Demystifying Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Unveiling the Truth
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- Опубліковано 27 січ 2018
- Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children: goo.gl/sZYhym
Cope with your BPD symptoms using my BPD Card Deck: The BPD Card Deck: 50 Ways to Balance Emotions and Live Well with Borderline Personality Disorder. Available at: www.shorturl.at/jBHJV
Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
shorturl.at/bxB05
This video clears up the confusion related to identifying and dealing with individuals with narcissistic traits and narcissistic personality disorder.
The video provides an explanation of each criteria related to NPD , impaired insight, the root of narcissism, associated features, and what makes working with and dealing with those with narcissistic traits or narcissistic personality disorder so difficult.
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and award winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 15 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:
The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: goo.gl/ZAVe9v
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children: www.amazon.com/Narcissistic-P...
Dr. Fox has been teaching and supervising students for over 15 years at various universities across the United States, some of which include West Virginia University, Texas A&M University, University of Houston, Sam Houston State University, and Florida State University. He is currently a staff psychologist in the federal prison system, Adjunct Assistant Professor at University of Houston, as well as maintaining a private practice that specializes in the assessment and treatment of individuals with complex psychopathology and personality disorders.
Dr. Fox has given numerous workshops and seminars on ethics and personality disorders, personality disorders and crime, treatment solutions for treating clients along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum, emotional intelligence, managing mental health within the prison system, and others. Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
UA-cam: / drdanielfox
Dr. Fox’s website: goo.gl/1X1vhR
Facebook: / appliedpsychservices
Twitter: / drdanieljfox1
LinkedIn: / drdfox
Instagram: / drdfox
Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.
Citation: American Psychiatric Association (2013). Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel, Fifth Edition. Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Association.
The worst case scenario is to have BPD and get into relationships with a person with NPD. I don’t remember myself being so afraid of abandonment before, and they manipulate you with abandonment all the time. It triggered my BPD so hard so I went into therapy and finally got diagnosed. It is the worst relationship that can happen.
I don’t think like 90% of these commenters listened to what you said at the end at around 16:10 - “these diagnoses are for treatment - you don’t want to write them as ‘oh well he’s just a narcissist’ “
Its nice to finally see someone mention this in their video about narcissism
Would be nice if he'd address all these nasty comments too... it's like half these people didn't even watch the video!
Well yes and no. On one hand yes people should avoid labelling on the other narcissism cannot be treated. First of all the true narc will never sign for this. They have no intention to change. Believing they can cure is a hopeless romanticism
They dont undrestand that we are not scientists on their field some of us and we can't use diagnosis for treatement WE CAN USE THEM ONLY TO CAUGHT THEM OFF.
It's like they are saying a martial artist threatens you BUT you dont need to defend yourself because YOU DONT KNOW MARTIAL ARTS! Ok then! if an mma fighter will say I will kill you and come towards me to punch me I would not use an object to fight him back, because is unfair and I prefer to die intead!
I dont care about labels! I would not w8 to become a doctor to defend myself. I agree with u! (sry for my English)
@@alexismaceira4732 Why not just go to a woman's shelter and tell everyone there they are playing the victim? Better yet why not learn the difference between a nasty comment and someone releasing their pain? Either you never experienced it or you have and still have cognitive dissonance. Oh my bad, I am not allowed to use that word without a license to practise. Hmm ok then, abandon your feelings.
@@FreeJulianAssange23 There is a difference between recognizing abuse and calling it "narcissistic abuse." When someone who is neurotypical is abusive we don't call it "neurotypical abuse" do we? No, we do not. Abuse is abuse and qualifying it as narcissistic abuse shows how little empathy you have for the mentally ill and your stigma toward the community.
10 months of absolute no-contact.... best thing ever !
No contact with the narcissist???
Facts
V.true
I'm considering this
Good for you!
On the phone I once observed to my narcissistic mother that she seemed to get angry when people thought independently from her. She huffed "I do not!" and hung up, denying and proving my point simultaneously.
Sorry but I loved this comment. I can relate. It made me laugh. Thanks.
“I am NOT argumentative!!”
Empathy should be reciprocal in a relationship. If someone lacks that and you find out about. Run.
I just had to break it off with a “wonderful “ man who began to reveal this... rather , I overlooked it because he made me feel amazing... thankfully it was a long distance tie and not actually physical. We were dating through the beginning of the Covid 19 shutdown and was forced to wait on meeting... as hard questions should be asked BEFORE marriage , I was doing my due diligence and ultimately broke up over a convo about the Covid issue; “would we as a couple be able to come to a compromise about the mask issue and social distancing IF WE WERE MARRIED AND LIVING IN THE SAME HOUSEHOLD? “ I believed at the time that we SHOULD ( still do) “error on caution” ( as in Feb , 2020 when we met, I was super Sick with the flu which scared me plenty enough!) He being a total Rush L. Fan ( not that I don’t agree that Rush is Knowledgable- he is- but he’s human and we have to gather more input as well to make wise decisions... esp about our health!) Rush L. Talks pretty much about this shutdown as being a total fraud... so my face-time- long- distance ex. could maybe, possibly, be right in putting his foot down and stubbornly telling me that “You can wear a mask all you want but I WONT!” Of course my ex guy is a free agent, but I felt he had no concern for my feelings on the matter as there was no ability to talk in a manner of shared interests- his only concern was that I was only interested in things being done “my way, and my way only” ... so he pushed back cause he thinks “I’m trying to rule him” . In many of our convos, I felt he was controlling and very jealous. This man told me he was in love with me after about two weeks (?lots of photos ,FT, etc.. I caved in to all that Romance! Then got my heart broken with not only this hostile, btw, conversation- his part mainly, as I was in shock over his dominating style over talking me etc. and several others... he used stonewalling tactics as well, when it frustrated him that I didn’t agree with him. Flags were , #1 he was married 4 times prior- mind u, me , I’ve Never been married, ( childhood issues as well) so I gave him grace there- but still took into account. #2. too much too soon Emotional high, “I love you’d”- something told me , he’s unrealistic!!! # 3 lacks relational empathy and was not willing to meet me in he middle. - he wasn’t totally this way- he apologized a few times which threw me off guard. # 4 his lack of work and realization about himself after his broken marriages- he mostly blamed the exes. #5 lack of insight.... I watch tons of educational videos- my actions reveal that I’m on a growing quest- he comes home and chills after work watching cartoons. We had a “dating “book we were reading together at first and I began to notice that he was reading, but I had to stop him to talk about the content for our learning... I also had to print him often that we need to continue in our book ( his heart didn’t seem consistently interested in maintaining growth) ... there’s just so much more... the insanity of this is I find myself wanting this to work... If he would “only get help” and I did, become addicted to his attention.... so I learned / am learning NOT to rush anything in the future... wait for things to reveal themselves god or bad before making the emotional commitments like the “I Love Yous!
I quite agree. Such people are parasites and to be avoided like the plague.
Agreed.!!
Compassion should be not everyone is capable of empathy and that isn’t a crime
Thank you
I believe my mother was a Narcissist. She made a mess of her life and anyone she became close to.
That almost sounds more like BPD; they fail interpersonal relationships, big time. They're like human rollercoasters.
Could be BPD too
Thank you Dr. Fox for your calm manner in which you describe my suffering. I actually laughed instead of feeling angry that I got abused by my narcissistic husband for 7 years. Your calming approach is something I need to emulate.
Every single one of us has a bit of Narcissism. We are all guilty of this type of behaviour at some stage during our lives.
Hmm, that’s not what this video is about though. There’s a difference between arrogance and true narcissism.
I had an ex girlfriend who demonstrated a lot of what I'm seeing here. Eventually, I just left. It was painful, because I really did love her, but it was knocking hell out of me. I moved to a different part of London. I missed her, but I had done a simple cost / benefit audit of the relationship and decided it would be very good for my own happiness and mental health to get out of it.
About a year later, she moved into my neighborhood and, as we were members of the same religious community, we were back in the same room about once a month. One thing which was fascinating was, she took a lot fo time to go one to one with other community members to explain her side of the story. I didn't want to get into that, so I just went about my business.
Eventually, we sat down for coffee and I brought her up on how she'd behaved. She offered some explanations, but it was tangibly poor. After that, I just kind of ignored her. I think she was really hoping she'd patch it, but I just ignored her.
"How are you?"
"Oh fine. Anyway..." and without being nasty, I'd just get about my business.
That really seemed to demolish her. I was really surprised because this was a woman who, half the time was demonising me when we were in the relationship. But to just quietly shrug and say "It's a big world. Good luck"... Wow!
I now think she was reacting to the abandonment fear.
I'm glad I got out of it.
That is what I did to be able to break my relationship, made a list. Thanks for sharing your story.
My dad has NPD, and wow, you are exactly right! Just last week I had to remind my dad that he had a doctor's appointment, as he failed to jot down the day and time in his pocket calendar (but I copied it down in mine, as I always do just in case). Well, as soon as I mentioned to my dad that he had to go to the doctor, he says to me, "I don't have anything written in my schedule for today", but I showed him the reminder from the doctor (as he did not believe what was in my calendar was legitimate). I said to my dad, "you didn't write down the appointment", and then he just explodes with that brutal anger (and mind you,my dad is 80) "you f*cking b*tch, damn it you motherf*cking asshole, you're a God-dam*ed 'c-word' - it's your fault I didn't write down the appointment; YOUR FAULT"! Years ago I would have just let it all go, but I refuse to take his crap anymore, as I've been putting up with it for 51 years. So I said, "no, I had nothing to do with writing the appointment in your personal calendar; you FAILED - this is all you". At this point he starts screaming like a banshee, his fists clenched he starts punching doors, trying to break things on the table, etc. I said to him, "stop acting like a spoiled 5 year-old, and pull yourself together" at which point he starts growling and yells at the top of his lungs, "IT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT THAT i DIDN'T PUT THE APPOINTMENT IN THE CALENDAR"! I replied, "yes, fine, it's all because of me", and then my dad calmed down.
Yikes
Wow - you just described my brother!
that's literally my father 💀
PLS I PROMISE TO GOD NOT ALL NARCISSISTS ARE LIKE THAT-
Wow! That reaction was severely disproportionate. Are you responsible for your Dad’s health care? If not, then why remind him about his appt…it’s not worth it.
Your dad and mine must be brothers! I have the same issues with my parent's. Of course my mom is dead now...he worked her to death. Many nights she would call me crying. This has been passed down to my sister who is just as bad or worse than my dad. It's horrible.
Here is a cold hard fact...if you allow these people to remain in your life they will cause much damage. Set boundaries and know when to walk away. Sometimes walking away is the best thing to do. Sad. Painful. I pray peace and joy come to you soon.
I think it's pretty safe to say that my ex was a narcissist when she fits every single one of the criteria that you just described, and then some. When I told her about a female friend that had committed suicide she said well sometimes things just work themselves out.... The statement was due to jealousy and insecurity.
Wow that statement was very cruel and demonic...my sister has some traits mainly behind her crack addiction that she still indulge in at times considering she is in her early sixties...my sister made a similar comment when my mom passed away when she was taken off life support at the age of 76...she stated to me that everyone has to die as if at my age of sixty didn't know that...it's also about the way a person dies especially a love 💕 one....I have anxiety to This day because after visiting my mom in the hospital later that night is when she went into that episode needing a breathing machine...my Mom had smoked since a Young girl at seventeen...she was managing but could never quit mainly behind the stress she had endure as a divorcee razing four children as a single parent and having to deal with a toxic son and a daughters drug addiction for close to three decades and the loss of another husband by way of a divorce...my mom had cancer and a bad broken 💔...my sister called me The next morning telling me my mom had a turn for the worst and that's all but It would have helped if she had told me all of it ..I entered the hospital believing she was just not communicating but to my shock of disbelief she was on a life support. Gasping for air ..I immediately broke down in tears trying to compose myself from the fear of scaring her if she were able to hear me....I still love 💕 my sister even after the hell she put us through in always worrying about her dying in the streets like my brother and never acknowledging that enough to apologize. she is just a shell of who she use to be...to spite her body breaking down after having such a lovely figure. She is always willing to attend a funeral as we are having them it seems every other Year....my grandma had fifteen kids....so now the cousins and uncles aunt's are passing...it's tough...but to live in peace is so hard these days..but we should have the option of dying in peace....as much as I loved my mom and she raised us to the best of her ability... three meals and clothing for school she stop showing us love by means of a hug once we became teenagers ... there were times I would hug her but it wasn't nearly enough. ...I believe she also had some narcissist traits and her eldest son my brother whom passed away at the age of 27 was a sociopath very good looking and since he was the eldest thought he could control us with threats and physical violence and his girlfriends whom he would beat within inches of there lives...so I am familiar with narcissist just didn't realize it back then...my brother wouldn't back down 👇 from a fight in fact he would initiate them.. I thought I was done walking on eggshells until I came across this former narcissist whom is now at a bottomless pit and he is just loving it.. very miserable demons is what and who they have become. .they come at you covertly luring you into there web of lies but if they were overt we would know better....at least I would have......
Thank you for the time and energy that you put in making these vidoes.
I’ve been going through this now for 25 yrs with my brother. I truly had no idea what was wrong with him, but I knew there was something very wrong. He hits all the criteria, I see that now I’ve been reading about this for 2 days.
My take: one of the things I learned about my own recovery from alcoholism is that my mind tricks me into believing things that encourage drinking. My mind tells me I can, when the reality is I cannot. At all. Ever drink alcohol.
It’s seems the same thing is true with NPD. HOW is it possible for my brother to recover from this when his mind is tricking him into believing that he’s this supreme being? I mean the pure sickness behind this disorder is mind boggling.
As of 2 days ago, I had to tell him to go away. I told him that I’ll let him back into my life if he seeks professional help. I just can’t do this anymore. In fact, because of his outrageous behavior, all family members feel the same.
I’ve never seen anyone affect a room of people as negatively as my brother. He has the ability to demoralize everyone present. Ive never known anyone, or been around anybody that is as wholly unpleasant as my brother. It seems as if he revels in making the people around him miserable.
The last straw was last week when he was mean, and abusive both mentally and physically towards our father. I witnessed this. I now realize how sick he truly is. My dad has Parkinson’s and is 90 years old, he is completely unable to protect himself. We had to remove him from my dads house. My brother is 65 yrs old, no money, can’t work because of his NPD. He is now living in a 200 sq ft apt for 450/month. He gets about 1500 / month ssn and pension combined. Yet he believes he’s the smartest person on earth. My family has had enough. He’s out.
I really want to learn more.
Wow! Great share! Thanks.
Hope your brother finds help.
BOTH OF MY PARENTS ARE NARCISSISTIC. I am only learning this.... In now 47 and wish id known this years ago!
And thankyou for posting this!
Thank you for this video. I have been dealing with this issue with my father. Who I work with. He works with me at a company I started. He creates a complete fantasy world around him, as if he were the CEO of Microsoft. Although I am the one who built the company and handled every aspect of the business end of things, he takes credit for 100 percent of the companies sucsess. All while spending his days do hardly anything, sitting on his bed in his bath robe. I have dealt with this from him my entire life in many situations.
Latley this has become almost unbareable. I began speaking to a therpasit who pointed out that he seems to have narsasistic personality disorder.
Hoping to learn more and find ways to cope better. As far as my work life, I live in constant anxiety. And working for the company I started bring to enjoyment any longer, having to be invloved with him.
Still love him as my dad which makes it even harder.
13:00 That talk about looking smart is interesting because I theorize that dysfunctional families (which are always led by narcissistic parents) label the scapegoat child as being stupid, and this occurs in both explicit as well as subtle forms. Narcissists love to look intelligent and they love to engage in psychological destruction and mutilation and the epithet of 'stupid' is very powerful. It causes a person to have deep-seated self-doubt and low self-esteem.
Tami Witte They’re sarcastic and unbelievably cruel. Anything they tell you is to manipulate you. Narcissists’ egos cause them to underestimate others, but the tactic of diminishing an intelligent child’s confidence by telling them they are stupid is no less unconscionable than inflating the confidence of one who might then entertain them by making a fool of him or herself. They love abuse by proxy. Also if she thinks she is smart and has no underlying insecurity about that then it follows that on planet narco her children, as extensions of her, are similarly superior. The irrationality of it is unsustainable because of course they can’t bear to be outshone by one of their children. Their opinions of their children have no credibility whatsoever. Most parents might be less than objective with others but narcissists are also strategically invalidating with their children. You’re obviously smart enough to figure out she was a narcissist which undoubtedly was a threat to her, whatever her reasoning for allowing you that.
100% right on! Lived with this for over 17 years. It's a nightmare. Still trying to recover.
My dad's main argument is that "it's who I am". Every time I see him it's always someone else but him. He has told me very ugly things growing up, projected and deflected. His justification of his entitlement of a father daughter relationship is because of my mother and he wasnt in my life as a child. (He is an ex drug user and still struggles with drinking) He was violent and erratic when he was with my mom. But now that I am on my own (got kicked out by my narc mom) my dad saw it as a green light and talked a lot about how my mother did this that and the other thing. (Emotional abuser) I have been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder at 13 but I believe it may be Borderline just based on my childhood and present interpersonal relationships. I really want time to heal and figure out my own tendencies and to change to become more healthy and well rounded.
I enjoyed your video. Everything you said about traits, behaviours, is what I've been witnessing for quite some time with a close friend. I've recognised all the traits and it can drain you mentally and in the end be very soul destroying. There's no way of challenging a person with the highest levels of narcissim. It's simply impossible to change someone's behaviour when they're set in their ways, no matter how hard you try in a empathetic way. It's definitely a too hard basket. It's a very complex subject.
This was a very good video. I have been married to a narcissist for 24 years who has lightened up the older he gets. He is 84 now and finally bearable to live with. I have watched many videos on this subject and yours is very informative and sounds like there is hope. Most videos say you can not change a narcissist. I look forward to watching more of your videos.
Thank u for your compassion. I was ruled out for borderline, but I experienced a lot of Discrimination along the way. I felt like no one had any compassion for me and everybody tried to avoid me.
POWER
is in tearing human minds to pieces and putting them together again in new shapes of your own choosing.
-George Orwell
Healthy lay people must write them off.
Let the person (including therapists) who wants to fix them engage in relationships with them.
Kat Ski. I agree. Not worth the time or headache.
The Queen and Her castle... Me too. Ive never seen it. Ever!
only way and that's only if the person can get to a place of true humility and be part of being delivered from the demonic stronghold of abuse & pain which includes the spirit of hate anger unforgivness and others towards there perpetrators......by the power of Jesus Christ amen
I totally agree with you. No one normal has time to try and understand or deal with a self absorbed narcissist that has a small mind.
mreloo All the forgiveness I might’ve had was already extracted under false pretenses. The mere suggestion of forgiving such abuse without justice or vengeance is self-righteous narcissism.
Dr. Fox, I wish that I had known someone like you when I was growing up with two narcissistic parents. Narcissists should never marry narcissists. It's a contract made in mental hell.
Macnutz420 I thought it was impossible for two narcissists to be in a relationship together. Only one of them was a narc and the weaker one must have been a codependent who took on traits of narc by being severely manipulated.
DITTO! both my parents are, too, and.... Yeah.
Hang in there!
The channel "inner integration" has a lot of great info, too
@@graphicdesigner7147 If, over time a cat learns to bark, chase balls, chew bones and likes walks that makes them a dog eventually.
My parents both had NPD as well. My life growing up was utter hell.
My ex-wife's narcissistic grandmother fit all these criteria, particularly her sense of entitlement. She felt she should be supported by me and my now ex-wife because "I deserve it!" She took away my ex-wife because I dared criticize her and imply she wasn't perfect, and told me that if I didn't apologize publicly for my "vicious lies" I would never be reconciled with my ex-wife. I was accused of "assaulting and attacking a poor defenseless old lady who was nothing but generous to me and my family, having paid for all our hotel rooms when we got married, paid for our wedding, and the least we could have done was to honor and respect her for her generosity but because I am self-centered and come from a family of self-centered people, I forced her to have to punish me for my sin in attacking her. My ex-wife, who was her co-dependent slave and "flying monkey" refused to live with me anymore unless I allowed her grandmother to move into our home and be honored and loved always. Needless to say, we ended up divorced.
Being a victim of narcissistic family member, I specially feel for other victims who are tired to deal narcissistic members throughout life.
Unbelievable. The timing of this video is perfect.
I am the TIRED oldest of a “beautiful on the outside”narcissistic mama. Food for thought….Southern Culture also plays a role in narcissistic females. Your information is spot on, yet easy for anyone from any walk of life or background to follow. Keep doing your good work .
Your not going to get these people to go to a doctor and be diagnosed they don't believe there's anything wrong.
lisa2195 Some know there is something wrong. They have learned to behave normally to maximize life efficiency.
They are Oscar worthy actors if it means getting what they want
Satan loves his disorder.
They go to the doctor to learn, they are evil...this doctor is very naive
Dolly Teylor He is not naive. It’s funny that you commented such a thing on a video about narcissists because that is a very narcissistic thing to do right there. You may have had awful experiences because of a narcissist but this does not mean that you are an expert or know enough to make a judgement that you just did. Sit down.
You have been such a major help for me and I am very grateful for you and your channel Dr. Fox. Your videos are easy to understand and get through. Thank You for all you do!
Thanks for the great information. Learned exactly what I'm dealing with a female narcissist. After trying to help them, they turned around and blamed me for the failed relationship. Telling me I'm not good enough, blamed me for cheating and after finding out, they were already looking for someone else and cheating. So now I understand about their behavior. Thanks
You just described someone I love.
Every trait you mention including the poor insight is exactly what I experience with this person who I believe has NPD but that just my believe and not an actual diagnosis. But none the less a very toxic person. Thank you very much for clarifying.
I had a grandfather who I, among many in the family and the public, recognized had these narcissistic traits. My mother also displays some similar behaviors when she feels attcked or insecure and I wonder what effect it had on her to live with such a father. I am very grateful for the insight you provide in your videos because it drove me to better sympathize with what is happening underneath all this.
The most accurate description, thank you for your contribution to the collective.
I appreciate these brief segments for self awareness and preservation. Thank you.
One of my brothers is the spitting image of someone with a complete narcissistic personality disorder , and yet he total denies there's even something called narcissism. He's the very image of it.
If it's anything these people hate more than therapists and psychologists, or the gubmint' getting in their business (aka take their kids away from their abuse), it's the pin pointed telltale label that is actually 100% fact on what they really are. The more that people know about them, the more they starve or screw up in desperation and get locked away like they know they deserve.
Your brother is a pathetic loser.
Everything thing you said I have dealt with a person .. the sarcasm, the insults.. hope they find a treatment that helps prevent this and it should be taught in schools
these people all need to be murdered.
They also steal ideas and copy other people's creative work
What about buying 8 guitars over 6 years when they don't even know how to play them and get angry every time you ask them to play something? Anything.
Yes they do! They are liars and theives!
Very true
And tell everyone how they was coming up with that and if you are friends with them they going to tell that they was cause your success but they don't to nothing good in your life only lieyng
How about all they are interested in more than a relationship are their houses, cars, if their clothes smell like food etc etc
thank you for being so kind to people:)
My sis killed my MOM pushed her down after verbalizeing everthing that could happen MOM had a chance to tell one person befor she had surgery went a comma came of it one not able to comunicate and died at hospital I have every reason to stay clear after how she treated me
I met my ex narc around when this was made, no empathy, snarky , back handed compliment , calculating, cold , mean, gaslighting , wish i saw this first
You know what I think? I think that it helps if someone knows what is at the core of a particular personality disorder. Like, with BPD, there often is frantic efforts to avoid abandonment. With NPD, there is the big ego, but it's fragile. But, it's so nice to listen to an expert. I love learning. Thanks so much 🙂
I've noticed a detailed, rigid value system a Narcissist will use to evaluate and judge others. The value system may or may not be religious. It seems that no combination of facts, logic, appeals to forgiveness, or anything else can alter the value system or stop the judgments.
A detailed, rigid value system might be equally or even more consistent with ObsessiveCompulsive Personality Disorder
@@wendyleeconnelly2939 Indeed. These two disorders are often comorbid.
Your closing point about the problem with labeling is not lost on me. Thx
Dr. Fox,
I guess my take-away from this video is that if I am identifying these traits of the disorder in others, these identifications are more about me and my core content. If I take these observations and work on my own behaviors then things will improve for me. There is a reason we identify with others. It always has more to do with us, whether we are in the field of treating it or being treated, the relationship will make us more insightful into our own suffering and potential to heal. If that makes any sense.
Thanks for your work. It is truly life shifting.
Narc free now. Never been happier. They are sick and have a twisted mind. Pls do more videos on the narcissist. It’s scary when they stare at you!
Thank you for such an informative video!!
I read alot of comments after watching your video. I noticed alot of people here write that they're with partners who they believe to be narcissists and many have been with them for years. I wondered what attracted them to their partner in the first place. Maybe we see what we want to see. I heard it's a mask the narcissist wears and the love bombing that attracts a partner.
This is a hot topic lately, especially after Chris Watts murdered his entire family. He discarded his pregnant wife of 8 years and their 2 daughters. Like many people, unfortunately, he was having an affair. But, there was no history of domestic violence or neglect. No one who knew him thought him capable of such a heinous act. Those who knew him said he was a nice quiet guy, always helpful, never angry, and a good father. According to his childhood friends and parents he was perfect.
But really, that's not possible. No one is that perfect. We all go through phases. We make mistakes, learn from them and grow into a better version of ourselves. Could the narcissist be stuck in a phase, refuse to admit mistakes and fail to learn and grow? He had a solid mask. Underneath that mask was the worst version of Chris imaginable.
I know you can't diagnose online. Yet, the public needs to know how to avoid people capable of such deeply personal destruction no matter what label it's attached to.
Is there a test that anyone can do to know if a person is dangerous? Questions one should ask? Hypothetical scenarios?
Riddles?
?
I really think my ex has a personality disorder. I finally broke up with him after 4 and a half years of craziness. He seems to always need reassurance that I love him or want to be with him. But on the other hand he’s always accusing me of cheating or not wanting to be with him. If he feels like I’m not giving him enough attention or answering questions the way he thinks I should he gets depressed and starts saying things like maybe we shouldn’t be together or he feels like I don’t care anymore. The times that I have broken up with him he goes crazy. Calling me bad names, accusing me of things, etc. We eventually get back together and he acts as if he doesn’t remember any of the bad things he did or said. In fact he never remembers anything that pertains to him. But can remember or make up things I supposedly did. It was literally like being on a roller coaster. Up and down up and down. He seems to always want to test me to see if I really care or love him. Basically all the things he does and say make me want to leave him alone. But he doesn’t seem to get it. And no matter how much he says he’s going to change he doesn’t or can’t to be honest. I broke up with him and he claims oh I know it’s because your with someone else. Which I’m not I just couldn’t take the craziness anymore. He went to an assessment at at behavioral health place and they claim it’s depression. I know for a fact it’s more than depression.
When he has his Psych Eval will the psychiatrist see that it’s obviously more than depression? He really needs help and I honestly feel really bad for him. But I can’t be in the relationship anymore it’s draining and toxic.
This sounds like bpd
albany holbrook I thought so
Excellent explanations!
You nailed it!!! This is my Boss!
Happened today. I didnt respond when someone needed something I had not had time to do. They wrote how much I just dont care and we should cut ties for a while. That sounds like an excellent idea
thank you for this info
You just changed my life ❤️ thank you 👊
You're awesome!!
I would love to hear about the origin of narcissism. It took some time to understand that from online sources and I'm still not sure. I find understanding the origins helps to find a sense of compassion. For me personally, it's really still important.
I'm so glad you said that diagnosis is for mental health professionals only or mostly because I keep having discussions with friends over either how bad "labels" are...or I keep seeing things like "beautiful bipolar" on Facebook IDs or bios. Also, these days it seems like everybody is bipolar ;) or similar and that's the other extreme. Being out there with a diagnosis as a kind of self-defense... Attacking so you don't get attacked...
At last, I find it always very helpful to have a kind of simple but still correct identifier in order to understand the personality disorders. Like in the case of BPD it is the physiological and nurture part but even more so, knowing that these folks have very very intense emotions that change quickly. And with that, their mood. Like with the topics in a very lively talk. Just saw it again with my friend. I was glad I knew what was going on because I would not understand it otherwise bit still it goes so fast it was hard to do anything but being gentle and understanding. It went OK :)
Thank you, for another very helpful video.
I'm currently trying to, I guess,.. find myself.
Am doing the whole "no-contact" thing away from my, "family", lol.
Living in my car/tents, it's actually pretty awesome.
I'm no doctor but I'm quite certain I've worked out the most recent roles each member of my dysfunctional family of origin played.
Being scapegoated really sucked lately, and I'm still figuring out why or how it happened.
Something that bugs me is if, lets say, I'm the "healthiest" member of this F.O.O. How would I compare with an actually healthy individual that is without "narcfleas" ,and of course, decades of maladaptive programming. Not for competitive reasons at all, more as a means of gauging where I'm at, roughly.
I do find this journey quite frustrating at times, especially lacking a "compass".
I am the person described in this video. After 33 years I am now realizing this and am going to strive for change.
Did you achieve any improvement?
Magnificent❣️ I really enjoyed & appreciated this as U were more in-depth than others. Thanks very much for sharing! My son, age 28, is a heroin addict & I think he's narcissistic. It's confusing, trying to distinguish which part of his personality is from.
Thanks for the info I’ve been dealing with a sibling who frustrates the hell out of me. This video helped.
Im sorry your siblings so frustrating. Someone sent me this server not long ago discord.gg/fbZeDXpq and I found some free workbooks and other people to talk about my friend whose this way. Its been pretty helpful tbh , hope it helps I know they can really suck sometimes
You have to be a psychologist to interact with these people. Its too much. Just go no contact.
I cannot stand myself as a narcissist, I am a horrible person unworthy of forgiveness and unfortunately even though I now realize this fact about myself, my disorder cannot be fixed, I have no friends and my family secretly hates me. Everyone just looks at me as evil and keeps me in the dark about everything. Its a terrible life to live.
Thank you wish I knew about this sooner.
My ex boyfriend told me I’m a covert narcissist during our last argument. I looked up the traits online and here on UA-cam and it does appear I have some covert narcissistic traits. I feel absolutely terrible. What is my next step so I can lead a healthy life for myself and for my future relationships?
Dr. Daniel Fox would it be alright to go to any licensed therapist (including social workers) or would it be best for me to go to a psychologist or psychiatrist who specializes in personality disorders? I wouldn’t know where to search for a specialist specifically.
Jennifer S. + If you feel absolutely terrible, that suggests that you have a conscience and feel guilt, therefore, are you really narcissistic? Maybe, your boyfriend is a covert narcissist himself and is projecting his traits on to you in order to win the argument and control you. Narcissists often do this. You may be getting upset and arguing because he has covertly baited you in order to feed off your emotional reactions. Look into your boyfriend's tactics, how come he knows so much about narcissist traits, anyway? Possibly researching his own narcissism.
My opinion is this. If you even consider yourself and can objectively consider the possibility that you have Narcissistic traits means that you are not a full blown psychopath Narcissist. End of story. You may have behavior patterns that are manipulative and dishonest but that condition is called sin. The Bible tells us that if we Repent of our sin, choose to stop doing them, and recieve Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior that he will actively work with us in our lives and is in the business of healing the root causes to the behaviors that plague us. I speak to you as if you were a sister. Any other watered down mish mash of directives or feedback would be a wild goose chase in my experience. Crack the book of John and start reading. Most people are amazed at who Jesus is behind the veil of all the preconcieved covert Narcissistic propaganda used by the devil to decieve mankind. Satan is the first Narcissist and sin is at the root of relationship issues. Check out Genesis and the story of Adam and Eve. It's an excellent case study in a good relationship gone bad. It started with rebellion and actions that lead to the breakdown in what once was perfect peace, love, joy, and fulfillment. The solution is to restore our relationship first with our creator. That's why Jesus came. It's a choice though.
Jennifer S. U are not the narc, it's your boyfriend narc never admit that they are a narc,
I would examine this with a mental health professional. A lot of people say a lot of things during arguments too, so examining this is a good idea if it's causing you concern. Be well.
Narcs are impaired people. It's like seeing a Rolex watch, paying a high price for it, then later finding out all the pieces are missing inside.
I love this analogy… I’m going to try to memorize it
I had years of abuse...Last straw came when he took another girl out on a date.. Then slept with her ......he thinks this is fine... He's so deluded .. He tells me he's never been so hurt ...coz I left him. !!!!!
@Ryan McClain He probably wasn't. It is a manipulation strategy because they like the power, and it is easy to do to. Emotional munipulation is the easiest kind if you know which buttons to push, which they're generally very good at. Probably he didn't realize that it would not work.
@Ryan McClain This being the reason they say they are so hurt, it could just being another one of their strategies for sympathy.
You nailed it, thanks!
You're welcome!
Oh I love u. U explained so well. Thanks!!
You're very welcome. I'm glad the video was helpful. Be well.
I have watched numerous videos from various Dr.’s and the problem that occurs with these Narcissistic people is that getting them to a Dr. which can diagnose them is not likely to happen because they feel there is nothing wrong with themselves so why would they need to go speak with a psychologist? There is just no way to get anything accomplished with these people. I can accomplish more by bashing my head into a concrete wall than I can accomplish with my brother. I have witnessed enough in my 50 years of life that I do not need anyone from the outside to diagnose anything for me. I have witnessed more than a Dr. can ever witness. No outside person will witness more than a direct family member because the direct family are the ones that see the person on a day to day, year to year basis. I am positive that what I am dealing with is a full-blown NARCISSIST.
Informative video thx! I didn't get a clear sense from this video what differentiates the individual with NPD vs narcissistic traits. You spoke of the need for evaluation from a mental health professional but for the layman who observes a friend, a spouse, a coworker etc, how is one to know the difference. Thx
fascinating. if I lived in Texas, I would look into the possibility of being one of your clients.
This is so my husband. 110%! It's crazy and I'm done with his crazy making. No one ever got through to him. Mine has intermittent explosive disorder, conduct disorder, oppositional defiance disorder, supposedly bipolar a drunk and addict a jerk. He says if I leave him it means destruction.because leaving him is destructive. He plotted my murder when I wanted a divorce. I'm pretty sure he's put me in a few situations where he hoped I'd die, he threw his body into my windshield and told the cops I ran him down but later told the truth, he's bitten me ,body slammed me, effed up my fingers, burned me with a cigarette and punched my mouth, and yes I have defended myself and reacted in ways that are not typical, only for him to say "see you're no better than me. You have anger issues.in fact you're worse than me.." so they live to instigate just for this conclusion alone. They project like no one else. That's how you know what they're doing. They will try and have your kids taken away. The list I have experienced is endless. Mine says he's a package deal only. He has said he won't have anything to do with the kids if I'm still in the picture. He says if I can't have you you can't have the kids because we are suppose to be a family. The slander is endless.the triangulations.if you have children with a narc get them away from them if at all possible. Get a parenting plan. Make them get supervised visits and counseling if at all possible. My husband is an over malignant narc. He is loud and obvious and doesn't care. He thinks he can give a good enough excuse to be excused as if it's some rarity and that's it's just their stress from the heartache of losing everything blablablablablabla..when in reality, they act like fools at the stupidest things. They have very rare emotionally healthy responses
Speaking narcissism helps in dealing with them but also “out ranking” them helps as well. People they recognize as superior or a respected expert are hard for them to lash out or be toxic towards can a lot of times get narcissists to back down or be forced to face themselves.
Hi there I dealt with my Narcissist ex husband it became a nightmare especially when Covid hit ...Iam getting educated on NPD . Thank you, your video detailed and to the point I pray that my ex someday gets help as we have 3 beautiful kids and he is wasting time. Bless everyone that dealing with a Narcissist person or came out of a Narcissistic relationship.
I once told my boyfriend (when we were in good terms) "have you realised that I never get angry at you but you always get angry at me? everytime we fight is because "I did something to get you upset" but when I get upset I never get a fight over it" and he literally said "that's because I never make mistakes" (in other words but that's what he meant and trully believed)... and I told him "no! it's because I don't like when we fight and I rather speak things through instead of getting mad at each other!..."
EXCELLENT VIDEO..THANK YOU..XXX
That’s him.
I can’t seem to get rid of this person.
Now he contacting my daughter’s father.
It’s beyond.
it is very hard to get them to disapear ,they will do anything and every thing to stay in your life or close by,
I enjoyed the Video very much, thanks, I had a boss who’s this type , and then I was under a lot of pressure, finally I quit my job.
Thanks for the video you really have helped me understand the subject more as the majority of my family have narcissistic traits but are not aware of it. Before realising that narcissism was the issue I mentioned therapy but my family rejected it like I was the mad one. How can you suggest they need to seek treatment particularly when one of them has been diagnosed with depression which is almost s cover for the. Narcissism. It’s so difficult to have the insight but not able to pass on this information if my family really do not want to know.
Excellent video
Hello Dr Fox.
Thank you Sir, you are truly doing Gods work.
I have suspected (and my sister and I have both had Psychologists suggest) our mother has Narcissistic BPD disorder. I am 43 next month and she is 46 and we are only now just able to admit how clinically unwell she is, and the incredibly deep impact this has had on us.
Your above description also describes my ex husband to a T.
Only 2 days ago I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist with;
Bipolar disorder, Type 2,
Persistent Depressive Disorder, with Intermittent Major Depressive episodes, without current episode,
Generalised anxiety disorder,
Complex PTSD,
ADHD, combined subtype,
Possible ASD,
Moderate sensory processing disorder,
Social anxiety disorder,
Borderline personality traits,
Panic Disorder, with agoraphobia, remission,
OCD, remission,
Purging type anorexia.
My sister has anxiety and C-PTSD.
I don’t remember 95% of my life and am feeling completely overwhelmed trying to understand how someone could possibly affect a person so badly. THANK YOU for sharing your understanding in such a kind and gentle way. I wish with all my heart I had begun to heal 20 years ago, but better late than never.
I am just about to complete a Master of midwifery and seriously considering going back to Uni next year to study Psychology. I’m a helped, I’m just not sure if I need to stop helping others and look toward myself first, for once.
Thank you again (ps. It’s scary putting my ‘labels’ out there 😆). J 💙
You're very welcome. I'm glad the video was helpful. Be well.
My husband fits every one of these traits. Your videos are so helpful thank you!!
I hope you didn’t have any kids with him. My dad is a narcissist and I have a miserable life because of it. Everyday I wish I was never born and I really hope you didn’t bring a person into the world to feel that way
This is the first I hear that she can get better. And I am crying uncontrollably. Omg 8 years of this to the extreme. I dont know what to do. I am so hurt and scared. I need her to get help.
The impaired insight is more than I can handle. They just don't get it. They just can't figure out what the problem is you are having with them. It couldn't be them. They are clueless. After years of dealing with this and many more traits, I have decided to go no contact from the sibling. I wasn't aware myself that I had issues, too because I kept trying to make it work. I wanted to keep my sibling in my life, but it is just too painful for me to do so anymore. I want to grow and with this type, they just drag you down. Good luck to any of you that have to deal with this on a regular basis because it is so difficult. For years I took it all upon myself and it has damaged my life as well. I'm finally happy that I can be a bit awake now and try to move forward in a positive way. I had to let go in order to heal.
I do some of these things. Whats confusing is that I constantly put myself down. Telling myself and others that I am not worthy. What a mess!
Fight the negative self talk. Change starts inside you. Corny but true.
Dr Fox, thank you for covering the diagnosis for the Narcissistic Personality Disorder that a licenced psychologist would look for but could you please elaborate more about those who just have narcissistic traits? I just realized that my husband may not have a Narcissistic Personality disorder but he does have some of these traits (selfishness, gaslights and blames others even when it is not their fault, lack of empathy and entitlement (expects others to do things for him & gets upset if you say no) and high expectations of others but that's about it. If someone has some of these narcissistic traits doesn't this mean they are still a narcissist??
You say "not to say" that someone is a narc, or other, but in my general life, one of having to go from 'the bottom up', and having to learn about myself, and others, the extremely hard and painful way ! Without having parents who knew how to lead, to support, and then having ADHD, and learning disorders, it has been all I can do to just begin to make some sense about a couple of these areas, giving them a name just for my own personal benefit! I've had some counseling in the past, and have needed more, but 'my husband' wouldn't consider paying for it ! I am presently having to manage thru what appears to be BPD/OCD with him, and possible covert narcissist with my youngest son, one who I trusted 'with my life', and then he scammed me, taking /using money I 'blindly' allowed him to have access to. Yes, I do need more counseling ( sometimes, much more than others), but things get in the way such as, my inability to manage organization with details/papers/etc, which causes problems for me. ( Thankfully, several years ago, I started learning about 'boundaries' which has helped my situation improve 'somewhat' ) ! I would just life a wand, that I could just wand, and everything would be fixed , but that isn't how life works, is it ! / I do enjoy your videos, and I feel they do help me, so please continue them !
Once I went no-contact with a former "best friend" and learned about narcissism, I realized how many people around me (including my family) have demonstrated these traits most of my life. I've internalized so much for so long that now I feel alone, in many respects because I'm aware. It's depressing to realize that they have gaslighted me as far back as I can remember.
But it sounds like you’ve developed good insight which can help you develop good adaptive strategies in order to include more healthy and helpful people in your social circle. Take care.
So, firstly I just wanna say thank you so much for everything that you do. I’m someone with borderline personality disorder I just recently discovered your videos they’ve been helping me and my family on so much however I do strongly believe that my mother May very well be on the narcissistic spectrum. Now since I’m someone with BPD I know now that I take almost everything personally.. how do I go about telling my mom in a way where she will actually value my words that she might have narcissistic pd? I’ve already told her about the BPD and ofc she denies it cuz im her little “mini me” as she usually initially strongly denies anything that could go wrong with me
You're my favorite channel
I am just getting out of a 11 year marriage with a horrible, horrible man who managed to keep his narcissist traits undercover until the last 3 or 4 years. My life with him during this period was a miserable nightmare and I thought I was losing my mind. Wishing I were dead was !y only thought. Thank you for this info. I feel SO much better and am on the road to healing. My advise? Absolutely NO CONTACT with your abuser after you leave! I had too many 'dry runs' and all only continued the cycle of abuse.
2 years of no contract and I still think about them everyday.
Hello Dr. Fox. Thank you so much for the videos. I'm 37 and recently discovered a covert narcissistic person in my life. Well, I strongly assume she is the one. It took me 4 years to figure it out. Lol Hey it is better later then never. Anyway, she started our " friendship" from stories how brutal and poor childhood she had, that she was constantly ill to that degree that she could not attend the school. Than as an adult she suffers from migrens. Nevertheless, we could lead the conversations for hours.. So the years are passing by, and the more time passes by, the more funny and not identified feelings I have. For instance, every time I talking about event in my life, she tried to find a similar one in hers. What I'm trying to say, that for my story, had to be heard her story with her obviously involved . When she told me that she actually manipulated her present husband to be father, without his consent,and she literally said, "yes, I have set him up in pregnancy, so he will stay with me" this one was a kind of Red flag to me that something is not ok. But again, I thought, it happened (this pregnancy) 15 years ago, she was a different person back then. They are still married, so maybe it all turned out to be positive. I was so naive thinking that.The truth is you cannot simply eliminate years of bad emotional experience, can you? She mentioned more then once that she had to move out from home when she was a teenager , because of "a very shameful event " she never dared to talk about. And I never dared either to push her and say it. Thats why maybe she comments quite oft about her self as " oh, stupid me!" I told her , stop doing that, you are not stupid, and she says "oh, I'm just joking " but we both know that she is not. Now I see how much guilt she is caring in herself, and how this really reflects in and on her life. I was always the one who was trying to make her happy, always to put more energy in our relationship. But I was always asking myself, why she cannot respond to that in a positive way. I guess I know now. .. I have decided to remove her from my life but still , I would like to help her somehow. BUT HOW? is it possible at all? shall I tell her about my feelings? I know in case of this kind of person it may be totally pointless... I guess after 4 years of relationship ( even if it was a toxic one) maybe she deserves the truth... it is not easy :(
Dr Fox, I understand we have to be careful not to diagnose and it is something reserved for mental health professionals but I would like to point out as you would know already that these individuals rarely seek treatment so they will rarely receive the diagnosis of NPD. To say someone is narcissistic is simply a describing term. In the same way you may describe someone as being, anxious, on edge etc etc which would be some of the manifestations of anxiety without saying they have 'anxiety disorder.' I believe narcissistic is a word that we should be able to use if the individual is behaving in all or most of the ways you have mentioned. Thanks for all your videos
every single point and example described in this video EXACTLY describes my grandma.. she has caused so much grief to my mom and our whole family. unfortunately shes too old to live by herself so we have to endure all that everyday and she refuses to change or accept she is wrong.
she refuses to speak to anyone who upsets her or who doesnt cater to her needs, but fails to address what she wants. she didnt speak or contanct my mom when she first got married because it was "the worng guy". she failed to speak to my mom when she got married the second time and said "she doesnt have a daughter anymore" and did not even bother going to the hospital when she had her first son. she thinks she is entitled to special treament becuase she has 2 degrees in law (but also it could be the USSR mentality of superiority )
Don't DARE tell them, "No." They will NEVER respect your boundaries. They will always forget any help you ever gave them, and adamantly deny that you have ever helped them with anything.
One major tell-tale sign is the, “ I can do no wrong “ attitude.
I don't believe narcissists truly want to get better. :(
Well said Krissy!
How can they when they fundamentally believe that nothing is wrong with them, and that should be someone else's fault for it to happen this way?
There is nothing "well said" about someone who does not sees himself as being flawed, because they have to maintain a fabricated persona to stop being in touch with reality.
So no, it is not that they do not want to get better. It is because they already believe themselves as being the best, so no amount of therapy will work, because the therapist will be mocked as not knowing his job, or being a certain way, since they see through all of those facades after multiple visits.
@h it is a pleasure.
I dislike misinformation.
This is how you get people to push the word "narcissist" at everybody's face without knowing what it really is, and how different it shows from disorder to disorder pushing similar traits.
This is why the diagnostic needs to be done by a professional, rather than someone else that just reads whatever they want into what is given to them, though to get them to start therapy, you need to coerce them into making them believe that it is their idea rather than your own.
This flatter their (false self) ego, and they may go enough times for the therapist to make a clear assessment on their psyche.
I recommend Dr. Ramani or Dr. Grande for the more in-depth generation of the narcissistic traits.
I think for most, they would want to get better if they were able to realize something is wrong, but the belief that something is wrong with them is in and of it self emotionally devastating to a Narcissist. They probably remain in their disorder as a natural survival instinct. It's a similar concept to how the human brain will repress traumatic memories.
@@saharaofthedeep I agree. I agree with pretty much everything that's been said, though I'm wary to make a blanket statement about *everyone* in any population. I've never *known* someone with NPD who do want to get better, and I imagine it's much more rare, but I don't want to say that no one *ever* chooses to work on their NPD... I honestly think that many of them *could* get better, if they wished to, and generally they aren't genuinely happy... But I think if one were to decide to face their issues, genuinely, they *could* recover.
I agree it seems at least rare, I just wouldn't want someone to feel like they are a lost cause or that they can't improve if they genuinely worked on it.
I thought for a long time my husband was NPD, although it didn't quite add up. But wow, reading about Machiavellian personality was dead on. So this is something to consider if NPD doesn't fit right.
I think that understanding your real motivations for your behaviour, is essential if one wishes to alter those behaviours. Without that understanding, I do not think it is possible to make real changes. Learning to clearly distinguish the objective from the subjective is also very useful and becoming acquainted with one's deeper motivations, is also a path to learning to separate the subjective from the objective.