The TRUTH About Why Our Boys Are STRUGGLING & And How We Can Fix It | Warren Farrell
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- Опубліковано 10 чер 2024
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We are living through interesting times where gender roles are an ongoing heated discussion. Tempers and passion flare from all sides, but what we cannot ignore is the damage being done to both boys and girls. There have been intense movements that even though they are noble they have caused damage along the way socially in the psyche of young boys and girls. If you follow Tom you’ve heard him say time and time again, we are all having a biological experience. What does this biological experience become when society and doctrine contradict and suppress the nature of our biological experiences? Dr. Warren Farrell joins Tom to discuss his latest book, The Boy Crisis, Why Our Boys Are Struggling and What We Can Do About It. The resolution as Dr. Warren states begins with understanding different sides of the argument. Learning how to steel man the opposing sides' argument will help create a foundation where the real problem, lack of father involvement and fatherless homes, can be addressed for the sake of our boys (and girls).
“The boy crisis resides where dads do not reside.” -Dr. Warren Farrell
Whether you are a father, mother, teacher, leader or fatherless child yourself, this conversation is not to be ignored and forgotten.
Check out Warren Farrell’s new book, The Boy Crisis: amzn.to/3JMfjHR
SHOW NOTES:
0:00 | Introduction to Warren Farrel
1:25 | Hear Opposing Perspectives
9:04 | Steel Man Arguments
22:47 | Disposability of Men
28:55 | Missing Fathers & The Boy Crisis
31:27 | Checks & Balances Parenting
45:11 | Catch 22 of Work & Family
49:17 | Be Your Partner’s Hero
56:02 | Falling In Love With Superman
59:29 | Learned Gender Roles
1:10:39 | The Myth of Male Power
1:23:08 | Lack of Father Involvement
QUOTES:
“Knowing how to listen to different perspectives is more important than the rightness or the wrongness of your perspective.” [2:30]
“Whenever someone is angry, that angry anger is almost always vulnerability’s mask…” [3:37]
“The boy crisis resides where dads do not reside.” [29:05]
“The children that do the best are the ones that have an involved biological mom and dad.” [32:32]
“One of the biggest mistakes that CEO types make is using their skill sets as a CEO to solve their wife's problem…” [48:21]
“The way to protect her is by hearing her through and hearing her out. That is the solution. So you have to reformulate the method you use to protect.” [51:20]
“I become her hero by helping her become her own hero.” [53:43]
“The second they start realizing that you will provide complete safety for their perspective, there's no reason to shout, there's no reason to exaggerate. There's no reason to lie.” [58:24]
“We have this natural instinct to protect women and therefore create freedoms for them, and to not want men to complain, without looking at them with disgust, or with at least pity.” [1:06:51]
“The new future man is one who can respect himself if he's a natural warrier on the battlefield, [...], but also can respect yourself and know that you're needed by your family, to be more involved with your family on an everyday level.” [1:29:14]
Follow Warren Farrell:
Website: warrenfarrell.com/
Email: warren@warrenfarrell.com
Twitter: / drwarrenfarrell
What do you think is the issue with todays youth and how do we fix it?
We’ve removed the cornerstone of western civilization and replaced it with many philosophies which in sum become philosophies of no perceived value, quickly replaced with porn, fantasy football and the like.
God help us! The family unit is under attack openly and directly. It's been going on for decades. One family at the time.
The youth are fine but the humans instructing them are often incompetent, selfish, and otherwise unfit and so the youth inherit the corruption they were reared in. Sometimes they are intentionally corrupted to be controlled for future profit making purposes.
why is "Jesus" depicted as efiminate !!!! Because they contol through polarities !!!!
YOU SPIRIT IS NEITHER MALE NOR FEMALE !!!!
reclaim the *Scapegoat* or remain lost in fake is.Real and Love is not pretending!
We give our INFANTS at weeks old to facilities and are the only developed nation to not have paid maternity or paternity leave.
Our kids have no way to self soothe due to the fact that parents have failed to teach this skill because this takes TIME and energy and RELATIONSHIP. 2 hours bossing kids at the end of the day is not relationship. We are failing our kids in lieu of production.
The maladaptive ways peer bonded relationships have shaped out adults is frightening.
Take any mammal away from the primary caregiver for most of their waking hours and just watch the maladaptive coping that come out.
This happens on farms all the time. PETA has more to say about this act than American parents do about their own children. But why would they.
Us farmers know maternal instincts can be manipulated SO easily for our production purposes. We are all but simple animals at the basic level.
Now add in porn. A boys inability to self soothe uncomfortable feelings is now easily achieved by some great chemical release.
We don't have to wonder why both boys and girls have no clue how to have relationships or healthy communication when you work in these facilities and in schools.
Our kids are lost because WE are failing to understand how vital being a parent is and the truth is we think we can farm this job out and not pay the cost which we are seeing in the most disconnected, addicted, and suicidal society ever to exist.
*“Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.” - Marcus Aurelius*
Is Donald Trump a good man?
@@saxglend9439 yes Donald Trump is a good man and a GREAT President.
Very old quote totally out of current context. Fathers and men need to set the foot down and stand against anti-masculinity.
@@wildbillkerr8041 If Trump is a good man then we are doomed.
@@saxglend9439 if that is your argument then you are doomed. I get that you don't like Trump. Is Biden a good man?
Anger is vulnerability’s mask. The need to be heard. Spot on.
I’ve felt that we need to deeply listen to the far right for a while. It’s obvious that many ideas people see as toxic (MRA) are born out of deep pain. And the only fix is listening compassionately. I think it would help them come back to society instead of retreating further.
What he calls the far right is actually the left.
@@wildbillkerr8041 Bingo! blue is red and red is blue in America, if you DIG DEEP into it.
Thank you for having this conversation!
Thank you so much for what you both do in the world.
And to everyone reading this.
I am so glad that this is finally talked about. So so important topic,
I learned so much! Thank you for what you do Tom ❤❤❤
Great respect for such patriarchs Dr. Jordan Peterson and Dr. Warren Farrell who are doing a tremendous work against the damage done by the feminist movement. The current and future generation of men will forever be grateful to you. Thank you so much for articulating this so well and debunking the false claims made by entitled radical feminist who have been blaming patriarchy for every stupid shit.
Bob Lewis in his book "The Feminist Lie" talks about how the feminist "movement" was launched as a Rockefeller project. Germain Greer, the feminists' "beacon" joined the CIA in 1958 ...
Great episode Tom
This was very insightful
Great interview Tom, definitely needed at this time.
Just an awesome study and book by Warren.
Thank you for this!
Tom: my WHOLE life, I’ve thought the same way in regards to the fear alone vs courage when enacted in service to the loved ones I feel responsible for.
Just affirming that you are not alone!
And I mean, I’ve had 6 guns pointed at my head(well 6 times, 8 guns lol) kind of things
Lets focus and cure the root of this problem. "Keep good families together" If we do not take the responsibility of being dedicated parents, please abstain from becoming one.
Exactly
I consider myself a Feminist, I find myself struggling what that looks like. Especially the rise of Tik tok hearing tons of women experiences has shaped me to have a lot of understand towards women. When I hear most guys (Not all there defiantly lots of voices of men who I haven't heard that have lots of valid points) on Tik tok and other types of social medie, the points I have heard they seem very extreme, some points sound pretty outlandish. When listening to Jordan Peterson really changed my perspective of how difficult it can be for a man. Now listing to Warren who is very good at communicating both genders I can really understand the struggles of what guys are going through where I can understand as a women. This is what I need more of, thank you!
Tik tok really isn't a good place to draw any conclusions from. That app is just there to spy on people, promote narcissism and mental illness in general. Not a place where one should get information from. Tiktok favors extremism, both in terms of radical feminist ideologies and radical "manosphere" content - neither of those should be listened to, since the solutions and truths never lie in the extremes but in the area of healthy middle ground.
@@Manullus I can see your point. Living in extremess ideology isnt a very helpful way of living. Middle ground is the only way where truth comes from my exspiernce, I do agree that tik tok isn't a good place to get information from lol. I really was saying more so social media but even say that I think the discussion comes back to the same conclusion that there is alot of ways where you can unintentionally put yourself into that station. I
Same..I’m now hopefully looking forward to a Gender transitional movement Warren Mentioned in his books…although I still think Jordan Peterson’s political views could be unhelpful for people who want to improve…Dr Farrel very much on point…
@@ithinkiknowme6450 I completely agree with you, especially when it comes to Jordan
@Tom Bilyeu, best value video I've seen from u so far, keep it up!
"if money is an issue"... he should have said instead go to the Library to get the book. That's where I'm picking it up today. Great conversation as a man who was raised with a mom who was highly abusive and then absent for much of teenage years.
The best impact theory so far
Emotional intelligence permits one to navigate society effectively. Too many boys are raised to be dismissive of this type of intelligence. This deficiency results in a life of confusion and anger-and a person without the capacity to understand why.
The same way girls are raised to dismiss physical strength training and sports as a womenis deemed too weak for strength building whereas having strength is important for everyone and then they further don’t train which further becomes a self fulfilling prophecy …luckily women are now taking sports seriously
Similarly boys are raised numb in the field of emotional intelligence as they are demmed that men are too unemotional to care and the toxic cycle continues …what we need to do is create a movement which involves both men and women and works on understanding how the gender stereotypes have hurt everyone and what can we do to fix them and involves improvement in both religious teachings, family functionality and sexist laws…
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To the *incredible person* seeing this, I wish you all the best in life❤ don't over blame yourself, accept things and go forward. Don't let others define what “success” is for you. Get up, learn the skills needed and get after it, all the keys to a happy life is in your hands. Keep pushing.
Thank you!! Same for you!!
Hit^me^up☝️🔥
Wishing you the same.
Needed this today
There's an excellent short story that had the line "the baying hounds of a fatherless soul." I think that describes the last couple of generations.
this interview was amazing. I gotta buy Warren's book
at 53:20 ..i'm like YEP. exactly! He was smart to ask her before he gave his thoughts, if she had any other thoughts to add, because almost always, we do .. and it's just talking it out with someone you trust to listen that you can figure out the solution yourself. Sometimes we just need to put it all out on the table and then start picking up pieces to put the puzzle together. A good listener's super power (imo) is the ability to let the other talk (ramble sometimes)... trust me... I have said nothing through whole 30 + min conversations and the other person will just talk and talk. In the end...they feel a sense of relief to get it out. The listener can help by inserting, like Warren Farrell did with his wife, "are there any other thoughts you have?", before giving his to her. Nudges, guiding questions (not sure what the proper term is for that, but it helps redirect or give attention to by asking open ended questions back to the person speaking) and empathy are some of a good listener's tools. My goal (definitely not perfected) when interacting as a listener is to empower the other person. It's easy to give your opinion or your take on things, but, to help the other find their own solutions?? ... sometimes that is the challenge. Such an awesome topic. Sooo many sub topics with in this title that all i want to do is soak it up ...like I want more of his teachings/talk :) I'm totally enjoying this talk/video. :)
We had him on our summit too. The boy crisis is such an important book
30:52 This point is deep! This is profound wisdom, thousands of years old through philosophy of Taoism embodying the more commonly known yin-yang principles. Like Tom eluded, this is a fundamental and necessary universal law. It can serve as a guide in our own lives and a personal reminder not to always expect happiness and progress; some of my greatest gifts have come from suffering.
It's not just boys, Tom. Dr. Farrell admitted that if he titled the book, 'The War on Men', it wouldn't receive nearly the attention than if he had it named 'The War on Boys'. It just further demonstrates the gynocentric society and how men are seen as disposable to women.
Unrelated but Tom what camera are you using? It’s so clear. What camera is that attached to your laptop?
Meh, the reason our youth is struggling is very deep. It is at a collective level. The collective is so unconscious, immature, egotistical and toxic that it spreads to the youth. And we all know that toxicity leads to misery. - Migue
Hit^me^up☝️🔥
@53:00 was incredibly profound for me
Thank you for this interview! *What do people really need? They need to recognize their deeper nature. They need to be recognized by others.* They need devotion in their life-to be devoted to others and to have people devoted to them. They need to fulfill their greater purpose and destiny in the world, a greater purpose that God has placed within them.
From: Deeper Recognition in Relationships, by *Marshall Vian Summers*
#relationshipgoals
Wow. Thanks for this suggestion!
So important to be heard.
Hit^me^up☝️🔥📌
unsurprisingly when u double the working population, wages plummet. if women want to find a man who can support a family on his income alone, women need to quit working enmasse. simple supply and demand, wages will double or triple.
@Tom Bilyeu, how can I get my hands on the shirt you’re wearing in this video?
Hey YOU, incredible person reading this...The truth is you are confident and good enough already with who you are, where you are at and what you have right now to have the success you want in life. Don't let others define what “success” is for you. Get up, learn that skill and go after it! I believe in you so much! Have an awesome day! - Love, Nat ❤️
Thank you 💫
it’s nice to heal after a long da*y at work… Sending everyone who sees this positive energy, stay safe :)
@Tom Bilyeu, IMO 'understaning' is a two way street. If women's biggest issue is being understood, then it should work both ways.
I ask, which would you rather have, a roof over your head and food to eat, or being understood?
I am currently reading "Boys in Crisis" by Paul Slocumb. I am sure he will adress fatherless men and boys. This will be interesting.
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God Needs To be The Foundation to ones life.
Mr Farrell talks about the struggles of Boys who are dealing with issues without dad in his life. Divorce court system treats men badly because of saying your daughter or son needs your money instead of you .
If I want to see an interview with anyone I come to Impact Theory first. Tom is an incredible interviewer. Please interview Arnold Schwarzenegger on his new book!!!! No one else does it like you!
Tom, you need to listen to Rian Stone’s content, then Rollo Tomasi.
Even get them onto your show.
I am really disappointed that Tom interrupts his guests so frequently.
Have No energy see this One byt the answear for sure is yes
Yes! 🙌
Learn to live with rejection. It’s going to happen.
Shame that this video gets so little attention. I've seen several of Will's interviews, they usually are great, so is his book - however, they all tend to have very few views. It seems to me that it's just not a topic that the social media algorithms favor, opposed to the the radical feminist's toxic and hostile ideologies.
“Hard times create strong men. Strong men create good times. Good times create weak men. And, weak men create hard times.”
― G. Michael Hopf, Those Who Remain
These things run in cycles. When I was a kid, adults accepted the fact that boys were feral creatures, and channeled our dangerous and destructive tendencies into constructive outlets. You were mentored by adult males you looked up to and respected.
Hit^me^up☝️🔥📌
only 34 k views.... damn algo
Hello
Hit^me^up☝️🔥
Warren is great at explaining the differences and using effective analogies. I appreciate this interview and just ordered a copy of the book.
Hit^me^up☝️🔥📌
Role models are everything
Excellent video. Thank God for good common sense.
Hit^me^up☝️👈
What is common sense?
@Guts Tell me what it is.
@Guts That explains America.
*There will ALWAYS be struggles in life* 🙏❤️
Else, what’s the fun? 😄
Hit^me^up☝️🔥
Warren Farrell should chat with Rollo Tomassi
“ The data is very compelling” yes, Tom, thank you. For some reason over the past 10 years or so people have started to pluralize the word data. It never used to be like that. How did this start? Whenever I hear someone say something like “the data are compelling“ I cringe at the pretension.
Hit^me^up☝️🔥
Oscar Wilde said, “everything is about sex…
For Dr. Farrell: Is it true that a woman can fall out of love with you for being vulnerable? This is a core fear of mine.
the far right are objectively more intolerant, where the left are being more intolerant about being intolerant, big difference here.
Wow, the spam in the comment section is trash.
It's so interesting how our childcare instincts have mapped onto an economic system that did not exist for 99% of our evolution.
He looks great for 78.
Tom: Please keep self-referencing stories briefer.
In the 1990's, there was a survey about what books are highly regarded by Americans, the top 2 are the Bible and Atlas Shrugged. Why is this important? Because those 2 books are the religion and the secular faith beholden by every American, one binds Americans to God, and one binds every American to free market capitalism. Americans had faith in both spirituality and economic prosperity, those are the faith that guides people who hard times hit. Do any of those faith and religion being celebrated today? No, and tell you what, humans can not live without faith, be it secular or not, and today, we have a crisis of faith, no wonder government is so popular.
To all reading this, all of our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them! 👊🏻
No love for the disadvantaged man 😢
@tom bilyeu Have a look into the french Canadian (Quebec) women position and feminists. They are hard-core. Even the France feminists comment about it. Their attitudes and actions go so rmuch against men/fathers, masculinity, male, etc. Men suicide rate and depression is rising past 30yrs, major societal changes from farming/industrial (long hours of physical work) to office/routine work, women taking hard against men position, …
Oscar Wilde
I've been trying to tell you Tom, it is time for you to have kids. Everything will make sense, even if you have doubts now. It will also make you 10 X more effective in your great work. You will figure it out, I have no doubts! Much love.
He's expressed why he doesn't want kids and I understand it completely. He says he fears anything bad happening to his kids seems like it would demolish someone; it's not something he seems to want to risk. I forgot which episode he said something along those lines. I also believe he sounds like a capable, level headed father.
@@Respect2theFallen yes he has on many occasions. Those are valid fears...of an immature man. That risk has always been there since the dawn of mankind. The trust you give to the universe when you embark on that endeavour is the trust you will get back. And that is the ultimate skill - raising your kids to not be ding dongs while maintaining your sanity 😁.
Stop the bad foods,,,, and do some sports,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
To everyone who has started or is thinking of starting their own business: *Believe in yourself and never give up.* If you can work 8 hours for someone else. You can work 2 hours for yourself.
Oehhh this one is difficult to swallow: women fall in love with the providers and protectors and not with pacifists and the gentlemen. Personally, I am offended by men who try to provide for me too much to a point where it makes me feel weak. I am also offended by men who think they can only protect me, and won't give me a role to protect them. Pacifists I admire, they tend to be men who can hold their instincts a bit. And gentlemen, come on, what greater sign of respect than a gentleman? Of course I don't know all the underlying data, but I have trouble in going alone with this being black and white (provider/protector OR pacifist/gentleman). I also (yet?) can't be convinced that this is ingrained in the dna of men. It seems way more something of a social system that keeps itself in place. But maybe I am not yet seeing the whole picture. This book is definitely shaking and questioning the things we hold true and I also take this to reconsider my own convictions, so thank you and thanks for sharing this through this interview!
maybe we shouldnt search for the root of male disposability in Evolution or biology but more in the military-industrial complex.
this video has only 35k views? yeah, there is no hope for humanity, for men especialy
yawn....
There is no issue with today's youth. It's all going according to plan❤
This conversation cannot be complete without an understanding of God. Many women do not see men as disposable and are absolutely grateful for your protection. Just considering our physical structure, we need men who love intensely and are ready to protect. The world needs these men more now than ever.
Hit^me^up☝️🔥📌
Can we acknowledge that this the cause of radicalized leftists ? start talking about Tik tok and stop about 4chan ...
Hit^me^up☝️🔥
It's obvious a critical mass of leftists have "daddy issues."
Please don't be this stupid in real life.
@@Philusteen lol refute my comment then, child
Is it just me or is Tom a bit TOO in tune with his feminine side that it’s almost TOO sensitive over his wife that it comes across as clingy? I bet that it puts off his wife but she probably will never tell him about it. Girls in relationships may say they like it but their actions scream they hate that shit. I feel like men are at their best in relationships when they’re authentic but they minimize how much they bring that overly sensitive moping and crying over your wife and being too weak and submissive but to know when to not make that soft side a full time habit but to instead intuitively KNOW when to be sensitive and when to cut the corny shit out!
Glad to hear it, but here is how good facts are used to create a problematic narrative.
1. The first half of the conversation revolves on the premise :for society 'men are disposable' - cuz they have been deployed to fight.
Fact : Women are really really willing 'to be disposable'. Who are lobbying to be in the army and unearthing historical stories of female warriorship, n creating action cartoons n stories to inspire girls- its women, and feminists.
Being at war was to be in peril, but the ultimate form of respect - women have been fyting to be allowed to partake.
And in today's case, to take on the highly demanding role of the CEO! They Want to 'serve' society if that's what it is.
Is it really men being 'disposable'.Or having permission to take on the hero's role.
2. Men have the deep desire to 'protect and provide' for family- for which reason they pursue the large goals.
Tom's example - he feels more potent and like he can, cuz his wife.
It's actually cuz the woman / or your partner, can provide that emotional tether and reason to allow you to pursue big goals - it's something you derive from connection and relationship, but it's very much for the self ( Adele admitted it).
To be a provider is a role thing - it's as much true for women, especially say, single mums.
Traditionally yes, the role has fell on men
Women are fyting to take that burden off men - n to share in satisfaction of being able to do so.
3.There are men who have been ill- treated by women - mum n others. And yes they absolutely need to be heard - they are victims too. Their frustration needs to be allowed a voice.
Need to acknowledge that.
Doesn't however take away from a general toxic atmosphere for women - sexualized, rampant sexual abuse, told they are 'less than'.
- Are men getting the message - they are oppressive and molesters, future is not theirs?? By universities talking about patriarchy?
Actually, the truth is being highlighted - patriarchy does exist, women (mothers, sisters, friends, classmates, teachers) face sexual harassment all round - and it needs to stop.
Finally women feel more strength in calling it out. It's not imaginary. It happens. Shockingly to almost every woman!
- We definitely need to chill around and get less 'politically correct', especially in tease n play - it's antithetical to the very idea of play.
Women often can't even voice the 'No' and 'permission' can be twisted out - the idea is to educate people about consent - it being verbal always is a stupid idea- that it matters - everytime- needs to be instilled.
It's a two people activity.
The pushback against cancel culture is right -
Alt right, as alt left needs to be checked.
More conversation, yes.
But let's not forget the base for the rise against patriarchy - it's there. The fyt is yet long.
Course correction - yes please.
But whoever feminist said fathers are not important - that, that whole fact cascade?
That those with a single parent need more care, that's not surprising. What does that say about anything.
@♜ Pinned by Tom BiIyeu Love the depth of conversation, the quality of questions on your channel.
Subscribed long back! Leveraging it❤
This episode and all the stereotypes that two men are discussing about women are disappointing. I expected way better from you Tom
I'm a woman and have witnessed several times my own girlfriends behaving exactly like they were describing in this episode.
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