I know. This lady is good intentioned, but the video is too damn goofy. And there''s a part near the end when the kitty basically gets startled by her "rear" approach. I did learn a few things though, and my girls love me for it.
This video is full of gold: "Petting is just randomly petting." "Use two hands to double your pleasure and double your fun!" "Relax you have the best teacher available... your cat!" "Caution, if your kitty doesn't like her fur disturbed, she might just tell you to shuffle out the door." "Caution, either they like this or they don't." "A whisker water alert is in effect here. A major whisker watch is in effect here." "Is your cat a talker? If so, cat massage will bring out his best 'mega meow' moments. We call it... Power Purring!" "The front of your cat is a veritable treasure chest of fun." "You don't need a swimming pool for this breast stroking!" "This is especially good for 'macho cats.'" "This is a really groovy move... Bell-y-rama!" (Singing) "Who's the best cat in the U-nit-ed States? It's you, Champer Damper, it's you..." The best part is that she seems to be taking everything she's saying seriously.
"If you're left handed use your left hand, if you're right handed, use your right hand. Or if you're right handed, try using your left hand and vice versa". What was the fucking point?
I don’t care what anyone says this woman is extremely likable and funny. She’s subtle and self aware and it’s definitely a ‘laughing with her rather than at her’ kind of situation. Truly a one-liner gold mine.
You know back in the day this video made me riot with laughter. Years later I get a cat for the first time and immediately think "what would cat massage lady do" 😩😂😂 my cat DOES love an excruciatingly slow pet. Thanks random lady
Seeing how old this video is, that cat probably passed a while ago. I think it's really sweet she made an inadvertent tribute to her little buddy. Hope you're mega meowing with the best of em, Champer Damper
i feel like i might be the only person that was actually looking up videos on 'how to massage my cat'. i'm not crazy, he just gets stressed out sometimes.
All jokes aside, every cat I’ve done this too loves it. My cat loves it and my friends cats love it. I think she put a lot of time and effort into this...
WOW! after seeing her in person at the Los Angeles cat fest "through the eyes of a FELINE" ...i see why most of the 200+ audience knew this video by heart. after I got thru screaming with laughter (cause she has SUCH a great sense of humor about herself and about this early video) IHAD TO return to youtube cause she DID confirm stuff I'd seen by trial and error ...and mentioned some new stuff. (my "cat" Jazzmyn gives it 3 paws up. She wolda gone 4...but she needed to balance on SOMEthing!)
The qualified, realistic nature of the compliment makes it more meaningful. If Champer Damper isn't the best cat in the world, he's certainly the most relaxed!
I had a kitty that looked exactly like Champer-Damper...he was the best cat in the United States. As a kitten, he was abandoned by the neighbors when they moved out. I rescued him just in time! He grew into a beautiful silver Jaguar and lived 12 years. RIP KitKat kitty boi. ❤️🥰 This Video makes me happeh!
After showing this to my cat, he got pissed that he wasn't the best cat in the United States. He hid. Haven't seen him in days. I think he's at a friend's place. If you find him let me know. He answers to Agent of Doom. Please halp!
Hey, it’s 2020 and I’m almost 30 years old. Can anyone help me destroy the connection in my brain, most likely formed 10 to 15 years ago, that auto-completes so many thoughts with “that says a lot about life, and about cat massage”? Honestly, name your price. I just want my old life back.
@@lambda494 or a man that uses lotions in a traveling show I know it's not much but it's the best I can do my gift is cat massage and this ones for champ
No one sent me here I googled this willingly
Spike Johnson guess that happens when you 7 cats :)
+Spike Johnson I guess. I love cats lol
Me too
You lunatic!
Same
This is no doubt the greatest video ever produced. It's also incredibly helpful. My cat and I are getting married next week.
It's the futures that liberals want!
“A cat’s tale is a badge of honor” so hold on tight
😂😂😂
Oh god I'm laughing so hard I can't breathe
Thanks for that laugh! 3 years later! LMAO
That is amazing that Simon and Garfunkle wrote a song about cat massage.
+Brian Tyler kicking up the cobble stones looking for fun and feeling cat massage
It's literally 4:20 am and I am laughing so freaking hard at this help this comment is golden
As weird as this lady is, I gotta give her props: that cat looks like it's in absolute ecstasy
She probably drugged it. My cat freaks out if I just hold her for one second.
+Ethan Wright you are very bad at reading cats im afraid
most limber kitty ever bruh.
Brendan Routh Some cats like to be held, some don't.
I know. This lady is good intentioned, but the video is too damn goofy. And there''s a part near the end when the kitty basically gets startled by her "rear" approach. I did learn a few things though, and my girls love me for it.
This seems like something that would be on Adult Swim at like 4am lol.
Ikr x'D
+Victoria H YES! That's exactly what I was thinking.
Victoria H CDT crew did something like that, got that too much drugs feel like adult swim
Yeah, like on Tim & Eric Awesome Show.
Everythingisterrible, the site that found this and uploaded it originally, did work with adult swim before...
Favorite part: "That says a lot about life, and about cat massage."
"this one's especially good...for macho cats" lolll
Christine Petrossian This woman is crazy. And I don't mean "heh, she's pretty crazy", I mean she's absolutely insane.
"It's you Champer-damper, it's you."
Now I accidentally call my cat Shadow Badow thanks to this😒
*B O R I N G*
I almost forgot where I got "Champerdamer" from.
I just randomly woke up one day and started saying this.
This video is full of gold:
"Petting is just randomly petting."
"Use two hands to double your pleasure and double your fun!"
"Relax you have the best teacher available... your cat!"
"Caution, if your kitty doesn't like her fur disturbed, she might just tell you to shuffle out the door."
"Caution, either they like this or they don't."
"A whisker water alert is in effect here. A major whisker watch is in effect here."
"Is your cat a talker? If so, cat massage will bring out his best 'mega meow' moments. We call it... Power Purring!"
"The front of your cat is a veritable treasure chest of fun."
"You don't need a swimming pool for this breast stroking!"
"This is especially good for 'macho cats.'"
"This is a really groovy move... Bell-y-rama!"
(Singing) "Who's the best cat in the U-nit-ed States? It's you, Champer Damper, it's you..."
The best part is that she seems to be taking everything she's saying seriously.
And don't forget - "You can't fool drool!"
Exactly my reaction! xD
The cat seems to enjoy it, though. :)
sunnydale22 exactly my erection! xD
i'm a big fan of "petting is just randomly petting"
I think this "woman" is actually about 8 cats taped together with a mask.
This comment killed me
*hissssssssss*
Ganymede, Jupiter III LOMAODKBDKD
I believe it. Our feline overlords want to make sure we are better servants.
VOLTRON!!
"If you're left handed use your left hand, if you're right handed, use your right hand. Or if you're right handed, try using your left hand and vice versa". What was the fucking point?
It's about learning to be ambidextrous, I suppose.
You won't be able to double your pleasure and double your fun if you don't practice with your non-dominant hand
Dennis Hill This guy gets it plus maybe one day you could even massage two cats at once!
I relate to this woman so much more strongly than I should. She is me. I am her.
Me too. Nothing wrong with that :D
Same
Me too and I’m a guy
You think it's ridiculous, but that cat looks relaxed as fuck.
Especially when it's a stuffed tiger.
Brian Eels Ever been so relaxed you turn into a stuffed tiger?
I think it is half dead 😢
"you can't fool drool" "MMMMMMMM"
0:35 did that tiger just fucking wink at me
+dakkenly Definitely
+dakkenly Woah.
Well she did say "Double your pleasure and double your fun".
OMG!
I think it did O.o
how did i get here
+lohanthony oh hey whats up
Omg anthony youre my spirit animal😂😂
+liv The roof. LOL
Lol, the cat at the end "kill me now".
jean rene charles
I don’t care what anyone says this woman is extremely likable and funny. She’s subtle and self aware and it’s definitely a ‘laughing with her rather than at her’ kind of situation. Truly a one-liner gold mine.
"use two hands to double your pleasure and double your fun"
.....I thought I was petting a cat
+Karl Cox (SwagCorp Prod) She forgets to swallow, then she starts to drool. MMMMMMMMMM
Different kind of cat 😏😏
But petting is just randomly petting.
IT'S YOU Champer Damper. IT'S YOU.
You know back in the day this video made me riot with laughter. Years later I get a cat for the first time and immediately think "what would cat massage lady do" 😩😂😂 my cat DOES love an excruciatingly slow pet. Thanks random lady
Seeing how old this video is, that cat probably passed a while ago. I think it's really sweet she made an inadvertent tribute to her little buddy. Hope you're mega meowing with the best of em, Champer Damper
RIP Best cat in the United States.
oops I used lotions and oils on my cat
Metoo!!
Oh God I did that when I was 6 and never lived it down
i feel like i might be the only person that was actually looking up videos on 'how to massage my cat'. i'm not crazy, he just gets stressed out sometimes.
You're not the only one! :D
Chase Essary the instructions were too vague, my cat is dead.
Chase Essary maybe youre ruffling his fur inappropriately. you might need to just shuffle out the door
+Chase Essary me too, except i don't have a cat ?
+Bethany Meyer deaaaddd 😂
The whisker massage is totally working for my cat. Plus a light stroke on the top of the head. This woman rocks.
I just laughed for 12 minutes straight. Thanks champer damper!
Best comedy moment EVER.
My sides are split from laughing.
Thank you , laughter therapy is all you need in life.
All jokes aside, every cat I’ve done this too loves it. My cat loves it and my friends cats love it. I think she put a lot of time and effort into this...
This video makes me happy to be alive.
This video makes me want to be a cat. :)
The divorce hit her pretty hard.
you just killed me💀💀💀
I cried reading this comment
+utarian7 Please don't ever delete this comment. The world needs you. lol
+utarian7 LOL. tip of the hat sir.
omg 😂
I dont remember how this ever ended up in my favorites folder but watching this is so therapeutical. 3 years strong
Her husband said, "It's either me or the cat." She picked the cat.
Oh shit, guys! We got a major whisker watch alert in effect!!!
Are they as bad as Al Qaeda?
@2:34 I love how the cat lifts his head, like, "What the hell do you think you're doing?"
I thought the exact same thing! XD
"did she just touch my rump?"
WOW! after seeing her in person at the Los Angeles cat fest "through the eyes of a FELINE" ...i see why most of the 200+ audience knew this video by heart. after I got thru screaming with laughter (cause she has SUCH a great sense of humor about herself and about this early video) IHAD TO return to youtube cause she DID confirm stuff I'd seen by trial and error ...and mentioned some new stuff. (my "cat" Jazzmyn gives it 3 paws up. She wolda gone 4...but she needed to balance on SOMEthing!)
it's you, champer damper. it's you.
this is how you get rid of unwanted guests
WISKER WATCH ALERT WEEE OOOO WEEE OOOO
Put your siren on, Patrick, and I'll be right there.
Stoooooop 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
not a cellphone insight, just people living in the moewment.
so much innuendo...sooo little time
caution either they like this or they don't...words to live by
simply stat from the base of the rump rubbing your way out and follow it to its natural conclusion...
+Robert Baur Use two hands for double the pleasure!
This is goofy as heck, but I gotta say, that is one seriously happy cat.
Still to this day the best video on the internet
"Simply start from the base of the rump, rubbing your way out."
"That say a lot about life and about cat massage."
I could not stop laughing.
"we touch all the time...so why not be the best at it?"
also, the little "ehh!" at the beginning makes me laugh every time!
There's so much to love here--the "drooler/jewler" pun is maybe the best/worst? Oh, I don't know-almost every sentence is a gem.
This video never fails me. Bless this woman, she is fucking hilarious.
I can't believe this only has 4 and a half million views. I've told so many people about this video
no one’s gonna talk about the kitty’s face when the lady started massaging her tail ?? :-D so cute
This is one of the best video the internet has to offer
I have memorized parts of the dialogue of this video I have seen it so much
Who's the best cat in the United States its you champer damper
The qualified, realistic nature of the compliment makes it more meaningful. If Champer Damper isn't the best cat in the world, he's certainly the most relaxed!
@@DeflatingAtheism Slow your roll.. She didn't say ANYTHING about the world. Just the United States.
my wife have been singing this for 10 years
champer damper
I had a kitty that looked exactly like Champer-Damper...he was the best cat in the United States. As a kitten, he was abandoned by the neighbors when they moved out. I rescued him just in time! He grew into a beautiful silver Jaguar and lived 12 years. RIP KitKat kitty boi. ❤️🥰 This Video makes me happeh!
Yeah, I would be in the hospital if I do this with my cat.
I finally know how to stroke , rub and massage a pussy to make it feel good
*tries to massage cat, is brutally mauled*
The comments here are all Champer Dampers. I laughed, I cried, you became a part of me.
honestly can she massage me? that cat looks relaxed as hell
I've got to go to the drooler to get my ring cleaned.
"It says a lot about life, and about cat massage."
OH GOD I'M LITERALLY DYEING HERE
HOLD ON, I'M CONFUSED... I'm right handed, should I use my left hand or my right foot? NEED A REPLY ASAP THIS IS CRUCIAL PLS
My drama teacher would quote this every day. She introduced me to this video in 6th grade. Best video ever!
By next week, this video will have double the views
Thanks Rhett and Link
no kidding, their video was just uploaded, wait until one week!! its gonna be nuts then
It's next week. Someone showed me at school yesterday.
Which GMM video is this from?
Thanks, Devin, for the nightmares...
2:26
"The fuck is this nigga doing?"
She is 100% correct in regards to cat massage though.
Who's the best cat in the United States?
It's you.
Champer Damper
"Cat massage will bring out his best meow moments"
*CAT MEOWS LIKE IT'S IN THE WORST PAIN OF ITS LIFE*
EIT added the sound fx
After showing this to my cat, he got pissed that he wasn't the best cat in the United States. He hid. Haven't seen him in days. I think he's at a friend's place. If you find him let me know. He answers to Agent of Doom. Please halp!
did u find him yet
He's gone to Canada. Maybe he'll have a shot at being the best cat in Canada.
Did you find him
I lost it when she brought out the tiger stuffed animal.
at 2:38 the cat's face screams "save me!"
I know!!! That woman´s finger kinda went in.
"Use two hands to double your pleasure and double your fun!"
...
Sing it!! Who's the craziest cat lady in the United States?
She's not crazy, she just loves her cat. :)
Andy Green Agree
CazzaMcSpazza I don't see 60+ cats...she's not there yet.
Hey, it’s 2020 and I’m almost 30 years old. Can anyone help me destroy the connection in my brain, most likely formed 10 to 15 years ago, that auto-completes so many thoughts with “that says a lot about life, and about cat massage”? Honestly, name your price. I just want my old life back.
2 and a half minutes in, I have an exam tomorrow and I don't even have a cat, but for some reason I'm still watching.
To be fair, the cat seems to enjoy it. And if the relationship works for them, why not?
I bet the cat died mid production so they needed a plush to replace it
Champer Damper has been dead for years
That cat gives a Jim Halpert look at the camera
this video is very important to me
that was the most sensuous video i've ever seen
"Simply follow from the base of the rump, slowly rubbing your way out."
I FUCKING LOVE THE SONG SHE SINGS HIM I WILL SING THAT TO MY CAT I LOVE THIS WOMAN SO FUCKING MUCH
Remember, you can't fool drool. Mmmmmmm.
She looks like Elton John.
But then again, no.
@@lambda494 or a man that uses lotions in a traveling show I know it's not much but it's the best I can do my gift is cat massage and this ones for champ
It's the teeth... people subconsciously look at teeth first
How did Elton John become such a good piano player? Because he sucked on an organ 😆!
2:23 "Kill me!"
Gold. Can't stop laughing.
"Cat massage will bring out his best, mega meow moments"
EEEEEOOOOORRRRRWWWWWWWWWWEEEEE
I think Champion has been drugged.
ITS YOU CHAMPER DAMPER
Maybe the woman is a little crazy, but look how happy this kitty cat is.
Go to :38 and look how happy that cat is, because that's were I was when I read you comment.
EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE! And yet, I'm still delighted.
EH
This video is littered with cat puns
She could at least say hes the best cat in the world... just the USA.. .. weak
+Alyssa Hurst I think to a lot of people USA = the world, or the aspect of "world" that most appeals to them.
There are no known cats outside USA.
I hope Champ still out there gettin them massages
I can't decided if this is amazingly hilarious or just creepy
I'm here before all the other victims of youtube algorithm
is there a kind of magic mushroom called cat mushroom? she may have meant it...
She loves the cat so much and the cat is so happy.
Caution! My 15 cats will eat me when I die alone in my apartment...
Chadtronic
Yes
No.
1:10 How come nobody comments on this batshit line?
The first time I saw this all those years back I cried with laughter.