Signs of a cool girl
Вставка
- Опубліковано 25 жов 2024
- Thank you to BetterHelp for sponsoring today's episode! For 10% off your first month, you can go to www.betterhelp... to sign up today
With BetterHelp you get unlimited messaging and a weekly live session.
thank you for your support! / annaakana
connect
Instagram: / annaakana
Twitter: / annaakana
Facebook: / annaakana
Spotify: spoti.fi/2MvmYjE
starring -
Melissa Macedo
/ melissamacedom
Michelle Macedo
/ michellemacedom
shot by Eric Lombart
/ ericlombart
grip - Melissa Gasca, John Lee
sound - John Lee
edited by Timothy Hautekiet
/ @timh
gfx by Alishia Yoon
/ aliloopa
Producer Ani Baker
/ nimblewill
"If anyone thinks you're too much, then they can go find less."
👏👏👏👏
Damn that's a quote worth remembering! 😱😍
HELP MY!!! My muscles are too big! I am a big tall man and my muscles are even BIGGER! I use them to get views but they HURT so much!!! Because they are heavy. Do you have any advice, dear sam
It should be on a t-shirt
This resonated the most with me too
I was like damn.. that’s simple and deep
ngl, I used to STRIVE to be this "cool girl" cos I thought more people would be friends with me and I wanted to fit in. Turns out, many years later, just being myself was enough after all!!
It is! As a guy who's been hit on by these "Pick Me" girls enough times, it's not attractive. All it makes me feel is that the person isn't deep enough to have their own personality.
Damn, this really hits for all people
and you get friends who match your actual self
Did you managed to get friends?
“Morph into what society wants you to be” was literally what my parents told me to do in order to survive in the world. Interesting how these concepts play out beyond relationships.
“play their game” is what my dad said
Wow. I had conflicting ideas pushed by my parents. "Don't care what anyone thinks" - "You can do anything" followed by "what would the neighbors think?" And "You're going to wear that?! -I think not!". It helped me to realize my parents were merely human also and not the gods I had painted them as a child... which was oddly comforting. It made me accept my own humanity and imperfection.
That is what my parents told me to do and I rebelled and did the complete opposite. Life is so much better on this side.
I love that your avatar is Tyranus. I also read your comment in his voice lol
collectivism. one of its drawbacks. but, it has its pros....particularly in pandemics for instance
"Even pretending you aren’t catering to male fantasies is a male fantasy: pretending you’re unseen, pretending you have a life of your own, that you can wash your feet and comb your hair unconscious of the ever-present watcher peering through the keyhole, peering through the keyhole in your own head, if nowhere else. You are a woman with a man inside watching a woman. You are your own voyeur." - Margaret Atwood
Well, goddamn
I hate how true this is
Can men stop
I forgot this was in which book of hers. Handmaid’s tale?
Niiice makes me wanna shoot myself in the head
Which is par for the course for Atwood, of course.
When influencers are actually GOOD influences!
There goes Anna again, *helping me raise my child right!* I showed this to my daughter. She laughed and she got the message. I'm sure I speak for many parents when I say thank you, Anna, for being a great influence. You may not be the cool girl trope, but you are the cool internet aunt, which is an enormous upgrade.
This is a very sweet comment
+
I agree with you! I remember Anna wants to be a Hollywood movie director. I'm super excited for the future
What we need to be is a compassionate, decent, person, who is also assertive about our own boundaries. At the the end of the day, that’s all we need to be.
thank you
I need this slapped into or something I stg
I love how this doesn't hate on pick-me girls (because that is still just putting down other women) but actually teaches us all how to recognize red flags within ourselves
What are pick me girls
@@cm-yu6gu Girls who put down other women for male attention, often comes from a place of internalized misogny
It's okay to criticize pickmes who work to put other women down though. Saying that criticizing women who hate on other women is hating on those women doesn't make sense.
This is also called people-pleasing, fawning, codependency, placating, and probably a whole host of other terms I'm not aware of, and is a big indicator of childhood trauma & doesn't just apply to how you behave around partners (although I get that this video's spotlighting that for a reason). I do this for people I depend on for survival - bosses, landlords, partners, friends who are letting me crash on their couch - and it's a whole other ball game when it's for survival because to not be a chameleon and state your needs feels like you're literally going to die or be homeless, and that might actually be truth in some cases.
I've always referred to it as chameleon behaviour yeah
You did what you had to in order to survive....wish you a wonderful life ahead without all the toxic people 💕💕💕
@@priyapandey8486 Wow that's actually really sweet thank you sm
yeah that’s definitely a whole another can of worms when you have to play nice for survival. don’t feel bad about it, sometimes it’s the best you can do for yourself to know when and where it is allowed for you to be yourself
@@esthykechan
"If anyone ever thinks you're too much? They can go and find less"
💯💯💯 preach
It's almost funny that being thought of as too much has been my norm.
I've never really wanted to give anything less than my best/all to a relationship.
I like the way you put the last half of your comment.
As Gone Girl showed, too, once your over thirty, it doesn't matter how much you molded yourself into the woman he wanted you to be - you're gonna get replaced anyway.
“Don’t be the cool girl who doesn’t mind, hot girls set boundaries”
Why do ppl think being cool and weak is the same thing, it's not😐
Anna: "I used to be a cool girl, until I took a therapy to the brain"
Lmaoo
The kitty is like, "mom, mom, MOM! Pay attention to MEEEEE!" :) I think we've all morphed to some degree at some point in relationships. Good reminder!
I was a cool girl for my first relationship. Pretending I didn't like romantic things because they were cheesy, pretending it didn't bother me we hung out with his guy friends all the time and never my friends, pretending it didn't bother me when he checked out other girls in front of me. It's only when I spent the summer away and actually realized how much of a person I was without him that I realized what I had been doing which is of course when he fell out of love and dumped me.
I’m glad you realised that and got out of it. I hope you are comfortable with yourself now and in potential future relationships!
The exact same happened to me... wow...
I grew up watching so many "cool " girls around me, and always felt inferior. Always questioned why i wasn't like them. Tried to be like them and failed so many times. I am so happy that these kinds of false personas are being busted by pop psychology and mainly you, Anna.
I sometimes experience the opposite of this and feel weirdly ashamed for playing videogames, drinking whiskey and watching sports etc. while looking pretty traditionally feminine. It feels like others will always assume I'm pretending so I choose to not tell people I like to do these things most of the times. I just wish we would let everyone be themselves fully without any assumptions. So glad you were able to come into yourself 🥰
@@AliaslsailA I was simultaneously sort of a cool girl and felt inferior to more 'normal girls' and would try and psychologically spy or clue in to their choices and figure out why they liked those things and I would always end up feeling both shoddy and careless and bohemian-in-a-bad-way compared to them and internally justify that it makes sense 'normal girls' get treated with more value since I just run around 'like a monkey' (??? Yeah self worth issues a plenty)...but I couldn't for the life of me identify like them. Yeah these kinds of topics are complex.
Honestly you‘re only a cool girl to me if you can set boundaries and tell People when they are frustrating you.
THAT‘S cool!
The little paws reaching out to you is just too cute 🐾
"love is a very tall order, but self-love, oof. You know, sometimes it feels way easier to just gut yourself and renovate your insides according to someone else's blueprint rather than slowly but surely building a foundation." WHEW this was a word
“If someone thinks you’re too much, they can go find less” 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 I laughed out loud AND it was exactly what I needed to hear, thank you Anna!
I let the cool girl die half a year ago. I wanted to be myself. Standing up for myself instead of "bending to be loved" is such a level up
"And if anyone thinks you are too much, then they can go find less" holy sh- I'll pin this phrase to my journal. Thank you Anna
the cool girl scene in gone girl will forever be my favorite movie monologue
I’m absolutely loving your series of mental health skits/perspectives. Super helpful to finding insights.
The only cool girl trap I fell into was suppressing my negative reactions to being treated poorly. I would only raise an issue if it was a dealbreaker and I was willing to lose the friendship or relationship over it. I guess I never trusted that anyone cared about me enough to fight about something and still stay in my life. No idea where that fear of abandonment came from.
I am trying to work on this. And it’s absolutely terrifying. If I express boundaries and negative reactions to people’s treatment of me, it makes me feel sick to my stomach and ruins my entire day/days.
It's kind of like a muscle you have to work though
Moving and traveling alot helps in a way because it kind of unshackles you from your environment and gives you an opportunity to reset and redefine your boundaries each time
The more you practice this and form an alliance with your authentic principles, the easier it will become
I was the "cool girl" with one of my exes and he ended up cheating on me with 2 other women, so yeah, stay true to yourself 🖤🖤🖤
I love that you're doing this vlog with your kitty, it's important to let people see we have families and we love them.
"if anyone thinks you're too much, they can go find less" AMENNN
My definition of cool is not caring what people think and following your heart ❤️
I love the choose your character visualization of the different cool girls 🤣
You just did far more for me than years of therapy ever has.
Thank you for expanding on the cool girl type and touching on internalized misogyny, and pick-me
I completely agree with this. If you don’t build your relationship on a foundation of honesty it’s not going to be fulfilling. At the end of Grease, Danny also did a “cool girl” for Sandy and the musical didn’t delve into those issues at all.
I think _everyone_ has done this at least once in their life… very insightful, Anna. 👍
Yep. Not just women. But guys too.
Nope, i can't. I don't know how to be what others want me to be.
Nope not me🤣
i still laugh at my younger “cool girl” self cause i listened to bands my high school crush covered on youtube cause i thought he would notice me or we’d have some sort of deeper connection because of it, but i ended up genuinely liking the music i discovered past those bands lol
Lmao I have a similar experience. My high school crush did a cover of "Creep" by Radiohead and I believed I was the only one who truly "understood him." He also was into Nirvana and Buckethead. I ended up just liking that music and got over him pretty quickly.
I love how your cat's just getting his daily dose of cuddles as you're talking, he reminds me of my cat and it made me laugh.
I used to suffer from trying to be a cool girl, sometimes I still catch myself people pleasing. I think it was honestly because I had a toxic childhood. Some people probably do this to try and make sure they won't be abandoned.
Agree 💯
Always helps. I repeat, "always helps" Thanks Anna.
I am the kind of girl who always says to her boyfriend that everything is fine and he shouldn't worry and then bottles everything up until it's too much. Luckily in my last relationship my ex boyfriend saw through it and found it annoying so he made me talk and tell him when things weren't actually fine for me, it was definitely beneficial for our relationship and I hope I'll be able to continue doing it in my next relationship
My boyfriend and I have these talks from time to time. he just wants to make sure I actually am okay with things and not overburdening myself for others. It's a trait I developed in my upbringing for non-romantic reasons i.e. trying to blend in at school as an immigrant's child. This people-pleasing aspect was more of a survival trait but in our relationship he wants me to feel safe to be myself.
Good on him and all the best to you
This reminds of a movie called Ruby Sparks where a writer accidentally creates the girl of his dreams out of thin air and realizes he didn't want someone he can manipulate and twist at every turn.
But he did he lived for the fact he could manipulate her and make her meet his needs. She was his manic pixie dream girl that he created, but she had her own wants and needs and that’s why it failed.
“If anyone thinks you’re too much they can go find less” 🔥🔥🔥
I've read Gone girl about 16 times and at this point can recite the cool girl speech by heart ❤️
I love the kitty reaching up with the paddy paw. Like "Yes mommy. U's enough. Keep scratches pwees."
Cool Cat wants to know, "What do I have to do to get Anna's undivided attention!?!""
I wanna be a Cool Cat, pawing at Anna's sweater.
It’s really about allowing yourself to be interested in the things that interest you, and allowing people see that instead of some facade you’ve made up. Be careful not to craft up an image opposite to what you think people want because you don’t want to fit into the mold, either. Stop worrying about the mold altogether and allow yourself to be passionate about things you want to be passionate about.
Someone that want you to be something you're not is always going to be unhappy with your performance
Long before my wife and I started dating I found that I was very much like this, and worked on being open and honest with myself and others. She fell in love with that side of me and now we've been married over 5 years. It's not always easy, but we both know we can be who we really are and if something needs to change for her or my self care we can work on it together :)
Awww, that's sweet! Happy for you!
After YEARS of being that cool girl according to the crush I had for the moment(meaning my so-called 'self' has changed a lot), now I have become a thin, vague concept of a person-- I don't know what I like, I dont't know what my characters are. I CAN like everything, I CAN live with anything, I CAN feel 'alright' with all. That added 'can' is a scar mark I have from those cool girl eras. Thankfully now I'm with a great partner who always encourages me to be who I am, but man, retracing my life of being a cool girl and trying to grasp who I really was/am, that's a tough process especialy if you've gone through it for a long time. I root for all individuals trying to go through this discovery/rectifying phase. Finding out the true me is pretty much a letdown in all parts, but who will embrace me if not me?
The dunun-dun "ok cut" 😂😂
“Will be different, I’ll be quiet, oh so easy”
I felt this so much "I'll be quiet"
Questioning whether my people pleasing tendencies makes me a “cool girl” I really don’t feel cool tho just silly and goofy ☹️😂
I thought about that too for myself. It's like you skip number one because you want someone to like you as is and have your own hobbies, but then fall in the trap of number 2 (at least in my experience).
“cool girl” is just a phrase she is using to describe someone who puts up a facade, fakes interests and hobbies to be liked by others. It doesn’t necessarily mean they are cool. If you feel you’re suppressing your interests and faking interest in other things to appeal to other people, then you’d fall into this “cool girl” category
@@lciav Yeah! Its a box, it doesn't refer to people that are refered to as cool specifically, but used that name to what she described before. Thats why I think that subtitles capitalized it, likes its a name, Cool Girl..
The Psyche Queen as blessed us with more physiological entertainment. 🙏🏾
“If anyone thinks you’re too much, then they can go find less.” Thank you Anna, for this gem.
I used to strive to be the "cool girl" because I really thought that's what I needed to be to be loved or that is what you are supposed to act on a date, but after many love disappointments I went to a date not expecting anything and sick and tired of this act and decided to be fully myself (I didnt had any more energy to give a f**k) expecting it to fail miserably. Surprisingly the date went really well, and few years after we got married.
🙌
I am obsessed with the montages of this room everytime!! I wish I had your room it’s so cute 🥰
That last minute was BRUTAL
that's the greatest message, stop cancelling yourselves over others desires and needs - including parents and friends, not just lovers.
Oh the “if anyone thinks you’re too much, they can find less” really resonated
Ugh, I used to this, but I didn't realize I was doing it. I just got the message that being more like a dude was "better" than my feminine self. So glad I discovered different.
Getting called out by anna rn
I used to be a cool girl who never got pissed at anything my ex did. I always accepted everything even if it bugged me.
Now, am with a new guy
The other day I got annoyed at him at something which was actually out of his control and honestly although I was being unreasonable... it felt really good after I voiced my feelings without pretending
I felt like I could truly be myself show me flaws and work on them as well.
He's super patient with me n I feel so ficking lucky to be with him.
I tried so hard to be the "cool girl" when I was a teenager and early 20s and it so didn't work. It brought me so much pain that could have just been avoided.
I'm not interested in romantic relationships but I realise I have this tendency with friendships, which are very valuable to me. So I appreciate this
I've always been this girl and yk the worst part about being it is when they leave and you find out on your bathroom floor that not did they leave but YOU also aren't their anymore.
„And if anyone thinks you‘re too much, then they can go and find less“ - so simple yet so truuuue why have I never heard of that before
thank you for taking the time and putting subtitles in your videos. As a hard of hearing person, i extremely appreciate it ❤
Looking at Anna is so comfortable like she's always there for you.. So calm and wise
Man, am I the only one who wished the camera was pulled back a bit so we could see the more the luxuriating kitty...?
Omg this is describing me down to the T and that no matter how hard I try, my ex boyfriends still left me. Really learnt it the hard way that if you want to find someone who truly loves you, you just gotta be yourself and have personality bc people these days have no personality 🤯
I'm sorry, but, the intro with the cats and classical music was enough for me to subscribe. The content is great. And I'll rewatch it once I'm done laughing at those crochet hats!! 🤣🤣
Just wanted to stop by and say that your work with these videos is so important and it really helped me understanding some things
That reference to gone girl. Love it
I've definitely done variants of this. As a teenager, I found myself getting along with white girls better than white boys (also just around more of the former due to my school population) and ended up trying to conform to what I thought they'd prefer in a guy friend in various ways. When I hit 30, I decided my life at the time wasn't cutting it for finding a partner and started trying activities that would put me in more contact with women. I didn't stick with anything I didn't genuinely enjoy (dropped yoga, kept doing cooking classes even after I surpassed the level they catered to, stuck with ballroom dancing for 8 years and then transitioned to swing dancing) but I ended up leaving little room to explore activities I wanted to explore but that were predominantly male. I only corrected that into something more balanced in 2019 after a string of rejections when I picked up full contact martial arts and then started weight lifting earlier this year. Still single but definitely happier
The cool girl man needs to be acknowledged more too
Ty for bringing him up
Again, there's a song by 'Dodie' called 'Cool Girl'. Describes the phenomenon perfectly but in music-edition. 😎🎶👌🏻
I am only learning to be myself, after years of combatting rejection. I realized life is simple and it’s me making it difficult for myself. So, yes. I am no longer ‘cool’. I am putting myself first.
I appreciate you not specifying that this is romantic - it happens in friendships too! “If they think you’re too much, they can go find less.”
This was awesome! When you said, "Oooofff" I said it at the exact same time.🤣
The Grease part was hilariously on point.
I love how beetle was like "MOM LOVVVVEEEE MEEEEEEE!"
I also resonated with what anna was saying in hiding myself because I want to be liked and not sticking to my personal boundries.
And also..kitty.I love her kitty.
I totally get this. Also I really loved the “if anyone thinks you’re too much, then they can go find less”
This was me in my first relationship in college... Never again, I have had enough of suppressing myself 👏
This is the first time that I've heard this term, but with my ex-wife I always had to be what I called "Mr. Cool." No matter what nonsense she pulled, I always had to be chill to get by. The problem with people like that is that you'll never, ever become what they really want, because what they want is to criticize, judge, and blame others for their problems.
p.s. That cat has some aggressive love for you. It's adorable.
that kitty's love is all we should strive fuuur
i just noticed anna posts when I am on my way to the gym, oooh thats gonna be a nice habit for me
Anna this is so funny, Melissa dancing and Michelle being sandy shdgdjdhjebfkdj
Thank you.
This was going above my head
It makes me happy that you have realized this about yourself and have grown out of it.
Changing yourself for anyone doesn't work, it will just make you unhappy in the end. It is better to find out who you are, that way you will be able to find someone who is better suited to you.
This one hit home. Thank you, Anna!
Omg that last line really spoke to me... I have been told I am "too much" so much all the time... I'm now gonna respond "okay - go find less"
just when Anna making conclusion and my brain is like "dat is right.." my eyes caught the cat doing the kneading and i chuckled😂😂😂 ahahahaha😂
We mentioned this a lot when it comes to romantic partners but I think this is also applicable to friends/friend groups too where you're trying to impress others by changing yourself to "fit in"
I'm being called out, and thankful for it.Will I could never be more aware, time to reflect and re-assist .😊
Not me stuck with “This is my hair” in my head all night now. That intro 😂
Thank you for your time and effort and advice. You're so inspiring! Thank you for discovering yourself and helping others along the way. Much love 💜✌ I hope you're having a wonderful day
I was very lonely when I was more myself not caring about being what others deemed cool. I think there is a balance to be achieved; we are not all perfect, have issues, and some of us can actually be too much at times.
But it's good to realize factors such as what you mentioned as well because some ideas about the "cool girl/woman" can be very unhealthy.
I used to be homeschooled, so when I finally got to be around people I would do whatever I could to be accepted and make friends. I still have that as a lingering effect. I was a cool girl and I’m working to overcome that
I really like the background, VFX and overall ambience of her videos
Nice closing line
I was so distracted by the gorgeous sweet kitty on her lap 🥺
Dodie Clark's song "Cool girl" describes exactly this and what it feels like to try become one