I'm low key obsessed with you. I've learned so very much on how to handle my situation and actually have empathy for my husband who has a moderate alcohol/gambling addiction. You're 1 of my best friends and I've never even met you. This career was made just for you.
Same. Everything feels lonely. I have accepted the lack of love in my life and accepting where you are and starting to be with you ,it gets easier. I lost my mom so half of my heart was gone and now the other half is dying as well in this chaos.
Me too. This is such a complex disease for parents to manage but the system isn't set up for support of adult children who don't have the capacity because of the addition but yet they have to consent to receive help. The system definitely does not make it easy for addicts to receive help
I am doing the same...My 25 year old daughter is an addict...I am the sole supporter of her and her 4 dogs. Its been about 3 years and getting worse and worse. I about burst out crying in the first few minutes of this video because what she said is SO true. I am depressed, lost, hopeless and exhausted. I have myself on auto pilot to get through my work day. Thank GOD I work from home so I don't have to actually get ready and drive somewhere. It is extremely lonely here. My heart goes out to all going through this horrible beast of a situation.
My heart is with Lydia. I also faced emotionally abusive behavior from my son last year within months after he moved in with me after living with his dad in another city (using drugs & alcohol) for about 3 years. I have slowly learned from his dad he became physically violent with his dad at times and his younger sister. I was shocked to learn this. My daughter and her dad are struggling with PTSD from his explosive destructive behavior which happened infrequently but when it did he blew up like a volcanoe. When he started to become verbally abusive with me last year, I warned him he had to stop or he would have to move out. He didn’t stop after months of warnings and he started to frighten me with his escalating bullying behavior and abuse. Finally, I locked him out of the house one night (got his key before I did it) when he went out for a smoke in the middle of the night after screaming at me horrible names. He was so shocked I locked him out, he didn’t even have his shoes on! It was summertime so he wouldn’t freeze. He kept pounding on the door to get in. I told him to leave and go to the shelter. He wouldn’t leave and I had to call the police. They came & got his shoes, jacket, backpack where I threw some clothing, his phone, wallet and toiletries in quickly while they kept him outside. He was driven to a local shelter. He stayed inthe shelters for 6 months until winter, lost a lot of weight but was shocked into realizing his behavior was off the charts unacceptable with me. Fsmily managed to find him housing - a small bachelor apartment where he has lived alone since last December. He hates living alone but it is best until he is in recovery since he reverts back to bullying aggressive behavior when he is manipulating or upset about something. I also had to move away to an undisclosed address by January of his year because he regularly would show up at my door in usually inthe middle of the night last year demanding to come in. Police were called to remove him several times. They strongly advised me to move and tell noone my address since he was directing a lot of his rage toward me who is closest to him and the one who has been trying to help him the most for the last few years. I had to resort to drastic steps - kick him out to the street and move but I am safe and he doesn’t harrass me anymore by showing up at my door unexpected. I visit him at his apartment only. Sometimes he gets abusive with me while at his place and I quickly and calmly leave and go home. So now he gets an immediate natural consequence for his abusive behavior with me - I just leave and go home with no worries of him showing uo at my door to harrass me. He regularly asks to come over to my home and I tell him when he is in recovery and stays in recovery for a certain period of time I will revisit the idea of him knowing where I live inthe city and whether he can visit me. Even my sisters who live in the same city don’t know my new address because he has regular contact with them and I don’t want him bullying or manipulating them for my address or they inadvertantly let it slip where I live. I have had to resort to drastic measures to protect myself from my son which is very sad but necessary. I finally can sleep peacefully at night knowing I am safe and don’t have to put up with his abusive behavior anymore. I just walk out his door and drive home. I share my situation here because I am concerned Lydia for your safety. Your son is escalating his behavior with you and this is not safe for you. There are no consequences for his unacceptable behavior right now and it is not going to get better while he remains in addictions until something changes. Abusive behavior - physical, verbal, emotional is a no go zone. It only gets worse. Now my son is acting much more respectfully toward me most of the time and if he does start to yell & call me names and I leave immediately he knows he has to apologize and take responsibility. The other day he agreed he needs to start working with a counsellor to help him better manage his emotions. Not easy to fo when heavily abusing drugs and alcohol but he understands he needs to change and is willing to try or I stay away from him totally. He doesn’t want that but he understands the immediate consequences for being abusive. He had to be kicked out and eventually set up In his own apartment and me moving before he finally gets it - abusive behavior will not be tolerated by me anymore. Very hard for abusive addicts living with loved ones to get deep in their core. Hardest thing I ever did in my life to kick out my son to the street for 6 months. But now the situation is safe for me and better for him. You can do what you know is right and good for you and your son. Hang in there and work at it smart. Amber’s videos are full of wisdom for doing it right. Praying for you, your husband and your son to stay safe, healthy and moving forward.
Thank you for sharing your story. I can see the similarities. Addicts are ruthless to the ones who love them because the emotional blackmail works on us, but you are right about needing to be smart and you were. I'm inspired by your strength, thank you.
@@lydiamilanovic1761 Lydia, I am in Toronto and in a roughly similar position. Caught this video tonight (after days of bingeing her videos). Perhaps we can meet for a coffee sometime, for mutual support, if you’d like. No pressure. I’m not a “bot” or a scammer lol, real mother. It’s just we are in the same city and I don’t know ANYONE in my position so have no “peer” to talk to. I’ve looked for Al Anon programs but I think they all shut down over the past two years due to pandemic. Hope to hear from you.
Your story is so moving and really hit home for me. Just last month I visited my elderly parents (I live in a different country). My sister has BPD and is addicted to drugs. She's abusive and totally nanipukating everyone. She gas no interest in rehab. Everyone is walking on eggshells. The police came to de-weapon her. Now I'm paying her medical bills for the chronic meds. We don't know what to do. Your story helped ne and I'll share it with my family.
Be careful starting relationship with him. A young man killed his father but he really wanted to kill his mom. He berated her constantly and she knew her day was coming. He killed her ex , his father first so he's in prison.
Oh wow...I was just talking about this today. I think I said if another person tells me to take care of myself I will scream. I know they mean well but I'm thinking how can I take care of myself
This was so enlightening to me. I’ve lived through it with not only my spouse, but my child as well. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Recovery does happen, thank God, but yes, it’s so very tough to go through.
Thank you for this because I didn’t want to hear self care or meditation. When you are in a crisis it consumes you so you really can’t think about anything.
You gave me hope that I had none and now because of you I'll be able to raise my 3 beautiful children with my sober husband and have the life I always dreamed of A million times thank you
You nailed it a-GAIN! I Hate, Hate, Hate that term, ‘SELF CARE’ I was in a total trauma bond situation. We ( my addict-boyfriend and I) are OFF … again. I keep telling myself “never again”… and will slowly recover… but he will start reaching out again… usually a month. Ive tried everything, blocking him, unfriending him, traveling, etc etc. I am alone and depressed now. Feeling hopeless about my own future. Im not 21 anymore… far less life left to make the rest of it work happily…
Hi Amber..thank you for opening my eyes to what i think I already knew..(if that makes sense) but never let in surface in my own head. I always think that im overthinking when it comes to accepting my adult sons alcoholism. It's been over 15 years and I just now have begun to accept how bad his addiction to alcohol really is. I came across your vidoes and have watched them daily for the past week. Once again thank you for your insight on the topic of addiction.
Hi Amber, I recently discovered your videos before Thanksgiving. I think you are a great asset to the mental wellness community and while I am not struggling per se, I enjoy listening to what you say and how you say it. I think you are talented/gifted in explaining and in reaching people and... very needed for this community or frankly any community! We all have issues. :) Just wanted to say thanks for this content.
Amber, re Lydia. Can you please let her know that I am in a similar position and ALSO in Toronto Canada, and ask her if she wants to meet sometime for a coffee, for mutual support. Thanks for all these videos, I’ve been watching so many these past couple of days ...
Thank you !! I’ve been dealing with addictive husbands and kids and lost my daughter to addiction and my son still struggles after like 9 times in treatment as is currently in bad relapse again at the age of 42 !! I’m a mess for 20 yrs .. I get the whole “ self care “ advice which makes me wanna gag
Peace to you Lydia. I feel your frustration. My son is 33 and in and out of my house. He is an alcoholic and can be verbally abusive. I refuse to give up hope and I wish you all the best for your family as well. ✌️
Wow, I can totally relate to Lydia's story. My son is 24 years old and addicted to opioids and can be verbally abusive and mentally abusive. It is so hard and taking a toll on me and our family.
Once again using your methods my husband's Is sober for over 6 months I will like and comment on as many as your videos as possible to help the algorithmI will also shareThey videos with just about anyone I can
Big love to Lydia. You sound like a really good person. Your must stop your son breaking your heart by letting him make his own mistakes and decisions. Step back, as Amber says and let him start being responsible for himself. He his 25 and not a baby. Don't let him control, or make you feel ashamed or guilty.You have every right to happiness and a better life Lydia. Hope you start enjoying things again soon. Best Wishes XXX
Amber our situation is so hectic. It is not about us snooping or checking our son, but the fact that he regularly steel from us. We have lost so much due to him steeling from us. We know he uses a substance and he admits that he is an addict, but he just says he can't stop. We have to check on him in the sense of making sure he doesn't steel. We literally have to lock everything up. And he constantly make deals with the wrong people by getting stuff from them to sell. They want a certain amount for the item, he sells the item but don't give them the money, then we always have to pay them otherwise they threaten him, and these people will really kill him if they don't get their money. This is causing so much chaos and arguments. And no matter what, he doesn't stop. So what do we do about it? We cannot live like this. It's emotionally draining us. We can't just put him out on the Street because then his life will be in danger. He has been in rehab last year,but after a few months he relapsed. We are trying to get him into rehab again, but we don't have the funds as it is very expensive here in South Africa. There are free regabs, which they call grace beds, but it is very difficult to get him into those rehabs as there is a long witing list
@Amino Acids the police don't do anything. In South africa a theft case is only serious if it is thousands of Rands worth. He's been locked up twice, but it didn't seem to work. Maybe we are guarding him.
Hi. I recently visited my parents in South Africa and had to face the same situation. You can contact the South African Federation for Mental health. They'll give you good advice. Medical insurance covers 21 days in psychiatric clinics and 15 treatment sessions. There are also good stare facilities like Weskoppies. All the best to you. It's heartbreaking. My sister is an addict, lost everything and now lives either my parents, who are in their 80's!! She's in total denial and making life unbearable for everyone.
I've got a lot empathy for Lydia. Her relationship with her son is 100% relatable, especially when she talked about the abuse being a tornado when it comes and some addicts being more compliant or people pleasing whereas some are more like a "bad patient". It's good to hear the wilful and stubborn ones are better at sticking once they get on the right side, too.
My son is in very active addiction with fentanyl and meth he has already been homeless due to consequences and was stabbed when he was out there. I have so much compassion and empathy He is now in housing in Los Angeles through their homeless housing program but is still active in substance and perhaps worse. I have heard through his outreach worker he has had visitors and they are of course using together. He does not want me to go see him for reasons that I’m know is because of what’s going on . I am. I am trying to respect his wishes as I feel like it will cause something worse due to his shame if I were to just show up unannounced I have so very conflicted as to if I just go there the trauma for him and myself . I saw him when he was homeless and it was so shocking that I am in grief every day. People suggest I just go over and I feel like I am frozen and being careful when it comes to others advice. There was a time he was I’m methadone and could not continue to get himself there so I have been proactive in discussions with him when he is receptive. Now that communication has ceased except for some texts. I feel like part of my self care is not going there to be traumatized yet my mom heart feels I’m not being a good mom if I don’t. I don’t have any family partner etc . So alone in this forcing myself to start the engine .
My marriage, It feels like I’m living in a house that is on fire and he keeps telling me there’s no danger, that it’s OK, it’s no big deal, that it’s just this “one thing” but I’m watching everything burn down and it’s getting out of control and I don’t know what to do… -the spouse of a meth addict
I had to block my ex of 15 yrs who's addicted to opiates, Heroin, Fent and Cocaine. His chaos was turning my life upside down with all the ridiculousness and lies. I was helping him so much that I let myself go. I was literally going crazy. We haven't been 2gether in 1.5 yrs now. I still miss him.
Thankyou for your thoughts and advice ..I’m excited foe my life, not being able to control my addict and allowing her to grow up and live the life she has chosen ...but always willing to bring love into the situation where possible ... I’m going to start today ❤
✋🏼 BPD and addiction. Yes, just rolling with the punches and putting out fires. Everything is a crisis and I’m walking on eggshells! I can’t take a bath because she’ll steal my wallet, call a dealer to bring her something, sell herself to get drugs, sneak out to go drinking - it’s awful and it’s been months and months of this. Yep, you can hear my eyes rolling. 😅 Time to finish this and see what I think…
I Absolutely love your advice, your education on addiction, you talk a treat a addiction as a individual and there recovery as so, many programs have total old school Agendas that just do not fit into every day life, and are too demanding, thank you so much for all your help
Wow, thanks Cathy. Just last week, someone left a comment that my thinking was totally old school and that I was making the stigma worse (and other not so nice things). So, it's nice to get some positive feedback 💓💓
I'm so grateful for you Amber My family is doing a million times better My husband and also my best friend are happy to be sober And I believe my little sister is on the path to recovery as well Thank you thank you thank you
I’m 100% with you. Meditation does NOT work for me in crisis. I need distraction and mindfulness, not time to breathe on my unhelpful ruminations, lol.
Just read this post and think Catherine Swimmer's story was brilliant in outlinong her story with her addicted son and her solutions in going foreward. It was not easy for her to move forward. She had many years of unhappiness and even relocated to another area. Catherine is obviously a strong and itelligent person, but l think the choices she made, the way she organised herslf and still manages to support her son are outstanding. Her story is full of hints, tips and considerations planning her journey. What she talked about could become a Classic Self Help Manual in dealing with this sort if situation. So hope you continue to improve thrive Catherine. I think you should feature on one of Amber's video shows. A written story experience, is one thing. Sharing it, in person is another thing. Xxx
Hi Catholic Swimmer. Hope you are well.. First of all, l am sorry l referred to you as Catherine Swimmer. My jump the gun spellchecker is sometimes really irritating,and obviously knows better than l do! I thoughy your post was by far the best thing,l have ever read, on putting space between a loved ones addiction and reclaiming your sanity. You worked very hard, took the right steps at the right time and even relocated. You really to have a better and happier life. I also do hope that you son will get better and also be happier. Though this make some time.. He couldn't have a better mother than you. All the Best X
What do you do when you have a 25 yr old daughter battling addiction for over ten yrs since a young teenager? Same boyfriend that is addicted too that we can’t get her to separate from. He is now in detox and she’s going in but this is the 9th time. I just feel they will go right back to it after detox which is only 7 days. Rehab she’s been in 9 times and insurance kicks them out at 2 weeks. I’m waiting for her to be done cause I can’t deal anymore. It’s too much. Too much trauma and she’s hit bottom too many times. I don’t know what to do anymore.
I appreciate Lydia coming on as well. That was good to hear about the usage of anger to control as I deal with that with my roommate. I'm just going to increase his rent to the max every year until he finally moves out. He's not addicted but old and I worry about leaving the house due to not knowing what he'll do next to destroy my house. It's like living with an addict from the sounds of it. It's def a personality disorder and I'm losing my health over it but sitting here at the house all the time and he only contributes monetarily but at least there's that. Now I'm doing all of his cat care as his cat doesn't want anything to do with him due to his controlling behavior and the cat is very needy and ... omg. It's a lot to deal with.
Going through it right now, letting go of my relationship so very difficult, I think I stayed too long, listening to you self care, I agree with what you say the term is kinda of silly, more like get my life back on track to what I want in life, I've done everything you said some days turned into panic attacks at least those subsided because I learned not to care about what he was doing but care about the person
For self-care I use Melanie Tonia Evans 'Quantum Healing' (from Narcissistic abuse - even though active addicts aren't Narcissistic they use similar strategies and do the same damage) I then combine Ambers advice in terms of boundaries and CRAFT etc The combination has been working well so far at least in terms of my own personal safety, sanity and progress while he goes his way...
This is a wonderful video. Unfortunately I am past this. I'm in the rabbit hole. I stay in bed most of the time. My adult son is in recovery with MAT, as long as someone else gives him the meds so he doesn't abuse. He is in chronic pain with a broken back and has disability. He lives with my husband and myself bc he has no other place to live. No credit for credit check for a rental if there was one affordable. No sober living that will allow the psych meds he needs. My husband, not his dad, of 22 yrs is threatening to leave me bc he's tired of our entire marriage being about him. We can't go on vacation or go anywhere without him bc he always relapses or gets into trouble and gets off his meds regimen that takes months to straightened back out. For the first time in YEARS, we left him alone for a week to go to another state to buy a house. He was ok for 4 days, then evidently relapsed, was paranoid on phone and saying crazy things were happening. I can't get back until Mon night to see how much damage is done. He's been without phone or TV bc he unplugged everything for 3 or 4 days now, and it will be another night and day before I get back. I can't imagine where his mind will take him by then. Prayers please
When triggered, Rhyll Crowshaw said, “On your knees (prayer), on the phone (to a person) and in the box (write it down and put it in the box.” You state what you can’t control to God, a human and on a piece of paper-and do it as many times as you need to. It’s surrendering or letting go what you can’t control.
Should you ever tell an alcholic that they're verbally abusive? My AH was making conversations about how his dad and grandpa used to yell and get mean, then stating he's NOT like that, so I asked the question, "you don't think you do that?" And of course he got defensive. How should I have handled it better?
Such a good question!! I'd love the answer for that... and if it's ok to talk to them about it sober because under the influence they will definitely get defensive!!
PS - meditation is just a synonym for prayer. So if advising someone to pray about the issue in the moment would not be appropriate. . . neither would meditation. It's a preventative more so than a torniquet.
Amber you are Wonderful ‘Than you so much’ and I get what you are saying.👍🏻We Moms MUST STOP BEING LEGALISTIC and ALLOW OUR SONS and DAUGHTERS to fill in the dots! It’s SO HARD BUT WE MUST CHANGE and LOVE 💕 NEVER FAILS.
Ugh I wish I could talk to you Amber, her talking about the verbal/emotional abuse hit home, it is BIG in my situation right now, and idk how to deal with it because it's set off by the smallest things. He doesn't sleep anymore, doesn't eat anymore, and barely showers and has lost a lot of weight... it's getting sad and I don't want to, but I've started keeping a packed bag in my car incase I want/ need to leave and I'm really just thinking about leaving completely without a single word. I'm new to all this and I am trying my best but it's getting to be overwhelming and absolutely is not what I want in life so it's starting to feel like there is no other option. Can't tell him nothing anymore, everything is an argument (even when I'm not even being argumentative in the slightest). He just doesn't care about anything anymore but his habit.. I'm at the end of my rope
Ive been dealing with my oldest son, now 46. He had it all about 12 years ago before his wife left him, got pregnant from another man. He fell apart. He didn't even drink alcohol. All he did was care for his wife and the kids. According to him a while ago a friend offer him a narc pill. He told me that through his day at work he was without his depressed mind. He said that he continue the pills but when they were not available he turned to the street. Hes been on heroin over 11years. In n out of rehab where methadone is provided. He did well going everyday but gets tired n saids it makes him feel awful n embarrassed of what hes become. He loss everything. The house, work and his engineers licence. He's prowd with one thing but not the problem. He stole everything i had even total my car. He is living with me. I know that if i evict him he will be homeless n maybe die. But i can't function anymore. Shall i force him out take my chances?
He’s going to leave the house? I’ve tried that and my husband threatened that he’d never leave “his” house and throw me out first. Total insanity. You’re lucky he’s even haphazardly willing to “be the one” who leaves. Wish my situation was more amenable in that way.
My son is physically and mentally disabled. He is 37. He is bipolar schizophrenic. He tortures me by blaming everything wrong in his life on me. Crystal meth is his current thing. He refuses help or medical care.
Letting go is the only options sometimes. And it can be the best for the addict and those who love them. There are also those addicts who are close to gang members, money laundering, prostitution, and lots of things that make the decision easier, to Let go.
My son … I wonder all the time … is he alive… is he selling his body for drugs … is he being trafficked so he can get drugs… what other kind of dangerous people is he around… if I speak to him on the phone … what kind of tsunami does he want me to fix. Is he going to curse me out. And blame me. Will he make any coherent sense? Is he afraid of some real danger? Is he in jail? Is he cold, and hungry… does he know I love him? Does anyone give him any genuine affection in his life? When I see him … Is he going to freak out and am I safe in his presence? I make sure to wear clothes and shoes I can run in … because I may need to run. I don’t wear much jewelry etc. because I don’t if someone will be with him or come by and they could be dangerous for me. I keep my car keys and phone in zipped pockets so I don’t loose them if I have to run. Is my son going to have a mental breakdown in front of me and I can’t help? Am I going to find him dead after an overdose? People take advantage of his addiction and mental health issues… It’s cold… it’s raining… it’s snow … it’s over 100 it’s so hot … how is he doing??? Every. Single. Day. All those thoughts and more. I often feel like the parent of a terminally ill child… I am (in his active addiction). I pray 🙏🏼 for his freedom and healing however it may come. I honestly don’t want him to suffer another 20, 30 or more years. He’s 27. Suffered immense trauma as a child. Sober… he has a heart of gold, quite intelligent, and a creative. I miss him. I barely can keep up regular care.. let alone self care… there just is no normal for me - it won’t happen. So, how do I function? I can’t not love my son… I see my sons body and addiction has taken control… I try to “see” my son when I look into his face… hug him … but addiction is running the show. My son is somewhere behind the eyes I’m looking at. I love you my son. ❤
I feel like i do all the right things, not taking bait, keeping emotions out( when i can) and he still can twist things around, im abusive for silent treatment...im just trying to not fight. I know what he is trying to do so i just say please dont, i dont want to be the bad guy so you dont feel shame playing 10-20 hours of video games and avoiding responsibilities...please just go suck on your screen. Ge hates me telling him to go play....calling him out in a nice way with a dash of reverse psychology. I dont think he will ever over come it at this point so im slowly getting out and hope the best for him but deep down i dont believe he will ever change.....boys does that sting, hurt and feel good to come to this realization. Maybe one day, if they have brain surgery, will he ever have a chance. I have a chance if i get out now and heal.
Im early into this, (recovering myself, 22 mos.🍸👎). Its sad, Im sober, they are not, mixing benzos x 80* ,real 'domestic ' stuff, 👎 you get the idea....
Sometimes advice is good and trustworthy, but unless they have really been thru it, it is so hard for them to understand. Ive had trauma and it can erupt at tines.. it is aweful.
sorry for the translation a little all crooked but it's Google translation what I meant is that people if they think they don't want to live who looked if you're still there it's because you want inside of you to stay alive and who still has a small percentage of love for yourself so the moon seek go go the more you will dig to find it the more the light will shine and you will be able to find yourself but I understand the fear but it is better to be afraid when there is light that does not go in the dark think about that and thank you for your videos but also there are people who want to save the other because there are special the person not there baby but has a problem so I'm going to arrange for her to stay with me I'm going to save her even if she doesn't love me there are more people than we think like that and also there's more than you think that goes from one person to saving another why because that's how it gets represent who you are there are several like that so if you have also come to this point to help someone there is something missing in you so why not go get it with the other at the same time it's better to dance with two eh it is better to bend on the foot sometimes to dance than to dance alone then fall have a good evening let the sunshine on it as someone said to me the wise man whom I respect a lot no pain no game
I'm low key obsessed with you. I've learned so very much on how to handle my situation and actually have empathy for my husband who has a moderate alcohol/gambling addiction. You're 1 of my best friends and I've never even met you. This career was made just for you.
Thank you Chrissy! 😃😃
Yes, its looking like her Spiritual Gift. Highly impressed so far. 🙏 🎖
The layers of trauma can be overwhelming. Step by step 🪜 climbing out of the pit of despair 😮😢😅
I can relate 100%. I am sitting here again, crying and feeling hopeless and alone. I am just going through the motions. I've lost my spirit.
Same. Everything feels lonely. I have accepted the lack of love in my life and accepting where you are and starting to be with you ,it gets easier.
I lost my mom so half of my heart was gone and now the other half is dying as well in this chaos.
Me too. This is such a complex disease for parents to manage but the system isn't set up for support of adult children who don't have the capacity because of the addition but yet they have to consent to receive help. The system definitely does not make it easy for addicts to receive help
Me too.
I completely relate. The addiction in my family has been exhausting, killing my mind, body and soul.
I am doing the same...My 25 year old daughter is an addict...I am the sole supporter of her and her 4 dogs. Its been about 3 years and getting worse and worse. I about burst out crying in the first few minutes of this video because what she said is SO true. I am depressed, lost, hopeless and exhausted. I have myself on auto pilot to get through my work day. Thank GOD I work from home so I don't have to actually get ready and drive somewhere. It is extremely lonely here. My heart goes out to all going through this horrible beast of a situation.
How am I supposed to take care of myself when the house is on fire? Great analogy!
🔥🔥😁😁
My heart is with Lydia. I also faced emotionally abusive behavior from my son last year within months after he moved in with me after living with his dad in another city (using drugs & alcohol) for about 3 years. I have slowly learned from his dad he became physically violent with his dad at times and his younger sister. I was shocked to learn this. My daughter and her dad are struggling with PTSD from his explosive destructive behavior which happened infrequently but when it did he blew up like a volcanoe.
When he started to become verbally abusive with me last year, I warned him he had to stop or he would have to move out. He didn’t stop after months of warnings and he started to frighten me with his escalating bullying behavior and abuse. Finally, I locked him out of the house one night (got his key before I did it) when he went out for a smoke in the middle of the night after screaming at me horrible names. He was so shocked I locked him out, he didn’t even have his shoes on! It was summertime so he wouldn’t freeze. He kept pounding on the door to get in. I told him to leave and go to the shelter. He wouldn’t leave and I had to call the police. They came & got his shoes, jacket, backpack where I threw some clothing, his phone, wallet and toiletries in quickly while they kept him outside. He was driven to a local shelter. He stayed inthe shelters for 6 months until winter, lost a lot of weight but was shocked into realizing his behavior was off the charts unacceptable with me. Fsmily managed to find him housing - a small bachelor apartment where he has lived alone since last December. He hates living alone but it is best until he is in recovery since he reverts back to bullying aggressive behavior when he is manipulating or upset about something. I also had to move away to an undisclosed address by January of his year because he regularly would show up at my door in usually inthe middle of the night last year demanding to come in. Police were called to remove him several times. They strongly advised me to move and tell noone my address since he was directing a lot of his rage toward me who is closest to him and the one who has been trying to help him the most for the last few years. I had to resort to drastic steps - kick him out to the street and move but I am safe and he doesn’t harrass me anymore by showing up at my door unexpected. I visit him at his apartment only. Sometimes he gets abusive with me while at his place and I quickly and calmly leave and go home. So now he gets an immediate natural consequence for his abusive behavior with me - I just leave and go home with no worries of him showing uo at my door to harrass me. He regularly asks to come over to my home and I tell him when he is in recovery and stays in recovery for a certain period of time I will revisit the idea of him knowing where I live inthe city and whether he can visit me. Even my sisters who live in the same city don’t know my new address because he has regular contact with them and I don’t want him bullying or manipulating them for my address or they inadvertantly let it slip where I live.
I have had to resort to drastic measures to protect myself from my son which is very sad but necessary. I finally can sleep peacefully at night knowing I am safe and don’t have to put up with his abusive behavior anymore. I just walk out his door and drive home.
I share my situation here because I am concerned Lydia for your safety. Your son is escalating his behavior with you and this is not safe for you. There are no consequences for his unacceptable behavior right now and it is not going to get better while he remains in addictions until something changes.
Abusive behavior - physical, verbal, emotional is a no go zone. It only gets worse.
Now my son is acting much more respectfully toward me most of the time and if he does start to yell & call me names and I leave immediately he knows he has to apologize and take responsibility. The other day he agreed he needs to start working with a counsellor to help him better manage his emotions. Not easy to fo when heavily abusing drugs and alcohol but he understands he needs to change and is willing to try or I stay away from him totally. He doesn’t want that but he understands the immediate consequences for being abusive. He had to be kicked out and eventually set up
In his own apartment and me moving before he finally gets it - abusive behavior will not be tolerated by me anymore. Very hard for abusive addicts living with loved ones to get deep in their core. Hardest thing I ever did in my life to kick out my son to the street for 6 months. But now the situation is safe for me and better for him.
You can do what you know is right and good for you and your son. Hang in there and work at it smart. Amber’s videos are full of wisdom for doing it right.
Praying for you, your husband and your son to stay safe, healthy and moving forward.
Thank you for sharing your story. I can see the similarities. Addicts are ruthless to the ones who love them because the emotional blackmail works on us, but you are right about needing to be smart and you were. I'm inspired by your strength, thank you.
@@lydiamilanovic1761 Lydia, I am in Toronto and in a roughly similar position. Caught this video tonight (after days of bingeing her videos). Perhaps we can meet for a coffee sometime, for mutual support, if you’d like. No pressure. I’m not a “bot” or a scammer lol, real mother. It’s just we are in the same city and I don’t know ANYONE in my position so have no “peer” to talk to. I’ve looked for Al Anon programs but I think they all shut down over the past two years due to pandemic. Hope to hear from you.
Your story is so moving and really hit home for me. Just last month I visited my elderly parents (I live in a different country). My sister has BPD and is addicted to drugs. She's abusive and totally nanipukating everyone. She gas no interest in rehab. Everyone is walking on eggshells. The police came to de-weapon her. Now I'm paying her medical bills for the chronic meds. We don't know what to do. Your story helped ne and I'll share it with my family.
Be careful starting relationship with him. A young man killed his father but he really wanted to kill his mom. He berated her constantly and she knew her day was coming. He killed her ex , his father first so he's in prison.
Wow. I agree with every single word.
Oh wow...I was just talking about this today. I think I said if another person tells me to take care of myself I will scream. I know they mean well but I'm thinking how can I take care of myself
This was so enlightening to me. I’ve lived through it with not only my spouse, but my child as well. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Recovery does happen, thank God, but yes, it’s so very tough to go through.
It sure is!
Thank you for this because I didn’t want to hear self care or meditation. When you are in a crisis it consumes you so you really can’t think about anything.
I'm right there with ya, Ayesha!
You gave me hope that I had none and now because of you I'll be able to raise my 3 beautiful children with my sober husband and have the life I always dreamed of A million times thank you
You nailed it a-GAIN! I Hate, Hate, Hate that term, ‘SELF CARE’
I was in a total trauma bond situation. We ( my addict-boyfriend and I) are OFF … again. I keep telling myself “never again”… and will slowly recover… but he will start reaching out again… usually a month. Ive tried everything, blocking him, unfriending him, traveling, etc etc.
I am alone and depressed now. Feeling hopeless about my own future. Im not 21 anymore… far less life left to make the rest of it work happily…
Going through a breakup causes you to go into withdrawal. It does get better!
Hi Amber..thank you for opening my eyes to what i think I already knew..(if that makes sense) but never let in surface in my own head. I always think that im overthinking when it comes to accepting my adult sons alcoholism. It's been over 15 years and I just now have begun to accept how bad his addiction to alcohol really is. I came across your vidoes and have watched them daily for the past week. Once again thank you for your insight on the topic of addiction.
Hi Amber, I recently discovered your videos before Thanksgiving. I think you are a great asset to the mental wellness community and while I am not struggling per se, I enjoy listening to what you say and how you say it. I think you are talented/gifted in explaining and in reaching people and... very needed for this community or frankly any community! We all have issues. :) Just wanted to say thanks for this content.
Awww, thanks for your kind words of support! 😁
Only discovered you last night, but I finally feel there is hope where I have been feeling so full of despair...I am within a triangle of 3 addicts 😢😢
Welcome to our little community. 😁
Lydia stole my heart. Prayers for her and her family. Brought tears to my eyes.
💓💗
Amber, re Lydia. Can you please let her know that I am in a similar position and ALSO in Toronto Canada, and ask her if she wants to meet sometime for a coffee, for mutual support. Thanks for all these videos, I’ve been watching so many these past couple of days ...
Thank you !! I’ve been dealing with addictive husbands and kids and lost my daughter to addiction and my son still struggles after like 9 times in treatment as is currently in bad relapse again at the age of 42 !! I’m a mess for 20 yrs .. I get the whole “ self care “ advice which makes me wanna gag
Peace to you Lydia. I feel your frustration. My son is 33 and in and out of my house. He is an alcoholic and can be verbally abusive. I refuse to give up hope and I wish you all the best for your family as well. ✌️
You’re like a fresh wind or a jump in a water to cool off my anxiety. 🙏🏼
Thank you!
😁😁😁😁
Wow, I can totally relate to Lydia's story. My son is 24 years old and addicted to opioids and can be verbally abusive and mentally abusive. It is so hard and taking a toll on me and our family.
💓💗
I love how you explain everything and talk to us Amber. It’s really amazing and your work is appreciated 💜💜💜
Once again using your methods my husband's Is sober for over 6 months I will like and comment on as many as your videos as possible to help the algorithmI will also shareThey videos with just about anyone I can
Same! About liking & sharing... Not the sobriety unfortunately.
Big love to Lydia. You sound like a really good person. Your must stop your son breaking your heart by letting him make his own mistakes and decisions.
Step back, as Amber says and let him start being responsible for himself. He his 25 and not a baby. Don't let him control, or make you feel ashamed or guilty.You have every right to happiness and a better life Lydia.
Hope you start enjoying things again soon.
Best Wishes
XXX
Thank you for the support 💓
@@lydiamilanovic1761
You are welcome Lyidia. 👍👍👍
💓
Amber our situation is so hectic. It is not about us snooping or checking our son, but the fact that he regularly steel from us. We have lost so much due to him steeling from us. We know he uses a substance and he admits that he is an addict, but he just says he can't stop. We have to check on him in the sense of making sure he doesn't steel. We literally have to lock everything up. And he constantly make deals with the wrong people by getting stuff from them to sell. They want a certain amount for the item, he sells the item but don't give them the money, then we always have to pay them otherwise they threaten him, and these people will really kill him if they don't get their money. This is causing so much chaos and arguments. And no matter what, he doesn't stop. So what do we do about it? We cannot live like this. It's emotionally draining us. We can't just put him out on the Street because then his life will be in danger. He has been in rehab last year,but after a few months he relapsed. We are trying to get him into rehab again, but we don't have the funds as it is very expensive here in South Africa. There are free regabs, which they call grace beds, but it is very difficult to get him into those rehabs as there is a long witing list
@Amino Acids the police don't do anything. In South africa a theft case is only serious if it is thousands of Rands worth. He's been locked up twice, but it didn't seem to work. Maybe we are guarding him.
🙏
🙏
Satan is working overtime, and making God's children's children addicts. God please answer this woman in Jesus name Amen
Hi. I recently visited my parents in South Africa and had to face the same situation. You can contact the South African Federation for Mental health. They'll give you good advice. Medical insurance covers 21 days in psychiatric clinics and 15 treatment sessions.
There are also good stare facilities like Weskoppies. All the best to you. It's heartbreaking. My sister is an addict, lost everything and now lives either my parents, who are in their 80's!! She's in total denial and making life unbearable for everyone.
I've got a lot empathy for Lydia. Her relationship with her son is 100% relatable, especially when she talked about the abuse being a tornado when it comes and some addicts being more compliant or people pleasing whereas some are more like a "bad patient". It's good to hear the wilful and stubborn ones are better at sticking once they get on the right side, too.
My son is in very active addiction with fentanyl and meth he has already been homeless due to consequences and was stabbed when he was out there. I have so much compassion and empathy He is now in housing in Los Angeles through their homeless housing program but is still active in substance and perhaps worse. I have heard through his outreach worker he has had visitors and they are of course using together. He does not want me to go see him for reasons that I’m know is because of what’s going on . I am. I am trying to respect his wishes as I feel like it will cause something worse due to his shame if I were to just show up unannounced I have so very conflicted as to if I just go there the trauma for him and myself . I saw him when he was homeless and it was so shocking that I am in grief every day. People suggest I just go over and I feel like I am frozen and being careful when it comes to others advice. There was a time he was I’m methadone and could not continue to get himself there so I have been proactive in discussions with him when he is receptive. Now that communication has ceased except for some texts. I feel like part of my self care is not going there to be traumatized yet my mom heart feels I’m not being a good mom if I don’t. I don’t have any family partner etc . So alone in this forcing myself to start the engine .
My marriage,
It feels like I’m living in a house that is
on fire and he keeps telling me there’s
no danger,
that it’s OK,
it’s no big deal, that it’s just this “one thing”
but I’m watching everything burn down and it’s getting out of control and I don’t know what to do…
-the spouse of a meth addict
I've never felt so understood and line eveything that's going on in my life has been vomited up. Thank you
You're so welcome, Lizzi!
I had to block my ex of 15 yrs who's addicted to opiates, Heroin, Fent and Cocaine. His chaos was turning my life upside down with all the ridiculousness and lies. I was helping him so much that I let myself go. I was literally going crazy. We haven't been 2gether in 1.5 yrs now. I still miss him.
Thankyou for your thoughts and advice ..I’m excited foe my life, not being able to control my addict and allowing her to grow up and live the life she has chosen ...but always willing to bring love into the situation where possible ... I’m going to start today ❤
You got this !
Amber you answer the questions that are in my head without me having to actually ask them. Huge thank you 🙏
😁😁😁😁
Your videos have been helping me SO MUCH!
I'm go glad these videos are helping you, Mariana! Thank you for taking the time to leave me this nice comment. It helps keep me motivated! 😁
✋🏼 BPD and addiction. Yes, just rolling with the punches and putting out fires. Everything is a crisis and I’m walking on eggshells! I can’t take a bath because she’ll steal my wallet, call a dealer to bring her something, sell herself to get drugs, sneak out to go drinking - it’s awful and it’s been months and months of this. Yep, you can hear my eyes rolling. 😅
Time to finish this and see what I think…
Awesome show! I have a hard time with self care and am working on it all the time. 🙏
me too.
I live with fear, anger and resentment
why my son give my family fear.
it's so difficult to live in peace
Setting the proper boundary is part of self care
I Absolutely love your advice, your education on addiction, you talk a treat a addiction as a individual and there recovery as so, many programs have total old school Agendas that just do not fit into every day life, and are too demanding, thank you so much for all your help
Wow, thanks Cathy. Just last week, someone left a comment that my thinking was totally old school and that I was making the stigma worse (and other not so nice things). So, it's nice to get some positive feedback 💓💓
I'm so grateful for you Amber My family is doing a million times better My husband and also my best friend are happy to be sober And I believe my little sister is on the path to recovery as well Thank you thank you thank you
You've made my day Cynthia. You should see the giant smile on my face 😁😁😁😁
I’m 100% with you. Meditation does NOT work for me in crisis. I need distraction and mindfulness, not time to breathe on my unhelpful ruminations, lol.
Thank you so much for these videos I needed the words to explain and this all makes so much more sense to me now and I feel less alone ❤❤❤
You are so welcome
Just read this post and think Catherine Swimmer's story was brilliant in outlinong her story with her addicted son and her solutions in going foreward.
It was not easy for her to move forward. She had many years of unhappiness and even relocated to another area.
Catherine is obviously a strong and itelligent person, but l think the choices she made, the way she organised herslf and still manages to support her son are outstanding.
Her story is full of hints, tips and considerations planning her journey.
What she talked about could become a Classic Self Help Manual in dealing with this sort if situation.
So hope you continue to improve thrive Catherine. I think you should feature on one of Amber's video shows.
A written story experience, is one thing. Sharing it, in person is another thing.
Xxx
Hi Catholic Swimmer.
Hope you are well..
First of all, l am sorry l referred to you as Catherine Swimmer.
My jump the gun spellchecker is sometimes really irritating,and obviously knows better than l do!
I thoughy your post was by far the best thing,l have ever read, on putting space between a loved ones addiction and reclaiming your sanity.
You worked very hard, took the right steps at the right time and even relocated. You really to have a better and happier life.
I also do hope that you son will get better and also be happier. Though this make some time..
He couldn't have a better mother than you.
All the Best
X
You are so kind and professional ✌🏼 🙌🏼. Thank you 🙏.
Right back at you AsTrid! 💖
I am in such a similar situation as the guest who has a son going against my core values too. Illegal activity and very dangerous situations.
Yes! You need to feel SAFE in your own home
💯
What do you do when you have a 25 yr old daughter battling addiction for over ten yrs since a young teenager? Same boyfriend that is addicted too that we can’t get her to separate from. He is now in detox and she’s going in but this is the 9th time. I just feel they will go right back to it after detox which is only 7 days. Rehab she’s been in 9 times and insurance kicks them out at 2 weeks. I’m waiting for her to be done cause I can’t deal anymore. It’s too much. Too much trauma and she’s hit bottom too many times. I don’t know what to do anymore.
I appreciate Lydia coming on as well. That was good to hear about the usage of anger to control as I deal with that with my roommate. I'm just going to increase his rent to the max every year until he finally moves out. He's not addicted but old and I worry about leaving the house due to not knowing what he'll do next to destroy my house. It's like living with an addict from the sounds of it. It's def a personality disorder and I'm losing my health over it but sitting here at the house all the time and he only contributes monetarily but at least there's that. Now I'm doing all of his cat care as his cat doesn't want anything to do with him due to his controlling behavior and the cat is very needy and ... omg. It's a lot to deal with.
Going through it right now, letting go of my relationship so very difficult, I think I stayed too long, listening to you self care, I agree with what you say the term is kinda of silly, more like get my life back on track to what I want in life, I've done everything you said some days turned into panic attacks at least those subsided because I learned not to care about what he was doing but care about the person
It's like watching my life over again...
I did have to set a limit on your videos! Even though I love them and they are my only lifeline!
I totally support that! Everyone needs a break from thinking about this topic
For self-care I use Melanie Tonia Evans 'Quantum Healing' (from Narcissistic abuse - even though active addicts aren't Narcissistic they use similar strategies and do the same damage) I then combine Ambers advice in terms of boundaries and CRAFT etc
The combination has been working well so far at least in terms of my own personal safety, sanity and progress while he goes his way...
Thank you
✋ I'm in chaos. When there are so many issues brought to your attention at once. It's so overwhelming knowing where to start.
This is a wonderful video. Unfortunately I am past this. I'm in the rabbit hole. I stay in bed most of the time. My adult son is in recovery with MAT, as long as someone else gives him the meds so he doesn't abuse. He is in chronic pain with a broken back and has disability. He lives with my husband and myself bc he has no other place to live. No credit for credit check for a rental if there was one affordable. No sober living that will allow the psych meds he needs. My husband, not his dad, of 22 yrs is threatening to leave me bc he's tired of our entire marriage being about him. We can't go on vacation or go anywhere without him bc he always relapses or gets into trouble and gets off his meds regimen that takes months to straightened back out. For the first time in YEARS, we left him alone for a week to go to another state to buy a house. He was ok for 4 days, then evidently relapsed, was paranoid on phone and saying crazy things were happening. I can't get back until Mon night to see how much damage is done. He's been without phone or TV bc he unplugged everything for 3 or 4 days now, and it will be another night and day before I get back. I can't imagine where his mind will take him by then. Prayers please
Hope it was all ok when u got back 🙏
These stories break my heart. It’s time for him to move out and figure it out.
🙋🏼♀️ I started thinking this was me as soon as you started talking. 😅
I'm glad this was helpful Susan! 😁😁😁
I just love you, Amber. Thank you for all the work you do in making these videos. They’re SO helpful and encouraging! And you make me laugh.
Thank you so much!!
When triggered, Rhyll Crowshaw said, “On your knees (prayer), on the phone (to a person) and in the box (write it down and put it in the box.” You state what you can’t control to God, a human and on a piece of paper-and do it as many times as you need to. It’s surrendering or letting go what you can’t control.
Perfect timing!
So glad!
Also, relate to her sadness because I feel that I got these skills but then he went so didn't get to use them...
Can only focus on my healing now...
Thank you Amber
My pleasure!
I have gained 40 pounds in the 10 yrs of husband s alcoholism I be become so depressed Now he has been sober 5 months and I have not really changed
Should you ever tell an alcholic that they're verbally abusive? My AH was making conversations about how his dad and grandpa used to yell and get mean, then stating he's NOT like that, so I asked the question, "you don't think you do that?" And of course he got defensive. How should I have handled it better?
Such a good question!! I'd love the answer for that... and if it's ok to talk to them about it sober because under the influence they will definitely get defensive!!
They get defensive no matter what I do
PS - meditation is just a synonym for prayer. So if advising someone to pray about the issue in the moment would not be appropriate. . . neither would meditation. It's a preventative more so than a torniquet.
Amber you are Wonderful ‘Than you so much’ and I get what you are saying.👍🏻We Moms MUST STOP BEING LEGALISTIC and ALLOW OUR SONS and DAUGHTERS to fill in the dots! It’s SO HARD BUT WE MUST CHANGE and LOVE 💕 NEVER FAILS.
A++++++⭐⭐⭐
Ugh I wish I could talk to you Amber, her talking about the verbal/emotional abuse hit home, it is BIG in my situation right now, and idk how to deal with it because it's set off by the smallest things. He doesn't sleep anymore, doesn't eat anymore, and barely showers and has lost a lot of weight... it's getting sad and I don't want to, but I've started keeping a packed bag in my car incase I want/ need to leave and I'm really just thinking about leaving completely without a single word. I'm new to all this and I am trying my best but it's getting to be overwhelming and absolutely is not what I want in life so it's starting to feel like there is no other option. Can't tell him nothing anymore, everything is an argument (even when I'm not even being argumentative in the slightest). He just doesn't care about anything anymore but his habit.. I'm at the end of my rope
Having a bag packed (ready to go) is actually smart in this situation. Sounds like he's pretty unpredictable 😰
🙋As of lately...guilty and thumbs-up x's ten. So much Gratitude to you Amber. You're my Guru🏵Namaste.
You are so welcome
Ive been dealing with my oldest son, now 46. He had it all about 12 years ago before his wife left him, got pregnant from another man. He fell apart. He didn't even drink alcohol. All he did was care for his wife and the kids. According to him a while ago a friend offer him a narc pill. He told me that through his day at work he was without his depressed mind. He said that he continue the pills but when they were not available he turned to the street. Hes been on heroin over 11years. In n out of rehab where methadone is provided. He did well going everyday but gets tired n saids it makes him feel awful n embarrassed of what hes become. He loss everything. The house, work and his engineers licence. He's prowd with one thing but not the problem. He stole everything i had even total my car. He is living with me. I know that if i evict him he will be homeless n maybe die. But i can't function anymore. Shall i force him out take my chances?
So sorry about what you are going through. Hope your son finds sobriety and you get some peace.
Mums of addicts is a good group to join on fbk...some good advice
He’s going to leave the house? I’ve tried that and my husband threatened that he’d never leave “his” house and throw me out first. Total insanity. You’re lucky he’s even haphazardly willing to “be the one” who leaves. Wish my situation was more amenable in that way.
🤚🏼 word!! Amber your amazing!!
26:33 Lexapro also cannot be used with Alcohol
My son is physically and mentally disabled. He is 37. He is bipolar schizophrenic. He tortures me by blaming everything wrong in his life on me. Crystal meth is his current thing. He refuses help or medical care.
👋 🎯Your videos are life saving, Amber! ❤️
Awwww, thanks Paula!
Yes
Letting go is the only options sometimes. And it can be the best for the addict and those who love them. There are also those addicts who are close to gang members, money laundering, prostitution, and lots of things that make the decision easier, to Let go.
HOW TO STOP ASKING YOURSELF IS MY DAUGHTER Ok? She doesn’t want to see me, can’t call her It’s hard live along no family 🕊🙏
My son … I wonder all the time … is he alive… is he selling his body for drugs … is he being trafficked so he can get drugs… what other kind of dangerous people is he around… if I speak to him on the phone … what kind of tsunami does he want me to fix. Is he going to curse me out. And blame me. Will he make any coherent sense? Is he afraid of some real danger? Is he in jail?
Is he cold, and hungry… does he know I love him? Does anyone give him any genuine affection in his life? When I see him …
Is he going to freak out and am I safe in his presence? I make sure to wear clothes and shoes I can run in … because I may need to run. I don’t wear much jewelry etc. because I don’t if someone will be with him or come by and they could be dangerous for me. I keep my car keys and phone in zipped pockets so I don’t loose them if I have to run.
Is my son going to have a mental breakdown in front of me and I can’t help? Am I going to find him dead after an overdose?
People take advantage of his addiction and mental health issues…
It’s cold… it’s raining… it’s snow … it’s over 100 it’s so hot … how is he doing???
Every. Single. Day. All those thoughts and more.
I often feel like the parent of a terminally ill child… I am (in his active addiction). I pray 🙏🏼 for his freedom and healing however it may come. I honestly don’t want him to suffer another 20, 30 or more years.
He’s 27. Suffered immense trauma as a child. Sober… he has a heart of gold, quite intelligent, and a creative. I miss him.
I barely can keep up regular care.. let alone self care… there just is no normal for me - it won’t happen. So, how do I function? I can’t not love my son… I see my sons body and addiction has taken control… I try to “see” my son when I look into his face… hug him … but addiction is running the show. My son is somewhere behind the eyes I’m looking at.
I love you my son. ❤
Sending you love and positive thoughts, Tina 💗
What is CRAFT?
hello Amber and friends
Hello Gwin!
Addict has no right to mistreat people even though they seem miserable
I feel like i do all the right things, not taking bait, keeping emotions out( when i can) and he still can twist things around, im abusive for silent treatment...im just trying to not fight. I know what he is trying to do so i just say please dont, i dont want to be the bad guy so you dont feel shame playing 10-20 hours of video games and avoiding responsibilities...please just go suck on your screen. Ge hates me telling him to go play....calling him out in a nice way with a dash of reverse psychology. I dont think he will ever over come it at this point so im slowly getting out and hope the best for him but deep down i dont believe he will ever change.....boys does that sting, hurt and feel good to come to this realization. Maybe one day, if they have brain surgery, will he ever have a chance. I have a chance if i get out now and heal.
Relate 😊
Im early into this, (recovering myself, 22 mos.🍸👎). Its sad, Im sober, they are not, mixing benzos x 80* ,real 'domestic ' stuff, 👎 you get the idea....
Congrats John, 22 months is amazing! 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻
Thank you, you are 'relatable, approachable' great therapist. 💯 🙏
I am too tired to take care of me.
Same😢
Sometimes advice is good and trustworthy, but unless they have really been thru it, it is so hard for them to understand. Ive had trauma and it can erupt at tines.. it is aweful.
How do you keep yourself from going down that rabbit hole at night when you're trying to go to sleep!!!
I wonder if I have survivor's guilt
sorry for the translation a little all crooked but it's Google translation what I meant is that people if they think they don't want to live who looked if you're still there it's because you want inside of you to stay alive and who still has a small percentage of love for yourself so the moon seek go go the more you will dig to find it the more the light will shine and you will be able to find yourself but I understand the fear but it is better to be afraid when there is light that does not go in the dark think about that and thank you for your videos but also there are people who want to save the other because there are special the person not there baby but has a problem so I'm going to arrange for her to stay with me I'm going to save her even if she doesn't love me there are more people than we think like that and also there's more than you think that goes from one person to saving another why because that's how it gets represent who you are there are several like that so if you have also come to this point to help someone there is something missing in you so why not go get it with the other at the same time it's better to dance with two eh it is better to bend on the foot sometimes to dance than to dance alone then fall have a good evening let the sunshine on it as someone said to me the wise man whom I respect a lot no pain no game
That is me 😂
Omg! Tje No sleep is me! Torturing myself is me!
Do what my mom did and and say goodbye. Simple as that.
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I'm like Star🥺😭
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I understand this poor mother. WHERE IS THE MAN??? I am sorry but I just don’t get this?