How to communicate with a narcissistic person. How to communicate with a narcissist using Gray Rock
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- Опубліковано 8 вер 2024
- How to communicate with a narcissistic person. How to communicate with a narcissist using the Gray ( grey ) Rock method
Welcome my channel! If this is your first time seeing my face or hearing my voice, my name is Lee and I am a self aware #narcissist. I have narcissistic personality disorder ( #NPD ) and I've been in therapy for my personality disorder since 2017 and it has definitely changed my life because without it, I would have lost everything.
The point of these videos is to help bring awareness from the other side of the narcissistic *buse spectrum. All my videos give perspective on why many narcissists do what they do and the possible different reasons behind them. The victims and survivors get validation and the #Narcissists (those that are willing) get to see that you can get help and that you are not alone.
1 on 1's and all my links - beacons.page/m...
You can find me on -
Tiktok MentalHealness - www.tiktok.com...
Insta- Mentalhealnesss - www.instagram....
Facebook - / mentalhealness85
Click the BEACON up top for direct links. Thank you so much and lets HEAL together
I have never seen or heard of a narcissist who actually owns his behaviors and recognizes what they do to people! So refreshing!
🙏🏽
Same here I love to watch his videos because he is refreshing!! My now ex was a blazer that blamed me for all of his own actions even the cheating n the sad part is I’d gotten to were I barely talked, he had me were I knew he never was interested in my dreams r life only his, n I knew if I even dared ask him why he treated me so bad his anger was horrible, glad I found this channel it really helps a narssist survivor understand n very informative of why they do r done all
Yes. No. Okay. Super! Super duper!👏🏽
Yes definitely rare. My ex-husband understands his behaviour and is horrified by it but has not put the work in to change or be well.
You freed me
My ex husband would scream at me when I shut down, "why won't you argue with me??" They definitely hate it.
Wow that sounds like Amber Heard yelling at fJohnny Depp for walking away from her when she wanted to fight with him.
Same thing with my ex-wife. I would gray rock her and she took that opportunity to yell, insult and if it lasted long enough (I have the patience of a saint) she would begin throwing things at me so this guy is right. MOST narcissists will leave you alone if you gray rock them, but others have multiple mental illnesses along with abuse in their youth so they will be violent towards you. This all sucks.
@@thelordmemnoch Sounds like borderline personality disorder. They have abandonment terror and feel as if they are dying if they don't get a response. Did here dad take off when she was young or her mother cos i had that with a girl and she would need to call me 20 times a day just to check if i still loved her. Very sad really.
Cause arguing is like food to them
This just happened to me during Thanksgiving!
A narcissist can’t gauge how much control they have if their supply gray rocks them. Kill communication means kill the relationship
🎯
Trying to ignore full stop. Love the silence.
Excatly leave them dazed & confused.
This is it!! It’s all about controlling the narrative! The narc just wants to control everything
Yes.
Greyrock helped me create boundaries and now I keep my literal Gray Rock in my flower bed as a personal reminder of how far I had come!
🙏🏽🙏🏽
Now I get it! I blocked and went no contact with my ex narc husband. Even though blocked he can still leave vm on my cell. Haven't talk to him in 3 weeks but he left a message asking "why am I so angry?" Hes trying his best to get a response, trigger me. Told him before going no contact I forgave him, not angry but I'm done. I love myself way too much to tolerate BS. Thank you for sharing.
Hi Linda, stay strong my sister. I have been no contact since July 2020. Best decision I have ever made. Just keep on loving yourself and doing you....blessings
You must block block
You Are Awesome!!💪
Did yellow rock my husband of 19 yrs to try to minimize the hurtful things he did last year or so, yes he liked to raise his voice every few sentences when he was lecturing me. after I finally told him to leave a year ago he accused me of being cold and callous, made me laugh as he was the cold, harsh and cruel person in the relationship. He moved out Jan 4, So glad to be rid of him, been difficult transitional year, did all paperwork myself and done by April 30, went no contact May 10. There is light at end of tunnel, more good days now and he is less in my thoughts and I have forgiven myself for putting up with his BS. Thx Lee.
You’re welcome. Stay strong
So lucky I’m happy for you!
Wow sounds just like me except with four kids more power to you the longer you are loving yourself and putting yourself first and realizing how much you gave to them and their disorder the happier you feel being away from it and putting it into yourself it's a hard learning lesson but I always said the same thing there is a light at the end of the tunnel blessings in one love stay strong keep loving yourself 💪
@@laniwilliams9351 Lani, thank you so much for kind words, wishing you same, best wishes to you and your children for happy and peaceful life.
Keep on doing what you're doing because you're helping so many people.
I will . Thank you
Yes! They get pissed if you quietly walk away when they are screaming and flipping out on you. I use to go at it with them (I've had a few in my life) Now I just remove myself as soon as any yelling or verbal abuse starts.
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I really like your videos..people with NPD are human.. the stuff they do is messed up. Wish you the best in your own healing and helping others.
I'm starting to gray rock my mom. Before when I would seem a bit more interested, she would ask me the same 4 simple questions about myself before talking solely about herself and her problems for a straight hour. After gray rocking, our phone conversations last less than 2 min. It's all so interesting.
I blocked my mom. No contact is better for me. She enjoys ruining someone’s day, she’s admitted it! I rather be DONE than to play the mind games.
Lmfaoff! See the person I was dating, they did the Same exact thing... .
Oh hell yea! The father of my children only gets words from me if I ever need to INFORM him of something to do with the children. I do not consult with him, ask for his help or opinion. He has free reign to contract or see them anytime within reason, but for our mental health and safety he gets nothing but that and close ended information when needed. Took me a long time to realize this level of vigilance was necessary and at this point it's never even questioned because then the window gets smaller and he knows that.
Never heard this term, but am familiar with minimal response techniques to keep my power, maintaining my higher frequency. Thanks, Lee. Blessings during your recovery as well.
Very welcome
It takes a big man to do what you're doing.
I know many people are going to benefit from these videos just as I have.
Thank you for taking the time to make these videos.
One of the best ways to help yourself is by helping others.
🙏🏽
The sly little “dupers delight” smile that sneaks through after every few words is really funny.
Yes I have noticed that too!!
Sinister.
This is my mother. When I don't respond to her foolishness she digs deeper until I start crying and go off. It's such a hard practice.smh
I had to move home to my narc mom after my narc husband ghosted me for his mistress, I try to stay in my room, she is retired and said I could have her home bc she was going to live with my brother but she goes back and forth, I'm thankful for the home but hate being alone with her, nothing but put downs.
You are helping me with my child’s father so much! I’m almost ready to go no contact. Thank you 🙏🏾
🙏🏽🙏🏽
Me too.
I always thought the narcs son had a limited vocabulary when talking to his mom. Maybe he was just gray rocking her the whole time. 🤔
Thank you! My ex told me he was a narcissist and I made excuses for him. I woke up and moving on. Thank you
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I have to do this around my narcissistic sister. I notice I go on autopilot and just do it without even knowing what I'm doing. They drain your energy. No respect of boundaries. I like when you tell us how they think. Like about being in control of us. Makes sense of it all.
When I started gray rocking it got scary. He started going to extreme to get a reaction. I wouldn't budge I played dumb like everything was normal.at the end he pulled a gun than put it in his mouth to get a reaction I stayed calm it was Thanksgiving so my sister and daughter were witness to this.they called the police that opened the door for me to finally leave this 27 year marriage.
That is so horrible I just can’t imagine that. But weren’t you afraid after seeing the gun that he might hurt you or your family?... Good for you for keeping your cool!
He said is this what our son looked like in 2015 our son killed himself at
Oops at 22 yrs old
@@laurenkoch3120 oh I am so sorry... I hope everything goes well for you from now on..
Oh Lauren, I’m so sorry!! I’m glad you are out of there!
The covert narc yells too! I learned not to yell back. I continued to grey rock . He would go silent for a few days. After that the saga continued which means. I asked if he was ok, He would say yes. Then I would treat him better. Kiss and make up. The circular behavior continued because I hadn’t gotten fed up yet,
I lived with him at the time.
I wish I could have a therapy session with you! Lol I have been studying narcissism for so long but I love seeing your self awareness with your journey- it’s so rare and it helps so many of us TRULY understand the folks we deal with💯
This is the only narcissist I like! You're truly amazing! I can't believe how self reflective you are and how you're using that to help other people. Love you
Thank you for everything you do. A true leader for those with personality disorders.
You are awesome! Humble! Authentic! Thank you for sharing!
Gray Rock can trigger rage! I don't purposely Gray Rock, but my personality automatically becomes flat Gray Rock if someone abuses me because I feel so turned off by emotional/verbal abuse; but Gray Rock triggers them to rage out!
It's better to just stay calm, kind, warm, sweet & loving while speaking patiently to them without getting triggered. Being kind, sweet, patient, loving & calm, calm, calm is an important way to prevent rage.
Lee, I just watched your interview w Laura. I respect and am grateful for you opening up yourself and creating this platform for us to truly understand narcissists and how to deal with them. Thank you so much for helping us. Please continue sharing I think you’ve found your purpose that helps hundreds of people!!
Thank you for your content…. I listen all the time and I’m sharing to help my friend recover from discarding
I have been following you for a little while and watching your videos every last one of them are 150 percent accurate, how I know, because I was married for thirteen years 🤦 but I just wanted to tell you that I respect what you're doing and you are helping a lot of people because many of us do have questions because many of us do not understand why. I didn't realize I was married to an extreme narcissistic until after I left him. And every single video described him perfectly. Thank you for helping so many people become aware and also find a sense of closure that we were not the problem. Please keep doing what you're doing. God bless you
Yup! I’ve been doing this recently with my ex as we have to coparent together. Quite possibly why his behavior has been a little unnerving lately. I literally have stopped responding to him unless absolutely necessary.
Keep your videos coming! It’s helping me understand my 21 year marriage!
I did not know what narrissists until discard stage but I did grey rock leaving the room and not interacting to let him calm down nothing worked he followed me I would just minimal conversation with him yes OK no!! that right I did not know it was grey rock he did erupt I said nothing he was dangerous Lee and frighting to watch he changed in an instant over nothing stupid things nothing worked I am glad to be out and survived the horoundious abuse he inflicted thank you for helping suviviours and I wish you the best in the future take care 💯
It's been about 3 weeks since our last fight, and I've had about enough of the vile nasty abuse, disrespect and comments.. that I finally broke up with them, but I still live with them (currently trying to save up to leave) and the first thing they come up to justify it in their mind is that I must be interested in someone else or that I'm with someone else... He has been trying to get me to react, by gaslighting, blaming me for his actions or lack of.. and saying that I'm the worst and that I'm purposely hurting him. Even after being adamant about my boundaries and how I don't want to be in a relationship, he still feels like he can guilt trip me into being In one with him, and or he quickly jumps to being su1cidal and threatening.. I keep trying to focus on myself and getting tf out of here and not allowing him to steal my joy or get me to stope down to his level with his arguments and or insults. He knows that the only way he gets me to react at this point in time is when he brings up my child and tries to say vile things about my 9 year old, I was close to living in my car but I started having too many problems with my car where it had to be junked and he knows I have no where else to go, especially in a time where in my state is the hardest to find anything available, even a room to rent. He tries to hoover me in everyday, and it just makes me even more disgusted and mad 😡 so I try to maintain my composure and sanity, because he loves to see me get riled up. I've delt with narcs before in my past so I'm very well aware, my ex is someone who was a best friend for a while before we got together and I never knew they were like this until I got involved with them, it's only been a year and I don't want another year dealing with this person, I'm willing to throw away 18+ years of friendship and one year of a relationship out the window for my peace. I'm trying to find a method that I can somewhat have some peace while still striving to leave when I can with my own resources. The good thing is he doesn't know how much I make or my funds so I can try and hide my money, he does try to make himself the victim and blame everything on me and since I live with him and his mother and brother, he even tries to use them as his flying monkeys.. idgaf tho, they are all useless and entitled and toddlers inside adult bodies, I leave the house for a day and everything falls apart.. I've taken a step back where I'm not K1lling myself with all the house work and cooking and cleaning and to the point of not even engaging in the same ole talking points day in and out, they all don't work, except for me and it helps me get away and have a moment for myself 4 times out the week. And I'm grateful to have a job, they try to convince me to leave it or don't go to work, but I keep pushing through. They don't want help or progress but want me to be stagnant like them. I'm stronger than they think and I know it, my spirit is too damn strong and too damn on point to be brainwashed, I've left before when I had my car, they know that I will gladly live on the streets then deal with them and they hate it.
Thanks for bringing the awareness! What type of therapy have You, your therapist, and your family found to be the most beneficial therapy for your narcissism?
Thanks Lee!! Your videos are just amazing. Keep up the good work! :)
All the best for your journey!!!
Thank you. I appreciate it
Lee, I have learned a lot from your videos. I have to give you praise & kudos for what you are doing for us, the victims of Narcissists. I’m NOT complaining, but I’ve not been able to get anyone to understand, that not all Narcissistic relationships are couples. MY NARCISSIST IS MY SON. I have suffered from his “flaw” for quite a while now; mentally and physically. I can’t just cut all ties with my Son, or I haven’t been able to thus far. He has my only Grandchild, my Grandson. That is one reason that I’ve been unable to walk away. My Ex husband is a Narcissist. I think my son saw a lot of his dad’s actions and is now mirroring them. My Son took the divorce VERY HARD, and it’s my opinion that the divorce brought out his “condition.” I DO know the chances of you seeing this Lee is slim and none. But I’m taking that chance. I have the utmost respect for you.
My son is one as well. And he has my 3 grandchildren. He is keeping them from me now going on a year. He does not accept my new husband. I'm trying to learn everything I can for my own mental sanity!
Great video this happened with me and my sister. I have to be so boring and non responsive to hear while she carries on.
Sorry to hear that
Grey rocking is a big trigger for a narcissist. They sense the lack of attention.
Thank you for this video.I have not heard of Gray rock,But Some how I knew that the head games had no effect if I didn't play the game.Thank you for allowing us to know that we are not crazy.Your soul will have enough good Karma to make it to the next level.Hugs!
Glad I could help!
Hi thank you for the videos and to see narcissism on your side, wishing you and your family lots of love, good health and blessings.
🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 Thank you
Speaking on the app……YES! I asked him and sent requests to join for months. It took my attorney threatening to get a court order until he finally joined the app. He still texts me outside of the app. 🙄
😧😧😧
Yes!!!!! knowledge is power, I never knew this term, but it is everything I see in this person. Thanks for sharing, I’m learning how to grey rock, and keeping my head up, and setting boundaries to better my worth. Live, Love, and laugh. They feel they don’t need counseling🤔
You give me so many answers to so many questions in my head. Keep them coming please. 🍒
58 and AWAKE to all the narcissistic s*** that I married into over 5yrs ago. Holding on in the gre rock 🪨 zone. Took a separate bedroom and told him not to come at me for no clapping 👏 of any kind. I'm also physically 😫 when he's not working. I've called him out when I probably shouldn't have because of my PTSD from the environment I was raised in.
He's got me confused! I may be 58 and disabled but I'm coming back. I simply have no support system. It's just me and my pet. Dudes got me so stressed my hairs falling out, I'm physically sickened when he approaches me. I'm a warrior! Im also a child of God! He's out skirting around now when he's supposed to be picking up 🍽 I don't even question him anymore. I just eat my cold ass food and go on about my business. I'll keep you posted 📫
Stay empowered and safe
I will! Peace ✌
I’ve basically been doing this with my husband (hopefully soon to be ex) but not even realizing there was a name for it. It’s just my reaction after coming to grips with the fact there’s nothing left to give. Funny thing though is he said our relationship seems to have improved and he acted like he was confused by why I still didn’t want to reconcile because according to him me mostly ignoring him but only being “cordial” is us having a better relationship…
Great video as always Lee. Doctor ramani has a good video on another tactic called "firewalling" which is a variation of gray rocking for people still in relationships with narcissists, might be helpful to explore :)
interesting Thank you
This was a game changer for me to disconnect from the ex. I have come a long way fast, I am almost at the point of no contact needed. I can go weeks now without texting or calling! Yeah he thought yelling would scare me but I would look and laugh and go down a few notches in tone and give no energy and tell him no need to yell I'm right here! He would get upset and leave i had to learn to let him and don't contact him but leave right behind him or not be home when he returned.
They don't like it, he actually said that something wasn't right and left. I politely agreed that something wasn't right and walked away with a huge weight lifted from my shoulders and free 🙌 😊
Grey Rock is No Contact Lite. The essence of 'no contact' is that you stop thinking about the person. The essence of 'grey rock' is that you stop thinking about the person. That is to say, 'grey rock' is not passive aggression. It is a method of coping with continued manipulative behavior
I appreciate you being open, providing your prespective and sharing your view, it is helpful. Much appreciated.
Good morning, I'm an empath and I just want to thank you for this info. I'm married to one and he isn't aware that he has this deorder. I knew it when we first got together but I didn't know it was going to be this bad.
You are so welcome
This is helpful especially in the beginning of an exit strategy because sometimes going straight no contact make them very angry and bombard you.
Gray rock is a funny thing for me. The narcissist I deal with corners me at my home with surprise visits. She knows I want to be left alone because I told her straight up, but she comes in with the magnanimous "wellness check" angle. She figures something must be really wrong with me because I don't want to pursue a friendship anymore. But really, her unannounced visits (she been blocked everywhere) are taken by me as an act of aggression. Since I have kids around and I refuse to get into it with her, I treat her visits like I would for a Jehovah's Witness or a Mormon; I'm polite but reserved and I make it clear that I'm fine on my own and don't need anything. I give a little more than gray rock, but I don't empathize with her on topics. It's an interesting little game we play each time she comes around, but our entire 24 year friendship was a game, so I'm pretty used to navigating it. I do hope that she moves on and realizes that we never had a friendship and that I've moved on too. I wish her the best, but now that I've figured out why things always seemed off, I could never re-engage her the way she wants me to anyway. That's not possible anymore.
I needed to see this. Great information. Thank you for all you do.
My narcissist ex got told by his therapist about Gray Rock and he then used it against me.
So any time I tried to approach him about any issue or feeling he would state he didn't want to have a discussion without a therapist present to avoid an argument. At first I thought great we're going to see a therapist together.. no he stalled and didn't set it up and avoided the topic. I gradually became more and more confused, frustrated. He then used my expressions of frustration against me. It's all so trappy and baity.
I now have to co parent with him. This scares me alot and I have to be so careful how I text or speak to him at pick ups and drop offs.
What's helping me is...
Minimal eye contact which limits conversation starting points.
Have the kids ready and their bags/car seats on the porch or where their car will pull in. This makes the transition fast and smooth and requires minimal conversation.
Keep it light and about the kids
Don't give them any information unless completely necessary
Be strong, stand tall and shine the brightest you can. Much love to you all
Thank you for this video. It definitely works. I agree with being careful who you use this with. Whenever I used this with my father is when he would beat me the most/worst.
I am really glad I stumbled across this. Very good so far! I'm a curious person and wonder how maintaining a UA-cam channel bringing awareness to NPD has an effect on your own narcissistic supply if any and how do you keep that in check? Keep up the good work! 😁✌️
I think just God can change and heal these kind of dissease/ills.
Rarely just people themselves without God interventions..
HUGE QUESTION…. how would you handle a Supervisor at work, that you think may be very narcissistic?
She yelled at my daughter yesterday. After I helped her with her homework. My daughter is only 7 years old. And needs all the help she can get. It is sad that they can take out 💩 on the kids. When they cannot take it out on the adult.
😳😳😳 that sucks
Thank you for this video because my daughters father is something different. He likes to use excuses to walk away. I try the grey rock but than he think I dont care.
Thank you for making us aware these valuable details
Wow!!! I Grey Rock regular peeps🤷♀️
😎
gray rock is like i communicate with everyone
Tried this at work once and the bullying got worse. I had to threaten to report her! 🥲
☹️
And yet he can ignore me for days sometimes 3 to 4 weeks at a time. But I’m learning how to great rock. Thanks
I don't understand why anyone would want to try to control others. That sounds exhausting.
can be
Well damn..im the one that is triggered by the major lack of communication. Asked me to lunch and directed the attention to another person there the entire time. Even made eye contact with them while discussing one issue that involves me. I cried when I left because I didn't understand why I was even invited to lunch
Leave this jerk
I honestly didn’t know that people with NPD could be self aware. I’m sorry if that’s offensive to anyone with NPD reading this. My mom definitely has NPD for sure but she has no idea. I don’t even know if she’s ever heard of the term. Sometime it feels like she is the least self aware person that ever walked the planet.
Yes because they will be one way in person and another out in public.
Do narcissist believe in God.. do they believe that they will be held accountable for their behavior
Probably not
I’ve asked and said the same thing but I seen the repercussions of what happens when a narcissist doesn’t change for instead my mom’s ex boyfriend who are the father of my two siblings molested his niece and myself when we were young. I was mortified at one point b/c of the abuse I’ve suffered. He was the absolute monster to me growing up and not able to have confidence within myself but knew my overall strength to overcome it. His family knew about it but keep it on the low b/c of their history in molesting their own family members and keeping it a secret. It’s so odd that they would keep something so disgusting as a secret and let it continue to happen to other young children. Allegedly, his niece was so terrified that she even said something about it in school and how she would avoid going home b/c it was happening at the time when he would go to Honduras. After it was exposed of his actions, my mom was disgusted and had no clue after he suffered a stroke and is currently in rehab with little movement due to being paralyze and is on a tracheostomy not able to speak. She confronted to him about it even though he couldn’t speak b/c she need to let him know “you better ask god for forgiveness and mercy for all the pain you caused to young women and children lives. I can’t believe you did that to my daughter and your family. I trusted you and now its unfortunate you’re going through it but you need to ask yourself what lead you here ? He’s definitely going through it by himself but God has power in holding you accountable one way or another. These narcissist better stop playing around and have dignity and self respect.
The believe in God, but they think they are special. Narcissist feel like the rules shouldn't/don't apply to them.
I've learned they actually think they're God himself
These narcs believe they're actual "GODS" themselves.
My way of maintaining my sanity is no contact. I will remember this advice though! Thank you!
I would go grey-rock, but we share a Daughter so yellow-rock is working for me right now. He knows he can't get to me anymore so he doesn't even bother to reach out at all really. Unfortunately this means she doesn't see or hear from her Dad as much being as she lives with me, but I would rather this then him being verbally abusive. No reaction is a reaction. ✔
stay strong
@@MentalHealness Thank you, you too.
...."if they physically abuse you, you should leave".... fortunately, I wasn't physically abused and that's a blessing, 'cause I would be in prison! I cannot imagine being hit by a n****r, and no one else for that matter😭💯
Yes no ok super duper.
Short & sweet.no explanation.
No information.
Will mess them up.
Glad it was helpful!
Lol his face about the app!
Holy hell , so thats what it was all along ...
Lee well done on your video cover photo. It is goooood
Thank you
My brother has a girlfriend who is a narcissistic. These do help I send them to him
🙏🏽
Will a narcissist lie in court? Even if you have tons of evidence?
Would you please be able to make a video on this if you haven't yet? (The narc at court) lol
Also off topic- your thumbnails for vids looking professional 🔥
Yep fake tears and flying monkey in their too.
YES! Mine did it to obtain a peace order against me, but he didnt go to court. Be prepared just in case.
Thanks for the replies, I'll check out Rebecca Zung.
One side of me be like: This content is amazing and so helpful to understand this disorder. Another side of me be like: this is horrible. How can someone be so selfish as to just poke on purpose and trigger someone because it makes them feel better about themselves?
Coming from a narcissistic family (parents and big sister, but especially my sister who I believe is not aware she is one), plus a few toxic bosses in my work experience, I feel like I now have the tools to deal with these situations.
For example, I now go gray rock on my sister when she is poking and triggering me, and it drives her absolutely insane when I don't react. Like... she loses her shit big time when I don't give attention to her hurtful words... She starts raging, yelling, crying, poking some more, hyperventilating, etc. And I´m amazed at how textbook this really is...
However, it sucks so much to realize maybe I'm never going to have a good relationship with her and always going to have to be careful of the things I share with her because she might use that against me one day :(
Thank you this was very helpful your videos are amazing
Yes. No. Okay. Super! Super duper!👏🏽
👏🏽👏🏽
I used yellow rock for years to reduce conflict but now use full on gray rock because yellow rock still gives them some supply. When i started gray rock my ex increased the games and intensity to the point of posting on his own social media things to hurt and unalive me. He wrote them in such a way he cant be criminally prosecuted. He sent me about 35 messages one day trying to get me to react but i didnt. He threw false allegation after false allegation in these messages but nope i wasnt going to give him the satisfaction of a reaction. Now hes doing this manipulation thing pretending to be nice to me in hopes of conning me into believing hes changed but im not buying it. Gray rock these people all the way and ride the hurricane in hopes theyll get bored and go away. Its tough but worth it.
”Am I not even worthy an answer?”
What happens when grey rocking doesn't work with a narc who you have to co parent with? My soon to be ex husband got so tired of me grey rocking him that he actually came to my house and took our son just to get me to flip out. When I went off he used the situation just to try to gain control back over me and make me talk to him just so he could cuss me out and try to make me feel like a bad parent even though I know I'm not. Could you please do a video for when narc take to extremes just to get you back close to them? How can someone combat stuff like this? He's an unaware narc but he knows he has problems and he's full blown with it. Your videos have been so helpful since I found your channel. I always thought he was bipolar but now it all makes sense and everything he does is becoming so much clearer! Thank you for what you're putting out here cuz I seriously thought I was just crazy and that nobody else would ever believe me!!
This sounds like my best friend
@vedder82 that's the problem, he already has one. It gets worse when he gets a new supply. I hate when he gets a new supply cuz he'll try everything under the sun to try to get me to react. I never do and that just makes it worse too
You shouldn’t be letting him in your house in the first place. When its time for your son to be handed over just sent him off through the door or go to a mutual meeting place in public where he can’t take advantage of you.
@@DJ_Jocey I never let him in the house. He was in my front yard when he took him. I have a newborn and she had me tied up so I was busy and he took that opportunity to get him. We tried the no home exchange but he would never adhere to it. He's never done anything like this before so it caught me by surprise.
Yes I do that to my husband.
Wowwwww you just explained my hubby
I’m a new subscriber… I’ve been watching as many of your videos as possible. I’ve been with my husband for 20 years, married 14yrs. His narcissistic disorder has left me beyond crushed.
I have a question, did your wife ask you to go to therapy and eventually you gave in and decided to go (when you hit your rock bottom)?
What’s the best way or How do I ask him to go to therapy for his narcissistic disorder?
check out episode 25 of the narcissists' code
Yep, my ex reportedly refused to use a parenting message app.
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Sometimes I feel like I’m the narcissist, from dealing to long. Or am l.
I feel the same way, like I learned the tactics and subconsciously use it. I still have empathy inside, I just express it less, it's like an on and off switch. 🙃
Love "super duper!!" Lol😆 thx your videos have indeed helped
Maybe I am gray rocking wrong because when I use it, they become very angry. I’ve tried it several times on a couple of people and it never calms the situation down.
It gets worse before it gets better. Last couple of times I used this strategy, he became so mad that when he left I was left trembling. But eventually he caught on. Now he avoids making a scene because he probably feels humiliated when he is the only one bitching around and then have to face the consequences, because I don’t give in anymore. Also try to find a balance. Do respond but in a bland, plain boring way. This way you don’t trigger them the other way round, as Lee describes.
I am so unclear, and wonder if you can shed some light on this for me. I have been dealing with a therapist who is supporting me in leaving my relationship, and yet, I would say that my parter is grey-rocking me! This started during what I would call the discard phase, and suddenly the person I fell in love with was just giving me one word answers. He became so boring. It completely triggered me too. I was begging him to share with me again, etc. It felt so mean and deliberate, and once again I am left thinking I am the narcissist. I do know I had a lot of narc traits from being abused in my childhood, and often I have experienced reactive abuse.. and with therapy have healed so much. I watch all your videos and this one makes me wonder again, am I the narc? What the hell! I feel crazy.
I don't fully know your situation, but my guess is that he is not 'grey rocking' you but is 'stonewalling' or giving you the 'silent treatment.' Both of those last two are pretty much the same, and they are emotional abuse tactics. If you are not being abusive to him, but he is acting that way toward you, then it is emotional abuse. If you are being abusive, then it is grey rocking to try to avoid more abuse. Does that make sense? Coupled with being emotionally abusive, he could also be doing these behaviors to gaslight and bait you into a reaction - so he can claim victimhood. Whatever the reason, it is toxic, so stay as clear of him as you can.
I have recently begun getting a lot of stonewalling and silent treatment now, myself. Mine went from some pretty bad rage to making this flip, but it is not because I am abusive to him, but because it has been made very clear to him that his anger is really bad. He has obviously felt some shame because of it - not because of how he treated me - but because he doesn't want others to know how nasty he can behave. As a result, he has had to become more creative, and he is finding ways to covertly abuse me so no one can ever point at him and say he's been bad. How can silence be abusive? (I will take it any day over his rage, however!!!) It's so sad because we could have worked if he had put half the energy into being sweet and kind to me as he has this crap. He can be very manipulative, and he will even lie about my behavior to work me up and into defending myself. In other words, he baits me to try to flip things and make himself look better. He's a real mind-F-er, that one. :(
Sounds like you became one to live with the person. Or displayed traits. Or the spouse is trying to get you to get in your emotions to see if they have any level of control. I'm not sure. Keep working on you, focusing on you and learning the you that you are...
A test question for you, do you have emotions? Are you hiding them? Or have you turned them off while with the spouse? Do you express emotions with anyone else but the ex? If you can't turn your emotions on again and its frustrating that others express their emotions then you may want to consider you are what you have disdain for.
Oh man, I feel you. 😔
I carry a small grey rock in my pocket everyday. 16 months no contact w narc mother. And grey rock with others.
After a year of living with my ex, I finally saw the light, I would react to everything he did to try to hurt and shame me. The last day that we were together he had told me that I had abandoned him because I didn't give him a ride home one time. The next day he asked me to drop them off at the local homeless Camp so he could live there in a tent, to which I responded by saying okay. I directly drove him down to the camp and sat in silence as he collected his things out of the car and left without a goodbye. It's funny that his last words to me where that I abandoned him, but it is exactly what he was doing to me. It's almost comical, if it didn't hurt so deeply because I let the baby have his way and he wasn't ready for the consequences. It has been seven days since we've had any contact at all and I don't plan on ever talking to him again.
I was trying to speak to my narc as little as possible to avoid making him angry and THAT made him mad! So he flew into a rage and has been giving me the silent treatment for a month now! Argh!!
Wish my narc will give me the silent treatment actually
I am doing my ex this way because I don’t care about what he’s saying, now I know why he gets upset over me not talking to him lol 😂
😂😂
OMG.... this has happen too...
It was a simple goodmorn that's it