Therapy & Theology: When Is It Time To Draw a Boundary? | Part One With Lysa TerKeurst
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- Опубліковано 20 лип 2022
- We can love people … but we can’t change them. So what can we do? Draw necessary, healthy boundaries. Welcome to Therapy & Theology.
It may feel overwhelming or even unloving at times, but what if boundaries are the unlikely thing needed to help your most difficult relationships?
In this three-part series, Lysa TerKeurst, Dr. Joel Muddamalle and licensed counselor Jim Cress are here to help you discern what types of boundaries you may need in your relationships so you can live in the peace you really long for. You'll be encouraged to find that boundaries aren't just a good idea; they're a God idea.
Make sure to watch Part 2! • Therapy & Theology: Wh...
Related Resources:
- Want to be first to know when Lysa TerKeurst’s new book, "Good Boundaries and Goodbyes," is available for preorder? Sign up here:
proverbs31.org/good-boundarie...
-Ready to take the next step in finding a Christian counselor? Here’s a good place to find the right fit for you and your circumstances: American Association of Christian Counselors. www.aacc.net
#proverbs31 #lysaterkeurst #joelmuddamalle #jimcress #counseling #therapy #theology #trauma #hurt #healing #boundaries #goodboundariesandgoodbyes
great quote at the end " A manipulating and controlling person has never met a boundary they liked." Wow
❤
Yepp
So helpful. I had a friend who mostly reached out when she needed prayer or encouragement, but rarely would reciprocate when I reached out. I thought there was something wrong with me for feeling hurt by this. Now I understand I gave her access but she took little responsibility.
Keep coming back to these sessions. It all just clicks when i hear you all explaining this x
EVERY SINGLE WORD WAS MEEEEEE 😢
I SAY WAS BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN DOING THE WORK FOR THE PAST YEAR OR MORE LETTING GO OF PEOPLE AND LEARNING TO SPEAK UP FOR MYSELF.
So much fear, codependency, anxiety 😥
I actually sleep better at night now, not worrying about pleasing every single person in my life. 😢It has been so exhausting!
Thank you
🙏 thank you
🙏 thank you
Nice beard, Joel! God’s boundaries are provided out of His infinite wisdom, which we don’t have. We need to be extremely cautious that the “boundaries“ we try to set are not in fact our selfish desires, an expression of our own annoyance with things others do, or a subtle desire to control.
Very true
I have been traumatized by always being self sacrificing because I thought that was the right thing thing. Dangerous waters.
This is why sayings that everyone seems to accept now like, "Only kindness really matters," is leading us all into hell, as we're allowing people to get away with anything and not placing boundaries on ANYONE.
Is it possible that the word "kindness" has been misinterpreted to mean "niceness," and we have lost the true meaning of "kind?"
The first seven minutes describe my marriage perfectly. I gave him Level 10 access and assigned Level 10 trust. What a mistake. He gave me 0 access. He kept saying he would, but he never did. After five months of marriage, I was trauma bonded and diagnosed with PTSD. I left. I came back at his behest AND the guidance of my pastor. I left again seven months later after a restraining order and much chaos. After an 18 month separation, he asked to move in with me. I allowed it (I now know the cycle of the trauma bond), Five years later, December 2024, I told him to leave my house. I'm really struggling, but not as much as I did the first round. He is silent. He is being kind. He says he doesn't want a divorce. I know we must. This episode could have been written after reading the story of my marriage. Thank you, Lysa, Jim, and Joel. You have gifts that are SO precious and helpful. I am working on myself. It's taken seven and a half years, but I have found a trauma therapist. We begin work next week. I soak up all of the God and His word as I can. God has this.
I appreciate Jim and Joel's humble words and presence!
This is so so good! Breaking down boundaries is something needed in our culture so bad. They seem scary and arbitrary but this makes them quite simple and doable. Thank you!
WOW...I needed to hear a lot of this! Thank you for explaining boundaries in a way I've never heard it explained before. This is for ALL relationships not just romantic ones. Looking forward to watching part 2.
I just got my book 📖 and my study journal! Seeing this video was a great way to start my study! Wow this was so good! I'm 43 years old and have been deeply hurt all my life becasue of rejection, and constantly giving my heart and loyalty to others... Our heavenly Father is so so good 🕊💖🙏Thank you Lysa for always sharing your experiences and how Jesus brought you through. Your sufferings help me learn and grow 🙏
Thank you for watching and sharing part of your story with us, friend! We hope Lysa's book, "Good Boundaries and Goodbyes" is a helpful resource for you.
FANTASTIC!!! This is an answer to prayer for me this past week. Thanks to each of you for allowing yourselves to be used by The Lord in this way. I want to hear more…!
This is a topic is so good and needed. A suggested topic might be the balance of power in marital relationships.
Thank you for showing us why we need boundaries!!🙏🏼✝️🔥❤️🙏🏼
Wow...wow...wow! This is like water on dry parched ground. Thank you so much!! I relate to ALL of this - thank you Lysa, Jim and Joel.
As Cloud and Townsend would say, God is a God of truth and love- love and limits to evil or sin.
Can't wait to watch ...
Lisa
This is so good. . . I need this!
Can't wait for part 2!!!
This is a gem of a piece. A parallel book I read was a catalyst in my self-discovery. "The Art of Saying No: Mastering Boundaries for a Fulfilling Life" by Samuel Dawn
Lysa thank you for this info. Much needed
Love to see more of these
Perfect! I appreciate the authenticity and conversation. You’ve made it very clear!
Blessings!
Lysa ,this is so good 👍 Helpful
Excellent and so timely!! Thank you~
This is so good. Thank you & blessings. 🕊️🌿💌
I will be putting permanent boundries. And a permanent severing of cords between my ex husband and I this weekend:)
Wow. Great content.
Excited for part 2!
Hi Chloe. Please subscribe to the Proverbs 31 Ministries UA-cam channel to be notified when our newest video releases!
Great video
Thank you for sharing this, I leaned so much.
We're glad you enjoyed it!
You should already have boundaries in place for self love and protection otherwise toxic people will door mat you with abuse.
Joel, I was so excited when I saw you on this video! I came upon this on UA-cam unexpectedly. I enjoyed the content, very helpful. Please say hello to Brittany.
Renee Camire
Christ Church Bellingham
A boundary isn't just to protect oneself, but those you love. My parents when I was still living in their house set a time of not being out after 10 pm. When I was in after that, they were enraged. This was not to hurt me, but to protect me, out of love. Hence, setting a boundary doesn't mean, "I don't like you, I want to be mean to you, I want to hurt you." It often means, "You need to get this, you need to stop what you're doing."
Wow! Boundaries and consequences and am I willing to follow through 😢
God has boundaries with us. Look at the promises in the Bible with conditions. God says “Here is my promise to you although the the condition is ... we are to have healthy boundaries with others, God never called us to be doormats and served others out of obligation. Learning to do this effectively is an art and takes practice.
Don't know if you address this in a later episode, what about others who give you grief for the boundaries you draw? Like trying to guilt you or talk you out of a boundary that you have with someone else? That can be very frustrating.
It's extremely frustrating. Demoralizing. Judged. Misunderstood. It's tiring. I recently had set voiced my feelings about a conversation about me setting boundaries with a loved one. Didn't end well. I politely reminded him we respect the few boundaries put on us by hasty abrupt, spiteful people. You can never go wrong by respecting others yourself, and realize how peaceful life can be when actions of others show who they WERE isn't who they REALLY are.
This is wonderful insight! Thank you! But can’t find Part 2 on your site!
Coming soon!
Healthy boundaries do not fence other's out. Jesus allowed Judas to continue on, Let them do what they feel they have to do. You're strong in Jesus might
I have always found my enemies flee from me. You will find your voice with this person, family.. Jesus told Judas, "do it" He didn't fence him out...He let him continue on.... Boundaries are so misunderstood. I believe we all face the same person over and over, different face, same evil spirit, until we STAND in Christ likeness, to the point of possibly calling out a brood of vipers. What's hard is when one of our children is caught up in that trap. Know this the Father has a spot light on us as He did Jesus... SHINE !!!
Agree with you. Jesus told his disciples not to fear evil and turn the other cheek ( Matt. 5:39) is a good example. The Lord is bigger then toxic and badly behaved people in your life.
"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in Glory by Christ Jesus" Phil 4:19
This is a promise for provision if we have a need we can go to God and he can meet our need through and provide us a way out or give us peace over the situation or give us an answer or he can take care of that person and change their cold hearts. I don't agree with her logic it's too "me, me, me" centered and not Christ, Christ, Christ centered. Proverbs 16:2. By the way I'm 23 minutes into this and I haven't heard much about the doctrine of message of Christ who has all power and authority over and under the earth. Doing as they say sounds like being a Pharisee.
I've been considering a boundary on an adult child. But it's hard.
Me too. I've allowed some bad behavior from my youngest daughter.
Of course it is but do it. God will give you the fortitude to do so .
I know it's harder to set boundaries when it's your kids.. it feels awkward at first even chaotic but you keep your sanity.. it gets easier
Good morning I join you all's conversation when it comes to the boundaries I have a friend it might be kind of tricky to set boundaries for her so the Bible said we would know them by the fruit so you all take care bye from Teresa
Thank you so much for this video about boundaries.
I am struggling with honoring my parents and settling boundaries. I feel like I am breaking that commandment each time I try to do so and it doesn't end up well.
Do you have a suggestion or advice for me?
I don't know how to deal with this man I've been married to for 36 years and have found out he's never been faithful to me. He's hidden it from me and I've been oblivious to it until the Holy Spirit revealed it to me.
My heart hurts for you. I understand betrayal. Lean into Father God in prayer, He will guide you into truth. A faith based counselor would also be a good move. Please know this has nothing to do with your identity. You are loved by your heavenly Father!
It was 39 years for me, but I got out. The Lord has guided my every step. I would urge you to assemble a team of supportive safe people around you who can support you as you leave. A skilled counsellor is a must. There is a whole new world waiting for you!
You are in danger. Not just STDs but soul ties. Your vulnerable. You have grounds for divorce. Unless he repents and turns to the Lord Jesus..I'd divorce him.
A healthy boundary can say good bye. Trust is hard to regain when it's been broken. Take care of yourself a d make a plan. Read Enough is enough by David E Clarke PHD
Please am I allowed to translate parts of these articles and publish them as small articles in Arabic? It will be of great benefit to many people!
Where do you get part 2. It’s not in the description. The one in the description is part 1 again.
That link is for the playlist, and Part 2 will be added soon!
The end though - magic words: “a manipulative person has never met a boundary they liked or didn’t want to get across.”
Oh. Shoot. Dho! Sigh. I don’t want to have to do this.
But if I don’t, our meeting life here only goes along old patterns, and won’t improve for anyone.
The only way to make the move worthwhile is if I do the work.
Holy… Lord… have mercy.
Instead of access, you can use the word priveledge when increasing responsibilities. It is a priveledge to be intimately close with one another afterall, is it not? When someone doesn't hold up their responsibilities that they've been made aware of the CONSEQUENCE is they lose some of their priveledges (access)
Please where is part 2?
Coming soon!
I worry about removing myself even honestly because it reminds me of conditional love
Love is unconditional, relationships and fellowship are not. Some people you can only love from a distance.
Can anyone direct me to the proper sequence that I need to watch therapy & theology
Hi Sherry! Here's a link to the playlist with all Therapy & Theology videos: ua-cam.com/play/PLsn2J3MawJw3Nb2SeCIyCzbgI5firG1MP.html
Link is not part 2...
Part 2 was just released today! You can find the link in the description or click here: ua-cam.com/video/0Azeovp6WnY/v-deo.html
So how do i make my husband know that certain ways he treats me are not okay? He does things and the next day he pretends they never happened like im supposed to be okay with it. Im tired of thos cycle. thinking hes changed then realized hes the same. I decided to ignore him cause we are married and i cant leave him...we have 2 month old twins and 3, 7 and under. So if i ignore him i send a message that im not ok with it.
Sarah, I'm so sorry you're going through a tough season. I'm lifting you up in prayer right now.
@@OfficialProverbs31Ministries thankyou
@@OfficialProverbs31Ministries seems like he just decided to fight back and is no longer sleeping in bed with me but sleeping in our daughters room.
@@sarahs7253 Get Godly counsel. Him not sleeping with you is not ok. Something is remiss. Try a light fast..as the Lord leads to hear clearly what to do.
What is this boundary going to cost me? For me it has cost me separation from my adult daughters, my family. My struggle.
Hi friend. These videos are so helpful but can only cover so much in the time allotted. We recommend praying through your questions, and digging deeper into resources with more information on how to evaluate boundaries in your life, like Lysa's book "Good Boundaries and Goodbyes." You can grab a copy here: www.p31bookstore.com/collections/lysa-terkeurst-books-and-bible-studies/products/good-boundaries-and-goodbyes
To be literal, skin is a boundary. Does God want us to zip open our skin and literally give another our heart? Or does God want us to open a vein and let someone else drain all the life from us? That's what endless giving with no fence or wall is like. Ultimately, it's essentially suicide. If you give an inch, people always take a mile. They will take and take until the giver is dead.
They can be like someone walking through you, figuratively speaking sometimes literally depends on their personality lol
This is good I’m glad I stopped to listen 🤲🏾
We're so glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for watching!
Lysa… I love your writings and I think these videos are really informative. However, can you please please let them answer the questions that you were asking them. In all due respect, you are asking a question and then answering it for them instead of letting them answer. I’m finding it really frustrating!
Please pray we were just robbed
Praying for you, friend!
Christ gave and gave until he was dead. Hence the question, "What would Jesus do?" is so wrong. There was only one Christ. We are not called to sacrifice our life like Christ or BE Christ. We are called to learn from Christ. Hence "What would Jesus do" is a misunderstanding of Christian theology. Christian leaders who preach and in their life give and give and give in total transparency, risking not only their own heart but those of every member of their family, they are lucky to still be alive, but they're not doing the Christian life right. A Christian is allowed to have self respect, another name for self esteem, and preserve their own life.