Makes you think, sure you have a >85% probability to die in the next couple of days, but you have the perfect drink everyday for 50c and a pizza box that literally refills everytime you close it, in your cafeteria. So. Nice.
@@INinjasstyle I do admit, our life insurance policy is actually extremely good also, and even includes free dental. Sure lives are on the line on a daily basis, but let it be said that so long as you aren't a D-Class personnel, they do their best to make sure you have the best damn short life you can have.
@@smilingthroughitall1115 Cup of Joe, Blood of Christ and Surprise Me, all seem to indicate a snarky sense of humor to me, at least when taken together.
@@shmooglevitz7281 Agent Joeseph didn't get reprimanded, the one who keyed in the drink got reprimanded, along with the one who egged him on to type in "A cup of Joe" to "see what would happen". Reread the entry.
So a guy orders a cup of gold twice , and now they have two guards around it ... if you ask me I think the coffee machine is funding the scp foundation.
Yeah I mean while in liquid form a chemist could easily work with that on so many levels. As long as the machine isn't simply snatching people's jewelry and tooth fillings , or implants. Like when asked for a cup of Joe.
@@antwan1357 it always does. it does not produce stuff. so it would be a out of range scenario. But the gold comes liquid so no one would no their jewelry would be missing
Just make a pair of gold/diamond pants and give them to Connor from confinement, then kill him repeatedly since whatever he wears res pawns with him. Infinite funds.
Not even as they’re pouring it, as their about to drink it and before it touches their lips... Gone. Or if it was taken from inside them after they’d already had it.
@@insertcreativenamehere242 Maybe? I know in Containment Breach, if you actually type in "meme" with 294 you're killed by something...there's a reference to some character or something that yells at you about stealing something too. IDK, that's all I remember
Me: types in “best drink I’ve ever had” 294: *dispenses Pepsi™️* Me: *looks over to doorway* Pepsiman is standing there looking over to me giving a thumbs up
@Alec Rousseau Hmm, what if it's a normal pepsiman game for the person playing it, but everyone else watching it sees or hears the tv giving out the highest level secret the observer knows
Don't worry, he got to a "safe distance". Let's remember that a matter/anti-matter annihilation is about 50% more powerful than an atomic bomb. So imagine an atomic bomb whose atomic fuel was equal to 2 dixie cups of liquid. I'm pretty sure the correct "safe distance" is in the next city. At the very least it requires not being in the breakroom anymore. Also how did he make the request from a safe distance if it's typed? Did he type everything except enter and then hit the enter key from across the room with a 30ft pole? I can just imagine him behind the breakroom couch trying to be precise with the end of his 30ft pole, thinking he's far enough away. Oh yeah that's right...it's not researchers alone thinking up these tests! They allow anyone who isn't a level 1 try. I hope this employee got sacked. And by sacked I mean thrown into the infinite potato sack.
Yea that really got me. U know if that think could transfer antimatter then on contact with normal matter, the blast would have been visible from interstellar space itself
SCP-294: can perfectly understand and produce a specific drink from someone’s past by reaching into their mind SCP-294: does not understand what someone means by a “cup of joe”
I like to think it perfectly understood both possible meanings, had free will to pick whichever one it wanted, and picked the one that would astonish the researchers the most.
@@WildBluntHickok "surprise me" it could have just given them a cup of juice from a fruit they dont know. But instead it gave them 3rd degree burns. That certainly surprised them though.
Scientist: "Cup of spiders?" SCP-294: *HUMS FAST AND VIOLENTLY* Scientist: "No wait that was a jo-" But SCP-294 was already pouring him a brimming cup of spiders
It just ooszes out puree'd spider into the cup, with the odd limb still intact and twitching. And at that point, whoever asked for this is terminated on principle....
SCP-294 is probably the best SCP for pranking someone, think of it, a friend asks for coffee, and instead of getting him coffee, you give him cancer, the ultimate prank.
Here is my proposed experiment: Ask SCP 294 for a cup of pestilence; Give the cup of pestilence to a D-Class subject; Send subject into SCP-049's cointainment cell; Wait for reaction...
You request a nice cup of relaxation, and the SCP complies, giving you a 12oz cup of an off tint yellow liquid. You drink it as you read a book and slowly doze off to bed. Hours pass and you wake up. You are cold and you find your hands tied. The the man next to you speaks. "Hey, you. You're finally awake. You were trying to cross the border, right? Walked right into that Imperial ambush, same as us, and that thief over there." Welcome to Skyrim (Thank you for making me the most liked comment)
Ok But have you read The "things Doctor Bright is not allowed to do at The foundation" list Number 99: Doctor bright May not put a "cup of orgasm" from scp 294 through scp-914 on the "very fine" setting There are 3 extras to this 1 point.
@@amaikurusu188 That's not what Euclid really means, it just means the object requires some level active containment instead of just locking it in a safe. Hence, the guards with level 3 clearance.
I think it's designated Euclid primarily because they have chosen to actually utilize it rather than just lock it away. Someone could theoretically go up, kill the guards, and request a cup of SCP 217 or something and infect the whole site. Also it has telepathic properties, they don't know where it came from (or at least they don't mention in the file, which is sort of weird), and information is constantly being put into it; there's a chance it is spying on them to some degree for a different organization
@@kingartison sir it doesnt give a close enough result. Likely that creature is alive somewhere that we are unaware of. Otherwise the leukemia test would have given diffetent leukemia as a close enough.
Well, if the rule is that it has to come from somewhere, then it had to have come from somewhere. The real eye widening question is where did that blood come from.
It doesn't seem to create substance so much as pull it from somewhere else. So if it gives you pertinent medical knowledge.... whose mind did you just rip apart?
Absorbing someone's body orally won't impart knowledge. It had to be something much different. Something that transmits knowledge until the substance itself, which is acting as a conduit for the knowledge, is completely digested and so no longer transmitting.
I had actually assumed it may have converted computer files or paper textbooks into an electrolyte solution that was digestible while imparting the knowledge the agent needed until he didn't need it anymore to protect itself, revealing that it does have some kind of anomalous knowledge of advanced chemistry and biology far beyond our current understanding.
"Researcher punched in (from a safe distance) request for cup of Anti-Water" That's gonna be a hell of a safe distance for an explosion rivaling the largest nuke the US have tested.
an 8 oz cup of anti water would hold 226 grams of the anti material, 1 gram of antimatter produces 40 megatons of TNT and this would produce ...suffice to say 9,040 megatons of yield. In this instance were it tested, bright would actually be right about the one thing at scp that is over 9000.
@@aelloner Subsequently the agent passed out for approximately 3 hours and after waking up he appeared right in front of SCP-294 as it displayed "out of range" and proceeded to dispense another cup filled with the same liquid, this time with a message on the side "I'm not done yet" in poorly written marker. This unofficial test has resulted in the discovery of SCP-294's sense of humor. Further tests for sentience are yet to be done for SCP-294.
Dragon Slayer Ornstein another test requesting a cup of “knockout” resulted in the subject becoming unconscious for roughly 2 hours and received a mild concussion. Upon reawakening, SCP-294 displayed the message, “You got knocked the [REDACTED] out!”
I feel so damn bad for this coffee machine. I just imagine it making whatever people want, and they're just testing it "ask for horse pee. It worked hehe, now ask for koala pee. It worked, hehe." - LIKE, this poor coffee machine isn't harming anyone - it just pours coffee!
@@legowattambor834 It has a dark sense of humor, and/or it was just feeling overworked and underpaid. Either way, it did do that and has no regrets, it did its job. What more do you want from it?
btw this machine could be used to make infinite money because it takes nickles but if you ask the machine for a cup of nickles and make a nickle mold you would have turned 1 nickle into maybe 30 nickles and you could use those nickles into more nickles.
@@TheStripeTailedFiend only problem is it dispenses stuff in liquid form. If you ask for a cup of nickels it would be a cup of molten metals. If you asked for a cup of gold it would dispense molten gold. Then just let the gold reharden and sell it.
"A cup of coffee that people who don't like coffee would enjoy" "A safe and non addictive neural stimulant" "pure LSD" "The cure for the common cold" or, seeing as the guy wanted the best drink possible and killed himself afterwards because everything else was bland, an anti-dote for that: "a drink that convinces the drinker that life is still worth living."
Campbell Rowland true, but at least it can’t kill ya, you’ll just have a nasty trip over it. If I got that cup, I’d have one of my stoner friends portion control it.
Around 13: 20. Where they get the material from a supposedly extinct during myocene era creature. That implies the creature isnt really extinct...because the same request didnt work on the extinct passenger pigeon... interesting
Dinosaur actually aren’t extinct, according to SCP-563. SCP-563 is basically a dinosaur farm in China. It raises & sells different types of dinosaurs for their meat/food. Including eggs, raptor flavor noodles, bone tea, and chicken fried Therizinosaur. That’s most likely where the spinal fluid came from
Cerebrospinal Fluid still persists after death, therefore it could have taken in from a fossil of that species, and I bet if the same fluid was asked of those other animals it would have been granted.
Would just be weird if your Requested "Best Drink i ever had" and dispensed Fe/Male sexual Fluids. I sure your not going to be leaving that room without everyone giving you the side-eye. Especially if you actually drink it lol.
Well If the cup can "Contain" said material we have the energy of lots of potential nukes in a cup (Assuming the cup is still mimicking the pressure of the sun to allow for fusion) Because If a piece was just taken would that small bit of material still have the pressure to do such? I leave the room either way.
Bruce Young - based on the description provided, it technically can, and can't contain the liquid. The cup itself seems to be immune to the liquid (holding that super acid from another SCP with no issue), but doesn't contain it (the boiling water splashed in 2m radius after that "surprise me" order), so while the cup itself (and possibly the machine) would survive the star's core, nothing else around it would, I presume.
I understand everyones concern that there's potential for total annihilation. Im just not convinced that the resulting plasma would be able to sustain fusion without the mass of the sun fueling it. Its temperature without this mass wouldn't be sufficient in itself. (But i leave anyway)
the reason its Euclid class is because you can type and receive nearly anything you can think of, and if some crazy person types in: "everyone" , then I think you know what's going to happen
@@lightmetro7508 Important to note that containment level generally refers to the difficulty of containing an anomalous object *_and its effects._* It's not that the machine itself is difficult to contain, it's that its teleportation effect is unpredictable. It teleports in fluids from unknown sources; it's not like typing in "cup of tea" will just teleport in the nearest cup of tea, it could conceivably be teleporting in a cup of tea from the other side of the planet, or a single drop form thousands of separate cups of tea, most or all of which are outside of Foundation property. It's Euclid because its effect can affect the world at large if used irresponsibly.
@@simonbaker3971 when you smoke crack it turns liquidy. Not sure if thats a byproduct or whatever, but for the story, it might be funny. A paper cup of steaming crack. Everyone within twenty feet has to attend mandatory rehab for a month.
Me: types in “the best drink I’ve ever had “ Scp 294: *dispenses clear liquid* Me:*drinks it* Me: *dies* *the liquid was later confirmed to be pure bleach*
@@mast3734 yall pls have a great and or blessed life always. our FATHER LORD GOD JESUS CHRIST knows you and is always waiting at a apostolic Pentecostal baptizing in JESUS name holy ghost filled FATHER LORD GOD JESUS CHRIST loving and praising (and loving of all the above for some people) church.
I would work my ass off to get level 2 clearance just for access to this SCP. When the boss asks why I want a promotion to Level 2, I will say "specifically for access to SCP-294."
I'm pretty sure it would display "Out of range" if it ended up selecting the creator of Dr.pepper. Remember that 294 has to be near enough to the subject to dispense some of them. And I bet the foundation site is far far away from where Dr.pepper lives. If he is even still alive. 294 can't dispense parts of him if he's dead.
If he was close enough and in the room then I bet it would end up just like the cup of Joe situation. Well if it chose the creator and not the cola drink. In other words yeah. Your right, you would have to be specific.
Doesn't it read the mind of the user to specify what it means though? Like "the best drink I've ever had" was put in by several different individuals and so dispensed different liquids? So unless they know a doctor with the last name Pepper, they would just get the soda?
It probably would give what the person expects it to give, if he isn't sure he probably still have something in his subconsciousness and it would probably decide. Btw I think this scps range is huge
The Agent Toast97 My best guess (Not really) You drink the cup but then immediately find yourself as the protagonist of SCP Containment Breach. And I don't mean that there will just be a major breach I mean you LITERALLY experience everything D-9341 did.
I just realised Miller says "good morning" at the start, since this scp is a coffee machine and coffee is what many people drink during the morning. Very nice detail
I'm loving the idea that the foundation was, at a point, so down bad that they figured it would be better to leave an SCP in the breakroom than pay for a coffee machine
So if it draws from the nearest source, then would it steal someone’s nearby coffee if someone else asked for coffee, for example? Or would it find something not in use? Also, wow, it can take away diseases and create physical liquid versions of abstract concepts, huh? I’d love to mess with this SCP. Anyway, I felt like writing a little thing. Enjoy. “You ask for a cup of love. The machine whirrs and dispenses a cup of a soothing purple-pink liquid. You take a sip. You expected it to taste overwhelmingly sweet, but instead, it tastes much more mellow. You immediately feel happy- not in an energetic way, but in a calm way. You reminisce about your family. You haven’t seen them in a while since you joined the Foundation. You’d gotten used to missing them and eventually put them out of your mind. Loneliness is only a distraction, after all. You remember the fun times you had with them. You remember how they helped you through hard times. You remember how much you missed them. You remember that you are loved.”
Emily Cheint glad you liked it! It just kind of popped into my head. One of the downsides of working for the Foundation (other than the frequent threat of death) must be that you can’t see your family much, and that contact with them is limited.
@@oliverpotts8664 shop owner "WHERE'S ALL MY FUCKING COKE GOING?!" me, sipping a massive gallon of coca -cola "I odn't know bud, maybe a magic vending machine took them?" we both laugh as my son orders more coke on 294
DR King: Vending Machine: Apple Seeds Coffee Machine: Apple Juice with seeds floating in it Dimension Hopper: A message from the Apple people I feel like Dr King would bomb every apple store within a mile radius at this point, just to be safe.
*subject requests cup of "Australian Justice"* *large burly fist bursts threw the machine knocking out subject before retracting back into the machine*
Asking for "The Blood of Christ" produces Red Wine and the words "Hic est enim calix sanuinis mei". I honestly don't think that I will ever get over how freaking clever that is.
I would personally deposit more than the needed amount of money into it, give it a carefully-worded compliment via the keyboard and thank it for working so hard to help people. (While politely noting in the message that it doesn't need to vend anything this time around and that the money is a gift for it) If it responds with anything positive in terms of a reaction, then it could be considered sentient, if not semi-sentient. Would lead to more data and greater understanding.
Actually the more I think about it, just put in “cup of ” and repeat a bunch of times and you could take out any threat, you could Kill doctor wondertainment for 5 dollars top
I don't think Doctor Wondertainment actually has blood. He strikes me as the sort of person with marzipan or nougat for a circulatory system--maybe caramel? Cotton Candy? I'm fairly certain if you stabbed Doctor Wondertainment silly string would spray out everywhere.
It seems like this is one of those things you have to be really specific with, judging by the "cup of joe" incident. Knowing me, I'd probably ask it for a cup of "fluency in Japanese". Then I'd ask it for cups of different sodas from around the world that I've been wanting to try. Although now I'm wondering what would happen if you asked it to dispense "blood from the nearest intelligent extraterrestrial". Would it give an "out of range" error? Would it actually give you some alien blood? Would the quiet guy in the break room suddenly collapse?
it'd probably give you liquid from one of the many alien scps and the cup of fluency in japanese would most likely be temporary, as with the cases of the cup of medical knowledge and the cup of music
+Maintenance its really ahrd to make a Keter SCP and make it creative enough without being too bullshit, I'm guessing, and ironically Safe or Euclid SCPs are easier to think of since they can be more easily contained
Well all the best SCPs have circumstantial powers all depending on what you can think up with them, meaning they can range from terrifying to hilarious
I'd do: "A cup of the knowledge to replicate SCP 294" THEN I wouldn't drink it but instead put it in SCP 914 on 1:1 With a blank How To book, thus combining the two into readable format. Then begin the Replication of 294!
The surprise me and blood of christ tests were genius level stuff I wonder what would happen if someone were to request fictional liquids, like drinks from various ficticious works of art
Fun fact: in the game SCP Containment Breach you can actually type such things in. For example Estus (The healing potion from Dark Souls) works and as expected it heals you.
Shame they haven't updated this one in a while. I'd like to see more experiments involving 294. "something to calm SCP 682", or, after hearing about the medical knowledge drink, "cup of knowledge of all unknown SCPs". so many possibilities... or just get a peach and strawberry slushy because why not.
If I recall there was a request for "Something that would kill 682" and the site blew up, it seems there was a large scale edit and canon alignment work done several years back that removed some more esoteric and conflicting reports
That would give "out of range" as the macchine takes only from near sources instead of creating new matter Also, 3000 releases that liquid only after human sacrifice
@@goldenmajin4073 it would probably force y-909 to be produced by SCP-3000, although the results on SCP-3000 would be unkown and probably not worth the risk, actually devising a containment procedure for SCP-3000 would be friggin hard
What if the machine can get it, but it opens like an iron maiden for a sacrifice before giving the SCP-3000 liquid... Nah, too metal for a coffee dispenser
I like to think the coffee machine has a brain sort of the think about what it needs and gets sad everytime theres an experiment. Like it just wants to make people perfect coffee but instead it has to suck out people's cancer and make gold
Cup of Immortality, Cup of Super-strength, Cup of Death, Cup of Intelligence, Cup of SCP-294, Cup of Half-life 3, Cup of Shadow, Cup of Sun, Cup of Life and Cup of Black Hole.
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you pronounced the latin bit wrong; classic latin has no silent letters, and so "hic est enim calix sanguinis mei" (literally "this is indeed chalice of blood my", or more accurately translated as "this is the chalice of my blood") is properly pronounced as "hick est eh-NEEM CAH-lix san-GWEEN-iss MAY-ee"
scholarly reconstructions based off of ancient texts that had puns, noted on misspellings, older etymologies, and (most directly) statements on pronunciation we don't know for certain how it was, but we can make a strong guess based off of what we do know of course, when i do mention latin, i mean classical latin (that which was spoken during the time of Julius Caesar), not ecclesiastical latin (that which is spoken by the Catholic Church and has been since the days of Constantine) nor vulgar latin (that which was spoken during the slow collapse and aftermath of the fall of the Roman Empire)
I love how the foundation is just like, "This is could be very dangerous, but it saves money so let's just put it in the staff room."
"Just have a couple guys with guns standing next to it, it'll be fine."
Makes you think, sure you have a >85% probability to die in the next couple of days, but you have the perfect drink everyday for 50c and a pizza box that literally refills everytime you close it, in your cafeteria. So. Nice.
@@INinjasstyle I do admit, our life insurance policy is actually extremely good also, and even includes free dental. Sure lives are on the line on a daily basis, but let it be said that so long as you aren't a D-Class personnel, they do their best to make sure you have the best damn short life you can have.
Stan from accounting can’t solve all the foundations money problems
@@mistertaz94
And if you are a d-class you just gotta get lucky and not be tested with extremely dangerous SCPs for the month.
I feel like the machine has a sense of humor
Or it takes everything literally.
@@smilingthroughitall1115 Cup of Joe, Blood of Christ and Surprise Me, all seem to indicate a snarky sense of humor to me, at least when taken together.
The transmutation machine definitely does
Yah if boiling people from the inside out
@@smilingthroughitall1115 yeah like 914 when they Put a note 7 and got a Grenade
Types in Cup of Oil
*The US Government would like to know your location*
Actually it appears to obtain it's fluid from existing sources of the fluid, so it would just take some oil from the ground or something.
@@hard_drive.system that's still pretty useful it's basically an oil drill but downsized
good point @@Metal_Enjoyer
@@hard_drive.system although you'll only be getting an amount to fill the paper cup
We won't have to waste any lives or go to war.
Agent: I'd like a cup of joe.
Joe: * Confused Screaming *
*Confused agony
And BOTH agents got reprimanded? Ain't that a bitch: you get unknowingly drained of life-force and you get in trouble
All I hear in my head is Joe Swanson screaming.
@@shmooglevitz7281 Agent Joeseph didn't get reprimanded, the one who keyed in the drink got reprimanded, along with the one who egged him on to type in "A cup of Joe" to "see what would happen". Reread the entry.
Joe: *confused, agonized screaming.*
Imagine being one of the two guards. "Oh, yeah, I guard the very dangerous coffee machine"
If anyone doubts your legitimacy, type in "cup of
I mean, it’s actually dangerous since you can ask for a cup of someone’s brain and I’m pretty sure that person would die a violent death.
I also think they need to guard to to request their badge, to see if they have access to SCP-294.
@@jeg312 It can only dispense liquid
@@raf.4028 Then it would likely dispense the brain, after liquidizing it. Don't forget, it dispensed a cup of music.
So a guy orders a cup of gold twice , and now they have two guards around it ... if you ask me I think the coffee machine is funding the scp foundation.
Absolutely this machine could fund the entire SCP Foundation every precious metal comes in a liquid form
Yeah I mean while in liquid form a chemist could easily work with that on so many levels. As long as the machine isn't simply snatching people's jewelry and tooth fillings , or implants. Like when asked for a cup of Joe.
@@antwan1357 it always does. it does not produce stuff. so it would be a out of range scenario. But the gold comes liquid so no one would no their jewelry would be missing
Just make a pair of gold/diamond pants and give them to Connor from confinement, then kill him repeatedly since whatever he wears res pawns with him. Infinite funds.
and it wouldnt even inflate the economy because its being taken from the nearest vault !
Imagine how pissed someone is when their coffee just disappears as they're pouring it. The foundations use of this machine is inhumane.
So is the foundation's use of... Everything else.
Not even as they’re pouring it, as their about to drink it and before it touches their lips... Gone.
Or if it was taken from inside them after they’d already had it.
I like to imagine it steals liquid from a nearby foundation cafeteria, thus rendering it's use as a cost saving device mute.
Personnel asks for horse saliva
Random horse in Kansas: “damn bro my mouth gettin kinda dry no 🧢”
This comment made my day
this comment made my day too
Brih
also they just straight up vaccuumed the pee out of a koala.
If that's how the machine works, then I feel bad for one of the Joe's
Just don't order a cup of "meme" it'll give you terminal cancer
Sergeant Stark what happens if you put dank meme
You got Terminal Seven Luigi. Brain cancer. I don't even know what that is, but it's bad.
Sergeant Stark like dose knuckles and a tide pod pull you into their grave?
@@insertcreativenamehere242 Maybe? I know in Containment Breach, if you actually type in "meme" with 294 you're killed by something...there's a reference to some character or something that yells at you about stealing something too. IDK, that's all I remember
Are you the same sergeant Stark from the discord?
The fact it takes the liquid from other places, I like to imagine it's always some guys drink that just keeps vanishing and no one believes him 😂
Even when it's cat pee?
Yes, even cat urine.
"Mf tryna steal my anti-water, he ain't gettin that bitch."
Why would someone have a cup of C1OH22 though?
I work at a gas station and there's the occasional can that is closed but it's empty or half empty
Imagine being hired on as part of a team of monster hunters, only to be told that your job is to watch a coffee machine. . .
I rather do that then guard anything else like 109 or flesh that hates
There's some scps which being charged with their care is a death sentence.
@Anon moose I imagine you wouldn't be allowed to leave all too much because of the secrets you know though
@Anon moose oh ya, forgot about those!
holyshit, joined 14 years ago? that’s impressive
Odd cause when i requested a cup of Half Life 3 it despensed an empty cup.
That's because it's powered by your imagina a a a tion
@@NotLordAsshat good to know
Too soon
Bruh forget that how about a cup of feels?
Damn XD
Me: types in “best drink I’ve ever had”
294: *dispenses Pepsi™️*
Me: *looks over to doorway*
Pepsiman is standing there looking over to me giving a thumbs up
SCP-9999 Pepsiman
@Alec Rousseau Hmm, what if it's a normal pepsiman game for the person playing it, but everyone else watching it sees or hears the tv giving out the highest level secret the observer knows
@Alec Rousseau SCP 001 (A. Rousseau’s proposal)
PEPSIMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!
@Alec Rousseau he's the first scp
Pepsi man: exist
Foundation: A SCP HAS BRE... False alarm it came back
this ones got a sense of humor
"surprise me"
*sprays boiling water everywhere*
Well, I mean, Mission accomplished right? That would definitely be surprising!
Why not ask for “a soft drink with a surprising taste”.
That’s what the researcher probably intended.
SCP-294: "....surprise!" 🙃
Read this as it happened. There are things we don’t know about this universe.
Not to mention he knows Dr. King's "favorite" food
I love how that one researcher was just like "let's ask for a cup of antimatter, what could possibly go wrong?"
Don't worry, he got to a "safe distance".
Let's remember that a matter/anti-matter annihilation is about 50% more powerful than an atomic bomb. So imagine an atomic bomb whose atomic fuel was equal to 2 dixie cups of liquid. I'm pretty sure the correct "safe distance" is in the next city. At the very least it requires not being in the breakroom anymore.
Also how did he make the request from a safe distance if it's typed? Did he type everything except enter and then hit the enter key from across the room with a 30ft pole? I can just imagine him behind the breakroom couch trying to be precise with the end of his 30ft pole, thinking he's far enough away.
Oh yeah that's right...it's not researchers alone thinking up these tests! They allow anyone who isn't a level 1 try. I hope this employee got sacked. And by sacked I mean thrown into the infinite potato sack.
@@WildBluntHickok probably he ordered a D-class to type
Yea that really got me. U know if that think could transfer antimatter then on contact with normal matter, the blast would have been visible from interstellar space itself
You just sent me down a MN antimatter rabbit hole
@@WildBluntHickok if the machine really produced 100+grams of antimatter, I don't even think that the next country would be at save distance.
SCP-294: can perfectly understand and produce a specific drink from someone’s past by reaching into their mind
SCP-294: does not understand what someone means by a “cup of joe”
I like to think it perfectly understood both possible meanings, had free will to pick whichever one it wanted, and picked the one that would astonish the researchers the most.
@@WildBluntHickok "surprise me" it could have just given them a cup of juice from a fruit they dont know. But instead it gave them 3rd degree burns. That certainly surprised them though.
Something Dr. Bright would do.
nah 294 just taken the request to literally, seems like he need an r/wooosh
It could have been sassing the agents.
"Surprise me" Proceeds to spray boiling water everywhere. 😂
It suprised them!
SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!
🎉🎉
🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
🎉🎉🎉🎉
Alternate result it steals the nearest dudes dick liquifies it and dispenses it (I mean that would certainly surprise me
@@EastImp No. Just .....no
@@trulyidkman I mean, he did fulfill his name at least with that image.
Scientist: "Cup of spiders?"
SCP-294: *HUMS FAST AND VIOLENTLY*
Scientist: "No wait that was a jo-"
But SCP-294 was already pouring him a brimming cup of spiders
spawns only items in liquid form
You'd get a juice made out of spiders. Yum! XD
Oh my god
It just ooszes out puree'd spider into the cup, with the odd limb still intact and twitching.
And at that point, whoever asked for this is terminated on principle....
nice ref
I know where this is from, but I will SPARE you of the joke.
Me: “Coke Please”
SCP-294: *Dispenses Pepsi*
Me:... object class Keter
I mean what’s the difference
@@shadowayy2741 Basically just the optimal temperature of serving.
>:(
Smacks the vending machine
No
It just dispenses liquid cocaine.
It’s the same drink though
SCP-294 is probably the best SCP for pranking someone, think of it, a friend asks for coffee, and instead of getting him coffee, you give him cancer, the ultimate prank.
A cup of the pain of stepping on lego
oof not the legos
wouldnt getting a cup of cancer take someones cancer away since the machine pulls materials from nearby?
@@Paracausal_Fruit We can take someone's cancer and give it back to them.
@@Talentlesssss The ultimate insult
Here is my proposed experiment:
Ask SCP 294 for a cup of pestilence;
Give the cup of pestilence to a D-Class subject;
Send subject into SCP-049's cointainment cell;
Wait for reaction...
Lobster Worshiper genius
Liquid pestilence?
@@Airou7856 P E S T I L E N C E
my proposed experiment would be simple ,ask scp 294 for something Mr. Deeds would like.
@@rebeccalotto8001 that would be a cup of British tea
You request a nice cup of relaxation, and the SCP complies, giving you a 12oz cup of an off tint yellow liquid. You drink it as you read a book and slowly doze off to bed. Hours pass and you wake up. You are cold and you find your hands tied. The the man next to you speaks.
"Hey, you. You're finally awake. You were trying to cross the border,
right? Walked right into that Imperial ambush, same as us, and that
thief over there."
Welcome to Skyrim
(Thank you for making me the most liked comment)
Cup of Dragonborn
Dammit Todd!
Skyrim gets ported to SCP-294
I’m going to beat the crap out of you
It just works.
SCP Foundation: this anomaly requires no special containment procedures.
Also SCP Foundation: Yes, this is a Euclid.
It's euclid since it's still not fully understood.
Additional notes: do not ask for Joe
Ok But have you read The "things Doctor Bright is not allowed to do at The foundation" list
Number 99: Doctor bright May not put a "cup of orgasm" from scp 294 through scp-914 on the "very fine" setting
There are 3 extras to this 1 point.
@@amaikurusu188 That's not what Euclid really means, it just means the object requires some level active containment instead of just locking it in a safe. Hence, the guards with level 3 clearance.
I think it's designated Euclid primarily because they have chosen to actually utilize it rather than just lock it away. Someone could theoretically go up, kill the guards, and request a cup of SCP 217 or something and infect the whole site. Also it has telepathic properties, they don't know where it came from (or at least they don't mention in the file, which is sort of weird), and information is constantly being put into it; there's a chance it is spying on them to some degree for a different organization
"Bird blood pls"
"No"
"Dinosaur blood?"
"....maybe.."
OIL
Imma just assume it might’ve gave chicken blood due to chickens “supposedly” being dinosaur relatives
@@kingartison sir it doesnt give a close enough result. Likely that creature is alive somewhere that we are unaware of. Otherwise the leukemia test would have given diffetent leukemia as a close enough.
The point was that Passenger Pigeons are extinct, but the dinosaur we thought was extinct may actually have been still living.
Well, if the rule is that it has to come from somewhere, then it had to have come from somewhere. The real eye widening question is where did that blood come from.
I like this SCP. It's cool, yet not omnicidal.
try 662
Wait, your name is Joseph, you like SCPs, WAIT, ARE YOU THE CUP OF JOE??!?!!
KaynStoopid me when I find the cup of joe
Omnicidal LMAO 🤣🤣😂🤣 🤣 😂 I'M DEAS
not if I order a cup of liquid death that is
It doesn't seem to create substance so much as pull it from somewhere else. So if it gives you pertinent medical knowledge.... whose mind did you just rip apart?
This... Actually wow. Didn't think about that!
Absorbing someone's body orally won't impart knowledge. It had to be something much different. Something that transmits knowledge until the substance itself, which is acting as a conduit for the knowledge, is completely digested and so no longer transmitting.
This is why we forget things right before the test
I had actually assumed it may have converted computer files or paper textbooks into an electrolyte solution that was digestible while imparting the knowledge the agent needed until he didn't need it anymore to protect itself, revealing that it does have some kind of anomalous knowledge of advanced chemistry and biology far beyond our current understanding.
For the liquid life did it absorb the researchers memories and recycled it back to him or did it take parts of peoples memories of him too?
"Researcher punched in (from a safe distance) request for cup of Anti-Water"
That's gonna be a hell of a safe distance for an explosion rivaling the largest nuke the US have tested.
Replace it with 'Cup of Antimatter' and you get what you expected.
*explodes*
an 8 oz cup of anti water would hold 226 grams of the anti material, 1 gram of antimatter produces 40 megatons of TNT and this would produce ...suffice to say 9,040 megatons of yield. In this instance were it tested, bright would actually be right about the one thing at scp that is over 9000.
@@fyredoesidiotgames8451 No it doesn't. The yield of 1 gram of antimatter is about 20 or so kilotons I believe.
@@mrbuttocks6772 I'm not a math guy sorry.
How tf do people on UA-cam know this much about anti water and anti material? 😂
*Orders "A cup of Whoopass"*
*Drink punches you in the face*
Upon consumption:Agent Lidhkwjbdkia felt severe pain in his face and black eyes.
@@aelloner Subsequently the agent passed out for approximately 3 hours and after waking up he appeared right in front of SCP-294 as it displayed "out of range" and proceeded to dispense another cup filled with the same liquid, this time with a message on the side "I'm not done yet" in poorly written marker. This unofficial test has resulted in the discovery of SCP-294's sense of humor. Further tests for sentience are yet to be done for SCP-294.
Dragon Slayer Ornstein another test requesting a cup of “knockout” resulted in the subject becoming unconscious for roughly 2 hours and received a mild concussion. Upon reawakening, SCP-294 displayed the message, “You got knocked the [REDACTED] out!”
A fruit punch that literally punches you in the face
Instead of a cup it drops a can of beer with Stone Cold's picture and a caption that reads "Give me a hell yeah!"
Why on earth was Joe reprimanded for being dispensed by a vending machine and almost dying?!
Because they had to now right down a report that was basically a bad pun??....
he was part of the test. he volunteered to do it. you do something stupid and get hurt you still get in trouble for it.
@@bongchoof it wasnt an official test. It was a guy who said hey go try this.
i didnt say it was an official test.
It was an unofficial test which resulted in a casualty and almost a death.
“alright, who asked the coffee machine for semen?”
I'm just imagining the guard asking this clutching his groin XD
ME
Me: “Who knows...” *sips drink*
Probably SCP-166
Dr. Bright
I feel so damn bad for this coffee machine. I just imagine it making whatever people want, and they're just testing it "ask for horse pee. It worked hehe, now ask for koala pee. It worked, hehe." - LIKE, this poor coffee machine isn't harming anyone - it just pours coffee!
Didn’t it spray boiling water at some researchers who told it to “surprise them”?
Didn't it drain the fluids of some guy named Joe?
"bro im just a coffee machine what do you fucking want from me"
@@legowattambor834 It has a dark sense of humor, and/or it was just feeling overworked and underpaid. Either way, it did do that and has no regrets, it did its job. What more do you want from it?
Cup of liquid Cup
spill the cup
get additional cup
have 2 cup
mmm cup
UUUUUhhh cup
2 girls one cu-
@@sma8357 Don't mention that memeitic hazard.
@@Triumph263 bruh that's a memetic kill agent, not a hazard!
Ask for a cup of SCP-294. Repeat until it disappears. Drink the cups and become a coffe vending machine. Ascend.
Why tf isn't this upvoted?
@@mindlessscientist3772 Dr Bright is that you?
@@mindlessscientist3772 doc. Bright? That you?
become Scp-294
A S C E N D
*[ OUT OF RANGE ]*
the Latin on the cup says "For this is my blood"
Thanks, been looking hours for this comment
I was blown away by how clever that specific entry was.
Yeah, it needs to bless the wine to make it the blood of Christ right?
Does this mean the machines controlled by jesus?
@@reggilad_9043 Nay! The machine is Jesus! PRAISE THE COFFE MACHINE FOR IT IS OUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST REBORN!!!
"surprise me" the researcher typed. SCP-294 gave him water which 'exploded' due to its temp. Cheeky fecker
Researcher 1: cup of anime.
Researcher 2: NOOOOOOOOOOO.
A cup of good plot.
It would probably be Mitty.
@@hazydoom69 Researcher 1: cup of hentai.
Researcher 2: NOOOOOOOOOOO.
@@ac69cx God damn, that was a brutal reference.
"Surprise me"
*Maniacal laughter*
"One surprise coming up!"
Cup of cup.
L I Q U I D
C U P
The cup appears to be empty.
A cup of paper mache?
The machine just dispenses an endless stack of cups
@@coconutvoid5963 boi. Yes
Can i get a cup of [DATA EXPUNGED]
No
I tried to order a cup of [REDACTED] once. It was [REDACTED], [DATA EXPUNGED] and █████
??? Did you make sure you [redacted] the [redacted] while screwing the [expunged]? Cause if you don’t do that you got yourself [redacted]
You will get nothing
OUT OF RANGE ERROR
Teach a man to fish and he'll be fed for life.
Give him an unlimited ranch dressing dispenser and he becomes a god.
Praise be Lord Fieri.
343:AGREES
btw this machine could be used to make infinite money because it takes nickles but if you ask the machine for a cup of nickles and make a nickle mold you would have turned 1 nickle into maybe 30 nickles and you could use those nickles into more nickles.
@@TheStripeTailedFiend only problem is it dispenses stuff in liquid form. If you ask for a cup of nickels it would be a cup of molten metals. If you asked for a cup of gold it would dispense molten gold. Then just let the gold reharden and sell it.
Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, feed him his whole life.
*drinks the perfect drink*
“It’s all downhill from here.”
*"It's aaalll, dooown, hill, from HEEE-"
"Hic est enim Calix Sánguinis mei"
Translates to "For this is my blood" if you're wondering
C R I M S O N K I N G as a christian i should have guessed.
Fucken clever
Well, he did ask for the blood of Christ. He probably expected that.
Just ignore the word Calix
That was helpful
"A cup of coffee that people who don't like coffee would enjoy"
"A safe and non addictive neural stimulant"
"pure LSD"
"The cure for the common cold"
or, seeing as the guy wanted the best drink possible and killed himself afterwards because everything else was bland, an anti-dote for that:
"a drink that convinces the drinker that life is still worth living."
About that last request it does exist already in the scp universe
And it's called 999
@@NintendoNerd7824 It creates cup sized clones of 999. I'd take 3.
@@dracosfire7247 it doesn't clone, it just gathers from somewhere else
A cup full of LSD would give you an OD
Campbell Rowland true, but at least it can’t kill ya, you’ll just have a nasty trip over it.
If I got that cup, I’d have one of my stoner friends portion control it.
Me: Cup of will to live
Machine: **out of range**
Me: nice
I'm pretty sure the machine's just empty.
Anti-depressants aren't that uncommon.
Random D class: Guess I'll die
Oh when I type that in it just gives me a gun and says goodbye....
you now have 420 likes, nice
Around 13: 20. Where they get the material from a supposedly extinct during myocene era creature. That implies the creature isnt really extinct...because the same request didnt work on the extinct passenger pigeon... interesting
Imagine if the machine just killed the last remaining specimen of this species and repeating the request resulted in "OUT OF RANGE."
my first thought was that there's probably one frozen whole in the arctic or something and it extracted the fluid from there
Dinosaur actually aren’t extinct, according to SCP-563.
SCP-563 is basically a dinosaur farm in China.
It raises & sells different types of dinosaurs for their meat/food.
Including eggs, raptor flavor noodles, bone tea, and chicken fried Therizinosaur.
That’s most likely where the spinal fluid came from
Cerebrospinal Fluid still persists after death, therefore it could have taken in from a fossil of that species, and I bet if the same fluid was asked of those other animals it would have been granted.
I love the anecdotes like "The best drink I've ever had". It shows some humanity in these reports from SCP's faceless researchers.
i was really expecting a 'cup of the best drink I will ever have in my life'
Would just be weird if your Requested "Best Drink i ever had" and dispensed Fe/Male sexual Fluids. I sure your not going to be leaving that room without everyone giving you the side-eye. Especially if you actually drink it lol.
Blue★
How would you know what it was? Dont judge the guy, he just has a kink.
Gordon Ramsey: *Furiously punches lamb sauce in*
SCP-294:Not in range
Gordon Ramsey: THE SCP IS ******** RAW
SCP-294: **intense sweating** *produces request in a hurried manner*
Haha
This made me chuckle a bit
i’m crying 😂😂😂
The best part of waking up, is joe’s remains in your cup!
unsure if would actually be better or worse than folgers... half kappa
You are bullet so I guess you would hate Joe he would probably end up firing you out of work on that one someone
I love me a good cup of joe
@@thecorn1689 Joe: *screams*
THE BEST
THE BEST
THE BEST
THE BEST
“A cup of Joe Mama.”
*its just a cup with the crying laughing emoji*
i would ask for a cup of bruh
A cup of pipe falling sound effect
"Cup of...core of nearest star" *SCIENCE FOR THE SCIENCE GOD*
That would be a really bad idea. You might as well detonate the onsite nuke.
You won't be able to escape what happens after that. That would blow up the site itself leaving only 294 and the spot it was at
Well If the cup can "Contain" said material we have the energy of lots of potential nukes in a cup (Assuming the cup is still mimicking the pressure of the sun to allow for fusion) Because If a piece was just taken would that small bit of material still have the pressure to do such? I leave the room either way.
Bruce Young - based on the description provided, it technically can, and can't contain the liquid. The cup itself seems to be immune to the liquid (holding that super acid from another SCP with no issue), but doesn't contain it (the boiling water splashed in 2m radius after that "surprise me" order), so while the cup itself (and possibly the machine) would survive the star's core, nothing else around it would, I presume.
I understand everyones concern that there's potential for total annihilation. Im just not convinced that the resulting plasma would be able to sustain fusion without the mass of the sun fueling it. Its temperature without this mass wouldn't be sufficient in itself.
(But i leave anyway)
I don't know what's better, the fact you can get any liquid from this thing or that it only costs 50 cents.
put in cure for cancer/coronavirus
get billions of dollars from 50 cents
Alex K
Ok, Mr Krabs
Why would you use the needs of people as leverage for sqweezing them out of money ?
Are you a capitalist or something ?
@@cezarcatalin1406 are you joking or..?
Stonks
@@BoredLoserAlpha Stronk Stonks
"Cup of anti-water". "Safe distance". What, did he press the button from space?
he got a long stick and hid behind a table
@@cap.latias6804 THANK YOU
I WAITED FOR LIKE 3 MINS SCROLLING THROUGH COMMENTS FOR SOMEBODY TO TALK ABOUT THIS
Isn't anti-water just air?
@@RuleroftheSandcastle It's talking about antimatter.
@@ShawnPattonC Oh. Alrighty then. Happy new year!
A coffee machine that is completely static. Object class: Euclid
the reason its Euclid class is because you can type and receive nearly anything you can think of,
and if some crazy person types in: "everyone" , then I think you know what's going to happen
@@AlliedMastercomputor that has nothing to do with how difficult it is to contain it
@@lightmetro7508
all fun and games until someone requests a cup of uranium
@@lightmetro7508 Important to note that containment level generally refers to the difficulty of containing an anomalous object *_and its effects._* It's not that the machine itself is difficult to contain, it's that its teleportation effect is unpredictable. It teleports in fluids from unknown sources; it's not like typing in "cup of tea" will just teleport in the nearest cup of tea, it could conceivably be teleporting in a cup of tea from the other side of the planet, or a single drop form thousands of separate cups of tea, most or all of which are outside of Foundation property. It's Euclid because its effect can affect the world at large if used irresponsibly.
@@GunReconJust request 20000000000000° water and melt the entire facility
.....I have never wanted personal ownership of an SCP more in my entire life.
Scp-999 exists
Cup of SCP-999.
Good point
Ikr
@@Solkard HAHAHAHHAHAAHA HOLY SHIT
Some coke please.
*Cocaine dispenses*
Oh hell yeah.
It can only dispense liquids though
@@simonbaker3971 when you smoke crack it turns liquidy. Not sure if thats a byproduct or whatever, but for the story, it might be funny. A paper cup of steaming crack. Everyone within twenty feet has to attend mandatory rehab for a month.
"Yep, that'll work."
Uhh Coke it cant do that it does liquids
There is liquid cocaine
I could listen to hours of experiments done with just this SCP!
Same
Same
I'm making a small book containing around 100 different experiments with this. I'll post it here soon.
Why didn’t they ask for stuff all the time?
EA6Y ImOkNotANoob please let me know. Honestly I feel a lot of memes could be involved with this scp
Me: types in “the best drink I’ve ever had “
Scp 294: *dispenses clear liquid*
Me:*drinks it*
Me: *dies*
*the liquid was later confirmed to be pure bleach*
"Can it dispense? That is the question."
Can it dispense a crowbar? Or another SCP 294
MasterM Those are dangerous questions, my friend.
+MasterM only if those can be in liquid form
MasterM the be molten metal for the crowbar. For 294 as well adding in other liquid forms of it materials
@@mast3734 yall pls have a great and or blessed life always. our FATHER LORD GOD JESUS CHRIST knows you and is always waiting at a apostolic Pentecostal baptizing in JESUS name holy ghost filled FATHER LORD GOD JESUS CHRIST loving and praising (and loving of all the above for some people) church.
honestly if this was public use im sure SHIT like this would happen
Boss: okay who requested feces again
The room:*dead silence*
That sounds like something from "The Office."
That one guy who didn't want to use the office toilet.
Goddammit Dr Bright
Two girls in a cup?
gorillaau 2 girls 1 cup *intensifies*
Me: Goes to Scp 294
Also me: “G a m e r g i r l b a t h w a t e r”
*SIMP*
*O M E G A S I M P*
“out of range”
@@berrystarcreations facts
*294 then proceeds to broadcast "simp"*
So this could probably solve and cause all problems for humanity
*DISPENSES LAVA*
Cancer “dispense cancer”
Dispenses lube
for a couple of days*
Cancer so this could probably solve and cause all problems for humanity
*DISPENSES ANTIMATTER*
Well, chemically speaking, alcohol is a solution.
I’m disappointed no one ordered bone hurting juice
... They did order leukemia.
Is this a woosh moment?
Squirrel Fish yes woooooosh
Watermeelon juice of +1 bone hurting
ouch
I would work my ass off to get level 2 clearance just for access to this SCP. When the boss asks why I want a promotion to Level 2, I will say "specifically for access to SCP-294."
Whoops there goes life
You could just have a cup of liquid kraft cheese!
SCP-294:
Me: ...Onee-chan’s [REDACTED]
SCP-294: ...Dude...
exactly what it says on the screen. just, dude.
D-class: (typing) anime girl [REDACTED]
The screen:
.....
.....
No.
[OUT OF RANGE]
If you ask for "Dr. Pepper" will it give you soda or blood? Do you have to specify like "Dr. Pepper (Soda)"?
I'm pretty sure it would display "Out of range" if it ended up selecting the creator of Dr.pepper. Remember that 294 has to be near enough to the subject to dispense some of them. And I bet the foundation site is far far away from where Dr.pepper lives. If he is even still alive. 294 can't dispense parts of him if he's dead.
@@Justacheese If he was close enough tho? Like in the room? (And alive)
I'd guess you'd have to specify.
If he was close enough and in the room then I bet it would end up just like the cup of Joe situation. Well if it chose the creator and not the cola drink. In other words yeah. Your right, you would have to be specific.
Doesn't it read the mind of the user to specify what it means though? Like "the best drink I've ever had" was put in by several different individuals and so dispensed different liquids? So unless they know a doctor with the last name Pepper, they would just get the soda?
It probably would give what the person expects it to give, if he isn't sure he probably still have something in his subconsciousness and it would probably decide.
Btw I think this scps range is huge
"Something Cassie would like"
* feels *
I always liked that entry.
Me too.
Ditto, when I heard that I was like "aww, how nice of them to think of her like that."
I wonder how scary the effect will be if you request a cup of "nightmare fuel"
OoooooOh, that's a good one. Don't drink it tho, give it to a d class.
It'd dispense local58.
Don't give Dr Bright any ideas
The Agent Toast97 My best guess (Not really)
You drink the cup but then immediately find yourself as the protagonist of SCP Containment Breach.
And I don't mean that there will just be a major breach I mean you LITERALLY experience everything D-9341 did.
It's gas to mr nightmares car
I just realised Miller says "good morning" at the start, since this scp is a coffee machine and coffee is what many people drink during the morning. Very nice detail
Gordon Ramsay: UNLIMITED LAMB SAUCE!!!!
[Could not be located]
Literally...
The cup sucks him in. A day later's he's back at work with a food-based Reality Marble...
One sprite cranberry please
**inserts Jah coin**
REAL SHIT?
Spotlight uh Moonlight Uh
294: *CURRENCY NOT ACCEPTED, PLS INSERT ROBUX*
*bruh*
Me: *Requests Juice WRLD*
SCP-294: "Out of range"
Me: :(
I once asked for "eggs" in Containment Breach. It actually gave eggs.
"Tastes just like raw eggs"
Edit: Now I wanna type in "Cure"
Skai Da Foxxo tastes like a sad emo band
You have to eat all the eggs
Zack T omg that green text was legendary
Skai it will probably dispense 049
you'd just get a cup of Zyklon B
I'm loving the idea that the foundation was, at a point, so down bad that they figured it would be better to leave an SCP in the breakroom than pay for a coffee machine
Or it could be the fact that they could get 12 ounces of pure gold for 50 cents XD
I want a cup of... SPRITE CRANBERRY
>Out of range
>too powerful
Would like but 69
"Cup of 'no'"
The answer is clear
*294: WaNnA sPrItE cRaNbErRy*
A cup of liquid capable of destroying SCP-682
*out of range*
Damn... Guess thats too much...
CUP OF SCP-001
*facility obliterated*
Rodrigo A.M cup of SCP-682’s will to live or agency
@@charliemaki6212 thats clever. But I dont think it has much of that to begin with
@@rodrigoa.m3566 it might help
The machine would blow up the universe.
The SCP 682 thing was done and it destroyed it's skin but they said they need more of it :)
So if it draws from the nearest source, then would it steal someone’s nearby coffee if someone else asked for coffee, for example? Or would it find something not in use?
Also, wow, it can take away diseases and create physical liquid versions of abstract concepts, huh? I’d love to mess with this SCP. Anyway, I felt like writing a little thing. Enjoy.
“You ask for a cup of love. The machine whirrs and dispenses a cup of a soothing purple-pink liquid. You take a sip. You expected it to taste overwhelmingly sweet, but instead, it tastes much more mellow. You immediately feel happy- not in an energetic way, but in a calm way. You reminisce about your family. You haven’t seen them in a while since you joined the Foundation. You’d gotten used to missing them and eventually put them out of your mind. Loneliness is only a distraction, after all. You remember the fun times you had with them. You remember how they helped you through hard times. You remember how much you missed them.
You remember that you are loved.”
That's the most comforting and wholesome thing I've read in a while.
You are watched, you are protected, you are loved.
Emily Cheint glad you liked it! It just kind of popped into my head. One of the downsides of working for the Foundation (other than the frequent threat of death) must be that you can’t see your family much, and that contact with them is limited.
As for the "out of range" issue, just buy a house that's next to a shop, and it'll just take liquids from the shop.
@@oliverpotts8664
shop owner "WHERE'S ALL MY FUCKING COKE GOING?!"
me, sipping a massive gallon of coca -cola "I odn't know bud, maybe a magic vending machine took them?"
we both laugh as my son orders more coke on 294
Aaaand then you force the Overseers to put you on leave half-the-year.
DR King:
Vending Machine: Apple Seeds
Coffee Machine: Apple Juice with seeds floating in it
Dimension Hopper: A message from the Apple people
I feel like Dr King would bomb every apple store within a mile radius at this point, just to be safe.
Bro, mind fucked me
Hi welcome to Starbucks
Class: Keter.
Hi, I'd like a Grande [REDACTED], with no [REDACTED] please.
C O M P O U N D
Hi welcome to Chili's
Yeah, can I get a cup of star mater?
*subject requests cup of "Australian Justice"*
*large burly fist bursts threw the machine knocking out subject before retracting back into the machine*
It would be a normal drink, but it would feel like a punch in the gut once you drink it.
Is it from Hale?
SAXTON
*HAAAAAAAALE*
*Sorry mate, but this is an Australian Server! You didn't swear enough.*
Asking for "The Blood of Christ" produces Red Wine and the words "Hic est enim calix sanuinis mei".
I honestly don't think that I will ever get over how freaking clever that is.
i do not get it
@@noobnumber8alt492 in Latin it translates to "for this is my blood"
ryan barclay like guy said, wine is used in catholic regions in sacraments . Wine represents the blood and bread the flesh
@@robertandrew5328 thx
@@spinozilla2421 thx
SCP 294 summarized: the best vending machine
With a double edge sword
*liquified chips*
I would personally deposit more than the needed amount of money into it, give it a carefully-worded compliment via the keyboard and thank it for working so hard to help people. (While politely noting in the message that it doesn't need to vend anything this time around and that the money is a gift for it) If it responds with anything positive in terms of a reaction, then it could be considered sentient, if not semi-sentient. Would lead to more data and greater understanding.
Out of range
you'd have to mean it, cause it reads minds to take requests
Dispenses a cappuccino with a smiley face on it
it will dispense a cup of gratitude.
@Paradoxical Nightmare This shit made me legitimately laugh out loud
Why don’t they put in “blood of your creator” then run a dna test to see who made it?
Actually the more I think about it, just put in “cup of ” and repeat a bunch of times and you could take out any threat, you could Kill doctor wondertainment for 5 dollars top
I don't think Doctor Wondertainment actually has blood. He strikes me as the sort of person with marzipan or nougat for a circulatory system--maybe caramel? Cotton Candy?
I'm fairly certain if you stabbed Doctor Wondertainment silly string would spray out everywhere.
Scp-342: why is there a hole in my gut?!
Katrina Payne cup of dr wondertainment brain juice. That should do it.
That be your mom and dad
It seems like this is one of those things you have to be really specific with, judging by the "cup of joe" incident. Knowing me, I'd probably ask it for a cup of "fluency in Japanese". Then I'd ask it for cups of different sodas from around the world that I've been wanting to try.
Although now I'm wondering what would happen if you asked it to dispense "blood from the nearest intelligent extraterrestrial". Would it give an "out of range" error? Would it actually give you some alien blood? Would the quiet guy in the break room suddenly collapse?
Since Greys are real in the SCPverse then yes it would probably give you alien blood
it'd probably give you liquid from one of the many alien scps
and the cup of fluency in japanese would most likely be temporary, as with the cases of the cup of medical knowledge and the cup of music
+Maintenance its really ahrd to make a Keter SCP and make it creative enough without being too bullshit, I'm guessing, and ironically Safe or Euclid SCPs are easier to think of since they can be more easily contained
Well all the best SCPs have circumstantial powers all depending on what you can think up with them, meaning they can range from terrifying to hilarious
I'd do: "A cup of the knowledge to replicate SCP 294" THEN I wouldn't drink it but instead put it in SCP 914 on 1:1 With a blank How To book, thus combining the two into readable format. Then begin the Replication of 294!
Me: I want a cup of Joe,
Machine: who's Joe?
Me: JoE MoMMa
Machine: Dispenses Joe Momma liquid
Some random guys mother gets partially liquified...
Her sons name is Joe...
The surprise me and blood of christ tests were genius level stuff
I wonder what would happen if someone were to request fictional liquids, like drinks from various ficticious works of art
It would probably say Out of Range since those liquids don't exist in our reality.
Fun fact: in the game SCP Containment Breach you can actually type such things in. For example Estus (The healing potion from Dark Souls) works and as expected it heals you.
@@Siddios Woe I didn't know that about the estus
I’ll have a cup of blue milk please.
@@Siddios Estus is literally a bottle of fire...you know that right?
*How it feels to [REDACTED] 5-gum.*
O5-gum?
Stimulate your senses
how it feels to drink 5 gum
Me:I’ll take a cup of Kyle
SCP-294: “Hums” dispenses liquid
Me: “drinks” oh god it’s monster
Cryptic Rampant my name is Kyle... don’t let me end up like Joe
2018: 'Cup of CORONA' = beer
2020: 'Cup of CORONA' = virus
By that point id just request a vacine
Coronavirus is not the name of the virus, it is a family of viruses. Covid 19 is the name of the virus.
@@nylist5762 out of range.
Can i get a cup of *GOD?*
you'd just get a cup of scp 343 and he may or may not be mildly ticked off at that.
In the game if you order god. It exploded
out of range
The result is a cup of red wine :)
*Dispenses Shaggy
*cup of bone hurting juice*
LucarioRoolz oof ouchie my bones
reverse milk
Shame they haven't updated this one in a while. I'd like to see more experiments involving 294. "something to calm SCP 682", or, after hearing about the medical knowledge drink, "cup of knowledge of all unknown SCPs". so many possibilities... or just get a peach and strawberry slushy because why not.
just knowing that some of the SCPs exist can instantly destroy the entire world so... maybe don't do that
*scp-999 is poured in the cup*
Scp-999: hi
Scientist: makes sense
Not sure if it's a good idea to activate a ton of cognitohazards...
Scientist: orders "something to calm SCP 682"
SCP-294: *OUT OF ORDER*
If I recall there was a request for "Something that would kill 682" and the site blew up, it seems there was a large scale edit and canon alignment work done several years back that removed some more esoteric and conflicting reports
A cup of America
*Dispenses out whole liquid McDonald’s menu.*
*potion of harming III*
12 ounces of frying oil
3 oz liquid guns
@@allgoodnamesaretaken6145 12 ounces of _pertroleum oil_
(Entire physical country tries to come out of machine)
Why doesn't the organization use it to harvest the gray fluid from the giant eel SCP that they use for amnestics.
That would give "out of range" as the macchine takes only from near sources instead of creating new matter
Also, 3000 releases that liquid only after human sacrifice
@@goldenmajin4073 it would probably force y-909 to be produced by SCP-3000, although the results on SCP-3000 would be unkown and probably not worth the risk, actually devising a containment procedure for SCP-3000 would be friggin hard
What if the machine can get it, but it opens like an iron maiden for a sacrifice before giving the SCP-3000 liquid...
Nah, too metal for a coffee dispenser
@@goldenmajin4073 i dunno, the cup of Joe was pretty metal
Or the happy goo from 999
I like to think the coffee machine has a brain sort of the think about what it needs and gets sad everytime theres an experiment. Like it just wants to make people perfect coffee but instead it has to suck out people's cancer and make gold
Melanie Kirkland "please just order your dream cappuccino!"
Cup of Immortality, Cup of Super-strength, Cup of Death, Cup of Intelligence, Cup of SCP-294, Cup of Half-life 3, Cup of Shadow, Cup of Sun, Cup of Life and Cup of Black Hole.
Cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of Cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of Cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of Cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of Cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of Cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of Cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of Cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of Cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of Cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of Cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of Cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of Cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of Cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of Cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of Cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of Cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of Cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of 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cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of Cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of Cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of Cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of Cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of Cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of Cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of Cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of Cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of Cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of Cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of Cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of Cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of Cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of Cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup of cup?
@@jeffreysanders612 Yah that would work too
I'd like 2 D-cups please...
Cup of Black Hole is a terrible Idea dude.
Also the classic, cup of god :)
@@watchingitallhere
receives 2 flat printouts of a cup
Fun Fact: In SCP Containment Breach, if you type 'Jarate' on 294's keypad, you will receive a cup of urine.
"Cup of Diamond"
Me: I don't feel so good......
This comment Is, still today, pure GOLD
*TA TA, DUM!*
emanuele reali wow 😂😂
You know, there are people out there named Diamond, so I would think it would do the same as a cup of Joe...
Skeppy go brrr.
I feel that
Ask for a cup of Mulan Szechuan dipping sauce and all the machine does is silently cry.
*Dispenses sauce with tears mixed into the solution
Could imagine a loud REEEEEEEEEEE sound as it fills the cup
cringe'd
Ask for a cup of whatever is inside Rick’s portal gun
The machine just yells “ERM PERKLE RERK!!!! DERP!!!!” and then refuses to serve you ever again.
Never before has a coffee machine been so fascinating. There's literally limitless options when it comes to experimentation.
These experiment log SCP's are my favorite, they always manage stay humorous.
you pronounced the latin bit wrong; classic latin has no silent letters, and so "hic est enim calix sanguinis mei" (literally "this is indeed chalice of blood my", or more accurately translated as "this is the chalice of my blood") is properly pronounced as "hick est eh-NEEM CAH-lix san-GWEEN-iss MAY-ee"
But if Latin is a dead language how do we know the pronunciation?
scholarly reconstructions based off of ancient texts that had puns, noted on misspellings, older etymologies, and (most directly) statements on pronunciation
we don't know for certain how it was, but we can make a strong guess based off of what we do know
of course, when i do mention latin, i mean classical latin (that which was spoken during the time of Julius Caesar), not ecclesiastical latin (that which is spoken by the Catholic Church and has been since the days of Constantine) nor vulgar latin (that which was spoken during the slow collapse and aftermath of the fall of the Roman Empire)
Well I'll be honest I was trying to think of a good quip for this comment but I came up empty handed. Good on you for knowing an almost dead language
@@hecticjupiter9402 no need for quips, friend. It was a genuine enquiry, not trying to catch anyone out.
ehauauauauah
Score 1 for puns!