motherhood for the “aesthetic” and cottage core pick me’s
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- Опубліковано 16 чер 2024
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0:00-1:47 intro
1:47-2:49 lelo ad
2:50- 8:27 performance of motherhood
8:38- 13:47 ballerina farm
13:48 - 16:43 the reality of farm life/homesteading
16:44- 21:47 religious crossover
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sorry for the re-upload again, been having the worst luck with technology this month lol. thank you for your patience!
Mercury retrograde lol
You good! ⚡️🤗
Great topic
I prefer hunter gatherer lifestyles over farming even though I live in the American suburbs because hunting and gathering is easier for the human body than agriculture.
I’m happy you pointed out that some of these women come from money and or “married well”. They are able to live these seemingly experimental carefree lives because they are actually rich. Your typical farmer with 5 plus kids does not have time to film anything.
Right, a rich women who is married to a nepo baby husband. Cmon
You try commenting this and they swear they are not rich . You cant win with these women
Probably also have hired help when the cameras stop rolling.
@@melteddarkchocolate000 nepo baby or not, it’s still a grown ass man looking after his family.
@@sakuraesther6309 because when you’re surrounded by people who live like you do, you don’t think/see that you’re ‘rich’.
As a farmer, my advise to those who want to be farmers in the future but don't have the background is to not only do research but also shadow/work for farmers, veterinarians, nutritionists, and make connections to not only have a better understanding of ag but also be supported within the community. Their career may or may not lead to farming since it is expensive but there are plenty of other careers that involve crops or animals that will not diminish their wallet.
I'm really mad I didn't do ag in school. I live way in the boonies and people keep tf to themselves. I'd get elbow deep in cloacas for free to learn poultry processing hands on. When I was in New England, they had a farm museum with free resources. I'm back in the south, where community is for dirty commies down here lololol
This ☝️👀 or you better pick up a trade like carpentry, sewing, industrial food prep trip, and repair skills asap. Like im a terrible farmer. Im not physically strong for serious animal care stuff and I have a black thumb 😂🤷♂️🤷♂️
( unlike the rest of my family😂)
but when I go home I help process wool, dairy and preserve/pack food to sell or store
That stuff is good to know too even if youre not really built to handle cattle, tractors and horses 😅👀☝️ we have some sheep too, so when we shave them I spin yarn too 👌🙂 all useful farm skills even if you can't do the hard labor
All sides of my family came from farming back in the day.... I do not have that stamina
As another woman studying agriculture- it is also tiring as fuck and very prone to losing you a fuck ton of money
Two words: victory gardens. Farming comes with a lot of risk, for sure, and it's not for everyone... But can you imagine the difference it would make if everyone grew a little food in their backyard? Can you imagine what a difference it would make for the health of our pollinators?
I don’t understand how people think raising farm animals, growing crops, and taking care of a bunch of kids at the same time is “simpler” than having a job and going to the grocery store for food. It truly will never make sense to me.
Exactly!! Like I haven't been able to keep a low effort pothos alive. 😅 The confidence of these people is crazy!!!
they forget that agriculture is a whole science in itself that is very difficult, especially if you were not the best at chemistry at school
I think being uneducated has something to do with it. If you don’t do the research yourself, you’re inclined to believe whatever you hear about it, and lately it’s only people who have never worked on a farm that romanticize the farm life, so people are inclined to believe whatever they say
It is simpler, but it's also really fucking hard.
My grandparent's were farmers and they had 5 kids and their livestock and crops kept them alive for many, many years. My parents have worked full time jobs doing the same laborious tasks since before I was born.
Neither of my grandparents ever experienced long term depression or felt they had unsatisfactory lives. My parent's on the other hand, they are currently very depressed with giving into this Boomer way of thinking for 40 and 50 years and working their lives away. My dad was and still is abusive and my mom is still smothering me at 30 and I'm very unhealthy because of their behaviors.
My grandparents were simply not like that.
So, there is a point to be made that our current lifestyle of working our lives away is very unhealthy and bad for everyone.
And farming in a traditional sense isn't for everyone. Not just anybody can get up at 4am, start breakfast for a large family, get the morning chores done, make lunch for ones self from scratch, do the afternoon chores while preparing dinner for the family and going to bed at 7pm. Repeat 20,000 times or until you die.
@@lepapercastle so in what way is that simpler? I didn’t say anything about mental health lol. It physically is not simpler. And not every one working non farm jobs is depressed? Idk what ur anecdote has to do with anything really
I actually tried this lifestyle. My ex-husband expected me to: raise my (first) newborn daughter, segregated from friends and family and all other humans, AND run a farm, keep the house clean and everyone fed, ALONE. He would go to work and come home and get high in his wood shop, without helping with, or paying for anything, much less saying "Hi" to my daughter and I. Needless to say, I was unable to do that much work. Raising a baby is more work than one person can possibly do on their own, much less running a farm and keeping a house in addition. Ladies, do better than I did. Don't marry anyone until you've experienced how they behave when you are sick. Does he take over all the responsibilities or does he whine and complain like a child to his mother? Does he expect you to secretly manage everything while praising him for managing everything? Does he think raising a child is "not work" because he doesn't see any of it being done? Be careful. He might be confusing the words "partner" and "slave."
@@josephk4932 Czech
@@josephk4932 Just curious, why do you ask?
Also, before marrying someone check first how they treat you when they are angry and how do they deal with various conflicts.
Yerp that’s was I figured. I know someone married to a guy who wants to “live off the land” and he exhibits these traits already while they live in New Jersey.
@@christine9122 Yes exactly. How does he act when he has strong emotions? Does he turn every feeling into violent anger?
« Mother of 6 barefoot in the kitchen » sounds like my personal nightmare lol 😭
It's the conservative ideal woman!
rightt, could never be me
Gosh. Same, I literally shivered when she said it
Same it's really scary
Yesss unless the six children are cats then it would be fine
My sister and I call this “trend” the Marie Antoinette phenomenon 😂 where rich girls who are bored of high society escape to a tiny cottage in the forest and pretend to be “poor/simple”.
Okay but in all honesty, I love the cottage core aesthetic and hope to have a cottage-y looking house one day - but hopefully it’s in a town or city where I can work. And my garden will probably just be a little box of herbs, the farm animals will be my cats 😂😂
This is such a good take lol. We're in the fortunate position of having inherited a house and 30 acre farm when my father in law died. Now we have 2 little kids and it is VERY different than what these women are doing. We're comfortable enough financially but actually understanding the cost of everything involved, I don't know anyone who could go from living in the suburbs, decide "I wanna farm and all the supplies and equipment that goes into that" then just do it. It would take a wild level of income.
YES! This is exactly what I was thinking of!
This is why my "cottagecore dream" is literally to live in a cottage lol. I do not want to live on a farm or do homesteading. I just want to live in a tiny cottage on a good 2 acres of land. Me, my partner, a few pets. No kids. No farm animals. No farming lol. I know I'm not cut out for that stuff. I'm literally allergic to my own sweat 😂
Exactly. I know there’s a lot of overlap with cottagecore and farmhouse followers/styles, but there’s a pretty notable difference to me. I prefer cottages over farms because you get to live close to nature without partaking in hard manual labor or mostly isolating yourself from society lol
SAME!!! I was trying to figure out if I was being attacked, but since I don’t actually want to live off of crop, and I definitely don’t want animals, I don’t think it’s me. I just want to build my little cob cottage in the woods and work from home.
@@mollygrace3068 exactly lol. Like, I still want the modern comforts of Wi-Fi and drivability to a coffee shop lol. I just want my actual home to be a cute little cottage in a rural-ish area. I want my home to be in a neighborhood where houses have a good bit if distance from each other, and there’s more nature than concrete. But I want it to be close enough to a small town that I can get to a coffee shop or library without having to drive a half hour lol.
@@Androgynary that’s exactly what I want 💖 close enough to town to socialize and go get a cup of coffee, but far enough to be able to sit outside my home and enjoy my tea without hearing city noise buzzing around me 24/7 lol
A garden maybe but no farm
Also it’s interesting this trend of idealised motherhood is happening as reproductive health regresses
Come on nowwww
It’s an agenda
Wow i never thought about that
That is a very interesting way of looking at it. People realize that they likely will be forced into motherhood so they are trying to romanticize the idea to keep themselves from becoming depressed
Why would women be forced into motherhood lol
Living a rural life is very challenging. People romanticize it so much. I don't think people realize that a place like this needs a lot of mantaince. A house in more contact with nature, will get dirty more easily. There'll be bugs and small animals appearing sometimes. It could happen something more bad than we're used to, after lightinings or storms, since it's more vulnerable to everything around it. Plants need everyday care. Many times things simply don't grow for many reasons, or are ruined by a storm, or get sick. It'll problably come full of bugs. Trees take years to grow fruit. Sometimes it doesn't grow fruit when suppposed to. Taking care of animals takes a lot of money. Animals to produce well whaterever you want them to produce, will problably need to be an specific breed, and its not cheap. Often times for different purposes its necessary different animals. A breed of chicken good for laying eggs is different than a chicken good for producing meat. If not taken good care of, if its food is lacking nutrients, if the water is dirty, they could get sick or die. It's also definitely not a clean job. Also predators can be a big issue for animals. And bugs and poisonous animals can be more of a bigger issue for humans than we think. Getting water can also be an issue for many reasons. Important places like hospitals, are not always, but often very far. If you plan to go to city often, prepare for your gas bills. And prepare to have a gun to protect yourself in case of emergencies.
Don't get me wrong, if you like this lifestyle, and it gives you purpose, it's worth it. But most people really don't realize that it's not always "Ah yes, look at the nature. The birds singing. I'm gonna go pick strawberries in my garden uwu
Thank you this is everything I could have ever said. Very well put.
You summarize my thoughts exactly. It's very very challenging especially when you're more isolated from a community.
This! I know so many folks that romanticize farm life but then they act like their life is over when the WiFi cuts out for an hour. Lots of power outages happen in the country!
@@mmps18 I know! Power outages are so common we got at least one power outage a month more often more. Not to mention if you do have internet it is so slow! Growing up it would take me anywhere from 30min to an hour to load a fifteen twenty minute video on youtube. Now I live in the city and it plays automatically with no loading!
Its like 😂 you will get to frolic and sing with bird and eat strawberries 😋 ....... after winter ✋💀💀💀💀
I grew up in rural Ireland on a farm. And what alot of people dont understand is there are NO days off.a farm is a full time job. The fantasy is real of moving back to the asshole of nowhere. However, my familys source of income was the farm. And that was threatened with the foot and mouth disease in the early 2000s. Yea but marrying a millionaire would help lol 💅🌈✨
My parents got a small allotment near their retirement and they are growing just a few veggies and berries and herbs and they spend soooo much time trying to keep it going, and now the moved their vacation period to a different time bevause when they used to go is a time the allotment czntn survive 2 weeks without daily interefence. And it's just a small allotment with zero need for profit or money.
Ex-farn kid and ranch hand here. I think growing up we had a total of two family vacations in the 19 years I lived out there. These were the years that most of the cows were sold because they were too old to be productive, and the only things needing tending were the barn cats, dogs and hogs (which the neighbors easily took care of). It was during the off-farming season, naturally, so no harvesting needed.
And as a ranch hand? I only was able to start paring back hours due to being heavily pregnant and having a high school helper. Still did everything around the animals and the tractor, just without handling the meds and chemicals.
That way of life ain't no walk in the park. My parents had to hold down multiple jobs in order to stay afloat, as did the ranch owners. There were no weeks long vacations. The boys didn't care if you were sick or injured, they still gotta eat. People who buy into the farmlife for 'aesthetics' need to do some better research.
Yep, every farmer I know is busy all the time and never gets a holiday, I feel like when you live near farms that's very apparent.
Personally, as someone who lives in a big city, I've always leaned towards country living. My sister is the complete opposite, she loves urban spaces and a rewarding career.
The difference is that we've been that way since childhood, without the influence of the internet and the romanticization that is portrayed in social media. I do hope people realize that any lifestyle they take will involve some kind of hard work.
i'm with ya, you literally sounds exactly like me!!!! couldn't agree more girl!
@@WhitneyUwandu yay! I'm glad I'm not alone!
Exactly.
if you have never lived in a rural county, then you will not like it. Living and working in rural America means sacrificing a high paying jobs and having little to no internet. If thats something you cant do, then stay away. You definitely romanticize it even if you do not think you do.
@@jtex9412 I’m more referring to semi-rural/suburbia but mini homesteading. We have so many areas like that in my country and where I live that is still basically metropolitan
women being expected to fulfill both their "family/homemaking duties" and then girlbossing at work, too, is a sociological phenomenon and and is called double socialization
thnak feminism
@@marvin2678yea, thank feminism because without it you would be less than a dog. Some of you forget that!!
Its impossible to be a mother, meet the needs of a corporation, take care of yourself and live a fulfilled happy life. We shouldn't hate on woman for choosing to opt of consumerism and being a resource for a corporation at the expense of her own wellbeing.
I’m going to be a mom this summer, and I am equal parts excited and terrified. I was raised in a wealthy white family in a rural area. My baby will be half indigenous, and over the last year and a half I have spent more time around indigenous people than white people. I’ve learned A LOT.
Indigenous people tend to be a lot less pessimistic about motherhood and raising children than white liberals. I used to have the attitude of “why would I bring a child into the world the way it is now” and “if I don’t have the perfect life with tons of money and stability I won’t have kids”. I’ve found that my indigenous friends and family are a lot more hopeful and laid back about motherhood, and it’s been extremely comforting. They have raised kids in extremely challenging conditions, never expecting a fairytale because *genocide* already has made their lives so treacherous.
What I kept thinking in regards to this colonized, white version of rural living discussed in the video and comments is the isolation and expectation of one nuclear family running a whole farm/ranch on their own. Indigenous people seem to lean on their relatives a lot more, and consider non-blood relations their relatives as well. I am friends with the folks who take care of the buffalo heard for one of our local tribes, and it is 100% a community effort, run on tribal owned land to keep that place going. They always have visitors of friends and community members, and there are talks of starting a community garden and other projects that would benefit a multitude of people. When a buffalo is harvested, it is fed to the community, not sold.
Bottom line, I do think the major “ick” factor of white rich people flaunting cottage core lifestyles is that colonized family life is hard on the soul no matter how you do it. Mothers shouldn’t be expected to raise kids without community and one family shouldn’t be expected to work a whole huge ass property with the goal of profiting enough to stay afloat in late capitalism. ALL labor and fruits of that labor should be shared by community.
Exactly!!!
I 100% agree with this comment. I always thought it was weird to hear people saying things like “is it even right to have kids with the state of the world” when they are literally so privileged in so many ways. But at the same time they are lacking in one major way and that’s community. Secular, white, American society is incredibly isolated despite having more resources than ever before. Robot bassinets, Uber eats, and 1000 dollar strollers can’t replace having an actual community. Even though I come from a middle class white American family myself, my parents passed on to me the importance of surrounding yourself with strong community. I grew up with tons of “aunties” who weren’t blood relations and we even lived with other families at different points. But I can tell you it’s freaking hard to find for myself! I’ve been trying to meet other moms but everyone is in their own individualist little bubble. If I didn’t have my family, my sister, my husband’s family, and the friends we grew up with I would be completely lost.
I’m also having my first baby this summer! I hope everything goes beautifully for you. 💕
Im also having a baby this summer :) i wish you all the luck. I agree with you, im living in czech republic, studying in our capital city, but once i realized i am pregnant me and my boyfriend decided to move back to a small town we grew up in as our families live there. I couldnt imagine raising a baby completely alone without my family. This way we will be surrounded by all the aunties, grandparents etc and also i have a church community there so im not that worried to be alone. I do not believe nuclear families are the best, obviously its good to have your own place that you share with just the husband and children but being able to just walk 5 minutes to your parents house and 10 mins to your husbands parents house etc is something i will forever be grateful for. I feel like us slavs are sticking more together, even though here in capital city i also see people surprised when i tell them im moving away and not staying here alone with the baby.
Great comment! I am Mexican, and I relate a lot to the concept of relying on relatives. When I got married, I immediately had more responsibilities with my family and my husband's. I was suddenly asked for favors by my grandma, aunts and mother, and for a few months it felt daunting - but then I realized how open they were to helping back. My generation has grown with a lot more American / individualistic influence, so I just brushed off this offers of help. It wasn't until I had one emergency that I asked for help and realized how naturally it came to them to just help back, and that they even enjoyed being helpful. Now it feels like I get a lot more help than I receive.
It was at this point that I became sure that I wanted to stay in my city. Prior to this, my husband and I had wondered if moving to a bigger city was an option, but we have come to realize that our support network really makes our lives better and when we have kids, we want to raise them in this community.
All the luck in the world to all the upcoming mamas!!! Sending much love ❤
I’ll be one to admit motherhood is not only rough but for many it can be very traumatic. It can tear at you psychologically in ways you never could see coming. This aspect of motherhood never really gets talked about. We all have this romanticized vision of being a mom but that curtain really fell for me about 8 years in. I had my third baby 4 years ago and I’m still struggling to just get back to a mentally sound place inside. Motherhood is incredible but it can also bring you to times of very deep, deep lows. Just be sure to give yourself a world of time first… before you embark❤
Mom of 4, who is literally about to close on the sale of our homestead property haha we didn't get past a few chickens and a garden. But just having property is a lot of work. All we were doing was working. I can't imagine adding more animals and really trying to be self sufficient. We are moving back towards civilization haha
best of luck to you and your family!!
Typical dumb city people.
Exactly, farms/homestead require work 24/7 sometimes and not a lot of people are used to that or want to do that. It’s great that you tried it, now know it’s not for you, and are moving back to a healthy space. Best of luck to you and your family
Thank you guys ❤️
@Oooooo Maybe they knew exactly what it was but it didn't work out 🙄
Speaking on motherhood as a new mom- it is amazing. I love it so much and it definitely changed my life for the better. HOWEVER, it is SO MUCH. I legit felt like I was losing my mind at one point, and the response is just "well, why did you have a baby then?" "Oh, you can't handle it?" "Oh, it's not that hard." I was running on three hours of sleep FOR months. I had to bring my son in the shower with me and even then, I could only shower for like five minutes. I can't enjoy my hobbies anymore. My free time doesn't exist. You legit lose yourself in being a mom and when you look for support, you just get told a bunch of negative bs. People will make you feel like a bad mom for struggling and doing what you need to for your sanity, and it's ridiculous.
People always want to feed you the beauty of pregnancy and being a mom, but they will never tell you the reality of it all. Yes, it is beautiful. But I do miss feeling like my own person and I wish people were more compassionate towards moms. It's very easy to lose yourself in motherhood and it'd be nice if people would ask how moms are doing too after they have babies, rather than only asking about the children🙃
I must say I was shocked when a traditional femfluencer talked about her birth story . She had zero knoweledge on even how to latch a baby . I was shocked because how are you a traditional femfluencer and know littoe about motherhood .??? What are you studying as a traditional femfluencer
I'm a teenager and i always make sure my friends know about these issues and postpartum depression but they be giving lame excuses "oh my sister was never depressed because of her baby" "it's not like that! Mother's are strong" sure as hell mothers are strong but we also need to help them They be always try to deny the consequences of being a mother because in here the only thing most people know about is how beautiful motherhood is and nothing about the consequences :0
This is so sad. Mothers should have support so they can be their own person. I don't understand why our society treats women like we have to do EVERYTHING alone or we're not good enough.
@@DimaRakesah this !!
How can you say motherhood is amazing but have more complaints than positive experiences. Please stop contributing to the deceptive culture you speak about just bc you’re obsessed with how you’re perceived. That’s the issue now.
As a small homesteader mom in Montana, I agree to allllllll of this. It’s been harder and harder to find land because of the people with money coming in, making it harder for us in the poverty trenches of living land to mouth to survive. It’s also impossible to keep up with these “ideals” that social media influencers have posted. Being a mom is a job in and of itself, and when you’ve got money backing you, you can hie off on these grandiose post/ videos without thinking about the financial implications/complications… and it’s not real. I’ve been saying this ever since “modern farmhouse” has taken the aesthetic mood- farms/ homesteads aren’t white, aren’t minimal, aren’t spotless. My kitchen is my science lab- it’s got three different meals going, it’s got dirty dishes, half the time it’s got an injured animal in it… and there’s definitely chicken poop. Thank you for sounding off on this.
Cottage life is fun until you wake up and find one of those giant ass spiders that look like they came from Australian hell 😊. No thank ya. I'm scared of cockroaches already.
I'm speaking from experience lol. I remember when I was a little girl, I saw this GIANT ASTRO spiders on the walls of our house. This hit traumatized me SO much that I still remember it to this day as an adult.
Counterpoint: spiders are awesome and kill the real problems for free
Australian hell!!! I'm laughing so hard that I'm sure dead souls from Australian have been hearing about me.
Exactly!! I live in a semi rural tropical place and I can't keep my windows open at night, Huge spiders, jungle cockroaches, mosquitos, kissing bugs, ticks and more terrors await
@@johnpaulcross424 they also have fangs that can puncture human skin 💀
Mom of multiple kids who started a garden a while back here: yeah, it's HARD. It's absolutely fulfilling for me personally and I really do enjoy it but you're going to dirty and sticky and bit by bugs and sometimes your crop doesn't do well and sometimes the pests get to it and THEN there's being a mom which is hard and painful and messy and gross and is basically a 24/7 job. And that's just a garden and some chickens, not a full blown farm.
I ALSO think a big part of it is that we are not honest - and I mean HONEST honest - about pregnancy and childbirth. We need to make sure people are informed of how hard it is and how much it can permanently alter parts of your body and its functions (shoot, even your mind, your hormones!). I absolutely support anyone who wants to have kids, and I fully support anyone who wants to do sustenance gardening or farming, but you need to go into it fully informed.
Right?? I'm a first time mom and I love being a mom but it is tough and very metal in my opinion. Also did not know about perineal tears and postpartum hairloss. Motherhood isn't glamorous at all though my baby is the most beautiful thing in the world to me.
Pretty much what permanently sealed the deal on me not having kids was just learning about all the parts of the body that can be affected by pregnancy and childbirth. Unsurprisingly, carrying a literal mini human and then having to push it out can screw a lot of your body up, and none of it is pretty. The people who ARE willing to become a mother despite the risks and loss of self/sanity/clean households deserve a lot more respect than what society gives now.
We need to start being honest about how hard being a working mum or a stay at home mum is. All throughout history, it was something done as a collective with support. Expecting woman to raise children and work by herself is a very new phenomena. Making woman think that becoming a resource for a corporation is a very messed thing.
it's giving very marie antoinette having a whole garden built and maintained for her
For me, I know it’s a lot of work. But compared to a corporate job in a capitalist world, the work is more fulfilling. You literally can see the fruits of your labor! Every job has good and bad days, but I think about how I want to spend my short time on earth, and this is a way that aligns with my ideals!
I am haooy that makes yoh happy .I wish you all the best . For me though I want a nice corporate with lots and lots of money and only a kitchen garden . Just a small sized garden for my family . All these acres on acres will limit my freedom . I love the money though . I hope things work out for us
I agree with this. Yea homesteading has its challenges but I would rather do that then work a corporate job. Homesteading is a skill that you can pass down to your children & grandkids. Not to mention these are very important survival skills that can ensure the safety of your family if another pandemic happens or any other catastrophic event happens in the world. These are skills that have existed for thousands of years, so i can’t possibly understand how its now categorized as this big “propaganda” push….
I grew up Mormon and you hit everything right on the nail. The epistemological and socially isolated culture here is awful. The ballerina farm lady perpetuates a reality that cannot exist unless youre rich, like you said. It doesn’t account for the gender wage gap here, and Utahs “economic prosperity” literally built off the backs of the invisible unpaid labor of stay at home moms. This also seeps into why so many women here get sucked into MLMs. I’ll be moving as soon as I graduate which is exciting. It’s hell here 😐 the mountains are nice tho.
I grew up Jehovah’s Witness. In a year after I get my degree I’m moving too. These people aren’t right. I’m so tired of it.
What's mlm
@@fiveweenies4533 multi-level marketing
@@fiveweenies4533multilevel marketing (scam). think avon, mary k, weight loss supplements, jewelry or even knife sales.
Are mormans racist?
Something I recently heard has really stuck with me. There's a difference between "I want a baby" and "I want to be a parent."
this!! I heard in an interview that most people want the picture-worthy moments, not the actual experience itself.
It's so, so important to show what parenthood actually can mean and that there are many parents who in fact regret being one.
No child deserves to be brought into this hellhole and not have parents that really want it.
Yeah, but if you put a dog in baby clothes and make it go in a stroller, maybe you do want to be a parent, you just won’t let yourself think that.
i also find it really interesting that the whole "cottagecore" aesthetic, when it first became really popular, was pretty intertwined with lesbian culture. not that all lesbians had to like the aesthetic, but that a large part of the people talking and romanticising the cottagecore lifestyle were women who are a part of the lgbtq+ community. now, most of the media that fits into this aesthetic is very traditional and leaning into a domestic, heteronormative fantasy. this whole comment is more of an observation than a critique, but i find it interesting to see how the cottagecore ideal has been saturated by heteronormativity rather than the queer romanticism that it used to be
Yeah I remember it as a Tumblr lesbian fantasy. Like, an escapism thing. Now it’s been co-opted by straight tradwives
I was thinking exactly the same. Cottagecore is queer, and it pisses me off when it's co-opted by trad wife groups. It's also often a very communal focused way of living, rather than the nuclear family style that's romanticized
You're so right! I had forgotten about that!
@@DeathnoteBBexactly and everything goes to shit now that has happened
Damn you’re right. I’m actually curious to why that happened now
Lol I've got family in the country (i'm in Indonesia tho) who i visit during Eid. I drink coffee that's “never left the property” & harvest flowers to press for my resin projects. It seems all fun & dandy, but the reality of it is it is VERY laborious & my family has always employed staff around the property (villagers to work the land, even just do dishes). I've always sort of known these cottagecore people can't be for real-realz. Not even the childless ones. Thanks for sharing as always 🙏🏼🙏🏼🩵🩵🫶🏼
omg you hand pick flowers from your garden for your resin projects? that sounds sooo cool 🤩 I'm from Malaysia (we're country neighbours hehe) my immediate family and my extended family (all of my first cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents from both sides) live in urban-esque areas, but I can still relate to employing weekly maids to help around my house lol and while my grandma's tea has left the property, her ginger tea is still one of the best tea I'll ever taste in the entire world! 🤭 However, I do have some extended family members who work on a farm and they used to have cows too lol
@@daniyah5613 heeeeeey, hello, neighbour!! Thanks for sharing 🌸🌷🪻🌼🌻🌺
I’m a mom to one toddler. And the vibe of that account is very much a “see how easy it is when you do it the right way” vibe and it’s icky.
That’s what it is!! Omg I couldn’t put my finger on it but it’s that unspoken “this is the right way” thing that really chaps my ass. Just another way to shame women and mothers for not living up to some ideal.
@@gz5405 and she is being disingenuous if her nanny is being hidden or she purposely doesn't show the help she has living like that.
I don't know, I don't watch her stuff but it's giving me Goop vibes... on a farm!
Also if she is that rich, you know she is hiding the realities of true farm life.
It's funny, your vibe is the same one as those meat eaters who can't stand that I am a vegetarian and get all defensive and passive agressive. I think it's icky too.
@@melchiorlise2466 the billionaire's not gonna notice you for this, girl
@@issecret1 You're right, thank god she's too busy living her best life to come across this moronic comment section full of people who can't cope with the fact that she has money and is a great mother
Mom of a 10 month old here to say you're spot on about motherhood and it's so nice to see someone who doesn't have kids seem to have a great understanding of it! I have friends who are childless that really seem to romanticize it which don't get me wrong I wouldn't trade it for the world but I worry that if people who romanticize it have children they will have a much harder time coping when/if they choose to have kids. The internet is weird because I think depending on the things you watch you can either have this idea that motherhood is all bad or all good when the reality is a lot of both 😝. If you're in the depths of motherhood, romanticizing your life can help you get through a hard day! Like my baby didn't sleep at all last night but Imma put her in a cute outfit and sip my coffee while I admire how adorable she is 😝🙌 I think you're so right that it's worrisome that people will just see things online and jump into the lifestyle without knowing anything about it. I do love that kind of content but I KNOW I would hate living on a farm. I think the healthy thing to do is take inspiration from those videos and maybe try baking bread for the first time! Or start a small herb garden and see how you like it. Try wearing a pretty dress and listening to happy upbeat music while you're cleaning your home (it 1000% makes it more fun I swear) Doing those small things can be really fun hobbies that help scratch that itch for people without quitting their job and moving to the country! ❤️
I'd also like to add to my ridiculously long comment and say you DO NOT need to post your life online to romanticize your life. Do it for yourself. Do it to help your own mindset and uplift your own spirits. Do it to bring a bit of joy into your home 😊
She doesn't have a good understanding of it. Just another millennial with no life bashing those who want more out of life. You can spot these people a mile away. This channel isn't an expert on anything.
I love this comment!!!! People forget to take INSPIRATION from others instead of copying everything they do. I would totally put on a cute dress on a Sunday morning just to clean up lol and that would brighten my day without having to live on a whole farm.
@@EshaBby444 yaaass exactly 😍🙌
I was born and raised in Ukraine, in suburban area with grandparents that have been growing own vegetables their whole lives. I wasn’t forced to help out that much because they spoiled me. But every time I joined it felt like torture. I always thought I would love to live in the city instead. After moving abroad to a capital city in a Nordic country, I was amazed by the lack of actual good soil where I’d expect it to be. All rocks and purchased soil mostly, resting on some plastic cover material in flower beds…
I started being interested in houseplants and then my interest extended to everything related to growing stuff. I feel like the balcony isn’t enough for me anymore. I think it’s best to do your research about crop growing and start small to see if you enjoy the process.
Really great discussion. I’m a “traditional” stay at home mom, and there’s nothing wrong with that, the problem is always if there’s no other option available. We deserve choices!! ♥️
I grew up in rural New Mexico somewhat on a farm not large and mostly animals we were poor so not much. It’s really difficult as a young kid I was already doing labor to help out and take care of everything. Other people in the comments have gone further in depth to specific details so you can look at those but the other aspect I wanted to talk about was more emotional social impact. It can be incredibly isolating and lonely to be living rural with barely any community around. If I wanted to go spend time with my friends they were at a minimum of ten miles away and that was the closest. The town was 40 miles. So it’s not often you can go spend time or visit others. Sometimes that can be months at a time. That takes a mental toll both on children and adults especially if there are conflicts at home. So please keep that in mind if you are considering this. There’s many hardships it’s not what the internet portrays.
As someone who also deals with a similar thing i wish you all love. But yeah it's so isolating like I'm turning 19 and in my senior year of highschool and therefore i have so little time to meet my friends and that can lead to more isolation.
first of all- are u extroverted or introverted? because it would give a lot of background. introvert like me probably wouldn't mind no people around for some time, but for extroverts i can imagine this as a hell.
@@ievazak I am introverted. But you have to understand how important it is for child development to be exposed to other kids. It's critical for their socialization skills. I experienced extreme difficulty making friends for all of my adolescence. I was also taken advantage of by my first friend who became my abuser for six years because I had no idea how friendships were supposed to work. The kind of isolation I'm talking about is not just a lack of constantly spending time with friends for fun but a lack of having a strong support network for your well being. In my case in particular I also grew up in a dysfunctional house hold with parents constantly fighting (which would later lead to their divorce) and an abusive alcoholic father. When you are in a rural area and there is a harmful home life you have no where to go and no one to go to. Even for introverts, humans are social creatures and we depend on each other to survive.
I think people don’t really think about how the child will grow up in these situations. Thanks for providing that perspective because much of the discussion around this content focuses on the mother only.
My husband and I have a small homestead which includes horses, chickens, bees and one pet steer 🤣 soon to include wild, free spirited children.
I have people say all the time that they want to do it, but then when they see that you have to feed and water in negative weather, people get cold feet (no pun intended). Bucking hay, trailering sick animals to the vet - it can be difficult.
The fact of the matter is, is that it is hard work. It is not for the faint of heart. It can also be a huge learning curve when it is something you didn’t grow up doing or weren’t ever around in your life.
I also just want to add that both my husband and I work full time. We make no money from our animals or garden. But we do have enough to be somewhat self sufficient and also give away to neighbors, friends, and family which is nice. We would have more money if we didn’t live this lifestyle, but, it makes me deeply happy. So it is worth it. Neither of us are from wealthy backgrounds. Everything we have is from our own hard work. That is the problem with romanticizing this life style.
I‘m a young, relatively new mom from Europe and I‘ve got another, maybe a bit euro-centric take on this.
In the first half of 19th century Europe when urbanisation and industrialisation hit, there already was some kind of cottagecore movement and I find that to be fascinating. Romanticism was a literature movement that longed for a closer connection to nature while the world around it was drastically changing. Hiking and writing poems on nature was super duper en vogue. So it‘s just us repeating age-old patterns all over again. And this brings a peace of mind on my side.
You're right, I'd forgotten about that. It was those William Turner paintings they call 'bucolic' and also the Arts and Crafts movement which involved Ruskin and William Morris. It's a natural backlash against modernisation in a repeating cycle.
I'm a single mom and I appreciate how tactful you were with this subject. Yes, motherhood is HARD, and from what I've researched homesteading is hard too. There's a saying that SELF-sustainability is a myth and I agree. Motherhood and homesteading require community, but capitalism has trained us to go about everything independently
💯
And I will NEVER be a mother. I am not mentally mature. I'm an airhead basically. I make very bad financial decisions. I am not ready to go through hell for 9 months for someone. I want to live and enjoy a peaceful life ❤.
She just like me fr
Live your life!
And that is totally fine. I feel the exact same way.
same; we're gonna go for the rich hot aunty vibe instead lol
You won't. Life isn't peaceful
Loved what you pointed out about these religious women essentially “influencing” their tradwife lifestyle. As I was watching those clips from her account, the overriding thought I had was “this feels like propaganda.” To push this idealised version of extreme femininity, 7 kids, putting on her makeup to start her day of FARM CHORES (as someone who has worked on farms for the last ten years that was eye-roll inducing) - all of this sells this idea of aesthetic over work. I’ve seen how urban and suburban folk online talk about farm work and the desire for many young women is not to actually DO the work itself, but to be SEEN and OBSERVED doing the work, which is patriarchal conditioning in a nutshell really. They want to post about their cottagecore life online with their appearance at the forefront and gain the same admiration they themselves are giving Ballerina Farm.
It’s so dangerous for women to be pushed this idea of a return to traditional gender roles, because once you’re stuck out in the middle of nowhere with multiple children and haven’t had a career for years, guess what - it becomes WAYYYY easier for abusive men to then trap you there. I’m /not/ saying this woman’s millionaire husband is abusive, but look at the power imbalance there alone.
Also I obviously have no issue with women wanting to be mothers but there’s a real conversation to be had about how the single biggest contribution to global emissions is having a child, because you’re creating a whole new person to grow up consuming. Obviously nothing wrong with having kids, the species will continue regardless of climate change, but 7? Great video as always
This its performative relgious propaganda.
@@jessicarabbit439 and a childless women influencers pursuing their career in the city is feminist liberal propagada. Everything is propaganda, let women do what tf they want to do.
I can't believe that we're seeing a return to women being housewives all because choice feminism celebrates "the right to choose". It is actually so dangerous for women to trap themselves in these situations where they have to be completely financially reliant on a man due to the risk of abuse.
Sure, if you're 100% certain your man is a good one then go for it, but this shouldn't be encouraged in the vast majority of situations.
@@dmb1745 Literally. Male-operated media outlets have spent the last ten years pushing the hell out of libertarian-esque individualism in all feminist conversation, now it’s all about what YOU choose to do, and everything YOU personally choose is automatically feminist purely by dint of you being a woman. Which is utter bullshit. It’s like saying “well I personally own a luxury private jet that I use for all my travel, but I’m an environmentalist, really!” Like. The political goal is achieved through collective action, not personal choice. And because we now live in backwardsland, any woman who shares her collectivist feminist opinion is shouted down as a swerf/terf - oh I’m sorry, I mean feminazi.
Liberals wring their hands over language meanwhile conservatives take advantage of the infighting to roll back reproductive rights, and now we see young women on social media complaining that women in the past even fought for the right to work and vote in the first place, because it means THEY, PERSONALLY can’t live out their media-addled sugarbaby dreams. How convenient for women as a whole. It helps none of us. Women need to start asking themselves and the other women in their lives why certain attitudes about our place in society garner such vitriol from men. I know it’s less painful to bury our heads in the sand, but nothing will change that way.
@@dmb1745 the problem is there's no way to be certain. Human beings are flawed. And men have to essentially give up their aggressive, power hungry and lustful nature to be loving family men (extreme domestication)
This is why people invest in insurance and every woman in a relationship with a man shouldn't make her exit difficult.
Only tradwives live in a fairytale and many of them are left penniless when they found out he was cheating and want to leave him.
And infidelity is quite high in Mormon families and the problem is leaving isn't that easy because you don't just leave your husband but the entire community including your own parents disown you.
You are to forgive and stay no matter what, even if the Bible says you can leave. Some men make up the rules and can disregard the parts of the Bible they don't like just to get their wives to do what they want.
bdway the Mormon Bible has been rewritten and I wouldn't be surprised if the scriptures on divorce were removed.
The rural Kim Kardashian memes were SENDING me. 💀
I'm glad you discussed this. My grandma who is 102 years old grew up on a farm in Auburn, Alabama and if you ask her, she will tell you how incredibly HARD it is to run a farm. She still tells me stories about how she was expected to milk the cows, feed the pigs, feed the chickens, etc all before walking to school back in the early 1920s. Farm life is not for the faint of heart.
Honestly we need a video about ED online communities infiltrates itself in some cores and trends, it’s very vicious.
I KNOW RIGHT!!!!!! for a time I through that I was a magnet for this shit, because I absolutely love lana del rey and similar things but now I can't follow a hashtag about ANY aesthetic without
Seeing sublime posts connected with ED.
@Isabel B. So, I'm sick of following tags about her and the things I love and then at each 4 posts there is something that for us, that use internet for a long time, know that is clearly pro ana (yes I'm talking about the coffee+cigarettes+diet coca posts+ skinny white girls posts). Is suffocating. Lana has nothing to do with pro ana/mia bullshit and most posts in her tags are things like that and nothing related to her. When I follow the tag #lanadelrey I wanna see pretty pictures of her (INCLUDING RECENT ONES! Not the really old ones that she was 2000 skinny!!!!!!)
@Isabel B. I hope you're better now. Ca
You elaborate about how the two universes converge? Maybe this can be useful since you were an insider. I wish this had nothing to do with lana because now that she gained some weight, those fans are the ones that talk horrible things for her.
Ed survivors supporting each other here like bosses
I think this type of content started appealing to people a lot during the darkest days of the pandemic--that's when the YT algorithm started showing it to me and I did find it really comforting and transporting--the idea that you wouldn't have to rely on snarled global supply chains because you had self-sufficiency. Owning land and the freedom and space that provided compared to being crammed in an apartment in the city or home in the suburbs...it just seemed like such an appealing alternative when being physically close to people posed grave, manifold dangers. but that kind of life--of self-sufficiency and off-grid living, it's so much harder than people realize.
I’ve been a homeschooling, traditional mom for 20 years, and just know that as long as you’re loving and providing for your babies, you’re doing a great job.
@@R-rr1 what??? Feminism is not a stick to beat other women with. Stop berating her for choices she is actually happy with. How dare you compare her to a cow, how vile and misogynistic.
Not a mom, but I stand by the idea of ‘if at the end of the day your kids are healthy and happy, you’ve done a good job!
Though that’s also because I know plenty of kids that, left to their own devices- are nominees for mini Darwin awards.
Look, I love some Ballerina Farm. There’s so much negativity about motherhood on the Internet that her joy and fulfillment in motherhood is a breath of fresh air.
But I’m so glad you brought up her connection to JetBlue. I felt like I had been duped when I learned this a few months ago. That grossly expensive stove was lying to me! It wasn’t a cute old farm stove. It was imported and cost tens of thousands of dollars! They advertise themselves like they are living off the land but as you stated so well, they’re absolutely not!
Her easy-breezy lifestyle is not made exclusively by her farm life, it’s bolstered by her 1% connections. If her farm fails, she will still have more money than most Americans (by far). If the women following her were to try her lifestyle, the would encounter way more stress and strife! In fact, they couldn’t even get in the door because they can’t afford to buy the desirable land that Ballerina Farm lives on.
Great analysis. I love your thoughts on how these different sociocultural movements connect.
Much of my extended family are ranchers and I spent a handful of summers as a kid helping out. I see how hard it is for them, how little life they have outside their ranches, and how much that lifestyle ages them. Because of that I never got cottagecore and homesteading. I can see how going back to basics can appeal to some, but ultimately, it is a fantasy.
Same with me. I grew up in a rural area and my uncle has a farm as well as there being some around us where I grew up. The people there never had any real vacations because dairy cows need to be milked everyday, that milk needs to be sent out too, the land has to be taken care of. there is never a stop to anything. And the children all had to pitch in, whether they wanted to or not. The work is insane and it never stops, so most people really underestimate what it all entails and what a risk it is
As cool as I think farmers are I have seen the realities up close and I will be sticking to my Stardew Valley/ Story of Seasons games and supporting them when they sell stuff near me lol.
I have lived on a farm, and done the whole "wife does everything, and does it from scratch" deal. The farm part was actually fun for me, I really enjoy animals and honestly didn't mind all the heavy amounts of labor that went with all of that, and thoroughly enjoyed all the being outside. That was when I was a teenager. Then I did the wife/mom does everything in my 20s. I did not live on a farm during that time, and thank goodness. The kids are a full time job. The cooking is a full time job. The cleaning is a full time job. The laundry was a full time job. The husband is yet ANOTHER full time job, even though he was another adult, when he was home it was like having yet another toddler under foot only 10x worse. Needless to say we got divorced, and now I'm a single mom. And doing all the previously mentioned things alone is way less stressful without a husband. Well, at least that particular husband. You could not even pay me millions of dollars to do the farm thing PLUS the wife/mom does everything deal. Although I must say I would happily do that farm thing again given the opportunity, but it would have to be with a partner who also enjoyed it and pulled all their own weight.
I'm a city gal through and through, I've lived in apartments my whole life. but I have some family in the country and the real farm life is nothing like cottagecore. you have to have a huge amount of land to live off it and it's hard labour since dawn til dusk.
I grew up in a family of farmers and I wish to own my little land soon. I love the slowness of life but I also understand the work because I grew up doing it. I still can’t wait. I want to feed communities. It was interesting to see how glamorized the farm life is.thanks for your video!
My grammy did all these . Here in Africa with more kids . When I look at my mothers and fathers pictures as kids , they were dirty and muddy and red from the soil . No shoes and they were healthy and strong and have great memories in the farm . It is is not glamourous unless ur yt and on IG
Naw. I helped my mother with one brother and that was it for me. Once he started walking and talking, it was a wrap.
the cottage core aesthetic or “house on the prairie lifestyle” is what attracted my parents become mennonite for 15 years. It was very isolating, since none of my extended family were mennonite and i hated living on remote farms. i just wanted to be a city girl lol, but i can appreciate the good things
You have a great perspective of motherhood for not being one. That's rare, so I'm pleasantly surprised!
There's certainly moments where having a kid is magical. My child makes me feel so pretty and uniquely special. But you're right it's not all a fantasy. It's incredibly hard and often frustrating. Many people crave challenge in their lives. Having kids is one of the best ways to do so. I think our culture's issue is wanting everything on our lives to be perfect instead of understanding and appreciating the hard and ugly parts of life. Personally, my life has improved so much when I finally realized this.
Good point . Very wise point
Im 22, and my mum had her first kid at 17 (which was not out of ordinary in my community) so I dont really think about motherhood much. But sometimes I wonder and I think about this feeling that people describe, i dont know if you know it, where everything around you becomes smaller, like your whole world has just transformed and suddenly you're looking at everything thing differently. Of course some people dont experience anything like that but I just wonder what it would feel like to be responsible for somebody else who is maybe the only person more important than you.
You are correct, it is hard. We live on 3 acres and have 6 kids under the age of 11. I do not blog or post on social media about my family or lifestyle. I enjoy watching UA-cam when I am eating a meal (my kids are in bed now) and I find most people who are 'like me' lifestyle wise only really blog about it in order to make money of sponsorships and ads. I have no interest in using my kids to make a buck. They are not old enough to understand the ramifications of having their image online, nor can they consent. So no, we do not go there. We are not 'cash rich'. We were not handed a wad of cash to buy our farm. We got there through buying dumps in our twenties and thirties, selling them at a profit and ended up buying this new house (an absolute dump on 3 acres), with cash. We do not drive fancy cars, or wear nice shiny clothes. We do not have credit cards. It is very possible to live this 'cottage core' lifestyle on a single income (professional) if you are able to bake and cook and cease buying useless shit. We do it and whilst it is hard work, it is nice to live out in the countryside.
I'm from Panama and my family is from the rural province, i grew up going to different farms and helping, older people taught us to love what we do because nature is literally giving us everything, but they also made sure to always let us know that that is the life they had to live, because there's no more opportunities/options for most of them, appreciate what you have and the privileges you have everyday, and that's true, these tiktok girlies forget that sometimes that lifestyle, which is not glamorous or easy at all, is what you have and the only thing you'll have given the different circumstances rural people are born in
As someone who is currently 17 and grew up in the country and in this kind of lifestyle I find that the internet makes it seem exactly the opposite of what it actually is. Tiktok makes it seem so happy, go free and effortless to live out in the country and take care of a farm. But the harsh reality is that it is nothing like that at all. I understand the appeal to city folk who see the “calm away from the busy” but the truth is is that you often have to give up a lot to be able to live out in the country. And there are many reasons for it as well. One major thing I suggest to keep in mind for people who want to or are planning on living in the country is this one question: are you ok with being alone 70% of the time? Often people who move out to the country want to so they can get away from the city etc. But one thing that people never think about is if they are suited to live out in the country. I personally know that even though I lived in the country my whole life I know I would do far better in the city. The country is far to lonely and quiet even with family here. If you want to hangout with friends you have to drive you can’t just walk. If your bored you can’t just go and walk around town, your stuck with yourself unable to go anywhere (unless you wanna pay crazy gas prices) and it’s just so many things tiktok does not make it out to be. As well as the hard work. I really hope that these tiktok Wes start showing the real side of country lifestyle and not just the peaches and pawns.
I grew up in a rural area but now live in a large city. I meet a lot of young urbanites who tell me about their fantasies of moving out to the country and living off the grid. But their experience with farm life is limited to a weekend at a cozy AirBnB. A lot of them don't really understand the reality of the back breaking work that goes into farming or the social and cultural isolation that can come with living in the sticks. It might be a more simple life in the sense that you escape the corporate rat race but if anything, I've found city life to be much more convenient and connected than when I lived in the country.
not me romanticizing and dreaming of how strong and buff all the hard homesteading work will make me 🤣
I love Cottagecore content, it makes me happy, it’s a form of escapism. But I lived on a farm until I was 19 and I know how hard farming really is.
I think you are absolutely right to say that it’s good for mothers to romanticise some aspects of motherhood, but especially first time mothers can get too caught up with trying to keep up with the image of motherhood portrayed on social media.
We moved from the suburbs to a large rural home on 3.5 acres. It is ABSOLUTELY more work to take care of the home and land, even without raising animals. Taking care of it is pretty much our hobby, and there are a lot of things that can come up you don't expect. It's also a lot of physical work - very taxing on the body. I grew up this way, so I knew what we were getting into. It's been an adjustment for my husband, who was raised in the suburbs. Ultimately we did it for our own mental health and it is the best decision we've ever made for ourselves, but life is much less "convenient" now, much more involved, and absolutely more expensive.
Ive always told my friends who are struggling that everyone struggles they just only post their best times online just as my friends themselves do. All of us struggle at times its part of being human and raising little humans who are just now learning to be human. It gets frustrating at times and thats normal. It doesnt mean we love our children any less it means we wre human. My child is the most amazing human who i adore to no end but of course i get overwhelmed at times. We all are so hard on ourselves because we want the absolute best for our children and when we have bad days it makes us feel terrible because we feel like were not good enough for our children. Sorry if that was confusing im very very sleeo deprived haha.
oh did i need these to smash my romanticized thoughts of being what is basically a hippie mom 😭
Having kids is an amazing thing and there will be moments when you could literally feel your heart bursting with love, and 20 minutes later you are hiding behind the door while they scream for a minute lol it's quite the trip. But as they get older it gets easier and you share interest or hobbies with your kids which is really cool, and watching them find their strengths and grow in confidence is just awesome ❤
This genuinely makes me want to start a youtube channel just to show another side to motherhood (also one where I don't show my children or husband because they didn't ask for being displayed like this). I am a full time worker, 40+ hours a week, 37yrs old with 1child and one on the way and whilst we have a nice home (by that I mean double glazing and the mother of all luxuries...2 bathrooms), it is really small, my children will have to share a tiny room and only with bunkbeds and major storage planning am I going to make this work. I also get shocked responses when I tell people I make time for my gaming, my art and meeting up with my childless friends for a night of laughs and wine. My husband makes sure I have these things in my life to still feel like a person and not just stuck in one aspect of my life. At the same time people comment how my child is thriving and how close we seem... because she is and we are. It's just not aesthetic and picture perfect but it's messy, fun, hard, amazing all at once.
As someone who has grown up rural, I can say it does have its ups and downs but so does everything. I personally love living a cottage core life. I think it’s possible to simplify your life despite not having money and I have alway seen simplification of life as the main narrative to cottage core. I have to work there’s no way around it. Despite having to work I have made efforts to spend my free time in the absence of modern day distractions. It’s a mind set change more so than a cosmetic one. My favorite thing to do is sit outside with a cup of coffee and listen to the rain. Some people can live a high speed life always on the go and for the longs that was the only way to be considered successful. If you were successful than you win at life but rarely happy. I think we see so many people taking on simple living because they are trying to find a happy life which we have other wise been unable to find in main stream fast pace living.
I come from generations of farmers…my family, at one point, had the biggest farm in Ontario, Canada. My grandfather was born in the house on the original plot of land my family bought 100+ years ago to start the farm, my mother was raised in that same house and now my Great Aunt and Uncle live there. My grandmother stayed at home and cooked meals from scratch while she raised my aunts, uncles, and mom ij the 70s and 80s. She actually lived that cottagecore trad wife lifestyle all these people are trying to emulate. My childhood was spent running around my familys property, picking fresh berries from the raspberry bush, riding horses, chasing barn cats…the whole nine yards. I think people don’t really realize the amount of work it takes to run a real farm and how dangerous it is. My grandfather almost blinded himself multiple times from just doing his job. He passed away from lung issues due to decades of exposure to chemicals used on crops. One of my first memories is watching my uncle skin a deer he killed in front of me. Farm life is not pretty or aesthetic when it comes down to it. I live in downtown Chicago now which is a far cry from my upbringing. I don’t eat meat and I love the convenience of being able to do whatever I want without driving an hour and a half out of town. I have family members who have not left the town I’m from…ever. And they’re in their 70s now. Its a lifestyle few are prepared for or even have the knowledge to execute successfully. I miss the farm and the clean air and open space sometimes but I know its not for me…that whole aesthetic homestead life isn’t reality.
Great video (and just what I needed today!). I love your addition of “whimsical” to the poise/elegance/serene/put together picture of the “perfect” mom because it’s spot on! Expectations for motherhood are crazy: raise them with boundaries and structure, but make sure you also let them be wild and free. Be strong and composed but also be fun all the time. As a first time mom I have really struggled with the guilt of not being spontaneous/whimsical/carefree/magical enough for my kid.
I implore folks to google cottagecore and its connection to the colonizer idea of "homesteading", especially as the US government continues to encroach upon already small Native communities. Capitalism can make any "aesthetic" sinister.
Theres also the idea that this feeds into similar feelings of "white flight" and "dangers of urban centers".
erm it's literally WW2 german propaganda
I really appreciate how balanced your perspective is on the 'motherhood aesthetic'. Your approach is so genuine and empathetic! I think many moms don't recognize that the content of moms out there are curated, and not realistic. But as you said, it's a good thing to take those small pleasing moments of motherhood because some days those moments are few and far between.
Girl drop that skin care routine cos ur skin is GLOWING✨amazing video btw
I think this is part of the reason why we don't see many BIPoC accounts like this. You need certain privileges to survive this way of life. The Ballerina Farm and others like this rely on capitalism.
Plus you know... generational trauma.
Trust me, there’s many rural BIPOC. They survive with hard work, community, and luck. They just don’t record themselves for clout.
Tell me your a black supremacist without telling me your a black supremacist
So many deeper points and roots that I never have considered when watching her content or anything like it. Also, you speak so eloquently! Loved listening to this
I'm a new mom and my goodness do I love my son and he fills me with more love and joy than anything in this world but MOTHERING IS HARD WORK. Don't get me wrong, it's the most rewarding job I've ever had in my life but also it's the most intense and challenging. Whenever people portray motherhood as soft and easy I'm like??? And I grew up in a rural area and that's challenging too! City life is hard but so is country life. Nothing is ever easy breezy beautiful as on social media haha.
I've actually lived that sort of life for a bit - I worked on a farm way way wayyyyy off grid, like DIY everything including the roads, water supply, electricity, everything. it was amazing, but I didn't have to build it from scratch. I had a friend out there who worked out a deal to piggyback her business on the main farm, so she avoided like 99% of the startup costs, and even with that she couldn't stay in operation. I think the owner may have come from more money than she let on, but she was well into her 70s so it would have been a vastly different world when she moved out there regardless.
it's a very very hard life, and one of the difficulties I saw the owner deal with was how hard that lifestyle had been on her body over the decades. her older sister (who had been a teacher all her life) came to visit and she looked decades younger. the owner had a lot of difficulty even just getting around the farm anymore, and she needed increasingly frequent medical care, which was a 4 hour drive into the nearest metro area. veterinary care for the livestock was whatever we could administer, and most of the time it was more humane to put the animal down than to try to get them through that drive to a vet. thankfully her livestock were isolated enough that they stayed pretty healthy.
also, we were so remote that there was no EMS, no fire department, nothing. satellite internet only, which is atrocious on the best of days. the nearest neighbors were a half hour away on the aforementioned DIY roads. you have to ration your gas to make sure you have enough to make it into town, and you always bring the gas cans with you to refill when you go into town too. you have to ration everything out there. water, animal feed, food, firewood, etc.
the owner also never had kids, so I have no idea what's going to happen to her farm when she passes away. she's wound down the commercial side, so she doesn't have any full time employees anymore. she only has short-term people who are there on work-trade (no salary, just working for room & board).
it was one of the most rewarding things I've ever done in my life, but I would absolutely not do it alone. it was an overwhelming amount of work no matter how many people we had there. maintenance was endless. if I were to own land, I would want maybe a handful of animals tops, and at least two or three people I was already close to that I could split ownership & expenses with. I would have no illusions about being able to make even the daily operating expenses back. we'd need either someone working a Real Job that pays well enough to support multiple adults or someone with fk you money. now, a Miss Honey tiny cottage in the woods I could do solo, but not much more than that, and what would I be able to do for a living? I certainly don't have fk you money.
plus, you have to be very careful who you trust when you live that remote. I know of at least one of the neighbors (like, the ppl within like 1-2 hr drive) at that farm who had to have some other neighbors help her get out, because her boyfriend was getting increasingly violent with her. then she had to figure out how to handle the part where they owned land together. at least she didn't need a divorce and they never had kids, and she had family she could move in with until she got her bearings. how many of these tradwife types don't have any of those resources/advantages? that's not even getting into who you end up with as neighbors.
for anyone who is genuinely interested, do some work on someone else's farm first. look up workaway and wwoof. they're both work-trade listing sites, but workaway is any kind of labor while wwoof is specifically for organic farms.
I'm glad my dad taught me how to garden, but it is a lot of work. I don't have a large space, just a suburban place with a garden my great grandparents put in, but learning how to grow veggies was great. I like saving on food costs by growing things, and it's fun to see the progress of my plants. But you have to be patient and know a lot of local tricks like when to plant stuff outside to avoid frost, what plants grow best and when, and what to add in. Personally, I like using seaweed as fertilizer and root vegetables and squash last through the winter. Of course freezers help too. But my partner and I are planning to share things more evenly based on what we know and are good at, but I'm hoping this summer we can work a bit more on gardening together. My neighbours have a garden area too, and I often see them out together.
I grew up Mormon, got married at 19, and had my daughter at 21. I am out of the church now, but there is a ton of pressure to fulfill the “traditional” female roles. I would not have gotten married and had a baby so quickly without that pressure. I don’t regret my daughter, but I wish I waited. All this social media influence from Mormon moms make it seem so desirable, but it is so important to consider yourself. I am doing better with that now, working every day on deconstructing and making a better life for my daughter. ❤️
I’m the opposite- my husband & I waited a very long time, probably too long to have as many as we’d like, & it’s been very hard. So, there are pros & cons on either side. God bless you & your family ❤
I watch ballerina farms' youtube content and enjoy them as entertainment the same way I do a Kdrama. The Kdramas, where the main girl is supposed to be a brokey but has the latest tech, her flat is massive and her clothing is designer. You know, that stealth wealth type of ish. To me it was very obvious the family had money.
I just love your content. You do such a great job of addressing everything you talk about in such a tasteful and healthy way. I learn so much from your videos. I always agree with you and get where you’re coming from.
Your song is 🔥 🔥 🔥 btw!
I’m not sure I get where you come from. I’ve loved watching her content and she’s never hid the fact that she comes from success that she has 1. Worked hard for and 2. Ended up marrying into. She’s been honest and upfront about everything so I’m not sure what there is to hate on.
The hate is that she's a rich person playing a working person for fun. That's the problem. A real farmer has to actually work
@@issecret1 I think she's rich and also works hard and is a driven person. Both can be true. She's a savy busineswoman judging by her channel's strategy and pr.
@@georgianaaron4986Even if she isn't hardworking or driven, it still shouldn't matter to these bitter people in this comment section; they act like they're the ones paying for her living or something! If her and her family have the resources to not have to work like mules until they die, I see absolutely nothing wrong with that.
I’m a Christian women pursing ordination and a PhD in religious study. I am usually the only women in my classes and the pressure to essentially “function” like a man is exhausting (not to mention how many men think I literally have no right to be there). Motherhood sounds lovely but it also feels like I’m succumbing to the patriarchy and becoming what they “expect” me to do as a woman if I was to pursue it. The system is not built for women to be be both mothers AND scholars/hold authority/work. We have to do better
ironically a lot of nuns used to be the best scholars
@@seabreeze4559nuns don’t get married or have kids tho. When they do get married they have to quit being a nun.
@@Ken-yc5rd but they deny women can do the job when there's history.
Idc what yall think about Hannah.
She has many blessings (children) and those kids are guaranteed going to grow up and have a joyful impact in this falling world. pray for her to continue pushing through her own personal struggles and pray that YOU can too become the best version of yourself and live the life God wants for you. Amen 🤍
This is an excellent video essay on this topic, so unbiased and objective and non-polarized. Your wise way of talking about this hot topic is appreciated. Immediately subscribed!
imma eat up your videos as soon as they drop every time yum yum
😂😂
@@MadisynBrown I heard from several women who were widowed by the sole breadwinner with many kids and most of these 'men' don't even have life insurance so the men aren't traditional but tradlarpers. I think it should be illegal for sole breadwinners not to get life insurance. If you do a sequel please mention this!
If you look into WW2 German propaganda, that's where cottagecore is literally from and that's why it's white blonde blue-eyed women, a baby cult (lebensborn project, look it up it's scary) instead of just pro-natal, that's also why men are conspicuously absent (away at war) and it celebrates rando stuff like baking bread.
i really like how the urban rescue ranch (animal rehabilitation and sanctuary) tells it how it is when it comes to the hard labor that comes with taking care of animals. every video is just snippets of the insane amount of work he puts in every day. i don’t think i could ever do that full time, because that’s a lot of poop, but i also know that i wouldn’t be able to do any job like that while also maintaining my other ambitions.
This video is masterpiece! 👏You have made so much research and your objective point of view makes this video such a pleasure to watch! 🧡Thank you for your hard work and I have to agree with you on everything actually ☺
By the way Mom's celebration is coming in May.
When my mother, had me and my older sister I saw she was tired and exhausted of taking care of us. I could hear her grumpy attitude of how much she had to buy us clothes, feeding us, making our hair etc...
I worked as a volunteer with children in a therapy and I could see what she meant.. I doubt if I or my sister ever become good mothers or not...
Admitting your struggles doesn't make you a bad a mom, it makes you an honest one. Real bad mothers never admit problems, they just make their kids miserable.
My cottage core dream does not include children, they would ruin my antique collections.
omggg thank u for talking abt this these kinds of videos are allll over my reels/tiktok/everything I thought it was just me!!
YAYAYAY IM SO HAPPY TO SEE UR VIDEOS POP UP ON MY FEED
This was very interesting. I’ve been educated, thank you. 💯
I grew up on a legacy farm. My grandfather’s family moved here (Canada) from the Netherlands when he was five and they were farmers. My grandfather and most of his thirteen siblings became farmers. My mom as well as her brother and sister became farmers. You could say I’m very steeped in how farm life works.
It looked nothing like ballerinafarm. My mom was ALWAYS working, either in the barns or in her office doing paperwork for the farm. My dad was a teacher and he was the one who would always be driving my brother and I where we needed to go because mom couldn’t leave the farm. She never stopped working, was always smelly or sweaty or tired, and she was the strongest person I will ever know in my life. While she worked hard her entire life in order to be able to enjoy her time when she retired, unfortunately she passed away in December from cancer. Her passing has shed light for the rest of my family to perhaps work a little less hard and enjoy the time that we have now with each other.
ballerinafarm and other accounts like this paint farm life as so beautiful and ideal. In my experience it is not this way at all, ever.
Thank you for exposing this. There are so many factors that need to line up perfectly for homesteading to be realistic. Including certain personality traits (in BOTH partners) and finances.
the segue for the ad absolutely sent me
I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and I wanted to start off by saying that I appreciate that you didn't criticize my religion in your video. I agree in a lot of ways with what you said. It's refreshing and encouraging to see motherhood romanticized, because it is so challenging and it's easy to feel as though we lose ourselves in it at times. I'll also admit that consuming content from homesteading moms often leaves me feeling unsettled and irritated by how extreme they often sound in their opinions and the lifestyle they're trying to promote.
Does it surprise me that lots of the homesteading influencers are traditional Christians? No, definitely not, especially because the importance of family is at the heart of the religion. However, I have also met so many different types of women in the LDS church and other Christian religions that don't fit the traditional mold, including myself. It's a minority that turn out living this type of glamorized, traditional lifestyle or that even try and promote it. I think that most of us recognize that the world has changed enough that this lifestyle is not realistic or even the life that deep down, we'd want to have this day in age. In my observation, most of us believe that God will guide each individual and family to where they should be to live a content, balanced life and it's not the same for everyone.
As a woman, I do hold a leadership position over some of the youth in the LDS church and have never felt that as a woman my opinions or abilities were judged to be less than a man's. We believe that everyone can receive revelation and lead and direct. Members of the church from all different backgrounds are rotated in and out of different leadership positions. It is true that only men hold the priesthood, but we believe that is a sacred responsibility they get to have, just as women have the responsibility and ability to carry and give birth to children that men do not have. We value men and women having equal responsibilities at church and at home. I think as women, we feel the need to do it all, but it's good for us to allow the men to have responsibility too and not overburden ourselves. I think many understandably misunderstand and think that women are restricted in the LDS church, but I believe the purpose is for men and women to learn to rely more on one another and work together in unity.
As someone that grew up on a farm it seems so easy/normal to me. I had lots of siblings and we woke up everyday to do chores it didn’t seem like work to me it was just life. I would go feed my animals and I loved them. We did have a lot of siblings and cousins so with lots of hands the work goes fast. As an adult I moved to a big city and I will say it’s a lot easier to make money but it goes so much faster there. Life is crazy and we are all just trying to survive do what makes you happy 💕
Off topic you have saved my life Im struggling and your videos help me relax and remember to take it slow I love you
Phenomenal video as always keep up the good work
21:08 grew up on a farm, my family was in debt for a bunch of reason mainly cause we had ten people living in our house, but yes this is a really stupid idea if you don’t know what your going through 😭
Girl I am 22 a mom of a 16 month old and it’s HARD. It’s hard especially if you live in poverty or if you’re trying to go to college and continue your career and education. Motherhood is also rewarding but sometimes it is very tasking, challenging, sad, lonely and no one talks about that. A lot of young mothers end up staying at home while a man provides for them and it’s nice but at the same time you feel trapped especially if you have a bad man who isn’t going to step up to be a father. You need to have a strong support system, savings, love , patience and stability to have a child and raise a child.
This was an excelent in depth video!
Forever laughing about how my ex told my mom that this is what he had wanted for us at my college graduation, and how he was so surprised when she looked at him like he had three heads lmfao