Narcissists and Codependents, Featuring Darlene Lancer
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- Опубліковано 18 гру 2023
- Dr. C welcomes author and therapist, Darlene Lancer, whose expertise is the exploration of narcissists, codependents, and the problem of shame. She explains how necessary it is to be aware of a narcissist's dominance, especially if you are inclined to lay aside your true self in deference to the controller.
Darlene Lancer is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and expert author on relationships, narcissism, and codependency. She’s counseled individuals and couples for over 30 years and coaches internationally. Her 10 books include Dating, Loving, and Leaving a Narcissist, Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You, Codependency for Dummies and seven ebooks, including 10 Steps to Self-Esteem, How To Speak Your Mind - Become Assertive and Set Limits, Dealing with a Narcissist: 8 Steps to Raise Self-Esteem and Set Boundaries with Difficult People, "I'm Not Perfect - I'm Only Human" - How to Beat Perfectionism, and Freedom from Guilt and Blame - Finding Self-Forgiveness. They’re available on Amazon, other online booksellers. and her website, www.whatiscodependency.com, where you can get a free copy of “14 Tips for Letting Go.” She’s a sought-after speaker in media and at professional conferences. Find her on Soundcloud, Clyp, LinkedIn, UA-cam, Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his UA-cam channel, his videos have received more than 100 million views.
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“The narcissist will sacrifice their partner(or loved one), the codependent will sacrifice themselves”. This has been so so true!
Yes! I've been living a life of sacrifice for decades, married to a person who can't even make tiny sacrifices for me or our kids. It's disheartening, to say the least.
Wow. That about sums it up.
Ouch!
Very true & well said
"Sounds like a perfect relationship!" said the narcissisist.
This so describes the relationship my husband and I had. After 25 years of marriage I finally had the courage to walk away. I don’t think I will get over the emotional and verbal damage he did to me. Back then I didn’t even know what a narcissist was.
Yes I smell what you’re standing in 100% I am over 800 days out around in my head and in my heart I’m still there on a daily basis someday there will be no residue within my body and my soul I will be able to take the teaching from this experience and apply it to my life in a healthy productive way this is my truth and my goal thank you for helping me realize to keep working towards that and knowing that with the help of these channels personal perseverance daily acceptance radically loving me maybe for the first time allowing me to to thrive giving myself permission to change to grow to love to laugh realizing I do have the power the ability and the desire to interconnect to Express myself to accept myself to share myself that it is safe and necessary to trust myself and the process of lifeThank you for you thank you for having the courage to walk away you’re also walking towards things keep that in mind at all time
I was also married to one, but didn’t learn what he was until 5 years after I left. It’s been 10 years since I began working on myself. I am so much happier now and really enjoy meeting new people!!
I too!!! I knew why he's broken. For 21 yrs but I divorced 2:14 after 1st 9 yrs. Had gone thru therapy and learned a lot from Dr Clouds Boundaries. But EUPHORIC RECALL kicked in. Now its 4 yrs into and still the same. Not listened to, gaslighting. Just heard that word last yr. Then 2 mos ago I learned about Narcissistic behaviors.
NOW I see why he wont listen, validate, why he gaslights, why there's nothing I can say or do to make him empathize. He CANT!! He'll never change. BUT I AM!!!!! Dr Les and Dr Ramani are saving my life!!!! He cant get to me now. Im just 2 months my life has been transformed!!!!!!
The contempt and lack of love and validation, not being understood has been the worst for me ✌
I love Darlene's descriptions of shame manifesting in the codependent and narcissistic person. There is a very strong family culture of low self-esteem in my dysfunctional triangle of a family and it's accepted by everyone. But, in doing therapy, I can see now how my shame and low self-esteem is rooted in codependency and my mother's is in vulnerable narcissism. She is extremely fragile and easily bruised by the words of others. Ironically, she is tactless and famously clumsy with her own words towards others.
Growing up with such a mother put me in a mindset of gloom - everything was depressing, tragic, victimised, wounded, ill. Her fragile sense of self-worth clipped my wings constantly to the point I became very good at counselling and coaching my mother. She herself went on 'assertiveness' training and was very vocal about the abuses she faced at the hands of her own mother.
It's almost as if life was to be seen as an unbearable trial of doom and gloom with no permission to be happy, joyous, celebrated, or proud of your talents and achievements. Everyone in the family had to be miserable so as not to make my mother even more miserable.
Perhaps the recovery from growing up as a codependent child is to accept that some people are just damaged and there is nothing we can do to help them.
Power pursuit, narcissist will sacrifice partner. Push away, discard. Only sees self. Lack of empathy. Rage to shaming. Can never heal.
Codependent will sacrifice self, pull in for love. Please. Can't see self. Attacks self due to shame. Can heal.
Honor yourself. Thank you so much Darlene and Doc. You both are true treasures!
I was codependent with my narcissistic parents but isn't that somewhat normal? Who doesn't expect their parents to be there to help in times of need? Isn't that what family is supposed to do? Anyways, my father I came to realize was a narcissist after learning about it. I tested him with the grey rock method since he would insult me when we went out to dinner ever few weeks. I normally would have reacted emotionally seeing I trusted him and thought he cared about me. When I used grey rock method he responded with doubling down with the insult to try and get the reaction out of me. When I stopped reacting emotionally he eventually started to claim to forget about our dinner meetings. He was ghosting me to punish me since he was paying for dinner and thought I was missing out and he was out getting narc supply from another source. I used his ghosting me to go no contact since our contact was already limited due to me working a lot.
No one is perfect. When I make mistakes, I mourn, then learn from it to do better next time, in a more positive way that is best for all.
@@myhalowithin Have you heard of Dr. Marshall Rosenberg? His practice is called non-violent communications. I stopped a man from murderering another man in less than 7 seconds with this technique.
Not everyone is as healthy as you James.
@@munkami I know...😮💨❤️
@@munkami it's not easy being cheezy...
🩷 😁💚
Dr. C made her repeat it: My (N-ex) wife sacrificed our relationship in order to get/maintain power. I did the opposite. For they do attract, you see.
I held the belief that pursuing mental health therapy for individuals with severe narcissistic traits was often an exercise in futility. It seemed that they rarely, if ever, voluntarily sought treatment unless it was legally mandated, such as through a court order.
HAve you ever read the book called, "Inside the Mind of Angry and Controlling MEn" written by Lundy Bancroft? He started out in his social worker career believing that men with a lot of narcissistic traits who have perpetrated domestiic violence can be successfully treated. By the way that does include domestic violence as in physically abusing a parent who all along has been physically abusing too. He found out the hard way too that is not true.
Sounds like my ex! And when they’re ordered to attend when they’re finished with the program, they’re resentful and their take their anger back out on you whether in a divorce or in a marriage, I left and I’m dealing with the residual effects. Dr. Carter is such a positive force and educating, but also in affirming listen to his affirming words.
This is so insightful and inspirational. Thank you! After 37 years with a man with NPD I have started to learn 17 months ago about it all. Things started to make sense. We were separated and I am learning how to move into a healthy place, also thanks to a wonderful therapist. There is HOPE! Thanks again! Greatings from Europe😊
❤ from Florida 🧜♀️🏝️🐬
Your words describe me. 37 years of marriage, 8 therapists later who never even broached the subject of narcissism and over one year of separation. I have learned more from the online self-learning route with therapists such as Dr. Carter than I ever did in any professional office. Codependency is a hard pill for me to swallow, not out of pride but out of misconception. I don't suffer from low self-esteem. I am independent and have a good sense of self but.......this is where reality hits. You can only talk so much. I believe in teamwork, willingness to learn and grow through transparency and vulnerability. Marriage is hard so I always looked at it as perseverance. We are supposed to reach out for help when we are at crossroads. Unfortunately, the efforts that are intended for two came in a package of one. Lots of bread crumbing on his part and too much grace on mine. In order to heal, I must look at the demon in front of me.
I SO appreciate this discussion explaining the divergent paths my sister and I took as a result of abuse and neglect. My sister is a classic N, myself, I am a classic CO. Thinking my sister took the more successful path, I remade myself into a classic N. All it did was make me miserable and made everyone hate me. I am now trying to reclaim and/or discover my true self in middle age. Without being either extreme. Difficult and confusing. It's very sad to finally understand that people you knew and loved are so despicable. They rationalize and justify their mistreatment of others as necessary in the "game of life". I can see now what snobs my family and significant others in the past are. I am grateful to know now that by being able to see what and who I came from, I have grown and changed. So their rejection of me doesn't matter anymore.
NPD is 50% inherited. I have looked and listened and read to find out if this is true. "They think the problem is with other people, that they are NORMAL, and they have no desire to change". I spent 32 years with a NPD and watched him age. after 40-45 he became so dysfunctional, manipulative and MEAN because he hated his ageing looks. We divorced and have had zero contact. Now I see our adult child following the same behavior. Arrogance, insecurity, hypervigilance and "feed me" hoovering for supply. It is agony to see this paradox. From a charismatic leader to a condescending critic, and I allowed it for years. "Impression management and then devaluation" YES! I sacrificed myself too long to have foolishly begun to do the same just for a relationship. I KNEW what had come to pass with the ageing parent. Supply No More is my name here and my intentional daily walk. I appreciate this podcast so much.
I don't believe it is 50% hardwired. I would have to see much more proof of it. I believe it is universal. I don't prescribe to any of the thought of it being evil, in the sense of parasitic.
I also don't believe that one faith offers resistance, as in like a immunization.
I have looked it up and opinions are conflicting.
Codependency and the other name are people pleaser or fawn personality is a Product of narcissistic abuse. It happens by childhood abuse. Because childhood are helpless and they do not habe the power or understanding to change or disengaged what happening around them, so they ended up people pleasing, fawn characteristics or codependency. How cruel is that for a child😢 who is so so innocent and holy had to suffer this type of brutality😢 Thank-you Dr. Carter for your kind and beautiful and holy work🙏
Some people villinize it to put distance between themselves and the possibility that they could some day be victimized by a narcissist when slapping the codependant label or worse on the very young fawn or people pleaser personality. Boys who have that personality tend to become workaholics who are easily influenced by con artitsts who are always looking to divide and conquer more vinyards that they didn't plant. Girls with that personality tend to become workaholic patriotic traditional gender role moms who become proud of any child of theirs who dies while fighting for their nation.
@25:00 "it takes a lot of effort for them to be winning you over, getting you to love them ... and get their needs met. When they finally realize that they do, they don't have much incentive to please you".
this happened exactly and to compound the situation, she flipped it and projected what she was doing on me, accusing me of doing it. This "justified" her decision to go cold and uncaring and me being a codependent, i blamed myself and tried to do "better" for 25 years to no avail... before I finally understood what i was up against.
thank you both for your insights.
Although it behooves me to admit it, I had narcissistic tendencies. I really only hung in there so long with the ex narc as long as his job kept him away from home, and as long as rent got paid. He was my supply. I have lots of work to do sorting it all out. I'm just glad the relationship is over.
It happens when you've been abused and especially when they cut you off from your family and friends.
How long did you stay without loving him or did you when you left?
I think its hard for everyone to take accountability in toxic situations. A good practice is to get comfortable with the notion "maybe I'm wrong" Remain teachable. We want to be secure enough to let others tell us about ourselves. To process that info.
Absolutely! 👏🙌🫶❤
Agree! We must all remain teachable throughout our entire lives.
Practice observing not judging
If its a toxic situation, going in with a mindset of im wrong could be very dangerous. Growing and sharing and learning and changing your mind are good strategies for life but not if you are a victim in that to situation
In a toxic situation "maybe I'm wrong" can be a manipulation. The opposite of what the narc wants. It confuses them like when you pretend to throw the dog a ball and hide it behind your back. It baffles them. Then you plan your escape!!
Oh my God I cannot even beleive she just described this person to "T" it's true, its true. It's true
This was a really good one explaining the difference between co-dependance and Narcissism behavior. It hit home. In my case a Narcissist sibling and I took on a parenting mode for my dysfunctional family so, not so much codependency but survival mode at a young age.
I've read Lancer. I believe she is a Buddhist. I've recognized how enmeshed I was with mom and now I see she was very narcissistic. Yes, self love job 1. Wonderful to hear her. 🙏🏾🌹
Dr. C honey and ginger tea🐶Feel better❤
@@Gardenwitch1954oooh that sounds lovely! Might have that myself! I always feel better with Dr C too, he's very healing ❤
Always the mother
Thank you. PS I'm not a Buddhist. :)
Thank you Dr Carter and Darlene Lancer 🌹🌹
My family, "friends", and past SOs all pretend to care about the poor and disadvantaged in public, but privately behind closed doors they all believe themselves to be better than and above people like that. None of them actually want to associate with any of them, live among them, work with them, socialize with them, or be troubled by them in any real way.
Dr C , hope you voice gets better soon
Thanks!
VERY interesting….I didn’t know it, but that makes sense that narcissism is at least 50% inherited.
Spot on! Codependency and narcissism are from similar backgrounds and they attract each other from a preconscious level
Feel better Dr C. 😊🥰
This was very helpful today thank you.
I'm glad to hear you're feeling a bit better doc and Darlene seams such a lovely lady.
Interesting that there was no live chat but then again it makes us concentrate more 👍
Hey Amanda...I'll be live tomorrow!! Back in the saddle, still a bit scratchy, but with #TeamHealthy
@@SurvivingNarcissismCool 👍❤
@SurvivingNarcissism I'm really looking forward to it, and I'm pretty sure I don't just speak for myself! I'm glad you're on the mend. Just in time for Christmas 🎄
I learned even more today. Finding this one I missed last week.
Thank you Dr. C and miss Lancer
I told a man that there was no doubt he was a grandiose narcissist, you have a low self esteem but a huge ego, he got really mad.
Yeah, they're not known for thinking pensively. So he proved your point.
Well, yeah. 😕
@@Hatbox948Good to see you.
Thank you, Les, for introducing Darlene and this informative interview, which was indeed very helpful.
The shame is the core wound of both, the Narc and the codependent. I think this is one of the biggest reasons, why both are attracted to each other. Unconciously they feel the same inner wound but they both deal with it completly different which makes it quite attractive for each other.
And I also think this is at least one reason why the codependent thinks that "finding the healthy middle" is possible with them. In other words, to cure each other, which is an illusion.
By the way, I watched your sermon yesterday, which was wonderful. Now I know why I always thought you look more like a pastor 🙃. And I really enjoyed your personal story about Albert 😊
Best wishes for your throat 🙏💛🙏
You're quite welcome.
This is a wealth of knowledge here
I found I could support my child to have a healthy ego as well as being empathetic. I now have the most wonderful adult children as well as their partners in life.
We are no better or worse than anyone else. Humility = Right-sized
We are all equal in potential. It's simply awful when you don't know and awfully simple when you do know.
Thank you both. DEAR DR. C- I pray FAST Healing over you in Jesus mighty name.
Merry, merry Christmas
From JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA
Thanks CynthiaAnn!
Thank you very much for this lovely dialogue! So enjoyable! Dr C, your voice sounds like you'll get over the cold very soon! 😊 Take care and bundle up! 🤗
Thanks, Jordi!!
@@SurvivingNarcissism Who is Michaela? Is she my old friend in Bucharest, Romania? Mihaela Istrati? 🙂❤
@@SurvivingNarcissism and take 4000iu of vitamin D3 a day with 25mg of zinc, after food
great guest I like her style
Interesting , my mother comes from an alcoholic father, she took on narcissistic traits and wanted me codependant. That clears up a lot for me as to why she had such an influence on my self esteem
Same here. Mom’s Father a quiet alcoholic that stared at her. She didn’t know what he was thinking so to her it was negative. She did not get nurtured by him. But her Mom was loving and tried to make up for it. Grandpa died when I was a child. Mom’s much younger brother said it was a messy life with their Dad. So the peace came after he died of abdominal cancer in 1955.
Then Mom married a Narcissistic Man. Life was a challenge for us kids when our parents got into a very controlling cult religion. It made Dad a somebody in it. He became an elder. Not good!
I left home young to get away. Started buy every book I could find to understand psychology of my family and me so I could survive and find what is normal.
“Normal” was a word in it self!
Now I’m old and taking care of my elder mother, 94, she enjoys listening to DrC too! I think it helping her see her life as a kid. She doesn’t remember my Dad much. Dementia or mental block?
It’s has become a fun thing to improve life no matter the age!!
I have a narc sibling that’s made life very difficult. Only male child and it’s his way or highway thinker. Absolutely NO
respect for others ideas or thinking.
After argument with my younger sis he’s gone silent treatment. Has not come to see Mom for her birthday or Christmas. No card!
I can tell it hurts Mom. For the rest of us, all my family and grown kids it’s like so peaceful. How do we maintain this ?
He won’t change after practicing the Narc thing for 68 yrs. It too much to handle his condemnation of everyone and everything he thinks we believe. He really has no clue he just assumed because refuses to listen or reason.
We All are done!
I can’t help but wish he would get help. He looks so miserable and has had a couple heart attacks. To be very honest it makes me sad he’s this way. But I can’t play into it anymore and haven’t a long time. I’m his punching bag. My family sees it and has been very helpful to get me to understand the the “ game” he plays.
It has helped to have a psychologist in the family. I wish I would have studied it. I was a cosmetologist all my life and owned my salon. I admit lots of clients need our talks. So glad I read books. I referred them lots to get help and find support groups back in the day before internet. My younger sis and I have wanted to write a book. We both ended up taking care of grandkids. My sis started her book! I’m still reading other’s books and experiences.
Be kind!
And Love!
Happy New year!
Praying it’s a better year but lots has to change. Not sure it will.
I relish the opportunity to expand my understanding of the spiderweb and the effects that result in connection to people with narcissistic behaviors. What a great heart and head place this is! Dr. C., I hope you feel better soon. It sounds like you might have been fighting a cold.
15:04 “Actually, I think it was live today the symptoms of children of narcissists and addicts -- this is very interesting and I know a lot about the addiction area, too -- that [the] children of alcoholics suffer for this [and] some of the very same symptoms of children of narcissist. So you have the ignoring and shaming of their feelings, of their needs, of their traits, their interests, [and] things like that. And the parent is not attuned to, not empathetic with the child, and every child needs to feel like the parent wants a relationship with them for who they are, not for what they do. That's the difference between conditional love and unconditional love. So they don’t get that.”
Very helpful post Dr. C and Darlene!
No sacrifice! Everyone can be happy! ❤
Thank you both very much for sharing your precious wisdom.
It feels like I have been guided to you both, and at such critical point.
This information is a true revelation for me.
I now know what I need to do for my own health, and more importantly for the health of my son!
God bless you both ❤
Yes indeed, and in reality, She is a great treat! AWOMAN! 😂❤
Thank you Dr. C for doing this! So good learning! Merry Christmas to you and your family! God bless you too!
Ack. I got no advance notice and missed premiere. Got a chance to catch up, and I see no chat. If any caught this, was there chat when it first ran?
Actually, that's my bad. I forgot to put the premiere notice on it! BTW, I saw you already tuned into Lecture #3! Thanks!
@@SurvivingNarcissism Haha. Saw all 3. Took notes. “Liked” and commented.
@@SurvivingNarcissismLoved them!
Just wow! Bless you and thank you both for your work.
Thank you.
I am looking forward to reading your books and sharing them with my teen son. he loves the 'Dummies' books. I am wondering what relevance he will find between 'Dogs for Dummies' and 'Co-dependence for Dummies' LOL@@DarleneLancer
Well there is a "Dog-Dependent" book for dog lovers.
@@annewrites...8385
This was great. Thank you, thank you!!❤
There's no shame in my game. ❤
20:40 🤯. Omg I feel this. Amazing convo.
Omg, think of the first sacrifice...🙏❤️
I commend the acknowledgment of healthy narcissism, a facet often overshadowed in those grappling with this disorder. The presence of healthy narcissism frequently acts as the driving force behind what defines highly successful individuals.
Only up to age two & then it’s not healthy
Maybe you are thinking about what is called self-love instead.
I love her! She got it right! Healthy narcissism is envied and jealously is expressed in many negative, cruel ways. I love all but they don't love me. I'm not competing with anyone. I'm only doing my personal best, as everyone could do, but don't.
Best session yet! Nailed it !
Hi Dr. C! I'm super curious about this parasite Toxoplasma gondii. It has been known to change behavior in mice and apes. It's also commonly found in humans and there are limited studies on how it affects human behavior. Should more people be tested and treated for this parasite? And how odd is it that narcissistic behavior parallels the life of a parasite? I'm wondering if there's any connection and how much has it really been studied?
Intresting, I'll research it. Thank you for the information. ❤
For the record- the presentation ( awareness- mental health- information ℹ️ fabulous) is wonderful: again: wonderful
Hi Drs. Carter, Lancer, Gus and the Team Healthy Community. I was made to feel ashamed of myself all of my life growing up just because I was. My Mom died when I was 6 leaving four children and we were all treated that way growing up. So low self esteem was always a problem for us. So true Dr. Lancer because I feel I have sacrificed myself all of my life. Being with a Narcissistic person is a very lonely life. They isolate one from friends and family. Thank you for a very helpful, educational and informative video. What a great Guest Dr. Carter. Growing up we were always put out of the house and this is the only home I've had that I could not be put out of but I also bought this home. I just made the mistake of adding his name on the title.
Thank you. Know that you can grow your self-esteem.
This was excellent! Thank you!
For the record- wishing Doctor Les Carter, Ph.D., his family and Gus ( a regular dog 🐶) an amazing 🤩 day today and as well an enjoyable evening this evening
How about the person that developed narcissistic traits and was raised by a narcissist mom? I couldn’t stand the way I felt and finally I went to therapy and have been on a healing journey for ten years. I didn’t develop NPD but I didn’t raise a daughter high on thee trait scale or has NPD. I won’t diagnose and she sure won’t go get help or find out cause it’s everyone else around her. 😔
See my blog, "Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers."
This helps explain what I've been going through, thanks for insight
Hi Dr. C. If you could sometime discuss living with a narcissistic adult child one his father who was a narcissist passed away. I was married for 45 years and never got out of the relationship, now my son is here to "take care of me." He has done that very well, but also tends to belittle and gaslight and all of the behaviors his father had. Thank you for your thoughts.
I am afraid that the same thing could happen to me whle being forced to watch my mom go through the same thing.
You are awesome even with scratchy voice,Dr C!
Thanks! I'm ready to get back to normal.
@@SurvivingNarcissism inshallah ❤️💐
Very good 👍 ❤😊
Thank you for this video!
No know how, but did. I esteemed myself through a 45 yr he'll with the narcissist and his narc mother. I am not completely free of both. Life is peaceful and joy filled. .praises to God for my freedom and sanity. Great work Dr. C. Alive and thriving in North Carolina! A Very versatile Merry Christmas to all on Team Healthy😂❤
Great interview! Thank you both.
Fantastic insight! Loved this interview.
Today some experts are now saying that happiness is 50% inherited too. My first late father in law already warned me that I was going to have to become perfect after marrying his eldest son. So what are my chances to be a happy person or a codependant based on my own genes? I am counting on my genes being good enough for me already to allow me to do a reasonable job at trying to be happy in life by for example not wasting time and when asking for help when I need to. Time spent having fun is never a waste of time unless that is when breaking the law or when self-harming by using recreational drugs or like when being sexually active outside of marriage. The way I understand it a co-dependant who has narcissistic traits too will believe they couldn't help it when being sexually active outside of marriage. Only a co-dependant person who is very young when being around someone older than they are who is trying to convince them that they couldn't help it is instead prone to fall for it when that I 'can't help it' narcissistic person whenever someone is looking at what is going on all of a sudden then shames them as if they were the I 'can't help it' person instead that asked for it. When 2 narcissistic men in the mix are then at odds with one another and at odds with the youngest codependant too then if nobody seeks help while more than one youngest codependant is going through that sort of thing well then it doesn't take rocket science to figure out that world war III could start happening later. While any codependant who got away joins in when scapegoating the youngest codependants out of the game first when they are telling them unhelpful things like, "Well I was not a party girl like you" Or, "Female sexuality has to be properly managed starting at an early age instead of allowing it to be hurting men." As if all men are according to them among the "'I can't help it'" crowd whom they have been so much more successful in managing their sexuality than anyone whom the "'I can't help it'" crowd have victimized.
These interviews are so good, Dr. C. Thanks so much to your guest and you for providing such great insight.
Thank you.
I'm playing catch up on these vids. Thoroughly enjoyed this and appreciate the work you caring folks do! Thanks 💜🐾
I know quite a bit but this hit me like a bomb. A good bomb.
2 clever kind people! Very interesting & educational! I recon this kind of insight into narcissistic behaviour could potentially be saving lives x keep up the good work guys sweet dreams & Godbless & good luck too
Wow great example 😮one sentence summed it up.
Yeah… “The narcissist will sacrifice their relationship to be on top and maintain power, but a co-dependent will sacrifice themselves for the sake of the relationship…”
Love you calm people 😢
Sending out love to you ❤
Thank you.
Frued was wrong on a lot of things, I don't believe in healthy narcissism. I do believe in self worth. Dr ramini think narcissism is a learnt behaviour, I thinke a proclivity in many to go that way is there. Very interesting contrasts between narcissism and codependency
Please don't conflate "narcissism" and NPD.
Too bad the two types could not work out a mutually beneficial relationship. Could be good. Maybe. But all the narcs I've been around have not been able to resist being mean. Meanness.
Shame and judgementialism
The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein was a horribly narcissistic book in my mind.
Hi Teresa, I've never read "The Giving Tree" but I watched a video from Ramani about it why she found the story very cruel.
And now you may congratulate me: finally I watched "Kubo and the 2 Strings" today.
You are right, there are some parallels to "Coraline", that caught my eye: the eyes as a metapher for the soul, the skeletal griping hand as a metapher for evil, the figures doll vs. the wooden monkey as a metapher for the daughter vs. the mother. And the two parallel worlds. I found it quite confusing to realize which was the real and which the fantasy world.
As I understand the movie it was about some kind of an old Japanese legend: the moon-king (represented as the grandfather) wanted all power for himself. He lost the power over one of his daughters because she fell in love with an earth dweller, Hanzo, who was a Samurai. To gain his power back he wanted both eyes from Kubo but he failed because Hanzo would protect his child. He saves Kubo's and his wife's life but is killed himself. Kubo lives alone with his mother in this cave. She gets more and more depressed and the roles are reversed for Kubo is parenting his mother.
As I would interpret it the moon-king is full of hate and he raises his children into harshness. But one of his daughters sees the light and the love in Hanzo. Through the loss of Hanzo as well as she is living on earth, she gets weaker and weaker. Kubo as a mixture from moon and earth has inherited the (magical) power from his grandfather as well as the love and compassion from his father. With his power he is able to defeat his grandfather and with his love and compassion he is able to change the heart of his grandfather, who at the end has forgotten all his memories while before Kubo has tought him that just the (shared) memories are giving people a fulfilled life.
@@roxymovie3938 Did Dr Ramani she have a video on The Giving Tree or just mention it?
Coraline was much harder for me to understand. Mean monkey has the strength in the end to save her child (after a type of death).
I don't know if you have ever seen Joy Luck Club but it has to do with the mother/daughter relationship and recovering of strength through having lost spirit found again. That is the best way I can describe it.
@@An-mei Yes, I think it was a full video about The Giving Tree from Dr Ramani.
Well, I found Coraline much easier to understand, haha.
No, I do not know the film The Joy Luck Club but I might have been read the book long time ago from Amy Tan but I am not quite sure for I can't remember it right now but the title sounds quite familiar to me.
@@roxymovie3938 I watched Dr Ramani's video. I agree with her 💯!
@@An-mei Teresa, if you have sent me an answer again, I cannot see it...invisible to me.
Love anyone with same name, as mine. ❤ ❤
Who is not privileged? Who has no rights? Who has not inherented love and dignity?
Thanks Dr.C.would you give me please some advise how to stop the "individual " to not "help" me folding my drums after the gigs please. She is always there when i am playing and she is playing from time to time too. i don't mind her playing my drums but i don't want her to insist after the gig to help me.She is doing this tricks on me at the front of others.I am getting angry after while and all good atmosphere is gone. At the end i am the bad guy who doesn't understand innocent girl who just wants to "help"me.Btw after this help i can't find some of the parts.I broke up with her a while ego due to lack of proper communication.She is a good girl but not for me...please shear some experience Dr.C .thanks in advance. Michal
My narcissist sister has just done that with me.
Because "alcoholism" is not a thing. It's all narcissism and victims of narcs, codependents. Some use alcohol and drugs...On both sides, to deal.
I'm perfectly imperfect.
In Thanksgiving: ( USA 🇺🇸) : btw: Doctor Les Carter, Ph.D.: ( presenter- awareness- mental health- information ℹ️ fabulous) : btw: thank you 😊: again: thank you 😊
Thanks again, Michelle.
In Thanksgiving: ( USA 🇺🇸) : btw: Media Technical Support People and Staff @ Doctor Les Carter, Ph.D. ( Presentation/ awareness- mental health- information ℹ️ fabulous) : btw: thank you 😊
🙏
Looking dapper today, Fred!!
@@SurvivingNarcissism thank Doc! I hope you get well soon!
Dr. C. I hope you feel better soon. Your voice sounds a little scratchy.
Also, could you talk about what if showing negative feelings - including pain and sadness - were shamed in your family. I was told not to draw attention to myself by crying at funerals and not to show pain in the doctors office (so as not to offend the doctor). I still have trouble crying or admitting pain - even in private and don't if this is fixable.
This is a great question. I'll respond to it in one of my live feed sessions I do each Wednesday. Probably not tomorrow, but hopefully next week.
_"The _*_narcissists_*_ will sacrifice the relationship for power (or you could say for themselves) and the _*_codependent_*_ will sacrifice themselves to maintain the relationship"_ - Darlene Lancer.
God sacrifices Himself (without loosing His Almightiness)
to give us back our Relationship with Him
and all our broken human relationships.
It's all His Grace. All His Grace. Only His Grace.
Everyone has the free choice to accept or refuse His Gift.
Still not clear (to me) why God would give some people (namely the narcissists) a very restricted percentage of free choice.
Just saying. Just meditating. Just work in progress.
Very difficult having a meditation in a non-native language. But if the non-native language opens the possibility for collecting answers from all over the world... One may meditate in English, now and then 😁
[Edited for grammar 😑 ]
If I may try to clear up your pondering, Everyone DOES have a free choice, even a narcissist. I'd think only His influence could really make a difference with one. But they'd have to be willing. They'd have to take themselves off their own throne, and replace with Him.
I come at this with a Traducian theology, rather than a hyper-creationist one.
@@aaronkwolfe Aaron, I do not share your opinion for it is not quite that simple. First of all not everybody knows God. So how can somebody choose God if he has never heard of Him? And regarding to a Narcissist I do agree with you that they would need God the most for change but I don't think they have a free choice. They might have made once a choice but while they are deeply into the Narcissism, they have not a free will for their Narcissism has imprisoned them fully. And as Darlene said in the interview, they cannot heal, the codependent can.
Lishma, Teresa and I searched for the meaning of your name. Here is what I found:
"Torah is called Lishma primarily when one learns in order to know with utter certainty, within reason, without any doubts of lucidity of the truth, that there is a judge and there is judgment. There is a judgment means that one sees reality as it appears to our eyes. This means that when we work in faith and bestowal, we see that we are growing and climbing daily, since we always see a change for the better."
Does this sound familiar to you? 😁🙃
By the way, I gave my daughter also a Jewish name, from the Old Testament.
My interest in Jewish people and Judaism already started when I was a teenager. And Jesus was a Jew but their own people did not believe that He is the Messiah.
Shalom, Lishma 🙏💛💛💛🙏
@@aaronkwolfeWhat is Traducian? I will look it up. You make sense to me.
@@roxymovie3938I think everyone instinctively knows right from wrong.
I'm with a covert.
Very difficult because they play on your empathy and desire to be helpful, but don't be fooled. It's all about them.
Opposite s attraction,traders off wrongs
Ookk,u lancing, Deez tings up Anna, down
I have a narcissist trying to make me feel less than. 4 years ago I cheated to try to get him to agree to dumping me … he latched on harder and I get hit and my daughter and I almost left in a parking lot on the side of the freeway… because of me … if I wasn’t …. So it’s all me… I deserve all this abuse … I don’t I keep fighting for equality but the. Again I can’t get a place to live because Humboldt county CA is narcissistic in its own sense of community so… I’m F ed