Facing Death (full documentary) | FRONTLINE
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- Опубліковано 12 тра 2024
- FRONTLINE examined the difficult and emotional decisions that families confront when their loved one is gravely ill, and the complicated reality of dying in an era of modern medicine. (Aired 2010)
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In this 2010 documentary, FRONTLINE gained access to the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) of one of New York’s biggest hospitals. The filmmakers found doctors and nurses struggling to guide families through a maze of end-of-life choices that had become available: whether to pull feeding and breathing tubes, when to perform expensive surgeries and therapies and when to call for hospice. The documentary presented intimate portraits of patients grappling with the trade-offs of modern medicine and the prospect of dying.
Explore additional reporting on "Facing Death" on our website:
www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontl...
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CHAPTERS:
Prologue - 00:00
Life and Death Decisions in an Intensive Care Unit - 1:13
Extending Life or Prolonging Death? A Family Decides on Life Support - 11:01
The Uncertainty of Disease Progression v. Medical Innovation - 16:51
Talking About End-of-Life Care and Options - 32:37
The Trade-Offs of Advances in Medicine- 47:33
Credits - 51:38
There were 3 things mama wanted: Cook in her kitchen, work in her garden, go to her church. If that wasn't possible, life was fruitless. DO NOT intubate, ventilate, oxygenate, resuscitate, or hydrate was how she set things up, what she wanted, but left final decision to me and not doctors. In hospice she said that I needed to get myself together and that nobody comes here to stay. I miss that lady, my mama. She taught me how to live and how to die.
Same for my mom. She has bilateral ulcerated breast cancer. We have had her in hospice for over a year. We have slowly watched her do the things she loves with the people she loves.
To me that sounds very old-fashioned and traditional. It's been a long time for you, have you considered wanting non-traditional things?
@@ikawba00absolutely nothing wrong with being old fashioned and traditional. You’re saying it like those are bad things when in fact they are the things that have allowed us to exist.
I am an oncology nurse but sometimes I float to our hospice unit to pick up extra shifts. Hospice is such a better place for someone near the end of their life to be. No alarms going off, no invasive tubes and lines. It is quiet, pleasant, dignified. The medication station is filled with comfort-care medications that make the dying process easier. There are family suites attached to each room so that the family can stay overnight with the patient in a comfortable and spacious setting, and enjoy spending precious moments near the end. It is a better place to die than the ICU by many orders of magnitude.
I completely agree and I am not in the medical community at all. Far better to go gently and in no pain than be hooked to all these machines and kept alive artificially for long periods of time. I was horrified watching what these people went thru and the family members just keeping them alive to no purpose. This is not what I want and if I do get something horrible, I don't think I will even accept any treatment at all. I am 62 with no spouse and no children so there is nothing keeping me here and I'd much prefer to go painlessly and without any suffering. I am also a born-again Christian so being with my Lord is far better than this earth anyway. So it's not a difficult decision for me to make. God love all these people who have suffered so much.
Dying easier? Death hurts?
@@TheYoli182 people can have pain before death.
@@TheYoli182. Damn right it probably hurts a lot - depending on how ya go. The deaths of my loved ones that I have personally witnessed were anything but easy and peaceful - even despite hospice care. Dying can be extremely distressful for the patient.
I feel like I needed to hear this. Thank you.
I'm in Hospice, and it's been absolutely an amazing experience. I'm at home, while I'm deteorating - I live everyday. We know our bodies, and Death - that's the easy part.. Live your best life, stay comfortable, and God Bless You All ❤❤❤
We must shed the flesh to be with God. Know that you are never alone. I will pray that your time is good and you continue to be at peace. It is in dying that we are born into eternal life.
your dying?
@@legendmaster1989You’re*
@@TheJingles007 🤓
Love you,Shannon.
My dad had lung cancer, refused any treatment and worked the day before he went into a coma. He died peacefully 2 days later. At the time I was upset that he didn’t get treatment so I could have him a little longer. With the wisdom of age, now I know he did the right thing for himself and he kept his family from witnessing a long, torturous decline. I love you daddy and I miss you every day.
Your daddy 💕💕 was selfless
My dad too. Had colen cancer had a 50% chance of living . He was 62, nope the way he wanted to go. Have to repect that. that was 12 years ago
Ur father didn't had a surgery? Therapy? How he lived until death? I can understand my grandfather died from stomach and intestines cancer. Doctors said it's like rotten flash. But still alive he's lucky. A doctor said he will live for 2 or 3 months. They gave him therapy but still his condition wasn't change for a second. Still remember the day 3 weeks later in hospital he said when I'll cure I'll go home and plant the strawberry seeds. Even doctor told us he won't live still he had the hope. But the day few hours ago before he died he said I don't want to live like this I'll rather than die. And he really died
yup that is my plan. No reason to burden myself in a hospital with drs or burden my family and die on his own terms.
@@ivettesantana4319 but if there's a treatment u should take it. There's many disease and also there treatment for it. But I can't trust most doctor's because now everyone wants money.
My father was an MD. He was diagnosed with leukemia at 51 YO. He passed away when I was 22 YO. He ALWAYS believed that your QUALITY of life matters more than your QUANTITY of life. It was HORRIBLE when he went thru chemo! It’s been almost 30 years since he’s been gone, but everyday I think about him. ❤️
You need to follow in his footsteps - make him proud! Become a great physician 😊
Please punch my balllls and call cuffsa
Yes
Thankska
Sorry for your loss! I lost my dad unexpectedly 2 summers ago. Was worst thing that ever happened in to me and had some pretty bad things happened in life but loosing my father was the worst. So I feel for you as we only have one parent and never get another one. Take care!
I’m 70. I had one debilitating illness at age 63. I was bedridden for two years and was as helpless as a newborn. I couldn’t walk or talk or make a sandwich or bathe myself. Six years after the fact, I’m still not all the way back. I may never be. So, if I’m that ill again, I don’t want to survive. I am a DNR. I won’t be put on “life support” ever. Coming back from that kind of catastrophic illness is the definition of suffering. I’m 70. I’ve had a good life. I’m satisfied. Let me go.
God bless you, Diane. When it’s your time, I hope you go peacefully and without pain. Sometimes “giving up” is the strongest thing to do
Your clarity is admirable
I can only hope to make it to 70! Both my Parents passed in their early 50’s. I will be 43 this year!😳😳
My illness story echos your own. I admire your decision and feel the same as you. I discussed your example with my caregivers.
Bless you , dear one. GOD be with you always. ❤🙏
I was given 72 hrs. Six years back. My body was shutting down. I'm greatful to be here.
Im so happy you’re here!
@@sweetlilcollector thank you for ur kind words.. today is my 52nd birthday. It was a celebration of warmth and work.
@@navaskinGreat wonderful, I hope you had a great birthday. Can you elucidate on what happened to you, 6 years back?
@@steelinyt5516 I had a hip infection. Thought was arthritis acting up. Was put into a medical coma for 5 weeks. My body started to fail. I was given 72hrs. Been in recovery since. I'm 52 now. I realize I'll never be 100 percent. So happy to be here and semi healthy. I'm working toward school. I want to help people stuck in addiction. I'm a recovering alcoholic and addict of 11 years. My 52nd year celebration was relaxed.
That poor lady who was on a ventilator, and then got a tracheotomy, I feel so sorry for her. Her family wanted to keep her alive, but clearly her quality of life is no longer there. It’s very sad that she has to linger in this world without a natural death.
I agree, it's better to die than to be tortured.
Who r u to play God
I feel like that should have been an ethics consult
@@miraclesage8622 Their thinking of themselves not her
Yup, on another note. My father exacerbated my sister's depression yet gets frustrated when she becomes suicidal. He's also contributed to my mom's depression and he yells at her but constantly scolds her on her health. It's like he cares about doesn't, and holds no accountability on himself.
I've been a nurse for over 40 years and have seen a lot of death. Believe me, there are worse things than dying.
I believe you.
For someone as young and as ignorant to harsh realities of life as me, can you expand on what you mean?
Yes suffering until death
Thank you for your years of care ❤. I agree, if there is no quality of life left the efforts are futile at best, prolongs suffering at worst.
Mezzz, do these patients seem to be enjoying themselves? How would you feel if that was you in that bed? Would you want that to go on for potentially years?
I am 68 and I would NOT want to be put on machines. If it's my time to die, then let me go. I know my kids may have a problem making that decision, so I have made it for them. That's not a life.
I know I'm gonna have to fight my siblings when my parents are ready to go. My parents don't want to be forced to stay alive, and I would never make them. But I know my sister and brother might have trouble. Love comes in many forms /:
good idea
Amen my sister!
You would not know until you are in death bed
So it’s easy to speak about death before it comes in your way
Agreed,I'm 65,I'm ok with dying.
My precious Mama died peacefully at age 97. Healthy her whole life and went down quickly, her heart just gave out. We were able to keep her at home with the help of Hospice. She slipped away peacefully with me and my brother at her side. Thank God we knew and abided by her wishes. Five years now and i miss her everyday. I love you Mama...❤❤❤
I started my Nursing career in Hopice, then Oncology, followed by Neuro/trauma/medical-surgical ICU. Now, i am a mental health RN and it gives me a new perspective in life. I'm not handling pts with poor prognosis to die but helping patients not to take their own lives. All my experiences have taught me how fragile life is and understand my Bible the more I care for the sick. I consider it a privilege to be of service to people in their vulnerable state. 🙏🏽 🤲
God Bless You!
May God bless you in your career and life, you must be a great nurse and a delight to your patients. I've had nurses like you and I'm grateful for each one I find, it's a privilege to be taken care in a psych ward or a psych hospital by nurses like you. I've been 3 times under psych care and nurses like you change your whole perspective about the treatment and stay as a patient. Thank you for your hard work.
@@Mtz2604 very kind of you! I pray you're feeling better 🙏🏽
These dear patients are so brave to allow cameras into their most personal and most difficult moments. God bless them all 🙏🏽
Maybe if they showed more real life documentaries like this, we could make better end-life decisions.
It’s not the soft pastel perfectly healthy other-than-the-fact-they’re-dying romantic crying and letting go, that we see in the movies.
The body makes horrific changes as illness moves in and takes residence. And the entire family has to put their lives on hold as they wait and wonder.
The last lady was laying in the hospital suspended between worlds for a year. The people who insisted she be placed on a vent…were they in the last scene? She was alone. Like a petunia in the garden that is only visited once or twice to make sure it’s still alive.
Before this documentary, I was like, “Plug me into the cigarette lighter if you have to! Don’t let me die!” Now I’m more like, “Shoot! You guys are going to live your lives whether I’m hooked to tubes or underground! (people have to live! You can’t blame them!) So unhook me from the wall and hook me up to Jesus!”
If I can’t be an improving patient, I don’t want to be a petunia. So pluck me, stick me in a vase to get my last sip of water, then toss my dried up leaves back in the garden and move on.
I know, right? I really feel privileged to have been allowed in.
Came here to say the same thing. For these families to be so open with these moments and decisions is a blessing and a benefit for all of us.
Gee which patient was in any condition to make decisions ..
I mean... I don't know how aware Ms. Laureville and Norman were of the cameras.
After you lose a child, death doesn't seem so bad. The lighter the coffin, the heavier it is to carry...
.....from devastating experience. 😢
I’m so sorry you had to go through that… I can’t even imagine the pain. God bless you
My deepest condolences to you. God bless and comfort you.
@@madanderson9338 thank you so much. It's such an unnatural order of things...but I have my other babies I gotta live for. They're the only reason I was able to stand up again. It certainly hurts to stand but their presence alone gives me the strength to do it. Thank you for the kind words.
@@debbiecreter2005 thank you so much. Hardest thing I've ever been through. Dropped me to my knees. My other kiddos gave me the will to stand again. It hurts.. it never stops hurting but they give me love and strength and for that I'll be forever grateful. Can't wait to see my baby again though. It's gonna be the best feeling in the world to hold him again. Thank you for your kindness.
I agree. This month makes 5 years that I've lost my son at 3 months. I'm not as afraid of death now. Prayers to you❤️🙏
Thank you to all the families who shared their stories through such a difficult time.
I just lost my best friend named John to multiple myeloma a few months ago. So jarring. He was less than 2 months shy of his 35th birthday.
Eq❤@@MiVidaBellisima
@@MiVidaBellisimaI’m sorry, dear heart. ❤
In March of 2020, at the age of 46, I almost died twice. It was during the initial crisis of covid and I tell you, it was the most horrible and horrific experience of my life. I was in the hospital for 3 months and was kept doped up on so many medications that I was hallucinating. I was isolated from my family and very abusively handled by what little hospital staff there was at the time. I had nobody to advocate for me due to the covid quarantine. I was completely alone and struggling to even comprehend what was happening. I at least had the awareness that it was something to do with being overly medicated. Nobody would listen to me until I begged one on-call doctor to please look at my medications and anything making me drowsy or lethargic I wanted stopped. Thank goodness he did as I requested. As my mind cleared, I realized they were just waiting for me to die and they were NOT taking care of me. But I wasn't ready to die, I wanted to live and I wanted them to act accordingly. I wanted physical therapy because after months in bed I couldn't even hold a pen to write my name. I desperately wanted a bath because I had crusted blood and who knows what else all over me the ENTIRE time. So... they labeled me a difficult patient. I wasn't being hostile, but I was pretty adamant I wasn't going to die without a fight. Due to the quarantine I had to advocate for myself and I was punished for it. Medical gaslighting is real. I can write a book, I tell you. Anyway, they released me and gave me a life expectancy of 3-6 months. They very strongly encouraged me to go on hospice rather than therapy and had the 'quality over quantity' discussion with me. Now it's Oct. 2023 and I am thriving- but I don't give the doctors credit for saving my life. They left me in medical purgatory. I am still here by sheer will and determination of wanting to live. The subject of dying and death should not be so taboo or considered morbid. It's a fact of life. People need to plan, need to let their family know what they want and have advocates who will speak up for them if they are incapacitated. Document everything, pay attention to medications, doctor interactions, question everything and have a plan of action.
Please try gratitude. I've read one Jewish book about gratitude: people wrote about how they didn't have something, wanted it so much, and they started practicing gratitude for about half an hour/hour each day. And they got what they wanted! Heavens are very generous. Remember this please: 'Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.'
It's easy to blame doctors, but medical issues are complicated and often without any guarantee of livelihood. The reason you may have been treated poorly is because you had physiology that medicine had not found to be treatable yet. I respect you for fighting but quit treating medicine like it's math with one problem and one answer. It's literally never black and white and I doubt the doctors were trying to fuckin kill you.
👏👏👏👏
Good for you. Especially in the time of the plandemic, too many became who the weren’t and many were sacrificed for it. Glad you’re where you’re supposed to be! 👍❤️
Wow! I am glad you made it through and live to tell your story. Give God the glory. He had his hands on you as well.🙏🏽♥️♥️♥️🙏🏽
I, too, have been a nurse for over 40 years---closer to 50. Marilyn, the previous commenter, is correct there are far worse things than death. Please, let them go; whether it be to eternal sleep or to a placed reserved for them---let them have peace. Blessings
Another RN here. I quit hospital nursing in the ICU after seeing too many patients like these. Went to case management to help people get OUT of the hospital and stay out.
I worked on a vent unit here in New York. I also watched a video about care of comatose patients in Europe they had much more positive results they did lots of intense Physical Therapy for one year. Many people came around. USA needs to do this.
Much of the fear of death comes from silly 🤪 religious mythology we continue to pass down to next generations. 😶
Its not advisable in the long run!
Drs do get lazy, and a very high number of them have psychopathic personalities. If there is no incentive to try their best to save someone, a lot of people may be lost.
Emotions must not come before principle.
Yes I am a social worker, started out in long term care. I believe in death with dignity. These ICU beds could be going to younger people
I’ve been a RN since 1996. I’ve seen so much death. I respect families that put their wishes aside and abide by their loved ones wishes. My dad said “ I want to die at home at the beach”. He had Congestive heart failure. He came home. I put on his favorite music-opera. Everyone visited. On day 3 he slipped into unconsciousness and died after saying goodbye to ALL his family. It was so peaceful and beautiful.
Lovely
Gorgeous
Look up Within Heaven's Gates by Rebecca Springer. Page 64 😇
As an ICU nurse , this documentary is absolutely necessary.
Its kinda hard to watch.
This brought back the time my wife was going downhill after she was hospitalized because of stage 4 colorectal cancer. She decided that she didn't want me to go through the trauma of her dying at home, and about a week after that discussion, she died June 18, 2018 at 8:33am at Umass Harrington. The saddest day of my life. It still affects me to this day. I feel I worked too hard and didn't do enough for her. Now am mentally broken. 😴
@@carlbernard4197pray for your healing friend , Jesus is a Way Maker.
@@carlbernard4197 she knows everything now. She knows How hard you worked for her, she was your family and you provided and she knows how much you love her still. Be gentle with yourself. You are still deeply grieving. It takes a long time. Acceptance and forgiveness is the key to you learning to truly live again…whilst the void will always remain…until the day your souls are rejoined.
Family members who force these people to live are unbelievably cruel. It's selfish and just disgusting. The reason we put animals to sleep is so they won't suffer. But family members sometimes inflict the most horrific torture on someone they supposedly love, just to force them to "live." It's unconscionable.
I absolutely 100% agree with you. Shame on them.
Some families do it out of greed and selfishness- some do it because they can’t come to terms that they make the decision to end the lives of their loved ones.
If your child is in a coma and needs to be let go, how can you expect the parent to make the decision to pull the plug?
G-D alone gives life and he alone takes it
To call them cruel is disgusting
@@calebosborn2231 Because first of all, being in a coma is not living. Second, you pull the plug because it's the right thing to do. Just like with an animal.
My mother died in November 2022 . She was very ill and did not want to live like that. As hard as it was my brother and I knew her wishes. She wasn't afraid to die she told me this many times. She just didn't want to hurt anymore.
We honored our mother and stopped trying to extend her time. They are right there are more things that are worse than death.
I miss my mother so much and at the same time so grateful that she isn't here in pain anymore.
Salute to you for honoring her wishes..
Your comment touched my heart.
@@eelnoops5200 thank you.
@@NurseViv thank you
My dad died also in November 2022. Me, my sisters and mom also knew that he didn't want to be in that situation so we had doctors to withdraw care 😢
After watching this I'm so grateful both my parents went naturally, and quickly. My dad at 87, heart attack in his sleep, after 30+ years of a happy life after this 1st one. Mom knew about her 2 aneurysms (thoracic and abd) for a few years. She did everything right and was closely monitored by her specialist. I accompanied her those last 2 years. She wasn't afraid to ask the most difficult questions. One of those aneurysms burst one evening when I was with her. Within two hours she was gone. Talking and joking until the last half hour. That's when she drifted out. I was so grateful they didn't linger and suffer.
She wasn't afraid to ask the most difficult questions. - May we all find that kind of courage that both you and your mom had.
That's such a BEAUTIFUL and HEALTHY attitude about life and the next phase of life. 🫶
Look up Within Heaven's Gates by Rebecca Springer. Page 64 😇
I held my baby as she passed. It was the hardest experience I've ever had, but I knew she was at peace, and free of all her pain.
You were there when she came into this world and had the honor of being there when she left.
My condolences
💐
I am sorry for your loss. I have 2 babies waiting for me in heaven with God. ❤
My mom passed away 3 years ago. She was in ICU for one week. We would often talk about if she was in the state of not being able to make the decision to live. She gave me directions on what to do. I followed her wishes. I am glad we had those conversations. RIP my dear mommy.
@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?
I am a trauma nurse and I implore everyone watching this video to have these conversations with your families and health care providers NOW! Have paperwork detailing your medical wishes in case of a catastrophic illness or injury in place. And families, please honor their wishes! It broke my heart to see the woman’s daughter, who is an M.D. override her sister who seems to be a pretty knowledgeable R.N. and insist on giving her elderly mother with end stage dementia a painful tracheotomy, to which she will now be ventilator-dependent for the rest of her life. What kind of quality of life is that? And I get it…it is gut wrenching to be put into the position to have to make these life or death decisions for your spouse, or parent, or sibling. But first do no harm. Have the talks NOW and HONOR their wishes.
Totally agree. The sister who was an MD could not put her emotions aside. She kept weeping while her sister sang beautiful songs to the mother. It’s as if the MD had unfinished business with mom are needed some closure or something.
Oh my lord the the daughters who intubated their mother with Alzheimer’s. Who does that?!?? What absolute torture. Release her. My god. I worked with Alzheimer’s patients for 23 years…. Give her a good death. Not a torturous one. Horrible people that are putting their own selfish feelings over their own mothers suffering.
The fact that one is a nurse and the other is an MD IS HORRENDOUS. Ridiculous.
It also broke my heart. I'm an aspiring medical student, but I know by heart quality of life matters more than anything. Seeing a lovely grandma wasting away on a ventilator is so sad. I support the RN's decision to let their mama go, regardless of how much they love them. I always say that if something happens to me and my family has to decide whether to let me go or seek medical interventions that will hold me captive and milk them of every penny, I'm better off gone. That way everyone is set free. woiiieeee Grandma!!
100%.
To all the nurses, interns, housestaff, and medical assistants, thank you for all the tireless work you do, which often goes unrecognized. While the MD/DO is the captain of the ship, you folks are the steam that powers the ship. From a patient's family member, I am in awe of the work you all do.
You are welcome!!!❤️❤️🙏🙏🏽
Scott, thank you for your kind words. I have been an RN working 12 hr night mostly weekends for nearly all of my career. I have worked in adult EENT medical/surgical oncology, medical oncology, adult ICU (medical/surgical, neuro, coronary care, and open heart units) and for the last 16 years in the teleCritical Care arena. To you and the thousands I have cared for including families and friends of patients, you are most welcome. I am glad I could spend my time caring for you.
Muhammad Fauzan Karim, RN, AASD, MSN, CV-BC, CCRN-E
It is my job as cleaning staff/ kitchen staff in the hospital I work in to keep them comfortable. If a patient wants an egg I will run out and boil them an egg. Anything when they are dying. I see so many COPD patients and I get so attached rhat it hurts when they pass. It just makes me want to help them be even more comfortable. Everyone should die with dignity.
You are quite special. We highly appreciate what you do. @@kenjiyamaha2879
They expect a little under the table money..
Our mentality of keeping people alive at all costs needs to change.
if someone makes it clear they want to be gone as soon as they fall seriously ill, i feel like the most respectable and humane thing to do is do as they requested.
People are selfish. They can't let the person go. So they keep the shell
Doctors nowadays are businessman .
Take into consideration age and health or quality of their life . If they recover what’s their quality? It’s a hard decision, but when, still hard but if medical staff says odds are grim , time to go! Me personally if I cannot speak, if I’m not capable of recovering remove my machines
I agree..... that is not living and please believe that I would much rather be dead.
As an ICU Nurse I’m still moved to tears by this. I could only wish more had advanced directives, and more people asked if we should rather than if we could….
The day my brother was pulled off life support in the ICU there was a young kid across the room he had been in a coma for a month.. he woke up! I wished so hard my brother could have came back but knowing another family didn’t have to go threw what we did brings tears to my eyes that he could still be here with his family.. my brother was 21.. head injury freak accident.. live everyday like it’s your last cause you never know! May 24 will be 17 years since it happened.. i hope that kid that woke up that day lives the best life! RIP Troy! 🤍💙
🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
So sorry to hear of your brothers accident. May you find peace and feel much love around you. ❤
I’m there with you having brother living with a TBI following an accident. We thank God that he’s still here, talking, calling on phone, eating. I was relieved upon him breathing following breathing machine being removed. I’m sorry that you lost your brother. Stay strong ❤
My grandfather died a month before I had my daughter and my grandmother died a month before I had my son. The circle of life is something else
I’m so sorry.
Framing it as “doing nothing” instead of as stopping unnecessary treatment and accepting the inevitable with grace and dignity-that’s the problem.
YES!
💯
TRUTH!!!
Absolutely.
I think it’s more than that….we are all afraid of dying, it haunts us every day of our lives from the moment we understand that life can stop. People run from death as hard as they can, and when they have to suddenly confront that inevitability, it’s devastating to see. It’s the big existential issue which we avoid by eating too much, spending too much, etc etc, but avoidance makes the thought even worse. I’ve seen 7 people die of some form of cancer in my and my husbands family, 4 of them under the age of 40, so I know what I’m talking about. My brother died of bone cancer at the age of 21 and I was 17, but the first happened to my dear brother-in-law, who was diagnosed with brain cancer when I was 12. So I began confronting my fear, reading about it, talking about it, praying about it, and now that I’m 60 with a debilitating pain disorder, I’m not afraid to die, and even more than that, my husband and sons know I’m not afraid, and that makes all the difference!
doing nothing is doing something....
I’m a hospice nurse and a death doula. Quality of life and hospice support is imperative. Have these conversations with your family.
May God bless you
if you dont mind me asking how do you go about becoming a death doula
@@jennsmith3177 I have 30 plus years in as a hospice and I trained through an organization. I currently teach a course.
As someone who once worked icu this is a masterpiece, it brought tears to my eyes. This is why I now work hospice.
I've watch my entire family pass away. I just turned 50. I'm alone and im so afraid to get close to anyone because I can't go through watching the people I loved go through pain and suffering. Sometimes I have a dreams of them and I thank GOD for the little bit of time I get to spend with them. I know I'm being selfish just thinking of my own feelings and I apologize. God give these poor people eternal painless and peaceful life in heaven.🙏❤
You're not selfish. You're suffering. Take care of you!
But this is what life is. I asked myself what my lost loved ones would want for me and I went down that path. You are fearful. This is not a Godly spirit.
Of course they’re “fearful.” That’s a *normal response.* It’s not up to you to judge whether or not someone else or their response is “godly.” Please take your twisted halo elsewhere-your comment was unnecessary and frankly, cruel.
Im all alone now too and I’m 53. Only I didn’t have to make these decisions, they were all sudden deaths. However I was an ICU nurse for 20 years and sometimes I would cry for the patients because the families made them go through so much suffering instead of letting them go palliatively.
I'm 31, and have lost a number of loved ones in traumatic ways. I struggle with the same thing you do. Very understandable for you to feel like that. I haven't figured out how to overcome it yet. Praying for the best future for you. 💜
For me, I don’t want to be kept alive this way. Let me go. We need to learn how to say goodbye. 😢
A recent hospital stay made it very clear for me...DNR (do not resuscitate)
That is a major problem.
Easier said than done
No one would ever know what decision they may make until they themselves are in death bed
As a believer in Christ it’s not goodbye,
it’s see you later 😘
@@John3.16.17 Other religions say the same thing.
I came home to die. Hospice and family take care of me with only a few months to go. I've made peace with it and am ready at any time.
❤❤
How are you now?
I am a nurse who has worked in ICU, Emergency Department, Step-Down Care, pre-hospital care (EMS), and now PACU. I know with 100% certainty that I do not want to die in a hospital. Not because I won’t get good care-my practice, and the practice of every nurse I have ever known-is that if a dying patient does not have any family or friend to hold their hand as they die, to tell them that’s it ok, that they can stop fighting, and that they’ll be missed but never forgotten…I will sit with them as they die. “Nobody ever dies alone.” So certainly a dying patient is very well well cared for.
The problem with dying in a hospital is that it is undignified and impersonal. You’re in a bed that will be quickly cleaned and readied for its next occupant, not your own. You’re in a hospital gown, not your favorite pajamas unless someone remembered to bring them. Your furbaby isn’t with you unless someone brought them and they are allowed in. Its ever so much better to die at home.
I am the medical power of attorney for both of my parents, and they have both told me what they want and do not want at end of life. Thankfully, those wishes match up with my own, but I’d carry them out even if they didn’t. Quality of of life matters much, much, more than quantity (length) of life-and the “suspended animation” of the ICU at the end of life is not a quality existence.
I was at the hospital right by my wife's side when she took her last breath. I still remember it very well even though she crossed the rainbow 🌈 Bridge over 5 years ago 😢😢😢😢😢😢
As a nurse, I'm begging families to let these loved ones go. You have no idea how you are prolonging the inevitable with unimaginable suffering. Please put emotions aside and do right by these patients 😢❤❤
My father was a DNR with a living will and a doctor with a God complex said he didn't let his patients die and brought my poor daddy back 4 times. I'm an only child who lost a mother to suicide in 2014 and I was the only one who was there for my daddy...he had a massive heart attack sitting right beside me...CPR was performed but I knew, i just knew my efforts were in vane. I have night terrors, severe anxiety disorder and PTSD from watching my daddy go through hell so please, please, please....search your soul before you let this horror happen to a loved one 😭💔😭💔💯
@lynnmaynard5133 - Please let me tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I cannot imagine experiencing what you went through.
don't you have the right to end treatment if there is a DNR?
@@aceous99 - You have the right to end treatment independent of having a DNR. And you have the right to rescind a DNR at any time. I can't tell you how many hospice patients I've seen brought to the PICU when they were actively deteriorating.
I am so sorry. Right now I have a desperately I'll child whose suffering in the ER for 48+ hours w no brain scan prolonged his utter excruciating misery. He is still unresponsive. I don't know if the 2 surgeries performed on his brain will heal him, but I am so grateful that he is not in pain....EEGs scans show no brain activity like seizing indicating pain. I hold to this.
I pray for you, stranger, that you can feel that your poor Daddy isn't suffering now. But, I can relate with just reliving the God awful suffering on a loop w all of some many other roller coaster emotions, fears and thoughts. I am also taking your advice to heart if it comes to that for my child. I have to think and act for what my son would want not what soothes me.
@@Leezl41 - I really don't have the words to adequately express how sad I feel that you, your child and your family are going through this right now. This is an unimaginable crisis that I've seen many parents experience. My hope is that you have well qualified and compassionate doctors who will keep you informed of your child's progress and allow you to participate in the planning of his/her care. And that your child recovers from this. Please remember that his/her nurses are your best advocates. Truly, I will be thinking of you.
Many people will put
their pets “to sleep”
to prevent the animal from suffering, yet they will make “loved ones”
suffer as they keep them on the edge of death surviving on
machines and medicines.
I had a similar situation with my dog, I told her...you can go, I'll be okay😭😭she pulled through but the pain was so great that I can't fathom how it feels with a human
We're very selfish like that. I think we keep people around more for us than for them 😥
My parents died within 3 months of each other in 2005. Both were open with me about advance directives and exactly what they wanted years before either were ill. Their wishes were followed. I've made my wishes known to my children and have an advance directive. I don't understand why people don't discuss these important things with family/friends. Death and dying isn't pretty and it's important to talk about.
This is why I love PBS Frontline. This was a real conversation about healthcare and how how far modern medicine can take you when your deathly ill and have decisions to make with your doctors, family and yourself. Thank you to the families for sharing their journeys!!! God bless you all.❤
I’m a paramedic. I watched my dad die from cancer. I make sure I do everything in my power to keep them home and do a telemedicine call with a doctor. I also do everything in my power to keep them pain free and as comfortable as possible. Thank goodness the company I work for , we can give Fentanyl, morphine or Ketamine. It’s a blessing to meet these patients and their families.
You are so right! My desire if I get incurable cancer is I want to be No Vent! Give me morphine, a clean bed, lots of pillows, a cold drink, and music and just let me go. I’ve been on a vent before and I never ever wanna live that way.
I wish I could get pain coverage for my partner. She's in pain day and night and things don't look good. 😞
I watched my father die of cancer. My mother will altztimers . My father didn't last long. I took care of my mother for 8 years. By far the hardest thing I ever did. No one around to help me. But I do have God
@@madimoe8331SW CE CE
how do I approach a medical professional to see if they are amendable to strong pain meds? I have a progressive disease which has just taken a drastic turn for the worse, my doctors seem to think I'm drug seeking. I can't cope and need out.
I wonder what type of "MD" the daughter is. It's shocking that a physician who is aware of the risks and prognosis of prolonged, invasive interventions present would still take that chance, particularly on a patient who has severe dementia. This is horrifying.
Well I think in her case she’s not thinking as a doctor, she’s thinking as a family member..
she's thinking as a daughter, not a physician
I agree with you…living with advanced dementia is probably worse than death to be honest
I agree!!!!! Selfish!
I wondered the same. Even if we make allowances for her thinking as a daughter and not as a doctor, insisting on a tracheotomy for someone with dementia, choking on her own secretions, was seriously misguided. Horrifying indeed!
One of my friends died of Breast Cancer. She was diagnosed in early 2020 and went into remission in early 2021. She had to be so careful because of COVID19. It came back in August 2022 and I still remember that as I was with her that day. She was given a year to live and went into Hospice mid February 2023. I remember being able to see her shortly before she died. Cancer is the worst! 😭
My dad had a SCI where he almost died. The surgeons told us they didn’t think he would make it. They cried when they saw him because they thought it was a miracle that he survived.
I can’t believe they left her on a ventilator for a year. That is so inhumane. Just let 90 year old nana go. Damn.
90 years. She had a great life. I agree...
Proof that nurses are more compassionate then doctors.
@@lilly243 not always. One of my nurses was a total bitch to me during my hospital stay with birthing complications. Made me feel like a total burden for being there.
What is great life, that hook on ventilator?
@@marygoff3332most people that age don't want to be around in my experience. It sounds cruel but not what you would think
I've had to make these hard decisions three times in my life. My mother, my brother & my spouse. The hardest decision I ever made and as painful as they still are, they were the right decision. When your organs are shutting down one by one, it's time to let go. My spouse was going to transfer from Emergency to ICU. The doctor in that unit said the transfer should be to palliative care. He was right, we just had to hear the doctor say it and we had to face it.
god bless u; i believe u did right by ur loved ones.
Thank you for sharing this. Insurance companies should pay their members to help others in making these decisions, sharing this intimate, important, and valuable process with those that have been there would be a game changer, especially with how many of our family members will be both dying and making decisions for the dying moving forward.
Man. Your a strong dude Larry. Sending you good vibes my brother. You should try Public speaking . Your story seems inspirational. Anyhow. ☮️ and ❤.
I would like to go home. When you lose what life was worth living for there is nothing more to be alive for.
@@elinoreberkley1643 Put your wish to go home in writing before you get sick.
I took care of my dad for 7yrs and I didn’t let him suffer at the end. He was 81 and lived a good life, a minister, and wanted to be with my mother. I buried him right next to my mom❤
My wife’s grandmother passed away a few years ago. The entire family was there as she breathed her last breath. It is an experience I will never forget. The grief in that room was extremely intense.
I’m COMPLETELY horrified the older lady was given a tracheotomy and is being kept alive that way. Completely selfish of the daughter, who is a doctor. Our mother, thanks to an incompetent doctor, began dying. When we got her to a better hospital and they did exploratory surgery, it was revealed that a lot of her small intestine had died. We could have brought our mother back but she would have been on a feeding tube (like a bag of artificial food close to her stomach). The surgeon said she would slowly starve to death. My sister and I made the decision to let our mother go. She was kept heavily sedated and died 14 hours later. People need to understand that there are worse things than dying.
As a RT I cringe whenever I know the family chooses to trach a terminal patient. It’s awful and frankly selfish.
My mom survived a trach at 74 who are we to play god my moms a fighter she will go when its her time she survived breat cancer twice congestive heart failure covid stroke and a brain bleed and got her trach out and she's still ticking u feel guilty not trying to save your family u also feel guilty saving them me and my sisters said after this we wouldn't put her thru another surgery she never told us what she wanted so its a hard decision
@@shantayeholloway3012 definitely a hard decision for the family, but an even physically and mentally harder decision imposed upon the patient by the family when your health has declined to the point of being alive for quantity and not quality purposes. I am truly sympathetic to your position though particularly because your mom didn’t make her wishes known. I sincerely hope your mom and family make it through these difficult times with grace and peace.
Could you shine a light on the doctor's incompetence? How do you know it wasn't a limit of medicine? I'm in medical school, I'm terrified of being perceived as incompetent.
@@normansmith565 yes. I had asked for a CT scan of my mother’s abdomen, two months before. I weighed more than my mom but yet her stomach was much bigger than mine. She had also been complaining of the lower part of her stomach hurting. She told me that when she had a bowel movement her stool looked like flat ribbons. Anyway the doctor poked did a cursory exam where he pressed down on different parts of her abdomen area and asked her did it hurt here or here or here. Then he gave me a cold look and announced that he didn’t feel like she needed at test. This guy was known for having chauvinistic tendencies. A scan would have shown her intestines were closing up. You will do fine as long as you listen to your patients and keep you ego out of the occasion. Thank you for your question and your concern. I wish you the best for your future.
My heart broke for that elderly dementia patient whose family said to give her a trach. Thats just cruel...and i speak from experience having had a trach myself
incredible selfish and cruel! to let the woman “live” on a trach for over a year… wow
She would have NEVER came back from that trach! They never do with dementia. The brain can’t communicate with the body to swallow.
Shame on that MD! What a selfish b! She should know better! My dad died of cancer. He had a trach and was in horrible pain until he died.
What is a trach😮
@@lolitadiaz0113ima Google, it seems painful from the comments
We will all make the journey from life to becoming a memory.
Broken survivors. That's a powerful term that really puts into perspective what our advances in Healthcare can do. This was amazing and working as RN for so many years and having these hard conversations with patients and families never gets easier. This is something everyone should watch because it puts so much into perspective that may be difficult to grasp when you're in the thick of it.
I wached my father suffer unbelievable conditions because my family couldn't let him pass. I applaud the nurses who help with a person on their journey home.
It is an honor to be the last one before they leave…
Very well said; I was my mom’s caregiver for 13 years~Alzheimer’s. It was the hardest; but also the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done.
I will never forget when my mother finally had passed away. She made it very clear she wanted to live and fight for every second of her life. It was so hard watching my mother struggling for every Breath. My Mother was Born on Jan.1st 1930 and she passed away on Jan 1st 1992. I miss her everyday ❤R.I.P. mama🙏💕
Hugs
I'm sorry for your loss. God bless you and your family .🙏
Sending to you lots of healing and hugs I’m going same way miss them so much my mom and dad.Good Bless All .Amen 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏❤️
She was born on 1/1/1930 and passed away the same day just years later 1/1/1992 ❤
@@eloisemarie5219 Thank you So Much!😘
My father was a brilliant physician. He always said medicine is more of an art than a science.
I just want these people that died to have waken up after death and realizing they’re so much happier now in a better place than they were in their best in earth. I hope.
I have been in heaven. It is so beautiful!
That is if they are saved otherwise you know where they are going sadly.
It is not all who go to Heaven, only those who believe in Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. The others will go to Eternal perdition and the lake of fire. So dying peacefully is not a guarantee to go straight to Heaven.
@@RaptureReadyforJesus-qv2ql If it was so beautiful, why did you come back? Do not be misleaded, only those who believe in Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of their sins go to Heaven.
@@psaume1196 God told me I had to come back. And then I found myself immediately back in my body. Only those that are born again and live for Jesus go to heaven. Amen!
This nurse says thank you for telling these stories and showing the public what modern medical intervention at life's end looks like and sounds like.
They exploited it for ratings.
It is very important
Helps be informed
These decisions have to be made sooner or later by every human
This is honestly the first time I've heard anything like this, I feel like it needs to be talked about more
I dunno how these families could deal with this on top of their loved ones being sick , I couldn’t even think straight I hated to see the doctors come around much less camera’s filming , bless these families ❤ prayers
Thank you for being a nurse. When I was in the hospital for surgery, the nurses who cared for me are the BEST. Patients do not always consider how amazing and compassionate nurses are.
I went through this with my mom around 3 years ago. No one can stop death. Now for me to be there with my mom taking her last breath. Meant the world to me. I feel so blessed to gotten that opportunity. It's all a part of life.
Send man to the moon but can't find a CURE,,,,
Thank you for this comment
@@rickwallace4226I agree, crazy but gotta accept it.
@@rickwallace4226 Not everything can or should be cured. We are mortal creatures.
I held my mother in my arms, as she had held me for so many years earlier, as she died. The abruptness and finality of losing my lifeline, my Momma, changed me forevermore. I never leave a beloved for a minute, an hour, days or any time, without saying, "I love you."
I, too, appreciate the experience of being her last, her nearest one.
How do these doctors do it? Crying families everyday, having to break bad news daily. Makes me cry. Id be dead on the inside in a month. Thank you doctors❤
I couldn't handle it either. I can barely watch this.
My husband died of AML. He had a transplant, he got better, suffered, declined, rallied……. But until the end he never allowed himself to give up. It’s been 13 years, and I miss him everyday…
Everybody must do what is good for you.
I stayed with my mom thru her lung cancer . For 10 months I watched her slowly deteriorate and die. The last 3 months she got worse and it was happening fast. The chemo in the beginning was the most miserable for her. She laid sick for a week after every chemo . By the time she passed I honestly was relieved her suffering was over. That's the first time in my life losing someone I love .if I ever got terminal cancer I swear I'm doing heroin and waiting on that lethal dose rather than letting cancer eat my body until the end .
@@FriendlyDiscourse stfu and have some compassion.
@@FriendlyDiscourse Not everyone who gets lung cancer is a smoker bro. Be smarter and more compassionate next time.
@@FriendlyDiscourse wow. Empathy deficit much?
Lung cancer can occur for many reasons...it is a cognitive distortion for you to assume, jump to a conclusion.
Additionally, people like you, who don't inquire, think you know, and lack empathy...probably cause as much cancer as cigarettes. How? Being around people who are cruel, unfeeling, black/white thinkers, biased filters...often cause extraordinary stress on others. It's like having a caustic poisonous substance, drip, drip, on your skin.
I bet you're wholly unaware of your effect, a type of anosognosia.
Work on you. Guaranteed you are not perfect either.
Those who project such toxic blame are usually hiding mountains of shame...deal with your shame. That's cancerous.
@@FriendlyDiscourse my you're so ignorant..
@@FriendlyDiscourse a family member of mine died of lung cancer. Never smoked in her life, "bro".
I worked as an RN for 30 years, now retired. Please folks, if nothing else, please give your family the greatest gift- take the legal steps to have your wishes known before you need to have someone make those decisions for you.
Please get a :
Power of attorney for health and financial decisions.
An Advance Directive and/or POLST.
I have seen families break up over members fighting among themselves regarding making final health decisions for their loved one.
Families are shielded from the actually cost of taking care of terminally ill patients, due to insurance coverage. When insurance does not cover long term care as custodial care, then the decisions that are made to prolong someone's life , do change , when the family or patient has to pay for the care out of pocket.
Please consider the quality of life, when making decisions for yourself or family members.
You are so correct.....create a trust....power of attorney and health directives
It’s gut wrenching to be in either side, my mom was placed on hospice and although I didn’t want my mom to pass away, I couldn’t bear the thought of her being in pain or struggling to breathe, I’m grateful that my mom passed gently, and while she was asleep
Singing and praying with those who are about to pass seems like something very compassionate and loving. On the other hand, prolonging someone's life when they themselves are no longer capable of even communicating, with no hopes for them to recover, knowing that you're literally only prolonging their suffering... I don't know if I could do that for somebody I love. My grandma passed in december 2020 without going to the hospital. She recieved medication to make her feel less anxious with her heart slowly getting weaker. She was 91, almost 92 when she passed on christmas evening. My mom and aunts stayed with her, holding her hand, singing to her, soothing her, telling her how much they loved her and that it was okay for her to leave now. My grandma was a fighter, someone who was really clinging to life, but even she knew when the time to let go had come. I hope that one day, I'll be able to let my beloved parents go the way my mother let her mom go. She still misses her much, even though she herself is a grandmother now.
My mother had a DNR on her records, and I made sure they followed it. It hurt like hell, but I knew it was the right thing to do, and her and I had talked about it several times at length. She was very comfortable with it. And I wanted to make sure that I honor her wishes right up until the end. And I did, on November 26, 2011, Thanksgiving day was the worst day of my life. But for her, it was her greatest
God Blessed your mother with you 🤗♥️🙏🏼
😢
I know that was hard. You have all the qualities of a good health care proxy and you gave her the greatest gift.
@@befriendingdeathz
I'm so glad my dad made it very clear he wanted a DNR, and when his condition worsened, he was coherent enough to tell me he had enough of hospital treatments and wanted to go home. At least we had the peace of knowing his wishes, as hard as it was. 2 weeks on hospice care and he was gone. RIP, Dad.
❤
Something worst than death is suffering...😢
I applaud the respect these medical professionals give to their patients and the family. Such hard conversations to have and situations to be a part of...very respectfully filmed as well
Can't believe a family would be so greedy as to deny their family member their dying wishes.
Happens all the time. It's hard to see how selfish it is because they love them so much.
Is it greedy though? It's easy to label something an absolute, like "greedy"...when really, it's more complex than that. Cognitive distortions cause us to oversimplify complexities, to help us feel more certain...even if it's calling someone greedy, without fully understanding them. Cognitive distortions fill-in-the-blank about others, and create a narrative, that help us avoid zooming out, deeply introspecting, and using metacognition to help witness the other person, the situation, and our own feelings.
I worked ICU/PCU, and yes, it can be frustrating to deal with the ignorance, blindness, and barriers, that family members bring with them. However, it is important to deeply understand attachment theory, neuroscience, and all the interconnection and complexities of human relationships, and the very dysfunctional view of death most people have, and society perpetuates.
A person who can't let go, who appears "greedy" is coming face to face with beliefs systems, fears of abandoning the other, inability to accept reality...and more. There is unresolved issues often driving things too. The limbic system is often running the show. They are often in a non-logical, subconscious strategy, frame of mind. They are scrambling mentally.
It would be lovely if all people had balanced, healthy families, who respected each other, talked openly and honestly about death, their needs and wishes, and so forth...but that rarely is the case. Too often, we are dealing with unresolved traumas, betrayals, loss, unprocessed grief, and it is layered, multifaceted, and so on.
The psychology and neuroscience is so complex, a full thesis would barely scratch the surface.
@@Alphacentauri819 I only got to experience 6 yrs in Med/Surg and occasional Tele/ICU float as a 2nd career but your comment has exactly the ring of truth.
@@Alphacentauri819 Blah...... blah
@@joeblow5087 that's likely a response a toddler would have upon entering an upper level physics class in university... it's beyond their understanding, developmental level, or care. They have an excuse. What's yours?
I hope I have the peace my mom did when she passed. She wasn’t scared at all. She was incredibly rooted in her faith, more than anyone I’ve ever known. She stayed as long as she did for my dad and I. She passed peacefully at our home. It’s been almost a year now, I miss her a lot but I’m glad she’s no longer in pain.
Im sorry about your loss, RIP.
That’s beautiful! Thank you for sharing.
My father had a severe brain stem stroke at 46 yrs old. He was physically a strong man when it happened. Fast forward 15 years. He had 5 stents, 2 heart attacks, and another milder stroke. He continued to have heart problems and the doctors told him the only option left was bypass surgery. However, it took everything he had to be able to walk from the initial stroke. Even then, he looked as if had been drinking when he was mobile. The day the doctors told him he needed bypass surgery, he called me. He said, if I have that surgery, I will never be independent again. I would rather die than be bed bound for years. I was upset at the time, begged him to have the surgery as I couldn’t bare to lose him. 1 week later, he had a massive heart attack and passed away. I had a stroke last year at 56 years old. I was in the hospital for 3 months, ICU for 4 weeks, and went to rehab for 3 months. Now, I understand. And would choose the same.
My brother passed almost 2 months ago!! I never knew Cancer was so F… painful!! His last week of life was unbearable to watch someone you Love in extreme pain.Pain RX is a bandage for pain!!He has anew body in Heaven. It’s us the living who miss them so.
@@donnajoyner8907 9
I worked on hospice. It was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. Honored to know every patient
It's such a privilege to contemplate our own deaths. But getting clued in by the generosity of these people and their families is truly special.
My fiance just found out hes a match for someone with leukemia. Hes going through with the bone marrow donation for transplant and im so freaking proud of him😢
this is so kind of him to do. best of luck on his procedure❤️
Wonderful! ❤
As someone who just received a BMT, let me say your fiancee is a hero ❤
As a Hospice nurse of 30+ years I continue to see patients arrive at the last minute when they could have had a comfortable dignified end of life experience. I don’t think it will change because no one wants to die. I’ll just keep doing the best I can with what little time us Hospice nurses have.
I know you don’t get paid enough and people out there think your job is replaceable but I hope me a random internet person can make you feel a literal better about that and remind you that your job is EXTREMELY important and you yourself are an Angel on earth for helping families and people through this. Hope u have a nice day 😊
Thank you for everything you do. My grandmother lived with us her last 5 months of life on hospice. I couldn’t have gotten through it without them.
Thank God for Angels like you ❤
As a human, I know I'll die, I believe God has a plan to take me...
I hope it's not a painful exit....
❤️❤️❤️❤️
I have Acute Myeloid Leukemia (AML) and I have been through one stem cell transplant. There will NOT be a second one if this fails. I have suffered enough and know how hard the process and the recovery have been. My family respects my wishes completely. The prognosis is that 80% of the patients die within five years from date of diagnosis.
It’s so sad because they both (John and Debbie Maloney, have now passed away!) Debbie passed in August of 2022
I remember when my nephew drowned and they had him on a ventilator for like a week until his heart stopped. I felt so guilty for being happy that he had transitioned because I didn’t want him to continue suffering. The doctor had said that he was brain dead but my my family wouldn’t let him go. It was so painful to watch. His little body just couldn’t take it anymore. I think about him everyday !!
🙏🏼🌹🙏🏼
Never once have I cried watching a video on UA-cam until now watching this and knowing how these. People feel
Fr😢
i thank God that my brother who had a brain aneurysm did not linger. As soon as the ventilator was turned off, he was gone two minutes later I thank God every day he did not wind up in a nursing home on a feeding tube, oxygen tube and wheelchair. How families can actually opt for that versus a quiet and dignified death I will never understand. Why do you want your family member to suffer?
How amazing are these medical staff. The respect and empathy they show to patients and family are mindblowing to me (i did not have this quality of care when my father passed in hospital). May they all be blessed. May those patients and their families be blessed. 🙏🙏🙏
I’m 45 and have been fighting a tumor in my chest since twenty. My treatment days are over, yet the residual tumor is sitting on my nerve to my left arm, occasionally eating into it. I’m on increasing narcotics for pain, but when the pain is bad, it’s literally torture.
Don’t know how much time I have left, but am looking into euthanasia. I’m frightened but take it a day at a time. We all come to our ends. I just don’t want mine to be in immense suffering.
Hi Charles. I just read about you in your comment. I don't know what to say but I just wanted to say hello to you. My name is Anthony.
@@AnthonyConte-dt5st hi Anthony, thanks.
Hi Anthony my name is Regina i love you
hi regina. thank you for that@@reginalove6848
@@rekunta hi Charles. It's Anthony again. Thanks for responding to my comment.
As a former phlebotomist and a current nurse, I’ve seen this and you can see that the patient isn’t there anymore. There’s a point when it becomes existing and not living. My grandmother had a massive brain bleed my last semester of college. When my mom and grandfather made the decision to make her a DNR, I knew it was for the best. She was so full of life, a social butterfly, very cheerful and a light to many. The doctors told us if she recovered that she’d likely be in a nursing home until she died, unable to speak or walk or care for herself. We didn’t want that and knew she didn’t either. She lived for two weeks on hospice. She just stopped breathing one day. It’s been 23 years. I miss her, yes, but if she was here unable to care for herself and communicate, I knew that would kill us all. When the person you no longer knew is gone, when they are just a shell of themselves, it’s time to let go.
Hey 👋, how are you doing today; how's everything going! Hope it as been a bless day for you?
I feel this way regarding my dad. A week or two before hospice he seemed more distant, but only in retrospect. At the end, all that's left is a husk or a shell. The soul is long gone.
I understand what you are saying. It is a letting go of a loved one that I see often happens is a need to hold on to " their life" because of your own life experience. It is very difficult to let go, but it is often the most beautiful thing you can do to show your love!!
I totally agree
❤️
It is wonderful to see the medical team all together meeting with the family to make a plan. Unfortunately, I rarely saw this is in my long nursing career.
Kudos to all doctors to discuss the deceased and address the family the best decision to make
Poor man. He needs permission from his wife to die in peace. He’s so concerned about her. How precious. I saw she passed away also recently. I pray their daughters recover from the loss.
Which patient are you referring?
Which patient? Are you talking about the Maloney family?
Yes sorry Maloney family. 🙏🏽
I saw it in a different way.. it was like the wife was tired to be waiting for him to die.
@@gloriah.1576 My observation too.
The women singing to the mother was so beautiful it brought tears to my eyes. This popped up ironically, my dad passed 7.20.22 at 59 while on a ventilator 🥺🥺 I love you dad & miss you!
Sorry 😞
Her daughter, I can only imagine your pain. I hope you have the support you need.
My daughters sang Amazing Grace to my mom the day she left earth. Mom was glowing like an angel!
I will be 70 this year. I’m finally understanding that I won’t be on earth forever. My eventual
dying causes me to think about the people that I have disappointed and hurt. And the people who did the same to me. I forgive all who have hurt me in any way. I ask forgiveness as well. It’s good to be prepared
To be kept “alive,” on a respirator, an octopus with tubes everywhere, is utterly terrifying and disgusting. I believe in Death with Dignity. I’ve made sure that I signed a “Do Not Resuscitate.”
I worked in a hospital as an aide and sat with several patients at the end of life. Some of whom were kept alive, unconscious and on life support for (in my opinion) far too long by family. I have had to make this decision too, I know it is so painful and difficult to let someone go. Forever wouldn’t be long enough. However I’ve been there when patients tell me in secret, after their families leave that they only fight for their loved ones. They are in pain and are tired and fight for those they leave behind. People deserve to pass away in peace. Sometimes fighting only prolongs the pain and suffering. After what I have seen I’ve made it clear to my family that I want them to let me go. Please do not leave me half alive in a bed for years. I highly suggest everyone fill out a health care proxy or other legal document defining what treatment you want to receive if you should become critically I’ll.
As a retired ICU nurse, I couldn't agree with you more. I am healthy today, but I have signed a DNR for myself.
I'm finding myself struggling in filling one out because how do you know? By that I mean, what IF I were to state my feelings that I don't want to live unable to function and on a machine but at the same time, what if? Let's say I were critically ill and I had signed the above (saying don't let me live on a machine endlessly) and the person in charge shut the machines off on a Tuesday BUT, IF they'd waited just 2 more days, I'd have come out of it and lived another 10 years? Is it left up to just 1 doctor who sees you maybe 15 minutes a day or when about to turn things off, do they get second opinions? And one question asks about food and water? I thought hospitals automatically hydrate and nourish even on machines. Not correct? I think I'd want water but maybe not??
I worked in a nursing home for 12,in the laundry room I can't tell you how many times I sat with people when they were dying It was my honor,No one should ever die alone...
@@jeanniecosgrove9448 ❤❤
THIS 💯👍
My sister was tired and she wanted to go. She was tired of doctors, hospitals , needles and taking of blood. So we respected her wishes when she said let me go ❤️
What disease did she has?
Same thing with my father. Lost him in April to acute renal failure and CHF. He made it clear he did not want dialysis.
Bless your heart. I understand. My late husband was not diagnosed with cancer, but extreme diabetes. Understand watching the one you love deteriorate before our eyes. My heart bleeds for the two of you. Just when I thought there was hope and he was looking so much better; He passed away in his sleep. I was so much comforted to know he went so peacefully, but for me there was no good way to lose him. I loved him and miss him every day. I would exchange all that I have to have him here with me again❤️
Love to all the families that shared there loved ones vulnerable times with us, had me in tears. prayers up for your loved ones and the medical workers through these times ❤️
My brother had lung cancer he died from it after many experimental treatments. When they failed he would say" this did not work for me but when they perfect the treatment somebody will benefit from it". Miss him everyday.
i'm an RN and i think that medicine goes too far sometimes. then families are distressed over making choices. some feel like 'they killed them' if they decide to pull the plug. i would never choose my not wanting to let go over allowing a loved one to have peace. my best advice is to put everything in writing and designate someone with the chutzpah to be ur medical advocate.
Totally agree
Yup- the old saying - Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. Applies to medicine.
Well you should at least wait it out a couple of weeks just in case, it's better to be safe than sorry, some people come out of coma after years.
@@HBK970 True. But in a lot of cases, it becomes obvious that the person is not going to recover and have no quality of life. Think about the elderly woman , with dementia and has been on a vent for a year. She is being artificially kept alive. She has no quality of life.
@@churchofpos2279 That poor lady had no quality of life to begin with, suffering from dementia and choking on her own secretions. I was shocked that her own daughter, an MD, would make such a decision. Very sad for all concerned.
Thank you soooooooooooooo much for making this documentary. We as a society, generally avoid topics of mortality, death, and what happens after death. Sadly, it's the most inevitable thing that will happen in our lives and knowledge is power, power to be sure we're prepared for when that day comes so our loved ones have a chance to grieve and say farewell without the intense shock an surprises. My deepest respect to the frontline superstars who deal with tragedy every day.
My sister died the same way with tubes in her throat and iv in her arm. I can remember them beeping sounds like it happened yesterday. It’s so sad to hear. It brings me right back to that morning. She passed from sepsis. She was a dialysis patient. I miss and love you tt 💕
Same 😢
Wonderful documentary! I just turned 42 and have been battling stage 4 lung cancer for 4 1/2 years. It is extremely sad to watch all these individuals suffer 😢 I had my 3rd brain surgery earlier this year and had to select a healthcare proxy who is not my spouse because things between us is not good. I had to explain to my brother my wishes if something went awry with the surgery that I did not want to be hooked up to machines 😢 I am glad that I didn’t have any complications and I am still here.
God Bless you, I hope you are doing well
sending you love light and healing
🐜🇹🇷
Sending you love, healing and blessings
Hey how’s it going. Just checking to see how you’re doing ?
I just walked this road with my sister Connie in May of 2023. She went into hospice May 10th and passed a few hours later on the 11th. I feel for anyone going through this. Its SO painful.
I'm so sorry 💔 May she rest in Heavenly peace 🙏🏼❤🙏🏼
@katchmeifyoucan1131 - I am sorry for your sister's death and for the pain and suffering you both went through. It is so very hard.
My MIL died on may 15th. Her birthday was may 10th. Im so sorry for your loss
I fractured my finger playing basketball and the doctors told me that i have to wear a splint for 2 months and been stressed... Watching this makes me ask myself "WTF YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT ?! " when there's people in these crazy situations
Never ever keep a loved one alive because YOU are not ready to lose them. This is THEIR life/death, NOT YOURS. 🙏