proclamations. Therefore, let us resolve to shelve our poetry, withhold our (figurative) tea, and speak clearly and directly in all future dealings with the ISTP guild. Thou may address thine feeling clansmen with all the heartfelt tenderness ye can muster, and weave thine tangled webs amongst the intuitive consortium with shameless abandon, excepting thou somewhat restrain thyself in the company of goodly and compleat ISTPs.
Sir, you are a treasure.
English?
Is this style meant to ensure that istps don’t read it? Kidding lol. A+ for effort.
I'm an INFJ with an ISTP brother and you *nailed it.*
This is so sweet of you :)
Female ISTP here! Some answers summarize myself really well hahaha
ISTP here. I confirm that all of this is true. Good work Kristin ;)
Me (male istp) i’d probably value time with the other person irl doing stuff, while also having my alone time
As an istp , I would appreciate words of affirmation too
Seems very accurate based on my INTJ observations of my ISTP Father. Well done (as always)!
my friend has been hanging over the fact that me and my other friends are still hanging out with her ex (who was our mutual friend). it's been 4 years since they broke up and i had been siding with her the whole time ever since she just broke up (bcs the guy deserved it), but everyone is tired about being on eggshells about it and i just wanna be friends with anyone (bcs frankly, she's far from perfect either), but she fails to see it. i'm so frustrated on what to do.
As an ISTP, definitely independence and free thinking.
as an ISTP the video started at 2:09 for me
Please do one for ISFP! I’m married to one for a year and half now. I really want to improve some areas so anything help!
alright, time to learn how to love myself!
2:30 answers
Oh man I never saw anything that said you were asking ISTPs for this. I'd be willing and interested. 🙂
This was really good. Thank you for this!
how does Kristin always look so good!!?? Great style girl!!
I think thus far, everything fits with my usual approach to a significant other in that I'm in favor of sitting down with them over dinner and asking how their day was.
For the ISTP, it would be an opportunity to show interest in their projects and any progress they've made. For the INFJs who wanted to talk about emotions, it would be an opening to talk about that.
The question is very rote and predictable, but the answers would change every day.
If I come to know someone is an ISTP from my friend group I am most likely going to ask for help in the garden or cooking I am bad at cooking.- infj
Well, I can use this for my self love I guess.