HOW and WHEN To Tell Your Child They're Autistic
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- Опубліковано 23 сер 2023
- When you have an autistic child it can be hard to know the "correct" time to talk to them about having autism. Being an actually autistic parent myself with 4 autistic kids, I hope these autism parenting tips help other special needs and/or autism families out there.
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I told my kid as soon as he was diagnosed at 10. The sooner you tell them the better in my opinion. I have a niece who's mother didn't tell her and she found out at her IEP in middle school and she was devastated.
This video reminded me of when my parents told me I was autistic, I was 8, and I got home from school, and my parents randomly said I was autistic and I was confused, they didn't make it feel like a negative, more of a netural thing.
I started watching these videos in 2019/2020, and they helped me think of autism as a blessing, not a curse, and better understand what it is.
😭😭😭 that really means so so much!
I am 33 years old and was diagnosed last year. The relief I felt finding out was something I needed. I found out earlier this year my youngest who is 2 also has autsim. This video is so helpful. Thank you.❤
I haven't been tested I will be soon I hope
Not sure how I found this. I clicked on a short and it was about your son getting his lung transplant. God bless you. God bless your children. You're such a good mother. Mine are now grown and gone and I sure miss having the little ones around
Awesome video! Thank you for giving me some examples as to how to explain things to my six year old son who is ASD/ADHD as well as other children! 😊❤
as we get older, we learn more and more about ourselves and know what we can stand what bother us more growing up I knew I was different then when i got my diagnosis it made me understand even more of why my childhood was hard (not all my childhood was hard because of autism there was more to it).
Stephanie! I don't know if you remember me but we used to talk on here and YouNow. When I first started watching your videos, I really just watched bceause you are so genuine and informative and I like family channels. I've learned SO much from you. So then when I finally had my own baby and he started showing signs, I was able to recognize that he might be autistic. He's 2.5 now. Well, he was diagnosed 2 days ago after me fighting for a year and a half to get an evaluation and I can honestly say that I am *so* glad I've been watching your channel all these years. I've suspected he's autistic since around 11 months after he had a speech regression but I've been SURE with absolute certainty since he was about 13 months. I love him so much! He's absolutely perfect. Thank you so much for all the information, personal stories, and resources you've given over the years. It's been immensely helpful!
Can’t believe it has been 3 years since your autism diagnosis Steph!
Me either!
You're the best Stephanie! This is exactly what I was looking for and I hope alot of other moms find it❤
Such a good video! My brother in law is autistic and developmentally disabled. His parents never told him he was different and it’s been causing a lot of issues now that he’s in his 30s. He doesn’t understand why he can’t get married, why he can’t live in his own house, etc. It’s very hard and I know it’ll cause more issues if one of his siblings has to end up being responsible for him in the future.
That’s so hard 💔
My parents never told me. I was going to college and they were like oh btw do you want your diagnoses paperwork? And i was like what??? For what???? You mean you knew this whole time that i was complaining of issues and knowing something was wrong, you knew what it was and just kept lying and telling me i was normal??? It took me like months to come to terms with it but im so glad i know now. Great vid!!
Thank you for this! Also, when you said Noah is about to be 16 my brain immediately thought “man, I remember when he was 10/11!” What a ride this has been! 💜
Same. It’s unbelievable
wow im 23 im so small person
I ended up asking my parents why I am disabled or autistic when I was in 9th grade in high school, but I didn't fully understand what autism meant to me and what problems I currently have because of autism and five other diagnosis outside of autism until I was an adult. Well when your autistic kids and teenagers are able to understand this, they need to learn that not all autistic adults in the autism community are nice and that some of them are bullies and this means to stay away from them if any bulling and/or other bad stuff takes place.
Thank you for yet another amazing video! I am a special education educator working on a masters degree to become a special education teacher. I recommend your channel to fellow educators and anyone looking for more information on ASD. I love how educational and positive your channel is. You provide an invaluable perspective on what the home and family dynamic is of having a child with superpowers. When I talk to my students about their diagnoses/different abilities, I use the term superpowers and explain to them that their brains work differently, but amazingly compared to some of their classmates. I then explain that those who think and see the world differently make the biggest difference to make the world a better, kinder place. “You have superpowers, we’re going to find out what those are together.”
Without your channel, I wouldn’t be as effective of an advocate and teacher. Thank you for taking the time out of your hectic schedule to promote awareness, acceptance, kindness, inclusion, and celebration of these amazing individuals!
I chose to tell my kids that I was Autistic when they were around 3 when they seemed to notice. Especially since they saw how other people treated me. I sat down with their counselors. I'm a foster parent, and they get a counselor when they turn 3. Yes, I'm an Autistic and have a mental health problem, foster parent. I also have my bachelor's in early childhood education and a minor in behavioral development sciences. I also have my teaching certification. I'm licensed to teach up until 2nd grade. I rather work with younger children because they are more acommating and more accepting than when children get older. My 5 and 4 year Olds are so use to saying that we are all different and are all precious in God's eyes. I do asked the child parent or parents that I foster their religious beliefs since my own family is a melting pot I use the correct religious term as in God, Allah etc.
Me I see a counselor to I'm some where on the sperimer
Great video! We are the same exact way. We talk about autism as openly and positively as our hair color and eye color.
I’ve told my 8 year old that being autistic vs NT is like Pepsi vs coke or laptop vs MacBook. We do the same things and “work” the same but have different flavors, chemistry makeup, or processing systems.
You are very smart and extremely intelligent. What a wonderful mom.
Hi Stephanie, I love watching your videos. I’ve been working with autistic children for 6 months now. I firmly believe that autistic people can live happy lives with dignity. I am so glad you have been honest with your children. The fact that they process differently is a 100% perfect way to describe it. It’s such a gift when you see an autistic child thrive and achieve that flow and satisfaction with life. The sadness and grief of lost skills will happen, for you and them. But, the understanding that they are different but you have the tools to help them will shine through. I am SO grateful for your sharing. You teach me something new every day ❤❤❤
Our older twin boys are 8, and they are both on the Spectrum. One of our younger twin boys (just turned 5) is autistic, and our 2-year-old son is showing symptoms of being neuro-divergent, likely on the spectrum, as well.
We have presented autism as their “super power,” as it often does manifest itself in certain ways that are positive (such as our son Malcolm who has memorized all the state capitals and their year of statehood, the names/order of the presidents, as well as anyone’s birthday that tells him). We haven’t avoided the conversation, but we also don’t make it core or focus of who they are (if that makes sense?).
Makes perfect sense. I've learned in parenting, making ANY conversation casual is the best way to go. Talk about it when appropriate but don't make it their entire focus either.
I love that you did this video. ❤
Great video. Thanks for sharing. Yes, I think looking at Autism in a positive/neutral way is a good thing. Everyone is different and that is ok.
I was diagnosed with autism in mid 2017. And now i understand myself a wholw lot more now.
Beautifully said!
I have high functioning autism. At 3. Now 19 soon. I have been using pecs visual aids.
This video made me cry.. one because you helped me alot to explain better and two because I am more scared for how my son will feel when he dose understand one day if he can.. I had to explain autism to my 18 year old nephew because my sister didn't want him to know and I didn't feel like I should be something hidden from him..
Great video, Stephanie ❤
I found out that I'm autistic when I was around 11 years old. My dad was the one who told me
So well said. … amazing content ❤
This was awesome! Thank you!
I love being a member of your LANDing Crew!
Thank you for the information. God bless😊
I'm glad your kids got diagnosed so early. I also knew I was different from the time I was 5 or 6. Just more in tune with feelings, more emotional, and way more sensitive.
I was diagnosed with clinical depression at 14. Then I had a breakdown at 15, and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, which I knew wasn't quite right. Then I was given an autism label when I was 18, which I did learn from a school form. And that set me back for months. While I knew I had some social awkwardness, I had done my own research, and knew that autism was not an accurate diagnosis. Later that year I was diagnosed with ADHD (overfocused type), and all the pieces finally fell into place. That was in 2017, and while I've been through the wringer since, overall, I'm doing a lot better.
I'm not sure if this was mentioned in a previous video, but how did you explain ADHD to your oldest two? How do you explain it to Noah and Lex?
My son has the Autism ADHD combo it often goes together. Was not considered possible before 2015 in DSM
I love your content i hope you keep poasting your amazing vidios
When I was younger I thought I was normal. Didn’t notice anything different about myself but I knew that my severely autistic older was because he vocalized and couldn’t talk. I heard my parents saying multiple times that he has autism. I don’t exactly remember but when I was asked by my mom what autism is I said “When you can’t grow up” we both went to an autism preschool but I didn’t realize that until I was much older. I did also go to regular preschool and kindergarten classes at times but had someone with me (usually my therapist but sometimes my parents as well) it was there I noticed I was different. I didn’t understand the same things my neurotypical peers understood, I wouldn’t really follow class instructions like facing the other way during circle time for example, and I also had meltdowns when things changed. I think it was right before I started grade 1 that my mom told me that I have a little bit of autism. I was in doubt “he has autism, I don’t” “Yes he has a lot of autism but you have a little bit of autism” Yeah that’s how I first found out. Even then I wasn’t fully aware of the impacts of my autism until I was in Junior high I think.
Great topic
I would love to see a update on the Roosevelt car seat. My daughter who is a Houdini can get out of just about anything. Would you be able to test this carseats before I buy on your best escape artist for me?
If I had a kid with Autism I’d just say hey kiddo, you have a condition called autism and then go through what it’s all about
I love this video for some parents, It really made me sad though. I dont feel like you meant it to be this way, but it kindof excludes us parents of the more serverly affected children. My child is 7. Hes doesnt speak at all and also has a really hard time with his receptive language aswell. It brought me so much sadness to hear you say "when they get older and can have a convesation". Stephanie, for some of us, thats just not a reality. I may NEVER get to have a conversation with my son. As the years go by and more and more therapies arent working for him, that is a reality. I understand not wanting to paint autism as the same thing as a "disease or somthing negative" 👀 but for children like my son, this is a real disorder. I watch him suffer every single day. Like suffer suffer. And it does negatively affect his life. Im an autistic individual as well, so I kindof get where you were coming from, but what a privilege it is for us to not have to see it as somthing negative. For me, autism is challenging, but definitely somthing ive been able to navigate. But im not as affected as my son is. Sometimes, all he can do is lay in is room and cry all day and there isnt anything any of us can do about it. I love you and im sure you didnt indend to exclude a massive group of autistic people with this video, but it kindof felt that way and i wanted to let you know. It doesnt feel inclusive or autism possitive to pretend like children like my son don't exsist. There are lots of people who are really really suffering, its a spectrum. ❤
When this question is asked (and it's been asked a lot over the years), it's almost always with a child who has the cognitive ability to understand what you are telling them. I personally feel it goes without saying that if your child can't follow one to 2 step commands then you're probably not going to sit them down to have an in-depth conversation about disabilities either. If they DO have the cognitive abilities but maybe just can't physically speak to you then you would still have this conversation with them, with you talking and them communicating through sign language, low or high tech AAC or maybe you both talking through text to make it more comfortable for them. I didn't go over every possible scenario for a reason and I even said this, EVERY child is going to be different and as a parent you have to decide the best form to communicate with them.
I think sometimes as parents we forget that "conversation" can come in many forms, not just verbal. And I also think that sometimes people forget that I have 2 nonspeaking children too. One I will probably never a traditional verbal conversation with and the other it will probably be very limited for awhile if not forever. One of them has limited receptive language and the other's receptive language is VERY limited if not almost not there but to me that doesn't change it. If they are in the room, I make sure I always talk positive about autism and tell them they are perfect as is. Will I ever have the conversation "you have autism"? Probably not, and if I do it will be when they are MUCH older. The point of the video was that I don't hide their diagnosis or that they are different, and we are super positive and neutral about autism when it is talked about. That goes for all levels of support, as the parent you get to decide when and how that convo will take place.
Also please remember that yes, this video was more primarily geared towards moderate to low support of needs but some of my content (apraxia, AAC devices, safety beds, potty training tips) are geared towards more higher support of needs. Not every video is going to be for every autistic individual, it just isn't possible so you have to decide if this is something that is geared towards you and your little one and since you said they have no expressive communication and very limited receptive then I would personally assume "yeah this one video probably isn't for me" but I get it. I too wish that I could sit my almost 6 year old down like I did his bigger brothers and talk about autism but I can't and that's just our reality.
@@OurLANDingCrew8 Maybe I shouldn't have commented, that response sucked to read🤣 not cause of you, I just felt super misunderstood and slightly talked down to in certain parts. That's ok tho. Anyway, best of luck to you with everything.
Not at all, I am glad you responded. I do wish I would've maybe put everything I just said in the video as well but that was probably my fault assuming that most would know or understand that this meant ALL communication methods or that this was geared towards low to moderate support of needs. I honestly made this video with very little planning like I usually do so I am genuinely sorry if I made you feel excluded or not seen as a mother. I made my response when I FIRST woke up and I should've allowed my caffeine to hit before saying something bc I think there could've been a more gentler and less defensive way to word my response.
Hey! I just found your channel. Being a mom to 6 kiddos and having one with Autism and a few born with kidney issue ect. i feel like we have some stuff in common. We also live in the Denver area.
I am just starting my autism journey with my three year old. They think we might have some chromosomal abnormalities that is causing some issues. Still waiting on the waitlist for children's genetics though.
Just saying hi!
This video was so important for me to watch! You are doing such an awesome job. My son is 3 and autistic, diagnosed at 19 months old. He's just gone through early intervention for over a year and is now in a great developmental preschool with an IEP (and a mama bear haha). I hope I'm doing all I can! I just want him to thrive in his way, be proud of who he is and be happy.
Hey my love I understand if some of your children suffer with with autistic meltdown since I have Asperger's and bipolar disorder every now and then I'll suffer with a psychiatric episode but never know what cystic meltdown because I'm not severely autistic like your family
My youngest son was diagnosed when he was around 18 months old with Autism and then later with ADHD as well. I believe that my oldest son who has ADHD is also on the Autism Spectrum as well as myself but it's quite difficult to get an adult diagnosis in New York State. It costs like $3,000 or more if you're an adult looking for a diagnosis. Do you have any suggestions on how we can go about getting a diagnosis for adults that doesn't cost so much money?
I’ve been looking for a video like this, my son has ADHD and I really have no clue how to approach it with him.
My parents didn't really tell me I was autistic till I was in 2nd grade where I could have a more understanding of what was going on and what it ment, but I kindof thought something was off with me before that since I had what was then called a rap around which was like an income therapist if you will and I would act uo alot from kindergarten to 2nd grade
My kid will never understand any of her diagnoses but her siblings know
Yeah I don’t know that one of mine will ever really understand but that’s ok! We are open and honest about it
I tell her siblings as toddlers so they know to be gentle and loving and they are all growing up to be so compassionate and all have big hearts and love their big sister.
I know what you mean about the feeling different thing, I knew I wasn’t normal, that something was different about me my entire life then I got diagnosed with autism at age 13 (and apparently I was diagnosed with adhd first which I didn’t know, I honestly thought I had adhd after I actually researched about autism) and I didn’t really know what autism was at the time, they don’t exactly explain it, but all I knew was that I finally had an answer, a word that tells me why I act the way I do, I felt happy and confused cause I finally learned that there’s a reason I’m this way, that I’m not an alien I’m autistic, sorry I’m not sure where I was going with this, also how do I explain to my six year old niece about autism, she’s been asking a lot of questions and I don’t know how to answer them
current im in the process of being diognosed im 16 and i have never felt right near people and sometimes i get really worried becuase im like what if the people dont believe me or im to nervous and i end up masking like always and i will eaither not get diagnosed or faulsly diagnosed with something else cause on my dads side of the faimily it is filled with neru disorders and it what makes most sense to me do you have any advice???
Awesome
Hi I am legally blind I am 38 and only got diagnosed with autism a couple of years ago too.
Hello how is everyone? I am so sorry I am so behind on your vlogs!
I have austim
😊
I you ❤️ ❤️Loved
My son would say that his brain was wired differently than ours
Just wondering do you think there’s any chance your older two could be as well?
Oh definitely not. How different their development was is the reason I knew something was going on with my 3rd 🥰
@@OurLANDingCrew8 that’s super interesting that’s how things went. Great video by the way!
Does the conversation look different for a nonverbal child that may not be able to ask questions or express he doesnt want to talk about his diagnosis..My little one is 5 and nonverbal. He has heard us talk about autism but hasnt expressed in any way his feelings or understanding of it
I try to talk my nonspeaking children the same way I do my verbal ones
Like 475 Watching support from Norway 🫶🇳🇴❤️ Newbie here
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