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British Citizenship Test - Stand Up Comedy Imran Yusuf
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- Опубліковано 18 бер 2014
- Imran's puts a young Oscar through his own novel British Citizenship Test and tells us about his multicultural upbringing in Hackney Downs.
The "correct" "British" accent changes every 25 miles.
What’s a British accent? Don’t get much cockney pure London accent as people call British. Or the queens stereotype accent.
@@TrendingPendingVideos Welsh valleys, Birmingham, Geordie, Inverness, Glasgow etc etc.
Accent isn't pronunciation. Just cause one says a word wrong, doesn't mean it's pronounced that way.
I think "accents within the UK" sounds better.
There's a strong difference between an Edinburgh and a Glasgow accent for example. They are 42 miles apart. the Edinburgh accent is wonderful, but the more west you travel the worse it gets until it finally ends up as the grittiest accent in the UK. Even the Indian-sounding Welsh accent.
Actually they say the best "Queens" English is (still) spoken in Inverness.
Special geordie accent changes every 3 miles
You're too damn good! That's the way to do standup comedy! It was a joy watching you perform with total audience participation. All the best to you, man!
True
I was deported back to Timbuktu after the first word
+Sadik Meah Hahaha, study for the test next time! ;-) x
Imran Yusuf
Definitely! Good show btw, and an inspiration to people like me who thought Russell Peters was the best we had!
Malian here too
Sad, no LAUGHING emoji.
Nice to hear.
Amazing. His humour and personality reminds me of how bright and confident young asians were in the 80’s and 90’s. Miss that beautiful era so bad.
I've been pronouncing the word "right" wrong all my life, now I know that the correct British pronunciation is the sound of a duck (as can be observed at 1:34). The more you know.
Edit: Apparently he actually said "alright", not "right". Sori abaut mi inglisch!
+Petersilius Zwackelmann I can't wait to try out that duck-quacking sound on my next job interview.
+Petersilius Zwackelmann Classic Zwackelmann!
+Petersilius Zwackelmann hahahahahahaha
+Petersilius Zwackelmann Don't you mean wrongly ?
+Petersilius Zwackelmann Wrong !!
Can't believe he fell for Soccer come on mate
+slateflash That word should be considered legally blasphemy in Britain! :-)
+Imran Yusuf Not just in Britain anywhere in the world. That word should be banned lol.
Wasn't it originally called Soccer in England though? The word definitely comes from England, not America.
@Rosida Andriyana When it comes to sport, that's not far off from the truth. We created most big sports, including football, rugby, cricket, tennis, boxing, hockey, snooker, darts and even things like MMA and bungee jumping (Golf was invented by our neighbours Scotland). Also American football, baseball and ice hockey evolved out of rugby, rounders and hockey. You might also be interested to Google the Telegraph newspaper's "Top 50 British Inventions" list, to see what what else we (well, the English and the Scottish) have given the world.
I fell for it, but I'm American lol
This guy is actually really good. Two thumbs up.
Cheers!
but where are you putting your thumbs up?
YouKevo @ yea he’s all right for an Asian
@@m.jailam8861, that is the correct response. Congratulations on passing your British citizenship test!
The test should be to accidentally step on the applicants foot. If they say sorry then they're definitely British.
@Anonymous Anonymous You should come round for dinner sometime, mate.
Haha, exactly! :-D
Actually, I think that's part of the Canadian Citizenship test.
@@Pudentame
Back in the day, the Dutch would identify the Germans by their pronounciation of "Scheveningse Kacheltjes."
I've made another list, incase there's another World War and we need to identify the people we're looking for.
The Canadians are being asked to mount a Moose, to ride into battle. If they fail, they're not Canadians.
The British are asked to drink microwaved tea. If they cry, they are British.
The French are given a cleaningcloth and are told to make a designdress. Whoever fails, is not French.
The Dutch are being given black liquorish. Who asks for another one, is either Scandinavian, or Dutch. Then they have to cycle through narrow alleys. That kills off the Scandi's.
The Germans are being asked to pronounce the number 9. Whoever refuses, is a German. Whoever answers, could be anyone else. (It's a failed system though, sneaky bastards.)
The Italians are being told that any cheese could be on a pizza. Whoever nods, is American. Whoever starts screaming, is Italian.
The Austrians are being told they look just like the Germans. If they shrug their shoulders, they are layback Austrians. If they panic, they are the Germans.
The Australians are being asked to put shrimp on the barbie. If they do it, they're not Australians. Australians will yell; 'PRAAAAAAAWWWNS' untill you leave.
The Belgians will be asked who they like more, the Dutch or the Germans. If they pick the Germans, they're Belgians. If they pick the Dutch, they're everyone else.
I might complete this list later, I'm tired. If there are any requests, please ask (click on "answer Widdekuu91" otherwise I don't get the message.)
@@Widdekuu91 Funny thing is, even though I'm a Yank, I knew the correct British answer ... and that's what I'd have said. Of course, it wouldn't be fair to ask me now, 'cause I've already heard the joke & I'd be stepping on his punchline.
As a British citizens I am ashamed to get them all wrong! Oh well, great job - very funny!
+ThatCatWild Haha! We will have to deport you now! ;-P
Don't worry! We Americans will take you in. However to own your mandatory AR-15, first you simply have to pronounce "aluminum".
Imran Yusuf Nooooo!! XD
EnergyKnife Yay! - umm pronounciation aloominum? (I say ali-mini-um but I think it's different in America D:)
+ThatCatWild Aluminium, eh? I'm afraid we'll have to exile you to live with the pretentious dipshits in Portland.
And no AR-15!
EnergyKnife No >.< I'm a failure!! Welp, I better get learning then. x.x
he pushes the boundaries but still keeps it funny. Respect.
"Buisness is Buisness" oh gosh that South-asian accent ;)
business*
Remember it this way : busy Ness run together it becomes business
+Arif Hamza Thats Indian accent. Bangladeshis do not have the accent and they are South Asians.
what a nob not funny at all get out of here u Muppet
+halfvolley11 I think Rifos is trying to include Pakistanis as they are essentially the same culturally until the recent (historically speaking) political split.
As soon as he said ooh the irony I actually died
RIP
Saw that "soccer" one coming a mile off. Still funny though.
+kdlofty Haha, thanks. Never say "soccer", it should be a punishable offence in the UK.
Imran Yusuf Damn right it should! Lol.
+Imran Yusuf Just remember. It's not American football. It's American soccer and it's played with an American rugby ball.
+kdlofty oscar was obviously under a lot of pressure, his britishness was at stake.
+Imran Yusuf . Do you know where the word Soccer comes from ?
Let me tell you - If you look at Football Association you will see the stem of Soccer in the As-soc-iation part. Soccer is properly English coined in England by the original Fans when Association Football was created. Anyone who thinks Soccer is not English knows nothing of the history of Football in the UK. here in Liverpool the fans get to local matches in wait for it - a Soccerbus !! It loses effect if you make yourself stupid. !! Use harassment most English people get that wrong.
When I come to power, I know who I'm hiring. The Imran with the plan. Still cracks me up. Great job.
Im Norwegian and even I got a 3 of 3 on that one, what the hell oscar
+GroovingPict Haha, well done, you're now officially a British Citizen! ;-)
+Imran Yusuf If I told you that the Pronunciation of the words in this video are all wrong and are awful bastardizations of Norwegian and French and Breton. Congrats for speaking the most popular failure at speaking a coherent language with phonetically and grammatically sound words.
+The Major - What if I told you all languages are awful bastardisations of neighbouring languages and are failures at being phonetically and grammatically consistent. But at least English is the most popular failure.
+The Major
Sorry, exactly which of _advertisement_, _schedule_, and _soccer_ is it that’s Norwegian or Breton? All three are entirely (if you look past the purely English origin of the abbreviation of _association_) borrowed from French, with Graeco-Latin roots.
The phrase “grammatically sound words” makes no sense whatsoever, incidentally.
+braeduin
not all languages ... there are languages that are spoken *exactly* as they are written ... if that is what you mean by "phonetically" ...
I'm a British citizen and I fail the mock test every time.
I got 3/3 and I've never set foot in Britain (I'm Canadian). I feel like I've done some of my ancestors proud, though.
I really appreciate the message of peace you always send to your followers.
I am a hindu and I'd be glad if all hindu and muslims brothers and sisters could peacefully live in India.
Youth F7C Thank you for your kind message. One step at a time, hopefully we will all get there :-) x
Tom In Space Cheers Dude :-)
Imran Yusuf 😨 are you the one who performed in this video or have just the same name 😮
Tom In Space 😁 yes he is!
Youth F7C Yes, it's me, the same guy who is in the video :-) x
Original material. Nice one!
Cheers man! :-)
"oh the irony"😂😂😂
Ur delivery is fantastic.
Man, this guy's delivery is top freaking notch.
I've taken the official "Life in the UK" test. It really is a bunch of questions like "Who was Henry VIII's second wife". As if that makes any difference to anything in the real world. And it cost £50 to take it.
+Peter Piper I agree, and most British people don't even know the answers to questions like that. Trying to assimilate people through irrelevant historical quizzes isn't going to integrate anyone. But I hope you enjoyed it :-)
Imran Yusuf I enjoyed it - sort of. I knew the material so well when I took the test that I was finished in four minutes flat. I took another two minutes to review my answers.
And now I can tell you how many members of the Scottish parliament there are. (129) See how useful it is?
+Peter Piper I agree with both of you. Instead of years, dates, and who married who, the questions should be brief and functional. Do you respect that others around you are entitled to disagree with you, including politically and religiously, are you against violence, do you respect the rule of law, and is it your intent to live in peace and pay your taxes? Welcome to Britain! :o)
Actually the wives of Henry VIII predetermined the next war of throne and the next path of the British monarchs.
I'm British, I went through a British school, I've lived in the country my entire life, And I can still only remember 3 historic dates. 1066 - battle of Hastings, 1666 - Fire of London, And 1966 - England won the world cup.......
Does this mean I'm less British as someone who's passed the government's general knowledge pub quiz ?
Most Brits these days couldn't name the last 5 prime ministers, And I bet it you stopped 100 Brits in the street and asked what the queens last name was, at least 20% of them would get it wrong.
So how can you test someone for "Britishness"?
1:34 i swear on the gods i hear "quack"
I a Muslim studied in a catholic school and we said the Lord’s Prayer in assembly every morning no modifications needed - it has no blasphemy
Why have I never heard of you dude! you're hilarious, would love to see you live. keep up the good work bro!
I'm Jamaican and I got all of them right. (We are part of the common wealth)
You are the best comic I've seen! This bit was hilarious!!
+Peace Gear Thanks pal! I appreciate your support, please share with your friends! :-)
+Imran Yusuf Absolutely mate. Is there a way we can talk? I'd love to get to know you at a personal level.
I'm neither British, nor an English native speaker, but I got the three of them :D lol
+Belounis Salim Haha, well done :-)
Imran Yusuf Thank you :)
I'm American and I knew all three "correct" British pronunciations. The problem with your Oscars is that they watch too much American TV.
Says the American. 😄😄😄
dont cry for me america
Sing it for us.
How have I only discovered you now? Your soooooo funny omg !!!
+Ashii Ji Thanks lovely x
I don't think it is too much to ask that a person immigrating to such a beautiful 1st class country like the UK; where you get free education, free health, welfare and a much higher standard of living than most other countries, including in many cases the country you're emigrating from, where the government will look after you from the cradle to the grave; that you fully submerse yourself and assimilate yourself into all the historical and cultural heritage that makes up your adopted country. It is called gratitude.
Hot diggity, I just passed the British Citizenship Test!
I love that evil laugh after every joke >.
In Oz I have to use the terms "round ball football" or EPL to ensure I make the locals in Souf Oz realise I'm not talking about arial ping pong or AFL
He is 100% right. Be fair to every human.
Damn. I'm an immigrant and I was pronouncing the word "advertisement" correctly.
Then I arrived in the UK and started to pronounce it as the guy in the audience because I was following the other British speakers :))
But then I was pronouncing "schedule", and still do, as the Americans do.
I've picked up English from everywhere: school, movies, tourists, etc. LoL
Well done Yusuf, very funny indeed, you are a natural comedian.
Regards from Arabia. :]
+igrewold Thank you very much, I'm glad that people are enjoying my work in as far as Arabia! :-)
You will become one of the most famous comics one day. Reaching the top is not hard but staying there is! ;]
I also like George Carlin and Richard Pryor, masters of the art they are/were:
v.ht/carlin
v.ht/pryor
Russell Peters performed in Arabia
v.ht/russellarabia
Hopefully one day you will. :)
Peace.
You will become one of the most famous comics one day. Reaching the top is not hard but staying there is! ;]
I also like George Carlin and Richard Pryor, masters of the art they are/were:
v.ht/carlin
v.ht/pryor
Russell Peters performed in Arabia
v.ht/russellarabia
Hopefully one day you will. :)
Peace.
50ui
I got them right and I'm Canadian!
I love Canadians ! From UK ;)
supekele It's official, you can stay! :-)
were not trying to keep out the Canadians you douche
I forgot about this scholar, pure genius.
I am so amazed and missing this level of comedy in my country.
YOU, my friend, are bloody hilarious!!!
+Aysh ELMO Thank you :-)
Can't believe that the BBC hasn't given him his own show, he's perfect for their English shaming, peaceful Islam pushing narrative, I love it!!
I'd love to do a parallel show with Quranic surahs instead of English words for a muslim audience, that would be hilarious, deadly, but hilarious.
He has probably been signed up for an advertising agency on ITV.. They like to make white boys look stupid.. I wonder when it will dawn on Oscar.
I’m a U.S. citizen and permanent resident of México where I usually am speaking Spanish, and yes, I got three out of three. Here in México, it’s fútbol.
Oh my terrific. It's only people like this that can save us. Give this man some prize or sometin.
+melanieenmats Haha, thanks :-)
He is very fumny
I always thought the schedule thing was the other way around. I though Americans pronounced it as SHedule and in Britain we say SKedule. I guess I still have a lot to learn.
+BjornSvenson Hahaha, thanks for enjoying the video :-)
Damn really funny i laughed really hard and woke up my brother while he asleep
Haha, thank you! :-)
I was expecting the soccer one even before advertisement. And I was so hoping that Oscar said football but alas. Funny stuff.
No swear words , no pornography, so clean and good
Well done Imran
You have humiliated Satan, stay that way
Oh my! I used to do the exact same things on Hymn Monday assemblies.
+Husna M Haha, I think we all did!
@@imranyusufcomedy thats why we are where we are today cult brainwashing from birth
Imran Yusuf thats why we are where we are today cult brainwashing from birth
As soon as I saw "soccer" I was thinking, say football mate lol
+サイ Haha, I always found it surprising how many people would get it wrong, they'd be like a deer caught in the headlights and just say the word without thinking that it might be a trap ;-)
+Imran Yusuf
What would your response be when someone replies football? I assume you call them an idiot because they clearly can't read English, and then deport them.
Omg the soccer one I would take without a wink and I'm not even from Britain. As a Brit it's almost mandatory to be offended when you hear the word "Soccer". 😂
How come i never heard of him, he's good,,, fine materials, well delivered, i like his confidence...
Britain is now unofficially Britainistan.
Says Mr Kumar 😂😂😂
@@arc8696 Mr kumar will keep Britain as it is but any name starting with Muhammad will sure change Britain into britainistan
@@hkanshu many Muslim countries are a much better place to live than India.. besides, your biggot prime minister isn't exactly the best example of tolerance..
@@hkanshu besides how bitter a person do you have to be to leave such a comment on a comedy clip!! Goodness!
@@arc8696 oh boy, please explain this point to Indian muslims. They deserve better place than India. I shall be thankful to you.
This guy is brilliant... He should be granted the citizenship 😁
how is this guy not world famous. suöper funny
Bless you mate, thank you very much :-)
Really enjoyed this - excellent, will be sharing it with my French friends - hey, you should come to France - Eddie Izzard did last month in Toulouse ... it was a sell out and he had to add extra dates.
+EFL PodBlog Thanks man! I'm actually doing a gig in Antibes in December :-)
XD I knew that soccer was Football and I live in Morocco COME ON
he wasn't telling you. You should shut up
@@trueravan come on! 😂
Ahhh I just realized that...from South East Asia here
when i saw soccer, i immediately said football lol.. the first word, i say it both ways but mostly the british way..
Sabira Really!?? Seriously! ! Oh WOW !!!
Your cookie is in the mail. Now sod off
Excellent Job Dude
Love From
We The North
The Six
Toronto
Canada 😀❤
XD is it just me, or when he says ‘right’ do you hear a duck quack? 1:33
"Soccer" is originally an Anglicism (and NOT an Americanism), being coined (as a word for football) by Charles Wreford-Brown, whilst he was Captain of Football at Charterhouse School.
He attended Charterhouse between 1879 and 1883, before going up to Oriel College (Oxford), where he won both his cricket and football Blue for the university.
The derivation of "soccer" comes from the full name for the game of Association Football, which is occasionally abbreviated to: "Assoc. Football".
For the same reason that Public School boys often refer to Rugby Union as "Rugger" - it being a now-abandoned affectation of Public School speech to create a name for something by taking one syllable and adding "-er" as the suffix - Charlie Wreford-Brown took the syllable "soc" from "Assoc.", and is credited with creating the word "soccer" for the game of Association Football.
Charles Wreford-Brown went on to play for Old Carthusians, and to play for and to Captain the England national team during the mid- to late 1880s.
+xetalq Uh oh don't tell British people they made the word SOCCER, they always assume it's an American thing. I guess the Smart Ones moved to America. My ancestors came over here in 1620 and there was a reason they left England. One of them who was born on the ship still has his house standing in Boston.
I am British, and went to Charterhouse School.
The Smart Ones stayed home. :)
xetalq Yeah, sadly our public schools in the USA are ruled by moron Union called the NEA. Our Charter schools they want them shut down after they were only operating for a full year. The kids learn more then the rest of the public schools. Now our teachers are whining they have to take a Teacher Test to see if they are dumber then the student's they teach.
Okay - but please be advised that Charterhouse School is not a "charter school" (whatever that is), but rather a private, fee-paying boarding school, founded in 1611.
I think a "charter school' may be a uniquely American institution.
:)
xetalq yeah, we have private schools, quite a few stripper Mom's send their kids to one.
Subbed and off to watch everything you've uploaded so far :-)
Matt Mosley Thank you!
This really made me smile, so thanks for uploading this clip :)
This guy is actually pretty good.
+Peleg Tsadok Thanks Pal x
+Imran Yusuf How much money are you making? Roughly?
+Rahul Kemp You cannot move in with him.
He does a great set go see his hour long show ,brilliant.
......rather be beaten with a stick.
wooo!!! I'm American and I got them all right!!! (thank you Sherlock!)
+Julia C Haha, congratulations Julia! Your UK Passport is in the mail!
SO FUNNY YUSUF. MY SON IS PREPARING FOR THE TEST. I HOPE YOUR FUNNY TIPS WILL CHANGE HIS LIFE... TNQ
Ohh I never heard before that "schedule" pronounciation because what I learned at school was american-english. Anyway I like his jokes 😂
Thank you! x
I was waiting for "scone"
I guess I qualify as a British Citizen
Hey Your Majesty! I'm now a citizen of the US (Florida) AND the UK. Got all 3 words correct. My fav al-u-min-i-um wasn't on the test. Whoops! It's dark! Gotta take my torch on the lift to check the boot of my Range Rover. Ta😘
I am not a british but I can answer what happened in 1066 : a viking descent French Duke from Normandy Region named William conquered Kingdom of England after his victory in Battle of Hastings
Im portuguese and i knew when the battle of hastings happened
Well the UK has a history and culture those wishing to migrate to it should know before being granted citizenship. If they don't like our culture or history they should consider looking elsewhere.
Absolutely
Oh my God! I got them all right. And I'm Aussie!
I'm laughing, because I'm an American who watches a lot of British productions and performers. I got all 3 correct. This young man apparently watches a lot of US productions. Grass is always greener on the other side of the pond I suppose!
Anyway, really funny material, and sharp delivery. Well done.
Bro you are too funny
When are you next near Northampton?
Would love to come see you!
suparush Haha, thanks for all the messages! I'll be back on UK tour soon, sign up to my mailing list on my website for when the tour is announced - www.imranyusuf.com
Not before stopping in Worcestershire. 😁
Brilliant.
I took the test, and passed it.
When I applied the citzenship, I was asked for 500 pounds, then I went on amazon bought a PC.
Many years later, now they want 2000 pounds and trying to leave the EU.
Did I lose money or I saved?
I'm Canadian & got 2 out of 3. Does that make me British? 😂
Also, finding that pronunciation of 'schedule' an unusual tongue-twister 😂
You need all three! :-)
So do you say shool for school
1:34 WTF was that sound he made haha
Haha, as someone else has pointed out, it does sound like "quack" but it in fact me saying "alright". Unintended hilarity!
Talented dude !!
I got them all right. I watch a lot of British TV.
+Trimere I'm glad you got them all right, many people on here are going crazy telling me I'm wrong! I did the research and got verification from English teachers :-)
2:43 - I worked at the front desk in a company HQ and a British person came in and asked if he was on the schedule for meeting some executive, but he pronounced schedule as "shed-yule" like the comedian. I was momentarily confused and asked, "You mean if you are in the 'sked-yul'?" "Yes," he replied, "but 'shed-yule' the proper way to pronounce it." "Oh," I said, "I guess you learned that in shuul (school)?"
Lol I got them right but they should actually use his rest it will be educational and funny at the same time lol😂
I thought he was going to say Football.
+Bobby Jay Haha, some people see through the trick and get it right, some don't :-)
That was a good one.
How am I only just seeing this, mate you're something else. Laughed my tits off.
Fucking funny and a good way to defuse cultural tensions via laughter.
In English "What?" translate to "I beg your pardon".
I've been watching Ali G so man times ive started talking in the british accent. everybody laughs at me, but they wont laugh anymore when i get off the boat and english accept me as their own.
I'm Finnish and I got all the words right :D
+Hairysteed Congratulations! You can stay! ;-)
I am from Arabia, and even I knew that soccer is football.. COME ON, OSCAR..!!
I got them right and I’m a colonists! ;)
I got the first two right, but I pronounced the last one, "crybabies that throw themselves on the ground whenever they get bumped".
+Livid Imp Ooooh! That's fighting talk mate! ;-P
+Imran Yusuf
I am legally obligated to warn you that I register this keyboard as a deadly weapon.
[theme song begins]
_KEYBOARD WARRIOOORRRR!_
+Livid Imp savage
You should have asked " semifinal" maybe for next time 🙂
3:30 😂😂😂 I'm not British (may be now I qualify 😂) I too pronounce "soccer" as "Football" whenever I see it in any article but I call "american football" as "american soccer"
How could he get the football one wrong? 😂
I know, right?! :-)
1066, Britain becomes part of EU
I could only get "soccer" right. I'm Brazilian but I can't call it other thing than football when I speak English.
As a kid, I didn't know that there was a British English or an American English. I went to both British and American schools. The funny thing is that the private schools that is affiliated to University of London in UK, the teachers had an American accent. Couldn't pick up the British accent that much. So my English is kind of mixed accent of both American and British.