"Because this is how they roll." They play the game of hot and cold, you distance, they chase, and when you come back, they will put you right back on the shelf. How true Susan, you hit the nail right on the head in describing these emotional manipulators. Best to just walk away and keep walking.
All of this is true . When a man really likes you he always appears in front of you , needs to see you very often and is always around you with some excuse .Those who play games arent really into you .
Athanasia Art your statement is correct, I'll give you that. As soon as a man is there for a woman, the women starts having doubts about him. Why is he always available? Why is he so nice to me? He must be a weak man. I hate to play these games and all the BS keeps my true interest in a woman at 50% because when i go at 75% or 100% i dont want the BS of her pulling away..
While that's true, it's still a 'game.' And the game locks in both players. That's my ultimate concern. Even with distancing (to get the attention one seeks), the game continues in circles with no true endpoint of partnership.
Men have to be players because women have too many sexual opportunities and lesser logic in comparison to a man. Lesser logic and more chance for sex leads to reckless sexual behavior. Lol in my 20s I knew multiple women who had over 30 sexual partners. A man need to play the game with a sharp mind and stop letting these promiscuous women have the upper hand.
1983LoneRanger you shouldn’t distance yourself. Just be yourself, treat beautiful girls like anybody else. Do not, and I mean do not treat them better in any way. Just smile and say hi. Be a gentleman and considerate. And always stay productive, on your purpose, be the best you. Learn to love yourself first. That’s all my brother.
Jay MARVLIS I agree and disagree with you Jay. However that technique worked 10 years ago. These days it’s not as effective, guys and myself have tried it many times and we expect them to desire us more because we are playing hard to get but these days girls wanna be pursued 100%. If they see a guy half motivated then they will say “ ok he’s not interested on to the next one of my many options on Facebook and Instagram and Tinder and whatever technological advancement that has only ruined it for us guys due to the large variety of options females have today. Sadly enough. Most woman even want to be the boss these days because of liberal woman empowerment propaganda so us REAL MEN who have a backbone are actually the only guys they wanna sleep with but not marry because they wanna be the leader in the relationship. It’s so backwards today. So sad for us guys.
@@Jaymarvlis i think your doing it wrong. that game is a waste lol. find someone who makes effort. when you flat out ignore it shows u can drop them easily. when they come around for "attention" don't even give eye contact. ha! they will get it. "give them nothing and take from them EVERYTHING!. "
@@banderas2000 What a great reply. You sound like me lol, I don't take any mess from any female, as soon as you start playing bull shit games I am gone. What's the point of saying Hi to someone you cut off because of disrespect?? You are only giving her free attention that she is going to feed off, she gives you no respect, you give her nothing!!! I totally ghost and that's that!!! You should have treated me well when you had me!!! Don't let them come back because they will be worse the next time and then discard you just to get you back for doing it to them. "Give them nothing and take from them everything" 300 Movie Lol
This concept is incredibly evident when I'm in a relationship. Other girls suddenly start becoming flirty with me. To the point where one would always sit on my lap, and another would stare at me and bite her lip, and touch my hands. But despite all this, I stayed loyal to my girlfriend. But then as soon as my relationship ended, those other girls went completely cold and uninterested. Psychology is depressing once you realize that so much of attraction isn't from genuine appreciation, its simply people wanting what they cant have, and illusions of percieved value. Any man or woman can be manipulated through these psychological triggers. And somebody else can even manipulate your partner in the same way and steal them away from you. It takes the concept of real love and appreciation, and just flaps a giant "F You" on it.
This is such a great post!! It can be so frustrating to be on the receiving end of this when you don't realise what's going on. It's very empowering to know you can walk away, and feel confident you're not missing out on ANYTHING!
Wow! So powerful and true. I have a guy who is playing this exact thing. He will not have contact with me for a month or so and then he pops back up like he never missed a beat. He always come with an excuse as well like "I've had a lot happen recently." I've been dealing with him awhile but I'm so over the games. I have to make sure that as I am walking away that I keep walking. Thanks!
Just so everybody knows: this happens with both genders. Both man and women do this. People only value others (speaking of romantic relationships) when they are either hard to get, or when they feel they are loosing them (or when they've effectively lost them). Become a bit detached, and you won't get affected by this.
Exactly. I had a huge crush on a married man for a year. We work in a professional capacity. I knew he liked me too, however when I found out he was married I "left his orbit". He did everything in his power to try to get me back. Talk about NIGHTMARE.
Bull crap! No. That's game playing. Fear of commitment. No love. Only conquer. When two "TRULY" fall in love the other goes out the window. You accept them warts and all. In others words Unconditional Love. Anything else is a game and is unhealthy and dysfunctional.
WITCH IS 100% FEMALE NATURE A WOMAN CANNOT LOVE that is the truth they dont tell you its science fact a female canot love u back as soon as men realise this there alone and happy usually after a marriage a house and a separation and child support
It’s quite sad really. Once you first break up I don’t think it’s ever really the same again. It’s sad how someone you really did care for a loved is now just a game. I can only have her if I ignore her, which is the same as not having her... Or I can chase her and never have her. The only thing you gain by ignoring her is your dignity but in the end it’s the same result and it hurts just as bad.. if not more because you have to mask how you really feel for your self pride and never truly tell them how you felt. The only thing to do is suck up the pain and trust that time will heal things, it’s hard when you develop relationships with their family too, you don’t just lose them you lose a family and it’s so sad. I wish humans could just be honest with eachother and not let ego or pride get in the way. I guess we don’t really work like that though and with the way social media is making people feel less and less worthy, the need to put up guards to defend the ego will only get worse. God I hate relationships.
Thats not always the case..when the girl i was dating was not available one weekend, i still went out with friends and met 2 other girls. The original one i was dating still hasn't called or tried saying hi or anything..i have not communicated with her just to see if she persues me but hasn't yet..
These mind games only work on men who are not aware of them. Thanks to the internet the majority of men are very aware of these head games that women play. Men call it _"The Shit Test."_ The moment a man realizes he's being played he has a literal playbook on how to lead the woman on with her own game and as soon as he gets what he really wants that is when the dreaded _"ghosting"_ phenomena happens, that is when he disappears from her life without an explanation.
@@xm377Moyocoyatzin the reason players and pimp exist. Is because back in the old days . men began to studys woman nature figured out their mind games . and used it against them (👩 woman) .. All of this games is created by woman ... Whether you believe in god or not .. The bible. Clearly states. That eve was the 1 one who brought sinn into the world by listening to satan .. And took adam down with him .. If adam would stood up to Eve and personally kicked her out the garden of Eden .. GOD. Would of been proud . because Adam was God's 1st creation .. And he gave man authority over everything on earth.. Eve was the second creation from adams rib.. Therefor .woman must submit to her .man .. The men must protect. Be the leader of in the relationship.. Now we living in a feminist society .. Women claim to be equal to a man .. Thats false 100% todays relationship between and woman . has been the worst. Then any other decade .
Thank you so much for explaining this. I couldn’t understand why I still had this person on my mind. There was nothing about him that I was truly interested in, but he was always on my mind. Makes complete sense. Thanks!
This was so awesome! You can see between the lines. It is an ego boost when they finally pay attention. You have to leave some mystique and have some self esteem. Either play the game for your ego boost or build your self esteem and say I deserve better and move on . They want you obsessed with them.
Yes it,s true! ..They want you obsessed with them.,,That guy who ,s intention was to ghost me ..told me :,,I want you to crave me,,this was a red flag for me and i block him.Soo self centered!He had such an energy that exhausted me !Vampire energy !It was a painfull experience to me ...i never date online.This happend in facebook ,and i learn to become more selective then i have been before with the peopele that i allow in my life.I learn to guard my heart ,mind and energy .
Completely agree. I have just started pulling away because it was all about sex and no emotional shoulder to lean on. I was a convenience and im worth more so slowly i backed away
I used to think men were like dogs (jk, I love men) but they are really like cats! You can't chase a cat. Ignore them and they suddenly come around, purring and flicking their tail lol
Hard to hear but perfect advice - amazing timing for me to see this, trying to muster up the courage to just walk away from a hot and cold partner. Thank you, you're so right - the cycle will never change.
I get such a kick out of watching you. You are a beautiful lady. I am.70 yrs old.and your advice.has helped me in a long distance relationship. I think the old fart is starting to ghost me. The old fool. See troubles with men never ends. Ghosting is all new to me. Love.ya girl. You are a smart cookie.
I just got ghosted at 68! Incredible how cowardly some men can be. And I had the nerve to feel bad about it. I’m finally realizing he would never have gotten anything out of my time and effort.
I was with someone for 15 months, with our relationship ending a year ago. In may we saw each other but he was inconsistent and I knew I messaged first. I was done. In August he came back into my life. I showed less interest yet he messaged more and was more consistent. An obsession grew again so I asked for space. It felt too much like a game. Still feel at times like he was my true love.
Heyy are you guys together now?... Because my story is kindaa... Sameee too.. I'm just soo f-ked up in my head ...and hurt and lost .. need some help❤️
There are so many UA-camrs discussing this topic however you are the real deal. You are clear concise you give a good examples and you don’t waffle love I love this.
Exactly!!! They are not the right partner for me. I have been playing this game for the last year and I am so completely done!! Thank you, thank you, thank you Susan! ❤
Susan you are incredible!! And Thank you so much for your videos!! You have seriously opened my eyes to the truth of what has been going on for so long with this guy friend I know online and I am so done with his games. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of me now and I don’t feel sickly anymore. Because being in love with someone who knows you do and says “ I am still open to us being together one day but if we aren’t then that’s okay we can still be in each other’s lives” that is a guy who constantly sends me hearts and flirts with me,compliments me and then leaves me in the cold for weeks and then is back hot and then back to cold again. I feel like he wants so much attention and love from women (god knows how many he has online) and pulls them in far enough to make them hopeful of a chance with him but he never pulls you in any further. He is also very secretive about his life and never shows anything on his social media ,he hides his friends list on Facebook too. Which is a big red flag to me, because why hide something like that? I don’t care anymore because I’m free of this crazy cycle with him!! Yay 😁 Thanks again Susan!! 💖
Who ever initiated the “distance” or need a “break” those are who ones who need to reach out. Simply walk away, and focus on you. If u feel compelled reach out but, just be you and do you.
As a person who values real communication, (I think like other people) , I find your way of explaining the hot and cold concept to be advanced yet clear. I only say this because when I would prevent myself from pursuing certain love interests, I was doing so to preemptively avoid toying with human emotion. The way you explain it made this part of the hot and cold aspect clear to me, because I would not want to portray myself in a selfish way. Thanks for your insight! Very wise
Brilliant observation, I think we all know this deep down but never want to bring it to the surface and admit what is going on. Thanks for bring voice to this.
Very insightful. You have really increased my awareness. I am proud of you being a woman who is in full possession of your own power and sense of unique beauty.
This was exactly what I needed to hear today. I’ve been involved in a very tumultuous situationship with someone I’ve concluded is a narcissist. There is no other explanation. Only focuses on himself, won’t give me a solid commitment, hot and cold but comes to me when he needs his ego inflated. After 3 years of this BS the blindfold has come off. I don’t even know why I stuck around so long...he was even self-serving in the bedroom...I probably stuck around only because I’m an empath... Susan do you recommend blocking this person on social media? I’m presuming yes, but why would this be a good idea? Empaths find this type of thing hard
Wow this explains exactly what I just experienced. Thank you-it helps me see the person for who they really are rather than the fantasy that I created them to be 😢
I am just about accepting that this happened to me. What hurts is that I was honest and open with my heart. I am so so hurt but I will do what is right. Just to keep on walking
Susan thank u , i have this person for more than 11 months now, i was deeply in love , and when i told him about my feelings he pulled away and flirted with someone else, i decided to stop and he came back when he saw that i was happy with my life , and act like nothings happened, he flirted me again and i thought he was into me , i gave him gifts within 11 months , but never revealed my true feelings, then he acted hot and cold again, i felt disrespected and i hate it , i realized that i need some self respect , then decided to act cold and and flirted someone else .... now hes trying to get me back, i will never go back to him unless he tells me where i stand....
I like how you didn’t ask people to like and subscribe. Because you didn’t ask like all the other UA-camers I like and subscribe. I love your genuine true message!
Oooo! You nailed it! I have been on someone's ( more than one) bucket list, since I was a teenager! I am over 40! No, don't fall for it. You don't want to be the buckle on his belt.
I'm glad I saw this at the right time. This always happens to me, I go all in because I want to believe that it will be different this time around and it never does they cycle never ends. Now I'm emotionless. I can't trust no men because I've been let down by the ones I've dated in the past. Human nature like you stated is very strange we always want what we can't have.
I ❤️ your analogy about the supply and demand of water. I think a lot of people like the “catch and release” technique. Dating has gone from Courting to Sporting. The number of eligible bachelors over in my city is very slim. I think that is a contributing factor to lacking confidence and going back in for round two only to be tossed back out to sea 😳.
Susan I maintained no contact for seven mths and now he's in hot pursuit,the thing is that I 've seen him for who he truly is ,hes begging but that pain he caused me 'Ive learned my lesson.
Hi Susan! I respect you very much, but don't think it's that black or white. In some cases maybe. But I believe some people are able to wake up and change when their partner walks out. Some are too egotistical too change. But a nice guy like me am spending almost all my free time now on learning how to be a better partner because my lover withdrew her interest. I want to make my girlfriend feel special, loved and protected.
You're the exception to the game of hot and cold...because you weren't playing a game. I've worked with a good number of men who want their girlfriend/fiancee back. They are the most hardworking and humble men I know. Take heart. All of your inner work will be evident on the outer as well. Wishing you the very best.
I had a gf, that I did backflips for...I thought I made her feel special and loved, I guess that wasn't enough....still after 3 years I can't shake that feeling of I wasn't good enough!
My bf got panic after i broke up with him..and i said why.. I took him back with a warning,if he continued with his bad behaviour,i would leave.. He has stopped. He stopped that day when i broke up. And he is making progress everyday now..❤ All the best to you 😊
Amazing Susan. This is spot on from my experience. This is a well known concept but I love the direct and natural way that you tell it, from your perspective
AWESOME perspective Susan!! LOVE IT! On my UA-cam channel, I'm always talking about how women should treat themselves (LOVE YOURSELF--by doing YOU and brain on the books OFF the boys!!) DO YOU! YOUR CAREER and the one that is supposed to be in your life will there when YOU acheive YOUR goals and become YOUR best self! GREAT STUFF Susan! BIG LIKE!! You are WORTH IT, Susan! TY!
It has been two months since my husband changed everything for me when I told him I wanted a divorce. His temper was frightening and he had a lot of control and listening issues. Since that day he has done a complete 180 but because of two years of pain caused by his behaviour I have told him that I am still not sure about this marriage. He said I should do what makes me happy and stop putting other people first for once and that no matter what happens he’ll be there for me. I know that he is trying with all his heart, but deep inside I am wondering if he will stop trying when he sees that our marriage is no longer at risk.
When you are in love darling you give second chances cause you follow your heart not logic, after trial and error you know what's good for you and you choose it. But don't have the illusion that you know what's going on with the other person or with anyone else..... So don't put labels
The bucket list! So true. Some guys act so obsessed with me and I can tell it’s because they have one agenda and they can’t believe that I am not falling for them. Great video. ❤️
The devil's playground has become extremely stank in the dating world. I will not allow myself to partake in that ludicrousy. I will be ok on my own. I L💛VE ME enough to be HAPPY in LIFE.
I have experienced this phenomenon from both sides! I also find this aspect of human nature fascinating. I've heard other dating/life coaches advise woman (and men) that "scarcity creates value"! It's SO true! This concept applies to both people and commodities as well..
Hi you have no idea how much better and wiser you have made me feel ! These happens to me all the time ! They ignore me soo I just send polite message Sorry I don't play games ie hot and cold ect and best wishes to you. Then they reply immediately! ! to try hook me back in !! Is so hard dating these days bit thanks to your awesome advice I feel soo much better about it and feel optimistic! Robert from uk :)
Hello Robert from the UK. Here's the good news; the tide is turning. The more we decode this power trip, we take it out of the realm of confusion. Now that you see the patterns, you know what to do. And like yourself, there's a huge mass of individuals who're seeking healthy partnership. By freeing these individuals from the hooks of the player, they're now able to meet someone like themselves. Hang in there. You're clear. And people are getting smarter and moving toward healthy and rewarding relationships. Thanks for your note.
How do you stay trustful and open when 99% of the men who meet online show intense interest and ghost within a month? How do you still smile and trust men in general?
I know it's hard to keep the faith. One bit of advice-make sure your profile states exactly what you want and carefully sift through the guys you meet to make sure everything they say and do matches your and goals. Look for patterns. Take some time to think about what all these guys had in common that ghosted you. When you isolate those factors, you will know exactly what to watch out for. Best wishes
GoldenChildBronzed ,try meeting men not online, no really, meet someone at the grocery store, post office, bank,car wash, etc... the internet/social media has caused people to lose people interaction skills, I personally use the internet for work,researching things,paying bills, but not to meet people, the women I meet are a bit more far and few between because I don't have social media, but I'd rather meet someone like we use to back in the day, hope this helps....
I think a lot of this nonsense is social training; not so much human nature. Narcissism is learned/taught and these iodiots are taken advantage of it. If it were truly human nature everyone would be doing it. It's childish, immature behavior that should be avoided.
Thank you dating mom (my real mom is also 'Susan'), I needed that!! Now a subscriber to the woman w/ the smartest/most practical dating advice on the net :).
Susan wow, I’m in this right now and you’re so right this is exactly how it has played out. Not what I was looking for. Such a beautiful lady too. It’s hard to believe she’s 61. Why play games at 61. I’m 58 and in great shape and still trying to find the right person. I have lots of room and love in my heart for the right one. Thanks for the solid advice at the end of the video. You’re friend Todd from Minnesota!!
Susan, you are so right on every thing you say..love listening to you. Just blocked a man after 6 months of giving me nothing..he thought I would stay because I love his 2 kids..but all of a sudden his daughter starting not speaking to me either. He is big on the silent treatment and never answers my questions. Had to walk away. God bless.
I never had this on/ off relationship with anyone before this guy I realise the main issue and cause of the on/off was in first place I did not have boundaries of what is it I wanted as a relationship with this person I kept breaking up and coming back without 1. trusting my self of why I did not want to stay 2. Coming back without making clear or asking what he wanted now or what I wanted, for example I want a relationship what is it you want? ....I want to just fuck around or I want casual, I want nothing, I dont know what I want 3. You dont know what you want go figure it out and when you know maybe we can talk But you did this and you did that so I cant blah blah, .... sorry but we need to start somewhere , blaming each other wont move us from this toxic place we are right now The mature thing to do and for start if for both of us to be on the same page, right now we are not You behaving like a single selfish bachelor guy and I am investing in a relationship where my needs are not met and I am alone in it, all effort I make toward building a relationship is rejected by you, so we need to decide first if we want the same thing if we dont than it doesnt matter what you or I did , we simply not on the same page So yes, something like that I let myself down, I did not set boundaries, I usually date guys that know what they want and I did have to worry of this I never thought hey a guy date you but he want nothing more Anyway my guy was misbehaving , show no respect toward his partner and I did not stand up for myself firmly So when you make the video, to end the on and off relationship cycle, it is not about you are not good for each other is good relationship need good boundaries People need to want the same thing If he want casual and I want relationship, we are not on the same page, we could go on on and off for 100 years It will always go on and off and " I am not happy to get or be in what I deeply need to feel loved and feel safe and that is for me to be in relationship And his not happy as well as he doesnt want to commit he doesnt want nothing serious So as heart broken that it is, Making sure you are on the same page is the cure guarantee to not start a vicious cycle of on and off Guys, will accept whatever you give them especially if there is no guidance from us ladies The guy meet you and misbehave and dont respect you, you leave him and come back he just going to laugh at your face and go more wild with you Sadly thats what I got Thanks
Shane, your points about being on the same page and wanting the same things is key. Many people don't know what they want or are afraid to say it. And, boundaries. Yes. We've all broken our boundaries for someone at some time in our lives. Very good analysis. Thanks.
The last time i date a woman was 3 years ago and from then on i don't even care about dating anyone no more i enjoy being on my own being busy and all that.
I must be of a different mind set. I was always taught that the entire mindset of "That person who isn't paying attention to me. So I will go up and talk to them" mentality was rude. If someone doesn't acknowledge you, you don't approach them, to talk to them. You leave them alone. People who initiate contact are the ones you talk to.
God, this is good advice. The first time I see Susan. Walking away is hard, but sooner (or later) we'll get over the woman, the game player. She won't change -- she can't. What is missing in the advice of many other coaches is the observation that she hasn't changed, and when she pulls you back in, with the implied promise of a relationship, it is only to play games with you again. My dance partner pulls me back in every time, simply because she wants a good dancer around when she is going to a dance where she feels she won't get many dances. It's time to walk away, and mean it.
I have already been through this cycle with somebody for the last three months. When you decide to pull away for good and not put up with their hot and cold games, how hard will they pursue, usually?
It only took me one weekend of "no action" after 4 days of hot pursuit to smell a problem. I've been watching the behavior now for a month and a half (two weeks was enough), and it hasn't changed. Unbelievable that someone thinks this is alright to do this not only to another human being, but to THEMSELVES. Said he wanted to do SO MANY THINGS (specific) WITH ME (when could we get together, etc), wanted to be "my man," DEFINITELY was into me, etc. Did I EVER even get on one date?? NO, excuse after excuse because I made it clear I wasn't going to do anything before marriage when he brought up hot tubing and traveling, staying at the hotels in his corporate position, etc. He didn't respect standards, and I've slowly now been ghosted. I've never been through something like this before. It was extremely cruel and hurtful since I'm now older than 20, and because he said and looked the part. When you're older and you STILL haven't found anything good since you were younger, it gets to be a little harder. But the fast-moving pace, of course, was so ridiculous and hard to trust. He kept telling me to give him a chance, that he was a really good guy. So I gave him those chances. After seeing he was all talk and no action, I finally contacted our mutual FB friend about him. Found out she went through the same thing with him at about the same time he started contacting me, both of us "older women." Only she wasn't interested in him. I was, so I was baited. I've watched a few vid's now and see that this is more common than I realized. Frustrating and inconsiderate at best!
People don't appreciate things, until they don't have it.
well I have my sanity, I appreciate that!
Holographic Multiverse - incorrect!...this applies to everyone
This is so true my friend
True true true
Boom 🎇
I learned my lesson. I'm going to treat people the way they treat me.
Wow
Same
I should, but I can’t
"Quickest way to have someone's attention is to remove yours" - A universal rule applicable to all human beings ever existed.
True! like another coach says invest as much as he is investing in you, if he gets cold you get cold and see how he reacts, works all the time
"Because this is how they roll." They play the game of hot and cold, you distance, they chase, and when you come back, they will put you right back on the shelf. How true Susan, you hit the nail right on the head in describing these emotional manipulators. Best to just walk away and keep walking.
No games, no narcissists. I'm happy on my own, dating has become toxic.
v t - right lol
v t its so true
i cant even
I totally agree.
Agreed!
v t that's ME,I feel exhausted!
I don't want to date anymore. Games people play are bs.
I Do wanna date, but my kid & I share a disability. Even if I date a guy long enough to let him in on that, dudes Still play games. So Idk what to do.
Yea I’m over it. Lol. Focusing on new business ventures and building a brand. Making money.
E. I soo exhausted by the BS and stupid mind games!
Bea La Zay ikr
Bea La Zay omg me either ugh
the one who cares less holds all the power
It is true. But like the above comment be careful because you could miss out on that person who does appreciate you long term.
This comment is the truest thing I've ever read. Weird how just a few words can completely change the way you think.
That power is very fragile
Watch out the other one will call you selfish.
power is bullshit
GAMES GAMES GAMES. You WIN when you stop being the player to their game.
Agreed.
You win when you just dont touch or play the damn game
Games my Ass!.. No more playing games with Narcissists. Welcome to Reality. What ever you do or say? Always keep it a Real at all times.👍 Never Lie.
THIS. Don't play into their mind games and you'll live as a happy and unbothered queen.
All of this is true . When a man really likes you he always appears in front of you , needs to see you very often and is always around you with some excuse .Those who play games arent really into you .
Athanasia Art your statement is correct, I'll give you that. As soon as a man is there for a woman, the women starts having doubts about him. Why is he always available? Why is he so nice to me? He must be a weak man. I hate to play these games and all the BS keeps my true interest in a woman at 50% because when i go at 75% or 100% i dont want the BS of her pulling away..
she keeps popping up where I am, being stalked... thinks she owns me, threatens every other female I have ever spoke to, true story, all recorded...
Men like that get friendzoned.
@@g.d.3279 , Yup, this is happening to me right now, I feel as soon as u give her over 75% the games start.
then you get board of him and sleep with the next the guy next door!
stay away from players, yes!
heard this somewhere, "quickest way to get someone's attention is by removing yours"
Justin Orprecio coach corey Wayne he says that a lot but it's a quote from someone I can't remember! but it'd a true saying !
Correct.
While that's true, it's still a 'game.' And the game locks in both players. That's my ultimate concern. Even with distancing (to get the attention one seeks), the game continues in circles with no true endpoint of partnership.
Men have to be players because women have too many sexual opportunities and lesser logic in comparison to a man. Lesser logic and more chance for sex leads to reckless sexual behavior. Lol in my 20s I knew multiple women who had over 30 sexual partners. A man need to play the game with a sharp mind and stop letting these promiscuous women have the upper hand.
Corey Wayne
I'm a female. If friends or lovers become cold, I just drop them and I disappear. I don't have time for games and cut people off real quick.
A female what?
Is that a z?
The same 😊
it must be something your doing they become cold..take some self inventory.
@@teriballa6282 I have a mama magma red. Absolutely love it!
They pursue when you distance??? Not for me. When I distance myself that's it. Never to be heard from again.
1983LoneRanger you shouldn’t distance yourself. Just be yourself, treat beautiful girls like anybody else. Do not, and I mean do not treat them better in any way. Just smile and say hi. Be a gentleman and considerate. And always stay productive, on your purpose, be the best you. Learn to love yourself first. That’s all my brother.
1983LoneRanger exactly. Females all mentally twisted today.
Jay MARVLIS I agree and disagree with you Jay. However that technique worked 10 years ago. These days it’s not as effective, guys and myself have tried it many times and we expect them to desire us more because we are playing hard to get but these days girls wanna be pursued 100%. If they see a guy half motivated then they will say “ ok he’s not interested on to the next one of my many options on Facebook and Instagram and Tinder and whatever technological advancement that has only ruined it for us guys due to the large variety of options females have today. Sadly enough. Most woman even want to be the boss these days because of liberal woman empowerment propaganda so us REAL MEN who have a backbone are actually the only guys they wanna sleep with but not marry because they wanna be the leader in the relationship. It’s so backwards today. So sad for us guys.
@@Jaymarvlis i think your doing it wrong. that game is a waste lol. find someone who makes effort. when you flat out ignore it shows u can drop them easily. when they come around for "attention" don't even give eye contact. ha! they will get it. "give them nothing and take from them EVERYTHING!. "
@@banderas2000 What a great reply. You sound like me lol, I don't take any mess from any female, as soon as you start playing bull shit games I am gone. What's the point of saying Hi to someone you cut off because of disrespect?? You are only giving her free attention that she is going to feed off, she gives you no respect, you give her nothing!!!
I totally ghost and that's that!!! You should have treated me well when you had me!!! Don't let them come back because they will be worse the next time and then discard you just to get you back for doing it to them.
"Give them nothing and take from them everything" 300 Movie Lol
This concept is incredibly evident when I'm in a relationship. Other girls suddenly start becoming flirty with me. To the point where one would always sit on my lap, and another would stare at me and bite her lip, and touch my hands. But despite all this, I stayed loyal to my girlfriend. But then as soon as my relationship ended, those other girls went completely cold and uninterested. Psychology is depressing once you realize that so much of attraction isn't from genuine appreciation, its simply people wanting what they cant have, and illusions of percieved value. Any man or woman can be manipulated through these psychological triggers. And somebody else can even manipulate your partner in the same way and steal them away from you. It takes the concept of real love and appreciation, and just flaps a giant "F You" on it.
So true
Well said. And that mentality and behavior is force fed to us daily.
Poor values and low self esteem causes this!!!
Scarcity creates value...
Best comment.
FAMILIARITY IS WAY LOVELIER. the more me and mine r together the lovlier it is. we both love to be smotherd.
The diamond water paradox . Why are diamonds considered more valuable than water
This is such a great post!! It can be so frustrating to be on the receiving end of this when you don't realise what's going on. It's very empowering to know you can walk away, and feel confident you're not missing out on ANYTHING!
Awesome commet. Thank you.
I was going to call him again. Thank you for stopping me.
A M don’t , not worth it . Let him chase .
Wow! So powerful and true. I have a guy who is playing this exact thing. He will not have contact with me for a month or so and then he pops back up like he never missed a beat. He always come with an excuse as well like "I've had a lot happen recently." I've been dealing with him awhile but I'm so over the games. I have to make sure that as I am walking away that I keep walking. Thanks!
Tera Jackson you probably won’t walk away, That’s why you’re reassuring yourself
And it makes you want him all the more. .woman always want the guy beyond their reach. Always....
1perfectstrangerr hahahahahahaha exactly. We both know her well
He should have waited for you to contact him... if that ever came to happen!
Just so everybody knows: this happens with both genders. Both man and women do this. People only value others (speaking of romantic relationships) when they are either hard to get, or when they feel they are loosing them (or when they've effectively lost them). Become a bit detached, and you won't get affected by this.
Thanks for the clarification. Almost all of what I talk about is gender neutral.
If someone pulls away and doesn't pursue you even after playing hard to get, they still are creeps. Move on.
Exactly. I had a huge crush on a married man for a year. We work in a professional capacity. I knew he liked me too, however when I found out he was married I "left his orbit". He did everything in his power to try to get me back. Talk about NIGHTMARE.
If he is willing to cheat on his wife, you are not any different
Bull crap! No. That's game playing. Fear of commitment. No love. Only conquer. When two "TRULY" fall in love the other goes out the window.
You accept them warts and all. In others words Unconditional Love. Anything else is a game and is unhealthy and dysfunctional.
WITCH IS 100% FEMALE NATURE A WOMAN CANNOT LOVE that is the truth they dont tell you its science fact a female canot love u back as soon as men realise this there alone and happy usually after a marriage a house and a separation and child support
I dont want hurt your idealistic ideas. But Unconditional Love is possible only for men. Womens love is Always CONDITIONAL !!... Always.
correct, i agree
i love mine unconditionally..like a doormat. except he never walk over me nor wipes his feet. he kisses them ..sigh
So agree.. Once I see game I lose interest.. Don't test me either that's still a stupid game.. I'm too old for this crap..
It’s quite sad really. Once you first break up I don’t think it’s ever really the same again.
It’s sad how someone you really did care for a loved is now just a game. I can only have her if I ignore her, which is the same as not having her... Or I can chase her and never have her.
The only thing you gain by ignoring her is your dignity but in the end it’s the same result and it hurts just as bad.. if not more because you have to mask how you really feel for your self pride and never truly tell them how you felt.
The only thing to do is suck up the pain and trust that time will heal things, it’s hard when you develop relationships with their family too, you don’t just lose them you lose a family and it’s so sad.
I wish humans could just be honest with eachother and not let ego or pride get in the way. I guess we don’t really work like that though and with the way social media is making people feel less and less worthy, the need to put up guards to defend the ego will only get worse. God I hate relationships.
That's the default tragedy of the human race. You can only blame God for this.,
It's hard to let go if you have also attached to their family
these woman is very smart. I love her advice
Thank you nimao.
She is very smart
This woman..
God this is so true. If u want a man to commit distance yourself, leave town for the weekend... be less available... it works
eTheReal Deal Good luck with that...
When I went away for the weekend, his abusive NPD kicked in. Needless to say, I never accepted his call or email again. I saved myself. Good riddance.
Thats not always the case..when the girl i was dating was not available one weekend, i still went out with friends and met 2 other girls. The original one i was dating still hasn't called or tried saying hi or anything..i have not communicated with her just to see if she persues me but hasn't yet..
These mind games only work on men who are not aware of them. Thanks to the internet the majority of men are very aware of these head games that women play. Men call it _"The Shit Test."_ The moment a man realizes he's being played he has a literal playbook on how to lead the woman on with her own game and as soon as he gets what he really wants that is when the dreaded _"ghosting"_ phenomena happens, that is when he disappears from her life without an explanation.
@@xm377Moyocoyatzin the reason players and pimp exist. Is because back in the old days . men began to studys woman nature figured out their mind games . and used it against them (👩 woman) .. All of this games is created by woman ... Whether you believe in god or not .. The bible. Clearly states. That eve was the 1 one who brought sinn into the world by listening to satan .. And took adam down with him .. If adam would stood up to Eve and personally kicked her out the garden of Eden .. GOD. Would of been proud . because Adam was God's 1st creation .. And he gave man authority over everything on earth.. Eve was the second creation from adams rib.. Therefor .woman must submit to her .man .. The men must protect. Be the leader of in the relationship.. Now we living in a feminist society .. Women claim to be equal to a man .. Thats false 100% todays relationship between and woman . has been the worst. Then any other decade .
Thank you so much for explaining this. I couldn’t understand why I still had this person on my mind. There was nothing about him that I was truly interested in, but he was always on my mind. Makes complete sense. Thanks!
Celli Love,You look stunning 🌹🌷🌷,hope you are with a good man!
@@christianpulisic7784 thank you!
@@Francelli22 Which country are you from?
@@Francelli22 I tell you a secret, he was thinking about you too. Lol
This was so awesome! You can see between the lines. It is an ego boost when they finally pay attention. You have to leave some mystique and have some self esteem. Either play the game for your ego boost or build your self esteem and say I deserve better and move on . They want you obsessed with them.
Julie Ryan you're correct on all counts.
Yes it,s true! ..They want you obsessed with them.,,That guy who ,s intention was to ghost me ..told me :,,I want you to crave me,,this was a red flag for me and i block him.Soo self centered!He had such an energy that exhausted me !Vampire energy !It was a painfull experience to me ...i never date online.This happend in facebook ,and i learn to become more selective then i have been before with the peopele that i allow in my life.I learn to guard my heart ,mind and energy .
Yes
Completely agree. I have just started pulling away because it was all about sex and no emotional shoulder to lean on. I was a convenience and im worth more so slowly i backed away
run. dont walk.
I used to think men were like dogs (jk, I love men) but they are really like cats! You can't chase a cat. Ignore them and they suddenly come around, purring and flicking their tail lol
I love how she breaks down the whole theory of pursuing it is very detailed and well explained great job
Hard to hear but perfect advice - amazing timing for me to see this, trying to muster up the courage to just walk away from a hot and cold partner. Thank you, you're so right - the cycle will never change.
I'm so relieved to know you saw this video at the right time. Thanks for your note.
SB you are so right!!
It's incredibly hard and confusing
jojoangel1983 Yes.
I get such a kick out of watching you. You are a beautiful lady. I am.70 yrs old.and your advice.has helped me in a long distance relationship. I think the old fart is starting to ghost me. The old fool. See troubles with men never ends. Ghosting is all new to me. Love.ya girl. You are a smart cookie.
What a delight to read your message Barbara. You are one 'together lady!' Happy hunting!!
Lol, I think I’m being ghosted right now!
Try old fools at 85.
@keith cunningham because he probably lead her on and now is onto something else because he is a man. Correct, good, he is gone.
I just got ghosted at 68! Incredible how cowardly some men can be. And I had the nerve to feel bad about it. I’m finally realizing he would never have gotten anything out of my time and effort.
Susan, you are right on with your discussion of hot and cold gain players. There are so many damaged people who can’ t partner with us.
I was with someone for 15 months, with our relationship ending a year ago. In may we saw each other but he was inconsistent and I knew I messaged first. I was done. In August he came back into my life. I showed less interest yet he messaged more and was more consistent. An obsession grew again so I asked for space. It felt too much like a game. Still feel at times like he was my true love.
Heyy are you guys together now?... Because my story is kindaa... Sameee too.. I'm just soo f-ked up in my head ...and hurt and lost .. need some help❤️
@@nitinjoseph4279 no we aren't! He has been living in NZ since before covid too
There are so many UA-camrs discussing this topic however you are the real deal. You are clear concise you give a good examples and you don’t waffle love I love this.
Exactly!!! They are not the right partner for me. I have been playing this game for the last year and I am so completely done!! Thank you, thank you, thank you Susan! ❤
Susan you are incredible!! And Thank you so much for your videos!! You have seriously opened my eyes to the truth of what has been going on for so long with this guy friend I know online and I am so done with his games. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of me now and I don’t feel sickly anymore. Because being in love with someone who knows you do and says “ I am still open to us being together one day but if we aren’t then that’s okay we can still be in each other’s lives” that is a guy who constantly sends me hearts and flirts with me,compliments me and then leaves me in the cold for weeks and then is back hot and then back to cold again. I feel like he wants so much attention and love from women (god knows how many he has online) and pulls them in far enough to make them hopeful of a chance with him but he never pulls you in any further. He is also very secretive about his life and never shows anything on his social media ,he hides his friends list on Facebook too. Which is a big red flag to me, because why hide something like that? I don’t care anymore because I’m free of this crazy cycle with him!! Yay 😁 Thanks again Susan!! 💖
Your house is so neat, clean and spacious. I love it.
😂 I was looking at that too!
You have a nice house
Who ever initiated the “distance” or need a “break” those are who ones who need to reach out. Simply walk away, and focus on you. If u feel compelled reach out but, just be you and do you.
Relationships like that don’t end up working.
I like the sound of your voice and how so Passionate you sound! New subbie !
As a person who values real communication, (I think like other people) , I find your way of explaining the hot and cold concept to be advanced yet clear. I only say this because when I would prevent myself from pursuing certain love interests, I was doing so to preemptively avoid toying with human emotion. The way you explain it made this part of the hot and cold aspect clear to me, because I would not want to portray myself in a selfish way. Thanks for your insight! Very wise
This is so true ! We always want what we can't have
Brilliant observation, I think we all know this deep down but never want to bring it to the surface and admit what is going on. Thanks for bring voice to this.
sounds like he just wants an ego boost
Exactly.
Oh don't we all want an ego boost. I could use one from time to time.
Same with females..
I love how light and bright your house is!
This is precisely making a lot of sense. For sure many people would find it very helpful.
Very insightful. You have really increased my awareness. I am proud of you being a woman who is in full possession of your own power and sense of unique beauty.
There will be no hot and cold over here...it’s either you want Me all the time or you don’t. Period.
This was exactly what I needed to hear today. I’ve been involved in a very tumultuous situationship with someone I’ve concluded is a narcissist. There is no other explanation. Only focuses on himself, won’t give me a solid commitment, hot and cold but comes to me when he needs his ego inflated. After 3 years of this BS the blindfold has come off. I don’t even know why I stuck around so long...he was even self-serving in the bedroom...I probably stuck around only because I’m an empath...
Susan do you recommend blocking this person on social media? I’m presuming yes, but why would this be a good idea? Empaths find this type of thing hard
Really sobering advise Susan. Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts.
Wow this explains exactly what I just experienced. Thank you-it helps me see the person for who they really are rather than the fantasy that I created them to be 😢
I am just about accepting that this happened to me. What hurts is that I was honest and open with my heart. I am so so hurt but I will do what is right. Just to keep on walking
Susan thank u , i have this person for more than 11 months now, i was deeply in love , and when i told him about my feelings he pulled away and flirted with someone else, i decided to stop and he came back when he saw that i was happy with my life , and act like nothings happened, he flirted me again and i thought he was into me , i gave him gifts within 11 months , but never revealed my true feelings, then he acted hot and cold again, i felt disrespected and i hate it , i realized that i need some self respect , then decided to act cold and and flirted someone else .... now hes trying to get me back, i will never go back to him unless he tells me where i stand....
The only way out of this, is to stop playing the game. It's good that you're the first one to make that move.
Just keep walking!!! Shocking but is true.
I like how you didn’t ask people to like and subscribe. Because you didn’t ask like all the other UA-camers I like and subscribe. I love your genuine true message!
Oooo! You nailed it! I have been on someone's ( more than one) bucket list, since I was a teenager! I am over 40! No, don't fall for it. You don't want to be the buckle on his belt.
Thanks for your comment, Karen.
I'm glad I saw this at the right time. This always happens to me, I go all in because I want to believe that it will be different this time around and it never does they cycle never ends. Now I'm emotionless. I can't trust no men because I've been let down by the ones I've dated in the past. Human nature like you stated is very strange we always want what we can't have.
I ❤️ your analogy about the supply and demand of water. I think a lot of people like the “catch and release” technique. Dating has gone from Courting to Sporting. The number of eligible bachelors over in my city is very slim. I think that is a contributing factor to lacking confidence and going back in for round two only to be tossed back out to sea 😳.
Honestly - I love everything you post! You are so on the ball and word things in a way that’s so so clear! You are an Angel 👼
I love your suggestion , just keep walking 🚶 great voice
I've been a UA-camr for a long time and I haven't stumbled on truth like this......relationship wise. Thank you
THANKS ADAM!!
Susan I maintained no contact for seven mths and now he's in hot pursuit,the thing is that I 've seen him for who he truly is ,hes begging but that pain he caused me 'Ive learned my lesson.
This video is so worth watching. A guy is being driving me crazy with his hot and cold game even if i am totally aware of what he is doing.
Hi Susan! I respect you very much, but don't think it's that black or white. In some cases maybe. But I believe some people are able to wake up and change when their partner walks out. Some are too egotistical too change. But a nice guy like me am spending almost all my free time now on learning how to be a better partner because my lover withdrew her interest. I want to make my girlfriend feel special, loved and protected.
You're the exception to the game of hot and cold...because you weren't playing a game. I've worked with a good number of men who want their girlfriend/fiancee back. They are the most hardworking and humble men I know. Take heart. All of your inner work will be evident on the outer as well. Wishing you the very best.
Thank you so much Susan :)
I had a gf, that I did backflips for...I thought I made her feel special and loved, I guess that wasn't enough....still after 3 years I can't shake that feeling of I wasn't good enough!
Mantraone Mantra yea it has!
My bf got panic after i broke up with him..and i said why..
I took him back with a warning,if he continued with his bad behaviour,i would leave..
He has stopped. He stopped that day when i broke up.
And he is making progress everyday now..❤
All the best to you 😊
Your summary about partnering and playing at partnering is right on the money.
This video make sense, it may help to other people to move on and go on with thier lives.
LoveMe,com easy for you to say.
Amazing Susan. This is spot on from my experience. This is a well known concept but I love the direct and natural way that you tell it, from your perspective
Thank you Daniel.
This is the best explanation for this I have ever heard! 👏👏
Rhonda Smith, you look gorgeous 🌹🌹 🌷🌷 🌹🌹 🌷🌹 🌹
Rhonda Smith,hope you are with a good man
AWESOME perspective Susan!! LOVE IT! On my UA-cam channel, I'm always talking about how women should treat themselves (LOVE YOURSELF--by doing YOU and brain on the books OFF the boys!!) DO YOU! YOUR CAREER and the one that is supposed to be in your life will there when YOU acheive YOUR goals and become YOUR best self! GREAT STUFF Susan! BIG LIKE!! You are WORTH IT, Susan! TY!
Yaaay I loved this and you have the coolest voice 😊 *subscribed*
Thank you!
I'm going through this and you sooo explained it!Thank you Susan!Your awesome!
This made more since than anything else I heard on UA-cam it's a lot of good stuff on UA-cam but this the best to me
I like your analogy explanations, i found it very clear and easy to understand and so true, its just a game for some.
It has been two months since my husband changed everything for me when I told him I wanted a divorce. His temper was frightening and he had a lot of control and listening issues. Since that day he has done a complete 180 but because of two years of pain caused by his behaviour I have told him that I am still not sure about this marriage. He said I should do what makes me happy and stop putting other people first for once and that no matter what happens he’ll be there for me. I know that he is trying with all his heart, but deep inside I am wondering if he will stop trying when he sees that our marriage is no longer at risk.
this only works on people with low self esteem
When you are in love darling you give second chances cause you follow your heart not logic, after trial and error you know what's good for you and you choose it. But don't have the illusion that you know what's going on with the other person or with anyone else..... So don't put labels
The bucket list! So true. Some guys act so obsessed with me and I can tell it’s because they have one agenda and they can’t believe that I am not falling for them. Great video. ❤️
The devil's playground
has become
extremely stank
in the dating world.
I will not allow myself
to partake in that ludicrousy.
I will be ok on my own.
I L💛VE ME enough to be HAPPY in LIFE.
I have experienced this phenomenon from both sides! I also find this aspect of human nature fascinating. I've heard other dating/life coaches advise woman (and men) that "scarcity creates value"! It's SO true! This concept applies to both people and commodities as well..
Christine Mushala great insight- thank you.
Hi you have no idea how much better and wiser you have made me feel ! These happens to me all the time ! They ignore me soo I just send polite message Sorry I don't play games ie hot and cold ect and best wishes to you. Then they reply immediately! ! to try hook me back in !! Is so hard dating these days bit thanks to your awesome advice I feel soo much better about it and feel optimistic! Robert from uk :)
Hello Robert from the UK. Here's the good news; the tide is turning. The more we decode this power trip, we take it out of the realm of confusion. Now that you see the patterns, you know what to do. And like yourself, there's a huge mass of individuals who're seeking healthy partnership. By freeing these individuals from the hooks of the player, they're now able to meet someone like themselves. Hang in there. You're clear. And people are getting smarter and moving toward healthy and rewarding relationships. Thanks for your note.
Susan Winter Thank you as always ! your a beautiful person inside and out :)
thank you Robert.
Robert Collins not all people play this. But many do. :)
Robert Collins n n
Wow! Heavy stuff ! I just subscribed just by hearing this!
Thanks Jonathan
Me too
Wow I'm glad I found your vids! But makes me sad. I love this guy and I think he's doing this to me now.
Sorry about that Stephanie. Hang in there- and make sure you get some great tools and tips for moving forward.
Stephanie Guersey m
Worry I am a game player. Trying not to be. This was another wise and amazing video. The phyche of the human mind is fascinating. Wow.
How do you stay trustful and open when 99% of the men who meet online show intense interest and ghost within a month? How do you still smile and trust men in general?
I know it's hard to keep the faith. One bit of advice-make sure your profile states exactly what you want and carefully sift through the guys you meet to make sure everything they say and do matches your and goals. Look for patterns. Take some time to think about what all these guys had in common that ghosted you. When you isolate those factors, you will know exactly what to watch out for. Best wishes
GoldenChildBronzed I've been through this too.
Sherri DiChiara me too
GoldenChildBronzed ,try meeting men not online, no really, meet someone at the grocery store, post office, bank,car wash, etc... the internet/social media has caused people to lose people interaction skills, I personally use the internet for work,researching things,paying bills, but not to meet people, the women I meet are a bit more far and few between because I don't have social media, but I'd rather meet someone like we use to back in the day, hope this helps....
GoldenChildBronzed - watch what they do. Not what they say. If a guy follow up his words with action and don't let you down, he's probably a keeper.
Described very well. It's like when my wifi is down all I think about is getting the wifi fixed. Then when it's fixed I forget about it.
I think a lot of this nonsense is social training; not so much human nature. Narcissism is learned/taught and these iodiots are taken advantage of it.
If it were truly human nature everyone would be doing it. It's childish, immature behavior that should be avoided.
I think culture has a lot to do with it. Especially here in the west.
Thank you dating mom (my real mom is also 'Susan'), I needed that!! Now a subscriber to the woman w/ the smartest/most practical dating advice on the net :).
E. Thank you, thank you!
Lol the first video I've watched of yours and i like it. Love how real you are
Bennett Marcelo thank you!! I appreciate your coming to my channel, and you thoughtful
note.
Susan wow, I’m in this right now and you’re so right this is exactly how it has played out. Not what I was looking for. Such a beautiful lady too. It’s hard to believe she’s 61. Why play games at 61. I’m 58 and in great shape and still trying to find the right person. I have lots of room and love in my heart for the right one. Thanks for the solid advice at the end of the video. You’re friend Todd from Minnesota!!
Hello it's works I can't believe am with my lover again contact him
I needed to hear this tonight, this blew my mind, she describes it perfectly 💞
Susan, you are so right on every thing you say..love listening to you. Just blocked a man after 6 months of giving me nothing..he thought I would stay because I love his 2 kids..but all of a sudden his daughter starting not speaking to me either. He is big on the silent treatment and never answers my questions. Had to walk away. God bless.
Just KEEP Walking, AMEN!!!
I never had this on/ off relationship with anyone before this guy
I realise the main issue and cause of the on/off was in first place I did not have boundaries of what is it I wanted as a relationship with this person
I kept breaking up and coming back without
1. trusting my self of why I did not want to stay
2. Coming back without making clear or asking what he wanted now or what I wanted, for example
I want a relationship what is it you want? ....I want to just fuck around or I want casual, I want nothing, I dont know what I want
3. You dont know what you want go figure it out and when you know maybe we can talk
But you did this and you did that so I cant blah blah, .... sorry but we need to start somewhere , blaming each other wont move us from this toxic place we are right now
The mature thing to do and for start if for both of us to be on the same page, right now we are not
You behaving like a single selfish bachelor guy and I am investing in a relationship where my needs are not met and I am alone in it, all effort I make toward building a relationship is rejected by you, so we need to decide first if we want the same thing
if we dont than it doesnt matter what you or I did , we simply not on the same page
So yes, something like that
I let myself down, I did not set boundaries, I usually date guys that know what they want and I did have to worry of this
I never thought hey a guy date you but he want nothing more
Anyway my guy was misbehaving , show no respect toward his partner and I did not stand up for myself firmly
So when you make the video, to end the on and off relationship cycle, it is not about you are not good for each other is good relationship need good boundaries
People need to want the same thing
If he want casual and I want relationship, we are not on the same page, we could go on on and off for 100 years
It will always go on and off and " I am not happy to get or be in what I deeply need to feel loved and feel safe and that is for me to be in relationship
And his not happy as well as he doesnt want to commit he doesnt want nothing serious
So as heart broken that it is,
Making sure you are on the same page is the cure guarantee to not start a vicious cycle of on and off
Guys, will accept whatever you give them especially if there is no guidance from us ladies
The guy meet you and misbehave and dont respect you, you leave him and come back he just going to laugh at your face and go more wild with you
Sadly thats what I got
Thanks
Shane, your points about being on the same page and wanting the same things is key. Many people don't know what they want or are afraid to say it. And, boundaries. Yes. We've all broken our boundaries for someone at some time in our lives. Very good analysis. Thanks.
You are awesome lady! I love the way you broke it down. Very informative
Thanks Beauty!!
Subscribed! Your wisdom is evident. I needed to hear this. Thank you Susan...
Thank you!
The last time i date a woman was 3 years ago and from then on i don't even care about dating anyone no more i enjoy being on my own being busy and all that.
I must be of a different mind set. I was always taught that the entire mindset of "That person who isn't paying attention to me. So I will go up and talk to them" mentality was rude. If someone doesn't acknowledge you, you don't approach them, to talk to them. You leave them alone. People who initiate contact are the ones you talk to.
Well I stopped pursuing, didn't make myself available and nothing, she didn't come get me, might as well been invisible. :)
Lol its ok people are different
God, this is good advice. The first time I see Susan. Walking away is
hard, but sooner (or later) we'll get over the woman, the game player.
She won't change -- she can't. What is missing in the advice of many
other coaches is the observation that she hasn't changed, and when she
pulls you back in, with the implied promise of a relationship, it is
only to play games with you again. My dance partner pulls me back in
every time, simply because she wants a good dancer around when she is
going to a dance where she feels she won't get many dances. It's time to
walk away, and mean it.
I have already been through this cycle with somebody for the last three months. When you decide to pull away for good and not put up with their hot and cold games, how hard will they pursue, usually?
Quite aggressively. Suddenly, they remember how to treat you well. Eventually, they give up if you don't go along with the game.
It only took me one weekend of "no action" after 4 days of hot pursuit to smell a problem. I've been watching the behavior now for a month and a half (two weeks was enough), and it hasn't changed. Unbelievable that someone thinks this is alright to do this not only to another human being, but to THEMSELVES. Said he wanted to do SO MANY THINGS (specific) WITH ME (when could we get together, etc), wanted to be "my man," DEFINITELY was into me, etc. Did I EVER even get on one date?? NO, excuse after excuse because I made it clear I wasn't going to do anything before marriage when he brought up hot tubing and traveling, staying at the hotels in his corporate position, etc. He didn't respect standards, and I've slowly now been ghosted. I've never been through something like this before. It was extremely cruel and hurtful since I'm now older than 20, and because he said and looked the part. When you're older and you STILL haven't found anything good since you were younger, it gets to be a little harder. But the fast-moving pace, of course, was so ridiculous and hard to trust. He kept telling me to give him a chance, that he was a really good guy. So I gave him those chances. After seeing he was all talk and no action, I finally contacted our mutual FB friend about him. Found out she went through the same thing with him at about the same time he started contacting me, both of us "older women." Only she wasn't interested in him. I was, so I was baited. I've watched a few vid's now and see that this is more common than I realized. Frustrating and inconsiderate at best!
so true!! been on this position recently, can't move on he left, but found ur channel subscribed and realised everything.. Thank you! 🙏🙏