72 here, husband of 48 years died last September. All my very close friends live out of state. If something were to happen to me or I needed help, I'm out of luck. And the grief is overwhelming at times.
EagleRockers - Those who care most often use words of wisdom that seem, at first glance, to be a bit harsh. It has been said to me to balance out all of my life challenges with some mindfulness positivity. It does help...even though the challenges remain. In my 76 years as a lonely, (feeling) isolated and unloved caring and friendly individual... the outside world had no clue as to the depth of despair within me. As time passes, and I am in deficit in all categories, dealing with anticipatory terror at what life has in store is more than I can handle. I may not matter much to the Universe, but I matter to me. Finding my self worth at this time has been gratifying; yet has intensified my undertanding of the reality of where I am now. Best to us both!
Not sure where you live, but there are gay and lesbian centers that have social services, including help for gay seniors. Please seek out these services while you are healthy enough, then when you need them, you are inbtheirbsystem and they can provide help.
@@Hojotoho.Yall504 How could you be where I am when you've never had a real relationship? Sorry, but what you're feeling can not be anywhere near the same.
Someone should create an app for the elder gays who may need assistance in the last stretch to the finish line. Allies amd supporters on a volunteer basis to provide weekly or more visit for food/grocery shopping, doctor appointment, make sure their bills are paid in time, etc. It would be nice if neighbors help neighbors in each community, but that's not always an option, and a system where matched volunteers are the lifeline and steward of the elder gays could make all the difference. I'm 60 and in good health so far, but I'll see what the future brings.. :-)
That would be a great idea. Many people will be more than happy to extend a helping hand, especially if they know the person lives within a reasonable distance, right?
I'm gonna be truthful here....I have known a lot of senior gay males over the years and I find most, if not all, of them tend to be bitter, jaded, bitchy, and still cruisy/pervy....especially around young men. It's extremely cringe. I don't know why it is, but it is.
I have found that as an aging gay man in his 70s and as my contemporaries dwindle you cannot be afraid to make new friends who are younger than you whether they be straight or gay. Camaraderie and friendship and inclusion is what will keep you healthy and happy.
Wow man, totally agree, met up again last night with another two young men at one of our Public Houses where I play pool for our local league, at 70 next year, this time has been the most social I have ever experienced in my life. They are all str8 guys, they ask questions and there is no judgement ether, I came home with air beneath my feet, so you are so write, go out and make friends, don't worry about being 'gay' I don't, I am me, like it or lump it!!!
Yes, I agree. Socialization is essential. I try to offer to talk to anyone who wants to talk. We are all in this life together. I tell anyone to message me if they want to talk.
Exactly. Some many people in our generation never made it through the crisis. That lack of a older community adds to the isolation. I am glad he is doing this program.
I came out 42 years ago as a teenager. I've been celibate for almost 16 years. It's sad to me that after fighting for AIDS rights, gay rights, trans rights and marriage equality my own community couldn't possibly care less about me. We care about gay men because they own everything, we care about young people because they're hot and we're shallow(No, heterosexuals don't have the market cornered on shallow or stupid) and we care about trans people, but only if they're young, hot and upwardly mobile.
I lost my husband of 43 years one year ago. We were legally married for the past seven years. I just turned 69 and have been invisible for decades. I have no desire to see anyone.
Seeing all the older desperate men in Seattle who spent their youth partying instead of forming relationships was a wake up call for me. You get what you put into life…
Can you share some of the situations that motivated you to make different decisions in that direction? We actually talked about the experience you shared in this video as well: ua-cam.com/video/c1g7yCjEFzo/v-deo.html
So many gay older men and women die a lonely isolated life. I just dont know what the answer is. Not everyone can afford to live in an assisted living community.
I lost my partner of 40 years fifteen years ago. I’ve had to sell my home. Resources are barely holding up, even as I live with very close friends and pay rent. I have outlived everyone in my immediate family. I ubered to the hospital when I needed a new battery implant for my pacemaker. Mostly, I don’t talk about these things, but life is very scary at times. And a situation I would have never predicted for myself is now a reality. I know I’m not alone in this, but that is how it feels.
This is a real account of a very real situation. I'm so honored that you took the time to share this personal and intimate experience with the community. It truly puts things into perspective.
How do elderly people in America even begin to plan for the future when they cant afford to pay for Health care? Here, in Australia we have Free public health care and its nice to know our Government cares for us. It must be truly terrifying for elderly LGBTQI Americans with low income or support facing old age.
Aint this the truth....Im a 60 year old man in NYC..no children..no partner..no family at all..no pension..no 401 K....nada......and...yeah...it sucks and its def something i think about A LOT.....its truly a daunting thing to think about...
Thanks a lot for sharing your thoughts and state of mind. Your honesty sheds light on an issue that needs way more attention. This is exactly why having access to a community is so important.
How do elderly people in America even begin to plan for the future when they cant afford to pay for Health care? Here, in Australia we have Free public health care and its nice to know our Government cares for us. It must be truly terrifying for elderly LGBTQI Americans with low income or support facing old age.
I wish there was an chat site or chat board for older gay men to connect. Not looking for sex but would love to cultivate new friendships and I have 3 bedroom house that I would love to share with an older gay man. Shared expenses and having someone around would really make a difference in quality of life. There are things like SAGE but they don't offer a way for people to connect.
I have a sister and a (relatively) younger brother. They, and the few close friends that I have, have full and complicated lives. Getting verbal and psychological support is wonderful. My fear is that I am alone to care for my physical self. Not a good situation. No plan 'B'.
WOW!! I have read most of the stories and it really saddens me how many older gays are doing. I'll be 82 soon, have had prostate cancer surgery which has left me incontinent, and PN (nerve damage) that requires a walker to get around. Most of my friends live far away many have passed, no siblings and have never had a long term relationship which has given me the ability to manage being alone. I have a condo in a gated community but am planning to move to assisted living in the next couple years. Have had a good life and am grateful for that. My prayers and best wishes to all who have responded to Dan's post.
Thank you very much for sharing your story. I hope that you will continue sharing more as your perspective and experiences will help many. Appreciate you!
Loneliness and isolation are not at all unique to elderly LGBTQIA+ people. Often younger family members are too busy with their own lives, live far away or just are upset by seeing aging family members. As a gay man, age 62, I know the importance of planning ahead, making an intentional move to be nearer to family before I become elderly. It's also important for me to remain financially independent. These are my two goals as I age to help mitigate loneliness and isolation, but it is not a guarantee. Sadly, in western societies, gay or straight, do not cherish, value or support aging family members well, beyond putting them in medical institutions or leaving them alone except on holidays. This is a broad societal problem, not based on sexual orientation.
I respectfully disagree with some of the comments. Never become complacent with aging and loneliness. Think of aging as the gentle arrival of something or someone new. In my opinion and experience, there's a way to create a new neural pathway in our brain. A pathway to achieve a fresh perspective. Loneliness is a cloak we wear that represents the abyss between our former selves and the unknown future. Loneliness can literally cause pain to someone. You simply must meet new people through social media, a support group, friends, family members, etc. Additionally, a change of scenery will help. A getaway of at least a week or more, if you can afford it. Take along someone you don't know, preferably. It may sound odd, but it's key, in my opinion. This is how I met my new partner. Socialization is key. I embarked on a three month road trip out west. You also must have a great pet companion. This is key as well. Keeping fit is also key. Look at it this way, people on this platform are willing to help or talk. Therefore, there are others who will do the same. There are many people in your same situation who are also seeking a cure, as it were, for loneliness. I'm willing to help as well. There are good people in the world who care. You are one with more people than you may realize. Bless us, everyone.
Where are these good people? I remember doing for so many. For so many years, things have changed with the past 8 years of mob mentality. It’s growing. Everything is not Glinda traveling in a gossamer bubble.
You make some great points, this is my experience to a tee here in England. I am not far from b day at 69 years young with no support only I am supporting some one close to me who is 20 years my junior? Seems to me the younger generation are fucked through drugs and excess drinking? I am saddened by this fact, but hear in England it has become an epidemic.
@@PracticalPerry u r in usa? what do you know of South England uk? My information comes from the 'roots' of our community here and is a true reflection of how it is. There are always a few exceptions in life but as Grand Dad said "one swallow does not make a summer" you mate are over sensitive to my comment.🤔
Im taking care of my mom and it’s been almost 10 years as she will be 99 this year. I have no idea what I will do when I get very old if that even happens. I single and I don’t have any children who could help me.
Some people die alone, while others have a loving circle of loyal friends and do not. Therefore, this statement cannot be generalized to the entire gay community. Is loneliness more common than in the straight community? It probably is.
I was married to my accepting wife for 51 years and cared for her with MS for 26 years before she passed. I am gay and live alone, but I'm keeping well and walk 11,000 - 15,000 steps most days. I have joined a seniors group which sometimes goes on day trips. This helps with being lonely. But I do wonder how I am going to manage as I get older. I am 77 now. My two adult children live fairly closeby but I hardly ever see them. We have had an arrangement at their request for many years that I only visit if I am invited. But I never did just "turn up" on their doorstep.
That is very sad, and cruel. People say things sometimes without thinking but in this case I don't think they cared really. If it were me I would not wait for their invitation and in fact would never accept one. Out of the will as well. Let them get a sting out of the reading of the will when all the money goes to charity.
@@aclem8246 There is no animosity with my kids or grandsons. They have their own lives to lead and are very busy. Its part of our culture that generations grow apart. Overseas, especially in developing cultures its very different. We lived in Indonesia for several years. I am keeping well atm. But that will not always be the case. I will not be changing my will, advance health directive, or statement of choices. I live in Australia.
Great video. HAHA about the younger man. I think Billie Jean King has been involved in building retirement communities for Gay people. That is something to look into. Jeff
My partner of the last 48 years is 20 years my junior. It's never been an issue until now. But now, at 85, the wheels are beginning to wobble on my wagon... and it scares the hell out of HIM. And that saddens me. I know we each will care for the other to the bitter end no matter what but that doesn't ease the pain of seeing what my decline is doing to his life. We've agreed to always tell the other when we have a health concern, etc. But now I'm wondering if I should perhaps NOT tell him about signs and symptoms that worry me. What's the point in both of us having our anxiety levels dialed up all the time?
My husband is 82. Me 64. Together 42 yrs. He's had a lot of health problems since 2016. Lyposarcomas caused by agent orange in Vietnam. COPD. He always thinks he's a burden because I still work and do most of the house chores. You should always tell your partner of any health concerns. I would be pissed if he kept them from me. Stay safe ❤❤
@@GoGoWhoa64 Thank you for your sharing your views. I appreciate them. I guess there are just some things we can't protect our loved ones from. We all know the party needs to come to an end but how we long for just one more dance.
My husband I will have our 12th Anniversary this Nov 13th. We met randomly, in Florida it is hard to find a tank top shirt so I went in to look at TJ Maxx and he was at the exact isle. I said hi to him and we started chatting, ended up walking across the mall to a restaurant. He was 21 we hit it off and gave me his number, I was surprised because I am 36 years older. He said he would take care of me but you never know he could go first. One day at a time, no hiv+ our monogamous relationship works perfectly for us.
Imagine being gay, older (52) almost drank myself to death plus have cirrhosis because of that. Have no money in the bank because I blew through life savings over it, and currently living with my folks and have no job and am on state aid. Does that sound like a catch? If so point out my soulmate lol
74 in AZ my husband of 15 years passed last October, friendship also depends on where you live, we moved from FL. 12 years ago in AZ and I have to tell you even being a friendly and outgoing couple after all that time in the same city and neighborhood we didn't have any true friends, I still have very good friends in FL kind of far I made it almost one year I go from there one day at a time, personally I am kind of skeptical about the apps.
Sorry to hear about your loss. It's good to be skeptical about apps; you never know what you're going to get. However, wonderful friendships and relationships have also come from those platforms, so there's that side of the story as well.
I have been a caregiver for 10 years - same age... I know all too well how difficult that is - you basically forfeit your own life.. When I hear Mr. Bolen recommend taking a younger partner to care for them as they age, that tells me all I need to know about Mr. Bolen's integrity, character and values - that he would willfully saddle anyone with that responsibility... How sad..!
You're not the only caregiver in the world, @RT3319! My mom and I cared for incredibly sick grandparents for much longer than that. Just within my circle of family and friends, I can think of at least three or four people who have become full-time caregivers. Could you be any more judgmental? What a disgusting attitude!
That's good though. It's better to think about this now rather than later. You have a chance to do something that will benefit you in that direction. This will influence some of the choices you would normally make in terms of friendships and relationships.
@@danrbolen You people have no idea do you? What's out there. Sitting on your throne telling gay men what you should be doing when you've had it easy your whole lives. F.U.
I'm 62 and I've been with my husband for 35 years and we stay as far away as possible from the alphabet mafia. Very deceitful bunch. We know a few gay couples who feel the same way.
Read the comment section of this video to find out why that statement is a fantasy! If you're talking about federal programs, those are not designed to take every group into consideration. Minority groups have their own special needs. To this day, there are elderly gay people who go back into the closet so they could receive proper care. There's so much more to it.
@@johnpreston4540 Heller....not once did I say that this is not an issue with the Elderly Gay population....I am a 61 year old Proud Gay Man! My point was...let's take care of our Elders as other Cultures do! We should...Gay or not.
@@mooganstooker2419 You can dedicate your life to health and fitness ofcourse but life is very unpredictable. There's so many things that can happen to you. Plus why spend your entire life preparing for the last 10 years of it?
@@danrbolen My parents did the same thing for themselves, because I'm an only child and they didn't want me to be responsible for them. Thanks for bringing attention to this!
Part 2 of the discussion: ua-cam.com/video/c1g7yCjEFzo/v-deo.html
Thank you for receiving that little joke at the end of this video as a joke.
Indeed so.
72 here, husband of 48 years died last September. All my very close friends live out of state. If something were to happen to me or I needed help, I'm out of luck. And the grief is overwhelming at times.
EagleRockers - Those who care most often use words of wisdom that seem, at first glance, to be a bit harsh. It has been said to me to balance out all of my life challenges with some mindfulness positivity. It does help...even though the challenges remain. In my 76 years as a lonely, (feeling) isolated and unloved caring and friendly individual... the outside world had no clue as to the depth of despair within me. As time passes, and I am in deficit in all categories, dealing with anticipatory terror at what life has in store is more than I can handle. I may not matter much to the Universe, but I matter to me. Finding my self worth at this time has been gratifying; yet has intensified my undertanding of the reality of where I am now. Best to us both!
@@stevec404 Thank you for your openness. Take care and the best to you!
You should really look into all of the benefits that Medicare offers. My husband is 82. And Medicare has helped a lot through his health problems.❤❤
Not sure where you live, but there are gay and lesbian centers that have social services, including help for gay seniors. Please seek out these services while you are healthy enough, then when you need them, you are inbtheirbsystem and they can provide help.
@@Hojotoho.Yall504 How could you be where I am when you've never had a real relationship? Sorry, but what you're feeling can not be anywhere near the same.
Someone should create an app for the elder gays who may need assistance in the last stretch to the finish line. Allies amd supporters on a volunteer basis to provide weekly or more visit for food/grocery shopping, doctor appointment, make sure their bills are paid in time, etc. It would be nice if neighbors help neighbors in each community, but that's not always an option, and a system where matched volunteers are the lifeline and steward of the elder gays could make all the difference. I'm 60 and in good health so far, but I'll see what the future brings.. :-)
That would be a great idea. Many people will be more than happy to extend a helping hand, especially if they know the person lives within a reasonable distance, right?
That is a fantastic idea. You should seriously do something with that. That could be a very successful business venture.
Maybe you could go through sage, the organization for elderly and older, GLBTQ people
I'm gonna be truthful here....I have known a lot of senior gay males over the years and I find most, if not all, of them tend to be bitter, jaded, bitchy, and still cruisy/pervy....especially around young men. It's extremely cringe. I don't know why it is, but it is.
Awesome idea ❤
I have found that as an aging gay man in his 70s and as my contemporaries dwindle you cannot be afraid to make new friends who are younger than you whether they be straight or gay. Camaraderie and friendship and inclusion is what will keep you healthy and happy.
Wow man, totally agree, met up again last night with another two young men at one of our Public Houses where I play pool for our local league, at 70 next year, this time has been the most social I have ever experienced in my life. They are all str8 guys, they ask questions and there is no judgement ether, I came home with air beneath my feet, so you are so write, go out and make friends, don't worry about being 'gay' I don't, I am me, like it or lump it!!!
Yes, I believe you have to keep reaching out and making new friends, if possible. Most of my friends now are younger than me. I am 77.
Amen to that! Low effort friendships don't last. You inspired me to do a video on this particular experience that you shared. Thanks!
Yes, I agree. Socialization is essential. I try to offer to talk to anyone who wants to talk. We are all in this life together. I tell anyone to message me if they want to talk.
@@randyscottagelife every open ear is a blessing.
So many like me GAY and HIV Positive African American and lived to be 69 years old and nobody left! 😢
Exactly. Some many people in our generation never made it through the crisis. That lack of a older community adds to the isolation. I am glad he is doing this program.
I came out 42 years ago as a teenager. I've been celibate for almost 16 years. It's sad to me that after fighting for AIDS rights, gay rights, trans rights and marriage equality my own community couldn't possibly care less about me. We care about gay men because they own everything, we care about young people because they're hot and we're shallow(No, heterosexuals don't have the market cornered on shallow or stupid) and we care about trans people, but only if they're young, hot and upwardly mobile.
I lost my husband of 43 years one year ago. We were legally married for the past seven years. I just turned 69 and have been invisible for decades. I have no desire to see anyone.
My condolences. Please step into the light and make the most of your remaining years.
Seeing all the older desperate men in Seattle who spent their youth partying instead of forming relationships was a wake up call for me. You get what you put into life…
Can you share some of the situations that motivated you to make different decisions in that direction? We actually talked about the experience you shared in this video as well: ua-cam.com/video/c1g7yCjEFzo/v-deo.html
So many gay older men and women die a lonely isolated life. I just dont know what the answer is. Not everyone can afford to live in an assisted living community.
Thank you for shedding light on this!
I lost my partner of 40 years fifteen years ago. I’ve had to sell my home. Resources are barely holding up, even as I live with very close friends and pay rent. I have outlived everyone in my immediate family. I ubered to the hospital when I needed a new battery implant for my pacemaker. Mostly, I don’t talk about these things, but life is very scary at times. And a situation I would have never predicted for myself is now a reality. I know I’m not alone in this, but that is how it feels.
This is a real account of a very real situation. I'm so honored that you took the time to share this personal and intimate experience with the community. It truly puts things into perspective.
How do elderly people in America even begin to plan for the future when they cant afford to pay for Health care?
Here, in Australia we have Free public health care and its nice to know our Government cares for us. It must be truly terrifying for elderly LGBTQI Americans with low income or support facing old age.
Aint this the truth....Im a 60 year old man in NYC..no children..no partner..no family at all..no pension..no 401 K....nada......and...yeah...it sucks and its def something i think about A LOT.....its truly a daunting thing to think about...
Thanks a lot for sharing your thoughts and state of mind. Your honesty sheds light on an issue that needs way more attention. This is exactly why having access to a community is so important.
How do elderly people in America even begin to plan for the future when they cant afford to pay for Health care?
Here, in Australia we have Free public health care and its nice to know our Government cares for us. It must be truly terrifying for elderly LGBTQI Americans with low income or support facing old age.
I wish there was an chat site or chat board for older gay men to connect. Not looking for sex but would love to cultivate new friendships and I have 3 bedroom house that I would love to share with an older gay man. Shared expenses and having someone around would really make a difference in quality of life. There are things like SAGE but they don't offer a way for people to connect.
Your so right on to many sites are for quick sex and hook ups❤
I have a sister and a (relatively) younger brother. They, and the few close friends that I have, have full and complicated lives. Getting verbal and psychological support is wonderful. My fear is that I am alone to care for my physical self. Not a good situation. No plan 'B'.
That's a real concern for many in our community. Financial issues add a whole new layer to it as well.
@@danrbolen
You said it.
WOW!! I have read most of the stories and it really saddens me how many older gays are doing. I'll be 82 soon, have had prostate cancer surgery which has left me incontinent, and PN (nerve damage) that requires a walker to get around. Most of my friends live far away many have passed, no siblings and have never had a long term relationship which has given me the ability to manage being alone. I have a condo in a gated community but am planning to move to assisted living in the next couple years. Have had a good life and am grateful for that. My prayers and best wishes to all who have responded to Dan's post.
Thank you very much for sharing your story. I hope that you will continue sharing more as your perspective and experiences will help many. Appreciate you!
It will get way worse considering how much more isolated we are now.
Loneliness and isolation are not at all unique to elderly LGBTQIA+ people. Often younger family members are too busy with their own lives, live far away or just are upset by seeing aging family members. As a gay man, age 62, I know the importance of planning ahead, making an intentional move to be nearer to family before I become elderly. It's also important for me to remain financially independent. These are my two goals as I age to help mitigate loneliness and isolation, but it is not a guarantee. Sadly, in western societies, gay or straight, do not cherish, value or support aging family members well, beyond putting them in medical institutions or leaving them alone except on holidays. This is a broad societal problem, not based on sexual orientation.
This is true for too many.
I respectfully disagree with some of the comments. Never become complacent with aging and loneliness. Think of aging as the gentle arrival of something or someone new. In my opinion and experience, there's a way to create a new neural pathway in our brain. A pathway to achieve a fresh perspective. Loneliness is a cloak we wear that represents the abyss between our former selves and the unknown future. Loneliness can literally cause pain to someone. You simply must meet new people through social media, a support group, friends, family members, etc. Additionally, a change of scenery will help. A getaway of at least a week or more, if you can afford it. Take along someone you don't know, preferably. It may sound odd, but it's key, in my opinion. This is how I met my new partner. Socialization is key. I embarked on a three month road trip out west. You also must have a great pet companion. This is key as well. Keeping fit is also key. Look at it this way, people on this platform are willing to help or talk. Therefore, there are others who will do the same. There are many people in your same situation who are also seeking a cure, as it were, for loneliness. I'm willing to help as well. There are good people in the world who care. You are one with more people than you may realize. Bless us, everyone.
Where are these good people? I remember doing for so many. For so many years, things have changed with the past 8 years of mob mentality.
It’s growing.
Everything is not Glinda traveling in a gossamer bubble.
I agree with much of what you say. Stay tuned there is part 2 of this video to be released soon that will address some of your comments.
Okay. Thank you. I'll look for part 2.
It sucks being a gay man and older. Lonliness is your best friend, and not just when you turn old.
That will be hard for you to read, but the majority act like whøres when they are young and then cry when the end up alone in their old age.
@@SLam-ve3yp Doesn't that apply to all humans, male and female? Your reply is an oversimplification.
You make some great points, this is my experience to a tee here in England. I am not far from b day at 69 years young with no support only I am supporting some one close to me who is 20 years my junior?
Seems to me the younger generation are fucked through drugs and excess drinking?
I am saddened by this fact, but hear in England it has become an epidemic.
Hmm, I would not generalize like that about all younger generation in UK or USA.
@@PracticalPerry u r in usa?
what do you know of South England uk?
My information comes from the 'roots' of our community here and is a true reflection of how it is. There are always a few exceptions in life but as Grand Dad said "one swallow does not make a summer" you mate are over sensitive to my comment.🤔
Global!
@@PracticalPerry
Look around.
Look at the Big Orange Goon!
@@aidenfreedom
You know That’s Right! This impacts every nation.
Stay active and keep your weight down, and get your physicals. Hopefully, you will be ok.
That is great advice, despite all those efforts some people will still need support at.the end of their lives.
Im taking care of my mom and it’s been almost 10 years as she will be 99 this year. I have no idea what I will do when I get very old if that even happens. I single and I don’t have any children who could help me.
When he said get a man a good 20 years younger it killed me.😂
🤣
We're all born alone and we die alone. Don't expect anything from anyone and don't hope for anything because it won't happen.
Some people die alone, while others have a loving circle of loyal friends and do not. Therefore, this statement cannot be generalized to the entire gay community. Is loneliness more common than in the straight community? It probably is.
I was married to my accepting wife for 51 years and cared for her with MS for 26 years before she passed. I am gay and live alone, but I'm keeping well and walk 11,000 - 15,000 steps most days. I have joined a seniors group which sometimes goes on day trips. This helps with being lonely. But I do wonder how I am going to manage as I get older. I am 77 now. My two adult children live fairly closeby but I hardly ever see them. We have had an arrangement at their request for many years that I only visit if I am invited. But I never did just "turn up" on their doorstep.
That is very sad, and cruel. People say things sometimes without thinking but in this case I don't think they cared really. If it were me I would not wait for their invitation and in fact would never accept one. Out of the will as well. Let them get a sting out of the reading of the will when all the money goes to charity.
@@aclem8246 There is no animosity with my kids or grandsons. They have their own lives to lead and are very busy. Its part of our culture that generations grow apart. Overseas, especially in developing cultures its very different. We lived in Indonesia for several years. I am keeping well atm. But that will not always be the case. I will not be changing my will, advance health directive, or statement of choices. I live in Australia.
Great video. HAHA about the younger man. I think Billie Jean King has been
involved in building retirement communities for Gay people. That is something
to look into.
Jeff
Thanks a lot for receiving the joke as a joke. Appreciate you.
@@danrbolen I did get the joke. But there are men that like men that are older than themselves. My Husband was 21 years older than me.
My partner of the last 48 years is 20 years my junior. It's never been an issue until now. But now, at 85, the wheels are beginning to wobble on my wagon... and it scares the hell out of HIM. And that saddens me. I know we each will care for the other to the bitter end no matter what but that doesn't ease the pain of seeing what my decline is doing to his life.
We've agreed to always tell the other when we have a health concern, etc. But now I'm wondering if I should perhaps NOT tell him about signs and symptoms that worry me. What's the point in both of us having our anxiety levels dialed up all the time?
My husband is 82. Me 64. Together 42 yrs. He's had a lot of health problems since 2016. Lyposarcomas caused by agent orange in Vietnam. COPD. He always thinks he's a burden because I still work and do most of the house chores. You should always tell your partner of any health concerns. I would be pissed if he kept them from me. Stay safe ❤❤
@@GoGoWhoa64
Thank you for your sharing your views. I appreciate them. I guess there are just some things we can't protect our loved ones from. We all know the party needs to come to an end but how we long for just one more dance.
@@rae0521 Everyday is a good day
My husband I will have our 12th Anniversary this Nov 13th. We met randomly, in Florida it is hard to find a tank top shirt so I went in to look at TJ Maxx and he was at the exact isle. I said hi to him and we started chatting, ended up walking across the mall to a restaurant. He was 21 we hit it off and gave me his number, I was surprised because I am 36 years older. He said he would take care of me but you never know he could go first. One day at a time, no hiv+ our monogamous relationship works perfectly for us.
Wow, you really did turn a totally random situation into a lifetime deal. Congrats!
@@danrbolen thank you 😘
Imagine being gay, older (52) almost drank myself to death plus have cirrhosis because of that. Have no money in the bank because I blew through life savings over it, and currently living with my folks and have no job and am on state aid. Does that sound like a catch? If so point out my soulmate lol
There is a lot to be said for being single!
Go on!
Well, lets hear it ! 🤔
I’m aro/ace. I’m 59. I’ve been alone always. I hate it. I have no one to turn to.
Why do you think that was? Why do you say you've been alone all along?
74 in AZ my husband of 15 years passed last October, friendship also depends on where you live, we moved from FL. 12 years ago in AZ and I have to tell you even being a friendly and outgoing couple after all that time in the same city and neighborhood we didn't have any true friends, I still have very good friends in FL kind of far I made it almost one year I go from there one day at a time, personally I am kind of skeptical about the apps.
Sorry to hear about your loss. It's good to be skeptical about apps; you never know what you're going to get. However, wonderful friendships and relationships have also come from those platforms, so there's that side of the story as well.
I have been a caregiver for 10 years - same age... I know all too well how difficult that is - you basically forfeit your own life.. When I hear Mr. Bolen recommend taking a younger partner to care for them as they age, that tells me all I need to know about Mr. Bolen's integrity, character and values - that he would willfully saddle anyone with that responsibility... How sad..!
I, truly believe that he was joking !
... Hence the laughter at the end of his comment.
He was totally joking, that is why I was laughing.
You're not the only caregiver in the world, @RT3319! My mom and I cared for incredibly sick grandparents for much longer than that. Just within my circle of family and friends, I can think of at least three or four people who have become full-time caregivers. Could you be any more judgmental? What a disgusting attitude!
I’m making new friends of all ages as a gay man of 61. My parents just passed.
Im 43 and cant stop thinking about it.
How it will be? 😬
That's good though. It's better to think about this now rather than later. You have a chance to do something that will benefit you in that direction. This will influence some of the choices you would normally make in terms of friendships and relationships.
@@danrbolen You people have no idea do you? What's out there. Sitting on your throne telling gay men what you should be doing when you've had it easy your whole lives. F.U.
Who are we going to give our fabulous things to when we die?
If not a loved one, hopefully to an organization that supports our community. That’s another great topic by the way.
I meet gay men in their eighties. and they are still looking for their soulmate. this is just tragic.
Sadly there is no such thing.
But there are plenty long-term same sex relationships out there.
Gays are very less that too is one of the reason. Fir straight they have entire population
@@danrbolen So you think second and third best is better ? LMAO.
I'm 62 and I've been with my husband for 35 years and we stay as far away as possible from the alphabet mafia. Very deceitful bunch. We know a few gay couples who feel the same way.
You are a part of it you pathetic c*nt. People like you throw anyone under the bus as long as you get what you want.
How about we just take care of our older population...who cares Gay or not!
Read the comment section of this video to find out why that statement is a fantasy! If you're talking about federal programs, those are not designed to take every group into consideration. Minority groups have their own special needs. To this day, there are elderly gay people who go back into the closet so they could receive proper care. There's so much more to it.
It was clearly stated in the video why this is a larger concern for members of the lgbtq+ community, procreation is less common...
@@johnpreston4540 Heller....not once did I say that this is not an issue with the Elderly Gay population....I am a 61 year old Proud Gay Man! My point was...let's take care of our Elders as other Cultures do! We should...Gay or not.
I have a cat. I have spent the last 10 years training him to care for me, unfortunately now he is the diaper wearing partner 😢
Pets are like family but what about plan B?
@@danrbolen unfortunately, no plan B
@@halitosis75 And that's exactly why these conversations are important. Thank you for sharing a real life situation with us.
Ugh. Why can't humans just remain strong at old age.
We can. It takes work and most people don't want to do it.
There is a lot that people can do to remain strong. Despite that, at the very end of some people's lives assistant is necessary.
@@mooganstooker2419 You can dedicate your life to health and fitness ofcourse but life is very unpredictable. There's so many things that can happen to you. Plus why spend your entire life preparing for the last 10 years of it?
I'm 47 and I already have my retirement home plans lol
Congratulations, you’ve done the right thing.
@@danrbolen My parents did the same thing for themselves, because I'm an only child and they didn't want me to be responsible for them. Thanks for bringing attention to this!