Why Change Is So Scary - and How to Unlock Its Potential | Maya Shankar | TED
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- Опубліковано 24 лип 2023
- Unexpected change like an accident, an illness or a relationship that suddenly ends is inevitable -- and disorienting. With a heartfelt and optimistic take on life's curveballs, cognitive scientist Maya Shankar shares how these challenging moments can inspire transformation, offering three questions to ask when facing uncertainty, so you can let go of rigidity and embrace change.
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• Why Change Is So Scary...
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I think the last question hit me the most, when I get anxious or frustrated trying to do something new, instead of thinking about myself as a failure, or just not being good enough, I should focus on what it is that actually brings me enjoyment in pursuing this.
I've been through all three questions, and I confirm it's really a life-changing experience. For many years, I have sticked my identity with relationships and career. Then when these targets went wrong, I feel like I lost my identity. Until I learned that both relationship and career are just the way I define my capability, and it gets me anxious all the time. Obviously, not people or career hold me back. It is low self-esteem that takes my confidence away. By challenging my identity, I find out the true "why". Now I focus more on what I'm capable of, rather than let outer factors define myself.
what a wonderful comment!
change is hard at first, messy in the middle and gorgeous in the end.
🤡
Bruh you're right
❤❤
So moving comment
Such a beautiful TEDtalk! Growth can be hard, but I am here for it!
I like how she laughs while speaking❤
That bit about closure hit hard. A person can become consumed trying to get it even when you know it won't ever happen
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation:
00:04 Unexpected change happens to everyone, and it can be challenging to deal with.
01:35 Change is scary because of uncertainty and the sense of loss it brings.
02:38 Unexpected change can lead to personal growth and transformation.
05:24 Ask yourself how the change can change what you are capable of.
08:41 Reflect on how the change can change your values and perspective on life.
10:58 Reevaluate and redefine yourself based on what truly inspires and energizes you.
11:59 Embrace unexpected changes as opportunities for personal growth and expansion.
Thank you for this awesome video. I am/was a violinist as a kid and your story resonated with me too. Perlman was my example and very impressive that you took private classes with him. I've struggled myself with all these changes and theorically speaking the only constant is change but how we navigate through it and the definitions and the way we talk to ourselves about what is happening is really important. You will be a mom, I'm sure. Maybe not as the society rules a mom should look like or the exact experience but as you mentioned motherhood developed or translated into the many projects and endevours you are pursuing in the present moment. Thank you and all the love to you.
She nailed about the few changes she faced in her life. Change is inevitable and always we’ve to find a way to navigate into right direction
I was stuck in overthinking. But, with this lesson, I will try to change, change, change myself to fit my dream
Love her podcast and love this speech!
I totally agree with it,sometimes changes push ourselves forward. Thank you for sharing your story. .
I totally agree with it,sometimes changes push ourselves forward
I suggest one should accept and resolve the change, move on, and never look back, but forward to new challenges and opportunities.
i'm graduating in college and I don't know why but i feel more scared than happy. My friends and family are super excited for me but i just can't right now.
This is awesome advice and thanks for the 3 questions it really helps me to understand change better 👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽
She's very well spoken. 10/10 TED Talk.
🕯🕯🕯 This has to be one of the most sharply, smart, mindful and heartwarming talks of the past 12 months - what a beautiful human being, and what an honest and illuminating presentation. Thank you Maya, and many blessings on the journeys ahead 🍁 LCA
You are so welcome;!
Thank you for sharing your story. 🥰🎯👍🏾
Change is difficult because so scary but if you have determination or motivation to your life, a lot of things is easy to change . Always love yourself no matter what😍
What a wonderful talk! I myself have faced what she termed as "Identity Paralysis". At the time I thought it was a curse. But it was a blessing. BC of it I found my core desire behind my temporal desires that defined me. It reminded me of a book called the Dark Horse by Todd Rose where he talked about *Knowing Your Micro-Motives* -figure out what uniquely makes you tick!
But you can only find it out if you focus beyond what society deems worthy to be valued. If you find that the simple fact of styling your hair in a certain way or living in nature makes you tick, then you have to find a way to make a lifestyle that revolves around these personal elements. It can't be just society's pre made field : like I want to be a doctor.
There's more to you than this.
To what extent you can contribute in people life and cherish their journey makes a big difference
Love that Maya shared what she is currently going through at the end. So brave.
Outstanding job, excellent presentation.
thanks you maya, for sharing your wonderful Ideas.❤
This video was great, one particular thing that resonated with me was how our pursuits do not define who we are but rather why we do it could be. Have blessed and wonderful day.
Thank you so much for these insightful ideas! Distilling your knowledge down to very applicable ideas is terrific! Obviously Im a person going through a change, very grateful!!:)
My dream to talk very well in public like her❤
That is so nice thank you!!!❤
Thank you for this video. Beautifully done.
Actually, I underwent unexpected change you cited. I've had no idea what to do and how to do. Today, as usual, I watched Ted. For me, this video is the one that will change my life in a different way. I recieved invaluable things. I WILL keep in mind these lessons that I learned thanks to this video, changes change what I'm capable of, what I value and how I define myself. Thank you.
You are so welcome!
One of the best talks lately. As far as your unfortunate situation to have kids? Please adopt, you'll make a great parent to any child.
What an amazing video! Changes can be scary and hard, but we must to spend for this phase to grow up, endurance and find the better way for us.
I met Maya years ago in Cincinnati, and I’m inspired by how she was able to figure things out!
Wow small world Mitchell!
I always abstain changes. but recently, I found that without changing, there isn't any growth.
Change even drastic change is always welcome in my life. It makes one malleable by force or choosing to take a chance in life for adventure to new opportunities or experiences. Nothing ventured absolutely nothing gained. One not not growth without change. Jim Rodgers
Just finished watching your episode on huberman lab like 10 minutes ago and now Ted has released your talk 4 min ago. Cool
really wonder speech
thankss
Chnage means death and rebirth at the same time. When we change, we sacrifice our past patterns that no longer serves us and a rebirth takes place as new patterns emerge.
Change is hard. It takes pain, tremendous amount of pain. It drives us mad for a while but at the end we find ourselves.
(00:04) Introduction: The Violin and Childhood Dreams
(01:14) Change: The Scary and Uncertain Journey
(03:35) Question 1: How Might This Change What You're Capable Of?
(07:07) Question 2: How Might This Change What You Value?
(10:16) Question 3: How Might This Change How You Define Yourself?
(12:37) Facing New Challenges and Embracing Change
(13:07) Conclusion: Finding Freedom in Possibility
This is an excellent, real woman.
A fantastic talk, Maya!
so amazing, educative and beautiful explanation ❤❤❤. she has a very beautiful voice and her sharing was so clear and inspiring
Thank you❤
Is not easy to accept the reality of change like you for example in the field of learning violin . And when the moment come to end a friendship it's painful to go through that trouble . But the life continues and we have no choice .the key to overcome that it's to keep in mind what we have around us such good health and family beside us .I remember one time I went to the countryside alone and i was feeling sad I would like to shared my walk with others instead to be alone but when I saw ahead in front of me someone coming in a wheel chair . I changed my thoughts asking myself look at this poor person can't walk like me . I can't complain myself .fix your gaze on what you have and not on what you don't have
wow she looks and sounds lovely. great intelligent talk.
Was hearing her on huber man lab this evening about identity and goals and now this one
She is A shimmer in the Darkness❤
We’ve become identical Paralysis and we tend to focus on the mediocre incapability which could have been the effective capability. All in all , it is essential to pursue what we enjoy while having the life-changing experiences. 🎉😊
Maya gave a great presentation on change, which is unavoidable in life. The three questions she challenged us with are infused with possibility and inspiration. Maybe we can all help not only ourselves but to help others to grow through change.
• #1 How might this change change what you are capable of?
• #2 How might this change change what you value?
• #3 How might this change change how you define yourself?
Good one, thank you
Came here after I watched her on Andrew Huberman Lab PC. I literally searched her name.
😊😊
Hi
Thank you so much, Maya! 💜🙏🏻💜
Thanks for this. it hit home, i needed it 🥺❤️
I bet you did 😂
Change ❤
Lovely woman❤love her spech.
I sure love her accent 🎉
Wow this is right on time
Compared to what else exactly ? 😂
Just so timely and always true that point of view is worth positive cultivation. 😂❤
Hello Linda
I will forward this to my son who is in limbo with his heroin addiction.
Change is necessary, and it's eventually unavoidable.
Change is scary, but so is staying the same
3:38 Is this the same Christine who won in the Master Chef? I think it’s season 3.
Soo beautiful!! Every change brings new beginnings. Just like the world evolves. We as people need to be able to evolve. It helps to be patient with yourself. It starts with you! God is able to exceedingly great things when your open to letting God into your everyday life. He is love and has absolute mercy for anything one is going threw. He is full of grace and his arms are always open when you except him into your heart. He will be the reason you get threw everything. I pray this helps someone. Even one person!! In Jesus Mighty Name! Amen!
Here from "a slight change of plans"😊
I came here after Huberman 🔥
I definitely didn't expect a tiny placement of a finger causing such a dramatic turn of events. Who knew that playing a musical instrument was so dangerous?? (I kid, but it did surprise me!)
Ha I like to think I helped make the violin an extreme sport! (Torn tendons)
The only CONSTANT in both physics & the Tao ...is CHANGE.
enjoy the roller-coaster ride!
Great speaker. Enjoyed this Ted Talk. It appeared the audience didn't have a pulse at all. It appeared like it was a "cardboard" audience.
Tedx talk and company 10 millions is expected
@Maya Shankar You can still play the violin just reinvent one. Just wire up some super sensitive mechanical keyboard switches with a magnetic servo motor on a super greasy rail for the finger fretting. It will be awkward at the beginning, but you can get the hang of it easy. Boda bing bado boom! Also you can honestly just commission one of these great inventor youtubers to build it for you. They get paid and have a great video idea and you can play the violin causally when ever you want again. Win. Win. Ok I can't stop thinking about this idea now. Its honestly very possible and if you use laser or magnetic switches(ones that can measure pressure sensitivity) you should be able to get the finesse of a normal violin with electric mechanical assistance.
😊
🙏
Personally, in work I see changes as being about trust. Should risks be assessed and mitigated, stakeholders are engaged and result is well-defined, such changes has nothing to do with scary. Otherwise, scary is an essential feeling
Hello
Privet iz Brasílii ! Kruto
Change is not always good
Con la mancanza dell'acqua si può sempre usufruire di frutta, più vitamina ed sali minerali con della frutta coltivata nelle zone più remote del mondo l'ambiente perfetto per la coltivazione di frutta ed ottenere più acqua
With the lack of water you can always take advantage of fruit, more vitamin and mineral salts with fruit grown in the most remote areas of the world the perfect environment for growing fruit and get more water
🌻 0:19
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation:
00:35 Maya Shankar's dream of becoming a concert violinist ended due to a hand injury at age 15.
01:07 Shankar is now a cognitive scientist interested in how people respond to unexpected life changes.
02:05 Change can feel scary because it involves uncertainty, loss and departing from old ways.
02:38 Challenging changes can expand what we're capable of, what we value and how we define ourselves.
03:44 Christine Ha found new capabilities after becoming blind, eventually becoming an award-winning chef.
08:41 Florence Williams learned to find joy in the unknown after her marriage ended unexpectedly.
10:58 Shankar anchors her identity to human connection rather than specific pursuits after losing violin.
Made with HARPA AI
You mean like losing personal freedoms and physical life itself. Unexpected change is usually brought on by evil people. Change does suck, but it's always bad change instead of good or better.
IN THE COMPUTER BUT ANYWAY
SINGLE MONT COUNTECT TO DAY
Morning..
Baseball pitchers can repair the ulnar collateral to continue pitching at 100 mph but a finger can't be surgically repaired to be a violinist?
Amor FATI! ✊
My son has been playing violin for eight years. He does whatever he can to procrastinate his practice. If I told him that he had to finish his 1.5 hour practice by 4:30, he would start at 2:59 so he would finish just in time to leave for his next activity. He doesn’t really enjoy violin or anything other than gaming. Practicing violin or any instrument is just doing his time as an Asian kid 😂
🎉😮🎉
Omg she looks like the Melissa from pretty little liars but indian 😱😱😱
Omg yesss
You look like Camila Cabello
For me , changing is so scary. Because I decided to go aboard. Then I have to leave my girlfriend in my country. My girlfriend wants me to start my own business . After that we should get engagement. The problem for me right now I have to follow goals first . Later I will get marry with her.
Sadly She didn't want my idea. Even didn't believe me at all.
So what should I focus. I really love her❤
first experiment:d
On the other her husband searching why didn’t love her enough 😮
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
This is unrelated, but I can't stop laughing at the idea of making a "five year plan" for personal things, it gives off the energy of communist bureaucracy so much
okay, nice stories, but I don't get the big picture.
So am I
The big picture is about how to accept change and the way it affects you.
As im listening to her right now im doubling over in pain from carlos punching me so hard in my stomach. And my left ear s ringing so badly from him again punching me so hard .. bruises everywhere a black eye my back and butt black n blue from him hitting me with a broomstick.... Gabriela Gonzalez .. ( sweets)
Last to comment😂
First
Nothing to be proud of bc usually the first is usually the person who has no responsibility or a life. 😂 but pls continue to celebrate 🥳🥳🥳 😂😂
🩷What is the main idea of this video? Please reply? ❤
You can do artificial Insemination. You might adopt.
And no blind person will tell you truthfully that regaining sight wouldn't be wonderful.
Let me tell you as a blind person: I completely agree with Christine. I'd like to see for one day or so, especially since I've been blind since birth and wanted to know what my family and friends look like. But being blind has some great advantages for me that I wouldn't want to miss!
@@vocal_lilly9799 Pardon my ignorance Lily, but how did you read that comment? And what are the great advantages to being blind?, stronger hearing, sense etc.
Oh joy, another woke TED talk.
how is it woke?
@letsgobrandon5800 please explain what you mean by woke ?
I suggest this woman to find a Chinese herb doctor to adjust her body energy so she can have baby, some women can’t have baby because their womb too “cold”.
...OR adopt. Nothing wrong with giving a loving home to a child, and 'mothering' in that fashion. OR consider being a foster parent to one or more, volunteering at a group home in your community, assisting in after-school activities, helping with Scouts, Boys & Girls Club, offer respite care to deployed military families, etc. Don't blindly limit yourself to just one traditional way to mother without exploring other possibilities that may give great satisfaction to yourself and others.
😊