U.S. Agencies Can’t Agree on Covid Origin | DJ Donald’s Favorite Tunes | Elf Sighting in Mexico

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  • Опубліковано 24 сер 2024
  • The Department of Energy says Covid leaked from a Chinese lab, but other government agencies disagree. Elsewhere, America’s former president is enjoying his role as house DJ at Mar-a-Lago, and Mexico’s current president says mystical elves live among us. #Colbert #Comedy #Monologue
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КОМЕНТАРІ • 2,3 тис.

  • @TheOGClassicMan
    @TheOGClassicMan Рік тому +527

    Playing all the hits from, "Find me 11,780 Votes ..." to "Bing Bing Bong Bong Bing Bing.." And who could forget his #1 Hit...Person, Woman, Man, Camera, TV.

    • @Tao_Tology
      @Tao_Tology Рік тому +19

      'Horseface'
      - Orange Don

    • @gamepapa1211
      @gamepapa1211 Рік тому +2

      You forgot the tracks that got him to chart in the first place: "Grab 'Em By the Pusspuss"

    • @HairynosedWombat163
      @HairynosedWombat163 Рік тому +42

      Who could forget his other hit 'I'm leaving on a jet plane with loo paper trailing behind and I'm out of my tiny mind' Top ten!

    • @jeffs6090
      @jeffs6090 Рік тому +35

      Whose boat is this boat?

    • @cuttwice3905
      @cuttwice3905 Рік тому +37

      His hit (How do I close my) Umbrella haunts me to this day.

  • @nyerineu3388
    @nyerineu3388 Рік тому +21

    'Murder on the Orient Express an instructional video'...spot on!

  • @lynnhaywood8013
    @lynnhaywood8013 Рік тому +348

    I live in Wayne County Mi and when I heard they were bringing the toxic waste here from the train wreck I was speechless. We do not want it here. Send it to those rich owners area. They said it’s harmless so give it to them.

    • @beth8775
      @beth8775 Рік тому +17

      For real! Dump it on NS CEO's lawn.

    • @zuglymonster
      @zuglymonster Рік тому +3

      No we don't!! Do you know where in MI they were supposed to take it?

    • @libertas5005
      @libertas5005 Рік тому +10

      I wouldn't be surprised if they dumped it into Lake Michigan, that's how malignant they are.

    • @MonkeyJedi99
      @MonkeyJedi99 Рік тому +8

      @@libertas5005 And why not? The fine has to be cheaper than dealing with the polluted soils properly...

    • @shesails25
      @shesails25 Рік тому +4

      How about sending it to red states!

  • @uhforja
    @uhforja Рік тому +8

    9:41 As a Spanish speaker congratulations on putting the inverted exclamation marks. Many English speakers forget them.

  • @tinnagigja3723
    @tinnagigja3723 Рік тому +151

    Aretha Franklin was born in March 1942, Joe Biden was born in November 1942. Regardless of the release date, any of her songs are 'of her generation' and therefore technically also 'songs of his generation'.
    Calypso facto.

    • @TheBEstAltair
      @TheBEstAltair Рік тому +4

      QED

    • @johnbrowne3950
      @johnbrowne3950 Рік тому +6

      And Aretha, like Biden, couldn't get any respect either.

    • @tcookie
      @tcookie Рік тому +7

      Upvoted for "calypso facto" which I am now stealing

    • @lisab9541
      @lisab9541 Рік тому

      Yes, he probably followed her career since they were both young.

    • @VinceValentine
      @VinceValentine Рік тому +4

      Which actually makes Biden too old to be a boomer.

  • @Zangoose69
    @Zangoose69 Рік тому +202

    I’m from Mexico and can indeed confirm elves south of the US border look like Marjorie Taylor Greene. 🤭

  • @palmdoc1618
    @palmdoc1618 Рік тому +12

    Remember that one time Colbert vehemently defended the wet market theory?

    • @NittyGritty420
      @NittyGritty420 Рік тому

      Yup just another conspiracy theory lmao

    • @robassable
      @robassable Рік тому +1

      Turns out he's the one with the tin foil hat.

  • @progidy7
    @progidy7 Рік тому +407

    4:13 I am absolutely shocked that Texas was officially upset at receiving toxic waste. And 2013, a fertilizer plant exploded, killed 15 people, was located next to some schools, and destroyed the town. People started asking if fertilizer plants were storing chemicals in their neighborhoods, so of course Texas attorney general Greg Abbott made it illegal to give that information to the public. He soon after went on to become governor.

    • @cyndis3942
      @cyndis3942 Рік тому +29

      the devastation of beirut was caused by improperly stored fertilizer.

    • @BaconTomatoCheese
      @BaconTomatoCheese Рік тому +2

      And the idiotic sheeple voted him in… AGAIN

    • @Olsenator
      @Olsenator Рік тому +16

      Ahhh yes the cycle of a politician. I’m not entirely sure but I think after that federal regulations were made regulating fertilizer plants proximity to towns cities etc.

    • @mirrage42
      @mirrage42 Рік тому +1

      The stuff Texas got from the derailment is probably much safer than all the chemical crap it produces in the Corpus Christi area.

    • @jamesbonn2394
      @jamesbonn2394 Рік тому

      @@cyndis3942 terrorist lies. bierut wast targetted by russian seperatists who wanted to push russian nationalist's agenda. but go off with your lies.

  • @lady_draguliana784
    @lady_draguliana784 Рік тому +35

    California's new State Motto: A Song of Ice and Fire

    • @Leopoldshark
      @Leopoldshark Рік тому +3

      And earthquakes we sleep through

    • @MrSmith-vc8xd
      @MrSmith-vc8xd Рік тому

      All you need is the lightening bolts and 88 tattooed on your neck and your colors will be complete. 😅🤣

  • @bipolarminddroppings
    @bipolarminddroppings Рік тому +117

    Biden can't remember what Zoom is called but he can remember an obscure Aretha song from the 80s. I'm fine with that.

    • @peggycamp9503
      @peggycamp9503 Рік тому +25

      Long term memory! I’m 65 and probably wouldn’t have come up with zoom either…🤦🏻‍♀️😬

    • @id10t98
      @id10t98 Рік тому +9

      @@peggycamp9503 I've never even used Zoom lol

    • @tpgajtg210
      @tpgajtg210 Рік тому +4

      Joe is the president?

    • @lenawagenfuehr53
      @lenawagenfuehr53 Рік тому +5

      That's classic Alzheimer's...no short term memory

    • @bruincatjove24
      @bruincatjove24 Рік тому +3

      He is OK

  • @marvinmartin4692
    @marvinmartin4692 Рік тому +3

    Take the toxic waste to the CEO’s property for disposal! Most appropriate place!

  • @pauljr1533
    @pauljr1533 Рік тому +6

    It's amazing that ideological hatred can blind a person to such a degree that they can't ascertain the truth while it's staring them in their face.

  • @mick7even
    @mick7even Рік тому +18

    Texas already has toxic waste. Ted Cruz

  • @billyakin3301
    @billyakin3301 Рік тому +12

    There are no rules or laws governing Large Corporations. That ship sailed many years ago when they purchased our Politicians.

    • @rosalie4797
      @rosalie4797 Рік тому +4

      Yep! Thank you, Reagan😠.

    • @billyakin3301
      @billyakin3301 Рік тому +2

      @@rosalie4797 True story.

    • @user-yy1rs3df3q
      @user-yy1rs3df3q Рік тому

      @@rosalie4797 You blame Reagan but what was stopping successive administration from reversing course?

    • @freya8133
      @freya8133 Рік тому

      @@user-yy1rs3df3q We blame Reagan for a lot. He sucked.

  • @larrysernyk6154
    @larrysernyk6154 Рік тому +6

    DJ Don can spin records for his inmates in Rickers Island prison.

  • @bizzmoneyb
    @bizzmoneyb Рік тому +5

    the CEO of Norfolk Southern, the company the owns the train, said "i don't know" also when asked where the waste would be taken. YOU'RE THE CEO!! he also said "i'd have drun'ken that water." i think he may be a decoy.

  • @oscarthomas9130
    @oscarthomas9130 Рік тому +5

    The elf was last seen with an inner tube and a bed roll headed north. 🌵🤠🌵

  • @FugazStar
    @FugazStar Рік тому +59

    Man, I have to get up for work at 5 am and I'm here watching Stephen Colbert at 12:20 Am -_-

  • @cynthiabotsko2449
    @cynthiabotsko2449 Рік тому +5

    "After Monday & Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF" -- Maxine 🤣🤣🤣

  • @AmericanAntiCorruptionAct
    @AmericanAntiCorruptionAct Рік тому +253

    IMAGINE HOW STRONG OUR COUNTRY WOULD BE IF CONGRESS SPENT THEIR DAYS WORKING FOR THE PEOPLE WHO ELECTED THEM INSTEAD OF THE PEOPLE WHO BUY THEM.

    • @shwnshts9469
      @shwnshts9469 Рік тому

      but in a way the self-serving trust fund lobbies that GOT them elected ARE the ppl who elected them, they just did it by TRICKING YOU. so in a weird way CONGRESS is doing EXACTLY what you want. Problem reframed and solved. You are welcome!

    • @2fabalwayz83
      @2fabalwayz83 Рік тому +7

      👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

    • @DefaOmega
      @DefaOmega Рік тому +1

      WHY ARE YOU YELLING!? Maybe it's because you're angry about what an obvious truth this should be to everyone? Yet nothing changes and we keep running this Country on the whims and wants of giant companies. And everyday people keep supporting politicians making horrible decisions that favor said companies, because they've been mislead into believing it's somehow good for them?
      Or was Capslock just on accidently?

    • @traceybee1409
      @traceybee1409 Рік тому +7

      STOP YELLING

    • @earthling_parth
      @earthling_parth Рік тому +7

      Then they wouldn't get elected though 😅

  • @NewMessage
    @NewMessage Рік тому +653

    So... how long before Tucker rants about Mexican Elves coming to steal our Mall Santa assistant jobs?

    • @Tao_Tology
      @Tao_Tology Рік тому +33

      They have do something to fill that yawning void of "we're not talking about how we're being sued and our documented lies are public"

    • @MrMick50
      @MrMick50 Рік тому +15

      It's in the works

    • @virginiaf.5764
      @virginiaf.5764 Рік тому +20

      He has to edit the J6 videos first.

    • @id10t98
      @id10t98 Рік тому

      Fox News- they cover the stories the Liberal Left is afraid to show!
      Watch tonight at 7pm when Laura Ingraham shines the light on the Caravan of Mexican Elves Headed for US Southern Border!

    • @larrywashington6259
      @larrywashington6259 Рік тому +4

      Fun facts : the swine flu was from Mexico.

  • @laalaa99stl
    @laalaa99stl Рік тому +347

    So he's not a DJ. He's a... Qrator.

    • @jeffbaer5851
      @jeffbaer5851 Рік тому +29

      That's.... actually... genius. Take your thumbs up.

    • @yoyoyodaboy
      @yoyoyodaboy Рік тому +13

      Lmao that is sooo good 😂 Enjoy your imminent UA-cam fame!

    • @elodi_rose
      @elodi_rose Рік тому +12

      that’s gonna stick for sure 😂😂😂😂

    • @Olyfrun
      @Olyfrun Рік тому +9

      A crater you say?

    • @Immortal628
      @Immortal628 Рік тому +7

      Nicely done.

  • @ingridfong-daley5899
    @ingridfong-daley5899 Рік тому +4

    California singing Beastie Boys in the snow like "I got Dust and I got DUSTED!"

  • @kindabluejazz
    @kindabluejazz Рік тому +40

    To be fair, Biden was 43 when Aretha sang that song. That's a perfectly normal age group to fully appreciate Aretha. Generational music isn't just what you listened to as a teenager. Plus, it's almost 40 years ago, so it still counts as what he listened to as a 'young man' for someone that's 80.

    • @hitchensghost
      @hitchensghost Рік тому +6

      more to the point, he is born in the same year as Aretha. she is from his generation.

    • @dragomilosevic4823
      @dragomilosevic4823 Рік тому

      Thanks for your wise knowledge of what is acceptable in your world

  • @barbarabarnett9600
    @barbarabarnett9600 Рік тому +58

    The four levels of confidence:
    1. Nah
    2. Possible
    3. Probably
    4. Betcherass
    💖😁

  • @andrewalderman9489
    @andrewalderman9489 Рік тому +13

    The name of the agency that won't say it's name.... No Such Agency...AKA..NSA.

    • @karinwolf3645
      @karinwolf3645 Рік тому +3

      Yep! Very likely... Medium probability! 💋💖😆😆😆

  • @XuXaX
    @XuXaX Рік тому +6

    Let me tell you that the Aluxe or elf is very real. We mexicans stand by it. ❤❤❤❤

    • @billbill2236
      @billbill2236 Рік тому

      Todos los mexicanos? No lo creo. La leyenda de los Aluxes, de origen maya, seres que se convertían en piedra cuando les daba el sol, es eso, una leyenda. Además la foto que publicó amlo es vieja y era para ejemplificar la aparición de brujas en Nuevo León. Lejecitos de la península de Yucatán.

    • @XuXaX
      @XuXaX Рік тому

      @@billbill2236 esa foto es de uno de los ingenieros que trabajan en el proyecto del tren maya obvi que hay mas fotos de aluxes, hasta en la lucha libre 🥰🥰🥰🥰

  • @yourface8698
    @yourface8698 Рік тому +5

    I think the village people is the only band that will let him use one of their songs

  • @kenbrown2808
    @kenbrown2808 Рік тому +41

    I'm waiting for the CDC report on why Texas has a blackout every time it gets a little chilly out.

    • @8arrows
      @8arrows Рік тому +6

      I get it.

    • @45-Subscribers
      @45-Subscribers Рік тому

      Meh.

    • @burtmcgurt3577
      @burtmcgurt3577 Рік тому

      It happened one time dummy and effected about 15% of the state.

    • @kenbrown2808
      @kenbrown2808 Рік тому +2

      @@burtmcgurt3577 that's cute that you think we'll believe that.
      3.6 million homes out of power out of 11.11 million is about twice what you claim.
      and the same thing has happened about every decade.

    • @sorenrousseau
      @sorenrousseau Рік тому +3

      You should probably learn that the DOE operates and oversees all national laboratories and nuclear facilities.

  • @SpaceForceCommander
    @SpaceForceCommander Рік тому +505

    To those of you who have ever used a jukebox, congratulations! You have passed the DJ course at Trump University! (Diplomas availability after full payment.)

    • @terri6854
      @terri6854 Рік тому +9

      Most radio DJs have been using buttons and computers for decades now.

    • @louiebee6745
      @louiebee6745 Рік тому +8

      Crypto currency is accepted.🤑

    • @nstark1066
      @nstark1066 Рік тому +6

      Jukeboxes sound soo much better..

    • @sandraallen497
      @sandraallen497 Рік тому +1

      😂😂😂❤

    • @supernaturalflavor
      @supernaturalflavor Рік тому +8

      I hate Trump more than most. But honestly, a radio DJ picks the tunes. I listen to college radio all the time and they pick songs. They dont mix them or do anything creative. They just play the ones they like in the order they want. To frame this as some sort of gotcha moment is just giving Trump the attention he craves. Trump loves that we are talking about his lame DJ skills bc that means we are not talking about the real problems he causes.

  • @tyinva1212
    @tyinva1212 Рік тому +2

    4:40 "everybody in, Marko"
    I literally spit my coffee. That's funny 😁

  • @deniseboldea1624
    @deniseboldea1624 Рік тому +7

    Apparently the Elf on a shelf moonlights as a Skinwalker in the off season?

  • @adriennegormley9358
    @adriennegormley9358 Рік тому +22

    The standard joke is ,"California does TOO have four seasons." Those 4 seasons are
    1. Fog
    2. Fire
    3. Flood
    4. Earthquake

    • @jameslamb9930
      @jameslamb9930 Рік тому +2

      Johnny Carson ,carnac the magnificent had the best... on a clear day....
      UCLA

    • @five-toedslothbear4051
      @five-toedslothbear4051 Рік тому +6

      I would make number 4 to be “fault line ruptures”, just for the alliteration.

    • @bluecanine3374
      @bluecanine3374 Рік тому

      Due to climate change Flood is now Addittional Fire

    • @anotherlover6954
      @anotherlover6954 Рік тому

      The joke in California is the government. I drove down the 5 last year and to my right were hillsides covered in dead orchards -- rows and rows of dead trees, upside down on the hillside -- and to my left was an aqueduct full of irrigation water headed for the ocean.

  • @TheSunflowerGalaxy
    @TheSunflowerGalaxy Рік тому +58

    "Speaking of deadly leaks, remember all that toxic sludge--" 4:02
    Stephen opening a story on Donny? No, wait... it's Ohio.

    • @MrMick50
      @MrMick50 Рік тому

      or Rudi Giuliani farting in court

    • @CloudsGirl7
      @CloudsGirl7 Рік тому +1

      I would've guessed the entirety of the GOP, but similar story, I guess. (I mean, jeez, Cheney's the last principled member and she's STILL an anti-woman bigot - a blood-traitor.)

  • @beverlyswartz3486
    @beverlyswartz3486 Рік тому +4

    My sister gave me a coffee mug that reads "I wake every morning glad that DJ isn't president." I stored it in a cabinet, cuz I never want to think of him.

    • @dkamphaus43
      @dkamphaus43 Рік тому

      You never want to think of him? Well it doesn't seem like you're really succeeding at that right now.😉

    • @anotherlover6954
      @anotherlover6954 Рік тому

      It ain't gonna age well in 2024 lol.

  • @traviselrod7803
    @traviselrod7803 Рік тому +3

    In his desperate attempt to prove how right he was, he forgot one thing…
    …that he is supposed to be funny.

  • @elram2649
    @elram2649 Рік тому +5

    @7:41
    Lolz
    "Keebler Cookies! Demon Flavor!" 😂🤣
    And yes, in Mexican lore, Elves can either be good or bad. 🧐👉📖

  • @fitforfreelance
    @fitforfreelance Рік тому +8

    Murder on the Orient Express and Gregorian chant jokes 💯

  • @judiruthmeredith6427
    @judiruthmeredith6427 Рік тому +18

    Honestly, I just love Biden. He’s adorable and at the same time ridiculously competent and knowledgeable.

    • @solidshake12
      @solidshake12 Рік тому +2

      Apart from when he speaks and tries to walk upstairs...

    • @valval3919
      @valval3919 Рік тому +3

      You want a pillow to go with that dream?

    • @RonnyC880
      @RonnyC880 Рік тому +3

      You mean incompetent -------right?

    • @dkamphaus43
      @dkamphaus43 Рік тому +2

      Wow, there actually exists someone more deluded than Rob Reiner.

    • @user-yy1rs3df3q
      @user-yy1rs3df3q Рік тому

      You must know a side of him that we haven't witnessed. Did Joe sniff your hair?

  • @warren52nz
    @warren52nz Рік тому +3

    Isn't it weird that even in the 21st century when everyone has a high quality camera in their pocket or purse that ALL photos of strange, mystical things are blurry? Hmmm... 🤔🤣

  • @JenMistress
    @JenMistress Рік тому +168

    So, by Trump's definition of DJ, anyone picking songs on a jukebox is a DJ. 😉😂🤣😂🤣

    • @terri6854
      @terri6854 Рік тому +4

      Most radio DJs have been using buttons and computers for decades now.

    • @Shlevel
      @Shlevel Рік тому +2

      @@terri6854 didn’t realize he was a qualified radio DJ 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 - he looks so SAD…lol

    • @c.guydubois8270
      @c.guydubois8270 Рік тому +2

      Not many people know this....

    • @Ultimita01
      @Ultimita01 Рік тому +4

      @@c.guydubois8270 I think the problem is those kind of people like trump calling themselves DJs. Like how people hire a wedding 'DJ' lol. There are real ones out there still but people have hijacked the meaning of what a DJ is sadly.

    • @steveaustin2686
      @steveaustin2686 Рік тому +3

      I can cross off that item off my bucket list now. 😎

  • @couragekarnga8735
    @couragekarnga8735 Рік тому +34

    TFG dances like he's doing a purp walk and really has to pee! What Melania ever saw in him is a mystery to me! Is money really that powerful?

    • @shawnnewell4541
      @shawnnewell4541 Рік тому +13

      Yes. To some people.

    • @Tao_Tology
      @Tao_Tology Рік тому +25

      I think it's fair to say that if she knew she would end up being dragged into First Lady world and all of don's bullshit and cheating.......she would have hitched herself to a different sugar daddy.

    • @maxmartin2763
      @maxmartin2763 Рік тому +18

      Check book + Green Card + fast track Green Card for her parents. That's the mail-order bride trifecta!

    • @sandrawilson8792
      @sandrawilson8792 Рік тому

      ​@@philipsmashmouth8782bye boy, bye.

    • @mandyharewood886
      @mandyharewood886 Рік тому +3

      Yup! But not to me!

  • @jimcable9689
    @jimcable9689 Рік тому +3

    Holly SH*T!!!! as someone who has been studying the ACTUAL folklore, common fantasy races are baised on, I can confirm, indeed, that is an ACTUAL dark elf, from elfheim, as mentioned in folklore. Sure, unlike the usual elf sighting " the hat man" shadow person, it's garbed in a robe, so, it can ACTUALLY exist in the third dimension, but, that.... That's an ACTUAL elf!
    : 0

  • @caseyford3368
    @caseyford3368 Рік тому +1

    Combine self running generators and power walls in homes and businesses for seemingly endless clean energy everywhere all the time. We already have the answers to our issues. We just need leaders and officials that will actually use it correctly.

  • @maxdoubt5219
    @maxdoubt5219 Рік тому +238

    "I will admit it: you humans are keen.
    You found I’m feeble against a vaccine.
    But I have allies like Marjorie Greene.
    "Nyaah, Nyaah!!” -Covid 19

  • @Fathimir
    @Fathimir Рік тому +16

    Sing it with me, folks!
    "It's fun to stay at the
    Y N D A!
    By singing along, you're all contractually entering into a legally binding
    Y N D A-a..."

    • @Rhov9
      @Rhov9 Рік тому +3

      10/10 😂

  • @scottklandl488
    @scottklandl488 Рік тому +1

    You know where that toxic sludge should go? Norfolk Southern corporate executive office suites. Let ‘em store it under their chairs

  • @MegaFortinbras
    @MegaFortinbras Рік тому +68

    The nickname of the National Security Agency at least used to be "No Such Agency".

    • @Turbojonny5
      @Turbojonny5 Рік тому +3

      NSA

    • @wetguavass
      @wetguavass Рік тому

      Mexico has become less dependent on the US. Almo, with the help of Trump, ended the Merida initiative, and Fast & Furious ...less money for US weapons makers. Amlo undid Hillary/Obama/Blackrock privatization of Mexico's energy. ...Mexico is making changes to how elections are ran, not allowing the US to influence their elections. ...so USA is ramping up stories like this . Amlo got help from Russia ...RU helped prevent the US from corrupting the elections Amlo won 4 years ago. Mexico hasn't had a real president in decades.

    • @seadonkey6913
      @seadonkey6913 Рік тому

      When a man that is Stephen’s age tries to be appealing to people half his age, what do you really think is going on?

    • @Dragoness-si2xr
      @Dragoness-si2xr Рік тому

      @@seadonkey6913Seriously? The man is Great at his job.

    • @seadonkey6913
      @seadonkey6913 Рік тому

      @@Dragoness-si2xr you easily fooled😱

  • @elram2649
    @elram2649 Рік тому +3

    Drumpf doing a George Santos:
    "I'm a DJ!"

  • @gweebara
    @gweebara Рік тому +29

    And this is when Steven got us into war with Mexico lolz

    • @marce0830
      @marce0830 Рік тому +7

      As a Mexican I unfortunately agree with everything he says

    • @rosalie4797
      @rosalie4797 Рік тому

      I think we already had a war with Mexico. Isn't there some rule about double dipping???🤔

    • @clave26
      @clave26 Рік тому +4

      AMLO so desparate to get attention away from Sunday's massive protests. And I am learnig about his "elf" through Stephen Colbert. 😂😂😂

    • @Nile55555
      @Nile55555 Рік тому

      Not at all, AMLO is indoctrinating his followers, who believe everything he says. He is a dictator, who wants to replicate Cuba in Mexico. But the majority of Mexicans are not going to allow it.

    • @oscarleon8026
      @oscarleon8026 Рік тому +4

      @@clave26 massive? 😂 did you see his (Obrador’s) massive protest weeks ago? We were at least 4 times more than what the opposition had this Sunday. Facts!

  • @gestaltdude
    @gestaltdude Рік тому +6

    Come on Steven, you know there were still Teleri in Mirkwood and Silvan Elves in Lothlorien Middle Earth during the Fourth Age! If you keep making elementary mistakes like that, Peter's going to take you off his Christmas card list. :P

    • @Pixis1
      @Pixis1 Рік тому

      It would have been Silvan Elves in Mirkwood. The Teleri had split into multiple clans by that point, such as the Silvan, the Sindar, and the Green-elves (As long as we're doing Tolkien corrections, I thought I would join in. :P )

    • @gestaltdude
      @gestaltdude Рік тому

      @@Pixis1 Bugger, you're right. The Teleri were the sailors off the coast of Valinor, weren't they? I thought I remembered Teleri meaning "unwilling" and was used to describe both the sailors and those who remained in Middle Earth.

    • @Pixis1
      @Pixis1 Рік тому

      @@gestaltdude The Teleri were the largest elf clan but they split into multiple smaller groups - the Sindar/Grey-elves, the Nandor/Silvan Elves, the Laiquendi/Green-elves, and the Falmari who went to Valinor (those are the sailors you were thinking of). The Avari were the ones who were called the Unwilling. They stayed in the east where the Elves first awoke.
      There's a lot of elf clans in Tolkien's works so it definitely gets confusing.

  • @rachel_rexxx
    @rachel_rexxx Рік тому +6

    The elf story feels like a promo for the next season of Los Espookys

    • @lisab9541
      @lisab9541 Рік тому

      Is that an actual show?

    • @usefulstuff8435
      @usefulstuff8435 Рік тому

      Good idea, Los Espoockies are already scaring the living shit out of Eateban and his cartel bosses

  • @gixellia8455
    @gixellia8455 Рік тому +6

    Hey, Gregorian Chants are wonderful!

  • @philoctetes_wordsworth
    @philoctetes_wordsworth Рік тому +20

    The Department of Energy is headed by Rick perry, unless he was fired. 2:23 rick perry never had any business in the appointments he was given.

    • @kevyak
      @kevyak Рік тому +8

      The current head of department of Energy is Jennifer M. Granholm. Your thinking of the Trump years

    • @ElSantoLuchador
      @ElSantoLuchador Рік тому

      Rick Perry was told to GTFO right after the election.

    • @jemiebridges3197
      @jemiebridges3197 Рік тому +7

      The head of departments generally change with the party in charge.

    • @jpvanden1
      @jpvanden1 Рік тому

      Google is your friend. Stupidity appears to be your state of being. A modicum of research would help cure that. I'd suggest trying the Google next time before displaying your ignorance for all. Rick Perry hasn't been Energy Secretary since 2019. You're welcome.

  • @BigDawg-if7ti
    @BigDawg-if7ti Рік тому +36

    A US agency that cannot be named said… nothing?
    Wouldn’t that be happening all the time?? 😂

    • @tracycraft
      @tracycraft Рік тому +1

      A family member has a relative who is retired from NSA. So, the family joke was that NSA (national security agency) stands for no such agency.

    • @shwnshts9469
      @shwnshts9469 Рік тому

      @@tracycraft is that relative you?? bc that would be the cherry on top of the most NSA statement ever.

    • @tracycraft
      @tracycraft Рік тому

      @@shwnshts9469 no. 8 have never worked for the government.

  • @Michael500ca
    @Michael500ca Рік тому +2

    The Ohio toxic waste should be sent to that other toxic waste in Mar-a-Lago.

  • @hotlavatube
    @hotlavatube Рік тому +58

    I wonder if Mar-a-lago bought a recurring public performance license to play Y.M.C.A. and the other tunes that Agent Orange is tapping into his i-pad.

    • @mehere8038
      @mehere8038 Рік тому +8

      I think we all know the answer. Might be time for some mass law suits against the orange one - turning the tables on him & his suing games

    • @CloudsGirl7
      @CloudsGirl7 Рік тому +2

      I bet not. Should, but not.

    • @MonkeyJedi99
      @MonkeyJedi99 Рік тому +5

      Oh! Mar-a-Lago would be a great place to ship all of that toxic soil and water coming out of East Palestine Ohio!

  • @FlyWithMe_666
    @FlyWithMe_666 Рік тому +25

    In the elf segment, I was really hoping they’d show footage of the Mexican pres meeting Jeff Sessions 😂

  • @alumpyhorse
    @alumpyhorse Рік тому +21

    6:20 ‘Gregorian chant, Dies Irae, Dona Nobis Pacem…’ = one of the many reasons why I will always love Colbert. He met his wife at Philip Glass production. The guy knows his music.
    I do wish the show would have that kind of music on as well as the most popular stuff. a chance to introduce people to ‘classical’ music (wish there were a better term, seems so stodgy and it isn’t) as well. It’s incredible music

    • @kindlin
      @kindlin Рік тому +1

      Care to inform us less knowledgeable in the world of fine music? I can't say I know any of those, and only a bit of googling and reading would tell me why this is funny, at which point I'll have forgotten what I was supposed to be researching to begin with.

    • @alumpyhorse
      @alumpyhorse Рік тому +1

      @@kindlin happy to oblige. Gregorian Chant is one of the best known early examples of ancient Western notated music. it’s often referred to as plainchant where everyone sings in unison (in the church), a kind of singing that was developed during the 5th through the 9th centuries. If you were to google ‘Gregorian chant images’ you would see that the notes don’t yet have rhythmic values assigned to them, no time signatures, just black dots representing the notes and shapes. People knew what to do back then.
      so it’s an ageist joke :) told through nerdy music history. The rest of the terms also refer to ancient music. Dies irae is a motive (a group of notes in a certain order) used in music to signify death. It’s a beautiful motive and comes back in many pieces throughout the centuries.
      I’m simplifying all of this, of course. historians have written reams of material about these things.
      Stephen could’ve won even more points if he had added Guido of Arezzo (c.1000) to his list. I think he was the first to name the notes ABCD etc. but he did good :)

    • @kindlin
      @kindlin Рік тому +1

      @@alumpyhorse Ahh, got it, ty.

  • @pushinkeys
    @pushinkeys Рік тому +13

    “I believe he passed his magic on to me” 😂😂😂

    • @erikcastillo2454
      @erikcastillo2454 Рік тому

      He probably did. All his work is out of this world! Absolutely superb!

    • @AA-cg3gd
      @AA-cg3gd Рік тому

      @@erikcastillo2454 If you are neo con liberal that loves war and Covid mandates. Otherwise he's really not.

  • @NewMessage
    @NewMessage Рік тому +47

    I've become so cynical that I legit thought all that snow was a convoluted marketing ploy for Cocaine Bear. For like, way too long.

  • @paulwolstencroft4820
    @paulwolstencroft4820 Рік тому +154

    Thank you sooo much Stephen. I don't think you could ever understand how your show pulls me out of the Maga quicksand of depression and frustration.

    • @Pbav8tor
      @Pbav8tor Рік тому +13

      I need Stephen, Kimmel and Seth to keep sane-ish.

    • @Drnaynay
      @Drnaynay Рік тому

      He pulled you out of the MAGA quicksand depression by subtly reminding you that your current president suffers from diminishing cognitive abilities.

    • @vvohvaelez9277
      @vvohvaelez9277 Рік тому +4

      @@JoshuaSmith99 its called appreciation, get a clue

    • @patrickcanter6136
      @patrickcanter6136 Рік тому

      @@vvohvaelez9277”get a clue” is so lame lmaooo

    • @paulwolstencroft4820
      @paulwolstencroft4820 Рік тому

      @@Drnaynay Amazing though, Biden still outperforms trump,

  • @chrisoakey9841
    @chrisoakey9841 Рік тому +6

    Steven, clearly the unnamed department is "control" fighting "kaos" since the '50's

  • @roccocid
    @roccocid Рік тому +10

    being from Mexico... The Elf thing cracked me up.

    • @COCOBLONDELLA
      @COCOBLONDELLA Рік тому +4

      Un chiste del presidente de México, mal entendido, que ahora lo hacen ver como otra cosa.
      México con sus aluxes
      E. E. U. U. con sus ufo’s y área 51 (?)

    • @erikcastillo2454
      @erikcastillo2454 Рік тому +1

      @@COCOBLONDELLA se burlan de lo que desconocen por completo

    • @Michi830Mx
      @Michi830Mx Рік тому +1

      Los gringos se burlan de todo, y luego creen en la existencia de ovnis 😂

    • @cristalitovoltair
      @cristalitovoltair Рік тому

      @@COCOBLONDELLA Pues quien no se va a reir, eso de la foto no es un aluxe, sino un gibón de Indonesia, un mono arborícola nocturno. Yo que vivo en la Riviera Maya, no he visto, pero sí cuando los chamanes hacen las ceremonias para pedir permiso, he visto cómo los empujan, hasta casi tirarlos, porque van indicandole al mismo, que árboles sí y cuáles no derribar para iniciar una construcción. Aquí la verdad son muy respetados por eso. Por cierto, un UFO es todo aquel objeto no identificado (van desde aviones en vuelos ilegales hasta globos aerostáticos y cohetes).

  • @katiehettinger7857
    @katiehettinger7857 Рік тому +34

    I thought the on going joke that is George Santos was our greatest source of fun. 🙃😄

    • @jackderipper2233
      @jackderipper2233 Рік тому +6

      Santos died on a cross for All of us!

    • @St.Linguini_of_Pesto
      @St.Linguini_of_Pesto Рік тому +2

      @Katie Hettinger "Santos" is also the reason some celebrate Arbor Day.. bc he "invented" everything around us & he rescued thousands of people from that devastating earthquake in Turkey & Syria.

    • @St.Linguini_of_Pesto
      @St.Linguini_of_Pesto Рік тому +2

      ​@@AndiDuck who? I thought we were discussing Anthony Devalder.

    • @St.Linguini_of_Pesto
      @St.Linguini_of_Pesto Рік тому

      ​@@jackderipper2233 sassy!

    • @Pete…NoNotThatOne
      @Pete…NoNotThatOne Рік тому +1

      Santos died in a war for people like you!

  • @jadedragoness2736
    @jadedragoness2736 Рік тому +4

    Yeah, as a Californian I can confirm that our other weather option is fire but I'd also add smoke... a ton of smoke.

  • @Hornswroggle
    @Hornswroggle Рік тому +9

    6:05 For reference: Gregorian chant originated during the 10th century (so it's literally over 1000 years old) and is written in the oldest recorded form of musical notation known to man. In a way it is the oldest recorded music in the world.

    • @akinpaws
      @akinpaws Рік тому

      Hurrian hymn #6.

    • @ejrason76
      @ejrason76 Рік тому

      So that might've been Biden's actual generation of music👍

  • @maube8007
    @maube8007 Рік тому +1

    “You don’t see the Census Bureau building nukes.” No but the Department of Energy oversees nuclear power and I think weapons as well.

  • @ricardocerrillo3472
    @ricardocerrillo3472 Рік тому +6

    Donnie is probably DJ'ing from his underground bunker.

  • @robertacomstock3655
    @robertacomstock3655 Рік тому +6

    Betelgeuse Betelgeuse Beetle - Juice Agency.

  • @jayfredrickson8632
    @jayfredrickson8632 Рік тому +2

    His signature song as a DJ: The high cost of low-flush tois.

  • @robgable2426
    @robgable2426 Рік тому +2

    IT WAS A LAB LEAK, THEY KNOW IT, STOP LYING TO THE PUBLIC!!!!!

  • @AwkwrdPrtMskrt
    @AwkwrdPrtMskrt Рік тому +10

    Snow in LA? Damn, GTA Online leaked into real life.

  • @Numbah12AD
    @Numbah12AD Рік тому +24

    That elf photo reminds me of the old story of the chupacabra. If ya gotta know what I really think it is though, I'd say some sort of small mammal like a lemur or monkey is in your tree, senor presidente. (I can't spell or speak spanish, so sorry to any spanish speakers out there.)

    • @LilDyablo1
      @LilDyablo1 Рік тому

      It's propaganda for the train they want to build to save the southern jungle and Maya traditions. An Aluxe is like a mysthical creature but the right wing conservatives are making fun of the president and saying he's crazy cuz they want him out of office.

    • @PADS62
      @PADS62 Рік тому +1

      I think you're Absolutely Right!

    • @susansokoloski2233
      @susansokoloski2233 Рік тому +3

      Except lemurs are located in Madagascar, not Central America.
      But those are clearly the eyes of a wild animal.

    • @teresalynnarmstrong5132
      @teresalynnarmstrong5132 Рік тому +3

      ​@@susansokoloski2233 Well, Mexico isn't in Central America either. It is in North America along with the United States and Canada.

    • @susansokoloski2233
      @susansokoloski2233 Рік тому

      @@teresalynnarmstrong5132 yes, the larger section of it is. The designation also is called "Mesoamerica" which includes both most of Mexico and other Central American countries. The point is, that lemurs exist on only one island in the entire world and nowhere in the Northern or Western hemispheres (unless one includes zoos or unfortunate privateownership/collections)...but the biggest point I made was agreement that these are clearly reflective wildlife eyes. Since the comment is about lemurs and monkeys, I used the ecological, geologic and anthropological/archaeological term of "Central" but I would have been more accurate using the term "Meso." You assumed I used the modern geopolitical term, which I did not.

  • @Brultimatum
    @Brultimatum Рік тому +1

    "Aluche" The mexican elf: Hey Bigfoot do you know the heroin? it's a magical dust 'Wey'

  • @freda2758
    @freda2758 Рік тому +2

    LOL! I don't blame President Biden. I wouldn't go to Ohio on a good day. No way would I go there now.

  • @JesterLind
    @JesterLind Рік тому +5

    @6:26 either Stephen knows his gregorian chants OR he has donuts

  • @zotha
    @zotha Рік тому +12

    Voldemort isn't a secret US agency... he is the Australian opposition leader

    • @Rhov9
      @Rhov9 Рік тому

      Maybe he’s just 1 of the horcruxes like Trump 😂

  • @melusine826
    @melusine826 Рік тому +2

    "Low confidence " means it's basically zero/implausible/ or no evidence chance if they are asking "was it a lab leak"?

  • @JF-cn3cz
    @JF-cn3cz Рік тому +1

    Lol be pulled out Dies Irae. I haven't heard that since my music history class
    Kudos to the writers

  • @AccidentalNinja
    @AccidentalNinja Рік тому +187

    I initially heard about the Dept. of Energy announcing that the lab. leak was probable & wondered why it was commenting on a pathology issue. Now I'm wondering why the Dept. of Energy runs bio. labs.

    • @coomtothebroom778
      @coomtothebroom778 Рік тому +15

      I was wondering the exact same thing. 😄

    • @Tao_Tology
      @Tao_Tology Рік тому

      (deep breath)
      THEY DIDN'T SAY IT WAS 'PROBABLE'
      Fuuuuuuuucking hell what is wrong with people (and by 'people' I obviously mean you but I'm pretending to be polite).
      "with **LOW CONFIDENCE** "
      Jeeeez-auce. 🤦🏻‍♂️
      Example: I can conclude 'with low confidence' that you actually read their statement, seeing as you didn't understand/know what they said.

    • @AnnoyingMoose
      @AnnoyingMoose Рік тому

      People who think that Covid 19 is caused by a man-made virus make Flat Earthers look intelligent.

    • @bradhombre6912
      @bradhombre6912 Рік тому +15

      I’ve watched a few different news programs cover the story, but none gave as much relevant details and context as this comedy program.

    • @AccidentalNinja
      @AccidentalNinja Рік тому +20

      @@Tao_Tology I didn't read their statement; it was based on headlines & I suspect that most people won't get as far as "low confidence" or know what it means here. Fair criticism.
      However, that still leaves the questions of why the Dept. Of Energy has anything to say on the subject or why it runs bio. Labs.

  • @oldscratch3108
    @oldscratch3108 Рік тому +15

    That Keebler Elf illustration was incredible.

    • @Slo-ryde
      @Slo-ryde Рік тому +1

      That was MTG looking for a place to pee in the dark while vacationing in Cancun with Ted Cruz!

  • @anuksunamun101
    @anuksunamun101 Рік тому

    I LOVE GREGORIAN CHANTS. In a moment of Peace is an epic sounding song to hear

  • @gothkatgoddess8204
    @gothkatgoddess8204 Рік тому +1

    When he said "I'd like a plate of wet apps" I thought he said "I'd like a plate of wet a**" and I lost my ability to human 🤣I laughed so hard my soul left my body 🤣 oh my god! LMFAO 😂

  • @St.Linguini_of_Pesto
    @St.Linguini_of_Pesto Рік тому +26

    Oh great, these things I've been hearing about the train industry does _not_ sit well in my gut.
    My husband, son and myself (& Meatloaf the kitten) reside next to the tracks, as do 3-4 other households.. and they blow by like a bat out of hell.
    Just remember me fondly, "fellow" humans. -Yob Tarley 👽 and my travel buddy CorRn'Holio👾

    • @chippychin
      @chippychin Рік тому +3

      Oh damn, you just made me realize we don't live far from some tracks. Now we have to be afraid of trains too? 😫

    • @AcademyNS
      @AcademyNS Рік тому +2

      Was that...two Meat Loaf references?

  • @secdup2510
    @secdup2510 Рік тому +6

    Tesla refusing to use a universal charge port pin layout is 1 of the biggest reasons their are not more electronic charging stations around America all other major electric car makers are using the same layout so they would have to install a propitiatory Tesla pin layout port in all those charging stations.
    All petrol driven cars use a standard petrol tank receptacle shape to allow any brand of petrol pump nozzle to fill any car make or model around the world.
    To increase the usability and uptake of E.Vs Tesla should be forced to adopt a standard layout that all E.V makers agree to use.

    • @saar144
      @saar144 Рік тому

      Or better yet, don’t buy a Tesla

    • @user-yy1rs3df3q
      @user-yy1rs3df3q Рік тому

      Why don't the other manufactures just adopt Tesla's standard since there are far more Tesla's on the road than all other manufactures combined. I mean, it makes sense unless you just don't like Elon Musk.

  • @Cypress_tuff418
    @Cypress_tuff418 Рік тому +69

    As a Mexican, this is the hardest I've laughed yet at a Stephen Colbert episode

  • @alumpyhorse
    @alumpyhorse Рік тому +2

    4:45 audience response: Polo! priceless😂

    • @alumpyhorse
      @alumpyhorse Рік тому

      6:20 ‘Gregorian chant, Dies Irae, Dona Nobis Pacem…’ = one of the many reasons why I will always love Colbert. He met his wife at Philip Glass production. The guy knows his music.
      I do wish the show would have that kind of music on as well as the most popular stuff. a chance to introduce people to ‘classical’ music (wish there were a better term, seems so stodgy and it isn’t) as well. It’s incredible music

  • @zkeesh1
    @zkeesh1 Рік тому +4

    yes!!! highlight of my day --> gregorian chant major throwback for ancient sleepy joe lol

    • @jeffbaer5851
      @jeffbaer5851 Рік тому +7

      The best part of that joke is... no matter how old and goofy "Sleepy Joe" is? He looks like a young JFK slaying the political world compared to a sad, Willy Loman-style failed grifter has-been like Trump.

  • @PhylllisDWS
    @PhylllisDWS Рік тому +10

    🤭😊😄😁😂🤣🤣🤣 Oh gosh! Who's zooming who??????? The tears will not stop...you are hilarious, Stephen!!!!

  • @MaryAnnNytowl
    @MaryAnnNytowl Рік тому +6

    Wow, TFG, our Orange Idjit, doesn't know what a DJ does? I'm just flabbergasted! Thanks for what you and your team so, Stephen.
    ❤️❤️

    • @leesarolan
      @leesarolan Рік тому

      Jesus loves you he died on the cross for your sins. Believe in him and you will be saved and go to heaven!

    • @Nobushido
      @Nobushido Рік тому

      lie constantly? 🤣

  • @bizzmoneyb
    @bizzmoneyb Рік тому +2

    that was a great idea! Texas wants to send things all over the country. Lets send them something BACK!!!

  • @studio1954thereflections
    @studio1954thereflections Рік тому +77

    Great show! always keeps me laughing! Love from Ontario Canada 🇨🇦❤️🇨🇦

  • @jefflabbecomedy
    @jefflabbecomedy Рік тому +3

    7:32 Has Stephen worked in a kitchen? That's 90% of head chefs... 😂

  • @lorigoshert6667
    @lorigoshert6667 Рік тому +1

    Late Gen-Xer here. Actually, for some reason that none of us can explain, Gregorian Chant was part of our generation. (See also: 2020, sea shanties.)

  • @cheesedude1733
    @cheesedude1733 Рік тому +1

    The CIA response "No, that wasn't us." Barely kept the coffee on the inside.

  • @cynthiamason4069
    @cynthiamason4069 Рік тому +82

    Concerning the toxic waste story, no one has mentioned where it was coming from, who sent it and who it was going to be delivered to. Maybe one of these three possibilities could play a role in its destination now?

    • @alleyhughes4529
      @alleyhughes4529 Рік тому +7

      Conway, Pennsylvania was the destination, a factory that makes pvc pipes.

    • @debasmitamanna6166
      @debasmitamanna6166 Рік тому +1

      Your followers are not at all welcoming in this era.

    • @thisbushnell2012
      @thisbushnell2012 Рік тому

      East Liverpool is as sensible as spent nuclear power rods stored in Toledo salt mines under Lake Erie on top of a fault. Radioactive steam plumes, anybody?

    • @bovinityleak2066
      @bovinityleak2066 Рік тому

      Absolutely

    • @pluribus_unum
      @pluribus_unum Рік тому +7

      "Until Friday, Norfolk Southern “had been solely responsible for the disposal of waste generated by the East Palestine train derailment,” the department said, but waste disposal plans “will be subject to EPA review and approval moving forward.”" - CNN, February 26th, 2023.

  • @rgwak
    @rgwak Рік тому +16

    If t'rump dancing is any indication of his DJing abilities, Imma guess there's more laughing than anything else.

    • @ksmith2852
      @ksmith2852 Рік тому

      That clip was from March 2022

  • @jerseythedog
    @jerseythedog Рік тому +1

    The Chosen One AKA Donald Trump is reminiscing over the days when you had a jukebox on your table at the diner. Calling that “DJing” is quite the stretch.

  • @dasstigma
    @dasstigma Рік тому +1

    "I have seen something no one has seen before me, a new phenomenon.
    But I already know how it is called!"
    - Smart Humans