15 Symptoms of Cptsd | Is Your Brain STILL Traumatized and 'Stuck?' FIND OUT
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- Опубліковано 27 січ 2021
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John Bradshaw stated 'The best way to come out of hiding is to find a nonshaming intimate social network. We have to get on a core, gut level because shame is core, gut level stuff. The only way we can find out we were wrong about ourselves is to risk exposing ourselves to someone elses scrutiny. When we trust someone else and experience their love and acceptance, we begin to change our beliefs about ourselves.' THAT IS WHAT YOU WILL FIND IN THIS SCHOOL!!
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@Michele Lee Nieves Coaching ~ I can't find your 20 symptoms of narcissistic abuse syndrome video! This video saved my life!!! I'm not kidding. I cried through the entire thing because you validated everything I had experienced for 14 years in my marriage and then my childhood. It's one I've shared with others to help them. Is it erased or re-named? I can't find it 😔 Thank you for responding ❤️💕💕
@@starlingswallow same here, I was trying to find that video too, that video explained me my entire life
Wisdom at a young age came through life experience... thank you Michelle 😊
BTW Lee is Levy, lost tribe of Israel per ancient record of KAIFENG JEWS
My dear Michele 🌹 you don't even know me, but you just described ME accurately! You nailed every single symptom!!!!! Thank youuuuu. I love you ❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛 ❤️🌹
Michele I appreciate your work. CPTS IS A RESPONSE. NOT A DISORDER. CPTSR. 💞 Hope this helps. We can rewire our response
Why couldn’t I have had this video 20 yrs ago ... for those of us now middle-age who grew up in covert narc homes, we feel like we lost most of our lives without even knowing WHY .. so devastating. I hope the younger survivors don’t take their knowledge of narc. abuse for granted!
Absolutely!!🙏🏽❤️
I'm 60 so 40 years ago would be BETR for me...
Im 26. Only learned my mom was a covert narc 8 months ago. Yo say the least, these last 8 months have literally been life changing and reformative. It’s honestly crazy.
My Mom was a narc, my husband of 31 years was a narc that loves killing. All my cats would suddenly "die", and he would take me to see my dead animal.
Showing me MY FUTURE???
He began trying to kill me in a manner that would look self inflicted.
In 2012, he coldcocked me in the back of my head. He just left me laying "dead" for 3 days in a pool of blood and unconscious. I "woke" up 3 days later and I was just in agonizing pain, traumatized and VERY FILLED WITH FEAR. The police never came to my home.
I have 3 kiddos to try care for. It's so very complicated and filled with anxiety🥵
Thank you for exposing this🙏❣️🙏
Oh my God. I hope that you are ... alive. I wont say, ' okay' because living like this is not okay in any use of the word.
I went from the party thrower everyone wanted to hang out with to the isolated human hater. I am amazed at how many ppl are controlled affected and destroyed by narcissism. Climbing out of the abyss is difficult. I've conquered about half of these symptoms.
You should feel proud of yourself - you are half way there!!!! Make sure to celebrate each step forward - it helps create momentum to keep climbing out of that abyss!!!!
@@FromSurvivingToThriving Thanks! It took me a very long time to realize what was going on even tho' I have a degree in Psych! Vids like yours have been instrumental in my realization, TY!
Me too you are not alone. I’ve been thinking about this so much lately.
I could have written this myself. I'm in that I hate people isolated phase but I am writing and healing through writing.
Omg YES, I was the life of the party and I literally don’t leave my house now
This explains why I couldn’t focus on college while I was going through it. This actually explains so much. Thank you
@@srnh04 I was exactly the same and my dad didn’t understand how I Went from this naturally motivated person to a straight disaster. I didn’t understand it either until now.
All so true! Am new to recovery. You describe me and my situation to a tee. Am so happy to find there is a way out of this mess. Thankyou so much
So true, same here! I fell behind so much with university because of my narcissistic dad's emotional abuse. So glad I'm out.
Same!! I feel like i have no strength to study. Now i don't care about delaying my studies. I just want myself and my health back! I'm done with toxic people and their bullsh*t, i want my inner peace!!
This is me. I’m hiking through this right now. I started out doing really well even made it in honors. These past two semesters have been my worst. This explains so much. I don’t know what my next step is now that I know.
I think the biggest factor of c-ptsd is feeling like you are being coerced to be, feel or think in a way that you know is not in alignment with the real you! Its like trying to please or argue with somebody who's not even there! Inside of your own mind! I agree it is totally possible to rewire our brains back into unity with our true selves! A healthy, happy brain is not overwhelmed and wired into a place of fear and self-doubt!!!!
Definitely relate to that.
@@greeneyedparadox6609 im sorry you are familiar with the experience! 💔💕
So well said - and we know coercion is a fav. go to manipulation tactic of narcissists. The cptsd keeps us in that internal battle even IF the narcissist is no longer around, just as you described!!
@@FromSurvivingToThriving Thank you! 😊 We definitely have to be strong in ourselves and teach them who's boss! Lol. 😊💖💕 Don't let the bullies win! 💪
I relate to this so much! I moved out of my narc dad's place but I still feel like I have to justify myself for every single action I do, or center my choices around his own personal needs. Hell, it feels like my thoughts are still controlled by him.
Social anxiety for sure. I can only hold a conversation for so long before I start feeling drained. Being a hermit is comforting .
This is going to sound crazy, but in 2006 I had a near-death experience during which I saw a bright white light. The light informed me the truth about my family and how abusive they were to me. Apparently I blocked a lot of the abuse out, but once the light informed me of what happened I could literally feel my brain being healed and rewired so I could see and perceive things with intense clarity. I then realized how my brain was literally turned inside out by my narcissistic family.
Wow, I feel that the lights words were coming from God himself.
You’re not crazy or alone in this!! I experienced exactly what you’re saying in 2018. Love & hugs to you! ❤️
@@jennjade yessss! Love this ❤️
The Metaphor is the Sheperd came to you and reclaimed his lost sheep.
I had a headache for 14 years that was 8-9 months of each year. I told my mom to stop lying to me by saying you love me & 10 minutes away from her house the headache area was lifted & gone. I asked God for a sign and I'm five months WITHOUT the headache or the MOTHER to bring it back to me, it's hers to keep.
I love when you call us thrivers! Literally eating french fries with ice cream, but at least I’m thriving haha
French fries with ice cream is awesome lol!!!!!
@@FromSurvivingToThriving lol
@@FromSurvivingToThriving I literally can't get out of my seat to go shopping. But thanks for calling us all Thrivers, Michelle :D
Let it be a Wendy's frosty!!
@@DMCdantenero112 But you moved out of your house!! THAT is huge! Don't let the other goals that you haven't reached yet eclipse the goals you have reached!!!
I just want my life back!!
Funny, My son just wants his Mom back, I'm trying but I was attacked by a whole bunch of these sicko's.
Time does not heal all wounds. Narcissists say that because they want you to stay stuck in the mire of their abuse. I’m really glad you emphasize that in your videos. So often, you’ll hear the narcissist saying: “Oh, you’ll get over it. Time heals ALL wounds.” No it doesn’t. It just delays the healing process and keeps you IN the fog.
Thank you for asserting this, "time doesn't heal all wounds!!! Actively healing the wounds does!!!
Very true. People that genuinely don't understand narcissistic abuse will say it too. It may be true in some things but not here.
Yes, my mother kept telling me that ... building false hope. She turned my daughter against me with slander and would tell me ... "She's going through a phase. Just wait till she has children ..."
So true! Time by itself heals nothing. Abuse during that time makes it worse.
It definitely matters what you do during that time.
@@shellybarnes5429 Thank you for validating that. It can’t be said often enough.
I have been isolating myself, any negativity I feel I push away. I feel guilty, alone, and confused. Social anxiety comes and goes. But I have all these symptoms.
So we just in different country. Take care of yourself
@@jowyschwarz313 thank you ❤
@@firedragon19839 you're welcome baby
I have the same as you.
@@annettedevries7559 I'm sorry, I know it sucks 😔
Struggling:
- Emotional Triggers
- Hyperfocus
- Stuck in head
- Social Anxiety (always have been, just worse)
- Focus on details
- Dissociation
- Inner Critic
- Comparing myself with others
- Can't trust gut instinct (sometimes feel it's all good when it's not)
- Procrastination
- Shame
- Self-Abandonment
Overcome:
- Maximising Other's perspectives
- Self-Sabotage
Much respect. I can't make a list yet
I am definitely different now. I used to be more of a free spirit. Now, I will not even go over to a friend's house unless it is to help them work on something. If there is "fun" involved, I don't want any part of it. The anxiety goes through the roof.
I have to be in control now. So, even if a family member wants to drive me somewhere that we both agree on going, I cannot handle it. I drive separately. Just so I have an escape route.
I am not going to concern myself with changing. This is who I am now and it is much better than being with the ex. So, with all that, I am happy where I am now.
wow, yes. this. hopefully we can get back there
@Nikki E. I was exactly in the same position as you. I kept thinking about who I was before. Most times I could not remember who I was. Everything I liked to do was ridiculed...so doing the things I liked brought up a lot of bad memories.
After almost a year of anxiety and very little sleep, it slowly got better. I am not the same as I was...but I have accepted who I am now.
I hope you can find peace and eventually happiness.
@@dc1397hi! Your comments are 3 years old, how are you now? I’m experiencing exactly the same things😢
social anxiety + rumination
I can’t even put into words how amazing and relevant this is to my present situation. I’m trying to get my sister to understand she’s dealing with a malignant narcissist and her life will always be full of chaos if she stays with him. She’s with me right now and away from his clutches, so it’s a start, but this list describes her in every way. I will be sharing it with her! Thank you sooo so much!!!! 🙏🏼♥️. Ps. I divorced my narc in 2016, put a restraining order, then a permanent no contact and never spoke to him again. I never knew what he was. From 2007-2014 the gaslighting/crazy-making was horrendous. I was finally introduced to narcissism in 2014, realized it was NEVER going to change and got free and I’m one very happy gal!!! Stay strong survivors, there’s light on the other side!!! ✌🏼♥️
Once you know a narc you basically know them all. If you read the comments on all of these narc channels you'll see we all say this is exactly like my situation.
Ik; it’s surreal when we get it. We look back at relationships and connect the dots and then we go into the self guilt of not seeing it.
I came to the awareness of this in 2018. I was born in 1970 😳😢
Two marriages to Narcissist. First one was an overt. And In no awareness turned around and married a covert with a Malignant narcissistic Mother. 22 years this man triangulated and gathered his flying monkeys while being puppeteered by the Narc Mom. CPTSD to its fullest. And sadly my 4th child (daughter) 1st with covert has CPTSD too. She’s 19, but I’m so thankful that I became aware of what was happening, though being a Mother that would never keep grandchildren from their Grandparents, and now another guilt plaque. I divorced him 10 years ago and They literally had what was left of my family ( 2 siblings left, cuz they couldn’t stand them) covert actually worked for my parents up until 3 years ago when his mask fell off. No. 6 is what I am stuck in. I just keep going over the story. Ik I can’t change it. I think I do it for confirmation. It’s hard for me to get that this duo has done what they have done. Alienated me from my children from ages 6 and 9, and their other Grandparents for 7 years. This woman has literally succeeded in destroying my children’s sibling relationships ( 5; 3 sons now 23,27, and 29) and daughters 16 and 19) my daughters were best friends and this woman becuz 19 yo exact quote from her “well, Ig you picked your Mom, bye!” Like what???? And 16 yo hates me now and won’t talk to either her sister or me. I WILL BREAK THIS HORRENDOUS CYCLE.
End note; oldest son will not talk to me and I have never met my 3 yo granddaughter! 😢
Please pray for our healing process. It can be very discouraging. We both can check off all 15. I am aware and have good days and bad. Though it has manifested in me some serious disease. I am getting better! GEN X BABY!! Lol and Ik my beautiful daughter will prevail. Letting go of my 16 yo (for now) and 29 yo. Is so hard. 19 yo is an aunt too. It’s all just so sad. I just want to break this cycle!!! And learn from my kids and hope they all forgive me and my bad choices. I was in a serious trauma loop for 30 years. Prayers to everyone and healing thoughts your way!!! WE GOT THIS!! And we will all heal ONE MOMENT AT A TIME ❤️❤️❤️❤️😳
Number 10. I used to be like this. I always needed validation before making decisions. Then I met a friend who brought this to my attention and we started working on me making my own decisions and feeling confident with my decisions.
I have social anxiety too, I do think being around people is unsafe still.
Oof I saw u again lol
After listenting to this, I draw the conclusion I have actually grown up in a narcissistic household! When I was in my 20ties I had all these symptoms.
You're literally saving lives. I've had many narcissists in my life and a few psychopaths as well. Your videos are very insightful and helpful thank you.
I recently figured out that my "friends & family" are almost all covert narcissist and I've healed a lot of my CPTSD and I also created a different way to diaspora NPD.
Yes, and the neck- and shoulder pain are signs as well! When you are alarmed all the time you keep your shoulders up, ready to take the hit, ready to protect yourself.
Yes!
I had terrible neck and shoulder pain! Isn’t it so weird how we get neck and shoulder pain because of these people.
I've been down this road twice; first as a child, then as a husband. I recovered from the childhood trauma with much effort. Then I got married and fell right into the same trap.
This is like a loss of self. Your brain clouds up and you become a robot, a slave. I always thought I was the odd one but now I see I was normal. I thought it was normal for people to try to dominate and control you. I always thought I was inferior.
The part about always being on edge is what piqued my interest. That is exactly how I feel. Chronic exposure to this abuse diminishes you as a person. It damages your personality. I pretty much avoid everything and crave only solitude and inner peace.
Both my father, and then my wife, would try to get me to lie to other people about who I was. There would always be extensive briefing before family or social events; say this, don't say that, etc. It was obvious they had both built complex webs of lies about, well, everything. It made me extremely uncomfortable. Besides, the real me wasn't so bad; but if I stepped out of character, the rebuke was absolutely terrible.
I love my cat and only my cat. She accepts me as is. Screw everybody else.
I remember one incident that really highlights just how pernicious my father's narcissism was. I was home from college. I agreed to go to church (I hated church and I was an atheist anyway). Now understand that to me, religion was nothing but a bludgeon used to destroy my identity, and being away from my father for a while had allowed me to heal somewhat from my childhood trauma.
My name was in the church bulletin. They were welcoming me as the local kid who went to MIT and was enrolled in their MBA program. I did not attend MIT and I had no interest in an MBA program. I was enrolled in the University of Illinois MSEE program, which you would think would be prestigious enough for my father's boastful ways.
I cannot express just how mad I was. And my father couldn't understand why; he thought he had done me a great honor by lying about who I was and what I was doing. He never got that what he did was wrong, wrong, wrong.
I went straight to the church's office and made them print a retraction. Then I told them to never say or write another word about me, to never print or say my name, or else I would sue their asses off. Even those buttheads didn't understand why I was so livid, but I remained adamant. And my father was beyond mortified and never forgave me for what he referred to (even 30 years later!) as "that stunt."
This kind of abuse really uses up your mental energy. You should be focused on achieving goals and pursuing happiness, not dealing with a mess like this.
If you really want to hear a twisted story, ask me about my father's death and the family dynamics surrounding it. Spoiler: I was the scapegoat.
Be careful Cats are the Narcs of the animal world😃
Hi Eddie... your accounts are no surprise to me and I am sure there's a lot more to tell as being in these abusive relationships can mess you up forever. You couldn't make it up. Others find it hard to believe and you end up feeling unheard, disrespected, unloved, unable to function and often physically ruined too. I get it... I have a story that would shock most but it's long and winding and I am about to enter some hefty therapy so that I can hopefully deal with it once and for all and try to enjoy what life I have left if it is not cut short by my failing body. Animals are awesome healers so I don't blame you for investing in your feline friends! Humans can be scary and unpredictable. I find it's best to avoid them if possible. Try and remember that you are worthy and that you can choose whatever you want to do, even if that's nothing, until you are ready to move as nobody has the right to tell you how to live :O)
Similar story here. Except I am a dog person and I worry what if I would not be a good enough caretaker. I would want to give the pet a grand life. And can't right now due to all the miserable narcissists I had to put up with.
When the helper need a helping hand no one is there for you,but they keep wanting me to be there for them
The One that was there for me, always and forever,
is the Goddess Inanna. Known by many names (such as Easter/the Eastern Star) for thousands of years she is a regal Queen in Heaven and on Earth, if one allows Her to be.
Yep when others tell me "you shouldn't of said this and that" That's the worst for me and not making decisions. I constantly want to learn new things as a distraction
I have just managed to escape a covert naracist. My alarm system has been on due to receiving text messages and letters from flying monkeys. I am relearning by memory piano pieces. I let events take their course and am content with myself as I am worthy and good enough. You set high barriers and find good friends who respect who you are. Keep your barriers high and leave the toxic people and past in the past.
Life is so wonderful now, getting to know myself and be friends to myself at long last 🙏👍💔
I feel sorry for narcissists even thou they've caused me so much hurt and made me not like who I am, only God knows how but I'm going to get better and I'm going to carry on loving all the good people I meet and hopefully I can pray for the bad people in Jesus name.
Your videos are always excellent. When you have lived your life for 60 years with undiagnosed CPTSD the way and words you choose to explain symptoms is just incredible. Excellent work.
When I was working I felt same thing. I don't know exact source as there were many narcissists. And as I came from narcissistic family, not knowing tools to handle such people, I was attracting many such people. Now I easily sniff narcissists and build big wall 🧱 to protect myself.
I have all these symptoms 😭 no wonder why I feel the way I do
Wow #6 so right on! I could never understand why I re-tell the story - even just to myself - I already know the story but yet I’ll spend an unbelievable amount of time going over it again!
It’s the first time I’ve heard someone acknowledge this - thank you!
Woah, I've done a lot of work on healing and it has already helped me so much, but I'm still highly traumatized. I have most of the symptoms, some of them are pretty severe.
Makes sense, though, knowing my background. There was so many efforts to break me. I can't undo it all overnight. So I guess it would be more reasonable to accept myself as I am now and stop stressing over it. Growth should occur naturally, otherwise you're just trying to play a tyrant over yourself, like the narcs did. You can't force the genuine changes. From now on, I'll try to relax, stay in the moment, be empathetic towards myself and focus on creating an uplifting atmosphere around me. You can still be happy *right now*, even if you have lots of wounds left to heal.
1~ I’m easily triggered and often
2` yes I’m hyper focused, it wares me out
3~ yes I’m remunerate
4~ social anxiety, hyper vigilant, I’ve stopped going out
5~ I learn something which is in my benefit for growth and like you say the next day it’s forgotten.
6~ yes I can’t sit with the feeling, I distract
7~ I dissociate most of the time
8~ oh yes I hear my inner critic, in fact we have arguments lol
9~ I constantly doubt my instincts
10~ procrastination is my second name
I was born into a war zone of domestic violence, I had 2 failed marriages, about 6 or so relationships, all with narcissistic men, my brain was re-wired from birth, I have had countless therapies and varies types, with no improvements. I’m 59 now and just about to give up hope. I like your videos, you know what your talking about, you get it! I have heard many people but you really understand what is actually going on within, thank you
Your feedback resonated with me. I hope that you’re doing well! As we continue to heal, let’s not allow this trauma to continue to steal our lives. We can heal, it’s really hard but I believe that we can.💖🙏🏽
DebbieDeeArt ... your story is identical to mine ... I pray we both heal fully
@@knowledgeispower1415 💐🙏
The absolute worst for me (which I am still working on) is hyper reactivity. Although, if you had asked me before I got out of the relationship, I would have said forgetfulness. I was told over and over that I misremembered things and started to believe it. Funny how much better my memory is now 😜
I went and got tested for early dementia and found out my memory was just one more symptom of my mom.
30 years married to a narcissist.. I finally found the courage to file for divorce. He died in the middle of it. I'm convinced he was going to murder me. The PTSD was horrendous! 2.5 years of therapy and I feel much better. Have done the work but it still hangs on, the doubts, fear, brain fog, insecurities all still surface, but each day I choose JOY! I'm now engaged to a man that comforts me, makes me feel safe, loved & worthy. I am almost whole & will continue to work on me. I've started putting myself first.
When I was with my NC ex. I could feel a dark cloud in the air.
I experienced that too.
Me too....heavy sticky energy....Finding my way...still hurting a lot after discard 9 months ago...
He was never angry....very distant...ignoring me. It caused me to have anger fits.
I literally seen a demon above mine when she was in bed sleeping in the form of a black shadow.
Me too!!!
I noticed that one day on my way home from a friend's house I literally felt a darkness surrounding me and I felt sad and felt a heaviness. Thats when I said to myself "you gotta get away from that monster" I had realized that I had been so unhappy for so long I had forgotten what it felt like to be happy.
Sadly, I have most of these symptoms. I was born into an extremely narcissistic, dysfunctional family and had never had a sense of self. That was never taught. I was brought up with “you should this and that” , never ever gotten validated. It’s like: “that’s nice”, but you should this or that or missed this or that. No matter what they always make it about themselves.
I have said to my kids, "the shoulds can kill you." Meaning they wear you down. I still have the shoulds in my head at 78 and ignoring them is failure. Narcissistic mother. Who would have guessed?
I like that analogy, covert narcissism is in a way like Chinese water torture- in an emotional sense. Thanks Michele, you've helped me over the years.
Through meditation, opening chakras, kundalini yoga, self hypnosis, affirmations and studying law of attraction and spiritual studies and practices that I have been able to recover from some of these.
Kunddalini is a demonic serpent spirit. Come on, there's a good path for you, and Yoga Aint it. ✝️
This is trauma bonding 101. Totally bewildering. I still have no idea how to unravel what I understand mentally…but am dismantled by emotionally.
Hi there Michele. I never comment but I want to thank you for everything you do to help people. 🤗💜 You have helped me MORE than you will ever know. You are incredibly wise, it's mind boggling. God bless you darling Michele. (South Africa)
All of them apply to me. I thought I had overcome all of these 5 years ago. Then life felt apart again. I am so deeply sad. This is not the life I ever thought I would have.
I really struggle with many of these. I still deal with brain trauma from past narcissistic relationships.
Please do a video on how bi-polar disorder overlaps with this. I have been diagnosed with ptsd, bipolar, depression and anxiety. I have gone through all the things you mentioned on this list and it's hell. Sometimes I have a manic upswing caused by bipolar disorder where Im extremely happy and can't believe I ever wasted time being upset by the way narcissists treated me. Once that wears off I feel down again and go back to ruminating on all my issues and hurt feelings. It makes it hard to tackle my problems with a consistent state of mind.
I have all of this too with traumabond of 8 years. It is absaloutely helllllll! I hear THIS! It almost killed me
I was diagnosed Bipolar for 36 years. It was.NEver Bipolar. zIt was Emotional Dysregulation from Emotional Neglect. Healed it up in about 8 days. Most people- good to go in 6 months...or so.
Are you sure it's not all ',just' Trauma???
I recently found out that my mom is a narcissist and when my father died when I was 10, she raised me as a single parent. I never knew what was wrong with me but since I started therapy recently and by watching your videos, I learn what my mother is and has done to me. I am now trying to move out but I found it very difficult because im still attached to the idea that everything is my fault. I also experience all 15 symptoms in this video. I got a lot of work to do ✌🏻
Good list!
Easily triggered/reactive - No. Historically I lock down my emotional responses, so maybe yes.
Hyperfocus on how others see me - Historically, yes
Stuck in head, rumination - very yes
Social anxiety - yes though I'm way better than I used to be
Maximise/minimise perspective - long ago, yes
Overly focused on story and not feelings - Gawd yes
Dissociation - yes yes yes
Harsh inner critic - yuppers
Comparing and condemning - historically, yes
Inability to trust gut - absolutely
Procrastination/motivation - yeah
Self-sabotage - yup, see all the above
Shame - almost a driving force years ago
Self-abandonment - very yes
Kinell. Where does on begin?
I am starting to look for help. I have suffered a long series of these relationships. I have absolutely no one to talk to. I've been practicing Transcendental Meditation,
Which is the best thing I have ever done for myself. I still don't know where to go next though. I never thought I would be So alone.
Thank you for the checklist. Of these symptoms, I think I've overcome social anxiety, my harsh inner critic and shame. Improved are: easily triggered and reactive - I recognise this now and am away from family narcs ... I compare and condemn far less, overly focussed on story, not much focussed on others' perception of me. Not ruminating much now - only very occasionally - I notice and accept facts and move on. Still working on procrastination.
I've recovered from almost all the symptoms. The one that is still lingering is the feeling of not being worth enough, the shame of not being enough. I'm hoping this will pass too.
I play it out so many times in my head, different scenarios, if I said this instead of this, it would of turned out this way, if I recognized what was going on sooner, etc, all kinds of things. I can't enjoy my other hobbies and things because I just end up playing my narc experience out in my head over and over again.
Thank you for the video Michelle, and thank you for making me tear up a little (I mean that in a good way haha)
So true sorry to every one that has and is going thru this
I know for sure if I had done it any different I would have been killed by my narc. He had to many friends in the police force and plenty of guns all around him at all times. Every time I came home from anywhere I was afraid I was going to be shot and then he would say that he thought it was an intruder.
Im going through this right now
I'm definitely starting to see the rainbow 🌈 but it's still so difficult 😭 I was with a narssisitic man with aspd aka sociopathic tendencies for 7 years (we also lived in a tent for 4years). I am an empath so this is very hard for me and I am struggling with overcoming resentment and constantly reminding myself this is a blessing that they are gone. I mean so thankful GOD allowed me to escape with my life
Yes I have 75% of these.. feel really stuck where I am and he lives around the corner from me so don't feel like I can move forward with his presence being a constant reminder. Any help or tips will be much appreciated. Thank you for the video x
12:46 That part about not to be hard on myself for having these symptoms really hit home for me- My narc parents often blamed me for getting physically or mentally ill, and spent less time asking if I was coping alright. It hasn't been easy even after distancing myself from them, but I'm trying to unlearn it these days.
I married my mother.. not literally. Both husband and mother are emotionally unavailable, dismissive, insecure, etc. Most of these I have still because I grew up with my mother who is borderline and has covert narcissistic traits. My MIL has full blown NPD and my husband has narcissistic traits. Currently living w both and 3 young kids. I’m a fighter though, bcuz I’m hyper focused on healing myself and finding my voice. I’ve done equine therapy w an EFT therapist so I don’t think I’d be this far if it weren’t for that! Bless you guys 💕
#6 and #7 are true for me indeed. Being autistic as well, I have practice masking and shutting down emotions while performing more important tasks. It's great in emergencies to respond rather than react, so I won't knock it. All too often, especially after the big dumping by my malignant and community narcissist boyfriend, I would spend my therapy sessions talking incessantly; then as soon as I got to my car and relax my barriers, I'd burst into tears of exhaustion, relief for telling my story, and being overwhelmed by the suppressed emotions.
#10 My intuition is uncanny, but I often logic my way out of following it or overcompensate for my trust issues.
#11 army brat, narcissist BPD mom raised by covert narcissist grandmother. I'm autistic (Aspergers/high functioning) and ADHD, so of course I procrastinate because I need the dopamine push AND have to wait until everything is perfectly set up for the project. But yes, I also feel broken after my relationship with the aforementioned BF who just plain trashed me and was able to sneak through my barriers by exploiting the weak points my mother created.
I too was the party thrower, loved being around people..since waking up, cannot find people I want to do that with.. I find myself longing to go into the Alaskan wilderness and living completely off grid for the remainder of my days…having animals for companions.
I’ve learned how to show up for myself, how to calm my system when I go into fight or flight mode. Have made progress on not comparing myself w others who have great friends and family.. that one can still trigger feelings of deep sadness for me.
My brain is traumatised highly
Same here 😭
@@shaniecegullison sorry to hear
@@kleomenis456 thanks I'm sorry to hear that too
I do compare myself to others that are more healed than I in the healing journey.
Oh I can so relate to this! My narc mother was as unpredictable as most covert narc's are. I thought I was the only one due to the isolation and her manipulation. Praying for all of us!!! .
You talk about angry narcissists. But my narcissist does not get angry but always lying manipulative ggaselighting. But no anger so I’m confused
My ex is like this. They’re angry but they show it through being mentally cruel, still be very careful. ❤️
Thank you so much for such a brief and concise summery of -
what I am going thru at 67 as a surviving victim of sexual violence, inflicted on me by family and others (rich yacht club types that use children sexually and silence those that will not keep silent) - O cam eup with OTSD, ongoing traumatic stress disorder - and your videos, along with a few others on this subject, have done more in 15 minutes to help me than ALL the doctors and therapists (not to mention "meds" that DO cause overwhelming thoughts of suicide, yuck) ever did.
I want to say one thing I have learned long ago is - The key to living a good happy life is to be who you really are. The secret keepers i call 'narci-rapists' have gone all out to stop me in every way from being my true self, my great Soul, esp. wrecking my work in music and performance, so I would not have a platform to ever tell anyone about what these "billionaires" do and keep their squeaky clean reptations.
I find that I am sometimes triggered when someone says something that reminds me of the time when someone online tried to coerce me. It's a subconscious thing because I would feel really great like I have a positive outlook on life and then if someone says something that reminds me of that time it's like a switch goes off and it sets me back a decade where I am feeling vulnerable and scared. I do ruminate sometimes on the details of what occurred, I guess more as a way of learning what to avoid in the future. Even though the attempted coercion in 2008 and sexual bullying in 2018 wasn't my fault, I still feel shame about it and I feel like I'm unworthy of love.
Trauma bond is a monster! very frustrating dealing with this every day..Thank you so much for sharing these videos very helpful.
I had a narcissistic housemate for 8 months. This was an old friend (no more).
After two years, I am still recovering. I have started pursuing my interests and hobbies.
I went no-contact with another old friend.
I anger easily. I still harbor resentment.
I do have other friends who are compassionate, thankfully.
Recovery is a slow process.
Have let so many do that to me I'm a Queen and am healing with the help of God. I'm gonna do this.
Invaluable observations , help and comfort for the abused people. Thank you so much Michelle !
I’ve been working on my cptsd & healing my trauma for awhile now - I still have 3-4 of these but some I no longer have - my healing has been mostly through working on my CNS & the work of Peter Levine
Yes my brain 🧠 is still very traumatized
Ages back you made a really insightful video called “what she REALLY means when she says “I want a nice guy” . I went to look for it to refresh my memory. Unfortunately it looks like it’s been taken down 😞
Most experts every UA-cam video I’ve watched talk about the motivations behind your actions but what made this video so invaluable is that it gave you actual examples - rather than assuming I know how to apply myself.
It’s not that I’m afraid to be honest it’s more how to word it in way that is honest but RESPECTFUL
#6 The focus on details is also the way you proved to yourself the bad intentions of the abuser.Feeling abused is not enough, it's when you understand the ill intentions, which needs a no doubt evidence, that you accept you have been abused. You need to be your own law enforcment, not only someone who suffers because of weakness. The details are : "How i stopped thinking I was wrong."
Stop having hope ,its a passive act
Get courage, pain is the feeling of change, and can only be miserable when u treat it as the enemy, let pain motivate, guide you where u need to be.
Empower your body and mind through exercise ,find the question that need answering to get u there ,don't be selfish because u will find hate ,don't be selfless because u will find destruction, find the balance and understand the world as one thing with parts, and focus on yours ,evolve !
u will heal ur emotions like wolverine when u see the beauty of the fair art of giving and take, u have always something good to take when you see clearly
Nobody wants a change, but everybody wants to stop hurting, so change ,upgrade yourself before life get u leveled up
I relate to all of these. My narcissistic parent is now in a dementia ward and I’m going to move on with my life. Your videos are helpful!!
I think 🤔 a lot of the problem is we need to work on the emotional thinking, that was one of my problems, so I had really worked on that, very good topic 👍
Thank you very much ✌️🙏👍 . I want to add that not only one person can suffer from these symptoms, an entire society who is under control of narcissistic governments will suffer the same symptoms.
Well said!
But ironically also blessed with a rare thing... A person who has that rare mature quality to act like a mature grownup and not some spoiled little 5 year old narcissist in the making!!!
Just watching this two years after it was originally posted. I am stuck..trauma from divorce, trauma from narcissists…
every single one of these is spot on. my parents were horrible to me growing up & i became stuck in early stages of development for years.
Absolutely incredible breakthrough for myself watching this video. I've been struggling for years and have not been able to put my finger on it. This definitely tells a big part of my story.
Thank you! All symptoms present for me. Healing is such a rough process because your brain seems to do the exact opposite of everything you need to heal.
Wow! I have all of them. I didn't realize it till now. I left my husband in july 2020. Moved to another state and got a job, my own place. No reason for me not be great. But the pain and all those symtoms keep creeping back.
After 3 years of being informed and intentional about my healing, I can still recognize all 14 of them. I am committed to healing and am grateful for the wisdom. I have faith I can only continue to improve now that I can label the symptoms and being aware more than I was before. Glory to God - I am so grateful for this video.
I am 24/7 trapped in fear, no life, constantly anxious and fearful no hope. The trauma is causing me to spell random words back wards and forwards
Hello Michelle 🙏🙏.
I see I have been moving on eggshells.,So pathetic.., indecisive too.
Now I can see myself moving out of these to recovery.🙏🙏🙏. Which makes me feel so lonely Inside
Everything has its own time..
Thank You Michelle 🙏🙏🙏💞💞💞
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Hyper focus I'm healed in. I'm always in my head
I have 2 requests for future videos. Can you do a video on The Neglectful Narcissist and can you do a video on lesbian covert narcissists? All the narcissist channels focus on heterosexual male-female couples and it would be helpful for someone to make a narcissist video on female-female couples where one of the women is a covert narcissist. Thank you. I love all your videos.
👍🏻
She’s not lesbian tho... how can she give guidance on what she is not? Have you searched just female narcissists? I’m sure that’ll align with what you experienced
@@thetruehustler1365 Yes I've searched that out and nope it doesn't because all the examples they give are heterosexual - the woman does this, the man does that. It's a very different dynamic with two women. She doesn't have to be a lesbian to be able to speak on it. She gives guidance on narcissists and she is not a narcissist.
Is it not similar whichever two women are involved, whether sisters or mother and daughter, or lovers? Its still one woman having power over the other and manipulating trust and having conditional "love"? Female narcissists are often covert, and even overt ones are covert at times. Happiness and healing to you.
Another huge one for me is Avoiding certain people and places and this does not always appear to make complete sense. I may dread driving through a certain street because perhaps I had a sad thought one time taking the same route and now they somehow merged together, It's like my brain becomes sticky, all kinds of things and associations that have no actual tie are clumping together. Or perhaps I had a flirt with someone at that supermarket ad now I'm afraid to walk in again afraid of ruining the good experience or simply procrastinating leaving my house because I'm afraid of there being certain people, neigbors outside I do not get along with and to avoid drama I'll be afraid to step outside. So basically i am just avoiding triggers but
Ok, here’s my notes for the 15:
1. Getting better but still there
2. A lot less
3. Stuck here.. wow
4. Stuck here too.. wow
5. Not anymore!
6. Less and less everyday ...wow blowout, makes sense though!
7. Yep, still distracting
8. Yep, still there ... less though
9. Not really but I used to yes
10. It’s hard yep
11. Gosh you’re good... yes!
12. Omg yep
13. Yes, trying to heal this
14. Yes.. 14 but you technically had 2 in 1 🙌 thank you
So great hearing this.
Excellent list . Spot on.
Thank you for sharing this!
Huge help !! Thank you a million
Thank you for explaining 💜🙏🏽😘
I needed this very badly tonight. Thank you.
Thank you Michele! We Love You!
I have never commented on her videos but I watch them daily
Unfortunately I have every single one. I feel trapped in my own life & in my own head.
How do you accelerate healing these symptoms? I still have some of these despite all the learning and self work.
Thank you Michelle.
I love being told basically they're the boss with threats of exposing secrets and all kinds of things. I'm finally done
Thank you, this was so helpful