Are women more attracted to a man whose feelings are unclear?
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- Опубліковано 21 сер 2024
- Viewer Follow My Logic writes, “I’ve heard it said over and over that according to research a woman is ‘more attracted to a man whose feelings are unclear’. Is this true in your experience? Might this be true with women of a certain age, more so than other ages?” Learn why this “appears” to be the case, but isn’t.
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I think I and most other people have gotten exhausted of all these mind games to the point of deciding to stay single and not get married. People are suffering from anxiety issues as it is, and the last thing you want is to add to it in an area that should provide the most stability and happiness.
Yes
Exactly this. I’m pretty much seeing my future as, if not married, even though I would love to find someone I could marry, but if not, then being a lady who takes care of animals, plants, makes art, has a dream job, dances, cooks, and maybe adopts a kid…if I am that lucky.
So damn true
Interesting question. I read the book "Attached" and it talks about the allure of the (very unhealthy) roller coaster ride that an anxious person goes on when they date an avoidant person and it feels like an attraction. The book also talks about how, when you date a secure person (desirable), there is no roller coaster ride and no associated adrenaline rushes and therefore it feels "boring." I've been on the roller coaster ride and the highs are wonderful but the lows are awful. I'll take nice and steady over that any day. Understanding Attachment Theory has really helped me in my dating endeavors.
go to hell you and your social structure. I understand better and better why people leave in their mid twenties, they travel around, they see the world they are non bounded non tied, they are not enmeshed in a social structure that probably holds them back a lot more than it supports them, ....... and a bit later, ten years later they go somewhere they feel comfortable and settle down.
Well for me it looked something like this, degree, then nothing not going away not eeting new interesting people, not falling in love with a business girl, not going to diverese companies not getting salary not being active but being second to the lovals whom I taught to be FIRST during my first years of trying to fit in and find a place in this moronic city......
I'll probably need to get two phd degrees to get passed them, then they'll be like: "Cool" and walk away
@@fredericmoresmau4303 Read a book called we the psychology of Romantic Love. It addresses those things. It says "if a simple, direct uncomplicated relationship offers us happiness, we reject it for the hyper-intense, complicated and ect"
They should teach that in school
My theory about this whole "attracted to someone who's feelings are unclear" is that initially when we are getting to know someone, we are more attracted to people who appear of higher value. That perception can be acheived by feeling that we may not be adequate enough to attain that person. It places the other person as someone worth having therefore more attractive.
Once we are getting established into a relationship that initial attraction to someone has to be strengthened by trust and security which is only achieved through mutual respect, trust and commitment. What creates initial attraction won't sustain a relationship long term without mutual interest.
This answers my confused thoughts at the moment of my situation, feel im going through tough times with a guy who is realy higher valued by me and it is truly fir for a reason , but who seems to has just initial interest to me without wanting any serious relationship or any kind of commitment, the thing is that i am having my heart broken and he still looks like "unclear" with his feelings, according to his intelligence i know he is knowing very well what is going on, but is me who want stop this suffering and not strong enough to do it once, even seems luke every day waiting the phone to ring, or message to come, is more painful...
I just don't want to hurt my heart anymore ..
Lets get to know one another.
You have the right idea. Being openly vulnerable and coy and playfully innocent is like a hacker's cheat code to get any guy you desire.
@@EverythingLvl really? What does that feel like? Lol see what happens when you try to frame someone is that you end up being weaker yourself. I have a bit of trouble relating to people and it is because my mom and dad beat the shit out of me every day of my formative years. I cant feel some things and that's normal. Dont be an asshole.
Same! 🙁
@@brianvanwinkle4588
Heard that! But for me it was an emotional beating. No marks, no bruises.
For me, a man whose feelings are unclear would get my attention more but not because of attraction, more because I notice inconsistency more than consistency and i'm trying to work them out. I would have more respect and attraction towards a man who knows who he likes and is clear about that.
Right on. Respect.
You will think more about the one who's feelings are unclear and end up developing feelings for them
@@thulasmash2195 You are watching Darius M channel, right ? That guy speaks the truth and expose te real female nature ! :D
"When these people stop running, they know how boring they are so that's why they keep running". So true. Having to "be a mistery", "hard to get" or always being busy is an artifice for the boring and uncharismatic. Because if you or your partner are great people with great qualities, the more you know the more impressed you are and the relationship just gets better with time, because we like what we are discovering.
I'm 40 and I play the push and pull game in the beginning but I warn men and women alike coming from relationship coach like myself that if you do this too long the woman or man will turn their back and walk away... The roller coaster is fun the first 2 weeks of dating but after that you're just screwing up a good thing...Thank you Susan for putting this into perspective.
Mr. Spock:
"You may find that having is not as pleasing a thing as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true."
Well said!
Well said! In my opinion, I’d like to put it like this. A relationship is like an analogy of The little girl and The ice cream man.
*”The Nice Guy”* gave a cup of ice cream to the little girl he likes, she took a bite and she said “This ice cream is delicious, I like it!”, then he proceeded to buy 2 gallons of ice cream for her. At first she was excited, then after eating so many ice creams she felt dizzy and go away.
*”The Bad Guy”* gave cups of ice cream to the little girl gradually without over giving and she likes them. She said “I love you!”, then he became complacent and stopped giving her ice cream, she slowly felt uncared so she left to find another ice cream man
*”The Alpha”* gave cups of ice cream to the little girl gradually but never stopped, he knows when not to give her ice cream and when she needed ice cream. Then the little girl knew that she had found the right ice cream man
Women are attracted to men who’s feelings are unclear on the dating period but like men who’s feelings are clear in the relationship period.
Thats pretty damn accurate I say😂🤣🤣
Correct. Women over 28 are ready to settle for a nice beta who they will not really be sexually attracted to.
That ending makes no damn sense.
Maybe she also needs to make her own ice cream. Gotta know how to fill that void, when there's no one around to bring you that ice cream. Lol
@@lorettaerysthee9200 Really though!
This kind of relationship is exhausting. I have lost the patience to deal with that. The challenges with this kind of man is boring to me now.
AngelWithAttitude me too
AngelWithAttitude hi angel
Let's be honest here, you got older and you're dating pool prospects (Sexual Market Value) is quite smaller than when y you were younger. I'm not saying it's not exhausting but in my experience women will always find the time and energy for the guys they think attractive.
Now. I see.
AngelWithAttitude 😂 well said
Well yes, it's easier to deal with a mature woman who knows what she wants. Her standards are set, her deal breakers are defined. Saves time and everybody's not gonna deal with unnecessary drama
Happy New year, Susan Winter
For mature women, time is running out.
when these people stop running, they know how boring they are, that's why they keep running hhhhhhhhh
Boubou Nouna wowwwwwww I love this!!!!! So well put🙏🙏🙏
I too was deserving of getting love for the minor things I was doing and if it'S merely a bar visit to listen some life music with karaoké
unfair!!!!
Yes. I’m 24 and I am so sick of this desire for an unavailable man. You have no idea how much your videos help me. I don’t have a lot of personal guidance in my life and this really means a lot to me.
(ONE MANS PROSPECTIVE) An unconditional loving trusting relationship with someone who is mentally and emotionally stable but still has a mature sense of spontaneity is a very good recipe for a rich and fulfilling partnership.There's always going to trouble if one person is just using the other to fill an emotional void within themselves. I have found that if you become the person you want to be with you won't have to look for them anymore, they will find you.
They will find you how??? 🤨🤨🤨
Susan!! I discovered you just a few days ago - clearly the angel's nudge. Because you are a true Spiritual Master, "disguised" in a practical field of humanity. I've gone deep into spirituality and enlightenment (not to make it sound so grandeur, I mean it in the most humble and authentic way, just the fact I explore really deep into the truth of Universe/Creation/Humanity Illusion or experiment etc :).. ), that when I say someone is taking my breath away, I mean it on a soul level!. Your own wisdom/enlightenment, your way of putting profound spiritual understandings into these alluring (granted super useful) subjects, are simply BREATH TAKING. I have been gushing over the screen watching your videos non-stop, saying.. I love you!! Thank you for being here sharing your light, wonderful Soul, YOU ARE SUBLIME!!
wow you couln't explain it better!! i feel exactly the same for this woman!!! watching her is also so reassuring she's incredible
Angel29 Jingjing Same here ! I found her and she is the only one who really is healing my pains! I really appreciate her! I was heartbroken and couldn’t stop crying , but now I’m better
Your voice is so calming.
it'S not even her who crushed me, it's the use of people waaaay beyond my comprehension and capabilities
I call bullshit , women slow down and settle only because her sexual attractiveness takes a huge dive as she ages so her options ate limited...not because shes more mature.
@@themevlog2260 you are right
So on point. I get the feeling that the recent guy I was dating expected me to react like the young girls he’s most likely been seeing before me. I believe its a case where the hunter gets captured by the game. All he wanted to do was text in the beginning. I told him I needed more such as phone calls. He complied. After more intimacy he pulled back and went to texting again. There’s no way I’m gonna keep telling him that I need more. Now this guy won’t go away yet still texts and texts, sends pictures and sends videos of foolishness such as “I can’t talk now, I’m busy at work”. Or another most recent one saying “I love you too” and showing he’s saying it in front of his coworker. Mind you now these are without me saying anything to prompt these words. Neither are a reply to anything I’ve said to him. I’ve been basically quiet or one word replies. I believe he expected me to chase him. Nope. I’m too old for such foolishness. By now I’m so annoyed by this silly behavior I’m about to call to say it’s time to stop.
luulips Wow! He sounds crazy....please, get out while you can.
This recently happened to me, and I finally did tell him I was tired of his selfies and texts. I met him in another city on business, and he put on a good show for the first couple of months and he seemed like the kind of guy I was looking for. He even lectured me about texting, that it's low investment and the reason men keep doing it is for the ego boost/attention seeking, it's low effort, women might think he's interested and thereby he can keep the door open for future possibilities with you.
What's frustrating is when you attempt to communicate with some men and they just don't listen or selectively listen, and then you stop responding and then they freak out that you don't respond. I stopped responding to this guy for a full 7 days just to see what happened. He didn't call. But he did keep texting me things like, "What's the matter with you? Can't talk?" and sending selfies. I finally responded and said something like, "Yawwwwnnnnnn. So tired of texting and selfies. I'm not going to keep responding to these text messages when you never say anything meaningful."
And guess what? He hasn't responded to that text message. So the non-response experiment really confirmed for me that he's not going to call. And I don't really care why -- he put on a good act for awhile but after he visited me and showed up with a suitcase full of prescription pills it was obvious he has bigger issues and isn't in a position to date.
Same issue. Layed it on the line to him and haven't heard from him since. He was a lot younger than me.
Same as me such bullshit
Makes me wish I could meet some women like you! I’m having something like your issue but here on other side. I’m over just like “receive me or don’t, I respect a solid ‘no,’ I cannot respect having my time wasted, and an undefined lack of reciprocation.” Being kept guessing sucks. I feel you 💯
Next Candidate!!
We become very Practical as we Mature.
We understand how Fleeting Life is and Time is one of only the True Assests.
"You're experiencing ups and downs, highs and lows, but you're not even with this person." How true.
Funny how I've always thought that it's probably human nature to crave for things we could not have :')
Welcome to the club!! I am feeling the same way. He clearly does not want me and I am going up and down.
Wonderful explanation. I just ended a cycle of this.
I really believe a lot of this was the excitement of the unsurity. He was a very attractive man who'd come full blast, reel me in then disappear. I was more shocked I let this happen after a decade of (chosen) celibacy. But had to look inwards to realise what I was getting from it.
I think I loved the emotional highs and lows but no committmemt on either side. Even if I protested. Thank you. You're amazing 💜
Hi Gill. I really appreciate your frank and honest share. All the best!
Gill B2 i
These types of men always come on very strong at the beginning, and then gone. You're not alone. Stay strong.
Totally agree with this. I am in my late 40's and this game playing is ridiculous. I have had enough. It most certainly has me looking and searching within. It all makes sense.
Thank-you.
Your amazing and I would love to talk to you ,your helping me much right now
You are describing the exact opposite of my experience. Women in there 30s and 40s are chasing and playing the game more then ever. Any time I pull away she chases.
@Jed Naylor #Facts. The game never ends. Even when they say they know what they want, and are ready, all it takes is for things to become routine in the relationship. The thrill of the chase will creep back in, her single friends will ask her to hang out with the girls for drinks and boom, that is it. She will go back to boyfriend and all will be well until she gets bored or upset with something he did. Rinse repeat.
Maybe they chase because you look like Brad Pitt 😂
I think it depends on a person's emotional maturity
When is a man supposed to give up trying to please a woman? When I show her no attention, she shows me attention. I've been there before, but at my age, I'm tired of that. We started off good, intimate, friends but then i fell (INTO THE FRIEND'S ZONE) and i haven't gotten out since. Currently we do everything like a normal couple. I've met all of her family, friends and coworkers. She loves my advice, compassion and tells me I'm a great man. When I press her to the next level, she runs and i completely give her space and then she comes back, but gives signals as if she wants more. Once we start back talking and she gets comfortable, it's bacl to the wall going up. I do love alot of things about her and love her. I've told her how I feel. I've dated other women, but when she finds out, she gets jealous. My question to you Susan is, do I give up, because I'm to that point. This has been going on for 4 years now. PLEASE help me. Thanks.
So any follow up im going through the same thing
Sounds like a nightmare. Sorry to hear. I’m kind of dealing with this but it’s just started. Not sure I can hang for too long with annoying uncertainties.
Avoidant!
@@Jocelyn_Jade well that sums it up. Congrats on your bestseller!! 🤣🤣🤣
Thank you , this is so true, now that I'm older I hate the tiresome game playing. I said this in response to a coach Corey waine video that if a guy doesn't make an effort and I feel I have to constantly try to get his attention I'm out. I don't have time, who wants someone that isn't interested equally in them ? As you said the younger group would test that. As I have honestly went through it in my 20s even early 30s but once you know what you really want the tolerance for this bull crap is very short. Like okay goodbye onto the next! But the problem is also men and women are getting information to play the game and most do take it too far and lose out on what might have been a good thing. You live and you learn. I enjoy your videos, they are clear and to the point and honest. Thanks 😉
Thanks for your lovely commentary, Unicorn Pisces
Coach Corey Wayne doesn’t teach guys to play games with girls he’s just showing what women emotionally respond too. You ever noticed the guy that’s really into you will text and call you a lot? For some reason even though women say they’re tired of the games and you know this guy is really into you and he’s willing to talk to you as long as you want, but somehow that will be a turnoff for you and those guys will get friend zoned or ghosted. I struggled with this too with a girl I really liked and I knew she was into me, but she friend zoned me. I told her how I felt and told her if she changed her mind to call me. So I walked away. 4-6 weeks later she called and all of sudden her schedule is more open for me to see her. So now whenever that little demon on my shoulder is trying to get me to reach out to her I resist.
@@marshallaw10 that's right corey wayne is the best coach I've found so far. What women say they want and what they respond to are two different things.
Corey never teaches to play games.
I think she is referring to setting dates and stay off the phone till next time you meet. Phone is for setting dates.
It makes total sense. When you meet someone new and go out on a date, why would any grown man, on his own mission and purpose in life, wise, self-loving, that barely know this person they just met want to be messaging throughout the next week or calling for a chat? He would be busy inviting his time on all things he was doing before he met her. When someone needs to be with someone they will be chasing, calling and messaging. They are not healed from their past and lack self love.
Hi Susan, thank you for addressing this. I really appreciate it. Good advice, but a complex issue for sure! I guess scarcity and being a challenge don't always produce great results. My thoughts as a guy: Have a life, but be authentic.
A fantastic point. You’ve expressed this aspect of false relationships so accurately it is refreshing for all of us out here in UA-cam land receiving your explanation and putting it into practice. One would think we all ought to understand that life is too short for games; there are not enough hours in the day to be consumed with the games of the chase. Sure a little teasing and playing as a relationship is blossoming can be fun, but moving on with growing to learn more and more about one another, and creating the “real thing” (relationship) trumps all the rush of a fantasized connection or infatuation.
I suppose you are right, however, that it may take each of us, and as you address women, specifically, to go through some hard lessons in life to finally “take of the gloves” and get down to “brass tacks” to do the internal work and recognize who we each are as individuals and what it is we really want. Another good video, I am glad I found your channel.
Susan you are amazing. So articulate and appreciate you’re not trying to sell something
Hi, Susan. Great video, as usual. I am currently experiencing this situation with a guy I met recently. I'm a single 41 year old lady looking for the "good guy"/potential husband. I've been around the block enough to know what I'm looking for in a man and have no problem turning guys away that do not fit the bill. However, this guy I met was upfront right away that he is not looking to marry and enjoys living his single lifestyle. And, I'm so attracted to him, I can't hardly stand it. :D But, it's not because "I can't have him." I think it's because of him being totally honest about it. I know he is not trying to play me on any level, and I find him almost irresistible because of that. Not to mention, he has a LOT of the qualities I'm looking for in a man. But, I am keeping my distance. I just thought I'd share my experience with you to give you something else to consider when thinking about or discussing this issue in the future. Thanks for all your advice. You are so helpful! ~Kim :)
As an enthusiastic tennis player, I can tell you that winning 100% of the time soon gets boring. It's more fun when we challenge ourselves against better players even if it means losing most of the time. That's how we learn and improve our game. Love is a game and it is a skill. It comprises a body of knowledge and a set of rules. It needs to be played with the HEAD (knowledge) the HEART (feelings) and the HAND (skills). Like tennis, the game of love is best played within an agreed set of rules (order) with an element of unpredictability (chaos).
Oh my goodness, I wish I had access to this info when I was in my early 20s! New subscriber :)
Well you still look like 20 ,do you wanna talk to me
so let me clear this for all of you guys THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY WANT
It is innately psychological. To want what is pulling away. We have little control over it. Men that are good at playing, unfortunately recognize this also and it’s a main part in how they maintain their playing ways and keep women hooked. However, as we get older I think we start to recognize this more when it’s happening and get better at fighting the urges to reciprocate and give in to it like you said. We start to determine that even if it’s hard and it hurts, it’s best to leave than keep going around in circle with someone who there is no future with. We push through the desire and go towards what actually feels good for the long term, no interest in short term feel goods.
You're so great Susan!! As a woman of 44 yrs I can fully agree w/ what u said. Been there, done that, got a t-shirt. I know what I want and I refuse to settle.
I am content being single until my path crosses w/ a Good, Sexy, funny, honest man!! ;) When u got it going on there is really no need for games. Life is short and an adventure, so let's do this and enjoy every minute!!
Thank u for ur great insight and wonderful energy!!
Much love~ 💗
Hey Susan, great video but I think you got the concept wrong by mistaking unclear with running away. Corey Wayne was the one first who introduced me to the concept that women are more attracted to guys who feelings are unclear. What he meant by that is that if you revealed your feelings to the other person to fast in the dating stage it might turn off the person because they haven't had the space to think about you & wonder about you. So in this stage the more time you give the person to wonder where they stand the more they think about the person & start to develop their feelings towards that person slowly, especially for women since they take longer to fall in love. Hopefully this helps. 😊🙏
This is something coach Corey Wayne says all the time.... as a woman, unclear emotions eventually bore me as the emotional highs and lows are exhausting.
you don't get what he is really saying
@@mysteriouskite But she’s a woman speaking from her experience as a woman.
Sounds like an attraction to ‘chaos’ which we all got lured into one point in our lives :/
You are the best relationship expert by far! Most articulate, concise and to the point yet you fully explain the motives that govern human behaviour. I am so happy I found you! Greetings from Serbia! :)
Woman are definitely attracted to men who are unsure of their feelings no matter the age. I recently had my heartbroken by a 42 year old. At the beginning when we first met she knew I was running around with other women as we weren't in a relationship. She still chased. Month's later when she would pop the "what are we" or "what's our status question" I would tell her I'm not the relationship type of guy. She still chased. The miniute I showed her more attention and expressed my feelings towards her she pulled away. When I finally asked for a relationship she led me on and had me as a backup plan as she was already seeing another guy and stringing me along.
I'm sorry Henry. There are many confused people out there.
@@SusanWinter Thank you for your kind words and keep up the good work. These videos help a lot.
Gives me anxiety.
Asl ?lol
Amazing how this question is spot on. Especially the last part of the answer.
What if that woman has a good guy , has everything she could need yet is seeking validation and attention from another man?
Last month I put my foot in my mouth, and I will share my experience. I had been dating a women, age 41. We hit it off very fast, and things moved very quickly. After a month I sensed that she wanted to know where things were going, so I asked her how she felt about me. Big mistake on my end, but at the same time; it was the best thing for me. She was never the same after I asked her, and I never even got an answer. She pulled away, texting was different and I never saw her again. I later found out she was bipolar,depressed, and had huge rage! I don't think she is emotionally available, and had some serious baggage from her last BF. I feel that I messed up by asking her about her feelings, and expressing that I liked her. As much as I liked her, she would have been toxic later on. So hopefully with the next women I meet, I will keep my mouth shut, and let her bring it up!
You are right. This is what happens. The author of this video sounds eloquent. But it is filled with excuses of modern woman behavior. Just let them come to u. Never ask for clarity. That will go wrong. U can have a good relationship but play the field and scoop up one that is good to you.
Omg ....such an amazing topic and so cleaver answer ....loved when you said " you think you are in a relationship but you are not" ...oh God I have been many time is that situation !
I like men who are clear that they like me.
Love to talk to you .
bs
making me a bystander in some hurricane I do not comprehend since I don't see anything
Do you really do that ? I dont think so
Awesome video, Susan.
I saw in a different video of yours, where you said that when you feel that ultimate chemistry with someone, unless you’re prone to delusion these things don’t happen in a vacuum.
For the past two years, it feels like I have a real connection and chemistry with someone who is unattainable. It’s not acted on though, it feels mutual but I don’t know for sure. We are acquaintances and see each other regularly.
I have been hurt by a previous relationship. I have also had attractions to unattainable people in the past, though never as intense as this or for as long. I thought all of these feelings were genuine. Are people who are prone unattainable attraction, doing it subconsciously or just game playing? I’m in my late 20s, not game playing either.
I feel great when this person is near me. I feel like I could talk to them about anything and be myself. I like who I am around them and I like how I assume they perceive me.I hope I’m not just attracted to them because I’m afraid of being in a relationship subconsciously, due to being hurt.
I would really like to hear more about your thoughts on situations like that, if you would like to share them.
I know there is a lot here, I understand completely if this kind of question/s is too much or too much of a personal scenario for UA-cam comments or a video.Thanks for all of your videos Susan. I even watch the ones that don’t really apply to my life. Hope you have a great one.
Sport on. You couldn't have said it better. I think maturity plays a big role in this situation. Your analysis are out of this world. Thank you ever so much for your competent architectural view!
Most men are clear on our intent. We know what we want and like. Women are the ones that complicate things, because they dont really have the guts to explore and adventure. To be honest its not even women, it's everyone, people mistake euphoria and pleasure with love.
It all comes down to physical features and social proof at the start of dating.
If we were all truly grateful for the good in one, we would never be ‘bored’ in the first place. I believe it all comes down to gratitude.
I want to send this to my therapist. This explanation helps me feel much better than what she was trying to do.
I learned a lot about myself from this video. I would love if you did some videos about how to break negative dating patterns to become the best you and really be happy in a relationship with the right person.
Frequently Incorrect
If he’s unsure I have stopped wasting my time I move on very quickly and very quietly
Hol' up. Women mature? I mean shit im 27 and most women i see still act like theyre in high school..hell some of em are even older than i am
Practical and mature .Thats me now .Thank you .I reject so much that I thought I had sth wrong with me .
Nothing is wrong with you. Thanks for your input!!
Susan Winter I thank you ...I ve seen at least ten of your videos in a row because they are so clever and helpful .Kisses from Greece !
Been there done that and not so long ago either ( I’m 54) what really annoys me besides the obvious « waste of time » is that why oh why do men in their 50’s still don’t know what they want , not ready for a relationship , not quite sure?!?!! ...OMG!! I am SO over all that crap!! 🤦🏼♀️
imagine you're in a market wanting to sell two things: one is not precious and the other is very precious, when people ask you about the non-priciouse one you are very clear about the price and you kinda beg people to buy it from you, while when they give you a certain price for the precious one you don't know if the price is worth it and you are indecisive so people feel which one of these two things is expensive and which one is cheap, the same thing in dating life , when you know your worth you are not sure if the other person deserves being with you thus your feelings are unclear, the other person will feel this from you and deep inside they will become very sure and certain that you are a person of a high value and kind of feel that their commodity is maybe of a lower value and thus they start trying to convince you to buy it and chase your validation...
Susan you are doing very good work
Great video. I've recently ended a six years on/off affair (it was never a relationship ) and I should know better as I'm in my sixties. I was addicted to the highs and lows. .I can see that now. He was the most unavailable man I've ever met and it was exhausting trying to make something out of nothing. But he still hoovers probably because he's not found a replacement. But I'm done. I'm too old now for games and life is so much better with him out of it. This video explains so much. Thank you.
This is so astute and very true
THANK YOU!
hi
GalacticWoman yes best of luck .
GalacticWoman ,I'm a single Man ,I'm 36
Muhammed Mohamed ,hru
Here is what I see it as real:
Women who are writing about being tired of games of a man being unavailable on purpose: women are good at spotting games. Perhaps the guy is just inexperienced and inauthentic and I have been there. The problem is I used to attract insecure women (as well as emotionally fucked up) like I was.
But also can be that the man is actually busy and focused on his mission and purpose in life (which by the way it's man's nature) but she is so used to dealing with guys actually playing games that she goes and find every excuse yo validate her point of view.
There isn't a right or wrong answer or just one way to look at things. You can't come up with a generalization about things and people. Because that generalization will stop you from actually seeing things as they are. Think about it:if you say that " guys are all the same and play games " would it be fair to say that you won't see anything but guys playing games? You set yourself up to failure and not discovering anything new.
I definitely want the man who is clear that he likes and wants me. It has to be the right man and if he is too gungho too quick, with the I love you first day bullshit that's a no. No one knows that fast.
For me balance has become key. Realizing I was the common denominator, I chose to be single for years after consistently choosing unhealthy partners. I had inner work to do and vowed not to get into a relationship until I reached a point where I was balanced and healthy, seeking the same in any partner. Not too hot. Not too cold.
The best tip I've read. Trust this advice, about older dates and no time to waste are true. I go for widows.
Please tell me why the woman silence or ignore the good person. . I have one
Even though this question never crossed my mind it was still interesting. Never understood how emotional drama makes anyone feel like they are in a relationship when as you said they are really not. I followed your logic and wow did I ever learn! When you said thank you to us. Me personally I appreciate your advice, and help. Plus I respect your mind and you. Thank you very much Susan! I enjoyed your books very much and your illustrating stayed with me since I was younger. Your hair is very pretty.
hey susan, i wanna ask, is there really someone that just wants to be alone? without a partner in their life? or its just some excuses for them to make because they are afraid of something terrifying in relationship? And if so what is your opinion on chasing them with hope to change their mind? Thank you Susan, hope you make videos about this!
Your best video yet susan ... nice to hear a women’s view on this issue that’s always got me perplexed 🤔 x
I just love you, Susan! ❤️
Happy New Year!!! 🎉🍾
Beautifully well done video wow... My dating Coach Corey Wayne talks about this EXACT concept like crazy in his book, How to be a 3% Man? I am dating a 34 year old woman right now and I am 26, I can't stand playing games and all that crap, it gets so old. But the way you rationalized why we liked a bit of that hot and cold really makes sense now... Well done.
Thank you!! Appreciate you checking out my channel.
Thanks for being so down to earth and right to the point with your knowledge and insight. I'm an empath so dating can be very hard for people like me.
Lol Corey Wayne is all about playing games. You should do this, and you should do that and you should behave in such a way and you should be this and so on, such nonsense. How about being honest and genuine and authentic and let the chips fall where they may. A man is on his purpose and mission which is important to him but he can also fall in love when the right woman comes along.
I agree with a lot of his principles with communication, courting, things like that. I am not a fan of his hook up approach, but every dating coach mentions that.. I am saving myself so it's a bit different haha. His video on Women are like Cats, Men Dogs is brilliant. I did stay true to myself with the girl I am dating now and I was honest and upfront about a lot of things she asked or brought up. But his whole focusing on your purpose idea makes sense because I can have the tendency to wait by the phone hoping she calls or texts me or whatever when I should be having fun, doing me, and focusing on what makes me happy, and successful first. Susan talks about in-depth in her one video about going back to doing things you did without your partner that made you feel really good and happy.
I really don't like it when dating coaches put sex at the forefront of dating, which really puts me off. Thats the reason I don't listen to corey wayme. Sometimes he states things like you need to invite her to your place so you can have sex and how to have power in a relationship and things like that. I agree with you that his tips on communication and courting are quite good. I just want to follow people whose advice is in line with my inner beliefs and morals. After a lot of soul searching I have come to the conclusion that lust is just damaging to my life and I am more interested in commitment and companionship love. Yes you need to be happy on your own first because no person on the outside can ever give you happiness. You can meet this great girl and you might feel happy for a few months and then that romantic illusion will fade away and you will fell exactly the same as you felt before you met her. The hotter the flames of passion, the quicker the ashes. Focus on companionship love and intimate moments. Romantic love is great for bringing together 2 people but it does fade.
Dammit Susan I am a 31-year-old man and I love yah
This was very helpful. Thank you. Subscribed.
I'd say its more about being so much focused and driven with your passions and purpose in life that it gives you the carefree attitude along with it. It not about hiding your feelings and emotions.
Thank you for sharing this point!
Whaow!! Susan...this wil put many people who think they r hard to get...see sm sense....the one runs...or makes it difficult...are not sure of who they r and what they want...period!!
Hi Susan,
I have a question related to this topic:
You mentioned how women who know what they want will accept your honest, clear feelings if they actually like you and want to be with you. But, you also mentioned how this is a result of maturity.
I'm curious: What are the signs of a mature woman regardless of age?
As a guy who wants to have a family while I'm young enough to have the energy for it, I hope to find a mature woman who is also young and wants to invest in a family before we get tired and beat up from poor dating choices! So I'm looking for advice on how to find such a woman and how to improve myself to be better suited to this end.
Excellent videos and thanks in advance if you happen to cover this information :)
I think it is because many of us had cold parents so we normalize this behavior. Once you have a good therapist and realize the abuse we endured in our childhood, these kind of people are not attractive anymore and actually pretty predictable
Why cant people be just themselves? Clear? Keep it simple? Life is too short and unpredictable...to waste on mind games etc!!!
VERY SIMPLE AND STRAIGHTFORWARD SAVES ALL OF THE BS.
Light Lamp True!! Well said🙌🏼
Mind Games are BS why can’t people just be honest with each other , a yes or no simple as that
Owen Butcher wish some people think the way we do...
Excellent 🙏
Hi Susan, I like to be a gentleman and open doors for women, I think I am a good singer, do women like to be sung to? I am an Elvis Presley fan too! I like the slow songs that are romantic. I realized that you are describing me. I doubt myself, and when I see a woman I just like how she looks, and if I know her to talk to, it's just as a friend.
Thank you Susan for another Great Vlog indeed very much appreciated.
Walk in Beauty and Gratitude..
If this is what research says maybe it’s because..just speculating now.. but in general, maybe a guy who has many options and therefore may be less certain, it’s because a guy with many options may be more attractive physically and personality wise. So maybe the truth is more akin to…we’re more attracted to someone who is more attractive. Obviously. Sometimes research just forgets context. But this does not mean that we are less attracted to certainty. Also, I know a lot of guys act aloof and disrespectful and they think this will make them attractive. It does not. Negging is a red flag and it means goodbye.
Honestly so tired of games and I'm 26. I have realised now that my childhood has really shaped who I attract and I have recently been able to spot that a guy I have been speaking to is "unavailable". He thinks sending me 1 text a week saying he's "thinking of me" is enough and this has been going on for 10 weeks. So done with it, told him what I'm looking for and it is my fault it carried on for this long. Didn't want to throw away too quickly to give a fair chance but have realised this isn't going anyway and even though I have told him before nothing changed. Blocked his number and just want to move on. What is with all the games? So so so done with it.
I wish I could say (as a mature woman) that I easily accept the rejection of an individual I am expressing an interest in. Easier said than done though. It is difficult not to ? chase after something you really want when you think it is RIGHT for YOU. There are so FEW DECENT OPTIONS out there that I think a ton of the Mature women put up with far more bs and settle for just a beating ❤️👎🏽.
What a phenomenal question and explanation! I was always the safe guy in young adulthood that struggled to be desirable bc I wasn't exciting enough. Thanks.
Hi Susan. So refreshing to come across u on fb. I can REALLY use a clone of you as my personal therapist!lol. I have a personal therapist that i like. You seem to be specializing in what i need specializing in. After 13 years of getting my life together from a drug addiction that ruined my life practicality and my childs life I ran into an old school mate that i was crazy about@ 13 yrs old! Lol...at 50 years old come to find out..that feeling was still there (on my part, he claimed he felt it also) it just matured and gotten stronger. He,btw, he had no clue i existed...ever. We connected noticed me now and were together for 8 months( i know crazy short time to totally lose it, i totally lost it.... But it was like i had no control, my attraction was like a rabbid race horse) in which time he relapsed from a 30 yr drug addiction that he had been clean from for13 months. After he relapsed things because gross. He lied,cheated but would sober up just to get me to believe he was getting back to his old self.I'm smart enough and experienced enough to know he is full of crap but my emotions and self worth were way too far gone. finally i was rejected by him in a terrible terrible manor, in front of and while supported by his x. Now after 13 years of recovery and staying single everything fell apart. I just want to heal, not suffer anymore, stop self destructing, and move on so I'm healthy enough to be happy again and then for someone else who will respect me. I want to be in a relationship. You are helping me tremendously to see the light. Or i should say.... that there is hope. Everyday, that feeling changes! What can i do to possibly touch base with u personally. Or is that not An option. Thank you for listening.
Plz excuse any typos. I hate social media. Lol
Girl, you are so wise!!! Thank you!
Glad you like these videos, Julie.
Girks are beautifully too
Could you give some advices to the young women who haven’t dated enough to know who is the right person to go
Thank you so much for your fantastic videos 🙂
wow few minutes well filled with pure wisedom thanks so much
I read all these comments and it's always about how men are this and that, they are always playing games and all they want is sex and so on. Let me tell you this no high quality man will want to date a woman who has a low opinion of men. Your beliefs will shape your destiny and if your beliefs about men are bad, change them as it will subconciously hurt your relationships with men. Coaches like Susan will tell you it's only the men who play games, but what they will not tell you is look within yourself, are you playing games too? No one is perfect but when we are attrcting the wrong kinds of guys and even choosing to date them then it's time to take responsibility and look within. A victim mentality is not empowering. What is empowering is to take responsibility for our actions, our lives and our experiences and to learn from these experiences.
Susan would never tell anyone that only men play games. Try listening to her when she speaks, because that is not her message.
Also, you are speaking of high quality men?
Well you misogynistic undereducated fellow,
no high quality woman is going to want a man (you) who can’t put together a legible sentence or spell words without a million typos.
Also, if the victim mentality is not empowering to you, then stop playing the victim.
As you sit and criticize and blame woman you are pitying yourself and your gender with stereotypical and misguided ideas that don’t even make sense.
It’s you who is playing the victim.
Lol. Intellect, honestly I won't even bother to engage with you. Your words potray your mentality. Good luck. btw 95% of the advice these so called internet dating gurus will give you is just plain nonsense and Susan is no exception.
Hi Nix ale, I am sorry you had to read those comments. I felt they were uncalled for. I would like to just say though that I think a top quality man will change a woman's mind about men. No? ;) She doesn't need to have a good view of men. Let him prove himself, right? The same vice versa. Men can demand a woman prove herself also. I think we can all have hurts and baggage from previous relationships. It is fine to have those hurts and baggage. Lets keep it real. A top quality women can also change a woman's mind about men presumably. I am not one of them, going by my relationship history, and sadly I have hurt and baggage. I like to think men and women can work it out. I think that you are being a pessimist with regards to women who have a right to their trust issues due to having been hurt.
What a great video!! Thanks a million :)
Thanks for that Maria
Very true explanation from you. However, sometimes it is hard to decide what we are actually expecting from a relationship at all . Going everywhere together, and/or exclusivity and/or a stable pillar in our lives and/or a common household and life-long goals or have mor fun in our lives. Women are supposed to be always looking for their life mates, which can not be always the case.
Best advice channel.
True. I called the guy out on this hot-and-cold cycle...he didn't even reply. 😑
Oh well...now he's out... NEXT.
She just changed narrative from "unclear feelings" to "men running away"."
Wow so true! I enjoyed every Single word you said Susan 😍
I would say not if the intrrinsic attraction isn't there. i.e. You think the guy's OK (but no more) and he is unclear... so you bounce him,. right? : ) But, if you like him and he is somewhat vague that can make you work that bit harder to check what his reticence might be. Now, being older and more experienced means you probably won't even bother making that much effort - no one needs to waste time then...lol.
I didn’t realise this is what I’m going through right now, I like to talk about it but not be in it. So even the guy is confused, lol.
Thanks for this, it’s an eye opener. Love your videos
Fully agreed with you Susan :)
I've learned to spot those guys early enough. I hate men who don't know what they want. After a while of contact a man should know what he wants and go for it. We can see it in their actions, NOT in their words! Unfortunately there are so many insecure men out there 😔
Yoh have such impeccable insight! Thank you