5 Signs of Love Bombing
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- Опубліковано 9 тра 2022
- Thanks to Apollo Neuro for sponsoring this video. Head to www.apolloneuro.com/kati35 to receive $35 off the Apollo wearable!
I've been seeing “Love Bombing” pop up a lot on social media - It’s a great mental health topic and I wanted to dive into it. Love Bombing is a possible characteristic of a narcissist and can happen in narcissistic relationships. It's a manipulation tactic used by some narcissists to overwhelm the victim with love and attention with the goal of later getting them to do what they want. Love bombing can be hard to see or identify, especially at the beginning of an unhealthy relationship, so I'm breaking down the common red flags (things to look out for) in this unhealthy relationship pattern. Let me know in the comments: have you ever been love bombed? Or have you love bombed someone else?
Here's another video that breaks down love bombing even further: • Why Men “Love Bomb” an...
I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
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Linnea Toney linnea@underscoretalent.com
I was love bombed!!! I knew it felt weird but as you stated it felt good to have this attention. I assumed this was his only way of loving, and it was all he knew, but I see now that it was just part of the plan. I have been lucky enough to have ended this relationship, but struggle with letting go bc it felt real. He is currently dating someone else and is planning to get married but still tells me he loves me.... thank you for this video bc it tells me that he is still love bombing me! 🤦🏽♀️
I am so sorry you have been through this too :( But I am glad you're out of it, and in my experience, talking about it in therapy and not seeing them as much as possible helped. xoxo
And what was his master plan? 🤔
OK sister you need block his number.
You are so allowing yourself to be devalued by this guy. Kick his ass to the curb for good.
You’re never gonna find another man when you’re hooked to this guy. Wake up. Come on get it together.
Like any narcissist, he is just trying to put you on the shelf for when this relationship fails. Very common tactic or to be used for triangulation, another tactic used by narcissists. You should be so proud of yourself for getting out. Great work!
Same! It's so sad 😞
Love bombing is essentially the first step of 'you are nothing without me'
That is why you must never forget from where you came the day before you met that person. You required nothing, and then, all was given for free.
@@AugustoCuervo-hx9pr be little bit too much
I used to believe what I was engaging in was “splitting”. Now, after being diagnosed with PTSD, I realise I was never idealising/devaluing people; I was just attempting to sort people into “safe” and “unsafe” categories, which I suppose is a form of black/white thinking, but more fear-based than anger-based. I hope this makes sense.
That totally makes sense!!! Thank you so much for sharing! Such an important distinction. xoxo
This is very relatable
Excellent insight. Something to contemplate.
Great insight! Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing this valuable information. Peace, love and gratitude!
Thank you so much! Your input helped me to clearly see that’s exactly what I’ve been doing!
after listening to this i realize that i’ve done this in almost all of my relationships without really realizing it. everything i said and felt was so real at the time and i wasn’t actively thinking “i’m going to try to manipulate this person”
I have BPD and can definitely admit I've done love bombing before with friends and dates, but never out of ill intentions. I guess that's what you call "splitting". It took me a minute to recognize the toxicity of it and explained why I was single for so long lol. Behavioral therapy and practicing mindfulness and stoicism definitely leveled me out. If anyone has BPD, trust me--it works
I also have BPD and I was also doing love bombing but because of the selfhate I knew what I was doing and hated hurting people yet I didn't stop
Yeah Behavioral therapy it's really good
Yes, meditation helps a lot! Also exercise and a clean diet because it just keeps me in a stable mood. Is just as you said, I wasnt trying to hurt anyone but it was hard to deal with reality when people didnt fulfill my expectations. Then I had to learn that nobody has the obligation to fulfill my expectations, they are my own
I have bipolar disorder and do this when manic episodes occur. I'm usually embarrassed after because it borders on stalkerish. Like I think I'm in a romcom delusional weirdness.
Did you apply ghosting too at the same time ?
i saw a tiktok on lovebombing and it made me realize that i may be a love bomber. i don’t do this on purpose but im definitely going to try and improve myself before i hurt this person more than i might have already. thank you for an informative video.
After being in a long term relationship, I had no idea 'love bombing' was a thing, until I met this person online and went through literally everything (apart from the gift giving due to LDR) mentioned in the video. It felt so weird and so rushed. I tried to play along with it but instead of feeling good I was literally scared because it just can't be real. When I decided to take a step back I've got the tables turned on me saying I'm a narcissist for being loving one day and stepping out the next HAHA. I just knew I had to run.
I was lovebombed by my ex and it was a blissful, euphoric three months before it started to go downhill. I’ll never forget how it felt, it was incredible and it was the happiest I’d ever been in my life. She was so toxic but sometimes even poison can taste good at first. I never stopped to wonder it it was all too good to be true and I was so unprepared for the hell that came afterwards.
I feel your pain been there as well just recently!!
Congrats that she is your ex now! You are moving on to much better thing!
@@ioidt Ha this was about ten years ago, I’m married to someone else now
@@joelp5093 lol
I'm curious into knowing how a woman's lovebombing looks like.
I'm a nom beautiful woman and just throwing a compliment to a man im looked with contempt and disgust
I dated a guy that love bombed me with gifts and acting like the perfect guy. Eventually I found him to be very selfish.
This happened to me in November. it was horrible and took months of therapy to recover. Thanks for this video!
Please after how many months their true color will releave?
I was love bombed. It was my first relationship and I did not have much confidence in myself. Simultaneously, I was going to a cultish church as well and these types of things were encouraged by our pastor. He told me he loved me within weeks and within 3 mos we were engaged and married by 8 mos. I ended up pregnant from our honeymoon and everything went downhill from there. I dismissed so many red flags along the way because of my insecurities, lack of knowledge and experience. We stayed married for 15 years with 3 kids and it was a rollercoaster of being put on a pedestal and devaluation. He cheated multiple times and was very passive aggressive and manipulative. It was hell and I am still recovering. It’s amazing that we get so addicted to the high from the love bombing and mistake it for love. I pray my kids don’t have to experience this and that I don’t ever experience this again.
Wow, I saw a lot of myself in that. I have always moved very fast in relationships and invited my now wife to live with me after only knowing her for a few months. We had a long distance relationship and it was easier for us to live together. Our communication was poor over video and phone due to her environment. I typically shower my significant other with compliments and try to make them feel loved. I think I have overdone it in the past.
As always, this was a wonderful video. I recommend your channel to all my family and friends. I also mentioned your channel to my new therapist. Thank you so much for all that you do.
Yep this happened to me in my last relationship. He showered and overwhelmed me with compliments and put me on a pedestal, then when I asked for something from him he haaaaated me and I was the devil. Quickly discarded me after I stood up for myself. Awful. Silent treatment was the worst and the vilification.
Congratulation that you lucked out and no longer with him!
I feel this so much. The same happened to me and I'm struggling to move past it. How were you able to move on without getting any answers? I feel stuck where I am because my love bomber ghosted then completely blocked me.
The same thing happened to me. It was devastating and I'm still healing. My advise to to watch more videos on this type of behavior to get more information. It's easy to blame yourself in the begining. Also consider seeing a therapist
Facts! Facts!!!!
@@susannorton6364Move on by realizing that it wasn't real ! They were just using you. It wasn't real true love and affection. It was all a lie. Realize that you are better than that and you deserve way more than that and that you deserve the very best! Also tapping meditation REALLY helped me get over a breakup. After tapping five minutes the thoughts of him that were constantly in my mind where I couldn't think of anything else but him were gone!!!
My wife was love bombed by a co worker on their second meeting over drinks. The Narcassist told her he loved her on the second meeting and she immediately abandoned me and our 5 and 2 year old daughters. Absolutely ridiculous and painful. He tasted her flesh and dumped her. What a fucked up weak mind my wife has.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I hope that you're okay now.
@@elmoworld850 I'm okay but forever a changed man. Trauma has that effect.
@@PJHEATERMANsame 😔 lucky to have escaped the lunatic that love bombed me, but very hard to trust again
@@ApologeticsMom But you have the ability to recognize the sociopath. You have the upper hand in any potential relationship. If he's a pure high value man you will know, if not he will be discarded as low value and unworthy of your attention.
@@PJHEATERMAN I hope you're right. And I'm really sorry to hear what you had to go through :-(
I have ADHD & Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria and I struggle with love bombing others because my ADHD kicks in and I get hyper focused on them and because I have RSD I legitimately feel crushed when they chose to hang out with other people over me. I’m very aware of this behavior and I’m constantly checking myself when I start to do it. I also communicate to people I’m excited about that I have this tendency and to call me out on it
As a people pleaser with anxious attachment issues, I have CPTSD and BPD. I blame myself for everything, which pulls me like a magnet to help the people I love. Since I met my husband, we've been learning more about our triggers and becoming healthier together. Two weeks ago, I cut off my mom, who trained me to please everyone except myself. The love bombing blocked the memories of abuse, so I thought love bombing was a normal show of affection. It's a habit I've had to unravel, since it's compulsive and deep in my subconscious. Every day is a step toward health, though, as I refuse to be a vortex anymore.
There have been several times that someone told me I was trying to guilt or manipulate them and I never understood why they felt that way, but I can see myself in some of this video. I have on accident: built up an idealized version of a person in my head, wanted to spend more time with them than they wanted to spend with me, wanted to be loved in a specific way (think along the lines of "love languages") and gotten unhappy with them if they wouldn't show it even after I talked with them about it. I've tried to inform some important people in my life and asked them to call me out if they think I'm doing it instead of silently going along with it.
I can see myself in this too. Thank you for sharing!
It's awesome that you're aware of it and working on in AND asking for accountability from others. Good luck, hope you find love in a healthy, fulfilling way!
Wow that’s big of you to admit that about yourself and also wanting to improve yourself. I commend you for that.
Same. In my case wasnt also that I was trying to love bomb anyone, I honestly felt all that at the time but gets frustrating when they dont live up to my fantasy expectations. Now I'm forcing myself to go slower, calmer
I haven't watched the video yet but I'm starting to date someone and a very wise group of ladies directed me towards this concept after I expressed some doubts. But damn... This is what love bombing can look like? 👀
I was love bombed in my most recent relationship. In the beginning it was amazing. She cared and was always in contact, she was even a bit possessive about me which at the time I found endearing. Once she got bored of me.... The cheating, the cold shoulder, the lack of communication, the lies... I tried to give her everything, but it was never enough. In the end I didn't know who I was and had been stripped of all my self-esteem.
Pretty sure she is BDP due to trauma from childhood, but I only wanted to be there for her. One day I was enough and "her person" and then one day I was out in the cold. Most painful experience of my life.
Sorry
I’m facing the same but it was after 6 months we been together. How abt you?
I'm going through a breakup right now, and I think I was love bombed. He wasn't manipulative intentionally, but he got me really excited to have "found the one" and plan our future. It made me forgive him when he wouldn't spend time on me, when he would be cruel or inconsiderate. He didn't invest in the relationship, then decided the feeling wasn't there anymore and completely dropped me. Now I feel lost and unsure I will ever find love. I'm just so angry, at him for saying things he clearly wasn't going to follow through on: but also myself, for believing him.
Good for you. Educate yourself and look for those red flags. The heart lies to us sometimes. Being with a narcissist sucks and can cause mental and physical health problems. Being with the wrong person just ain't worth it. I read a book by Debbie Mirza called the covert passive aggressive narcissist and it totally helped me understand. I got it off Amazon I totally recommend it if you're interested. I even highlighted it. She's on UA-cam too if you want to look her up.
I recently experienced the same thing and am now stuck not able to make sense of any of it or move forward. Has time helped you heal? I hope it has for you and that now 5 months later you are in a more peaceful place.
I just experienced this, this brings soo much things to life. I feel so much anger and rage.
@Hu Tao Barista I have run the gamut of feelings from devastation to profound sadness to anger and everything in-between.
The exact same thing happened to me. It felt so good to finally be “seen” and loved to such an intense level. He wanted to be with me alllllll the time. He proclaimed his deep feelings for me early on and talked about our future together. It felt like thing were going fast but I thought maybe that’s how it is when you find “the one”. Well a few months pass by and he starts to act a bit disrespectful and short tempered, and all that love and affection starts to diminish. He eventually lost interest in me and dropped me like I was nothing. I am working through letting go of him and realizing what love bombing is and how I was fooled by this person. Best of luck and know you deserve better!
This was so helpful! I thought this is what my mom was doing, but now I'm sure. You remind me that it's ok to set bigger boundaries with people who constantly try to break them.
I’ve had a boyfriend as well as a friend acting like this. The (ex) boyfriend made my life a living hell even long after the relationship ended and might very well be narcissistic, for all I know. The friend however, has mental issues and turned out to have severe anxiety among other things. She’s really not narcissistic but some of the traits of her illness are very similar.. it’s so dangerous to go around and diagnose people without knowing the big picture. Also everyone seems to have met a ”narcissist” after they’ve been dumped 😬. Myself included. Mot right to put stamps on people either way.,
This is a good way to look at it. I was love bombed and devalued by my cousin, I see her doing it now to her boyfriend who replaced me (thank goodness in hindsight because now I can step back and see what was happening.) However, she grew up with a narcissistic mother and struggles in relationships because of it. Now that I notice and am aware of her ways, I recognize them more as a lonely cry for help then a malicious tactic and I can be understanding. It's easy to paint someone as evil but it's usually just hurt people hurting hurt people hurting.... a sad cycle.
I had this friend. The pandemic gave me the space to reassess our relationship, and when no longer getting the validation, this friend (thankfully) cut all ties and vanished into thin air.
The person who makes you feel like their sun, moon and stars. They are always there, never letting you get too far from them. They cling onto you, leaving no time to reflect.
So in a way the pandemic was somewhat of a blessing because you were able to separate yourself from the person you are able to see clearly of who they really are . Sometimes, we may not be able see that person may not be good for or toxic because we’re in their company most of the time but as we get away or have some space from them we can see they may not be the best person to keep in our lives.
Thank you Kati. This was extremely helpful to me because it describes a past relationship of mine absolutely accurately. Having it explained from a professional point of view was really helpful because I often questioned my demand for healthy boundaries as me being ungrateful or selfish.
I do like the way of how she explains things that makes it easy to understand which is why I subscribe to her channel watching her videos.
Kati Morton. I haven't heard of love bombed before until now thank you for sharing this and explaining everything about what love bombed is you continue to share more things I didn't know anything about 💖
Thank you so much for your videos. I have learnt so much. I appreciate that you approach each topic in a respectful, non-judgemental way and use examples and simple language to help us understand. Hi from Australia 🇦🇺 xx
I continuously find myself in these types of relationships. However, I also have the avoidant attachment style and ASD. That being said, I can't tell if it's me being hyper-aware of love bombing or if it's me being hyper-aware of my tendency to not get close to people
Girl get out of my head!! This! It's so exhausting. I'm so lonely but I also don't want to even bother trying to seek intimacy because it will be a waste of time. I don't trust myself or anyone else.
@@waliyahw1 Hello. Just wanted to let you know that Jesus loves you very much. He is coming back very soon and He wants you to be ready.
Just go to Him as you are. You don’t have to be perfect. The only thing He requires is a full surrender of your life. Go to Him and give Him your life and everything. Once you surrender everything (from the heart). He will give you The Holy Spirit in His fullness. The Holy Spirit will then give you faith, the power to overcome sin, peace, fulfillment and above all, eternal life. You cannot do it on your own strength. It’s only by the Holy Spirit. And you get The Holy Spirit once you lay everything down, including your life at The Lord’s feet. He says in His Word “Not by might, not by power but by my Spirit”.
People think Christianity is boring. That’s because they see it as a religion. Christianity is not a religion, but a personal relationship with Jesus Christ who loves you and gave Himself for you. Having a relationship with Christ is the most joyful fulfilling thing you can ever have. Jesus changed my life and He wants to change yours as well. The reason we are all here is to fellowship with and have a relationship with God.
Growing up with both parents being cluster b types I very much learned that lovebombing is how to recognize love. Tragic, yes, but not the point... It wasn't until this year I actually found out...
"Butterflies" is often a sign of anxiety; for someone you want to form a relationship with... The feeling should be safety... 🤯
Also, love is building up, quick passion is probably lovebombing or someone who isn't in control of themselves...
Hope it may help anyone else... literally changed my life 💖
Thanks for the video Kati 💜Hope you're well. Love what you're doing!
I am so glad you liked it!! I am doing well :) Just in DC for work for a few days and then back home to our doggo :) xoxo
I was just talking about this in therapy yesterday! I had friends who love bombed. I didn't realize it fully until years later and my first round of therapy. I didn't realize friends could do that sort of thing, I just thought it was for intimate relationships. I found that alongside the love bombing was "insidious" (my therapist's wording) emotional abuse. Another thing I didn't think could happen in a friendship but boy mine had been full of it! When things got really bad and they realized they were losing control, the emotional abuse, devaluing started to really take form. I felt the knots in my stomach after hanging out with them and peaced out!
I’m so glad you talked about this, because I have doing the same without knowing it was a real thing!
I had a relationship a while back that was too perfect, and I didn’t realize the damage until it was hard to let go.
After that experience, I always say that a person that seems perfect is the biggest red flag, bc there’s no such thing.
Now, I am relieved when people show me their true self early on, in a healthy way of course, because then I decide whether I stick around or not.
I’m a bit triggered by this. Someone who seems so perfect is a red flag.
I can't seem to stay away from narcissists apparently. My family, my exes, my ex friends... like more and more I keep realizing that I'm just better off alone...
I have a video coming out soon (just filmed it last week) about why we can continue to find ourselves in a relationship with a narcissist. Hopefully that will help :) xoxo
@@Katimorton thank you Kati 😊 I'm looking forward to it. I appreciate you replying to my comment.
At some point you have to consider “……..is everyone else ok and the real problem is me?” I mean can one person be such prey to a narcissist person than the zen one a narcissist pack? That’s terrifying.
@@nobilismaximus may I ask for clarification on what you mean exactly? I already have really low self esteem and this comment really didn't help. So, thanks for that. Also, my father was a narcissistic alcoholic abused me and my whole family, physically, mentally and emotionally. Before making such comments maybe think to yourself, "is this going to hurt someone?" Have the day you deserve
They're more common than ever
I was love bombed as well and only now, after 6 months of therapy, am I beginning to recover. She really made me feel like I had found the PERFECT match, the woman of my dreams and then some. After 2 intense months, she lashed out at a friend of mine who I defended, and she discarded me in a day. I went from god-tier to trash, literally during a single night, just by defending a friend.
I didn't know it then, but I can see the manipulation now, and videos like yours have helped immensely. Keep it up!
This is something I’ve dealt with a LOT and I find it to be really common with older men who are pursuing younger women especially 😮💨
thanks for sharing this. it is so important to talk about stuff like this
Another sign of love-bombing could be that they post pictures of you all over their walls and all over their profiles and frequently tag you in posts without asking you first. Or they keep calling or texting you multiple times within a day. Or they do most of the talking, and you seem to always the one having to end the convo at some point. Then, when you say "I gotta go", they beg for an explanation. It could get tiring after a while.
So, this has happened to me a couple times. Once in a romantic relationship. That one was, honestly a bit easier to deal with. The second experience was with my last landlord. That ended in major issues. Now, this landlord was a gay man so there was nothing sexual about his actions. He just wanted all of my attention, gave me gifts, introduced me to “important” people (we were both in the entertainment industry,) and many other things. At first I didn’t think much about it. I had known him for years before renting from him and I never really liked him bc he seemed snotty. So, when he did all these things I would either turn him down or just not get excited about it. Then I got a boyfriend. Between the boyfriend and working a lot I had zero time for the landlord and he made it clear he was not happy about that. He made things very difficult for me. Then I got very sick. My boyfriend left me and I lost my job. At first the landlord thought that meant I had more time for him. But, I was so sick I nearly died. So, I spent no time with him. I focused soley on healing. He was actually angry that I didn’t give him any attention and evicted me (though I was paying rent.) That experience was way worse than the narcissitic boyfriend. The landlord knew he had power over me since he controlled the security aspect of my life. He knew I was sick, had no job, and was alone. I did end up homeless for a year and it took me longer to recover because of the intense stress. I completely blocked him from my life. (And, you know, he had the nerve to try to friend me on facebook after all this happened. Ugh) So…it’s not just romance and friendship that includes love bombs. It can happen with other types of relationships in which the person has a bit more control over your life. That’s quite alarming. Thanks for doing this video.
What a great topic I’m very weary of this I suffer general anxiety issues and cerabal palsy everyday is hard but you always make me see the
Positive side your a inspiration to me kati you have saved my life many times
I've been having a tough time too Kati WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER, MANNY BLESSING
Kati Morton, you're the best. 😃 Your videos are very helpful. Thanks!
Thank you! This is the first I've heard of this! I was a victim of this at work. I don't work there anymore but it was a family owned business and the owner is a total narcissist,, along with my direct manager. They love bombed me, but they eventually let me go after a few months. I was glad they did it- I thought they were weird and I couldn't quite explain why I thought they were odd until I saw this video. It felt like they were dating me, as in wooing me in the beginning and then they got controlling. It was stressful.
Oh gosh, this sounds exactly like a relationship I fell into last fall, right after ending a long term serious relationship. Started giving me gifts within like a week of being together, tried to talk me into moving in with him to save money, got offended when I didn’t feel comfortable with the idea of inviting his mom to my sister’s basic training graduation, offended when I asked to pump the brakes a little, etc etc. It ended abruptly, surprisingly for reasons not related to the relationship, and I felt relieved immediately. He got really mad several months later when I refused to accept a gift from him he got for my birthday lol
Throughout my life, I didnt realized I am the doers of love bombing! I was doing that definitely because of wanting to be accept in a community or to someone who I admired their values in them.. I realized this quite a few years ago, and I was feeling excessively guilty and start to avoid people from being in my victim..
I’m really fragile right now, and have been diagnosed previously with BPD.
Katie, I hope you can make more videos for BPD people and give us some hope to be healed😭
It happened to me with a friend and it was a nightmare! It took me a while but I got out of that relationship and I'm now much more cautious and careful with my boundaries!
Thank you for this video, much appreciated!
My mother is engaging in love bombing with me. I feel stupid to be 38 years old and only just seeing things for what they are now.
I guess that one can only make changes once they realise these things. Thank you for the video.
Yes, she stone walls me when I try to gather my autonomy. She only gives me affection if I'm low, never when I'm settled within myself. When I feel like this, she drains me with how wonderful she is. It's just a sick cycle and I want and need out from it. It's just hard when she's the only "supportive" person in my life.
I'm about to start seeing a cptsd therapist so hopefully I can start learning some self regulation skills and try to break free of this dehumanising bond. It's hard to understand how your own flesh and blood can treat their offspring like this.
Love bombing becomes dangerous when YOU FALL FOR IT.
If you dont, its just words and acts you can use to boost your own self esteem.
Thank you for this video. I recently started seeing someone and they have bombarded me with so many compliments and saying things like, "Im so lucky to have met you" or "I wish I can stay in your arms forever". It did make me feel uncomfortable despite the fact that I get along quiet well with this person well.
I fell victim to this twice. First one was hard and it lasted way too long. Now I’m going through trauma therapy to get over her. The 2nd one I caught on thanks to friends. She wanted to move in together, she introduced family, marriage was just around the corner for her, she got mad when i was with others or went to work. I saw the red flags and because she threatened to off herself so many times, I held on. Until my parents told me that is also a sign of abuse. Using that as an excuse to keep someone in your life is abuse. So after I told her about my boundaries and she kept on breaking them, I cut ties with her completely
Today I came across this term and didn't know what it was. Somehow I forgot to Google it as well. But now you have proved your telepathic abilities. 😅
Thank you so much.
Terrific video on love bombing. Thank you!
My ex was love bombing.
I knew he was abusive because of other things he did, but because of how loving he was I couldn’t accept it, thank you for this video, you made me realized it wasn’t me who was not loving enough, he was the one loving too much!
Thank you so so much❤
Unfortunately I was just loved Bombed and it hurts he was giving me all the time, attention ,telling me all the things I wanted to hear that he wanted me to met his family , always talking about a future together and im disappointed in myself for falling for it :( he would text me all day and ask me so many questions and after 2 months he justt stoped caring and just stopped talking to me and it hurts because I didnt expect it from him and what hurts more he knew what he was doing 🥺
Thanks for this video!! Sometimes I am afraid I'm love bombing my gf, but then realize that a lot of people make it out to be just giving gifts and compliments (which is normal to a point for relationships). Also haven't seen a lot of healthy relationships so want to make sure that if there are issues they are addressed so we aren't festering years down the line.
I love the thumbnail for this video. It's so funny! On a completely unrelated note, I have not had a cigarette for well over two weeks and I'm STILL coughing up stuff!
Brilliant vid. Thank you.
Great video 🥰
Thank you for the video! I really appreciate the context. I received a text from a someone in my life that felt "excessive" with adoration. It seemed both comical and a bit unnerving at the time because I also hadn't heard from them in months. I feel some relief when I know a term for this, and know it's not just me! It's also helpful to read about the other side; I don't think my friend meant anything bad about it. While the strategy to love bomb came across wonky, I can appreciate their need to connect (with someone).
This is happening to me now. I went no contact with part of my Mother’s side of the family. It has been 9 months. I think they realize I am really done with them now even if I lose the rest of the family. They have buried me alive trying to turn the rest against me. It has not worked so yesterday the love bombing started. What they do not realize yet…. I have sought help to recognize how they always suck me back in. I have apologized many times in my life just to keep peace. It feels different this time due to information. The praise I got yesterday bounced right off of me because I know what’s up. They want me back just to bury me again. I am 63 years old. Dont wait this long. Ive had a lifetime of this and finally I am free. It feels amazing. I will always love them but it is from a distance. Finally, I am strong enough due to information on how these tactics have worked on me many times. Thanks for the videos. They have helped me.
I wonder if people would start feeling differently about love bombing if we called it what it really is, which is GROOMING!
I wasted two years on a hopeless friendship, it started like this. The constant gift giving, always getting the tab, constantly wanting to hang out multiple times a week, this sense of generosity that I had never experienced coming from anyone else. But then there were little hints of competitiveness that I didn’t like, ignored them, and then it all broke down this week from an argument. He told me that I’ll never have a shot at making friends, that I don’t have a right to call myself a good person, and that I made a mistake by terminating our friendship because he was ‘the only real friend that cared.’ I’m honestly very shocked, but I think this is a huge step I had to make to begin my self improvement journey.
From my experience several of the love bombing red flags apply when you're in a relationship with someone who suffers from OCD and their ROCD'ish symptoms flare up. Thanks for the interesting video, Kati!
Thanks Katie! ♥️💕
I used to have a friend who would do this: calling all the time, tons of attention, compliments, etc. Then she'd start gossiping about other people, which I hate to say was amusing for a bit....but I had shared really personal stuff with her. Was she going to talk behind my back, too??!
_Of course she is!_ 🤦🏻♀️
She also loved to just, POOF, disappear and not respond to texts, calls, messages even though I was really worried about her! After about the 8th time of being discarded, and she reached out again, I straight up told her that her doing this hurt me and I was angry about it. She said she was sorry, and that she wouldn't do it again.
*BUT,* she did.
Nope. Nope. Nope.
I'm gone and the door is locked!
Could also be a person with severe anxiety you’re talking about..
I am so sorry you had to deal with that, but proud of you for putting up (and upholding) your boundaries. xoxo
Sounds similar to a friend that I had. I'm not an expert, but I'm pretty sure that she is is a narcissist. We eventually drifted apart and haven't been in contact for many months. Today I got a text out of the blue insisting that if I see her out and about, that we "pretend we don't know each other" and to also "forget that we were ever friends". We've never had a falling out. We just sort of went our own ways and I had been relieved by that. But her text today was weirdly unnecessary after no contact over a prolongedperiod of time! Btw, she's a 50 year old woman. She is very egocentric. But I find her behaviour appalling.
@@duck7237 Hello how are you how's things been some time sence I seen your name unless I missed you being here 🙂
Thank you for the information.
Wish I would have known this 6 months ago, this can be so seductive but ultimately so hurtful, especially coming out of the pandemic where many of us are craving human connections.
oh my god, i learn alot about myself by looking at your channel, thank you very much, i'm going to need a therapy session with a therapist definitely after this.
Thanks for this! I run the other way when people do this. I wind up too isolated.
Hmmmm.....interesting video and content Kati. Have others found this has happened to them?
You are 💯 on point. Thank you 😊🙏
I had this happen to me. And I did think of it as a bomb going off in my life, not realising then what was happening.
Yes I had it happen to me. He would constantly message me multiple times a day, dish out all these compliments and say that I'm just not used to them, would suggest activities constantly and make plans without asking if I was even available, give excessive gifts etc. It made me feel highly uncomfortable. It's not nice.
Great video. Please could you do a video on normal interest vs toxic love bombing. X
I've been love bombed. Yup, at first I loved that he took me out to dinner twice a week, rented fancy cars to take me to events and such. If we went into a store and I looked at something, he wanted to buy it for me. It's hard not to think that someone nice has FINALLY come into your life to treat you right. The early morning emails, calling when he got home (20 minutes away) because he "missed" you. After a short time it did feel a bit weird. I explained that this wasn't my kind of lifestyle (I'm quite a homebody). Then he started pulling away, the emails were hit and miss, he would SAY he would message me when he got home, but he didn't. Then I'd worry that something had happened so I called to check, but he didn't answer. Later he would say his phone died. His phone died a lot at interesting times. Then the insults started. Not in front of anyone we knew, but definitely in public. When I questioned it, he said he was joking. I never knew if what he said was true. It was a crapshoot if he would do what he said he was going to. Then, the guy who "missed me" in 20 minutes wouldn't return my calls, didn't return messages for ages, and was always "busy". I tried to get together with him for a month before I broke up via text. What do you do if they won't see you?? We had been dating 4 1/2 years. I can't believe it took me so long to get out.
I hope Kati is doing well. I pray for Kati doing well.
I didnt realize I have this kind of persinality. I wasn't aware I was doing it. I thought i was doing romantic eventhough i was just courting her. So lucky and glad i found your perfect message and insites. Thank you so much.❤
This is so spot on. All of it!!
I agree with you Katy 💯. I was love bombed in the beginning of my previous relationship. I wasted three and half years of my life. He couldn't buy me any gifts because he did not have a job. When I mentioned a job, he would get very upset. Oh you on that again. He wanted to spend a lot of time with me and even moved into my apartment for the first year. I was so sad that he would never let me meet his parents. I want to add that I never got to meet his parents either. I always felt that in his mind. I was silly and dumb and not the one for him. There was a twenty year age difference. I feel so abused, mistreated, and devalued. I was a good woman to him. On June 19, 2023, I decided to end the relationship. Things were so off. He didn't care how much he hurt me financially and emotionally. He was normally consistent with checking up on me. He didn't check up on me the whole day in the past Sunday. I knew in my heart that he had found another woman. I hope to gain a healthy relationship next time. Narcissistic and toxic men get on my nerves. They only care about themselves and feel their point of view is valid. Life is crazy enough dealing with their narrow minded thinking.
My last friend ~ this is spot on!!
Katie, you look glowing😍
Hi Katie, I've just gone through a 4 year Msc in psychotherapy. Another student who I have been very close to recently dropped off the course in the final year. She was feeling overwhelmed and while I worked very hard to support her I have a lot going on in my own life, not to mention ,I also need to finish my dissertation. Anyway, out of nowhere, she has accused me of not being as good a friend to her as she has been to me. She sent a text message and because I didn't reply immediately, she attacked everything about me and continued to attack after I've explained from my perspective. I'm feeling so attacked personally as she undermines my feelings and questions my priorities over her "loving and supportive text from a great friend" and calls me a bad friend. Your video has really helped me see what's happening here, thank you.
I am currently experiencing number 1,2 and 3. But my healthy boundaries are being respected and I am told that she understands that I am not 'there' yet. I had to stop the excessive gifts since I am not able to always reciprocate. It was I love you on day one. Shes beautiful and treats people so well, but has a history of extreme childhood trauma and abuse. I just dont want to be used to fill a void or to heal pass wounds. She bought a ring for herself to wear to show that we are together...
Kati, you're such a sweetheart
This is exactly what a good friend is going through 😢
I was love bombed in the most recent relationship I was in with a woman eleven years older than I am. It was the first relationship I had been in with a woman. I was blindsided by how abusive this woman was toward me.
I understand now with retrospect some of my behaviors could have been perceived as love bombing. However, when I have and received love that was so pure, giving groceries when my girl was low in her fridge or occasionally a few times per year going on a spontaneous trip was ways to show despite our differences we come together and show love and affection - putting our differences to the side. I’m all for transparency, therapy and understanding conflict when it arises. Ultimately there’s always somebody better out there if you don’t feel right, but I honestly feel that true selfless love and creating an inseparable bond comes with some sacrifice, giving and receiving. So a cynical mind can unnecessarily latch on to these ideals and I feel I was mischaracterized as a love bomber when I just gave from a place of pure love and total acceptance of my partner. But they saw me as love bombing, and it broke my heart knowing I never gave to compensate I gave to appreciate of my time, my spirit and my energy.
Oh man, I've been through this before with romantic and platonic relationships. It's hard to ride the line on this topic because I'm naturally a pretty affectionate partner but I've done a lot of work to set up healthy boundaries with friends, lovers and family throughout the years. In general, love bombing sounds exhausting. Hahaha
As someone who was a victim of a series of cults, this is part of the story.
I don't know how people are going to react to this, but I actually love bombed my best friend for a long time... I did know something was wrong, I felt bad, anxious, and lonely every time we weren't talking. I missed her, because for the longest time, we were everything for each others, we were unbreakable, and yes, it was from both sides: she always asked me for help, trusted me with her deepest and more troublesome issues, and I was able to help her with all of them. I actually helped her with every relationship she was in, giving her advice when I noticed the other people doing something wrong, but also suggesting her to calm down and take things slowly, encouraging her to love that person when I knew it was the right one (she has an Avoidant Attachment style, so that's why she sometimes felt scared of showing love, even when she feels it)
I didn't want to treat her wrong... I notice what I did, and I regret. I want her back, I want my best friend back, but I know that if I text her, I will end up being the same way, indulging in the same wrong behaviors that led to her putting me aside. I was the one deciding that I was going to move away from her, after she told me she is not interested in being that best friend she was before (totally understandable)
Love Bombing, from the perspective of the person that does it, is not always a sign of a terrible human being. It is, in most cases, but in some, is just the sign of someone who just doesn't know how to handle their emotions, who needs something they can't give themselves, as it happens to me. At least, this is what I would like to think it was my case.
What can I do to never fall into these behaviors never again... But how? What can I do to fight that urge to being with someone else? Thanks for the great video! I would love to see you talking about the other side of this issues at some point.
Much love, take care, and thank you for your time, random internet user. Have a great day~
Thanks for letting me know...I'll be careful ....for my next victim..
Excellent topic choice!! (That was not a love bomb.)
Is the difference between love bombing and genuine appreciation only the continuation of the devalue/discard cycle? I know I tend to not take it seriously when people extend even mild flattery as "just yankin" my chain".
I've experienced this with a few former friends and My mom even though it was hard for me to see at first when I was younger now that I am older I finally understand what "love bombing" feels like and looks like. Even my mom she would call me disrespectful, a user and a abuser, or selfish. Then she would to buy me stuff out of guilt
Me then as an INFJ, truly sincerely love my friends and crush to the fullest, got misunderstood as love bombing and everyone abandoned me, man, what a world i live in
*_Part Two: "Does the the person who is "Lovebombing" know they are "Lovebombing"?"_*
*_Are they doing it on purpose, to manipulate; do they know this method works, therefore they do it?_*
*_I think a lot of less handsome men automatically "Lovebomb" a more attractive woman/girlfriend, without having a mental disorder._*
Edit for spelling.
I have BPD, anxious attachment and love bombed someone without realizing it. At first I thought I was the one who was love bombed since my girlfriend was the one who mentioned marriage and kids and initiated a lot in the beginning then started pulling away. I realize it was me who love bombed after watching this video. Now I feel bad that I am the one at fault and not her. I was the one getting upset when she didn’t respond in time or when she wanted to do things with other people and not me. Or when she didn’t want to see me as much. I am still a bit unsure because I think once every 2 weeks is a normal amount to want to see your partner. She has been stressed and busy so it’s been about 3 months since we’ve seen each other. She pulled away so I do feel discarded but I definitely have some of the traits described in this video.
I have experienced this from a friend i had that have Borderline and PTSD (She did not agree with the borderline herself and maybe she was right but had some other combination) She was very lovely and wanted me in on everything and just felt like a genuine "gal pal", that called me every day, talking for at least one hour and we could talk about anything and everything.
She was also going though a tough divorce and they have a young kid, and the guy had gotten a new girlfriend that sounded nice (and good for him honestly) but there was ALWAYS drama between them. She also asked me to go with her to court and stuff like that, she wanted me with her and her son on vacation, she wanted me to help make her sons birthday party and attend it too. I was chosen to be her family and she relied on me for everything.
Also every time she found a nice guy that treated her nice it fell apart, because she made it difficult for them, her son was not allowed to know about them or meet them and she have him full time, she also demanded a lot not giving any of her own comfort up.
Eventually i said no to her, i didn't pick up the phone and wrote her that i was tired or busy, i distanced myself a little, she got other friends though the school she was in, so that helped ease my way out, but it was sad to see how much i actually meant to her when i wasent able to live up to the "110% that she gives in a friendship" because i had a life besides her with a boyfriend, his and my own family and friends, also i was getting off my medicine at the time..
Walk softly my friends. Eventually you'll find your way. When I walked away I felt and saw truth.
I have been love bombed a couple of times. Usually we also get this feeling of: hey! step on the brakes, step on the brakes... step on the brakes.. it's been less than a week and you're already talking marriage before I even met you in person! During the abusive cycles, they will also throw bread crumbs of idealisation, and love bombing in order to keep you around. That's what narcissists will do.
Can you love bomb someone without necessarily having BPD or the other disorders you mentioned but can it come from a lack of self worth that you over extend love at the beginning in hopes of not loosing this person you newly enjoy being around. Kind of coming from a place of thinking you need to do all the extravagant things and gifts to have anyone enjoy or want to spend time with you?
This is such serious topic ! Especially good looking people have a hard time with this one ! Physical attraction
I had a best friend who had unmanaged BPD and she did everything described in the video. Weird how love bombing can also develop in friendships.
I feel I am a bit of a love bomber. I need to calm down and respect people more. (I didn't realise I was doing it but I am new to all of this)