Love Advice from a Zen Priest! (No, Seriously!!)
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- Опубліковано 6 жов 2024
- A friend of mine is having relationship troubles. (Get in line??) This got me thinking about love! If there is anything our secular society holds sacred, it's the idea of romantic love. I give you the classic line Tom Cruise offers to his potential boo in Jerry Maguire: "You complete me." But can a partner truly complete us? Isn't that...a lot of pressure to put on someone? In this video I share a personal story about a relationship I had with a Zen Buddhist nun. She and I not only did not "complete" each other, we...fought. A LOT! The end of that relationship also turned out to be the end of many of my expectations when it comes to love. The result is the freedom to be in a relationship without putting all my hangups and hopes on my partner. That's when the fun begins! And so, this video is about Zen and the art of expectation-free relationships....
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This is EXACTLY how I've always felt about relationships 🙌 thank you for sharing this beautiful talk!
I've never understood the notion of entering into a relationship to feel complete. A real, healthy, loving relationship should add to your life not fill a hole of insecurities that should be filled through your own practice of working on yourself. Or entering into a relationship and trying to change them. Just a recipe for disaster.
I adore the way you talk about your relationship. The way you talk about your love is so beautiful ❤️ so very happy you have found your happiness ❤️
This is a sensitive topic for me. My entire live I've been pushed by literally everyone around me to have a relationship because I need one. So it gets frustrating because I'm told that I should have something that I want; it's like being hungry and people force you to eat any kind of food so at the end you don't enjoy your food and don't enjoy your live. It's has been something that I repressed a lot for that reason and what you said resonates a lot with: I want a relationship is not the same as I need a relationship. For me it has been a almost live-long practice to come into terms with this predicament. Thank you
Yes, thank you. "I want" a relationship always feels and IS very different for me than I NEED one.
This is beautiful video.
I’ve been married to my wife for almost 12 years now. It hasn’t been easy, with some times being downright hellacious. However, it’s gotten easier as both of us have learned to let go. That is, letting go of mistakes, anger, necessity, and even expectations. We are both learning to just be who we are, and support each other. There are times when ego butts in and sets the trap of “I deserve….”, and it always leads to conflict. Take a deep breath, let go, and come back to right now.
Thank you so much for sharing this. What a fantastic reminder. 💛
Thank you dear friend!
Great edit - both in the telling of the story and in the surviving it to do so.
thanks george!
Good message. And I love that your reflection is in flames in the background!!😆
A good symbol for bad relationships!!
I'm just trying to get out of one as we speak. Wish me luck!
Thanks for your supportive words. I liked having my head in the flames in this one ;)
This expectation is why I gave up on romantic love since puberty and never had a romantic relationship (except for a couple of, let's call them, "ambiguous friendships"): due to karma and family conditioning I can't even fully retrace (nor do I care at this point), I've always felt inadequate for the job of making someone happy - I was quite convinced I'd have made "her" (whoever she would've been) *unhappy*, in fact. I passed through many phases; now, after being so sexuophobic I seriously considered chemical canstration I ended up being very pure about sex, like I never matured prejudices since I never had an education. And I'm pretty bitter and cynical about love, and think about things like going for an arranged marriage if only my family would decide to act (they won't) or marrying someone from an extra-EU country who needs an Italian passport (which is pretty sought after, actually).
And melancholy, so much of it. Like nostalgia for what didn't happen
Wow that's a great definition of melancholy. Thank you for sharing this my friend.
@@zenconfidential25 it's a third-hand quote, I've not been able to trace the original source so far
I offer this comment up to the mighty and powerful UA-cam Algorithm.
Enjoy the hike.
thank you. the youtube gods have taken your sacrifice and consumed it in their mighty maw.
I guess the Tom Cruise thing is better than the Cask of Amontillado version - "you concrete me".
Sorry.
You concrete me. Very catchy!!
What do you think about having expectations like no abusive behaviour? How do you distinguish between an appropriate and an inappropriate level of expectation? I generally agree with you but im not sure of what to make of these questions
I would say no abusive behavior isn't so much an expectation but a ground rule or necessity. Abusive behavior's just off the table as an option.
I discovered your channel through The One You Feed podcast. Those are great interviews with Eric. I greatly really appreciate your humour & insigh, so much so that I even started looking around for a Zendo....(nothing local unfortunately, only online).
It's my hope that you keep making these videos 🙏
Thank you so much Danny!
How do you whether it's the little voice that's talking, or the ego needing something again.
I'm single and i do feel i need to take care of myself, deal with inner stuff before entering a relationship. Yet, this whole idea of "i have to deal with my shit first", seem like being the problem itself (aka need to be perfect before starting. Cause I'm not worthwhile enough. So i need to "deal with my stuff first")
Can you do both? Deal with your stuff and enter relationships? Deal with it while dating? I cannot imagine a more fruitful/challening place to practice connection/mindfulness/truthfullness/dealing-with-stuff than a first date!!!
@@zenconfidential25 Thank you! Yes, that seems like the highway to honor both my desires. Relationship-intimacy and clearing- up-my-stuff. Thanks!