Narc Vader vs Educated Empath : ua-cam.com/video/a0O8JAg1uzU/v-deo.html How Narcs Manufacture YOUR Social Isolation ua-cam.com/video/uhRyH2B41xI/v-deo.html Narcissism --Empty Shell or Strong Identity: ua-cam.com/video/k4-p85dmZv4/v-deo.html What Sparks A Narcissist's Revenge cycle?: ua-cam.com/video/udDakYr31hw/v-deo.html
Sacha Slone what about receiving gifts? So what if you bought your friend something practical, yet beautiful that you noted they had liked when you were out together.. she is thrilled oh it’s the xxx that I wanted. You explain thank god u even got the very last one in time phew! As I say she’s thrilled. Two weeks later she asks if you like the one she is wearing today. You think meh it’s tatty but you say yes it’s very nice, where did u get it? She replies that her other friend liked the one you bought her, and she preferred this one so they swapped. Then she says sweetly you don’t mind do you? Would that also be a sign of narcissism or would she just be a knobhead instead?! 🤣 true story tho!
+passion777 I can relate!! I can't tell you how many times I was 'set up' to complain, and the narc would get to be the victim who is not appreciated. /////vomit.
My birthday was yesterday. My narc wife gave me a phone charger as a birthday gift knowing that I had one already. She was infuriated when I opened up gifts to myself from myself included: my favorite brand name clothing, shaving kit, cologne, iTunes gift card, and a personal card that I wrote to myself. Her response was "don't you think this is too extravagant?" My response: "NO!" "Because I know I'm worth celebrating" She later took me out to a dollar movie in the town we live in. Much to her surprise I thought the movie we saw was hilarious. These narcs are deplorable people at best.
You're still married to her? I'm asking, because you might as well spend your birthday single, if you have to buy yourself gifts that you like, or need. I should know, because I had an ex narc that said he didn't get me anything, because I always bought myself gifts, which was bull puckey, but if that lie helped him to sleep at night, so be it. My second just didn't get me anything, and only wished me a " Happy Birthday ", out of guilt, because he was hitting up other women. I'm now single and will never put with a narc's behavior again.
It's my opinion that their gift giving is one of the creepiest things they do. Four years ago when I went no contact for the first time with my parents, before I knew what narcs were, my friend who I knew my whole life, was killed in a motorcycle/deer accident. A few days after he died, but before his funeral, my dad showed up at my jobsite, a house I was renovating, walked through the entire house, looked at everything and finally came up to me and said "Did you get the cooler that I bought for you?" I had but said no. He walked out and left. It was an old ratty cooler he found either at a flea market or garage sale. Never once mentioned the deceased friend, and never did. At the time I thought that was a really odd exchange. Glad I didn't give him any supply even though I hadn't a clue what was really going on!
My brother was crushed when our narc mom threw a birthday party for him at his least favorite restaurant...she walked around looking all dejected because her ungrateful son could hardly bring himself to smile even though she had put so much effort into throwing this party for him...when I found sitting outside alone with a big lump in his throat I was like, "did you EVER get a gift from her that you wanted, asked for, or that had anything to do with who you are and what you like? So why let her subject you to this pain tonight on your birthday?" Of course she was the one who walked away all victimized because of her ungrateful children.
they like to give me gifts that give them an excuse to insult me, here's my fave: "im giving you this brand new piece of clothing cuz it's way to big for me so i figured it would fit you."
After years of being raised by narcissistic parents, I have developed a bad habit of repeating my myself to make sure something important said is heard, like the flavor of the cake. I know its annoying. But is also annoying to be told that you have been heard. But ultimately it made no difference because the thing you wanted to change did not.
Half of my family is like this. One sister buys styles nothing near what I like and says she wants it for me, as if this actually makes sense. She wants to tell me what I like and says she doesn't like giving people what they ask for since it feels like a shopping list. As the Scriptures say, 'who would give a snake to someone who asks for a fish?... Even evil people love their children.' What in the world does that make a narcissist?!
+Davina Wolf Lol, with narcissists you can't directly say what you want with the hope that you may get what you want once in a while just by pure chance!
Thanks!! My problem is having been invisible all my life, ,"scrapgoat" although achieved more than my family of narcks, ever expected,, l still regress when around any f them to the point of making a showoff of myself to be sure they know of my accomplishments! You can not ever WIN , having been conditioned by them! I now have decided to go no contact¡.
And also,I don't agree with your advice how to respond to narcissist when he/she gives you bad gift. The Worst thing anybody can do with narcissist is to Explain things. They sadistically enjoy in your hard efforts since they see it as your shoving own weakness. My suggestion would be; Take that shit present from her/him watching him directly in eyes with big smile on your face. And say Thank you! Then put that gift somewhere in the corner and completely ignore it that day and every other day! Of course,don't forget to mention how nice things you got from other people,and Never mention his/her gift in any sense! It will badly piss them off,because instead of Them taking control,you will do it!
My soon to be Ex-Narc husband gave me a bouquet of flowers with dead flowers in it when we were dating. I was a florist. I could not fathom how he was not aware of this and didn't want to hurt his feeling since he had made an effort to buy me gift. Who would do that on purpose???! I can remember feeling really torn as to how to respond. I chalked it up to being a clumsy relationship "guy thing", as I hadn't had many relationships before him. As I think back, I recall seeing one of the first of many Narcissistic smirks. I will not let that S#%t slide ever again!
+Bohemianwood NadineBivins 🌹🌻💐🌸🌺🌿🍃💐 I mean, wow, that is just unbelievable! You are a florist and he gave a bouquet w/dead flowers, OMG, I'm speechless. Being a florist sounds wonderful, I'm imagining how great it must be experiencing all of those beautiful smells all day :-D
Bohemianwood That's awful - but tbh, if my Narc husband (of 26.5 years) ever gave me a gift of flowers, I'd be so grateful - even for the dead ones, lol. In fact, I'd just be grateful for the gift!! I've actually been with him for 28.5 years (dated for 2 years before marriage) & in all that time (we're considering birthdays, Christmas, you name it - ), I think I've received a total of maybe 3 gifts EVER. One of which was my engagement ring -back 27 years ago. I swear the ring came in an official local jewellers box but looks like something he bought from a dollar store. 2 other girls in my family had been recently engaged that year so at our family gathering, everyone was showing off their rings. I was so embarrassed, I didn't know what to do. Everyone had a beautiful, sparkling diamond in theirs.... & my ring consisted of a very tiny diamond "chip!" Because of my nature and personality, there was no way I could say anything to him about it because I didn't want him to feel badly. I also didn't want to seem ungrateful either. The sad part of it was, he had an excellent job and had just recently spent over $4000 on himself - buying a custom-made guitar and amplifier... Eventually, it came up somehow that my ring was much smaller than any I've ever seen before and he said that he purposely got me a tiny one because I have tiny hands. When people hear that you've gotten engaged, it's natural for everyone to want to see the ring. I found I was taking it off a lot and claiming it was "in being cleaned" so I didn't have to see the looks on anyone's faces. It was bad because everyone knew he had a really good paying job. I just wasn't worth the money for a decent ring. I married him anyway - assuming that overtime he would become a little more selfless. That never panned out. Most years, I was told he couldn't afford a birthday gift for me - for some reason or another… However, when he wanted something, we always made a way for him to have what he wanted. On the opposite end of the stick - I would bend over backwards to have really nice surprises for him on any occasion that came along. You'd think that he would feel a little embarrassed or ashamed of himself, not reciprocating.... but that wasn't the case. He was always happy to receive and seemed to not even notice (or care) that he never had a gift for me (or anyone) in return. Being cheap and selfish never caused him to feel an ounce of remorse - like ever!! The 3 gifts I mentioned that he's gotten me over the years consisted of: a small stuffed animal that was sticking out of a coffee mug with a heart on it.... & the ugliest slippers I've ever seen in my life that were way too big for my feet! That's it. As for me, I have gotten him jewelry, music equipment, nice clothes, a new transmission for his car one year, a waterbed (way back when we were dating), la-Z-Boy recliner, Nintendo game systems & games, a laptop, good speakers for his car, concert tickets, gift certificates and cards, etc. etc. My gifts for him were always well thought out and related to something he was into at the time and that I knew he would appreciate.... When my birthday or whatever occasion rolls around, he barely acknowledges it and if he does, it usually consists of some kind of IOU that he never honours... Dead flowers?? Sure! Thanks! Ugly pink bathrobe every year - thanks!! lol Crappy gifts MIGHT BE better than no gift at all - but I'm not really sure as I generally don't get anything at all, so I really don't have a reference on this.
Thank you for giving an example. Most videos tell ya what is wrong but no advice on how to deal. When we are raised by narcissists, we have no idea. Thank you!!!
+Dana Thrower Thank you for the lovely feedback! I am happy to know I am providing value :-) And, yes, I had no idea either growing up, I just knew I was sad and that 'something' wasn't right. :-(
you will never win anything with a narcisist. they are always 1 step ahead. best thing is to recognize behavior and leave person . they will never get it because they are never wrong. i just figured out my b.f is a narcisist. everything always was about him. i was suffering from a spider bite and had joint pain and headache. he mocked and laughed at way i walked, and headache lacked any symphony. he was beating on couch whileni had ice pack on head. i asked him very politely to stop beating couch. he said "i knew you would take the fun out of the game, I'm going home to enjoy game" he got up and walked home. cussing at me down the street. they lack empathy, and if you try to have any conversation about feelings, they will change subject. he actually read out loud the side of mulch while i was talking about how i feel. there is also freezing out and going deaf. no one deserves this treatment. u will NEVER win.
I had a narc who gave me a gift that I did like. Then she asked for it back, since she wanted to give it to someone else. I was led to believe the she felt slighted since I hadn't hung it up where she wanted to see it. Her words were "since you haven't hung it up I would like it back". Seriously. This was before I started learning about NPD. Thank you for this video:) It opened my eyes to some other incidents.
+Grimhild Thank you for sharing, I have experienced this so many times! I can 100% relate to what you describe ... 'my narcissist wanted a gift back because I was not 💻💻 'using the gift as the manufacturer intended' 💻💻 that's a direct quote. I was dumbfounded because I had only had the gift for *less* than 24 hours!! These people are OCD control freaks, they are mentally ill! My theory is that a lot of Narcs buy gifts and give them for the 'positive' narcissistic supply rush they get from thinking they are so kind and generous. But, after the fact, they either regret 'giving' it or they are triggered with jealousy when they see the target enjoying the gift. My narc would also give me a gift and then manufacture an argument or 'problem' that would justify taking the gift back..... so sick :-(
Grimhild, I am absolutely of the opinion that you most definitely should have given the gift back to that most kind and generous individual who was so thoughtful in spending so much time, money and effort in going out to the store and selecting and paying for you gift. But only after you had diarrhoea and wiped your ass with it hehehe.
Love this one! My sister married a narc. One Christmas, he gave her one Fererro Rocher. Not a box. Just one. And then he did it again the next year. Haha. My mother did the cake thing all our lives. Year after year, she would give my Barbie loving daughter's the cheap nasty dollar store (pound store) dolls. The legs would come off with 30 seconds of gentle playing. And she kept giving them well after they were too old to play with dolls anymore. The favourite gift she gave to me was a shelf with a glass fronted shadow box underneath. The theme of the items in the shadow box - trout fishing. A lovely plastic fish, a little rod and the background was a lake. I have never been fishing, have no desire to fish, and though I do love eating fish, I actually dislike trout. It has a place of honour in every garage of every house we live in. It has moved with me for almost 30 years. And I laugh every time I see it. So it has brought me more joy than I could ever have imagined. 🎣
Karen J Ha! so so happy to hear you are in the know... and... get joy from your "Stinky Gift" the trout themed crap! I hope someday you can wrap it up and give it back to her, HA! If not that opportunity- then to re- gift to the Narcissistic people in your life the crazy narc gifts you've received. Just passing them along on their merry way... and always remember- You can always give a FRUIT CAKE! HAHA! For any reason! Fitting huh? Just as fruity/ crazy as they are and most people can't stand fruit cake but smile and pretend- just like us handling the narcs in our lives... Yup- FRUIT CAKE- and give it over and over and over again... If that's just not the Biggest F-U! Even if they are sick... yes even sick! Flu, upset stomach- any sickness. Give a Narc a fruit cake! And just play up the dumb. How you love fruit cake, everyone loves fruit cake and it is always a great gift! Cause it makes Everyone feel better. Always. Always play up the Everyone, No One, and... the Always just like they like to do. Tee he he... All the while your handing them that fruit cake!
I remember being in graduate school while married; we were on campus twice for two weeks during our two-year program; the rest of the time we studied online. During our second two-week session it just happened to be Valentines Day and I was in class with the rest of the group, about ten other adults. Much to my surprise a delivery came that day just for me: my husband sent me flowers, balloons, and a big fancy box of chocolates. He knew I love chocolates, and yet as much as I love them I don't want them around because I eat them, and at the time I was heavier than I wanted to be. I was really embarrassed, actually, to be singled out in this group classroom by the delivery of Valentines Day stuff from my husband who only wanted attention to be placed on him and be seen by the other significant people in my life as "a good husband," I guess. So, I enjoyed one of the chocolates and sent the rest around the table. We all enjoyed my fancy box of chocolates and I got to share. That, I felt good about. I took the balloons and flowers home that night. (I was commuting back and forth every day to campus.) When my husband found out I'd SHARED my chocolates with the rest of the group, he was livid. Yeah, everybody ate the rest of the chocolates, and I had one -- which I thoroughly enjoyed -- but didn't have the rest around for me to eat and get fat. *Fatter.* He was totally passive aggressive during our whole 25-year marriage, and was one of those that it took me that long to figure out he was an abuser. Listening now to various narcissist videos, I'm reflecting back on the past and learning so much..."yeah, he did that, too." He felt really threatened when I went to grad school and got my master's degree and didn't need him anymore. That's the time when the abuse escalated, while I was working on my degree. I was so lucky at that time to find Patricia Evans' book on abusive relationships. It was an eye-opening thing for me. I would never have realized the situation I was in had I not found her book.
My ex narc boyfriend would do the "chocolate" move on me as well. He would fill me up with tons of candies, icecreams, chocolates and expect me to eat them all in front of him just to call me fat the next week. The day I told him: -"I DO NOT WANT ANY MORE JUNK FOOD FROM YOU, I ONLY WANT FRUITS" he was livid. From that moment on, he started to bring me ROTTEN VEGETABLES (literally) as a "gift". I broke up with him. He is such a sick fuck.
Most certainly.. Of course, it was composed rage, but rage nonetheless. She keeps trying. I keep refusing. You can't buy my respect after treating me that way.
That applies to favors from the narc too. Even through you dont need a favor, they try to create a need for it and insist you take it leaving you feeling you owe them big time. No more favors accepted and that drives them bananas!😉
Wow! I was wondering if this happened to anyone else! I've been experiencing this exact behavior in my relationship for 17yrs. I thought I was just horrible for even questioning it. Thank you so much for making these videos:-)
+Maria Wilk No you are not terrible for noticing it, you are SMART for noticing it :-D They know exactly what they are doing when they give us these bogus gifts that they *know* we don't want or need. They do it to mess with us and to set us up to complain, because when we"complain" or "call them out" on it, they get to tell everyone how ungrateful we are and how mean we are! They are assholes. [period.]
My first husband bought me a paper back dictionary for my 19th birthday. He was 28 and well educated. I didn't take it very well, in fact I was pissed and he knew it!! :) Thanks for sharing. Yes, he was a narc, but he got me 1500 miles away from my narc parents :)
Early on in our relationship I told my narcissistic partner that when I was a child my parents used to ignore my birthdays and how much this upset me. Big mistake. My narc partner now makes sure that he ignores my birthdays too because he knows that it will hurt my feelings. The first birthday that he ignored (my 30th) I told him that I didn't care that I didn't get a gift......but I would have loved to have received a card from him with some heartfelt words written in it. Well, the following year he gave me a card that was not much bigger than a postage stamp with NOTHING written inside.......I mean no 'Happy Birthday' or 'love You' or anything.....just a card with nothing written in it. I mean, how WEIRD is that? Last year he said in a very bored tone of voice, "your birthday is next week isn't it?" and I said "yes it is" and he said, "does this mean you will be expecting me to acknowledge it in some way because I am really not down with this birthday shit" so I told him that from now on I did not want ANYTHING at all from him and I meant it.
I just love your posts! I'm coming out of the FOG from the narc in my life and you bring much needed comic relief to moving on from the abuse.The narc in my life would actually verbally ask me what would be the best and most convenient movie theatre to buy tix for my teenage daughter and than buy tix to the furthest theatre from our home ....another example is when the narc insisted on makin a few meals to help out after our baby was born and again asked me what food my kids liked the least and than stuffed the meals with that food! They also truly are developmentally stunted because they will also try and covertly rub in your face how they did the opposite of what they said they would do.....like literally bring it up for years like a spoiled little brat who wants to show you that they've hurt you and want to wierdo attempt to provoke. The list is endless and once you know what you're dealing with it's amazing how quickly things make sense....and there's even room to get a good laugh out of ther insane tactics!
My narcissist sister announced at the last family meeting we were planning a 90th birthday party gathering for our mom. I said great and made the mistake of telling her I didn’t want my narcissist ex-wife to be invited. Not a surprising request but narc sister later sends out an invitation to my ex and calls my eldest son for the address to send it to. When I discovered the betrayal and confronted her on the issue she blamed it on mom who does whatever her children suggest. Yes, narcissists are evil. Narcissist sister refused to uninvite my ex saying it’s not her problem. Narcissists conduct their evil using information. All information is stored for future evil use AGAINST you.
Thank you so much, this title is wisely chosen to do exactly what you wanted. I've just realized that my mother is a narcissist and I was so scared that being raised by her made me one. But you answered my question and gave me the peace I needed. Thank you! Bless you!
One of my ex narcs was a wealthy dentist and investor but bought me a watch at Costco, then drove 20 miles to get a crisp new Nordstrom bag to put it in. It was a hideous watch and I knew to return it to Costo by recognizing the red sticker on the case. He gave me a best seller book that I'd been wanting that had a normal dustjacket but the cover was printed upside down from the pages; also a down comforter that was second quality with a defective mark on the label inside. I was too mortified and embarrassed for him so said nothing but soon dumped him. Another ex gave me a vase that I'd pointed out as ugly instead of the one I told him I badly wanted for my birthday; I broke down in tears. My narc mother bought the ugliest, cheapest junk she could find for gifts and they'd quickly break or be given to charity or tossed.
Ugh. My mother could be the poster child for narcissistic gift giving. But I got the last laugh by giving away/throwing out all her useless gifts. *teehee*
Narcs give gifts that they can benefit from. Either from its use or the supply high they get from your reaction. That’s it. It’s never done out of caring about what the other person wants. But sweet baby jesus in the manger DO NOT surprise them with a gift that they do no want. Watch them die inside before your eyes and prepare for the silent treatment. They will be in full tantrum mode. They like to TELL YOU what gifts to get them. Yes! They even try to control gifts and surprises.
Instead of the tropical retreat he'd always promised, I got a desk sand box for "stress reduction". Then I got a plastic whale on a key chain. I still have the whale. lol
I love how instead of the vacation, he actually bought you something for your work. Like he is like- here honey, no vacation for you, go back to work and dream about your vacation that is never coming...and, here's a daily reminder that i didn't give you the vacation that you wanted. A true sadist gift.
I always think about what does the peson like. It takes alot of valuable effort and I like that. sometimes what you find isn't always fully satisfying for you, but it's not even that hard to ask people what they like, show people your effort afterwards. It's always best to ask others as well or choosing the gift with someone.
This is excellent. You’re so right that Narcs totally give themselves away with gift giving. Something similar happened to me on my last birthday but it was not in a party setting but at a public place. We ended up going our separate ways that night and I blocked her afterwards. So happy to have her confusing toxicity out of my life. It was about time!!! 🙏🙏🙏🙏💕 keep YouTubing because you are amazing 👏
Mine was so pleased to bring me a box of See's Candies all the way from California just for me... only when he handed me the candy with great pride, there was one candy left in the box. He got hungry on the plane, but WOW he did bring me the box and he did think of me...
When You Tell The Narcissist of your disapproval of Her "Gifts"? You MUST BE READY TO PROTECT YOURSELF.. Because The Narcissist will try and Flip The Script On You.. They Will say things Like "I was Doing You A Favor, and This is how you treat me".. Or? "You Have Some Nerve Telling People what to give you as a "Gift"... Or? They Will Tell EVERYONE YOU AND THE NARCISSIST KNOW That "You were/are an Ungrateful Person.. Because He/She Gave You Something out of the goodness of HIS/HER HEART" And You Shit All Over Her/Him"... Or Any Variation of Such Narcissistic behavior I Just Mentioned... You MUST UNDERSTAND.. The Narcissist ALWAYS HAS TO Make Their Victim Out To Be The Bad Guy.. And, Themselves Look like The Good Guy.. It Will NEVER BE THEIR FAULT.. I'm sure Everyone Who's Read My Post that has dealt with, Or is Dealing With? Has been through One or Two of the scenarios I've Posted..
commonman80 I think it best to not acknowledge the gift and just cut them off don’t give them supply and we know we cannot win this unless we move on and away from these evil people
I had a friend narc also that gave me a gift in my bday. But because of. My simple thank u & I didn't kiss their a$$ all night long and give them attention, they destroyed the night later by berating/word vomit all over me. The bday couldn't be abt me. Every event must be ruined with a narc and every gift is truly abt them, not u
The same narc from my last comment owed this guy (same guy as the last comment) money. This guy was pretty adament about it, but everytime he asked, the narc would make excuses (and it wasn't a small amount). Well, one day he told me he and the narc went to Goodwill because the guy sees it as a treasure find. He found this cool, like-new bomber jacket that was VERY cheap. The narc goes, "I should come here more often" because he wanted the jacket, too. Keep in mind, he still owes him money. The guy visits the narc and sees that he got a bomber jacket. Can we guess where he got it? Not Goodwill! He bought it from a store that sold it for $80, which is weird because he "had no money." The guy ended up taking it and returning it for cash.
My mother gave us a poster in a metal frame for my birthday. She asked me to take down our expensive family portraits down and put the poster in its place. The portraits were coordinated with the couches in the room. The room was done around the portraits when I decorated. When I thanked her for the gift and hung it in the hall which had no pictures and a large wall that fit the poster. On another day when she came to visit she complained to my Dad that I put it in the hall, irritated that I didn't do what she wanted with it. The gift was a burden to me because I saw it as nothing more than a control mechanism. So when we moved away from the area I gave away the poster. This was only one of many things my mother did to ruin things for me. Every holiday was ruined by complaining or deliberately giving a gift she should know was not my style, but then even telling me how to use it, the way she wanted me to use it.
what about when they remind you that the gift is expensive, or that one shouldn´t tell others, or force a "gift" in you, makes you feel forced to have it..., although you don´ t want it and refuse?
Shqiponja M or give u an expensive gift Ex. Designer Glasses & make a comment everytime they see u w/o them or keep tellin u how to handle them like u are a child
Sacha Slone I thought it was odd. He wrapped it all beautiful and I didn't want to open it. A freaking case of cereal..lol Only because he worked there and it was "free" for him. I knew he didn't like to give gifts even for his partner and family so I wasn't disappointed just felt that it was such a odd gift. Now I know why..
If you ask them to leave it will ultimately make you look petty and bad. And you know they will make sure to look so so hurt so you will look petty and bad. So frustrating!
Your presentation and words are perfect. I agree with giving them the reason and dismissing them at the end of the party. I should have done this years before this.
For my 16th birthday my mother gave me a bottle of shampoo and creme rinse. My neighbors mother felt so bad she gave me a beautiful necklace. The necklace disappeared. Knowing my mother had taken it:I would go through her room every time she left being extremely careful. I found it one week before I moved out in her filing cabinet. I took it to my friends house. My 19th birthday I wore it -my mom pretended I had just received it.
Another favorite story of mine was how the same guy "stole" the narc's chrome TV. If memory serves me correctly, the story went in one of two ways: 1. guy asked if he could borrow the TV because as usual, he owed him, and the narc says yes. Later he changed his mind because he was keeping it for his ex-girlfriend (not me). 2. The guy asked to borrow the TV because the narc was "returning a favor." The narc makes excuses to say no. The guy takes it anyways, then friend goes "didn't you say no?" "well I mean he probably needs it anyways..." Pretty much, narcs aren't good in their words and they have no backbone.
I'm sorry but this scenario was not addressed and has happens to me a few times from a couple different toxic people.They give me a gift that hurts my feelings or angers me.When I express my feelings about it everyone around us insulted by me and says things like it was the thought that counts or they did the best they could or don't have money.In short they all cannot comprehend my expression of what the person purposely did to me to be mean.They think I'm being selfish or rude.
Good vid...Ive always fought with my mom as long as I can remember and im 35 now and recently discovered she is the (Extremely Insidious-Malignant Narc) and she almost had me convinced I was mentally ill! What a gift that would have been...
Also Sacha, another key to telling with gift giving is they will do something nice like give you a gift, but if you don't appreciate it in the way they want you to, then you are selfish. They also love to use it against you. Even favors. For instance, they watch ur child so u can focus on a project (even tho they have 2 kids themself and the kids play together basically making it easy) then days later they will throw it up in your face that you are ungrateful. I had one narc berate me abt my weight, saying I was too skinny and I needed to eat more, healthier, etc. (but I have crohns so I have a legitimate excuse of why I'm thin and I'm already a healthy eater but not healthy enough for narc who was more overweight than me😁😑🙄) all the night before. Then get up and make me breakfast in bed, with I love u sign...you are going to think its sweet, but at the same time disgusting they would disguise their manipulation like that 😒 because u know it's part of devaluing......
Or the famous gift that is useless to you but prized by the narcissist - expensive makeup not your color., (their color) clothing , not your size but theirs. No offer of gift receipt or ease of return. "Gift" goes back with narc- no replacement. Yeah, love my 'sister'.
onward last Xmas my x narc got me an expensive teapot and I don't drink tea...he does. Needless to say he took it back and never offered anything else in return... he knows what things I like so this must of been the devalue phase.
I luv that final hand sweeping motion with the double peace signs of Good bye. YES! I saw a stand-up comic do a bit about a guy who gets raped in jail......in the morning at breakfast, he says to his attacker......What the hell got into you last night? I mean what the hell were you thinking? it was incredibly funny.....not sure why I was reminded of that....love you videos, they really tell it like it is....so great!
wow! my NARC bought me a candle for Xmas, then for my birthday, candles, then the following Xmas,,,candles again, I do actually like candles, but he liked them more, in fact other gifts he bought were things that wld be of benifit to him also, Thankyou for sharing you're exsperince, strength and hope.
Mine once gave me a card which said some thing along the lines of: "...enumeration of positive traits ... but enough of me, it is your birthday..." then he gave me a chocolate designed as a phone (I don't like chocolate and I could use a new phone, so that was the meaning behind it) some crappy earrings, I don't really wear jewlery and a really stinky deodorant. SO hilarious to look back. :D All my last birthdays he would get me a video game we could play togheter. So I guess it would basically be a gift to himself as supply via gaming with him.
My narc did all of gift shopping in one shop, his ex-wife and myself got perfume, hers the bigger bottle, we all got scented candles, plus the typical the standard box chocolates. Impersonal gifts, yet waiting for a round of applause, I noticed he disregarded the thoughtful gifts he received leaving them half opened in his car for weeks, even ones from his own children were abandoned this way.
First off I have to say that I love your style as well as your videos. I live with a naropath. Your videos have really helped me learn to deal with him much better. Starting to feel like I've got the upper hand for once. Thanks to you I know I'm gonna be ok. Much love for you sister. You're beautiful and so awesome. Sincerely I Thank you.
I love the education you give us. Can you do a segment on being triangled or quadangled by positioned nars's that are so called friends being overwhelmed by multiple attacks or manipulation. I've done this by gray rocking them.
Every single person in my life is like this! My whole life my mother would get me the wrong thing as a gift. Most of the time she gives me things she bought for herself that she no longer likes.
My gift from the narc. All expence paid trip to Boco Raton. FYI ===bring spending money. I paid 250 to a sitter for my children. Spent the half week waiting for a functioning toilet and shower, Me wanting to get a hotel room---bitchy. It was in his mothers trailer, in a trailer park. I finally said I wanted to go home. His gift cost me $700.
One Christmas my Narc mother gave my husband and I a tin-of-popcorn! One of those big ones with the pictures on it. Money was not an issue. That was the strangest gift I ever got!
Sacha, I have a question. Wouldn't it make more sense for the narcissist to give you a showy, expensive gift, possibly something you would appreciate? That way, the narcissist gets to impress everyone with the apparent high cost of the gift ("my gift was better than everyone else's etc") & can also remind you constantly of how considerate of a friend he/she is for giving you such a wonderful & ostentatious gift.
+1974tiberius1 A lot of Narc do spend a lot and will buy the target a very expensive gift, but the narcissist will purposely get something the target won't use or want. The narc wants to set the target up to 'complain' or look disappointed, then everyone will think the target is selfish and mean. And the narc gets to play the victim!
+Sacha Slone Ha ha ha, makes sense...these people! I had a narcissist in my life some years ago who introduced me to the whole concept of narcissism (I'd never heard of it), educating me on all the traits & aspects that she was aware of, then tried to convince me I was clinically narcissistic myself. She also went to great lengths to gaslight me & a breakdown followed. I've never met her like since but I still live a guarded existence & have decided to (if possible) adopt a no contact approach if I should ever have the misfortune to become involved with one again. Your videos are proving both educational & cathartic...thank you. :)
One year, my ex narc husband gave me a CD player and a VHS player (clearly a long time ago.) and a bunch of CDs in his taste. I had asked for pearls. When he gave me the cds in a stack, i thought it was the pearls only to be disappointed. He called his mother in front of me then and there to complain about how ungrateful I was.
the point is he gave me a bunch of gifts for himself. I don't think I actually asked for the pearls but certainly I wanted a nice gift that reflected my interests, etc, not his.. He routinely asked me what I wanted for xmas to make it easier for himself so he didn't have to guess what I wanted since he paid no attention to me and had no idea what my likes were.
Yes...people may give a gift they really want and yes may ask what you are interested in. I don't care...most gifts are not what I need/want so it is not important to me. I just give away what I can't use to someone who can use it. I have a hard time buying things for the men in my family tree..no idea what would be of interest. I take any gift politely and thank and would never tell them off like the video show. It doesn't really matter to me. Best wishes.
The only problem when I called on the narcissist for doing that to me in the past, was that they started saying that they keep trying to please me, and that I’m never happy and they even cry in front of the other guests playing the victim making me look like a bitch and feeling guilty and rude :(
This is hands down the most spot on meaningful yt video I've watched this year. It explained so much to me. For a hot second I was feeling like a jerk for calling my n-bf out on his inappropriate gifts. (chocolates/I detest choc, roses/I'm allergic, etc) I was taught that I should always be gracious when given a gift. Now I know that my gut reaction was correct and the way I reacted was what needed to be done. You have given me peace. Thank you!
He sent a note to say sorry for how things worked out and there was a small badge made from material stuffed and in the shape of a rabbit head with a sad rabbit face on the front! When I said thanks, he said "I'm glad you liked it...I only give gifts that I like." I don't even like badges. I NEVER wear badges. He spent a lot of time in my home and would have noticed that I don't have ANY badges in my house.
My X narc; Would you like a subway while i am at the store? Sure i reply. She returns with a subway,foot long, loaded with everything i hate.. Oh she says, i should have asked what you would like on your subway At the time i had known her 26 years and she new what i disliked. Another example: I arrive home from work its 8am, just worked a 12 hour night shift. Climb into bed tired as can be. I fall into a deep sleep. She decides to vacuum clean the bedroom i am sleeping in. Gee im sorry she says. Did i wake you? 26 years of bullshit, never ending bullshit.
My acquaintance would call me what I want from the shop. Then he would bring many things, some intended for me, only thing missing was what I said I wanted :D
Hi Sacha, I'm really enjoying your videos. The narc in my life is a covert narcissist so it took me YEARS to figure him out and finally understand what was wrong. I never received gifts from him for Christmas despite always giving him something lovely, but last year, he bought me my first present (it was totally thoughtless and impersonal, but a gift nonetheless). By that stage, I could see straight through him and I'm sure he only bought me something because he could sense I was disengaged from him. Nice try, but waaaaay too late
+Chloe Bowie I'm sorry. The thoughtless gift might have been given on purpose to upset you, covert narcissists are very sadistic and are masters of passive aggressive manipulation. When I was in college my narcissistic mom actually gave me her used/broken VCR as a holiday gift and then told me to 'just go have it repaired.' I was given a broken gift and then told I would need to spend my own money to have it repaired. yeah, thanks! I think they do these things on purpose because they actually want to psychologically damage us. :-(
+Sacha Slone Wow. I hadn't even considered that. I'm still so naive. But at least I'm at the point where his crap doesn't really provoke me like it used to. I'm hopeful one day it won't affect me at all
My narc mother gave me a Christmas jumper as a birthday present my birthday is in April she thought this was ok when I explained it was a Christmas jumper she got angry and said that I was ungrateful
My husband is a narcissist. His gift giving was a little different. He would buy me expensive jewelry for my birthday and holidays. The catch? I’m not a big jewelry person. But.... the women at church would always make a fuss over whatever piece of jewelry he gave me. It was all about making himself look good. He didn’t care if I wasn’t into it. I finally told him to stop buying me jewelry, and now I tell him what I want. Thoughtless gifts are not appreciated!!!
Hahaha this exact thing happened to me with the birthday cake. My narc BF insisted on buying my birthday cake I told him exactly which cake to buy me from a specific shop because my boys all like marble cheesecake. He turned up with a Black Forrest cake instead because he thought it looked better. I couldn't believe it. No one ate it so I ended up buying the one I had asked for the following day. 😂😂
I almost always have to get the cake I really want the next day now that I am an adult with *loving sisters*. Birthday is 3/12 and I am already expecting the same one from last year. And this DESPITE having multiple conversations all year during planning of other events about this bakery's cakes being inferior IMO. I helped with a baby shower sister hosted and was able to comfortably discuss the bakery and even sited the mother-to-be really being particular about her baked goods. Still my sister got the cake from same bakery and everyone at the party picked at the cake eating only a few bites. Just....
I think it should be also be pointed out that it won't necessarily be something as obvious as that. For instance the narc giving you something THEY like rather than something you like, or something that they know you already have.
This sounds like someone in my extended family. Sometimes she gives thoughtful gifts, but other times they're kind of bizarre gifts. One time the family got a large pink bathrobe that was too big for everyone except my dad, and he doesn't really like pink. Our immediate family has Christmas by ourselves, so we had a laugh over that one since it was so strange. Another time this relative gave one of us a pretty random but nice present, except it had the price tag still on it. In the card, she said this was so that the gift recipient "would respect" the present. We weren't sure what that meant. I know this relative isn't obligated to get us anything at all. Sometimes it seems like presents are chosen to intentionally come across as thoughtless or to passive-aggressively express disapproval, and that's not okay.
My mom used to do this thing where she would pretend to forget something I asked for at the store. She would tell me she would get it even if I asked 10 or 15 times and she would "forget" to try to anger me and cause an argument, i never fell for it though.
Yep! He went to great efforts to buy what I did not want and if I said anything, my grown kids say I am being ungrateful. I went no contact recently and my kids don't agree with me tho they have witnessed his crap. They think he's just lonely and insecure. That bothers me more than being duped by that evil man :( It was more than gift giving, he's crazy yet thinks everyone else is. He once bought me ground goat meat.. we don't eat goats where I live, where/why did he even get it? I just figured he was a bit loopy, now I know it was all calculated. Sick!
Not exactly a gift but my mother knows I can’t eat anything with gluten. I have told her at least 100 times, but she insists I should eat something with gluten in it. Even sometimes saying “just eat a little bit or just pick it out”
I see a lot of gifts that you were intended to not like or that they liked for themselves, but did anyone else get the gifts that would have been okay had they not been so cheap? I'm talking about things that were literally the free gifts included with larger purchases. For example: a personal, 2 cup coffee maker with travel mug would have been a fine gift since I'm always on the run and drink a fair bit of coffee, but this was more like a model that a Black and Decker intern built for a presentation. The free gift type things were a trend.
yup. at first they give nice gifts, then it goes down hill. ex. i had to work Valentine's day. saw x the following day. no card or anything. i asked why during some squabble later and i recall him saying something like we didn't spend Valentine's together......
The narc who abused me tried giving me a gift after I dropped him (as opposed to dumped because it wasn't a relationship). It was so pathetic. The first time I rejected it, he went "I just thought you wanted to be at least be friendly." To which I said "I blocked you everywhere I could, what could possibly give you that message?" "It was just some idea someone was putting in my head!*" The next day, he texted "I hope you got my gift from your friend. It's from love from my sister." I never met his sister, I don't know what she looks like and I knew my friend didn't have it because she hates him, too. I called him out on the sister thing being bullshit and that he KNEW I already said no. He called me a cold- hearted bitch and alluded that I wasn't appreciative of his efforts. To which I replied, "your borderline harassment and stalker behavior is not you trying." *as it turns out, a former friend of his told him that he, my friend, and I were hanging out someplace (as in, the narc was never a part of it!) . In his warped mind, he turned in that into me going to see him. The guy apologized to me for the confusion, but I was like "no, he's the crazy one. " He's so pathetic, it's honestly laughable. Part of me wanted to receive the gift just so I could burn it in front of hjs face or toss it in the trash, but that would mean having to look at another garbage can.
Narc Vader vs Educated Empath : ua-cam.com/video/a0O8JAg1uzU/v-deo.html
How Narcs Manufacture YOUR Social Isolation ua-cam.com/video/uhRyH2B41xI/v-deo.html
Narcissism --Empty Shell or Strong Identity: ua-cam.com/video/k4-p85dmZv4/v-deo.html
What Sparks A Narcissist's Revenge cycle?: ua-cam.com/video/udDakYr31hw/v-deo.html
Sacha Slone what about receiving gifts? So what if you bought your friend something practical, yet beautiful that you noted they had liked when you were out together.. she is thrilled oh it’s the xxx that I wanted. You explain thank god u even got the very last one in time phew! As I say she’s thrilled. Two weeks later she asks if you like the one she is wearing today. You think meh it’s tatty but you say yes it’s very nice, where did u get it? She replies that her other friend liked the one you bought her, and she preferred this one so they swapped. Then she says sweetly you don’t mind do you? Would that also be a sign of narcissism or would she just be a knobhead instead?! 🤣 true story tho!
Then when u don't appreciate their gesture/gift the right way you are attacked. It's so sick. Their behavior is demonic at best
+passion777
I can relate!! I can't tell you how many times I was 'set up' to complain, and the narc would get to be the victim who is not appreciated. /////vomit.
My birthday was yesterday. My narc wife gave me a phone charger as a birthday gift knowing that I had one already.
She was infuriated when I opened up gifts to myself from myself included: my favorite brand name clothing, shaving kit, cologne, iTunes gift card, and a personal card that I wrote to myself.
Her response was "don't you think this is too extravagant?"
My response: "NO!" "Because I know I'm worth celebrating"
She later took me out to a dollar movie in the town we live in. Much to her surprise I thought the movie we saw was hilarious.
These narcs are deplorable people at best.
[[ gifts to myself from myself ]] BRILLIANT!
You're still married to her? I'm asking, because you might as well spend your birthday single, if you have to buy yourself gifts that you like, or need. I should know, because I had an ex narc that said he didn't get me anything, because I always bought myself gifts, which was bull puckey, but if that lie helped him to sleep at night, so be it. My second just didn't get me anything, and only wished me a " Happy Birthday ", out of guilt, because he was hitting up other women. I'm now single and will never put with a narc's behavior again.
It's my opinion that their gift giving is one of the creepiest things they do. Four years ago when I went no contact for the first time with my parents, before I knew what narcs were, my friend who I knew my whole life, was killed in a motorcycle/deer accident. A few days after he died, but before his funeral, my dad showed up at my jobsite, a house I was renovating, walked through the entire house, looked at everything and finally came up to me and said "Did you get the cooler that I bought for you?" I had but said no. He walked out and left. It was an old ratty cooler he found either at a flea market or garage sale. Never once mentioned the deceased friend, and never did. At the time I thought that was a really odd exchange. Glad I didn't give him any supply even though I hadn't a clue what was really going on!
My brother was crushed when our narc mom threw a birthday party for him at his least favorite restaurant...she walked around looking all dejected because her ungrateful son could hardly bring himself to smile even though she had put so much effort into throwing this party for him...when I found sitting outside alone with a big lump in his throat I was like, "did you EVER get a gift from her that you wanted, asked for, or that had anything to do with who you are and what you like? So why let her subject you to this pain tonight on your birthday?" Of course she was the one who walked away all victimized because of her ungrateful children.
Sadly its never just a gift is it? There is always always an agenda or hidden meaning! Pure evil😳
they like to give me gifts that give them an excuse to insult me, here's my fave: "im giving you this brand new piece of clothing cuz it's way to big for me so i figured it would fit you."
Typical narc behavior. // I'm sorry you were emotionally abused. :-(
My mom again.
After years of being raised by narcissistic parents, I have developed a bad habit of repeating my myself to make sure something important said is heard, like the flavor of the cake. I know its annoying. But is also annoying to be told that you have been heard. But ultimately it made no difference because the thing you wanted to change did not.
+Stephan Smolka I do this too!
Half of my family is like this. One sister buys styles nothing near what I like and says she wants it for me, as if this actually makes sense. She wants to tell me what I like and says she doesn't like giving people what they ask for since it feels like a shopping list. As the Scriptures say, 'who would give a snake to someone who asks for a fish?... Even evil people love their children.' What in the world does that make a narcissist?!
+Davina Wolf Lol, with narcissists you can't directly say what you want with the hope that you may get what you want once in a while just by pure chance!
Ha! Awesome comment, esp the scriptural reflection, great point lol
Thanks!! My problem is having been invisible all my life, ,"scrapgoat" although achieved more than my family of narcks, ever expected,, l still regress when around any f them to the point of making a showoff of myself to be sure they know of my accomplishments! You can not ever WIN , having been conditioned by them! I now have decided to go no contact¡.
And also,I don't agree with your advice how to respond to narcissist when he/she gives you bad gift. The Worst thing anybody can do with narcissist is to Explain things. They sadistically enjoy in your hard efforts since they see it as your shoving own weakness. My suggestion would be; Take that shit present from her/him watching him directly in eyes with big smile on your face. And say Thank you! Then put that gift somewhere in the corner and completely ignore it that day and every other day! Of course,don't forget to mention how nice things you got from other people,and Never mention his/her gift in any sense! It will badly piss them off,because instead of Them taking control,you will do it!
My soon to be Ex-Narc husband gave me a bouquet of flowers with dead flowers in it when we were dating. I was a florist. I could not fathom how he was not aware of this and didn't want to hurt his feeling since he had made an effort to buy me gift. Who would do that on purpose???! I can remember feeling really torn as to how to respond. I chalked it up to being a clumsy relationship "guy thing", as I hadn't had many relationships before him. As I think back, I recall seeing one of the first of many Narcissistic smirks. I will not let that S#%t slide ever again!
+Bohemianwood NadineBivins 🌹🌻💐🌸🌺🌿🍃💐
I mean, wow, that is just unbelievable! You are a florist and he gave a bouquet w/dead flowers, OMG, I'm speechless. Being a florist sounds wonderful, I'm imagining how great it must be experiencing all of those beautiful smells all day :-D
+Bohemianwood NadineBivins Every Christmas I received Another Pink Bath Robe. Uhhhg They are mean spirited.
Good for you!
Bohemianwood That's awful - but tbh, if my Narc husband (of 26.5 years) ever gave me a gift of flowers, I'd be so grateful - even for the dead ones, lol. In fact, I'd just be grateful for the gift!! I've actually been with him for 28.5 years (dated for 2 years before marriage) & in all that time (we're considering birthdays, Christmas, you name it - ), I think I've received a total of maybe 3 gifts EVER.
One of which was my engagement ring -back 27 years ago. I swear the ring came in an official local jewellers box but looks like something he bought from a dollar store. 2 other girls in my family had been recently engaged that year so at our family gathering, everyone was showing off their rings. I was so embarrassed, I didn't know what to do. Everyone had a beautiful, sparkling diamond in theirs.... & my ring consisted of a very tiny diamond "chip!" Because of my nature and personality, there was no way I could say anything to him about it because I didn't want him to feel badly. I also didn't want to seem ungrateful either. The sad part of it was, he had an excellent job and had just recently spent over $4000 on himself - buying a custom-made guitar and amplifier...
Eventually, it came up somehow that my ring was much smaller than any I've ever seen before and he said that he purposely got me a tiny one because I have tiny hands. When people hear that you've gotten engaged, it's natural for everyone to want to see the ring. I found I was taking it off a lot and claiming it was "in being cleaned" so I didn't have to see the looks on anyone's faces. It was bad because everyone knew he had a really good paying job. I just wasn't worth the money for a decent ring. I married him anyway - assuming that overtime he would become a little more selfless. That never panned out. Most years, I was told he couldn't afford a birthday gift for me - for some reason or another…
However, when he wanted something, we always made a way for him to have what he wanted. On the opposite end of the stick - I would bend over backwards to have really nice surprises for him on any occasion that came along. You'd think that he would feel a little embarrassed or ashamed of himself, not reciprocating.... but that wasn't the case. He was always happy to receive and seemed to not even notice (or care) that he never had a gift for me (or anyone) in return. Being cheap and selfish never caused him to feel an ounce of remorse - like ever!!
The 3 gifts I mentioned that he's gotten me over the years consisted of: a small stuffed animal that was sticking out of a coffee mug with a heart on it.... & the ugliest slippers I've ever seen in my life that were way too big for my feet! That's it.
As for me, I have gotten him jewelry, music equipment, nice clothes, a new transmission for his car one year, a waterbed (way back when we were dating), la-Z-Boy recliner, Nintendo game systems & games, a laptop, good speakers for his car, concert tickets, gift certificates and cards, etc. etc. My gifts for him were always well thought out and related to something he was into at the time and that I knew he would appreciate.... When my birthday or whatever occasion rolls around, he barely acknowledges it and if he does, it usually consists of some kind of IOU that he never honours...
Dead flowers?? Sure! Thanks! Ugly pink bathrobe every year - thanks!! lol
Crappy gifts MIGHT BE better than no gift at all - but I'm not really sure as I generally don't get anything at all, so I really don't have a reference on this.
What a sick fuck.
Thank you for giving an example. Most videos tell ya what is wrong but no advice on how to deal. When we are raised by narcissists, we have no idea. Thank you!!!
+Dana Thrower Thank you for the lovely feedback! I am happy to know I am providing value :-)
And, yes, I had no idea either growing up, I just knew I was sad and that 'something' wasn't right. :-(
you will never win anything with a narcisist. they are always 1 step ahead. best thing is to recognize behavior and leave person . they will never get it because they are never wrong. i just figured out my b.f is a narcisist. everything always was about him. i was suffering from a spider bite and had joint pain and headache. he mocked and laughed at way i walked, and headache lacked any symphony. he was beating on couch whileni had ice pack on head. i asked him very politely to stop beating couch. he said "i knew you would take the fun out of the game, I'm going home to enjoy game" he got up and walked home. cussing at me down the street. they lack empathy, and if you try to have any conversation about feelings, they will change subject. he actually read out loud the side of mulch while i was talking about how i feel. there is also freezing out and going deaf. no one deserves this treatment. u will NEVER win.
I had a narc who gave me a gift that I did like. Then she asked for it back, since she wanted to give it to someone else. I was led to believe the she felt slighted since I hadn't hung it up where she wanted to see it. Her words were "since you haven't hung it up I would like it back". Seriously. This was before I started learning about NPD. Thank you for this video:) It opened my eyes to some other incidents.
+Grimhild
Thank you for sharing, I have experienced this so many times! I can 100% relate to what you describe ... 'my narcissist wanted a gift back because I was not 💻💻 'using the gift as the manufacturer intended' 💻💻 that's a direct quote. I was dumbfounded because I had only had the gift for *less* than 24 hours!! These people are OCD control freaks, they are mentally ill! My theory is that a lot of Narcs buy gifts and give them for the 'positive' narcissistic supply rush they get from thinking they are so kind and generous. But, after the fact, they either regret 'giving' it or they are triggered with jealousy when they see the target enjoying the gift. My narc would also give me a gift and then manufacture an argument or 'problem' that would justify taking the gift back..... so sick :-(
Grimhild my mom does this 😮
Grimhild, I am absolutely of the opinion that you most definitely should have given the gift back to that most kind and generous individual who was so thoughtful in spending so much time, money and effort in going out to the store and selecting and paying for you gift. But only after you had diarrhoea and wiped your ass with it hehehe.
Love this one! My sister married a narc. One Christmas, he gave her one Fererro Rocher. Not a box. Just one. And then he did it again the next year. Haha. My mother did the cake thing all our lives. Year after year, she would give my Barbie loving daughter's the cheap nasty dollar store (pound store) dolls. The legs would come off with 30 seconds of gentle playing. And she kept giving them well after they were too old to play with dolls anymore. The favourite gift she gave to me was a shelf with a glass fronted shadow box underneath. The theme of the items in the shadow box - trout fishing. A lovely plastic fish, a little rod and the background was a lake. I have never been fishing, have no desire to fish, and though I do love eating fish, I actually dislike trout. It has a place of honour in every garage of every house we live in. It has moved with me for almost 30 years. And I laugh every time I see it. So it has brought me more joy than I could ever have imagined. 🎣
+Crimson811 just so typical! They do it all the time x
Karen J
Ha! so so happy to hear you are in the know... and... get joy from your "Stinky Gift" the trout themed crap! I hope someday you can wrap it up and give it back to her, HA!
If not that opportunity- then to re- gift to the Narcissistic people in your life the crazy narc gifts you've received. Just passing them along on their merry way... and always remember- You can always give a FRUIT CAKE! HAHA!
For any reason!
Fitting huh? Just as fruity/ crazy as they are and most people can't stand fruit cake but smile and pretend- just like us handling the narcs in our lives...
Yup- FRUIT CAKE- and give it
over and over and over again...
If that's just not the Biggest F-U!
Even if they are sick... yes even sick!
Flu, upset stomach- any sickness. Give a Narc a fruit cake! And just play up the dumb. How you love fruit cake, everyone loves fruit cake and it is always a great gift! Cause it makes Everyone feel better. Always. Always play up the Everyone, No One, and... the Always just like they like to do.
Tee he he...
All the while your handing them that fruit cake!
Karen J It seems that you have figured out who your mother was very soon. Congratulations!
I remember being in graduate school while married; we were on campus twice for two weeks during our two-year program; the rest of the time we studied online. During our second two-week session it just happened to be Valentines Day and I was in class with the rest of the group, about ten other adults. Much to my surprise a delivery came that day just for me: my husband sent me flowers, balloons, and a big fancy box of chocolates.
He knew I love chocolates, and yet as much as I love them I don't want them around because I eat them, and at the time I was heavier than I wanted to be.
I was really embarrassed, actually, to be singled out in this group classroom by the delivery of Valentines Day stuff from my husband who only wanted attention to be placed on him and be seen by the other significant people in my life as "a good husband," I guess.
So, I enjoyed one of the chocolates and sent the rest around the table. We all enjoyed my fancy box of chocolates and I got to share. That, I felt good about. I took the balloons and flowers home that night. (I was commuting back and forth every day to campus.)
When my husband found out I'd SHARED my chocolates with the rest of the group, he was livid. Yeah, everybody ate the rest of the chocolates, and I had one -- which I thoroughly enjoyed -- but didn't have the rest around for me to eat and get fat. *Fatter.*
He was totally passive aggressive during our whole 25-year marriage, and was one of those that it took me that long to figure out he was an abuser. Listening now to various narcissist videos, I'm reflecting back on the past and learning so much..."yeah, he did that, too."
He felt really threatened when I went to grad school and got my master's degree and didn't need him anymore. That's the time when the abuse escalated, while I was working on my degree.
I was so lucky at that time to find Patricia Evans' book on abusive relationships. It was an eye-opening thing for me. I would never have realized the situation I was in had I not found her book.
My ex narc boyfriend would do the "chocolate" move on me as well. He would fill me up with tons of candies, icecreams, chocolates and expect me to eat them all in front of him just to call me fat the next week. The day I told him: -"I DO NOT WANT ANY MORE JUNK FOOD FROM YOU, I ONLY WANT FRUITS" he was livid. From that moment on, he started to bring me ROTTEN VEGETABLES (literally) as a "gift". I broke up with him. He is such a sick fuck.
Susan Bame you are amazing! Such an inspiration to me! Thank you ☺
So true... I've now refused gifts from the Narcissist, even if they insist.
I'm curious if that triggered a rage from the narcissist, because when I refused to accept a gift the narcissist didn't like that at all!
Most certainly.. Of course, it was composed rage, but rage nonetheless. She keeps trying. I keep refusing. You can't buy my respect after treating me that way.
That applies to favors from the narc too. Even through you dont need a favor, they try to create a need for it and insist you take it leaving you feeling you owe them big time. No more favors accepted and that drives them bananas!😉
Tell a narcissist what you don't like and they will get it for you as a gift.
Wow! I was wondering if this happened to anyone else! I've been experiencing this exact behavior in my relationship for 17yrs. I thought I was just horrible for even questioning it. Thank you so much for making these videos:-)
+Maria Wilk
No you are not terrible for noticing it, you are SMART for noticing it :-D
They know exactly what they are doing when they give us these bogus gifts that they *know* we don't want or need. They do it to mess with us and to set us up to complain, because when we"complain" or "call them out" on it, they get to tell everyone how ungrateful we are and how mean we are! They are assholes. [period.]
My first husband bought me a paper back dictionary for my 19th birthday. He was 28 and well educated. I didn't take it very well, in fact I was pissed and he knew it!! :) Thanks for sharing. Yes, he was a narc, but he got me 1500 miles away from my narc parents :)
Early on in our relationship I told my narcissistic partner that when I was a child my parents used to ignore my birthdays and how much this upset me. Big mistake. My narc partner now makes sure that he ignores my birthdays too because he knows that it will hurt my feelings. The first birthday that he ignored (my 30th) I told him that I didn't care that I didn't get a gift......but I would have loved to have received a card from him with some heartfelt words written in it. Well, the following year he gave me a card that was not much bigger than a postage stamp with NOTHING written inside.......I mean no 'Happy Birthday' or 'love You' or anything.....just a card with nothing written in it. I mean, how WEIRD is that? Last year he said in a very bored tone of voice, "your birthday is next week isn't it?" and I said "yes it is" and he said, "does this mean you will be expecting me to acknowledge it in some way because I am really not down with this birthday shit" so I told him that from now on I did not want ANYTHING at all from him and I meant it.
I just love your posts! I'm coming out of the FOG from the narc in my life and you bring much needed comic relief to moving on from the abuse.The narc in my life would actually verbally ask me what would be the best and most convenient movie theatre to buy tix for my teenage daughter and than buy tix to the furthest theatre from our home ....another example is when the narc insisted on makin a few meals to help out after our baby was born and again asked me what food my kids liked the least and than stuffed the meals with that food! They also truly are developmentally stunted because they will also try and covertly rub in your face how they did the opposite of what they said they would do.....like literally bring it up for years like a spoiled little brat who wants to show you that they've hurt you and want to wierdo attempt to provoke. The list is endless and once you know what you're dealing with it's amazing how quickly things make sense....and there's even room to get a good laugh out of ther insane tactics!
My narcissist sister announced at the last family meeting we were planning a 90th birthday party gathering for our mom. I said great and made the mistake of telling her I didn’t want my narcissist ex-wife to be invited. Not a surprising request but narc sister later sends out an invitation to my ex and calls my eldest son for the address to send it to. When I discovered the betrayal and confronted her on the issue she blamed it on mom who does whatever her children suggest. Yes, narcissists are evil. Narcissist sister refused to uninvite my ex saying it’s not her problem.
Narcissists conduct their evil using information. All information is stored for future evil use AGAINST you.
Thank you so much, this title is wisely chosen to do exactly what you wanted. I've just realized that my mother is a narcissist and I was so scared that being raised by her made me one. But you answered my question and gave me the peace I needed. Thank you! Bless you!
You are very welcome! Thank you for your comment :-)
One of my ex narcs was a wealthy dentist and investor but bought me a watch at Costco, then drove 20 miles to get a crisp new Nordstrom bag to put it in. It was a hideous watch and I knew to return it to Costo by recognizing the red sticker on the case. He gave me a best seller book that I'd been wanting that had a normal dustjacket but the cover was printed upside down from the pages; also a down comforter that was second quality with a defective mark on the label inside. I was too mortified and embarrassed for him so said nothing but soon dumped him. Another ex gave me a vase that I'd pointed out as ugly instead of the one I told him I badly wanted for my birthday; I broke down in tears. My narc mother bought the ugliest, cheapest junk she could find for gifts and they'd quickly break or be given to charity or tossed.
Ugh. My mother could be the poster child for narcissistic gift giving. But I got the last laugh by giving away/throwing out all her useless gifts. *teehee*
Narcs give gifts that they can benefit from. Either from its use or the supply high they get from your reaction. That’s it. It’s never done out of caring about what the other person wants. But sweet baby jesus in the manger DO NOT surprise them with a gift that they do no want. Watch them die inside before your eyes and prepare for the silent treatment. They will be in full tantrum mode. They like to TELL YOU what gifts to get them. Yes! They even try to control gifts and surprises.
Instead of the tropical retreat he'd always promised, I got a desk sand box for "stress reduction". Then I got a plastic whale on a key chain. I still have the whale. lol
hey, a whale key chain is still better than nothing, i think???? ///lmao! :-p
I love how instead of the vacation, he actually bought you something for your work. Like he is like- here honey, no vacation for you, go back to work and dream about your vacation that is never coming...and, here's a daily reminder that i didn't give you the vacation that you wanted. A true sadist gift.
I always think about what does the peson like. It takes alot of valuable effort and I like that. sometimes what you find isn't always fully satisfying for you, but it's not even that hard to ask people what they like, show people your effort afterwards. It's always best to ask others as well or choosing the gift with someone.
This is excellent. You’re so right that Narcs totally give themselves away with gift giving. Something similar happened to me on my last birthday but it was not in a party setting but at a public place. We ended up going our separate ways that night and I blocked her afterwards. So happy to have her confusing toxicity out of my life. It was about time!!! 🙏🙏🙏🙏💕 keep YouTubing because you are amazing 👏
Mine was so pleased to bring me a box of See's Candies all the way from California just for me... only when he handed me the candy with great pride, there was one candy left in the box. He got hungry on the plane, but WOW he did bring me the box and he did think of me...
BTDT. /// I feel ya. ///
Lol 😂 so textbook
Homer Simpson giving Marge a bowling ball on her birthday
When You Tell The Narcissist of your disapproval of Her "Gifts"? You MUST BE READY TO PROTECT YOURSELF.. Because The Narcissist will try and Flip The Script On You.. They Will say things Like "I was Doing You A Favor, and This is how you treat me".. Or? "You Have Some Nerve Telling People what to give you as a "Gift"...
Or? They Will Tell EVERYONE YOU AND THE NARCISSIST KNOW That "You were/are an Ungrateful Person.. Because He/She Gave You Something out of the goodness of HIS/HER HEART" And You Shit All Over Her/Him"... Or Any Variation of Such Narcissistic behavior I Just Mentioned...
You MUST UNDERSTAND.. The Narcissist ALWAYS HAS TO Make Their Victim Out To Be The Bad Guy.. And, Themselves Look like The Good Guy.. It Will NEVER BE THEIR FAULT.. I'm sure Everyone Who's Read My Post that has dealt with, Or is Dealing With? Has been through One or Two of the scenarios I've Posted..
commonman80 I think it best to not acknowledge the gift and just cut them off don’t give them supply and we know we cannot win this unless we move on and away from these evil people
I love you!!! You are pretty awesome! Thank you so much for all this info and support! xo
❤❤you are welcome :-)
I had a friend narc also that gave me a gift in my bday. But because of. My simple thank u & I didn't kiss their a$$ all night long and give them attention, they destroyed the night later by berating/word vomit all over me. The bday couldn't be abt me. Every event must be ruined with a narc and every gift is truly abt them, not u
+passion777
well said!
The same narc from my last comment owed this guy (same guy as the last comment) money. This guy was pretty adament about it, but everytime he asked, the narc would make excuses (and it wasn't a small amount). Well, one day he told me he and the narc went to Goodwill because the guy sees it as a treasure find. He found this cool, like-new bomber jacket that was VERY cheap. The narc goes, "I should come here more often" because he wanted the jacket, too. Keep in mind, he still owes him money.
The guy visits the narc and sees that he got a bomber jacket. Can we guess where he got it? Not Goodwill! He bought it from a store that sold it for $80, which is weird because he "had no money." The guy ended up taking it and returning it for cash.
My mother gave us a poster in a metal frame for my birthday. She asked me to take down our expensive family portraits down and put the poster in its place. The portraits were coordinated with the couches in the room. The room was done around the portraits when I decorated. When I thanked her for the gift and hung it in the hall which had no pictures and a large wall that fit the poster. On another day when she came to visit she complained to my Dad that I put it in the hall, irritated that I didn't do what she wanted with it. The gift was a burden to me because I saw it as nothing more than a control mechanism. So when we moved away from the area I gave away the poster. This was only one of many things my mother did to ruin things for me. Every holiday was ruined by complaining or deliberately giving a gift she should know was not my style, but then even telling me how to use it, the way she wanted me to use it.
This type of manipulation sucks all of the joy out of moments that are supposed to be special. :-(
what about when they remind you that the gift is expensive, or that one shouldn´t tell others, or force a "gift" in you, makes you feel forced to have it..., although you don´ t want it and refuse?
Shqiponja M or give u an expensive gift Ex. Designer Glasses & make a comment everytime they see u w/o them or keep tellin u how to handle them like u are a child
That's very interesting! So very true! I never thought of this behavior as one of the traits. But, wow you nailed it!
Thanks for the vid!
Thank you for your comment! I'm glad you gained value from watching. :) much warmth❤
Bastard narc gave me a huge box of cereal he got from his job for Xmas...
So lame! I'm sorry if you were disappointed. :-/
Sacha Slone I thought it was odd. He wrapped it all beautiful and I didn't want to open it. A freaking case of cereal..lol Only because he worked there and it was "free" for him. I knew he didn't like to give gifts even for his partner and family so I wasn't disappointed just felt that it was such a odd gift. Now I know why..
Luckey F. Starr free...frm his job??? what a cheap ...noncaring bastard.
Omg my soon to be ex narc thought it was really romantic to drive to my house in the rain and bring me his favorite box of cereal.
If you ask them to leave it will ultimately make you look petty and bad. And you know they will make sure to look so so hurt so you will look petty and bad. So frustrating!
Your presentation and words are perfect. I agree with giving them the reason and dismissing them at the end of the party. I should have done this years before this.
Thank You :-)
For my 16th birthday my mother gave me a bottle of shampoo and creme rinse. My neighbors mother felt so bad she gave me a beautiful necklace. The necklace disappeared. Knowing my mother had taken it:I would go through her room every time she left being extremely careful. I found it one week before I moved out in her filing cabinet. I took it to my friends house. My 19th birthday I wore it -my mom pretended I had just received it.
Glorious! 😮👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻🏆. Thank YOU!!!!! Practical and useful info, helpful, illustrative examples, excellent. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Another favorite story of mine was how the same guy "stole" the narc's chrome TV. If memory serves me correctly, the story went in one of two ways:
1. guy asked if he could borrow the TV because as usual, he owed him, and the narc says yes. Later he changed his mind because he was keeping it for his ex-girlfriend (not me).
2. The guy asked to borrow the TV because the narc was "returning a favor." The narc makes excuses to say no.
The guy takes it anyways, then friend goes "didn't you say no?"
"well I mean he probably needs it anyways..."
Pretty much, narcs aren't good in their words and they have no backbone.
I'm sorry but this scenario was not addressed and has happens to me a few times from a couple different toxic people.They give me a gift that hurts my feelings or angers me.When I express my feelings about it everyone around us insulted by me and says things like it was the thought that counts or they did the best they could or don't have money.In short they all cannot comprehend my expression of what the person purposely did to me to be mean.They think I'm being selfish or rude.
Good vid...Ive always fought with my mom as long as I can remember and im 35 now and recently discovered she is the (Extremely Insidious-Malignant Narc) and she almost had me convinced I was mentally ill! What a gift that would have been...
My mum totally. Drove me crazy could never understand why she did these things.
Also Sacha, another key to telling with gift giving is they will do something nice like give you a gift, but if you don't appreciate it in the way they want you to, then you are selfish. They also love to use it against you. Even favors. For instance, they watch ur child so u can focus on a project (even tho they have 2 kids themself and the kids play together basically making it easy) then days later they will throw it up in your face that you are ungrateful.
I had one narc berate me abt my weight, saying I was too skinny and I needed to eat more, healthier, etc. (but I have crohns so I have a legitimate excuse of why I'm thin and I'm already a healthy eater but not healthy enough for narc who was more overweight than me😁😑🙄) all the night before. Then get up and make me breakfast in bed, with I love u sign...you are going to think its sweet, but at the same time disgusting they would disguise their manipulation like that 😒 because u know it's part of devaluing......
+passion777
*then days later they will throw it up in your face that you are ungrateful*
Exactly!!
Or the famous gift that is useless to you but prized by the narcissist - expensive makeup not your color., (their color) clothing , not your size but theirs. No offer of gift receipt or ease of return. "Gift" goes back with narc- no replacement. Yeah, love my 'sister'.
+Fear2Tread
And if you complain or look disappointed, the narc gets to play the victim and tell everyone how 'selfish' you are, It's all a set up.
onward last Xmas my x narc got me an expensive teapot and I don't drink tea...he does. Needless to say he took it back and never offered anything else in return... he knows what things I like so this must of been the devalue phase.
I luv that final hand sweeping motion with the double peace signs of Good bye. YES!
I saw a stand-up comic do a bit about a guy who gets raped in jail......in the morning at breakfast, he says to his attacker......What the hell got into you last night? I mean what the hell were you thinking? it was incredibly funny.....not sure why I was reminded of that....love you videos, they really tell it like it is....so great!
Oh my gosh this is so my aunt! Your videos are spot on!
Thank You :-)
I gave my Narc wife a nice gift and she gave it away to her friends husband 12 hours later. WTF
wow! my NARC bought me a candle for Xmas, then for my birthday, candles, then the following Xmas,,,candles again, I do actually like candles, but he liked them more, in fact other gifts he bought were things that wld be of benifit to him also, Thankyou for sharing you're exsperince, strength and hope.
Mine once gave me a card which said some thing along the lines of: "...enumeration of positive traits ... but enough of me, it is your birthday..." then he gave me a chocolate designed as a phone (I don't like chocolate and I could use a new phone, so that was the meaning behind it) some crappy earrings, I don't really wear jewlery and a really stinky deodorant.
SO hilarious to look back. :D All my last birthdays he would get me a video game we could play togheter. So I guess it would basically be a gift to himself as supply via gaming with him.
YES! I dated a Narc and for my birthday he gave me a set of earrings yet (at the time) my ears were NOT EVEN PIERCED! His roommate LAUGHED!
+Todd Johnson
classic. thanks for sharing, that's a great story. I love laughing at how ridiculous they are!! :-D
My narc did all of gift shopping in one shop, his ex-wife and myself got perfume, hers the bigger bottle, we all got scented candles, plus the typical the standard box chocolates. Impersonal gifts, yet waiting for a round of applause, I noticed he disregarded the thoughtful gifts he received leaving them half opened in his car for weeks, even ones from his own children were abandoned this way.
First off I have to say that I love your style as well as your videos. I live with a naropath. Your videos have really helped me learn to deal with him much better. Starting to feel like I've got the upper hand for once. Thanks to you I know I'm gonna be ok. Much love for you sister. You're beautiful and so awesome. Sincerely I Thank you.
I am glad you gained value from watching. Thank you for taking the time to comment :-)
You're very welcome. Thank you for being you and making these videos to help us all.
Yes, and they always want something in return. Either a gift, favor or supply. And they do get mad when you try to get them to stop the cheesy gifts.
Awesome video! Thank you!
she would roll up a joint light it smoke it all herself never passes it to me, thats kinda odd
\
MrMisanthrope1
I know people like that!
Lol yup
Selfish,,,,, Bogart!!
I love the education you give us. Can you do a segment on being triangled or quadangled by positioned nars's that are so called friends being overwhelmed by multiple attacks or manipulation. I've done this by gray rocking them.
Every single person in my life is like this! My whole life my mother would get me the wrong thing as a gift. Most of the time she gives me things she bought for herself that she no longer likes.
Thank you for helping me
I listen very carefully to what you have to say
Thank you
You are very welcome! Thank you for your comment :-)
I've now got him all figured out.
My gift from the narc. All expence paid trip to Boco Raton. FYI ===bring spending money. I paid 250 to a sitter for my children. Spent the half week waiting for a functioning toilet and shower, Me wanting to get a hotel room---bitchy. It was in his mothers trailer, in a trailer park. I finally said I wanted to go home. His gift cost me $700.
It was a $98 2 way flight.
Thank you. You are amazing. Very Smart.
I'm happy you liked it, thank you for watching.
The ex used to get me things he wanted like tools etc lol thanks Sash love the poncho!
Thanks Jen, I'm wearing that poncho right now, lol. I keep it on my desk chair for chilly days. :-)
One Christmas my Narc mother gave my husband and I a tin-of-popcorn! One of those big ones with the pictures on it. Money was not an issue. That was the strangest gift I ever got!
thank you my love so helpful and informative you are dead on its scary, not to mention you are incredibly beautiful. love ya.
Thank You :-)
My former friend who was a narcissist always got me things and forcibly insisted that I read the book, wear the bracelet, etc etc.
Sacha, I have a question. Wouldn't it make more sense for the narcissist to give you a showy, expensive gift, possibly something you would appreciate? That way, the narcissist gets to impress everyone with the apparent high cost of the gift ("my gift was better than everyone else's etc") & can also remind you constantly of how considerate of a friend he/she is for giving you such a wonderful & ostentatious gift.
+1974tiberius1
A lot of Narc do spend a lot and will buy the target a very expensive gift, but the narcissist will purposely get something the target won't use or want. The narc wants to set the target up to 'complain' or look disappointed, then everyone will think the target is selfish and mean. And the narc gets to play the victim!
+Sacha Slone Ha ha ha, makes sense...these people! I had a narcissist in my life some years ago who introduced me to the whole concept of narcissism (I'd never heard of it), educating me on all the traits & aspects that she was aware of, then tried to convince me I was clinically narcissistic myself. She also went to great lengths to gaslight me & a breakdown followed. I've never met her like since but I still live a guarded existence & have decided to (if possible) adopt a no contact approach if I should ever have the misfortune to become involved with one again. Your videos are proving both educational & cathartic...thank you. :)
Sacha Slone That's really dark like I know basic narcissism but this is truly evil explains a lot of my upbringing clearer.
1974tiberius1 Ugh I dont know I have poor Boundaries myself however. What would a narc do if he knows what we know about him to the finest detail?
Kanwadyo Pinho
Leave
One year, my ex narc husband gave me a CD player and a VHS player (clearly a long time ago.) and a bunch of CDs in his taste. I had asked for pearls. When he gave me the cds in a stack, i thought it was the pearls only to be disappointed. He called his mother in front of me then and there to complain about how ungrateful I was.
+Been There If you ask for a gift...then it is not a surprise..not a real gift in my mind.
the point is he gave me a bunch of gifts for himself. I don't think I actually asked for the pearls but certainly I wanted a nice gift that reflected my interests, etc, not his.. He routinely asked me what I wanted for xmas to make it easier for himself so he didn't have to guess what I wanted since he paid no attention to me and had no idea what my likes were.
Yes...people may give a gift they really want and yes may ask what you are interested in. I don't care...most gifts are not what I need/want so it is not important to me. I just give away what I can't use to someone who can use it. I have a hard time buying things for the men in my family tree..no idea what would be of interest. I take any gift politely and thank and would never tell them off like the video show. It doesn't really matter to me. Best wishes.
Out the door & out of my life. YEAH!
Exactly!
The only problem when I called on the narcissist for doing that to me in the past, was that they started saying that they keep trying to please me, and that I’m never happy and they even cry in front of the other guests playing the victim making me look like a bitch and feeling guilty and rude :(
I can relate: ua-cam.com/video/sI01ASF9Y04/v-deo.html&lc=z12xeboxhtqxjzkpn04ci3tq3vmgydw54jw
This is hands down the most spot on meaningful yt video I've watched this year. It explained so much to me. For a hot second I was feeling like a jerk for calling my n-bf out on his inappropriate gifts. (chocolates/I detest choc, roses/I'm allergic, etc) I was taught that I should always be gracious when given a gift. Now I know that my gut reaction was correct and the way I reacted was what needed to be done. You have given me peace. Thank you!
Brilliantly said 👍👍💃💕
I am happy you liked it. Thank you for your comment!
He sent a note to say sorry for how things worked out and there was a small badge made from material stuffed and in the shape of a rabbit head with a sad rabbit face on the front! When I said thanks, he said "I'm glad you liked it...I only give gifts that I like." I don't even like badges. I NEVER wear badges. He spent a lot of time in my home and would have noticed that I don't have ANY badges in my house.
My X narc; Would you like a subway while i am at the store? Sure i reply. She returns with a subway,foot long, loaded with everything i hate.. Oh she says, i should have asked what you would like on your subway At the time i had known her 26 years and she new what i disliked. Another example: I arrive home from work its 8am, just worked a 12 hour night shift. Climb into bed tired as can be. I fall into a deep sleep. She decides to vacuum clean the bedroom i am sleeping in. Gee im sorry she says. Did i wake you? 26 years of bullshit, never ending bullshit.
My mom made me a birthday cake once. (Once.) I was in my forties. My dad slipped smoked provolone cheese between the layers. it was impossible to eat.
My acquaintance would call me what I want from the shop. Then he would bring many things, some intended for me, only thing missing was what I said I wanted :D
sounds familiar! :-/
Hi Sacha, I'm really enjoying your videos. The narc in my life is a covert narcissist so it took me YEARS to figure him out and finally understand what was wrong. I never received gifts from him for Christmas despite always giving him something lovely, but last year, he bought me my first present (it was totally thoughtless and impersonal, but a gift nonetheless). By that stage, I could see straight through him and I'm sure he only bought me something because he could sense I was disengaged from him. Nice try, but waaaaay too late
+Chloe Bowie
I'm sorry. The thoughtless gift might have been given on purpose to upset you, covert narcissists are very sadistic and are masters of passive aggressive manipulation. When I was in college my narcissistic mom actually gave me her used/broken VCR as a holiday gift and then told me to 'just go have it repaired.' I was given a broken gift and then told I would need to spend my own money to have it repaired. yeah, thanks! I think they do these things on purpose because they actually want to psychologically damage us. :-(
+Sacha Slone That's heartless! Yes, these things cannot happen by accident. They are purposeful.
+Sacha Slone
Wow. I hadn't even considered that. I'm still so naive. But at least I'm at the point where his crap doesn't really provoke me like it used to. I'm hopeful one day it won't affect me at all
My narc mother gave me a Christmas jumper as a birthday present my birthday is in April she thought this was ok when I explained it was a Christmas jumper she got angry and said that I was ungrateful
My husband is a narcissist. His gift giving was a little different. He would buy me expensive jewelry for my birthday and holidays. The catch? I’m not a big jewelry person. But.... the women at church would always make a fuss over whatever piece of jewelry he gave me. It was all about making himself look good. He didn’t care if I wasn’t into it. I finally told him to stop buying me jewelry, and now I tell him what I want. Thoughtless gifts are not appreciated!!!
You are hilarious!
Did someone get you a wall socket for Xmas, what?
Hhahhaha!
xo
Spot on!
Hahaha this exact thing happened to me with the birthday cake. My narc BF insisted on buying my birthday cake I told him exactly which cake to buy me from a specific shop because my boys all like marble cheesecake. He turned up with a Black Forrest cake instead because he thought it looked better. I couldn't believe it. No one ate it so I ended up buying the one I had asked for the following day. 😂😂
I almost always have to get the cake I really want the next day now that I am an adult with *loving sisters*. Birthday is 3/12 and I am already expecting the same one from last year. And this DESPITE having multiple conversations all year during planning of other events about this bakery's cakes being inferior IMO. I helped with a baby shower sister hosted and was able to comfortably discuss the bakery and even sited the mother-to-be really being particular about her baked goods. Still my sister got the cake from same bakery and everyone at the party picked at the cake eating only a few bites. Just....
I think it should be also be pointed out that it won't necessarily be something as obvious as that. For instance the narc giving you something THEY like rather than something you like, or something that they know you already have.
Yes, I have experienced both of those types of gifts. :-/
Omg the cholate cake happened to me... Lol
oh, I'm sorry! Our B-day is the one day we should have a cake we actually want to eat!! ugh. :-/
This sounds like someone in my extended family. Sometimes she gives thoughtful gifts, but other times they're kind of bizarre gifts. One time the family got a large pink bathrobe that was too big for everyone except my dad, and he doesn't really like pink. Our immediate family has Christmas by ourselves, so we had a laugh over that one since it was so strange. Another time this relative gave one of us a pretty random but nice present, except it had the price tag still on it. In the card, she said this was so that the gift recipient "would respect" the present. We weren't sure what that meant.
I know this relative isn't obligated to get us anything at all. Sometimes it seems like presents are chosen to intentionally come across as thoughtless or to passive-aggressively express disapproval, and that's not okay.
Your videos are the best.... so true and accurate. I thought it was my imagination.
My mom used to do this thing where she would pretend to forget something I asked for at the store.
She would tell me she would get it even if I asked 10 or 15 times and she would "forget" to try to anger me and cause an argument, i never fell for it though.
Yep! He went to great efforts to buy what I did not want and if I said anything, my grown kids say I am being ungrateful. I went no contact recently and my kids don't agree with me tho they have witnessed his crap. They think he's just lonely and insecure. That bothers me more than being duped by that evil man :(
It was more than gift giving, he's crazy yet thinks everyone else is. He once bought me ground goat meat.. we don't eat goats where I live, where/why did he even get it? I just figured he was a bit loopy, now I know it was all calculated. Sick!
Not exactly a gift but my mother knows I can’t eat anything with gluten. I have told her at least 100 times, but she insists I should eat something with gluten in it. Even sometimes saying “just eat a little bit or just pick it out”
I worked for a guy that kept giving different people the same camper over and over. I don’t even know if the camper ever existed
Sad but funny. I'm going to guess the camper gift never actually materialized, lol.
I see a lot of gifts that you were intended to not like or that they liked for themselves, but did anyone else get the gifts that would have been okay had they not been so cheap? I'm talking about things that were literally the free gifts included with larger purchases. For example: a personal, 2 cup coffee maker with travel mug would have been a fine gift since I'm always on the run and drink a fair bit of coffee, but this was more like a model that a Black and Decker intern built for a presentation. The free gift type things were a trend.
"Hey Tina, get tf out of my party and my life"
Jk... Kind of
if she brought a SEVERE ALLERGEN thats not the same as a cheap cake insult ....BOTH MUST LEAVE IMMEDIATELY OMG
yup. at first they give nice gifts, then it goes down hill. ex. i had to work Valentine's day. saw x the following day. no card or anything. i asked why during some squabble later and i recall him saying something like we didn't spend Valentine's together......
The narc who abused me tried giving me a gift after I dropped him (as opposed to dumped because it wasn't a relationship). It was so pathetic. The first time I rejected it, he went "I just thought you wanted to be at least be friendly." To which I said "I blocked you everywhere I could, what could possibly give you that message?" "It was just some idea someone was putting in my head!*"
The next day, he texted "I hope you got my gift from your friend. It's from love from my sister." I never met his sister, I don't know what she looks like and I knew my friend didn't have it because she hates him, too. I called him out on the sister thing being bullshit and that he KNEW I already said no. He called me a cold- hearted bitch and alluded that I wasn't appreciative of his efforts. To which I replied, "your borderline harassment and stalker behavior is not you trying."
*as it turns out, a former friend of his told him that he, my friend, and I were hanging out someplace (as in, the narc was never a part of it!) . In his warped mind, he turned in that into me going to see him. The guy apologized to me for the confusion, but I was like "no, he's the crazy one. " He's so pathetic, it's honestly laughable.
Part of me wanted to receive the gift just so I could burn it in front of hjs face or toss it in the trash, but that would mean having to look at another garbage can.
PS...love your vids. :)