I was beaten daily by two alcoholic parents all of my young life ... the psychologic torture was worse than the physical abuse. It shaped my self image and self worth. Now, almost at the end of my life, I still suffer - never been able to reach my goals, severe depression later in life...I am damaged and never grew out of it. It shapes the world you see and how you approach others and what life hands you. Please don't beat your kids out of anger and hate, the damage you do is immense and lasts a lifetime.
I am so sorry. For what it might be worth, you're far from alone. My family consists of a married couple in their 70s, both of whom are incredibly lost right now and living out the worst effects of their "damage". As their daughter, I had to move far away for my own sanity. My thoughts are with you and hopes that you can find some measure of healing in a safe space.
Therapist will help, and one day it will completely heal that, you will feel surprised that is it real or dream, but it will real, i'm talking from my experience of life
I had repressed a childhood trauma that as described here sabotaged me at every turn for around 15 years, never really knew what all of it was about until finally I got the strength to bring it into my conscious mind and although it was chaotic and it left some "consequences" I wouldn't change it. My experience taught me a few things, first whatever you have hidden in the shadow will come out when you decide to face it. I went deep inside me for a year with intense meditation, exercises on consciousness, buddhist teachings etc because I wanted to face myself. I didn't knew what I had hidden, but I knew there were things hidden and in that process which was tough I managed to bring to light, overcome and integrate many of the issues I had. The trauma though was the hardest and with that came the second lesson: ask for help. We often think we can do everything on our own. And for a year I did this process all on my own, but the more I did the worst my exhaustion and mental state. It took me long to surrender and realize I had done everything I could and that for integrating this aspect of myself I was going to need help. What you need to realize is that even if you ask for help you are still the captain of the ship. No one can force you to do something you don't want to do and whoever is helping you is part of your team. Theu are not the heroes, you are. Be wise and ask for help to those that have your best interest in their hearts and don't shy away from helping yourself from different areas. I saw a psychologist, a psychiatrist and alternarive therapist and it gave me a wholeness in my healing. And third treat whatever shadow aspect, whatever demon you are facing not with anger or fear, not as an enemy, but as an ally and a friend who has been deeply hurt. Treat them with compassion and love. Hold them, hug them, tell them that everything will be fine and that you love and care for them because these parts of us that usually are in the shadow are the most neglected and deeply hurt parts of us. Fear will only create more conflict so will fighting them, but when you love you integrate, you heal, you overcome. Hope it is helpful to whoever needs this advice. Edit: Hi everyone! I'm planning on creating a blog centered in mental health, spirituality and self help and wanted to know what subjects you would like to read about. I'll really appreciate it if you could give me your input, thank you.
Damn, I cant think of a clever response to this other than thank you. I kind of been doing what you described. Its the love and acceptance of your shadows that you described, that hit me.
Thank you. It is helpful, beyond my deeper trauma and emotional bulldozing, daily I've been lightly emotionally bulldozing myself, telling myself that to be happy I have to do things I don't want to do, when the truth is to be happy I should console my inner child until he wants to endure those things for my future. Does that sound right?
@@KevlarKoat What I've learned from this situation I lived and am living is that whatever had happened to us does not define us if we don't want it to. We don't know why we are hurt sometimes and why somethings happen to us, but I've learned that if you want to these experiences can be a beacon to greater depth, wisdom and light in your life. It made me wise, not just mature but truly wise, compassionate, strong beyond imagination, understanding and above all honest with my own needs and wants. You shouldn't push yourself to do things you don't want to do, or things people tell you you should do. What it is for you will feel right, even if it goes beyond everything society states as true. I'm a 30 year old woman, who spent 4 years sick, no job, no boyfriend, one close friend and no more friends than that and I live with my 60 year old mom. So on paper everything in my life is wrong... But inside? It's all so right. I love living with my mom, now we have the relationship I dreamed as a a child where we get along amazingly and I am working on my own bussiness. I realized I do not want kids or marriage and I prefer to have one true friend than many lousy ones (because I've been there). The biggest gift you can give to your inner child is not to "endure" but to listen to it. What does the child want? Where does it hurt? What makes them happy? Don't endure the pain, accept the pain, breathe the pain and let that acceptance take away the knots inside. Do what feels right to you, what makes you sing. I don't know if I'm being a little too much right now but if you want to learn some useful techniques to handle your pain I recommend the book "Start where you are" by Pema Chodrön, you can find it in kindle :) Keep loving your inner child, you are asking all the right questions and I've found that when you ask the questions inevitably the answers WILL come.
@@naku4 I am so glad it resonated with you 🙏. I congratulate you for walking down this road, it is hard but so worth it too. Be the one true love in your life, you deserve it.
@@Essuna it is so reassuring and refreshing for me to read your story. Thank you for sharing. And yesssss... Pema Chodron! So helpful for a life journey.
This describes me to a tee. My life has been full of self sabotage because I could not connect with others. My lack of social skills and a traumatic past led me to isolate from society more and more to the point it has led me down a path of self implosion. Something came up in recent years that now means I have to face it head on with no means of wiggling out of it. It's basically a make or break situation and although I cannot predict the outcome I am hopeful that it leads to growth and new opportunities. It is going to be extremely painful for a period though. I am going to try and use the lessons of Stoicism to overcome it where I can. Great channel!
I don't know if its an available where you live, but it might be interesting for you to look into Psilocybin. It's no joke, find someone who has a good understanding about the substance and don't go experimenting on your own! But i'm pretty sure the mushroom can help you rearrange and connect the dots and maybe even a bit more....
❤️🤗❤️ The way out of hell is through hell. First establish proper connection with Self. Marty Glen has a few video's on that. I think it is in his mental health playlist under inner child healing. You got this!! 🌈🍀❤️💪✌️
Loved the video, I want to add one more thing though. There is no such thing as self-sabotage-every part of ourselves that appears to be sabotaging us, it is doing so because it believes their actions are in our best interest. So this aspect that is in contradiction with our ego it simply thinks that is the safest choice for us. Like the video said, it is another personality that lives within us. Its purpose is not to ruin our lives, but to keep us safe, from its own limited perspective.
I believe it is part of the amygdala response. We cannot control that part of the brain but it is so intrinsically tied to our awareness that it feeds the Shadow self. 'Fear is the mindkiller' is a famous quote from Frank Herberts Dune. To overcome irrational fear one must confront it and keep confronting it until it learns that the fear itself is just another emotion and not reality.
@@Mopantsu Namaste, I, like others have the natural fear of bees. I confront that fear when ever they are about. Bees know they "leave" after stinging & also have fear when doing so. Jus a thought.
But when that other personality keeps us in unhealthy comfort zones, it absolutely is self-sabotaging us. The "safest" choice with the best intentions is often not the right or healthy one.
@@hj-xb2tr that's all a matter of perspective though. "Right" or "healthy" (in terms of mental health) can be vastly different for each personality. When your ego sees something as "right" but that conflicts what your shadow self believes, then it may appear self sabotaging, but is it really?
I believe that the ego and these fractions of us work closer together than what was depicted here. All of these aspects to the core are evidently still us, made up as one, but looking at it separately for this purpose there seems to be a connection between them which interacts with our conscious and presently aware selves. The ego is the identity, and this can go both ways. Most people connect an identity with their trauma in some shape or form as well as the good traits they approve of. And even though the shadow fractions are stored away, they still were identities and interact with the conscious self in some way. The full awareness we have In the present moment is what I refer to as the conscious self. And the fractions, masks, or any forms of identity formed through the accumulation of past observations and beliefs to be the entirety of the ego.
Everyone goes through a phase, a period of time in their life, where they want to escape, run away from reality, real life, because they have been hurt so many times, they just feel tired.
Or because they dont want to deal with the responsibilities of being an adult such as social networking, careers, family, education, stability, survivability
I find it helps to think of the shadow as childhood you, it’s like an abused child or kid that after a while started lashing out. I think of how small and young I was when the trauma happened and I would ask myself what was wrong with me that people stood by and watched and found humor in my pain. This video helps me see that the shadow is just a little kid who got treated wrong and by pushing them in the shadow all they see is the most important person turning their back on them. I see now that instead of hating the vulnerable and young part of me that got treated badly I can be that person who shows them love and support. I think about future me and how hurt I would be if future me treated me how I treated child me, if future you doesn’t support you they’ll be living with the same trauma and shadow
You both are among my favourites channels for healing and consciousness, I really appreciate both channels, and seeing this video with both of you, collaborating, is an amazing gift that is coming into my life, tonight, in a very special moment. Thank you for such good, deep, inspiring work!
Sometimes the number 1 priority isn't to "feel good" at the moment. Sometimes the objective is hiding a bigger pain and for that, many things will do the job (sadly)
Addiction is one element of that. Drugs, porn, risk taking etc. All come under that banner of self sabotage whereby instant gratification becomes a coping mechanism of unmet needs.
@@OurEternalHome I got When the body says no by Gabor Maté next on my to read list, still hopeful I can transform all the maladaptive coping mechanisms even when this is self help book number I lost count :) Having that strong belief/determination that I can and I will overcome this cptsd cr*p is where the way out truly starts IMO. I'm my own psychoanalist and therapist and lifecoach. Custom made treatment plan is guaranteed! Lord and his momma knows the mental health system is not for proper healing but for suppressing symptoms with medication so you can be a contributing member of society (read: another brick in the wall) or at least not be a nuisance. Of course some diamond therapists are out there but IMO they are the exception that confirms the rule (it is a translation of a Dutch saying excuse me for my Double Dutch)
There’s a voice, a feeling at the back of my mind telling me I will never change, never move past my limitations. Dealing with a disorder (ADHD) has made it extremely difficult to be different. I’ve failed so many times that i can’t even imagine succeeding. Never having what most would call a “true friend” or a relationship I feel repressed. I’m very lonely yet I can’t see being in a regular relationship because being alone is all I know. I’ve always been the black sheep, the alien that is never understood. I’ve tried to be apart of the crowd but you can’t fit a puzzle piece in a puzzle it doesn’t belong in. Half of me doesn’t even like this reality, I never wanted any of this. It’s not suicidal thinking just don’t want any part in this.
Hey, look I have OCD which unhandled can make your life impossible so I know how tough can be to fit the norm when you are so beyond it, but something I've learned is that first you need to be responsible for yourself and its not the shitty responsibility, thia is the one that you owe yourself to figure out who you are and what you truly want from life. With my ocd dirty stuff is my bane so for example children are just soooo off the book for me because the stress is just too much. As a woman you hear that marriage, children and the beautiful house is the way to go and for a long time I pressured myself to live that wau despite it was so unhealthy and then I realize that it just didn't make me happy. I do not want a husband and I do not want a huge house and don't want to have a kid. And when I realized that I was free to be as fricky as I am. Sometimes we are told we want things and we think we do but not necessarily. Maybe you do want all the things you say you want, or maybe what will help you feel better now is to take care of yourself and being who you are. I embrace my OCD and that has released me. I do things in a weird way but I don't care because as long as I am in peace with myself then nothing else matters. Algo maybe the comment I wrote in this video may guide you? If you want to talk let me know, I know how hard it is to handle this type of things by yourself.
Your situation is very relatable, don’t attempt to be something you’re not. Just because you WANT friendship and/or relationship, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s what you NEED. Be your own best friend, embrace your disorders and work WITH them, not around them. The right ppl will come into your life naturally without effort, have patience. Hope this helps, have a great day :)
My shadow was pushing me away from being in a relationship because I wanted to be in a position where I could provide. I've never been in a relationship until I met someone that I love. Still not in a position to provide, but I now find myself being honest with myself and I see progress in my life physically, mentally, and financially making better decisions. 💕
I know for a fact that we all are connected. I prayed for help and here you are. This is exactly what I needed to see. Thank you for this beautiful collaboration.
@@Kyle-cv3de when people try to limit who God is based on what other people told them. If you aren’t able to trust that God can speak to you through everything and everyone, just say that 🤷🏾♀️
@@Kyle-cv3de I hope you're able to do some introspection and discover why you feel the need to put someone down when they express any sort of gratitude to God and other people. DARWIN forbid we ever feel grateful for what we have. Try not cutting yourself on all that edge, bro.
@@TimeWaster_Elite sorry buddy it's time to graduate from worshipping fictitious characters, much like the greeks have done a very long time ago. You're many centuries behind big boyy
First we supress, then we project onto others. The bad qualities you notice and hate in others, is likely the part of yourself you're supressing. It's time to bring those qualities of yourself to the front of your mind, acknowledge them and forgive yourself. At the time you fundamentally lacked the knowledge and wisdom to make the right decision. It's not a curse, it's a core lesson to help you become the person you were always meant to become. You will achieve great things, I believe in you 💙
First time I see a self-development account trying to promote itself by commenting under big channels, actually said something true and useful, congrats :) Just to expand on your answer - the trait that annoys us in others is usually either: a) a trait we have and don't like in ourselves b) a trait we don't think we have, because we don't display it, but it's actually due to someone making us repress it (most often) at the young age In both cases it's something that's part of us, that we despise or don't like. Embracing this fact and being ok with it is broadly speaking Jung's "shadow integration" (I didn't watch the video yet, so maybe it was mentioned).
@Prab @Prab This is slightly different issue. What I was describing is when eg. you scroll ig and you see someone showing their physique and it pisses you off. Or someone saying they think people who don't follow politics are stupid. Or someone shows pictures from their holiday and what a good time they had. Basically any behaviour or opinion that is not directly harming you, but triggered you. Your question is about more specific and context dependant. But if that's something you feel often, regarding many different people, it's usually an a feeling you experienced often in childhood (almost all of us have those kind of "issues" so don't feel like you are a rare, odd case). This is way too complex to get into in the comments on yt, but if you are really interested in this, I encourage you to read about complex PTSD, childhood emotional trauma, and related topics. Best thing to do would be to find a trauma informed therapist, because there are no quick and easy solutions to those things, and doing it by yourself is extremely difficult (imagine trying to teach yourself how to become a surgeon, and needing to perform an operation on yourself). Of course if it's not something that interrupts your life in a significant way then I wouldn't worry about it too much (it's like having a low day once in a while, which we all do vs feeling like shit every day, most of the day). Wish you all the best ❤️
Social media is awash with people like this. All the 'virtuous' individuals procrastinating and attacking others over their identity politics are projecting their own insecurities and narcissim. If only they could shine a spotlight on their Shadow they would understand where all the vilification of others comes from. Unfortunately the manipulators that run the show are feeding on these individuals for their own personal gain.
@@Mopantsu "All the 'virtuous' individuals (...) attacking others..." "Social media is awash with people like this..." “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"
This video made this concept of "The Shadow" and how to integrate it more understandable than a lot of other videos on the subject. Thanks for making this a little more understandable.
I really had an easy childhood. My issues are trivial. It's strange how trivial things can still be a problem. To all the people who had a difficult life, I wish you all the best.
Don't compete in a trauma Olympics , your worst experience is still the worst for you , so everybody needs to work on their traumas . Lots of love to you❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
The first time that I noticed that I was self sabotaging was during a job interview. The interviewer kept saying that being fast wasn't so important as I have thought. Ever since I have grown up I have heard that I wasn't fast enough. I lost jobs because of this and even at school ( laboratory) they tried to tell me that I should take a different education. Not taking into account that my speed had to do with my form of autism. To avoid keep losing jobs I tell them about my speed problem. I didn't noticed that that was a form of self sabotaging until that job interviewer told me. Because I admit during my job interview that I noticed that I was self sabotaging she gave me another chance. I could have gotten the job. I was the first choice but didn't got because I wasn't allowed to make the required hours after a burn out/ long time liver infection. I have grown a lot since that job interview. And I have found a job after that on a production line where speeds was necessary, because the manager was willing to take the risk and looked more at the possibilities that I could give to them. ( I had an education in laboratory an experience as process operator). Now I am working at another department as an cnc operator for the same company and feel a lot better at my place. That was possible because I was honest about my intrest in the cnc field to my manager and didn't stay at what if. Self sabotaging is like being an open book but in an language you can't read. You are too honest towards others but not towards yourself.
@@ranxceroxcallixte9262 The speed in my text is meant as how fast my body can move or better say how slow my body moves in comperison with the avarage. Not the drugs kind of speed.
Thank you for sharing this. This explains so much. I always thought I was getting better about my issues being frank about them with others. Now I understand that I have to take a step back, piece them together and use that as a guide to improve.
I used to battle my shadow person, the main one that caused the most issues, I referred to her as the Hulk or a monster. It wasn't until I realized it was my inner child that I was finally able to start helping her and thus myself. A few years later we are finally in a better dialogue. Not perfect but more trusting and constructive. I had done a bunch of reparenting in my 20's but there is a lot more I didn't see. Even decent parents still f up and/or pass on things from the way they were raised that aren't actually good for us as humans. We all have stuff we need to unlearn and relearn. I've found that many people have their childhood selves as that shadow person. Maybe we all do. I highly recommend looking up inner child and reparenting work. It has revolutionized my life.
Thank u, this exactly what I have learned during therapy. This shadow self is your inner child trying to keep u safe even though it seems like it’s self sabotage. This has been hugely eye opening for me!
Thank you for sharing and the tip. Pretty sure abuse, repression and living with an older era's ideals in an oppressive religiously fundamental household is why I've been destructive and self-sabotaging from an early age. Makes sense, when you thinks it's young me trapped with young me's since of the world, hidden from the ignorant kid, trying really hard to understand it all. 42, and will be working on that part until the ride is over.
Had a mushroom trip in the dark once where I let my shadow overtake me. It wasn't a bad trip, I just learned that deep within me is a demon. It literally looked like a suit of armor made of bone. Only its mouth was visible as rows of teeth. Instead of fearing or battling this "rebirth" I was having, I just let it play its course. Now I'm waaaaay more conscious about myself and the kind of pain I can inflict on people if I choose to. Sounds dark, but humans are dark.
Thank you for this video. I identify with the "loner, maverick woman" so much that I feel like this video is speaking directly to me. It's shining a light on my desire for belonging and connection that I have denied for so long due to disappointments and heartbreaks. It gives me hope that there is a way through my pattern of self-sabotage. Thank you indeed.
I tried watching this video, got interrupted, and had a mental breakdown. But that mental breakdown is what finally made me realize what I had to do: admit defeat; stop pretending and telling others that I am fine. And when I re-watched this video afterwards, that made perfect sense. I'm not giving up on pursuing my ideal self, I just have to fix my true self first, so there is nothing holding me back.
This was the past me for sure! I was sabotaging my life by closing up on people, disntacing myself, bot even trying to socialise, letting my traumatic past affect me until one day, I just found out an article about positive thinking, affirmations and manifestations. I started, slowly, I started to change, my outlook changed and my life became better. I still slip off time to time, but I remind myself that I'm the creator of my own life.
One day before three years my life changed, I developed anxiety, lots of physical symptoms and now I’m bedridden without ever having any answers. I am strongly identified now with my fear and victim mindset . I am slowly realizing I need to change my mindset and be more present.
Opposite of what most people are talking about on the comments. I have faced my Shadows, dealt with them, have accepted them, and it's made me free to live my life without all the junk inside. It's very freeing experience to live life this way!!!
Same concept with C. Rogers real self and the ideal self, clashes happen within us if we can't meet those expectations we set for ourselves. But C. Jung's ideas never failed to amaze me. His concepts are just deep, dark and just mindblowing, you can clearly tell how much he understood the human brain in a wholenother perspective. Amazing video btw!!
I think that sabotages ourselves because we don’t know deeply us,we criticise easy and we compare ourselves with other people.That is disaster for our mentally things.It’s good to change our mindset and become more confident in our skins,to embrace our flaws,to talk nice to us and always to learn to love ourselves.It takes time but at the end of the day it worth it
One point that is overlooked in solution is that the shadow aspects come into existence when we repressed some overwhelming emotions coupled with fear, mostly due to past rough experiences. In the case here, the fear of connecting with people. To integrate the shadow, one must deal with that fear first. How can it be done, is the real obstacle.
By doing the things your conscience tells you to avoid is my guess. Constant exposure to your fears over time trains you to become less fearful and in more control of your Shadow self. Well perhaps not so much control but allowing your Shadow to be exposed to the light which is where it really wants to be anyway. Some circumstances in life can actually force your Shadow into the light like someone being arrested over a crime they have committed, which is inevitably another form of self sabotage.
DON'T EVER think this as an option, EVER! Remember you can always do better, maybe not today or tomorrow, but maybe next week or month etc... It's all about your perspective, go out take some fresh air, do something for yourself :)
I hope you are doing well. Keep looking and you will find what you want and need. I have struggles too and sometimes feel hopeless, but hey, still going and sometimes I see the light within myself and others and being in general
Same i have been sobataging myself for years now failing everyday for years crushed my self esteem.not even a bit of motivation is left to start all over and live again.
Please don’t feel Shameful that is part of the problem, watch more of this type of video if it helps ,and try and Cultivate just a little hope . You will come through this and remember be kind to yourself , best wishes from London
This way of looking at self-sabotage as the shadow trying to break myself free was a new way to look at things for me and really caught my attention. Never thought of self-sabotage as a force of good before. Eye-opener. Thank you
I’m hope those who know me forgive me as I learn more about this shadow self. Mine has been dense and I’m feeling a lightness and a freedom in this topic I am also feeling less fear and anxiety as I do this work inside. I have always wanted freedom from anxiety and a freedom from relaying on others. I don’t have to be paralyzed anymore. This is a topic I should have always known. I suppressed all my shadow. I want money I want sobriety I want knowledge I want to be useful. All this from my suppression of what I thought was “greed”. this topic is so true . I have value. Remember guys what Christ said “you are worth more then many sparrows “ be well all be blessed
With all the struggles people have in the world, knowing someone is worse off than you yourself and still feeling the will not to be around anymore. Starving for affection yet fearing the conditions it comes with. Having someone say they want to be with you yet never be around you distrusting your feelings and words and actions of everyone. Being told how to be how you "were" yet not recalling or recognizing the person described to you, then trying to be that person to no avail. It makes no difference. Feeling ashamed,self aware of every detail of your being and behavior yet knowing there is no more you can do you have exhausted yourself for nothing. You cannot consider "unsubscribing" from life, because one day whe you are gone all these people are going to ask why, feel hurt and ashamed by your actions.
self-sabotage is the theme of my life. slowly im finding balance and health. working with my shadow and my neurotic tendencies as much I can. dont give up fam! take care of your body as well as your mental health.
I met a woman, Bella. She was already engaged in doing her Shadow work. She didn’t call it that, but it was her own intense introspection and self-wonderment that attracted me to her. She asked me if I would hold her inner quest in a sacred space with her. Of course I agreed immediately; she then went to Europe to continue her studies. When she returned here she went and finished law school. Now she is an elected US representative and we are married with 3 bright & healthy little girls. She also inspired me to find a position at a non-profit which seeks to eliminate trash & plastic from being dumped daily into the oceans. I cherish this woman everyday for her courageous and deeply-felt journey into the Unconscious.
Good video. Thank you! Strangely, though, self-sabotage can scientifically be seen as a survival mechanism, as I have experienced. It forces out what's not necessary, chiseling a new interpretation of reality that, if tolerated or even embraced, guides you in a completely yet unexpectedly helpful direction. It changes you. Probably wouldn't work for many people, and I'm sympathetic, but for me, I survived while generating far greater happiness than I expected earlier in life. Rational thinking, or at least its pursuit, does have its perks.
This video somehow brought to my mind that my shadow consists of me having sovereignty. I've always lived unplanned & enjoyed it tbh but when i considered the idea that i need some order many impulses of anger & disagreement were brought forth. It's a little tough to explain & be believed but take a leap of faith on this one. I've been wanting some of this type of 'knowledge' for so long but i guess it doesn't come to you without truly needing & yearning for it. I'll be forever grateful!
I've known these concepts for a while now and was more expecting to watch a refresher but this The Diamond Net's cast it all in a new light and I'd say I understand these even more now. Thanks guys!
Brilliant video!!! Caution to the easily scared like me, do not watch at midnight, do not watch lights off, sometimes the eyes and shadow pics are scary.
I think the best solution to alot of problems and conflicts in our is becoming thought free, it seems illogical and non practical but if you practice enough and reach that silence in your mind, you will realize how our thoughts are the real problem. i have practiced it enough to get all the thoughts out of my mind and be in that flow state whenever i want.
I would like to see a study of those experiences where the unconscious overrides (or reformats) the conscious mind. I have had two, perhaps three, of these experiences. The minor one was the realization as a child that 'Eventually, I am going to die...' The first noteworthy one was a 'It's time to get to work...' moment. The last was a 'I deserve more than this...' moment. After them, my personality and interests changed, rapidly and radically.
Fact: all of us here, checking this video, because we experienced traumatic events at some point in our lives... I wish you all to overcome your situation and heal❤bless you all🙏
This all makes sense. I always wondered why I self sabotaged myself in romantic relationships. I can be friends with a woman with no issues, but as soon as I attempt to spark a romantic relationship it’s like a war begins in my mind. I take actions my rational mind knows are incorrect, I can’t change the way I act to better my situation. Needless to say, all my romantic pursuits have been failures. I really wonder what I need to do to correct this issue. I’m sure it’s attached to my issues from my childhood. If anyone has any advice I’d be interested to hear it.
Kinda the same, though to me sometimes when i pulled my shit together the relationships ended up working. though my "main problem" is i easily become too much which actually only shows deep and strong anxiety, like i don't deserve the girl, like she is better then me, and so. self-esteem issues and anxiety hand-in-hand i guess. And once i realise i have to do something about myself being the complete idiot i am, i return to doing the opposite of what i should cuz thats the more comfortable way, like going out to party, drink, drugs, casual sex, anything that feels good at the moment like i have no impulse control whatsoever. And meanwhile i try to justify it all with building a different "conscious image" of myself within myself, like this is actually ME, which just breaks down more pieces from my conscious self to the shadow i guess, while at the end it only leaves me confused as hell, since i pretend and pretend i end up not even knowing who the hell am i anymore? So piece of advise, never do this, it's addictive and hard to get a grasp on reality after a while. once you start to go with "well i guess thats just the way am" with everything and integrate it into your own personality (conscious self) you can basicly "get away" with lots of dumb and bad (even evil) things, while the real you goes to the shadows to never be found again. You'll feel that something is off after a while, but at that point your conscious self is just a chaotic mess and you have to rebuild from zero, with anxeity, a weird self-image, low self-esteem, and pretty fucking huge amount of confusion. Cognitive dissonance walking on two feet. Though if you are in the same situation or something similar, i think after years of searching, the solution is to not fight your needs, and always analyze what and why you say/do something. it's a slow as hell process, at this moment i'm at the point where i know all this and realized how and why i do things. So building some self-esteem and recognizing my own true needs will go a long way one day, but thats what i should've done from day one. Sorry for the rant :) it's a bit too long, anyway only reason i'm telling you this is for you to feel better/to help if you are in the same situation by any chance, and to wish you good luck on the journey. Cheers,
Embrace the darkness because you are the very one that will let in the light . Every time I see feel or recognize a thought that I usually had tried to repress , I now say hello to it welcome it to take it’s rightful place in me and then it loses interest and leaves.
I am writing this to organise my thoughts and to see if anyone maybe can relate. My shadow self has a fear of being emotionally attacked, I sabotage myself and my success because my shadow believes that if things get better in my life then I will be emotionally attacked by my dad because I have lived my with abusive dad (he has NPD) for most of my life and he would always emotionally or physically attack us (I THINK ESPECIALLY WHEN THINGS STARTED TO IMPROVE AND WE WERE DOING A BIT BETTER IN OUR LIFES IS WHEN HE WOULD EMOTIONALLY ATTACK US TO KEEP US SUBJUGATED AND MAINTAIN HIS CONTROL) so I sabotage myself because my shadow believes that if I succeed then I will be emotionally attacked by my dad, I think the solution is to realise and think about how if I do succeed, how I can basically succeed without my dad or anyone else being able to emotionally attack me or hurt me, and if I do think that when im successful that my dad will be able to emotionally attack me better when im successful, then I can consciously think of a way where I can both succeed and not be emotionally attacked.
The shadow doesn't "know" things. It doesn't sabotage in anticipation of the ego getting its way. The sabotage is the result of the conflict of unmet needs of the shadow expressing themself in the conscious.
This made things so clear to me and I felt deeply identified. I also watched Emerald's free class after watching this video and it gave a sense of hope that there is a path to solving my inner conflict.
Same, with the free class. Felt like there were some real gems to pursue in that hour. The topic of self-sabotage, in this video, was very well explained. Boy, did both videos explain so much of my history.
Thank you soooooo much 🙏🙏 You know I instantly connected to the image while scrolling. The reason being, I saw the same shadow haunting me in my dreams. And the example of the lady in the video was my own example. Wow 😳 I've enrolled for the free master class which you suggested 🙏🙏 Thank you so much again 💞 God bless you 💗
You have no idea how much time and energy and sanity it took me to figure out a solution to this topic. For many years, my shadow was persistently hidden and in the attempt to drag it out forcefully, it almost destroyed me. I somehow managed to convince myself to delay the process until there was nothing worth looking forward to. At this point I learned that supressing one's own nature will inevitably lead to misery, so I allow myself to be a little selfish from time to time, instead of always accepting things the way they are.
I highly recommend facing your fears head on ... experiencing them fully ... recognising them for what they are ... and letting go ... it takes away their power
*Your Worst Enemy = **_You_** ;* Without a doubt, I have known people that would qualify as _"their own worst enemy"._ Not constantly, but certainly with enough frequency to be viewed of as "a regular pattern". On occasion, I too have sabotaged myself, with the _"stupidest mistakes having been made, when I knew better"._
This is exactly the kind of thing that makes me hate being a conscious entity, I have absolutely no idea what I actually want or what I should be doing, how am I supposed to tell what I want or what I'm just convincing myself I want, or what I should be prioritising over other things, it's all so confusing
Wouldn’t it be nice to simply operate on instinct, no need to analyze information or rationalize or self reflect or search for answers. Who needs all that, right?
@JAMB I found a lot of relief from this by using the Feelings and Needs Inventory lists from Nonviolent Communication. I keep them on the fridge to check in with myself and learn to understand myself better.
Might be a weird saying but ever tried thinking what happens, that happened and there's nothing that I can change now after it's done but only looking back at how on how you felt in that particular situation and learn to accept that feeling either good or bad. From the good moments we gain momentum and from the bad moments we learn to reflect on what we have overcome. Life is a journey with a bumpy road with no end destination. Do what feels right at the moment. There's no one who can judge you other than yourself.
pitty it comes years too late for my child! But yes it´s good, may it bring light into shadowy corners. We all have the light and the dark side within us and creating a good balance is surely "the thing".
I'm 17 and I've been struggling for years now. I have made my decision to turn my life around and basically heal myself, and I'm so tired. I'm in a constant loop of figuring out what I want/need and why I do things, and then sabotaging myself. The point is, I am perfectly aware of what goes on behind the shadows of my mind, I know that person and I know her needs, and still she won't leave me alone. I have come to a point where I feel so lost, because I genuinely font know how to fix my relationship with myself and life. If I think about it, there are so many desires I repress out of fear. And when I try to fulfill them, I sabotage myself and regress. No matter what, the only painful solution is to accept that hurt little girl as a part of me. I can't keep fighting myself
Don't keep fighting yourself, accept who you are, you are enough. Embrace the hurt child inside and tell her everything will be ok, forgive yourself and your inner child and try not to be so hard on yourself, I'm 57 and have only just realised that I've been wrestling with myself all these years, it's not an easy way to have lived! Give yourself a break❤️
*"The Shadow" vs "The subconscious"* The shadow is a term used in psychology to refer to the unconscious parts of a person's psyche that are often at odds with their conscious values and beliefs. Some people do consider the shadow and the subconscious to be synonymous, but the subconscious is more broadly defined as the mental processes that are not currently in conscious awareness. The shadow is seen as a specific aspect of the subconscious that represents repressed or unresolved aspects of a person's personality.
I swear this channel has MAGICAL TIMING for me. Somehow i always end up watching a video when i need it or relate with it to max. Level possible. Like i get notifications , i saw it 100 times in my feed, earlier i even watched it half ( closed in mid because i was not able to focus and get it at that time) but am watching it now, when i was figuring out why am i not starting what i wanted for so long? and THIS VID HELPED ME GET ALL MY ANSWERS . Till today evening i was not even sure what is the problem and now I know my problem , 2 reasons behind it and most prbbly the solution. Thanks a lotttttttt !!!!!! ❤❤❤
Address the darker, shadow aspects of yourself is a game changer. If you are looking for a truly fulfilling and meaningful life, it is a non-negotiable.
A shadow aspect of a person is like when a woman sees a really good looking man then her Draft Shadow comes out and she starts giving the man a hard time because she fears being second fiddle in the Beauty of Life & feels like she's got to have her way even if it breaks the tralationsh
*What shadows we are, and what shadows we chase !!* -Edmund Burke. *I am my own shadow ...!!* - Henrik Ibsen. * Man is a paradox made flesh, a bundle of contradictions * - Charles Caleb Colton-.
The last video was about walking away from the toxic friends around you, this one is about intergrating the toxic friend(s) inside you, from whom walking away is only an option for a limited time. You'll have to get to know the dark in order to see (or recognize/distinguish/identify) the light...
I struggled with religion dogmats manipulation with feeling like never rly being loved by my parents. Especially mom. Never felt connection to her. Like a product of 2 sick adults who had sex, given me birth and wanted to be praised for it at the same time using violence against me on casual saturday afternoon like it pushing your child of stairs was sth casual. Telling your parent genuinly that you dont love him/her shouldt be a painful experience. Closest person in my family was my grandma and her son(my uncle). I felt like i was forced to love parents but it didnt make sence. It actually did the opposite. Felt so lonely about it cuz i am from eastern european country where like 90%of citisens are declared catholics(poland) plus everyone would respond to child like me with "how could you not love/ like your own mom. You kids have all these things nowadays. How can you say such things about her. Your Young you have Energy.. You are just ungreatful/lazy little piece of. ..And so I felt like an alien. The greatest relief and something similar to discovering these shadow needs was hearing my uncle responding to me, dead serious when i opened up about it at 22y.o. after my suicidal attempt. He said "yea, your mom is a bit of a psycho(sigh). I know her. Sorry. I even considered taking you out of her when you were young..but you know i didnt really have solution to that and i had plenty of my own problems..." I didnt know i was in a matrix at that moment or i actually just came back from it. Life is weird. I felt like spitting it out here. I thought i know sth, studied physics, science. Had great marks but i didnt even know my self or my surrouding at the very same time. I hope You guys who seek the truth here find it. Theres gotta be some solution or some way.
Can we talk..being wanted and loved by our parents or ppl we look up to.. and nt hvin dt messes u up...but u r worthy..loved deserving...u r u and there is no one else
I sympathize with you, your parents sound like deeply and greatly broken people if they make you feel unloved and isolated. Violence directed at you from the parents who are supposed to nurture you is an uncommon torture. It must feel disconnecting. As a Catholic myself, I'm sorry our religion was forced on you in a hateful way, at our best Catholicism is supposed to express the truth, beauty and goodness of a loving God, but we usually suck at transmitting that message. CS Lewis said of all the bad people, bad religious people are the worse. It's okay to feel anger and resentment over your parents, your environment and even God for all the hurt you have experienced. I invite you to bring all this pain into prayer and ask Him why. Just pour it all out. I pray it helps. Bless you.
Thank you two for a very effective summation of a topic that is very challenging to explain to those like me looking to understand it. Brilliant! 💪🏽 And am very grateful! 🙏🏽
I have finally made peace with my self-sabotteur. I was able to separate my problematic self from my unproblematic self. I can now deal with them separately.
Your reference to a mysterious guest made me think of what a cool thriller it would be to have the Shadow represented as a character (perhaps living in a dingy apartment in a run-down neighborhood to pay homage to the dark closet metaphor you employ in the video) and sabotaging the protagonist.
Ive gone from a sweet little nerdy boy, to a peaceful loving hippie, to a homeless skate rat junkie running a muck. Im 20 years old and its disappointing to reflect on how much of my greatness has been sabotaged by the more so “unwanted guest.” I realized i’ve sabotaged things since being a nerdy little boy. Reflecting influences my perception for the future to be a complete blur. Im 20, I have a lot more to live for but ive come to realize i need help. I need the help of others. I thought i could do this on my own, but i can’t. Please help me and all of us in this rut God. Ive been blessed to have protection in the gnarliest situations and come out untouched, but its only a matter of time. But to the unwanted guest in my psyche, that doesnt matter. Keep running/keep searching for yourself in those grim trenches of hellish darkness (unconious influencing my concious)
PS: Drugs arent working anymore & have become absolutely worthless. The unwanted guest is bored of them & doesnt really care about a high anymore. Perhaps some of you have come to that conclusion aswell.
@@318RG start reading stoic philosophy. Try Senecas writings first. Marcus Aurelius meditations, Diogenes Read 5 different different stoic philosophers and your life and perspectives Will change. I promise you. If you take it seriously. It will give you the tools you need to think and act your way accordingly to your desired future. And how to deal with the trials and tribulations along the way. I was in a similar place in life at your age in 27 now and made it to where I’m self sufficient. Good luck man be studious and patient Wait for the right opportunity then you have to strike.
What is the difference between the unconscious and the shadow ? Also recognising the need doesn't entirely solve the problem, we can also face material/ financial limits: in the video it is because she was hurt before, for me family pressure led me to study in a field I hated, it could also be because of social/ environmental pressure etc. For exemple how many young people dream to pursue an artistic carrier, but end up in another field because it is "safer" or a more reasonable choice?
I was beaten daily by two alcoholic parents all of my young life ... the psychologic torture was worse than the physical abuse. It shaped my self image and self worth. Now, almost at the end of my life, I still suffer - never been able to reach my goals, severe depression later in life...I am damaged and never grew out of it. It shapes the world you see and how you approach others and what life hands you. Please don't beat your kids out of anger and hate, the damage you do is immense and lasts a lifetime.
I am so sorry. For what it might be worth, you're far from alone. My family consists of a married couple in their 70s, both of whom are incredibly lost right now and living out the worst effects of their "damage". As their daughter, I had to move far away for my own sanity. My thoughts are with you and hopes that you can find some measure of healing in a safe space.
@@QuietlyCurious hugs to you
I found drinking to relax, incompatible with the high energy and needs of children. I stopped drinking around my kids. I wish you all the best.
Therapist will help, and one day it will completely heal that, you will feel surprised that is it real or dream, but it will real, i'm talking from my experience of life
Ayahuasca
“When you are up against a wall, put down roots like a tree, until clarity comes from deeper sources to see over that wall and grow.” -Jung
What does that mean exactly
You should know a little of Jung’s philosophy to understand the meaning.
@Nibi C. Looks like he's up against a wall
@@albertyang9918 LMAO
@@kevinc721 if you are stuck, try to understand your situation and yourself deeper, so you can what it is actually behind that wall
*“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”- Oscar Wilde*
True
❤
@@jyothilakshmi369 no es la mamá que no es la vecina que no es nada grave 🪦🪦🪦🪦
Yeah I can identify I used to be a people person people ruined it
@@donaldyanson8144 lmao me too
I had repressed a childhood trauma that as described here sabotaged me at every turn for around 15 years, never really knew what all of it was about until finally I got the strength to bring it into my conscious mind and although it was chaotic and it left some "consequences" I wouldn't change it. My experience taught me a few things, first whatever you have hidden in the shadow will come out when you decide to face it. I went deep inside me for a year with intense meditation, exercises on consciousness, buddhist teachings etc because I wanted to face myself. I didn't knew what I had hidden, but I knew there were things hidden and in that process which was tough I managed to bring to light, overcome and integrate many of the issues I had. The trauma though was the hardest and with that came the second lesson: ask for help. We often think we can do everything on our own. And for a year I did this process all on my own, but the more I did the worst my exhaustion and mental state. It took me long to surrender and realize I had done everything I could and that for integrating this aspect of myself I was going to need help. What you need to realize is that even if you ask for help you are still the captain of the ship. No one can force you to do something you don't want to do and whoever is helping you is part of your team. Theu are not the heroes, you are. Be wise and ask for help to those that have your best interest in their hearts and don't shy away from helping yourself from different areas. I saw a psychologist, a psychiatrist and alternarive therapist and it gave me a wholeness in my healing. And third treat whatever shadow aspect, whatever demon you are facing not with anger or fear, not as an enemy, but as an ally and a friend who has been deeply hurt. Treat them with compassion and love. Hold them, hug them, tell them that everything will be fine and that you love and care for them because these parts of us that usually are in the shadow are the most neglected and deeply hurt parts of us. Fear will only create more conflict so will fighting them, but when you love you integrate, you heal, you overcome. Hope it is helpful to whoever needs this advice.
Edit: Hi everyone! I'm planning on creating a blog centered in mental health, spirituality and self help and wanted to know what subjects you would like to read about. I'll really appreciate it if you could give me your input, thank you.
Damn, I cant think of a clever response to this other than thank you. I kind of been doing what you described. Its the love and acceptance of your shadows that you described, that hit me.
Thank you. It is helpful, beyond my deeper trauma and emotional bulldozing, daily I've been lightly emotionally bulldozing myself, telling myself that to be happy I have to do things I don't want to do, when the truth is to be happy I should console my inner child until he wants to endure those things for my future. Does that sound right?
@@KevlarKoat What I've learned from this situation I lived and am living is that whatever had happened to us does not define us if we don't want it to. We don't know why we are hurt sometimes and why somethings happen to us, but I've learned that if you want to these experiences can be a beacon to greater depth, wisdom and light in your life. It made me wise, not just mature but truly wise, compassionate, strong beyond imagination, understanding and above all honest with my own needs and wants. You shouldn't push yourself to do things you don't want to do, or things people tell you you should do. What it is for you will feel right, even if it goes beyond everything society states as true. I'm a 30 year old woman, who spent 4 years sick, no job, no boyfriend, one close friend and no more friends than that and I live with my 60 year old mom. So on paper everything in my life is wrong... But inside? It's all so right. I love living with my mom, now we have the relationship I dreamed as a a child where we get along amazingly and I am working on my own bussiness. I realized I do not want kids or marriage and I prefer to have one true friend than many lousy ones (because I've been there). The biggest gift you can give to your inner child is not to "endure" but to listen to it. What does the child want? Where does it hurt? What makes them happy? Don't endure the pain, accept the pain, breathe the pain and let that acceptance take away the knots inside. Do what feels right to you, what makes you sing. I don't know if I'm being a little too much right now but if you want to learn some useful techniques to handle your pain I recommend the book "Start where you are" by Pema Chodrön, you can find it in kindle :) Keep loving your inner child, you are asking all the right questions and I've found that when you ask the questions inevitably the answers WILL come.
@@naku4 I am so glad it resonated with you 🙏. I congratulate you for walking down this road, it is hard but so worth it too. Be the one true love in your life, you deserve it.
@@Essuna it is so reassuring and refreshing for me to read your story. Thank you for sharing. And yesssss... Pema Chodron! So helpful for a life journey.
Reading Jung changed my whole life. No author has had such a profound impact on me. Brilliant work.
Love your channel
Can you suggest some of his books?
@@rahilmohd8359 yes i would love to..
Any suggestions on where to start? I'm confused about the progression of the topics
Pukar Jung here.
This describes me to a tee. My life has been full of self sabotage because I could not connect with others. My lack of social skills and a traumatic past led me to isolate from society more and more to the point it has led me down a path of self implosion. Something came up in recent years that now means I have to face it head on with no means of wiggling out of it. It's basically a make or break situation and although I cannot predict the outcome I am hopeful that it leads to growth and new opportunities. It is going to be extremely painful for a period though. I am going to try and use the lessons of Stoicism to overcome it where I can. Great channel!
Crypto eh.
I hope you will get through it.
I don't know if its an available where you live, but it might be interesting for you to look into Psilocybin. It's no joke, find someone who has a good understanding about the substance and don't go experimenting on your own! But i'm pretty sure the mushroom can help you rearrange and connect the dots and maybe even a bit more....
@@claycarroll3824 what kind of substances are you reffering to? My response to Mopantsu might apply to you too.
❤️🤗❤️
The way out of hell is through hell. First establish proper connection with Self. Marty Glen has a few video's on that. I think it is in his mental health playlist under inner child healing.
You got this!! 🌈🍀❤️💪✌️
Loved the video, I want to add one more thing though. There is no such thing as self-sabotage-every part of ourselves that appears to be sabotaging us, it is doing so because it believes their actions are in our best interest. So this aspect that is in contradiction with our ego it simply thinks that is the safest choice for us. Like the video said, it is another personality that lives within us. Its purpose is not to ruin our lives, but to keep us safe, from its own limited perspective.
I believe it is part of the amygdala response. We cannot control that part of the brain but it is so intrinsically tied to our awareness that it feeds the Shadow self. 'Fear is the mindkiller' is a famous quote from Frank Herberts Dune. To overcome irrational fear one must confront it and keep confronting it until it learns that the fear itself is just another emotion and not reality.
@@Mopantsu Namaste, I, like others have the natural fear of bees. I confront that fear when ever they are about. Bees know they "leave" after stinging & also have fear when doing so. Jus a thought.
But when that other personality keeps us in unhealthy comfort zones, it absolutely is self-sabotaging us. The "safest" choice with the best intentions is often not the right or healthy one.
@@hj-xb2tr that's all a matter of perspective though. "Right" or "healthy" (in terms of mental health) can be vastly different for each personality. When your ego sees something as "right" but that conflicts what your shadow self believes, then it may appear self sabotaging, but is it really?
I believe that the ego and these fractions of us work closer together than what was depicted here. All of these aspects to the core are evidently still us, made up as one, but looking at it separately for this purpose there seems to be a connection between them which interacts with our conscious and presently aware selves. The ego is the identity, and this can go both ways. Most people connect an identity with their trauma in some shape or form as well as the good traits they approve of. And even though the shadow fractions are stored away, they still were identities and interact with the conscious self in some way. The full awareness we have In the present moment is what I refer to as the conscious self. And the fractions, masks, or any forms of identity formed through the accumulation of past observations and beliefs to be the entirety of the ego.
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will forever dominate your life and you will call it destiny"
Everyone goes through a phase, a period of time in their life, where they want to escape, run away from reality, real life, because they have been hurt so many times, they just feel tired.
The “phase” sometimes never ends because we don’t confront it or do something about it
Lol it’s so much deeper than that
Or because they dont want to deal with the responsibilities of being an adult such as social networking, careers, family, education, stability, survivability
The last half of my life has been like that
@@SemekiIzuio All that is just slavery. The human soul wants freedom.
I find it helps to think of the shadow as childhood you, it’s like an abused child or kid that after a while started lashing out. I think of how small and young I was when the trauma happened and I would ask myself what was wrong with me that people stood by and watched and found humor in my pain. This video helps me see that the shadow is just a little kid who got treated wrong and by pushing them in the shadow all they see is the most important person turning their back on them. I see now that instead of hating the vulnerable and young part of me that got treated badly I can be that person who shows them love and support. I think about future me and how hurt I would be if future me treated me how I treated child me, if future you doesn’t support you they’ll be living with the same trauma and shadow
I literally felt something reading this. Such a powerful comment. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
One of the best comments here, Thank you, lady 👍🏻💯🌟...
How did u overcome this. I tell myself the answers but when the time comes back to square one 😅
@@Sadiya92 keep searching and trying and if you need help go and get it. Don’t let yourself stop you.
Thank you for collaborating with me! It’s exciting to see the finished product! 🙂
It was nice working with you 👍
You both did an amazing job. Exceptional presentation on a fascinating & challenging subject.
Thank you! 🙂
You both are among my favourites channels for healing and consciousness, I really appreciate both channels, and seeing this video with both of you, collaborating, is an amazing gift that is coming into my life, tonight, in a very special moment. Thank you for such good, deep, inspiring work!
Because of both of you, this is my favorite Einzelganger video. Great job!
One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. -Carl Jung
Its scary dude, for real
Sometimes the number 1 priority isn't to "feel good" at the moment. Sometimes the objective is hiding a bigger pain and for that, many things will do the job (sadly)
Yes, our society strongly encourages coping, suppressing, and numbing, instead of facing the pain and seeking out its root cause.
Addiction is one element of that. Drugs, porn, risk taking etc. All come under that banner of self sabotage whereby instant gratification becomes a coping mechanism of unmet needs.
Yup. Just had a massive binge to numb heart ache / soul ache.
@@evadebruijn Same, I keep falling into the binging and numbing.
@@OurEternalHome I got When the body says no by Gabor Maté next on my to read list, still hopeful I can transform all the maladaptive coping mechanisms even when this is self help book number I lost count :)
Having that strong belief/determination that I can and I will overcome this cptsd cr*p is where the way out truly starts IMO. I'm my own psychoanalist and therapist and lifecoach. Custom made treatment plan is guaranteed!
Lord and his momma knows the mental health system is not for proper healing but for suppressing symptoms with medication so you can be a contributing member of society (read: another brick in the wall) or at least not be a nuisance.
Of course some diamond therapists are out there but IMO they are the exception that confirms the rule (it is a translation of a Dutch saying excuse me for my Double Dutch)
There’s a voice, a feeling at the back of my mind telling me I will never change, never move past my limitations. Dealing with a disorder (ADHD) has made it extremely difficult to be different. I’ve failed so many times that i can’t even imagine succeeding.
Never having what most would call a “true friend” or a relationship I feel repressed. I’m very lonely yet I can’t see being in a regular relationship because being alone is all I know. I’ve always been the black sheep, the alien that is never understood. I’ve tried to be apart of the crowd but you can’t fit a puzzle piece in a puzzle it doesn’t belong in. Half of me doesn’t even like this reality, I never wanted any of this. It’s not suicidal thinking just don’t want any part in this.
Go watch some of the Dr. K videos on ADHD you might find them helpful :)
I have adhd as well. Sucks when you can’t even maintain the things you want to do
Dude, energy and thought is powerful, please use it wisely
Hey, look I have OCD which unhandled can make your life impossible so I know how tough can be to fit the norm when you are so beyond it, but something I've learned is that first you need to be responsible for yourself and its not the shitty responsibility, thia is the one that you owe yourself to figure out who you are and what you truly want from life. With my ocd dirty stuff is my bane so for example children are just soooo off the book for me because the stress is just too much. As a woman you hear that marriage, children and the beautiful house is the way to go and for a long time I pressured myself to live that wau despite it was so unhealthy and then I realize that it just didn't make me happy. I do not want a husband and I do not want a huge house and don't want to have a kid. And when I realized that I was free to be as fricky as I am. Sometimes we are told we want things and we think we do but not necessarily. Maybe you do want all the things you say you want, or maybe what will help you feel better now is to take care of yourself and being who you are. I embrace my OCD and that has released me. I do things in a weird way but I don't care because as long as I am in peace with myself then nothing else matters. Algo maybe the comment I wrote in this video may guide you? If you want to talk let me know, I know how hard it is to handle this type of things by yourself.
Your situation is very relatable, don’t attempt to be something you’re not. Just because you WANT friendship and/or relationship, doesn’t necessarily mean it’s what you NEED. Be your own best friend, embrace your disorders and work WITH them, not around them. The right ppl will come into your life naturally without effort, have patience. Hope this helps, have a great day :)
My shadow was pushing me away from being in a relationship because I wanted to be in a position where I could provide. I've never been in a relationship until I met someone that I love. Still not in a position to provide, but I now find myself being honest with myself and I see progress in my life physically, mentally, and financially making better decisions. 💕
I know for a fact that we all are connected. I prayed for help and here you are. This is exactly what I needed to see. Thank you for this beautiful collaboration.
I love it when synchronicities like that happen. 🙂
When people confuse God with the algorithm
@@Kyle-cv3de when people try to limit who God is based on what other people told them. If you aren’t able to trust that God can speak to you through everything and everyone, just say that 🤷🏾♀️
@@Kyle-cv3de I hope you're able to do some introspection and discover why you feel the need to put someone down when they express any sort of gratitude to God and other people. DARWIN forbid we ever feel grateful for what we have.
Try not cutting yourself on all that edge, bro.
@@TimeWaster_Elite sorry buddy it's time to graduate from worshipping fictitious characters, much like the greeks have done a very long time ago. You're many centuries behind big boyy
First we supress, then we project onto others.
The bad qualities you notice and hate in others, is likely the part of yourself you're supressing.
It's time to bring those qualities of yourself to the front of your mind, acknowledge them and forgive yourself. At the time you fundamentally lacked the knowledge and wisdom to make the right decision. It's not a curse, it's a core lesson to help you become the person you were always meant to become.
You will achieve great things, I believe in you 💙
First time I see a self-development account trying to promote itself by commenting under big channels, actually said something true and useful, congrats :)
Just to expand on your answer - the trait that annoys us in others is usually either:
a) a trait we have and don't like in ourselves
b) a trait we don't think we have, because we don't display it, but it's actually due to someone making us repress it (most often) at the young age
In both cases it's something that's part of us, that we despise or don't like. Embracing this fact and being ok with it is broadly speaking Jung's "shadow integration" (I didn't watch the video yet, so maybe it was mentioned).
@Prab it might come from inability to relate to others. Ppl will usually listen if they feel you know where they’re coming from.
@Prab @Prab This is slightly different issue. What I was describing is when eg. you scroll ig and you see someone showing their physique and it pisses you off. Or someone saying they think people who don't follow politics are stupid. Or someone shows pictures from their holiday and what a good time they had. Basically any behaviour or opinion that is not directly harming you, but triggered you.
Your question is about more specific and context dependant. But if that's something you feel often, regarding many different people, it's usually an a feeling you experienced often in childhood (almost all of us have those kind of "issues" so don't feel like you are a rare, odd case). This is way too complex to get into in the comments on yt, but if you are really interested in this, I encourage you to read about complex PTSD, childhood emotional trauma, and related topics. Best thing to do would be to find a trauma informed therapist, because there are no quick and easy solutions to those things, and doing it by yourself is extremely difficult (imagine trying to teach yourself how to become a surgeon, and needing to perform an operation on yourself).
Of course if it's not something that interrupts your life in a significant way then I wouldn't worry about it too much (it's like having a low day once in a while, which we all do vs feeling like shit every day, most of the day).
Wish you all the best ❤️
Social media is awash with people like this. All the 'virtuous' individuals procrastinating and attacking others over their identity politics are projecting their own insecurities and narcissim. If only they could shine a spotlight on their Shadow they would understand where all the vilification of others comes from. Unfortunately the manipulators that run the show are feeding on these individuals for their own personal gain.
@@Mopantsu "All the 'virtuous' individuals
(...) attacking others..."
"Social media is awash with people like this..."
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"
This video made this concept of "The Shadow" and how to integrate it more understandable than a lot of other videos on the subject. Thanks for making this a little more understandable.
100% agree
Understandable.
I really had an easy childhood. My issues are trivial. It's strange how trivial things can still be a problem. To all the people who had a difficult life, I wish you all the best.
Don't compete in a trauma Olympics , your worst experience is still the worst for you , so everybody needs to work on their traumas . Lots of love to you❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
I’m happy for you! That’s great!
did you have a close relationship with both parents
The first time that I noticed that I was self sabotaging was during a job interview. The interviewer kept saying that being fast wasn't so important as I have thought. Ever since I have grown up I have heard that I wasn't fast enough. I lost jobs because of this and even at school ( laboratory) they tried to tell me that I should take a different education. Not taking into account that my speed had to do with my form of autism. To avoid keep losing jobs I tell them about my speed problem. I didn't noticed that that was a form of self sabotaging until that job interviewer told me. Because I admit during my job interview that I noticed that I was self sabotaging she gave me another chance. I could have gotten the job. I was the first choice but didn't got because I wasn't allowed to make the required hours after a burn out/ long time liver infection. I have grown a lot since that job interview. And I have found a job after that on a production line where speeds was necessary, because the manager was willing to take the risk and looked more at the possibilities that I could give to them. ( I had an education in laboratory an experience as process operator). Now I am working at another department as an cnc operator for the same company and feel a lot better at my place. That was possible because I was honest about my intrest in the cnc field to my manager and didn't stay at what if. Self sabotaging is like being an open book but in an language you can't read. You are too honest towards others but not towards yourself.
*get not got
Ha ha, The second last line reminded me of the Bible. Speed is a Hell o a drug. Glad to hear you battled your demons .
你真棒！
@@ranxceroxcallixte9262 The speed in my text is meant as how fast my body can move or better say how slow my body moves in comperison with the avarage. Not the drugs kind of speed.
Thank you for sharing this. This explains so much. I always thought I was getting better about my issues being frank about them with others. Now I understand that I have to take a step back, piece them together and use that as a guide to improve.
Be at peace with your wrongness, this leads to enlightenment & halts the self-sabotage.
I used to battle my shadow person, the main one that caused the most issues, I referred to her as the Hulk or a monster. It wasn't until I realized it was my inner child that I was finally able to start helping her and thus myself. A few years later we are finally in a better dialogue. Not perfect but more trusting and constructive. I had done a bunch of reparenting in my 20's but there is a lot more I didn't see. Even decent parents still f up and/or pass on things from the way they were raised that aren't actually good for us as humans. We all have stuff we need to unlearn and relearn. I've found that many people have their childhood selves as that shadow person. Maybe we all do. I highly recommend looking up inner child and reparenting work. It has revolutionized my life.
Is there a particular book that helped you?
Thank u, this exactly what I have learned during therapy. This shadow self is your inner child trying to keep u safe even though it seems like it’s self sabotage. This has been hugely eye opening for me!
Thank you for sharing and the tip. Pretty sure abuse, repression and living with an older era's ideals in an oppressive religiously fundamental household is why I've been destructive and self-sabotaging from an early age. Makes sense, when you thinks it's young me trapped with young me's since of the world, hidden from the ignorant kid, trying really hard to understand it all. 42, and will be working on that part until the ride is over.
Had a mushroom trip in the dark once where I let my shadow overtake me. It wasn't a bad trip, I just learned that deep within me is a demon. It literally looked like a suit of armor made of bone. Only its mouth was visible as rows of teeth.
Instead of fearing or battling this "rebirth" I was having, I just let it play its course. Now I'm waaaaay more conscious about myself and the kind of pain I can inflict on people if I choose to.
Sounds dark, but humans are dark.
Another reason why I am terrified of taking shrooms or lsd
How many shrooms did you take dude that sounds like Aya 😂
Shiitake?
Thank you for this video. I identify with the "loner, maverick woman" so much that I feel like this video is speaking directly to me. It's shining a light on my desire for belonging and connection that I have denied for so long due to disappointments and heartbreaks. It gives me hope that there is a way through my pattern of self-sabotage. Thank you indeed.
I tried watching this video, got interrupted, and had a mental breakdown.
But that mental breakdown is what finally made me realize what I had to do: admit defeat; stop pretending and telling others that I am fine.
And when I re-watched this video afterwards, that made perfect sense.
I'm not giving up on pursuing my ideal self, I just have to fix my true self first, so there is nothing holding me back.
This was the past me for sure! I was sabotaging my life by closing up on people, disntacing myself, bot even trying to socialise, letting my traumatic past affect me until one day, I just found out an article about positive thinking, affirmations and manifestations. I started, slowly, I started to change, my outlook changed and my life became better. I still slip off time to time, but I remind myself that I'm the creator of my own life.
One day before three years my life changed, I developed anxiety, lots of physical symptoms and now I’m bedridden without ever having any answers. I am strongly identified now with my fear and victim mindset . I am slowly realizing I need to change my mindset and be more present.
Opposite of what most people are talking about on the comments. I have faced my Shadows, dealt with them, have accepted them, and it's made me free to live my life without all the junk inside. It's very freeing experience to live life this way!!!
Same concept with C. Rogers real self and the ideal self, clashes happen within us if we can't meet those expectations we set for ourselves. But C. Jung's ideas never failed to amaze me. His concepts are just deep, dark and just mindblowing, you can clearly tell how much he understood the human brain in a wholenother perspective. Amazing video btw!!
I think that sabotages ourselves because we don’t know deeply us,we criticise easy and we compare ourselves with other people.That is disaster for our mentally things.It’s good to change our mindset and become more confident in our skins,to embrace our flaws,to talk nice to us and always to learn to love ourselves.It takes time but at the end of the day it worth it
She snapped without snapping. Very well portrayed!
One point that is overlooked in solution is that the shadow aspects come into existence when we repressed some overwhelming emotions coupled with fear, mostly due to past rough experiences. In the case here, the fear of connecting with people.
To integrate the shadow, one must deal with that fear first. How can it be done, is the real obstacle.
By doing the things your conscience tells you to avoid is my guess. Constant exposure to your fears over time trains you to become less fearful and in more control of your Shadow self. Well perhaps not so much control but allowing your Shadow to be exposed to the light which is where it really wants to be anyway. Some circumstances in life can actually force your Shadow into the light like someone being arrested over a crime they have committed, which is inevitably another form of self sabotage.
I did something deeply shameful and self sabotaging. I considered ending my life tonight. This video helped me understand
DON'T EVER think this as an option, EVER! Remember you can always do better, maybe not today or tomorrow, but maybe next week or month etc... It's all about your perspective, go out take some fresh air, do something for yourself :)
This is the ultimate in self-sabotage, and it’s permanent. I am so, so glad you’re here. Never give up! ❤️
I hope you are doing well. Keep looking and you will find what you want and need. I have struggles too and sometimes feel hopeless, but hey, still going and sometimes I see the light within myself and others and being in general
Same i have been sobataging myself for years now failing everyday for years crushed my self esteem.not even a bit of motivation is left to start all over and live again.
Please don’t feel Shameful that is part of the problem, watch more of this type of video if it helps ,and try and Cultivate just a little hope . You will come through this and remember be kind to yourself , best wishes from London
This way of looking at self-sabotage as the shadow trying to break myself free was a new way to look at things for me and really caught my attention. Never thought of self-sabotage as a force of good before. Eye-opener. Thank you
I’m hope those who know me forgive me as I learn more about this shadow self. Mine has been dense and I’m feeling a lightness and a freedom in this topic I am also feeling less fear and anxiety as I do this work inside. I have always wanted freedom from anxiety and a freedom from relaying on others. I don’t have to be paralyzed anymore. This is a topic I should have always known. I suppressed all my shadow. I want money I want sobriety I want knowledge I want to be useful. All this from my suppression of what I thought was “greed”. this topic is so true . I have value. Remember guys what Christ said “you are worth more then many sparrows “ be well all be blessed
With all the struggles people have in the world, knowing someone is worse off than you yourself and still feeling the will not to be around anymore. Starving for affection yet fearing the conditions it comes with. Having someone say they want to be with you yet never be around you distrusting your feelings and words and actions of everyone. Being told how to be how you "were" yet not recalling or recognizing the person described to you, then trying to be that person to no avail. It makes no difference. Feeling ashamed,self aware of every detail of your being and behavior yet knowing there is no more you can do you have exhausted yourself for nothing. You cannot consider "unsubscribing" from life, because one day whe you are gone all these people are going to ask why, feel hurt and ashamed by your actions.
self-sabotage is the theme of my life. slowly im finding balance and health. working with my shadow and my neurotic tendencies as much I can. dont give up fam! take care of your body as well as your mental health.
I met a woman, Bella. She was already engaged in doing her Shadow work. She didn’t call it that, but it was her own intense introspection and self-wonderment that attracted me to her. She asked me if I would hold her inner quest in a sacred space with her. Of course I agreed immediately; she then went to Europe to continue her studies. When she returned here she went and finished law school. Now she is an elected US representative and we are married with 3 bright & healthy little girls. She also inspired me to find a position at a non-profit which seeks to eliminate trash & plastic from being dumped daily into the oceans. I cherish this woman everyday for her courageous and deeply-felt journey into the Unconscious.
This is absolutely beautiful. Congrats. Awesome.
This is one of the best explanations of self sabatage I've ever seen!! Well done guys
This shook me to the core. As if the video was speaking to me. This is so impactful because this is true.
"My Shadow made me do it." -Me whenever I can't explain my own actions from this day forward.
😂no no
Good video. Thank you! Strangely, though, self-sabotage can scientifically be seen as a survival mechanism, as I have experienced. It forces out what's not necessary, chiseling a new interpretation of reality that, if tolerated or even embraced, guides you in a completely yet unexpectedly helpful direction. It changes you. Probably wouldn't work for many people, and I'm sympathetic, but for me, I survived while generating far greater happiness than I expected earlier in life. Rational thinking, or at least its pursuit, does have its perks.
This video somehow brought to my mind that my shadow consists of me having sovereignty. I've always lived unplanned & enjoyed it tbh but when i considered the idea that i need some order many impulses of anger & disagreement were brought forth. It's a little tough to explain & be believed but take a leap of faith on this one. I've been wanting some of this type of 'knowledge' for so long but i guess it doesn't come to you without truly needing & yearning for it. I'll be forever grateful!
Wow this is exactly how I feel sometimes… Like I’m dimming my own light and I’m aware of it but I just can’t get myself to overcome that.
I now know why I get super tired and take naps when I get an exciting project for work. Thank you.
I've known these concepts for a while now and was more expecting to watch a refresher but this The Diamond Net's cast it all in a new light and I'd say I understand these even more now. Thanks guys!
Brilliant video!!!
Caution to the easily scared like me, do not watch at midnight, do not watch lights off, sometimes the eyes and shadow pics are scary.
Jung was so confident in his ideas, it is really amazing. I feel like this applies to me on such a deep level!
I think the best solution to alot of problems and conflicts in our is becoming thought free, it seems illogical and non practical but if you practice enough and reach that silence in your mind, you will realize how our thoughts are the real problem. i have practiced it enough to get all the thoughts out of my mind and be in that flow state whenever i want.
I would like to see a study of those experiences where the unconscious overrides (or reformats) the conscious mind.
I have had two, perhaps three, of these experiences.
The minor one was the realization as a child that 'Eventually, I am going to die...'
The first noteworthy one was a 'It's time to get to work...' moment.
The last was a 'I deserve more than this...' moment.
After them, my personality and interests changed, rapidly and radically.
Fact: all of us here, checking this video, because we experienced traumatic events at some point in our lives...
I wish you all to overcome your situation and heal❤bless you all🙏
This hits home far too precisely, even the wanting to work from home and living in the country. This video in general might be my case. Thanks
This video is more genius than most people can comprehend
Thank you both so much. I am in awe. This is so helpful. I have no words to describe how much your collaboration has helped me.
What happened most to me WAS me. Rise above yourself and accept what is, not what was or what will be. Live in the present and be free.
This all makes sense. I always wondered why I self sabotaged myself in romantic relationships. I can be friends with a woman with no issues, but as soon as I attempt to spark a romantic relationship it’s like a war begins in my mind. I take actions my rational mind knows are incorrect, I can’t change the way I act to better my situation. Needless to say, all my romantic pursuits have been failures. I really wonder what I need to do to correct this issue. I’m sure it’s attached to my issues from my childhood. If anyone has any advice I’d be interested to hear it.
Therapy
May be tied to your mother. Or you are scared of love and the vulnerability it brings.
Maybe try reading Attached by Amir Levine. Seconding therapy.
Kinda the same, though to me sometimes when i pulled my shit together the relationships ended up working.
though my "main problem" is i easily become too much which actually only shows deep and strong anxiety, like i don't deserve the girl, like she is better then me, and so.
self-esteem issues and anxiety hand-in-hand i guess.
And once i realise i have to do something about myself being the complete idiot i am, i return to doing the opposite of what i should cuz thats the more comfortable way, like going out to party, drink, drugs, casual sex, anything that feels good at the moment like i have no impulse control whatsoever.
And meanwhile i try to justify it all with building a different "conscious image" of myself within myself, like this is actually ME, which just breaks down more pieces from my conscious self to the shadow i guess, while at the end it only leaves me confused as hell, since i pretend and pretend i end up not even knowing who the hell am i anymore?
So piece of advise, never do this, it's addictive and hard to get a grasp on reality after a while. once you start to go with "well i guess thats just the way am" with everything and integrate it into your own personality (conscious self) you can basicly "get away" with lots of dumb and bad (even evil) things, while the real you goes to the shadows to never be found again.
You'll feel that something is off after a while, but at that point your conscious self is just a chaotic mess and you have to rebuild from zero, with anxeity, a weird self-image, low self-esteem, and pretty fucking huge amount of confusion. Cognitive dissonance walking on two feet.
Though if you are in the same situation or something similar, i think after years of searching, the solution is to not fight your needs, and always analyze what and why you say/do something. it's a slow as hell process, at this moment i'm at the point where i know all this and realized how and why i do things. So building some self-esteem and recognizing my own true needs will go a long way one day, but thats what i should've done from day one.
Sorry for the rant :) it's a bit too long, anyway only reason i'm telling you this is for you to feel better/to help if you are in the same situation by any chance, and to wish you good luck on the journey.
Cheers,
@@krisania96 thanks for this. Really appreciate your vulnerability
Embrace the darkness because you are the very one that will let in the light . Every time I see feel or recognize a thought that I usually had tried to repress , I now say hello to it welcome it to take it’s rightful place in me and then it loses interest and leaves.
I am writing this to organise my thoughts and to see if anyone maybe can relate. My shadow self has a fear of being emotionally attacked, I sabotage myself and my success because my shadow believes that if things get better in my life then I will be emotionally attacked by my dad because I have lived my with abusive dad (he has NPD) for most of my life and he would always emotionally or physically attack us (I THINK ESPECIALLY WHEN THINGS STARTED TO IMPROVE AND WE WERE DOING A BIT BETTER IN OUR LIFES IS WHEN HE WOULD EMOTIONALLY ATTACK US TO KEEP US SUBJUGATED AND MAINTAIN HIS CONTROL) so I sabotage myself because my shadow believes that if I succeed then I will be emotionally attacked by my dad, I think the solution is to realise and think about how if I do succeed, how I can basically succeed without my dad or anyone else being able to emotionally attack me or hurt me, and if I do think that when im successful that my dad will be able to emotionally attack me better when im successful, then I can consciously think of a way where I can both succeed and not be emotionally attacked.
Appreciated, man. Keep going
This is truly the most important video I've watched in my entire life.
The shadow doesn't "know" things. It doesn't sabotage in anticipation of the ego getting its way.
The sabotage is the result of the conflict of unmet needs of the shadow expressing themself in the conscious.
That's why it's so important to do what you love. I know my shadow voice. But if I don't stand up for myself, no one will.
This is exactly what IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapeutic model offers. I highly recommend it.
Jung was around way before that
Fascinating. When we don't give ourselves what we need, we give it to ourselves regardless of what we believe.
Love your collaboration with Emerald! You two are the best, so grateful for you both...thank you!
I owe my thanks to the algorithm overlords. This is precisely the answer to my current situation. Great video.
This made things so clear to me and I felt deeply identified. I also watched Emerald's free class after watching this video and it gave a sense of hope that there is a path to solving my inner conflict.
Same, with the free class. Felt like there were some real gems to pursue in that hour. The topic of self-sabotage, in this video, was very well explained. Boy, did both videos explain so much of my history.
Thank you soooooo much 🙏🙏
You know I instantly connected to the image while scrolling. The reason being, I saw the same shadow haunting me in my dreams. And the example of the lady in the video was my own example. Wow 😳
I've enrolled for the free master class which you suggested 🙏🙏
Thank you so much again 💞
God bless you 💗
You have no idea how much time and energy and sanity it took me to figure out a solution to this topic. For many years, my shadow was persistently hidden and in the attempt to drag it out forcefully, it almost destroyed me. I somehow managed to convince myself to delay the process until there was nothing worth looking forward to.
At this point I learned that supressing one's own nature will inevitably lead to misery, so I allow myself to be a little selfish from time to time, instead of always accepting things the way they are.
I highly recommend facing your fears head on ... experiencing them fully ... recognising them for what they are ... and letting go ... it takes away their power
Phenomenal clarity and insight provided on the concept of shadow. Thank you.
*Your Worst Enemy = **_You_** ;*
Without a doubt, I have known people that would qualify as _"their own worst enemy"._
Not constantly, but certainly with enough frequency to be viewed of as "a regular pattern".
On occasion, I too have sabotaged myself, with the _"stupidest mistakes having been made, when I knew better"._
Thank you for this comprehensive explanation of the Shadow. Of all my exploration of the topic, I now finally understand what it means.
The battlefield is in your mind. You take captive your thoughts and bring them under submission. Not everyone is a mental marshmallow!
This is exactly the kind of thing that makes me hate being a conscious entity, I have absolutely no idea what I actually want or what I should be doing, how am I supposed to tell what I want or what I'm just convincing myself I want, or what I should be prioritising over other things, it's all so confusing
I know right....
Wouldn’t it be nice to simply operate on instinct, no need to analyze information or rationalize or self reflect or search for answers. Who needs all that, right?
@JAMB I found a lot of relief from this by using the Feelings and Needs Inventory lists from Nonviolent Communication. I keep them on the fridge to check in with myself and learn to understand myself better.
Might be a weird saying but ever tried thinking what happens, that happened and there's nothing that I can change now after it's done but only looking back at how on how you felt in that particular situation and learn to accept that feeling either good or bad. From the good moments we gain momentum and from the bad moments we learn to reflect on what we have overcome. Life is a journey with a bumpy road with no end destination. Do what feels right at the moment. There's no one who can judge you other than yourself.
"Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.." 💗
The best video I could find on this subject. Brilliant.
pitty it comes years too late for my child! But yes it´s good, may it bring light into shadowy corners. We all have the light and the dark side within us and creating a good balance is surely "the thing".
That was the best explanation of integrating the shadow I've ever read/heard. Thank you
I'm 17 and I've been struggling for years now. I have made my decision to turn my life around and basically heal myself, and I'm so tired. I'm in a constant loop of figuring out what I want/need and why I do things, and then sabotaging myself. The point is, I am perfectly aware of what goes on behind the shadows of my mind, I know that person and I know her needs, and still she won't leave me alone. I have come to a point where I feel so lost, because I genuinely font know how to fix my relationship with myself and life. If I think about it, there are so many desires I repress out of fear. And when I try to fulfill them, I sabotage myself and regress. No matter what, the only painful solution is to accept that hurt little girl as a part of me. I can't keep fighting myself
Don't keep fighting yourself, accept who you are, you are enough. Embrace the hurt child inside and tell her everything will be ok, forgive yourself and your inner child and try not to be so hard on yourself, I'm 57 and have only just realised that I've been wrestling with myself all these years, it's not an easy way to have lived! Give yourself a break❤️
‘Being sociable ‘is overrated - having a connection with people that really ‘get you ‘ is very rare ..
*"The Shadow" vs "The subconscious"*
The shadow is a term used in psychology to refer to the unconscious parts of a person's psyche that are often at odds with their conscious values and beliefs. Some people do consider the shadow and the subconscious to be synonymous, but the subconscious is more broadly defined as the mental processes that are not currently in conscious awareness. The shadow is seen as a specific aspect of the subconscious that represents repressed or unresolved aspects of a person's personality.
Wow! Such a brilliant clarification of a very misunderstood topic. Very good job.
I swear this channel has MAGICAL TIMING for me. Somehow i always end up watching a video when i need it or relate with it to max. Level possible.
Like i get notifications , i saw it 100 times in my feed, earlier i even watched it half ( closed in mid because i was not able to focus and get it at that time) but am watching it now, when i was figuring out why am i not starting what i wanted for so long? and THIS VID HELPED ME GET ALL MY ANSWERS . Till today evening i was not even sure what is the problem and now I know my problem , 2 reasons behind it and most prbbly the solution.
Thanks a lotttttttt !!!!!! ❤❤❤
God guided you.
Its all in a state of mind. Literally. Its only u who can change you.
Address the darker, shadow aspects of yourself is a game changer. If you are looking for a truly fulfilling and meaningful life, it is a non-negotiable.
A shadow aspect of a person is like when a woman sees a really good looking man then her Draft Shadow comes out and she starts giving the man a hard time because she fears being second fiddle in the Beauty of Life & feels like she's got to have her way even if it breaks the tralationsh
Yep ain’t that some masochistic shit. The worst it when you think you actually love the woman 🤦♂️
*What shadows we are, and what shadows we chase !!* -Edmund Burke.
*I am my own shadow ...!!* - Henrik Ibsen.
* Man is a paradox made flesh, a bundle of contradictions * - Charles Caleb Colton-.
The last video was about walking away from the toxic friends around you, this one is about intergrating the toxic friend(s) inside you, from whom walking away is only an option for a limited time. You'll have to get to know the dark in order to see (or recognize/distinguish/identify) the light...
this channel is starting to mean more and more to me
I struggled with religion dogmats manipulation with feeling like never rly being loved by my parents. Especially mom. Never felt connection to her. Like a product of 2 sick adults who had sex, given me birth and wanted to be praised for it at the same time using violence against me on casual saturday afternoon like it pushing your child of stairs was sth casual. Telling your parent genuinly that you dont love him/her shouldt be a painful experience. Closest person in my family was my grandma and her son(my uncle). I felt like i was forced to love parents but it didnt make sence. It actually did the opposite. Felt so lonely about it cuz i am from eastern european country where like 90%of citisens are declared catholics(poland) plus everyone would respond to child like me with "how could you not love/ like your own mom. You kids have all these things nowadays. How can you say such things about her. Your Young you have Energy.. You are just ungreatful/lazy little piece of. ..And so I felt like an alien.
The greatest relief and something similar to discovering these shadow needs was hearing my uncle responding to me, dead serious when i opened up about it at 22y.o. after my suicidal attempt.
He said "yea, your mom is a bit of a psycho(sigh). I know her. Sorry. I even considered taking you out of her when you were young..but you know i didnt really have solution to that and i had plenty of my own problems..."
I didnt know i was in a matrix at that moment or i actually just came back from it. Life is weird.
I felt like spitting it out here. I thought i know sth, studied physics, science. Had great marks but i didnt even know my self or my surrouding at the very same time.
I hope You guys who seek the truth here find it. Theres gotta be some solution or some way.
Can we talk..being wanted and loved by our parents or ppl we look up to.. and nt hvin dt messes u up...but u r worthy..loved deserving...u r u and there is no one else
I sympathize with you, your parents sound like deeply and greatly broken people if they make you feel unloved and isolated. Violence directed at you from the parents who are supposed to nurture you is an uncommon torture. It must feel disconnecting. As a Catholic myself, I'm sorry our religion was forced on you in a hateful way, at our best Catholicism is supposed to express the truth, beauty and goodness of a loving God, but we usually suck at transmitting that message. CS Lewis said of all the bad people, bad religious people are the worse. It's okay to feel anger and resentment over your parents, your environment and even God for all the hurt you have experienced. I invite you to bring all this pain into prayer and ask Him why. Just pour it all out. I pray it helps. Bless you.
Thank you for sharing your story. Tears and sighs coming out of me as I read and resonated with your experience. Best wishes to you
You're doing a great job. May God with u. Hats off man..
Thank you two for a very effective summation of a topic that is very challenging to explain to those like me looking to understand it. Brilliant! 💪🏽 And am very grateful! 🙏🏽
This video just changed my life.
I have finally made peace with my self-sabotteur. I was able to separate my problematic self from my unproblematic self. I can now deal with them separately.
Interesting , how did you do that? What was the eureka moment, if there was one?
@@theparadigmshift74 i fell in love
@@charmedprince with a person?
Your reference to a mysterious guest made me think of what a cool thriller it would be to have the Shadow represented as a character (perhaps living in a dingy apartment in a run-down neighborhood to pay homage to the dark closet metaphor you employ in the video) and sabotaging the protagonist.
Thank you for the explanation of shadow integration. I appreciate examples for direction when learning about a process.
Ive gone from a sweet little nerdy boy, to a peaceful loving hippie, to a homeless skate rat junkie running a muck. Im 20 years old and its disappointing to reflect on how much of my greatness has been sabotaged by the more so “unwanted guest.” I realized i’ve sabotaged things since being a nerdy little boy. Reflecting influences my perception for the future to be a complete blur. Im 20, I have a lot more to live for but ive come to realize i need help. I need the help of others. I thought i could do this on my own, but i can’t. Please help me and all of us in this rut God. Ive been blessed to have protection in the gnarliest situations and come out untouched, but its only a matter of time. But to the unwanted guest in my psyche, that doesnt matter. Keep running/keep searching for yourself in those grim trenches of hellish darkness (unconious influencing my concious)
PS: Drugs arent working anymore & have become absolutely worthless. The unwanted guest is bored of them & doesnt really care about a high anymore. Perhaps some of you have come to that conclusion aswell.
@@318RG start reading stoic philosophy. Try Senecas writings first. Marcus Aurelius meditations, Diogenes
Read 5 different different stoic philosophers and your life and perspectives Will change.
I promise you. If you take it seriously.
It will give you the tools you need to think and act your way accordingly to your desired future.
And how to deal with the trials and tribulations along the way.
I was in a similar place in life at your age in 27 now and made it to where I’m self sufficient.
Good luck man be studious and patient
Wait for the right opportunity then you have to strike.
You seem rad dude I hope you’re still doing okay. You sound like you have great understanding for 20. I wish I could help. I wish you the best.
What is the difference between the unconscious and the shadow ? Also recognising the need doesn't entirely solve the problem, we can also face material/ financial limits: in the video it is because she was hurt before, for me family pressure led me to study in a field I hated, it could also be because of social/ environmental pressure etc. For exemple how many young people dream to pursue an artistic carrier, but end up in another field because it is "safer" or a more reasonable choice?
You have described so many of my, and people I know, lives.😪
I dont know who you are... But this is one of the best self knowledge channels in the UA-cam. Congrats 👏🏼✨