Let’s Talk About “DINKS”
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- Опубліковано 16 чер 2024
- DINK (Double income no kids) couples have taken the internet by storm after going viral with a recent TikTok trend. In each video, they emphasize all the benefits of a childfree lifestyle. Are they right? Many conservatives are calling them shallow and selfish. Are THEY right? Let’s discuss
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I see nothing wrong with them, except that they choose to make TikToks
🥂
literally
This video is so Candace Owens coded
Theyre selfish. All they mention is spending money on themselves, talking about themselves, etc.
@@ava4689 nothing wrong with that
Nothing wrong with not wanting children. Better that someone is honest, than have a child and treat them like sh*t.
But indeed the outrage does not come out of that. It comes from the smugness. They are saying "oh we are so smart cause instead of spending money on formulas we can fatten starbucks, you are all so stupid". That'it.
And what does it matter ? If you are secure about choosing to have kids you shouldn’t care that they chose not to and gloat about it . Parents brag about their kids all the time . Childless kids are allo and to gloat as well
@@RobinThomas-ng5oi So bragging about loving someone is the same as bragging about giving the money to fatten the big corporations. Sure.
@@PoppiD93 You just choose to ignore their smugness 🤷♀️
Does that mean they don't ever get pregnant, or does that include the biggest domestic abusers of them all, the aborters?
I am 25, married at 22, tried and failed for a baby for two years and then rejected by an adoption agency. So we are involuntarily DINKs. I like watching the “we’re Dinks!” videos because it reminds me that there are still great perks to my life even though it’s not the one I envisioned for myself. People are DINKs for all sorts of reasons and not all of them are selfish.
Amen. Live your best life. If it happens, it happens ❤
Have you looked into a naturopathic doctor (ND)/functional medicine doctor to get all your levels run in your blood work and take the infertility issue on from a holistic perspective? Many modern medical docs only look at one side of it, and a hormonal issue (biggest driver of infertility) is DEFINITELY something to approach holistically (looking at the whole body as a system and not separate parts). Hope you look into that and don’t give up! ❤️ If you already have, it’s not the end of the world. You could foster one day, there are so many kids in the foster system in need. ❤️
Bruh. Part of me hopes the decision is made for us like that. We’re so on the fence one of the posts just went up my ass
Even if it is selfish, why would that be inherently a bad thing? Everyone is selfish to some degree!
Not everyone has the money for lots of procedures to try to get pregnant. And adoption/ Foster is much harder than people may get sound.
It's okay to accept the hand you are delt and make the best of your life. There is so much to enjoy in the world. Travel, take classes, enjoy expensive food, explore.
How did the conversation change from "not everyone should be a parent" to "how dare you choose not to be a parent"?
It makes parents feel insecure and question their life choices.
@@svr5423 I think you're right. I imagined for a second being in the shoes of someone with kids. I can imagine getting pissed off hearing someone brag about all of the things you can't do and feel a vicious need to defend your choice. Some kind of sunk-cost panic. Having kids involves sacrifice.
I think the logical approach to someone who truly wanted kids is "you know, it'd be great to have more flexibility and less responsibility, but I love my kids and they're worth it." "You're selfish!!!" Is just a bizarre argument to me. Are people having kids despite not want them for some kind of act of public service? Highly doubtful, Sounds more like resentment.
@@KellyLCornell Yep this sums it up pretty well, it's kinda funny how people with kids come out of the woodwork to defend their decision and make themselves seem like they made the right choice and then go on to demonize childless people. I honestly think they're jealous and are bitter that they can't do things that dinks can anymore. It's stupid really, they chose to reproduce now they have to deal with it but their attacking random people on the internet who chose the opposite option that they probably want.
@@KellyLCornell doesn't change the fact that they're selfish, if you have spare money, give it to a responsible charity, shelter, etc., bragging about free time and money is just weird, that's what I expect from teens and not married couples. Imo if you came to a point that you think it does worth making video about, there must be a certain level of insecurity that is overcompensated by that action. So, they're not selfish because they decide to not have kids, it's better to know their economy won't have a new pait of hands, but because they think world needs to know.
Honestly the dinks video only annoys me because these people act like having kids is a horrible thing to do n they also seem to be encouraging these young kids that their lifestyle is perfect. However i do agree some people shouldn't have kids. Also agree having kids isn't always a walk in the park. Agree elon n nick cannons view on parent hood is messed up and shouldn't have had all these kids just to have them also seems degenerate
I'm not outraged by them but I am annoyed with everyone oversharing their lives to justify their decisions. I don't care about your life, begone.
I'm assuming you weren't raised in a world where mommy took your picture all the time to post on Facebook, where friends socialized on platforms or game lobbies, and schools required video for projects. The culture these days IS to share your life, and whomever is interested watches. If you don't share something is wrong with you for choosing to remain private...
And I say this as a former teacher. I value my privacy, being introverted. But I also don't care about people sharing themselves. I just don't watch, the same way I didn't get offended at all the channels on the TV I never looked at.
You can also choose not to take them in and be outraged by them . Just care about your own life
Then stop following Dink channels or pages and any other channels or people who live a life that annoys you? 😅 if you keep looking up things that outrage you, the algorithm will keep giving you things that outrage you.
Amen!
I agree with this a bit, but I also think oversharing in society these days is what will make something the norm. It should be the norm that having kids isn't for everything in various ways, but society is still in the victorian era when it comes to having kids - everyone is still expected/obligated to have them no matter what. Just as marriage isn't for everyone, and it isn't something that will magically bring security of happiness ever after. The LGBT+ community became normalized more or less because they put themselves out there in society and most of society today is online. They might be oversharing, sometimes obnoxiously, but I hope it's effective in normalizing that people don't have to marry or have kids all the same.
Me and my husband don't want kids either. We are both 38 and at this point in our lives we don't regret anything.
We don't brag about our child free lifestyles on social media or even have a lavish lifestyle. We live modestly and are happy and content as we are.
People will do anything for views. Now they turned a life decision into an acronym.
I think what everyone is bothered by is them making this a movement and putting everything on the internet seeking for validation..
@@MajinErick to be fair, the acronym has existed for quite some time. When you engage in studies involving retail of virtually any kind, DINKS are your targets (typically).
@@rob10ringsounds pretty selfish that you just brought kids into the world just so YOU would be happy. All that to me just sounds like an ego trip
@@mr.perfectlyfine95obviously that's not the ONLY reason. Good grief. Funny how you people are all about me-me-me when it comes to abortion and also avoiding having kids altogether, but when you want to try to argue against someone who values children, suddenly you pull out all the stops and pretend like you actually value these children to the point where you claim their parents are selfish for not thinking of these kids first before themselves. Yeah....pretty ironic.
Do we really need a freaking name for everything, It's just couples who don't want kids nothing new. lmao Why is this even a "thing"🙄
oh man just wait till u see the reddit boards for the "child free" 😂😂
@@Alison2436Folks over there are on a whole other level, they’re actually unhinged and seem to genuinely hate kids.
@@sjanexThe antinatalism sub is wild! They even talked trash about Pewdiepie's baby... that's a weird level of parasociaI creepiness.
Also, "DINK" sounds like a slang lol
I respect child-free people. But the ones that have to make it their own personality are also telling on themselves by showing how bored they are that they have to post pointless tiktoks about it.
At least they aren’t as annoying as people who won’t shut up about how great it is to be a parent and post 500 identical pictures of their babies sleeping 😩
That's actually MORE annoying. 😀
Many people post these DINKS videos in spite of those videos lol which is unironically cringier.
Most babies look like a knee with a few hairs stuck on it. 😭 I was a hideous baby lol 😂
That is a riot! I take these DINK videos as a response to those people who post 500, identical sleeping baby photos. The irony is lost on parents who hate these videos, lol.
Lol I guess we're stuck with DINK and Parenting videos bragging about their lifestyle since we all seem to love stooping down to each other's levels.
In my 40s and a committed marriage with no kids and no regrets! People who have kids should want them more than anything. Modern life has just allowed us to really consider who we are and if we would actually be good parents and that’s not us and we’re very happy and fulfilled! We don’t spend all our money on crap and live modestly and quietly. It’s very peaceful! As far as service goes, we both volunteer countless hours to animal rescue and fostering as a way to nurture and give back. Everyone is different and can do good in the world without making more unwanted consuming humans.
Amen to that!
I love Rachel and Jun as a great example of a "dink" couple although I consider their kitties totally their kids so... 😂 but yeah they help animals all the time and live great meaningful lives... ❤
If you have the urge to nurture and want to nurture, and spend so much time fulfilling that need, why not have kids? And nurture your own flesh and blood? Come home to the gleeful scream of “DADDY!” Or “MOMMY!” After a long day of work. Surely thats better than just going to the animal shelter right? Or fostering? You have freetime, and a desire to care for things. Why not have kids? You’ll foster kids, give them hope and send them away, but not have your own kids and keep em?
@@ava4689 Why because they don't want kids, did you not read?!?! You're exhibit A of the problem and why I think more Dink video's should be made and go even more over the top... WTF are you to tell anyone what you just did? I feel sorry for any kid in your presence.
Raising kids is incredibly difficult on multiple levels. Save it for the people who actually want to do it.
Exactly. I think our government should perhaps try to remove barriers against having children if the decreasing population is a concern, but shaming people into having kids they never wanted will just lead to more chaos.
This is true, but different groups demand more and more privileges, even those that do not make the effort to raise a new generation.
Sometimes we are DINKS not by choice. Currently going through my 4th miscarriage. We’re ok with having or not having kids. But just wanted to point out not all of us are obnoxiously child free.
Except, sometimes people get pregnant unintentionally. Naturally, we can't just choose to get pregnant or not and I believe children are not disposable or to be killed.
Nice fantasy but the reality is, creating child isn't always within our control.
It's not really that hard, unless you're a weak, pathetic, shallow person. There are too many people like that nowadays, which is the problem.
It’s not so much the lifestyle that’s frustrating-there are many people that don’t have kids for their own reasons. It’s the over-the-top “look at me I’m happier than you” attitude that’s obnoxious. It’s the same as couples who post waaaay too many PDA pics or parents who post 50 pictures of their kids every hour. 🤷♀️ Live your life, maybe share a few highlights, and move on.
This! 💯
I'm a parent, and I don't post all my pictures. Maybe one or two here and there of special occasions. That or I'll send them over messenger to the grandparents. These people just sound like they're bragging.
@@destroyerciara Right? That’s really sweet.
If you could make a controversial viral video that got millions of hits and made you MONEY that you could add to your DINK 401K, why wouldn't you?
I got my tubes removed voluntarily in 2022 at freshly 25. My husband also does not want children and we are so so happy with the life being childfree has given us.
That's like a 19 year old claiming that they don't regret the tattoos they got at 18.... not saying you will necessarily have regrets, but saying this at 26 yo, literally 12 months after the operation does not prove anything.
@@hypnoteapot I can come back every single year to prove to YOU that I don't regret my decision because I won't. It's insulting and rude to assume that I don't know myself well enough to make such a permanent decision when I most certainly do.
And yet, I will never understand why women who choose to be child free are constantly being told that we will regret it but not a single person would dare tell a pregnant woman she will regret it when she announces her pregnancy.
I'm a guy who does not want to have kids and I'm single too, I actually don't want to be on the dating market. I don't hate kids, they are cute and I'm very happy about my friends who have kids because I know it was their dream. This being said, I don't have patience for "dinks" and for people who make having kids their life goal and make other people obligated to have kids. Why can't people just shut up and live life the way they want without bother the community?
I don't understand how come is soooo hard for people to shut up xD
As a woman who did not CHOOSE to be childless, I think that, for a large portion of these DINKS, the reason they are vocally bragging about it, is because the people around them, who HOUND them to have children, and who say, "Well, you're just a FAILURE as a human being, as a woman, if you DO NOT have children, and how DARE you, and I am personally offended at your apparent (or real) sterility!"
I mean, come ON. People at church, who are not even related to you, coming up to you and demanding to know when you're going to have children, and LITERALLY CALLING YOU A FAILURE, to your face, when you don't have them, even if you are TRYING... It hurts A LOT.
And so, some people will go overboard on the defense, and instead of saying, "SHUT UP, it is MY LIFE, NOT YOURS," they say, "HAHAHAHA! I can do all the things that YOU no longer can." It's not so much that they are ONLY thinking of the snacks and games and travel and money. It's more that these are things they DO have, and so they can rub it in the faces of the people who HURT THEM, by calling them failures, for not having children, already.
It's like when the kid who is picked on at the playground, finds a weapon, and suddenly, everyone is terrified of them. They are lashing out, in pain, fear, and anger.
Not all of them, obviously, but a large portion of them, yeah.
I think it's because there's so much pressure to have kids. A lot of people have parents who are constantly asking them for grandchildren and family constantly asking them when they are going to have kids and when they say they don't plan to everyone looks at you like a monster. See how in your comment you had to preface you don't hate children thats what a lot of people constantly have to do when they say they don't want children. So they find community online with other people who have made the same choice.
Facts! 🙌
It is no problem as a man don't want children. It can become a problem when his wife do not want children too. I know a lot of men who get kids in their fifties. For a man being dink can be temporal, for a woman being a dink isn't temporal. After 45 most of the time a woman can't have children anymore. I find it so stupid that a man and a woman together decide that they don't want children and when they are fifty and divorce, the man takes a younger wife and have children. For the woman deciding to stay childless is final, for the man it can be temporal.
This is all about making money. Isn't this Country and every other Country not about making money? You really don't see that living in a Capitalist Country? Everything is about making money. Including emotional triggering.
My husband and I are Dink. We don’t make bragging videos. We chose to be Dink simply because we don’t want kids. We don’t travel, we don’t buy expensive stuffs. We stopped going to restaurants after COVID happened. We are in our late 40s and we never try to get pregnant or look into adoption. We just like quietness. For people who worry about us getting old and not having someone taking care of us, thank you for your concern, we will deal with it. Every choice has consequence, we will face ours.
It's gonna be a real rough consequence and you won't be able to deal with it. I say this as a physician who takes care of many aging couples. The ones without kids never do well at the end.
@@rusinoe8364what about all the people whose kids ignore and avoid them in their old age? ive known lots of those in my own life. i would imagine that doesn't lead to good outcomes either. also, is it possible that older folks without kids can set themselves up for a good outcome by staying active with hobbies and a social life?
@@rusinoe8364Claims to be a physician 😂 okay 👌
@@bigdumb1 yeah, those people exist too, sadly. But most elderly patients with family at least have SOME support in their old age. Getting old is hard no matter what, you're right. Very few are able to stay healthy and active. Too few.
@@ButterflyyyXoxo Not sure why you don't believe me, but you do you
As a 35rd old SINK (single income no kid) I never had “the calling” to be a mother. When I see others and my friends with children all I can think of is there’s no way I could do this. Just not for me. Nothing to do with materialistic things…just not for me.
Until you have your own kids and feel that crazy love we feel for our own kids, you couldn't possibly imagine it is worth it 🤷🏼♀️ even people who don't like kids can be crazy in love with their own, that is my husband's case, he really doesn't care about others children, barely tolerates our daughters friends, but he is crazy in love with her and really feels his own life didn't start until he met her. Ther are of course a minority of parents who don't feel this way. And sadly, there is noway to find out before having them. But statistically the vast majority of people do love their kids. But you can't feel the love for someone who doesn't even existe, I am just telling you, you are probably missing out on the most magical feeling someone can experience in life 🤷🏼♀️
Me too. I know that if I had them I would love them, because I take it that biology would drown my brain in hormones that would make me bond with my children and would die for them. So when people say that children are fulfilling, I know that biology did its work (thank goodness!).
At 31 I took the time to really REALLY think about it. Made a list of pro’s and con’s, health of myself and health of my children, how would I handle it if my child is disabled etc etc. Conclusion was: that’s not for me.
@@79ClochetteWhy do you feel compelled to make other people’s lives about you?
Did you go see Beyoncé live at her Renaissance tour this year? If not, you missed out on something grand, extravagant that only a minority of people can relate to as well. See what I did there?
We don’t care about what you experience as a parent nor do we want it. I am happy I can’t relate to women with children bc then I’d be a mother which is not something I want to be. Ya’ll are starting to make yourselves unlikeable these days with how self aggrandized you tend to be anyway.
@@d.deugniet2384 why would you even consider something so low in probability as having à disabled child ? Are you so pessimistic about everything in life ? It is not just hormones. You have no idea what you are talking about and the sad thing is that you are going to leave this planet without knowing 😕 sometimes in life we need to go out of our comfort zone, accept we can't control everything, to experience the magic of life. What is wrong with you guys, seriously ? It is ins4ne, sorry.
@@79Clochetteits not worth taking the risk and then realising youve made a mistake. I wouldnt br surprised thats just one reason abuse happens. Its nice that it worked out for you and your boyfriend but having kids is just not for everyone. Im not even talking about disabled kids here. But maybe I should throw my thoughts on that in here too. Some people have a realistic chance of getting children with some kind of disability or disease when these run in the family. I think it's selfish if people wanna take a chance like that just because THEY want to have kids.
It doesn’t wear off Amala - I’m 46 and my man is 43 and we don’t want kids
We’re not monsters for not wanting to add to the earths population
I think social media has deluded lots of people into thinking we all care about their life choices and want to hear all about it
It’s self worship and validation seeking.
First player syndrome at its best.
Obviously ya’ll care, if you’re literally sitting on the internet going in about it
@@triggered577exactly
You clearly do care to some degree.
If you want kids have them. If you don’t, don’t. But if you feel the need to go online and shame others or justify your decision, then perhaps you aren’t as comfortable with your decision as you think you are.
This is exactly my point.
Free country. People are allowed to be proud of their decisions. If it bothers you that bad, then maybe it's cause YOU are insecure about your own life.
I'm a DINK. My wife and I grew up really poor, and we recognized pretty early in our adulthood that our parents' and siblings who had kids struggled immensely. We were/are the go-to helpers for our extended kin network, and our friends who have children are able to rely on us to be extra adults to support their kids.
We're also pretty driven by the mission of our respective jobs. Not having a kid means when the young people I work with call at 8PM, I have the energy/attention/time to shift into mentor mode. I can be an enduring presence for the young people and families I serve. My wife can put in the community-facing work to build networks across our state to help support young people and build resiliency in the k-12 pop.
As a mom of 3 kids, I think these videos are funny. I’m 100% for people who choose not to have them. Parenthood is NOT for everyone. Only people who truly want and are ready (financially, emotionally, mentally, physically) for kids should have them because all of those areas of your life are affected and so is your relationship with your partner.
I absolutely adore my kids, I’d have them again and again. They bring a lot of purpose to my life. And it’s also the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
I'll be the 1 to admit, my mom didn't make the greatest choices in life. If she didn't have me so early in life before she can actually become successful, then it would have avoided all the struggles we've gone through and still are. Maybe I wouldn't be the broken person I am today.
I love my kids dearly. Parenting is the hardest thing in my life, but it is the most rewarding. Nothing beats seeing you kid run to the door to greet you or too watch them watch in awe and child like wonder at all the same things you loved growing up.
I didn’t have a good childhood. My dad was trash. I had some dad issues, but it just helped to reinforce the fact that I wanted to be what he could be. I wanted to prove him wrong, that I will amount to something and that is being a good parent even when he tried to tear me down.
I think it was meant to be funny and fun.
Myself and one of my sisters are DINKs.
Was funny to me and everyone in my family/ friends I sent that original video to.
I guess people have to be happy,comfortable,content, and secure with their own lifestyle,family,kids,etc. to watch and laugh at that type of video instead anger or emotions.
@@blackworldtraveler3711which was the funny part? Talking about how they are free to go to Trader Joe’s on the weekend, which I do with my kid? Or where they talk about going to Florida, which I also do with my kid? Just sounds like a lot of unnecessarily public cope.
@@QCL2023
The whole thing is funny to me because DINKs have been around since the eighties and more common with young people back then. Enjoying life as a couple and saving for a few years before starting a family or not marrying at all.
But now excessive debt,single mothers,babies daddies,student loan debt,etc. before 20 years old became the norm now which is why I was surprised seeing this.
But they are young and haven’t seen nothing yet.
My girlfriend and I are DINKs and already retired debt free in our 40s and FIRE. I have two early pensions,employee retiree medical/dental, and free lifetime global flight benefits any class thanks to Covid.
GF is Italian and met her on a Dubai/Paris flight in 2001. She has her own pension,wealth,and whatnot in her country.
Currently on Kauai since November until February. Invited my homeschooled niece and nephew to be with us for the holidays so my sister and her husband can have some alone time back in Virginia for a few weeks.
Even if these couples decide to have a kid or two later they are in a better financial position just like in the 80s. Maybe homeschool and spend more time with their kids.
I am 50 years old and I don't regret not having children. I have never wanted children and consider myself lucky to have found a husband that was ok with that. Some people just never have the maternal urge, and that should not be an issue for other people.
but kids are so cute 🥺
@@No-hg5zcno there not they are gross
agreed, my fiance and i both agree on being childfree :) neither of us have any maternal or paternal instincts and we just generally dont like children lol
I mean I agree especially when some people aren't parental material or would be really toxic to kids better not have them
I applaud your self-awareness, but the people who made an issue of this are the childless folks who post videos boasting about how great their lives are.
This is a gigantic W. 🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️ the obsession people have with others needing to have kids is weird. You have kids, great. You don’t have them, great 🤷🏽♀️
❤👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
I’d rather regret not having children and grieving that life and attempt to focus my energy on other things that bring me fulfillment…than regret having a child and now being stuck raising a human being that will know and feel that although I love them, they are indeed a burden.
Thank you
That’s because you already predetermined them to be a burden. You can’t claim to love them if they are merely objects that you are burdened by.
There are other options, should you want kids. But mostly when people talk about wanting kids, they mean biologically theirs. Foster kids are an option, but most people do not want to foster, because the kids are old(er), have emotional baggage and can be returned to their biological parents.
Do I think that saying that someone is shallow and has not thought on the issue just because they choose not to have children is interesting. Give me one reason why having a child is for the child give me one unselfish reason for having a kid other than continuing your line continuing your name everything that you say about having a kid is about you it is intrinsically selfish now if you want to do that and you are in financially stable and in a stable relationship I want to do that you should do that but the problem is many that want to do that or neither in a stable relationship nor has stable financial situations and many aren't even in any kind of relationship so your insinuation that to not have one is intrinsically selfish is so ignorant and can only come from young people who have been brainwashed to a certain degree or just are young and as young people are young dumb and stubborn about their idiocy. But many people do decide not to have kids until they are in a stable relationship or that they know the relationship that they are in is safe enough to bring that other life in. Good grief. But and is the woman that wants to have a hundred kids but she's having kids isn't it unselfish not to have kids spreading the kid love around! And just from many standpoints I could argue with you if you make your children the top priority of your life you put them above your relationship with them above your spirituality you put them above other things do not be surprised when those other things dwindle and are malnourished and your kid is spoiled! There is nothing that is not self-servicing about having a child. Even if you give me will the child may change the world one day. Yes and the child may change the world for the worst like hitler. So how do you know what change you're going to bring into this world and if you say just because I'm going to raise them a certain way as if in this day and age where government is taking more control from parents you might really have to say over that is also interesting shows me that you have not thought over the situation. You will be one that brings a child into the world not in a lasting relationship or in a relationship that continues through the child's young life but they see there's absolutely no love in it they are in control and my parents are fucking idiots that I can manipulate.how about the fact that maybe one day when they get older these people that did not have children might decide to actually adopt or foster children that are in the system that generally don't get love a loving family and loving home or adoption and fostering and that would be older children who have already been damaged by assholes who brought them in the world not thinking they cost money there is a lot of responsibility there's just a lot that goes into raising a child that only those that don't have children with sit on the internet and bitch to others about. Into your bulshit concept of about thinking about how things have helped not have think about how things have helped you and being gracious and having gratitude and thinking about how things help other people how to fuck you going to help other people if you got a mouth to feed? Not everyone should have kids actually I don't believe most people should have kids and you proved my point. If you think that everyone should have kids are most people to have kids and we are showing Sense most people do that they Don't raise them correctly they did not raise them with love ask me how is that helpful to society? Yes for you you can't think of anything greater. Like for me I can't think of anything greater than serving God but I'm glad that you think serving and worshiping children is greater than that that is a you issue! But you should not push your feelings upon others! How great of a service to the world that the mothers of Manson, Hitler, Moa, and Dahmer (I mean I could go on), but I mean what a great service these mothers did to the world bringing these men into the world you make such great points Amala... 👍🏾👉🏾🙄
@@BendyLilZebraBabe bro what the heck make a tldr or something. Not to insult you, but are you dyslexic or not a native English speaker? This was hell to read through.
That is a false dichotomy if I've ever heard one. But if you believe this is a valid argument, having children probably isn't for you so it's all good lol
As a person who is on the fence on having children, its so interesting to see how we all have different perspectives on the aspect of "selfishness" regarding children. Personally, I've always thought that actually HAVING children is an act of self-interest. A lot of people want to have a child because doing so brings THEM a sense of purpose in their own lives (not that there's anything wrong with that). Its so interesting to me to see people who dont have children as selfish, and yet we dont view people who have children for their own sense of purpose as equally self interested. Whether a person want kids or not, the choice is governed by their own "needs" and their own self-interest either way. (Again theres nothing wrong with that, its just reality).
u can't be selfish while taking care of another human being. the parents who are selfish are the ones who abandon them but a majority of parents are sacrificing for someone else. not something experienced by our hedonist culture very much. so u could care for an aging relative and u also wouldn't be selfish..u could volunteer at a kids hospital or pet shelter and not be selfish. but until u are caring for someone else's life that u sacrifice your own wants and even needs sometimes for, then u don't know the true gift of giving.
It is a biological act of self interest and that's why I believe they should have it.
Because they always grow old to regret it.
I'm personally not interested in them adding to the population.
But how happy these people say they are compared to households with kids statistically
Getting to an age where it's irreversible
Similar to me not seeing a promiscuous boss/travel chick as an objectively bad thing.
But nevertheless a majority of them end up single, lonely & desperate for a family when they've passed the age.
Why should we tell people it's okay to go for instant gratification till death
@@tegathemenace What yardstick are you using to measure "happiness"? Are there no unhappy parents?
@@Alison2436You can absolutely be selfish when taking care of another human being, and it happens every day.
Great comment. People have children for THEIR needs, and their purposes.
If a couple chooses not to have children, for whatever reason then that is entirely their business and no one else's. Too many people have children they never wanted or could look after. At least so-called DINKS are honest about not wanting children, and avoid having them. It's a shame some parents didn't make the same decision.
I don't think they are honest. I think they do want kids and are just jumping a trend going viral. For that tik Tok fame.
@@houseofhas9355 Am I also a trend since I don't want children? 💀
I'd rather an alive person with trauma who grows up and can get help and the love they deserve, over the parents getting off scot-free because their narcissism would rather kill the child. Weird how people who'd say they'd abuse/neglect their kids if they ever had any aren't locked up just because they're killing them before people can publicly see the harm. What about the people out there with their parents in jail, should they have been aborted instead so the parent can continue their toxic life?
It is so ignorant to think that just because a couple chooses not to have kids that they are not contributing anything valuable or living meaningful lives.
The Tik Tokers who posted their DINK content could have easily included meaningful things they are doing with their lives instead of raising children. They chose to talk about sex and potato chips instead.
@@jasmineosinski521 Yes, also promoting Costco for thier vast snack consumption seems a must, is it commission based? 😂
@@jasmineosinski521that is such a good point.
@@jasmineosinski521to be fair, I don't think anyone ever expected anything meaningful to come out of tik tok
I'm very neutral with couples wanting or not wanting kids but I this dinks video trend is cringy. Dinks and cringe
Me and my wife both work full time and don’t have kids. I just don’t upload really ANNOYING smug videos about it. I don’t want kids because I don’t want that responsibility. I made up my mind when I was 10 years old I don’t want kids and now 36 years later at age 46 I still feel the same way. My childhood was an unhappy one and that tainted the idea for me.
I didn’t have a great childhood and I used that as a reason to be the best parent I can be. We make different choices in our lives, some people choose to move on and others choose to cling to the past. Some say “I can grow from this” and others say “I’ll never be good enough”. It’s interesting to see this because it’s not just parenthood or the lack of it, but in almost all aspects of life.
It also takes maturity to recognize one doesnot have what it takes to raise a human being. That's how I feel@@chazzitz-wh4ly
@@chazzitz-wh4lyWow. What a smug, self-righteous, condescending, comment.
I wanted to have kids, but then my husband started abusing me. I refused to procreate with an abuser. Its been 5 years and I have had another relationship that ended badly. People get on my ass for not having kids with these two men, but i would end up being a single mother. I do not want to bring up a child without a supportive partner. People have told me that is selfish, but i have watched some of my single mom friends, and i cannot do it.
So they rather you be a single mom then? Because why? And shame on them. They should’ve been showing you compassion and helping you out instead of bringing you down. I’m so sorry you went through that.
Good for you!!! We as women need to have high standards and expectations on our partners!
This is getting ridiculous. My husband and I have children but we don't sit and bash other adults choices to not have them. Who cares? If you want kids great. If not that is great too. Live your life.
@@Falconlibraryoh stop it they are happy with their lives like I am. Why does it bother you? People make videos about everything.
@@Falconlibrarythat’s what makes it obnoxious. I have 5 kids…I’m able to do a lot of the same things they do…and I don’t judge anyone else for what’s right for them. I’m not sitting around making videos about how superior I am because i chose to have kids lol.
@@southernparadise9896and? Who cares. Were you upset when rich kids in high school made fun of you for not being rich? Do you get mad when someone rubs their Cadillac or $1 million dollar home in your face? Who cares when someone online tries to rub anyone’s face in whatever their lifestyle is that isn’t yours. Words only have power when you let them affect you.
@@southernparadise9896I have 4 kids and we have much more than most including most dinks. I think people are bothered by this because of envy. If people want more money they can make it kids or not.
@@FalconlibraryBut their lives are superior to yours. Looks like they're having more than parents do.
Using your dog or kid to leave a party is so good though. No one questions you or tries to convince you to stay 😬
😅
I just say I'm out... I use no excuse. I'm going home cos I wanna 😂😂 people honestly do not care, and mostly wish they were doing the same 😂😂
My husband and I have 8 dogs and 6 cats (foster) and yes. We get to leave no excuses for everything. Sorry we gotta take them out to pee 😢
@@piecebypiece2028 "foster?" Just curious, what do you mean?
@@dirtymike4894 like we foster dogs and cats?
People seem threatened by people who don’t want kids
My wife and I have been DINKs for 17 years (49 now) We talked about having kids when we were first married, but we just didnt really want them, so we didn’t have them. Having kids is a big deal and shouldn’t be taken lightly. You should REALLY want to have a child before you have one (or more) as it’s a big deal. We just didn’t.
Controversial opinion: travel, money and sex are actually not superficial expenditures or priorities. These are experiences that make life more meaningful and satisfying, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to prioritize these aspects of a marital union over simply making procreation your entire raison d'etre. I kinda like the "dink" content. It's inspiring, actually.
💯
First based comment 💯 Way to not be a miserable parent trying to convince the world your decision wasn’t a mistake, and also not a miserable childless whiner who convinced themselves they’ll never be happy until they pump out 3 units.
Nothing particularly based about it. People who don't have kids will just get replaced@@Wallflowerz3356
The term "DINKS" has been around for decades. I first heard of it when I was 19, and I'm 56 now.
Childless couples often find themselves under the scrutiny of societal expectations, frequently facing probing questions such as, 'Is there something wrong with you?' or 'Is your marriage facing difficulties?' These questions arise mainly because their lifestyle deviates from conventional norms. In a goofy response, one such couple shared a playful 30-second video basically saying "ha-ha losers who is laughing now. We're enjoying our life, what about you?" I dont see why it is overanalyzed and wrongly linked to consumerism or a lack of deeper life goals.
It almost seems like the parents are jealous and trying to make themselves feel better about their own situation, especially the ones who got knocked up or baby trapped… not saying that’s the case for everyone but it’s how I feel when I hear my friends complain for hours about how much they wish they waited to have kids or just straight up regret having them altogether and then suddenly turning around and calling me selfish for not having/wanting any (despite being single and broke 🤦🏼♀️)
I hate that word Consumer and it's derivatives. Whatever happened to the word Customer? I like that word Customer, It has such a good resonance to it. Thank you for reading my reply. 😎
That's how it feels to me as well. And I really think a lot of parents who respond to these videos in anger are perhaps jealous and would have rather not had children either.
@@river-yuki It's almost like it's programmed into us all... ''boy meets girl, boy marries girl, boy has baby with girl.'' and they all become 1 big happy family- or so we thought. :)
Being a parent demands the individual be more than self serving. It demands that the parent be a better person than they are now as they now have to teach and raise a child who then must enter the world when they are of age and be something more than a leech. It is something one lacking wisdom understands until they have a child, and even then it is not a guarantee. Having a child requires the adult to grow up, most don’t want to grow up.
Most kids are accidents. Society gets mad when it sees people not in the same struggle.
💯
On the flip side, if I post about spending a fun day at the zoo with my 4 kids, someone out there will be critical about my ability to pop out kids. Just avoid social media.
I fully agree that if you don’t want to have kids, then don’t have them but this trend of “I’m better than you because I don’t have kids and thus l can do what I want. ” Is just narcissistic.
Have to agree, it comes across as coping to me.
It’s taking the piss from everyone who constantly badgers them for not having them and these are those silly assumptions people say. Check out their facial expression and body language. If you understood the perspective of the child free world you’d see much more.
@@abbitricarico3022 Still, blasting it all over the Internet it just begging for attention. "oh look at me. I'm sooo awesome because I don't have kids and I can make it rain on a stripper if I want" Uh, so can my Uncle who has four kids... he traveled and did all he wanted to. It's just attention seeking. I don't have kids and I get constantly bugged about it.. you don't see my need for validation on here. And "dinks" come on... they are just trying to be trendy. I'll do them one better... I'm not even in a relationship, so I have the bed to myself, I don't have to share grocery preferences AND I can leave the toilet seat up. 😝 (Do you see how stupid and childish is sounds when you blast it over the internet like that? )
@@adarkmessenger8443 it is childish and stupid- thats the point- to take the mickey and that's their way of coping or moving past it. Everyone copes with things differently. I'm childfree, I don't post on social media at all and choose to share mile stones in person with a tangible community. Others find they may not have that support so they post on social media for validation and support and overshare in my opinion. But we are not the same.
My point is, everyone copes and does things differently. Not every childfree person should be put in a box, nor should every mother be put in box- every human has more than one dimension and people often (on any topic), that don't seem to understand and take perspective tend to do this because it makes it less confusing and more comfortable.
I see your perspective, I hope on some level you can see mine.
@@abbitricarico3022 I’m sorry but I can’t. You need to find your own self worth. Bragging that you are “child free” and going so far as to come up with an acronym? Really? You can be child free. No one cares about that. If anything they’ve proven they are too immature to have kids by doing this so in a sense I’m glad they are child free. This, to me, is no different than bragging about a new Rolex or Mercedes. Just “look at me! I need your attention and validation because I’m too insecure to have my own.” I’d tell them to get a cat/dog but for attention but that would be something besides themselves they’d have to care about. My
Overall point is, the second you come up with some stupid childish acronym, you loose all credibility and out yourself as a selfish child that thinks strangers really care about your life choices.
It's not selfish. I think this is a much needed message for our government to understand that having children is too hard these days for many couples. It may not apply to all these DINK couples, but the cost of having a child is wild.
The governments dont want you having kids haha
It is selfish.
@matthewatwood8641 If a couple can't afford to take care of themselves, should they bring children into the world?
@@michaelmaddox2536 No, they should wait until they can afford. Unrelated.
They definitely can afford it.
I came from extremely physically abusive parents. Kinda destroyed my desire to have children. They said their parents were the same. I think the most responsible thing I could do is end the bloodline with me. It was a tough decision to make, but I think I'm doing the right thing.
I think it was the way they spoke. They were implying that by having kids you only have to sacrifice and thus it was a worse choice than being a DINK, without acknowledging that though being a parent comes with a lot of sacrifice it comes with a lot of joy (different joy) than a DINK will ever experience. I am a DINK. I love being a DINK. My best friends are parents and they love being parents. There is nothing wrong with either way of living. We both will miss out on things in life because of our choices and we both will have different periods of joy in our life because of our choices. Neither is wrong and neither should be judged.
100% agree. Well said
I think some are really bragging but others are just being sarcastic, because I do see some people who go out of their way to bash people who don't want kids. Maybe some of the videos are a response to that (also it's tiktok so I take everything with a grain of salt haha)
Not a dink. Single, but years ago I decided that I didn’t want to have kids.
Two main reasons :
Wasn’t financially secure enough for children. At times I could barely feed myself.
Seriously looked at myself and knew I wasn’t responsible enough for kids. Selfish? Maybe but at least I realize and admit it. I would have been a terrible parent.
The amount of time, energy, constant worrying etc .
You made the right decision to not put added stress on yourself that would result in a poor upbringing of a child. Especially the fact that raising children is NOT EASY. 😂
So you realized your deficiencies and never sought to do better? If you can’t take care of yourself, definitely don’t have kids or relationships outside of personal satisfaction. When you have nothing beyond yourself, there is no incentive to be better.
"I would have been a terrible parent" doesn't sound like a particularly selfish reason.
@@KellyLCornell thank you for saying that. I don't think I'm selfish, I just knew that with all the hard work, and everything else that comes with children I was not up to it. I also never felt the need to increase the herd as it were.
That’s not being selfish, that’s being self-aware.
DINKS are great employees and coworkers. They're not always asking for and expecting switches to their schedules, needing to leave early for something, needing to come in late at a moments notice. 😊
Lol they're not slaves.
@@aprilb1273 I think you missed the point
If having kids is your entire identity, you better hope damn well you don't face fertility issues when you decide to try for kids.
having or NOT having kids shouldn't be your whole identity. neither should your race, gender, or sexual preference be your whole identity.
@@Alison2436 agreed, I think it's best to value what is in your control and what is also of value to others.
You could say the same about some of these DINK couples tbh, it’s all some of them seem to talk about.
@@sjanex Dink couples better hope they don't face fertility issues?
@@sjanexSure. Honestly, nobody should ever make one thing their whole identity. If that one thing is you, then who are you really? Your interests or preferences aren't "you".
I'm a DINK in my 60s and never regretted it. Hearing coworkers with kids constantly complain makes me think that lots of people with kids actually regret their decision. As for helping the world I volunteer in a kitchen that feeds the homeless once a week and have volunteered with other organizations over the years. I also visit/help several elderly friends whose kids don't have time for them. People need to think about their options and do what works for them.
THIS. I'm pretty sure a large majority of parents DO regret having children. Maybe not having kids itself but having them too early in their lives that they didn't spend that time on themselves and enjoying what this world has to give. Most likely many of these ''dinks'' are just enjoying the freedom they get without the stress and worries of having children; later on, they might have kids or adopt. Who knows? Who really cares though? I see this video as a message to people who want to PUSH having children on other people. I'm 24 and I plan to adopt in my 30's when I've become more financially independent. I STILL get people asking me why I don't have kids. 💀Like mind ya business!!
I think there are a lot who don't regret it, but I think there are still a lot who do. Honestly I think the one's who shame others for not having children are the one's who regret it more and are just jealous. I still tell them you have nothing to be jealous about, but I'm also not jealous of them either. I'm fine not having kids and others should be happy to have their children. If not, well that's on them and they shouldn't blame others for it.
@@Mystii_CDyou're so young. That sucks that you already have people bugging you about having kids. I'm 41 so I understand why people are after me more (but in the last several years people kind of given up on me.) You do you though and don't let people pressure you. You can have kids when you are ready, which is the right way to do it. And it's quite common these days to wait so you are all good.
I have heard with my own ears people say they regret having kids... So.... They complain and complain but I believe many more people do regret having them, hence why they're so upset about these video's. Sadly many people think having kids will fulfill them in some weird way... Yes, nothing like making another human being just to use them for your own personal toy.
I think many also complain, because they need to vent.. as DINKs might complain about their job. We might need it more often, because we have jobs and the kids. Having children is not easy, but personally, the kind of unconditional love you experience for your child is something I would not want to miss. Also my values and perspectives on life have changed and been enriched immensely. To each their own, I have many friends who don’t want to have kids and that is perfectly fine, of course.
I also think it is possible to live an interesting life with and without kids. I have a successful career, (as a woman) I do the things I love, I exercise, I travel, I meet new people. But sometimes we parents just need to vent. Nevertheless, that’s often far from regretting the decision to become a parent in the first place.
My SIL and her husband are DINKS. They've always helped with school clothes and supplies, and spoilt our kids rotten on their birthdays and Christmas. They have a happy, healthy, loving relationship, and they both seem to be pretty fulfilled.
According to amala your SIL and husband are shallow....
@@deepakmenon6720Doesn’t mean they don’t care about their family’s kids. They are possibly indeed, though.
@Artryom I know that's what I meant. Just because you don't have kids doesn't mean you're shallow. In fact that kind of thought is indeed shallow.
I find this dynamic is absolutely amazing. There is 1 other comment about the same scenario and I wish more siblings were like this! There's nothing wrong with spoiling others' kids!
The same for my sister and her partner...I remember when my daughter entered school and I didn't earn much at my job...my sister insisted on buying everything from pencils to the backpack because she also worked at a store where she got a good discount on everything...when she still lived close by she went with her to the beach or had auntie and niece evening's with her and even though they don't want kid's they're happy... I'm sure there are some shallow people but that doesn't count for everyone...they can still be loving and caring people who don't only worry about materialistic stuff
No one talking about how people with kids actively attack and scrutinize childfree people? So I don't think what they're doing is wrong at all. If people post about kids all the time and shove their opinions down childfree people's throats all the time, then these dinks have my support.
That's not a thing. Nobody gives a shit if you don't reproduce, except for your mom, probably. Do whatever you want and quit whining, good lord 🙄
I think this video is omitting the fact that having a life partner is also taking care of someone and being in service of another. You don't need to bring kids into the world for those experiences and gratitude towards another human being.
This is so true. I know she said towards the end that she's all for people doing what they want with their lives, but it did rub me the wrong way when she indicated that the only way to feel fulfilled is to be in service to a family. That is the way to go for some people, but not everyone.
@@melissacooper3004 true
The only thing wrong with these couples is their late stage cringe TikTok videos. My husband and I are DINKS in our 30,s and 40’s and we have no desire to add children into the equation. A lot of my clients have children and when I talk with them they are always so stressed about it. They aren’t bad people, it’s just a long, hard path that you really need to devote your life too. There are plenty of people throughout human history that remained child free and it didn’t bring down society which seems to be the subtext of Amala’s opinion. I think the reality is there are too many people “raising” children that are not invested in their kids future or have irresponsible breeding habits (musk and canon). And tbh I’m very concerned about our future with the current state of our society and I’m not interested in subjecting someone to this experience.
One hundred percent. One of the reasons that this society is so upside-down is people having kids, and being woefully unprepared to be parents.
Very true and I agree. But young society is taking it to a whole new level where they actually hate kids. There's great dislike. They call kids sick names and think their pets are superior to them. Its starts out as selfish then dislike and now hate. I do not want these kinda monsters to have kids at all. Imagine how abusive they would be. I wouldn't push anyone to have kids..i.woild.greatlu stress that it's a huge deal and it's very very hard. It's not just some next chapter in life that everyone has to through. I would want the best kinda people to have kids. But the way people are becoming sooooo hateful and violent and do what ever the hell they want cuz they think they can is sick and.pray they don't have kids.
Omg thank you finally someone else said it , referring to the state of our society , bringing another life into this mess is what I see as selfish
My husband and I have been together since we were 15 and 16. We are now 26 and 27. We never once said we didn’t want to have kids, but we said if it never happens that’s okay. So many people in our lives have shamed us for not “ getting “ pregnant, but at the same time make it an issue that we can move/spend a little more freely. Countless times we have been told that we are living beyond our means. 60% of our income goes into our savings/retirement with no debt. It’s mostly our own families that have this issue. I think shaming people for not wanting to be parent or wanting to be parents is crazy. You never know someone’s mental, financial, or physical situation to have or not have children. I feel when people glorify their choices to others they are secretly envious of the opposite side. Both sides have a pros/cons. If someone says they don’t want kids because they don’t like kids, or they don’t want the financial burden that’s okay. If someone says they want children please do not do that thing where you talk down on having children because you feel it is a mistake.
I don't think the biggest issue is them being childless. It's them trying to make it some sort of movement. It's exactly the same thing as people who aggressively try to convince everyone that their lives would be better with kids and they should be having babies left and right. That's not for everyone. That being said, I do believe more people would be happier with children than childless, and the campaign to convince people to not have kids will be more harmful in the long run than campaigns to convince people to have kids. Survival and procreation are the human imperative, after all. At our most fundamental level, we're only animals.
Agreed!!
@@willcresson8776 I agree with you Will. It seems like everything that was once up is now down. Left is not right. And good is now bad. I feel lot of people are seeking validation. The movements are popping up left and right. Yet most seem to only separate us more as people
You do what's right for you. You put away a good nest egg, retire early, and enjoy the rest of your life as you see fit. No one else's business.
@@willcresson8776Is it a movement or are they just showcasing and bragging about their lifestyle like other ppl do on tiktok? Just a question.
I was one of those people that possibly thought I might not want to have kids, we are also a dual income household. I’m now 33 and pregnant, I can say I’ve never loved anything else more in my life than I do this baby (except my husband lol) and it’s not even born yet. I’m so glad I didn’t pass up on this experience for myself.
@@richardguevara4511 Except for you.
@@richardguevara4511 🤡
That's great. For you.
@@richardguevara4511 nobody cares about yours kids but you 😂😂😂
Being a DINK doesn't mean you never want children, i got married younger and waited 5 years to have kids and enjoyed that time to get to know my spouse.
Hi Amala, I often find my self agreeing with your point of view, but not this time around. Until today I have not consciously heard about the term DINK. When I listened to these young couples I did not hear that they are obsessed with silly material things, it sounded more like a response to the many parents who try to shame childless couples about their spending habits. So often have I heard parents shame childless couples by saying things like: I wish I could just go out whenever I like. Must be great to not have to worry about money and go out to eat, have coffee etc. but junior needs new shoes ... I will never be able to retire, I have to save for my kids college .... This is followed a short while after with the question of: so, when do you plan of having kids? I'm pretty sure these young couples are doing the right thing. They save for their future, as they mentioned, and are well aware that at this point in their life they would resent being tied down by the responsibility of parenthood. In my opinion, nothing wrong with this. I did not hear in these short clips that these young couples don't ever want to have kids.
I thought the same. Most of them sounded sarcastic to me, like they're making fun of the constant comments about how having kids is great, or everyone should have a baby to be happy.
100% agree with you. I think Amala missed the mark on this one. I didn’t see these videos as condescending or materialistic at all.
I don’t disagree with their decision not to have kids and there is nothing wrong with how they want their future to be but it just seems pretty ridiculous to brag about it and think their lives are superior than others.
People who claim to be happy aren't usually happy
I completely agree! The problem, though, I have with DINKS is that they just need to KEEP IT TO THEMSELVES.
Totally agree.
Personally, I dont want to have kids, but not because I want Starbucks lattes... but because I have no maternal instinct, so I know I wouldn't be a good mother.
I don't understand the need to brag about your life choices. It sounds stupid and egotistical.
And calling themselves Dinks is cringy AF.
Everyone seems to “brag” about their lives. Keep the same energy for those living an opposing lifestyle. In reality ALL should keep their lives to themselves but unfortunately that’s not where we are with social media today. And honestly I’m wondering if you feeling like they’re bragging is a bit of projecting 🤔.
They don’t think they’re superior, they’re simply posting how they enjoy their lifestyle and choices they’ve made. Just like people with kids do
As someone who's TTC, the whole idea that having kids is somehow "selfless" is ridiculous to me. I'm having children because I want to pass on MY legacy. I want children because I want to have MY OWN flesh and blood multiply, otherwise I would have donated to children's charities before.
Besides, these DINKS have already said they're willing to play with children and support parents. Different lifestyle, still allies as far as I'm concerned.
Right. And just to add legacy and lineage are not the same and often confused. Many people only have legacies of poverty and struggle to pass on to their lineage.
Yeah I’m a DINK and we both are retired in 40s. Just a different lifestyle.
Help home school,help with tuition,support, and take them to other countries with us when they have good grades especially places like Germany,France,and Spain when they learn the language in school.
I also started all of my nieces and nephews contributing to Roth IRA at 14 years old.
We are maintaining our family legacy as a whole and still currently connected to our entire family network since first arriving in U.S. through Europe and Brazil from Cape Verde over 120 years ago now covering seven countries.
As a teacher, soon to be Dad, and critical thinker- I fully agree. To many people do not plan their kids nor know how to actually raise them. Unplanned parents are worse than planned children. You are spot on! On all of these points.
Teacher? You used too wrong.
@@joaniebutler2792 oh no... I made a grammar mistake... now my whole professional career is over... whatever should I do... get a life dude.
The word “dink” sounds so gross lmao 😂
My wife and I were DINKs for 6 years before having our two children. It helped a lot, allowed us to anchor our marriage/relationship, buy our first home, visit friends overseas... We sometimes reflect on our time as DINKs and we both agree that it was great to be able to travel and eat out and do whatever we wanted...but ultimately, life was empty without our kids. We didn't realise how unsatisfied and empty life was until we had them and looked back on our life! We regret not having our kids sooner.
True, I'm not sure why people are viewing this as a ''permanent'' lifestyle (dinks). They more than likely are enjoying their freedom without the stress and worries of raising children. Compared to so many people who had kids young and complain, whine, and moan about this, this, this and that involving their children. 💀Even if it is a permanent lifestyle, as long as they're happy, no?
Sounds like you're not whole within yourself if you feel like you need kids to fill a void in your life
@@ZoeiTakahashi-Yang Kind of but not quite. It's actually more like when I had kids, I experienced one of the deep purposes I was created to do. Everything was put in perspective when I was not at the centre of the universe.
We did the same. Got out of the apartment, got a home, got settled, and boom waiting on my second daughter due in 3 months
@@randall_4126 Congrats on the second one! Enjoy family life!
I hate this judgement for people who don’t have or want children. I loved being around children but never wanted one and after being diagnosed with something that made it almost impossible to have a child without science I knew my decision was not wrong. I love being around my niece and nephew but I never have this maternal instinct to have one of my own. I just don’t like when people are always up in my face judging me “why don’t you just have one kid, you won’t regret having just one”🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🙄🙄🙄 sometimes you don’t know others situation and I wish we respect the wishes of others no matter if they are bragging or not. It’s their choice and having children is not a trophy it’s a commitment to another being you have to honor 🙏🏼
I have no respect for them for categorizing themselves as the r**arded acronym pronounced "dink" and making tiktoks about it so proudly. When ppl brag so hardcore, they're not happy.
Doesn’t matter the aisle, arrogance is a big annoyance.
My husband and I are DINKs because we are outpriced to have one child. Cost of living is so insane these days.
I’m a DINK and have no regrets. I know a lot of people from my generation who have no kids. These people are just flaunting their lifestyle, but not everyone is going out to eat every night or spending lavishly on themselves. I watched my sister have kids and have her choices diminished. I decided that I was too selfish to do the same. I would have been a crappy parent and glad I didn’t inflict my problems on my children.
Thank you for being honest. Not everyone is fit to be a parent.
It’s okay to be selfish sometimes I think it’s selfish to have kids just because someone guilt tripped you into it and then you brought a kid into this stupid world
I agree it’s better to truly understand your limits. Yet, I know several people who did not have children and I can tell you they are excessively neurotic and self absorbed. That’s not to scare anyone into having children but it’s not that easy to see into the future to anticipate our needs later on. One of those friends has no family and she has stage 4 liver disease. The other has changed her name twice ; gone from heterosexual to lesbian to now trans ( in her 40’s she’s discovered she’s trans!😳). Her mother is still here to help her but she barely makes a living to support herself. Until recently she was living off the $ her mom sent her. Her mom’s in her Kate 60’s. What will she do when mom’s gone? In other words, having kids often makes a person more realistic and practical- like being able to support yourself, understanding you’re going to be old some day and it might be a good thing to have emotional support from your children. That’s never guaranteed but in the majority of cases a good bet.
@@mR-dc4oq sounds like a nightmare.
Very true. It’s also probably not a good idea even if you don’t have kids to go out and spend your money frivolously. Of course even can spend their money however they please but in my experience moderation is best in everything
What turned me off about having children is seeing other people change for the worse when they became parents. I didn't want that for myself and i wanted an uncomplicated life.
People i knew very well, including some of my siblings, became crappy co-workers, leaving work early all the time, blaming their kids for them not doing their job properly. They became terrible friends, undependable, trading us in for other parent-friends. And the worst are parents expecting other people to view their children the same way they do. I'm sorry but you're child is not a genius, or the most charming, or the most funny. And their 8 year old opinion should not be taken as seriously as an adults. This is how most parents are now these past ~15 years. I want no part of it.
We’re SINKS (I’m disabled unfortunately). The fact that we don’t have kids means we can help our friends who do. I will always have a family because of that.
I think if people can put all their babies out on social media, DINKs can too. they are tired of being asked when are they planning to have kids so i hope these videos reach their relatives.
This right here. We have to watch parents' videos of their kids and pretend it's extraordinary and interesting but suddenly it's a problem when adults post videos about their childless, uncomplicated lives, lol.
@@ladytron999 i agree lol. i have some very happy childfree cousins. if you can brag about everything on social media you can brag about your dink life too. the only people hating are the ones who had kids out of pressure
THANK YOU!
I say it all the time.
There’s an art to minding your own business, unfortunately some people clearly skipped out on art appreciation.
exacty....why do they care
These DINKs made videos touting their lives as superior to those of parents because the DINKs aren't "weighed down" by kids. They put it out there for public comment.
Well said
In a time where media is blasting you with opinions, and usually opinions that are one sided and from the left, counter culture becomes important. Anti-natalism is a growing thing, which for the good of humanity needs to stop. This is why I share my opinions. Returning to more sustainable actions and more moral action will be beneficial for society, over sexual deviance and childlessness.
Well I’ve never heard of this term before but this is me. Personally the thought of being pregnant gives me the shivers and being responsible for keeping a small human alive is terrifying and also the world is not a nice place anymore! That’s my opinion and my choice if people think that is selfish they are probably right. Their opinion doesn’t affect me. All I can say is I’m glad I don’t have Tik tok as those videos are really quite annoying!
I really respect this video. I am not a DINK (since I am single) but I never want kids. I still love to help out my community whenever I can, and I still love my family, but just not in a parental way. I love being a daughter, maybe an aunt one day, maybe a grandma figure, but then be able to go home to a peaceful house with my cats at the end of the day. One of my greatest DINK rolemodels is Dolly Parton, who is very charitable and loves kids and gives them free books. I would love to be like that, I would love to contribute to society but I just feel deeply in my heart that my contribution to society does not include having kids. If you feel that is your purpose and you'll be a great parent, I love that for you! But for myself it's not how I want to live my life.
On internet there videos about everything, singles, married, people who give advice about how to raise kids, this couple is just making another of those videos, but this time about how they enjoy not having kids.
But like all internet there is a group they like to be triggered by anything and hate people for making their own choices.
Amala made a good point, if you feel like you dont want kids, dont! if you want go ahead, stop making other people to adjust to your standards.
Every choice have a consequence, and we all deal with those consequences when time comes.
I’m asexual so I’m not interested in marriage or having kids, and I’m sick and tired of people saying “But you’ll regret not getting married when you’re old.” Like Amala said, if I don’t want that I shouldn’t do it on the off chance that I may start enjoying it after I’ve been doing it for a while. I’ll just have to risk that by doing what I believe to be right.
I’m with you!!! I don’t want kids I’m a nanny and it’s a lot of work and I’m not even the mother. I can’t imagine how much work it would be if those were my children. No thanks
My favorite thing about Amala is how level-headed and open-minded she is. She never lets her emotions control her actions and always leads with love, even when she disagrees with someone. It's a lot easier to convince people to think critically when you're not yelling at them.
Lets not celebrate mediocrity. Or are you really into that :))
@@Id.rather.be.a.dragonnot in todays climate;)
Eh, she's not that open-minded with every topic to be honest. Like this one, she's really assuming a lot about the people who create those Tiktoks and I hardly heard her bringing up similar assumptions about the people who actually do have children.
@@DianavanderPluijm I can respect that. I've simply never seen her lose her cool or get emotional. And she really seems to try to see from all perspectives. No one can do this perfectly as we all have biases, but she even acknowledged her bias. No one is perfect, but I really respect her!
@@michellelrobison You are absolutely right in that regard, she does stay level-headed and she is one of the sadly relatively few people who can actually talk about topics like this without getting emotional. If only more people could discuss things this calmly.
I'm 49 and have no kids. I stop wanting kids when I was about 35. I love football and snacks, and I love not having the added responsibility that comes with raising children or having a pet.
How sad
@@Native_Man123 It's sad that I don't want to have kids? In my 50s? I'm already in bad shape. My non-existent kids are better off.
@@Native_Man123 hater
I LOVE Amala's take - such a breath of fresh air. This is a case of "live and let live." Why are some people so pressed about whether or not others have kids? I resent the idea of other people shaming me into making life choices to align with their values. Some of us choose not to have kids for non-superficial reasons: heritable illness, financial instability, or even feeling like we won't make good parents. But, I also respect people who do take on that momentous life choice for the right reasons.
I also think it has to do with so many people actually regret having children so young; so when they see these ''dinks'' living their life without kids, they think back on why they had kids so early instead of just enjoying life stress free. Because you can NOT say to me that raising kids is 'EASY'. Nothing about child birth is easy, nothing about taking care of another life is easy (especially a fragile one). There's phases in life and who said they had to be in a certain order?
Good for them. It's their choice, no one else's business.
But when you brag on social media, you make it everyone’s business. And we aren’t having kids, but fuck these losers
Yet they make it everyone's business by posting it in a public space 😂 👀👍
You don’t have to have superficial reason to be a DINK. I have a hormone issue and can not have kids and my hubby and I can’t afford to adopt. That simple. Yet I am often accused of being selfish for not having kids even though pregnancy hormones throw blood clots into my lungs. Sounds like a selfish thing for them to demand of me, really.
it's cuz I doubt they know that. if u have friends who don't care if u die then u need new friends girl
As someone who is technically in a “DINK” relationship- though I was not previously familiar with the term / have not used it to describe myself- I can honestly say I cannot fathom how people have the time or money for the proper raising of children in our society. Maybe it’s because I am a teacher by profession- so you know I am chronically overworked and underpaid, though also able to get life satisfaction from my job and to feel I am contributing to society and to the next generation in that way. But my partner and I both work full time and we are only doing ok. I feel we would be a sinking ship financially and emotionally if we had one or more children. As a Dink i am constantly exhausted and overwhelmed already just with my life obligations. I am in awe of parents as it feels like quite a daunting to impossible feat to take on in 2023 America, at least from where I am standing. Anyway, thank you for sharing your thoughtful observations here. I always appreciate your perspective.
I agree 100%
People overshare their kids lives all the time but are mad at people for sharing that theyre happy they dont have children. It's better to not have children than have a child that grows up being resented and unloved 🤷♀️ to each their own.
The hypocrisy is mind boggling isn’t it. You think the average parent who comments such things would have a better view of life and society and would understand not one size fits all.
THIS
sorry to say but in this age of inflation and recession, money is not superficial. it can make or break marriages depending on the situation.
My sister has a condition that makes intercourse very painful and she has decided not to have a child due to this condition. She is happily married and very devoted to both his and her own family. I don't think it's selfish for her not to have kids. It's not right for her.
I myself didn't want kids. I wanted to be married and just enjoy life together. My husband wanted kids so we spent time really discussing it. We had kids and I regret nothing. But I know I could have been just as happy without them.
I think an unsaid truth here is that most of us in DINK situations are too poor to afford having children on our own and too rich to receive any tax benefits. Even though we both earn good money, having a child is an astronomical cost and things like travel/eating out are way less expensive and can be easily planned for. Like I tell my parents when they ask over and over…I don’t allow myself to want things I can’t afford! Our generation lived through two horrendous financial depressions and the truth is most of us will never recover the income nor achieve financial stability. I hope others find meaningful things to do, but the generation/government situation we were born into forces us to be DINKS, but they can’t force us to be miserable!🎉
This. Everytime I see a DINKS shouting how smart they are by choosing to be DINKS, all I can think is that most of them are just a bunch of people who wants to have children but can not afford it. It's actually sad. But it's a defense mechanism so I just tolerate them. I am having my first child soon and I am so happy and excited and I am so prepared to give most of my time to her, as I have already spent too much of my youth (Im 32) living only for myself. I have had enough worldly experiences and now I want a more meaningful existence by living life not only for myself and my wife. And I can actually afford it so that's why my happiness is thru the roof right now. It will probably go down once I have the child because of stress but I know myself and I have been thru so much worse. I will also have the support of my parents to take care of the child so it will be easier hopefully. I know not having a child is something I will regret on my deathbed.
Good for you for being honest about this. I hope you will come to a point you'll be able to afford all that you want, with children or not. We all deserve to be happy.
Amen!
As an 18yr old Nigerian who has always never wanted kids since the dawn of my existence,I'd say that at first it was just at the back of my head like "nahh I don't want kids" but now I've looked at it in a more deeper level,I've asked myself the why's and I've mapped out how I'm going to live my life child free.
I love kids so much but I can't imagine myself constantly being around them and catering for their every needs,some may say I'm still young but I'm for sure an old soul.
I plan on running an orphanage and constantly giving to charity.
Giving orphaned kids the love they deserve cos many people talk about having or not having kids but forget about them and I plan on giving them that beautiful opportunity to experience the love of a "parent".
That's one of many other things I've thought of dedicating my child free life to tho
That sounds so incredibly loving! And to think there's still people who say that folks that choose to be childless are selfish... You would not become a parent by blood, but by choice and I am absolutely sure that you will give a lot of children the chance to experience what it's like to be loved by someone. I wish you joy and luck in your life and the pursuit of your dreams!
The main reason is when you meet people with kids, you see how they suffer from constant tiredness, you hear their complains about lack of sleep, lack of even little bit of self-time, how they are tired from dealing with everyday tantrums and noise, and if they caught "the luck" to have a special kid, it all doubles or triples; and you just don't want that kind life for yourself because you know you are not capable to handle it. It is not about the money or to be able to go anywhere anytime or to buy whatever you want; it's about not wanting to suffer like that on daily basis.
Nothing wrong with not wanting to have kids but bragging about the money and freedom they have over parents is a bit poor taste of these people imo. Its giving narcissism.
TikTok is making the world dumber.
Everything has to be a trend, people’s personalities are built on trends that pass within a year.
Yeah but also it’s still everyone’s choice, we have ourselves to blame nothing else
you can be in service of your parents by keeping them with you, you can donate, you can help the homeless, you can plant trees, you can volunteer, being of service can be done in multiple ways. if you wanna have a kid, have one. saying that you wanna have it because you can be of service of someone doesn’t make sense because there are so many ways to be useful in your society
It?💀💀
Having children is in service to civilization. It is in service to Society. The population will diminish if people continue to not have children. A lesson I learned later in life. I alone will not change the populous but many more like me, will change the future to a not so grand fewer and fewer people in the future.
Yes, I don't see how having a kid would be of service for society.
@@melopsicodelia Population advancement and progress into the future. Where do you think you came from to be here making this comment. Had your Parents not had children.
She said "I can imagine no greater service" not that there were no other ways to be of service.
I thought I didn’t ever want kids….until I accidentally got pregnant at 37. Thank god that happened, because I didn’t know what true happiness was until I had my daughter.
cope harder 🤣🤣🤣
@@SP333DYPlease don't procreate 😂
Provided that your daughter has a father figure in the home... otherwise you're only raising another female with daddy issues who's gonna "accidently" get pregnant one day just like you. Mark my words.
Truth hurts.
@@SP333DYthanks for telling everyone how crappy of a parent you would make.
Sorry but pushing a 3kg kid out of my private part and then having to deal with all the crying, pain and sleepless nights after that is far from „true happiness“ for me. But if it is for you, that great :> but its not true happiness for everyone
Oh no, people living their lives exactly how they want, the horror. It's almost likes it's the American dream to do this; live how they want, and people are mad at them? What morons.
As a parent of 2 young children, wow you really dove deep at end. Ive always felt the same but youve put it in such a simplistic and wiser perspective.
I'm a 38 year old female DINKWAD and dont have any regrets. I look forward to my 40s, 50s, and beyond with a sense of wonder and opportunity. Having kids absolutely does NOT guarantee that you'll be taken care of when you're old; that's the most selfish mindset i can think of.
Exactly 💯🙌🏻
Most older people in homes so not have visitors. So where are all the kids that should be taking care of them? Enjoy your life & don't worry about what people think!😁
@@jewel65 Most of them don't have children. It's sisters/brothers or neices/nephews that don't come visit. Or they're Alzheimer's is so bad they can no longer remain in the home. At that point they don't know they have children. I know because my mother spent 6 months in one for rehab after losing her leg. Meanwhile 600+ billion is saved in medical care by family members taking care of their elderly. If the majority weren't caring for their parents it wouldn't be that high. It's actually really strange because that's the norm in most of the world, but it's considered wrong by people in this comment thread.
I love how you can be skeptical and have your own opinion but you won't put others down. You are a good person, thank you for your show ❤
Always love what you have to say!!! Thanks for the reminder about a gratitude practice❤
I’m 50 and have no regrets about not having children. Just wasn’t for me. Neither is advertising my choice on social media.
My husband and I are DINKS. I made the decision to not have children because I didn't think I had the mental or emotional ability to provide them with what they would need to have happy, stable people. For some people, life is all about family, but my family has left me with tons of baggage. My husband and I don't live a lavish lifestyle, and I am immensely grateful for the peaceful, happy life we live. Yes, we may need other peoples' kids to take care of us in old age, but those peoples' kids are going to need jobs. My gift to them and future generations is not bringing another f---ed up person into this world.
The exact same reason my husband and I don’t have kids.
by even admitting to yourself that you're not sure you would have the emotional availability shows you're already better than most parents out there.
Hope you change your mind one day, having children is one of the greatest pleasures imaginable.
Fulfilling your biological destiny is the greatest thing you will ever experience.
So what? "They want to do XYZ instead of having kids." "They prioritize snacks and vacations." I ask again, so what? Have you seen this world?? Bringing a kid into it is just because society says you should is selfish. I've never in my life wanted kids. I knew in middle school I'd never want kids. 33 now, still no desire to have kids. Instead people are choosing to live their one life in a way that they enjoy, because guess what. You only get one. You don't need kids to make it worth living. Until there are no kids in foster care, being tossed out at 18, and ignored/neglected in the system, there is no argument that we need to think of the kids/future.
As someone who has had a large amount of disposable income and also someone who has been a fulltime single parent I can tell you which one I'd pick anyway of the week. Buying new fishing gear, cars and eating out doesn't even come close to raising kids. Best thing I've ever done, obviously being a single parent wasn't my choice but sadly the kids mother passed away so I stopped working to do thr right thing by my kids and not leave them at a daycare 5 days a week.
If someone ever tries to shame you for NOT having children, politely remind them of divorce rates. Child custody courts. Alimony. Child support. The psychological damage of a broken home. The state of our economy. The temperament of the average kid today. And also all the poor, unhealthy, drug-addicted, serial cheaters who are pumping out countless children already. Please, show me the incentive TO have kids.
The Boomer generation normalized that, and they act aghast that their own children may want to live a different life.
About temp of some kids, it mostly about social interaction of children, cause parents can't teach or watch(maybe interact would better option)their children now, more and more. Cause internet, school, e.t.c
This is done on purpose.
Also it's adult problem, not children. If we have more bad adult of course we will be drowning
Also you may not know what issues they face in that area not everyone can have children because of certain circumstances dealing with biological or physical conditions
My husband and I received a lot of pressure from my parents to have kids, but the beginning of our marriage was very rocky. We decided we would not bring a child into the world until our relationship was stable enough and we weren't fighting so much. We had our first child when we were 26 and 32. Now we have 4. My sister and her husband chose not to have kids for their own personal reasons. Although I felt they would be sad about this later in life, we supported them as it's their life. Fast forward to now, my sister and bro-in-law have invested in my kids and my family so much that my kids consider them second parents. They are now retired and have supported us so much over the years that they will receive support at the end of their years from us too. There are so many ways to be "family" in this world. So many ways to invest in the next generation without necessarily being a parent (though someone has to do that too). To have or not to have children isn't the issue. It is and has always been a matter of the heart and deeper values as a whole. 🤷🏽♀️ My two cents.
That is so lovely! I loved that you and your spouse supported your sister and brother-in-law despite your private opinion. And now your kids have such a close relationship with them. Thanks for sharing.
That's amazing, I wish more siblings operated this way! I wish more parents didn't push all of their kids to go pop out more kids when they're not mentally or financially ready! God has a plan for all and is the sole decider of WHEN you're ready for the next phase of your life. ❤
When I was growing up, our next door neighbors were DINKS. This was the 70s and long before the term was in use and they were definitely an anomaly. Two cars, a boat, a vacation home on a lake, tons of travel. One day we realized we hadn’t seen the guy (or the boat) in quite a while. My mom asked the lady how she was doing one day and she sat on our porch and talked for about an hour. She came home from work one day to find divorce papers on the kitchen table. He left her for a younger woman. He moved into their lake house with the girlfriend and you guessed it, she was pregnant. I was about 13 years old at the time and the incredible amount of sadness coming from our neighbor’s story had a deep impact on me. She said she thought he didn’t want kids, and thought they were living out their dream of a childless lifestyle. The courts weren’t so kind to women back then so he got pretty much everything; the house was in his name, he sold it and she ended up in a one-bedroom apartment. Yeah, make your own decision about kids, but look up the road a bit and protect yourself with your own support system of friends and family, whether it’s chosen family or blood. You need more than your income to get by.
This is the best video I have seen on this topic. Wise words. I love how you address both extremes- both extreme perspective are self-focused and a-cyclical. Having kids and being a family really changes your perspective on everything because the world is no longer with you in the center. As someone who traveled the world and committed my younger years to working up the career ladder, I definitely know the single life is full of adventure and to some extent- carefree. After a while though, the shine starts to dull and it all starts to feel empty. I am now married live in a small with my husband and 2 kiddos. Funny thing is that I have never been more fulfilled than I do now. A life built on autonomy and money may have some gain in the short term but will eventually drive you to isolation and a skewed view of self-worth and meaning. Marriage and having kids will change you. You have a deeper call to responsibility, commitment and sacrifice- it’s not just about you but about your family now. And as much as this world prizes individualism, fame and money, there is nothing more precious and than your family. There is nothing more meaningful and purposeful than living for those you love.
Selfish people shouldn't have kids. I was a teacher for thirty years and I've seen the damage self-centered parents do to kids.
We're all better off if these people remain childless.
Not every intentionally childless person is selfish, and not every parent is selfless. They both exist on both sides. Like Amala said, some parents have kids just so they can have people they can guilt trip into being their caretakers in their old age.
@@bsv103 With the money you spend on raising kids, you could fund a trust including in-home and nursing home care for your old age. Amala is a very young woman and doesn't know a lot about life.
@@Falconlibrary And with the money one spends on their child, theyre not only helping to build that childs future but creating opportunities for that child to help build for future generations 🤷♂️
@@freebarbecue622 Family isn't about money. One thing I've learned: money is the least valuable thing in this world.
And a lot of people measure everything by it.
@@Falconlibrary 100% agree but these tik tokers who self diagnose and are easily influenced