Psychology of a Hero: LEGO BATMAN and Narcissism
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- Опубліковано 8 сер 2022
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Can narcissists get better? Can you have a healthy relationship with a narcissist?
Licensed therapist Jonathan Decker and filmmaker Alan Seawright take a look at one of their favorite heroes with narcissistic tendencies - LEGO Batman! They talk about the four aspects of narcissism, how Batman's family loss causes him to push people away and put up a protective facade of confidence, how opening up to people helps him work through his trauma, and the fact that Will Arnett is a gift.
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Written by: Megan Seawright, Jonathan Decker, and Alan Seawright
Produced by: Jonathan Decker, Megan Seawright, and Alan Seawright
Edited by: Sophie Téllez
Director of Photography: Bradley Olsen
English Transcription by: Anna Preis
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Dick: “My name is Richard Grayson, but all the kids at the orphanage call me ‘Dick’”
Bruce: “Well, children can be cruel” 🤣
I don’t condone dirty humor/references usually but that was pretty funny 🤣
The LEGO movies are the ultimate answer to the question "what happens when a silly idea is turned into a movie with nothing but love for the craft and the source material?"
Yess
I also think this message is more resonate now than ever as the internet has made many celebrities. But many learn the hard truth that fans are disposable. What actually gives them a lot of satisfaction is hanging out with others like them.
I wish more movies would respect the source material.
“Brave is accountability. It’s humble accountability. Brave is ‘I don’t need to pass on the blame if something goes wrong; I can take responsibility for it.’” I needed to hear this. Thanks Jono.
Perfect takeaway
So true! 👏💯
I think I just realized that the bit of narcissism (tendencies, not diagnosis) that I exhibit is caused by experiences that lead to it as a form of protection.
My former Ahole manager needs to learn this.
the advice my dad went out of his way to completely ignore
I feel like a lot of people see one trait of narcissism and label the whole person a narcissist. For example, my sister is always calling our dad a "narcissist" because he's really bad at taking criticism unless it's worded in a very specific way and is packaged in a compliment sandwich.
However, he doesn't feel entitled to company, or attention, or praise. He's good at giving space and respecting boundaries, he just can't be directly criticized. He has narcissistic _tendencies,_ but that doesn't make him a full-blown narcissist. I feel like not enough people get the difference.
You can't really fault her for not phrasing it in the ultra specific correct way you want her to. It makes complete sense that a person who is annoyed, or hurt, or angry would phrase "you have narcisstic tendencies in certain aspects of your life" to "you're being a complete narcissist right now" or some other version of that.
@@KD-ou2np You missed the entire point of his post. Also in the therapy world an individual needs to meet 5 of 9 criteria for narcissism to be diagnosed with such. If anything the dad in this scenario meets maybe 3 of them, not 5.
@@codynoth4183 yeah but I don't think she's a clinical therapist. I'm sure you would call crazy/murderous characters "psychopaths" too, buddy.
@@wilfweNightsky Not in the least. In all honesty I've toyed with the idea of starting a youtube channel that diagnosis and looks in depth to character traits and such like that in movies and video games and whether or not they meet the criteria for a disorder or illness.
Not being able to receive criticism is not a specific symptom for Narcism. Folks with ADHD have difficulty with that a well.
Some people have just experienced criticism as attack. It's not all about a psychic disorder.
"If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and make that change." I love how this lyric is the underlying message of this story, and how Batman tries to attribute the quote to himself.
Batman is very wise 😂
I'm starting with the man in the mirror?
I'm asking him to change his ways
@@WrensthavAviovus with the BATman in the mirror 😆
"Hoo."
Alfred is the best batman character. Fight me. Seriously though in just about every iteration Alfred really isn't just a butler. He IS the surrogate father, friend, and confidant To much of the Bat-family not just Bruce. He literally the true hero in Batman
Absolutely. He's one of my favorite Batfanily members.
You cant fight truth
In the Injustice comics, Alfred once saved Batman from Superman and scared him to the point that Superman was scared to fight him even when Alfred didn't have access to any Kryptonite or anything.
Agreed.
You can usually judge a Batman story based on how Alfred is depicted. I've knocked movies down when they fail to use Alfred at all or poorly.
I love the not so subtle jab at Suicide Squad. “Get a bunch of criminals together to fight the criminals, that’s a stupid idea.”
Also Killer Croc doing something.
I loved that jab at Suicide Squad! lol
I DID SOMETHING :)
I love how two minutes earlier he literally asked if he’d be working with the suicide squad and then he’s calling them ridiculous.
@@Anonymous_Individual. The movie does a lot of that.
I enjoyed that movie. You might not and I respect your opinion if you don't but let me enjoy it.
Jono's comment about mental disorders being things everyone experiences dialed up to 11 is... so important in this day and age. There's such a tendency online to label people as narcissists, borderlines, etc willy nilly and it's harmful. It makes people think that the indicator of mental illness is the PRESENCE of a thought pattern, instead of an abnormal intensity of one. Jono articulated this distinction very succinctly and I thank him for it.
The "Three P's" for when symptoms are signs of a disorder: Persistent, Pervasive, and Problematic.
👍🏿
!!
Absolutely agree, I see a lot of people who want to label someone with a disorder when the relationship hasn’t worked without taking any accountability for their part or acknowledging that incompatibility is a thing.
I’ve had incredibly damaging relationships because my partners trigger me or just don’t understand me but they’ve gone on to have healthy relationships with others. I think it can be detrimental to healing not only to label the other person but also paint yourself as a victim. Especially if you have a history of trauma it can feel like you’re being revictimised over and over not just that you’re with people who aren’t able to meet your needs.
it's also harmful to people who have the disorders, people constantly throwing around words associated with your disorder as insults makes people assume it's "inherently bad person disorder" or something
LEGO Batman is arguably unironically the best Batman movie ever made (personally I’d put The Batman ahead of it but until that released it held the title). There’s such a clear love for the source material and so much passion that went into the story that even though it pokes fun at Batman mercilessly you can tell they have the utmost respect for the character and the world.
Also, my favorite joke in the movie is that scene in the beginning where Joker is getting through listing the villains he’s teaming up with and he gets to the d-list villains like Kite Man, Calendar Man, and the Condiment King. The pilot just says “Okay, are you making some of those up?” but Joker replies “Nope, they’re all real.” Not only is the interaction hilarious, but the fact that they thought to put the D-listers that practically no one knows about in there just shows how much effort went into this film.
I don’t think it’s possible to accurately rank in line with the other movies tbh, it’s just so distinct from the Nolan trilogy and The Batman
@@Kal4ple that’s fair enough.
That reminded me! All of these villains appears in the 2019 Harley Quinn cartoon. Heck! Kiteman is casi-part of the main cast. You should check it out.
I did actually know about Calendar Man, thanks to the Arkham games. In fact it's from him that I learned the full rhyme about days in a month:
'Thirty days hath September,
April, June, and November.
All the rest have thirty-one,
Save for February alone
Which has twenty eight days clear
And twenty nine in each leap year.'
So... yay for educational villains?
Personally, Mask of the Phantasm and The Batman are my favorites. The Dark Knight and the LEGO Batman movie follow after
I really appreciate the non-demonizing of npd from cinema therapy and Lego Batman.
There's so much justified hate towards npd/narcissista bc narcissists can hurt others terribly but there is no solution is made by demonizing them-after all, the ones who are a part of a narcissist's recovery are fellow people.
Narcissism sucks but people with narcissism still has a right to recovery.
.
Absolutely, everyone has the right to heal and better themselves. Problem is, narcissistic people tend to prefer avoiding accountability and pushing their hurt onto others rather than seeking that recovery. Some even seem to get pleasure from tormenting others because they like being so in control. It’s an unfortunate mess but their own words and actions are why others demonize them. 😕
@@kids.cats.crazy. it literally depends on the person, not on having NPD, I recognize it's hard, but please inform yourself /gen
This is roughly same feeling I get about pɘdophiles, and I'm defining the attraction and not the actions/activities here, that they also have right to receiving help and to not demonize them either.
This is a little different as it's a paraphilia and not a personality disorder but the line of thinking can apply here as well, there's also a stark difference between a child predator and a pedophile, they're not synonymous but they can correlate with eachother but most of the time don't, in most cases those who harmed children in this way have shown through fMRI brain imaging scans don't neurologically react in the same way those with the paraphilia react.
Not to mention that paraphilia, every single one, are based in neurology making it psychiatric as well; functionally the same as sexuality just without the key aspects that make a sexuality a sexuality.
Either way with the scientific evidence even people who done horrible crimes can change for the better but with how things are layed out in the American legal system it just ain't going to happen, US prisons are built around retribution and not rehabilitation.
We don't rehabilitate criminals we only make them worse.
Yeah, it's such a tricky line to tow. Because while there's no human on this earth who doesn't deserve the opportunity to grow and improve, you also can't force the people _around them_ to bear the brunt of their toxic behaviour in the _hope_ that they might change, yeah? We can't demonize NPD, but we can't be naive either.
I love that you address both sides of loving a Narcissist.
- It isn't wrong to try and 'stick it out' if you can find your own boundaries and make it work IF that is what you want and can do so healthily. Not everyone wants to cut ties and they shouldn't be pressured into doing so if they genuninely want to keep those ties intact.
- It also isn't wrong to distance oneself or cut ties entirely if its too much. Ones own mental health and wellbeing come first and no one should have to put up with this.
All narcissists are abusers. How are they missing this?
@@nevaehhamilton3493 Not necessarily. Both of my parents were narcissists. My father especially, who I've lived with my whole life. Probably to the most chronic extent possible; I've lived with him almost my whole life. He has always been extremely abusive and it's pretty much hell to put up with. I've come to accept that, being raised in an environment of abusive narcissism for my entire life, has probably rubbed off on me and made me a little narcissistic myself. It's a bitter pill to swallow, but it only makes sense, and I've definitely caught myself acting that way a couple times. But having had to deal with the absolute misery of being abused by someone who is narcissistic, I try to keep it in mind because I know how shitty it is to be on the receiving end, and I know what it's like to be around someone who will LITERALLY never in their entire life admit they are wrong. I acknowledge that this is behaviour I am capable of and as such I try my best to keep it in check. I do not believe myself to be an abusive person. And the fact that I'm willing to acknowledge the possibility of me having this problem, and that I am willing to take steps to prevent it from hurting those around me, at the very least puts me ahead of my parents.
Not all narcissists are automatically abusive, but because of what narcissism is, it is inherently expected that they will most likely abuse those around them, ESPECIALLY if they are unwilling to acknowledge the problem (which most narcissists are) and take no effort to keep it in check.
@@FormulaFanboy That means your not a narcissist.
@@nevaehhamilton3493 this is inherently wrong. Sure, narcissists have the capacity to abuse; but so does literally everyone else. Just because someone has NPD doesn't mean they are guaranteed to abuse everyone at all times.
@@jonathancole5179 abuse does not automatically make someone a narcissist. Literally everyone has the capacity to be abusive
Im so glad you guys made this video! I’m in therapy for my pathological narcissism (went for depression, uncovered the npd stuff) and learning to stabilise my own self-esteem, self-soothe in difficult situations and be self-compassionate has helped me so much to meet my own needs. So now, I’m pretty much able to put down my own boundaries and respect the ones other people express, now that I know and respect my own needs. There’s definitely hope for people like us, we just need to not dehumanise ourselves, be willing to express vulnerabilities, and seek the similarities between ourselves and others, and not grasp onto feelings of ‘being special’. Also, lots of therapy is ideal!
Thank you so much for sharing your experience and journey! ❤️
I’m so proud of your progress, that is incredible and rare, and I bet everyone in your life is grateful you’re making these changes!! I’m very curious about the differences between narcissism and solipsism. But that’s not your problem, I just ramble. I’m cheering you on!!!
Damn that is actually really impressive and rare
Daughter of a narcissist mom. I gave up hope and walked away. But truth is I struggle with carrying her inside my head and I'm always scared of my learned behaviors.
Granddaughter of one. My mother shared your fears, when she was younger. My grandmother never told her she loved her and never hugged her either.
My mom was scared too. But she realized that fear was a medicine. Yes, your parents are your main examples growing up. But only you get to decide whether you label them good or bad examples.
She decided to be different. Showing love felt unnatural to her when raising me, but she put effort into it anyways. And when she doubted herself, she'd make sure to surround herself with people she respected.
I'm twenty-eight now. I too have things I'd do differently than my mother, of course. She always placed everyone before herself (a very clear reaction to my grandmother's selfishness). That's a taught trait I'm actively trying to overcome in myself. 😅
But ....she absolutely succeeded on the things she'd missed in her own childhood. I feel entirely loved and I have learned how to share that love with others. 💛
I respect people like my mother more than anything. Even if you were forged to be a sword, you remain in control of how you brandish it. So Katie, have faith in yourself. That fear is the biggest sign of your capacity to break these patterns.
Narcissistic grandmother. Terrorizing my mother with the state of her health (that to be fair wasn't the best after two heart attacks). "Dying" constantly every week. Surprisingly kind to us grandkids. Passed away in her sleep at 84 in her own apartment having no idea that would be the day.
Now? Narcissistic mother terrorizing us with the state of HER health ten years before her mother started doing that. Doesn't care about the grandkids, and has never done anything with them out of her own volition. Doesn't understand she is destroying us the same way her mother destroyed her. Presenting herself as the biggest martyr because yes: she cooked and she cleaned when we were little. This is generally what wives do when they do not want to come back to work and she didn't. Unless they have servants. We helped but she rarely allowed us because we weren't perfect.
How DARE you want to go on holiday when she is here dying? The doctor came. Turns out post-covid sinusitis isn't lethal, it's just unpleasant. Father escapes to another house outside of town every weekend. He has had enough. Just found out that my sister had seven years' worth of therapy after she left the family home. No surprises there. Have you ever felt nothing towards a parent? Love and hatred canceled each other out. I do not see her as an example worth following in any way. I would live on another continent if I could.
Please never stop trying to control your learned behaviors so that your kids don't have to go through what you did. Or your partner for that matter.
I feel you babe - in a similar situation… it’s a struggle to be the best mum I can be with not a great role model. Do I make mistakes? Yes, but I hope the love and care outweighs the mistakes (I acknowledge the mistakes)
It’s all any parent can do.
You got this!
Daughter of an N dad. I completely understand, Its hard to try to do anything when that voice is going. For a long time I've struggled with wanting to pursue English and start writing a novel because I kept hearing how I wasn't good enough, but now I've said eff it and I'm almost done with my degree. You can do it !
The best thing you can do is apologize and own up when you fall into those behaviors. Don't despair, don't tell yourself you're a screw up because you messed up, acknowledge your mistake, do your best to make it right as much as you can, and take steps to do better in the future. Those FLEAS can be hard to shake, but as long as you keep trying, you're still doing better than the person who taught you those behaviors.
(ETA: for what it's worth, my dad's a narcissist so I totally get those fears 100%)
YESSSSSS LEGO BATMAN LET’S GO, can we appreciate Jono and Alan’s choice of films? Top tier
Omg yes and I loved when they turned into lil Lego men at the end!!
@@laurasalado2429 I ruined it for myself, I was 10 seconds away when I saw this. But it was still just as good.
I was expecting The lego movie but I love their videos
RIGHT????
Lol its tommyinnit
Lego Batman's line to Alfred where he's like "What do you know about having a surrogate son?" Cuts so deep, it broke my little heart in the theatre. You see the pain and horror on Alfred's face, but at the same time, you know he can't really chastise Batman about it, because he is in a subservient role. Lego Batman was pretty great, I like the original Lego Movie more, but it was a pretty good follow up.
fully serious, the lego batman movie is one of the reasons i realized i have npd (or at least, a lot of npd traits). i saw (and still do see) so much of myself in batman, specifically lego batman. it’s to the point that my friends and family even call me batman sometimes in a silly way because it makes me happy to find comfort in relating to him and because they see our similarities, too. i really appreciate how you didn’t necessarily demonize those who have npd in this video and encourage the fact that it’s not something that instantly makes someone abusive! something that made me didn’t think i would be a narcissist was the fact that i wasn’t an abusive evil person that society pushes narcissism to be. you can have npd and care about people, like how batman cared so much about his family. you can have npd and have good relationships, even if it takes hard work, like how we see batman’s relationship with his new family start to grow. this movie is something important to me, not only because it’s so cleverly humorous and has stunning animation, but because it gave me hope for myself to grow as a person and defy what so many people may say about how a narcissist can never change and only acts one certain way. thank you guys so much for this video! and fun fact, this movie was released on my birthday too so that makes it extra special to me =) batman, lego, and specifically will arnett have all been longstanding interests of mine so this movie has always felt specifically catered to me lol
I love the contrast of an earnest assessment against the hallucinogenic fever dream that is the Lego movies. 😍
hallucinogenic fever dream or not, i will forever love the lego movies for giving us THE BEST BANE VOICE IN HISTORY! IT WILL BE BANE'S RECKONING!
Lol.
@@dietotaku what about harley Quinns bane
It's a great movie but it's also bonkers! 😆
@@maurisauceda8388 that's basically the same bane
"Why start a family animated Lego kids movie with a heavy metal rap power ballad?"
I think that's an easy one tbh: The people who were into that music at the time are now the parents taking their kids to see this film 😉
Also, some of the adults without children who went grew up with that music and Legos. I went with my brother and his girlfriend at the time. We've all heard the music quite a bit growing up and like Batman, but my brother and I would play with Legos quite a bit! (Idk if his ex gf did or not.)
@@waterbat95 Yes it was admittedly silly of me to limit what I said to parents taking kids. I don't have any myself but still saw this the moment it was available on streaming because I knew it would be amazing.
I just assumed it was because his song in the Lego Movie end credits was so popular (at least in my circles it was almost inescapable for a while, but not to the painful level of Frozen/Let It Go, thankfully!)
@@helenl3193 Was it? I honestly don't remember it, and don't think anyone else ever sang it at me. Everything Is Awesome was popular, though.
I love that you guys promote healing from negative behaviors rather than villainizing the people struggling with issues like this. Always love your videos! I'd love to see your ideas on the anime movie Bubble :D
At a certain point in my life I was terrified of being a narcissist to the point where I legitimately thought saying anything positive about myself was being selfish I thought if I except praise or give myself praise I was a narcissist I even went through this fake suicidal thing I never actually did anything it was just a bunch of empty threats but I think the mentality I was going through was if I believe I’m worthy of life then I’m being selfish luckily thanks to friends and family and some therapy I’m much better now
I had something similar in high school. After divorce, my mom would mention that my dad's a narcissist (which is true) and I was scared of being like him. I didn't understand then what narcissism was and thought it was just overconfidence. I became scared of allowing myself to learn to become confident because of that fear. I still feel stunted in regards to confidence and self worth because I didn't allow myself to explore those feelings because I was scared of taking them too far. I'm still trying to find my self worth. I'm glad you've made progress with support.
I wouldn’t call it a fake suicidal thing. It sounds more like being passively suicidal.
Because it sounds like still a very real thing
@@RisaPlays During that time when my mom was trying to teach me how to take a compliment she told me a story about when she told a girl at her school that her hair was pretty and then she yelled at her and said no it’s not and that scared her that story taught me that it’s actually more selfish not to accept a compliment because the other person is just trying to be nice maybe you need to hear the story too
I like how these kinds of film (and media) don't come across as something you'd feature on a show such as this, but stories of all kinds, even when they seem "silly," can carry so much meaning! ❤
this is exactly why this episode is not just great, but important!
That's why I love this channel.
Typically they hold far MORE meaning than most murder porn movies or dramas
I remember seeing this at cinemas with an ex. I am a Marvel boy at heart but loved the Lego Movie so I wanted to both score a 2nd date with her and see the movie.
So when Joker started naming each. And. Every. Single. Enemy. In the film and she asked me 'are these guys real, like do they actually exist in the comics' and I went, eyes tightly shut and with barely constrained laughter 'yup, every one of them is real', I realized I am way more of a DC fan than I previously thought.
that just means Warner bros. is more superior than Disney.
@@nevaehhamilton3493 not really,I mean atleast Disney doesn't have the HBO Max situation going on where there cancelling all the good (especially animated) shows or cancelling highly anticipated movies like Batgirl and all the other issues that are going on in that situation
@@awhimsyreader9015 that's all discovery
"Don't listen to what they say, watch what they do." This is such a fascinating quote, especially when you look at another Batman character, Harley Quinn. What got her to finally break things off with the Joker is she realized no matter what Joker says to her, his actions will always prove he only cares about Batman. So in her case, she (and her friends like Poison Ivy) realized that Joker was an obssessive narcissist and decided that they couldn't have a healthy, intimate relationship.
Can they even have a healthy relationship with anyone? 😅
"Darkness, brooding, no parents!" lives rent free in my head thanks to Will Arnett. And Frank Miller's in the corner going, "Awww, but *I* came up with that concept!"
As you said in the Lockhart video, most Narcissists are relatively harmless until you challenge their self image. Then they are the most dangerous people in the world. And that's why it's so hard for them go get help.
Also, I'd say when Batmans healing starts is when he admits that he needs to put seat belts in his Bat Mobile, because it was the first time he admitted he was wrong.
The funny thing about Lego Batman is he's a parody of what other parodies think Batman is... in fact this movie reminds me of a lot of Lego Batman stop-motion videos that used to be on UA-cam. It's kind of like how every Superman parody is about "what if Superman was actually a jerk", which... kinda misses the point of Superman? which was to say "but what if someone had powers but used them for good?"
Essentially parodies of Batman and Superman always miss the fact that the characters themselves were meant to subvert expectations -- Superman says "power doesn't have to corrupt, you could still do good with it" and Batman says "money doesn't have to corrupt, you could still do good with it."
I mean it's still a parody since that's not how actually batman is but alot of the voice over content for batman is him being "realistic" now instead of a jerk. He's easily the smartest character in any frame, scene, or panel and is absurdly rich on top of him being BATMAN however the man has shown humility way to many times especially while addressing the league. When paradoies are done on him now it's him taking his shit and how everyone needs to get they act together instead of him giving giving some life lesson then turning around to work on the bat computer.
I’ve never thought of Superman and Batman that way. That’s really insightful.
One of my favorite things about Batman is that he's a rich guy doing basically everything right, so by all accounts Gotham should have turned into an utopia by now, except the city is on top of a cursed swamp that dooms it to forever be a criminal hellhole no matter what he does.
this movie is literally every Meme ever made about batman by his biggest fans rolled into a movie for kids lol
@@wolfwoodphreak @BxZY
Both true, and it is still a fun movie with a good story, I think it works well as a parody of the Burton and Nolan version of Batman especially.
@Moonbeam Sun
To be honest I'm just paraphrasing stuff the creators said that I'd seen in documentaries about the comics, Jerry Siegel, Joe Shuster and Bob Kane were all Jewish guys who grew up poor and had been victims of crime in some way, so wanted to create characters who were had the power to make positive change and believed in justice.
@Colopty
Yeah Gotham just seems to breed supervillains like no other town, Batman's got to have the biggest and weirdest rogue's gallery in DC... then again, it is basically meant to be New York.
Gotta say how glad I am that you guys got into NPD. As the daughter of a narcissistic dad, it was nice to hear a more... honestly, I would say more hopeful point of view. Everyone keeps saying "narcissists never change, there is no hope for him, just move on" or I get people like relatives on his side who only see how me and my sibs and mom moved out and don't visit him and say "what kind of daughter are you for abandoning him, don't hold such a grudge over such little things, you as a follower of God need to forgive him or you will go to hell" Just a lot of ignorant people who refuse to understand that this is more serious than many know. Until you live with someone like that, look to that person for unconditional love that you need parents for in the early years of your life, you will never truly grasp what kind of pain and life-long suffering that can cause. I still struggle with the reprecussions of his actions and words even at the age of 28 and after cutting ties over 5 years ago now. Yet, while people may think I hate him or that I'm being selfish or holding a childish grudge, I do love him dearly and pray daily for him to finally reflect and realize that he needs help. Three theripists and none of them could help him either, some even having to quit working with him. He just turned 70 and my relatives asked if my sis and I would like to attend that surprise party they were throwing for him. Yes, because as someone who loves him and knows he needs help but won't get any and blames you for all of it, I want to go "celebrate" 70 years of life that has hurt so many people and is now painfully alone. Literally, the scenes where Batman is alone in his big Manon, that is 100% my dad now in the big house he nows lives in all alone. By his own choice, because we are the ones who are wrong.
Anyways, sorry. I guess you guys nailed it by saying how this movie isn't as funny to someone who cares about someone with NPD. Makes sense to me now why I never really liked it, even though I love Lego movies. Kinda just makes me sad.
So, thanks guys for that part at 22:14(I think) and how you talk about being the person caring about them. It does help validate my difficult choice to cut ties with my dad, no matter how much I didn’t want to. You are right, you cannot keep letting someone hurt you like that. As someone raised with the "biblical" words of always forgiving, I now understand that forgiving does not mean letting people hurt you, and it certainly does not mean you support negative behaviors by enabling them. Because of how much I love my dad, I will not give him the power to hurt me. That way, lord willing he finally comes to the light, he will have less to struggle in fixing on that uphill climb and I can be in a better, healthier place where I can support him without the past hurt getting in the way and while also knowing how to keep boundaries.
Sorry, I lose myself when writing, especially personal stuff. The gift and curse of being a writer, I guess. 😅 I hope at least anyone who reads it can know that they are not alone here and get a little support and encouragement.
Have a blessed day!
And thank you for all you guys do, Jonathan and Alan. Know that this young woman is always so grateful and encouraged by every single video you do. I love this channel and I would like to believe I am learning a lot to build my skills in healthy relationships now that I have escaped my toxic and abusive background. Thank you and I look forward to the next one!
I love your optimism. I admire your willingness to look towards the bright side of things, even when possibilities such as this are just not realistic. I'm honestly surprised your dad hasn't croaked from a heart attack at this point, and as for your mom, her IQ must be in the single digits to have married this specimen of a human being. You need to understand that abuse is abuse, no matter how how much you love him. Narcissists thrive on love and use it to their advantage, so if I were you, I'd probably start cutting ties with this sorry excuse of God's creation and move on with your life. Because that's NOT HOW NARCISSISTS WORK. People who hurt other people are terrible people forever, so please. Stop being optimistic. It's not realistic.
I'm so sorry to hear all of that. I have ASD and a father with Narcissistic tendencies, even if he is not a Narcissist (which my therapist and mother believe he most likely is). I 100% believe that everyone has a right to treat relationships differently depending on how they affect that person. I distanced myself from him for a while, and he used to hurt me emotionally a lot. I began to be less afraid of speaking up, and told him as much a few times. It didn't always land, but a few years later, I see a dad that I may never be very close to, but actually miss from time to time and plan to keep in my life. There is hope, likely even for full-on narcissists. It just depends on if that person is willing to see your needs ever, or notice the lacking parts if their life and at least *try.* When it comes to that, the most lovely thing I've found is seeing people try.
The two things you got the most right here are, that other people who are at a distance cannot understand what that person is like in a close relationship, or where they have power over you, such as a parent over a child. It can be very easy for a person with narcissistic tendencies to appear far better from a distance. They can wear a mask & tell people what they need to hear for short periods. And a narc can also be good at trying to draw you back in by sending out their flying monkeys, who don't know the full story, to pass on messages or try to make you feel guilty. They will tell those people their tales of woe from their perspective, blaming you, & minimise whatever happened or what they did. Also some people can be old school & have little understanding of how abusive relationships work. Often it's not acute instances such as physical abuse ect that are the biggest problem, it's the mental & emotional abuse, little things here & there, patterns of behaviour, that chip away, build into a chronic pain, & make you far more likely to put up with other forms of abuse. But it's harder to point to the smaller things & explain how they have built up. A lot of people also like to be positive & to see the good in people, a happy ending, & from a distance that is far easier for them. That's more about them being uncomfortable with the suffering they see, either in you or your dad. They want it to go away. But if your dad has any hope of ever getting better then it's best that you do keep the boundary, giving in would only tell him it was ok. In anycase he is an adult & he is not your responsibility. He should be ok by himself, if he is not then that is for him to work on, not you.
Secondly you can absolutely forgive without letting people back into your life. Sometimes a relationship is just broken, & doesn't work anymore. And carrying on would only cause more pain to one or both. It would be madness. If it could be fixed it would take work from BOTH people. As things stand he can never have a genuinely loving relationship from you. If you go back it would be a lie, you couldn't be genuine with him, & how does he really benefit in the end from a relationship that is a lie, other than having toys to play with. The only way you can love & forgive is from a distance. It doesn't mean you're unforgiving or hold a grudge, it seems you accept your dad for who he is, your even routing for him. There's a difference between being a good, forgiving person, & being a door mat who lacks the self compassion to protect themselves. If any of these people, including your dad really loved you & could understand what you have been through, they would want you to be free & happy. If they can't give you that, then give it to yourself. In this way you will also be able to love others far better in the future too. Set the example. It's far easier to give to others when your own cup is full from self love. xx
I’m so sorry. Hope in the lord, that’s all we have and all we really need. Be ceaseless in prayer for your dad.
Girl, I had to check to make sure you weren't me or my sis posting this! So many similarities! If I can give you some hope, I have been praying for my 70 yr old Dad and it took going to therapy with my mom, cuz she's "the crazy one and needs therapy" but he actually made changes and God has been working on him. I so identify with still dealing with the effects of that on us as kids and I see that so much everyday when dealing with my child. So many things are either my instinct response (like getting away from my kid when they cry until they stop) which I have to fight against because of the message it is giving my child. I'm currently trying to work through why I get so irritated with my mom, irrationally so, in certain situations because of her enduring the emotional abuse and dysfunctional family. Not all her parenting advice I can take. She had a narcissistic mother, I'm realizing through family stories, so what she experienced wasn't good either. It's hard for her to see how setting boundaries and expecting respect from others is ok and not as a not submitting to your husband thing. As a result I realized she edits her true feelings and thoughts and words and it's taken a lot for me to get her to trust being honest with me. She was always scared of my Dad leaving her and thinking she had no power. I still worry for her because all those habits of the both of them all those years of life together will not be changed in a year and I hope and pray they continue some kind of therapy to help things continue to improve. Praying for you and your family, including your dad!
I love the fact that when Robin tries to "go it alone" he changes into a costume called "Nightwing" which was the superhero name that Dick actually changed it to after he decided that he wants to become a superhero in his own right. I love the attention to details that this movie has
Lego Batman got way too much flak. It's amazing and campy and ridiculous, and the most caricature, true, vision of batman and superhero films. All wrapped in a hilarious film that kids can watch.
Flak?? I've only ever heard very positive things from critics and audiences.
I’m a confused by what you mean by “flak”? On Rotten Tomatoes The Lego Batman Moves has 80% w/audiences, 90% /critics and made north of $312 Mil on an $80 Mil Budget (and that’s just the film, that does not include the $$$ made from merchandise). If there was any Batman fan backlash, I’ve never heard of it; moreover it didn’t stop Lego Batman from being a Gravy-train on Biscuit Wheels
Only flak I've ever heard is how similar it apparently is to "Holy Musical B@man" from Starkid. I've seen the musical, but not this movie so I can't comment on the validity of that statement though.
@@jennytaylor3986 I mean, I love StarKid Productions, but other than bits and pieces of "A Very Potter Musical" and "Firebringer", they're very much not in the zeitgeist, so I can't imagine that would be a big (or frankly even minor) contributor to an supposed "flak".
The only flak I've heard was from ninjago. Considering it's an alternative universe fanfic that has nothing to do with the series, that seems fair.
I'd love it if you ever wanted to talk about the anger and the need for revenge as well as the abandonment issues of the character of Jason Todd AKA the Red Hood in the incredible DC film Batman: Under the Red Hood.
i would legit kill for an episode about jason 😩
Omg yes! I need more people analyzing Jason’s character!
Pleeeaase this film made me fall in love with the Batman mythos. Jason started it all for me and he's my favourite former Robin of the whole cast. There is so much anguish and strife in this still-growing character, but he perseveres in spite (and maybe *to* spite Batman in particular) of the blows he's been dealt, and I feel like a lot of people perceive him wrong. He's not a psycho gunslinger destined for Arkham, he's a young man who's found himself dissatisfied with the status quo, and is willing to kill the demons that haunt him, Batman and Gotham at large.
that would be great to see.
Watching this after their 1M livestream and knowing how angry they both are at having to film this for the THIRD time, it makes this so much more enjoyable, lmao. all of the sadness in Alan's face makes so much sense, and I really really feel it
Yeah... 😅
I really like this analysis. I think people forget that narcissists are 1) people too, and 2) victims of their own mental prison. They need help just like anyone else and are deserving of a true deep connection with someone, something many are missing. A lot of personality disorders are so heavily stigmatized, but they are people, just like everyone else, needing the same things we all do. Love, care, safety, ect. Idk my sister in law has BPD and it took my brother treating her like a human for her to be able to recognize her faults and be willing to get help, and so seeing personality disorders be humanized is so important to me.
Batman: You disobeyed me! You're on a timeout!
Alfred, No, Batman, YOU'RE on a timeout!
Batman: What?! Alfred, you better un-timeout me right now!
Alfred: No! Not until you un-timeout Master Dick!
If you ever get around to including shows and series in your videos, I would love to see you react to Arcane, specifically Jinx, and the portrayal of her psychosis/schizophrenic tendencies and PTSD. It would be interesting to see both opinions on the mental health side and the filmmaking aspect on how it portrays such mental illness(es). Great video!
YES. I would kill for any Arcane video from Cinema Therapy, honestly
i was here to make this same comment 🙏😭
Good news everybody. About 4 weeks out...
@@CinemaTherapyShow ooooo!
@@CinemaTherapyShow You guys spoil us 😭
My mom's partner has undiagnosed narcissism, whenever he makes a mistake he always tries to find a scapegoat (usually me) to avoid responsibility, when anyone else makes a mistake its their mistake and they need to be blamed for it, and so many things that should have been nothing issues have been made into huge problems, amplified when he drinks, leading to a house culture of avoiding talking about problems around him because its just not worth the headache. He has done some improvement, but it wasn't of his own initiative, but when he went too far. Since I am his scapegoat, his is critical of everything I do and don't do, he's critical of how I do them. This culminated in one incident where I was helping bringing groceries in, and he got up in my face because of the route I used to bring certain things in, mostly because I was avoiding the dogs and not giving them a chance to escape.
I was finally fed up with it all and walked out of the house (didn't even pack anything) bellowing at the top of my lungs 'I can't stand living like this anymore, I can't live with this fucking hypocrite anymore'. It was very cathartic to say, but more than that, it apparently cut him pretty deep. Because, according to my mom, after I left he asked her if he really was a hypocrite, and she told him 'yes he was'. He apparently spent most of the night in his man cave or watching the tv, not talking, for the first time my criticism of him had actually hit. Since then he has improved, he's not better or fixed, but he is trying not to be that guy anymore, and he has stopped the worst of his actions towards me and others.
That’s good. I’m glad your mom backed you up. I hope he can grow and learn to be better.
I think to call narcissist insecure is an understatement given how common insecurity is, though of course it varies in severity. For the more moderate to severe case, they have utterly debilitating low self esteem and self loathing. They think they are the worst, and they are terrified of what will happen if anyone else realises that, so they over compensate to make themselves out to be the absolute best. The appearance of high self esteem is a hollow cover, nothing more.
The lack of empathy is down to two things; one, they are utterly consumed by their own issues, always on guard and maintaining their mask. And two, (with varying degrees of severity of course) deep down they see every other person as a threat, there are no true friends, no true allies, no one in their court in their mind (a milder case may be only "sort of" friends" or "mostly allies" with that clause that says "if they see all of me that will break"). In their perception, literally anyone who looks under their mask will see them as worthless, or even as worthy of only contempt, and will abandon them or worse, turn on them. That narcissism often makes this a self fulfilling prophecy due to narcissistic abuse only makes this worse (but please, if abuse from a narcissist gets too much, do not hold onto a narcissist in your personal life to try and counter this, they can do so much harm and if they are a severe enough case you staying may cause them to get worse and worse, as they attempt to subconsciously prove their fears right (they are on some level waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop)).
o.o
I see narcissists the same way Hitler saw Jewish people.
You have issues @@nevaehhamilton3493
Cringe, too much text
@@chrisc4507 Let me guess, you are one of those tiktok addicts who can't concentrate for more then 60 seconds or your brain starts to melt, right? If you can't read a comment, don't reply to a comment, or you just look like an idiot.
I saw this film in a movie theater on my first date at 16, it was also one of the worst dates I’ve ever been on. So I’m excited to make new positive memories with this film through your wonderful commentary!
This film is amazing btw
They took you out on a date and took you out to watch Lego Batman?!
@@kelseyswanepoel7056 Absulute chad move! Date must have been bad for another reason xp
@@kelseyswanepoel7056 He was going to take me to prom and I suggested we go out on a date first to get to know each other better. He suggested a movie, he wanted to see a slasher but I asked to see Lego Batman. Great movie, every other part of the date I was actively attempting to leave my body into another plane of existence
@@traylax8937 I agree, Lego Batman should have been the dream first date! Unfortunately 16 year old me didn’t realize I wasn’t obligated to go on a date or to prom with this 19 year old head command JROTC senior. I’ve done a lot of growing up since then but at the time I didn’t have strong self-confidence or boundaries. I got really weird vibes from the dude beforehand but during this date and at prom he made so many sexual jokes/joke advances and said so many derogatory things about fellow female students that turned him down, that I threw up in the bathroom when we got to the prom venue because I was so nervous/uncomfortable. I went to prom alone the following year and I had the best time ever. Remember, you’re not a loser for going alone!
@@eggnogalcoholic Eeeuch, well at least you enjoyed the movie.
A timely, important video! As usual the Internet Dads hit it out of the park.
My father is a narcassist, and he has tormented me and my family for more than thirty years. Screaming, hollering, threatening. He's never done anything wrong, he's always correct, we are all ungrateful horrible bad women that will one day be punished. He did go to "therapy" for a bit--he went to his pastor, who told him he was acting as a good Godly man, and it was our fault for challenging his authority. Narcassism is squeezing the life out of our society, and I appreciate you calling attention to it! Great vid!
It seems like we went to the same church lol religious trauma
And telling everyone the rest of the world needs to change and not themselves is different...how?
I'm sorry you experienced that.
Daughter of a narcicistic father here. I was more fortunate in the sense that my pastor was more understanding. They told my mum to get out, basically. He'd become physically absusive. The validation from our church family was invaluable.
It must have been really painful not getting that.
Did you go to the same pastor and tell the truth of the matter?
My dad is a diagnosed narcissist, and when I was a kid I never really noticed it. As I got older, pretty much all of the things said stood out to me.
My dad doesn’t like taking criticism
My dad does tend to jump in and try to control the situation
But he’s a diagnosed narcissist because he’s sought help, and the other stuff that was mentioned in this video doesn’t stand out to me as much.
I love my dad, and he means a lot to me.
This video was so important to me and my daily life, and I wanna thank you guys for talking about narcissism in…not a POSITIVE light, but not a stereotypical way like it’s usually seen as.
As a huge Batman fan, I'm very closed-off to the idea of making a narcissistic Batman, but I absolutely adore the Lego Batman's approach. I'd say (besides the DKT) it's one of the best Batman movies. Also..
I just want to say that it's not all narcissism Lego Batman is controlled by. He doesn't detach himself from people just because he loves himself, but because he's afraid to love and lose someone again. When you're hurt that deeply, it becomes a lifestyle of staying detached physically and emotionally from everyone-- which is a lot similar to the real life Batman movies. I went through the same thing. Eventually deep loss, when let go too long, turns into "I don't need anyone", which turns into narcissism.
Sorry, I'm a huge nerd about this stuff.
i absolutely agree with your take on batman’s feelings, but what you’re describing here IS a huge aspect of narcissism. npd is a lot like a defence mechanism; a reaction to chronic childhood trauma where someone creates a false ideal self to shield and repress any forms of vulnerability because it could lead to pain/humiliation/fear/etc.
the fear of loving someone is boxed away, and feelings of entitlement or “i’m too good for any of this” get put in its place.
people with npd “split” in a way, experiencing either intensely high or intensely low self esteem that is entirely reliant on external sources; they can’t regulate self esteem on their own so they’re very sensitive and reactionary to criticism and how others feel about them.
as a fellow batman nerd, with npd, im not /entirely/ opposed to the idea of a narcissistic batman, although i personally see him as having ptsd
oh I did not know that the "does not need anyone" can become narcissism.. Interesting you comment
Can we get Wolfwalkers therapy for their portrayal of children reacting to oppressive environments
Yeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!
YES THIS
If not that movie, definitely that topic.
YOOO YES LET THIS HAPPEN
Yesss!! The dad's fear for safety vs. Robyn's need for freedom is reminiscent of Brave. Plus BEAUTIFUL filmmaking. Shapes/color symbolism amazing
As the child of two Narcissists, its so hard sometimes. My father is completely beyond hope, I cut ties with him 20 years ago. My mom on the other hand, there’s so much inconsistency, sometimes it seems like maybe she’s getting better, and then of course there will be moments when I’m 99% sure I’m going to have to go No Contact with her too.
Its a daily struggle (especially bc my mom and I live together bc she’s partially disabled). Trying to introduce boundaries without her going ballistic that I’m refusing to be treated badly by her has been a nightmare and a half. I’ve come to terms that this is probably always how it will be, and that our relationship will always be a struggle and exhausting to some degree. But I do love her very much and I really do not want to give up on the idea of having a functional relationship with her, because her Narcissism stems from decades of unresolved trauma and abuse. It doesn’t excuse or make ok what she’s done to me, and other people, but it is easier to have compassion, knowing that fact. My mom will probably never get professional help (although I do think it would help her immensely, and I hate to see her struggle as much as she does because she pushes everyone away) but if I can get as far as her respecting the healthy boundaries that I need, then I can live with that.
Bruh this is a video about the “haha goofy Batman movie”
@@TheImaginedOrder0 and the whole point of Cinema Therapy is to use movies to share experiences and learn lessons about mental health. The Lego movie takes Narcissism and makes it more digestible- but in reality it’s often horrifying and leaves those who survive it with scars that never fully heal.
@@anjelica948 Blud has no fun
@@TheImaginedOrder0 Narcissism isn’t fun in real life. Period. End of story. I hope you never become the target of one, because it is living hell.
And I will respectfully decline to engage in further dialogue with you at this time because my sense is that you’re just looking for attention and to upset me into ranting, but I would not dare to disrespect the comment section of a channel that I dearly love. So, good day, person on the internet.
@@anjelica948 I don’t understand why you’re getting upset about talking Legos.
I admit I relate a lot to this interpretation of Batman, because as a kid, while I never got diagnosed, I think I had a lot of unhealthy narcissistic traits. Everything had to be about me, I had to win every game, I had to win every argument, I had to be the one in charge, and if anyone tried to call me out on it, I'd flip out in a rage-tantrum. Part of this probably was a defense mechanism from all the verbal bullying I received as a young child from peers (it was the 90s), so rather than letting their words beat me down, I put up walls and started behaving like a bully myself in the hopes that I could make everybody back off. The whole "If I can't be respected for who I am, I'll make myself feared" thing.
Two things eventually shook me out of it. One was the fact that I was noticing my tactics never worked, they just empowered the other bullies and got me in trouble, and two is consequences. Not going to go into detail, but I was shown a very mild taste of what being forced to live in a group home/camp was like, and that shook me to my core. I knew at that point I needed to change just to avoid ending up like a thug someday. And while I still have a ego, I always try to check myself when my head starts to inflate. I make my ego answer to me rather than letting it govern me.
Most things aren't about you, enjoying the game is more important than winning, learn something from the argument is better than crushing them, and a lot of the times it's easier to go with the flow. I bet you're dealing with people that don't deserve your rage, they hardly know anything about you other than that you entertain them. "In hopes I could make everybody back off" humans are gregarious animals, both you and everybody else craves connection so that's just self-defeating.
You would end up like a thug because there's no such thing as a halfway crook. Having an ego isn't wrong, but if not handled properly it is problematic, even if nobody in your life never said anything you would've run into problems eventually. This is just called self-improvement.
@@wesleywallace4426 If you read the second paragraph I wrote you'd know that I overcame a lot of that years ago. I'm still not perfect of course, but I've made progress.
@@AceSpadeThePikachuWhat did that prick you were replying to say?
My first thought seeing "Lego Batman" in Cinema Therapy was "what?" But Jono and Alan's movie choice was spot on as usual, and also a through examination about narcissism. Thank you!!
Glad you liked it. Thanks for watching!
As a survivor, I watch Doctor Ramani's videos every day. I'm so extatic that you mentioned her. To everyone watching.. I highly recommend DoctorRamani's channel. Also the NPD breakdown of the lego batman, is spot on!
Now I want to see them do a collab with her. She's pretty brilliant
I’m a survivor as well, Dr Ramani has helped me soooo much!
My sister after being to therapy and being diagnosed with npd inviting me to a vacation in her city for 5 days yelling it me while I have a break down from all the bashing I had to endure since I was there constant blaming whenever I tried to talk with her about it:" I'VE BEEN TO THERAPY! I DID MY WORK! NOW IT'S YOUR TURN!"
It took two attempts to make her respect my request of minimal contact. I hope to have good contact with her again but for that I have to see that she respects my boundaries and will give me space in case I'm in need of such.
I think the hard part is anyone can go to therapy, but it's not going to do anything unless you put in the work to apply it to your life, so you have a lot of people who will "do" therapy for other people/reasons and then weaponize it like they've made some glorious change just for having physically gone or sometimes just picked up the phone.
I'm sorry you've had to go through that but I'm glad you've held your boundaries so you can live a peaceful life.
The really unfortunate thing is that those with personality disorders will often use therapy not for self growth, but to learn to better manipulate people
@@aff77141 one of my favourite examples is narcissists that read self-help books for people who deal with narcissistic abusers and then project it on the person they're abusing. I've seen it happen many times and the lack of self-awareness is baffling. It would be hilarious if they weren't otherwise effectively victimizing someone already.
@@aff77141 “People with personality disorders”? Do you realize how much misinformation you’re spreading? Most personality disorders don’t have manipulating others as a symptom, especially when we consider them consciously manipulating others. Also, personality disorders are extremely different and lumping them together is not great. They’re different for a reason. You’re spreading around false information and demonizing people that need serious help. Where did you even get that idea?
So the LEGO "not-motion-blur" thing is animation smears. They're the in-between shots that have elongated proportions or multiple copies to show the movement when doing frame-by-frame animation (such as with hand-drawn cels or, as in this case, LEGO). And like the little imperfections, bits of dust, fingerprints, etc., it's one of those things that really make this feel like it was stop-motion instead of computer-generated.
My favorite smear in a LEGO movie is still from the first LEGO Movie, with Benny building his spaceship. It's just a solid wall of bricks in the right colors and vaguely right shapes.
For the longest time I though that maybe I was the selfish narcissist, although after seeking more info about it, I realized I was victim of many narcissists in my life that were always guilt tripping me into everything and telling how horrible I was for not agreeing with what they said......
And when I realized that have no problems receiving criticism and not trying to fight back arguments, in a way, made me feel relieved...
Alan: I might be a narcissist
Also Alan: *genuinely cries at like 70% of the movies they watch*
Me: ... I think you're okay there, chief. 🤣
I've never seen anything that said narcissists are incapable of crying...? They're self-absorbed, not emotionless...
@@GoddoDoggo I was more referring to how, like Jonathon said, it's not performative in his case. Like, he's crying because he feels something for the characters on screen and such, and is a very empathetic person in general, which narcissists aren't. There's a lot of examples of Alan very clearly not a narcissist, but I was just making a lil joke with the crying thing lol (that's why i put "genuinely" before the crying part, but i get why it might not've been clear adgfdshdfj)
Alan: is sweet, caring, highly empathic, compassionate and very willing to always improve to avoid hurting others.
Yup, mate, you don't have NPD.
@@halloweenallyearround4889 you don't know him personally lmao 😭
@@lemonadebi Yeah, but I know how narcs fake cry. And how they fake empathy. On different degrees of "talent and believability". Alan is not that. I obviously don't know him. The thing is that once you've got to know a few clinical narcissists deeply and in private where they let their "demons" run wild you develop a bit of an almost infallible sixth sense. Lucky you.
I have a genuine love for this movie and am very glad it's getting the attention it deserves for its character writing. Like it's a hilarious movie but they didn't have to go /so hard/ on the amazing writing as well, I love it.
I was hoping you guys would include more of Batman's speech to Joker in the beginning! I remember watching this for the first time and saying out loud "Holy sh*t that's the MEANEST thing I've ever heard one film character say to another". Absolute perfect place to start for you to be able to see his growth.
Yeah, that scene was the only time I've ever felt bad for the Joker.
someone needs to make a compilation of every time alan thanks an actor for being amazing because he does it every video
10:57
Only you two could make a mental health video from LEGO Batman, and I love you for it...also, I needed “Na-na-na-na SURF SHARK!” today, thank you.😂♥️
I found it rather repellent... 🥁(cymbal emoji if they had one)
Thank you for this one. My brother has always been so horrible to my family and I learned from your Lockhart narcissism video that he is a narcissist. This one really hit it on the head though. All of your videos are therapeutic, but this one is what I needed.
You are so welcome.
That bit towards the end about how it's ok to love someone AND cut ties with them describes my relationship with my dad damn near perfectly, and it's so validating. He has never admitted to any hurt he caused me, and I'm the bad guy for keeping him at arms length. Thanks, guys, for validating that I'm not the world's worst daughter.
I appreciate Alan saying that he feel uncomfortable because he may display these narcissistic traits. It is easy to get defensive at times like this and it helps people like me realise that admitting to these flaws no matter how big is not the end but a step to self improvement.
I have 2 narcissist parents.
My father became kinder and more empathetic (through the lense of "I'm God's chosen and must care for those lesser than me") after his schizophrenic break. I have a relationship with him despite his abusive past because he's apologized and recognized how he hurt me in the past). I don't want to get into his past but he was basically the bad dad with a slick salesperson mask when he went out in the world.
However, my mother has never once recognized how she hurt me and accused me of being the abuser when I've had to defend myself, even physically. I went no contact with her after she told me I deserved my 3 miscarriages because I was a bad daughter and didn't call her weekly (she hadn't even called me for my birthday for 2 years. We only talked the times I called.) She abuses everyone around her until they eventually leave and honestly believes everyone who leaves is a bad person and that her behavior has nothing to do with it.
So I guess I've gotten both sides of how a narcissist can go. No one believed me growing up because they were so good at pretending to be the likeable adults.
I'm surprised it took a bunch of voices in your dad's head to realize that he fucked up big time. He should have them more often.
Also this movie got Dick Grayson right. Robin always wanting to impress batman and his joyful attitude in contrast to Batman's brooding
"Joyful" is a great word to describe him.
As someone who has potentially 3 narcissists in her family and tends to be a magnet for people with this kind of behavior, I wanted to take a quick moment to thank you guys for doing what you're doing. I discovered your channel through your Loki video and your videos (especially the ones covering narcissism) have been very helpful to me. Thanks to your insights, I have a better understanding of why they do what they do and with each video I feel more valid that it is okay to maintain boundaries with them and have been able to get on a path of healing.
Thank you for that. You're doing amazing work with these channels and it is greatly appreciated.
Dr Ramani saved my life. The universe put her in front of me right when a relationship that had been emotionally abusive got bad enough for me to realize it wasn’t salvageable. He’s not a full-blown narcissist but he definitely has BPD and it reads a lot like N when he suddenly decides I’m terrible. Having her videos gave me a framework to use when I told my therapist what was going on. Not sure I would have found it on my own!
My favorite thing about Lego Batman is how it uses queercodng in a GOOD way. Batman and Joker being a couple is not condemned or the butt of a joke. It emphasizes the need for love and family. Rowan Ellis did a great breakdown on why it's awesome.
Yeah albeit you could argue it’s more queercoding than baiting but semantics
yes!! I think it starts out as a joke in the beginning, with the whole conversation they have with talking about fighting like its dating, but in the end their relationship becomes the whole backbone of the film.
@@SiRenfield You're absolutely right. I should have said queercoding.
@@mandipandi303 you’re good 😊 👍
What a coincidence; I was just thinking of watching this movie again. It's one of my top three Batman... Batmen? Batmans?
Bruce Waynes.
I’d accept Batsman or Bruces Wayne
Love Jonathan's confident "Yes." after Allen said "I need therapy...?"
I absolutely love the parallels between Batman and Bojak Horseman besides the amazing voice acting by Arnett!
I know it's probably an unpopular opinion, but I would love to see you guys do a psychology analysis of The Doctor from Doctor Who.
The question is which itteration of all of the doctors, there's so many good ones
@@charleswolf4860 I like to think, all of the Doctors from new Who should be included (maybe with an exception if there's a specifically good scene or line from an older Doctor).
@@rufus831 yeah that makes sense
"evil alien robots"
"Exterminaaaate!!!!!"
"Ask your nerd friends"
Had me absolutely busting up in the cinema, even though they lost points for calling the Dalek robots.
Alan talking about how amazing the animation is reminds me of that feeling I got when I first saw spiderman into the multiverse and I couldn't deal with the beauty half way through and needed to have a cup of tea and lie down before I could finish it.
I love the quick throwaway line, "Getting a team of criminals to FIGHT the criminals? That's a stupid idea."
You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you reference Dr. Ramani! Her videos have had a huge role in helping me recover from a lifetime of narcissistic abuse!
Jono mentioned Dr. Ramani.She’s really amazing, I’m also watching her.
I’m on Alan’s side if it comes to that a narcissist can change.
Lego did Batmetal before Batmetal was a thing. Such a beautiful scene
Alfred changing into a Batman costume himself and saying "I miss the 60's" was bloody on point. The humour and references are done so perfectly
I love how Alan is losing his mind over relatively simple concepts in the CG industry. It's great to see someone appreciate the same things that I do.
Fun fact: My statistics teacher's two worst fears were snakes and clowns, so he had a picture of lego batman looking afraid with the caption "My worst fear: snake clowns!" taped to the back wall of the classroom, and it was great.
I was kinda hoping to see a video on the Lego movie and the message was individuality and conformity, but I love your guy’s videos regardless
My husband and I watched this movie first as a date movie and then as a movie with the squad three days later because it's just that good! We're convinced that this is, objectively, the best Batman movie ever created!
Aside from Mask Of The Phantasm, Under The Red Hood, and Return Of The Joker, yes.
Alan, I'm so glad you vocalized your discomfort because I was getting really concerned about you! I'm sure Jonathan has already eased your mind, but I just want to say that the fact that you are capable of such self-reflection, acknowledging that what you see is less than perfect, and getting worried that your behavior may be hurtful to others means you are far from having NPD ❤️
'The people who come to therapy are the people who love the narcissists'- right in the feels ooph
I have never seen this movie, but i like how they managed to balance the comedy with the batman problem.
i didn't think i would see a lego movie talking about someone's narcissism.
Go watch it! It's really good.
There will never not be a month where I don't rewatch this absolute masterpiece of a movie the cinematography the jokes the characters all 10/10 🥱😔 truly a movie ahead of its time😤💅🙏😰🤧
Same!
Why are you yawning and sneezing?
I have been diagnosed with high functioning autism when I was 2 years old. As I grew up I tended to be narcissist and a little bit sociopathic. Fortunately my parents helped me with so much of my aditude that I couldn't have had the life I have now. What basically got me through life is they taught me that if you want to have a good life then treat others the way you want others to treat you. Basically sense you are a narcissist and want your best life possible let others make it better for you. I know it sounds strange but it has been cool because I actually have friends.
If I may, how the heck can a 2 year old be diagnosed as autistic? Maybe it's because I wasn't diagnosed until I was 16 but don't most 2 year olds tend to show traits that get associated with autism?
The lego batman is unironically one of my favourite movies; it's funny, the dialogue is great, the fight scenes are pretty cool, it's nostalgic, and it actually teaches you things
Unexpected but really cool choice! I would love to see an episode based on challenging motherhood/parenting - Wolf Children would be a great one to watch
I love that film 😭😭
so they did go into that Idea a while ago it was on their video on TANGLED, it's titled '11 Warning Signs of Gaslighting in TANGLED'
it goes into challenging some of the things your talking about
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that's the video ID so if you want you can just change the part after watch?v='things'
change the part where things is to that ID and you will go the the video
That was such a beautiful story
My favorite thing about this channel is how it never demonizes anyone. Every time I come across a video about a personality disorder, it’s misinforming, insulting, and makes it seem like people with personality disorders are monsters. But never this channel. I have BPD and I’ve never felt so welcome on a channel before. You guys are great. 💕
26:20 this part hit me right in the heart. My biological mother is very likely a narcissist and it took me years to come to terms with that and even longer to figure out what to do with that when I still love her but can barely be around her. I've had to bite back the desire to just tell her how much she's hurting me and my brother because I know there's no way I can phrase it that she'll actually hear and I've lost hope that she'll ever get help and get better. My brother's ignoring his own needs to maintain the relationship with her and I keep going back and forth between missing her and blocking her on all of my socials. I think I held out hope too long, and am retroactively trying to come back from that now.
Thank you both so much for all you do. Your videos - and this one in particular - have meant the world to me.
Nice to see the shout out to Dr. Ramani. Her videos are incredibly helpful for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Highly recommend.
This one really spoke to me. I'm not a full-blown narcissist, but I have some narcissistic tendencies made worse by my anxiety disorder. I've been going to therapy for 7 years, and I've only really started challenging some of my more narcissistic worldviews and attitudes in the last 3 or 4. I still struggle on an almost-daily basis to not get in fights with people who try to be affirming and supportive of people for their imperfections, but what's important (as my therapist reminds me weekly) is that I've become able to have that struggle rather than just acting on my defensiveness and my fear of imperfection being okay. And I know this could very well be only my own experience or at least a distinct minority, but the fear of imperfection can metastasize into a belief that self-loathing is a necessary component of self-improvement. And if there's anyone else out there who feels that way, even though I'm screaming at myself internally for writing this, I just want to say: it's not. It just makes it harder to actually change, because you become as afraid of genuine confidence as you are of imperfection, and the only way out becomes conquering both of those fears. I know from experience. I'm not yet far enough on the path to say whether it can get better and go away over time, but I can say that you can learn to manage it. I've already made the first two steps: recognizing my behavior as unhealthy (even if I sometimes struggle to understand why) and trying to rein it in. I can't say I have any idea where to go from here or how, but that doesn't mean I'm stuck forever. I know there's a path forward, I just need to figure out how to traverse it.
TL;DR: narcissism sucks for everyone involved
I would love an example of covert narcissism. Many of us who have experienced narcissistic abuse were abused by covert narcissists rather than blatant ones like Batman
Absolutely, my ex is a covert narcissist, and because i have 3 children with him, the abuse never ends, even with his new partner/supply.
As someone who watches these with the captions on, I LOVED the “Best-At-Tears Alan” name!!!!
I really like the concept that narcissists are incapable of shame; a lot of narcissistic behaviour makes way more sense through that lense
My Sociopathic Narcissist ex-boyfriend is a Batman fanboy so this fits perfectly.
Well Dr. Quinn, you are qualified to make that diagnosis.
The Joker? Yeah, makes perfect sense.
@@samf.s8786 I mean I think she may have been the last to realize her hubby loves batman more than her... shame. but hey he's not the only one so lol
has your ex murdered anyone?
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO Spiderman- Into the Spider-verse! Its a perfect movie that looks gorgeously and is such a great example of suffering loss. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
Unfortunately my dad checks off ALL those four defining features of narcissism. The one big difference is.. he does still love his family and would do just about anything for us. He just.. has this massive ego show as well at the same time. There is absolutely no doubt in our minds that he loves us, he's not a good enough liar to fake that. Lol.
Alan geeking out over all the animation details is everything
Always love your videos! Was just thinking of a video idea for you two, Ratatouille! After he's gone through the trauma of losing his family and home, he starts imagining Gusteau talking to him and giving him advice and as a person to talk with to work things out, and then once he feels more secure at the end of the movie, he disappears! I would love to hear your take on that as a survival/coping mechanism.
I would literally just watch a 2 hour video of the two of you watching a movie. I don't even need the therapy dialog - just you two, watching a movie. That's how freaking funny and awesome you guys are.
Alan: I'm truly a narcissist!
Also Alan: *Cries somewhere in nearly every movie review. *
Can narcissism have "an excessive need for sympathy" instead of admiration? Like an "Oh woe is me" brand of narcissism.
Yes this 100% exists. My grandmother is that kind of narcissist, she's told my mom that she doesn't have a purpose in life and that she'd be better off dead because nobody in my family had called her for two days.
That's what I was thinking too. My mother is obsessed with making herself the victim at every opportunity, And uses her illnesses as a way to constantly guilt people, and try and gain endless sympathy. And no one else in my family is allowed to be ill, as if it's only her that's allowed to be, as if she thinks that makes her special . It took me decades to get treatment for a health problem I have. Because I was guilted into not taking it seriously, and told I had no right to be ill.
Covert narcissism
Is any of you a person with NPD? No? Ok, then please, don't talk on the subject. Need from sympathy seems like putting yourself in helpless positions, which is often a trauma response. Since NPD comes from trauma most of the time, it's normal for those two to overlap, however it's not a defining trait of NPD officially
@@michaeltheredclown I don't have NPD, but people I know have tendencies and I'm working on a psych doctorate. There is such thing as Covert Narcissism and the person who has it either is unconscious about these specific traits or they do but need help understanding their actions have consequences good and bad. "Needing sympathy" will not always mean all who have NPD and is a manipulation tactic that most people don't realize they use. No one also said the disorder was not stemmed from trauma, but is that an excuse for NPD inappropriate behavior? No. We can empathize without eliminating boundaries. It is recommended we not diagnose without a trained professional however the term does exist.
Cinema Therapy giving a shout out to Dr. Ramani is 🤩💛🎉 Two of my favorite UA-cam channels!
"Best-at-Tears Alan" in the captions, lol. But I think I can be a contender today. Going through a brand new loss and grief is hard. Oceans of tears. This video will be the highlight of my day today and I don't even like lego movie things.
Coming to terms with my father being a narcissist has been a huge journey, it's taken me decades of self-reflection to, unintuitive as it is, realize he's the one completely unable to take any responsibility for his mistakes and issues, and that's why no matter how many times I tried to talk things out with him and make deals towards respect, he would break everything that had been agreed upon right the next day. He would agree to things that sounded like would make him the good guy and disregard it all later when it's inconvenient, he would claim he fears nothing, etc. etc., everything that has been mentioned in this video's analysis... he is.
Narcissists suck, and they hardly can be helped, they hardly take responsibility, they think of themselves as flawless, so every problem they come across is someone else's fault. But learning all this lately has helped me to be aware of my own narcissism and make sure to keep it in check.
I think it would be interesting for you two to look into all 3 High School Musical movies, and look into the relationship between Troy and Gabriella.
I know those two characters are suppose to be a power couple, but personally l see there are a lot of complications in the relationship.
Also, l'm curious to see your takes and opinions on their relationship.
It's ok if you two don't want to do a video on this, but it would be interesting to dive into live action disney couples in a musical
Second this because Gabriela clearly has commitment issues stemming from constantly moving as a child. She gives 100% to whatever she's involved in, but whenever there's a roadblock or a major disagreement she backs out of it 100% of the way. (The only exception being her academic career.) And she does this with both personal activities and relationships.
Walking out for a bit isn't always a bad thing. There are times when you just can't keep every promise and when a situation is so bad there's no winning. I don't blame her for walking out of that job in the second film, the management/owners had clear bias against her. But she could have had a more open discussion with Troy about his priorities instead of ghosting for a few days. Same thing in the third when she goes out of state after agreeing to be in a play.
She needs to work on knowing when to talk things out instead of defaulting to needing space.
Excellent idea. I've never been comfortable with the dynamics between those two.