But, every soul, psyche, personality is in fact an individual because of differing characteristics and qualities cultivated plus our differing past lives actions that cause differing results that are carried one life/death to the next.
" just because you're able to compensate with creating something beautiful doesn't mean that you're doing well as a person " This is so true and on point, i think that when we collectively start to see this then we can address all the normalized compensation behaviors that makes our society and our economic system a retraumatizing machine and actually move into a better direction.
Yeah… the big pharma don’t want us to learn to self regulate because of money, but we are coming along more and more in the field of self regulating pie systems and less reliance on meds
@@loungydoc big pharma and the rest of money centered markets are very short sighted anyways, it all comes down quick on its own pitfalls.. even the richest of ceos is still having a far shittiest life than he/she could have if the masses quality of life would be good.
@@loungydoc well most of today's ideas of prosperity are compensatory behaviors for a dysfunctional social structure, if mass health truly improves the social structure goes with it indivisibly, then i guess it will be interesting to see the whole concept of wealth drastically changing
@@janlaag perceptive comments, it is frustrating how much misunderstanding there is and how that fuels the re-traumatising, I am so thankful for thinkers and researchers such as these who are able to grasp things at their root and are helpfully transmitting that into the universe.
I remember being in a school and studying Piaget, Bowlby and Winnicot in my Liberal Arts degree in Childhood experience and it stayed with me forever. I work with children now and they touch my arm, hug me and stay really close to me. I see they regulate themselves with me. It was a warming moment after 2.5 years of no touch at all. Children are our teachers
The most amazing, non-invasive, deeply relaxing system of bodywork I know is The Rosen Method. Thank you gentlemen for sharing your helpful knowledge, experience, and wisdom.
Wow, just watched all three videos for the whole interview, and am blown away, uplifted, inspired, by the compassion and intelligence present in this interview which seems SO lacking from much so-called mental health support. I came across this wanting to educate myself about trauma as I work as a mentor for young people who've grown up in care and have had traumatic childhoods, and am struck by how essential it is for this understanding to be more widespread across society, not only for those specifically working in a relevant field. So much food for thought. Thank you very much How to Academy, Dr Bessel and Daniel, for sharing these invaluable insights.
18 years ago, My psychiatrist diagnosed with me with cptsd, did not inform or treat me for it, and mailed a copy of the body keeps the score to me. I only found out that this is what I had been diagnosed with two years ago when a new doctor asked me about it durning our first meeting, as it was in my chart. I’ve avoided reading this book, but I think I’m ready now.
Ugh Sheri I’m so sorry to read this. I can understand the sadness you must feel for how much life could’ve been different/better. I tried psychoanalysis which seemed more intellectually interesting and clearly told analyst that I trust they’ll refer me accordingly if not in their scope. Well I learned psychoanalysis isn’t efficacious. Where are things today?
Dance classes, now that the covid restriction is lifted, is great for touch and community. When I start to dance I feel better straight away and if I can learn a new step there's a sense of triumph. Someone should study this.
@@BillRiedmann It's a strange one; for sure. When something so frightening occurs at such a young stage in our development; it's hard to recognise its impact. For me, I feel like I've been living in a state of hypervigilance, where at any moment someone might reveal themselves to be a threat...it seems so illogical, and I find myself looking for reassurance that my fears are unfounded. Sometimes it feels like I'm being dragged back to that point in time where I was being assaulted. Yes, it's confusing & I've no real way of being sure what's an actual threat, & what's something Im not seeing clearly...like I said, a strange one.
I am a survivor of childhood trauma. I was an orphan at 15. I had more trauma during Vietnam but I was in West Berlin, East Germany during the war. I started having severe blood pressure problems in 1974. My body did keep score on all of the difficulties I have had in life. Even decades of sobriety has not fixed my mental health. I am 100% mentally disabled for Chronic PTSD and Major Depression. Add anxiety and panic attacks and Adult ADD and no wonder I have had three heart attacks. I am looking at the SGB procedure but the VA have not said they will allow me to go to a VA hospital or Navy Hospital to get treatment. I am now curious about the psychedelic meds but being a recovering alcoholic is that really a good thing. I got the workbook for The Body Keeps Score and I need to start reading it. Just had to comment on the book as my name (story) was on every other page ha.
As a survivor with CPTSD, I’ve often preferred to die and if I see a story of a person who has been abused in an extreme way, I feel it would be better for them to die rather than having to live feeling tortured forever from their experience. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve wanted to just not exist anymore. I see the world as a mess and so many people behaving badly toward others. So I really can’t see death as a bad thing, why should a person have to go on living just so other people can feel better. When you really can’t live with trauma, you need to have a choice, just as traumatised animals die, it would be better for people also.
But Catherine, like Bessel said, we've 'learnt a lot' there is great potential for wisdom in such pain. We are the walking wounded & our world needs more sensitive people, not less. I used to think I'm such a mess I might as well die. My whole original family are 'such shits' but there's no way I'm going to let them bring me down anymore and give up my life. Rise above it, live on and radiate joy by loving your Self. They don't get to win, we do.
@universal truth I have felt so unloved I thought there'd be no one on the other side to meet me anyway. Better to stay, do our time and spread some love while we can.
Yes I’ve considered euthanasia by 32 if things don’t improve. It’s painful being alive when your trauma also makes you an easy target or people don’t even want to be friend you. For me, every relationship I’ve had, romantically were with narcissist and the latest being a psychopath. My mom passed on 3 years ago 2 days after my 27th bday and up until her last breathe she was living with trauma. I have no one anymore and can’t even work anymore. I isolate and spend my days gaslighting myself thinking life is ever going to better. Well I envisioned and would my life would be better at 16 when I was 13, at 25 when I was 20. And then at 25 by 30. I’m 3 days away from 30th bday and life has gotten worse. I wanted marriage and kids but all I ever gotten was abuse and never protected. My own father said I should’ve been raped by a hiv+ drug addict whom nearly molested me when I was 11. An ex side with his friend that held me against a wall and tried to rape me. This is no way to live. My moms dying wish was live your life and be happy. I’m not and don’t think I’ll ever be. If she wanted that she should’ve left my abusive father and maybe I would’ve had a chance at normalcy instead thinking that that what love was.
You know, I said what I did 10 months ago now. After much hard work and determination and mainly EMDR treatment that I was able to have, I live with an entirely different outlook now. I've read so much about trauma and researching narcissistic behaviour as well as psychopaths that I've learnt how to not be a victim. I've learnt that from surviving and knowledge I'm not failing at life. It's keeping the dangerous people out of my life and spending time alone finding things that are interesting to me and I actually prefer to keep people at a distance until they can be trusted. Forcing myself to be outside in the sun when I can practising just being and using comedy to laugh more. It doesn't come easy but the challenge is a distraction and keeps me busy. Find somewhere safe to be and research trauma. You can even spend time in a public library wherr it's all free and enjoy nice things that you may grow interested in. Sorry if I sound like I'm lecturing, I just have worked hard myself to improve and finally I have felt like living. Still don't like being around too many people it can make me very anxious, but its like that for lots of people. You're still young, what you're going through is hell but through understanding yourself more in regard to the severity of the abuse, you may find some peace. If you're going to exit anything , exit from the he arseholes that ruin your life . All the best to you. Xx
@@DaughterOfGod247 im sorry to hear you. I dont know you but just want so say that I love you and I can relate to your story of cptsd. I know you will get through this. Send you all my love and support friend
To any skeptics watching this don't doubt as it's the truth, the bizarre thing is you can actually never notice I still find astonishing now , it's been 3 years since making the connection between body and trauma and mind after years mind searching which was futile before that, im 40 + never and occurred to me before , I reached the understanding independently so I had a bit of spiritual episode, savior of mankind lol, seriously profound from my perspective, for a short time then after the initial excitement and then realizing that maybe I'm not cut to be the second coming, I found something even better, validation for what I discovered, it amazing experience also , I thought yes I knew it was true and that's really important for trauma recovery validation for experiences also because you wont find much validation if any if you do then your fortunate a lot of people are surrounded individuals and groups more than willing to exasperate your suffering to ease thier own pain I've never understood pleasure out of someone suffering.
My two adult children do not understand my childhood trauma. I have never gone into detaild with them. All they know is that I had a bad childhood. I try very hard to appear "normal" but inevitably I get triggered on occasions and my PTSD kicks in and I experience anxiety and panic attacks. My son criticises me saying I am playing victim. I do not try to justify myself to him. It is difficult to experience this lack of understanding and compassion from my children. I keep my past to myself but it has always been difficult for me to make and keep friends. I also have trust issues.
If you haven't gone into detail, how can they understand? They might never understand, though, it's hard to understand something we haven't personally experienced. I hope you have a therapist or someone you can talk to about this. Maybe that is simply what you can tell your son, since he didn't live your experience, he shouldn't presume he understands, and he should keep his thoughts to himself. They're not helpful.
One needs a diverse arrange of healing modalities from sight sound and feeling, body work , reprogramming mind, spiritualism, some higher forms of religion, exercise, vibration, yoga, Pilates therapy, music therapy, I could go on and on with other modalities, other clinicians, art therapy and including talk therapy or compassion therapy, lymph therapy on and on and on. Each person is so unique and in order to heal we must understand
Sorry cut off… we must learn to help others help themselves and kteach them to know they have the power to heal themselves if they really want it bad enough. I’m 57 and still working hard on it.
We are born to imperfect parents, marry imperfect people, eventually tossing out the lot of them to heal. And then the rest of our lives are spent healing and hoping there’s enough money left at the end.
I'd love to talk to you! I have had trauma throughout my life and I have come to overcome everything this far, but at 40 I realized I had missed a critical error. I had never let the anger go. I thought that by forgiving the offenders was letting go of the anger. I am now transforming yet again. I was diagnosed last year with CRPS due to surgery gone wrong and this trauma is deep
Also rescue dogs are a good example - some rescue dogs definitely have severe trauma. They require lots of gradual work and play with new owners, even if only just separated from their mothers as puppies.
In other clip you talk about be open to several currents of therapy but on the contrary Bessel and Levine dismiss “words” why?? Realeasing the energy in the body had helped me tremendously in mi crisis: yoga, chants, bionergetics etc. but also following a diary, telling things to my self, movies, speaking in a mirror or camera, guided meditations, confronting my parents and family (not in flesh), writting tales... I don’t understand the disdain. 🤷♂️ I had powerful catharsis only with words. Language is parts of us. There a regions of the brain dedicated to language. Why dismished? Oh! And self inquiry, powerful Thanks anyway! Great interview 🌱
Because to work on the primordial level, there are no words, this is what I think but maybe I am wrong. Just doing lots of SE work so that is my take from that work of Levine and your question
@@Jaebee2626 Thanks for the reply! Even Levine owed his famous chance discovery to the phrase "there's a tiger in front of you, run!" Sometimes a phrase such as "it's not your fault your mother is unhappy" can unleash powerful catharsis. Other times is a self hug. This things are complementary and not exclusive. Good luck in your journey Jae.
@@Watercolordragon Honestly, "it's not your fault your mother is unhappy" is absolutely and utterly doing something for me on a deeper level. I also find that I need words to frame situations as I am quite easily overwelmed on the priomordial level (autism is fun). Once they are captured in rough words, I can start feeling them. They stop being brown.
Individualism is so important...I can't express how living as an individual person changed me in my addiction recovery. No one thing or person can heal me or influence me.
Here's an ironic thing, when Benjamin Fry mentioned the invisible lion ~12:34(ish), right there UA-cam inserted an ad for The Lion King. Gave me a good laugh, think their algorithm needs a tweak ...
One common example of this is the phantom limb pain of people who have lost a limb. The missing foot or hand suffers terrible pain. With Emdr, the pain will never return again. All pain killers fail to fix the problem. It is shocking that mainstream medicine refuses to recognize the efficacy of this treatment.
My instant response to question that was directed to Dr. Bessel van der Kolk : ‘Do you need language for where it is coming from? ‘ was ‘ ABSOLUTELY’ It is not just useful, but critical to know. And here is why in my personal opinion. When you see regular doctor or (even a specialist like neurologist), they look at your symptoms, they do tests and prescribe you medication ( muscle pain relaxation, migraine pill, etc) It may help to release pain, but it doesn’t provide cure. In order to get cure, we need to discover the root of the problem, find the reason what caused the pain. Conventional doctors don’t ask you about trauma, they go straight to drugs. Symptoms like chronic pain, muscle tension, CSM syndrome, migraines, skin parastethia, are all physical manifestation of unhealthy behavioral patterns often caused by trauma. And that’s where the focus of treatment should be directed.
12:22 “If we don’t come back” - if we don’t return to a sense of safety and remain easily triggered into states of hyperarousal that is. We need to unfreeze and discharge by identifying triggers and processing fully until we can remain present in our bodies.
This all explains so much I've questioned as in how, despite the mountains of evidence to the contrary, people still believe in gods and people still believe some unicorn version of communism is the answer to all of their woes. Both ideas provide a sense of security.
Thank you so much for uploading this interview series! I feel so understood. I do have Bessel's book, but haven't read it yet. English isn't my mother tongue so that might be a bit of an obstacle. Don't know if anyone cares to read this, but I have a question: I've done quite a lot to understand my patterns and change them. However, I always run into an immense neediness and can't re-regulate myself. I need other people and animals to calm down or allow heavy feelings. And that effect only lasts when there's physical touch. Like Bessel said, needing physical touch is very natural. But what do I do about it now? When I listen to my deep inner, there's this existential feeling popping up that I am in danger and can only survive once I find my tribe. Where I'm taken in and cared for. I am 30 now and struggling really hard to cope with modern life. I feel like I belong to a community rather than an individualistic, capitalist society... I had to cut ties with my family since they are the reason I have PTSD, anxiety, depression so they aren't an option. Does this sound familiar to anyone? How did you take care of yourself?
I Ve heard really good things about Neuroptimal. It's a dynamic Neurofeedback therapy where your brain regulates itself..... completely natural. Check it out :)
Just wanted to reply as I read this and to say "know you aren't alone". I don't have much to share right now, but do just want to recognise that I read this, hear you and value what you have written and shared here :) I am also 30 and have explored a lot in my 20's on how to regulate my mental and emotional states, also having had PTSD, and thankfully the efforts made have paid off even though for what felt like a long time I was running up hill and couldn't see the top and just felt like so much effort, however so gratefully now- I don't experience PTS any more. I hear you about community and this capitalist society, I do believe it is important (even if a slow process) to find people you trust... going to go on a little shpeel here and no worries if it's not relevant to you, just thought I share just incase it could be :) One can have many kinds of friends, not all need to know your deepest trauma's, some may and some may be for going hiking with or other activities that don't even involve talking or sharing trauma stories, and then there will be people you do trust and can share such stories. I often used to feel like if I can't share my whole-story and self with others it wasn't a true friend ship, and this meant I was actually mostly making friends with other people who had quite intense stories of trauma themselves... now I haven noticed that what I used to think/believe is not actually true about friendship. And this release of this belief has lifted off the limits of who I can be friends with and also I don't gravitate toward other traumatised people so much, I have a mix of friends, which is balanced... and I also have friends who know all of me, and I them, and those friendships are special and rare :) The things that have helped me, and I know everyone is different, but the things that helped me have been mindful-yoga practice (not just asana but many elements of yoga), reading books like Care of the Soul was really nourishing and helpful for me to offer that care in my life and see from another angle. I sing and play guitar, not at a professional level or anything just creating music has hugely helped me deal with emotions and understanding them more for myself, and also drawing/crafting spending time creating, where it's not always enjoyable but something beautiful happens in the process of creating. Much care to you, wishing you wellness and inner happiness.
I think trauma is a necessery part of being hard wired for connection and a belive in good things. Like the more you'd be that the more you would have necesserily incure damage at non presence of those. Like with being lonley. The more you are hard wired to connect with others, the more you can like devlop social skills but the more you also will feel lonley without?
Like when you have an ability to create deep positive impacts you just sort of when you have a systhem that's free an ability for negativ impact proportional?
Dr Bessel I feel as if someone or many need to scream at the top of our lungs “We don’t have health insurance that pays for that and are you aware of how difficult it is financially for millions of people in this damn economy!!!!!!
the body keeps the score and the mind does as well, if the trauma resides into a relational event that does not implies the body in a direct manner, that is the kind of experience that needs repair, if the trauma comes from judjmental issues from "the interbrain" as for marginalized populations, healing probably resides in collective (social) adjustments.
I hate myself and humanity. This deep seated rage. Feeling was knocked out of me somewhere in childhood. The inner critic is so pervasive that I cut myself.
@@1life744 i know nothing about you so this might be useless, yet saying nothing is going to be useless anyways so here it is, some unrequited diy advise: try shifting from cutting to punching, (it must be something soft enough not to break your hands - no wood, metals, walls.. - and compact enough to stay there when it gets hit) a big fabric bag stuffed with more fabric will do. You sit on your knees keep the fabric cube in between them and punch it as hard as you can till you're sweating and you can feel your hands again.. when the worse is gone jump as high as you can or run till you're tired enough, then focus on doing something still tiring but challenging for your physical balance, handstands against the wall are great if you have some place for it, then stretch but only when you're sure you're too tired and can feel your own body again, if you skip to stretching in the peak of a crisis the risk is to get a muscle tear and that's not better than a cut. This is phase 1 where you focus on exchanging a very harmful coping strategy (cutting) with a contextually useful coping strategy (loading off the violence on something that doesn't mind, moving and sweating so that your brain can begin to separate "violence" from "solutions" and start to associate "movement" , "action" and "solutions" , all by doing some useful things for your autonomic nervous system that will thank you as far as keeping you away from the worst pain by getting healthier. Phase 2 is when your new coping system is strong enough to keep you away from harming (yourself or others) so you can focus on getting your body as functional as possible through improving your diet, take off the violence from it as much as you can (ideal is lots of raw fruits and vegetables but it needs to happen gradually). With a healthier body it will be a bit easier to get yourself a healthier social environment that will get you enough quality of life to remind you that the world is very messy but it can be improved, every day, every minute, till it's a very beautiful place too. It gets better, don't give up🌸
Really interesting series. I think it’s a shame that there is not an automatic link or click know link through each of the next ones, but links are shown to random other videos. Poor set up which may explain why there are low view rates of the second and third parts.
My EMDR therapist noticed that i also don't trust myself therefore its very hard to know when someone is not being helpful or poor fit. I suppose EMDR on particular major trauma would relieve that?
How can one heal when there has been no recognition of the crime brought upon them by the perpetrator ? Trauma caused by someone else's serious crimes. That is not the same as trauma caused by an accident. What if you have received no liability or responsibility or legal justice, if that is important to the traumatized individual ?
I can hear you my friend. Been through these exact thoughts for the past 5-6 years, and I'm finally starting to actually heal after trying out lots of stuff so far. I didn't get any justice, but healing is happening for me. I hope you heal too! 💛💛
I cracked up at that part too! Reminded me of a poem: "Someone I once loved gave me a box of darkness, It took me years to realize that this too was a gift" -Mary Oliver
But, every soul, psyche, personality is in fact an individual because of differing characteristics and qualities cultivated plus our differing past lives actions that cause differing results that are carried from one life/death to the next.
Hello, I've gone through episodes of memory recovery. Throuhout my years, multiple abusers, at different times of my life. Most recently, I am recovering memories of my brother-in-law whom I lived with from age 6-13. I know he abused me; but I can't remember details. At 19, after escaping him for six yrs, he raped me. Why can't I remember his face? Recently, his daughter posted a picture on FB thanking him for his armyservice in Viet Nam where he briefly served (three months) and was dishonorably discharged. I was blown away because I didn't recognize his face. I remember his essence, a real bad guy, disgusting' but not his face. Again, I was caught off guard. Even prior to that, I had begun to have memories of his abuse towards me. Consequently, I believe my system wants to tell. Any thought on why I blocked his face?
great comment on psycho analysis...what the hell am i doing here...no shit. it seemed to reinforce my weaknesses. saying enough of this bullshit to myself helped me shake it off, get up, and go.
Usually it’ll be family then your neighbourhood town. Or joining a club or organised group. Problem is us with trauma tend to have anxiety and self isolate a lot.
Think about the hobbies you love most. There is always a community of people who enjoy the same things as you. Seek them, seek individuals who appreciate the same things you do.
Community can be dangerous. I meet people who are competitive and critical and gossipy. In other words, people with little recovery. Not good energy for someone with cptsd.
Capitalism, search for power and omnipotence would not let you go anywhere else that could benefit for you, if they're going to loose an income. Even in psychology and psychoanalysts, destroying people's lives with impunity. Alwyas putting the blame on patients.
From the Unconscious Hell ❤️ To the Conscious Hell 💚 Until the Paradise of Consciousness 💜 Love Truth ❤️ Accept Suffering 💚 Confront Malevolence 💜 Thaaannnk Yooouuu ❤️ 💚 💜
It totally sucks to have had a pathologically narcissistic mother followed by partners of ever worsening degrees of the same mental disorder. Now I am at a place where I must financially make my way in the world, at the ripe age of 61! And almost broke. Fortunately no debt. No free handouts either. Precarious living nonetheless. It’s now up to God and a degree of Pollyanna thinking for me to get to a place of security and ability to pay for unforeseen events requiring dental repair. I pray every day, to become the person I was meant to be, rather than an unrealized penniless individual. Putting on a brave face and making UA-cam videos only goes so far. Yoga, meditation, immersion in nature, a gratitude list . . . they don’t bring in an income. I’m an unheard voice in the great abyss of the internet and my talents will be overlooked just because that is fate. If you are a person who can help, than allow me to publish some works I have . . . stories that aim to come to the aid of other women, in their youth, so as not to waste their precious lives loving the wrong people.
It's bothersome _to you_ because it doesn't explain _your_ experience. We all prefer narratives that explain _our own_ experience. Have you ever wondered why that is?
I really wish Dr. Van der Kolk could contain the use of the four letter word he sprinkles throughout his lectures. The are not necessarily and are quite vulgar. His "talks' are tainted with bar language instead of higher learning and communication.
Watch more of Dr Bessel here: ua-cam.com/play/PLFIigLLitqDngXlnr07Gdpj0HNtkDesVR.html
But, every soul, psyche, personality is in fact an individual because of differing characteristics and qualities cultivated plus our differing past lives actions that cause differing results that are carried one life/death to the next.
Is that Benjamin Fry?
@@leilanewman1982 Yes, it is!
" just because you're able to compensate with creating something beautiful doesn't mean that you're doing well as a person " This is so true and on point, i think that when we collectively start to see this then we can address all the normalized compensation behaviors that makes our society and our economic system a retraumatizing machine and actually move into a better direction.
Yeah… the big pharma don’t want us to learn to self regulate because of money, but we are coming along more and more in the field of self regulating pie systems and less reliance on meds
@@loungydoc big pharma and the rest of money centered markets are very short sighted anyways, it all comes down quick on its own pitfalls.. even the richest of ceos is still having a far shittiest life than he/she could have if the masses quality of life would be good.
@@janlaag it will be interesting to see us evolve in a more balanced way with both prosperity and health
@@loungydoc well most of today's ideas of prosperity are compensatory behaviors for a dysfunctional social structure, if mass health truly improves the social structure goes with it indivisibly, then i guess it will be interesting to see the whole concept of wealth drastically changing
@@janlaag perceptive comments, it is frustrating how much misunderstanding there is and how that fuels the re-traumatising, I am so thankful for thinkers and researchers such as these who are able to grasp things at their root and are helpfully transmitting that into the universe.
I remember being in a school and studying Piaget, Bowlby and Winnicot in my Liberal Arts degree in Childhood experience and it stayed with me forever. I work with children now and they touch my arm, hug me and stay really close to me. I see they regulate themselves with me. It was a warming moment after 2.5 years of no touch at all. Children are our teachers
Thank YOU Bessel for YOUR HONESTY!!!! It takes GREAT courage for you to SAY the things YOU say. It is SO HELPFUL!!! Love & Light
The most amazing, non-invasive, deeply relaxing system of bodywork I know is The Rosen Method. Thank you gentlemen for sharing your helpful knowledge, experience, and wisdom.
Wow, just watched all three videos for the whole interview, and am blown away, uplifted, inspired, by the compassion and intelligence present in this interview which seems SO lacking from much so-called mental health support.
I came across this wanting to educate myself about trauma as I work as a mentor for young people who've grown up in care and have had traumatic childhoods, and am struck by how essential it is for this understanding to be more widespread across society, not only for those specifically working in a relevant field. So much food for thought. Thank you very much How to Academy, Dr Bessel and Daniel, for sharing these invaluable insights.
Absolutely true! You just summarised it in a wonderful way! Much love to you, these amazing researchers and the organizers of this session! 💛💛
@@authentic_101 Aw thank you, what led you to this field of research?
@@jessclark5495 my own personal healing journey
18 years ago, My psychiatrist diagnosed with me with cptsd, did not inform or treat me for it, and mailed a copy of the body keeps the score to me. I only found out that this is what I had been diagnosed with two years ago when a new doctor asked me about it durning our first meeting, as it was in my chart. I’ve avoided reading this book, but I think I’m ready now.
Ugh Sheri I’m so sorry to read this. I can understand the sadness you must feel for how much life could’ve been different/better. I tried psychoanalysis which seemed more intellectually interesting and clearly told analyst that I trust they’ll refer me accordingly if not in their scope. Well I learned psychoanalysis isn’t efficacious. Where are things today?
Dance classes, now that the covid restriction is lifted, is great for touch and community. When I start to dance I feel better straight away and if I can learn a new step there's a sense of triumph. Someone should study this.
Yes dance is special in a way our modern society doesn’t fully embrace and teach
@@schuylersavage276when I hear a song I like, I dance to it...does that count?
@@robynhope219 I think it does. It may even be better than dancing classes if it comes to you naturally.
I really really admire Dr. Bessel. I too resonate as a seeker of knowledge and improvement.
You guys work well together
Thank You
I was abducted by a stranger at 12 years old and holy moly I've got a lot to shed still at 55
Thanks
I had the same experience. How do you think it has affected you?
@@Marco-en3jl I'm still coming to terms with it. I'm always on edge.
@@BillRiedmann It's a strange one; for sure. When something so frightening occurs at such a young stage in our development; it's hard to recognise its impact. For me, I feel like I've been living in a state of hypervigilance, where at any moment someone might reveal themselves to be a threat...it seems so illogical, and I find myself looking for reassurance that my fears are unfounded. Sometimes it feels like I'm being dragged back to that point in time where I was being assaulted. Yes, it's confusing & I've no real way of being sure what's an actual threat, & what's something Im not seeing clearly...like I said, a strange one.
I am a survivor of childhood trauma. I was an orphan at 15. I had more trauma during Vietnam but I was in West Berlin, East Germany during the war. I started having severe blood pressure problems in 1974. My body did keep score on all of the difficulties I have had in life. Even decades of sobriety has not fixed my mental health. I am 100% mentally disabled for Chronic PTSD and Major Depression. Add anxiety and panic attacks and Adult ADD and no wonder I have had three heart attacks. I am looking at the SGB procedure but the VA have not said they will allow me to go to a VA hospital or Navy Hospital to get treatment. I am now curious about the psychedelic meds but being a recovering alcoholic is that really a good thing. I got the workbook for The Body Keeps Score and I need to start reading it. Just had to comment on the book as my name (story) was on every other page ha.
As a survivor with CPTSD, I’ve often preferred to die and if I see a story of a person who has been abused in an extreme way, I feel it would be better for them to die rather than having to live feeling tortured forever from their experience. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve wanted to just not exist anymore. I see the world as a mess and so many people behaving badly toward others. So I really can’t see death as a bad thing, why should a person have to go on living just so other people can feel better. When you really can’t live with trauma, you need to have a choice, just as traumatised animals die, it would be better for people also.
But Catherine, like Bessel said, we've 'learnt a lot' there is great potential for wisdom in such pain. We are the walking wounded & our world needs more sensitive people, not less. I used to think I'm such a mess I might as well die. My whole original family are 'such shits' but there's no way I'm going to let them bring me down anymore and give up my life. Rise above it, live on and radiate joy by loving your Self. They don't get to win, we do.
@universal truth I have felt so unloved I thought there'd be no one on the other side to meet me anyway. Better to stay, do our time and spread some love while we can.
Yes I’ve considered euthanasia by 32 if things don’t improve. It’s painful being alive when your trauma also makes you an easy target or people don’t even want to be friend you. For me, every relationship I’ve had, romantically were with narcissist and the latest being a psychopath.
My mom passed on 3 years ago 2 days after my 27th bday and up until her last breathe she was living with trauma. I have no one anymore and can’t even work anymore.
I isolate and spend my days gaslighting myself thinking life is ever going to better. Well I envisioned and would my life would be better at 16 when I was 13, at 25 when I was 20. And then at 25 by 30. I’m 3 days away from 30th bday and life has gotten worse.
I wanted marriage and kids but all I ever gotten was abuse and never protected. My own father said I should’ve been raped by a hiv+ drug addict whom nearly molested me when I was 11. An ex side with his friend that held me against a wall and tried to rape me.
This is no way to live. My moms dying wish was live your life and be happy. I’m not and don’t think I’ll ever be. If she wanted that she should’ve left my abusive father and maybe I would’ve had a chance at normalcy instead thinking that that what love was.
You know, I said what I did 10 months ago now. After much hard work and determination and mainly EMDR treatment that I was able to have, I live with an entirely different outlook now. I've read so much about trauma and researching narcissistic behaviour as well as psychopaths that I've learnt how to not be a victim. I've learnt that from surviving and knowledge I'm not failing at life. It's keeping the dangerous people out of my life and spending time alone finding things that are interesting to me and I actually prefer to keep people at a distance until they can be trusted. Forcing myself to be outside in the sun when I can practising just being and using comedy to laugh more. It doesn't come easy but the challenge is a distraction and keeps me busy. Find somewhere safe to be and research trauma. You can even spend time in a public library wherr it's all free and enjoy nice things that you may grow interested in. Sorry if I sound like I'm lecturing, I just have worked hard myself to improve and finally I have felt like living. Still don't like being around too many people it can make me very anxious, but its like that for lots of people. You're still young, what you're going through is hell but through understanding yourself more in regard to the severity of the abuse, you may find some peace. If you're going to exit anything , exit from the he arseholes that ruin your life . All the best to you. Xx
@@DaughterOfGod247 im sorry to hear you. I dont know you but just want so say that I love you and I can relate to your story of cptsd. I know you will get through this. Send you all my love and support friend
Very hard won…thank you! Wish I’d seen this sooner!
Absolutely have gratitude for finding it now!
OMG! Thank you verrry much! That’s what exactly I needed to hear this morning! Thank you 🙏🏻 ❤
To any skeptics watching this don't doubt as it's the truth,
the bizarre thing is you can actually never notice I still find astonishing now , it's been 3 years since making the connection between body and trauma and mind after years mind searching which was futile before that, im 40 + never and occurred to me before , I reached the understanding independently so I had a bit of spiritual episode, savior of mankind lol, seriously profound from my perspective, for a short time then after the initial excitement and then realizing that maybe I'm not cut to be the second coming,
I found something even better, validation for what I discovered, it amazing experience also , I thought yes I knew it was true and that's really important for trauma recovery validation for experiences also because you wont find much validation if any if you do then your fortunate a lot of people are surrounded individuals and groups more than willing to exasperate your suffering to ease thier own pain I've never understood pleasure out of someone suffering.
My two adult children do not understand my childhood trauma. I have never gone into detaild with them. All they know is that I had a bad childhood. I try very hard to appear "normal" but inevitably I get triggered on occasions and my PTSD kicks in and I experience anxiety and panic attacks. My son criticises me saying I am playing victim. I do not try to justify myself to him. It is difficult to experience this lack of understanding and compassion from my children. I keep my past to myself but it has always been difficult for me to make and keep friends. I also have trust issues.
If you haven't gone into detail, how can they understand? They might never understand, though, it's hard to understand something we haven't personally experienced. I hope you have a therapist or someone you can talk to about this. Maybe that is simply what you can tell your son, since he didn't live your experience, he shouldn't presume he understands, and he should keep his thoughts to himself. They're not helpful.
One needs a diverse arrange of healing modalities from sight sound and feeling, body work , reprogramming mind, spiritualism, some higher forms of religion, exercise, vibration, yoga, Pilates therapy, music therapy, I could go on and on with other modalities, other clinicians, art therapy and including talk therapy or compassion therapy, lymph therapy on and on and on. Each person is so unique and in order to heal we must understand
Sorry cut off… we must learn to help others help themselves and kteach them to know they have the power to heal themselves if they really want it bad enough. I’m 57 and still working hard on it.
We are born to imperfect parents, marry imperfect people, eventually tossing out the
lot
of them to heal.
And then the rest of our lives are spent healing and hoping there’s enough money left at the end.
I'd love to talk to you! I have had trauma throughout my life and I have come to overcome everything this far, but at 40 I realized I had missed a critical error. I had never let the anger go. I thought that by forgiving the offenders was letting go of the anger. I am now transforming yet again. I was diagnosed last year with CRPS due to surgery gone wrong and this trauma is deep
Please look up Nicole Sachs and Howard Schubiner on UA-cam. Be well.
This is making "light" of a very serious problem.
Also rescue dogs are a good example - some rescue dogs definitely have severe trauma. They require lots of gradual work and play with new owners, even if only just separated from their mothers as puppies.
In other clip you talk about be open to several currents of therapy but on the contrary Bessel and Levine dismiss “words” why?? Realeasing the energy in the body had helped me tremendously in mi crisis: yoga, chants, bionergetics etc. but also following a diary, telling things to my self, movies, speaking in a mirror or camera, guided meditations, confronting my parents and family (not in flesh), writting tales...
I don’t understand the disdain. 🤷♂️ I had powerful catharsis only with words. Language is parts of us. There a regions of the brain dedicated to language. Why dismished? Oh! And self inquiry, powerful
Thanks anyway! Great interview 🌱
Because to work on the primordial level, there are no words, this is what I think but maybe I am wrong. Just doing lots of SE work so that is my take from that work of Levine and your question
@@Jaebee2626 Thanks for the reply! Even Levine owed his famous chance discovery to the phrase "there's a tiger in front of you, run!" Sometimes a phrase such as "it's not your fault your mother is unhappy" can unleash powerful catharsis. Other times is a self hug. This things are complementary and not exclusive. Good luck in your journey Jae.
@@Watercolordragon Honestly, "it's not your fault your mother is unhappy" is absolutely and utterly doing something for me on a deeper level.
I also find that I need words to frame situations as I am quite easily overwelmed on the priomordial level (autism is fun). Once they are captured in rough words, I can start feeling them. They stop being brown.
Individualism is so important...I can't express how living as an individual person changed me in my addiction recovery. No one thing or person can heal me or influence me.
So true
I dont understand.
Here's an ironic thing, when Benjamin Fry mentioned the invisible lion ~12:34(ish), right there UA-cam inserted an ad for The Lion King. Gave me a good laugh, think their algorithm needs a tweak ...
One common example of this is the phantom limb pain of people who have lost a limb. The missing foot or hand suffers terrible pain. With Emdr, the pain will never return again. All pain killers fail to fix the problem. It is shocking that mainstream medicine refuses to recognize the efficacy of this treatment.
My instant response to question that was directed to Dr. Bessel van der Kolk : ‘Do you need language for where it is coming from? ‘ was ‘ ABSOLUTELY’ It is not just useful, but critical to know. And here is why in my personal opinion. When you see regular doctor or (even a specialist like neurologist), they look at your symptoms, they do tests and prescribe you medication ( muscle pain relaxation, migraine pill, etc) It may help to release pain, but it doesn’t provide cure. In order to get cure, we need to discover the root of the problem, find the reason what caused the pain. Conventional doctors don’t ask you about trauma, they go straight to drugs. Symptoms like chronic pain, muscle tension, CSM syndrome, migraines, skin parastethia, are all physical manifestation of unhealthy behavioral patterns often caused by trauma. And that’s where the focus of treatment should be directed.
Indeed it should be, alas, docs don’t have time for that.
4:07 i'm more nurished by the community of seekers than any other community i know.
i haven't felt so welcome in a long time
12:22 “If we don’t come back” - if we don’t return to a sense of safety and remain easily triggered into states of hyperarousal that is. We need to unfreeze and discharge by identifying triggers and processing fully until we can remain present in our bodies.
This all explains so much I've questioned as in how, despite the mountains of evidence to the contrary, people still believe in gods and people still believe some unicorn version of communism is the answer to all of their woes. Both ideas provide a sense of security.
Thank you so much for uploading this interview series!
I feel so understood. I do have Bessel's book, but haven't read it yet. English isn't my mother tongue so that might be a bit of an obstacle.
Don't know if anyone cares to read this, but I have a question: I've done quite a lot to understand my patterns and change them. However, I always run into an immense neediness and can't re-regulate myself. I need other people and animals to calm down or allow heavy feelings. And that effect only lasts when there's physical touch.
Like Bessel said, needing physical touch is very natural. But what do I do about it now? When I listen to my deep inner, there's this existential feeling popping up that I am in danger and can only survive once I find my tribe. Where I'm taken in and cared for. I am 30 now and struggling really hard to cope with modern life. I feel like I belong to a community rather than an individualistic, capitalist society... I had to cut ties with my family since they are the reason I have PTSD, anxiety, depression so they aren't an option.
Does this sound familiar to anyone? How did you take care of yourself?
I Ve heard really good things about Neuroptimal. It's a dynamic Neurofeedback therapy where your brain regulates itself..... completely natural. Check it out :)
Just wanted to reply as I read this and to say "know you aren't alone". I don't have much to share right now, but do just want to recognise that I read this, hear you and value what you have written and shared here :)
I am also 30 and have explored a lot in my 20's on how to regulate my mental and emotional states, also having had PTSD, and thankfully the efforts made have paid off even though for what felt like a long time I was running up hill and couldn't see the top and just felt like so much effort, however so gratefully now- I don't experience PTS any more.
I hear you about community and this capitalist society, I do believe it is important (even if a slow process) to find people you trust... going to go on a little shpeel here and no worries if it's not relevant to you, just thought I share just incase it could be :) One can have many kinds of friends, not all need to know your deepest trauma's, some may and some may be for going hiking with or other activities that don't even involve talking or sharing trauma stories, and then there will be people you do trust and can share such stories. I often used to feel like if I can't share my whole-story and self with others it wasn't a true friend ship, and this meant I was actually mostly making friends with other people who had quite intense stories of trauma themselves... now I haven noticed that what I used to think/believe is not actually true about friendship. And this release of this belief has lifted off the limits of who I can be friends with and also I don't gravitate toward other traumatised people so much, I have a mix of friends, which is balanced... and I also have friends who know all of me, and I them, and those friendships are special and rare :)
The things that have helped me, and I know everyone is different, but the things that helped me have been mindful-yoga practice (not just asana but many elements of yoga), reading books like Care of the Soul was really nourishing and helpful for me to offer that care in my life and see from another angle. I sing and play guitar, not at a professional level or anything just creating music has hugely helped me deal with emotions and understanding them more for myself, and also drawing/crafting spending time creating, where it's not always enjoyable but something beautiful happens in the process of creating.
Much care to you, wishing you wellness and inner happiness.
Thank you gentlemen X
I think trauma is a necessery part of being hard wired for connection and a belive in good things. Like the more you'd be that the more you would have necesserily incure damage at non presence of those. Like with being lonley. The more you are hard wired to connect with others, the more you can like devlop social skills but the more you also will feel lonley without?
So bc humans are wired to love etc we are enabled to do those things, but we also hurt in ansensnce
Like when you have an ability to create deep positive impacts you just sort of when you have a systhem that's free an ability for negativ impact proportional?
I love this work!!!!!!!
Dr Bessel I feel as if someone or many need to scream at the top of our lungs “We don’t have health insurance that pays for that and are you aware of how difficult it is financially for millions of people in this damn economy!!!!!!
Thank God for UA-cam . . . or somebody.
This explains my entire life. :/
WHAT A LOVELY PPL
the body keeps the score and the mind does as well, if the trauma resides into a relational event that does not implies the body in a direct manner, that is the kind of experience that needs repair, if the trauma comes from judjmental issues from "the interbrain" as for marginalized populations, healing probably resides in collective (social) adjustments.
I hate myself and humanity. This deep seated rage. Feeling was knocked out of me somewhere in childhood. The inner critic is so pervasive that I cut myself.
@@1life744 i know nothing about you so this might be useless, yet saying nothing is going to be useless anyways so here it is, some unrequited diy advise: try shifting from cutting to punching, (it must be something soft enough not to break your hands - no wood, metals, walls.. - and compact enough to stay there when it gets hit) a big fabric bag stuffed with more fabric will do. You sit on your knees keep the fabric cube in between them and punch it as hard as you can till you're sweating and you can feel your hands again.. when the worse is gone jump as high as you can or run till you're tired enough, then focus on doing something still tiring but challenging for your physical balance, handstands against the wall are great if you have some place for it, then stretch but only when you're sure you're too tired and can feel your own body again, if you skip to stretching in the peak of a crisis the risk is to get a muscle tear and that's not better than a cut. This is phase 1 where you focus on exchanging a very harmful coping strategy (cutting) with a contextually useful coping strategy (loading off the violence on something that doesn't mind, moving and sweating so that your brain can begin to separate "violence" from "solutions" and start to associate "movement" , "action" and "solutions" , all by doing some useful things for your autonomic nervous system that will thank you as far as keeping you away from the worst pain by getting healthier. Phase 2 is when your new coping system is strong enough to keep you away from harming (yourself or others) so you can focus on getting your body as functional as possible through improving your diet, take off the violence from it as much as you can (ideal is lots of raw fruits and vegetables but it needs to happen gradually). With a healthier body it will be a bit easier to get yourself a healthier social environment that will get you enough quality of life to remind you that the world is very messy but it can be improved, every day, every minute, till it's a very beautiful place too. It gets better, don't give up🌸
I love both of you.
Really interesting series. I think it’s a shame that there is not an automatic link or click know link through each of the next ones, but links are shown to random other videos. Poor set up which may explain why there are low view rates of the second and third parts.
This was a great time spended watching you ! Great video i will talk about this on my youtube channel soon , what the people think about this ?
My EMDR therapist noticed that i also don't trust myself therefore its very hard to know when someone is not being helpful or poor fit. I suppose EMDR on particular major trauma would relieve that?
How can one heal when there has been no recognition of the crime brought upon them by the perpetrator ? Trauma caused by someone else's serious crimes. That is not the same as trauma caused by an accident. What if you have received no liability or responsibility or legal justice, if that is important to the traumatized individual ?
I can hear you my friend. Been through these exact thoughts for the past 5-6 years, and I'm finally starting to actually heal after trying out lots of stuff so far. I didn't get any justice, but healing is happening for me. I hope you heal too! 💛💛
4:28 HOLY SMOKES!
I "liked" the video because of Bessel van der Kolk, but I must say, the ad placement is shameful and painful.
"thank you for being such shits, I've learnt a lot" 😂 thank you for that laugh Bessel, I needed it. Hey english guy, lighten up.
I cracked up at that part too!
Reminded me of a poem:
"Someone I once loved gave me a box of darkness,
It took me years to realize that this too was a gift"
-Mary Oliver
@@erindoty9448 that's a great poem thanks, it packs so much into just a few words. Bessel understands how close & important a laugh is to tears.
But, every soul, psyche, personality is in fact an individual because of differing characteristics and qualities cultivated plus our differing past lives actions that cause differing results that are carried from one life/death to the next.
Hello, I've gone through episodes of memory recovery. Throuhout my years, multiple abusers, at different times of my life. Most recently, I am recovering memories of my brother-in-law whom I lived with from age 6-13. I know he abused me; but I can't remember details.
At 19, after escaping him for six yrs, he raped me. Why can't I remember his face? Recently, his daughter posted a picture on FB thanking him for his armyservice in Viet Nam where he briefly served (three months) and was dishonorably discharged. I was blown away because I didn't recognize his face. I remember his essence, a real bad guy, disgusting' but not his face. Again, I was caught off guard.
Even prior to that, I had begun to have memories of his abuse towards me. Consequently, I believe my system wants to tell. Any thought on why I blocked his face?
great comment on psycho analysis...what the hell am i doing here...no shit. it seemed to reinforce my weaknesses. saying enough of this bullshit to myself helped me shake it off, get up, and go.
And how does one find community?
Usually it’ll be family then your neighbourhood town. Or joining a club or organised group. Problem is us with trauma tend to have anxiety and self isolate a lot.
Think about the hobbies you love most. There is always a community of people who enjoy the same things as you. Seek them, seek individuals who appreciate the same things you do.
I’ve found it in codependents anonymous.
Was Benjamin’s voice as he provided his email address deliberately mutled or was it coincidental?
Whats the dude's e-mail address, because I keep on missing it, and I would like to contact him
Did anyone understand Benjamin’s email adress?
Video is muted
What is Benjamin’s email please? I couldn’t understand it.
Benjamin@khironclinics.com
We are going to deal with tens or maybe hundreds of thousands traumatized people here in Ukraine, what should we do?
Community can be dangerous. I meet people who are competitive and critical and gossipy. In other words, people with little recovery. Not good energy for someone with cptsd.
Not true, some animals in trauma survived, like abused dogs.
I also wonder how they do It?
I couldn't overcome trauma from my childhood, sometimes I feel like a dog that's scared and bites
Capitalism, search for power and omnipotence would not let you go anywhere else that could benefit for you, if they're going to loose an income. Even in psychology and psychoanalysts, destroying people's lives with impunity. Alwyas putting the blame on patients.
From the Unconscious Hell ❤️
To the Conscious Hell 💚
Until the Paradise of Consciousness 💜
Love Truth ❤️
Accept Suffering 💚
Confront Malevolence 💜
Thaaannnk Yooouuu ❤️ 💚 💜
Good one
It totally sucks to have had a pathologically narcissistic mother followed by partners of ever worsening degrees of the same mental disorder. Now I am at a place where I must financially make my way in the world, at the ripe age of 61! And almost broke. Fortunately no debt. No free handouts either. Precarious living nonetheless.
It’s now up to God and a degree of Pollyanna thinking for me to get to a place of security and ability to pay for unforeseen events requiring dental repair. I pray every day, to become the person I was meant to be, rather than an unrealized penniless individual. Putting on a brave face and making UA-cam videos only goes so far. Yoga, meditation, immersion in nature, a gratitude list . . . they don’t bring in an income.
I’m an unheard voice in the great abyss of the internet and my talents will be overlooked just because that is fate. If you are a person who can help, than allow me to publish some works I have . . . stories that aim to come to the aid of other women, in their youth, so as not to waste their precious lives loving the wrong people.
His injecting his personal anti-individual pro-collectivist & utopian ideas into his theories is bothersome.
It's bothersome _to you_ because it doesn't explain _your_ experience.
We all prefer narratives that explain _our own_ experience.
Have you ever wondered why that is?
Hey Mr. Negative....
don´t like the interviewer, aloof ... but my comment will be deleted ...
I really wish Dr. Van der Kolk could contain the use of the four letter word he sprinkles throughout his lectures. The are not necessarily and are quite vulgar. His "talks' are tainted with bar language instead of higher learning and communication.