Guilty as charged on so many counts😂! A good reminder that I can really only work on myself;), as I deal with friends who suffer. Super helpful for loved ones.
Wow, sister’s been trying to pick fights with the people running the treatment centre and pushing me around…once again great advice from Amber here! You rock girl!❤
My humble attempt to summarize: 7 [13] Clear signs you need to set stronger boundaries, are when you … 1. … feel resentment 2. … feel irritation 3. … feel super guilty for saying no 4. … don't accept when other people ask you to stop or back off 5. … are accused you of being controlling 6. … override other's autonomy 7. … often make passive aggressive comments 8. … feel like you're obligated to fix other people's problems 9. … set limits but then you don't stick to them 10. … have a tendency to lecture or nag 11. … can't accept it when other people don't agree with you mostly 12. … help people even when they tell you they don't need help 13. … confuse not listening with not agreeing
Thank you Amber! I set the boundary to my spouse that if he is drinking then we cannot hang out, talk chat…. But then I feel like, I’ll never be around him… this is a reasonable boundary?
My husband does that bringing food home thing, too, even after I've said I don't need anything. I appreciate him asking, but why ask if he isn't going to take my answer? lol
QUESTION...I set a boundary of no longer dealing with craziness during drunken blackouts. Now AH still drinks until bottom of bottle is dry but is quiet and goes to bed. So, result was "respect" for boundary but still an alcoholic with multiple weekly bindge drinking episodes. What should my boundary been?
This is a good example of how being specific can back you into a corner. My guess is that even though he isn't acting obnoxiously anymore, you still feel crazy because of his drinking. Creating a boundary to encompass that might have to be a big one, like... I don't want to be in a relationship that feels so one-sided. But that's taking a big stand, so you have to really think it through. P.S. I'm honestly really surprised that he followed through with your request!
When my adult daughter says “don’t ever talk to me again, I’m don’t with you”, do I understand correctly that she isn’t setting a boundary but stating a rule?
Yes, technically, she can't control whether or not you call her. She can control whether she answers your call, or blocks you etc.... You can only set boundaries for yourself. You can't set boundaries for another person.
Question: What type of boundary to set to an addicted spouse, who doesn't work or contribute on anything for the household or children, continues using, and doesn't want to leave the house? Every 2-3 weeks he disappears for a few days and comes back like nothing is happening, and he doesn't want to talk about the problem, or find a solution, he only avoids me, denies the issue, ignores me, or say something like, "that sounds like a 'you' problem, because you are the one who has issues with what I do or I don't". So I don't know how to respond....He comes home to refuel, sleep for consecutive days/nights, feels better, an he's gone again saying he is going for a "walk" and coming back 5 days later. He feels like he is doing us a favor coming back home. I pay mortgage, so I can't leave the house. He's also in the title. I don't have family here or anywhere else to go, and currently paying rent is more expensive than paying mortgage, without counting I'm already struggling financially by doing everything on my own. So what boundary can I set? Thank you so much, Amber!
Sorry to hear ur going through this, I’m surprised you’re still with him. I did it for ten years, he would disappear once was for 5 months, he’s cheated on me, I spent $60,000 on him, he sent me bankrupt, the constant blaming me. He even said I put him in jail. Hmm I wasn’t the one using drugs and stealing. I asked him to leave in Nov 2022, it was hard at first, I’m still struggling with the trauma he put me through with me feel drained and exhausted. I was living in survival mode on edge on adrenaline for years. Once he was gone my body showed by hair loss, so tired I was worried I had cancer. But it’s the stressor has gone and then it all hits u.
I don’t mean to be harsh, but why are you still with him? Would you marry him again today if it was your wedding day? I would divorce him, honestly. He doesn’t sounded like he respects you or has the least amount of interest in sobriety. An example boundary would be, if you leave for more than a day again, I am filing for divorce. Not sure of any less severe ones you could do
@@EdimentalGardens Thanks for the boundary idea, at this point I think he doesn't care if I divorce him or not, but at least I would not have to talk or explain anything else to him, just move on with my life.
I have a few videos on that topic, so I'm not sure exactly which one you're looking for. But here's my most recent one: ua-cam.com/video/eX0t1pWpZls/v-deo.html
Guilty as charged on so many counts😂! A good reminder that I can really only work on myself;), as I deal with friends who suffer. Super helpful for loved ones.
Wow, sister’s been trying to pick fights with the people running the treatment centre and pushing me around…once again great advice from Amber here! You rock girl!❤
😀😀😀
My humble attempt to summarize:
7 [13] Clear signs you need to set stronger boundaries, are when you …
1. … feel resentment
2. … feel irritation
3. … feel super guilty for saying no
4. … don't accept when other people ask you to stop or back off
5. … are accused you of being controlling
6. … override other's autonomy
7. … often make passive aggressive comments
8. … feel like you're obligated to fix other people's problems
9. … set limits but then you don't stick to them
10. … have a tendency to lecture or nag
11. … can't accept it when other people don't agree with you mostly
12. … help people even when they tell you they don't need help
13. … confuse not listening with not agreeing
Spot on Joanne! 💯💯💯💯💯💯
Wish Amber was my sister 👧🏻
Awww you're so sweet!
Thank you Amber! I set the boundary to my spouse that if he is drinking then we cannot hang out, talk chat…. But then I feel like, I’ll never be around him… this is a reasonable boundary?
My husband does that bringing food home thing, too, even after I've said I don't need anything. I appreciate him asking, but why ask if he isn't going to take my answer? lol
hahaha. Glad I'm not the only one! It's some sort of care taking thing, I suppose.
I am guilty here of all of the above!
You're in good company 😜
Same here 😢
Very nice
Thank you!
Hi! Do you have any videos of addiction and how to manage it?
Thank you 🙏🏼 🕊🫶
Thank you for watching and especially for taking the time to leave a comment! You're the best 😀
I like the communication quiz
Thanks Karen! 😀😀😀
QUESTION...I set a boundary of no longer dealing with craziness during drunken blackouts. Now AH still drinks until bottom of bottle is dry but is quiet and goes to bed. So, result was "respect" for boundary but still an alcoholic with multiple weekly bindge drinking episodes. What should my boundary been?
This is a good example of how being specific can back you into a corner. My guess is that even though he isn't acting obnoxiously anymore, you still feel crazy because of his drinking. Creating a boundary to encompass that might have to be a big one, like... I don't want to be in a relationship that feels so one-sided. But that's taking a big stand, so you have to really think it through. P.S. I'm honestly really surprised that he followed through with your request!
@@PutTheShovelDown I got Exactly what i asked for. 😁 AH thinks I'm ungrateful at his "accommodation" 😡
Good gosh almighty...this is hard.
Sounds like you got what you asked for, so what do you think it should have been?
When my adult daughter says “don’t ever talk to me again, I’m don’t with you”, do I understand correctly that she isn’t setting a boundary but stating a rule?
Yes, technically, she can't control whether or not you call her. She can control whether she answers your call, or blocks you etc.... You can only set boundaries for yourself. You can't set boundaries for another person.
Question: What type of boundary to set to an addicted spouse, who doesn't work or contribute on anything for the household or children, continues using, and doesn't want to leave the house? Every 2-3 weeks he disappears for a few days and comes back like nothing is happening, and he doesn't want to talk about the problem, or find a solution, he only avoids me, denies the issue, ignores me, or say something like, "that sounds like a 'you' problem, because you are the one who has issues with what I do or I don't". So I don't know how to respond....He comes home to refuel, sleep for consecutive days/nights, feels better, an he's gone again saying he is going for a "walk" and coming back 5 days later. He feels like he is doing us a favor coming back home. I pay mortgage, so I can't leave the house. He's also in the title. I don't have family here or anywhere else to go, and currently paying rent is more expensive than paying mortgage, without counting I'm already struggling financially by doing everything on my own. So what boundary can I set? Thank you so much, Amber!
Sorry to hear ur going through this, I’m surprised you’re still with him. I did it for ten years, he would disappear once was for 5 months, he’s cheated on me, I spent $60,000 on him, he sent me bankrupt, the constant blaming me. He even said I put him in jail. Hmm I wasn’t the one using drugs and stealing. I asked him to leave in Nov 2022, it was hard at first, I’m still struggling with the trauma he put me through with me feel drained and exhausted. I was living in survival mode on edge on adrenaline for years. Once he was gone my body showed by hair loss, so tired I was worried I had cancer. But it’s the stressor has gone and then it all hits u.
I don’t mean to be harsh, but why are you still with him? Would you marry him again today if it was your wedding day? I would divorce him, honestly. He doesn’t sounded like he respects you or has the least amount of interest in sobriety. An example boundary would be, if you leave for more than a day again, I am filing for divorce. Not sure of any less severe ones you could do
@@sharonscott1776 Thanks for sharing your experience :). I'm sorry you went through this for so long and glad you are ding better now. Take care!
@@EdimentalGardens Thanks for the boundary idea, at this point I think he doesn't care if I divorce him or not, but at least I would not have to talk or explain anything else to him, just move on with my life.
👋🕊🙏🏼
?Amber, on average how long have you found it takes a drug addict to start to come back from their psychosis?
Yikes… I didn’t realize how terrible of a wife I have been, it helps fortify my divorce decision though.
Could you please give me the link where you explain what to say if they are lying to you.
I have a few videos on that topic, so I'm not sure exactly which one you're looking for. But here's my most recent one: ua-cam.com/video/eX0t1pWpZls/v-deo.html
The quiz is linked in the description under Free Communications Quiz
👰 😂🤣