Franz Kafka - Letters to Milena (6)
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- Опубліковано 15 вер 2024
- The Talkative Crow reading one of Kafka's letters to Milena.
Dear Frau Milena,
To begin with, so that you don't deduce it from my
letter against my will: for about 14 days now I have
had increasing insomnia, I generally don't take it
badly, times like this come and go. They also always
have a few more explanations than they really
need (this is ridiculous, but according to Baedeker it
can even be the air in Meran). And even if they
frequently are just barely visible, all these causes
can still make one as dull as a block of wood and at
the same time as restless as a beast of the forest.
However, I do have one compensation. You have
slept peacefully, even if somewhat "oddly," even if
yesterday you were still "out of sorts"-nonetheless
your sleep was peaceful. So when sleep passes over
me in the night, I know where it is headed and
accept this. Of course it would be stupid to resist,
sleep is the most innocent creature there is and a
sleepless man the most guilty.
And you thank this sleepless man in your last
letter. If an uninitiated stranger were to read it,
he'd have to think: "What a man! He must have
moved mountains here." But meanwhile he hasn't
done a thing, hasn't lifted a finger (except to
write), is living off milk and good things-without
always (although often) seeing "tea and apples" -
and in general he lets things take their course and
leaves the mountains alone.
Do you know the story of Dostoyevsky's first
success? It encompasses a great many things;
what's more, I cite it only because the great name
makes it easy to do so, for a story from next door
or even closer would have the same significance.
Incidentally my memory of the story, and even the
names, is inexact.
When Dostoyevsky wrote his first novel Poor Folk,
he was living with his friend Grigoriev, a man of
letters. The latter watched for months as the
written pages accumulated on the desk, but didn't
receive the manuscript until it was finished. He
read the novel, was delighted and took it to
Nekrasov, a famous contemporary critic, without
saying anything to Dostoyevsky.
That night at 3 O'clock the doorbell rings at
Dostoyevsky's. It's Grigoriev and Nekrasov, they
push their way into the room, embrace and kiss
Dostoyevsky. Nekrasov, who hadn't known him
before, calls him the hope of Russia, they spend one
or two hours talking mostly about the novel and
don't leave until morning.
Dostoyevsky, who always described this night as the
happiest in his life, leans out the window to watch
them leave, loses control and starts to cry. His basic
feeling at that moment, which he describes
although I forget where, was something like:
"These wonderful people! They're so good and noble!
And I am so mean! If they could only see inside me!
And even if I simply tell them they won't believe
me." The fact that Dostoyevsky later undertook to
emulate them is merely embellishment, merely the
last word that youth demands in its invincibility,
and is no longer part of my story which
consequently ends here.
Do you, dear Frau Milena, see the mystery in this
story; do you see what reason cannot grasp? I think
it is this: As far as we can generalise, Grigoriev
and Nekrasov were certainly no nobler than
Dostoyevsky, but now leave the general overview
aside, which even Dostoyevsky didn't demand that
night and which is useless in specific cases.
Concentrate solely on Dostoyevsky and you will be
convinced that Grigoriev and Nekrasov really were
wonderful, that Dostoyevsky was impure, infinitely
mean, that he would never even come close to
catching up with Grigoriev and Nekrasov, let alone
repay them for their monstrously kind, undeserved
good deed. You can actually see them from the
window as they walk away, thereby indicating
their unapproachability. Unfortunately the
meaning of the story is obliterated by the great
name Dostoyevsky.
Where did my insomnia lead me? I'm sure to
nothing that was not very well meant.
FranzK
Beautiful
Thank you for the kind words!
You should also read something from Dostoevsky or Tolstoy or other russian writers/poets! Love your voice!
Hopefully more letters will come out..
Thank you for the kind words! Hopefully, I will be recording the next Milena letter today, so it will appear either tonight or tomorrow. I confess, my knowledge of Russian writers is somewhat limited, but I am always looking around, so you never know...
The hope of Russia ❤